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- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -

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I'll be honest with you,

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I have nothing to write
in your guest book

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because we've only been
here for 10 minutes.

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Did you just burp?
It smells like lo mein in here.

6
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But I'm so excited about
what's about to happen

7
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that I had to tell someone about it.

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It all started about a month ago.

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Whoa. What's going on next door?

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Oh, Paul and Janice are separating.

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Paul's keeping the house,
and Janice is moving to Florida

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to be closer to their
daughter in college.

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You need to trim your ears.

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You look like you have a troll doll

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trying to crawl out of your head.

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Seeing how happy my neighbor
was made me realize

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how much I wanted to be happy...

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I shit you not, boys,
ballroom dance lessons.

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The ratio of women to
men, it's like 10 to 1.

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Like, I've been putting my cha-cha

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into a different woman's
mambo every week.

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... how much I wanted to be with

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someone who was attracted to me...

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... someone to share those
special moments with.

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I wanted romance...

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something I'm not sure I've ever had.

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- Heading somewhere?
- It's my birthday weekend,

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so Linda rented a place at the beach.

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Oh, that sounds nice.
You like the beach?

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Hate it.

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What are you up to this weekend?

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Not sure yet.

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Yeah, thinking about going for a jog,

34
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but running as far away from
the house as fast as I can

35
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just isn't as appealing
since Janice moved out, right?

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Hey, if you don't mind me asking,

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how did you finally end it?

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Honestly, man, I was
miserable and I didn't want

39
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to waste any more of
my life being unhappy.

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So the next time that I found
myself bottling up the anger,

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I just let it go. Called her the C-bomb.

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Yeah, it was an ugly
Easter, but now I'm free.

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I've had many fights with
my wife over the years,

44
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but until today, I had never considered

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the nuclear option,

46
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the weapon of marriage destruction...

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The C-bomb.

48
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All right. There you go.

49
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Unh-unh. He'll lose 'em.

50
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Well, I hope you enjoy yourselves.

51
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You're actually gonna
be our last renters.

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The house was my mother's
income property,

53
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but she passed away a few months ago

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and left it to me in her will.

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I was actually third in position

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behind her new boyfriend and her cat.

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But luckily for me, they were on the

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plane with her so...

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Anyway, enjoy.

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So here I sit, locked and loaded

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with an itchy trigger finger

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just waiting to be provoked

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so I can drop the big one.

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You gotta be shitting me.
Dave, get in here.

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Time to scratch that itch.

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This is all you packed?

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We're here for the whole weekend.

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I knew I should have supervised
the packing, but I thought,

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"Hey, it's packing. How
hard could it be?"

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These are two different flip-flops.

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You packed a flip and a flip.

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You flopped.

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It's like I live with a monkey.

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You know what? You can be a real cu...

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Cu... cu... cu...

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Dave? Dave? Dave?!

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Linda?

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Hello?

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Hey, what's up, Dave?

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Who are you? And where's my family?

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Well, my name is Gabe.

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And your family's right in that

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bedroom you just came out of.

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No, they aren't.

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Trust me, they're in there.

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One of your sons is dialing 911.

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Your wife's YouTubing how to CPR.

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H-How do I skip the ad?

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How do I skip the ad?!

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No!

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Aaaaaah!

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What the hell is going on?

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You're dead.

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I don't understand.

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W... Is this heaven?

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Nope.

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Hell?

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No.

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Look, this will go a lot
smoother if you just forget

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everything you thought
you knew about dying.

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Now, I've been told
you're a Catholic, right?

102
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Yeah, I am.

103
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Uh, went to Mass every Sunday
and confessed all my sins.

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- I mean, that's good, right?
- Yeah.

105
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If you like telling random
old men embarrassing shit.

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Look, there are over
4,200 religions in the world,

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and not one of them
comes close to the truth

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about the specifics of who
created the Earth... not one.

109
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So, are you God?

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Hell, no.

111
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Donny wished he looked this good.

112
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Look, you'll meet him one
day, but until then,

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I suggest you lower your expectations.

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I mean, he's a good guy, but it's not

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like he's some magical
entity in the sky.

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Just a brilliant dude
that got bored one day

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and decided to create a universe.

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Only problem was he
made sex feel too good.

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That's why there's so
many people on earth.

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Wait. He can't do something about that?

121
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No. I mean, just 'cause he created you

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doesn't mean he gets to control you.

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Think of it like an ant farm.

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You supply the sand, pour in the ants,

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add a little food and water,
after that they're in charge.

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And you guys are
a lot smarter than ants.

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Like when old men wanted to have sex

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long after Donny designed
their dicks to stop working,

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you guys invented the blue pill.

