1
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:06,819
You know what really grinds my gears?

2
00:00:06,820 --> 00:00:08,260
Cars today.

3
00:00:08,330 --> 00:00:10,130
What's with all the beeping?

4
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,860
My ex-wife's car used to beep
every time you backed up.

5
00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:14,419
Bitch, I know I'm backing up!

6
00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:17,000
I'm driving you! I'm in charge!

7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,670
I can't tell if you're mad
at the car or your wife.

8
00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,440
Well, a little bit of both.

9
00:00:22,470 --> 00:00:25,270
Well, you've been talking about
it for an hour and a half now.

10
00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:28,180
And he doesn't even own a car.

11
00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:29,690
You know, if you're
gonna sit at my table,

12
00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:31,350
you got to listen to my jokes.

13
00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:33,010
Oh, you're telling jokes?

14
00:00:33,050 --> 00:00:35,050
Is that what's happening here?

15
00:00:35,090 --> 00:00:37,690
Oh, so you don't think I'm
funny, do you now, Margaret?

16
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:38,960
Well, how about this:

17
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,990
a doctor, a priest, and the
prime minister of Morocco...

18
00:00:42,030 --> 00:00:45,490
Hey, quit telling bad jokes.
I need water.

19
00:00:49,370 --> 00:00:50,500
Cheese and crackers!

20
00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:52,630
Is this tap?

21
00:00:55,410 --> 00:00:57,350
Why do you keep going
on those crazy hikes

22
00:00:57,380 --> 00:00:58,470
with Gorgeous George?

23
00:00:58,510 --> 00:01:00,210
I have enough self-esteem issues

24
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,139
without Gorgeous George telling me

25
00:01:02,140 --> 00:01:04,760
I look dumpy in my Umbros.

26
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,390
Who's Gorgeous George?

27
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,400
And if he's such a jerk,

28
00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:08,860
why are you calling him gorgeous?

29
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,560
Well, just look at him, Margaret.

30
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:17,220
He's a New York six, but a Arizona ten.

31
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:22,879
He's the activities coordinator.

32
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,180
It's an elected position, and
it's totally gone to his head.

33
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,500
Activities coordinator has
totally gone to his head?

34
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:29,700
Yeah.

35
00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:32,540
You are new, aren't you?

36
00:01:32,580 --> 00:01:34,740
He is a petty, vindictive man

37
00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:37,750
who uses his power against
anybody he doesn't like,

38
00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:39,450
and he does not like us.

39
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,200
Uh-uh. I once scuffed his moccasin,

40
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,920
and he installed a vending machine

41
00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:45,850
right outside my room, so every night,

42
00:01:45,890 --> 00:01:47,399
it's, "Cachunk! Cachunk! Cachunk!

43
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:48,500
Cachunk! Cachunk!

44
00:01:48,590 --> 00:01:50,330
Cachunk!" It's-it's the soda cans.

45
00:01:50,340 --> 00:01:52,960
- "Cachunk!"
- I got it, Charlie.

46
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,630
And the worst thing about him
is he's incredibly unfunny.

47
00:01:56,670 --> 00:01:58,070
Tennis, anyone?

48
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,470
That wasn't even funny.

49
00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:04,380
Now, what he should've said is,

50
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,740
"Who's over here making
all that racket?"

51
00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:08,439
See, then he shows them the racket.

52
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,450
Now-now that's a joke.

53
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,450
Well, well.

54
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:13,799
Let me just take a peek

55
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,050
under the lid of this
trash can over here.

56
00:02:17,090 --> 00:02:19,250
Ah, yeah, just as I thought:

57
00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:22,490
four of the biggest
losers I've ever seen.

58
00:02:22,530 --> 00:02:24,160
You don't even know me.

59
00:02:24,190 --> 00:02:27,260
Oh, Amanda, don't I?

60
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,930
My name is Margaret.

61
00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:31,100
Very well, I don't know you.

62
00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:35,340
But if you're associating
with these losers,

63
00:02:35,370 --> 00:02:36,980
you're a loser, too.

64
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,810
Yeah, well, you might have me there.

65
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,880
Why, Sidney, I'm surprised

66
00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:47,120
you're not icing your
ham-like thighs right now.

67
00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:50,920
The sound of them chafing this
morning scared the birds away.

