1
00:00:00,150 --> 00:00:03,635
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -

2
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My name is Sam.

3
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:09,567
I'm 6 years old.

4
00:00:09,573 --> 00:00:12,262
And tonight I'm supposed
to become a man.

5
00:00:13,966 --> 00:00:15,955
I don't think anyone is in there.

6
00:00:15,961 --> 00:00:17,604
Mom, it's me. I got her.

7
00:00:17,610 --> 00:00:19,543
Where are you?
And why are you whispering?

8
00:00:20,267 --> 00:00:23,106
Mom, you were supposed to watch Sam.

9
00:00:23,108 --> 00:00:24,207
Where is she?

10
00:00:24,209 --> 00:00:26,443
She's in Palm Springs
at a silent retreat.

11
00:00:26,445 --> 00:00:27,706
What?!

12
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,147
No, it was this weekend.

13
00:00:30,149 --> 00:00:32,449
Why don't you go wait in the car, Sammy?

14
00:00:32,451 --> 00:00:34,851
I have the e-mails to prove it.

15
00:00:35,551 --> 00:00:37,921
No, I-I can't hear you when you whisper.

16
00:00:37,923 --> 00:00:39,790
Just forget it. Forget it.

17
00:00:39,792 --> 00:00:42,058
Well, I guess we can't go now.

18
00:00:42,060 --> 00:00:43,367
No, no, no.

19
00:00:43,373 --> 00:00:44,421
We go every year.

20
00:00:44,427 --> 00:00:45,986
Remember, we promised if we had a kid,

21
00:00:45,992 --> 00:00:47,438
it would never change us, right?

22
00:00:47,444 --> 00:00:50,300
We already gave up
Burning Man, Coachella,

23
00:00:50,302 --> 00:00:52,686
Lollapalooza, cocaine...

24
00:00:52,692 --> 00:00:54,070
I don't think that... no!

25
00:00:54,072 --> 00:00:56,540
It's gonna work out fine.
Don't let that sacrifice...

26
00:00:56,542 --> 00:00:58,041
Go on. Mess with me.

27
00:00:58,043 --> 00:00:59,267
I'm gonna...

28
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:02,846
Pshew.

29
00:01:02,848 --> 00:01:04,281
It's gonna be fine. It's a safe area.

30
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Trust me on this.

31
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Don't let this... Please?

32
00:01:07,119 --> 00:01:08,685
Really?

33
00:01:09,788 --> 00:01:11,221
You did that.

34
00:01:12,624 --> 00:01:15,192
Hey! Guess what, buddy?

35
00:01:15,194 --> 00:01:16,960
You are gonna go to the beach with us.

36
00:01:16,962 --> 00:01:18,862
I thought I was supposed
to stay with Nana?

37
00:01:18,864 --> 00:01:20,497
She was supposed to
teach me bread-making

38
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- and then take me to the...
- No, this'll be better.

39
00:01:22,201 --> 00:01:24,820
This'll be better than that.
This'll be better than that.

40
00:01:25,604 --> 00:01:27,325
Sammy, what did I tell you about

41
00:01:27,331 --> 00:01:28,939
playing with the dolls, man?

42
00:01:28,941 --> 00:01:30,774
You're getting too old for this.

43
00:01:30,776 --> 00:01:32,576
_

44
00:01:34,046 --> 00:01:35,846
Hello.

45
00:01:35,848 --> 00:01:37,147
I'm really sorry.

46
00:01:37,149 --> 00:01:39,216
I could have sworn you said next...

47
00:01:42,855 --> 00:01:44,688
Looking good, Jack!

48
00:01:51,964 --> 00:01:53,697
Please, Vivian, just listen to me...

49
00:01:53,699 --> 00:01:55,232
I'm not dropping the charges, Nikki.

50
00:01:55,234 --> 00:01:57,837
- You stole my credit card.
- No, I didn't...

51
00:01:57,843 --> 00:01:59,336
Tommy, if she doesn't back up off me,

52
00:01:59,338 --> 00:02:00,971
I'm gonna be forced to mace a bitch.

53
00:02:00,973 --> 00:02:02,560
Well, hopefully, we can
resolve this problem

54
00:02:02,566 --> 00:02:04,165
without the use of
violence or the "B" word.

55
00:02:04,171 --> 00:02:06,071
Nikki, please back up off her.

56
00:02:09,581 --> 00:02:11,281
Do you think you can
talk to her on Monday?

57
00:02:11,283 --> 00:02:13,149
You know Beacharoo's
our busiest weekend.

58
00:02:13,151 --> 00:02:14,985
Speaking of which, do
you think your sister

59
00:02:14,987 --> 00:02:16,575
could watch the baby for
an extra couple hours

60
00:02:16,581 --> 00:02:18,188
so you and I can get our jam on?

61
00:02:18,190 --> 00:02:19,623
I've still got that half a joint

62
00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:20,991
I found in the parking lot last year.

63
00:02:20,993 --> 00:02:23,293
I'm facing up to five years in prison.

64
00:02:23,295 --> 00:02:25,331
I just don't think I'll be in the mood.

65
00:02:25,337 --> 00:02:27,006
Well, I thought it might inspire you.

66
00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:29,304
One of the guys from Chumbawamba
is gonna be the emcee.

67
00:02:29,310 --> 00:02:31,176
He got knocked down,
and he got up again.

68
00:02:31,182 --> 00:02:32,649
So can you.

69
00:02:34,381 --> 00:02:36,648
Hey, I'm here to pick up the
keys for Bare Feet Retreat.

70
00:02:36,654 --> 00:02:38,287
Well, I hope you're here
for the music festival.

71
00:02:38,289 --> 00:02:39,655
If not, you picked the wrong weekend.

72
00:02:39,657 --> 00:02:41,162
- It gets a little crazy.
- Oh, no, we're...

73
00:02:41,168 --> 00:02:42,712
We're here for Beacharoo. We might, uh,

74
00:02:42,718 --> 00:02:44,625
look like a couple of boring parents,

75
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,276
but she has a tramp
stamp from Coachella,

76
00:02:46,282 --> 00:02:47,948
and I got my nipple pierced at the mall.

77
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Okay, great. Well, I'll
just find the keys.

78
00:02:50,301 --> 00:02:53,035
So, just to let you know, there's
a shuttle that takes you

79
00:02:53,037 --> 00:02:54,637
from our parking lot to the festival.

80
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It's driven by a really
nice lady named Betty.

81
00:02:56,874 --> 00:02:58,374
But she just got an awful haircut,

82
00:02:58,376 --> 00:02:59,975
so if you pay her a compliment,

83
00:02:59,977 --> 00:03:01,263
I will throw in a free mini muffin

84
00:03:01,269 --> 00:03:02,511
tomorrow at our sunrise brunch.

85
00:03:02,513 --> 00:03:03,546
Okay.

86
00:03:03,771 --> 00:03:06,331
Are we sure he's old enough for this?

87
00:03:06,337 --> 00:03:07,917
He still sucks his thumb.

88
00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:10,019
That's exactly why this is a good idea.

89
00:03:10,021 --> 00:03:12,021
The boy has got to grow up sometime.

90
00:03:19,230 --> 00:03:21,197
I think we're gonna have
to do it with the car.

91
00:03:21,199 --> 00:03:23,426
Yeah, I thought maybe this would work,

92
00:03:23,432 --> 00:03:25,031
but it's not enough juice.

93
00:03:25,536 --> 00:03:27,724
I better get this thing back
to the church parking lot

94
00:03:27,730 --> 00:03:29,029
before mass gets out.

95
00:03:29,507 --> 00:03:31,407
I need to go to work
for a couple of hours.

96
00:03:31,409 --> 00:03:33,576
Are we still going to go
over to the festival tonight

97
00:03:33,578 --> 00:03:35,003
to sell squirts of hand sanitizer

98
00:03:35,009 --> 00:03:37,279
- for a dollar a squirt?
- I hope so.

99
00:03:37,281 --> 00:03:38,657
Yeah, if we get there early enough,

100
00:03:38,663 --> 00:03:40,229
we can set up by the port-a-potties.

101
00:03:40,235 --> 00:03:42,223
The second those things
run out of toilet paper,

102
00:03:42,229 --> 00:03:44,086
it's gonna be a gold mine.

103
00:03:45,255 --> 00:03:47,825
I'm just saying I don't
think he's ready for this.

104
00:03:48,492 --> 00:03:50,559
Moms always think their kids
aren't ready for stuff.

105
00:03:50,561 --> 00:03:51,820
My mom didn't think I was ready

106
00:03:51,826 --> 00:03:53,242
for kindergarten, so I didn't go.

107
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And that's why I still have
trouble naming shapes.

108
00:03:56,961 --> 00:03:58,270
Sam?

109
00:03:59,096 --> 00:04:00,396
Hey, buddy.

110
00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:04,704
Hey, tonight is a big
night for you, okay?

