1 00:00:01,406 --> 00:00:06,626 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:09,675 --> 00:00:12,443 Hubert, great work on the cafeteria gravy story. 3 00:00:12,478 --> 00:00:14,912 Answered a lot of questions but raised a lot more. 4 00:00:16,682 --> 00:00:21,049 I come bearing the thing you journalists hate most: news. 5 00:00:21,096 --> 00:00:23,296 The Daily Fourth Gradian is hemorrhaging money. 6 00:00:23,364 --> 00:00:25,264 Last month the paper lost... 7 00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,300 $32. 8 00:00:28,436 --> 00:00:30,436 But you can't put a price on the truth. 9 00:00:30,472 --> 00:00:35,074 I finally got a source to go on the record about dodgeball concussions. 10 00:00:35,110 --> 00:00:37,076 Bombardment, bombardment. 11 00:00:37,145 --> 00:00:40,046 Bombardment. 12 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,482 I'm sorry, but I have no choice but to bring in a new editor. 13 00:00:42,517 --> 00:00:46,119 The fifth grader who somehow turned the school poetry magazine 14 00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:50,056 into a cash-blasting fire hose: Billy. 15 00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:52,358 Preschool is over, news skanks. 16 00:00:52,393 --> 00:00:54,260 Today is gonna be like Carrie Underwood 17 00:00:54,295 --> 00:00:56,229 hosting the Country Music Awards... 18 00:00:56,297 --> 00:00:58,264 we're in for a lot of changes. 19 00:00:58,299 --> 00:01:00,466 You... I can tell you're a real talent. 20 00:01:00,502 --> 00:01:02,335 Get out. You're fired. 21 00:01:02,370 --> 00:01:04,270 See? No one's safe. 22 00:01:04,305 --> 00:01:06,472 Fidget spinner. 23 00:01:06,508 --> 00:01:08,141 What are you doing? 24 00:01:08,176 --> 00:01:10,042 Hubert's a good journalist. 25 00:01:10,078 --> 00:01:12,378 Good journalism ain't paying the pizza man, toots. 26 00:01:12,413 --> 00:01:15,047 We are going online only: 27 00:01:15,083 --> 00:01:17,383 pop-culture quizzes, sponsored lists, 28 00:01:17,418 --> 00:01:19,485 headlines that grab you by the book bag: 29 00:01:19,521 --> 00:01:22,255 "You Won't Believe What Milhouse Looks Like Now." 30 00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,090 You bet your book bag I won't. 31 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:27,360 But you can't just turn the school paper into online clickbait. 32 00:01:27,395 --> 00:01:29,228 We have a responsibility to... 33 00:01:29,264 --> 00:01:31,230 Oh, my God, it's still talking. 34 00:01:31,266 --> 00:01:34,200 I hate you so much I'm giving you the most important job 35 00:01:34,235 --> 00:01:35,401 at this swipe rag. 36 00:01:35,436 --> 00:01:38,104 - You're a what? - I'm a recapper. 37 00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:40,072 Huh? What? 38 00:01:40,108 --> 00:01:42,041 A TV recapper. 39 00:01:42,076 --> 00:01:45,144 I watch every episode of a show, then write a summary, 40 00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:48,147 followed by snarky comments and a letter grade. 41 00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:50,049 Well, sometimes I do worry 42 00:01:50,118 --> 00:01:53,486 I have the wrong opinions about what I've just seen. 43 00:01:58,126 --> 00:02:00,326 Ugh. This isn't me. 44 00:02:00,361 --> 00:02:03,262 What kind of person can just spew out an endless stream 45 00:02:03,298 --> 00:02:05,398 of knee-jerk reactions? 46 00:02:05,433 --> 00:02:08,034 They should hand out candy at Thanksgiving 47 00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:10,336 and stuffing at Halloween. 48 00:02:10,371 --> 00:02:14,173 Say, Dad, you sure have a lot of strong opinions. 49 00:02:14,209 --> 00:02:17,176 Why don't you watch this show and tell me what you think? 50 00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:29,322 Hey, yeah. Ah! 51 00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:32,058 Ta-da! 52 00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:34,293 Mm-hmm. 53 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,363 Hmm. 54 00:02:37,398 --> 00:02:39,432 The mouse and the cat hate each other. 55 00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:41,234 That feels real to me. 56 00:02:41,302 --> 00:02:43,302 It was quite a ride, and I was on board 57 00:02:43,338 --> 00:02:45,271 until the shawarma screamed. Huh. 58 00:02:45,340 --> 00:02:47,173 Very disappointing. 59 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,108 An instant classic. 60 00:02:49,143 --> 00:02:52,211 Dad, you were born to describe TV at a fourth-grade level. 61 00:02:52,247 --> 00:02:54,247 Ooh, well. 62 00:02:54,282 --> 00:02:57,049 Would you recap The Krusty Show for my school paper? 63 00:02:57,085 --> 00:03:00,253 All you have to do is watch TV and say things about it. 64 00:03:00,288 --> 00:03:03,422 Just say things about TV. 65 00:03:03,458 --> 00:03:06,125 Oh. 66 00:03:11,432 --> 00:03:15,134 Krusty, a recapper is now reviewing your show. 67 00:03:15,169 --> 00:03:16,402 Let me see that. 68 00:03:16,437 --> 00:03:18,204 "Monologue seemed endless"? 69 00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,273 "Pie clearly hits face of stunt double"? 70 00:03:20,308 --> 00:03:23,009 "Overuse of comedic rule of three"?! 71 00:03:23,044 --> 00:03:25,011 Why would I possibly care 72 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:27,446 about the opinion of this pathetic bottom feeder? 73 00:03:27,515 --> 00:03:30,082 Huh? B-minus?! 74 00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:36,088 C-plus?! Aah! 75 00:03:36,124 --> 00:03:39,058 C-minus? 76 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:40,226 Ow! 77 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:43,195 Today's Krusty Show pulled out all the stops. 78 00:03:43,231 --> 00:03:45,031 Which was a huge mistake, 79 00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:48,000 as many of the stops should have been left in. D-plus. 80 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:59,412 I'll teach you to insult a thin-skinned Hollywood narcissist. 81 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,869 Oh, Tesla, your 900-pound feet 82 00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:06,218 of silent, instant torque is the perfect killing machine. 83 00:04:09,023 --> 00:04:11,057 Where do I know that guy? 84 00:04:11,092 --> 00:04:12,291 Aah! Aah! 85 00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:14,360 Vengeful clown! 86 00:04:16,030 --> 00:04:20,053 "Krusty is trying to murder me. 87 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,300 "If he does, 88 00:04:21,369 --> 00:04:24,370 it'll be the first time he's killed in years." 89 00:04:24,405 --> 00:04:27,187 I'm not funny? 90 00:04:27,212 --> 00:04:29,342 You want to see something really humor?! 91 00:04:31,512 --> 00:04:34,080 "Running me off the road? 92 00:04:34,115 --> 00:04:36,382 Clearly, a murderer out of ideas." 93 00:04:40,221 --> 00:04:41,454 Like my show! 94 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:45,157 Why? Is it season four again? 95 00:04:45,193 --> 00:04:46,392 Why, you. 96 00:04:58,473 --> 00:05:00,206 - Whoa. - Whoa. 97 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:12,950 Oh, please be okay. Please be okay. 98 00:05:13,004 --> 00:05:16,055 If anything happened to you, I-I don't know what I'd do. 99 00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,390 Oh, give me a sign. 100 00:05:17,425 --> 00:05:19,258 Let me know my world isn't over. 101 00:05:19,293 --> 00:05:20,993 Don't look in my trunk! 102 00:05:21,062 --> 00:05:23,429 But if you do, a Chinese doctor says I need it. 103 00:05:23,464 --> 00:05:26,132 Oh, you're okay. 104 00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:29,068 All right, tell me who assaulted you, and we'll bring 'em in. 105 00:05:29,103 --> 00:05:33,272 Unless it's gangs or motorcycle guys. A motorcycle guy will whip you 106 00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:35,207 right in the face with his chain. 107 00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:37,009 He doesn't care. 108 00:05:37,078 --> 00:05:39,045 Krusty tried to run me off the road! 109 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,313 But I'm still alive. C-plus. 110 00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,051 Ah. 111 00:05:45,086 --> 00:05:47,558 Don't worry, Krusty. 112 00:05:47,583 --> 00:05:50,022 I know a place where the police will never find you. 113 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:53,459 Yeah, good luck, kid, but I'm a big-time TV celebrity. 114 00:05:53,494 --> 00:05:56,429 The last thing I could ever do is blend in. 115 00:05:56,464 --> 00:05:58,397 Hmm? 116 00:06:00,468 --> 00:06:03,038 The circus? Why? 117 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,203 You're a clown. 118 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,305 I won't stand here and be insulted! 119 00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:08,274 Y... Oh, right. 120 00:06:11,807 --> 00:06:13,540 Kid, I'm a TV clown 121 00:06:13,609 --> 00:06:15,909 not like these trapeze-sucking tent-fluffers. 122 00:06:15,978 --> 00:06:17,811 Circus clowns don't talk, 123 00:06:17,913 --> 00:06:21,715 while I perform to camera with finely honed subtlety. 124 00:06:21,783 --> 00:06:24,117 Hey-hey! 125 00:06:24,186 --> 00:06:26,653 Easy on the "hey-heys." 126 00:06:26,722 --> 00:06:28,755 The cops are looking everywhere for you. 127 00:06:28,824 --> 00:06:29,956 I can't go to jail. 128 00:06:30,025 --> 00:06:32,826 I just quit smoking. What do I do? 129 00:06:32,895 --> 00:06:33,960 Huh? 130 00:06:34,029 --> 00:06:36,730 So, what do you call yourself? 131 00:06:36,798 --> 00:06:41,420 - Soggy. Soggy the Clown. - Thought we already had a Soggy. 132 00:06:41,445 --> 00:06:43,312 Nah, nah, you're thinking of Moisty. 133 00:06:43,414 --> 00:06:44,613 You're hired. 134 00:06:44,682 --> 00:06:47,383 So, Soggy, uh, what's your act? 135 00:06:47,451 --> 00:06:49,518 Well, I can introduce cartoons, 136 00:06:49,587 --> 00:06:52,521 pretend to enjoy children's breakfast cereal. 137 00:06:52,623 --> 00:06:54,976 Oh, and I completely blow my stack 138 00:06:55,001 --> 00:06:57,259 when someone takes my parking space. 139 00:06:57,328 --> 00:07:00,429 You sound like a... TV clown. 140 00:07:00,531 --> 00:07:02,331 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 141 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,267 I hate TV clowns from how you just said that. 142 00:07:05,403 --> 00:07:09,338 TV clowns. Riding four to a car like royalty, 143 00:07:09,407 --> 00:07:12,241 eating their stew from a bowl instead of cupped hands. 144 00:07:12,309 --> 00:07:16,478 And you know who's the worst is that white-faced Judas: Krusty. 145 00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:19,148 Wait. Circus clowns hate Krusty? 146 00:07:19,216 --> 00:07:20,349 Don't you? 147 00:07:20,418 --> 00:07:23,020 In my way I've hated him all my life. 148 00:07:23,046 --> 00:07:25,454 Yeah, you get it, Soggy. You're a good kid. 149 00:07:25,523 --> 00:07:28,290 Anyway, this is where you eat, this is where you sleep, 150 00:07:28,359 --> 00:07:31,193 and this is where you sweep up the elephant crap. 151 00:07:31,262 --> 00:07:34,430 So, all three in this cage. 152 00:07:34,498 --> 00:07:35,597 Efficient, right? 153 00:07:35,666 --> 00:07:37,399 Now meet the finest clowns 154 00:07:37,468 --> 00:07:40,369 from the greatest closed circuses in the world. 155 00:07:40,438 --> 00:07:42,204 Skitters, Bumpo, Wiggles, 156 00:07:42,273 --> 00:07:44,440 Clabby, Dr. Pickles, Mr. Bindle, 157 00:07:44,508 --> 00:07:46,475 Barrels, Drooly, Trembles, 158 00:07:46,544 --> 00:07:47,576 Blitzy, Handsy, 159 00:07:47,645 --> 00:07:49,311 Boobsy, Mr. Boobsy, 160 00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:51,447 Baby Boobsy, the Boobsy Twins, 161 00:07:51,515 --> 00:07:53,348 Ding-a-ling, Bing-bong, Ring-a-ling, 162 00:07:53,417 --> 00:07:55,350 Flip-Flop, Fiddle-Faddle, Flap-Jack, 163 00:07:55,453 --> 00:07:56,385 and Scene Blow. 164 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:57,419 Nice to meet... 165 00:08:00,224 --> 00:08:01,356 Yeah. 166 00:08:03,561 --> 00:08:06,462 It's him. It's really him. 167 00:08:06,597 --> 00:08:09,431 A regular dork and a girl one. 168 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:12,468 It is an honor to meet the man whose recaps were so devastating 169 00:08:12,536 --> 00:08:15,437 that the star of the show tried to kill him. 170 00:08:15,506 --> 00:08:18,107 The secret is, say what happened. 171 00:08:18,175 --> 00:08:20,375 Oh, it's like we're talking to Hemingway. 172 00:08:20,444 --> 00:08:22,511 Or Shep Goldfein from TV Zorp. 173 00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:25,280 How would you like to come recap for us 174 00:08:25,349 --> 00:08:27,349 full-time at Culture Smash? 175 00:08:27,418 --> 00:08:29,551 You'll pay me to watch TV? 176 00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:33,355 God bless you, content-addicted clickbaiters. 177 00:08:33,424 --> 00:08:35,290 We'll start you on 30 shows. 178 00:08:35,359 --> 00:08:37,126 This month? 179 00:08:37,194 --> 00:08:38,327 Uh, no, tonight. 180 00:08:38,429 --> 00:08:41,130 Welcome to Peak TV. 181 00:08:42,199 --> 00:08:44,266 This Is Us. 182 00:08:44,335 --> 00:08:46,368 This is me. 183 00:08:46,437 --> 00:08:47,536 C-plus. 184 00:08:54,411 --> 00:08:56,178 Hey there, Soggy. 185 00:08:56,247 --> 00:08:57,579 You excited for your first show? 186 00:08:57,681 --> 00:08:59,515 Nervous? I'm not nervous. 187 00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:01,316 Get this kid. "Nervous." 188 00:09:01,385 --> 00:09:03,051 Nervous. 189 00:09:03,154 --> 00:09:05,120 Well, you sure are saying "nervous" a lot. 190 00:09:05,189 --> 00:09:06,455 Shut up, you nervous little punk. 191 00:09:06,557 --> 00:09:08,490 I'm the king of 4:00 p.m. TV. 192 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:11,226 I can clown the pants off these losers. 193 00:09:18,569 --> 00:09:20,569 Whoa, what is that? 194 00:09:20,638 --> 00:09:23,372 That's what the clowns here drink before the tent opens. 195 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,208 - It's called Hippo Juice. - Do you even know what's in it? 196 00:09:26,277 --> 00:09:27,543 I need my Hippo Juice! 197 00:10:07,218 --> 00:10:09,251 Okay, Walking Dead. 198 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,520 Too much walking, not enough dead. C-plus. 199 00:10:11,622 --> 00:10:15,123 Game of Thrones. Who is everybody? A-plus. 200 00:10:15,259 --> 00:10:18,594 Stranger Things. Spielberg's back. C-minus. 201 00:10:18,696 --> 00:10:21,530 Homie, you're watching so many shows. 202 00:10:21,665 --> 00:10:23,398 Why don't you take a break? 203 00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,501 We can open the third drawer of the nightstand. 204 00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:28,303 The anniversary drawer. 205 00:10:31,575 --> 00:10:33,408 Mmm. Mmm. 206 00:10:33,544 --> 00:10:35,577 Making out on the bed... a familiar formula, 207 00:10:35,646 --> 00:10:37,446 but still delivers the goods. 208 00:10:37,514 --> 00:10:39,514 Mmm. Ooh, a butt-squeeze. 209 00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:42,384 Motivated by character and moves the story forward. 210 00:10:42,453 --> 00:10:44,319 Mmm. Could an ear nibble be the thing 211 00:10:44,388 --> 00:10:46,455 to reinvigorate this tired franchise? 212 00:10:46,523 --> 00:10:49,291 Wait. Are-are you recapping our snuggle? 213 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,493 No, no, just pillow talk, baby. 214 00:10:51,562 --> 00:10:53,428 If you say so. 215 00:10:53,497 --> 00:10:54,596 Savvy viewers will notice 216 00:10:54,665 --> 00:10:56,565 the husband hasn't brushed his teeth. 217 00:10:56,634 --> 00:10:58,333 That is it. 218 00:10:58,402 --> 00:11:02,137 You're watching so many TV shows for your recapping job, 219 00:11:02,206 --> 00:11:03,538 it's ruining our life. 220 00:11:03,641 --> 00:11:06,241 And don't you dare give me a letter grade. 221 00:11:06,343 --> 00:11:09,578 Okay, I'll just let this be... minus. 222 00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:12,447 It's either me or the job. 223 00:11:12,549 --> 00:11:16,585 Hmm. Marge creates what feels like false jeopardy. 224 00:11:16,654 --> 00:11:19,488 No, the moment is well earned. 225 00:11:21,292 --> 00:11:24,159 Oh, they just got rid of their best character. 226 00:11:25,629 --> 00:11:28,530 Soggy, a word of advice: you suck. 227 00:11:28,599 --> 00:11:30,465 Turn in your Hippo Juice bucket, 228 00:11:30,534 --> 00:11:32,534 your hippo crystals, and your hippo pipe. 229 00:11:32,603 --> 00:11:34,269 You're fired. 230 00:11:35,572 --> 00:11:38,540 Oh, come on, Tootso. You don't really mean that, do you? 231 00:11:38,609 --> 00:11:40,409 Oh, it's true. 232 00:11:40,511 --> 00:11:43,578 I'm a terrible clown. 233 00:11:43,647 --> 00:11:45,280 Cheer up, Krusty. 234 00:11:45,349 --> 00:11:48,250 There's got to be another circus out there, a worse one. 235 00:11:48,385 --> 00:11:50,352 Nah. I'm not a TV clown. 236 00:11:50,421 --> 00:11:51,620 I'm not a circus clown. 237 00:11:51,722 --> 00:11:54,323 I'm nothing. 238 00:11:54,391 --> 00:11:56,625 Soggy, the high wire bear got sick 239 00:11:56,694 --> 00:11:58,560 after eating the Guess-Your-Weight Guy, 240 00:11:58,629 --> 00:12:00,462 so we need somebody to do his act. 241 00:12:00,531 --> 00:12:02,164 And none of the other clowns will do it 242 00:12:02,232 --> 00:12:03,365 because there's no net. 243 00:12:03,434 --> 00:12:05,167 So, well, we thought of you. 244 00:12:05,235 --> 00:12:07,569 You mean a last chance to redeem myself? 245 00:12:07,638 --> 00:12:09,604 No. No, no. If you live, you're still fired. 246 00:12:09,673 --> 00:12:11,340 Oh, who cares? 247 00:12:11,408 --> 00:12:12,641 I'm in. 248 00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:14,509 ? I don't care ? 249 00:12:14,578 --> 00:12:16,144 ? If I live or die ? 250 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:19,147 ? Wait, I do, I want to die ? 251 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,415 ? Who will claim my body? ? 252 00:12:20,484 --> 00:12:22,150 ? Maybe the monkey ? 253 00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:23,185 ? Do-do-do-do-do. ? 254 00:12:23,253 --> 00:12:24,486 Whoa! 255 00:12:24,588 --> 00:12:26,288 Oh. Whoa! 256 00:12:28,258 --> 00:12:29,424 Ow! 257 00:12:29,493 --> 00:12:31,259 Oh! 258 00:12:31,328 --> 00:12:32,227 Whoa! 259 00:12:34,365 --> 00:12:36,365 Ow. 260 00:12:43,574 --> 00:12:45,173 Ta-da. 261 00:12:46,410 --> 00:12:47,576 They're applauding. 262 00:12:47,678 --> 00:12:49,277 And there's no applause sign. 263 00:12:49,346 --> 00:12:51,179 I didn't know that was possible. 264 00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:54,349 Circus cheers are the greatest cheers in the world! 265 00:12:54,418 --> 00:12:57,185 There he is, there's our new star. 266 00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,154 That was the most daring act I've ever seen. 267 00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:02,324 And I saw a circus do a Beatles tribute without permission. 268 00:13:02,393 --> 00:13:05,127 I think I'm falling for you, Soggy. 269 00:13:05,195 --> 00:13:07,162 I don't think you're really my type. 270 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,401 Mmm, you. 271 00:13:16,507 --> 00:13:19,241 My whole life up till now was nothing. 272 00:13:19,309 --> 00:13:22,377 From this day forward, I am Soggy, 273 00:13:22,446 --> 00:13:24,446 Soggy the Clown! 274 00:13:47,277 --> 00:13:48,976 I'm flattered, Tootso, 275 00:13:49,012 --> 00:13:51,714 but I'm already seeing someone. 276 00:13:51,739 --> 00:13:54,227 I'll meet you behind the seal tank in half an hour. 277 00:13:55,528 --> 00:13:58,095 Good news. Your agent just called. 278 00:13:58,164 --> 00:14:00,231 A Japanese game show needs an American celebrity 279 00:14:00,266 --> 00:14:03,134 to pop out of toilets to scare couples on dates. 280 00:14:03,169 --> 00:14:05,036 The cops will never find you. 281 00:14:05,104 --> 00:14:07,071 Two weeks ago, I would've jumped at that. 282 00:14:07,106 --> 00:14:09,307 But I'm a circus clown now. 283 00:14:09,342 --> 00:14:11,375 But you're a big-time TV star. 284 00:14:11,411 --> 00:14:13,344 Ain't the circus worse by far? 285 00:14:13,379 --> 00:14:16,113 Oh, I used to love celebrity, 286 00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:18,416 but I've got big top clarity. 287 00:14:18,451 --> 00:14:20,418 Because... 288 00:14:24,117 --> 00:14:26,123 ? Circus clowning ? 289 00:14:26,159 --> 00:14:28,125 ? Is the life for me ? 290 00:14:28,161 --> 00:14:31,062 ? Gonna flip the bird to lousy kids' TV ? 291 00:14:31,097 --> 00:14:34,298 ? Circus folk have real camaraderie ? 292 00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:37,168 ? I can't be fired 'cause they don't test my pee ? 293 00:14:37,203 --> 00:14:40,471 ? He'd be positive for every sedative ? 294 00:14:40,506 --> 00:14:44,208 ? Circus laughter, there's no greater high ? 295 00:14:44,277 --> 00:14:47,078 ? Crowd is fired up 'cause they might see you die ? 296 00:14:47,113 --> 00:14:48,312 ? If he breaks his neck ? 297 00:14:48,348 --> 00:14:50,247 ? What a thrill they'll get ? 298 00:14:50,316 --> 00:14:53,384 ? All my problems have been solved for free ? 299 00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:57,021 ? Talking to the bear sure beats therapy ? 300 00:14:57,056 --> 00:15:00,191 ? A hug can beat fear of women's feet ? 301 00:15:00,259 --> 00:15:03,094 ? Can I join the circus if I'm only ten? ? 302 00:15:03,129 --> 00:15:06,247 ? Here's a fake I.D., now your name is Ben ? 303 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,233 ? Ain't no mom to keep me safe and sound ? 304 00:15:09,268 --> 00:15:11,102 ? I get to juggle swords ? 305 00:15:11,137 --> 00:15:13,004 ? Eat corn dogs off the ground ? 306 00:15:13,072 --> 00:15:16,207 ? So, good riddance to TV ? 307 00:15:16,275 --> 00:15:19,010 ? I feel alive instead of live-plus-three ? 308 00:15:19,045 --> 00:15:21,012 ? Because circus clowning ? 309 00:15:21,047 --> 00:15:24,181 ? Is the life for me. ? 310 00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:28,319 Bad news: 311 00:15:28,354 --> 00:15:30,087 we're shutting down the circus. 312 00:15:30,123 --> 00:15:31,455 Shutting it down? But why? 313 00:15:31,491 --> 00:15:34,358 - A terrible video got out. - Which one? 314 00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:37,128 The video we sell here at the circus. 315 00:15:37,163 --> 00:15:40,131 If they close this place down, what do I run away to? 316 00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:41,165 College? 317 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,466 It's all over. 318 00:15:42,502 --> 00:15:45,069 I'm losing the only happiness I didn't have to chug, 319 00:15:45,138 --> 00:15:47,438 snort, shoot, bet on, or get enlarged. 320 00:15:47,473 --> 00:15:50,341 For the first time, I was a real clown. 321 00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:53,244 And now I've lost that. 322 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,114 To save my marriage, effective immediately, 323 00:15:57,150 --> 00:15:59,016 I'm resigning as recapper. 324 00:15:59,052 --> 00:16:00,451 My apologies to Culture Smash 325 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,087 and the entire Garbage Blast media family. 326 00:16:04,390 --> 00:16:05,990 Mm. 327 00:16:09,362 --> 00:16:11,228 - Get in. - Okay. 328 00:16:15,468 --> 00:16:19,136 Homer, I'm the CEO of a major media conglomerate. 329 00:16:19,172 --> 00:16:20,404 We can't have you quit. 330 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,074 You're one of America's top recappers. 331 00:16:23,109 --> 00:16:26,077 I had to quit; recapping was ruining my marriage. 332 00:16:26,112 --> 00:16:28,245 There were so many shows, I couldn't keep up. 333 00:16:28,314 --> 00:16:32,049 It's true. Currently there are over 500 scripted shows 334 00:16:32,085 --> 00:16:34,151 on network, cable, and streaming. 335 00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,320 Why are you making so many shows? 336 00:16:36,355 --> 00:16:39,123 No one could watch more than 300 of them. 337 00:16:39,158 --> 00:16:40,991 Oh, we don't care if people watch. 338 00:16:41,027 --> 00:16:42,426 We just care if they subscribe 339 00:16:42,495 --> 00:16:45,429 for $13 a month. 340 00:16:45,465 --> 00:16:47,465 You see, if people subscribe but don't watch, 341 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,167 then we don't actually have to make the shows. 342 00:16:50,236 --> 00:16:53,037 We just need viewers to believe they can watch them. 343 00:16:53,072 --> 00:16:54,271 Fake shows? 344 00:16:54,307 --> 00:16:56,006 But what if people try to see them? 345 00:16:56,042 --> 00:16:58,209 They won't, because recappers like you 346 00:16:58,277 --> 00:17:00,211 will give those shows a B-minus. 347 00:17:00,246 --> 00:17:03,013 No one ever watches a B-minus. 348 00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:04,949 But, but that's crazy. 349 00:17:04,984 --> 00:17:06,217 It could never work. 350 00:17:06,252 --> 00:17:07,384 It already has. 351 00:17:07,453 --> 00:17:10,187 Are you familiar with the USA Network? 352 00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:14,158 Sure. Royal Pains, Suits, White Collar. 353 00:17:14,193 --> 00:17:17,128 Have you ever seen any of those shows? 354 00:17:17,196 --> 00:17:19,396 No, but somebody must have... 355 00:17:19,432 --> 00:17:21,132 Surely somebody... 356 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,267 There is no USA Network. 357 00:17:23,302 --> 00:17:25,269 There hasn't been for 20 years. 358 00:17:25,338 --> 00:17:27,304 It's just bus ads! 359 00:17:27,340 --> 00:17:29,073 Oh, my God. 360 00:17:29,108 --> 00:17:31,976 Peak TV is a lie. 361 00:17:32,011 --> 00:17:33,377 Your plan is insane. 362 00:17:33,412 --> 00:17:35,045 Perhaps. 363 00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:37,014 But not as insane as making... 364 00:17:37,049 --> 00:17:41,018 that... many... shows. 365 00:17:41,053 --> 00:17:43,320 I never had faith in God or family, 366 00:17:43,356 --> 00:17:46,123 but I had faith in television. 367 00:17:46,159 --> 00:17:48,392 And I won't let you do this to Him. 368 00:17:48,427 --> 00:17:53,197 I have everything you said recapped right here. 369 00:17:53,232 --> 00:17:54,999 And I'm gonna tell the whole world 370 00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:57,168 every detail of your terrible plan. 371 00:17:59,172 --> 00:18:01,138 Hey, there's half a birthday cake in the break room. 372 00:18:01,174 --> 00:18:02,306 Mind if I...? 373 00:18:02,375 --> 00:18:04,241 All right, I get it, I get it. 374 00:18:13,319 --> 00:18:15,953 No, no, you can't close the circus. 375 00:18:16,022 --> 00:18:18,022 There's got to be a way to keep this place running. 376 00:18:18,090 --> 00:18:20,224 If we only had 50 grand, we could start over 377 00:18:20,259 --> 00:18:22,126 with a new name and a new act. 378 00:18:22,195 --> 00:18:24,328 Yeah. We can get the Flying Branzinos. 379 00:18:24,363 --> 00:18:27,364 Nobody pickpockets a crowd like those guys. 380 00:18:27,433 --> 00:18:31,268 But we don't have the 50 grand. 381 00:18:31,337 --> 00:18:34,371 The circus is done. 382 00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,108 No, no, listen. 383 00:18:38,144 --> 00:18:40,377 I can get you your money. 384 00:18:40,446 --> 00:18:42,980 With this. 385 00:18:43,015 --> 00:18:44,348 You're gonna teach us to read? 386 00:18:44,383 --> 00:18:47,017 No. I'm Krusty. 387 00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:53,023 Hey-hey. 388 00:19:17,283 --> 00:19:19,950 On the count of attempted murder of Homer Simpson, 389 00:19:20,019 --> 00:19:22,219 the jury finds Herschel Krustofsky... 390 00:19:22,288 --> 00:19:23,941 not guilty? 391 00:19:25,091 --> 00:19:27,057 It was self-defense, Your Honor. 392 00:19:27,126 --> 00:19:31,095 That recapper gave Krusty's show bad grades. 393 00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:33,297 It was justifiable Homer-cide. 394 00:19:33,332 --> 00:19:36,133 He gave Outlander a B-minus. 395 00:19:36,168 --> 00:19:39,303 That show knows what it wants to be. Come on. 396 00:19:39,372 --> 00:19:43,207 Ooh, I've heard that gets really good about eight episodes in. 397 00:19:43,276 --> 00:19:45,075 Krusty, you're free to go. 398 00:19:45,111 --> 00:19:47,044 Mmm. 399 00:19:49,549 --> 00:19:52,983 Is there room on that train for one more clown? 400 00:19:53,019 --> 00:19:54,451 Well, he did save the circus. 401 00:19:54,487 --> 00:19:56,153 What do you say, Scuzzo? 402 00:19:56,188 --> 00:19:59,156 Please, I'm not Krusty anymore. 403 00:19:59,225 --> 00:20:01,292 I'm a circus clown. 404 00:20:01,327 --> 00:20:04,395 I'm Soggy. 405 00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:07,031 You're a, you're a TV clown. 406 00:20:07,066 --> 00:20:10,301 The greatest TV clown I've ever had the honor to know. 407 00:20:10,336 --> 00:20:12,069 But you're a traitor to our kind. 408 00:20:25,251 --> 00:20:27,084 Goodbye, circus. 409 00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:28,319 Goodbye. 410 00:20:35,227 --> 00:20:38,195 Another terrible show. 411 00:20:38,264 --> 00:20:41,131 Thanks a lot, Chris Pine. 412 00:20:42,368 --> 00:20:44,335 And now the bad recap. 413 00:20:44,403 --> 00:20:47,504 They always find some new chump to tear me down. 414 00:20:47,540 --> 00:20:49,440 "A"? I got an "A"? 415 00:20:49,508 --> 00:20:51,763 Everything I've ever done has been great! 416 00:20:51,808 --> 00:20:54,090 I'll never be sad again. 417 00:20:55,514 --> 00:20:57,314 "A" is for Ralph. 418 00:20:59,085 --> 00:21:05,181 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 419 00:21:08,987 --> 00:21:10,469 Dad, Look! 420 00:21:10,494 --> 00:21:12,666 They posted our story this morning. 421 00:21:12,691 --> 00:21:14,485 Hmm. 422 00:21:14,519 --> 00:21:17,420 Together we've exposed the truth. 423 00:21:17,489 --> 00:21:20,189 It'll be the one legitimate piece of journalism 424 00:21:20,325 --> 00:21:21,524 on the whole site. 425 00:21:21,626 --> 00:21:24,494 What's with this boring Peak TV article? 426 00:21:24,562 --> 00:21:27,820 My patience is growing shorter than Rachel Maddow's crew cut. 427 00:21:27,845 --> 00:21:29,365 How many times do I have to tell you: 428 00:21:29,467 --> 00:21:31,167 no bait, no clicks. 429 00:21:31,192 --> 00:21:32,545 Hey, you, yeah, gummy bear, 430 00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:34,861 put up a slideshow that'll get me some eyeballs. 431 00:21:34,886 --> 00:21:36,372 Eyeballs! 432 00:21:44,282 --> 00:21:46,215 Ooh.