1
00:00:04,769 --> 00:00:05,971
W-What?

2
00:00:15,859 --> 00:00:18,578
_

3
00:00:49,218 --> 00:00:50,881
D'oh!

4
00:00:50,906 --> 00:00:52,484
Hey!

5
00:00:56,121 --> 00:01:01,726
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -

6
00:01:07,285 --> 00:01:10,928
? Love and marriage, love and marriage ?

7
00:01:10,953 --> 00:01:12,522
? Was the song from that show ?

8
00:01:12,556 --> 00:01:14,428
? With Al Bundy ?

9
00:01:14,453 --> 00:01:17,273
? Now he's on Modern Family ?

10
00:01:17,298 --> 00:01:20,951
? And the neighbor guy
was Ted McGinley ?

11
00:01:20,976 --> 00:01:24,654
? Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ?

12
00:01:24,679 --> 00:01:28,514
Happy Anniversary, Mr. Romance.

13
00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:31,508
Zip me?

14
00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:33,578
My pleasure.

15
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:36,562
Then you do me.

16
00:01:38,149 --> 00:01:39,417
Eh?

17
00:01:40,245 --> 00:01:41,595
- Almost.
- Okay?

18
00:01:41,620 --> 00:01:44,054
- Suck it in. Come on.
- It is sucked in.

19
00:01:44,079 --> 00:01:45,081
- Harder!
- Oof.

20
00:01:45,122 --> 00:01:47,197
- Harder!
- Oh, it's so hard to be a man.

21
00:01:47,222 --> 00:01:48,959
- Oh, come on. Harder.
- Harder?

22
00:01:48,992 --> 00:01:50,961
- Yeah, that's it. That's it.
- That's it, you're almost there.

23
00:01:50,994 --> 00:01:53,230
- Harder.
- Oh, yes! Oh!

24
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,025
We are going to have
a magical evening, my love:

25
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,939
overpriced dinner,
carriage ride in the park

26
00:01:59,964 --> 00:02:04,339
and mailing in our mortgage
payment on time.

27
00:02:06,457 --> 00:02:10,658
nothing turns me on
more than basic competence.

28
00:02:10,683 --> 00:02:13,767
But how did you manage
to get a babysitter?

29
00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:15,689
I thought we were blacklisted.

30
00:02:15,714 --> 00:02:18,144
Blacklisted by humans.

31
00:02:19,304 --> 00:02:20,771
Mr. and Mrs. Simpson,

32
00:02:20,805 --> 00:02:22,228
you look lovely.

33
00:02:22,253 --> 00:02:24,854
Hey, Google, kill Alexa.

34
00:02:25,742 --> 00:02:27,179
Danger! Mischief.

35
00:02:27,211 --> 00:02:28,579
Aw, the only way to beat

36
00:02:28,612 --> 00:02:31,182
a bossy female thinking machine
is with another.

37
00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:33,117
Lis. Help me out here.

38
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:36,188
Alexa, everything I say is a lie.

39
00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:38,289
I'm lying right now.

40
00:02:38,323 --> 00:02:40,124
Nice try, but I am familiar

41
00:02:40,157 --> 00:02:42,860
- with Epimenides paradox.
- Hmm?

42
00:02:42,894 --> 00:02:44,939
Would you like to buy
an Epimenides book,

43
00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:46,965
T-shirt or a laptop sleeve?

44
00:02:46,997 --> 00:02:49,728
Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes! All of them.

45
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,603
Ordering. Two-day delivery.

46
00:02:51,635 --> 00:02:54,472
We can't leave our kids
with a greedy tube.

47
00:02:54,505 --> 00:02:57,400
Sorry, Homer, looks like
you have to spend time with...

48
00:02:57,425 --> 00:02:59,931
your children.

49
00:03:01,755 --> 00:03:04,175
You will be sat.

50
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,159
Marge, it's time to go to DEFCON 1.

51
00:03:08,206 --> 00:03:10,425
Dad, the kids really miss you.