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Women want to have babies

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long after their biological
clock stop ticking,

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you assholes invented in vitro.

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So science is bad?

134
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No, not for you guys.

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You live longer, happier lives.

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We're just having a hard time keeping

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up with all the dead people.

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I don't understand.

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All right, look.

140
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In the early days,

141
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death was a lot simpler.

142
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You lived for 23 years,

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caught a cold, and died.

144
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But then people started
to invent this afterlife

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and all the rules you had
to follow to get there.

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It started to bum Donny out

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that people were getting
excited over an after-party

148
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he wasn't even throwing,
so he created Heaven.

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Only problem was he had no idea

150
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how many people he was going
to have to actually put there.

151
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I mean, the original Heaven
has been full up since 1843.

152
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Poor guy's been working nonstop

153
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ever since to make it bigger.

154
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So I just, like, wait here
until a spot opens up?

155
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- Pretty much.
- Oh.

156
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But he did include some of
Heaven's more popular features

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to entertain you while you wait.

158
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So when you're hungry,

159
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you write down whatever
you feel like eating.

160
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So when you're bored,

161
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write down whatever
you feel like watching.

162
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Oh? Really?

163
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What's the name of the most popular girl

164
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you went to high school with?

165
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Oh, Betsy Daniels.

166
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Betsy?

167
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Yeah.

168
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Where am I?

169
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Pretty cool, huh?

170
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You get to have sex
with anyone you want.

171
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Are you kidding? I mean, you can

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write down anybody's name?

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Eh, not exactly.

174
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You see, people are hard to make so

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instead of creating a bunch of clones,

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and this is the genius part,

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he figured out a way
to get the people here

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while they're dreaming.

179
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Okay, what... what if you write
down the name of someone

180
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and they're not asleep?

181
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I get asked that a lot.

182
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It's kind of hard to explain to humans.

183
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The best I can do is tell
you it's kind of like

184
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when you DVR a show to watch for later.

185
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Only thing is it's actually
nothing like that at all.

186
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That's amazing.

187
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:09,947
Yeah, I know. Donny's
pretty hyped about it.

188
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It's all he talks about.

189
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Anyway, have fun.

190
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I'll check back on you in a few months

191
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to see how you're doing.

192
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A few months? Hey.

193
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,088
Hey.

194
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,891
How long am I supposed
to stick around this...

195
00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:37,908
Dave?

196
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,877
Hey, Paul.

197
00:09:42,991 --> 00:09:45,620
So, this is the beach house
you guys are staying in, huh?

198
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,321
Where's Linda and the boys?

199
00:09:48,986 --> 00:09:51,683
They, uh, went down to
the beach to go swimming.

200
00:09:51,689 --> 00:09:53,132
Oh, that sounds fun.

201
00:09:53,818 --> 00:09:56,436
Mm, too bad I didn't
bring my bathing suit.

202
00:09:57,057 --> 00:09:59,272
Maybe we could go skinny dipping.

203
00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:02,071
Yeah, I bet that would turn some heads.

204
00:10:06,852 --> 00:10:09,052
What are you doing here?

205
00:10:09,058 --> 00:10:10,891
Let me hold that book for a minute.

206
00:10:10,897 --> 00:10:13,064
I want to listen to that
new Sturgill Simpson album.

207
00:10:13,099 --> 00:10:15,633
You said you weren't coming
back for a few months.

208
00:10:15,842 --> 00:10:17,287
That was a few months.

209
00:10:17,293 --> 00:10:18,559
You're just used to earth time,

210
00:10:18,565 --> 00:10:19,913
and Donny made that super slow or

211
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:21,471
else the leaves would just blow off.

212
00:10:21,502 --> 00:10:23,702
Oh, okay. Well, great.

213
00:10:23,737 --> 00:10:26,138
Everything's super cool
here, so you can take off.

214
00:10:29,016 --> 00:10:31,216
Dave, you got company?

215
00:10:31,578 --> 00:10:34,112
Wow. That's pretty fast.
Good for you, man.

216
00:10:34,148 --> 00:10:36,181
So, who was it?
T-The girl from high school?

217
00:10:36,216 --> 00:10:37,416
Uh, doesn't matter.

218
00:10:37,451 --> 00:10:39,351
Someone naughty. I like it.

219
00:10:39,386 --> 00:10:41,253
Your brother's wife. Your wife's sister.

220
00:10:41,288 --> 00:10:43,655
No, it's just a neighbor.
You don't need to...

221
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,086
You're gay?

222
00:10:48,121 --> 00:10:50,155
No. No.

223
00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:51,823
No. No.

