Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
You're more stable and self-aware than you were.
And you're a loving person who deserves love.
I need to counteract
my systemic, socioeconomic, racial and cis-gender advantages.
Oh, you mean that?
I am applying to law school!
I'm old. Maybe-maybe it's too late.
Maybe this whole law school thing is dumb, okay?
It's not dumb. Your dreams are not dumb.
The first second I came here, you've been so nice to me.
This is a joke. You're a joke, Bert.
I know that me being here is not your first choice,
but... you're stuck with me.
Hector and I bought a condo in El Segundo,
so... we're moving.
I'm moving to New York.
I am worried that your body spray is gonna
waft into her room and she's gonna know that you're here,
so leave... without wafting.
Someone asked me to change the water cooler on the way in.
What is this?
# Meet Rebecca #
# She's the coolest girl in the world, wait #
# Wrong Rebecca #
# It's this one over here #
# She's spunky, she's sweet, a generous friend #
# Oh, but there she looks kind of mean #
Hmm. # Okay, she's snarky #
# Sarcastic and a... What? #
# You know, we're not really seeing a common theme #
# Meet Rebecca #
# She's too hard to summarize #
# So let's go back to Other Rebecca. #
I eat my own eyelashes.
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --
Guys, I am so NYC right now.
My apartment is tiny...
but I've got this great couch
that you can pull out to be a bed,
- then a desk... - Wow.
... then a dining room table, and then a Pilates reformer.
Ooh, très chic!
It's like your little first-class cabin.
Exactly. Especially since the bathroom is down the hall
and you share it with ten other people.
- Yeah. - Guys, I love having you both available
at the touch of a button.
Yay, technology, bridging the endless divides.
Well, I'm at Home Base, just 2.4 miles from you, so...
Anyway, how are you, Rebecca? Is today group therapy day?
No, V, her group is Thursday, individual therapy is Friday,
equestrian share circle is...
Wednesday, and horses give me a rash now,
so I don't even think I'm gonna go anymore. God, this is exhausting.
Guys, I know all this emotional work
is necessary and productive,
but I'm excited to have a day off.
For 24 hours, I don't want to talk about my feelings
or my problems or my personality disorder.
And I know just what I want to do today.
So, I was on Instagram,
and I found this place called Harry's Hog Shop,
it's this BBQ place in Irvine...
Oh, I love that place.
I peep at their Instagram all day; it's pure food porn.
I really want to bone those ribs.
Awesome. So let's go! Let's go get some treif.
Man, I can't. I'm working today at two diff HB's. Ugh, sorry.
You should call Paula.
Isn't that what you guys like to do together?
Eat food for fun instead of fuel?
No, she's studying today.
- Poop. - Oh, I know.
What about the rest of your old Whitefeather crew?
You could go with one of them?
Oh, that's a good idea.
I don't really spend much time with any of them anymore
and no one really knows me well enough
to get into the heavy stuff.
Yeah, I'll just fire up that old work text chain.
_
And send.
Hold on. Wait a second, Rebecca.
Is, um, Darryl on that text chain?
- Yeah. - Ugh. Darryl, right.
My bad. Listen, if you're looking to keep it light,
he's not your person. He's so emo.
Yeah, love him, but he is a "have a feeling, say a feeling"
kind of guy.
It'll be fine. Even if he comes,
there will be a ton of other people there.
It's all good. And he's my friend.
He'll be fine if I just explain to him what I want.
I don't know, can you really ask people to be not who they are?
Especially someone who is so... um, Darryl.
Ugh.
Doing baby laundry makes me want to cry.
Look at her little socks.
She's already getting too big for some of them.
God, time flies, Evelyn.
I feel like I'm already losing her.
Oh, let me do that, Darryl.
I'm the nanny. It's what I do.
You've been home every day since I started.
The point of hiring me
is so that you can get your life started again.
See friends, have fun.
Okay. I guess you're right.
It's just, who would I go with?
Where would I go?
I missed a text. Huh.
Yum!