68
00:02:50,950 --> 00:02:52,820
Man, get the hell out of here.

69
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,200
Go tell somebody else
some corny-ass jokes,

70
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,940
- and that's "jokes" in quotes.
- Mm.

71
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,300
I just wanted to remind you degenerates

72
00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:03,360
about the activities coordinator
election this Friday.

73
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,100
I urge you to do

74
00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:08,150
what every lady's done in this
complex at one time or another

75
00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:10,200
and "Say yes to George."

76
00:03:12,310 --> 00:03:15,810
Toodle-oo, trash.

77
00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:19,480
Bye, George, have a nice day.

78
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,220
You know what we need to
do about Gorgeous George?

79
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,350
Yeah, drag his ass out in the desert,

80
00:03:24,390 --> 00:03:25,850
tie his ass to a cactus,

81
00:03:25,890 --> 00:03:29,360
and let the vultures
eat him bite by bite.

82
00:03:29,390 --> 00:03:30,440
No, no, no.

83
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,600
One of us needs to run for
activities coordinator

84
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:33,630
and beat him.

85
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,970
Well, okay, but my way
would be a lot more fun.

86
00:03:55,760 --> 00:04:00,660
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

87
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,199
I really think we can do this, guys.

88
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,580
If we could beat George,

89
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,280
Sid, you'll never have
to go on a hike again,

90
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,360
Charlie would finally have
some peace and quiet,

91
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,020
and Hank... Hank...

92
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,230
What is your problem with him again?

93
00:04:13,270 --> 00:04:15,240
The man's a criminal.

94
00:04:15,270 --> 00:04:18,410
He steals laughs when he
doesn't deserve them.

95
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:21,879
Well, he has been running
unopposed for ten years.

96
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,900
He's complacent, and we're hungry.

97
00:04:23,940 --> 00:04:26,020
I think we really have a
chance to beat George.

98
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,250
Slow your roll there, rookie.

99
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:31,360
Now, the way I see it, this
guy's gotten complacent,

100
00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:32,550
but we're hungry.

101
00:04:32,590 --> 00:04:34,890
I think we have a chance
to beat this George.

102
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,590
That's what I just said.

103
00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:39,230
Listen to him, Margaret,
he's onto something.

104
00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:41,099
I don't have to listen to him.

105
00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:45,030
I will think about all the stuff
I just said a minute ago.

106
00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,770
Now, who's running?

107
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,039
So you don't know everything.

108
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,460
It's obviously Charlie.

109
00:04:50,510 --> 00:04:53,370
There are some very
premium nuts in this mix.

110
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,110
Charlie, really?

111
00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:58,110
Yeah, you're a woman,
I'm black, he's gay.

112
00:04:58,150 --> 00:05:00,800
We're trying to win an election
in a retirement community,

113
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,880
we're not putting together
a college brochure.

114
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,760
Charlie's our man.

115
00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:08,120
Well, I accept, and I think if
we can focus on the issues...

116
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,590
Hey-oh! Pistachio!

117
00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:14,740
All right, well, if Nut Boy
is going to be our candidate,

118
00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:16,900
we're gonna have to run
a negative campaign.

119
00:05:16,930 --> 00:05:19,000
We need to dig up some dirt on George.

120
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,970
Really? Why can't we
just have a fun mascot

121
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,640
like that Geico gecko?

122
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,610
He makes me laugh.

123
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,810
Or-or an Activities Lizard

124
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:30,910
who eats bullies and sings sometimes.

125
00:05:30,950 --> 00:05:32,599
Lizards don't eat people.

126
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,160
They blow flames at 'em.

127
00:05:34,220 --> 00:05:35,580
That's dragons.

128
00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,200
Lizards can be dragons.

129
00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:38,230
What about Komodos?

130
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:39,819
Well, as your candidate...

131
00:05:39,820 --> 00:05:42,320
What about Komodos, Margaret?

132
00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:45,760
What... What is this?

133
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:48,160
Why are you people in my office?

134
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,830
We're taking advantage of
your open door policy.

135
00:05:50,870 --> 00:05:53,130
I don't have an open door policy.

136
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:55,640
You know, I think we're
trying to say the same thing.

137
00:05:55,670 --> 00:05:58,170
We're here to register Charlie

138
00:05:58,210 --> 00:06:00,770
as an official candidate for
activities coordinator.

