1
00:00:01,378 --> 00:00:04,897
It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:04,933 --> 00:00:08,254
Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,290 --> 00:00:11,869
But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:11,905 --> 00:00:15,107
On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,141 --> 00:00:18,110
Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:21,647
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do

7
00:00:21,681 --> 00:00:23,282
All the things that make us

8
00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:25,017
Laugh and cry

9
00:00:25,051 --> 00:00:30,188
He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy!

10
00:00:30,223 --> 00:00:33,732
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

11
00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:38,497
Happy birthday, Lois.

12
00:00:38,531 --> 00:00:40,799
You know, today you officially become

13
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,634
the oldest woman I've ever slept with.

14
00:00:42,669 --> 00:00:44,803
Yes. You said the same thing last year.

15
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:47,172
Well, unlike you,
that joke never gets old.

16
00:00:47,206 --> 00:00:49,241
Oh, and I forgot to pick up the cake.

17
00:00:49,275 --> 00:00:51,310
Hey, Lois, I don't like
any of these snacks.

18
00:00:51,344 --> 00:00:53,078
Can I have something from the kitchen?

19
00:00:53,112 --> 00:00:54,813
We can have snacks from the kitchen?

20
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:56,248
I could go for a sandwich.

21
00:00:56,282 --> 00:00:58,650
No. No one gets snacks from the kitchen.

22
00:00:58,685 --> 00:01:00,719
You see what you started?

23
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:08,994
Hi. I'm here for the pony rides.

24
00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:10,829
- What?
- Oh, boy.

25
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:13,165
This-this must be
some sort of big mix-up.

26
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,033
Don't worry, Lois, I'll handle this.

27
00:01:16,583 --> 00:01:18,403
- What's his name?
- Lightning.

28
00:01:18,438 --> 00:01:20,839
That means he's fast.

29
00:01:20,873 --> 00:01:22,374
So, uh, Lois, where are your parents?

30
00:01:22,408 --> 00:01:23,842
Didn't they say they were coming?

31
00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:26,712
Yeah, but I'm sure Daddy
had a last-minute work thing.

32
00:01:26,746 --> 00:01:28,680
He's always put business first.

33
00:01:28,715 --> 00:01:32,017
Even growing up, he never came
to any of my piano recitals.

34
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:34,019
It was the '80s, so he was always doing

35
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:36,521
cocaine-and-sushi business meetings.

36
00:01:36,556 --> 00:01:38,357
All right, Hideki, it's a deal.

37
00:01:38,391 --> 00:01:40,859
Now, let's celebrate
the way rich guys do, by...

38
00:01:42,395 --> 00:01:44,363
Ah, damn it, I snorted the wrong one.

39
00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:45,864
Ah, wasabi!

40
00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:47,799
Wasabi in my nostril!

41
00:01:49,435 --> 00:01:51,903
Still better than sitting
through that piano thing.

42
00:01:58,077 --> 00:02:00,579
Oh, hi, Daddy. You missed the party.

43
00:02:00,613 --> 00:02:02,481
I know. I thought I'd apologize

44
00:02:02,515 --> 00:02:04,950
with an upper-class
New England mumble-kiss.

45
00:02:06,419 --> 00:02:07,652
- I'm so sorry, dear.
- It's okay.

46
00:02:07,687 --> 00:02:09,621
And here, I brought you a gift.

47
00:02:11,081 --> 00:02:13,291
- A gun?
- Yeah, you love guns.

48
00:02:13,326 --> 00:02:14,993
No, I don't.

49
00:02:15,028 --> 00:02:16,661
You don't know me at all.

50
00:02:16,696 --> 00:02:18,730
I can't believe you'd blow off my party

51
00:02:18,765 --> 00:02:20,298
then give me a handgun.

52
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:22,000
Especially when there's kids
in the house.

53
00:02:22,035 --> 00:02:23,235
Hall. Kids in the Hall.

54
00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:24,669
Damn it, Daddy.

55
00:02:24,704 --> 00:02:27,572
I'm trying to explain that guns
are hazardous and unsafe,

56
00:02:27,607 --> 00:02:29,107
not have a conversation about

57
00:02:29,142 --> 00:02:31,898
a tepid 1990s Canadian sketch group.

58
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,512
You're wrong about guns and comedy.

59
00:02:33,546 --> 00:02:34,746
I'm out of here.

60
00:02:34,781 --> 00:02:36,081
Buh-bye.

61
00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:39,017
Was that a tepid 1990s
David Spade reference?

62
00:02:39,052 --> 00:02:41,386
People are allowed to like things!

63
00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:46,591
Peter, you want to watch Netflix?

64
00:02:46,626 --> 00:02:48,427
Yeah, let's watch one of those
stand-up specials.

65
00:02:48,461 --> 00:02:49,928
There's a bunch of 'em,
they got to be good.

66
00:02:50,662 --> 00:02:53,031
No. No.

67
00:02:53,066 --> 00:02:55,700
Tom Segura? No.

68
00:02:55,735 --> 00:02:57,369
Chinese girl.

69
00:02:57,403 --> 00:02:59,271
Another Chinese girl.

70
00:02:59,305 --> 00:03:01,206
No. No.

71
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,707
Anjelah Johnson?

72
00:03:02,742 --> 00:03:04,109
Geez, they're giving one
of these to everyone.

73
00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:06,278
- How come I don't have one?
- You do, Peter.

74
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:07,612
This is the taped intro.

75
00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:09,114
Mr. Griffin, you're on.

76
00:03:14,921 --> 00:03:18,223
Good evening, Ithaca Civic Auditorium.

77
00:03:19,725 --> 00:03:21,626
So I'm thinking I might get a bike.

78
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,629
You know, one of these things?

79
00:03:24,664 --> 00:03:25,897
Ring-ring, ring-ring.

80
00:03:25,932 --> 00:03:28,400
"I'll get you, Toto!" Yeah.

81
00:03:28,434 --> 00:03:30,669
I'm thinking I might.

82
00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:38,543
Okay, I'm off to the grocery store.

83
00:03:38,578 --> 00:03:40,645
- So, what'd you do with the gun?
- Gun?

84
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,915
Yeah, my father gave me a gun
as a present yesterday.

85
00:03:43,950 --> 00:03:45,750
Where was that during birthday sex?

86
00:03:45,785 --> 00:03:47,152
Maybe I would have finished.

87
00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:49,488
Unlike you, guns can actually fire.

88
00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:51,690
I don't think this marriage needs a gun.

89
00:03:51,724 --> 00:03:53,825
Anyway, I hid the gun someplace safe

90
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:56,194
until I can figure out how to
properly dispose of it.

91
00:03:56,229 --> 00:03:58,697
So don't get any ideas.

92
00:03:58,731 --> 00:04:00,098
Good for Lois.

93
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:01,666
Guns are a major problem,

94
00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:03,068
especially in the hands
of someone like...

95
00:04:04,737 --> 00:04:08,840
It was in a box with
Chris's adoption papers... Oh.

96
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:11,443
You heard nothing.

97
00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:16,047
Hi, I got my gun here.

98
00:04:16,082 --> 00:04:17,549
I'd like to rent a stall, please.

99
00:04:17,583 --> 00:04:20,352
Sure. You need a tutorial
before you start?

100
00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,020
Yeah, it's a gun range.

101
00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:23,622
I think I got it.

102
00:04:24,724 --> 00:04:27,058
Wait! I think I did it wrong.

103
00:04:29,162 --> 00:04:31,263
So how was the gun range, Dad?

104
00:04:31,297 --> 00:04:33,398
Did you shoot up
that silhouette real good?

105
00:04:33,432 --> 00:04:38,036
That is so my dad.

106
00:04:42,742 --> 00:04:44,709
Now here to sing
the Heart classic "Alone"

107
00:04:44,744 --> 00:04:46,211
is Chris Griffin.

108
00:04:49,348 --> 00:04:52,217
I hear the ticking of the clock

109
00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:54,052
I'm lying here

110
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:57,122
The room's pitch dark

111
00:05:00,126 --> 00:05:03,328
I wonder where you are tonight

112
00:05:03,362 --> 00:05:07,566
No answer on the telephone.

113
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,768
Turn around.

114
00:05:11,938 --> 00:05:15,040
We now return to The Orville on Fox.

115
00:05:16,943 --> 00:05:19,344
Why do you hate that show so much?

116
00:05:19,378 --> 00:05:20,612
Because it's preventing me

117
00:05:20,646 --> 00:05:23,448
from doing my work here at Family Guy.

118
00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:29,154
Damn it, I think
I loaded a bullet wrong.

119
00:05:29,188 --> 00:05:31,223
All right, let's all take turns
looking down the barrel

120
00:05:31,257 --> 00:05:33,892
with one eyeball and see if we
can figure out what's going on.

121
00:05:33,926 --> 00:05:35,660
Chris, you go first.

122
00:05:35,695 --> 00:05:38,063
Oh, my God, Peter. Give me that.

123
00:05:38,097 --> 00:05:40,966
This gun is not staying in this
house for one more second.

124
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,500
I'm giving it back to my father.

125
00:05:42,535 --> 00:05:44,069
Yeah, it's been a disaster.

126
00:05:44,103 --> 00:05:46,338
Like when Peter was the only one
not wearing black jeans

127
00:05:46,372 --> 00:05:47,772
at a Rush concert.

128
00:05:49,942 --> 00:05:51,576
Sing "Tom Sawyer"!

129
00:05:51,611 --> 00:05:53,011
We already did.

130
00:05:53,045 --> 00:05:54,446
And what are you wearing?!

131
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,015
What? These are my concert khakis.

132
00:05:57,049 --> 00:05:59,618
Beat him! Beat him in six-eight time.

133
00:05:59,652 --> 00:06:01,353
And don't let him escape

134
00:06:01,387 --> 00:06:04,422
to the completely unoccupied
ladies' room.

135
00:06:04,457 --> 00:06:05,857
Ah! No. Please,

136
00:06:05,891 --> 00:06:08,627
uncles who voted for
Gary Johnson, leave me alone.

137
00:06:12,231 --> 00:06:15,967
And now a song about radio towers.

138
00:06:20,006 --> 00:06:21,640
Daddy?

139
00:06:21,674 --> 00:06:23,475
Daddy, are you there?

140
00:06:29,915 --> 00:06:31,783
Don't do anything to scare him.

141
00:06:31,817 --> 00:06:34,286
He flew on my shoulder
while I was having a lemonade.

142
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:35,987
Daddy, I...

143
00:06:40,393 --> 00:06:41,526
What?

144
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,228
Daddy, you need to take this gun back.

145
00:06:43,262 --> 00:06:45,230
I never should have accepted it
in the first place.

146
00:06:45,264 --> 00:06:46,865
And you never should have
given it to me.

147
00:06:46,899 --> 00:06:48,033
Are you sure?

148
00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:49,834
I bought it at Anthropologie.

149
00:06:49,869 --> 00:06:51,002
Oh.

150
00:06:51,037 --> 00:06:52,404
Wait a minute, what am I saying?

151
00:06:52,438 --> 00:06:53,872
No. You have to take it back.

152
00:06:53,906 --> 00:06:56,007
I'm not. You're keeping it. It's a gift.

153
00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:59,411
Damn it, Daddy, why won't you
just take the gun?

154
00:06:59,445 --> 00:07:01,646
Oh, my God! Daddy!

155
00:07:01,681 --> 00:07:02,881
I'm so sorry.

156
00:07:02,915 --> 00:07:04,482
It can't be too serious.

157
00:07:04,517 --> 00:07:07,018
They haven't done an overhead
crane shot yet.

158
00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:09,154
Oh, God! There it is!

159
00:07:09,188 --> 00:07:11,156
I'm calling 911.

160
00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:13,191
Oh, no. It's floating up,

161
00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:15,727
signifying his spirit leaving his body.

162
00:07:17,463 --> 00:07:19,597
And there's the single minor key note.

163
00:07:19,632 --> 00:07:20,999
This is bad.

164
00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:24,369
Family Guy will be right back.

165
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,871
Well, now it doesn't seem so serious.

166
00:07:35,057 --> 00:07:37,191
Hey, quick question:
any of you guys know how

167
00:07:37,225 --> 00:07:38,793
to countersue somebody?

168
00:07:38,827 --> 00:07:41,095
Dr. Hartman, please, how's my father?

169
00:07:41,129 --> 00:07:43,030
Well, at this point, it's hard to say.

170
00:07:43,065 --> 00:07:44,899
He suffered severe head trauma.

171
00:07:44,933 --> 00:07:46,967
So if you want to beat him
in Mario Kart,

172
00:07:47,002 --> 00:07:48,536
this is your chance.

173
00:07:51,406 --> 00:07:54,909
And the champ is dethroned.

174
00:07:56,478 --> 00:07:58,813
Oh, poor Daddy. You know what?

175
00:07:58,847 --> 00:08:00,715
We're gonna bring him home with us

176
00:08:00,749 --> 00:08:03,417
and take care of him until he's 100%.

177
00:08:03,452 --> 00:08:05,052
What? Oh, come on, Mom.

178
00:08:05,087 --> 00:08:07,755
I want Grandpa to get better,
too, but living with us?

179
00:08:07,789 --> 00:08:09,557
Why can't Grandma take care of him?

180
00:08:09,591 --> 00:08:10,758
Oh, she's busy.

181
00:08:10,792 --> 00:08:12,727
She went to Antarctica
to steal a penguin.

182
00:08:12,761 --> 00:08:14,061
Penguin?

183
00:08:14,096 --> 00:08:16,831
Daddy's gonna require
all our love and support.

184
00:08:16,865 --> 00:08:18,499
Well, you got the right guy for that.

185
00:08:18,533 --> 00:08:20,067
I'm great at supporting people.

186
00:08:20,102 --> 00:08:23,337
On Mad Men,
I was Christina Hendricks' bra.

187
00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:25,239
Joan, can you call a meeting
of the partners?

188
00:08:25,273 --> 00:08:26,440
Help me.

189
00:08:26,475 --> 00:08:29,009
Too much is being asked of me.

190
00:08:29,044 --> 00:08:30,311
At least you're there.

191
00:08:30,345 --> 00:08:32,480
I'm Jon Hamm's underwear.

192
00:08:32,514 --> 00:08:34,482
Why am I Elisabeth Moss's socks?

193
00:08:34,516 --> 00:08:36,083
Chris and I should switch.

194
00:08:36,118 --> 00:08:38,619
- Yeah, let's switch.
- We're gonna switch.

195
00:08:42,657 --> 00:08:44,191
All right, Chris,
give me a hand with Carter.

196
00:08:48,230 --> 00:08:49,964
Hey, I heard another chair.

197
00:08:50,999 --> 00:08:53,100
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

198
00:08:53,135 --> 00:08:55,836
He's not paralyzed, Joe,
he's just recovering.

199
00:08:55,871 --> 00:08:57,471
Ah.

200
00:09:01,143 --> 00:09:04,044
All right, Daddy living here
is gonna be a big adjustment,

201
00:09:04,079 --> 00:09:06,447
and we're all gonna
have to make sacrifices.

202
00:09:06,481 --> 00:09:08,883
So, Meg, Daddy will sleep in your room,

203
00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:11,285
and Stewie and Chris,
you'll stay where you are.

204
00:09:11,319 --> 00:09:13,788
What? I'm the only one sacrificing.

205
00:09:13,822 --> 00:09:16,290
Don't be ridiculous, Meg.
I said everybody's names.

206
00:09:16,324 --> 00:09:18,526
Come on, Meg, it won't be any
worse than when I took

207
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,895
Gérard Depardieu to Burning Man.

208
00:09:20,929 --> 00:09:22,329
I feel so free.

209
00:09:22,364 --> 00:09:23,864
My breasts are muddied up.

210
00:09:23,899 --> 00:09:25,900
I'm tripping balls.

211
00:09:25,934 --> 00:09:28,502
Easy, Gérard, we're still
at Enterprise Rent-A-Car.

212
00:09:28,537 --> 00:09:30,137
I'm gonna go crazy.

213
00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:31,872
You can poop anywhere.

214
00:09:31,907 --> 00:09:34,175
We'll take the insurance.

215
00:09:37,045 --> 00:09:39,313
All right, Carter, now we're
gonna try and jog your memory

216
00:09:39,347 --> 00:09:41,382
and get you talking
with some familiar pictures.

217
00:09:41,417 --> 00:09:43,925
So, I will hold them up
and you say what they are.

218
00:09:44,553 --> 00:09:47,087
What? You don't know who this is?

219
00:09:47,122 --> 00:09:48,889
But he's so talented.

220
00:09:48,924 --> 00:09:50,157
Anyone who doesn't know who he is

221
00:09:50,192 --> 00:09:52,259
brings shame on his children and wife.

222
00:09:52,294 --> 00:09:54,328
Peter, come on.
We're trying to help Daddy,

223
00:09:54,362 --> 00:09:57,498
not relive our embarrassing loss
to Joe and Bonnie in Celebrity.

224
00:09:57,532 --> 00:09:59,099
All right, fine. Next picture.

225
00:09:59,134 --> 00:10:02,336
What? You don't know who he is, either?

226
00:10:02,370 --> 00:10:04,438
Go on, Lois, scream at him
that he should know.

227
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,340
This guy was in a movie once.

228
00:10:06,374 --> 00:10:09,009
That means we need to put a
fifth head on Mount Rushmore.

229
00:10:09,044 --> 00:10:11,011
Damn it, Peter, you should've
known who he is.

230
00:10:11,046 --> 00:10:12,680
Even Joe knew.

231
00:10:12,714 --> 00:10:15,015
Yep, Joe sure did.

232
00:10:15,050 --> 00:10:17,284
Hey, Ansel Elgort and Gemma Arterton

233
00:10:17,319 --> 00:10:19,086
are in a Cary Fukunaga film.

234
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,888
Good for them.

235
00:10:23,592 --> 00:10:26,293
All right, Daddy, I know NCIS is on,

236
00:10:26,328 --> 00:10:28,696
but I want to watch Real Housewives,

237
00:10:28,730 --> 00:10:31,198
unless you tell me not to.

238
00:10:33,268 --> 00:10:34,869
Oh, those two hate each other.

239
00:10:34,903 --> 00:10:36,904
These two have a three-year-old feud

240
00:10:36,938 --> 00:10:40,040
based on an offhanded remark
at a charity fashion show.

241
00:10:42,444 --> 00:10:44,745
I'm sure Andy Cohen will explain it all

242
00:10:44,779 --> 00:10:47,214
on Watch What Happens Live
after the show.

243
00:10:47,249 --> 00:10:50,050
No! The show itself is bad enough!

244
00:10:50,085 --> 00:10:52,920
We don't need another show
explaining what we just saw.

245
00:10:52,954 --> 00:10:54,555
Daddy! You're back.

246
00:10:54,589 --> 00:10:56,490
Please, anything but this show.

247
00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:58,559
We could watch Netflix.

248
00:10:58,593 --> 00:11:00,427
Uh, Cleveland Brown:

249
00:11:00,462 --> 00:11:03,097
You Startin' To See What I'm Sayin'?

250
00:11:03,131 --> 00:11:04,999
So, the president pulls the plug

251
00:11:05,033 --> 00:11:07,434
on an investigation into the president?

252
00:11:07,469 --> 00:11:09,470
You startin' to see what I'm sayin'?

253
00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:18,479
Since you're doing
a little better, Daddy,

254
00:11:18,513 --> 00:11:20,347
I thought you should see where you work.

255
00:11:20,382 --> 00:11:23,150
It might help trigger
more memories about your life.

256
00:11:23,184 --> 00:11:26,287
I work here? Wow. This place is huge.

257
00:11:26,321 --> 00:11:27,855
What do we do? Are we nice?

258
00:11:27,889 --> 00:11:30,090
You put pesticides in baby food.

259
00:11:30,125 --> 00:11:32,682
- Aw.
- Not only that, your chemical waste

260
00:11:32,718 --> 00:11:34,695
- gave a town cancer.
- Yikes.

261
00:11:34,729 --> 00:11:37,385
You burned down
the entire Amazon rain forest.

262
00:11:37,420 --> 00:11:39,190
- Whoops
- You're the number-one producer

263
00:11:39,226 --> 00:11:40,467
- of whale meat.
- Sheesh.

264
00:11:40,502 --> 00:11:42,903
- You dumped lead in drinking water.
- Zoinks.

265
00:11:42,939 --> 00:11:45,773
Your oil pipeline moved
12 Native American tribes.

266
00:11:45,807 --> 00:11:48,542
Your fertilizer plant exploded,

267
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,611
killing 4,000.

268
00:11:50,645 --> 00:11:53,447
- You bought Vine and shut it down.
- I did what?

269
00:11:53,481 --> 00:11:56,183
- You bought Vine and shut it down.
- I did what?

270
00:11:56,217 --> 00:11:58,986
- You bought Vine and shut it down.
- I did what?

271
00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:01,722
I'm sorry, Daddy, but you're
a very cutthroat businessman.

272
00:12:01,756 --> 00:12:02,957
And maybe worst of all,

273
00:12:02,991 --> 00:12:06,193
you engage in constant,
gratuitous animal testing.

274
00:12:06,227 --> 00:12:08,862
Sir, as you requested, we had
all the monkeys watch Vikings.

275
00:12:08,897 --> 00:12:10,731
Did they like it?
Do they think it's worth

276
00:12:10,765 --> 00:12:12,466
- me putting in the time?
- Uh, no.

277
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:13,968
- They didn't care for it.
- Good.

278
00:12:14,002 --> 00:12:15,202
This is valuable information.

279
00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:17,204
Now have them watch Sarah Jessica Parker

280
00:12:17,238 --> 00:12:19,239
and Thomas Haden Church in Divorce.

281
00:12:19,274 --> 00:12:22,977
Sir, they've just watched
66 consecutive hours of Vikings.

282
00:12:23,011 --> 00:12:24,144
- If you could...
- Oh, what, so you want humans

283
00:12:24,179 --> 00:12:25,646
to watch Divorce?

284
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,349
Because if monkeys don't,
that's what has to happen.

285
00:12:28,383 --> 00:12:31,251
Wow, I guess I was
a cutthroat businessman.

286
00:12:31,286 --> 00:12:33,087
But what about when I wasn't at work?

287
00:12:33,121 --> 00:12:34,321
What did we do together?

288
00:12:34,356 --> 00:12:36,156
Well, sometimes you made me reenact

289
00:12:36,191 --> 00:12:39,259
Kids in the Hall sketches
that basically had no endings.

290
00:12:45,066 --> 00:12:47,401
But to be honest, we didn't do much.

291
00:12:47,435 --> 00:12:49,870
- Your work always came first.
- Really?

292
00:12:49,904 --> 00:12:52,840
And you still took care of me
when I was hurt?

293
00:12:52,874 --> 00:12:55,676
I... I don't like who I was.

294
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:59,246
But from now on, I'm going to be
a better father and grandfather.

295
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,548
We're going to spend real time together.

296
00:13:01,583 --> 00:13:04,284
Really? Oh, that'd be wonderful.

297
00:13:04,319 --> 00:13:07,688
I haven't been this happy
since I went on Safari.

298
00:13:07,722 --> 00:13:10,424
Oh, my God. This is so much
faster than Firefox.

299
00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:13,027
All right, let me go to Facebook.

300
00:13:13,061 --> 00:13:16,030
F-A...

301
00:13:16,064 --> 00:13:18,966
It's auto filling "Fat Butt Rodeo"?

302
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,534
Peter!

303
00:13:20,568 --> 00:13:23,570
You were supposed to stay on Firefox.

304
00:13:29,611 --> 00:13:32,212
Morning, pumpkin. I brought muffins.

305
00:13:32,247 --> 00:13:33,414
You brought pumpkin muffins?

306
00:13:33,448 --> 00:13:36,324
- What? No. Wh-What?
- But you said...

307
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,584
You know what?
Let's try it one more time.

308
00:13:37,619 --> 00:13:39,887
Hey, sweetie pie. I brought muffins.

309
00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:42,489
- You brought sweet pies and muffins?
- No.

310
00:13:44,192 --> 00:13:45,392
We've already done that.

311
00:13:45,427 --> 00:13:47,094
Damn it, now it's gonna go back outside.

312
00:13:49,531 --> 00:13:51,899
Wow, Daddy,
you really meant what you said.

313
00:13:51,933 --> 00:13:55,102
It's been wonderful spending
so much quality time with you.

314
00:13:55,136 --> 00:13:57,438
Yeah, Carter. You know, you've
always been a real bastard,

315
00:13:57,472 --> 00:13:59,773
but I got to say, it's nice to
see you turning things around.

316
00:13:59,808 --> 00:14:01,909
Thanks. You know,
you guys made me realize

317
00:14:01,943 --> 00:14:04,411
that I wasted my whole life
caring about money,

318
00:14:04,446 --> 00:14:06,613
and I'm not giving up another second.

319
00:14:06,648 --> 00:14:07,781
That's why I've decided

320
00:14:07,816 --> 00:14:09,583
to retire from Pewterschmidt Industries

321
00:14:09,617 --> 00:14:11,785
and give all my money to charity.

322
00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:13,987
Oh, Daddy, that's wonderful.

323
00:14:14,022 --> 00:14:15,489
Yeah, Carter. Good for you.

324
00:14:15,523 --> 00:14:17,591
Thanks. You know, I was a little worried

325
00:14:17,625 --> 00:14:19,760
you guys would be mad
about losing your inheritance.

326
00:14:19,794 --> 00:14:21,428
Oh, Daddy, I don't care.

327
00:14:21,463 --> 00:14:23,197
I've seen what wealth's done to you,

328
00:14:23,231 --> 00:14:25,265
and I certainly don't want that
to happen to us.

329
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,367
Besides, we're regular people.

330
00:14:27,402 --> 00:14:30,771
We wouldn't miss millions
of dollars, right, Peter?

331
00:14:30,805 --> 00:14:32,806
I'm thinking I might.

332
00:14:41,049 --> 00:14:43,550
So, it's weird being Japanese.

333
00:14:43,585 --> 00:14:46,854
Last night, my husband wanted 69.

334
00:14:46,888 --> 00:14:50,023
I said, "Why do you want
beef and broccoli now?"

335
00:14:50,058 --> 00:14:53,160
Hey, that's Chinese.

336
00:14:59,657 --> 00:15:02,159
Look, I know you're upset
about losing our inheritance,

337
00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:04,495
but when we got married,
the first thing I told you

338
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,230
is I didn't want Daddy's money.

339
00:15:06,264 --> 00:15:07,464
Well, yeah, not now,

340
00:15:07,499 --> 00:15:08,966
but I didn't know you meant forever.

341
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,135
Peter, stop being so selfish.

342
00:15:11,169 --> 00:15:13,971
For the first time in my life,
I have a father who's kind

343
00:15:14,005 --> 00:15:16,006
and wants to spend time with me.

344
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,642
And that's more important
than any inheritance.

345
00:15:18,676 --> 00:15:20,177
Yeah, well, I still want that money.

346
00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:22,146
It's the only way
I can afford that surgery

347
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:25,182
to turn myself into 100% stained glass.

348
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:28,852
- I don't get it.
- Neither do I.

349
00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:33,824
Oh, my God.

350
00:15:33,858 --> 00:15:35,692
Dad's beautiful.

351
00:15:38,196 --> 00:15:39,897
All right, guys. Now, the way I see it,

352
00:15:39,931 --> 00:15:42,432
Carter's only giving away
his money 'cause he's nice now.

353
00:15:42,467 --> 00:15:43,834
So to get our inheritance,

354
00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:46,336
we have to figure out a way
to make him mean again.

355
00:15:46,371 --> 00:15:48,839
I don't know, Dad.
He seems pretty happy.

356
00:15:48,873 --> 00:15:51,675
Anyone can get mad, Chris.
Even Shaquille O'Neal.

357
00:15:51,709 --> 00:15:53,177
Excuse me.

358
00:15:53,211 --> 00:15:56,246
My flapjacks was supposed
to have a Superman "S" on them.

359
00:15:56,281 --> 00:15:59,616
Are you mad? I...
I can't tell if you're mad.

360
00:15:59,651 --> 00:16:01,518
Very mad. This is unacceptable.

361
00:16:01,553 --> 00:16:03,253
At's the point
of having millions of dollars

362
00:16:03,288 --> 00:16:04,888
if everything can't be Superman?

363
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,357
Okay, well, we'll fix it right away.

364
00:16:07,392 --> 00:16:09,026
Is there anything else I can get you?

365
00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:10,460
Yes. A big ambulance.

366
00:16:10,495 --> 00:16:12,863
I am stuck in this booth.

367
00:16:12,897 --> 00:16:15,432
So, ideas... how do we
make Carter mean again?

368
00:16:15,466 --> 00:16:16,867
Why don't we hire a prostitute

369
00:16:16,901 --> 00:16:19,069
to bring him almost to completion?

370
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:22,372
Okay, don't love that my daughter
came out of the gates with that.

371
00:16:22,407 --> 00:16:24,875
Why don't we just mix up
all the colors of his Play-Doh?

372
00:16:24,909 --> 00:16:26,877
Chris.

373
00:16:26,911 --> 00:16:28,712
Well, you know what gets
Gargamel all riled up

374
00:16:28,746 --> 00:16:31,148
is those pesky Smurfs.
Maybe there's something there.

375
00:16:31,182 --> 00:16:32,883
Ooh, I know, I know.

376
00:16:32,917 --> 00:16:35,552
Why don't we hire a transvestite
to pick him up at a bar,

377
00:16:35,587 --> 00:16:36,987
then take off her wig

378
00:16:37,021 --> 00:16:38,488
at the exact moment of completion?

379
00:16:38,523 --> 00:16:39,890
Yeah, Meg, take it down a notch.

380
00:16:39,924 --> 00:16:41,225
I know what'll make him mad.

381
00:16:41,259 --> 00:16:43,393
Let's get him a book for Christmas.

382
00:16:43,428 --> 00:16:45,329
Didn't I get you all books
for Christmas?

383
00:16:45,363 --> 00:16:48,232
Yeah. And now I've got something
for you to read, genius.

384
00:16:48,266 --> 00:16:51,235
It's called the room.

385
00:16:51,269 --> 00:16:53,737
Hey, wait, I got something.
How do we summon Zuul?

386
00:16:53,771 --> 00:16:55,239
I bet Zuul could help.

387
00:16:55,273 --> 00:16:57,307
Why don't we take him
to a truck stop bathroom,

388
00:16:57,342 --> 00:16:58,909
and then after completion, we...

389
00:16:58,943 --> 00:17:00,844
Okay, Meg, are you trying
to get a rise out of me?

390
00:17:00,879 --> 00:17:02,279
'Cause guess what, young lady?

391
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,114
It worked.

392
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:06,250
Well, at least I'm saying real ideas

393
00:17:06,284 --> 00:17:07,417
and not just repeating things

394
00:17:07,452 --> 00:17:09,086
I've seen in children's programming.

395
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,255
Yeah, Dad, I kind of agree with Meg.

396
00:17:11,289 --> 00:17:14,024
It seems like you're going
for comedy over substance.

397
00:17:14,058 --> 00:17:16,093
I see. Well, then,

398
00:17:16,127 --> 00:17:18,629
I have one last idea
how to make Carter mean.

399
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,931
Turn him into one of my kids.

400
00:17:27,972 --> 00:17:29,873
So, what do you want to do today?

401
00:17:29,908 --> 00:17:31,441
You know, this may be crazy,

402
00:17:31,476 --> 00:17:34,611
but I'd love to finally
play piano for you.

403
00:17:34,646 --> 00:17:36,713
Cool, like Alicia Keys.

404
00:17:36,748 --> 00:17:39,449
A piano player named Keys?

405
00:17:39,484 --> 00:17:42,719
- That has to be fake, right?
- Yeah, I'd think so.

406
00:17:42,754 --> 00:17:44,955
That's pretty dumb.
I mean, if I was in a band,

407
00:17:44,989 --> 00:17:46,990
I wouldn't call myself Carter Guitar.

408
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:48,292
I know, right?

409
00:17:48,326 --> 00:17:50,060
Actually, I like Carter Guitar.

410
00:17:50,094 --> 00:17:52,496
- I want to be that now.
- Hey, I have an idea.

411
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:53,897
Why don't we do something together?

412
00:17:53,932 --> 00:17:55,632
I'll play, and you sing.

413
00:17:55,667 --> 00:17:57,801
Sounds great.
Who's the guy who married a kid

414
00:17:57,835 --> 00:17:59,303
and then later on killed his wife?

415
00:17:59,337 --> 00:18:01,238
- Jerry Lee Lewis.
- That's it.

416
00:18:01,272 --> 00:18:04,808
You shake my nerves
and you rattle my brain

417
00:18:04,842 --> 00:18:07,711
Something, some-something,
something, something insane

418
00:18:07,745 --> 00:18:10,480
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire

419
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:14,051
Y-You don't have to sing the piano part.

420
00:18:14,085 --> 00:18:15,419
I'm playing it.

421
00:18:15,453 --> 00:18:17,321
All right, here's the plan.

422
00:18:17,355 --> 00:18:18,822
I clothespin his balls.

423
00:18:18,856 --> 00:18:21,758
Meg and Chris, you twist his
nipples in opposite directions.

424
00:18:21,793 --> 00:18:23,226
I'm glad you came around.

425
00:18:23,261 --> 00:18:25,729
Peter, you may want
to take a look at this.

426
00:18:25,763 --> 00:18:29,166
You shake my nerves
and you rattle my brain...

427
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,435
Oh, my God. Look at them.

428
00:18:31,469 --> 00:18:34,171
This is just what
she's been saying she wanted:

429
00:18:34,205 --> 00:18:38,008
to spend time with her dad
and for him to love her.

430
00:18:38,042 --> 00:18:41,511
I guess that really is
more important than money.

431
00:18:41,546 --> 00:18:44,014
Wow. Dad's really taking this to heart.

432
00:18:44,048 --> 00:18:46,116
Meg. Meg.

433
00:18:46,150 --> 00:18:47,851
Tie my shoe.

434
00:18:47,885 --> 00:18:50,454
Hey, let's do another.
How about my karaoke song?

435
00:18:50,488 --> 00:18:51,855
Sure, what-what is it?

436
00:18:51,889 --> 00:18:53,690
The theme to Hill Street Blues.

437
00:18:53,725 --> 00:18:55,525
What? But that doesn't have any lyrics.

438
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,227
The hell it doesn't.

439
00:18:57,261 --> 00:19:01,465
Hill Street blues, Hill Street blues

440
00:19:01,499 --> 00:19:03,367
Hill Street blues

441
00:19:03,401 --> 00:19:06,036
I've got those Hill Street blues.

442
00:19:06,070 --> 00:19:07,871
Wow, you're good.

443
00:19:07,905 --> 00:19:10,574
Of course I'm good. I'm Carter Guitar.

444
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:15,078
Hill Street blues, Hill Street blues

445
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,980
Hill Street blues

446
00:19:17,015 --> 00:19:19,716
I've got those Hill Street blues

447
00:19:19,751 --> 00:19:22,252
There were some ugly people
on that show.

448
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,554
That's what made it real.

449
00:19:24,589 --> 00:19:26,990
Hill Street blues

450
00:19:27,025 --> 00:19:30,660
Hill Street blues, Hill Streeblues

451
00:19:30,695 --> 00:19:33,930
I've got those Hill Street blues.

452
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,932
What are you doing here?

453
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,235
I'm sorry I only cared
about the money, Lois.

454
00:19:38,269 --> 00:19:41,772
You were right. You having
a dad is way more important.

455
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:44,107
Thanks, Peter.

456
00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:50,747
Hill Street blues, Hill Street blues

457
00:19:50,782 --> 00:19:52,416
Hill Street blues...

458
00:19:52,450 --> 00:19:55,585
Oh, my God! Daddy!

459
00:19:55,620 --> 00:19:59,189
Who told Carter he could
give away our (BLEEP) money?

460
00:20:05,948 --> 00:20:09,043
Daddy? Daddy, please tell me
you can hear me.

461
00:20:09,079 --> 00:20:11,848
Wh-Wha... What's going on?

462
00:20:11,882 --> 00:20:13,716
And what are you idiots doing here?

463
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:16,686
I can't waste time with you.
I'm a cutthroat businessman.

464
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,855
Aw, the gunshot changed him back.

465
00:20:18,889 --> 00:20:22,391
Oh, thank God. There's my Carter.

466
00:20:22,426 --> 00:20:23,860
Well, I guess it was nice

467
00:20:23,894 --> 00:20:25,695
to have time with Daddy while I could.

468
00:20:25,729 --> 00:20:27,864
And Peter, I'm glad you filly realized

469
00:20:27,898 --> 00:20:30,032
family is more important than money.

470
00:20:30,067 --> 00:20:31,300
Me too, Lois.

471
00:20:31,335 --> 00:20:32,702
And I think we all learned

472
00:20:32,736 --> 00:20:34,871
a valuable lesson about firearms.

473
00:20:34,905 --> 00:20:37,807
That's right, Peter.
Guns create problems,

474
00:20:37,841 --> 00:20:39,809
but they solve them, too.

475
00:20:39,843 --> 00:20:42,378
You said it, Lois.
And you know who else has a gun?

476
00:20:42,412 --> 00:20:45,214
Stan Smith. Take it away, Stan.

477
00:20:45,249 --> 00:20:46,549
Peter, that's...

478
00:20:46,583 --> 00:20:48,251
that show's not on after us anymore.

479
00:20:48,285 --> 00:20:50,086
Oh. What is on?

480
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:53,122
Something as or more successful?

481
00:20:59,898 --> 00:21:03,429
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
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