Ugh. AJ, listen to this
parade of no's.
George: "Did you mean to send this to me? If yes, no."
Bert: "Not allowed within the Irvine city limits."
Maya: "Eek, sorry, can't. In Solvang with Emma Watson."
Oh, yeah. Who says "eek, sorry" anyway?
Ooh, AJ, can you come?
Eek, sorry. I'm working.
For you. Right now. In front of you.
- Oh, right. Boo. - If you're looking for fun,
why not go on the apps?
You haven't been on a date since I started working here
and you're afraid your hymen is coming back.
Wait, how'd you know that?
You told me. Repeatedly.
I was gonna report it to HR, but you are HR.
And AJ, I just can't go on the apps.
I only attract toxic or unavailable men,
then I fall for them. It's... a whole thing.
I should tell you about it sometime, Oof.
You've told me about it. You've done nothing but talk about it.
I was actually gonna report that, too.
God, why is this so hard?
I just want to share a fun and carefree car trip
and some smoked meats with someone
who's a super chill hang.
Oh...
- Darryl's in. - Huh?
You said you wanted a chill hang. That's not Darryl.
We only met once and ended up spending the whole time
talking about our mothers and crying our eyes out.
Dude is extra.
Well, AJ, everyone else said no.
So Darryl is what I got.
And it's gonna work. It has to.
I need this day.
Oh, there you are.
Thought you were studying for your finals.
Well, I was about to. In here.
In my new office.
Um, but I couldn't get started because something's missing.
Your butt in a chair?
No. A desk.
I need a desk. I need to study for finals and soon, the bar,
and to do that I need a proper, lawyerly desk.
I'm gonna be a lawyer.
A lawyer, Scott.
Well, you've worked so hard. You're almost there, babe.
Sometimes I can't believe it.
I mean, you know, my dad always... hold on.
Let's not restrict this just to my dad.
Everyone said that I would end up nothing but a baby factory
and yet here I am,
about to introduce myself to the world as an attorney.
And all I need to do to get to that monumental,
not-at-all scary place
is study.
Hence, a desk.
We have that folding table in the garage. I'll get it.
A folding table? Come on. Scott, no.
I have found the perfect desk.
It is gorgeous, and it totally says "big-time lawyer lady."
The only problem is that it is in San Bernardino
and it is too big for our minivan,
so I found an app called... "Bro With A Truck."
They send a bro with a pickup,
and I'm pretty excited because my bro is Driver 78.
He has a five-star rating, he likes music,
is a Pisces, and he scuba dived off the Great Barrier Reef.
Sounds like you're going on a date with him or something.
Tanya!
Have a great day. Hope it's a great desk, you deserve it.
God, I love that. Still remains a tasty move.
Here is your burger and cabbage.
I call it the "No One Wants That," so...
Okay, you're welcome. Did you want anything to drink?
Yes, water.
Yes, water, please and thank you.
If you say so.
Ah.
Hey, Nathaniel.
I went to your house but you weren't there,
so I called all of the dining establishments in the city
until I found you.
- Why? - Oh, some mail came
for you at the office yesterday,
so I thought I'd bring it to you the way, you know,
coworkers with a good rapport
bring things to each other on Saturdays.
Uh-oh. Burger salad. Are you in trouble?
My grandmother used to make that for me and my seven sisters
when we were bad.
Great. Mail. Cool.
Okay, you got me. The mail was a pretext.
I wanted to spend some out-of-office time with you.
We started off on the wrong foot.
I'd-I'd really like to get to know each other.
Huh. I don't want to do that.
But I-I do want to do that.
But... all right, m-maybe some other time.
Bye-bye.
Here you go. I'm sorry.
He's so rude. I kind of just think that's who he is.
He dated one of my best friends
and he was also randomly at my wedding
because my husband is his surf instructor.
But... I've always never liked him. I think he's kind of a dick.
I don't know. I think he's just
not very open emotionally, because he's sad
about some things in his life.
I get it.