111
00:04:04,710 --> 00:04:09,338
Tonight you get to stay
here all by yourself!

112
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What?

113
00:04:10,675 --> 00:04:12,402
Yeah, you get to stay by yourself.

114
00:04:12,408 --> 00:04:14,341
Your mother thought about
hiring a babysitter,

115
00:04:14,343 --> 00:04:16,010
but we don't know anyone at the beach,

116
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and I don't feel comfortable
leaving you with a stranger.

117
00:04:18,115 --> 00:04:20,748
- So, no babysitter?
- Nope.

118
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No babysitter,

119
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because you are not a baby anymore.

120
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What am I gonna do?

121
00:04:25,861 --> 00:04:27,766
How will I know when to go to bed?

122
00:04:27,772 --> 00:04:30,290
- What will I eat?
- Your mom's ordering dinner,

123
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and your mom and I

124
00:04:32,102 --> 00:04:34,124
are gonna be out till way past

125
00:04:34,130 --> 00:04:36,363
when the big hand
high-fives the little hand.

126
00:04:36,365 --> 00:04:39,967
So that means you get to
make your own bedtime.

127
00:04:39,969 --> 00:04:42,803
Wait, why can't I go to
the music thing with you?

128
00:04:42,805 --> 00:04:44,253
The music festival?

129
00:04:44,259 --> 00:04:45,873
Uh, you're not old enough.

130
00:04:45,875 --> 00:04:47,741
But I'm old enough to stay alone?

131
00:04:47,743 --> 00:04:49,376
Yeah! We Googled it.

132
00:04:49,378 --> 00:04:51,212
Only three states have laws

133
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regarding the minimum age

134
00:04:52,456 --> 00:04:53,922
for a child to be left home alone...

135
00:04:53,928 --> 00:04:55,916
Illinois, Maryland, and Oregon.

136
00:04:55,918 --> 00:04:58,452
Everywhere else it's up to
the parents' discretion!

137
00:05:00,623 --> 00:05:02,156
Hey. Come on.

138
00:05:02,158 --> 00:05:04,024
What did I tell you about that?

139
00:05:04,026 --> 00:05:05,192
Pacifiers are for babies,

140
00:05:05,194 --> 00:05:06,794
and that includes your thumb.

141
00:05:06,796 --> 00:05:08,195
Come on, buddy.

142
00:05:08,197 --> 00:05:10,030
Mom and dad don't get very
many chances to have fun.

143
00:05:10,032 --> 00:05:11,532
So don't ruin this for us.

144
00:05:17,473 --> 00:05:19,273
He's excited!

145
00:05:20,543 --> 00:05:22,676
Our cellphone number's on a
piece of paper by the phone,

146
00:05:22,678 --> 00:05:24,011
and the food should be here soon.

147
00:05:24,013 --> 00:05:25,312
Daddy's gonna put some
money on the counter.

148
00:05:25,314 --> 00:05:27,430
And don't forget to brush teeth.

149
00:05:27,436 --> 00:05:29,650
Honey, he'll be fine. Look at him.

150
00:05:29,652 --> 00:05:31,251
Tonight he's our little boy.

151
00:05:31,253 --> 00:05:33,620
Tomorrow he'll be our little man.

152
00:05:33,622 --> 00:05:35,189
See you in the morning, buddy.

153
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:52,456
I got to go.

154
00:05:52,458 --> 00:05:54,825
Hello. Are your parents home?

155
00:05:54,827 --> 00:05:56,961
No. It's just me.

156
00:05:56,963 --> 00:05:58,128
Come in.

157
00:06:05,972 --> 00:06:07,137
No tip?

158
00:06:07,139 --> 00:06:08,733
That's all they left me.

159
00:06:09,342 --> 00:06:11,609
W-Wait, I have some money in my luggage.

160
00:06:17,650 --> 00:06:20,958
- Hello?
- Hey, I got the van started.

161
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,363
Warm up your squirting finger

162
00:06:22,365 --> 00:06:24,332
and meet me at the Beacharoo entrance

163
00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:26,601
on the corner of Pier Ave and Sullivan.

164
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:27,869
Got it.

165
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,614
I got a bunch of money.

166
00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:34,755
My Nana was gonna take me to the arcade.

167
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,014
Good looking out!

168
00:06:56,966 --> 00:06:59,200
You've found me.

169
00:07:01,538 --> 00:07:03,971
Aah! Aah!

170
00:07:33,668 --> 00:07:36,387
_

171
00:07:42,278 --> 00:07:44,979
I almost wore those exact PJs.

172
00:07:58,264 --> 00:08:00,529
You have reached the
desk of Shyrell Vance.

173
00:08:00,535 --> 00:08:02,363
Push 7 to leave a message.

174
00:08:02,369 --> 00:08:05,608
If this is an emergency, press
8 to reach me on my cell.

175
00:08:08,090 --> 00:08:09,389
You got Shyrell.

176
00:08:09,395 --> 00:08:11,235
Hi, I sent in a sample to you guys

177
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,498
for a paternity test,

178
00:08:12,504 --> 00:08:14,337
and I need to change the
address that I gave you.

179
00:08:14,343 --> 00:08:16,184
You pressed 8 for that?

180
00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:17,966
Sugar, that's not an emergency.

181
00:08:17,972 --> 00:08:19,605
That's something that can
be handled on Monday,

182
00:08:19,611 --> 00:08:21,912
when I'm not about to watch
"Shark Tank" with my boo.

183
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,959
If your boo could find the remote.

184
00:08:23,965 --> 00:08:26,300
Okay, no, this is an
emergency, trust me.

185
00:08:26,347 --> 00:08:27,847
If I don't change the address,

186
00:08:27,853 --> 00:08:29,293
the results will get sent to a woman

187
00:08:29,299 --> 00:08:30,631
who's really pissed at me right now,

188
00:08:30,637 --> 00:08:32,293
and... and she'd probably tell my fiancé

189
00:08:32,295 --> 00:08:33,681
and it would ruin my whole life.

190
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,535
She sounds like a bitch.

191
00:08:35,541 --> 00:08:36,774
Who's a bitch?

192
00:08:36,780 --> 00:08:38,479
What's your name?

193
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:39,852
Nikki Gooze.

194
00:08:39,858 --> 00:08:41,424
Oh, my Gosh, thank you so much.

195
00:08:41,442 --> 00:08:43,719
- You are seriously saving m...
- They sent it already.

196
00:08:43,725 --> 00:08:45,858
- What?
- It got put in the mail yesterday.

197
00:08:45,864 --> 00:08:47,709
What got put in the mail yesterday.

198
00:08:47,715 --> 00:08:49,948
Shit! Can you just tell
me the results, then?

199
00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:51,750
I cannot tell you the
results over the phone.

200
00:08:51,752 --> 00:08:53,085
Confidentiality laws.

201
00:08:53,087 --> 00:08:54,419
Okay, but I won't tell on you,

202
00:08:54,421 --> 00:08:55,921
so who's gonna know you broke any laws?

203
00:08:55,923 --> 00:08:57,760
Have you ever heard of the government?

204
00:08:57,766 --> 00:08:59,855
The NSA? Edward Snowman?

205
00:09:00,127 --> 00:09:03,495
Hello, whoever's listening,
I know you're there,

206
00:09:03,497 --> 00:09:05,915
and Shyrell Vance ain't
breaking no laws.

207
00:09:07,468 --> 00:09:08,667
Now, if you'll excuse me,

208
00:09:08,669 --> 00:09:10,369
I'm gonna go watch rich
people make poor people cry.

209
00:09:10,371 --> 00:09:12,204
No, no, no!

210
00:09:14,008 --> 00:09:16,375
I will trade you a blow
job for a foot rub.

211
00:09:16,377 --> 00:09:17,609
Deal.

212
00:09:17,611 --> 00:09:21,680
But, wait, let me pause it
so Mark Cuban can watch.

213
00:09:27,184 --> 00:09:29,254
I think we might be able to squeeze

214
00:09:29,256 --> 00:09:30,989
a few more squirts out of this one.

215
00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:51,043
Thanks.

216
00:09:51,045 --> 00:09:52,411
He really thought you were...

217
00:09:52,413 --> 00:09:55,013
- Follow me, man.
- No way, man.

218
00:09:57,647 --> 00:09:59,484
Got my last squirt, buddy.

219
00:09:59,486 --> 00:10:01,353
We should have brought more sanitizer.

220
00:10:01,355 --> 00:10:03,488
People are way filthier than last year.

221
00:10:06,226 --> 00:10:08,427
Don't do it. Do not call him.

222
00:10:08,429 --> 00:10:11,263
- What if he's scared?
- If he's scared, he'll call us.

223
00:10:11,265 --> 00:10:12,931
If you call him now, you're
just gonna wake him up.

224
00:10:12,933 --> 00:10:14,166
It's past 9:00 p.m.

225
00:10:14,168 --> 00:10:15,600
The kid passes out wherever he is.

226
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,660
That was fun.

227
00:10:23,087 --> 00:10:25,364
Working in large crowds
with sweaty, half-naked people

228
00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:27,379
makes me feel bad
about my life's choices.

229
00:10:27,381 --> 00:10:28,647
I hear you.

230
00:10:28,649 --> 00:10:31,149
Not my favorite weekend at the beach.

231
00:10:31,151 --> 00:10:32,951
Hey, you want to go on a road trip?

232
00:10:32,953 --> 00:10:35,721
Sure. How about the mountains?

233
00:10:42,396 --> 00:10:44,696
Whoo! Yeah!

234
00:10:47,067 --> 00:10:48,500
Party wolf!

235
00:10:56,146 --> 00:10:58,012
Oh, it's back. It's back.

236
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,472
Lower.

237
00:10:59,755 --> 00:11:00,988
Higher.

238
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,408
Left.

239
00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:03,843
Lefter.

240
00:11:03,845 --> 00:11:06,412
You're chasing it all around.

241
00:11:11,353 --> 00:11:12,485
Okay.

242
00:11:12,487 --> 00:11:13,920
All good choices.

243
00:11:15,891 --> 00:11:17,891
Please, will you just
listen to me for...

244
00:11:24,132 --> 00:11:26,800
Jesus! You're like Lady Pac-Man.

245
00:11:26,802 --> 00:11:28,880
I could go away for five years, Vivian.

246
00:11:28,894 --> 00:11:32,196
I won't be able to read my son a
bedtime story for five years.

247
00:11:32,202 --> 00:11:34,802
Well, at least you'll have
something to look forward to.

248
00:11:34,804 --> 00:11:36,971
All I have to look forward
to in my shitty life

249
00:11:36,973 --> 00:11:38,873
was the arrival of my new credit card.

250
00:11:38,875 --> 00:11:40,608
And you tried to take that away from me

251
00:11:40,610 --> 00:11:42,143
so you could buy cute
shoes and look all cute

252
00:11:42,145 --> 00:11:43,644
for your cute, little fiancé

253
00:11:43,646 --> 00:11:46,380
and make your whole cute,
disgusting life better?

254
00:11:46,382 --> 00:11:48,916
Excuse me while I barf a shit rainbow!

255
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,287
Look, I wasn't trying
to steal your credit card.

256
00:11:53,289 --> 00:11:54,822
Okay?

257
00:11:57,727 --> 00:11:59,460
I sent away for some test results

258
00:11:59,462 --> 00:12:01,162
that I didn't want Tommy to see,

259
00:12:01,164 --> 00:12:02,797
so I used your address.

260
00:12:02,799 --> 00:12:04,597
I wasn't looking for your mail.

261
00:12:04,603 --> 00:12:06,033
I was looking for mine.

262
00:12:06,035 --> 00:12:08,002
What kind of test results?

263
00:12:10,073 --> 00:12:11,505
DNA.

264
00:12:11,507 --> 00:12:14,581
- I'm not sure he's the baby's father.
- Oh, shit!

265
00:12:14,587 --> 00:12:16,944
I know, so please, just don't
tell him, okay? Don't tell him.

266
00:12:16,946 --> 00:12:18,613
I-I-I-I don't know what I'd
do if the baby's not...

267
00:12:18,615 --> 00:12:21,415
Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm
not gonna say anything.

268
00:12:21,417 --> 00:12:23,251
Really?

269
00:12:23,253 --> 00:12:25,519
Yeah, I'm all about girl power.

270
00:12:25,521 --> 00:12:27,255
Women's lib, Time's Up,

271
00:12:27,257 --> 00:12:29,457
Pound Me Too... All that shit.

272
00:12:29,459 --> 00:12:30,901
Look, I'll say whatever you want to

273
00:12:30,907 --> 00:12:33,394
- the police so you don't go to jail.
- Oh, my God.

274
00:12:33,396 --> 00:12:35,396
Thank you so much.

275
00:12:35,398 --> 00:12:37,322
Um, and when the DNA test comes,

276
00:12:37,328 --> 00:12:39,257
just call me and I'll
come pick up, okay?

277
00:12:39,263 --> 00:12:42,036
Okay. Hey, hey, hey. Hold on a second.

278
00:12:42,038 --> 00:12:43,871
Come on, you can't leave
me hanging like that.

279
00:12:43,873 --> 00:12:44,972
Give me the dirt.

280
00:12:44,974 --> 00:12:46,674
Who else do you think
the father might be?

281
00:12:46,676 --> 00:12:48,608
Oh. I don't think I should...

282
00:12:48,614 --> 00:12:51,212
Tell your new best friend who is
awesome at keeping secrets?

283
00:12:53,216 --> 00:12:54,682
Bodhi.

284
00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,553
You had sex with Bodhi?

285
00:12:59,555 --> 00:13:01,589
Yeah, I mean, it was at a party.

286
00:13:01,591 --> 00:13:03,324
There was, like, lots of drinking.

287
00:13:03,326 --> 00:13:04,759
There was ecstasy involved.

288
00:13:04,761 --> 00:13:06,927
Uh, did... did he ever...
Did he happen to mention

289
00:13:06,929 --> 00:13:08,729
if you were, like, his physical type,

290
00:13:08,731 --> 00:13:10,798
or if he was open to,
say, like, I don't know,

291
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,433
like, the exact opposite of you?

292
00:13:12,435 --> 00:13:14,470
I don't know. I actually
don't remember much.

293
00:13:14,476 --> 00:13:16,304
Honestly, I tried to forget about it,

294
00:13:16,306 --> 00:13:17,905
But then I missed my period

295
00:13:17,907 --> 00:13:20,374
and then Tommy walked in on
me taking a pregnancy test.

296
00:13:20,376 --> 00:13:23,177
And then he dropped to
one knee and proposed.

297
00:13:23,179 --> 00:13:25,946
And, you know what?
For all I know, it's his, so...

298
00:13:25,948 --> 00:13:27,080
Nikki!

299
00:13:27,086 --> 00:13:29,165
We got a woman in your section
with, uh, winky emojis

300
00:13:29,171 --> 00:13:31,052
painted on her boobs asking
where her omelet is.

301
00:13:31,054 --> 00:13:32,504
She's pretty sweaty. We should get her

302
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:33,954
in and out while she's still decent.

303
00:13:33,956 --> 00:13:36,891
Okay. Um, coming, sweetie!

304
00:13:38,494 --> 00:13:41,028
Thank you so much.

305
00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:44,732
Just let me know when the
results come in, okay?

306
00:13:44,734 --> 00:13:46,033
Yeah.

307
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,194
You bet.

308
00:13:59,482 --> 00:14:02,018
You're sure we're going
in the right direction now?

309
00:14:02,024 --> 00:14:03,766
- Yeah.
- Sorry.

310
00:14:03,772 --> 00:14:05,948
I thought you knew how
to get to the mountains.

311
00:14:05,954 --> 00:14:07,577
Nah. I was just turning every

312
00:14:07,583 --> 00:14:09,423
time I saw a road going uphill.

313
00:14:09,429 --> 00:14:11,058
Kitty cat!

314
00:14:15,298 --> 00:14:16,831
You're the home-alone kid.

315
00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:18,399
What, from the old movie?

316
00:14:18,401 --> 00:14:19,566
No way.

317
00:14:19,572 --> 00:14:21,168
I just saw a picture of
that kid in a magazine.

318
00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:23,637
- He's like 80 now.
- Not Mackenzie Clemwich.

319
00:14:23,639 --> 00:14:25,524
This kid was actually home alone.

320
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:26,849
What are you doing in here?

321
00:14:26,855 --> 00:14:28,170
I think I fell asleep when I was

322
00:14:28,176 --> 00:14:29,526
trying to get my action figure.

323
00:14:29,532 --> 00:14:31,866
My dad must have taken it
with him and dropped it.

324
00:14:32,095 --> 00:14:33,394
That's mine, buddy.

325
00:14:33,654 --> 00:14:35,784
Look, his foot's all
banged up from where I

326
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:38,112
have him kick the shit
out of his arch-enemies.

327
00:14:38,671 --> 00:14:40,121
You play with action figures?

328
00:14:40,123 --> 00:14:41,163
Yeah.

329
00:14:41,169 --> 00:14:42,623
They're cooler than Hot Wheels

330
00:14:42,625 --> 00:14:44,024
and not as labor-intensive as Legos.

331
00:14:44,026 --> 00:14:45,726
I think we should find your parents.

332
00:14:45,728 --> 00:14:47,128
Even though you and I have history

333
00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:48,793
with me delivering you chicken and such,

334
00:14:48,799 --> 00:14:50,389
if we get pulled over with a missing

335
00:14:50,395 --> 00:14:51,993
child in the back of our van,

336
00:14:52,268 --> 00:14:53,934
I predict a lot of mayhem,

337
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,436
and quite possibly some tazing

338
00:14:55,438 --> 00:14:56,537
before the truth surfaces.

339
00:15:05,548 --> 00:15:07,716
You're gonna smoke right now?

340
00:15:08,223 --> 00:15:09,603
It's medicinal.

341
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,221
What I thought was going to be

342
00:15:11,227 --> 00:15:12,660
a tranquil drive to the mountains

343
00:15:12,666 --> 00:15:15,000
has developed into an
accidental kidnapping.

344
00:15:18,561 --> 00:15:20,995
I hope this smoke isn't
getting back there.

345
00:15:20,997 --> 00:15:23,898
You're not suddenly hungry
for no reason, are you?

346
00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:24,965
No.

347
00:15:26,769 --> 00:15:29,303
You're a brave little dude
to be out all by yourself.

348
00:15:29,305 --> 00:15:31,605
First time my parents
left me home alone,

349
00:15:31,607 --> 00:15:33,574
I hid under the covers the whole time.

350
00:15:33,576 --> 00:15:35,497
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

351
00:15:35,503 --> 00:15:36,932
We had a water heater in the basement

352
00:15:36,938 --> 00:15:38,204
that sounded like a ghost.

353
00:15:39,916 --> 00:15:41,449
Hey, man!

354
00:15:41,556 --> 00:15:42,788
What did I tell you about

355
00:15:42,794 --> 00:15:44,127
making ghost sounds when I'm high?

356
00:15:44,159 --> 00:15:45,525
But I like making ghost sounds,

357
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:46,993
and you're always high,

358
00:15:46,995 --> 00:15:49,062
which leaves me no window
to make ghost sounds.

359
00:15:49,064 --> 00:15:50,724
Ghosts aren't real.

360
00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:52,298
How do you know?

361
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:54,300
- My dad told me.
- See?

362
00:15:54,302 --> 00:15:56,336
Even the little boy knows you're crazy.

363
00:16:01,105 --> 00:16:02,892
Okay, Mr. Ghost Expert.

364
00:16:02,898 --> 00:16:04,611
What are your views on Santa Claus?

365
00:16:04,613 --> 00:16:05,814
He comes down the chimney and

366
00:16:05,820 --> 00:16:07,347
leaves you presents if you're good.

367
00:16:07,349 --> 00:16:09,415
- That's bullshit.
- Hey, man!

368
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:15,855
Can I talk to you outside for a second?

369
00:16:15,857 --> 00:16:17,188
What are you doing?

370
00:16:17,194 --> 00:16:19,259
You can't tell a kid
there's no Santa Claus.

371
00:16:19,261 --> 00:16:21,427
Okay, first of all, I'm high.

372
00:16:21,433 --> 00:16:23,790
You have to take that into account
when judging my behavior.

373
00:16:23,796 --> 00:16:25,827
- Fair enough.
- And second of all,

374
00:16:25,833 --> 00:16:27,233
you guys were ganging up on me.

375
00:16:27,239 --> 00:16:29,357
- My back was against the wall.
- That's true.

376
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,122
We were ganging up on you.
That's my bad.

377
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,798
Let me hit that.

378
00:16:39,339 --> 00:16:40,643
I just want you

379
00:16:40,649 --> 00:16:42,149
to get over your fear of ghosts

380
00:16:42,155 --> 00:16:44,106
so you don't have to sleep
with the dome light on.

381
00:16:44,311 --> 00:16:47,235
We can't keep jump-sing every morning.

382
00:17:27,985 --> 00:17:30,051
- Kid?
- _

383
00:17:30,057 --> 00:17:31,457
Where are you?

384
00:17:31,463 --> 00:17:32,927
Hope he's not doing something bad

385
00:17:32,933 --> 00:17:34,828
now that he knows Santa
Claus isn't watching.

386
00:17:34,830 --> 00:17:36,396
If his parents are religious,

387
00:17:36,398 --> 00:17:37,964
he still has all the Jesus bullshit

388
00:17:37,966 --> 00:17:40,433
to keep him on the straight
and narrow for a while.

389
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,068
Wait a second. There's no Jesus?

390
00:17:42,364 --> 00:17:44,473
At what age do they tell you that?

391
00:17:54,479 --> 00:17:55,678
My name is Sam.

392
00:17:55,684 --> 00:17:56,974
I'm 6 years old.

393
00:17:56,980 --> 00:17:59,486
And tonight I'm supposed
to become a man.

394
00:18:05,761 --> 00:18:09,396
My dad says being a man
means a lot of things.

395
00:18:10,273 --> 00:18:11,884
You're not supposed to suck

396
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:13,733
your thumb or use a pacifier.

397
00:18:13,735 --> 00:18:14,932
That's mine, buddy.

398
00:18:14,938 --> 00:18:17,137
You're not supposed to
play with action figures.

399
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:19,048
And you're not supposed to be scared.

400
00:18:19,054 --> 00:18:20,407
Hey, man!

401
00:18:20,409 --> 00:18:21,984
What did I tell you about making

402
00:18:21,990 --> 00:18:23,410
ghost sounds when I'm high?

403
00:18:23,412 --> 00:18:25,745
But grown-ups do all those things.

404
00:18:25,747 --> 00:18:27,447
So maybe my dad was wrong.

405
00:18:30,385 --> 00:18:34,087
Maybe you can do all
that and still be a man.

406
00:18:34,089 --> 00:18:36,256
Maybe I was already a man.

407
00:18:37,292 --> 00:18:39,225
The only thing I know for sure

408
00:18:39,227 --> 00:18:41,561
is I'm never going to smoke drugs

409
00:18:41,563 --> 00:18:42,996
'cause they mess up your brain

410
00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:45,231
and make you think
Santa Claus isn't real.

411
00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:54,808
See?

412
00:18:54,810 --> 00:18:57,177
Told you he'd be fine.

413
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,313
He smells a little like weed, though.

414
00:19:00,315 --> 00:19:02,515
Probably 'cause we left the window open.

415
00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:03,853
You were right.

416
00:19:03,859 --> 00:19:05,568
I guess it's just hard for me to accept

417
00:19:05,574 --> 00:19:07,141
my little boy is growing up.

418
00:19:07,889 --> 00:19:09,789
He sure drew a lot of pictures.

419
00:19:12,327 --> 00:19:15,028
Such an active imagination.

420
00:19:21,969 --> 00:19:25,004
? Early morning, getting
ready for school ?

421
00:19:25,006 --> 00:19:28,575
? I was just a baby,
just a teenage fool ?

422
00:19:28,577 --> 00:19:30,477
? Mama, can you help me ?

423
00:19:30,479 --> 00:19:31,911
? Shed me some light? ?

424
00:19:31,913 --> 00:19:33,513
? I'm tired of being lost ?

425
00:19:33,515 --> 00:19:35,081
? Tired of losing the fight ?

426
00:19:35,083 --> 00:19:36,916
? She looked me in the eyes ?

427
00:19:36,918 --> 00:19:38,384
? And she buttoned my sweater ?

428
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,620
? Said, "Just be yourself, honey ?

429
00:19:40,622 --> 00:19:42,555
? Only better" ?

430
00:19:45,899 --> 00:19:49,796
? I bit my lip, I didn't cry ?

431
00:19:49,798 --> 00:19:52,966
? I walked to class with
my head held high ?

432
00:19:52,968 --> 00:19:55,668
? But, teacher, my
brain's 'bout to bust ?

433
00:19:55,670 --> 00:19:57,604
? You gave me an F-plus ?

434
00:20:00,208 --> 00:20:01,608
? She said, "That's life ?

435
00:20:01,610 --> 00:20:03,610
? If you don't like the letter ?

436
00:20:03,612 --> 00:20:05,612
? Just do your best ?

437
00:20:05,614 --> 00:20:06,813
? Only better" ?

438
00:20:09,937 --> 00:20:11,918
? There's something wrong ?

439
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,001
- ? Am I broke? ?
- Kid, kid, kid?

440
00:20:14,007 --> 00:20:15,273
Where are you?

441
00:20:15,279 --> 00:20:17,457
? I've seen these smiles
on all the other folks ?

442
00:20:17,459 --> 00:20:20,393
? Everyone's laughing,
but I don't get the joke ?

443
00:20:20,395 --> 00:20:23,563
? I wanna be better ?

444
00:20:23,565 --> 00:20:26,432
? Like fine Italian leather ?

445
00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:28,835
? I wanna be better ?

446
00:20:30,739 --> 00:20:32,238
Oh, Vivian.

447
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,907
Did you do this...

448
00:20:33,909 --> 00:20:35,909
Sorry, no.

449
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,374
Shit.

450
00:20:43,874 --> 00:20:46,719
? I wanna be better ?

451
00:20:51,057 --> 00:20:54,168
_

452
00:20:57,210 --> 00:21:01,996
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -