1 00:00:00,807 --> 00:00:01,806 Okay, party people. 2 00:00:01,808 --> 00:00:03,874 Chelsea will be here any second. 3 00:00:03,876 --> 00:00:05,209 Does anyone want to help me? 4 00:00:05,211 --> 00:00:07,244 I'd help, but I don't want to. 5 00:00:07,246 --> 00:00:08,245 Here she comes! 6 00:00:08,247 --> 00:00:09,847 Hit the deck! 7 00:00:10,950 --> 00:00:12,650 Happy birthday! 8 00:00:12,652 --> 00:00:15,252 Is it my birthday? 9 00:00:15,254 --> 00:00:16,754 I totally forgot. 10 00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:20,224 - Happy birthday, Chelsea. - Happy birthday, Chelsea. 11 00:00:20,226 --> 00:00:21,792 - Happy birthday, Chels. - Happy birthday. 12 00:00:21,794 --> 00:00:22,793 Aww. 13 00:00:22,795 --> 00:00:24,795 A homemade card from five adults. 14 00:00:24,797 --> 00:00:26,030 How thoughtful. 15 00:00:26,032 --> 00:00:28,199 There's a $30 Hollister gift card in there. 16 00:00:28,201 --> 00:00:29,834 In that case, I will keep it. 17 00:00:31,370 --> 00:00:33,437 I've got loads of neat-o birthday surprises 18 00:00:33,439 --> 00:00:36,140 set up throughout the day. 19 00:00:36,142 --> 00:00:38,476 But first, make a wish. 20 00:00:38,478 --> 00:00:41,612 What does someone wish for who has everything? 21 00:00:41,614 --> 00:00:43,147 Aren't you still a size 4? 22 00:00:43,149 --> 00:00:45,082 Eat my , Deb. 23 00:00:45,084 --> 00:00:46,917 Please make me a size 2. 24 00:00:48,721 --> 00:00:50,120 I'm not gonna eat that, though. 25 00:00:50,122 --> 00:00:51,121 Okay, I didn't plan on it. 26 00:00:52,158 --> 00:00:56,599 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 27 00:00:56,629 --> 00:00:58,863 Oh, my God! 28 00:00:58,865 --> 00:01:00,064 How did this happen? 29 00:01:00,066 --> 00:01:01,198 This is the end of days. 30 00:01:02,635 --> 00:01:04,401 I can't teach a lesson on Colonial America 31 00:01:04,403 --> 00:01:05,436 without handouts. 32 00:01:05,438 --> 00:01:07,404 I'm good, but I'm not God. 33 00:01:07,406 --> 00:01:09,073 I'm teaching vocabulary today. 34 00:01:09,075 --> 00:01:10,975 What am I supposed to do? 35 00:01:10,977 --> 00:01:13,110 Write 25 words on the whiteboard? 36 00:01:13,112 --> 00:01:14,612 Have all the kids take out paper? 37 00:01:14,614 --> 00:01:15,946 Pencils? 38 00:01:15,948 --> 00:01:17,748 Have them copy all the words from the whiteboard? 39 00:01:17,750 --> 00:01:20,451 Erase the whiteboard? This is insane! 40 00:01:20,619 --> 00:01:22,210 Is there a manual? 41 00:01:26,993 --> 00:01:29,326 Yep. We. 42 00:01:29,328 --> 00:01:32,062 Roses are red. Violets are blue. 43 00:01:32,064 --> 00:01:33,664 Ms. Snap is the prettiest teacher, 44 00:01:33,666 --> 00:01:35,666 much prettier than any of you. 45 00:01:35,668 --> 00:01:37,735 We celebrate her today as one of the greats. 46 00:01:37,737 --> 00:01:41,005 Anyone would be lucky to have her skinny traits. 47 00:01:41,007 --> 00:01:42,806 Happy birthday, Ms. Snap. 48 00:01:42,808 --> 00:01:45,242 I am so touched that you wrote that. 49 00:01:45,244 --> 00:01:48,279 You said it was 25% of our writing grade. 50 00:01:48,281 --> 00:01:50,137 You can sit down now, Danielle. 51 00:01:50,783 --> 00:01:52,616 How old are you turning, Ms. Snap? 52 00:01:52,618 --> 00:01:54,952 Oh, how old do you think I am? 53 00:01:54,954 --> 00:01:56,086 60? 54 00:01:56,088 --> 00:01:57,821 Very funny, Kyle. 55 00:01:57,823 --> 00:01:59,123 She's not 60. 56 00:01:59,125 --> 00:02:00,090 Thank you, Danielle. 57 00:02:00,092 --> 00:02:01,458 Her skin just looks old 58 00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:02,927 'cause she has lots of sun damage. 59 00:02:02,929 --> 00:02:03,994 She's probably 40. 60 00:02:03,996 --> 00:02:05,029 Wait, what? 61 00:02:05,031 --> 00:02:06,363 I think she's 48. 62 00:02:06,365 --> 00:02:07,698 That's how old my Aunt Kim is. 63 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:10,267 She wears the same clothes as Ms. Snap. 64 00:02:10,269 --> 00:02:12,136 She calls them her truck stop dresses. 65 00:02:12,138 --> 00:02:14,939 Okay, what is going on right now? 66 00:02:14,941 --> 00:02:16,540 Is this some sick joke? 67 00:02:16,542 --> 00:02:17,841 I'm telling you, she's 60. 68 00:02:17,843 --> 00:02:19,043 Look at the neck. 69 00:02:19,045 --> 00:02:21,278 It's like a tree. Each ring is a year. 70 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,113 One, two... 71 00:02:23,115 --> 00:02:24,548 That is it. 72 00:02:24,550 --> 00:02:26,450 No one is gonna have recess today. 73 00:02:26,452 --> 00:02:28,852 Everyone take out your workbooks! 74 00:02:32,224 --> 00:02:34,925 Wait. Why does it say you're 31? 75 00:02:34,927 --> 00:02:37,394 Because that's how old I am, Tina! 76 00:02:37,396 --> 00:02:40,297 Since Ms. Watson couldn't make copies today, 77 00:02:40,299 --> 00:02:41,532 we're all going to take turns 78 00:02:41,534 --> 00:02:43,867 looking at this vocabulary list, 79 00:02:43,869 --> 00:02:45,069 learn what we can, 80 00:02:45,071 --> 00:02:47,004 and then pass it on, okay? 81 00:02:47,006 --> 00:02:49,640 Why don't you just write the words on the whiteboard? 82 00:02:49,642 --> 00:02:51,609 Did your mother drive you to school this morning 83 00:02:51,611 --> 00:02:53,077 in a horse and buggy? 84 00:02:53,079 --> 00:02:54,645 No. 85 00:02:54,647 --> 00:02:57,581 Then don't expect me to write on a whiteboard. 86 00:02:57,583 --> 00:03:00,317 Read it and pass it on, Marco. 87 00:03:00,319 --> 00:03:01,919 "Press the release lever. 88 00:03:01,921 --> 00:03:04,989 Adjust the side fences to the paper size." 89 00:03:04,991 --> 00:03:06,256 Okay. 90 00:03:06,258 --> 00:03:09,426 Now, does anyone know what that means? Hmm? 91 00:03:09,428 --> 00:03:12,896 Why are we reading the "Kopy King User Guide" 92 00:03:12,898 --> 00:03:14,064 instead of "Shiloh"? 93 00:03:14,066 --> 00:03:16,233 Because we're trying to find out 94 00:03:16,235 --> 00:03:19,203 what's happens to Mr. Copier. 95 00:03:19,205 --> 00:03:21,338 Ooh. 96 00:03:25,311 --> 00:03:26,677 Hey, why don't we... 97 00:03:28,114 --> 00:03:30,914 Yeah, I got nothing. 98 00:03:32,918 --> 00:03:36,820 Thanks for sharing that cool pigeon feather, Tracy. 99 00:03:36,822 --> 00:03:41,959 It really opened up a neat discussion about disease. 100 00:03:41,961 --> 00:03:43,560 Okay! Blake. 101 00:03:43,562 --> 00:03:45,562 What did you bring for show-and-tell today? 102 00:03:45,564 --> 00:03:48,666 Uh, well, you told me to bring my dad. 103 00:03:48,668 --> 00:03:49,900 No, I didn't. 104 00:03:49,902 --> 00:03:51,268 Yes, you did. 105 00:03:51,270 --> 00:03:52,469 Nope. 106 00:03:55,474 --> 00:03:57,307 So, uh... 107 00:03:57,309 --> 00:03:58,542 I guess that's my cue. 108 00:03:58,544 --> 00:04:01,445 Ms. Bennigan. 109 00:04:01,447 --> 00:04:02,713 Okay, everyone. 110 00:04:02,715 --> 00:04:04,348 I am Blake's dad. 111 00:04:04,350 --> 00:04:08,552 I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to show... 112 00:04:12,224 --> 00:04:13,924 Or tell... 113 00:04:13,926 --> 00:04:17,828 Uh, but does anyone have any questions for me? 114 00:04:19,131 --> 00:04:20,164 Yes. 115 00:04:20,166 --> 00:04:21,165 You're a dad. 116 00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:22,433 Why aren't you at work? 117 00:04:22,435 --> 00:04:24,301 I'm a stay-at-home dad. 118 00:04:24,303 --> 00:04:25,669 That's not a real job. 119 00:04:25,671 --> 00:04:28,072 Well, actually it is. 120 00:04:28,074 --> 00:04:29,473 Uh, being a stay-at-home parent 121 00:04:29,475 --> 00:04:31,542 is one of the toughest jobs that there is, 122 00:04:31,544 --> 00:04:33,844 after being a teacher, of course. 123 00:04:35,314 --> 00:04:36,513 But that's not all that I do. 124 00:04:36,515 --> 00:04:38,148 How I actually earn my living 125 00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:41,919 is by running a nonprofit animal rescue out of my house. 126 00:04:41,921 --> 00:04:43,787 Hot Animal Rescuer. 127 00:04:43,789 --> 00:04:46,790 There are doors within doors. 128 00:04:46,792 --> 00:04:49,359 This is some straight-up Narnia shit. 129 00:04:49,361 --> 00:04:51,061 My kids thinks I'm 60. 130 00:04:51,063 --> 00:04:52,129 Can you believe it? 131 00:04:52,131 --> 00:04:53,530 In the right overalls, 132 00:04:53,532 --> 00:04:55,065 I can still buy a child's movie ticket. 133 00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:57,468 Don't let them get you down. Kids lack perspective. 134 00:04:57,470 --> 00:04:58,702 Today I had a student tell me 135 00:04:58,704 --> 00:05:00,471 I look like Fantine from "Les Mis." 136 00:05:01,974 --> 00:05:04,675 Chelsea, you've got nothing to worry about. 137 00:05:04,677 --> 00:05:06,643 You look exactly your age. 138 00:05:06,645 --> 00:05:08,278 That is literally the rudest thing 139 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,680 anyone has ever said to me. 140 00:05:09,682 --> 00:05:12,015 On the bright side, 141 00:05:12,017 --> 00:05:14,284 at least I'm younger than all you hos. 142 00:05:17,456 --> 00:05:20,190 Wait, Cecelia, how old are you? 143 00:05:20,192 --> 00:05:21,258 30. 144 00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:23,327 - Caroline? - 29. 145 00:05:23,329 --> 00:05:24,962 - Feldman? - 25. 146 00:05:24,964 --> 00:05:27,197 - Mary Louise? - Please don't make me say it. 147 00:05:27,199 --> 00:05:28,365 - Mary Louise? - 24. 148 00:05:28,367 --> 00:05:29,466 I'm so sorry, Chelsea. 149 00:05:29,468 --> 00:05:30,768 I wish I'd never been born. 150 00:05:30,770 --> 00:05:32,469 Okay. 151 00:05:32,471 --> 00:05:34,338 You have to be older than me. 152 00:05:34,340 --> 00:05:35,572 You're so bitter. 153 00:05:35,574 --> 00:05:37,708 Just wait until I'm your age. 154 00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:40,244 Oh, my God. 155 00:05:40,246 --> 00:05:43,714 When did I become the old guy with goggles from 'NSYNC? 156 00:05:43,716 --> 00:05:46,483 You. I have to be younger than you. 157 00:05:46,485 --> 00:05:47,618 You got me, bitch. 158 00:05:47,620 --> 00:05:48,685 I'm 56. 159 00:05:48,687 --> 00:05:50,754 Oh, thank God. 160 00:05:50,756 --> 00:05:52,756 I wouldn't get so excited. 161 00:05:52,758 --> 00:05:54,191 You're the one with a chin hair 162 00:05:54,193 --> 00:05:56,460 hanging off your face. 163 00:06:00,699 --> 00:06:03,467 And that's not the only place you'll get them. 164 00:06:04,537 --> 00:06:07,004 Welcome to the dark side. 165 00:06:09,275 --> 00:06:10,574 Not now, Josiah! 166 00:06:14,731 --> 00:06:17,331 - Get out of my way. - I'm getting that DVD player. 167 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,166 - Like hell you are! - Feldman, no! 168 00:06:19,168 --> 00:06:21,202 Seriously, I need that DVD player! 169 00:06:21,204 --> 00:06:23,204 Aww. You snooze you lose. 170 00:06:23,206 --> 00:06:24,272 Great. 171 00:06:24,274 --> 00:06:25,773 What are we supposed to do now? 172 00:06:28,845 --> 00:06:30,845 Art! 173 00:06:30,847 --> 00:06:31,946 Cecelia! 174 00:06:31,948 --> 00:06:32,914 I need to talk to you! 175 00:06:32,916 --> 00:06:34,148 No, I need to talk to you! 176 00:06:34,150 --> 00:06:35,216 Come on! I'll buy you kale chips! 177 00:06:35,218 --> 00:06:36,784 I'll start recycling! 178 00:06:41,024 --> 00:06:43,157 Sorry I'm early, but I need a place to hide. 179 00:06:46,029 --> 00:06:47,478 What happened to you? 180 00:06:47,526 --> 00:06:49,025 Nothing. 181 00:06:49,027 --> 00:06:51,027 I just picked up a few things at the mall over lunch. 182 00:06:51,029 --> 00:06:53,363 Look, I know turning 31 is wigging you out, 183 00:06:53,365 --> 00:06:55,065 but I think you're overcompensating a little. 184 00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:56,533 No, I'm not. 185 00:06:56,535 --> 00:06:58,234 My looks are my everything, and it has recently 186 00:06:58,236 --> 00:07:00,470 come to my attention that I'm a fugly old hag. 187 00:07:00,472 --> 00:07:02,372 Outer beauty is fleeting, Chelsea. 188 00:07:02,374 --> 00:07:04,374 There's so much more to life. 189 00:07:04,376 --> 00:07:05,442 Oh, my God. 190 00:07:05,444 --> 00:07:07,310 That is what they say to ugly people. 191 00:07:07,312 --> 00:07:10,447 And everything I want in life requires me to be young and hot. 192 00:07:10,449 --> 00:07:11,247 Like what? 193 00:07:11,249 --> 00:07:12,582 Like getting on a reality show 194 00:07:12,584 --> 00:07:14,384 before I start looking like Mickey Rourke! 195 00:07:14,386 --> 00:07:16,419 Happy birthday! Happy birthday! 196 00:07:16,421 --> 00:07:18,321 That again! 197 00:07:20,459 --> 00:07:22,759 That was a great show-and-tell. 198 00:07:22,761 --> 00:07:23,993 I didn't talk about 199 00:07:23,995 --> 00:07:25,462 the stay-at-home parent thing too much? 200 00:07:25,464 --> 00:07:26,529 No. 201 00:07:26,531 --> 00:07:27,731 I think you're doing a great job 202 00:07:27,733 --> 00:07:29,132 juggling so many things. 203 00:07:29,134 --> 00:07:31,868 You're like the Ryan Seacrest of dads. 204 00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:33,336 Thanks. 205 00:07:33,338 --> 00:07:35,205 Although it sounds like someone 206 00:07:35,207 --> 00:07:37,073 deserves a night off. 207 00:07:37,075 --> 00:07:38,575 Well, easier said than done. 208 00:07:38,577 --> 00:07:41,111 I was hoping to go to this free EMT course tonight, 209 00:07:41,113 --> 00:07:43,012 but my babysitter just fell through. 210 00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:44,547 I can babysit. 211 00:07:44,549 --> 00:07:46,583 Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that. 212 00:07:46,585 --> 00:07:47,617 I don't mind. 213 00:07:47,619 --> 00:07:48,785 Are you sure? 214 00:07:48,787 --> 00:07:49,786 You don't have other plans? 215 00:07:49,788 --> 00:07:50,887 No. I have nothing. 216 00:07:50,889 --> 00:07:52,722 Nothing is going on tonight. 217 00:07:52,724 --> 00:07:54,591 It's not like it's my best friend's birthday or anything. 218 00:07:54,593 --> 00:07:56,493 And even if it was, who cares about her? 219 00:08:02,467 --> 00:08:04,167 Why aren't we doing math? 220 00:08:04,169 --> 00:08:06,669 Because my reality TV clock is ticking. 221 00:08:06,671 --> 00:08:09,405 Now send in that "Redneck Island" application. 222 00:08:09,407 --> 00:08:11,141 And tell them I don't know who my dad is. 223 00:08:12,197 --> 00:08:14,077 It's not letting me submit the application. 224 00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:15,108 Why not? 225 00:08:15,110 --> 00:08:17,113 It says you exceed the age limit. 226 00:08:17,115 --> 00:08:19,449 Mine says you're too old too. 227 00:08:19,451 --> 00:08:21,484 Well, they can't all say that. 228 00:08:21,486 --> 00:08:23,453 The "Rich Kids of Beverly Hills" says no, 229 00:08:23,455 --> 00:08:25,855 but the E! Channel wants you for something else. 230 00:08:25,857 --> 00:08:27,090 Yes! 231 00:08:27,092 --> 00:08:28,091 What is it? 232 00:08:28,093 --> 00:08:29,092 "Botched." 233 00:08:29,094 --> 00:08:30,627 "Botched"? 234 00:08:30,629 --> 00:08:33,363 "Botched" is a show about botched plastic surgery, Kyle! 235 00:08:33,365 --> 00:08:36,132 Do I look botched to you? 236 00:08:36,134 --> 00:08:38,434 Don't answer that! 237 00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:41,104 Okay, everyone take out your tabloids and silent read. 238 00:08:50,515 --> 00:08:51,514 Ahh! 239 00:08:55,086 --> 00:08:57,153 No, no, no, no, no! 240 00:08:57,155 --> 00:08:59,522 How can there be a paper jam if there's no paper, huh? 241 00:08:59,524 --> 00:09:02,992 You're ruining our lives, you piece of shit! 242 00:09:02,994 --> 00:09:05,795 Oh, my God! I am too rich for this! 243 00:09:08,333 --> 00:09:09,332 What are you doing? 244 00:09:09,334 --> 00:09:10,500 Shredding my dreams. 245 00:09:10,502 --> 00:09:11,801 Chelsea, one of the great things 246 00:09:11,803 --> 00:09:13,269 about getting older is 247 00:09:13,271 --> 00:09:14,537 you don't have to focus so much on your looks. 248 00:09:14,539 --> 00:09:16,372 Now it's all about your personality. 249 00:09:16,374 --> 00:09:18,341 I would rather fill my pockets with stones 250 00:09:18,343 --> 00:09:20,143 and walk into Lake Michigan. 251 00:09:20,145 --> 00:09:21,211 Chelsea! 252 00:09:21,213 --> 00:09:22,679 - Guess what. - What? 253 00:09:22,681 --> 00:09:24,881 I'm going over to Hot Dad's tonight! 254 00:09:24,883 --> 00:09:25,955 - Wait, what? - Really? 255 00:09:25,957 --> 00:09:27,550 Yeah, I'm going over to his house... 256 00:09:27,552 --> 00:09:29,519 to babysit. 257 00:09:29,521 --> 00:09:31,788 This could be the first day of the rest of my life. 258 00:09:31,790 --> 00:09:33,189 "How'd y'all meet?" 259 00:09:33,191 --> 00:09:34,691 "Oh, I don't know, babysitting." 260 00:09:34,693 --> 00:09:38,294 Mary Louise, he's not going to be there. 261 00:09:38,296 --> 00:09:40,510 You're babysitting. 262 00:09:40,535 --> 00:09:42,045 Maybe if you show up looking hot, 263 00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:43,703 you can get him to stay home. 264 00:09:43,869 --> 00:09:45,268 It could work. 265 00:09:45,270 --> 00:09:46,603 You're still young. 266 00:09:46,605 --> 00:09:47,604 Oh, my stars. 267 00:09:47,606 --> 00:09:49,405 This could be it. 268 00:09:49,407 --> 00:09:51,040 I have the perfect outfit. 269 00:09:51,042 --> 00:09:52,909 Thanks, gals! 270 00:09:52,911 --> 00:09:54,477 Have fun! 271 00:09:54,479 --> 00:09:56,512 It's not like it's my birthday or anything. 272 00:09:57,749 --> 00:09:58,915 My hair! My hair! 273 00:09:58,917 --> 00:10:00,250 Oh, it's eating my hair! 274 00:10:00,252 --> 00:10:01,918 - Oh, my God! - It's eating me! 275 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:06,022 - Wait! No talking! - My $15 hair extensions! 276 00:10:10,262 --> 00:10:11,394 That was close. 277 00:10:12,731 --> 00:10:13,868 What? 278 00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:15,899 Okay, don't freak out. 279 00:10:15,901 --> 00:10:18,735 This happened to my Samantha American Girl doll once, 280 00:10:18,737 --> 00:10:20,603 and I can totally fix it. 281 00:10:24,042 --> 00:10:26,809 I have mom hair? 282 00:10:32,934 --> 00:10:34,867 Stop staring at me, Feldman. 283 00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:37,303 Sorry, Mom... ma'am... Chelsea. 284 00:10:37,305 --> 00:10:39,105 Cheer up. We all made casseroles 285 00:10:39,107 --> 00:10:40,173 for your birthday. 286 00:10:40,175 --> 00:10:41,252 Your hair doesn't look so bad. 287 00:10:41,254 --> 00:10:42,875 I like how spiky it is. 288 00:10:42,877 --> 00:10:44,939 I look like Rod Stewart. 289 00:10:45,173 --> 00:10:46,184 Here. 290 00:10:46,186 --> 00:10:48,007 Have some sweet potato casserole. 291 00:10:48,009 --> 00:10:50,810 It always lifted my spirits on the overcast days 292 00:10:50,812 --> 00:10:52,912 when we summered in Nantucket. 293 00:10:52,914 --> 00:10:55,415 Oh, this smells like a fart. 294 00:10:55,417 --> 00:10:57,550 You know what would lift my spirits? 295 00:10:57,552 --> 00:11:00,320 If we got that piece of crap copier fixed. 296 00:11:00,322 --> 00:11:01,754 It's not that big of a deal. 297 00:11:01,756 --> 00:11:04,224 Oh, you love that it's broken! 298 00:11:04,226 --> 00:11:05,491 It's the first time 299 00:11:05,493 --> 00:11:07,126 in your miserable career as an art teacher 300 00:11:07,128 --> 00:11:09,596 that any of us have actually wanted you in our classrooms. 301 00:11:09,598 --> 00:11:10,697 You probably broke it. 302 00:11:10,699 --> 00:11:12,098 Oh, really? 303 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:13,533 It's funny you should say that, 304 00:11:13,535 --> 00:11:14,901 considering I saw you leaving the copy room 305 00:11:14,903 --> 00:11:16,469 yesterday at the end of the day. 306 00:11:16,471 --> 00:11:18,104 So? 307 00:11:18,106 --> 00:11:20,373 Feldman was the first one at the copier this morning. 308 00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:21,941 Was I? 309 00:11:21,943 --> 00:11:23,977 'Cause when I got there, the copier was already warm 310 00:11:23,979 --> 00:11:26,112 and the smell of Ralph "Lau-ren" Midnight Romance 311 00:11:26,114 --> 00:11:27,814 was mad intense. 312 00:11:27,816 --> 00:11:30,316 Okay, first of all, it's Ralph "Lauren," you be-atch. 313 00:11:30,318 --> 00:11:31,718 Shut up! Shut up! 314 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,621 Do you people realize how old you sound? 315 00:11:34,623 --> 00:11:38,124 You are arguing about a copier at a casserole party! 316 00:11:38,126 --> 00:11:40,093 This isn't a nursing home. 317 00:11:40,095 --> 00:11:42,629 We should all be drunk singing Selena Gomez 318 00:11:42,631 --> 00:11:45,632 in an abandoned warehouse rolling on molly! 319 00:11:45,634 --> 00:11:47,066 Who's with me? 320 00:11:48,803 --> 00:11:51,237 You guys are seriously gonna hold a grudge over a copier? 321 00:11:51,239 --> 00:11:54,807 Okay, drop the tudes, and let's have fun. 322 00:11:54,809 --> 00:11:57,477 Because I need to feel young now! 323 00:11:57,787 --> 00:11:59,879 I think I've got something. 324 00:12:04,786 --> 00:12:06,052 Whoo! 325 00:12:06,054 --> 00:12:07,220 What's up? 326 00:12:07,222 --> 00:12:09,155 So how do you know these people, Feldman? 327 00:12:09,157 --> 00:12:11,925 Well, two of my four roomies are still in college. 328 00:12:11,927 --> 00:12:14,494 'Sup, Poopy? 'Sup, Sock? 'Sup? 329 00:12:14,496 --> 00:12:16,296 How are these college students? 330 00:12:16,298 --> 00:12:17,563 They look so young. 331 00:12:17,565 --> 00:12:19,165 And where are their clothes? 332 00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,700 I swear I saw a girl 333 00:12:20,702 --> 00:12:23,169 who was just wearing Band-Aids on her bosom. 334 00:12:23,171 --> 00:12:24,118 Who cares? 335 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,340 Remember, we're all having fun, so blend in. 336 00:12:27,342 --> 00:12:29,042 Party time! 337 00:12:29,044 --> 00:12:30,343 Whoo! 338 00:12:30,345 --> 00:12:33,346 Hello, boys! 339 00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,849 Ahoy, matey! 340 00:12:36,851 --> 00:12:39,252 Permission to come aboard? 341 00:12:39,254 --> 00:12:41,321 Oh. Permission granted. 342 00:12:44,159 --> 00:12:45,858 And I'm in. 343 00:12:45,860 --> 00:12:48,061 Feel free to kick back and relax. 344 00:12:48,063 --> 00:12:49,362 My house is your house. 345 00:12:49,364 --> 00:12:51,564 Which would make it our house. 346 00:12:51,566 --> 00:12:53,633 Okay. 347 00:12:53,635 --> 00:12:55,268 Well, uh, I should get going. 348 00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:56,936 You don't want to stay? 349 00:12:56,938 --> 00:12:59,505 Well, I'm going to my EMT class? 350 00:12:59,507 --> 00:13:01,374 Right. 351 00:13:02,744 --> 00:13:04,310 Oh, I ordered a pizza for you guys. 352 00:13:04,312 --> 00:13:05,528 Pizza, pizza. 353 00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:07,880 Right. 354 00:13:07,882 --> 00:13:09,315 Well, I will see you later. 355 00:13:09,317 --> 00:13:10,683 - Okay. - Okay. 356 00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,424 Hot Family. 357 00:14:01,836 --> 00:14:03,169 What are you doing? 358 00:14:03,171 --> 00:14:04,270 Ho! 359 00:14:04,272 --> 00:14:06,773 Hey, Blake-o. 360 00:14:06,775 --> 00:14:08,441 Want to watch a movie? 361 00:14:08,443 --> 00:14:11,277 Women's studies major, huh? That's cool. 362 00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:15,982 I found college to be a very experimental time. 363 00:14:15,984 --> 00:14:18,084 All right, the name of the game is Edward Fortyhands. 364 00:14:18,086 --> 00:14:19,952 You don't stop until it's all gone. 365 00:14:19,954 --> 00:14:23,017 And vomiting isn't considered a disqualification. 366 00:14:23,825 --> 00:14:26,159 Wait. What if I have to pee? 367 00:14:37,472 --> 00:14:38,971 Excuse me! 368 00:14:38,973 --> 00:14:43,309 Can you please play "Mambo Number 5"? 369 00:14:43,311 --> 00:14:44,577 What? 370 00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,045 What? 371 00:14:46,047 --> 00:14:47,931 This is crazy. 372 00:14:47,933 --> 00:14:50,665 She's gonna realize the man she's em 373 00:14:50,667 --> 00:14:53,101 is trying to close her bookshop. 374 00:14:55,572 --> 00:14:57,239 Holy macaroni! 375 00:14:57,241 --> 00:14:58,707 You came back. 376 00:14:58,709 --> 00:15:01,176 Yeah, I didn't wind up going to my EMT class. 377 00:15:01,178 --> 00:15:02,844 I saw a mother duck and her ducklings 378 00:15:02,846 --> 00:15:04,312 stranded in the street, 379 00:15:04,314 --> 00:15:06,748 so I had to stop and guide them back to the river. 380 00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:09,317 Lucky duckies. 381 00:15:09,319 --> 00:15:12,621 Well, I should probably pack up my things and go. 382 00:15:12,623 --> 00:15:13,688 Well, why don't you stay? 383 00:15:13,690 --> 00:15:15,290 You already drove all this way. 384 00:15:15,292 --> 00:15:16,890 Plus, the pizza hasn't even come yet. 385 00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:18,056 Really? 386 00:15:18,058 --> 00:15:19,257 You want me to stay? 387 00:15:19,259 --> 00:15:20,758 Sure, it'll be fun. 388 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:21,559 Right, Blake? 389 00:15:21,561 --> 00:15:23,061 - No. - Great. 390 00:15:23,063 --> 00:15:26,364 Oh, this is my favorite part. 391 00:15:32,238 --> 00:15:33,571 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 392 00:15:33,573 --> 00:15:35,940 I love this song! 393 00:15:35,942 --> 00:15:37,141 Yes! 394 00:15:38,378 --> 00:15:40,812 "Mambo Number 5!" 395 00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,180 Lou Bega! 396 00:15:42,182 --> 00:15:43,781 Hello! 397 00:15:43,783 --> 00:15:46,050 Check your CDs! 398 00:15:49,089 --> 00:15:50,588 Just so you know, I'm bi. 399 00:15:50,590 --> 00:15:51,923 How do you identify? 400 00:15:51,925 --> 00:15:53,992 Well, my gender identity is cis-woman. 401 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,060 My gender expression is androgynous. 402 00:15:56,062 --> 00:15:58,363 Biologically assigned sex is female, 403 00:15:58,365 --> 00:16:00,765 and sexual orientation is tri-sexual. 404 00:16:00,767 --> 00:16:04,335 And I'm interested in mild domination and bondage. 405 00:16:04,337 --> 00:16:05,636 Wow. 406 00:16:05,638 --> 00:16:08,072 I have never felt so unevolved. 407 00:16:08,074 --> 00:16:10,192 Blake is out like a light. 408 00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:15,313 I'm really happy that you stayed tonight. 409 00:16:15,315 --> 00:16:16,808 Me too. 410 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,283 Can I ask you a question? 411 00:16:19,285 --> 00:16:21,152 Of course. 412 00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:23,621 Did you ask Blake to bring me 413 00:16:23,623 --> 00:16:25,023 to show-and-tell today? 414 00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,424 Yes. No. 415 00:16:26,426 --> 00:16:28,026 Maybe. Did I? I don't know. 416 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:29,227 I did. 417 00:16:29,229 --> 00:16:30,951 - I did. I just lied. - Mm-hmm. 418 00:16:31,798 --> 00:16:33,431 Well, I'm glad that you did. 419 00:16:49,215 --> 00:16:51,482 Whoo! Party! 420 00:16:51,484 --> 00:16:53,251 Whoo! 421 00:16:56,523 --> 00:16:58,890 We look so good! 422 00:17:01,861 --> 00:17:03,428 Whoo! 423 00:17:03,430 --> 00:17:05,363 Whoo! 424 00:17:05,365 --> 00:17:07,331 Holy shit! 425 00:17:07,872 --> 00:17:10,134 You've got a hair growing out of your nipple. 426 00:17:10,136 --> 00:17:11,569 Oh, my God. 427 00:17:11,571 --> 00:17:13,971 Okay, party's over! 428 00:17:13,973 --> 00:17:14,972 5-0! 429 00:17:14,974 --> 00:17:16,574 Everyone outside with your ID! 430 00:17:16,576 --> 00:17:18,409 - Let's go. - All right, IDs out. 431 00:17:18,411 --> 00:17:20,912 Let me see 'em. 432 00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:22,380 Go home. 433 00:17:22,382 --> 00:17:23,648 Not you, ma'am. 434 00:17:30,757 --> 00:17:32,056 Hey. 435 00:17:32,058 --> 00:17:33,391 Mary Louise? 436 00:17:34,594 --> 00:17:36,594 You're awake. 437 00:17:36,596 --> 00:17:38,529 Are you okay? You fainted. 438 00:17:38,531 --> 00:17:39,926 Hmm? 439 00:17:42,535 --> 00:17:44,502 - What are you doing? - I gotta skedaddle. 440 00:17:44,504 --> 00:17:45,770 No, no, no. You don't have to go. 441 00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:46,771 Bye! 442 00:17:50,677 --> 00:17:52,810 I have something to tell you guys. 443 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:55,880 I'm the one who broke the copier. 444 00:17:55,882 --> 00:17:58,249 I jammed it while I was trying to print flyers 445 00:17:58,251 --> 00:18:00,218 for the pagan pride parade. 446 00:18:01,754 --> 00:18:04,355 Dude, we're all hammered, and no one cares anymore. 447 00:18:04,357 --> 00:18:07,258 Plus, Poopy just hooked me up 448 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,193 for the Kanye Western mixer. 449 00:18:09,195 --> 00:18:10,194 Who's in? 450 00:18:10,196 --> 00:18:12,029 - Me! - Yeah! 451 00:18:12,031 --> 00:18:12,830 Chelsea? 452 00:18:12,832 --> 00:18:14,031 I don't think so. 453 00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:15,399 This day was a disaster. 454 00:18:15,401 --> 00:18:18,736 It's 8:45, my feet hurt, and I just want to go home. 455 00:18:18,738 --> 00:18:20,438 Plus, I gotta pluck my nipples. 456 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:21,906 You sure, dog? 457 00:18:21,908 --> 00:18:23,107 Go. 458 00:18:23,109 --> 00:18:25,276 Enjoy yourselves. 459 00:18:26,746 --> 00:18:29,180 You guys know who Lou Bega is, right? 460 00:18:38,121 --> 00:18:41,589 I don't remember hangovers hurting this much. 461 00:18:44,568 --> 00:18:46,101 You look refreshed. 462 00:18:46,103 --> 00:18:47,702 How was the rest of your night? 463 00:18:47,704 --> 00:18:49,704 Great. I watched trash TV, 464 00:18:49,706 --> 00:18:51,239 judged ugly babies on Facebook, 465 00:18:51,241 --> 00:18:52,440 and was in bed by 10:30. 466 00:18:55,278 --> 00:18:57,812 I think I'm finally comfortable with being in my 30s. 467 00:18:57,814 --> 00:19:00,148 Aww. Good for you, dude. 468 00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:01,783 Does this mean you're gonna keep the hair? 469 00:19:01,785 --> 00:19:04,853 No. I'm getting extensions put in tomorrow. 470 00:19:04,855 --> 00:19:06,821 I need a bangin' do for my hot bod. 471 00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:11,693 I just went to make copies, and the copier is missing. 472 00:19:11,695 --> 00:19:13,928 Does anybody know where it is? 473 00:19:18,401 --> 00:19:19,601 Feel the rhythm! 474 00:19:19,603 --> 00:19:20,802 Feel the rhyme! 475 00:19:20,804 --> 00:19:23,370 Get on up! It's bobsled time! 476 00:19:30,653 --> 00:19:31,813 I'm good. 477 00:19:31,847 --> 00:19:35,346 Yeah!