When my seven sisters died
in that tragic tandem bike accident,
it took me 14 years to deal with it, to even cry.
One good cry and that young man...
well, he'll probably have a ways to go,
but, I don't know, maybe it'll work.
I just think he's broken.
I'm so sorry about your sisters.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Ooh, you should have seen the mess.
Boom!
Hello?
Driver 78 is here!
P-P-P-Paula!
It is you.
Customer 99 is you. Yes!
You? It's you? It's not you. You don't scuba dive.
Uh, yeah, I scuba-did. When I was ten, I scuba-doved.
That's not... scuba-dove...
I-I thought you had another job. You're a DJ.
Yeah, that's at night.
During the day I like to pick up some extra cash.
Plus, Hector's mom likes me to be out of the house
during the day; that's when she Jacuzzis and edits the podcast.
Well, that's good. I mean, you're saving up money
to move out of her house, then.
What? No. I'm not moving out.
Though we could use a bigger place
and we do dream about owning.
Wow. Josh...
I am, I am, as always, amazed at your utter Joshness.
- Thanks. - Look,
I just don't know if I can do this today.
I thought I was gonna spend the day with a stranger.
And maybe I should just get another driver.
Do-do it tomorrow.
Cancellation fee is $200.
Okay, let's go.
Damn it!
# Everybody's falling for each other #
# Bom-bom, bom, all-all one by... #
Nathaniel?
What?
Uh, what happened?
I forgot to charge my car and now I'm out of juice.
I've been trying to get an Uber,
but these idiot drivers keep canceling on me.
Huh. You must have a bad rating.
The ratings go both ways?
Socialists.
Okay, good catching up, bye-bye.
No, wait, wait, wait. Um... Uh...
can I have a ride?
Ugh, sorry.
Can I have a ride, please and thank you?
Look at you!
You look like a small-town mayor at a 1970s rodeo.
Or, oh, you look like the guy in the porno
who goes, "Nancy,
I want those oil reports on my desk yesterday."
Thank you.
I go all-out for barbecue. It's like I say:
"It ain't a real meal
unless you suit up from hat to heel."
Ha! That's funny.
Oh, you're fun.
And anyone who said you would not be fun
or would be super emo is wrong,
because you're already rhyming
and you're already in a costume...
Well, this is not a costume...
In an outfit that screams "costume,"
and we're just gonna have fun, fun, fun.
Hey, before then... um,
Darryl, you know I'm in an extensive amount of therapy,
and I have learned in therapy
to make my wishes clear.
So I would like to clearly say...
I'm just looking for a fun, easy breezy day,
no heavy convos... is that cool?
Yep. No problem.
Aw, look at us.
Me and you, heading out on the open road,
two old friends that...
have been through so much together...
Yep, that's not what you want.
I will not do that again.
All right. Let's go.
Okeydokey, pokey.
So therapy has given me a whole new perspective
on the world, a whole new vocabulary
for talking about my feelings,
also something to do on Monday nights, huh?
That's nice, Josh. Good for you.
Yeah, I think some of my issues started with potty training.
My mother bribed me with candy,
so I wasn't internally motivated.
I mean, you really need to start with what's inside
and then go outside. At least...
... got hard candy if I went number one,
I got chocolate if I did number two,
which I thought was kind of funny,
because, like, chocolate. Oh, that reminds me...
Being picked first for kickball
every single time was at once an honor and a burden,
and created a kind of split in my psyche.
I mean, it's not that difficult of a difference.
Okay... shotokan, tae Kwon do.
... need to count in Korean... Hana, dul, set, net, dasol,
yasot, iilgup, yodol. And then Japanese is
ichi, Ni, San, shi, go, roku, shichi, hachi, kyuu, juu.
I get 'em confused, sometimes,
but it's really not hard at all.
When I was working at Aloha, I felt so trapped
in that back office. Sometimes literally,
because Alex would put boxes in front of the door,
and that sucked.
No, sorry.
That made me feel sucked. Ugh.
Josh, what?
Oh, yeah.
You're not in therapy.
You don't get the lingo.
Well, what's the lingo for,
"For the love of God, please stop talking"?
I think it's, "Let's sit with that for a minute."
Right. Dr. A says that a lot.
Mm-hmm.
Anyway, what's so special about this desk that you got to go
all the way out to San Bernardino?
There's got to be some good desks closer to home...
Josh... I don't want to talk.
So I'll just drop you off at your apartment, or... ?
No, I'm going to Santa Monica.
Santa Monica, pronto.
What?
Oh, God. Sorry.
Santa Monica, please, pronto.
Oh, wow, you're a real piece of work.
You're asking to be chauffeured to the beach?
You've got a lot of nerve.
But lucky for you, I am headed
to the El Segundo Home Base, which is at the beach,
so it's basically on the way and also I'm a really nice person.
Okay. Thank you.
Wow, "thank you"... we're really getting somewhere.
God, this car... is disgusting.
This is like an old mobile garbage can.
- How do you live like this? - What?
There's nothing wrong with this car.
It gets me where I need to go
and I have access to all of my belongings, which is great.
- Okay. - Also, it's none of your business.
Cool. Well, if I need a dirty shirt
or an empty water bottle or hair scrunchies, What...
I'm good to go.
Oh, yeah, 'cause I'm the weird one.
Why are you clutching that envelope?
This envelope is not your concern.
Just drive, please. Thank you. Pronto.
Fine, but your rating is gonna be a zero, so...
It's a lovely day to eat some ribs, right?
- Yeah, it's a beautiful day. - Mm.
So, you talk to Valencia and Heather lately?
- Uh-huh. Yeah. - They're doing great, right?
Must be hard that they moved away.
How's that make you feel? Heart hurting?
Oh, sorry.
No, I-I did it. I see that.
It's okay. You made a mistake.
We all make mistakes, God knows I do. It's fine.
Um, let's do something fun. Let's sing a car song.
Oh, I know a great car song, let me teach you. It goes...
"This song goes in a loop-de-loop.
I love car songs. It starts... The...
I love 'em. Oh. They remind me of my childhood.
What was your childhood like?
Oh, was it tough?
Oh, tell me your-your first sad memory that you can think of.
Hey, Darryl, just... can we not?
I'm begging you.
Just... can we not?
- My bad. - Thank you.
Hey... could you not do that either?
Thanks.
# #
# Well, you set out on a road trip #
# And you thought it would be really fun #
# Thought, thought, thought it'd be fun #
# Cruisin' down the highway in the bright California sun #
# Sun fun, fun in the sun #
# But something feels off, something's not quite right #
# And now you're hoping that #
# The end's in sight, because you're #
# Trapped in a car with someone you don't wanna be #
# Trapped in a car with #
# Trapped, trapped, trapped in a car #
# Trapped in a car with someone you don't wanna be #
# Trapped in a car with #
# Trapped, trapped, trapped in a car #
# And now this person's eating corn chips #
# Where did those come from? #
# From, from, where did the corn chips come from? #
# It's hard to focus on a podcast #
# Because they've started to hum #
# Hum, hum, I will rip off your mouth #
# We pass a mini golf course and they go #
# "Ooh!" #
# Just when you think it's getting better #
# They take off their shoes, because you're #
# Trapped in a car with someone you don't wanna be #
# Trapped in a car with #
# Oh, God, your toes, do you have a disease? #
# Trapped in a car with someone you don't wanna be #
# Trapped in a car with #
# They smell so bad, see a doctor, please #
# And the car ride is so endless #
# It feels like so much time has passed #
# That your taste evolves #
# And you enter a more #
# Experimental era of your music career #
# Why do we even have cars at all? #
# In the scheme of things, this Earth is small #
# Or do I really need to travel somewhere? #
# Or can I get there in my mind? #
# I could leave everyone else behind #
# Like him #
# And her #
# And him #
# Alhambra, Glendora #
# La Puente, here's some more-a #
# Covina, Pasadena #
# My baby, have you seen her? #
# Oh, no #
# The car ride has gone on so long #
# That we're now in the later #
# More commercial stages of our career #
# Because we're #
# Trapped in a car with someone #
# I don't wanna be trapped in a car with #
# Ontario, Alhambra, we already said Alhambra #
# Trapped in a car with someone #
# We don't wanna be #
# Trapped in a car with #
# Piña colada, that should be a city #
# Trapped in a song with someone we don't wanna be #
# Trapped in a song with #
# Trapped, trapped, trapped in a song #
# Trapped in a car with someone I don't wanna be #
# Trapped in a car with # # Trapped, trapped... #
# Trapped in a car with someone I don't wanna be #
- # Trapped in a car with. # - What are you mumbling
progressively more quietly each time?
- Nothing. - Okay.
So you need a desk for studying!
How wonderful.
What are you studying for?
Uh, law school finals.
I mean, I haven't started yet.
I need the right desk. You get it.
No, not really. But I-I do my bills
standing over a sink eating a ripe grapefruit.
Saves a plate.
Oh. You need this desk for your finals, Paula?
Wow, what an important errand I'm on.
So honored.
All right, let's get this puppy in the truck
and get you studying ASAP.
Now? Right now? I...
Wow, this whole thing is just gonna take 90 minutes.
That's so fast.
Oh, wait a second. Hold on a second. Uh-oh.
- There's a scratch here. - Really? I-I don't see how.
I stored it away from my leopard and my anteaters.
Uh, no, I mean, well, look right here.
It's a big old scratch that wasn't in the photos,
so because it wasn't previously disclosed... lawyer term...
Um, it's just not gonna work out for me, Mrs. Beattie, I'm sorry.
But, um, that's okay,
because I was looking at another desk.
It's in San Diego, and if we take all the right freeways,
it's only three hours.
No, Paula, you need this desk now.
It's an important step to you becoming a lawyer.
Don't worry, this won't hold us up. I got this.
I brought a wood finishing pen in case there were any dings
or nicks in the moving process.
Oh, well, aren't you... clever.
See, works like a charm.
Wow, it really does. Well done.
So let's load it in the truck.
Well, n-no, we can't go now.
I mean, that would be rude. We just got here
and I'm sure Mrs. Beattie wants to show us
all of her beautiful trash... sures.
Oh, excuse me, honey.
You really want to hear all about my wonderful belongings?
- Yeah. - Well, this owl right here...
Has no eyes.
I don't like them looking at me.
So, the whole ride, you're just not gonna tell me
why you're cuddling a puffy envelope
like a toddler clutching a stuffed animal?
- Why do you care? - Oh, I don't.
I'm just annoyed that you won't tell me.
I mean, you were at my wedding.
So what?
So that, like, bonds us.
It really doesn't.
I was at Kate Middleton's wedding
and we barely speak anymore.
Okay.
Why is your car making weird noises?
Oh, yeah. Those aren't weird.
I know exactly what those are.
It happens every 12 miles or so.
I just duct tape the coolant hose and then I'm good to go.
Wow. Crafty. Very Etsy.
Mm-hmm. Yep.
I am gonna pull over though, 'cause this is pretty dangerous,
so... Yes.
# Turn your radio on #
# I think they're playing Haggard and Jones #
Oh, this place is so cool!
Yeah, yeah, it's real awesome.
Howdy!
- How many buckaroos will you be? - Just two.
Two buddies sharing a special day I our lives.
No, it-it's just a regular day.
Uh, he's being a little extra right now.
- Oh. - What does that mean?
What does "extra" mean?
I hope you don't mind, the only table we have left
is what we call our "Hitched At The Hip" table.
It's facing the same way, cuddled in together.
Okay. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Fun. Fun, fun, fun. Fun.
Yeah, as long as I don't talk about any heavy stuff.
This one wants to keep it light today.
Okay, Darryl, I'm sure the nice lady
doesn't want to hear about us.
Yeah, you see, she's been through a lot;
she has a disorder.
Oh, my God, Darryl, will you stop?
I'm sorry.
- Why are you mad? - You know why I'm mad.
I just wanted to have a fun day.
- Why is that too much to ask? - I tried. I was trying.
Okay, well, not hard enough. You know what?
Let's just go. This was a bad idea. It's not your fault.
You just happen to be everything I didn't want today.
I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean that.
- Yeah, you did. - Okay.
Let's just, let's just leave.
No. No, no. I'm not about to get into a car with you.
I can't believe that I used the first day away from Hebby to be with you.
Darryl, come on.
You know, sometimes I think we're close,
like when you give me parts of your genetic code
to make a person, but sometimes it feels like
you just don't like me.
And I look past it,
because I like the good parts of you,
and I know you have some challenges,
but that is no excuse for you to be unkind.
And this is Terrence.
He's missing an eyeball.
My husband hit him over the head with a shovel
and the eyeball went flying.
Actually, I think it's in this candy tin right here.
Oh, you know, Paula, we got to go.
W-While you guys are talking about eyeballs and stuff,
I'll put the desk in the truck, okay? Just meet me out there.
By yourself? That seems heavy.
Maybe I should call for another bro.
Nah, I got this.
- Oh, dear. - Wow.
Oh, uh, your, uh, water cooler's empty.
Ah.
There we go.
Don't worry, Paula,
I'll have you studying in no time.
I won't let you down.
Let's hug.
Oh...
All right.
# #
I'm gonna put this on my sad cowboy Instagram meme account.
I just want to wait in peace for my Uber, thank you.
Darryl, I'm really sorry.
And there's no excuse
for how I spoke to you.
But I needed a break from being asked
to explore and express and expand upon my feelings.
I do it all the time, and I'm just exhausted.
But that's not your fault.
And I really am very sorry for what I said.
And for how I've been all day.
Okay.
Thank you.
I don't think an Uber's even coming.
I've got a two-star, "too-talkative" rating.
You know what? I got an idea. Let's do this,
let's just go get something to eat.
I personally am starving.
Oh, my God, me, too.
Let's just get down on some ribs.
- Okay? - Ah.
No more emotional sharing,
no more probing, none of it.
Really? 'Cause I would love that.
Oh, well, it's happening.
Boom!
- What?! - Ha-ha-ha!
# Look at this, 'cause I'm always prepared. #
Oh, my God, that's awesome.
- That's for you, my friend. - No!
- Come on, little lady. - Okay.
Let's get our feed on!
I can't believe this is your car, this is what you drive.
Aren't you supposed to be, like, a branch manager or something?
And you drive around in an old junker?
Is that what you think of yourself?
I did not ask for your opinion.
Okay. It's just that people
who respect themselves usually drive decent cars
they keep clean; it's just a fact.
You know, I've had about enough of you. You're being a dick.
Pardon me?
No, pardon you.
Oh, my God, you think the world revolves around you
because you're all smart and tall
and rich and white and spoiled
and male with playful hair.
- Hey, don't talk about my hair. - Let me tell you something.
I know you think you're awesome, I get that, but I don't like you.
I never liked you. I don't like how you talk to people.
I never got what Rebecca saw in you.
I think you're a rich, entitled bully,
and you're hiding what's in that envelope,
and it's so freaking weird! You're weird.
I'm weird? You drive Archie's jalopy,
and I'm the weird one?
Just shut up and just give me
- that envelope. - No. Hey.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
What is all this?
It's Heidi.
I'm sorry, what?
These are the ashes of Heidi,
my beloved, dead Au pair.
Oh.
Mmm. Mmm.
Mmm, God. Mmm, mmm.
So... good.
Mmm. Oh.
Oh, I guess you guys hated it.
It was disgusting.
- No, we are never coming back here. - Uh-uh. Oh!
Ah. There you go.
- Thank you. - Thank you, guys. Thank you.
- Hey, you want to get back to the maze? - Yes!
Mmm. Choose your weapon.
Mmm. Mmm, mmm.
Okay, so, let's see, we start at the sexy cowgirl.
The weirdly sexy cowgirl.
Mm-hmm. And that pony's not too bad, either. And then we...
- You know what? - What?
I'm really happy that you just wanted to have fun today.
- Really? - Yeah.
'Cause you're right, sometimes I can be too...
probe-y and disclose-y and look inward-y.
I mean, you'd make a great gynecologist.
But now, look at us.
We are fun.
You know, we're fun people, we're really fun people.
- Probably the best table. - Best table on the block.
And...
thank you.
Hey. Should we get some more food?
Nah. I'm stuffed. I couldn't eat another bite.
Ha! Kidding.
- Waitress! - Oh-ho-ho-ho!
I have human remains on me.
That's your fault, okay?
You grabbed the bag. This is your fault.
What is your deal?
Why are you driving around clutching someone's ashes?
And don't tell me it's none of my business,
because it is all over me.
Why are you carrying around
a dead Heidi, and what is an Au pair?
An Au pair is rich for "babysitter."
She took care of me
from the day I was born until I was 17.
She passed away this year,
and her family...
they gave me a portion of her ashes to scatter in the ocean,
because that's where we went to a lot together.
That's what she wanted.
Wait, what?
You were so close to someone
that they wanted you to scatter their ashes?
It's that hard for you to believe
that I was ever close to someone?
Uh, yeah.
Well, I was.
I was close to her.
I loved her.
And she loved me. She practically raised me.
If I needed somebody, she was there.
Then she went back to Austria.
And the very next person
to love me like that was Rebecca.
And now they're gone.
They're both gone.
The people I cared about most in my life...
... are gone.
# This song goes in a loop-de-loop #
# It starts at the end, and it ends at the start #
# And this song goes in a loop-de-loop... #
Oh, my God, that is such a great song!
- Right, it's so... - Oh! Oh, my God.
- You're so gross... - Oh.
- We can't go home like this. - No.
We put the "ew" in "barbecue."
I'm kind of meat-drunk, so I really like
that dad joke right now, actually.
Ooh, ooh. Wait, there's a truck stop.
Do you want to go wash up?
And also, I'm weirdly still hungry, so maybe get some dessert, right?
Let's do it!
Yeah! Okay.
So you got that from a man
named Grover in Cleveland who was not Grover Cleveland?
Exactly.
Exactly. Ah...
That's a good one, though.
Paula. What are you doing?
The desk is in the truck.
We got to go. I-I have a gig tonight.
What? Well, we can't leave before we see the collection
of vintage tuna containers.
Ooh, and Mrs. Beattie
has invited us over for dinner!
That's it, Paula! Enough!
I can't stay here all night enabling
your procrastination caused by an inner fear of success
that's making you put off studying for your finals.
Wow. Josh.
Did I get that right?
Oh, my God, I think you did.
Sounds right to me.
But what do I know?
I got 43 porcelain cats.
Only 43, huh?
There, there.
I'm lonely.
So lonely.
I don't know why I can't have that closeness with anyone else.
Huh.
Well, you could try being nicer to people.
That could be a good first step.
You think I don't know that?
You think I don't know that I'm a jerk?
I don't want to be that way.
When I'm hurt, I clam up and I lash out.
It's kind of a... clamming and a lashing.
Well, you're not doing that right now.
No, I'm weeping right now. It's pathetic.
No, it's human.
And... you should show more people this side of you.
Heidi would be proud.
I mean, I think. I didn't know her.
I'm just inferring a lot from what you said.
All she wanted was to get back to the ocean,
and I failed.
I failed her.
Sorry I couldn't get you where you needed to go, Heidi.
Yeah, you did.
You kind of did.
This is a clear health violation.
Auf Wiedersehen, Heidi.
Hey, I think you were right about my car.
Yeah, I am.
Dang, cowboy!
- You don't look like a dang cowboy. - Well, my outfit
was trashed, so I, uh, bought new duds in the gift shop.
And then the, uh, molasses wouldn't budge,
so I just... buzzed the old duster.
Oh, my God. You shaved your mustache.
I didn't notice.
But I did save it for the scrapbook.
Wait, Darryl, are you okay?
That mustache was a... big part of your identity.
If you want to cry right now,
I will not yell at you, I promise.
No, I feel good. I feel fine.
I'm just happy to be here with you.
- Oh... Oh. - Oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, whoa, Nelly.
Yeah.
Um...
I'm gonna get in the car.
There it is. Looks great.
You're gonna be a great lawyer.
- How do you know? - Because you really care about it.
If you didn't care about it, you wouldn't have been so worried
and done the thing with the desk.
But you are and you did, so...
- you will. - Thanks.
Thanks for saying that.
Here, this came in the mail.
It's apartment listings in the area.
Uh-huh.
Dude, you have got to move out of Hector's mom's house.
You mean so I can establish my own boundaries,
spread my wings, find my own path?
No. Because it's sad and weird.
A lot of people keep saying that to me.
Mm, all right.
- So... - Yeah.
- That was a very quiet ride home. - Yeah, it sure was.
Um... so, listen, Darryl,
I think we're on the same page about this,
but... to be clear,
I don't think you and I are meant for romance.
Oh, God. Oh, good, Okay.
'Cause that was why I didn't say anything.
Oh, my God, that's why I didn't say anything.
I mean, I thought we were on the same...
Okay. Okay.
Whew!
You know, I was thinking, the fact that I was attracted to you...
it gives me hope.
- Yeah? - I mean,
I was attracted to someone nice.
I mean, if that can happen,
maybe I can be attracted to a different type of guy.
You know? Guys who aren't
withholding or cold or jerks or unavailable
or dating other people or immoral or married or...
Nathaniel or Greg or Josh.
I hope one day
to find someone who is as kind and as loving as you are.
That is so sweet of you to say.
You know what? I've just decided something.
I'm gonna start dating again.
- Well, good for you! - Yeah.
I'm gonna fire up the apps, I'm gonna do it,
and if I'm lucky,
maybe there are other Darryls out there in the world.
Oh...
Oh.
- Mmm. - Mmm.
Okay.
You know, just for the record,
I bet you're great in bed.
Oh, yeah. I also have an enormous penis.
Good for you, buddy.
I'm gonna head out.
But I'm gonna need a check.
And much like your penis, it's gonna be a big one.
You wanted to see me?
Something in particular you wanted to yell at me about?
No. I... Please, sit down.
I, um...
I wanted to apologize.
I-I've been...
been horrible to you.
- Yeah. Yeah, you have. - And, um...
I'm sorry.
Well, that's okay, Nathaniel.
You're a good kid.
I've always seen that.
Thanks.
Um...
I, um...
have something for you.
Oh.
Whew.
Why'd you do that?
Um... well, I'm new to expressing affection.
Was that not... right?
Well... not exactly.
But it's a start.
I think you're on your way.
Much like my sisters were on their way to a Gouda festival
when they were obliterated.
I... I don't know what to say to that.
Yeah. Yeah, it's a toughie.
Hey, Nathaniel.
- Hmm? - Guess who just leased
- a brand-new Civic, bitch. - There you go.
Did you know there's Bluetooth in cars now?
- Everyone knows that, yeah. - That's crazy.
I did that.
I do nice things now.
# Good night, my sweet angel #
# Rest now, my love #
# You'll be watched over #
# By Jesus above #
# And as you sink into the sweetness of sleep #
# Know that your daddy's love #
# Runs just as deep #
# #
# You lived on my face #
# Since you were first born #
# Catching my tears #
# And occasionally corn #
# Though my lip may be bare #
# My soul is quite lush #
# Farewell, fair mustache #
# And this tiny brush #
# And these clippers #
# And this beard oil #
# And this backup beard oil #
# And... #
Damn it.
Evelyn?
Can you comfort Hebby?
I'm with my baby.
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --