1
00:00:13,435 --> 00:00:15,342
Ah.

2
00:00:16,271 --> 00:00:19,039
In case you were wondering
why I'm so tired...

3
00:00:19,108 --> 00:00:21,041
- I wasn't.
- I was up late

4
00:00:21,110 --> 00:00:23,844
watching French films... in French.

5
00:00:23,912 --> 00:00:27,714
And then, last night,
my dreams were in French!

6
00:00:27,750 --> 00:00:29,883
My dream is you keep moving.

7
00:00:32,287 --> 00:00:36,056
Lisa Simpson,
a bright girl in a dull school.

8
00:00:36,125 --> 00:00:37,858
She likes the sound a Sharpie makes

9
00:00:37,926 --> 00:00:39,392
when she does well on a test.

10
00:00:41,830 --> 00:00:45,265
She adores the woody sweetness
of a fresh baritone reed.

11
00:00:45,334 --> 00:00:46,733
Mmm.

12
00:00:46,769 --> 00:00:48,869
But she hates, more than anything,

13
00:00:48,904 --> 00:00:51,538
finding a place to eat at lunch.

14
00:01:05,053 --> 00:01:06,887
What was this?

15
00:01:06,955 --> 00:01:08,722
You will soon see.

16
00:01:08,791 --> 00:01:10,323
Frankly, I am redundant.

17
00:01:16,665 --> 00:01:18,431
"J. Beardsley."

18
00:01:19,334 --> 00:01:21,234
Jasper!

19
00:01:21,303 --> 00:01:23,036
Suddenly, in the middle

20
00:01:23,105 --> 00:01:26,573
of this crap school, a mystery!

21
00:01:26,642 --> 00:01:28,875
Meanwhile, for the first time
in his life,

22
00:01:28,944 --> 00:01:30,744
Homer would be disappointed
in a kitchen.

23
00:01:30,813 --> 00:01:32,979
Oh, my God. Leftovers!

24
00:01:33,048 --> 00:01:37,484
Air, nothing, more air, space, air,

25
00:01:37,553 --> 00:01:39,452
not spaghetti, not meatloaf,

26
00:01:39,521 --> 00:01:41,721
missing chili, absence
of mac and cheese!

27
00:01:41,790 --> 00:01:43,323
There must be some food here.

28
00:01:44,893 --> 00:01:47,460
The devil's trees.

29
00:01:47,529 --> 00:01:49,262
No!

30
00:01:49,331 --> 00:01:51,231
- Homie, relax.
- Okay.

31
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:54,623
I've decided to be a
Tubberware salesperson.

32
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,069
Tubberware? Isn't that the thing

33
00:01:56,138 --> 00:01:57,737
where you find people to host parties

34
00:01:57,806 --> 00:02:00,340
where you then sell everyone
plastic food boxes?

35
00:02:00,409 --> 00:02:02,409
Well, you do your Kickstarters.

36
00:02:02,477 --> 00:02:04,945
Hey, if people pay to send me on my tour

37
00:02:05,013 --> 00:02:08,415
of rocking chairs in the
Midwest, that helps everyone.

38
00:02:08,483 --> 00:02:10,317
We really could use the money.

39
00:02:10,385 --> 00:02:12,152
They're still garnishing your wages

40
00:02:12,221 --> 00:02:14,321
after that garnish war you waged.

41
00:02:14,356 --> 00:02:16,256
Please, Homie.

42
00:02:16,325 --> 00:02:18,024
I want to open a checking account

43
00:02:18,093 --> 00:02:20,627
so the family finally has one.

44
00:02:20,696 --> 00:02:23,864
Marge, no wife of mine
will ever have to work.

45
00:02:23,932 --> 00:02:26,299
Is what men used to say
for some insane reason.

46
00:02:26,368 --> 00:02:28,468
You have my blessing.

47
00:02:28,537 --> 00:02:30,537
Where's Jasper? He's late again.

48
00:02:30,606 --> 00:02:32,806
Maybe we should feed the birds
without him.

49
00:02:32,875 --> 00:02:35,141
Don't tell me
you fed the birds without me?

50
00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,810
You were in a coma!

51
00:02:36,879 --> 00:02:38,545
Mein Gott, what else happened?

52
00:02:38,614 --> 00:02:40,280
You won't like who's president.

53
00:02:40,349 --> 00:02:41,948
It's not Bernie?

54
00:02:45,721 --> 00:02:47,888
Lisa returned
Jasper's childhood,

55
00:02:47,923 --> 00:02:51,358
and all she wanted
was her own secret giggle.

56
00:02:51,426 --> 00:02:54,027
Jasper.

57
00:02:55,564 --> 00:02:57,998
Oh, my God.

58
00:03:00,802 --> 00:03:03,036
What do you got there? A bento box?

59
00:03:03,071 --> 00:03:05,572
Somebody's ashes? Apple TV?

60
00:03:05,641 --> 00:03:08,041
Oy. One more guess,
and I'm gonna need a nap.

61
00:03:08,110 --> 00:03:09,576
When I was six years old,

62
00:03:09,645 --> 00:03:11,845
I brought my treasure box
for show-and-tell.

63
00:03:11,914 --> 00:03:14,214
Another kid took it, never gave it back.

64
00:03:14,283 --> 00:03:16,416
And now, somehow, it's here.

65
00:03:16,485 --> 00:03:18,752
I've been angry my whole life,
but suddenly,

66
00:03:18,820 --> 00:03:21,821
the world seems... magical.

67
00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:23,990
For the first time ever,

68
00:03:24,059 --> 00:03:25,725
Lisa experienced a feeling

69
00:03:25,794 --> 00:03:28,094
that could only be described
as... magnifique.

70
00:03:28,163 --> 00:03:30,030
I don't mean to overstate this,

71
00:03:30,098 --> 00:03:32,198
but the sun is shining
a little bit brighter,

72
00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:35,902
because of me!

73
00:03:35,938 --> 00:03:38,271
Tubberware? I'd love to buy some.

74
00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:39,940
No, you don't buy it now.

75
00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:43,443
You have a party, and then
I sell it to your friends.

76
00:03:43,512 --> 00:03:45,045
No!

77
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,013
You have the party at your house...

78
00:03:47,082 --> 00:03:48,615
Oh.

79
00:03:48,650 --> 00:03:51,051
Then, when your friends
fill out the order forms, we...

80
00:03:51,119 --> 00:03:52,519
Oh.

81
00:03:52,554 --> 00:03:54,587
If you host a Tubberware party,

82
00:03:54,656 --> 00:03:57,958
you get an exclusive gift:
a lemonade pitcher!

83
00:03:58,026 --> 00:04:02,562
Ma'am, if the good Lord wanted
us to store juice in plastic,

84
00:04:02,631 --> 00:04:05,932
he wouldn't have made
a possum's bladder watertight.

85
00:04:08,003 --> 00:04:09,802
Okay, Marge, you're like

86
00:04:09,827 --> 00:04:11,604
a black hole of sadness and split ends.

87
00:04:11,673 --> 00:04:13,239
What is wrong with you?

88
00:04:13,308 --> 00:04:16,109
I haven't booked
a single Tubberware party.

89
00:04:16,144 --> 00:04:18,244
I don't know why
I thought I could do this.

90
00:04:18,313 --> 00:04:21,648
I don't have that... What's the
Jewish word for "chutzpah"?

91
00:04:21,717 --> 00:04:23,450
You mean you have no confidence?

92
00:04:23,518 --> 00:04:26,286
I don't. I always take the bad pancake.

93
00:04:26,355 --> 00:04:29,456
I spend so much time putting
sunscreen on everyone else,

94
00:04:29,524 --> 00:04:31,124
I get sunburned.

95
00:04:31,193 --> 00:04:35,495
Ooh. Just like with a doormat,
the key is underneath.

96
00:04:35,564 --> 00:04:37,430
- Huh?
- You know what?

97
00:04:37,499 --> 00:04:39,165
I will throw a Tubberware party for you.

98
00:04:39,201 --> 00:04:41,167
But it's gonna take me a while to plan.

99
00:04:41,236 --> 00:04:43,603
- How about tonight?
- You're on!

100
00:04:43,672 --> 00:04:46,106
What the heck are you doing?

101
00:04:46,174 --> 00:04:49,442
That's a punchbowl,
and that's for leftover lasagna.

102
00:04:49,511 --> 00:04:52,145
What?! Whoever heard
of leftover lasagna?

103
00:04:52,214 --> 00:04:54,447
Maybe you should
just go to Moe's.

104
00:04:54,483 --> 00:04:56,850
Fine, but I'm not gonna get drunk.

105
00:04:56,918 --> 00:05:00,120
Oh, okay, sweetie, I'll get drunk.

106
00:05:00,188 --> 00:05:02,489
I just can't stay sober at you.

107
00:05:02,524 --> 00:05:04,324
Ah!

108
00:05:04,536 --> 00:05:06,736
I can't do this. I can't do this!

109
00:05:06,771 --> 00:05:09,639
Can't? Can't? Marge, I never want

110
00:05:09,707 --> 00:05:13,142
to hear you use
the C-A-next-Tuesday word again.

111
00:05:13,211 --> 00:05:16,812
You need to tap
into your female warrior side.

112
00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:18,281
I don't have one of those.

113
00:05:18,316 --> 00:05:20,283
Then we're gonna have to create one!

114
00:05:20,351 --> 00:05:22,285
Makeover time!

115
00:05:23,821 --> 00:05:27,557
Okay, think pretty thoughts!

116
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:35,008
Now, get rid of those things
on your feet and put these on.

117
00:05:36,478 --> 00:05:40,413
Mmm. It changes my whole body.

118
00:05:40,482 --> 00:05:44,084
And what is going on back there?

119
00:05:44,153 --> 00:05:48,088
Behold, your rump has become...
a booty, baby!

120
00:05:48,157 --> 00:05:49,589
Mm-hmm.

121
00:05:49,658 --> 00:05:53,059
Now go out there and sell some thingies!

122
00:05:53,128 --> 00:05:55,061
Mmm.

123
00:05:55,130 --> 00:05:56,997
Julio,

124
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,565
what is this? I don't want to sit

125
00:05:58,634 --> 00:06:00,400
through some kind of sales pitch.

126
00:06:00,469 --> 00:06:02,836
I just want a simple evening
of appetizers,

127
00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:05,572
cocktails and nitrous oxide.

128
00:06:05,641 --> 00:06:07,707
Hello, boys.

129
00:06:07,776 --> 00:06:09,809
I see you're checking out
the merchandise.

130
00:06:09,878 --> 00:06:13,680
Let me assure you,
the lids match the tubs.

131
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:18,351
Mm. Mm-hmm.

132
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:21,988
Oh. You should have told us this
was a drag Tubberware party.

133
00:06:22,057 --> 00:06:25,258
He's the most convincing woman
I've ever seen.

134
00:06:25,327 --> 00:06:26,860
Oh, oh, yes, yes.

135
00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:28,995
He is quite the impersonator.

136
00:06:29,064 --> 00:06:31,464
He calls himself "Marge."

137
00:06:31,533 --> 00:06:33,700
Perfect! "Marge."

138
00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:36,803
If she were any more camp,
she'd be a Coleman lantern.

139
00:06:36,872 --> 00:06:40,840
All right, boys,
let's put tops on bottoms.

140
00:06:44,379 --> 00:06:46,746
And you wanted to go dancing.

141
00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:49,015
Mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm.

142
00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:51,051
And voilà... a Marge-tini!

143
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,819
But don't worry.

144
00:06:52,888 --> 00:06:55,822
That's not the only surprise
I've got tucked away.

145
00:06:55,891 --> 00:06:58,024
- She's funny.
- Bea Arthur funny?

146
00:06:58,093 --> 00:06:59,960
No one's that funny.

147
00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:02,829
And that night,
Marge sold more Tubberware

148
00:07:02,898 --> 00:07:04,464
than she ever imagined.

149
00:07:04,533 --> 00:07:07,200
And I, drawn by the farcical premise,

150
00:07:07,269 --> 00:07:09,569
began narrating her story, too.

151
00:07:09,605 --> 00:07:11,171
Look at all these orders!

152
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,806
I'm really good at this.

153
00:07:12,874 --> 00:07:15,508
Yeah, well, uh, you see, um...

154
00:07:15,577 --> 00:07:17,510
"Marge" is good at this.

155
00:07:17,579 --> 00:07:19,879
Yeah, Marge. Me. I'm Marge.

156
00:07:19,948 --> 00:07:22,421
Okay, so here's what happened, okay?

157
00:07:22,446 --> 00:07:25,922
This is so important,
I'm gonna drop the accent.

158
00:07:25,947 --> 00:07:27,131
Everyone thought

159
00:07:27,145 --> 00:07:28,978
you were a drag queen.

160
00:07:31,521 --> 00:07:33,903
I felt so pretty, but the whole time,

161
00:07:33,928 --> 00:07:35,594
people thought I was a man.

162
00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:38,800
A man who looked like a fabulous woman!

163
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:42,656
Drag queens can be
very beautiful. Exhibit: me.

164
00:07:42,681 --> 00:07:45,048
I call myself "Penelope Cruising."

165
00:07:45,117 --> 00:07:49,057
I was Mr. Burns's date
for the Kennedy Center Honors.

166
00:07:49,082 --> 00:07:50,520
See? Look how cute I am.

167
00:07:50,589 --> 00:07:53,823
All his dates have
to give him transfusions.

168
00:07:53,892 --> 00:07:57,293
Now I know why he said I was his type.

169
00:07:57,362 --> 00:07:58,862
You get it?

170
00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:01,464
Well, the next time,
I'm just going to be myself.

171
00:08:01,533 --> 00:08:04,467
But that was you, you with confidence.

172
00:08:04,536 --> 00:08:06,469
Oh, you're just being nice.

173
00:08:06,538 --> 00:08:08,672
It was ju! It was ju! It was ju!

174
00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:11,508
And besides,
the top Tubberware sellers...

175
00:08:11,576 --> 00:08:13,009
they're all drag queens.

176
00:08:13,078 --> 00:08:15,078
What? That can't be true.

177
00:08:20,652 --> 00:08:23,173
So, what do you say, Marge?
Are you in it to win it?

178
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:24,254
Go for it, Marge!

179
00:08:24,322 --> 00:08:26,990
Who cares if what's outside
doesn't match what's inside?

180
00:08:27,059 --> 00:08:31,428
I'm labeled "Lunch Snacks,"
but people use me to store pot.

181
00:08:31,463 --> 00:08:33,430
And I'm for storing bread.

182
00:08:33,498 --> 00:08:37,434
All the bread you're gonna make
selling Tubberware.

183
00:08:37,502 --> 00:08:39,602
Did you just high-five that bowl?

184
00:08:39,638 --> 00:08:42,505
Be cool, Marge. Be cool.

185
00:08:42,574 --> 00:08:46,042
Homer, order anything you like.
It's on me.

186
00:08:46,111 --> 00:08:47,944
Anything.

187
00:08:47,979 --> 00:08:50,380
Okay. I'm gonna need two menus
and four tables.

188
00:08:50,449 --> 00:08:52,182
And get rid of all this silverware.

189
00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:54,384
- It just slows me down.
- I got it. I got it.

190
00:08:54,453 --> 00:08:58,088
We need help. Someone get Mama
back from bingo.

191
00:08:58,156 --> 00:09:00,090
I am on my way.

192
00:09:00,158 --> 00:09:01,891
But all you need is a "G."

193
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:07,263
You should be like the "G"
in gnocchi... silent!

194
00:09:07,299 --> 00:09:10,366
Mmm. Oh, Marge, thank you.

195
00:09:10,435 --> 00:09:13,103
Thank you. I'm so happy!

196
00:09:13,171 --> 00:09:15,171
And there it is.

197
00:09:16,708 --> 00:09:19,976
Leftover lasagna.

198
00:09:27,719 --> 00:09:29,247
D'oh!

199
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,888
Lisa still
felt sort of magnifique,

200
00:09:31,957 --> 00:09:35,427
but the magical feeling from
her good deed started to fade.

201
00:09:35,452 --> 00:09:39,060
So she thought: why not secretly
bring magic into others' lives?

202
00:09:39,147 --> 00:09:40,363
Yes.

203
00:09:40,398 --> 00:09:43,250
FRENCH NARRATOR: Her first
project: restore the lost love

204
00:09:43,275 --> 00:09:46,069
between the identical-looking
Kirk and Luann.

205
00:10:00,652 --> 00:10:05,789
Looks like dying my nose
hair's really paying off!

206
00:10:05,857 --> 00:10:07,423
Next, Lisa helped Gil,

207
00:10:07,492 --> 00:10:09,826
Springfield's Pepé Le Pew,
minus the charm.

208
00:10:09,895 --> 00:10:13,663
Sir, would ya like one?
No, huh? Well, I guess not.

209
00:10:13,732 --> 00:10:15,799
Ma'am? Uh, maybe next time.

210
00:10:15,867 --> 00:10:18,198
Come on! I only get paid
if they're all gone.

211
00:10:18,223 --> 00:10:20,503
And they check the trash, believe me.

212
00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:23,540
Oh, my God. People are taking them!

213
00:10:24,943 --> 00:10:28,344
I'm turning the heat on
in my car tonight.

214
00:10:32,555 --> 00:10:33,821
Bart. Wake up.

215
00:10:33,846 --> 00:10:35,652
Bart! I need your help again.

216
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,554
But Lisa's greatest challenge

217
00:10:37,622 --> 00:10:39,823
was to make Mrs. Skinner
believe in her son again.

218
00:10:39,891 --> 00:10:42,907
So Lisa created an imaginary
journal for Seymour,

219
00:10:42,932 --> 00:10:44,160
one that would mend all fences.

220
00:10:44,229 --> 00:10:47,664
I have to get this fake diary
into Skinner's house.

221
00:10:47,732 --> 00:10:49,792
Here's the key.

222
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,034
Here's a floor plan of the house.

223
00:10:51,069 --> 00:10:54,070
Oh, and here's some tuna.
I'm making his cat really fat.

224
00:10:58,210 --> 00:10:59,709
So Lisa hid the diary

225
00:10:59,778 --> 00:11:01,744
where she knew Mrs. Skinner
would find it...

226
00:11:01,813 --> 00:11:04,480
anywhere a grown man
would expect privacy.

227
00:11:04,516 --> 00:11:05,849
Huh?

228
00:11:05,917 --> 00:11:08,251
"Mother is a great woman."

229
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,253
Seymour loves me!

230
00:11:10,322 --> 00:11:13,347
Oh, my God! How does a mother apologize

231
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:16,841
for 50 years of ridiculing her son?

232
00:11:16,866 --> 00:11:20,023
A gift card now, and an
apology on my deathbed.

233
00:11:20,037 --> 00:11:23,405
Meanwhile, to help perfect
her art and increase business,

234
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:24,973
Julio took Marge

235
00:11:25,042 --> 00:11:26,975
to Springfield's hottest drag club,

236
00:11:27,044 --> 00:11:30,145
with its most confusing
bathroom signage.

237
00:11:30,214 --> 00:11:32,981
Marge, this is Queen Chanté,

238
00:11:33,017 --> 00:11:35,150
Barbra Streisman,

239
00:11:35,219 --> 00:11:37,219
the Mysterious Waylon,

240
00:11:37,288 --> 00:11:39,154
and Fiona Adams Apple.

241
00:11:39,223 --> 00:11:41,590
Hello, squirrel-friend.

242
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,158
You're the tallest thing I ever...

243
00:11:43,227 --> 00:11:44,993
And you're still getting up.

244
00:11:45,062 --> 00:11:46,929
Honey, I spend half my day getting up

245
00:11:46,964 --> 00:11:48,597
and the other half getting down.

246
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,966
- Oh-kurr?!
- This is the kind of confidence

247
00:11:51,035 --> 00:11:52,234
that you need.

248
00:11:52,303 --> 00:11:54,002
The secret is to imagine

249
00:11:54,071 --> 00:11:57,506
the fiercest version
of yourself, then realize...

250
00:11:57,575 --> 00:11:59,641
you are that version!

251
00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:01,276
Mel, is that you?

252
00:12:01,312 --> 00:12:05,147
Yes! I've taped my bone between my legs.

253
00:12:05,216 --> 00:12:08,717
Your Majesty,
can Marge lip-synch with us?

254
00:12:08,742 --> 00:12:10,686
Honey, I'll tell you
what I told Eddie Murphy:

255
00:12:10,754 --> 00:12:12,454
"Sure, why not?"

256
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:15,766
So, tell me about
this "Marge" character.

257
00:12:15,791 --> 00:12:17,102
What is she like?

258
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,927
Well, she's long-suffering,

259
00:12:18,996 --> 00:12:20,796
kind of a single mom...

260
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,531
and that's it.

261
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:26,802
She's a damn hero, is what
she is, sis.

262
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,642
# You've got all eyes on you #

263
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,677
# A nasty housewife lady #

264
00:12:35,746 --> 00:12:37,346
# Come out of your mom shell #

265
00:12:37,414 --> 00:12:39,715
# And become a bombshell #

266
00:12:39,783 --> 00:12:41,717
# You've got this, Margie #

267
00:12:41,785 --> 00:12:43,719
# You're stronger than you know #

268
00:12:43,787 --> 00:12:45,667
# Get up and dance #

269
00:12:45,692 --> 00:12:47,592
- Oh!
- # Get up, get up and #

270
00:12:47,661 --> 00:12:49,494
# Sashay with Chanté #

271
00:12:49,563 --> 00:12:51,163
# Work that blue bouffanté #

272
00:12:51,231 --> 00:12:52,497
# Do it, do it #

273
00:12:52,533 --> 00:12:53,665
# Oh #

274
00:12:53,734 --> 00:12:55,500
# All the boys say #

275
00:12:55,569 --> 00:12:57,335
Women can have it all.

276
00:12:57,404 --> 00:12:59,271
Even penises!

277
00:12:59,339 --> 00:13:00,572
# She's so chic #

278
00:13:00,641 --> 00:13:02,574
# Such savoir faire #

279
00:13:02,643 --> 00:13:04,476
# Serving housewife realness #

280
00:13:04,511 --> 00:13:06,511
# Selling Tubberware #

281
00:13:06,580 --> 00:13:08,680
# She's a female phenomenon #

282
00:13:08,749 --> 00:13:10,949
# And much more than a mom #

283
00:13:11,018 --> 00:13:12,450
# So sexy, so snuggable #

284
00:13:12,519 --> 00:13:14,686
# Her cocoa is so chuggable #

285
00:13:14,755 --> 00:13:16,988
# Our blue duck has become a swan #

286
00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:18,990
# She's a Glamazon. #

287
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,960
# Sashay with Chanté #

288
00:13:22,029 --> 00:13:24,196
# Work that blue bouffanté... #

289
00:13:24,264 --> 00:13:25,463
Oh, hi, Helen.

290
00:13:25,499 --> 00:13:26,965
Hi, Marge.

291
00:13:27,034 --> 00:13:29,034
I heard you're selling Tubberware.

292
00:13:29,102 --> 00:13:31,036
Money troubles at home?

293
00:13:31,104 --> 00:13:33,205
Why are you so bitter, Helen?

294
00:13:33,273 --> 00:13:37,011
Is it because your husband would
rather play with his toy train

295
00:13:37,036 --> 00:13:38,643
than with you?

296
00:13:38,712 --> 00:13:40,011
All aboard!

297
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,713
Not Helen!

298
00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:44,649
You better beware, Bart.

299
00:13:44,685 --> 00:13:47,018
Mom just grew a backbone.

300
00:13:50,924 --> 00:13:53,158
You mean it, Mother?

301
00:13:53,227 --> 00:13:55,327
You'll finally let me take
karate lessons?

302
00:13:55,395 --> 00:13:57,195
I'll even buy you a gi.

303
00:13:57,264 --> 00:13:59,197
Oh, I won't have to wear pajamas?

304
00:13:59,266 --> 00:14:01,533
Only at bedtime... which I'm moving to

305
00:14:01,602 --> 00:14:04,035
after The Big Bang Theory.

306
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:05,604
Bazinga!

307
00:14:05,672 --> 00:14:06,966
All seemed well,

308
00:14:06,991 --> 00:14:09,874
but like Young Sheldon,
it would not last forever.

309
00:14:12,914 --> 00:14:15,648
Oh, hello, Mother. Karate
is so much better than I ever...

310
00:14:15,717 --> 00:14:18,284
Seymour! I knew this journal was a lie!

311
00:14:18,353 --> 00:14:20,887
Um, how would you know that?

312
00:14:20,955 --> 00:14:23,339
Seymour never uses semicolons.

313
00:14:23,858 --> 00:14:25,858
He says they make him queasy.

314
00:14:25,927 --> 00:14:28,561
I don't even keep a journal.
I have no inner thoughts.

315
00:14:28,630 --> 00:14:31,711
I planted that journal. I'm sorry.

316
00:14:31,736 --> 00:14:34,422
I did it so you'd be nicer to your son.

317
00:14:34,436 --> 00:14:37,170
Nicer?! I spoiled the little loser!

318
00:14:37,238 --> 00:14:39,906
But not anymore.

319
00:14:39,974 --> 00:14:41,340
I'm so sorry.

320
00:14:44,312 --> 00:14:47,077
Oh, my God, that poor girl.

321
00:14:47,102 --> 00:14:49,737
Go to her, Seymour. Give her an "A."

322
00:14:49,762 --> 00:14:52,329
The teachers' union forbids me
from giving out

323
00:14:52,398 --> 00:14:54,698
anything more encouraging
than a pumpkin sticker.

324
00:14:54,767 --> 00:14:57,275
You're a disgrace to that yellow belt!

325
00:14:57,301 --> 00:14:59,367
Look at me, boys!

326
00:14:59,394 --> 00:15:02,468
I'm living off my wife
like Mr. Meryl Streep!

327
00:15:02,493 --> 00:15:03,938
Don Gummer.

328
00:15:03,963 --> 00:15:06,269
Homer, do you know exactly
what Marge is up to?

329
00:15:06,294 --> 00:15:09,775
Because, uh, we know, and
we've told everybody except you.

330
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,066
Like true friends.

331
00:15:12,123 --> 00:15:13,156
What's going on?

332
00:15:13,191 --> 00:15:14,741
If you want to know the truth,

333
00:15:14,766 --> 00:15:18,061
- go to this address.
- That's the address of this bar.

334
00:15:18,129 --> 00:15:20,230
That's right. Get really drunk,

335
00:15:20,298 --> 00:15:23,366
then go to this address. Uh-huh.

336
00:15:27,814 --> 00:15:30,006
Hello. Are you on the list?

337
00:15:30,075 --> 00:15:32,675
I have to be on the list
for a Tubberware party?

338
00:15:32,744 --> 00:15:34,544
Well, you do for this one.

339
00:15:34,613 --> 00:15:38,448
Marge is like if Donna Reed
and Donna Summer combined

340
00:15:38,473 --> 00:15:40,750
to solve all your food storage problems.

341
00:15:40,819 --> 00:15:43,186
And rumor has it, out of drag,

342
00:15:43,255 --> 00:15:46,556
Marge is hot, hunky and all man.

343
00:15:46,625 --> 00:15:48,558
My wife is none of those things!

344
00:15:48,627 --> 00:15:50,426
She leaves the room to burp!

345
00:15:50,495 --> 00:15:53,663
Marge! You didn't tell me
you're tricking all these people

346
00:15:53,732 --> 00:15:56,032
into thinking you're
a drag queen, when you're really

347
00:15:56,067 --> 00:15:59,769
a regular housewife in need
of empowerment, and now...

348
00:15:59,838 --> 00:16:03,106
that I say it out loud,
it doesn't seem so bad.

349
00:16:03,174 --> 00:16:04,607
She's not a female impersonator.

350
00:16:04,676 --> 00:16:08,266
- She's just a personator.
- Women co-opt everything.

351
00:16:08,291 --> 00:16:09,403
Good to see

352
00:16:09,428 --> 00:16:10,747
another couple in trouble.

353
00:16:10,815 --> 00:16:12,782
- Let's go, Dewey.
- I'm not leaving

354
00:16:12,851 --> 00:16:15,051
till I find my butter tub.

355
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,086
Look in the mirror.

356
00:16:20,941 --> 00:16:22,708
Kids, please give us a moment.

357
00:16:22,743 --> 00:16:24,543
You're cool.

358
00:16:25,536 --> 00:16:27,369
"Marjorie, I'm not a perfect man,

359
00:16:27,438 --> 00:16:29,438
"but I like to think I've evolved.

360
00:16:29,506 --> 00:16:31,106
"I've accepted
the several different actors

361
00:16:31,141 --> 00:16:32,574
"who played Batman.

362
00:16:32,643 --> 00:16:35,344
I now believe cats
should earn as much as dogs."

363
00:16:35,379 --> 00:16:37,245
I don't want to hear your stupid speech.

364
00:16:37,314 --> 00:16:41,619
I had a moment of confidence,
and now it's destroyed.

365
00:16:41,873 --> 00:16:44,106
I'm going out. You can watch the kids

366
00:16:44,175 --> 00:16:45,541
and wonder where I am.

367
00:16:52,183 --> 00:16:55,484
No. I don't want anything
to do with him.

368
00:17:00,024 --> 00:17:02,992
Lisa, are you okay?

369
00:17:03,061 --> 00:17:05,528
I tried to play God,
and like the real God,

370
00:17:05,596 --> 00:17:07,330
it went horribly wrong.

371
00:17:07,398 --> 00:17:10,066
Life was a
struggle for the Simpson women.

372
00:17:10,134 --> 00:17:11,467
Even Maggie.

373
00:17:11,536 --> 00:17:14,437
But where there is life, there is hope.

374
00:17:17,675 --> 00:17:20,643
That was the beginning
of a new day, a wonderful day,

375
00:17:20,712 --> 00:17:23,579
a day that would soon change
the Simpson women forever.

376
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,160
Oh...

377
00:17:39,864 --> 00:17:41,997
Read the tots.

378
00:17:42,066 --> 00:17:43,799
"Go to the roof"?

379
00:17:43,868 --> 00:17:45,167
Enjoy.

380
00:17:45,236 --> 00:17:47,103
Next!

381
00:17:47,171 --> 00:17:48,437
Huh?

382
00:17:48,506 --> 00:17:50,373
Aw, man!

383
00:17:52,877 --> 00:17:55,311
Lisa, would you join us for lunch?

384
00:17:55,346 --> 00:17:59,315
We decided to bring some magic
into your life.

385
00:18:02,453 --> 00:18:04,854
Ah, you deserve it, sweetie.
You're the only person

386
00:18:04,922 --> 00:18:07,690
in this town who thinks about
someone other than herself.

387
00:18:07,759 --> 00:18:11,360
The only person who would listen
to old Gil when he...

388
00:18:11,429 --> 00:18:14,363
She had finally found
her place to eat lunch.

389
00:18:14,432 --> 00:18:17,199
But what is this? Has Homer
lost his will to drink?

390
00:18:17,268 --> 00:18:19,201
Homer, we're sorry we razzed ya.

391
00:18:19,237 --> 00:18:21,237
We were just trying
to hurt your feelings.

392
00:18:21,272 --> 00:18:22,805
I am so sorry.

393
00:18:22,874 --> 00:18:24,707
I don't know what I can do.

394
00:18:24,776 --> 00:18:26,709
Nothing you can do. Change your name,

395
00:18:26,778 --> 00:18:29,345
glue on a wig
and find yourself a new woman.

396
00:18:29,414 --> 00:18:30,713
That's it!

397
00:18:30,782 --> 00:18:32,448
Moe, you're a genius!

398
00:18:32,483 --> 00:18:34,183
Wish me luck.

399
00:18:36,621 --> 00:18:39,688
Why do people always stride out
without paying their tab?

400
00:18:39,757 --> 00:18:42,725
I have no idea.
But as God is my witness,

401
00:18:42,794 --> 00:18:45,261
I will find out!

402
00:18:47,698 --> 00:18:50,166
You two stay right there.

403
00:18:51,602 --> 00:18:54,370
Everyone, I have two
enormously sad things

404
00:18:54,439 --> 00:18:57,239
I feel a need to tell all of you.

405
00:18:57,275 --> 00:18:59,375
Number one... I've deceived you.

406
00:18:59,444 --> 00:19:01,577
I'm not a drag queen.

407
00:19:01,646 --> 00:19:03,646
Girl, you didn't deceive nobody.

408
00:19:03,681 --> 00:19:05,381
We all knew.

409
00:19:05,450 --> 00:19:07,683
I didn't know,
but I'm super self-involved.

410
00:19:07,752 --> 00:19:09,852
Oh. Now number two.

411
00:19:09,921 --> 00:19:11,854
And, as always
happens in such matters,

412
00:19:11,889 --> 00:19:13,856
number two is the kicker.

413
00:19:13,925 --> 00:19:15,424
My husband and I have had

414
00:19:15,493 --> 00:19:17,493
more than the usual number of scrapes,

415
00:19:17,562 --> 00:19:20,329
but we've always
gotten back to our love.

416
00:19:20,398 --> 00:19:21,797
But this time,

417
00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:25,267
you all made me feel
understood and supported,

418
00:19:25,336 --> 00:19:29,738
and therefore made me realize
how selfish Homer is.

419
00:19:29,807 --> 00:19:32,274
- Oh...
- Oh, honey.

420
00:19:32,343 --> 00:19:34,710
And what hurts the most
is that I can't imagine

421
00:19:34,745 --> 00:19:38,547
there's anything he can say
or do to make me come back.

422
00:19:38,616 --> 00:19:40,583
Oh. Well, then I went through

423
00:19:40,651 --> 00:19:42,618
a lot of work for nothing.

424
00:19:42,687 --> 00:19:45,621
- Homie.
- Honey, I understand it now.

425
00:19:45,656 --> 00:19:48,390
The feeling of power, the mystery,

426
00:19:48,459 --> 00:19:51,393
Is she or isn't she?

427
00:19:51,462 --> 00:19:53,896
Hey, believe me,
nobody is wondering, baby.

428
00:19:57,502 --> 00:19:58,801
Ow!

429
00:19:58,870 --> 00:20:00,769
If you don't go to him, Marge, I will.

430
00:20:00,838 --> 00:20:02,805
And he will never leave my kitchen.

431
00:20:02,874 --> 00:20:07,142
My pulled pork banh mi
keeps baby in the cradle.

432
00:20:07,211 --> 00:20:09,445
Oh, Homie, I love you!

433
00:20:14,819 --> 00:20:17,920
Having a man dressed like a woman

434
00:20:17,989 --> 00:20:20,556
to win back his woman
who pretended to be

435
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:22,458
a man dressed like a woman

436
00:20:22,527 --> 00:20:25,461
is the most romantic thing
I've ever seen.

437
00:20:25,530 --> 00:20:27,329
And so all was well.

438
00:20:27,398 --> 00:20:30,599
Au revoir jusqu'à la prochaine fois,

439
00:20:30,668 --> 00:20:31,800
or, in English...

440
00:20:31,836 --> 00:20:34,370
Bye!

441
00:20:38,132 --> 00:20:40,809
So, are you a...
you're a drag queen now?

442
00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:43,631
I don't know. I guess these days
it's okay for everyone

443
00:20:43,656 --> 00:20:46,964
- to be everything.
- So, miss, are you alone?

444
00:20:46,989 --> 00:20:48,722
It's me, Homer!

445
00:20:48,791 --> 00:20:50,824
Hmm? Oh!

446
00:20:50,893 --> 00:20:54,328
All the good ones are
either married or Homer.

447
00:20:54,363 --> 00:21:00,275
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