- sync and corrections by Mr. C - - www.addic7ed.com -
Oh, shit!
- Ooh. - Yes, sir.
Yes, sir. I can't thank y'all enough for this shit.
Need to slip my female problems for a few days.
A getaway will do wonders.
And nothing says escape like Sin City.
Ain't gonna be no sinning for me.
- Too risky. - Tell me about it.
I've knocked up my share of showgirls.
I'm sure even Spence has snapped one
past the goalie with a cheerleader or two.
Well, you know,
it happens to the best of us, boys.
Well, we still need to see a show,
and I hear that Britney Spears is a hot ticket.
All I'm hitting is a first-class spa treatment,
followed by a meal fit for a king.
I'll get you into Momofuku. Best Asian in town.
- Momo-what? - Not before I hit that craps table, man
'Cause you know I'm sick on those dice.
Not with my money, you not.
- Hold up. - I gotta get to the office.
We're negotiating Travis Scott's residency deal.
Ah, Travis is my boy. Make sure you give him a dab for me.
- What's that? - Never mind.
This is Sara. She'll get you to your suite.
And good luck with the Mayor Meg meeting.
Thank you for setting that up. I'll call you later.
Oh, God, do I hate your fucking guts for not bringing me.
Hey, listen, it's a business trip. It's not a bachelor party
Yeah, right, keep telling yourself that one, pal.
Did you tell Anderson yet that God spoke
and told you to Moses a football franchise to the Mojave?
His ass is still raw over Hastings killing his casino idea.
He's still down, though.
Just don't turn this into a five-day fuckfest, okay?
We got a lot of shit popping off right now.
And not having you here isn't gonna make it easy.
Joe, I have all the confidence in the world in you.
Yeah. Oh, that's Virginia.
Go fuck yourself!
Hey, I'll be up in a minute.
- What's going on? - Bossman is on the line
and been getting Spencer's voicemail all morning.
Says it's an emergency.
- Yeah, put him through. - Got it.
Strasmore?
No, it's his partner, Joe Krutel.
How's our favorite Dallas Cowboys executive
this fine morning?
Have you seen Vernon Littelfield's
recent wardrobe choices on Instagram?
No. What, is he mixing stripes and plaids again?
You clearly don't grasp the gravity of the situation.
I suggest you talk to that young man.
Immediately.
Oh, motherfucker!
- Virginia! - Yes?
Get Vern and Reg on the phone for me right now, please.
Sizzle wants an appraisal on his boat.
And Kisan Teague has serious issues with what's going on...
For the love of all that's holy, Virginia,
get Vern and Reg on the phone right now.
- Joe, Kisan is... - Has issues. I know.
The whole fucking world knows that Kisan Teague has fucking issues.
But right now, Kisan Teague
can Kisan my pasty white ass.
Hey, Kee-san! How are you?
I was just about to call you.
Ah. Ahem. Everything cool?
Nah. It's Kah-san.
- What did I say? - And I need a new fucking agent.
- Oh, yeah, easy. - Yeah, but first,
you can start by dropping them draws, though,
so my boy Cliff
can kiss on that "pasty white ass."
No, when I... whoa.
It's getting a little real, Cliff. Blink.
The fucking agent, Joe!
- Come on, man, what the fuck? - Get Jason on the phone, please?
God! I mean, she's new...
She's not working out.
I'm so sorry, Mr. Carter,
the Cousteau Suite is booked,
but the Presidential Suite is even nicer.
Sir, does it have a giant aquarium
with iridescent fish?
Any man with 1,100 catches...
- Whoa! - and a gold jacket deserves his fish.
1,101, Spence. It's good to see you, man.
- It's good to see you, too, brother. - Man, it's been a minute.
- Yeah, man. - It has been a minute.
Don't melt down, big guy.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Wow. I haven't seen this one in... - It's been quite some time.
Actually, Wayne put you in the Cousteau Suite,
so why don't we just swap rooms?
- High-class problems? - You don't mind, do you?
No, I don't mind at all. I look more presidential than you, anyway.
Come on.
Well, that ain't saying much these days.
- I'll catch up with you later. - Let's do it.
All right, Cris.
Wow, it's nice to see
you're still making huge sacrifices
for the comfort and well-being of others.
I have enough marine life down in Miami.
Yeah, how is Miami?
Sexy.
Miami is just beautiful.
- You know how it is. It's... - Yeah.
Wow, so, here. You still work here, huh?
Yes. Yep, I... I do.
Yeah, you got a lot of stuff to do. Go.
Go work, and maybe we'll catch up later.
- I do know where to find you. - Yeah.
- Yeah! - T, hold up, bro.
Oh, man, don't kill my motherfucking joy, man.
You know I don't gamble.
What do you call not wrapping your joint before giving Amber a poke?
If you wanna shoot dice, that's fine,
but let's just be quiet about this.
I'm trying to keep this trip low-key.
Okay, man. Jesus!
Come on, fellas, set 'em up. Here we go.
- Yeah, ready? - Welcome, gentlemen.
Give me some scratch, Rick?
Hold on.
- $500? That's light, man. - That's all you get.
- That's all you get. All you get. - It's Vegas.
$500.
Oh, there it is.
Oh, put it right there. Here we go.
- You really like this shit, huh? - Grab two, man.
Make this a night to remember. Let's go.
See? This is why I don't fucking gamble. You know what I'm saying?
Get your head in the game, Greane.
We run this down one time, then we delete it from our minds forever.
- Cool? - Cool.
- All right. - And we are now moving in a new directi
And what direction is that?
Right there. That's where you lost them.
You paused and looked away before you answered the question.
- I was looking for the answer. - Baby, you need to have the answer.
But I didn't have the answer.
Make them think that you have the answer.
Look how you're sitting right now
with your shoulders all slumped.
And when you bulge your eyes out like that,
although hilarious and adorable,
it does zilch for your cred.
So, what I'd do right?
Well, you didn't curse or cry,
so that's something to build on.
Baby, when I give my patients bad news,
I deliver it as directly and dispassionately as I can.
I'm not cold or cruel, but I don't sugarcoat it.
Charles...
you're dying.
I don't like this game.
You just deliver the information, then you get out,
because chances are you're gonna have to do it over and over again.
Yeah, see, but the problem is is I have no clue as to why we fired our OC.
Doesn't matter.
Time to wipe the slate clean, Greane.
It's a new day for the Black Swan.
Wow.
Another great drive, Mayor. That's three in a row.
50 years of practice pays off.
It's more than I can say for you.
Ah. You talking about my golf game
or the fact that I want to bring a football team here to Vegas?
It's not easy convincing the taxpayers
and the stadium committee to pay for something they see
as the most expensive tourist trap on the planet.
Okay, well, let me try. All right?
I can alter the perception of Vegas as Sin City,
and what happens in Vegas doesn't need to stay here.
We made a fortune on that slogan.
- You want to change it? - No. No, I don't want to change it.
I love the slogan, but I want to give it greater context.
I need the league to know that there's a lot
of good, hardworking people here in Vegas.
- You know that. - But you're not a local.
What makes you think they're gonna trust you?
Look, I've been doing all of my off-season training here for years.
Plus, who else are you gonna trust
to push football in Vegas, Siegfried and Roy?
Listen, I really, really applaud
your aggressive play.
You're just like you were on the field.
But Councilman Sawyer just won't budge,
and he's very influential with the committee.
But if by some miracle you can convince him
to use public money to fund the stadium,
you have my support.
Take him to dinner tonight.
I'll make the introduction.
I love it! Thank you.
Give me some, Mayor.
And I'm gonna find a place with air conditioning.
Fuck this.
Yo, J., how'd it go with Kisan?
- He's a no-show. - What?
Motherfucker! He said he needed an agent.
He was dying to meet you. He must've got held up.
Yeah, well, I don't like being tested.
I don't like waiting, especially for a running back.
So I'm ghost. You solve that shit for Vern?
Yeah, I'm on my way right now.
All right, well, pick up the pace, Joe-Joe.
I mean, if those pictures start to get reposted,
Vern's in deep shit.
Fuck!
Hey, yo, my man.
You lost?
Uh, no.
I'm waiting for my friend, Kisan Teague.
- You know him? - No, no.
I'm from Palm Beach, brother.
- Okay. - Hey, can I borrow $5?
We low on gas and I, uh...
I forgot my wallet at home.
Yeah, uh...
here's $40.
It's all I got, so fill her up.
Oh, man, thanks. Hey, yo, yo, yo.
- Can I borrow that phone? - Come on, man.
The phone's my life. My entire business depends on it,
so, no, you can't borrow my phone.
It's gonna be the phone
or it's gonna be something else.
You're fucking with me, right?
Like, this is Kisan just trying to put my feet to the fire or something?
I told you, don't know no Kisan.
Look.
It's 500 bucks.
No phone. It's final offer.
Have a nice day, bitch! Let's roll.
My friend, you're caught in a fucking shitshow.
Yeah, I need to figure out who's directing that shitshow.
No, we have to figure out who's loyal to you.
Huh. Well...
I guess the easy answer is Siefert.
I mean, he did bring me back for that last season.
Then again, he also unceremoniously cut me.
Then again, he hired you to ride his hip in front office.
Yeah, and I got to admit,
I think I loved his job as much as playing the game.
Buddy, you still are playing the game.
It just feels better on your body on Mondays, doesn't it?
Hey, you're in a different type of trench now...
front office politics.
Can't just assume that it was Siefert who cut you.
He could've been covering for somebody.
Just saying. Maybe Berg.
Berg shot it straight with me ever since he got there.
Look, man, my thing is I've already seen one coach get fired.
I don't want to see it happen to him, too.
Buddy, until you guys beat the Patriots,
nobody in that building is safe.
Not the head coach, not the GM, not you.
Fuck, your parking lot attendant's not safe.
Listen, the walls in that building have ears.
Maybe not as big as those, but they got ears.
It's my job to listen to those walls.
Okay? I got that covered. You just watch your back.
- Got me? You got it. - Thanks, Glaze.
Dallas is freaking out about you guys promoting a weed company.
High Powered is a cannabis company.
Potato, potato.
What the fuck is this?
A big-ass sack of "potahtoes."
Uh-huh. All right.
- Mother of God. - Exactly.
200K to wear a damn T-shirt and hat.
You and Spence didn't get Vern
one single endorsement deal, so I did.
Well, I got news for you, Reg.
Vern's not a quarterback.
- And he's not JJ or Suh. - Yet.
And even if he were,
Mickey D's isn't handing out endorsement deals
to a DT tied to a weed company.
Man, I told your ass it's cannabis.
Nobody gives a fuck about the semantics, Reg!
Cannabis makes weed, weed makes people high.
That makes the team and the league
very fucking nervous.
It's hypocritical as hell, I know,
but that's the way it is.
So, please, let us get you into something
a little less polarizing, huh?
I got a new client with a cutting-edge virtual reality company.
We're more down with real reality.
Now, do your fucking job and put this through the wash.
- What do you think, RJ? - You know what I'm thinking.
Take the odds behind the line...
- For 40 dimes. - 40 dimes.
I'd put a mil on the come-up,
let it fly like a real nigga.
Man, listen to the pro. Don't listen to no Joe, man.
I told you about that Joe shit. Watch your fucking mouth.
I can relate to that, though. You know what I'm saying?
- Ricky, relate to this. - Bam!
I gotta go with RJ. In RJ we trust, baby.
What's up? Blow on them, baby.
- Here we go. - Let's get it.
Tuition paid!
Yeah!
That's how you do it!
Playing already?
- Aw, man, our boy on fire. - He's actually playing?
Yeah. He up, like, half a mil.
He keeps this up, you ain't got to pay him back
the $5 mil you owe him.
Hey, man, come get in this bitch.
Okay, let's do this.
- All right, here we go. - What you got?
$2,000 on the field of dreams.
Yeah, bitch!
That's how I feel. This is your getaway.
- This is your getaway. My lucky charm. - All right.
- Come on, Ricky J., a little blessing. - I got you.
- Here we go, here we go. - Hold your breath.
Sexy motherfucker up in this.
- Yes. - Hey, run that back, bruh.
- Here we go, here we go. - Black.
A sexy and smart motherfucker takes his money and run.
- All right, I'm out. Deuces. - That ain't sexy, man!
- Man, get out of here. Go. - That is not sexy.
Of all the casinos in all the world,
you walk into this one.
Well, it's not like it's my first time.
It's your first time in over five years.
You know, I figured you'd be running Viacom by now.
Well, it's hard to leave when Wayne keeps promoting me.
- You guys working on something? - Yeah.
I'm gonna bring pro football here to Vegas.
You and everyone else.
Okay, well, everyone else doesn't have Mayor Rosen's support.
Wow, you're working fast.
Just like our first date.
That was the best 97 seconds of your life.
Ugh. So, if I hadn't caught you in check-in,
were you gonna look me up or were you gonna try and duck me?
When you were down in Miami
breaking new ground on Wayne's hotel,
did you try and look me up?
I sure as hell didn't.
Ah.
Why not?
You better make it a quickie,
'cause my girls are waiting for me.
Well, you better call and ask for forgiveness,
'cause you're about to be late as fuck.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
I've got five years of fantasies about you
I'm about ready to roll out.
Then what the fuck are you waiting for?
Your girls can wait, by the way.
Don't even put me on the clock.
Yo, best agent in Miami.
- What's up, boy? - I want my money back.
What the fuck are you talking about?
You know, with your shitty gangbanger image,
you need me a lot more than I need you,
so you remember that next time you make
someone wait in the park for an hour
and then send your homeboys up there to rob him.
What, you got robbed?
Yeah. Don't play dumb.
- Hey, watch your mouth. - Yeah.
Have some brussels sprouts. They're delicious.
Come on, man, look. I couldn't make that meet 'cause my niece got sick.
Okay? Honest to God, I had to go pick her up from school.
What the guy look like? You get a look at him?
I... I know better than to eyeball a stickup man.
He was in a green Cutlass, Kisan.
Let's take a ride, huh?
Come on, man, fuck the brussels sprouts. Damn!
Wow, beautiful.
Yeah, well, you can call it that, I guess.
Shit, Bob, I didn't even think to ask you.
Do you even like Asian fusion?
Oh, is that what they call this stuff? "Asian fusion"?
Yeah...
Cut that bird! Hey, what the hell do you think we are?
A bunch of Neanderthals around here?
I fucking love this place.
All right. Well, you know what? Cheers.
- All right. - Cheers to keeping an open mind
and the promise of the public interest.
Now... now hold on just a second.
You expect me to believe that you wanna bring
a team here for the public interest?
- Is that so hard? - Well, now, son, people around here
don't want their tax dollars going to cover half a stadium
so some rich assholes can get even richer.
Yeah, but think about all the jobs that it's gonna create.
But at what cost? It might even take money away from other programs.
But, Bob, it's also gonna create a lot of opportunities.
It's gonna make people stay here till Monday
and not try and fly out early Sunday morning like everybody does.
Yeah, if they're sober enough to catch their flights, that is.
I gotta tell you something, Bob, I'm surprised
you're opposed to this, man.
You must be a soccer guy.
Arsenal. That's my guess.
Nah, we just like to stack our odds
a little bit in our favor, if you know what I mean.
But then again, you probably don't know what I mean,
because after all, you are a tourist.
I'll show you a fucking tourist.
- Listen, listen. - Hell, yeah! What? What?
We're there. Don't give this back. Do not give this stack back.
The fuck you talking about? Trav, what you think?
Time to walk.
Man, yo, you know me. I ain't even check out all these chips!
- Don't listen to that nigga. - We wide outs, man.
We ain't afraid to go across the middle.
- That's what I'm saying. - Listen to RJ, man.
Let's take this shit and go to Sapphire's and blow it the right way.
The plan worked. Don't deviate.
- Don't deviate! - Deviate.
Who wants to see me push all these motherfucking chips in?
That's what I'm talking about!
Oh, my God. Dice, please. I'm pushing them in.
There we go, baby. What's up? What's up? Blow on them, baby.
- Here we go. - All right.
Championship, championship, championship.
- Come on, Trav, what we got, baby? - More winning.
- Straight up! - Come on!
- Fuck! - Damn, man!
- Fuck. Fuck. - Catch you next time, Rick.
- Where you going, RJ? - Fuck.
Hey, man, that ain't on me, bro.
RJ, you gonna leave... Trav.
I wanna sign for another mil.
- Rick. Rick! - Sign for another mill.
- Just chill out. - Come on!
I need more chips, Jimmy.
- A million dollars? - Now, please.
Now, please.
That's Max-D, "Monster Jam" fans.
Give it up!
- Hey. - Hey.
Thank you for these passes, baby. I appreciate it.
You know, your girls are clutch.
Yeah, well, don't expect them to blow this guy.
I mean, Kelly's got daddy issues,
but it'd be wrong to take advantage of that.
- Completely. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- He thinks I'm full of shit. - Yeah?
- Was he wrong about that? - Absolutely.
I bring football to these fans,
it's gonna mean the world to them.
And I'm gonna make it happen.
That's the car, right?
- Come on. - There he go.
Oh, K. Teague! You back in Smog City, baby?
What it do, homie?
- All good, baby. - All right, all right.
I got a friend I want you to meet, though.
- Oh, yeah? - Yo, Jason.
Get your ass over here, nigga.
Oh, who this, your accountant?
No, man, this might be my new agent right here.
- Okay. - Jason, meet Leonard.
- Hi, Leonard. - What's up, man?
I forgot. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Y'all two met each other already.
- Somewhere. Where was it? - Oh, yeah, Palm Beach.
Palm Beach! You remember that shit?
Palm Beach, that's right.
Give the man back his roll.
Give him his shit. Give him his money, come on.
Come on.
I ain't know he was with you, KT.
- That's bullshit. - Yo, man.
That's cool, that's cool.
This is short $40. The gas money.
- Dude, that was a gift. - Right.
Okay, look here.
Give the man back the fucking cheese
or me and the boys are gonna go
Giancarlo Stanton on your Cutlass.
A'ight? It's up to you. Make a decision.
- Like that, man? - Like that.
And this time you're gonna hand it to him like a man.
Can you do that?
All right, brother.
- Here you go. - Man!
- Oh, wow. - No, no, no.
- Don't worry about it. - He has butter fingers.
- That wasn't on me. - Don't worry about it.
- You got it? - He got his money.
- Don't worry about it, my man. Right? - All right. All right.
Have a nice drive back to Palm Beach, bitch.
- Oh, I'm a bitch? - You my man, Leonard.
Man, what the fuck, man?
- KT, come on. - Fuck that piece of shit.
Ah, there it is. Now, how about this, girls?
Turn around, put your hands around him.
I need you to hold him, now.
There it is.
Move your hand slightly to the left.
We wanna make sure we got a nice, clear shot of the logo.
There we go.
Annie Leibovitz ain't got shit on you, Reg.
Come on, talk to me, somebody.
Ladies, y'all wanna come in for some milk and cookies after this?
Only if they're chocolate chip.
I don't fuck with oatmeal.
Excuse me, ladies.
- Okay. - Thank you.
What up, Chuck?
What's going on, Vernon?
- Good to see you. - Yeah, you, too, dawg.
- Ladies. - Hey.
I like the sled, Joey. You going green?
- No, no, you're going green. - Uh-huh, 'cause that's your new sled.
Courtesy of my friends down at Tropical Chevrolet,
who, Mr. Vernon Littelfield,
defensive tackle star of the Dallas Cowboys,
will be endorsing on TV later this month.
For real?
Yeah, all you gotta do is drop the cannabis thing,
sign on the dotted line,
that car and a quarter mil is yours.
A quarter mil.
- They're paying 250? - In cash.
- Cash. - Let's see the contract.
Um, the ink's not dry, you know.
- How about the cash? - Yeah.
We should have that by the end of business tomorrow.
Yeah, or the day after that at the very latest.
Chuck, didn't you used to work at a car dealership?
Yeah.
You motherfuckers just bought this shit off a lot.
- How dare you accuse us of lying. - Wow.
- That's what it feels like. - I had to pull some major strings
to get this deal done.
You were a fucking salesman, Charles,
not the goddamn CEO.
- Oh, wow. - I was a manager.
Look, y'all, the ride is tight
and we all about helping Mother Nature,
but we believe in High Powered.
Yeah, because you're fucking stoned
if you don't walk away from that shit.
Hey, Vernon, on the real,
the word is out all around the league.
They're telling us to keep our guys away from that green, bruh.
Man, High Powered ain't about blazing.
These cannabinoids they're making,
they're the real deal.
CBD's made Vern's Achilles rehab five times faster
and helped him come back stronger than ever.
- Like a beast. - Oh, my God.
Seriously, you're gonna stand here
and you're gonna look us in the eyes and with a straight face,
say that this isn't about getting stoned?
It's absolutely not about getting lit.
God damn it.
Hmm.
Uh, though me and Nate still do partake in that aspect.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
This authentic enough for you, Bob?
Well, it's getting there.
Okay, I'll take that.
It's an honor to have one of our favorite sons in the crowd tonight.
Give a warm welcome home to former LV resident
and future Hall of Fame linebacker, Spencer Strasmore!
Thank you.
Get down here and check out the trucks, buddy.
I'm coming down.
Excuse me for a second, Bob.
The emcee is an old poker pal of mine.
- You guys have fun. - We will.
- Could you, um...? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, hey, his name's Craig, by the way.
- And you can thank me later tonight. - You're the best.
My man. All right.
It's good to have you back in town.
It is great to be back here.
Las Vegas, my home away from home.
What do you say, Vegas?
Hey, I want a big shout-out to the upper deck...
my girl, Chloe, and my man,
that's Councilman Big Bob Sawyer.
Big Bob, yeah!
One and only, baby. Ain't that right?
What you got lined up next?
Craig, I got a lot of things lined up here in Vegas,
but the one thing I wanna do first is I wanna get inside
one of these monster trucks.
Oh, hell, yeah! I wanna see that, Spence!
I just don't wanna drive any truck,
I wanna drive the 11-time world champion, Max-D.
Yeah!
What do you think about that, Las Vegas?
- This ain't you, Rick. - What the hell is me, T.?
People got no idea what's going on in my head,
just the way I like it.
This is crazy, man.
It's already been laid.
Ain't no backing out now. Give me some luck.
- Luck. - I can't, man. You on your own.
You on your own with this one.
Fuck, dude.
Are you sure you've done this before?
Yeah. Come on, Grave Digger, 2012.
I was the one behind that wheel.
- I know what I'm doing. - Okay.
- Keep it around 10 mph. - All right.
When you hit the lip, you'll get a great jump
and the fans will go crazy.
- Yeah. - Don't be a hero.
This ain't my first barbecue, Tom.
Here he goes, "Monster Jam" fans.
Let's go, Spence!
He can drive that truck.
Yeah!
- Come on, Spence. - Come on, get it. Come on, son!
He's moving.
Come on, nice and easy.
No extinguisher. We're all right.
Be careful. Pull him out.
He's okay, everyone.
I knew he was gonna be okay. I knew it.
That was pretty hairy, Spence.
What are you gonna do for an encore?
Well, what do you think about this, Craig?
I'm gonna bring a professional football team
here to the great fans of Las Vegas!
Yeah!
One more time, Las Vegas.
- Let's hear it for Spencer Strasmore! - Whoo!
He's definitely growing on me.
Yeah, he's growing on me, too.