52
00:03:10,450 --> 00:03:12,144
Could you come see them tonight?

53
00:03:12,169 --> 00:03:13,637
Couldn't find a sitter, huh?

54
00:03:13,691 --> 00:03:15,462
- Yes.
- All right.

55
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,429
Aw, I appreciate it.

56
00:03:17,793 --> 00:03:18,994
Hey, what's this?

57
00:03:19,019 --> 00:03:22,300
Well, I threw out
that picture of me and Mona.

58
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:25,156
I finally had to accept she
ain't coming back to me.

59
00:03:25,181 --> 00:03:26,170
She's dead.

60
00:03:26,204 --> 00:03:27,739
That's one of the reasons.

61
00:03:27,771 --> 00:03:29,507
Bye-bye.

62
00:03:33,878 --> 00:03:36,915
We have to get Grampa
back to the home in an hour.

63
00:03:36,948 --> 00:03:39,306
Maybe we should just stay here.

64
00:03:39,331 --> 00:03:41,443
No, we'll do everything I promised.

65
00:03:41,468 --> 00:03:43,097
We'll just have to speed things up.

66
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:58,269
Keep your motor running.

67
00:03:58,302 --> 00:04:00,212
He shoots, he scores!

68
00:04:00,237 --> 00:04:02,540
Shut that off.

69
00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:05,310
- Homie...
- No time.

70
00:04:05,342 --> 00:04:07,480
Go, go, go, go, go!

71
00:04:07,745 --> 00:04:09,189
On This Was Radio,

72
00:04:09,214 --> 00:04:12,345
we return to an episode
of Sipper McTea and Milly,

73
00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:15,486
originally aired May 4, 1944.

74
00:04:15,511 --> 00:04:18,022
Sipper, did you start drinking again?

75
00:04:18,055 --> 00:04:20,024
No. No, no, no.

76
00:04:20,057 --> 00:04:22,026
I nev-never stopped.

77
00:04:23,253 --> 00:04:25,329
Milly went on to marry King Farouk.

78
00:04:25,362 --> 00:04:29,212
Radio was never the same.
It was much better.

79
00:04:29,479 --> 00:04:32,683
No, Sipper. Don't get into that Packard.

80
00:04:34,831 --> 00:04:37,071
Bart, do something.

81
00:04:37,096 --> 00:04:39,733
Back to-back to jail I go.

82
00:04:44,448 --> 00:04:46,850
Kids, where do we keep the castor oil?

83
00:04:46,884 --> 00:04:48,886
In the 1940s.

84
00:04:48,911 --> 00:04:50,961
Maybe we can play a game.

85
00:04:51,221 --> 00:04:52,817
The Game of Life?

86
00:04:52,842 --> 00:04:54,043
I already lost.

87
00:04:54,175 --> 00:04:55,236
Hatchimals?

88
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:56,408
Too new-fangled.

89
00:04:56,433 --> 00:04:57,361
Pick-up sticks.

90
00:04:57,394 --> 00:04:58,862
Too old-fangled.

91
00:04:58,896 --> 00:04:59,831
How about Monopoly?

92
00:04:59,863 --> 00:05:01,845
Ah, now you're talking.

93
00:05:01,870 --> 00:05:05,536
The only place you can
still say "Oriental."

94
00:05:05,831 --> 00:05:08,038
Aw, rats. No money.

95
00:05:08,063 --> 00:05:10,040
- _
- Ay, caramba!

96
00:05:10,074 --> 00:05:12,377
Sir, this is just Monopoly money.

97
00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:13,778
Here's a hundred.

98
00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,947
Thank you, sir!

99
00:05:16,206 --> 00:05:18,283
This is the last one in here.

100
00:05:18,315 --> 00:05:21,745
My guess: either a broken toy
or a puzzle missing a piece.

101
00:05:21,770 --> 00:05:24,394
And the answer is... army men.

102
00:05:32,329 --> 00:05:34,901
Aah! Incoming! Outgoing!

103
00:05:34,926 --> 00:05:36,662
Staying the same-ing!

104
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:40,823
One last kiss, my love.

105
00:05:44,309 --> 00:05:46,878
What's going on here?
What are you doing?

106
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:49,713
Well, he wasn't much fun,
so we went out for ice cream.

107
00:05:53,117 --> 00:05:55,072
I don't need no headshrinker.

108
00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:57,421
I'm as sane as the next guy.

109
00:05:57,454 --> 00:05:59,126
There's no one there.

110
00:06:00,824 --> 00:06:02,394
I'll take it from here.

111
00:06:02,427 --> 00:06:04,162
Well, I see they already

112
00:06:04,194 --> 00:06:06,665
shaved your head for the electroshock.

113
00:06:06,697 --> 00:06:08,165
That'll save us time.

114
00:06:08,199 --> 00:06:09,896
I'm not the crazy one!

115
00:06:09,921 --> 00:06:12,124
Not crazy! Not crazy!

116
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,110
Slice out the crazy, Doc.

117
00:06:19,143 --> 00:06:21,142
Boy, I'll kill you!

118
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,148
You stupid... I'm not crazy!

119
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:26,250
We'll talk more once you have a
piece of leather in your teeth.

120
00:06:26,283 --> 00:06:28,853
Mmm, leather.

121
00:06:28,886 --> 00:06:32,501
I'm tellin' ya, what I saw in
the war don't bother me none.

122
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,591
I had a job to do, and I did it.

123
00:06:34,624 --> 00:06:37,761
What secretly helped me was
I enjoyed killing strangers.

124
00:06:37,795 --> 00:06:40,298
Well, tell me what you think about...

125
00:06:40,331 --> 00:06:42,167
- this!
- Oh!

126
00:06:42,199 --> 00:06:44,336
That parachute sure didn't open.

127
00:06:44,369 --> 00:06:47,005
You're not disturbed
by the blood and gore?

128
00:06:47,038 --> 00:06:49,941
Well, when you put it that way, nope!

129
00:06:49,973 --> 00:06:52,064
Well, there's nothing
mentally wrong with him.

130
00:06:52,089 --> 00:06:54,212
He's fine now, but I'm telling you,

131
00:06:54,245 --> 00:06:57,120
Grampa totally lost it when
I brought out the army men.

132
00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:03,187
No! Stop shooting!

133
00:07:03,221 --> 00:07:05,622
It must be the army men.

134
00:07:05,656 --> 00:07:09,026
Stop shooting. Stop shooting!

135
00:07:09,184 --> 00:07:12,862
I think Grampa was the model
for these army men.

136
00:07:15,091 --> 00:07:17,827
Oh, my God, Dad. What happened to you?

137
00:07:20,237 --> 00:07:22,307
Stop shooting. Stop shooting!

138
00:07:22,339 --> 00:07:24,564
Great, Abe. Now, grab the walkie-talkie

139
00:07:24,589 --> 00:07:27,245
and tell that general your
platoon's been wiped out,

140
00:07:27,278 --> 00:07:29,300
and big smile!

141
00:07:29,644 --> 00:07:31,915
We have a lot to talk about.

142
00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:34,352
Well, since the trauma
is not combat-related,

143
00:07:34,384 --> 00:07:36,629
we're gonna have to start charging you.

144
00:07:36,654 --> 00:07:37,956
And we're done.

145
00:07:41,908 --> 00:07:44,871
I don't understand.
Why would being a toy model

146
00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:46,431
be so traumatizing?

147
00:07:46,463 --> 00:07:48,867
Think back, Dad. Think back.

148
00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:51,101
Mm, I'll do my best.

149
00:07:51,134 --> 00:07:53,103
You know how I hate to reminisce.

150
00:07:53,136 --> 00:07:54,553
I've hated reminiscing

151
00:07:54,578 --> 00:07:57,343
ever since that day in 1937,

152
00:07:57,368 --> 00:07:59,352
when, as I recall...

153
00:07:59,377 --> 00:08:02,180
Please, Grampa, back to reality.

154
00:08:02,213 --> 00:08:04,549
Focus on the little green men.

155
00:08:05,882 --> 00:08:07,851
The terrible World War had ended

156
00:08:07,884 --> 00:08:10,355
and I was in a celebratin' mood.

157
00:08:10,387 --> 00:08:12,122
Mwah. Ooh!

158
00:08:12,156 --> 00:08:14,858
The war ended two years ago, creep.

159
00:08:14,891 --> 00:08:16,593
The world had moved on,

160
00:08:16,627 --> 00:08:20,031
but I was lying in a puddle of
my own dishonorable discharge.

161
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,766
Then, an amazing thing happened.

162
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,037
Soldier, you're just
what we're looking for.

163
00:08:25,062 --> 00:08:27,471
How'd you like to make 50 bucks
for half a day's work?

164
00:08:27,504 --> 00:08:29,874
50 simoleons for half
a cock-a-doodle-doo?

165
00:08:29,906 --> 00:08:32,076
What's your jigsaw, Mac?

166
00:08:32,109 --> 00:08:34,612
We want you to model for a toy.

167
00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:36,313
Toys? That's kid stuff.

168
00:08:36,346 --> 00:08:39,049
You're talking to a hard-boiled
fighting man.

169
00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:41,052
We'll pay you a royalty
for every one we sell.

170
00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:42,554
Goo-goo-ga-ga!

171
00:08:42,586 --> 00:08:45,722
The war was over
and America turned to toys.

172
00:08:45,755 --> 00:08:47,991
Finally, putty could be silly again.

173
00:08:48,024 --> 00:08:50,794
This was when toys were toys.

174
00:08:50,827 --> 00:08:52,396
They had jagged corners,

175
00:08:52,429 --> 00:08:54,665
Easy-Bake Ovens burned down your house,

176
00:08:54,698 --> 00:08:57,401
and they weren't afraid
to choke a kid or two.

177
00:08:57,621 --> 00:08:59,490
Fun times.

178
00:09:02,312 --> 00:09:05,118
_/_

179
00:09:05,814 --> 00:09:07,420
Throw that flame!

180
00:09:07,445 --> 00:09:10,081
Make war to the camera.

181
00:09:10,114 --> 00:09:13,651
Boy, this toy modeling
is a great racket.

182
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:15,819
That's what you think.

183
00:09:15,852 --> 00:09:19,256
Oh, no, don't put me back in.
Don't put me back in!

184
00:09:19,547 --> 00:09:21,825
Uh-huh. And then what happened?

185
00:09:22,008 --> 00:09:24,495
I... I can't remember.

186
00:09:24,528 --> 00:09:25,797
Did they pay you?

187
00:09:26,805 --> 00:09:28,233
They never did!

188
00:09:28,258 --> 00:09:31,001
Well, that's what's torturing you.

189
00:09:31,034 --> 00:09:32,765
Those toys were everywhere.

190
00:09:32,790 --> 00:09:35,340
You could be owed millions of dollars.

191
00:09:35,373 --> 00:09:39,210
Dad, when was the last time
I said I love you?

192
00:09:39,243 --> 00:09:40,778
I don't have the money yet.

193
00:09:40,811 --> 00:09:43,848
Then I don't quite love you yet.

194
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,149
Tonight I'm here with a member
of the greatest generation,

195
00:09:46,182 --> 00:09:48,352
who feels he hasn't gotten
what he's owed.

196
00:09:48,385 --> 00:09:50,855
I get social security, Medicare,

197
00:09:50,888 --> 00:09:53,358
Medicaid, AARP discounts,

198
00:09:53,383 --> 00:09:56,397
plus savings bonds that still pay 37%,

199
00:09:56,422 --> 00:09:58,529
but now it's my turn.

200
00:09:58,562 --> 00:10:01,533
I'm being told, uh,
you're being airlifted

201
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:03,907
to a much better show.

202
00:10:04,235 --> 00:10:05,870
Godspeed.

203
00:10:05,903 --> 00:10:09,983
For me, the tiny green
plastic war never ended.

204
00:10:10,008 --> 00:10:12,009
There you have it. Abraham Simpson,

205
00:10:12,043 --> 00:10:15,827
forgotten hero no more,
gets tonight's Last Word.

206
00:10:15,852 --> 00:10:18,015
No, you just got the last word.

207
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:22,101
No, no. You get the last word,
then I say, "Last Word."

208
00:10:22,126 --> 00:10:23,772
You did it again. Last Word.

209
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,645
It doesn't work that way. Last Word.

210
00:10:25,670 --> 00:10:27,038
Yes, it does. Last Word.

211
00:10:27,063 --> 00:10:29,507
Don't mess with me, I'm from
Dorchester. Last Word.

212
00:10:29,532 --> 00:10:31,780
I'm from Poorchester. Last Word.

213
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,097
Turn off the camera and cut his mic.

214
00:10:33,129 --> 00:10:34,097
Last Wo...

215
00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:36,701
You, sir, are banned from MSNBC,

216
00:10:36,734 --> 00:10:38,351
CNBC, NBC,

217
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:41,544
and forbidden from using
the letters N, B, and C.

218
00:10:41,569 --> 00:10:42,804
Last Word.

219
00:10:42,829 --> 00:10:45,543
I'm calling Bret Baier. Last Word.

220
00:10:45,576 --> 00:10:47,512
He's unlisted. Last Word.

221
00:10:47,899 --> 00:10:51,181
Grampa, you got an e-mail
from the toy company.

222
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:53,944
They want you to visit them
in New York City,

223
00:10:53,969 --> 00:10:55,620
all expenses paid.

224
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,788
Pay day!

225
00:10:58,813 --> 00:11:00,522
Ooh, I'm gonna be rich!

226
00:11:00,547 --> 00:11:03,233
That means I'm gonna
be a trust fund baby.

227
00:11:03,258 --> 00:11:05,529
I'm not paying for your trip to Aspen.

228
00:11:05,562 --> 00:11:08,865
But it's almost spring break,
and I'm bored.

229
00:11:08,899 --> 00:11:11,903
Uh, we are making
our descent into New York,

230
00:11:11,936 --> 00:11:15,873
where there's a happy heart
for every light on Broadway.

231
00:11:15,905 --> 00:11:18,542
Enjoy your fabulous success.

232
00:11:18,576 --> 00:11:20,577
And don't worry about buckling up

233
00:11:20,610 --> 00:11:24,048
or putting your chairs back...
you're on a roll.

234
00:11:24,081 --> 00:11:26,508
Leave the cart.

235
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:45,837
From my shoulders,
you can see Rhode Island.

236
00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:48,673
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

237
00:11:50,707 --> 00:11:53,144
Abe Simpson, you dog.

238
00:11:53,301 --> 00:11:56,102
Sweetcakes, bring us
a couple of sidecars.

239
00:11:58,515 --> 00:12:01,184
You never called him out
for his bad behavior?

240
00:12:01,217 --> 00:12:04,488
No. But I put mercury in his coffee.

241
00:12:04,522 --> 00:12:06,524
Oh, don't worry, he can't hear me.

242
00:12:06,557 --> 00:12:08,993
What are you two doing?
Swapping recipes?

243
00:12:09,719 --> 00:12:11,269
Sort of.

244
00:12:11,294 --> 00:12:13,298
Let me get you some coffee.

245
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:18,835
Mister, you owe my dad a fortune.

246
00:12:18,869 --> 00:12:21,866
'Fraid not. Your Dad
never signed his contract.

247
00:12:21,891 --> 00:12:25,020
You think I left millions on the table?

248
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,647
That doesn't sound like me.

249
00:12:26,696 --> 00:12:30,014
- Hundreds of millions.
- That sounds like me.

250
00:12:30,047 --> 00:12:31,615
Everything was going great.

251
00:12:31,649 --> 00:12:33,551
Then you ran out of the photo session.

252
00:12:33,583 --> 00:12:35,686
I didn't even know your name
till this week.

253
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,624
Run away from a fake battle?
Oh, I would never do that.

254
00:12:39,657 --> 00:12:41,959
Oh, yeah? Our photographer,
Philip Hefflin,

255
00:12:41,991 --> 00:12:43,866
could barely finish the session.

256
00:12:43,891 --> 00:12:45,696
Philip Hefflin?

257
00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:48,533
Yes. The finest war
and fashion photographer

258
00:12:48,566 --> 00:12:49,969
I ever knew.

259
00:12:51,703 --> 00:12:53,405
I remember Philip.

260
00:12:53,430 --> 00:12:55,173
He smelled of developing fluid

261
00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:57,508
and Aqua Velva.

262
00:12:57,541 --> 00:13:00,045
We have flashback, people.

263
00:13:12,389 --> 00:13:14,692
Thank you. This is the most fun I've had

264
00:13:14,725 --> 00:13:16,805
since not dying in the war.

265
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,116
You're my kind of man,

266
00:13:21,141 --> 00:13:22,944
if you know what I mean.

267
00:13:23,919 --> 00:13:25,554
That's not what I meant!

268
00:13:25,579 --> 00:13:27,672
I'm sorry. I thought you wanted me to...

269
00:13:27,705 --> 00:13:30,675
This is the '40s.
Guys like you don't exist.

270
00:13:30,707 --> 00:13:32,843
We'll just finish the session.

271
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:35,179
Aah! No!

272
00:13:35,204 --> 00:13:36,774
Stop shooting!

273
00:13:38,649 --> 00:13:40,265
Where are you going, Soldier?

274
00:13:40,290 --> 00:13:42,782
I got to remind myself
what a real man is.

275
00:13:46,961 --> 00:13:49,360
We found out what happened
and we fired Philip.

276
00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:52,561
- For kissing an employee?
- No, for being gay.

277
00:13:52,586 --> 00:13:54,741
That's just what you did
in the good old days.

278
00:13:54,766 --> 00:13:56,921
Grampa, is that true...

279
00:13:56,946 --> 00:13:59,103
you ruined a man's career?

280
00:13:59,135 --> 00:14:01,706
And all he was doing

281
00:14:01,739 --> 00:14:04,242
was expressing his love for me.

282
00:14:04,391 --> 00:14:06,486
Oh, who could blame him?

283
00:14:09,459 --> 00:14:11,835
Welcome to Shattered Dreams Airlines,

284
00:14:11,868 --> 00:14:14,890
where our motto is "What's
the point of going anywhere?"

285
00:14:14,915 --> 00:14:18,429
That poor man. I'll never know
what happened to him.

286
00:14:18,454 --> 00:14:21,147
According to Cyber Stalker.com,

287
00:14:21,172 --> 00:14:23,451
he now lives in a small town in Texas.

288
00:14:23,484 --> 00:14:27,241
Texas? That's where my friend
Louisiana Joe is from.

289
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:28,821
Marfa, Texas.

290
00:14:28,822 --> 00:14:31,525
Why don't you go see him
and clear your conscience?

291
00:14:31,558 --> 00:14:34,795
Plus, I always wanted to visit
Texas. It's open carry.

292
00:14:34,991 --> 00:14:36,827
Oh, what do I do?

293
00:14:36,852 --> 00:14:39,796
If I go see him, he might
punch me in the kisser,

294
00:14:39,821 --> 00:14:42,110
or kiss me in the puncher.

295
00:14:42,508 --> 00:14:44,871
Our manhood is under assault, Sergeant.

296
00:14:44,904 --> 00:14:48,118
Incoming gay panic!

297
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:54,315
Abe, promise me one thing.

298
00:14:54,347 --> 00:14:57,050
Go see Philip. Tell him you're sorry.

299
00:14:57,083 --> 00:15:00,320
Then find my girl
and tell her I loved her.

300
00:15:00,354 --> 00:15:04,092
Find the milkman
and tell him one less milk.

301
00:15:04,125 --> 00:15:06,827
Then find Branch Rickey and tell him

302
00:15:06,852 --> 00:15:09,730
to integrate baseball.

303
00:15:09,764 --> 00:15:12,899
I have to go to Texas.

304
00:15:12,933 --> 00:15:16,571
- Well, you're not going alone.
- We're all going to Texas.

305
00:15:16,845 --> 00:15:19,448
The plant can get by without me
for a little longer.

306
00:15:22,329 --> 00:15:24,138
_

307
00:15:24,163 --> 00:15:26,499
Turn left at the stop sign.

308
00:15:26,524 --> 00:15:29,413
Bear right onto the freeway.

309
00:15:29,438 --> 00:15:31,505
Go absolutely straight for...

310
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:33,799
480 miles.

311
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,024
_

312
00:15:54,048 --> 00:15:56,251
_

313
00:15:56,821 --> 00:15:58,860
_

314
00:15:58,885 --> 00:16:00,259
_

315
00:16:04,532 --> 00:16:07,083
Prada? In the middle of nowhere?

316
00:16:09,649 --> 00:16:12,741
This isn't a store at all.
It's an art installation.

317
00:16:12,766 --> 00:16:15,022
Marfa is the art capital of Texas.

318
00:16:15,047 --> 00:16:17,272
Over there are the Marfa lights.

319
00:16:17,297 --> 00:16:19,567
Oh, how magical.

320
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,736
I know, they seem that way,
but there's an explanation.

321
00:16:22,761 --> 00:16:25,563
- It turns out reflected light...
- Don't ruin it.

322
00:16:25,672 --> 00:16:27,909
Why are you going
behind the installation?

323
00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:30,244
It's by the side of the road,
so, by definition,

324
00:16:30,277 --> 00:16:32,079
it's a bathroom.

325
00:16:36,283 --> 00:16:37,960
That's where Philip lives.

326
00:16:37,985 --> 00:16:41,172
37 miles to my destiny.

327
00:16:42,165 --> 00:16:44,249
Son? As I've gotten older,

328
00:16:44,274 --> 00:16:48,007
I've started to think maybe
a man can love different things

329
00:16:48,032 --> 00:16:50,972
- and still be a man.
- Grampa's gay!

330
00:16:50,997 --> 00:16:52,333
Why you little...

331
00:16:54,134 --> 00:16:56,429
Wait, Homer! No. Stop.

332
00:16:56,454 --> 00:16:58,374
You might be strangling him

333
00:16:58,399 --> 00:17:00,518
because of your own conflicted feelings.

334
00:17:00,543 --> 00:17:02,245
Why you thoughtful...

335
00:17:04,594 --> 00:17:07,344
- Homer!
- Okay, time to go.

336
00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:11,204
Now to face my greatest fear:

337
00:17:11,229 --> 00:17:14,266
someone who only had love for me.

338
00:17:17,490 --> 00:17:20,430
Better lock and load.

339
00:17:21,297 --> 00:17:24,464
? There's a handsome man in Texas ?

340
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,343
? That I'm going back to see ?

341
00:17:27,368 --> 00:17:30,265
? He was supposed to take my picture ?

342
00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:32,907
? Then he got sweet on me ?

343
00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:36,243
? I buried it for decades ?

344
00:17:36,268 --> 00:17:38,520
? Deep inside my brain ?

345
00:17:38,545 --> 00:17:41,148
? But then I played with army men ?

346
00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:43,517
? And it came up again ?

347
00:17:43,549 --> 00:17:45,720
? Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo ?

348
00:17:45,752 --> 00:17:47,989
? Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo, d... ?

349
00:17:49,446 --> 00:17:51,313
I'm seeing things.

350
00:17:57,454 --> 00:17:58,865
Hello, Abe.

351
00:17:59,235 --> 00:18:01,868
You've aged well, like a fine onion.

352
00:18:02,141 --> 00:18:04,872
I hope you can forgive
what I did to you.

353
00:18:04,904 --> 00:18:07,257
I'm sorry I ruined your life.

354
00:18:07,282 --> 00:18:09,983
Ruined my life? You saved it.

355
00:18:10,008 --> 00:18:12,379
- I saved it?
- Let me explain.

356
00:18:12,641 --> 00:18:14,382
After I lost my job,

357
00:18:14,414 --> 00:18:18,102
I decided I'd never live
anything but my truth again.

358
00:18:18,989 --> 00:18:20,852
My wife took it well.

359
00:18:21,955 --> 00:18:25,094
I hit the road and drove
as far as I could.

360
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:29,024
I landed here and I've never had
a day of regret since.

361
00:18:31,922 --> 00:18:33,140
What's the matter?

362
00:18:33,165 --> 00:18:35,796
You're such a wonderful guy.

363
00:18:35,821 --> 00:18:38,702
Maybe it was my life
that was ruined that day.

364
00:18:38,727 --> 00:18:40,907
It's never too late, Abe.

365
00:18:40,932 --> 00:18:45,240
Never too late to find out
what your true self is.

366
00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:47,163
A paper at Cornell University

367
00:18:47,188 --> 00:18:51,140
has showed that no one
is 100% straight or gay.

368
00:18:51,165 --> 00:18:53,952
- Is it peer reviewed?
- Does it matter?

369
00:18:53,977 --> 00:18:56,891
Ah, I'm afraid I'm too old
to try anything new.

370
00:18:56,923 --> 00:18:59,727
I miss the days
when circuses had elephants

371
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,749
and they stomped on people.

372
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:04,898
And don't get me started
on Young Sheldon.

373
00:19:04,932 --> 00:19:07,702
Understood, but before you go,

374
00:19:07,727 --> 00:19:10,697
we never did finish that photo session.

375
00:19:19,985 --> 00:19:22,916
It's a shot I always wanted
and never got:

376
00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:24,919
your beautiful smile.

377
00:19:25,115 --> 00:19:26,616
Why didn't you say so?

378
00:19:26,641 --> 00:19:28,899
I'll leave that with you.

379
00:19:29,985 --> 00:19:32,336
Enjoy your life.

380
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:42,235
The Alamo's not the only thing
I'm gonna remember.

381
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,024
Well?

382
00:19:46,993 --> 00:19:49,129
Sorry, my friend, this army man

383
00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:51,390
is as straight as Gomer Pyle.

384
00:19:57,706 --> 00:19:59,108
Good for you, soldier.

385
00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:01,741
You learned that army men
come in all orientations,

386
00:20:01,766 --> 00:20:05,305
but we're all molded
from the same crappy plastic.

387
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,061
Permission to pair up, sir?

388
00:20:08,086 --> 00:20:09,634
Granted.

389
00:20:10,073 --> 00:20:13,204
Radio man, a little dance music,
if you please.

390
00:20:26,594 --> 00:20:29,278
The local population hates us
and we don't know

391
00:20:29,303 --> 00:20:31,572
- why we're here.
- Maybe if we build a school,

392
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:33,960
they'll forget about
that hospital we bombed.

393
00:20:33,985 --> 00:20:37,723
Uh-oh, Congress didn't
fund enough body armor.

394
00:20:37,756 --> 00:20:40,758
Well, this is too sad.
Let's melt 'em in the microwave.

395
00:20:40,792 --> 00:20:42,415
Oh, boy!

396
00:21:29,148 --> 00:21:30,218
- Last word!
- Shh!

397
00:21:30,243 --> 00:21:37,243
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -