Scientists devour textbooks and data
in an attempt to understand the world...
...to gain confidence or clarity...
_
...to be prepared.
Surgeons are the worst offenders.
We study for decades and stare down the barrel
of worst-case scenarios...
- Could be the hospital. - It's not.
It's not or you don't want it to be?
Both.
Hm.
Mm-hmm. Well, all right.
Where are you going? Yours isn't even dinging.
Don't want it to be.
I'm so sorry.
I forgot how much I missed you breaking all my stuff.
Welcome home.
We ignore sleep and friends and food and sex
and actual real life
so that we're ready for anything...
...so we know what to expect
...and know there's nothing...
...we can't handle.
Oh.
So, Catherine sent for you, too, huh?
Told me she needed a VIP consult.
Yeah, and she needed the smartest neuro god she knows.
General, but the same.
Something to drink, Dr. Koracick?
Double espresso, dash of cinnamon, lots of sugar.
Of course.
Ah.
I'm sure, if you asked nicely,
that flight attendant could scrounge up a kickass sedative,
just knock you right out.
If you knew my history on planes,
you would not be making jokes.
So, what do you think Catherine's got for us?
Rock star with a spinal schwannoma?
Mm. Oh, please, we could do that in our sleep.
Chooramani technique?
What... you know the Chooramani technique, Dr. Grey?
You impress me.
I dabbled in neuro for a bit.
What... What made you give it up?
I...
could have possibly ruined my husband's Alzheimer's trial.
Oh. I heard about that.
Yeah, I met him on the conference circuit.
He thought it was fitting that my name had the word "ass"
right smack in the middle of it.
- That sounds like him. - Yeah.
Oh.
- We're next in line for takeoff. - Mm.
Don't forget to buckle up.
Do you want me to talk or shut up?
Talk.
Chief, good, you're here.
I haven't been the chief in years, Frankie.
You'll always be my chief.
Room 3 needs you. Your intern doesn't know
a wound-vac from his ass.
And here I thought motherhood would soften your edges.
Who needs soft edges when you're always right?
You know, when I hired you,
I knew you were gonna be nothing but a pain in my...
When you hired me, I was first in my class at nursing school
and knew my way around a central line
better than anyone, including you.
Pain in my...
Careful, or I'm not gonna let you
put money down on baby names.
Ginger put that up, thinking she could make a quick buck.
She knows I'm just gonna wind up calling it "Chicken."
Or L'il Pancake.
L'il Pancake is not a name.
Now, Richard, that's a name.
- Very distinguished. - Ah.
Wise.
All right.
Frankie?
Aah!
Frankie.
Aah! Aah!
Somebody get me a gurney!
Frankie?
Okay, we got you.
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
Have you had any other symptoms... pain, dizziness?
I'm 28 weeks' pregnant at a crazy-ass job
where people feed me cupcakes all day.
I just thought it was indigestion.
Aah-aah, damn it.
Frankie.
What do you need?
No, I'm...
Dr. Webber's just checking me out.
Pulse is strong, but she's tachycardic.
What are we thinking?
Ginger. Hi. Ginger.
Over here. Hi.
Richard is taking care of me.
Richard is good.
We like Richard.
So...
- Stand down? - It would be appreciated.
You've got a hell of a village there.
My whole life, you know, I've had an order in my head...
job, dog, house...
- Ring, husband, baby. - ...ring, husband, baby.
Exactly.
And I'm skating towards 40 with a killer job,
but no ring, no husband,
no human man in sight.
So I made my own damn order.
And me and L'il Pancake are gonna be a helluva team.
And we've got our village.
L'il Pancake is not a name.
Well, I never saw a challenge you couldn't rise to.
And your baby has a nice, strong heartbeat,
just like we like it.
So then... Aah, damn it.
- What's wrong? - Uh, it's your spleen.
Where?
There.
It is a wandering spleen.
It's torqued around itself,
and it's cutting off the blood supply.
So I'm gonna get you up to the OR.
No, no, no, no, hold on.
It could resolve on its own.
Sometimes the spleen turns itself back around.
- Highly unlikely. - No, it happened. I have seen it.
It's possible, but, Frankie...
At 28 weeks, the only way to make sure
that this baby stays safely inside of me
is to stay out of that OR.
I...
Aah.
I know the risks.
- I don't care. - Frankie, listen to me. I...
$41,632.
That's what this kid costs.
Three rounds of IVF and a miscarriage.
I'm not telling you that so you feel sorry for me.
This baby is worth every dime,
all of it.
I am telling you because this is it.
I literally have all of my eggs in one basket,
so there is no way we are risking this.
I'm not going.
Don't make me sic Ginger on you.
I'm gonna check you in. I'm gonna watch you like a hawk.
That part we've got covered.
I mean, we're always hoping for the patient to be Bono,
but at some point, the patient has to actually be Bono, right?
Well, I met him once. Even his brain is cool.
- It's annoying. - What took you two so long?
Catherine, this place is gorgeous.
The patient is a 65-year-old female.
Susan Sarandon? Helen Mirren?
Make my dreams come true.
She's complained of neck and back pain
off and on for the past several weeks,
and, yesterday, the pain reached a fever pitch.
Head of Ortho insisted on a C.T.
It would be nice to have a cervical MRI
so we know what we're dealing with.
Already done.
Okay.
Oh, will you marry me?
- Thomas, please. - No, I'm not kidding.
She is smart, wily.
I mean, I have never seen a tumor
invade both the vascular and the nerve domains
like that before.
Neither have I.
I always thought a blonde would take me off the market,
- but, spinal tumor... - Tommy.
- ...you have my... - Tommy.
No, I'm just saying, this tumor is not going anywhere anytime soon.
You know I love my women stubborn.
We're gonna need to do a biopsy to determine
if it's cancer or not.
Oh, cart, horse. Love the enthusiasm,
but, uh, I prefer to meet the patient first.
You already have.
Sorry to disappoint you, Thomas.
No Hollywood movie stars today.
I'm the patient.
- Catherine, I'm sorry. - Don't apologize.
- I didn't... I didn't... - You meant every word you said.
Look. Including the part where we don't know
if it's cancer or not.
Are you having any numbness or loss of motor function?
No, just the pain, which is why I need a biopsy right away.
I have things to do.
I think a spinal tumor's a pretty good reason
to postpone a ribbon cutting.
I didn't send for you to postpone a damn thing.
Catherine, why aren't Richard and Jackson here?
They don't know.
They will know when there's something to know.
Now, I've reserved the IR suite.
We can take care of the biopsy right now.
The tumor extends into the sub-q area...
Which makes it my dance space.
Well, just make sure when you finish dancing,
I can still cut the ribbon on this place.
Icilda!
Icilda?
You better not make that fun of that.
That's my mama's name.
Okay, I want Q two-hour neuro checks on 3,
and, Carla, please make sure
that Mrs. Chen is double-gowned.
That woman does three laps a day
with her rear flapping in the breeze.
- Yeah, she does. - Yeah, she does.
Ahh...
Now, the only way for you to help me
is to go do your jobs, please.
Yeah, you heard the boss.
Let's go.
And so, as the boss of you...
Here he goes.
Um, you should be resting.
Pulse has gone back down to normal.
Her blood pressure is stable.
We checked it manually twice.
We're not all just trashy magazines
and noise violations.
She's good, Dr. Webber.
Indeed.
Now, if you all don't mind,
I'd like to do a quick ultrasound.
How about some privacy?
- We'll be outside. - Yes.
Don't you name that baby before we come back.
If you do, you name it Alex.
'Cause Alex goes both ways.
- Oh, my God. Go away. - No, I can't.
- What about Minty? - Minty?
- Minty would be beautiful. - It's bad.
They mean well.
You're exactly the boss I always knew you would be...
tough, fair.
With a little bit of flair.
You always had that.
Is that...
I believe it is.
Your spleen's beginning to untwist.
I can see blood flowing again.
You can say it, you know? It won't kill you.
You weren't wrong for waiting a while.
Oh, that's the best you can do?
For today.
Hey, what gives?
You're cranky. Your jokes are stale.
I could fly to Paris with the bags under your eyes.
If you weren't my patient, I'd have you fired.
How's Catherine?
She's busy, traveling a lot.
And Maggie? Meredith?
Everybody's fine.
Hey, I know it was hard losing Ollie.
Yeah, it was.
I'll check on your vitals in a bit.
You keep up the good work,
our girl may name her baby Richard after all.
You off today?
Um, I wish. You?
Sort of.
I, um... I had a dream last night
about my rechargeable hearts...
...which I took as a sign that I should go in today
and really focus on them, which, you know,
now that I say that out loud,
that makes me the queen of the science nerds.
But I promise we'll do dinner...
a big, huge dinner...
all the...
_
wine.
All the what, babe?
- Maggie, listen. - Nope.
- Maggie. - No.
Will you stop for a second, please?
Let me guess.
"It's not what it looks like.
We're just friends, I promise."
Um... Okay, yes, that was what I was gonna say.
This isn't funny, Jackson.
Maggie, it's what I was gonna say
because it's the truth, all right?
- I didn't cheat on you. - You are too smart to say that,
and I am too smart to believe it.
Ow.
And now I cut my foot, damn it!
Just wait.
Well, let's just forget about the fact
that you were going through my phone.
It kept dinging over and over again,
and I thought it was mine, and that is not the point.
The point is that some woman is missing you
with multiple heart emojis,
and you won't tell me the truth.
Maggie, you want the truth?
Okay, all right? I... I met someone...
You met someone.
...at... when I was at the monastery.
When you were at the monastery.
Yeah. Why are you repeating?
I don't know. I just am. Keep going.
All right, you have glass in your foot.
Can we... Don't change the subject.
I'm not...
Her name is Kate, all right? And... you were right.
I think you were probably right about the PTSD,
and it's just there's something about nature that,
when you're unplugged and unmoored
and... you were right.
So you slept with her because you had God feelings?
What? No.
I didn't sleep with anybody.
I didn't even kiss her.
It's... It's not about that at all.
We talked.
Maggie, we just talked all night
about how she lost her brother
and how she's looking for some kind of peace.
Which she found in your pants?
No. No. Maggie, no, all right?
You're bleeding, all right?
Will you just sit down for a second so I can help you, please?
Please, okay? I'll grab a first-aid kit,
and you can just look at the messages yourself.
- Oh, no. - I-I don't need to.
I think you do, okay?
This is not some puzzle you need to solve, okay?
Nothing happened.
I didn't want anything to happen.
She's just somebody who understood
what I was going through, what I'd lost.
And, honestly, she understood it better than I did,
and it helped.
It helped to not feel so alone in all this.
Here. Come here.
You're still talking to her.
Last week, last couple of days,
when you were bringing me takeout
and asking me to trust you...
Because you should. You can trust me, okay?
Jackson, my dating history might be dubious,
but I do know that no woman in the history of ever
sends "miss yous" and heart emojis
to men she doesn't want to sleep with.
That's not what this is, Maggie, all right?
I swear, okay? We talked.
And it's just nice, honestly,
to talk to people who've been through the same thing.
People?
I just... I meant that, um...
Who else are you talking to?
Just, um... April sometimes.
What happened?
Her blood pressure tanked,
and her pain level's through the roof.
What is happening?
It's gonna be okay. My baby.
Okay, let's take a look.
- Your baby looks strong. - Mnh.
Damn it.
There's fluid in her abdomen. It's likely blood.
Her splenic artery probably burst, okay?
I'll go tell them to prep an OR.
And shut down the gallery.
You page Alex Karev and the head of OB, stat.
- If we have to take this baby out... - Aah!
I want the best on-hand, okay, all right?
Wait, no. Please, no, please.
Please...
Listen to me, Frankie.
There is nothing you can't handle, okay?
Come on, let's go. Come on. We got to move.
Do you think it's cancer?
Dr. Grey, that's why we're doing the biopsy.
Actual answers.
Science.
I'm asking if you have a feeling.
I am a Big Gun.
Yes, I know.
You're amazing, incredible.
There's no one in the world like you. I get it.
I feel so seen. Thank you.
And we are ready to roll.
Okay, now, you want to be careful because you...
Grey...
you're not gonna backseat drive
a simple biopsy, are you?
- Nope. - No? Good.
Be careful because... Da, da, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
People don't come to The Meredith Grey
for appys and choles anymore, do they?
No, they don't.
You are a Big Gun.
You spend your days with the worst-case scenarios.
You are the last stop on the Hope Train,
and if you felt that every hour of every day,
well, you'd be a miserable first date.
Big Guns worry when there's something to worry about.
- Put a rush on that. - Put a rush on that.
Hey, the nurses are lining the halls.
Can I help?
Yeah. Get in here.
We need to get this spleen out.
She's hypotensive. We need to take the baby out.
The baby's only 28 weeks.
You're talking months in the NICU
and a potential lifetime of deficits.
- Dr. Webber... - My judgment is not clouded.
Suction.
The nurses in our hospital
put their own needs...
...their own lives aside every hour of every day
for the good of their patients.
Clamp.
So I owe it to them to do everything in my power
to keep that baby right where he belongs.
Okay, retract back.
Okay, scissors.
Thank you.
More. Good.
There. It's out.
And the bleeding's under control.
- Well done, sir. - Thank you.
Damn it!
Is your vascular clamp still in place?
Maybe it's the short gastric arteries.
Her pressure's tanking.
Okay. Suction.
Right.
There's too much blood. I can't tell where it's coming from.
Dr. Webber, baby's in distress.
Sir, we need to get this baby out now.
Dr. Webber.
Then do it.
Some pads.
Baby's out.
Okay, where the hell is all this blood coming from?
I need suction and intubation, stat.
Oh, she's going into DIC.
Let's hang FFP.
Karev, how you doing over there?
Karev?
Karev!
Got an airway, but no movement.
Come on, buddy. Come on, come on, come on, come on.
We got movement!
We got it.
Sats are improving.
We got him. We're good.
Did you hear that, Frankie?
Your baby boy's okay. He's okay.
I need you to stay with him.
We need that crash cart!
Get him in the NICU now, stat.
Let's charge to 120.
Clear.
Come on, Frankie. Come on. Come on.
Let's charge to 200.
Clear.
I thought it would be me detonating this...
whatever this is.
I thought it would be me.
Not out of ego or anything...
just, you know, history.
I thought I would be the reason.
So you pictured us ending?
- You didn't? - No.
Did you picture it with April?
No, I didn't picture my marriage ending.
Maybe it didn't.
Come on.
Are you really threatened by April?
Jackson, you're texting other women.
You're talking to other women,
one of whom you used to sleep with
and the other who clearly wants to sleep with you,
and you are telling them things that you don't tell me.
Do you want to know why I'm not telling you things
about God or how I fit in this universe?
Or about things I used to know
that I don't seem to know anymore?
Because you don't...
'Cause you won't talk to me.
I told you that God and religion is not my thing,
but I-I support you.
No, Maggie.
You don't talk to me, you know,
and not about just your day or rechargeable hearts
or how Mer's being a pain in the ass today.
- I... - I mean,
I never know a damn thing you're feeling.
I am an amazing friend.
I am an amazing sister.
I am there for them through every crisis.
Hell, I have been there for you.
Yes, you have been.
You have been.
It's not the same.
So, because I'm not spewing my feelings all over the place,
that makes it okay for you to hide in your phone
with other women?
You run every time it gets complicated, Maggie.
You hide in your lab,
or you go off and buy some milk
instead of just having an actual conversation with me.
That's not fair.
You plan the end of a relationship
when it's barely begun.
What is that?
When's the last time you let me in at all?
Like, about anything?
So you went and you got it from someone else?
Maggie.
Yeah.
I find it a little easier
to open up to people who open up to me.
? The way you wear your hat ?
? The way you sip your tea ?
? The memory of all that ?
? No, no, they can't take that away from me ?
? No, they can't take that away ?
? From me ?
Oh, that's just a little routine we used to do
over sacral nerve implants back in the day.
- So, how did I do? - Oh, you were perfect.
Just like a professional patient.
We're still waiting on the results.
Mm.
Catherine? Can I call Richard now?
In a bit. I think I need a real drink.
Mm. Hm.
Dr. Webber.
Dr. Webber, she's been down.
I know.
Time...
Time of...
Time of death, 15:42.
Hi. I'm Gina. I'm an alcoholic.
Hi, Gina.
I lost my job busing for the school district last week.
Budget cuts. I couldn't believe it.
Haven't seen you around in a while.
I thought I... I thought I was getting a raise.
Work.
Glad you're back.
I grabbed my last paycheck,
and every bone in my body told me, "Call your sponsor."
But I thought, "I'll just walk it off.
I'll just walk it the hell off,"
like being a drunk is like being in a bad mood
or trying to lose a few pounds.
I pass by this bar, McGovern's, right off Main,
and I see this crappy little sign in the window,
hung up with masking tape.
"Chips for Shots."
And at first, I... I didn't know what it meant.
And then I see the emblem.
You give 'em your chip, and they give you a shot
for every year you're sober.
I wish I could have felt the way that you feel right now...
angry, horrified.
But all I could feel in that moment was lucky,
because I have four years under my belt
and I got 4 bucks in my bank account.
Had.
I had four years.
God, I'm so ashamed.
But I'm back,
and I got 24 hours under my belt,
and I am grateful.
Okay, run it down for me.
Look, the results aren't in yet.
The tumor could still be benign,
- so let's not worry about that until... - Why do we do that?
Why do we refuse to talk about it?
If I have cancer...
- We don't know that you do. - Yeah, but I might,
and your tip-toeing around it doesn't make it any better.
- Can I get you guys something? - Andrew, yes.
What are you having, Tommy?
The sun is still out.
Oh, he'll have the same as me... tequila, neat.
Make his a double. Meredith?
I'll have the same.
Mm.
Thanks.
So...
Do you think, if you talk about it, it'll scare me?
It'll remind me?
Do you think there's any world where I'm not sitting here
wondering if my right foot is numb
because of the heels
or the tumor snaking down my spine?
Do you think I'm sitting here now
wondering, "How long is it gonna be
before they tack the word 'Memorial'
at the end of that sign?"
After all these years, I have built a legacy
that finally has my own name on it.
I have a granddaughter
that I want to watch take over the world.
You don't think I'm sitting here wondering if I'll get to?
There is nothing you could possibly say
that's worse than what I've been imagining
since the second I saw those scans.
Well, if it is cancer,
we are looking at, um...
osteosarcoma or a chondrosarcoma.
Which means what?
If it's osteo, assuming it has not spread,
we are looking at chemo and radiation
to shrink the size of the tumor
and operate with as little chance of paralysis as possible.
And if it's chondrosarcoma?
Chondro is a beast.
Doesn't respond to chemo.
So, if you're lucky... and that's a big if...
we may be able to cut it out without, uh...
Making me a quadriplegic,
which means I'll never operate again.
Okay. So that tequila went right through me.
I got to go see a man about a horse.
Dr. Grey, you are among the finest surgeons
that I've seen in my career.
But that's not the only reason I called you here.
When I look in Richard's eyes,
he's barely holding on.
His sponsor died, and he hasn't replaced her,
and if I tell him this...
Catherine.
My mother hid her diagnosis
and spent years alone because of it.
This is not an excuse
to cut the people you love out of your life.
Meredith, I don't know if he can handle this.
Well, I don't know if he can handle it, either,
but it's his life, too.
This is not your choice to make for him.
All right, the hospital, uh, paged.
The biopsy results are back.
Okay, well...
- Let's do this. - Yeah.
One more?
That's good.
I'm okay, thanks.
When you went on your... your whole GodQuest...
GodQuest?
It's what I called it in my head.
When you left without telling me, um...
A part of me was relieved.
This tiny part of me... exhaled
'cause I thought you would...
you would go to the woods,
and you would, you know,
talk to a priest or a shaman,
and... and... and pray to something or someone,
and you would come back with some answers.
You would come back like yourself.
But, instead, I came back with more questions.
And you took those questions to other women.
Uh...
I've spent most of my life
being five steps ahead of everyone else,
and nobody wants to be friends with that girl, okay?
That girl does not have any dates or fights.
She doesn't learn how to fight.
I learned calculus in grade school.
I learned coronary bypass when I was 20.
I never learned how to really love or fight
or really let somebody in without it feeling like
it was gonna be the end of the world.
And you have been married and divorced,
and you have a child,
and you've lost a child,
and you are five steps ahead of me.
And I don't know how to catch up.
Um...
You said that you told Kate about what you'd lost?
Yeah, um...
That's...
That's messy, you know?
Pretty complicated, Maggie.
Try me.
Okay.
The one thing that April and I
could never see eye to eye on was God.
She believed, and I never could.
And now that I do...
now that I really do...
it's too late.
She's married.
She's happy with someone else.
You said that you were happy for her.
You said that a lot of times.
I am. I am happy for her.
I would never do anything to take that away from her.
I am, uh...
...grieving.
Uh, I'm grieving what we both lost...
...and what my daughter lost
for the bad timing.
And I love you.
I really love you.
That's all true and all a little messy,
and I just...
I didn't know how to talk to you about it.
No, don't...
Maggie, please don't... don't leave. What...
I can't.
I am...
This...
Jackson, I can't.
What can I get you?
Eight years, huh?
Impressive.
I had five once.
God grant me the serenity, right?
What's your poison?
Vodka.
Enjoy.
Hey. You can't come back here.
What the hell, man?!
- Whoa, whoa! - Whoa!
- Hey! - Whoa!
- Stop it! - Whoa!
Hey! Stop it!
- Whoa! - Hey, whoa!
Somebody call the damn police!
Do it! You call the police,
and I'll tell 'em what you do to people,
people who are just trying to be
there for their children...
...trying to be there
- for the wives that love 'em... - What?
...just trying to hang on with everything they got.
And you find 'em,
and you hunt 'em down!
Aah! I didn't hurt nobody!
The choice was all yours.
Damn right it is.
Aaah!
This foundation was created
to change the face of medicine.
And because of the brave women who came forward
and told their truths and overcame insurmountable odds,
the Catherine Fox Foundation
will change the face of medicine once again.
This is just the beginning.
Damn.
Right?
No, I mean, she looks good.
She always looked fantastic, but...
Okay, what is it with you two?
Because you realize that Richard and I are like family,
so if there's something going on...
I'm not one to kiss and tell.
That's literally all you ever do.
Oh, you want... you want details.
- No, I don't. - She woke me up.
I had a kid, a son, and, uh...
then I didn't.
Uh, I sleep-walked through years of my life,
and Catherine, uh...
reminded me that I was alive.
And she sings a mean harmony, too.
She's my friend.
Then she's in good hands.
No, I'm a Big Gun, Meredith.
Yeah, okay, with the Big Gun.
- I get it. - No, you don't. You don't.
There is no one smarter, no one better than me.
And my friend has Grade 3 chondrosarcoma.
She has cancer in her spine that won't shrink with chemo,
and I have no idea how to remove it without killing or paralyzing her.
Thomas, what the hell are you doing standing here?
- Ugh. Catherine... - You have work to do.
I survived losing my mother before I could even get to know her
and my father, who dropped dead on his way to church
when I was 18 years old.
I raised my sisters alone... no help, no money.
I have survived racism, sexism, every "ism"
designed to make me feel small or make me less.
If I can do all of that, if I can survive all of that,
then I just might survive this, too.
But I can't do this on my own.
So I need you to figure it out, fast.
Now, excuse me. I...
I have to go call my husband.
The problem with all the how-to, step-by-step books is
they don't take into account the exceptions to the rules.
Hey, there, L'il Pancake.
They never leave room for the outliers...
...the geniuses...
...the miracles...
You've reached Richard Webber's cellphone.
Please leave a message.
...because books are black and white...
...and everything in real life
is a messy shade of gray.
So nothing can truly prepare us
for the beautiful, painful things
we never imagined possible...
_
Maggie.
- Meredith. - Richard?
Are you okay?
Please don't tell Catherine.
Just promise me.
Okay, I promise.
What's going on?
...or the moments no one ever saw coming.
I've been arrested, Meredith.
I need your help.
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