1
00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:04,635
CREDITS

2
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,714
How dare you?

3
00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:22,457
How dare you put your
hands on me, you filth?

4
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:25,373
When my associates get
word of this brutality,

5
00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:27,114
you'll find yourself on the wrong end

6
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:29,177
of a disintegration beam.
You can count on that.

7
00:00:29,202 --> 00:00:32,293
50 and 60.

8
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:34,338
Pleasure doing business with you.

9
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,123
Whatever he's paying
you, I'll double it.

10
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,560
Do you hear me? This is your lucky day.

11
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,045
Damn it.

12
00:00:49,372 --> 00:00:51,455
I bet you never thought you'd see

13
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:52,848
this face again, did you?

14
00:00:52,904 --> 00:00:53,860
You are correct,

15
00:00:53,903 --> 00:00:56,546
because I have never seen
you before in my life.

16
00:00:56,584 --> 00:00:59,123
Wait. Did you try and sell
me a used shuttle last year?

17
00:00:59,168 --> 00:01:02,432
No! Tevrin Krit.

18
00:01:02,475 --> 00:01:04,390
You slept with my sister

19
00:01:04,434 --> 00:01:07,501
and stole my family's sacred cudgel.

20
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:10,539
Mr. Krit, with all due respect,
I haven't the foggiest idea

21
00:01:10,564 --> 00:01:11,529
of what you're talking about.

22
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That cudgel was passed
down by my ancestors

23
00:01:14,634 --> 00:01:16,295
for over a hundred years.

24
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,587
I was going to give it to my son.

25
00:01:18,630 --> 00:01:20,023
Uh, "cudgel"? Is that...

26
00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:22,025
Are you... are you saying

27
00:01:22,069 --> 00:01:23,548
"cudgel"? I've never heard of that.

28
00:01:23,592 --> 00:01:25,028
Is that some sort of kitchen implement?

29
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It's a hand weapon

30
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used for close quarters combat.

31
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I have never seen nor heard of a cudgel.

32
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:32,775
I think you're getting
your humans confused.

33
00:01:33,011 --> 00:01:35,230
No, I am a gentleman
of the highest caliber.

34
00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:38,423
Wherever you go, people sing
the praises of Harry Mudd.

35
00:01:38,483 --> 00:01:40,012
We must all look alike to you.

36
00:01:40,086 --> 00:01:41,391
Which an easy mistake to make

37
00:01:41,453 --> 00:01:43,759
for a-a gentleman... Oh.

38
00:01:43,873 --> 00:01:45,701
"Harcourt Fenton Mudd.

39
00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:48,834
"Wanted by the Federation
on 30 counts of smuggling,

40
00:01:48,878 --> 00:01:51,141
"20 counts of attempted homicide,

41
00:01:51,185 --> 00:01:53,448
one count of attempted regicide..."

42
00:01:53,491 --> 00:01:55,232
Regicide.

43
00:01:55,276 --> 00:01:57,800
He was a duke. Hardly
counts as regicide.

44
00:01:57,843 --> 00:02:00,063
What are we attempting to murder now?
Accuracy?

45
00:02:00,107 --> 00:02:02,312
"Transportation of stolen goods,

46
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and one count of...
penetrating a space whale"?

47
00:02:09,592 --> 00:02:11,594
You kind of had to be there.

48
00:02:13,796 --> 00:02:15,296
Sounds to me

49
00:02:15,339 --> 00:02:18,995
like you pissed off the
wrong planetary alliance.

50
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:23,521
They slapped a 100,000-credit
bounty on your head,

51
00:02:23,565 --> 00:02:26,524
and I'm so, so glad

52
00:02:26,568 --> 00:02:29,919
that I'll be the one to
profit off your downfall.

53
00:02:29,962 --> 00:02:32,157
Something to think about
during our journey.

54
00:02:32,201 --> 00:02:34,402
This has all been a
big misunderstanding.

55
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,758
What do you say we talk this out, hmm?

56
00:02:36,801 --> 00:02:40,619
Combine forces, and locate
your cudgel together?

57
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:43,437
I'm sure you're used to worming your way

58
00:02:43,481 --> 00:02:47,070
out of situations like this, but not today.

59
00:02:47,114 --> 00:02:48,154
I assure you,

60
00:02:48,197 --> 00:02:50,722
I have never been in a
situation like this before.

61
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:59,059
How dare you? How dare you put
your hands on me, you filth?

62
00:02:59,950 --> 00:03:02,983
When my associates get word
of this brutality, they'll...

63
00:03:03,039 --> 00:03:04,850
You better hope these bindings

64
00:03:04,875 --> 00:03:07,696
hold, or I'll carve off your skin

65
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:09,393
like a suckling targ!

66
00:03:09,437 --> 00:03:11,010
No, no, wait, not my face!

67
00:03:12,181 --> 00:03:14,685
Well, maybe I have been falsely accused

68
00:03:14,729 --> 00:03:16,687
once or twice.

69
00:03:16,731 --> 00:03:19,158
I can't help it if my
reputation precedes me.

70
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I am a memorable man.

71
00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:23,298
It's all scuttlebutt and
hogwash, I assure you.

72
00:03:30,701 --> 00:03:32,442
Oh, great.

73
00:03:32,486 --> 00:03:35,885
Oh, wait a minute. Uh,
uh, a dim memory is, uh,

74
00:03:35,910 --> 00:03:38,405
bubbling to the surface
of my consciousness.

75
00:03:38,448 --> 00:03:40,058
Of course.

76
00:03:40,102 --> 00:03:42,328
Tevrin Krit.

77
00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:44,454
With a... with a "T." "Tevrin."

78
00:03:44,498 --> 00:03:46,151
I was think...

79
00:03:46,195 --> 00:03:48,719
I had a romantic encounter
with your sister.

80
00:03:48,763 --> 00:03:50,504
Yes, how could I ever forget?

81
00:03:50,547 --> 00:03:52,767
A forbidden tryst.

82
00:03:52,810 --> 00:03:56,510
Oh, her tusks prodded my face,

83
00:03:56,553 --> 00:04:00,035
her stubble grazed my lips.

84
00:04:00,078 --> 00:04:03,760
Oh, it was overwhelmingly
seductive.

85
00:04:03,804 --> 00:04:07,677
Yes, and in a fit of passion,
I absconded with your cudgel

86
00:04:07,721 --> 00:04:11,248
to keep as a memento
of our secret love.

87
00:04:11,355 --> 00:04:14,097
And I am not proud to say that

88
00:04:14,141 --> 00:04:15,936
I sold it.

89
00:04:16,248 --> 00:04:18,069
Your cudgel is now

90
00:04:18,112 --> 00:04:19,909
in parts unknown,

91
00:04:19,953 --> 00:04:22,279
and I am so very sorry.

92
00:04:22,323 --> 00:04:24,107
You will be even sorrier

93
00:04:24,151 --> 00:04:26,153
when I hand you over to Starfleet.

94
00:04:26,196 --> 00:04:28,546
I had to sell it.

95
00:04:28,590 --> 00:04:31,158
We were low on capital.

96
00:04:31,201 --> 00:04:33,190
I really shouldn't be telling you this,

97
00:04:33,278 --> 00:04:34,936
but I am a member of the resistance.

98
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,376
The Federation won't stop until they've

99
00:04:37,401 --> 00:04:39,501
consolidated power across
the entire quadrant.

100
00:04:39,544 --> 00:04:41,864
Sure, they blather and prevaricate

101
00:04:41,896 --> 00:04:43,983
about "peaceful exploration,"

102
00:04:44,038 --> 00:04:48,214
but what they're really after
is total hegemonic supremacy.

103
00:04:48,257 --> 00:04:52,079
I've never heard of any resistance.

104
00:04:52,122 --> 00:04:54,907
That's because it's a secret resistance.

105
00:04:54,951 --> 00:04:58,389
Nobody knows about it
except the resistors.

106
00:04:58,433 --> 00:05:02,698
Which I am one... of them.

107
00:05:02,741 --> 00:05:04,395
Look, we're not so different, you and I.

108
00:05:04,439 --> 00:05:07,703
Both forced to fight for
scraps on the fringes.

109
00:05:07,746 --> 00:05:09,400
If only there was a way

110
00:05:09,444 --> 00:05:12,621
that we could work together. Hmm?

111
00:05:12,664 --> 00:05:16,277
Pool our resources, take
control of our destiny.

112
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,975
You have to see the wisdom in that.

113
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,672
Has that line

114
00:05:20,716 --> 00:05:23,458
ever worked on anyone?

115
00:05:24,061 --> 00:05:25,904
It's not a line.

116
00:05:25,947 --> 00:05:29,333
I'm telling you, I see
something special in you.

117
00:05:29,377 --> 00:05:31,739
We're kindred spirits.

118
00:05:33,223 --> 00:05:35,204
Hey, hey.