224
00:10:51,858 --> 00:10:53,448
I was just...

225
00:10:53,454 --> 00:10:55,532
I w... curious.

226
00:10:55,562 --> 00:10:57,796
You said you weren't
coming back for a few months.

227
00:10:57,831 --> 00:10:59,457
Calm down. It's all good.

228
00:10:59,463 --> 00:11:00,795
Is it really?

229
00:11:00,801 --> 00:11:03,522
I mean, is Donny cool
with homosexuality?

230
00:11:03,528 --> 00:11:06,438
Are you kidding me?
Donny loves gay people.

231
00:11:06,473 --> 00:11:09,084
You guys are helping with
the population problem.

232
00:11:10,911 --> 00:11:13,178
So, is this your first time with a man?

233
00:11:13,213 --> 00:11:15,313
- Yeah.
- Cool. How was it?

234
00:11:15,348 --> 00:11:17,883
Oh, we haven't actually done anything.

235
00:11:17,889 --> 00:11:19,851
- Why?
- He's not gay,

236
00:11:19,886 --> 00:11:21,519
and I'm not even sure it's gonna happen.

237
00:11:23,023 --> 00:11:24,923
Of course it's gonna happen, man.

238
00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:26,658
This is your world. You the king.

239
00:11:26,693 --> 00:11:28,827
You think the lion walks
around the jungle worried

240
00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:30,462
if things are gonna go his way?

241
00:11:30,497 --> 00:11:31,996
I don't imagine he does.

242
00:11:32,032 --> 00:11:33,331
All right, then.

243
00:11:33,366 --> 00:11:35,043
Be the lion.

244
00:11:35,049 --> 00:11:36,673
Go in there and pounce on him.

245
00:11:36,703 --> 00:11:38,020
So what? He might think it's weird

246
00:11:38,026 --> 00:11:39,342
at first, but he'll get into it.

247
00:11:39,372 --> 00:11:41,906
Look, straight people have
gay dreams sometimes.

248
00:11:41,942 --> 00:11:43,666
They just don't tell people about it.

249
00:11:43,672 --> 00:11:45,672
I-I don't know. It doesn't feel right.

250
00:11:45,678 --> 00:11:47,679
I mean, I have been thinking about him

251
00:11:47,714 --> 00:11:49,212
ever since he moved next door,

252
00:11:49,218 --> 00:11:51,916
but in all my fantasies,

253
00:11:51,952 --> 00:11:54,519
he's the one who kisses me first.

254
00:11:54,554 --> 00:11:56,855
Oh, okay, I get it.

255
00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:58,490
You more of a gazelle than a lion.

256
00:11:58,525 --> 00:12:01,292
No, I don't... When you were
talking about me being a lion,

257
00:12:01,328 --> 00:12:03,094
I thought you meant me
going into the jungle

258
00:12:03,129 --> 00:12:04,829
and having sex with a lion.

259
00:12:04,865 --> 00:12:06,130
But if you introduce a gazelle

260
00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:07,799
into this whole animal analogy thing,

261
00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:09,801
I think it falls apart.

262
00:12:09,836 --> 00:12:11,069
How so?

263
00:12:11,104 --> 00:12:13,474
Well, uh, because a lion eats a gazelle.

264
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:14,846
He doesn't have sex with it.

265
00:12:14,852 --> 00:12:16,508
I was referring to the chase, Dave.

266
00:12:16,543 --> 00:12:19,210
Okay, but once he catches the
gazelle, it still breaks down.

267
00:12:19,246 --> 00:12:21,179
Look, look, look, all you have to do

268
00:12:21,214 --> 00:12:23,982
is replace the act of
eating with the act of sex.

269
00:12:24,017 --> 00:12:26,150
Then the analogy makes sense again.

270
00:12:26,186 --> 00:12:27,701
If I was comparing apples to apples,

271
00:12:27,707 --> 00:12:29,721
it would not be an analogy.

272
00:12:29,756 --> 00:12:31,589
Right, sorry.

273
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,564
Well, my point then is,

274
00:12:33,570 --> 00:12:36,266
I wanted him to kiss me first.

275
00:12:36,296 --> 00:12:38,530
Then get him to kiss you first.

276
00:12:38,565 --> 00:12:40,064
How?

277
00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:45,069
Paul?

278
00:12:45,105 --> 00:12:47,505
What are you doing?

279
00:12:51,711 --> 00:12:52,810
Who are you?

280
00:12:52,846 --> 00:12:54,512
Doesn't matter.

281
00:12:56,516 --> 00:13:00,084
Shit. I'm late for gym
class with Mr. Lattimore.

