1 00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,064 I ain't never been this clean before. 2 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,799 Not even when I was born, I don't think. 3 00:00:32,832 --> 00:00:34,233 You weren't clean then neither. 4 00:00:34,266 --> 00:00:35,844 Ever seen a baby when it first comes out? 5 00:00:35,868 --> 00:00:37,670 All bloody and covered in mom goop. 6 00:00:38,864 --> 00:00:40,673 The shower gel's got mangoes. 7 00:00:40,706 --> 00:00:42,675 I know. And you know what I thought I would hate, 8 00:00:42,708 --> 00:00:43,809 but turns out I don't? 9 00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:45,711 The way the dryer plays the song when it's done. 10 00:00:45,744 --> 00:00:47,112 I like the dryer song. 11 00:00:47,146 --> 00:00:49,491 I know. It's like, "Here, I made your clothes all warm for you", 12 00:00:49,515 --> 00:00:51,351 "now I'm gonna sing you a lullaby," or whatever. 13 00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:54,087 Anything in there? 14 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,221 No, not really. 15 00:00:55,255 --> 00:00:58,391 Some senator guy got a BJ from another senator guy, 16 00:00:58,424 --> 00:01:01,194 bunch of people got E. Coli shits from lettuce, 17 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:03,162 and, uh... 18 00:01:03,195 --> 00:01:06,566 This whole section's on "dining alfresco". 19 00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:09,001 - Is that French for eating naked or something? - I don't know. 20 00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:11,176 No one's naked in the pictures. 21 00:01:11,203 --> 00:01:12,614 Here we are... 22 00:01:12,638 --> 00:01:14,174 Shit, it's Jeff. 23 00:01:23,782 --> 00:01:25,751 Your new life begins here. 24 00:01:25,784 --> 00:01:29,822 With original hardwood floors, recessed lighting, 25 00:01:29,855 --> 00:01:32,325 and for the end of the day, when we come together 26 00:01:32,358 --> 00:01:34,127 and remember why we do it all... 27 00:01:35,861 --> 00:01:37,230 The fireplace. 28 00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:39,199 Indulge. 29 00:01:42,468 --> 00:01:44,370 Let me invite you outside, 30 00:01:44,403 --> 00:01:47,240 to where nature and our lives intertwine, 31 00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:48,841 on this spacious outdoor patio 32 00:01:48,874 --> 00:01:51,311 perfect for dining alfresco. 33 00:01:59,685 --> 00:02:02,288 Our laundry. The dryer's gonna play the song! 34 00:02:20,506 --> 00:02:22,381 What the motherfucking fuck! 35 00:02:22,407 --> 00:02:27,068 CREDITS 36 00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:30,623 _ 37 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,381 _ 38 00:02:36,755 --> 00:02:39,725 It's Jay Ganetti, aka "Cop a' Soup" 39 00:02:39,758 --> 00:02:41,460 and I'm heading down south. 40 00:02:41,493 --> 00:02:44,730 So get ready for soup pics from 11 different states! 41 00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:47,366 I got 1,300 people watching. You wanna say hi? 42 00:02:47,399 --> 00:02:48,901 Hard pass. 43 00:02:48,934 --> 00:02:50,836 Okay, we gotta go, y'all. 44 00:02:50,869 --> 00:02:52,405 Chow-da! 45 00:02:52,438 --> 00:02:53,706 - Soup pun. - Uh-huh. 46 00:02:53,739 --> 00:02:54,941 We're not wearing uniforms? 47 00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:56,976 No. No uniforms today. 48 00:02:57,009 --> 00:03:00,646 It's you, me, and my friend, Tommy Bahama. 49 00:03:00,679 --> 00:03:02,014 I thought it was just us. 50 00:03:02,047 --> 00:03:05,484 No, Tommy Bahama's the name of the man who makes these shirts. 51 00:03:05,517 --> 00:03:08,254 I know, but why is he coming with us? Is he rich? 52 00:03:08,287 --> 00:03:09,289 Jay, I was making a... 53 00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:13,292 Now, look, I think I was pretty clear about this trip. 54 00:03:13,325 --> 00:03:15,595 You realize all of this is off the clock? 55 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:18,497 I know, but it's not like we're going to Disney World. 56 00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:19,431 Unless... 57 00:03:19,465 --> 00:03:21,834 Unless, we going to Disney World, Sarge? 58 00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:24,003 Well, we're gonna be traveling out of our jurisdiction, 59 00:03:24,036 --> 00:03:26,472 so it'd be inappropriate to be in uniform. 60 00:03:26,505 --> 00:03:28,341 You got any street clothes? 61 00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:31,277 No. I just got work clothes, and I got comfies. 62 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,346 What is all of this? 63 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:36,482 This is my stuff for my vlogs and my blogs, okay? 64 00:03:36,515 --> 00:03:39,685 Lights, selfie sticks, couple of extra cameras. 65 00:03:39,718 --> 00:03:42,021 Here, take this one. 66 00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:45,324 Sarge, when was the last time you took a vacation? 67 00:03:45,357 --> 00:03:47,426 And what is it with this Wayne kid? 68 00:03:47,459 --> 00:03:49,295 Just got a gut feeling about him. 69 00:03:49,328 --> 00:03:51,330 Just let a badge at Florida handle it. 70 00:03:51,363 --> 00:03:52,898 That's what I'm afraid of. 71 00:03:52,931 --> 00:03:56,469 A boy like that gets put in the system, they rarely get out. 72 00:03:56,502 --> 00:03:58,437 I figured I got a second chance, Jay. 73 00:03:58,470 --> 00:04:00,539 It's my turn to give somebody else one. 74 00:04:00,572 --> 00:04:02,375 Sounds like a bad seed to me. 75 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:03,743 Well, we'll see. 76 00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:06,579 I just want to catch up with him before everything else does. 77 00:04:06,612 --> 00:04:08,047 And her. The girl. 78 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,516 Right. Her, too. 79 00:04:10,549 --> 00:04:12,427 They couldn't have gotten that far on a dirt bike. 80 00:04:12,451 --> 00:04:13,453 We'll find him. 81 00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:15,454 And her. 82 00:04:15,487 --> 00:04:16,756 Right. 83 00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:17,990 Her, too. 84 00:04:18,023 --> 00:04:19,859 So, you got any of our guys on this? 85 00:04:19,892 --> 00:04:21,427 No, sir. 86 00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:23,029 We're leaving Brockton out of this. 87 00:04:29,368 --> 00:04:31,771 If you could buy any of these houses, which would it be? 88 00:04:31,804 --> 00:04:34,907 The one with the big fuckin' tree, or the one with all the flowers? 89 00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:37,009 I can't afford gas, never mind a house. 90 00:04:37,042 --> 00:04:39,312 I know. But for fun, if you could. 91 00:04:40,379 --> 00:04:41,681 I'll take any of 'em. 92 00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:47,386 I can't believe that hooker lady robbed us. 93 00:04:47,419 --> 00:04:49,488 Yeah, we need to get money. 94 00:04:49,521 --> 00:04:50,865 Maybe we could get jobs or something? 95 00:04:50,889 --> 00:04:52,358 Oh, yeah. Good idea. 96 00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:53,968 You go get your suit pressed for your interviews, 97 00:04:53,992 --> 00:04:56,562 and I'll go grab my college diploma real quick. 98 00:04:56,595 --> 00:05:00,099 We gotta get to Florida, so we can get your car and get the hell outta Florida. 99 00:05:00,132 --> 00:05:01,968 We need to get gas to get to Florida. 100 00:05:08,907 --> 00:05:11,377 Oh, hey, there's an idea. 101 00:05:11,410 --> 00:05:12,779 You know what they're doin', right? 102 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:15,648 Like, standing there? 103 00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:18,851 Wearin' hats? What? 104 00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,995 They're standing around waiting for somebody to pick 'em up 105 00:05:21,019 --> 00:05:22,755 to help with construction and shit. 106 00:05:22,788 --> 00:05:24,023 Day laborers. 107 00:05:24,056 --> 00:05:26,659 Best part about being a day laborer is it's only a day, 108 00:05:26,692 --> 00:05:27,894 and you get paid cash. 109 00:05:29,094 --> 00:05:30,830 I ain't never done construction before. 110 00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:32,165 Anyone can do construction. 111 00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:35,501 My brothers do construction and they got half a brain between 'em. 112 00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:38,003 You get cash, we get gas, then we go. 113 00:05:38,036 --> 00:05:39,538 Well, what are you gonna do? 114 00:05:39,571 --> 00:05:41,574 I don't know, maybe have a hamburger, 115 00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:43,109 play some laser tag. 116 00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:46,746 Dude, I'm joking. Don't worry about it. 117 00:05:49,448 --> 00:05:51,384 - You're not gonna... - What? 118 00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:52,752 You're not gonna steal, right? 119 00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,054 I'm not gonna goddamn steal. 120 00:05:55,087 --> 00:05:56,989 Just gonna do what my parents do when bills came. 121 00:05:57,022 --> 00:05:58,257 Sell some shit. 122 00:05:58,290 --> 00:06:01,660 I got my headphones. And this necklace is like 14 karats. 123 00:06:01,693 --> 00:06:03,629 But your ma gave you that necklace. 124 00:06:03,662 --> 00:06:05,831 Well, my ma taught me how to survive, too. 125 00:06:05,864 --> 00:06:08,067 Which is ironic, seeing how she's dead and all. 126 00:06:13,772 --> 00:06:15,040 Guess I'm off to work then. 127 00:06:15,073 --> 00:06:16,109 Hold up. 128 00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:21,447 So you don't get sun cancer or nothing. 129 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,449 I didn't steal it. It was free. 130 00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:26,519 Here. 131 00:06:28,086 --> 00:06:30,723 - You smell like a pack of Starbursts. - Yeah. 132 00:06:30,756 --> 00:06:32,458 I wanna try a real mango now. 133 00:06:32,491 --> 00:06:34,627 If we get to Florida, I'll get you a real mango. 134 00:06:36,094 --> 00:06:37,597 I'll see you back at the house later. 135 00:07:01,753 --> 00:07:05,024 You, uh... Need me to do a job for you? 136 00:07:06,992 --> 00:07:08,794 Don't get in that car, gringito. 137 00:07:08,827 --> 00:07:10,062 A different kind of job. 138 00:07:16,201 --> 00:07:18,204 Whoo! 139 00:07:32,117 --> 00:07:33,553 Be with you in a sec. 140 00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:37,990 I'm sorry. What were you saying? 