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00:00:01,304 --> 00:00:04,905
It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:04,906 --> 00:00:08,187
Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
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But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
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On which we used to rely?

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Lucky there's a family guy

6
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Lucky there's a man
who positively can do

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All the things that make us

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Laugh and cry

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He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy!

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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

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Hey, you guys ever check Zillow?

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Joe, why don't you shut the...

13
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Tell me more about this silly word.

14
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It's this website, Zillow.com.

15
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You plug in your address,
and it gives you an estimate

16
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of what your house is worth.

17
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But they call it a Zestimate,

18
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because of the "Z" in "Zillow."

19
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How do they...

20
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I just don't have that creative bone.

21
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Wow, my house is way up
from when I bought it.

22
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- Mine's up, too.
- What the hell?

23
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Mine's way below
what you guys's are worth.

24
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Wait, this-this can't be right.

25
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It says... it says
my house is a murder house.

26
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What, like-like someone
was killed there?

27
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Yeah, it says... it says, in the '60s,

28
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some woman named Doris
Billingsly died in my house.

29
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Probably some naggy bitch, right?

30
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- Joseph!
- You know, they say

31
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when someone dies violently like that,

32
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- their spirit can linger.
- What do you mean?

33
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Ea I'm saying you might have
a g-g-g-g-g...

34
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disembodied spirit in your house!

35
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Wow, this is so cool.

36
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Have you ever witnessed
anything strange there?

37
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Actually, now that you mention it...

38
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Good news! The biopsy was negative.

39
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Did you hear something?

40
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Hi, Chris.

41
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Oh, hey, Kristen. What's up?

42
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Not much. I wanted to know

43
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if you're gonna go
to the dance on Friday.

44
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Nah, probably not.

45
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Oh, that's too bad.

46
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I was thinking maybe
you and I could go together.

47
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Oh, that's sweet, but, like I said,

48
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I-I don't think I'm gonna go.

49
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Well, if you change your mind...

50
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I said no!

51
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Okay. Geez.

52
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Bye, Chris.

53
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Uh, Chris, that very attractive girl

54
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just asked you out, and you said no.

55
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Well, sorry, Brian,
she just doesn't do it for me.

56
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I'm hungry.

57
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I might grab a bite to eat.

58
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We all just ate, right?

59
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What's wrong with that kid?

60
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Why wouldn't he go out with that girl?

61
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Who knows? Maybe he's gay.

62
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What? No.

63
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Well, you never know. I say we find out.

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You think he could be?

65
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Hey, I've been right
about these things before.

66
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Remember what I said in 2009?

67
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- Bruce Jenner is a man.
- No, Brian.

68
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That's what the press would
have you believe, but he's not.

69
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Bruce Jenner is a woman.

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An elegant, beautiful Dutch woman.

71
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Okay, guys, now, the murder took
place down here in the basement,

72
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so it's probably our best shot
at finding something.

73
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I do feel a presence in the air.

74
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Only Lucifer would reveal
himself to you, adulterer.

75
00:03:13,963 --> 00:03:15,797
Well, now, I have to warn you fellas...

76
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The only spirits I'm used to
chasing are whiskey and tequila.

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That's so Joe!

78
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Wow, what's going on down here?

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Trying something new for Joe.

80
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And we're looking for ghosts.

81
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We're like the male version
of the female Ghostbusters.

82
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Peter, there's no such thing as ghosts.

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I don't know why you guys
listen to a word he says.

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That's so Lois.

85
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All right, we ready?

86
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Wow, it is creepy.

87
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So, what do we do?

88
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Just follow my lead.

89
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Are there any spirits present

90
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that would like to communicate with us?

91
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What the hell was that?

92
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,815
I got scared and tried to run
through the wall,

93
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leaving a hole shaped like me.

94
00:04:08,718 --> 00:04:10,937
Yeah, can't do that in a basement, bud.

95
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All right, fellas, I just
finished up an EVP session.

96
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Let's see if we picked anything up.

97
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What's EVP?

