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_

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Excuse me.

3
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Would anybody like
to purchase a hand?

4
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I have a human hand for sale.

5
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Is... Is anyone interested in...
in a buying a man's hand?

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How much for just two fingers?

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Buy me a whiskey,
and we'll call it even.

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So, what do you plan to do
with all them fingers, anyway?

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www.subtitulamos.tv

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And then there was Violet Galuhwaye,

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whose insecurity
climbed in through her window

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on the night
of her 19th birthday.

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From that day forth,

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it controlled her every move
with its steady man hands.

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She was so grateful
for all the attention,

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even the air around her
learned how to vomit.

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And just when the world looks
most bleak, love rears its face.

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It rears and rears
and rears and rears...

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Once all alone,

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Violet swore if her Insecurity
would only return,

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she'd never take it
for granted again.

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It is often said that witnessing
the warmth of true love,

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even from a distance,

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can transform
the loneliest heart

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into a burning pile of garbage.

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Thankfully, the local hospital

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was well versed
in modern medicalia.

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Scalpel.

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Bone saw.

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Slam poet.

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Say can you scream,

32
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by the con's burly plight?

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In God we thrust,
in butts we nut.

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Uncle Sambo
and Agent Orenje Julieass

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used mustard gas and ketchup gas

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to relish truth, justice,

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and the American't waste.

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That was lovely.

39
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Did you write it?

40
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Nurse, tape her up, please.

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Once her mouth was taped up,

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people began to see
Violet's beauty.

43
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And after others
see your beauty,

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you may actually
become beautiful.

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Possibly even blond.

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Violet became so beautiful,
she grew beauty marks.

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So many that soon you could
no longer see her face...

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just the beautiful beauty marks.

49
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Now everyone who gazed upon her
was captivated

50
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by her comeliness.

51
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But there was only one
she wanted.

52
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Hello? 911?

53
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God, please come quick!

54
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He's choking!
He's choking!

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This beautiful monster came in,

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flaunting
her ravishing good looks...

57
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and her exquisite allure

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murdered the only man
she'll ever love!

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He's dead!

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Beauty got blood
on its hands that night,

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which revealed one thing.

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When I ponder the infinite
expanse of the universe,

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I realize just how insignificant
we humans truly are.

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I don't like feeling
insignificant, see?!

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How do you like it?!

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Yeah, bitch, get in there!
Yeah, get!

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That we drink
to drown the darkness

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that's been punishing us
ever since that mysterious day

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when all the stars packed up
and left the sky.

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Like how, after 35 years,
even the healthiest couples

71
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must find ways to keep
the love fresh and exciting.

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Gloria!

73
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Gloria, go get me a beer!

74
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What's takin' you
so long in there?!

75
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I don't see no beer in my hand.

76
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Do you see a beer in my hand?

77
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My hand wants that beer, Glor!

78
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It's gettin' antsy.

79
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My hand's itchin' for
that beer we discussed, Glor.

80
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Look at it!

81
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The hell?

82
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It's makin' sauce, Glor.

83
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Here's your damn beer.

84
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Don't bring me a beer
right now, woman!

85
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My hand's making sauce.

86
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The hell's comin' outta there?

87
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My mom's famous
boogigabatch sauce.

88
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You're makin' a mess
all over the floor, Harry.

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Glor, you know

90
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how good my mom's secret
goojedubatchi sauce is?

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We're gonna be rich.

92
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Geez. Is another
money-grubbin' scheme?

93
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Just taste it.

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My God.

95
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It's the most incredible thing
I've ever known.

96
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It can't be comin' from you.

97
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It's better than you.

98
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Do you see it
coming out of there?

99
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Yeah.
From your hand there.

100
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So I am makin' it, see?

101
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Now go get the money bucket.

102
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You gonna let me touch
the money bucket?

103
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La la!
Chu-cha-cha!

104
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You catch it in the bucket,
sell it in town,

105
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we're in the gravy, baby.

106
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You married right, I tell ya.

107
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I'm gonna call my mother
an' tell her.

108
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She always said
you'd never amount to nothing.

109
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Don't call her now!

110
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Handle it first.

111
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This is my chance to patch
things up with my ma.

112
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Now that I'm finally
proud of ya.

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Glor, all this sauce is
gettin' wasted, ya ding-dong!

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You know what?
Mother was right about you.

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All ya ever do is sit on yer ass

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gushin' sauce out of ya hand.

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Glor, the bucket.
Please.

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Hello? Yeah.
Hey, Ma.

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I was just callin' to say
you were right about the bum.

120
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- Come on, Gloria.
- Get it yourself.

121
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I'm on the phone, Harry.

122
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You know I don't like
to get outta my chair.

123
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Money's dumpin' here.
C'mon.

124
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You don't have control
over me no more, Harry.

125
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I'm a wealthy woman now.

126
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I'm through with you.

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Please tell me
you're gettin' the bucket.

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- Or at least a beer?
- I'm leavin' you, Harry.

129
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I'm gonna travel the world
with my big riches.

130
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And where'd you get them riches?

131
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I happen to be partner
in a very lucrative

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new sauce organization
of some kind.

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So long!

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Aah!

135
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Gloria! Baby!

136
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Are you okay?

137
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Harry, Harry...

138
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I'm not gonna make it.

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God!
I wish I could save you,

140
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but I-I don't like
to get outta my chair.

141
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At least I'm gonna die
a wealthy woman.

142
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Finally, I can afford
to be sorry, Harry.

143
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Sorry I got so selfish
after I got rich.

144
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Maybe that's the secret
that the secret sauce

145
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was trying to teach us...

146
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that love is a...

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Noooooooooo!

148
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Noooo!

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The secret to love
was lost forever that day,

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but Harry hung on for weeks,

151
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refusing to eat
any of the murderous sauce

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that took his lady wife.

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Tragically, he didn't like
to get out of his chair,

154
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so he began to waste, to starve,

155
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to die to death.

156
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And as his old friend and
sudden savior reared her face,

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Harry's gaze glimmered
and glormed with the realization

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that beauty glistens in the eye
of the beholder.

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Beholder, beholder...

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I'm beholding.

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I'm beholding.

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I'm beholding.

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I'm beholding.

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I'm beholding. I'm beholding...

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So whoever beholds the hardest

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can make the sky insecure
once again...

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make it break out
in a disgusting rash of zits

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across the greasy face
of the endless night.

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