139
00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:01,880
Yeah...

140
00:06:01,910 --> 00:06:05,150
That's not a thing you need to do.

141
00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:08,350
So do you decree that he
is a official candidate?

142
00:06:08,380 --> 00:06:10,580
You just show up to the
town hall on Friday.

143
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,100
- You don't need a decree.
- Uhp!

144
00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:14,490
- I heard a decree.
- I heard her, too.

145
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,060
- Nice work, Hank.
- Okay.

146
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,960
Now, can we please go dig
up some dirt on George?

147
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,520
Margaret, write this down.

148
00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:25,400
Elections are not won
with dirt and negativity.

149
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,200
They are won with charm and charisma

150
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,510
and, most importantly, jokes.

151
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:33,710
Comedy, that's the weak
spot for Gorgeous George.

152
00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:38,040
Yeah, more like "Bore-geous... Bore-ge."

153
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,480
No, see, that's why I'm gonna be writing

154
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,536
the jokes from here on out.

155
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,850
You missed "Bore-geous Snore-ge."

156
00:06:45,050 --> 00:06:46,850
That's how you win an election.

157
00:06:52,130 --> 00:06:54,630
All right, let's get out
there and charm some voters.

158
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,780
- Okay.
- Listen up, you may learn something.

159
00:06:56,820 --> 00:06:58,006
Well, at least he looks great.

160
00:06:58,030 --> 00:07:01,070
Sid, you're a regular Queer
Eye for the Straight Guy.

161
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,680
I did my best.

162
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,279
His entire closet is filled with

163
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,760
free T-shirts from the bank.

164
00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:09,410
- All right, so get in there...
- Yeah.

165
00:07:09,450 --> 00:07:10,680
- uh, don't be weird...
- No.

166
00:07:10,710 --> 00:07:13,220
... be charming, and hit
'em with that great joke,

167
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,426
- and get the hell out.
- Okay.

168
00:07:14,450 --> 00:07:16,080
Walk in the park.

169
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,750
I feel like I'm watching the
Titanic leaving the dock.

170
00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:23,090
Not everybody died on
that ship, Margaret.

171
00:07:23,130 --> 00:07:25,790
Hi. I'm Charlie.

172
00:07:25,830 --> 00:07:29,360
I'm not weird; I'm charming.

173
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,530
Here's a personal story.

174
00:07:31,570 --> 00:07:34,640
In 1998, I was abducted
by little green aliens.

175
00:07:35,910 --> 00:07:37,479
I'm new to politics.

176
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,910
How do you feel this is going?

177
00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:41,919
And I was so surprised to find

178
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,540
that they call it "outercourse."

179
00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:50,620
Wow, I did not think
it would go that well.

180
00:07:50,650 --> 00:07:53,420
Charlie, you diarrhea'd the pool.

181
00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:58,760
You diarrhea'd the pool
with everybody in it.

182
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,200
You're out, and so are you, Hank.

183
00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:02,500
I'm in charge now.

184
00:08:02,530 --> 00:08:04,330
Wait a minute, what you
mean you in charge?

185
00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:07,440
Your candidate just described
being anally probed

186
00:08:07,470 --> 00:08:12,270
by aliens as "a great
learning experience."

187
00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:17,080
I said "annually probed."

188
00:08:17,110 --> 00:08:19,010
Although both are true.

189
00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:22,150
You better stop talking smack, Margaret,

190
00:08:22,190 --> 00:08:24,300
and get on the Charlie train.
He's your candidate, too.

191
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,660
Not anymore. I'm running Sid,
and we're gonna kick your ass.

192
00:08:27,690 --> 00:08:29,980
What? Moi?

193
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,460
Yes, "you-ah."

194
00:08:31,490 --> 00:08:33,190
He's cute. He's funny.

195
00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:34,279
Everybody loves him.

196
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,140
He's our best chance
of taking down George

197
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:38,330
and you. Let's go, Sid.

198
00:08:38,370 --> 00:08:40,330
Wait, where's your spine, Sid?

199
00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:42,150
You gonna do everything
this woman tells you to?

200
00:08:42,170 --> 00:08:43,860
- Well, no.
- Let's go, Sid.

201
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,490
Oh, you guys keep in touch.

202
00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:54,420
All right, we have got
a lot of work to do

203
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,696
if we're gonna win this election

204
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,180
and prove that I am much,
much smarter than Hank.

205
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:02,730
First off, I'd like to say
it's an honor to be tapped,

206
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,060
but I'm not sure I'm ready for this.

207
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:07,370
The only thing I've ever run for

208
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,540
was my life at a Kid Rock concert.

209
00:09:10,570 --> 00:09:13,370
Aren't you tired of being a doormat?

210
00:09:13,410 --> 00:09:15,410
Aren't you sick of going on those hikes?

211
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:16,580
Well, yes.

212
00:09:16,610 --> 00:09:18,210
Well, then, you got to get mean.

213
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:19,649
Oh, I don't do mean.

214
00:09:19,650 --> 00:09:22,180
Let's just do my lizard mascot idea.

215
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,270
Give him a catchy slogan.

216
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,570
Uh, like, "Vote for Sid."

217
00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:28,570
Sss-sid.

218
00:09:31,060 --> 00:09:35,060
Okay, see, that, uh, that's
a snake, not a lizard.

219
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:37,500
But at this point I'm
just gonna go ahead

220
00:09:37,530 --> 00:09:40,100
and embrace that reptile fixation.

221
00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:41,579
So if you want to be a lizard,

222
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:43,050
you're gonna have to be a mean lizard.

223
00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:44,380
But I want to be a fun,

224
00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:46,770
singing lizard, like Kermit.

225
00:09:46,810 --> 00:09:48,740
Kermit is a frog.

226
00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:52,510
I am not a zoologist, Margaret.

227
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:55,060
This is politics, kiddo.

228
00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:57,350
Come on. You got to get nasty.

229
00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:58,890
Say something mean about George.

230
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:00,550
Okay, well, here goes.

231
00:10:00,590 --> 00:10:01,999
Uh, and I feel awful saying this,

232
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,579
but sometimes he just takes way too long

233
00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:06,140
at the salad bar.

234
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,940
That's not mean enough.
You need to get angry.

235
00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:10,099
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

236
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:11,560
I'm gonna be George, okay?

237
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,459
Well, well, well, Sidney.

238
00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:15,270
Looking a little mushy
around the middle,

239
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,560
- aren't we, Sidney?
- Well, that's not very nice.

240
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:19,950
What are you gonna do
about it, thunder thighs?

241
00:10:19,980 --> 00:10:22,740
Stop hitting yourself, Sidney.

242
00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:24,410
Th-Th-That's enough, George!

243
00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:26,596
You're mean and you're a bully,
and sometimes when we go

244
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:29,620
on those hikes I just want
to push you off a cliff.

245
00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:31,890
That's what I'm looking for.

246
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,890
Oh, that felt great.

247
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,320
But what am I becoming?

248
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,220
A viable candidate.

249
00:10:38,830 --> 00:10:40,840
All right, now we got
to get this joke right.

250
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,176
- Okay.
- I made a poster for you.

251
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,400
Shabam!

252
00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:47,830
Wow, who the hell is that?

253
00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:49,170
It's you, man.

254
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,770
Oh, I thought it was Braveheart.

255
00:10:51,810 --> 00:10:54,270
- Aw, for... forget the poster.
- Okay.

256
00:10:54,310 --> 00:10:56,410
Now, I'm gonna show you
how this joke can kill.

257
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,700
Okay, a doctor, a priest,

258
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:00,720
the prime minister of
Morocco walk into a bar.

259
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,526
Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there.

260
00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:06,520
Morocco is a constitutional monarchy.

261
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:09,620
I'm gonna pound your head into dust

262
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,460
if you keep ruining my damn joke.

263
00:11:12,490 --> 00:11:16,159
All right, I want you to sit
here, listen, and watch.

264
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,500
And don't say nothing.

265
00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:19,630
Punam, come here!

266
00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:21,600
Is this about your lemonade?

267
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,340
Sorry, but we're just slammed right now.

268
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:32,380
Yeah, uh, I just want you
to listen to this joke.

269
00:11:32,410 --> 00:11:36,120
Oh, fun. I'll be an easy laugh, too.

270
00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:37,599
I did mushrooms last night and

271
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,200
they haven't fully worn off yet.

272
00:11:45,590 --> 00:11:46,690
- Okay, you ready?
- Yeah.

273
00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:49,700
All right. A doctor... a priest,

274
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,200
and the prime minister of
Morocco walk into a bar...

275
00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:56,670
That's hilarious.

276
00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:59,070
Ugh, I did not see that coming.

277
00:11:59,110 --> 00:12:01,340
I never said the punch line.

278
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:03,219
Oh, well, that's your mistake

279
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:06,180
because the punch line's the
funniest part of a joke.

280
00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:16,919
We are making you a good luck lasagna

281
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,000
- for the election, Georgie.
- Ooh.

282
00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:20,860
With extra cheese.

283
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,900
Extra cheese?

284
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,640
Yes, please.

285
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,860
Now, don't forget...

286
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,099
say yes to George.

287
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:31,759
Actually, do forget
to say yes to George,

288
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,020
because George sucks.

289
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,440
Good start. Get meaner.

290
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,880
Well, well, well,

291
00:12:39,910 --> 00:12:44,320
if it isn't Snow White and
her one dwarf, Chafey.

292
00:12:45,790 --> 00:12:48,250
You know, I heard a little rumor
that the freak show party

293
00:12:48,290 --> 00:12:50,390
is mounting a run against me.

294
00:12:50,430 --> 00:12:53,560
Oh, really? Well, I heard
a little rumor myself.

295
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,119
It'd be a shame if your voters knew that

296
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:59,200
you had calf implants.

297
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,930
Outrageous.

298
00:13:01,970 --> 00:13:03,940
These are natural calves.

299
00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:06,099
Perfectly sculpted from years

300
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:07,980
of tiptoeing out of bedrooms.

301
00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:10,280
Ladies' bedrooms.

302
00:13:10,310 --> 00:13:11,420
More like tiptoeing out of the

303
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,950
Tucson Center for Leg Enhancements.

304
00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:17,050
Dr. Kapnakian says hello.

305
00:13:17,090 --> 00:13:20,390
Larry Kapnakian is a liar!

306
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:23,790
I'll see you at the town hall tonight.

307
00:13:25,590 --> 00:13:27,730
Oh, that felt great.

308
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:28,800
I don't want to stop.

309
00:13:28,830 --> 00:13:30,460
Don't stop. Keep going.

310
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,230
Well, uh, what have we here?

311
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,960
Is this a painting of
dogs playing poker?

312
00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:41,010
Sid, what are you doing?

313
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,740
You smear George, not the voters.

314
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,840
Well, before you correct me, Margaret,

315
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:48,050
perhaps you should correct
that ugly sweater.

316
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,959
Just because it was on the sale rack

317
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,420
doesn't mean you have to buy it.

318
00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:57,620
This is my favorite sweater,
and I paid full retail.

319
00:13:57,660 --> 00:13:59,290
Where, at the gas station?

320
00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:01,260
Ooh.

321
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:03,220
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

322
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,600
The lizard is out of his
shell and he's snapping.

323
00:14:05,630 --> 00:14:08,200
That's turtles.

324
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,110
Margaret, how are you still single

325
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,270
with such a treasure trove

326
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:14,170
of animal facts at your disposal?

327
00:14:14,210 --> 00:14:16,680
Vote for Sss-sid.

328
00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:18,850
Vote for Sid.

329
00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:22,659
Hey, old man, here's a headline.

330
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:23,900
Vote for Sss-sid.

331
00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:29,690
We are not voting for him.

332
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:31,990
Yeah, Grace, I know.

333
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,800
Do you guys like this sweater?

334
00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:47,320
Oh, and another thing, Leon.

335
00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:49,430
You know that little tile
room with the nozzle in it?

336
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:50,780
It's called a shower.

337
00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:53,720
Why not give it a whirl sometime?

338
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,380
Sid.

339
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,930
- Sid, come in here.
- What?

340
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,500
What the hell are you doing in here?

341
00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:03,700
I am hiding from Hank.

342
00:15:03,730 --> 00:15:05,720
He's been yelling at me all day,

343
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,200
and the smell of bleach
really centers me.

344
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,770
That's 'cause your mama was a janitor.

345
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,610
And your mama's mama was a janitor.

346
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,680
Sid, what has gotten into you?

