1
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Previously on "The Guest Book"...

2
00:00:01,006 --> 00:00:03,675
So I'm thinking of going to the
beach, making a fresh start.

3
00:00:03,677 --> 00:00:06,544
This is gonna be amazing.

4
00:00:06,546 --> 00:00:09,447
New town, new people, a whole new me.

5
00:00:09,453 --> 00:00:11,246
Your place looks amazing.

6
00:00:11,252 --> 00:00:13,385
It's my mother's.
It's her income property.

7
00:00:13,391 --> 00:00:15,892
She lives in Idaho, so I
just hand out the keys.

8
00:00:15,894 --> 00:00:18,191
- I've been crashing on the beach.
- You can stay here.

9
00:00:18,197 --> 00:00:19,996
- Who's your friend?
- Bodhi?

10
00:00:19,998 --> 00:00:21,423
He's so exotic.

11
00:00:21,429 --> 00:00:23,166
Introduce me. But the new me.

12
00:00:23,168 --> 00:00:24,801
Remember, Tickles is dead!

13
00:00:24,803 --> 00:00:27,303
How much does the baby either look like

14
00:00:27,305 --> 00:00:29,172
or not look like the
father when it's born?

15
00:00:29,174 --> 00:00:32,976
Was the guy you had sex with
the same color as your fiancé?

16
00:00:44,549 --> 00:00:48,163
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -

17
00:00:52,931 --> 00:00:54,430
You have a lovely beach home

18
00:00:54,432 --> 00:00:56,585
which I rented for a family vacation.

19
00:00:56,591 --> 00:00:58,338
And I came prepared.

20
00:00:58,489 --> 00:01:00,856
I brought a random
quantity of sunscreen,

21
00:01:00,872 --> 00:01:03,369
an indiscriminate amount
of plastic cups for water,

22
00:01:03,375 --> 00:01:05,275
An unspecified number of Cheez-Its,

23
00:01:05,277 --> 00:01:07,212
an arbitrary variety of board games,

24
00:01:07,218 --> 00:01:09,485
and a hodgepodge of karaoke CDs.

25
00:01:09,614 --> 00:01:12,181
My name is Adam, and up until recently,

26
00:01:12,183 --> 00:01:14,655
I felt compelled to count things.

27
00:01:14,661 --> 00:01:17,529
I grew up in a very
ordinary American home.

28
00:01:17,856 --> 00:01:19,656
But around the age of 8,

29
00:01:19,658 --> 00:01:21,456
I became less ordinary.

30
00:01:21,950 --> 00:01:24,384
I started counting... everything.

31
00:01:24,529 --> 00:01:27,163
Something about it made me happy.

32
00:01:32,304 --> 00:01:33,937
No matter what else was going on...

33
00:01:33,939 --> 00:01:36,239
Capitals score!

34
00:01:36,241 --> 00:01:38,474
... I always found more joy in counting.

35
00:01:38,476 --> 00:01:39,742
And because of that,

36
00:01:39,744 --> 00:01:42,175
I missed out on a lot of family bonding.

37
00:01:42,914 --> 00:01:44,580
So much so, that lately

38
00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:46,683
I've started to think my
parents and my brother have

39
00:01:46,685 --> 00:01:48,584
- stopped inviting me to things.
- Leave a message.

40
00:01:48,586 --> 00:01:50,286
Hey, guys, it's Adam.

41
00:01:50,288 --> 00:01:52,088
Just wondering if anyone
is up for hanging out.

42
00:01:52,090 --> 00:01:53,556
Maybe we could play Dominoes

43
00:01:53,558 --> 00:01:55,269
if I promise not to count all the dots.

44
00:01:55,275 --> 00:01:56,592
I won't look down.

45
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:57,827
You can just move my pieces

46
00:01:57,829 --> 00:01:59,929
and tell me if I'm winning.
You guys there?

47
00:01:59,931 --> 00:02:01,698
Pick up if you're there.

48
00:02:03,501 --> 00:02:06,720
Okay. Well, I'll just
wait till you get home.

49
00:02:06,989 --> 00:02:10,157
One, two, three, four...

50
00:02:10,342 --> 00:02:12,460
I always knew the
counting might prevent me

51
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,966
from my career goals,

52
00:02:13,972 --> 00:02:16,316
making new friends,
or even finding love.

53
00:02:16,381 --> 00:02:19,849
Hey, Adam. This is a really cool place.

54
00:02:19,851 --> 00:02:22,218
What happened to your food?

55
00:02:26,324 --> 00:02:28,524
But it was the fear of losing my family

56
00:02:28,526 --> 00:02:31,294
that finally made me take
a long look in the mirror.

57
00:02:31,296 --> 00:02:33,848
343 seconds, to be exact.

58
00:02:34,005 --> 00:02:35,471
I tried drugs,

59
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,401
but they just made me count slower.