141 00:07:38,023 --> 00:07:40,159 None of this is worth anything. 142 00:07:40,192 --> 00:07:42,795 Listen, I really need some money. 143 00:07:42,828 --> 00:07:44,530 Yeah, me too, bitch. 144 00:07:44,563 --> 00:07:46,599 We were in a car wreck and my husband... 145 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,967 Had a cheap watch. 146 00:07:54,606 --> 00:07:56,509 I just need some money to bury him. 147 00:07:58,110 --> 00:07:59,912 Please, if there's anything that you could do, 148 00:07:59,945 --> 00:08:01,714 I'm really in a tight spot. 149 00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:03,949 Lady, this is a pawn shop. 150 00:08:03,982 --> 00:08:06,652 The people that come in here with stuff generally aren't 151 00:08:06,685 --> 00:08:08,988 the "things are going fucking great for me" types. 152 00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:13,125 It's sob stories like yours all day long, so, 153 00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:15,928 again, no thank you. 154 00:08:15,961 --> 00:08:18,998 - Hey. Go on, go to your ma. 155 00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:31,310 Do you at least got a tissue? 156 00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:34,647 There's some T.P. in the john. 157 00:08:37,215 --> 00:08:38,985 Come on, honey, let's go. 158 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,255 Okay, kid. 159 00:08:43,288 --> 00:08:45,591 Let's see what you got. 160 00:08:45,624 --> 00:08:47,560 When that lady gets back from the shitter, 161 00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:48,528 you're gonna tell her you was wrong 162 00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,329 and her crap is worth something after all. 163 00:08:50,362 --> 00:08:52,064 Excuse me? 164 00:08:52,097 --> 00:08:53,732 I saw that little, uh, 165 00:08:53,765 --> 00:08:56,735 fake ID and phony passport factory you got back there. 166 00:08:56,768 --> 00:08:58,971 Sure the cops would like to see it, too. 167 00:08:59,004 --> 00:09:01,874 Go ahead and call 'em. It'll be gone when they get here. 168 00:09:01,907 --> 00:09:03,351 Oh, yeah? Will the picture I took on my phone be gone 169 00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:05,144 by the time they get here, dick-stick? 170 00:09:08,914 --> 00:09:11,116 Excuse me, ma'am. 171 00:09:11,149 --> 00:09:13,786 I've changed my mind about buying some of your worthless junk. 172 00:09:18,056 --> 00:09:19,058 Thank you. 173 00:09:31,903 --> 00:09:36,208 Hey, I, uh, changed my mind about buying this. 174 00:09:38,276 --> 00:09:39,879 Thanks, dick-stick. 175 00:09:44,683 --> 00:09:45,951 Whoa, back up. 176 00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:51,624 Back up! 177 00:09:53,892 --> 00:09:55,761 All right, I got a two-day job. 178 00:09:55,794 --> 00:09:57,196 I need five guys. 179 00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,665 - You got tools? - Sí. 180 00:09:59,698 --> 00:10:00,933 In the back. 181 00:10:00,966 --> 00:10:03,002 - You got tools? - Sí. 182 00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:04,136 - You got tools? - Sí. 183 00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,806 - You got tools? - Sí. 184 00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,409 You got tools? 185 00:10:10,768 --> 00:10:11,565 Sí. 186 00:10:11,591 --> 00:10:13,135 _ 187 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:20,686 Oh! 188 00:10:23,822 --> 00:10:25,124 What the fuck did you do? 189 00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:35,367 Get your dumb ass away from my car. 190 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,403 Hey, I got this. I got this. 191 00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:40,072 Okay, you heard the boss. Back to trabajo! 192 00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,809 Come on. Yeah, I habla the Spanish. 193 00:10:43,842 --> 00:10:46,162 Tell him to get back to work, Steve. - It's all right. 194 00:10:56,955 --> 00:10:58,266 He's been in there a while, right? 195 00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,259 He's gotta be three, four beers deep by now. 196 00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:01,827 What the fuck do I know? 197 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:03,763 You figure five minutes a beer, 198 00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:05,682 piss breaks... 199 00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:08,009 - How the fuck long we gotta sit in here, fuck? - Jesus! 200 00:11:08,033 --> 00:11:10,369 Let the man have a few beers in peace, please! 201 00:11:10,402 --> 00:11:12,805 His daughter's missing, he's worried out of his gourd. 202 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,849 With everything he's going through, you're gonna be the beer police? 203 00:11:14,873 --> 00:11:17,476 - We could at least put on some tunes. - Do not. 204 00:11:17,509 --> 00:11:20,179 We're not allowed to touch Daddy's radio after last time. 205 00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:22,525 You know, I bet he doesn't even remember our birthday tomorrow. 206 00:11:22,731 --> 00:11:24,099 Christ. Would you shut the fuck up? 207 00:11:24,126 --> 00:11:26,380 He's in there gettin' bombed. We should be the ones celebrating. 208 00:11:26,407 --> 00:11:28,463 You know, it's my birthday before yours. You hear me complaining? 209 00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:30,989 Oh, that minute and 40 seconds makes you so fucking mature. 210 00:11:31,022 --> 00:11:32,400 You know I had that cord wrapped around my neck? 211 00:11:32,424 --> 00:11:34,564 You snooze, you lose. 212 00:11:34,993 --> 00:11:37,338 You know, we're gonna be sittin' outside the hotel tomorrow doing nothin' 213 00:11:37,362 --> 00:11:38,974 'cause he's going to be nursing his hangover. 214 00:11:39,001 --> 00:11:41,734 Hey! I will not let you smear the name of our father like this, 215 00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:44,748 You know, there are only three real men in Brockton, Mass. 216 00:11:44,775 --> 00:11:46,458 One, Rocky Marciano. 217 00:11:46,485 --> 00:11:47,773 Two, Marvin Hagler. 218 00:11:47,806 --> 00:11:50,042 Three, our father. 219 00:11:50,075 --> 00:11:51,931 The man is a goddamn legend. 220 00:11:54,813 --> 00:11:57,053 - Fuck this, I'm getting my tunes. - No, you're fucking not! 221 00:11:57,082 --> 00:11:58,217 What the fuck do you care? 222 00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,954 You're gonna make me an acompliment after the fact. 223 00:12:06,424 --> 00:12:08,892 - I'm getting my fucking tunes. - There we go. 224 00:12:12,574 --> 00:12:14,510 Feels like a Jock Jams day. 225 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,268 Jock Jams. 226 00:12:16,301 --> 00:12:18,771 - Thank you so much. - See ya. 227 00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:26,278 Can I do anything for you, my child? 228 00:12:26,311 --> 00:12:29,081 Yeah, uh, don't go molesting nobody. 229 00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:40,959 What the hell? This looks like shit. 230 00:12:40,992 --> 00:12:42,432 We're gonna have to redo all of this. 231 00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:47,132 Idiota. 232 00:12:47,165 --> 00:12:48,400 Is that Spanish for idiot? 233 00:12:53,605 --> 00:12:55,883 All right, tell your amigos it's quitting time. 234 00:12:55,907 --> 00:12:57,877 All right, amigos, it's quitting time. 235 00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:04,183 I'll drop you at the parking lot. 236 00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:07,386 You can go back to your casas, or whatever Mexican for "shithole" is. 237 00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:09,521 6:00 a.m. tomorrow. You might wanna show up. 238 00:13:09,554 --> 00:13:11,023 It's payday. 239 00:13:11,523 --> 00:13:13,258 Gracias, senor. 240 00:13:13,291 --> 00:13:15,127 Hope chico de mierda won't be here. 241 00:13:31,509 --> 00:13:32,912 Del? 242 00:13:38,950 --> 00:13:40,052 You fit in there? 243 00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:41,395 What happened to our secret knock? 244 00:13:41,419 --> 00:13:42,988 I'm tired. Sorry. I forgot. 245 00:13:43,021 --> 00:13:44,289 I thought you was Jeff. 246 00:13:44,322 --> 00:13:47,092 Nearly gave me a frickin' coronary. 247 00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:49,394 And by the way, we gotta go to a funeral. 248 00:13:49,427 --> 00:13:52,197 - Who died? - Some lady's husband. 249 00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:54,066 - From back home? - From here. 250 00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:55,133 You know people here? 251 00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:56,935 No. I saw her at the pawn shop. 252 00:13:56,968 --> 00:13:59,137 This lady lost her husband in a car crash. 253 00:13:59,170 --> 00:14:00,873 She ain't got no money for a casket. 254 00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:04,943 Anyway, we gotta go to Henry's funeral. 255 00:14:04,976 --> 00:14:07,112 - Henry's the dead guy? - It's his funeral, ain't it? 256 00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:08,322 And the lady invited you to the funeral? 257 00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:10,515 Yeah, she was handin' out invitations at the pawn shop. 258 00:14:10,548 --> 00:14:12,908 They were pretty. You should see. I pinned one on the fridge. 259 00:14:13,685 --> 00:14:16,121 I'm kidding. Jesus. 260 00:14:16,154 --> 00:14:18,490 I gotta find something black to wear. 261 00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:20,893 So you're gonna buy a dress for a funeral 262 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,427 for a guy you don't know 263 00:14:22,460 --> 00:14:24,129 because you saw this lady? 264 00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:27,065 I'm confused. 265 00:14:27,098 --> 00:14:28,533 It's just sad, okay? 266 00:14:28,566 --> 00:14:29,734 And I think we should go. 267 00:14:29,767 --> 00:14:32,037 What, you don't think people being dead is sad now? 268 00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:33,214 I think people being dead is sad. 269 00:14:33,238 --> 00:14:35,073 So what's with the interrogation? 270 00:14:35,106 --> 00:14:36,384 If you don't wanna, you don't have to. 271 00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:37,910 I have to work. 272 00:14:39,577 --> 00:14:43,115 How was it? Your day or whatever? 273 00:14:43,148 --> 00:14:45,451 Everyone's not nice and I think the boss hates me. 274 00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:48,387 That's good. 275 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,422 I ain't never been to a funeral before. 276 00:14:52,090 --> 00:14:53,359 Not even for your ma? 277 00:14:57,329 --> 00:14:59,631 I know you think it's weird that I want to go to a funeral. 278 00:14:59,664 --> 00:15:02,000 And maybe it is, but I want to. 279 00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:03,702 And I don't need you to understand because 280 00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:06,305 maybe I don't understand, either. Okay? 281 00:15:29,527 --> 00:15:32,097 Oh, man. Who did this? 282 00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:37,703 If Eric sees this, he's gonna flip shit. 283 00:15:37,736 --> 00:15:39,705 Look, you seem like an okay kid. 284 00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,373 But you suck at this. 285 00:15:41,406 --> 00:15:42,550 Maybe you can do a lumber run. 286 00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:44,476 Huh? You know how to drive, right? 287 00:15:44,509 --> 00:15:46,611 No. I could figure it out. 288 00:15:46,644 --> 00:15:48,413 Jesus Christ, kid. 289 00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:49,982 I got a better job for you. 290 00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:51,459 Since you're really good at breaking shit, 291 00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:54,123 why don't you go tear down that wall between the parlor and the den? 292 00:15:55,353 --> 00:15:56,455 Think you can do that? 293 00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,124 Yes. 294 00:16:02,193 --> 00:16:04,429 Nice birthday gift. Goddamn lamp to my head. 295 00:16:04,462 --> 00:16:06,774 Serves you right for draining the man's fucking car battery. 296 00:16:06,798 --> 00:16:09,601 You had to have your precious tunes. I fucking told you! 297 00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:11,612 I don't understand what you're smilin' about to be honest, Ted. 298 00:16:11,636 --> 00:16:14,439 Okay? Now we gotta spend our birthday getting this man a car battery, 299 00:16:14,472 --> 00:16:16,575 while he sleeps off his fucking hangover. 300 00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:18,343 You know what? That's the last time 301 00:16:18,376 --> 00:16:19,720 I want to hear you talk about the man's drinking. 302 00:16:19,744 --> 00:16:21,740 You know what, Carl? I've had it up to here 303 00:16:21,767 --> 00:16:23,348 with the disrespect from you, to be honest. 304 00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:25,117 You know what? 305 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,285 I'm just saying this is our special day. Okay? 306 00:16:27,318 --> 00:16:29,196 So that means we owe it to ourselves to get something cool. 307 00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:30,396 A couple forties or something. 308 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,325 Hey, I count at least four more lamp shades inside. 309 00:16:32,352 --> 00:16:33,458 You want to add to that shiner? 310 00:16:33,491 --> 00:16:34,592 Fuckin' guy... 311 00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:36,504 Who snuck you into that Bruins game that one time? 312 00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:37,696 He was wicked hammered. 313 00:16:37,729 --> 00:16:39,431 We got 86ed first fucking period! 314 00:16:39,464 --> 00:16:40,732 Always with the black lining. 315 00:16:40,765 --> 00:16:42,601 Look, we'll get the fuckin' battery, all right? 316 00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:44,512 But we're going to Flappy Jack's for free hotcakes first. 317 00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:46,547 - It's our god-given right. - We ain't getting shit. 318 00:16:46,571 --> 00:16:48,549 But Daddy always get free hotcakes on his fuckin' birthday. 319 00:16:48,573 --> 00:16:50,042 All right, fine. 320 00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:52,144 But only because it's Daddy's tradition. 321 00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,379 Tradition. 322 00:16:54,379 --> 00:16:56,315 Hotcakes and flapjacks. Yes! 323 00:17:06,424 --> 00:17:10,495 Whoa, whoa. I think you found your calling. 324 00:17:10,528 --> 00:17:13,131 You're like the Hulk Increible or something. 325 00:17:13,164 --> 00:17:15,267 Or Conan the Barbarian. 326 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:17,036 - Ah. - Ho! 327 00:17:23,274 --> 00:17:25,110 What the fuck did you do? 328 00:17:25,143 --> 00:17:26,620 Did he tell you to demo the parlor wall? 329 00:17:26,644 --> 00:17:27,979 I told him. 330 00:17:28,012 --> 00:17:31,817 That's not the parlor wall, it's the fucking living room wall! 331 00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:33,618 This is coming out of your pay! 332 00:17:33,651 --> 00:17:34,820 I told him to. 333 00:17:34,853 --> 00:17:36,555 What's that, Pepe? 334 00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:37,589 Because of the mold. 335 00:17:43,795 --> 00:17:45,297 You should be thanking this guy. 336 00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:47,699 Just... 337 00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:51,103 You fucking get back to work 338 00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:52,771 and get the fuck out of my face. 339 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,825 Damn, girl! 340 00:18:13,858 --> 00:18:15,727 You're gonna knock 'em dead, sweetie. 341 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,629 Yeah, well, he's already dead, so... 342 00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:21,867 You are into some weird shit, little. 343 00:18:33,444 --> 00:18:34,913 Hotcakes! 344 00:18:34,946 --> 00:18:37,682 Free hotcakes and two tap water. 345 00:18:37,715 --> 00:18:40,318 Let me know if you big spenders would like some saltines 346 00:18:40,351 --> 00:18:41,853 or ketchup packets as well. 347 00:18:41,886 --> 00:18:44,256 This is no way to treat the birthday boys here. 348 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:45,833 What, you want me to sing "Happy Birthday" or something? 349 00:18:45,857 --> 00:18:47,659 That depends, what's 15 percent of nothin'? 350 00:18:47,692 --> 00:18:49,661 Fifteen percent? Who are we, Bill Grates? 351 00:18:49,694 --> 00:18:51,429 Cheap bastards. 352 00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:52,497 Free hotcakes! 353 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:54,633 Free motherfucking hotcakes! 354 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:57,435 Free motherfucking hotcakes! 355 00:18:57,468 --> 00:18:59,547 You know, I guarantee you this is the only thing we get today. 356 00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,715 You think that cheap piece of shit is gonna get us a present or something? 357 00:19:01,739 --> 00:19:03,107 This again? 358 00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:05,419 Yeah, this again. When's the last time he bought anything for us? 359 00:19:05,443 --> 00:19:07,646 Okay, listen. He's not the best gift giver, I get that. 360 00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:09,347 But who pays for that roof over your head, 361 00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:10,815 you ungrateful sack of shit? 362 00:19:10,848 --> 00:19:13,485 We got evicted twice last year because he did not! 363 00:19:14,986 --> 00:19:16,388 Holy shit. 364 00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:18,557 Flappy's got beers. 365 00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,192 Hey, Menu Lady! 366 00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:22,494 Menu Lady, beers here. 367 00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:25,164 - Beers delivered here. - Domestic only. 368 00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:29,334 Miss. Miss! 369 00:19:30,301 --> 00:19:31,870 Miss. Hello! 370 00:19:31,903 --> 00:19:33,639 What about the dress? 371 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,575 It looked fabu on you. 372 00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:38,919 Oh, I think I'm just gonna wear my own clothes to the funeral. 373 00:19:38,943 --> 00:19:40,044 Funeral? 374 00:19:40,078 --> 00:19:42,280 You gonna wear this sexy-ass thing to a funeral? 375 00:19:42,313 --> 00:19:43,548 It's black, ain't it? 376 00:19:43,581 --> 00:19:44,983 Yeah, true. 377 00:19:45,016 --> 00:19:46,093 You know, at my uncle's funeral, 378 00:19:46,117 --> 00:19:48,987 my auntie propped him up like he was playing poker. 379 00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:51,890 Different strokes. Kenny ain't here to judge. 380 00:19:51,923 --> 00:19:53,892 Anyway, my condolences. 381 00:19:54,892 --> 00:19:56,428 Uh, family? 382 00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:57,996 I actually don't know the guy, 383 00:19:58,029 --> 00:20:00,398 or his wife. I just... 384 00:20:00,431 --> 00:20:01,933 I can't stop thinking about it. 385 00:20:01,966 --> 00:20:04,336 Like I gotta be there or something. I don't know. 386 00:20:05,503 --> 00:20:07,272 Well, it's better than not caring at all. 387 00:20:07,872 --> 00:20:09,507 So, I just guess 388 00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:11,843 it doesn't really matter what I wear. Thanks, though. 389 00:20:11,876 --> 00:20:13,412 Uh, hey. 390 00:20:14,345 --> 00:20:15,580 Just take it. 391 00:20:15,613 --> 00:20:16,781 It's on me. 392 00:20:16,814 --> 00:20:19,017 - You don't have to do that. - Oh, shh. 393 00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:21,220 Child, I steal shit from here all the time. 394 00:20:28,693 --> 00:20:31,630 - You like mole? - Never had it. 395 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:32,731 Here, try it. 396 00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:41,940 Oye, Ramon! 397 00:20:49,447 --> 00:20:50,615 What'd he say? 398 00:20:50,648 --> 00:20:52,888 He says he wants to share some of his lunch with you, too. 399 00:20:53,484 --> 00:20:54,586 Oh, sure. Bring it over. 400 00:20:56,087 --> 00:20:58,257 Oh, it's okay. I had some earlier. 401 00:21:00,992 --> 00:21:02,027 Thanks for this. 402 00:21:02,794 --> 00:21:03,996 My pleasure, mijo. 403 00:21:07,465 --> 00:21:09,567 Pretty cool how you found that mold. 404 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,638 Not mold, mole. 405 00:21:19,110 --> 00:21:20,512 Why'd you do that? 406 00:21:20,545 --> 00:21:22,714 You seemed like you needed a break. 407 00:21:22,747 --> 00:21:24,816 Plus the boss is a hijo de la gran puta. 408 00:21:24,849 --> 00:21:26,851 Alberto called me the same thing earlier. 409 00:21:30,054 --> 00:21:31,022 Do you think that's good? 410 00:21:31,055 --> 00:21:32,991 You should try it the way my wife makes it. 411 00:21:33,024 --> 00:21:34,493 Mmm. Even better. 412 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:37,863 Man, I miss that woman. 413 00:21:38,730 --> 00:21:39,831 Where is she? 414 00:21:39,864 --> 00:21:42,400 In Oaxaca. My whole family is. 415 00:21:42,433 --> 00:21:44,769 Man. That must be really hard. 416 00:21:44,802 --> 00:21:46,070 Yes. 417 00:21:46,104 --> 00:21:48,807 It's a long time to be with no wife in bed. You know? 418 00:21:53,678 --> 00:21:55,413 What about you? 419 00:21:55,446 --> 00:21:56,648 You got a family? 420 00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:58,750 Not no more. 421 00:21:58,783 --> 00:21:59,885 No one? 422 00:22:00,618 --> 00:22:02,454 Well, there's a girl. 423 00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:03,788 A girlfriend? 424 00:22:03,821 --> 00:22:05,490 I want her to be. 425 00:22:05,523 --> 00:22:07,525 But I don't know what she wants. 426 00:22:07,558 --> 00:22:09,661 And sometimes what she wants doesn't make any sense. 427 00:22:11,429 --> 00:22:12,949 Just listen and show her that you care. 428 00:22:13,798 --> 00:22:15,367 Don't try to fix it. 429 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,103 Just listen and nod. 430 00:22:18,136 --> 00:22:19,771 Then maybe you'll get your mole. 431 00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:23,408 I can do that. 432 00:22:27,812 --> 00:22:29,114 Dining alfresco. 433 00:22:31,416 --> 00:22:33,827 And how about the fact that he always makes us share these track suits? 434 00:22:33,851 --> 00:22:35,720 Is that not fucking weird to you? 435 00:22:35,753 --> 00:22:36,521 We love these track suits. 436 00:22:36,554 --> 00:22:38,523 You do because you get the top half. 437 00:22:38,556 --> 00:22:40,625 How come every time I have to be the fucking bottom? 438 00:22:40,658 --> 00:22:43,137 Because you're a whiny ass! That's why you're the fucking bottom! 439 00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:45,163 Okay, we're closing. 440 00:22:45,196 --> 00:22:46,898 So, you guys gotta go. 441 00:22:46,931 --> 00:22:48,566 But I thought you were open 24 hours. 442 00:22:48,599 --> 00:22:50,668 We are. Just not today. 443 00:22:50,701 --> 00:22:53,571 Is this any way to treat the two birthday boys here? 444 00:22:53,604 --> 00:22:55,907 Do I really have to go get my dick manager 445 00:22:55,940 --> 00:22:57,142 and go through all that? 446 00:22:57,175 --> 00:22:58,744 Fine, we're leaving. 447 00:22:59,811 --> 00:23:01,131 But I'm takin' these Flappy beers. 448 00:23:05,750 --> 00:23:09,587 You remember that time Daddy took us to go skating at Asiaf Arena, 449 00:23:09,620 --> 00:23:12,023 but he was too fucking cheap to pay for us both? 450 00:23:12,056 --> 00:23:14,826 So you got to go skating and I sat there watching your shoes? 451 00:23:14,859 --> 00:23:17,862 And then he was too bored, or drunk, or both, 452 00:23:17,895 --> 00:23:20,699 and we had to go? I never had my fucking turn at skating. 453 00:23:21,699 --> 00:23:23,968 Man, our daddy fucked you. 454 00:23:24,001 --> 00:23:25,570 You shoulda gotten your turn. 455 00:23:25,603 --> 00:23:27,038 That's what I've been saying. 456 00:23:27,071 --> 00:23:30,475 I'm glad you heard me when you needed to hear me. 457 00:23:30,508 --> 00:23:32,577 You should write poems or something. 458 00:23:32,610 --> 00:23:35,447 Whoa. That is so fuckin' crazy that you say that, 459 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,648 because I fuckin' do. 460 00:23:36,681 --> 00:23:37,949 I would read that shit. 461 00:23:37,982 --> 00:23:39,918 Thanks, bro. 462 00:23:40,986 --> 00:23:42,830 What the fuck? Are you fucking serious right now? 463 00:23:42,854 --> 00:23:44,965 - We're having a fucking conversation here. - Are you stupid? 464 00:23:44,989 --> 00:23:47,225 - Fucking peabrain. - Jesus Christ. 465 00:23:47,258 --> 00:23:49,461 What the fuck is his fucking... 466 00:23:50,795 --> 00:23:52,697 Whatever. Let's just get the fucking battery 467 00:23:52,730 --> 00:23:55,133 before he gives a fucking shit-fit. 468 00:23:57,235 --> 00:23:58,970 Let's kick Daddy's ass. 469 00:23:59,003 --> 00:24:00,038 What? 470 00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:01,673 Let's kick his fucking ass. 471 00:24:01,706 --> 00:24:02,983 All our lives, he's pushed us around. 472 00:24:03,007 --> 00:24:04,218 "Do this, Carl. Do this, Teddy." 473 00:24:04,242 --> 00:24:06,511 It's time he knows we got our limits. 474 00:24:06,544 --> 00:24:08,179 We got bigger. We're stronger. 475 00:24:08,212 --> 00:24:10,715 Hey. We could take him, right? 476 00:24:12,783 --> 00:24:14,219 Let's kick his fucking ass. 477 00:24:19,924 --> 00:24:21,026 Where's everyone at? 478 00:24:22,093 --> 00:24:23,795 Quittin' time. 479 00:24:23,828 --> 00:24:25,188 Eric's taking the rest of the guys. 480 00:24:27,532 --> 00:24:28,700 Is there more work? 481 00:24:28,733 --> 00:24:30,735 You don't want to go with them. Believe me. 482 00:24:32,803 --> 00:24:34,385 I mean, you almost got carted off with 'em 483 00:24:34,412 --> 00:24:36,574 'til Eric realized you wasn't one of them illegals, too. 484 00:24:36,607 --> 00:24:37,609 Illegals? 485 00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:39,010 Yeah, you know. Immigrants. 486 00:24:39,043 --> 00:24:40,612 Guys that ain't supposed to be here. 487 00:24:42,813 --> 00:24:44,682 Okay, I'll tell you, because we're the same. 488 00:24:44,715 --> 00:24:47,118 Check it out. Eric came up with this thing 489 00:24:47,151 --> 00:24:49,754 where he makes 'em work, then he drops 'em off at immigration, 490 00:24:49,787 --> 00:24:50,922 so he don't have to pay 'em. 491 00:24:50,955 --> 00:24:52,657 Smart, huh? 492 00:24:55,192 --> 00:24:56,294 What do they do to 'em? 493 00:24:56,327 --> 00:24:57,462 They run. 494 00:24:57,495 --> 00:24:59,573 Some of them get shipped back to where they came from. 495 00:24:59,597 --> 00:25:01,909 You should see 'em scatter when they realize where they are. 496 00:25:01,933 --> 00:25:03,268 Cracks me up every time. 497 00:25:03,301 --> 00:25:05,537 "Ai, ai, ai! Ai, ai, ai!" 498 00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:07,973 Funny, huh? 499 00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:38,625 Who was it? It was an illegal. And it's now... 500 00:25:38,652 --> 00:25:40,171 Hey, it's hot back here! 501 00:25:40,198 --> 00:25:42,574 It's been too easy for too long... 502 00:25:42,607 --> 00:25:44,208 Where you taking us? 503 00:25:54,752 --> 00:25:56,121 What the fuck? 504 00:25:59,991 --> 00:26:01,226 Is that my car? 505 00:26:11,736 --> 00:26:13,772 That's my fucking car! 506 00:26:22,046 --> 00:26:24,616 Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. 507 00:26:24,649 --> 00:26:26,317 Fuck! 508 00:26:26,943 --> 00:26:28,631 What the fuck? 509 00:26:29,896 --> 00:26:31,598 Bullshit! 510 00:26:38,663 --> 00:26:39,663 Ow! 511 00:26:41,799 --> 00:26:43,969 Ow, you fuck... You fuck... 512 00:26:44,669 --> 00:26:46,938 Fuck! Fucking fuck! 513 00:26:50,775 --> 00:26:52,110 Mother fuck... 514 00:26:56,047 --> 00:26:57,357 He was gonna send you to immigration. 515 00:26:57,381 --> 00:27:00,985 Ambulance! Call an ambulance, you fuck. 516 00:27:01,018 --> 00:27:01,919 Gracias, gringo loco. 517 00:27:01,953 --> 00:27:04,355 - Fuck! - Nice work, Conan. 518 00:27:05,723 --> 00:27:07,892 You take care of that girl, okay? 519 00:27:07,925 --> 00:27:11,096 Amigo, no, no, no, no! Por favor. Help me. 520 00:27:11,996 --> 00:27:13,264 Call an ambulance! 521 00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:20,672 Oh, you fucking cocksucker! 522 00:27:40,124 --> 00:27:41,826 - Okay, you ready? - I was born ready. 523 00:27:41,859 --> 00:27:43,036 A minute 40 seconds after you. 524 00:27:43,060 --> 00:27:45,196 And man, don't see good in his left eye. 525 00:27:45,229 --> 00:27:46,931 Okay? So hit him from the left. 526 00:27:46,964 --> 00:27:48,733 Punch him in the dick, hold him down, 527 00:27:48,766 --> 00:27:50,368 - I'll wail on him. - Okay. - Okay. 528 00:27:50,401 --> 00:27:52,970 What if he's already lying down? 529 00:27:53,003 --> 00:27:55,015 - Skip step one. Straight to the dick. - Straight to the dick. 530 00:27:55,039 --> 00:27:56,775 Okay, on my mark. On three. 531 00:27:57,374 --> 00:28:00,044 One, two, three. 532 00:28:00,077 --> 00:28:02,117 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 533 00:28:06,250 --> 00:28:07,686 Yeah, we got voicemails. 534 00:28:09,820 --> 00:28:11,389 Happy Birthday, Teddy. 535 00:28:11,422 --> 00:28:13,091 Happy Birthday, Carl. 536 00:28:17,895 --> 00:28:18,963 Fuckin' Del. 537 00:28:20,064 --> 00:28:21,232 Thoughtful bitch. 538 00:28:23,267 --> 00:28:24,703 Let's go get that battery. 539 00:29:01,972 --> 00:29:04,208 - You're here. - Yeah. 540 00:29:04,241 --> 00:29:07,178 I, uh, wanted to be here for... 541 00:29:08,813 --> 00:29:09,813 Harry. 542 00:29:10,514 --> 00:29:12,884 Henry, but whatever. 543 00:29:12,917 --> 00:29:15,520 We gather here today to celebrate the life 544 00:29:15,553 --> 00:29:16,821 of Henry Dunn, 545 00:29:16,855 --> 00:29:21,392 who has now returned to his home with our God, the Father. 546 00:29:22,993 --> 00:29:24,829 Knock it off. 547 00:29:24,862 --> 00:29:26,998 A life taken far too soon. 548 00:29:27,031 --> 00:29:29,567 Losing a parent is never easy, 549 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:32,804 especially for a small child. 550 00:29:32,837 --> 00:29:35,940 Just know that Henry will always be watching... 551 00:29:53,518 --> 00:29:58,415 CREDITS 552 00:29:59,296 --> 00:30:00,922 Next on Wayne... 553 00:30:03,567 --> 00:30:04,811 I don't know if I'm the type of person 554 00:30:04,835 --> 00:30:07,368 that people would really, even like or whatever. 555 00:30:07,471 --> 00:30:08,806 Well, sometimes, 556 00:30:08,839 --> 00:30:11,342 to get people to like ya, you gotta not be you at all. 557 00:30:11,375 --> 00:30:13,153 Why does she care if people fuckin' like her or not? 558 00:30:13,177 --> 00:30:15,847 If people aren't assholes now, they're gonna become assholes later. 559 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:17,081 Mark my fuckin' words. 560 00:30:17,115 --> 00:30:18,225 You're smart, you're kind, you're pretty, 561 00:30:18,249 --> 00:30:21,219 you can do a frigging underwater handstand! 562 00:30:21,252 --> 00:30:23,421 Maybe I wanna be noticed for once. 563 00:30:23,454 --> 00:30:24,889 For something good.