98
00:04:19,862 --> 00:04:21,563
Electronic voice phenomenon.

99
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Oftentimes, the human ear
can't pick up paranormal sounds,

100
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but electronic recording devices can.

101
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Mm. That right?

102
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Is this whole thing just you
beefing into the microphone?

103
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Yeah.

104
00:04:46,823 --> 00:04:51,092
Dad, they did this bit
in the lady Ghostbusters.

105
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Did you hear something?

106
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Stewie, I'm telling you,
there's no way Chris is gay.

107
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Oh, why, because he never hit on you?

108
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God, the ego.

109
00:05:05,241 --> 00:05:06,708
Hey, Chris. What's up?

110
00:05:06,709 --> 00:05:09,744
Just relaxing, listening to some
of Charles Manson's music.

111
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What's up with you guys?

112
00:05:11,247 --> 00:05:13,582
Actually, Brian and I
are taking a survey,

113
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and we wanted to see
if you had a few minutes.

114
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- Sure. Go ahead.
- Okay, question one.

115
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What night are the Tony Awards?

116
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Tony Danza has awards?

117
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Name an appropriate price
to pay for jeans.

118
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Um, five dollars?

119
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,667
What year did Bette Midler release

120
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"You've Got to Have Friends"?

121
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Oh, 1972.

122
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And it was fabulous!

123
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Chris, are you gay?

124
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What? No, I'm not gay.

125
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Well, then why didn't you go out
with that girl?

126
00:05:50,253 --> 00:05:51,786
Why would I?

127
00:05:51,787 --> 00:05:55,624
I have everything I need in
that department on my computer.

128
00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:59,594
You have 28 windows of porn
playing simultaneously?

129
00:05:59,595 --> 00:06:02,898
Sometimes I pretend I'm
at the security desk at the mall

130
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and everyone at the mall
is banging each other.

131
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Chris, don't you see?

132
00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:09,604
You're so desensitized by all this porn,

133
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you're-you're not
even interested in actual girls.

134
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Wh-What are you doing?

135
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I'm taking this, and we are
gonna help you start thinking

136
00:06:15,711 --> 00:06:17,279
about sex like a normal teenager.

137
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A-All right, I'll give it a shot.

138
00:06:19,115 --> 00:06:20,649
But it's not gonna be easy.

139
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I had a hell of a time
getting off sugar.

140
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Chris, can you pass the syrup?

141
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,655
Oh, you want the syrup, old man?!

142
00:06:31,994 --> 00:06:33,328
Yeah!

143
00:06:36,699 --> 00:06:38,833
Yeah, nice attached head, Meg.

144
00:06:38,834 --> 00:06:41,036
Body, throw potatoes.

145
00:06:42,038 --> 00:06:43,909
Winner declared!

146
00:06:47,443 --> 00:06:50,045
Okay, guys, now, I thought
we could try to find the ghost

147
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by doing the movie Flatliners.

148
00:06:51,714 --> 00:06:53,148
- I've never seen it.
- Me, neither.

149
00:06:53,149 --> 00:06:55,450
Oh, my God. All right, we are
stopping everything right now

150
00:06:55,451 --> 00:06:57,118
and watching Flatliners.

151
00:06:57,119 --> 00:06:59,154
I'm all right...

152
00:06:59,155 --> 00:07:01,156
I'm glad we switched to Caddyshack.

153
00:07:01,157 --> 00:07:03,525
You know what, Peter, I think
I've had enough ghost hunting.

154
00:07:03,526 --> 00:07:05,260
- I'm done, too.
- Yeah, I'm out.

155
00:07:05,261 --> 00:07:06,561
Wait, why you leaving?

156
00:07:06,562 --> 00:07:08,196
Because all you do is screw around.

157
00:07:08,197 --> 00:07:10,865
We've been down here for hours,
and we haven't found a thing.

158
00:07:10,866 --> 00:07:13,068
Well, maybe that's because you
guys don't know the first thing

159
00:07:13,069 --> 00:07:14,336
about catching ghosts.

160
00:07:14,337 --> 00:07:15,337
You know what, Lois was right.

161
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We should just never listen to you.

162
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Come on, guys.

163
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I think you're all just scared.

164
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Oh, yeah? Let's see who's scared.

165
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What are you doing?
Turn that light back on.

166
00:07:26,082 --> 00:07:27,382
Have a good night, Peter.

167
00:07:27,383 --> 00:07:29,551
Quagmire. Help!

168
00:07:29,552 --> 00:07:30,719
Someone help me!

169
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,854
Hey! Open this door!

170
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Don't leave me alone with the ghost!

171
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Help! Help!

172
00:07:40,496 --> 00:07:41,830
Help!

173
00:07:41,831 --> 00:07:44,499
Help! Help!

174
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:49,104
Help! Help!

175
00:07:53,876 --> 00:07:55,010
What the hell?

176
00:07:59,615 --> 00:08:01,750
Peter, are you okay?

177
00:08:01,751 --> 00:08:04,119
I was... down here all night.

178
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,187
So dark.

179
00:08:08,524 --> 00:08:10,658
Oh, my God. Peter, your hair.

180
00:08:10,659 --> 00:08:12,761
It turned white.

181
00:08:12,762 --> 00:08:14,162
What?

182
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:20,368
Well, I'm a fat dad with white hair now.

183
00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:24,072
Time to become an issue
at Hooters after 9:00 p.m.

184
00:08:24,073 --> 00:08:25,507
Hey, Ashley. Ashley.

185
00:08:25,508 --> 00:08:27,342
Ashley.

186
00:08:27,343 --> 00:08:29,979
I know... I know what car is your car.

187
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,985
So, how'd you get white hair again?

188
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,731
He was scared of a ghost.

189
00:08:40,732 --> 00:08:43,222
Yes, I remember hearing
about this in med school.

190
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,657
Or was it a Scooby-Doo?

191
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,659
You think it's gonna stay, Dr. Hartman?

192
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,761
No, it's gonna be "Dr. Ramirez" now.

193
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,363
I'm taking my husband's name.

194
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,231
I'm talking about Peter's hair.

195
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,400
Oh, I'm sorry. Wedding on the brain.

196
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:57,603
But, uh, as for the white hair,
I'm afraid it's permanent.

197
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,373
Hi, sweetie.

198
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:01,874
We've discussed this.

199
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,276
No to the mole.

200
00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:05,978
Chocolate is for cake, not chicken.

201
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,780
Oh, come on.

202
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,482
He's crying.

203
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:12,051
What do I do now?
I mean, should I dye it back?

204
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,054
I don't know why you'd ask me that.

205
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,789
I mean, I-I don't know anything
about that.

206
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,724
How does one even go about
dyeing one's hair?

207
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,426
I've never heard of anything so crazy.

208
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,094
Let me get that for you, Doctor.

209
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,896
What? Oh, no, I'm-I'm not a...

210
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,765
Morning, Doctor.

211
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,767
Wow, Peter,
they all think you're a doctor

212
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,368
because of your white hair.

213
00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:32,104
I have to say, it does make you
look more distinguished.

214
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,973
Really? Huh.

215
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:36,309
Well, maybe this will be
a good thing after all.

216
00:09:36,310 --> 00:09:38,159
Like a garbageman with no nose.

217
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:42,281
Well, this is the best job in the world!

218
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:43,683
Rotting meat?

219
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,384
What does that smell like?

220
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,019
Oh, look, receipts.

221
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,355
I'll steal this person's identity.

222
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:52,124
From now on, I'm Robert Dibadeaux.

223
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,260
So long, stinkies!

224
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,476
Not that I would know.

225
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,867
All right, Chris,
it's gonna take a few steps

226
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,302
to get you off hard-core porn.

227
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,237
Now, the first step is soft-core porn,

228
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,706
where nothing really happens.

229
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:11,610
Oh, wow, she is just riding
that guy's belly button.

230
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,612
Yep, that's all we had.

231
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,482
And you could watch this at any time?

232
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:19,118
No, just Friday at 11:45 p.m.

233
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,553
And it was free?

234
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:22,288
No, $45 a month.

235
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:25,224
Well, what was playing
the other 200 hours per week?

236
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,893
Uh, mostly D.A.R.Y.L.
The movie D.A.R.Y.L.

237
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:29,095
Was it any good?

238
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,596
It was okay.

239
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:33,165
Grandpa, what are you doing here?

240
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,001
Using the bathroom.
Where do you keep the nets

241
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,869
that you put on the bottom
of guys' balls

242
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,704
to stop 'em from dunking in the water?

243
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,139
- What?
- What do you mean, "What?"

244
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,808
Where do you keep the nets

245
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:46,812
that you put on the bottom
of guys' balls

246
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:50,571
to stop them from dunking in the water?

247
00:10:54,723 --> 00:10:56,655
Oh, there's my silver fox.

248
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,691
What are you doing out here?

249
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,159
Well, now that I've got white hair,

250
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,994
I fix my car in slow motion

251
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,697
in an ad for a supplemental
blood thinner.

252
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:06,499
I took Zanbrex

253
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,000
for over 15 years,

254
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,903
till I learned the benefits
of once-daily Sanguelto,

255
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,139
a latest-generation blood thinner.

256
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:16,075
When I'm at a multiracial
picnic for some reason,

257
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,511
the last thing I want to do
is have a stroke.

258
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,746
And thanks to once-daily Sanguelto,

259
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:23,816
I can eat potato salad
with chuckling strangers

260
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,718
with the confidence of someone who knows

261
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,988
he's 12% less likely
to suffer a stroke recurrence.

262
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:31,157
Thanks to Sanguelto, I can snuggle

263
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,692
with my age-appropriate wife
on a blanket

264
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,028
underneath
non-holiday-related fireworks.

265
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,597
I left her for six weeks back in 2009,

266
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,699
only to realize I was already too old

267
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,368
to bed the type of women

268
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,470
that would make
such a separation worth it.

269
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:46,539
So, here we are, grinding it out

270
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,307
till onef us has that second stroke

271
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,042
that you don't come back from.

272
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,180
Thank you, Sanguelto.

273
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,249
What's all this?

274
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,452
Well, a lot of kids'
first foray into sex

275
00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:01,554
is looking at someone else's porn stash.

276
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,823
So, here's a stack
of water-stained Playboys

277
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:06,392
that I found in a locker
at the town pool bathroom.

278
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,928
Okay, now we're talking.

279
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,834
Wait. I'm clicking on this thumbnail,

280
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,702
but the video isn't opening.

281
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:18,270
No, that's a still image.

282
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,572
See, you look at them,

283
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:22,241
and then your brain sort of
creates a scene for you.

284
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,010
I don't know. I think maybe
we should try something else.

285
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:26,912
I think you should give it a shot.

286
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,248
I think we should all go investigate

287
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,485
the still-unsolved murder
of Doris Billingsly,

288
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:35,721
who never did anything
but overcook one dinner

289
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:38,719
in March of 1962.

290
00:12:43,359 --> 00:12:45,359
All right, I got next round.

291
00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:51,209
- Hey, Tom, you okay?
- She left me.

292
00:12:51,210 --> 00:12:54,406
Another sign from the universe
that I'll never find love.

293
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:57,443
Hey, come on, pal. There's
plenty of fish in the sea.

294
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,816
Wow.

295
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,118
You're right. There are.

296
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,988
Say, you've got a way about you,

297
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,957
a certain... trustworthy quality.

298
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,225
You know, we've got an opening

299
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,760
at the station for a senior analyst.

300
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,396
I think your white hair
would be perfect for it.

301
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,098
Wow. Really? What do I do?

302
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:22,134
You just act like everyone else
is an idiot and shout over them.

303
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,711
- That way, you can...
- Shut up! I get it!

304
00:13:23,712 --> 00:13:25,638
Terrific. Hey, why don't you come down

305
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:26,805
to the station tomorrow and...?

306
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,141
- I know where you work!
- Again, terrific.

307
00:13:30,057 --> 00:13:31,810
Wow, this is awesome.

308
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:35,314
I haven't been on TV since
I had IBS on The Bachelorette.

309
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,484
Derek, I had such a magical weekend.

310
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,519
You are truly one of a kind.

311
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,522
And that's why I've decided to...

312
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:46,325
Excuse me. Uh, do-do you know
if I'm gonna get a rose?

313
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,027
We're getting to that, Peter.

314
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:51,363
Derek, that's why I've decided
to give you this rose.

315
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,534
Evan, getting to see
your softer side was truly...

316
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:56,735
Excuse me.

317
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,604
I hate to be a bother, but do you...

318
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,539
do you know if I'll be receiving a rose?

319
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:01,974
Because if there's, uh, further delay,

320
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,442
I believe something's gonna happen

321
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,778
that will put me
out of contention for a rose.

322
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,614
And that thing just happened.

323
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:09,915
Farewell, and thank you

324
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:12,117
for feeding me champagne
and shrimp all day.

325
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,524
Reporting live from Quahog Prison,

326
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,559
I'm Joe Horrigan, Channel Five News.

327
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,861
Thanks, Joe.
Great reporting, terrible eyes.

328
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,663
Switching gears now, I'd like to talk

329
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,732
about the crime situation
here in Quahog.

330
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,868
Joining me now is white-haired
contributor Peter Griffin.

331
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,638
Peter, what are you hearing
about crime in Quahog?

332
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,407
Uh... you know, not much.

333
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:38,010
Not much? Excuse us for one moment.

334
00:14:39,531 --> 00:14:40,946
- What are you doing?!
- What?

335
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:42,414
I don't know anything about crime.

336
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,084
So? People want to know that
bad stuff's going on out there.

337
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,485
That's why they watch the news.

338
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,654
- You want me to make stuff up?
- I don't know.

339
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,623
I thought you had white hair.

340
00:14:50,624 --> 00:14:53,826
- You're right, I do.
- Of course you do.

341
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,397
Now, you were talking about crime?

342
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,399
Crime is way up, and you know why?

343
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,834
'Cause of immigrants.

344
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:03,302
I say, as Americans,

345
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:05,738
we should all take a pledge
to kick 'em out.

346
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:09,141
Only pledge I stand for is Lemon Pledge.

347
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:18,817
Peter Griffin, white hair, very
credible, thank you so much.

348
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:21,453
Coming up, lost dog comes home...

349
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,689
one piece at a time.

350
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,928
Peter, that was amazing.

351
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,830
I'm the news director
here at Channel Five.

352
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:34,400
How would you like to do
what you just did every night?

353
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,968
Wipe a bloody booger under the desk?

354
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:37,970
No, I'm asking you to join us full-time

355
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,039
to be our permanent senior analyst.

356
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,374
Would you excuse me
while I step into another room

357
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,644
and celebrate like a girl in a
Rom-com who just got good news?

358
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,401
Aah! The Sanguelto!

359
00:15:50,402 --> 00:15:52,785
My blood's thinner than water!

360
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,355
If taking Sanguelto,

361
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,624
please refrain
from dancing like in a Rom-com,

362
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,693
as nosebleeds may be permanent.

363
00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:03,429
And remember, most drugs
are prescribed to you

364
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,597
because a hot girl
with a rolling suitcase

365
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,599
gave your doctor a free pen.

366
00:16:15,414 --> 00:16:17,582
Peter, what the hell
do you think you're doing?

367
00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:20,585
Who says you can just make
things up and call them facts?

368
00:16:20,586 --> 00:16:22,420
Tom Tucker did. He kissed me.

369
00:16:22,421 --> 00:16:24,956
You have a responsibility
as a member of the press

370
00:16:24,957 --> 00:16:27,158
to report the news accurately.

371
00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:30,595
You can't just say crazy things
that aren't in any way true.

372
00:16:30,596 --> 00:16:34,131
Yeah, leave that to the yahoos in D.C.

373
00:16:35,334 --> 00:16:37,912
- Did that get a "That's So Joe"?
- No!

374
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:39,677
Okay, well, what are the rules on that?

375
00:16:39,678 --> 00:16:41,145
We're still working that out.

376
00:16:41,146 --> 00:16:43,207
Well, let me know
when you decide on the rules.

377
00:16:43,208 --> 00:16:46,010
I'm really excited
about working on this.

378
00:16:46,011 --> 00:16:48,079
With you guys.

379
00:16:52,117 --> 00:16:54,752
Chris, welcome
to the lingerie department.

380
00:16:54,753 --> 00:16:56,287
What are we doing here?

381
00:16:56,288 --> 00:16:58,789
When I was young, seeing
these half-naked mannequins

382
00:16:58,790 --> 00:17:00,625
was all I needed to get me going.

383
00:17:00,626 --> 00:17:02,093
What's the endgame here...

384
00:17:02,094 --> 00:17:03,961
Him walking around Macy's with a chub?

385
00:17:03,962 --> 00:17:06,163
No, we've got
to reset his arousal meter.

386
00:17:06,164 --> 00:17:08,633
He needs to be able
to use his imagination again.

387
00:17:08,634 --> 00:17:10,835
Any of these mannequins
doing anything for you, Chris?

388
00:17:10,836 --> 00:17:12,837
Uh, I don't know.

389
00:17:12,838 --> 00:17:15,406
I guess the one
without a head is pretty cool.

390
00:17:15,407 --> 00:17:17,642
All right, that's... that's something.

391
00:17:17,643 --> 00:17:20,912
And that bin of chopped-up ones
over there... that could be okay.

392
00:17:20,913 --> 00:17:24,015
'Specially the one
that looks kind of afraid.

393
00:17:24,016 --> 00:17:26,017
There you go. Look at you.

394
00:17:26,018 --> 00:17:28,185
Sounds like someone is ready
for that date.

395
00:17:28,186 --> 00:17:29,687
Do you gentlemen need any help?

396
00:17:29,688 --> 00:17:30,922
No, thank you, dear.

397
00:17:30,923 --> 00:17:33,591
We're just trying
to get my brother to full mast.

398
00:17:36,628 --> 00:17:39,563
We want to welcome back our new
permanent senior analyst,

399
00:17:39,564 --> 00:17:41,532
Peter Griffin and his white hair.

400
00:17:41,533 --> 00:17:43,367
What's the latest on crime in Quahog?

401
00:17:43,368 --> 00:17:45,836
- Tom, crime is up.
- Wow. How high?

402
00:17:45,837 --> 00:17:48,450
- All the way to the top.
- Whoa. The top.

403
00:17:48,451 --> 00:17:50,841
Has it ever been all the way
to the top before, Peter?

404
00:17:50,842 --> 00:17:53,044
Never. In fact, we had to raise the top.

405
00:17:53,045 --> 00:17:55,713
So, the new top is even higher
than the old top?

406
00:17:55,714 --> 00:17:57,615
Yes, the old top is now the middle.

407
00:17:57,616 --> 00:17:59,183
And The Middle is a show

408
00:17:59,184 --> 00:18:01,886
that was inexplicably on ABC
for a very long time.

409
00:18:01,887 --> 00:18:03,354
How many seasons?

410
00:18:03,355 --> 00:18:05,556
It might be, like, 11.
I'm not even kidding.

411
00:18:05,557 --> 00:18:08,292
Peter Griffin, white hair, very
credible, thank you so much.

412
00:18:08,293 --> 00:18:10,394
Coming up, we'll tell you where to look

413
00:18:10,395 --> 00:18:13,397
when a person has a birthmark
on their face.

414
00:18:17,102 --> 00:18:19,971
So, Chris, have you weaned
yourself off of Internet porn?

415
00:18:19,972 --> 00:18:23,174
Wait. I thought the whole point
was to not wean myself off.

416
00:18:23,175 --> 00:18:26,043
No, Chris, I mean,
have you stopped...? Never mind.

417
00:18:26,044 --> 00:18:28,379
- You ready for your date?
- You bet I am!

418
00:18:32,568 --> 00:18:34,136
Hi, Chris.

419
00:18:35,304 --> 00:18:37,005
Hi, Kristen.

420
00:18:37,006 --> 00:18:39,474
Ready to see a Marvel movie,
'cause I chose?

421
00:18:39,475 --> 00:18:41,810
Sure. And for sure this is a real date,

422
00:18:41,811 --> 00:18:43,278
and me and the popular kids

423
00:18:43,279 --> 00:18:45,947
aren't gonna thrill-kill you tonight.

424
00:18:45,948 --> 00:18:48,750
I think Chris is gonna be just fine.

425
00:18:51,754 --> 00:18:54,423
Which is more than I can say
for our pizza.

426
00:18:57,093 --> 00:18:58,593
Oh, man.

427
00:19:06,803 --> 00:19:09,171
Well, I hope you're happy.

428
00:19:09,172 --> 00:19:12,441
You're telling lies on the news
just to boost your own ego.

429
00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:14,142
It's pronounced "Eggo," Lois,

430
00:19:14,143 --> 00:19:16,344
and I will thank you to leggo of mine.

431
00:19:16,345 --> 00:19:18,146
Peter, fake news is a real problem

432
00:19:18,147 --> 00:19:19,848
in this country right now,

433
00:19:19,849 --> 00:19:22,984
and I really don't want
my husband contributing to it.

434
00:19:22,985 --> 00:19:24,853
Maybe you're right.

435
00:19:24,854 --> 00:19:27,155
It doesn't feel good lying all the time.

436
00:19:27,156 --> 00:19:28,857
I guess I just like all the attention

437
00:19:28,858 --> 00:19:30,459
that came along with having white hair.

438
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:33,128
Well, I don't think that's
the kind of attention you want.

439
00:19:33,129 --> 00:19:35,197
And it's certainly not
the kind of attention

440
00:19:35,198 --> 00:19:36,865
I want for our family.

441
00:19:36,866 --> 00:19:39,501
You know what?
If it means that much to you,

442
00:19:39,502 --> 00:19:41,803
I'll tell Tom
that I won't do it anymore.

443
00:19:41,804 --> 00:19:43,672
- Really?
- Really.

444
00:19:43,673 --> 00:19:46,208
Oh, Peter, that makes me so happy.

445
00:19:48,711 --> 00:19:50,712
Hello? Donald Trump?!

446
00:19:50,713 --> 00:19:52,380
You saw me on the news?

447
00:19:52,381 --> 00:19:55,383
You want me to be your press
secretary in the next episode?

448
00:19:55,384 --> 00:19:57,018
Why, sure, I'd love to!

449
00:19:57,019 --> 00:19:59,187
We'll get started drawing it right away.

450
00:19:59,188 --> 00:20:00,655
Lois, pack your bags.

451
00:20:00,656 --> 00:20:03,758
We're joining the Trump Administration.

452
00:20:09,565 --> 00:20:12,067
Just what Washington needs, huh?

453
00:20:12,068 --> 00:20:14,002
Another talking head.

454
00:20:15,805 --> 00:20:18,240
Oh, man.

455
00:20:21,395 --> 00:20:23,396
Next week on Family Guy...

456
00:20:23,397 --> 00:20:25,966
Hey, Dad, I want you
to meet my new friend, Meg.

457
00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:29,469
Pleased to meet you, Meg.
You have a beautiful rack.

458
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:30,670
Oh, thanks.

459
00:20:30,671 --> 00:20:32,973
I was talking to my daughter.

460
00:20:40,314 --> 00:20:43,316
And now, please welcome
Mr. Bruce Jenner.

461
00:21:00,495 --> 00:21:03,264
Just wanted to remind you fellas
what you're all fighting for.

462
00:21:03,906 --> 00:21:07,412
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
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