1
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Our best minds have determined

2
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that the whole universe
is the dream of one ant.

3
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Huh?

4
00:00:23,548 --> 00:00:25,717
Aah!

5
00:00:25,857 --> 00:00:27,316
A-Are you okay?

6
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I was just sleeping,
and I heard troubled breath.

7
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Nothing. Nothing.
I-I'm fine.

8
00:00:32,926 --> 00:00:34,840
I just... had a nightmare.

9
00:00:34,865 --> 00:00:36,207
What are you accusing me of?

10
00:00:36,232 --> 00:00:39,464
I-I didn't shove anything
all up in your ear.

11
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I never seen that thing
before in my life.

12
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I don't even know what it is.

13
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Besides, my thing would need
one twice that size.

14
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What did you do to me?!

15
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Stop this!
What d... What did you do?

16
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- Huh?
- Get up!

17
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W-W-What's happening?
W-Why are you hitting me?

18
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What have you done to me
while I was sleeping?

19
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What did you do to me?

20
00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:11,822
I ... I didn't do anything.
I don't think I did.

21
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Did I do something to you?

22
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Oh, God!
What did I do?!

23
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What did you do to me?
You monster!

24
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I'm sorry.
I'm so confused.

25
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It's okay.
I forgive you.

26
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- These things happen.
- Why are you so good to me?

27
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Because you have such tight,
pretty ears.

28
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Not really.
You really wanna know?

29
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I've never shown anyone this.

30
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It's huge.

31
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Thank you.
Thank you so much.

32
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_

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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

34
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Then again,
toddler prodigy Trudy Glimmer

35
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was the greatest peekaboo player
the world had ever known.

36
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Trudy?

37
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W-Where's Trudy?
I just saw her.

38
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She was just here.
Where'd she go?

39
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Where'd she go?!

40
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Oh, God.
She was just here!

41
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Oh, my God! Trudy!

42
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Where'd you go?!
Oh, my God.

43
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Oh, Trudy!
My baby!

44
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Where's my baby?!

45
00:02:25,617 --> 00:02:28,904
911! Someone stole my baby!
Oh, God!

46
00:02:29,135 --> 00:02:30,969
Someone stole my baby!

47
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Oh, God, oh, God, oh God.

48
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- Oh, God.
- What's going on?

49
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Where's Trudy?
What happened?!

50
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- Where is she?!
- Aah!

51
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You get that bastard
that took her!

52
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If he hurt a hair
on her head, I swear,

53
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I'm gonna rip God's face off
and ... and ram it down his tip.

54
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I promise
I will find your daughter,

55
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even if I have to
kill her to do it.

56
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Police rounded up
every pervert in the area,

57
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torturing them for information,

58
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which, naturally,
the perverts loved.

59
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They undulated
orgasmically for more.

60
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The cops were all
too happy to oblige.

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Nipple twisting,
purple nurples, blue nurples,

62
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every nurple in the rainbow
turned up a steaming pile of zilch.

63
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The trauma of losing their child
tore the parents apart.

64
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Last year, I let your brothers
sandwich my business.

65
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Ah, yeah, so did I, Chachi.
So did I.

66
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Before long, a father
finds a suitable outlet

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to properly deal with his grief.

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If I don't see my child again
soon, I'm gonna do this.

69
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Some children
are just naturally talented.

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- We'll never know why.
- Peekaboo!

71
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Trudy!
Oh, sweetie, where were you?

72
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Oh, my God, Trudy.
Don't ever disappear again.

73
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Trudy?!
Trudy! Trudy!!

74
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Peekaboo.
Mama? Papa?

75
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We have long known
that chickens can live for years

76
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with their heads cut off.

77
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Recently, embedded Mideast
war reporters

78
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have been dosing with huge
infusions of chicken blood

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to frustrate
their terrorist beheaders.

80
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- This is what western infidels get!
- Is that all you got, cha-cha?

81
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Shut up and die,
you infidel pig dog.

82
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Uh, correction ... chicken dog.
Bawk-bawk.

83
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You are making me angry.

84
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And you have schmutz
on your dress.

85
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Bonk! Gotcha!
Bawk-bawk, playa!

86
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Innocent
bystanders were so amused,

87
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they took the act on the road.

88
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Why will you not die already?

89
00:05:03,077 --> 00:05:06,337
Uh, why don't you
brush your teeth already?

90
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I'm warning you ...

91
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keep it up and I'll stop
this holy war right now.

92
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Bawk-bawk, homey.
A-bawk-bawk.

93
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Mmm, check the hottie
in the front row.

94
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Hey, uh, missy,
you care for a three-way?

95
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Or at least a 2 1/4-way?

96
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Hey, I'm not severed where it counts.

97
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Please die, for the love of Allah.

98
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Tell you what, I'll die
if you answer one question.

99
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- You have a deal. Fire away.
- Why does your faith glorify hate?

100
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You really want to know?

101
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For me, it's ...
s-see, I never had a mother.

102
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Wait, wait,
if you never had a mom,

103
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then how do you exist at all?

104
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Jumpin' Jihad, you're right.

105
00:06:04,768 --> 00:06:06,652
At that precise moment,

106
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only one man was having
a worse day at work.

107
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We are so freaking
disappointed in your output, Dwyer.

108
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Everyone else
in this department types

109
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at least 10,000
random numbers a day.

110
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- Your average is 19.
- Sorry, sir. It's just ...

111
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- I ... It's just ...
- What's so hard about it?

112
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Just type random numbers
as fast as you can.

113
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See? Ding, ding, ding, ding.
That's it. Easy peasy.

114
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- Now you try. Go!
- Uh. Um...

115
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Let's see, uh...
Ooh...

116
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- Uh... Um...
- Just hit numbers!

117
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Faster. Faster!

118
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But I can never decide
which number to choose.

119
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Don't think about it.
Just type. It's random.

120
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- I know, but I still want it to be good.
- Well, it isn't good.

121
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And what's this?

122
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There's some type
of Goddamn hole

123
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in the back of your head here...
Whoa.

124
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Weird little critter living in there.

125
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Hey, little guy.
What the hell, Dwyer?

126
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- I wish you could see this.
- What is it?

127
00:07:08,149 --> 00:07:11,151
What is it?! What, Dwyer, how
the hell am I supposed to know?

128
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Get your act together.

129
00:07:12,743 --> 00:07:15,318
Let me feed
this little thing for you.

130
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Damn thing was hungry.

131
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Maybe that's why
you're doing a sucky job.

132
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Did it eat?!
What is it?

133
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Dagit!

134
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The damn thing's allergic
to peanuts or something.

135
00:07:30,588 --> 00:07:32,930
You're on thin ice
with this nonsense, Dwyer.

136
00:07:32,965 --> 00:07:35,600
I'm sorry. Here, l-let me
help you wipe that up.

137
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Just get back to work.
And get that thing checked out.

138
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What are you doing?

139
00:07:52,450 --> 00:07:54,911
Just keep working, Dwyer.
I'm having a look.

140
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W-What the he...
What the hell is this thing?

141
00:08:00,596 --> 00:08:05,438
- Ah! What the heck-fire?
- Just keep working.

142
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Oh. Feisty little bastard.

143
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Oh, wait.
That's what's going on.

144
00:08:11,323 --> 00:08:13,766
Feisty little bitch, I should say ...

145
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- protecting her eggs.
- Eggs?

146
00:08:17,468 --> 00:08:20,099
- I'm a little scared.
- It's okay.

147
00:08:20,386 --> 00:08:22,561
She got the little things
hatching right now.

148
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:24,736
- What does it look like?
- Christ, Dwyer!

149
00:08:24,761 --> 00:08:29,002
Those things are loud.
Buddy, these are disruptive.

150
00:08:29,027 --> 00:08:30,984
This is not appropriate

151
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for a workspace environment.

152
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:35,321
I'm sorry. I could strap
a pillow to my head.

153
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- Muffle it.
- I can't hear you, Dwyer!

154
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- It's too loud!
- Or could you fill it with water

155
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and drown them? Or piss?

156
00:08:42,107 --> 00:08:45,243
Sorry, Dwyer!
Look, we gotta let you go.

157
00:08:46,542 --> 00:08:50,162
You can fire me,
but one day I'll show you.

158
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I'll show you all.

159
00:08:52,338 --> 00:08:54,972
Christ, Dwyer!
It's too loud.

160
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When he realized
that no one believed in him,

161
00:09:02,246 --> 00:09:05,828
Doug rushed home to see
if he was there.

162
00:09:07,775 --> 00:09:11,654
And the noble prize
for the Most Random Series

163
00:09:11,689 --> 00:09:15,354
of Numbers of All Time goes to...

164
00:09:15,379 --> 00:09:18,087
Dougie Dwyer!

165
00:09:21,326 --> 00:09:23,403
When he reflected
on his strengths,

166
00:09:23,428 --> 00:09:25,722
Doug finally began
to love himself.

167
00:09:25,897 --> 00:09:28,698
And when a man
finds self-esteem,

168
00:09:28,805 --> 00:09:32,190
he can coax himself
to go all the way.

169
00:09:36,761 --> 00:09:42,089
It got so steamy, even
his vanity became aroused.

170
00:09:43,564 --> 00:09:47,193
And Doug got to experience
every man's fantasy ...

171
00:09:47,218 --> 00:09:49,518
a two-way with himself.

172
00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:52,278
You're killing me.
Killing me.

173
00:09:52,313 --> 00:09:56,532
Kill me. Kill me harder.
Kill me harder. Kill me deeper.

174
00:09:56,559 --> 00:10:01,012
Kill me harder. Kill me harder,
kill me deeper, kill me harder.

175
00:10:01,037 --> 00:10:05,090
But alas, someone
always gets hurt in love.

176
00:10:05,115 --> 00:10:07,934
And when one raw-dogs it
with a mirror,

177
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the fruit of your vain
comes home to roost...

178
00:10:12,416 --> 00:10:15,426
Push! Push!

179
00:10:18,589 --> 00:10:22,228
...and our lives are
filled with meaning forever,

180
00:10:22,253 --> 00:10:25,341
as long as the screams
don't get so loud

181
00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:28,459
that they wake the ants
that are dreaming us.

182
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:48,215
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~