1
00:00:25,351 --> 00:00:26,582
Faster, Jimbo.

2
00:00:26,583 --> 00:00:28,976
That's not helping. Talk hot.

3
00:00:28,977 --> 00:00:32,501
- Oh, my feet are so sweaty.
- There you go.

4
00:00:32,502 --> 00:00:34,938
Oh, I can't wait to take my shoes off,

5
00:00:34,939 --> 00:00:36,331
stretch my toes apart.

6
00:00:36,332 --> 00:00:38,420
- Oh, yeah, keep going.
- Flex my arches

7
00:00:38,421 --> 00:00:41,249
back and forth, back and forth.

8
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,685
Ooh!

9
00:00:42,686 --> 00:00:43,904
Oh, yeah.

10
00:00:43,905 --> 00:00:45,558
Give 'em a little soak.

11
00:00:45,559 --> 00:00:48,343
Oh, boy, they're so wriggly!

12
00:00:52,631 --> 00:00:53,719
Hut!

13
00:01:04,947 --> 00:01:06,622
3:44!

14
00:01:06,623 --> 00:01:08,363
- Ah!
- I think I have the bends.

15
00:01:08,364 --> 00:01:10,191
We broke our record.

16
00:01:10,192 --> 00:01:12,514
Jimmy, we could medal in speed fucking.

17
00:01:12,515 --> 00:01:14,805
Yeah, or we could just wait
until after the reception.

18
00:01:14,806 --> 00:01:17,285
- Like people.
- Open bar, bro.

19
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:18,808
We'll be way too schnozzled by then.

20
00:01:18,809 --> 00:01:20,854
- Huh.
- And you have to bang

21
00:01:20,855 --> 00:01:21,942
on your wedding night.

22
00:01:21,943 --> 00:01:23,229
Like how if you break a mirror,

23
00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:25,084
your grandmother's ghost
sees you masturbate.

24
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,997
Uh...

25
00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:33,376
Can I answer any questions
about the venue?

26
00:01:33,377 --> 00:01:36,544
Did the Goodwin sisters
really get murdered here?

27
00:01:37,037 --> 00:01:39,742
Yeah. They were garroted
in the main hall.

28
00:01:39,743 --> 00:01:41,375
All three of them?

29
00:01:44,513 --> 00:01:46,835
Yeah, if you could just give
us a moment to discuss...

30
00:01:46,836 --> 00:01:47,881
We'll take it. Take our money.

31
00:01:47,882 --> 00:01:49,578
Just take all our money!

32
00:01:49,579 --> 00:01:50,702
Okay, then.

33
00:01:50,703 --> 00:01:52,755
Uh, here's the schedule of fees.

34
00:01:52,756 --> 00:01:55,233
Just read and sign at the bottom.

35
00:01:56,486 --> 00:01:59,108
I need someone to air out the east annex

36
00:01:59,109 --> 00:02:00,902
and buy new towels.

37
00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:03,200
Uh, is this a prank?

38
00:02:03,201 --> 00:02:06,009
This can't be the price
for a single event.

39
00:02:06,010 --> 00:02:08,075
Just put it on a credit card.

40
00:02:08,076 --> 00:02:10,883
Here. Oop...

41
00:02:12,537 --> 00:02:14,081
How many credit cards do you have?

42
00:02:14,082 --> 00:02:15,082
Like, 70.

43
00:02:15,083 --> 00:02:16,609
Seventy?!

44
00:02:16,610 --> 00:02:19,565
You're, like, 50/50 with
flushing the toilet.

45
00:02:19,566 --> 00:02:22,655
How do you remember to pay off
70 credit cards each month?

46
00:02:22,656 --> 00:02:25,440
You don't need to pay off credit cards.

47
00:02:25,441 --> 00:02:27,355
When one stops working,
you just get another.

48
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:31,141
Um, how much do you owe,

49
00:02:31,142 --> 00:02:33,390
like, in total?

50
00:02:33,391 --> 00:02:35,229
Who cares? It's not real.

51
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:37,017
It's just some numbers
on a computer somewhere.

52
00:02:37,018 --> 00:02:39,323
Why have you never told
me of your debt before?!

53
00:02:39,324 --> 00:02:41,337
Honey, it's our debt now.

54
00:02:41,338 --> 00:02:44,633
Oh, my God, I'm marrying
an actual child.

55
00:02:44,634 --> 00:02:46,113
Not even a skilled one.

56
00:02:46,114 --> 00:02:47,157
Just because we have different ideas

57
00:02:47,158 --> 00:02:48,550
about personal finance doesn't mean

58
00:02:48,551 --> 00:02:49,682
you get to patronize me.

59
00:02:49,683 --> 00:02:51,812
It does if I'm your literal patron.

60
00:02:51,813 --> 00:02:54,223
Just lock down the venue already.

61
00:02:55,177 --> 00:02:58,473
Ugh, I have to go hire my replacement.

62
00:02:58,474 --> 00:02:59,822
I'm gonna make these twats
Hunger Gamesit out,

63
00:02:59,823 --> 00:03:01,563
see who wants it the most.

64
00:03:01,564 --> 00:03:04,610
Well, since that will
surely lead to your firing,

65
00:03:04,611 --> 00:03:07,134
I will whore myself out to
Hollywood for the both of us.

66
00:03:07,135 --> 00:03:10,137
Why, because you're the
man? Please, Jimmy.

67
00:03:10,138 --> 00:03:11,921
I can take care of myself.

68
00:03:18,559 --> 00:03:20,569
- Which way is my job?
- Yeah.

69
00:03:34,976 --> 00:03:40,090
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com

70
00:03:40,091 --> 00:03:42,386
And he's like, "I thought
you were a veterinarian."

71
00:03:43,650 --> 00:03:46,739
"At least now it makes sense
why you're cupping my balls."

72
00:03:48,075 --> 00:03:50,351
"While you're down there,
I lost my keys."

73
00:03:51,571 --> 00:03:54,998
- Ah, oh...
- Doug, I can't say it enough.

74
00:03:54,999 --> 00:03:56,488
Thank you for doing this with me.

75
00:03:56,489 --> 00:03:58,854
Please, I've been dying
to collab for years.

76
00:03:58,855 --> 00:04:01,928
And thank you for
diagnosing my cat's cancer.

77
00:04:01,929 --> 00:04:03,407
I know a tumor when I feel one.

78
00:04:03,408 --> 00:04:06,541
It was a tumor, and an
important lesson for us all.

79
00:04:06,542 --> 00:04:08,696
Get your rectum checked regularly.

80
00:04:12,983 --> 00:04:14,375
Oh.

81
00:04:14,376 --> 00:04:18,401
I thought he really had his
finger up the cat's ass.

82
00:04:18,402 --> 00:04:20,114
Let's take five.

83
00:04:20,115 --> 00:04:22,035
I'm telling you, this show's gonna be

84
00:04:22,036 --> 00:04:24,669
a real tent pole for Metro PCS.

85
00:04:27,894 --> 00:04:29,679
Soup?

86
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,697
I always carry an extra cup.

87
00:04:31,698 --> 00:04:33,612
You know what they say:

88
00:04:33,613 --> 00:04:36,136
you'll never be hungry if
you carry soup with you.

89
00:04:36,137 --> 00:04:38,138
Ah, thanks, but I'm all souped-up.

90
00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:40,619
Edgar, let me ask you something.

91
00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:42,142
What do you think about Dutch?

92
00:04:42,143 --> 00:04:44,623
Every time I work, I try to
take someone under my wing,

93
00:04:44,624 --> 00:04:48,017
like a mama bird or a sentient airplane.

94
00:04:48,018 --> 00:04:49,845
Oh, well, that's nice.

95
00:04:50,617 --> 00:04:52,262
- What is it?
- Ah, nothing.

96
00:04:52,263 --> 00:04:54,395
It's just it seems like
Dutch is doing well.

97
00:04:54,396 --> 00:04:55,685
He's pitching, he's contributing.

98
00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:58,071
I'm the one too intimidated
to even open my mouth.

99
00:04:58,072 --> 00:04:59,790
Yikes. I hope it's not me.

100
00:04:59,791 --> 00:05:03,598
Oh, no, no. Uh...

101
00:05:03,599 --> 00:05:07,421
My ex-partner made me question
my abilities as a writer.

102
00:05:07,422 --> 00:05:08,734
Not to mention encouraged me

103
00:05:08,735 --> 00:05:10,387
to get into a lot of financial trouble.

104
00:05:10,388 --> 00:05:12,013
Well, that sounds just terrible.

105
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,602
I'm glad you spoke up.

106
00:05:24,685 --> 00:05:29,211
Because I would be proud to
take you under my wing instead.

107
00:05:31,773 --> 00:05:33,218
What about Dutch?

108
00:05:33,219 --> 00:05:36,170
What about that mongoloid
ginger fucking Sasquatch?!

109
00:05:36,171 --> 00:05:37,240
Edgar, no.

110
00:05:37,241 --> 00:05:38,840
You volunteered.

111
00:05:39,853 --> 00:05:41,776
That's never happened before.

112
00:05:42,444 --> 00:05:46,859
I'm gonna focus all of my
attention on you from now on.

113
00:05:47,882 --> 00:05:50,427
And I insist.

114
00:05:51,229 --> 00:05:53,413
There's five kinds of beans in there.

115
00:05:53,414 --> 00:05:55,824
All right.

116
00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:29,105
It was an emergency. I had to poop.

117
00:06:29,107 --> 00:06:31,282
A poopergency.

118
00:06:31,284 --> 00:06:33,911
Lindsay, toilet's not for pooping.

119
00:06:33,912 --> 00:06:36,784
I can't poop at work
because of my new squeeze.

120
00:06:36,785 --> 00:06:38,743
He's the big boss.

121
00:06:38,744 --> 00:06:40,614
I thought your boss was that fashion ho

122
00:06:40,615 --> 00:06:42,367
who wouldn't let me nap under your desk.

123
00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:46,490
Gretchen, Priscilla is a girl.
I'm talking the real boss.

124
00:06:46,491 --> 00:06:48,143
And he's visiting from corporate,

125
00:06:48,144 --> 00:06:50,145
so the whole building
is kind of his office.

126
00:06:50,146 --> 00:06:53,279
- Check out our wedding venue.
- Holy...

127
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,429
Nice bones. Decent lighting.

128
00:06:55,430 --> 00:06:57,134
That room back there
looks like a good place

129
00:06:57,135 --> 00:06:59,347
to sneak a quick fuck
in. When can I see it?

130
00:07:00,182 --> 00:07:01,415
At the wedding.

131
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:03,182
Gretch,

132
00:07:03,183 --> 00:07:04,508
you shouldn't be making decisions

133
00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:06,161
without your maid of honor.

134
00:07:06,162 --> 00:07:07,511
You'll regret it.

135
00:07:07,512 --> 00:07:08,512
Are you threatening me?

136
00:07:08,513 --> 00:07:09,556
I'm just saying,

137
00:07:09,557 --> 00:07:11,863
who's gonna dab your butt sweat?

138
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:13,865
Or hold your weave back
when you're vomming up

139
00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:16,781
a 12-pack of Sno Balls you
panic-eat before big events?

140
00:07:16,782 --> 00:07:19,610
- You?
- Or slip Xanax in your bitch mom's

141
00:07:19,611 --> 00:07:20,872
Earl Grey so she'll

142
00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:25,267
chill the fu... ? Oklahoma! ?

143
00:07:25,268 --> 00:07:27,618
What is the one thing
we don't talk about?

144
00:07:27,619 --> 00:07:28,830
Politics. Math.

145
00:07:28,831 --> 00:07:30,414
That one crow who has it out for you.

146
00:07:30,415 --> 00:07:33,440
What happened between you and
Matthew Perry. Coachella.

147
00:07:33,441 --> 00:07:34,538
Your bitch mom.

148
00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:36,017
My bitch mom.

149
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:37,410
Sorry.

150
00:07:37,411 --> 00:07:39,427
Anyway, doesn't matter,
she won't be there.

151
00:07:39,428 --> 00:07:40,478
Why not?

152
00:07:40,479 --> 00:07:42,333
I'm not gonna tell my mom
I'm getting married.

153
00:07:42,334 --> 00:07:44,504
- Gretchen.
- If I tell her about the wedding,

154
00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:47,537
she'll get in my head and I'll
give myself a butt ulcer,

155
00:07:47,538 --> 00:07:49,575
and then when I'm puking up stomach acid

156
00:07:49,576 --> 00:07:52,305
all over Court Seven in the All
County Mixed Doubles finals,

157
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:53,438
it'll be my fault

158
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:56,744
for being such a total disgrace
to Grammie Gretchen's name.

159
00:07:56,745 --> 00:07:59,476
Oh, no, I can't do it.
I'm gonna kick it.

160
00:07:59,477 --> 00:08:00,607
Kick it? Till when?

161
00:08:00,608 --> 00:08:02,696
Don't know. I've been rescheduling

162
00:08:02,697 --> 00:08:05,190
the same dentist appointment
for, like, 12 years.

163
00:08:05,191 --> 00:08:07,317
- Idiots.
- Gretchen.

164
00:08:07,318 --> 00:08:09,790
This isn't teeth, this is important.

165
00:08:09,791 --> 00:08:12,576
As your maid of honor, if
you don't call your mom,

166
00:08:12,577 --> 00:08:15,079
I'll be forced to call her.

167
00:08:17,492 --> 00:08:19,626
Fine. I will call her.

168
00:08:19,627 --> 00:08:21,715
But when she destroys me emotionally,

169
00:08:21,716 --> 00:08:23,827
your dumb ass has to pick up the pieces.

170
00:08:31,182 --> 00:08:32,944
Ooh! You're hiring the new Gretch today?

171
00:08:32,945 --> 00:08:35,163
Trying to. These Post-Millennials

172
00:08:35,164 --> 00:08:38,455
with their high GPAs and
multiple internships,

173
00:08:38,456 --> 00:08:40,821
as if being smart and
working for years for free

174
00:08:40,822 --> 00:08:42,954
means you deserve an actual job.

175
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:47,742
Oh!

176
00:08:53,988 --> 00:08:55,967
Edgar, you're just in time

177
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:58,056
to help me convince "feature people"

178
00:08:58,057 --> 00:08:59,754
that I can adapt my own novel.

179
00:08:59,755 --> 00:09:00,755
I thought you weren't doing that.

180
00:09:00,756 --> 00:09:02,583
Yeah, well, I've come to the realization

181
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,847
that there is some value in
experiencing the same story

182
00:09:05,848 --> 00:09:08,763
in a secondary, inferior medium.

183
00:09:08,764 --> 00:09:10,504
Like when you roast a delicious hen,

184
00:09:10,505 --> 00:09:12,636
then boil the bones to make a soup.

185
00:09:12,637 --> 00:09:13,985
Oh, so you're doing it for the money.

186
00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:17,619
Turns out that blockhead
Gretchen is drowning in debt,

187
00:09:17,620 --> 00:09:20,644
so I have to get to something
called Culver City

188
00:09:20,645 --> 00:09:23,734
to pitch my take on my book,

189
00:09:23,735 --> 00:09:25,472
and I need your help.

190
00:09:26,012 --> 00:09:27,564
Sure. Uh...

191
00:09:27,565 --> 00:09:30,248
pitch away.

192
00:09:30,249 --> 00:09:32,177
No, I need you to come and
pretend to be my assistant

193
00:09:32,178 --> 00:09:33,527
so I look important.

194
00:09:33,528 --> 00:09:35,006
Jimmy, I'm a writer now, remember?

195
00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:37,008
- I'll pay you 100 bucks.
- Okay.

196
00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:39,506
My Yeezys plummeted in value again.

197
00:09:52,351 --> 00:09:53,823
So...

198
00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:57,369
why do you want to be a publicist?

199
00:09:59,793 --> 00:10:02,207
Actually, you made me want to do this.

200
00:10:02,208 --> 00:10:04,732
You mediated the weirdest
feud in hip-hop.

201
00:10:04,733 --> 00:10:06,255
It's an honor to meet you.

202
00:10:06,256 --> 00:10:08,419
Aw, that's so sweet.

203
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:10,932
- It's an honor to send you home.
- Wait, what?

204
00:10:10,933 --> 00:10:14,579
Our La Croix budget won't cover
you. You're too thirsty.

205
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:17,544
Bam! You got Cutlered!

206
00:10:19,639 --> 00:10:21,052
Mm-mm.

207
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:23,854
PR isn't just about
learning celeb secrets

208
00:10:23,855 --> 00:10:26,405
and stealing retinol creams
from their swag bags.

209
00:10:26,406 --> 00:10:27,897
It's about power.

210
00:10:27,898 --> 00:10:31,010
Power over celebs and the
shit they don't need,

211
00:10:32,191 --> 00:10:34,088
like retinol creams.

212
00:10:37,473 --> 00:10:40,791
Surviving the next elimination
will be much harder

213
00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:43,731
with lots of steps, which
will take many hours.

214
00:10:43,732 --> 00:10:44,737
Come on.

215
00:10:44,738 --> 00:10:47,286
Round two's at a bar. I need
to see if you can hang.

216
00:10:48,450 --> 00:10:50,402
You coming, sausage wallet?

217
00:10:50,403 --> 00:10:52,736
- Sausage wallet?
- Uh, no.

218
00:10:52,737 --> 00:10:56,087
This is obviously a
test. It's, like, 1:30.

219
00:10:56,088 --> 00:11:01,004
You're right. It is a test, and
you failed. Ciao, suck-butt.

220
00:11:03,436 --> 00:11:04,422
Don't hug her.

221
00:11:04,423 --> 00:11:07,098
She was Cutlered. Ugh, I don't like it.

222
00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:09,152
Find me a new catchphrase by 3:00.

223
00:11:11,909 --> 00:11:13,214
Uh...

224
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,521
And as Simon runs from the hooligans,

225
00:11:21,522 --> 00:11:24,524
he's actually running from
his own sexual awakening

226
00:11:24,525 --> 00:11:26,438
at his uncle's knee.

227
00:11:26,439 --> 00:11:28,180
But before he can reckon with this,

228
00:11:28,181 --> 00:11:30,791
he finds himself in Primrose Hill,

229
00:11:30,792 --> 00:11:33,664
its gentle swells reminding him

230
00:11:33,665 --> 00:11:38,382
he has someone for whom to
survive this night... Kitty.

231
00:11:38,383 --> 00:11:41,019
- Oh.
- Mm. Love Kitty.

232
00:11:41,020 --> 00:11:43,106
She's an incredible character. Charming.

233
00:11:43,107 --> 00:11:45,880
- Raw. Love.
- It's her movie, really.

234
00:11:45,881 --> 00:11:46,925
Kitty's?

235
00:11:46,926 --> 00:11:49,810
She's really the perfect
protagonist for today's climate.

236
00:11:49,811 --> 00:11:51,812
Everyone is gonna want to be Kitty.

237
00:11:51,813 --> 00:11:54,293
- Or bang Kitty.
- Consensually.

238
00:11:54,294 --> 00:11:56,208
Obviously consensually.

239
00:11:56,209 --> 00:11:58,040
- Jesus, Sheila.
- Sure.

240
00:11:58,041 --> 00:12:02,500
But to be clear, Simon is
the protagonist, so...

241
00:12:02,501 --> 00:12:05,434
Simon's running from the
hooligans from his past.

242
00:12:05,435 --> 00:12:07,523
I mean, certainly we can all agree

243
00:12:07,524 --> 00:12:10,875
that Kitty is a reprehensible
character, right?

244
00:12:10,876 --> 00:12:14,443
She's immature, squalid, untrustworthy.

245
00:12:14,444 --> 00:12:17,533
That's what we love about Kitty.
Her messiness is aspirational.

246
00:12:17,534 --> 00:12:22,343
What is? Her utter reliance
on everyone around her?

247
00:12:22,344 --> 00:12:25,759
Or the way that she bankrupts
her father's cobbler shop?

248
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,543
I'm starting to feel like
you're not Team Kitty.

249
00:12:27,544 --> 00:12:29,047
I hate Kitty!

250
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:31,535
Oh, what he means is that he hates Kitty

251
00:12:31,536 --> 00:12:33,375
because he hates himself.

252
00:12:33,376 --> 00:12:35,742
Wrong! Love myself.

253
00:12:35,743 --> 00:12:37,550
- Hate Kitty.
- Exactly.

254
00:12:37,551 --> 00:12:39,381
It's why no one else could write Kitty.

255
00:12:39,382 --> 00:12:40,469
And it's that same

256
00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:42,935
kind of hatred that
binds Kitty to Simon.

257
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:46,669
And Jimmy to them both, who
are both... well, him.

258
00:12:47,323 --> 00:12:48,434
Jimmy.

259
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,154
- Huh.
- Hmm.

260
00:12:59,645 --> 00:13:01,001
It's the garter belt.

261
00:13:01,002 --> 00:13:03,361
Goddamn it, Rachel, I told
you to just stand there

262
00:13:03,362 --> 00:13:06,866
and be quiet. I know
it's the garter belt.

263
00:13:07,889 --> 00:13:09,086
Point to where you think it is.

264
00:13:11,393 --> 00:13:13,067
Yeah, that's where I thought it was.

265
00:13:14,504 --> 00:13:17,735
Nice, Rachel. You passed the test.

266
00:13:17,736 --> 00:13:19,291
Wait, so you wanted our help?

267
00:13:19,292 --> 00:13:21,641
Shut up! Half of PR involves

268
00:13:21,642 --> 00:13:23,394
sitting silently next to your client,

269
00:13:23,395 --> 00:13:25,682
who will be annoyed by
the very fact of you,

270
00:13:25,683 --> 00:13:27,386
like how you breathe too hard, Rachel.

271
00:13:27,387 --> 00:13:29,040
No one here is named Rachel.

272
00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:30,432
Bad news.

273
00:13:30,433 --> 00:13:32,913
Turns out my big corporate boss

274
00:13:32,914 --> 00:13:35,307
isn't actually a boss at all.

275
00:13:35,308 --> 00:13:37,613
- He really is a janitor.
- Linds.

276
00:13:37,614 --> 00:13:39,833
Did you think the janitor
was an undercover boss?

277
00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:43,184
One of these times he has to be
an undercover boss. It's math.

278
00:13:43,185 --> 00:13:45,491
Can I set your purse down? It's heavy.

279
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:48,320
No. Most of PR is carrying
other people's shit around.

280
00:13:48,321 --> 00:13:50,278
Why are these basic hos here?

281
00:13:50,279 --> 00:13:51,976
I am being thorough.

282
00:13:51,977 --> 00:13:54,935
Goldman Sachs has a
ten-step interview process.

283
00:13:54,936 --> 00:13:56,763
Oh, does Old Man Sachs
have all those steps

284
00:13:56,764 --> 00:13:58,913
to avoid calling his mom, too?

285
00:13:59,544 --> 00:14:00,767
All right, bitches.

286
00:14:00,768 --> 00:14:05,206
New test. In PR, you are often asked
to pull tail for your client.

287
00:14:05,207 --> 00:14:08,028
Find Lindsay someone at
this bar she can bang

288
00:14:08,029 --> 00:14:10,433
and realistically fall in love with.

289
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:11,455
But we don't know her.

290
00:14:11,456 --> 00:14:12,490
Go!

291
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,958
And while they find someone
who makes my heart horny,

292
00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:19,655
let's practice calling your mom.

293
00:14:19,656 --> 00:14:22,354
What? No!

294
00:14:22,355 --> 00:14:26,685
Ring, ring, ring.

295
00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:29,578
- Hi, Mom.
- Hello, Gretchen.

296
00:14:29,579 --> 00:14:32,971
Your father and I were just
complaining about you.

297
00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:36,712
- Hi, Mommy.
- Is there a reason you called?

298
00:14:36,713 --> 00:14:38,413
Jimmy and I are getting married.

299
00:14:38,414 --> 00:14:41,329
Well, I'm obviously aghast,

300
00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:44,376
but someone whose sell-by
date has long since passed

301
00:14:44,377 --> 00:14:46,160
might as well grab the first immigrant

302
00:14:46,161 --> 00:14:47,535
who needs a green card.

303
00:14:47,536 --> 00:14:50,644
Jimmy loves me and he
already has a green card.

304
00:14:50,645 --> 00:14:52,471
- I think.
- Did you schedule your Botox?

305
00:14:52,472 --> 00:14:55,039
Do it now so your face
settles before June.

306
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,476
And only eat steamed fish and veggies.

307
00:14:57,477 --> 00:14:59,001
- Mommy, I don't want to...
- Fine!

308
00:14:59,002 --> 00:15:02,785
Gallumph down the aisle a fat,
wrinkled pig for all I care.

309
00:15:02,786 --> 00:15:04,831
- I didn't say that!
- Have you just grown

310
00:15:04,832 --> 00:15:06,789
so comfortable with failure

311
00:15:06,790 --> 00:15:08,443
that you don't even notice it anymore?

312
00:15:08,444 --> 00:15:10,576
Like how people who have
litter boxes in their house

313
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,621
get used to the smell of cat shit?

314
00:15:12,622 --> 00:15:13,632
What? No.

315
00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:16,016
At least you'll be his burden now.

316
00:15:16,017 --> 00:15:17,370
- I hate you! I hate you!
- You've been nothing...

317
00:15:17,371 --> 00:15:19,019
- I hate you!
- ...but dead weight since

318
00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:20,847
the day they cut you out of my uterus!

319
00:15:20,848 --> 00:15:22,544
Lindsay!

320
00:15:22,545 --> 00:15:25,069
Oh, that's right, run to the bottle.

321
00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:28,257
I hung up on you. You
can't see what I'm doing.

322
00:15:28,258 --> 00:15:31,794
Ugh. Time! Bring it in, bitches!

323
00:15:33,448 --> 00:15:36,036
You didn't specify a time limit.

324
00:15:36,037 --> 00:15:37,234
Oh, well, you're Cutlered.

325
00:15:38,590 --> 00:15:40,432
- Yes? No?
- Mm.

326
00:15:40,853 --> 00:15:42,505
All right, Linds.

327
00:15:43,548 --> 00:15:44,827
Which guy?

328
00:15:44,828 --> 00:15:46,742
Neither. This is who they pick?

329
00:15:46,743 --> 00:15:48,615
A wizard? Pocket shorts?

330
00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:50,655
Hard pass.

331
00:15:51,293 --> 00:15:52,932
You're both Cutlered!

332
00:15:52,933 --> 00:15:55,751
Oh, it works. You just
have to attack it.

333
00:15:55,752 --> 00:15:57,520
Thanks for no help with that, dummies.

334
00:15:58,728 --> 00:16:01,749
Call your mom. Do it.

335
00:16:09,914 --> 00:16:14,920
Um, just wondering how much
longer the interview is?

336
00:16:14,921 --> 00:16:18,503
Oh, the real interview
hasn't even started yet.

337
00:16:18,504 --> 00:16:19,933
Lightning round.

338
00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:22,270
Let's Coyote Uglythis bitch!

339
00:16:57,292 --> 00:16:58,924
I'm gonna kill you!

340
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,690
What is she doing?

341
00:17:02,691 --> 00:17:04,003
Get her!

342
00:17:07,048 --> 00:17:08,232
Get her!

343
00:17:14,514 --> 00:17:16,093
Should we just go?

344
00:17:16,094 --> 00:17:18,486
Is that what they taught you
at Mount Holyoke? To quit?

345
00:17:18,487 --> 00:17:19,651
You know where I went to school?

346
00:17:19,652 --> 00:17:21,637
I know about all of you...

347
00:17:21,638 --> 00:17:24,760
About Thirsty's internship at Dentsu.

348
00:17:24,761 --> 00:17:26,755
About how No Drinks went to Duke.

349
00:17:26,756 --> 00:17:28,757
I know all about your special skills

350
00:17:28,758 --> 00:17:30,498
and all the languages you speak,

351
00:17:30,499 --> 00:17:34,064
and all the hobbies you think
make you sound interesting.

352
00:17:34,065 --> 00:17:37,070
Bouldering. Indoor cycling.

353
00:17:37,071 --> 00:17:40,771
Who stays in Girl Scouts
through high school, Debbie?

354
00:17:40,772 --> 00:17:42,848
Don't listen to her. She's a psychopath.

355
00:17:42,849 --> 00:17:44,947
So all of this was
part of the interview?

356
00:17:44,948 --> 00:17:46,558
The singing, the fighting,

357
00:17:46,559 --> 00:17:47,863
the making out with the random guy?

358
00:17:47,864 --> 00:17:50,562
Yes! Wait, that was a guy?

359
00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:53,992
Oh, goddamn it, he had such soft lips.

360
00:17:53,993 --> 00:17:57,438
Your clients will be terrible people

361
00:17:57,439 --> 00:17:59,177
with no impulse control.

362
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:01,529
Musicians are babies who
will shit all over you

363
00:18:01,530 --> 00:18:03,096
and laugh about it.

364
00:18:03,097 --> 00:18:04,489
So you're not actually drunk?

365
00:18:04,490 --> 00:18:08,719
I am completely sober.

366
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,871
Fooled you, Rachel.

367
00:18:11,872 --> 00:18:15,131
Cutlered.

368
00:18:25,015 --> 00:18:27,768
What a sham. They trick me

369
00:18:27,769 --> 00:18:30,983
into describing how to adapt my work

370
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:34,612
just so they can pass my clear
roadmap along to some hack

371
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:37,120
who will strip away all
the heady eroticism

372
00:18:37,121 --> 00:18:40,558
and write a film about a
quirky girl named Kitty.

373
00:18:40,559 --> 00:18:42,583
You don't know that you
didn't get the job.

374
00:18:42,584 --> 00:18:45,432
They said "Good stuff," at the end.

375
00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:47,347
You think someone who'd been
rejected as often as you

376
00:18:47,348 --> 00:18:49,001
would recognize when it happens.

377
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:52,613
Oh, crap. I have to go in for
a late-night writing sesh.

378
00:18:52,614 --> 00:18:56,835
Hey, did I tell you I'm under
Paul F. Tompkins's wing now?

379
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,054
Well, at least you know where

380
00:18:58,055 --> 00:18:59,272
your next paycheck's coming from.

381
00:18:59,273 --> 00:19:00,970
God knows when the first payment

382
00:19:00,971 --> 00:19:04,451
for my next book comes in,
or the royalties on Width.

383
00:19:04,452 --> 00:19:07,454
And whilst I wait, I'll have
to default on my mortgage,

384
00:19:07,455 --> 00:19:09,805
sell my resplendent hot rod...

385
00:19:09,806 --> 00:19:10,893
I don't think it's been street legal

386
00:19:10,894 --> 00:19:12,285
since Gretchen set it on fire.

387
00:19:12,286 --> 00:19:15,542
And then marry that self-same
pyromaniacal redhead

388
00:19:15,543 --> 00:19:17,248
somewhere cheap and disgusting,

389
00:19:17,249 --> 00:19:21,044
like Reno or some botanical garden.

390
00:19:21,045 --> 00:19:22,861
I still think you're gonna get it.

391
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,255
If they were to give me the
job, it would probably

392
00:19:25,256 --> 00:19:28,767
only be because of your
offensive yet succinct

393
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:32,915
oversimplification of my sweeping epic.

394
00:19:32,916 --> 00:19:34,655
Thanks.

395
00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:43,557
Yes.

396
00:19:47,402 --> 00:19:49,615
All right. Fine.

397
00:19:53,663 --> 00:19:55,111
I'm sorry, Jimmy.

398
00:19:55,112 --> 00:19:57,983
- I got it.
- What? Seriously?

399
00:19:57,984 --> 00:20:00,133
- That's amazing.
- Do you know what this means?

400
00:20:00,134 --> 00:20:01,770
You don't have to worry about money.

401
00:20:01,771 --> 00:20:03,669
I have to write a screenplay.

402
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:08,646
That's good.

403
00:20:08,647 --> 00:20:10,953
Remember your soup metaphor?

404
00:20:10,954 --> 00:20:13,516
Soup? Soup isn't food.

405
00:20:13,517 --> 00:20:16,523
It's just bone water. Seriously, Edgar.

406
00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:19,048
All you had to do was just sit there

407
00:20:19,049 --> 00:20:21,433
and keep your mouth shut.

408
00:20:31,136 --> 00:20:32,583
Aw, shit.

409
00:20:33,030 --> 00:20:35,162
Oh, did we bang?

410
00:20:35,762 --> 00:20:37,807
How was it? Did I do anything weird?

411
00:20:40,792 --> 00:20:42,027
What happened to Rachel?

412
00:20:42,028 --> 00:20:43,432
She had to feed her cat.

413
00:20:51,074 --> 00:20:52,385
Did you do all this?

414
00:20:52,386 --> 00:20:54,131
I like to stay busy.

415
00:20:54,811 --> 00:20:56,651
I think I figured out
what the last test is.

416
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,964
Are you really afraid of what your mom

417
00:20:59,965 --> 00:21:01,318
will think about you getting married,

418
00:21:01,319 --> 00:21:03,614
or are you actually
afraid of what you think?

419
00:21:03,615 --> 00:21:05,261
You don't know my mother.

420
00:21:05,262 --> 00:21:06,747
She withheld food, human touch

421
00:21:06,748 --> 00:21:09,185
and Breyer model horses to control me.

422
00:21:09,186 --> 00:21:10,941
After seeing what you put
yourself through today,

423
00:21:10,942 --> 00:21:12,436
I think you can handle it.

424
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,734
Whatever she says.

425
00:21:20,597 --> 00:21:23,395
Hi. Sorry it's so late. I...

426
00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:29,042
Mommy, I have some big news.

427
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:34,665
What if we switch it up

428
00:21:34,666 --> 00:21:36,299
and make her the doctor?

429
00:21:36,300 --> 00:21:39,128
Yes. I love male nurses.

430
00:21:39,129 --> 00:21:42,087
But I hate how they never
ask doctors for directions.

431
00:21:44,221 --> 00:21:46,439
Yeah, they're real
Florence Nightinmales.

432
00:21:48,094 --> 00:21:50,095
There's our title.

433
00:21:50,096 --> 00:21:52,097
Where has this Edgar been hiding?

434
00:21:52,098 --> 00:21:54,505
- Right here.
- You got to sing out more, man.

435
00:21:54,506 --> 00:21:57,047
I don't think we're gonna
be able to top that.

436
00:21:57,048 --> 00:21:59,321
Hey, Edgar, you want to take the
rest of the sandwiches home?

437
00:21:59,322 --> 00:22:01,367
Oh, man, my roommates
don't like when I take up

438
00:22:01,368 --> 00:22:02,935
too much of the fridge.

439
00:22:02,936 --> 00:22:08,471
Oh, man. I... I really hate
to see food get wasted.

440
00:22:08,472 --> 00:22:09,844
Edgar, I tell you what.

441
00:22:09,845 --> 00:22:13,805
I'll pay you a thousand dollars

442
00:22:13,806 --> 00:22:15,904
to eat the rest of these
sandwiches right now.

443
00:22:18,049 --> 00:22:19,416
What do you say?

444
00:22:28,852 --> 00:22:31,354
Hell yeah, Edgar. You got this.

445
00:22:31,355 --> 00:22:33,925
I love watching people eat food.

446
00:22:33,926 --> 00:22:35,880
Now the minute you feel sick or
even a little bit uncomfortable,

447
00:22:35,881 --> 00:22:39,071
you can stop, we won't
think any less of you.

448
00:22:41,713 --> 00:22:44,042
Sandwich number one.

449
00:22:46,087 --> 00:22:48,330
So...

450
00:22:49,808 --> 00:22:51,509
did you find a new you?

451
00:22:51,510 --> 00:22:54,422
Nah. None of them really stood out.

452
00:22:54,423 --> 00:22:55,935
But Lindsay pulled a Lindsay

453
00:22:55,936 --> 00:22:57,935
and boned a janitor,
so I'm gonna hire her.

454
00:22:57,936 --> 00:23:00,900
She's feeling pretty low.
What'd you do today?

455
00:23:00,901 --> 00:23:05,083
Eh, nothing. Just became a
professional screenwriter.

456
00:23:05,684 --> 00:23:07,956
And locked down our wedding venue.

457
00:23:09,849 --> 00:23:13,048
You whored yourself out for us.

458
00:23:13,049 --> 00:23:14,826
Aw.

459
00:23:14,827 --> 00:23:16,529
I'm so lucky.

460
00:23:16,976 --> 00:23:18,936
I can't wait to marry you.

461
00:23:18,937 --> 00:23:20,443
I love you so much.

462
00:23:21,157 --> 00:23:23,275
You've been mixing off-brand
cough syrups again.

463
00:23:23,276 --> 00:23:26,931
No, Jimmy. I called my mom.

464
00:23:26,932 --> 00:23:28,963
- Oh, boy.
- No, it was good.

465
00:23:28,964 --> 00:23:31,740
It was, like, really good.

466
00:23:31,741 --> 00:23:33,994
We've never had a
conversation like that.

467
00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:38,944
We laughed, we bonded, she told
me about her menopausal dryness.

468
00:23:38,945 --> 00:23:40,811
I even told her about the wedding.

469
00:23:40,812 --> 00:23:42,842
She didn't say anything shitty.

470
00:23:42,843 --> 00:23:45,167
She was just happy for me.

471
00:23:45,168 --> 00:23:46,559
Seriously? That's it?

472
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,126
She didn't trick you
into having the wedding

473
00:23:48,127 --> 00:23:49,867
in Missouri or anything?

474
00:23:49,868 --> 00:23:50,866
Nope.

475
00:23:52,199 --> 00:23:53,349
Aw.

476
00:23:53,350 --> 00:23:56,351
Well, I'm proud of you for
calling your parents.

477
00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:59,181
That was shockingly mature of you.

478
00:23:59,182 --> 00:24:00,965
- Thank you.
- Hmm.

479
00:24:00,966 --> 00:24:02,729
They think I'm marrying Boone.

480
00:24:02,730 --> 00:24:04,243
- And there it is.
- Good night.

481
00:24:04,244 --> 00:24:07,363
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com