347
00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:17,659
You know damn well that my mother

348
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:19,470
was a state senator by day

349
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,140
and a high-end prostitute by night.

350
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:24,750
Margaret has got me all riled up.

351
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:27,260
I mean, I ripped off
a woman's wig today.

352
00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:30,640
At least I thought it was
a wig till she screamed.

353
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,459
Hank and Margaret have turned us

354
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:34,920
into the exact things we hate.

355
00:15:34,970 --> 00:15:37,230
You're a bully, and I'm telling

356
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,500
culturally inaccurate jokes.

357
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,000
Let's team up and do it our way.

358
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,270
Yes.

359
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,970
I love the lizard idea, by the way.

360
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:48,040
Well, thank you, Charlie.

361
00:15:48,060 --> 00:15:49,780
- And I love your suit.
- Well...

362
00:15:49,810 --> 00:15:51,450
Well, you picked it out.

363
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,450
Oh, well, it makes sense then.

364
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,350
I see what you're saying
about the bleach.

365
00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:00,460
Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?

366
00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:01,860
Hmm.

367
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,560
Hmm.

368
00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:07,720
So you ready for this town hall?

369
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,580
- Yeah, as a matter of fact.
- I don't care.

370
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:12,000
My boy Charlie has got this in the bag.

371
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,840
And, Margaret, you will see

372
00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:15,970
that when a joke is perfectly told,

373
00:16:16,010 --> 00:16:17,640
it can really move a crowd.

374
00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:20,040
You are delusional if you think

375
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:23,650
Mr. Alien Outercourse
is gonna win anything.

376
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,020
Well, I heard your
candidate bit a woman.

377
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:30,490
Well, he might be a little
bit unpolished, but...

378
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:34,060
he's a killer, and he is gonna
crush Charlie and George.

379
00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:36,220
Oh, I wouldn't worry about George.

380
00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:37,560
Oh, really. Why is that?

381
00:16:37,590 --> 00:16:40,360
One word: lasagna, baby!

382
00:16:40,430 --> 00:16:42,960
That's two words, ding-dong.

383
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,330
And I'm gonna need a few more of 'em.

384
00:16:45,370 --> 00:16:47,990
Well, one of George's
groupies made him a lasagna,

385
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,500
left it outside his door,

386
00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:51,380
and I, uh, put a little
secret ingredient

387
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:52,840
I bought from Punam in it.

388
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,480
Mushrooms.

389
00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:56,500
Magic mushrooms.

390
00:16:56,610 --> 00:17:00,659
So you're going dirty like
I said we should have

391
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:01,800
in the first place, right?

392
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:03,816
Well, let's not get caught all
up in the whos and the hows.

393
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,090
The point is, George
is gonna be so high,

394
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,666
he's never gonna get
through that speech,

395
00:17:08,690 --> 00:17:11,090
and that's gonna give Charlie
all the runway he needs

396
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:13,430
to crush that joke, baby.

397
00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:15,330
You call me "baby" one more time,

398
00:17:15,340 --> 00:17:17,530
I'm gonna crush more than your joke.

399
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:23,300
And Charlie is gonna have one
big little problem... Sid.

400
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:27,279
Well, Sid's gonna have one
big normal-sized problem...

401
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,660
Charlie.

402
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,110
We found a hallway lasagna.

403
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,160
Y'all have to try it.

404
00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:39,580
It's like a cheesy blanket
I wear on the inside.

405
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:43,320
We're gonna beat George without you.

406
00:17:43,380 --> 00:17:44,599
This is so damn good.

407
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,630
It's like a cheesy blanket
I wear on the inside.

408
00:17:47,660 --> 00:17:49,430
I like it so much,

409
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:52,830
it's like a cheesy blanket
I wear on the inside.

410
00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:56,520
Damn, damn, damn!

411
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,190
Well, we're screwed.

412
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:07,020
Your candidate is off
somewhere shrooming,

413
00:18:07,060 --> 00:18:09,990
and mine is talking to a damn plant.

414
00:18:10,030 --> 00:18:14,030
Ma'am, ma'am, with all due
respect, that's your opinion.

415
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,870
You might be screwed, but I'm not.

416
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:18,530
Well, why are you screwed and I'm not?

417
00:18:18,570 --> 00:18:19,839
And why are you smiling like that?