282
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,892
See? The mind... Very susceptible

283
00:13:02,898 --> 00:13:05,423
to suggestion when it's dreaming.

284
00:13:05,458 --> 00:13:08,326
Put your legs into it, ya pussy.

285
00:13:15,068 --> 00:13:16,434
You want him to go back to school?

286
00:13:16,469 --> 00:13:17,702
You ring a bell.

287
00:13:17,737 --> 00:13:18,970
You want him to eat?

288
00:13:19,005 --> 00:13:20,672
You write down what his favorite food is

289
00:13:20,707 --> 00:13:22,574
and make sure he smells it.

290
00:13:22,609 --> 00:13:24,342
You want him to kiss you?

291
00:13:24,377 --> 00:13:26,276
All you gotta do is figure out what

292
00:13:26,282 --> 00:13:28,451
makes him think about kissing someone.

293
00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:34,452
You can go.

294
00:14:07,623 --> 00:14:10,284
? Young eyes ?

295
00:14:10,290 --> 00:14:13,491
? Starlit eyes ?

296
00:14:13,526 --> 00:14:18,329
? Starlight in your eyes ?

297
00:14:18,365 --> 00:14:23,034
? True love is our love ?

298
00:14:23,069 --> 00:14:27,071
? Tonight ?

299
00:14:28,808 --> 00:14:31,009
? Young lips ?

300
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:33,578
? Your sweet lips ?

301
00:14:33,613 --> 00:14:38,683
? When they're pressed to my lips ?

302
00:14:38,718 --> 00:14:43,321
? They tell of the love ?

303
00:14:43,356 --> 00:14:47,291
? In our hearts ?

304
00:14:49,629 --> 00:14:54,065
? When your hands caress me ?

305
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:59,203
? I feel Heaven blessed me ?

306
00:14:59,239 --> 00:15:03,875
? For I feel the warmth ?

307
00:15:03,910 --> 00:15:08,546
? Of your charms ?

308
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:14,385
? Young arms enfold me ?

309
00:15:14,421 --> 00:15:19,490
? Forever will hold me ?

310
00:15:19,526 --> 00:15:24,662
? For true love is our love ?

311
00:15:24,698 --> 00:15:27,598
? Tonight ?

312
00:15:50,276 --> 00:15:53,024
? Young eyes ?

313
00:15:53,059 --> 00:15:56,027
? Starlit eyes ?

314
00:15:56,062 --> 00:16:00,932
? Starlight in your eyes ?

315
00:16:00,967 --> 00:16:05,837
? True love is our love ?

316
00:16:05,872 --> 00:16:09,540
? Tonight ?

317
00:16:11,211 --> 00:16:13,377
? Young lips ?

318
00:16:13,413 --> 00:16:16,147
? Your sweet lips ?

319
00:16:16,182 --> 00:16:21,185
? When they're pressed to my lips ?

320
00:16:21,221 --> 00:16:25,890
? They tell of the love ?

321
00:16:25,925 --> 00:16:29,460
? In our hearts ?

322
00:16:32,132 --> 00:16:36,534
? When your hands caress me ?

323
00:16:36,569 --> 00:16:39,837
? I feel, feel, feel, feel... ?

324
00:16:43,076 --> 00:16:45,209
Welcome back, buddy.

325
00:16:45,578 --> 00:16:49,180
Aw, shit.

326
00:17:04,039 --> 00:17:06,508
Can't believe we drove
all the way to the beach

327
00:17:06,544 --> 00:17:08,926
and had to spend the whole
weekend in the hospital.

328
00:17:08,942 --> 00:17:10,107
Sorry, guys.

329
00:17:10,143 --> 00:17:11,642
What was it like, Dad?

330
00:17:11,678 --> 00:17:13,344
What was what like?

331
00:17:13,379 --> 00:17:14,879
Being dead.

332
00:17:14,914 --> 00:17:16,818
You were just laying there not

333
00:17:16,824 --> 00:17:18,855
breathing for almost a minute.

334
00:17:18,885 --> 00:17:20,351
Did you see a bright light?

335
00:17:20,386 --> 00:17:21,752
No, no.

336
00:17:21,788 --> 00:17:23,855
I don't think I was actually dead.

337
00:17:23,890 --> 00:17:26,824
My brain was still working.

338
00:17:26,860 --> 00:17:29,961
I was hallucinating all
kinds of weird stuff.

339
00:17:29,987 --> 00:17:31,898
What kind of weird stuff?

340
00:17:33,533 --> 00:17:35,032
I don't remember.

341
00:17:49,182 --> 00:17:51,449
Uh, guys, what about the luggage?

342
00:17:51,484 --> 00:17:52,917
Just take one at a time.

343
00:17:52,952 --> 00:17:55,853
They said it was good to
resume normal activity.

344
00:17:59,525 --> 00:18:01,425
Hey, buddy.

345
00:18:02,595 --> 00:18:05,296
- Hey.
- Hey, man. How was the beach?

346
00:18:05,331 --> 00:18:07,665
Ah, fine. Uh, beach was fine.

347
00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,434
I had a dream about you.

348
00:18:10,470 --> 00:18:12,536
What?

349
00:18:12,572 --> 00:18:14,672
I'm s... What? I'm sorry.
What did you just say?

350
00:18:14,707 --> 00:18:17,341
I had this dream that you and
I were in a beach house.

351
00:18:17,377 --> 00:18:18,976
I don't remember much.

352
00:18:19,012 --> 00:18:20,706
Uh, there were bare feet

353
00:18:20,712 --> 00:18:23,581
and I think my junior high
school gym teacher was there

354
00:18:23,616 --> 00:18:26,117
and there was music
playing of some kind.

355
00:18:26,152 --> 00:18:28,052
It's weird, huh?

356
00:18:30,121 --> 00:18:31,508
I'm gay.

357
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:34,659
Excuse me?

358
00:18:36,601 --> 00:18:38,167
I'm gay.

359
00:18:38,464 --> 00:18:39,730
Really?

360
00:18:39,766 --> 00:18:41,404
Well, that's, uh...

361
00:18:41,410 --> 00:18:43,306
That's great, buddy.

362
00:18:43,336 --> 00:18:45,270
Did you discover this at the beach?

363
00:18:45,276 --> 00:18:47,869
No, no, no, no.
I've known my whole life.

364
00:18:47,875 --> 00:18:50,576
I was raised Catholic,
so I was always battling

365
00:18:50,611 --> 00:18:52,578
with the belief that...

366
00:18:52,613 --> 00:18:55,147
Say, you're not gay, are you?

367
00:18:55,183 --> 00:18:56,988
- No.
- No.

368
00:18:57,742 --> 00:18:59,351
But my brother is.

369
00:18:59,387 --> 00:19:01,942
In fact, I think...
I think you might like him.

370
00:19:01,948 --> 00:19:03,355
- Wha...
- Mm-hmm.

371
00:19:03,391 --> 00:19:05,691
He got the looks.
I got the brains, you know?

372
00:19:07,295 --> 00:19:09,728
- Maybe text me his number.
- For sure.

373
00:19:11,332 --> 00:19:15,167
Linda! I need to tell you something.

374
00:19:18,552 --> 00:19:22,408
? You were sleepin' ?

375
00:19:22,443 --> 00:19:26,112
? Sweet dreamin' ?

376
00:19:26,147 --> 00:19:29,748
? Then the morning sun said ?

377
00:19:29,784 --> 00:19:32,918
? "It's time, boy, it's time" ?

378
00:19:34,856 --> 00:19:38,157
? You threw your head back ?

379
00:19:38,192 --> 00:19:42,027
? You shook your fist out ?

380
00:19:42,063 --> 00:19:45,331
? Cried mercy to the sky ?

381
00:19:45,366 --> 00:19:49,135
? Oh, why, oh, why ?

382
00:19:51,239 --> 00:19:54,039
? This ain't your tragic fall ?

383
00:19:54,075 --> 00:19:57,810
? It's your wake-up call ?

384
00:19:57,845 --> 00:20:01,447
? This is your wake-up call ?

385
00:20:01,482 --> 00:20:05,117
? Don't fear that big, bad heart ?

386
00:20:05,153 --> 00:20:10,662
? Don't set your mind a reelin' ?

387
00:20:11,092 --> 00:20:14,126
? Cannonball through that great wall ?

388
00:20:14,162 --> 00:20:18,964
? You built around your feelings ?

389
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,934
? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

390
00:20:24,672 --> 00:20:28,440
? So take those roses ?

391
00:20:28,476 --> 00:20:31,810
? When they're given ?

392
00:20:31,846 --> 00:20:35,014
? And give yourself a break ?

393
00:20:35,049 --> 00:20:39,418
? From the hard way you've been livin' ?

394
00:20:40,955 --> 00:20:43,822
? This ain't your tragic fall ?

395
00:20:43,858 --> 00:20:48,060
? It's your wake-up call ?

396
00:20:48,095 --> 00:20:50,863
? This ain't your tragic fall ?

397
00:20:50,898 --> 00:20:54,833
? It's your wake-up call ?

398
00:20:54,869 --> 00:20:58,270
? This is your wake-up call ?

399
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:05,880
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -