What?
Screw off, you fucking freak.
I said go.
Get the fuck out of here!
What the fuck!
You asshole!
Hey! Who did that, huh? Who the fuck did that?
You?
Break my window, you bitch?
You break my window? Huh?
Why don't you answer me, you little bitch?
Answer me.
What the fuck?
Yeah!
Now, get the fuck out of here, before I fucking kill ya.
Man! What the fuck?
CREDITS
_
Hey!
Hey, boy! Come here!
Hey, you hear me, boy? I wanna talk to you.
I'm eating my lunch.
Your father is not answering the door.
I need my rent and that son of a bitch is ducking me.
Well, he can't answer. He's sick.
I don't give two shits.
Sick or not, he still gotta pay his rent.
Hey!
I'll get it.
He might not even be your dad, I mean, I don't know.
Lots of guys run in and out of that house.
Ow! Son of a bitch!
You fucker! You did that on purpose, you asshole!
Where the fuck you going, you fucker?
Get back here, you son of a bitch!
Fuck you!
What?
Shit!
What, "What?"
I'm tryin' to sell you some goddamned cookies is what.
I'm sorry. My dad's sleeping.
Well, why the hell didn't you just say that then? Shoot.
Anyway, why's your dad sleepin' in the middle
of the day anyway? He lazy?
Nah. He's got cancer.
Well, can people with cancer still eat cookies or whatever?
He ain't been eatin' much lately.
What about you? You like cookies, or are you as weird as you look?
I like cookies.
Great. We got, uh, this peanut butter kind
coconut kind, which tastes like dog shit, my opinion,
some people like 'em.
And, uh, there's lemon.
So?
Uh, you wanna come in?
You ain't gonna do anything weird, right?
Weird, like what?
Like some guy down on Torrey asked if he could see my feet.
I don't wanna see your feet.
Yeah, whatever. It's fine, I guess.
So, uh, you like music?
Yeah, most. I mean, like rap...
So, uh, you got a boyfriend?
Not really.
You want me to be your boyfriend?
I don't know. How tall are you?
Pretty, uh... Pretty tall.
Here.
Put your back up against mine.
My what?
Like this, dummy.
You got brothers or sisters?
Uh, a brother, I think.
What do you mean, "I think"?
He's in the Marines and, uh, he hasn't called in a while, so...
Oh, so he kills people then?
Yeah, that's what they do there, I guess.
Cool.
You got a brother?
Two.
What do they do?
They're assholes.
Okay.
So, uh, was I tall enough or what?
So you gonna be my girlfriend or whatever?
You gonna buy some cookies or whatever?
I wanna, but I don't got any money.
So, get some then.
Then find me.
I'm in the shit-hole on Norton.
Wayne!
Where you been?
I'm, like, 20 minutes late.
Like 20 minutes and three weeks.
Hey, you still wanna buy my nunchuks?
The real-deal legit ones? From Japan? Hell, yeah.
I just unloaded some rare Pokemon shit,
so I'm flush right now.
All right, come on.
This ain't my lock.
Ooh, hold up, hold up.
Hey, girl.
I got your back with them Starbucks sandwiches.
I'll see you at lunch with 'em?
Um, all right, Orlando.
Um, I'll see you.
What happened to her? With the...
She got something messed up in her spine.
See, I've been puttin' in that work
'cause I heard she's getting it took off in like six months.
Guess what I noticed nobody else did?
She fine as hell under that, man.
Plus, you know, I'm into all that sci-fi comic-book type stuff.
So, she's little like a super-fine cyborg.
Ain't you, girl?
So, you just carry around a hammer, huh?
I have a hammer.
This ain't my stuff.
Obviously. There's actual books in it.
Would you shut the fuck up, please?
Hey, we don't talk like that in here.
I said, "please."
Where's all my stuff?
Jesus, Wayne! You can't just walk in here like that.
- Now, get out of here, I'll talk to you later. - Go wait outside.
Hey, Darren, Scott. Sit down, right now.
No disrespect, but that crazy fool will come to my house.
You won't.
Why do I even bother? Go ahead, get outta here.
Sit... No, sit right down there.
Keep quiet.
Jesus H, Wayne. You can't do that!
All my stuff from my locker's gone.
All right? And somebody took my nunchuks.
You shouldn't have brought your nunchucks into school.
All right? I don't know where they are.
Okay? These kids, they steal everything.
They stole Mrs. Healy's shoes a few weeks ago.
Okay, they're not cool shoes.
They're old lady, teacher shoes.
Wayne, Wayne, sit down, talk to me.
I could have called Truancy, like, five times by now and I haven't.
How's your dad doing?
You know that me and your dad go way back, right?
Yep.
He calls you "Butthole Tommy Cole."
Yes. And thanks to him, that tradition has been passed on
to this generation of students.
He also beat me up.
Beat the shit out of me at my own birthday party.
Knock it off!
Knock it off! I swear to God...
Cut that shit out right now!
I know I'm not supposed to, but I hate those kids.
Like, real... Like, adult hate.
It's like...
Where was I?
Talking about my dad beating your ass.
Right.
Thing is, for every time your dad beat my ass,
he beat someone else's for me two-fold.
Now, he was an asshole. No doubt.
But he also couldn't stand for anybody getting away with doing something wrong.
Does that sound like anybody else we know?
Could I offer you a banana?
- Sorry. - Go ahead, have it. I got another one.
It's at home.
Listen, Wayne, there's always gonna be people doing rotten stuff to other people,
but you got to let the proper people handle it the proper way.
People like me and the law...
Well, no one handled it for my dad.
Well, nobody likes the way that that went down, okay?
Everybody knows that work is what made him sick.
And everybody knows that he got screwed in court. It wasn't right.
Listen, you have every reason to be mad.
- Your mom takin' off... - Yeah, I don't care about her, okay?
If you run around righting wrongs all your life,
that'll be your life.
And I know it's easy to follow in family footsteps,
but you don't have to.
What should I be then?
I don't know, man.
Just don't be like those two dickheads.
I'm not lying, man. Those Pokemon cards are real. And they change...
Leave him alone!
Come on! Stop!
- Chill out, robot girl. - Come on.
- What you want, huh? - Why aren't you trying?
What the hell is going on down there?
Wayne. Wayne, we just talked about this.
Wayne.
Wayne!
Well, you will not be going back to that school.
I'm sorry, I ruined your lunch date.
What about you? You just come to school
just to knock people's teeth out or what?
I need to get money.
- For what? - Cookies.
Cookies?
Yeah, if I buy cookies from this girl, uh, she might go out with me.
Holy shit! My man Wayne, on the prowl.
Stop.
Look at you, all grown up, man.
So, uh, important question.
Do you know where to find the boobies on the lady? You know...
- I'll fucking kill you. - Okay, okay, okay, man, okay.
This is just the first time you've ever talked to me about a girl, man.
Okay.
She must be something special. What's her name?
I don't know.
Okay, well, that's a great start.
Hold up. I got an idea.
It's all yours.
Holy shit!
It's your dad's collection of titty mags!
Surreal.
Whoo-wee! 1982.
So much hair.
I need a goddamn garbage bag!
Hey.
- Money. - Oh.
Here.
Guard these with your life, okay? With your life!
All right?
I'll be back for these later!
_
You trying to break into my house?
No.
No!
Just busting your balls.
You gonna sit?
Yeah.
I, uh...
Oh, no.
I just sold my last box.
That's okay.
I'm just kidding.
I saved you one.
It's the, uh, shitty coconut kind,
you know, the one that tastes like asshole,
but still, thought that counts or whatever.
I'm fine with the asshole one.
Oh, God, I don't need that much.
We had a deal.
Right?
Okay.
Here's the rules.
I don't like that romance shit, all right?
I don't like flowers.
I don't want a stupid Valentine on Valentine's.
I don't wanna hold your fat, sweaty hand all the time,
and I'm never gonna cook for you unless I'm making something for myself. Got it?
Yeah.
And don't look at me like that. Shit.
I, uh, don't know your name.
Mine's Wayne.
That is so weird.
That's my name, too.
Really?
No, dummy.
Del. My name's Del.
And it ain't short for nothing. So don't ask.
What are you gonna do with all that?
It's for my campaign.
I'm gonna be mayor.
- Mayor? - I'm gonna run for Mayor
When I'm old enough, and then I'll be in charge of this shit-ass town,
and none of these assholes will be able to tell me what to do anymore,
including my asshole dad and my asshole brothers.
I'm gonna vote for you.
Hey, do you, uh, do you wanna go cut some snakes in half with a shovel?
Yes.
I hate chores.
So what are you gonna be?
Oh, uh...
I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out still.
What does your dad do?
Aside from dying and everything?
Would you do what he did?
Nah, his job is what got him sick.
Okay, not that then.
I don't wanna anything to do with my bitch-ass family, anyway.
I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure nobody even knows I'm one of 'em.
I don't know. It's your family.
Don't you need people to remind you who you are,
where you're from or whatever?
Daddy! Daddy!
Hey. Back off.
Uh-uh-uh.
Whoa, what have we got here, huh?
Who the fuck are you?
Who are ya?
Who the fuck are ya?
Now, why were his hands all over you, huh?
No, they weren't, Daddy. Cut it out!
Get away from me.
I asked you a question, you pervert. Hmm?
Fucking pervert.
Piece of crap fucking pervert!
- Just let him up. - Back off!
Hey, look at me.
Oh, you a tough guy?
You're so pretty.
I'm gonna ask you one time.
One fucking time.
What the fuck are you doing alone
with my 15-year-old daughter?
- Buying some cookies. - Wayne, don't.
What?
I thought I fucking told you, Del. Huh?
I'm sorry.
Stop stealing and selling fucking cookies,
- goddamn it! - I'm sorry.
- Give it to me now. - It's mine.
You best watch your fucking mouth
and give me that money, you little thief.
I am not playing!
- You think he's playing? - He ain't fucking playing!
Shut the fuck up, fucking shit for brains!
- Fucking shit for brains. - Fucking...
Give me that fucking money.
Fuck.
I'm raising a goddamn thief.
Useless, like your fucking mother was, huh?
Move your ass! Move it!
Hey, boys.
You give this bitch-ass pervert
every reason to not creep around my daughter no more.
Let's go. Move your fucking ass.
Uh-uh-uh.
Oh, this is gonna be fucking fun.
You wanna creep my sister?
Creep this, bitch.
Put that... Hey!
I don't play that.
Shaking the bedpan at me.
I will put that bedpan in your ass.
Your father ain't funny. He thinks he's funny as hell.
Sweetie. What happened to your face?
Boy, it is getting hard to tell the old cuts and bruises from the new ones.
Are you lookin' at my breasts?
Yes, ma'am. Sorry.
Young man, you gotta learn to lie once in a while.
I know that ain't who you are, but it just might serve you
to bend the truth here and there.
So, I had a visitor today.
One ex-boyfriend of mine
said some kid 'bout your age came to his house
and put two rocks in his window.
No.
So that wasn't you?
I didn't throw rocks. I threw ice.
Okay...
That was your opportunity to lie.
I don't want you doin' that for me.
But he cheated on you.
Yes, and I broke up with him.
That's how that works.
My messes are mine.
You got enough messes.
Hey, you really mad?
About what?
That I broke the windows.
Oh.
I am very, very mad.
See what I did there?
Learn to do it.
I baked you a little something. It's in the kitchen.
Hey, Dad.
You awake?
Oh.
Yeah, I'm awake.
I got pie.
And spoons.
That's nice.
I'm not really hungry.
But I wanna watch you eat it.
Sit down.
Eat.
Sometimes I worry you don't eat nothing.
At least now, I have proof, huh?
Check it out.
Someone got lucky on a Pats bet and made rent.
Hey, two lucky sons of bitches, huh? Me and you?
Yeah. Lucky.
Fuck me.
Them two little Miller shits been lightin' those things off all day...
Like it's the Fourth or something!
No, no, no.
Just sit down, eat.
Talk... Talk with your father.
Just talk to your father.
What's this picture of?
Shit.
I didn't want you to see that.
Or maybe I did, I don't know.
Give it here.
I like the car.
I did, too.
Enough to buy it.
It's mine.
No fucking way. You bought a car?
Didn't even get it home, though.
Your ma and that prick ran off with it pretty much the minute I paid for it.
Swear to God.
Every few years, that godless cocksucker
sends me a picture just to rub it in.
So, that's what Ma looks like now.
Yeah, her thighs got fat.
You don't remember what she looked like? Your ma?
I was five.
Biggest shame for a father.
Not having something to leave his son.
You left me stuff, Dad.
I don't know about that.
Still, that fucking car should've been yours.
Hey.
Thank you for, you know, not being a big pussy about all this.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Fuck this.
Hey, hey, Wayne, don't go... Don't bother!
Wayne!
It's Wayne!
Book it!
Hey, Dad. I stopped all the noise for you.
I got some Roman candles and some M80s off those dipshits, too.
Hey. Dad?
Dad?
Goodbye, Dad.
What?
I got your rent.
Well, look at that.
Just in the nick of time, dipshit.
This all of it?
I guess so.
I guess I'll be your landlord for another month.
Or until your dad...
- _ - What the fuck?
_
You think that's fucking funny, you little prick?
How about I throw your dad's sick ass out now,
huh?
Holy son of a bitch!
Someone call 911!
That's my retirement, you motherfucker!
My house!
What the fuck?
Fuck your house, what about my titty mags?
My fucking house!
The fire is spreading!
What the fuck?
Fuck. Fuck.
Hey, Daddy, there's a little squirrel riding the dog like a horse!
Come on!
Who the hell was that?
Wayne? What the fuck?
You wanna go to Florida with me?
- Why? - To get my dad's car back.
- What for? - 'Cause he wanted me to have it.
Del?
I need a bikini.
Del?
- Who the hell's up there? - Just go up there and check then, you dick.
You check, you fucking dick. Fucking...
Don't you fucking dare.
Del, who's up there with you?
I got a bat, bro!
I don't have a bat.
Got it! Wait, my headphones!
Del! Answer me!
Okay, let's go.
Wait.
Fuck this. I'm going up there.
Sorry about your brothers.
I'm gonna fucking kill you now!
Those aren't gonna do you any good.
Those ain't gonna do you any good now neither, you dumb son of a bitch!
You!
Wayne, don't hurt him.
What did I tell you about seeing my fucking daughter?
Huh?
Really? Fireworks, you fucking pussy?
Oh, fuck!
Get on the bike.
Wayne, you can't...
Go.
You fucking cocksucker!
No, Daddy! Stop it!
You shut up!
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
Fuck!
Your dad ain't got no nose no more.
Goddamn it, you motherfucker!
Fucking piece of shit, motherfucker.
Del. Del, don't go, please.
Bye, Daddy.
Del! Del!
Delilah!
_
Shane, I wanna see what else this motherfucker will eat.
All right, give him your sandwich.
But I don't wanna.
Man, I got double meat on this motherfucker.
I knew he wouldn't fucking eat it.
Every time, man. You stupid.
Reggie!
Hey!
Would you quit fucking with your alligator and get over here?
Bunch of fucking dipshits.
What'd I do now?
It's your birthday, right?
Yeah, it is.
Happy 18th, shithead.
Seventeenth.
Whatever.
_
CREDITS
How the hell do we find Wayne?
I'm sure there'll be a trail of blood.
This car, it's in Florida?
- We need to go. - Stop! Stop!
Where's our sister, cop?
Whoops.
Run!
- Fuck! - What the fuck?
What the fuck?
- Who's that? - That's fucking Wayne.
If you wanna watch Wayne, subscribe to YouTube premium,
get the first 30 days free.
Not 31, not 32,
- 30. - Don't be cheap.