60
00:02:42,225 --> 00:02:45,059
I tried acupuncture.

61
00:02:45,315 --> 00:02:47,682
That just proved to be too
much of a temptation.

62
00:02:47,688 --> 00:02:49,621
... nine, ten, eleven,
twelve, thirteen...

63
00:02:49,714 --> 00:02:51,729
I even borrowed my
neighbor's dog's collar

64
00:02:51,735 --> 00:02:53,467
for a little shock therapy.

65
00:03:12,950 --> 00:03:14,909
Eventually, I went to see a therapist.

66
00:03:14,916 --> 00:03:17,848
And after several months of
crying in her crying chair,

67
00:03:17,854 --> 00:03:20,804
I finally had a breakthrough.

68
00:03:21,258 --> 00:03:24,592
And I couldn't wait to reveal
the new me to my family.

69
00:03:24,594 --> 00:03:26,528
Bernice... check it out.

70
00:03:26,530 --> 00:03:28,463
I just rented a beach house
for me and my family,

71
00:03:28,465 --> 00:03:31,099
and I didn't even count how many
clicks of the mouse it took me.

72
00:03:31,101 --> 00:03:32,267
The website even buffered,

73
00:03:32,269 --> 00:03:34,035
and I just sang quietly to myself

74
00:03:34,037 --> 00:03:36,237
without counting the rotations
of the loading wheel.

75
00:03:36,239 --> 00:03:38,340
I heard you the first
six times you said it.

76
00:03:38,342 --> 00:03:39,674
Did I say it that many times?

77
00:03:39,676 --> 00:03:41,709
Hmm. I wasn't counting.

78
00:03:41,981 --> 00:03:43,776
Ooh.

79
00:03:44,389 --> 00:03:45,788
Oh, wow.

80
00:03:45,822 --> 00:03:47,555
Your nephew's gonna love that.

81
00:03:47,684 --> 00:03:50,485
I sure hope it fits. He wouldn't
let me measure him.

82
00:03:50,487 --> 00:03:52,265
Huh.

83
00:03:53,090 --> 00:03:55,031
Here you go, man.

84
00:03:55,308 --> 00:03:57,308
Take care.

85
00:03:59,162 --> 00:04:01,396
I'm sorry. The keys have
gotta be here somewhere.

86
00:04:01,398 --> 00:04:02,931
I'm just a bit out of sorts.

87
00:04:02,933 --> 00:04:04,899
My fiancée gave birth last week,

88
00:04:04,901 --> 00:04:06,768
and I haven't really been sleeping.

89
00:04:06,770 --> 00:04:09,404
I looked down. I shouldn't
have looked down.

90
00:04:09,406 --> 00:04:10,905
Ah, well, not a problem.

91
00:04:10,907 --> 00:04:12,507
My family doesn't arrive
till the evening.

92
00:04:12,509 --> 00:04:15,410
Normally, I'd be counting
the seconds, but I'm cured.

93
00:04:15,412 --> 00:04:17,045
Hey, Vivian, could you check and see

94
00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:18,546
if the keys to the beach
house are back there?

95
00:04:18,548 --> 00:04:21,216
Okay!

96
00:04:21,218 --> 00:04:23,018
Hello?

97
00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:24,486
We're not gonna be able to make it.

98
00:04:24,488 --> 00:04:25,587
What's the matter?

99
00:04:25,589 --> 00:04:27,455
Look, if this is about
counting, I'm cured.

100
00:04:27,457 --> 00:04:29,124
Th-That's what I want to show you guys.

101
00:04:29,126 --> 00:04:31,893
Plus, I got everybody's favorite
snacks and board games.

102
00:04:31,895 --> 00:04:33,645
And I even rented a karaoke machine

103
00:04:33,651 --> 00:04:34,883
that syncs up to cool lights,

104
00:04:34,889 --> 00:04:36,197
just like at Aunt Jean's wedding.

105
00:04:36,199 --> 00:04:37,632
Remember that wedding?

106
00:04:37,634 --> 00:04:39,034
That's what I wanted to
show you with the karaoke.

107
00:04:39,036 --> 00:04:40,435
- Adam, Adam, Adam.
- The karaoke is...

108
00:04:40,437 --> 00:04:43,071
It sounds great, a-and I'm
sure you think you're cured,

109
00:04:43,073 --> 00:04:44,606
but yesterday,

110
00:04:44,608 --> 00:04:47,108
some moron drove their car
into the oil-changing pit,

111
00:04:47,110 --> 00:04:48,443
and I might have to go to a funeral.

112
00:04:48,445 --> 00:04:49,944
Well, I-I could pick up Mom and Dad.

113
00:04:49,946 --> 00:04:51,379
My car only has one passenger seat,

114
00:04:51,381 --> 00:04:52,647
but I could make two trips.

115
00:04:52,649 --> 00:04:55,142
And I know that sounds like
I'm counting, but I'm not.

116
00:04:55,148 --> 00:04:57,582
I'm just explaining.

117
00:04:57,618 --> 00:05:01,319
He wants to come pick
you up, one at a time.

118
00:05:01,758 --> 00:05:03,691
I think we should go.

119
00:05:03,693 --> 00:05:06,928
Why, so we can watch him
count sand for a weekend?

120
00:05:06,930 --> 00:05:08,997
If Dave's not going, I'm not going.

121
00:05:08,999 --> 00:05:10,698
Sorry, Adam. It's just
not gonna work out.

122
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:12,434
We'll have to reschedule.

123
00:05:12,436 --> 00:05:13,601
Okay.

124
00:05:18,075 --> 00:05:19,407
Oh.

125
00:05:19,409 --> 00:05:20,942
They were in my pocket the whole time.

126
00:05:20,944 --> 00:05:22,643
Anyway, enjoy.

127
00:05:25,949 --> 00:05:28,580
So, it looks like I'm gonna
have a family vacation

128
00:05:28,586 --> 00:05:29,872
all by myself.

129
00:05:29,878 --> 00:05:31,904
Hello. You look like a local.

130
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:34,518
A-Any tips on hot spots?

131
00:05:35,537 --> 00:05:37,152
Hello?

132
00:05:38,257 --> 00:05:39,790
Never mind.

133
00:05:43,433 --> 00:05:45,600
I'm not gonna say I'm not disappointed.

134
00:05:45,602 --> 00:05:47,022
I am.

135
00:05:48,238 --> 00:05:49,938
But I'm also worried.

136
00:05:49,940 --> 00:05:52,807
You see, part of my recovery
was revealing to my family

137
00:05:52,809 --> 00:05:55,877
what my big breakthrough was,
which wasn't gonna be easy.

138
00:05:55,879 --> 00:05:58,346
But up until now, the
excitement of doing so

139
00:05:58,348 --> 00:05:59,814
was keeping the counting at bay.

140
00:05:59,816 --> 00:06:01,483
But suddenly, I'm very aware of the fact

141
00:06:01,485 --> 00:06:04,953
that I've written 23 A's, 14 K's, 13 T's

142
00:06:04,955 --> 00:06:06,654
in the last 46 seconds.

143
00:06:06,656 --> 00:06:09,157
Not to mention the 27 birds
that have flown overhead.

144
00:06:09,159 --> 00:06:11,430
28 birds.

145
00:06:11,436 --> 00:06:13,695
And now I've written
the letter T 22 times.

146
00:06:13,697 --> 00:06:15,296
Actually, 32, 'cause every time

147
00:06:15,298 --> 00:06:16,631
I write something, it goes up.

148
00:06:16,633 --> 00:06:17,699
I'm up to 36.

149
00:06:17,701 --> 00:06:18,929
39. 41.

150
00:06:18,935 --> 00:06:20,547
42. 44.

151
00:06:24,736 --> 00:06:26,703
The next day, the counting
was getting worse,

152
00:06:26,721 --> 00:06:28,508
and I couldn't just sit
in your house all day

153
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:31,838
staring at 8 bottles of
sunscreen, 350 plastic cups,

154
00:06:31,844 --> 00:06:34,393
1,846 Cheez-Its,

155
00:06:34,399 --> 00:06:37,133
22 karaoke CDs, and 12 board games,

156
00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:39,702
which have a total of 811 pieces,

157
00:06:39,704 --> 00:06:42,018
so I decided to venture out for lunch.

158
00:06:42,024 --> 00:06:43,056
Just one?

159
00:06:43,062 --> 00:06:44,140
Always.

160
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:45,475
Is the bar okay?

161
00:06:45,477 --> 00:06:46,609
Sure.

162
00:06:46,611 --> 00:06:49,445
Did you used to live
up in the mountains?

163
00:06:50,548 --> 00:06:53,683
Water, you said? I'll be
right back with that.

164
00:06:53,685 --> 00:06:55,551
I was hoping that being
around some people

165
00:06:55,553 --> 00:06:57,666
would distract from the counting.

166
00:06:58,590 --> 00:07:00,723
But even though I was
surrounded by people,

167
00:07:00,725 --> 00:07:02,825
I was still alone.

168
00:07:02,827 --> 00:07:05,628
The bar's actually not okay.
May I sit at a table?

169
00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:15,071
One, two, three... Can I get a booth?

170
00:07:15,073 --> 00:07:16,405
I was spinning out of control,

171
00:07:16,407 --> 00:07:17,907
desperate for human interaction.

172
00:07:17,909 --> 00:07:19,041
I think you're wrong, honey.

173
00:07:19,043 --> 00:07:20,409
I know for a fact I'm right.

174
00:07:20,411 --> 00:07:22,178
I'd bet my new knees on it.