418
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,700
Because I took care of everything.

419
00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:23,810
After you drugged both
of our candidates,

420
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:24,940
I had to do something.

421
00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:26,910
But it was a foolproof plan!

422
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:29,710
Who eats found lasagna?

423
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:32,270
I knew George would want a
little pre-speech workout,

424
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:33,880
so I followed him downstairs

425
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,020
and I locked him in the fitness center.

426
00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:38,400
So no George? I mean,
I don't understand.

427
00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:39,600
So there are no candidates now?

428
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:41,420
Oh, there's one...

429
00:18:41,460 --> 00:18:42,740
- baby.
- Oh...

430
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,060
Hi, everyone. Hello.

431
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,360
My name is Margaret.

432
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,600
I'm running for activities coordinator.

433
00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:51,439
I have been told that, as a woman,

434
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,870
I can't possibly win, but screw that.

435
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,440
I've been told many things by men.

436
00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:00,280
Stupid, bald, unfunny men.

437
00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:02,580
Bald? I got a ring.

438
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:05,580
I'm in the middle of my speech here.

439
00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:07,980
Shoot, I'm in the middle
of mine. I'm running, too.

440
00:19:08,020 --> 00:19:09,820
Hey, y'all, how you doing?

441
00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:13,590
Folks, what's going on with cars?

442
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,200
Why are they always beeping?

443
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,300
Nothing?

444
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:23,470
Well, it's time to
bring out the big gun.

445
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,660
A doctor, a priest,

446
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,799
and the, uh, prime minister of Morocco

447
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,500
- walk into a bar, and...
- Excuse me.

448
00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:34,180
Great news. We're engaged.

449
00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:36,980
Saboteur!

450
00:19:38,020 --> 00:19:40,180
She locked me in the gymnasium!

451
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,720
These freaks are trying
to rig this election.

452
00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:46,920
Freaks? You've got double-D
calves and lasagna groupies.

453
00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:51,030
Compared to you, we are normal.

454
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,660
Roar!

455
00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:57,600
I am the Activities Lizard!

456
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,500
Vote for me, and I won't
scratch your eyeballs out.

457
00:20:03,140 --> 00:20:05,170
Still think you're not freaks?

458
00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:08,510
Maybe you should ask your
friend, this baby dragon.

459
00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:11,380
I'm not a baby dragon.

460
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:13,350
I am an adult lizard,

461
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,580
and I'm tired of taking
your crap, George!

462
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,390
Oh!

463
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:22,890
So... obviously the
election is canceled.

464
00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:25,830
Why?

465
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:28,739
Punam is the new activities coordinator

466
00:20:28,740 --> 00:20:31,200
because she would much
rather do that job for free

467
00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:34,440
than get fired for giving
drugs to the residents.

468
00:20:34,470 --> 00:20:36,860
In my defense, I was not giving them.

469
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,540
I was selling them.

470
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,810
George ruptured his calf
implants when Sid tackled him.

471
00:20:43,850 --> 00:20:46,620
And he's filed a restraining
order against the four of you.

472
00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:49,380
Wait, that means he can't
come anywhere near us either?

473
00:20:49,420 --> 00:20:52,790
He won't bully me anymore! I'm free.

474
00:20:52,820 --> 00:20:54,390
Yeah, me, too.

475
00:20:54,430 --> 00:20:56,220
Good-bye, cachunks.

476
00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:57,960
Cachunks are the sodas...

477
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,360
Well, Hank, it kind of looks like I won.

478
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,000
Wrong. We both won.

479
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,850
We played dirty just like I suggested,

480
00:21:05,860 --> 00:21:07,440
and everything worked out.

481
00:21:07,470 --> 00:21:10,010
One more thing before we go.

482
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,080
A doctor, a priest, and the
prime minister of Morocco...

483
00:21:13,110 --> 00:21:14,380
Get out of my office.

484
00:21:14,410 --> 00:21:16,410
I never get to say the punch line.

485
00:21:16,450 --> 00:21:20,140
They walk into a bar,
and the bartender says,

486
00:21:20,250 --> 00:21:21,760
"What is this, a joke?"

487
00:21:23,890 --> 00:21:25,420
That's comedy there.

488
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,660
"What is this, a joke?"

489
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,320
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