119
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,398
I'm telling you, we're kindred spirits.

120
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:39,922
Stop dragging your feet.

121
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:42,978
You are surprisingly strong
for your diminutive stature.

122
00:05:43,987 --> 00:05:45,728
You're throwing my center off balance.

123
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,336
I am of normal height.
It is not my problem

124
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:49,558
you are freakishly weak.

125
00:05:49,601 --> 00:05:51,261
Okay, okay. You know,

126
00:05:51,304 --> 00:05:53,972
we're not so dissimilar, you and I.

127
00:05:54,016 --> 00:05:56,572
Both forced to fight for
scraps on the fringes.

128
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:58,736
Maybe we could work together,

129
00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:00,521
control our destiny.

130
00:06:00,564 --> 00:06:02,697
Surely, you can see the
wisdom in that. Hmm?

131
00:06:04,890 --> 00:06:07,067
A coalition would give us more leverage

132
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:09,286
against the Federation.

133
00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:11,288
But how can I trust you?

134
00:06:11,351 --> 00:06:14,147
We would both benefit from an alliance.
Why would I lie?

135
00:06:14,172 --> 00:06:16,859
Because you're driven
by insatiable greed.

136
00:06:16,902 --> 00:06:19,905
Precisely. So unbind me now

137
00:06:19,949 --> 00:06:23,518
so we can turn a bad
situation into good business.

138
00:06:26,695 --> 00:06:28,914
Is that a no? Wait...

139
00:06:28,958 --> 00:06:30,742
What are you looking for?

140
00:06:30,786 --> 00:06:32,353
None of your concern.

141
00:06:32,396 --> 00:06:34,752
Have you lost track of your ship?

142
00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:37,532
Maybe if you were a little taller,

143
00:06:37,576 --> 00:06:39,061
you wouldn't get lost so often.

144
00:06:39,105 --> 00:06:42,406
I know exactly where I am at all times.

145
00:06:46,802 --> 00:06:49,109
What kind of bounty
hunter loses her ship?

146
00:06:49,152 --> 00:06:51,929
The kind who would never be
in a partnership with you.

147
00:06:51,973 --> 00:06:53,604
All right. You know,

148
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,769
the light dappling down
through those sewer grates

149
00:06:55,813 --> 00:06:57,552
accentuates your exceptional beauty.

150
00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:00,307
Be silent. Are you
spoken for romantically?

151
00:07:00,344 --> 00:07:04,016
Because I would love to show
you the 27 moons of Tartus IV.

152
00:07:04,559 --> 00:07:06,540
You're a much better captor.

153
00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:08,258
She was far too emotional.

154
00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:11,043
I thought you were supposed to be rich.

155
00:07:11,076 --> 00:07:12,856
Oh. A common misconception,

156
00:07:12,911 --> 00:07:14,612
but I have not a jot to my name.

157
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:16,004
No.

158
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,313
I speak the truth; any
fortune I may have had

159
00:07:18,357 --> 00:07:20,646
has been liberated by
the Federation tax man.

160
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,664
If I had any money,
I'd be sipping jippers

161
00:07:22,707 --> 00:07:24,405
on a beach somewhere

162
00:07:24,448 --> 00:07:27,063
instead of being chained
up in this piece of...

163
00:07:27,712 --> 00:07:31,495
...lovely... cruiser. Hmm.

164
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:32,840
I don't buy it.

165
00:07:32,865 --> 00:07:35,089
I bet you stashed away a fortune.

166
00:07:35,132 --> 00:07:37,174
Oh, no. Trust me.

167
00:07:37,218 --> 00:07:40,612
I am the poorest man you've ever met.

168
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:43,767
I'm telling you, I'm rich.

169
00:07:43,811 --> 00:07:45,595
You let me down from here,

170
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,684
I'll make it worth your while.

171
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,120
Hmm?

172
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:50,389
I'm listening.

173
00:07:50,531 --> 00:07:51,662
You'll never have to set foot

174
00:07:51,706 --> 00:07:53,795
in a slum like this again.

175
00:07:53,838 --> 00:07:57,554
I'll give you so much latinum,
you'll be able to wear a cape,

176
00:07:57,631 --> 00:07:59,373
and nobody will be able to say anything,

177
00:07:59,409 --> 00:08:02,499
because rich people get
to do whatever they want.

178
00:08:02,543 --> 00:08:05,937
Your enemies will be
positively green with envy.

179
00:08:07,732 --> 00:08:09,576
Greener. Hmm.

180
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:10,948
So to speak.

181
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,396
You'll be invited to
only the finest soirees.

182
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,460
I would look good in a cape.

183
00:08:16,504 --> 00:08:18,802
You would look amazing in a cape.

184
00:08:23,048 --> 00:08:24,484
Hey, imbecile.

185
00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:26,769
You know we got a camera in here, right?

186
00:08:31,559 --> 00:08:33,648
I nearly had him tricked

187
00:08:33,691 --> 00:08:36,684
into thinking that I wanted his money.

188
00:08:36,728 --> 00:08:38,305
You're relieved.

189
00:08:43,726 --> 00:08:46,013
So you have me wrapped in chains,

190
00:08:46,056 --> 00:08:48,929
in a cell, and suspended
from the ceiling?

191
00:08:48,972 --> 00:08:51,583
Is there a word in your
language for "overkill"?

192
00:08:54,864 --> 00:08:56,695
You seem nice. What's your name?

193
00:08:56,739 --> 00:08:58,793
Your skin is...

194
00:08:58,837 --> 00:09:00,505
luxuriously green.

195
00:09:01,719 --> 00:09:03,590
Like a delectable lime.

196
00:09:06,282 --> 00:09:08,192
You know...

197
00:09:08,236 --> 00:09:10,325
This may be your lucky day.

198
00:09:10,368 --> 00:09:13,960
I know the secret whereabouts
of a treasure ship

199
00:09:14,003 --> 00:09:15,435
which we could...

200
00:09:20,882 --> 00:09:22,318
No.

201
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:24,842
Krit. No!

202
00:09:24,886 --> 00:09:26,959
This is the Federation starship De Milo.

203
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,237
Please identity yourself.

204
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:29,804
Oh, don't be so naive.

205
00:09:29,847 --> 00:09:32,505
Don't your people have any
kind of code of conduct?

206
00:09:32,766 --> 00:09:34,473
This is Tellarite merchant vessel

207
00:09:34,509 --> 00:09:36,163
D-bar-seven-five-six.

208
00:09:36,206 --> 00:09:38,651
Requesting permission to approach.

209
00:09:38,729 --> 00:09:40,248
Permission granted.

210
00:09:40,292 --> 00:09:42,691
So, do you think you've...

211
00:09:42,734 --> 00:09:45,476
talked me into lowering my guard?

212
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,131
This is your last chance

213
00:09:48,175 --> 00:09:50,475
to use that knife you've got stashed

214
00:09:50,518 --> 00:09:51,569
in your boot.

215
00:09:57,749 --> 00:09:59,447
Do you want me to beg?

216
00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:01,144
Because I am not above begging.

217
00:10:01,188 --> 00:10:02,928
Please know...

218
00:10:02,972 --> 00:10:04,843
if those Federation
lunatics get a hold of me,

219
00:10:04,887 --> 00:10:06,889
they'll skin me alive and
blow me out an airlock.

220
00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:11,413
I-I'm sorry about your cudgel.

221
00:10:11,457 --> 00:10:12,281
That was...

222
00:10:12,324 --> 00:10:14,936
was deeply wrong of me.

223
00:10:14,979 --> 00:10:16,343
But you're better than this.

224
00:10:16,387 --> 00:10:18,853
Tellarites are better than this.

225
00:10:20,724 --> 00:10:22,334
Go on.

226
00:10:22,378 --> 00:10:24,424
Take me home with you.

227
00:10:24,467 --> 00:10:26,513
I'll polish your tusks.

228
00:10:26,556 --> 00:10:28,374
Uh... um...

229
00:10:28,418 --> 00:10:30,430
I'll braid your little beard. Please.

230
00:10:30,473 --> 00:10:32,736
I'll clean the lavatories in...

231
00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,782
on your... on this ship.

232
00:10:34,825 --> 00:10:36,914
Anything, but just...

233
00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:40,048
don't hand me over to them, please.

234
00:10:43,312 --> 00:10:45,227
Two to beam over.

235
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,429
Oh, goddamn it!

236
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:48,491
You mo...

237
00:10:48,535 --> 00:10:51,396
Curse the day I met
your pig-faced sister!

238
00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,086
Welcome to the De Milo.

239
00:10:54,130 --> 00:10:57,733
How can we be of...
Oh.Tevrin Krit.

240
00:10:57,892 --> 00:10:59,590
Pleased to make your acquaintance.

241
00:10:59,763 --> 00:11:00,962
More than happy to turn

242
00:11:01,005 --> 00:11:03,089
this sack of durf over for the bounty.

243
00:11:03,132 --> 00:11:04,573
Officer, I apologize

244
00:11:04,603 --> 00:11:06,882
for this disgusting space homunculus.

245
00:11:06,925 --> 00:11:08,609
I'd say you'd get used to the smell,

246
00:11:08,653 --> 00:11:09,739
but you really don't.

247
00:11:10,814 --> 00:11:11,836
Follow me.

248
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,835
Do you transfer the
latinum to my account

249
00:11:13,878 --> 00:11:16,231
or just give it to me in one big bar?

250
00:11:17,189 --> 00:11:19,061
I assume you bought Mr. Mudd

251
00:11:19,104 --> 00:11:21,411
from some tall, female bounty hunter?

252
00:11:21,455 --> 00:11:23,326
It was a fair deal.

253
00:11:23,370 --> 00:11:25,241
The bounty's all mine.

254
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,331
True. But this is not Harcourt Mudd.

255
00:11:28,375 --> 00:11:31,465
My scanner says he is.

256
00:11:31,508 --> 00:11:33,902
He is an android duplicate of Mr. Mudd.

257
00:11:33,945 --> 00:11:36,505
Thinly skinned with replicant DNA

258
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,338
and programmed to distract you

259
00:11:38,382 --> 00:11:41,344
until it's too late for
you to demand a refund.

260
00:11:41,388 --> 00:11:43,607
Bounty hunters have been showing
up all week with these...

261
00:11:43,651 --> 00:11:46,016
monstrosities.

262
00:11:47,045 --> 00:11:49,483
Someone took you for a ride.

263
00:11:49,526 --> 00:11:52,156
Oh, that's a twist.Has anyone
ever told you that before?

264
00:11:52,199 --> 00:11:54,792
Just gorgeous!

265
00:11:54,836 --> 00:11:57,795
Oh, very good.

266
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:08,036
Mudd, tell him you're real.

267
00:12:10,621 --> 00:12:12,493
No!

268
00:12:12,536 --> 00:12:14,364
If I had any money,
I'd be sipping jippers

269
00:12:14,408 --> 00:12:16,236
on a beach somewhere.If
I had any money,

270
00:12:16,279 --> 00:12:18,063
I'd be sipping jippers
on a beach somewhere!

271
00:12:18,107 --> 00:12:19,413
If I had any money,

272
00:12:19,456 --> 00:12:21,763
I'd be sipping jippers
on a beach somewhere.

273
00:12:21,806 --> 00:12:23,417
If I had any money,

274
00:12:23,460 --> 00:12:25,027
I'd be sipping jippers
on a beach somewhere.

275
00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:26,637
If I had any money, I'd be...

276
00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:29,249
Jippers on a beach,
jippers on a beach.

277
00:12:29,292 --> 00:12:31,294
Jippers on a beach.If I had
any money, I'd be sipping...

278
00:12:31,338 --> 00:12:33,035
Jippers on a beach,
jippers on a beach,

279
00:12:33,078 --> 00:12:34,384
jippers on a beach.

280
00:12:54,361 --> 00:12:56,319
Your jipper, ma'am.

281
00:13:08,328 --> 00:13:10,330
Hmm.

282
00:13:11,068 --> 00:13:13,439
Thank you, Mudd.You're
welcome, Mudd.

283
00:13:15,057 --> 00:13:16,697
Watch where you're going.

284
00:13:16,722 --> 00:13:17,984
I'm mopping.

285
00:13:18,009 --> 00:13:20,229
Delicious jipper.

286
00:13:21,910 --> 00:13:23,955
Incoming transmission.

287
00:13:23,999 --> 00:13:26,044
Will you excuse me, boys?
I have to take this.

288
00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:27,516
Deactivate.

289
00:13:31,006 --> 00:13:35,140
Yes, I hear you're
looking for Harry Mudd.

290
00:13:36,455 --> 00:13:39,937
You can take him off
my hands for 50,000.

291
00:13:39,981 --> 00:13:43,506
Excellent.

292
00:13:43,549 --> 00:13:45,551
I'll meet you there.

293
00:13:45,595 --> 00:13:48,250
Oh.

294
00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:50,774
Would you happen to be interested

295
00:13:50,818 --> 00:13:53,037
in a slightly used cudgel?

296
00:13:53,081 --> 00:13:54,386
Hmm?

297
00:13:59,762 --> 00:14:01,524
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