175
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,446
What's the name of the woman

176
00:07:23,448 --> 00:07:25,014
Gary Hart cheated on his wife with?

177
00:07:25,016 --> 00:07:26,215
Who's Gary Hart?

178
00:07:26,217 --> 00:07:27,884
Gary Hart was the front runner

179
00:07:27,886 --> 00:07:29,986
- of the Democratic nomination in 1988,
- _

180
00:07:29,988 --> 00:07:31,087
and her name was Debbie Rowland.

181
00:07:31,089 --> 00:07:32,321
- No, it wasn't.
- Yes.

182
00:07:32,323 --> 00:07:34,090
Debbie Rowland was my math teacher

183
00:07:34,092 --> 00:07:36,292
- in the seventh grade.
- Donna Rice!

184
00:07:36,294 --> 00:07:38,127
Rice.

185
00:07:38,129 --> 00:07:39,419
Thank you, sir.

186
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,792
Sure, anytime.

187
00:07:40,798 --> 00:07:42,598
I got a lot of info
in this old Google...

188
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:43,633
Noodle.

189
00:07:46,571 --> 00:07:48,104
What's his name?

190
00:07:48,106 --> 00:07:50,006
This is Clark, named after my uncle,

191
00:07:50,008 --> 00:07:52,424
who almost invented a cure for
psoriasis back in the '50s.

192
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,430
Oh, he is so cute.

193
00:07:54,436 --> 00:07:55,535
And big.

194
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:56,946
Ugh, tell me about it.

195
00:07:56,948 --> 00:07:59,348
He busted through my cooch
like the Kool-Aid Man.

196
00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:01,017
Oh, yeah?

197
00:08:01,019 --> 00:08:02,318
Okay.

198
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,853
I'm gonna go check my e-mails

199
00:08:03,855 --> 00:08:06,756
since somebody decided to
cancel the Internet at home

200
00:08:06,758 --> 00:08:08,124
because we have it at work.

201
00:08:08,126 --> 00:08:09,425
You're lucky I love you.

202
00:08:09,427 --> 00:08:11,093
Mm-hmm. Love you, too.

203
00:08:11,095 --> 00:08:12,595
Just trying to save up for our wedding.

204
00:08:12,597 --> 00:08:13,963
Can't afford to spend money on things

205
00:08:13,965 --> 00:08:15,498
we could be getting for free.

206
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:16,946
You don't hear me
complaining, and I have to

207
00:08:16,952 --> 00:08:19,235
jerk off at the library...
theoretically.

208
00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:21,771
As soon as I get some sleep,
that's where I'm gonna go.

209
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,507
Well, his first name isn't "Captain."

210
00:08:24,509 --> 00:08:26,242
That's his rank in the Navy.

211
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:27,877
Actually, Cap'n Crunch's full name

212
00:08:27,879 --> 00:08:30,271
is Horatio Magellan Crunch.

213
00:08:30,748 --> 00:08:32,348
The thought of making some friends

214
00:08:32,350 --> 00:08:33,849
started to distract me from counting,

215
00:08:33,851 --> 00:08:36,085
so I decided to step up my game.

216
00:08:36,087 --> 00:08:37,453
Psst!

217
00:08:37,455 --> 00:08:40,756
Can I have three orders
of the onion ring towers?

218
00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:45,027
Hey, Tommy. Can you put one of these up?

219
00:08:45,029 --> 00:08:46,796
Who's this?

220
00:08:46,798 --> 00:08:48,197
My buddy.

221
00:08:48,199 --> 00:08:49,865
He was smoking a joint in my van,

222
00:08:49,867 --> 00:08:51,133
and when I came back,

223
00:08:51,135 --> 00:08:53,169
the van was burned, and he was gone.

224
00:08:53,171 --> 00:08:55,071
I mean, I found some bones in the ashes,

225
00:08:55,073 --> 00:08:56,539
but I'm really hoping

226
00:08:56,541 --> 00:08:58,608
that was from the chicken I
was eating the other night.

227
00:08:58,610 --> 00:09:00,776
It's hard to tell though, you know.

228
00:09:00,778 --> 00:09:04,146
Eddie was a little guy, and
I did eat a whole bucket.

229
00:09:04,148 --> 00:09:06,749
I like the picture you drew...
Very Picasso.

230
00:09:06,751 --> 00:09:09,751
Thanks. Everyone keeps saying that.

231
00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:12,121
What does "Picasso" mean?

232
00:09:13,424 --> 00:09:14,701
I believe the actor you're thinking of

233
00:09:14,707 --> 00:09:16,626
is named Bob Balaban. Ooh!

234
00:09:16,628 --> 00:09:19,562
I did not expect there to
be this many onion rings.

235
00:09:19,564 --> 00:09:21,931
They look so much
smaller in the picture.

236
00:09:21,933 --> 00:09:23,466
I would hate to see these
puppies go to waste.

237
00:09:23,468 --> 00:09:24,667
You guys like onion rings?

238
00:09:24,669 --> 00:09:25,899
- Yeah.
- No. They're all right.

239
00:09:25,905 --> 00:09:29,313
Great. Probably be easier
to bring these over to you.

240
00:09:31,444 --> 00:09:34,345
Dig in, guys.

241
00:09:38,383 --> 00:09:39,582
Ah, someone getting the jump

242
00:09:39,584 --> 00:09:41,050
on some early Christmas shopping?

243
00:09:41,052 --> 00:09:42,585
Caught me.

244
00:09:42,587 --> 00:09:44,086
Don't forget. We got a $15 limit.

245
00:09:44,088 --> 00:09:46,188
Plus, you've already given
me the best gift ever.

246
00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:47,556
Speaking of which,

247
00:09:47,558 --> 00:09:49,091
he smells like shit, and
we're out of diapers.

248
00:09:49,093 --> 00:09:51,093
Okay. Yep. I'll be right out there.

249
00:09:51,095 --> 00:09:53,062
Okay, remember, $15 limit.

250
00:09:53,064 --> 00:09:54,297
The challenge is half the fun.

251
00:09:57,635 --> 00:09:59,335
So, it was supposed to
be a family vacation.

252
00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:00,603
It's a shame they had to cancel.

253
00:10:00,605 --> 00:10:02,405
I brought a ton of food and board games.

254
00:10:02,407 --> 00:10:04,273
All Lew brought was a deck of cards.

255
00:10:04,275 --> 00:10:06,208
If I play Crazy Eights one more time,

256
00:10:06,210 --> 00:10:08,520
I'm gonna go crazy.

257
00:10:08,526 --> 00:10:09,892
That's hilarious.

258
00:10:09,898 --> 00:10:11,847
No, it's not. Please
don't encourage her.

259
00:10:11,849 --> 00:10:14,050
Look, you guys are letting
me crash your lunch.

260
00:10:14,052 --> 00:10:15,518
Can I get another place setting?

261
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,020
The least I could do is have
you over for game night.

262
00:10:18,022 --> 00:10:19,144
- Sure.
- Sure.

263
00:10:20,291 --> 00:10:21,424
Did I get it?

264
00:10:21,426 --> 00:10:23,633
- Nope, still there. I'll get it.
- All right.

265
00:10:26,597 --> 00:10:28,130
Jesus. How much stuff is in there?

266
00:10:28,132 --> 00:10:29,357
Mm!

267
00:10:29,363 --> 00:10:31,133
Ah! Got it.

268
00:10:33,408 --> 00:10:36,155
An interested itting
the chicken pot pie?

269
00:10:42,654 --> 00:10:43,729
Hey, you made it!

270
00:10:43,735 --> 00:10:45,501
- Hi!
- I'm thirsty.

271
00:10:46,277 --> 00:10:48,944
Wow! Nice place.

272
00:10:48,946 --> 00:10:50,312
Thanks, so let's kick off

273
00:10:50,314 --> 00:10:52,148
this fun-filled game night
with some Monopoly.

274
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:54,550
I call the thimble. 48 dimples.

275
00:10:54,552 --> 00:10:56,652
Is that a karaoke machine?

276
00:10:56,654 --> 00:10:59,288
Yeah, I rented it for me and my family.

277
00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:01,056
My parents love karaoke.

278
00:11:01,058 --> 00:11:02,296
- Really?
- Oh.

279
00:11:02,302 --> 00:11:03,768
I took it up recently, but I, uh...

280
00:11:03,774 --> 00:11:05,161
I find it very rewarding.

281
00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:07,696
- Can we use it?
- Sure.

282
00:11:07,698 --> 00:11:10,566
Well, in... in fact, wo-wo-would
you mind if I went first?

283
00:11:10,568 --> 00:11:13,202
See, I-I was planning on
telling my family something,

284
00:11:13,204 --> 00:11:14,804
and karaoke is part of it.

285
00:11:14,806 --> 00:11:16,472
I've been rehearsing
alone in my apartment,

286
00:11:16,474 --> 00:11:18,374
but it would be great to
get some real practice

287
00:11:18,376 --> 00:11:19,742
in front of someone other than

288
00:11:19,744 --> 00:11:21,610
the random people I
have paused on my TV.

289
00:11:21,612 --> 00:11:23,512
- Oh.
- Sounds great.

290
00:11:23,514 --> 00:11:26,344
- Sure.
- Seriously?

291
00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:27,883
Oh, man.

292
00:11:28,152 --> 00:11:29,785
This is gonna be great.

293
00:11:29,787 --> 00:11:31,353
This is gonna be really good.

294
00:11:31,355 --> 00:11:32,855
I'll be right back, guys.

295
00:11:45,074 --> 00:11:47,837
All right. Go ahead and hit play!

296
00:12:04,114 --> 00:12:07,496
? Her hair is Harlow gold ?

297
00:12:08,321 --> 00:12:11,681
? Her lips sweet surprise ?

298
00:12:12,763 --> 00:12:16,020
? Her hands are never cold ?

299
00:12:16,734 --> 00:12:19,201
? She's got Bette Davis eyes ?

300
00:12:19,203 --> 00:12:22,655
? She'll turn the music on you ?

301
00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:27,140
? You won't have to think twice ?

302
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:31,358
? She's pure as New York snow ?

303
00:12:31,407 --> 00:12:34,842
? She's got Bette Davis eyes ?

304
00:12:34,848 --> 00:12:37,215
Whoo!

305
00:12:37,221 --> 00:12:39,288
? And she'll tease you ?

306
00:12:39,294 --> 00:12:41,461
? She'll unease you ?

307
00:12:41,626 --> 00:12:45,641
? All the better just to please you ?

308
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:49,961
? She's precocious and she knows just ?

309
00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:54,503
? What it takes to make a pro blush ?

310
00:12:54,505 --> 00:12:58,807
? She's got Greta Garbo
stand-off sighs ?

311
00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:02,850
? She's got Bette Davis eyes ?

312
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:07,249
What do you think?

313
00:13:07,251 --> 00:13:08,884
I-It's good.

314
00:13:08,886 --> 00:13:10,619
It's... good.

315
00:13:10,621 --> 00:13:12,788
Your singing is a little out of tune.

316
00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:15,624
I-I-I know I'm not the
best singer, but...

317
00:13:15,626 --> 00:13:17,526
You're not a very beautiful lady.

318
00:13:17,528 --> 00:13:19,382
Oh, well, maybe I'm not
your type. Not that I'm gay,

319
00:13:19,388 --> 00:13:21,488
because that's not what
this is about. Listen...

320
00:13:21,494 --> 00:13:23,933
My brother is a ladyboy.
He's much prettier.

321
00:13:23,935 --> 00:13:26,035
Okay, you made it clear how
you feel about my looks.

322
00:13:26,037 --> 00:13:27,491
Okay, that's fine.

323
00:13:27,497 --> 00:13:30,039
I will say, I do usually
have a little bit more time

324
00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:31,707
to put on the makeup, but that's...

325
00:13:31,709 --> 00:13:35,477
Look, I used to compulsively
count things, okay?

326
00:13:35,479 --> 00:13:37,680
And I tried everything to stop,

327
00:13:37,682 --> 00:13:40,716
a-and it wasn't until I
did some soul-searching

328
00:13:40,718 --> 00:13:43,385
that I realized, ever since
I was eight years old,

329
00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:45,487
I had the desire to dress like a woman.

330
00:13:45,489 --> 00:13:47,156
And it was something
I had no control over,

331
00:13:47,158 --> 00:13:50,159
and subconsciously, that
lack of control scared me.

332
00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:51,493
But then I found something

333
00:13:51,495 --> 00:13:53,095
I did have control over... Counting.

334
00:13:53,097 --> 00:13:56,198
One, you know, it made me
feel like I was in charge.

335
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,601
A-And two, when it was the only
thing I was thinking about,

336
00:13:58,603 --> 00:14:00,269
I didn't have to wrestle
with other thoughts,

337
00:14:00,271 --> 00:14:01,837
like, you know...

338
00:14:01,839 --> 00:14:03,939
who would love me for who I really am?

339
00:14:05,509 --> 00:14:07,376
So, once you dressed up like a woman,

340
00:14:07,378 --> 00:14:09,712
- you stopped counting?
- It didn't completely stop

341
00:14:09,714 --> 00:14:11,247
until I decided to tell my family.

342
00:14:11,253 --> 00:14:13,916
But then, once they
canceled, it started again.

343
00:14:13,918 --> 00:14:15,618
But then, when I decided
to tell you guys,

344
00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:17,453
I-I was cured again.

345
00:14:17,455 --> 00:14:19,722
Although I... I have to admit,

346
00:14:19,724 --> 00:14:21,824
I-I'm not quite sure how
you feel about this yet,

347
00:14:21,826 --> 00:14:23,359
and I am fighting the urge

348
00:14:23,361 --> 00:14:26,272
to get a tally of the moles
on the back of William's neck.

349
00:14:26,645 --> 00:14:29,198
So I-I-I'm gonna need
some feedback here.

350
00:14:29,481 --> 00:14:31,567
Are you freaked out?

351
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:41,143
? She'll expose you ?

352
00:14:41,145 --> 00:14:43,245
? When you snows you ?

353
00:14:43,247 --> 00:14:47,549
? Off your feet with the
crumbs she throws you ?

354
00:14:47,551 --> 00:14:51,520
? She's ferocious and she knows just ?

355
00:14:51,522 --> 00:14:55,903
? What it takes to make a pro blush ?

356
00:14:56,961 --> 00:15:00,429
? All the boys think she's a spy ?

357
00:15:00,431 --> 00:15:05,731
? She's got Bette Davis eyes ?

358
00:15:17,748 --> 00:15:20,438
? She'll expose you ?

359
00:15:22,253 --> 00:15:25,642
? When she snows you ?

360
00:15:26,457 --> 00:15:29,324
? And she knows you ?

361
00:15:29,330 --> 00:15:34,709
? She's got Bette Davis eyes ?

362
00:15:38,903 --> 00:15:40,536
Oh, shit.

363
00:15:48,813 --> 00:15:50,346
What...

364
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,425
What are you guys doing here?

365
00:15:52,427 --> 00:15:55,377
The guy who took the Mazda Miata
to the forehead pulled through.

366
00:15:55,983 --> 00:15:57,486
What the hell's going on?

367
00:15:57,492 --> 00:15:59,612
Look, uh, this isn't the
way I wanted you guys...

368
00:15:59,618 --> 00:16:01,518
Why are you dressed like Aunt Peg?

369
00:16:01,524 --> 00:16:03,202
This is instead of counting.

370
00:16:03,204 --> 00:16:05,077
See, my psychiatrist said that...

371
00:16:05,093 --> 00:16:06,793
God damn it. This is all out of order.

372
00:16:06,795 --> 00:16:08,027
See, I-I-I wanted you guys

373
00:16:08,029 --> 00:16:09,662
to see that I wasn't counting anymore.

374
00:16:09,664 --> 00:16:12,198
Then we would play board
games like a normal family,

375
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,634
a-a-and then I would show you all this.

376
00:16:14,636 --> 00:16:16,669
This... This is just practice.

377
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,070
Who are the Japanese people?

378
00:16:18,072 --> 00:16:19,806
- They're you guys.
- We're Chinese.

379
00:16:19,808 --> 00:16:21,307
Okay, not now, Beth. Thank you.

380
00:16:21,309 --> 00:16:23,840
- I think I'm gonna throw up.
- No, no, no, no, Mom.

381
00:16:23,846 --> 00:16:26,312
See, you're freaking out
thinking I have two weird things.

382
00:16:26,314 --> 00:16:27,346
I don't.

383
00:16:27,348 --> 00:16:29,015
No more counting, just cross-dressing,

384
00:16:29,017 --> 00:16:31,184
and it's not even weird.
Plenty of people do it.

385
00:16:31,186 --> 00:16:32,785
William's brother is a ladyboy.

386
00:16:32,787 --> 00:16:34,020
He's a lot prettier.

387
00:16:34,022 --> 00:16:36,255
Okay, you made that
clear, William. Thank you.

388
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,094
We should go.

389
00:16:38,326 --> 00:16:39,492
Okay.

390
00:16:39,494 --> 00:16:41,561
Well, thanks for hanging out, you guys.

391
00:16:41,563 --> 00:16:43,262
You crushed it at karaoke.

392
00:16:43,264 --> 00:16:45,164
Seriously, you crushed it!

393
00:16:45,166 --> 00:16:46,799
All right, let me explain again.

394
00:16:46,801 --> 00:16:49,268
You don't have to explain. We get it.

395
00:16:49,270 --> 00:16:52,004
You either have to count
like a mental patient

396
00:16:52,006 --> 00:16:54,674
or dress up like a woman...
One or the other, right?

397
00:16:54,676 --> 00:16:56,063
Basically, but...

398
00:16:56,069 --> 00:16:57,143
I vote for counting.

399
00:16:57,145 --> 00:16:59,412
- Counting.
- Counting.

400
00:17:08,891 --> 00:17:10,590
Okay.

401
00:17:10,925 --> 00:17:13,757
Well, give me a sec to
take this stuff off.

402
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,268
Mom, would you please
help me with my girdle?

403
00:17:22,270 --> 00:17:25,289
It has six snaps and three ribbons.

404
00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:28,701
That's my boy.

405
00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:34,313
... 805, 806, 807...

406
00:17:34,315 --> 00:17:36,015
- Adam, it's your turn.
- Just a second.

407
00:17:36,017 --> 00:17:37,840
Somebody spilled some
sugar on the counter.

408
00:17:37,846 --> 00:17:40,152
... 807, 808, 809...

409
00:17:40,154 --> 00:17:43,085
Just take his piece off the board.

410
00:17:48,903 --> 00:17:50,443
- Hey.
- Hey.

411
00:17:50,449 --> 00:17:51,998
We're getting ready to head home,

412
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,267
but I wanted to say goodbye.

413
00:17:54,269 --> 00:17:56,135
Oh, well, we don't leave till tomorrow.

414
00:17:56,137 --> 00:18:00,940
23 hours, 17 minutes, 43 seconds
until we need to check out.

415
00:18:00,942 --> 00:18:02,308
Nice shirt, by the way.

416
00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:05,854
24 palm trees, 7 buttons,
16 bunches of bananas.

417
00:18:06,714 --> 00:18:07,947
17.

418
00:18:07,949 --> 00:18:10,233
Yeah. O-Okay, uh, thanks.

419
00:18:10,239 --> 00:18:11,772
18.

420
00:18:11,953 --> 00:18:16,055
Adam, my parents and
I really like you...

421
00:18:16,057 --> 00:18:18,101
Everything about you.

422
00:18:18,107 --> 00:18:20,107
We were talking, and...

423
00:18:20,113 --> 00:18:22,080
Look, we're going skiing
in a couple months,

424
00:18:22,086 --> 00:18:25,454
and if you want to come with
us, we'd love to have you.

425
00:18:25,533 --> 00:18:27,800
Maybe it's time you
hung out with a family

426
00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:30,202
who accepts you for who you are.

427
00:18:32,006 --> 00:18:35,354
Huh. I have a family who
accepts me for who I am.

428
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:36,993
I'm a counter.

429
00:18:38,846 --> 00:18:40,479
That weirdo just asked me

430
00:18:40,481 --> 00:18:42,048
to be a part of his family.

431
00:18:42,050 --> 00:18:43,883
I'm not even Chinese.

432
00:18:43,885 --> 00:18:45,351
Ooh.

433
00:18:50,841 --> 00:18:53,492
? Every once in a while ?

434
00:18:53,494 --> 00:18:56,162
? You won't have to think twice ?

435
00:18:56,164 --> 00:18:58,998
? Won't need no third opinion ?

436
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,400
? Or forthcoming advice ?

437
00:19:01,402 --> 00:19:03,135
? No, you'll plead the fifth ?

438
00:19:03,137 --> 00:19:04,804
? And won't get tricked ?

439
00:19:04,806 --> 00:19:08,888
? Get kicked out, or 86'd ?

440
00:19:10,078 --> 00:19:12,445
? When the shoe just don't fit ?

441
00:19:12,447 --> 00:19:15,183
? You gotta make a little change ?

442
00:19:16,985 --> 00:19:21,829
? Quit feeling that same old shame ?

443
00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:25,702
? Stop playing that waiting game ?

444
00:19:27,261 --> 00:19:31,783
? Oh, welcome, honey,
to the golden age ?

445
00:19:33,167 --> 00:19:37,449
? Of lettin' tiger out the cage ?

446
00:19:38,439 --> 00:19:41,273
? They call you a four,
but you're so much more ?

447
00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:43,776
? 10 out of 10, if I'm keeping score ?

448
00:19:43,778 --> 00:19:46,512
? So, if you're sore down in your core ?

449
00:19:46,514 --> 00:19:49,900
? You gotta show 'em
what you're all about ?

450
00:19:51,052 --> 00:19:56,422
? Quit feeling that same old shame ?

451
00:19:56,424 --> 00:20:00,085
? Stop playing that waiting game ?

452
00:20:01,411 --> 00:20:06,850
? Oh, welcome, honey,
to the golden age ?

453
00:20:07,268 --> 00:20:11,303
? Of lettin' the tiger out the cage ?

454
00:20:11,305 --> 00:20:12,671
? Whoo, ooh, ooh ?

455
00:20:12,673 --> 00:20:15,441
? You keep trying to
show these bitches ?

456
00:20:15,443 --> 00:20:18,177
? Third time's the charm
if you're superstitious ?

457
00:20:18,179 --> 00:20:20,613
? So blow that cash and
blow them kisses ?

458
00:20:20,615 --> 00:20:24,617
? While you're rolling
dice and hitting sixes ?

459
00:20:26,387 --> 00:20:29,588
Hi. I'm here to pick up the
key of Bare Feet Retreat.

460
00:20:29,590 --> 00:20:31,578
I don't know if you remember me.

461
00:20:31,584 --> 00:20:33,165
Oh, I remember you.

462
00:20:33,171 --> 00:20:34,897
- Do I remember you.
- Shit!

463
00:20:34,903 --> 00:20:36,562
Yeah, last time you rented the house,

464
00:20:36,564 --> 00:20:38,564
I had to re-hang all the pictures.

465
00:20:38,566 --> 00:20:40,499
I'm still getting sand
out of the knickknacks,

466
00:20:40,501 --> 00:20:42,501
and half the spoons were gone.

467
00:20:42,503 --> 00:20:44,603
It's not easy finding
matching spoons, okay?

468
00:20:44,605 --> 00:20:47,206
And in fact, they won't truly
match until the new ones

469
00:20:47,208 --> 00:20:49,745
lose their shine and muster up a patina.

470
00:20:49,842 --> 00:20:52,443
No parties this time, I hope.

471
00:20:58,763 --> 00:21:01,283
No parties. I promise.

472
00:21:02,799 --> 00:21:07,069
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -

