1 00:00:24,753 --> 00:00:26,793 My phone is moving slow as shit. 2 00:00:26,822 --> 00:00:28,072 Is it? 'Cause mine's 3 00:00:28,097 --> 00:00:29,941 - going super slow, too. Yeah. - Really? 4 00:00:29,966 --> 00:00:32,065 I heard if you just do the new software update, 5 00:00:32,090 --> 00:00:34,002 - then everything moves faster. - There's a new update? 6 00:00:34,027 --> 00:00:35,838 Yeah, yeah. Just go to settings. 7 00:00:35,863 --> 00:00:37,361 - Is that the little gear thing? - And then... Yep. 8 00:00:37,386 --> 00:00:38,728 And then just click update. 9 00:00:38,753 --> 00:00:40,189 How long's it gonna take? 10 00:00:40,228 --> 00:00:42,040 Says 30 minutes. 11 00:00:42,071 --> 00:00:43,759 - What? -What?! - What? 12 00:00:43,784 --> 00:00:45,883 What are we gonna do without our phones for 30 minutes? 13 00:00:45,908 --> 00:00:47,686 We don't need the phones. 14 00:00:47,710 --> 00:00:50,454 Maybe... What if we just kick back 15 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:52,390 and remember some of the good old days? 16 00:00:52,414 --> 00:00:53,981 No. What? 17 00:00:54,006 --> 00:00:55,676 No, no, no, no. Come on, what are you talking about? 18 00:00:55,701 --> 00:00:57,169 Look, we can think of something to do. 19 00:00:57,194 --> 00:00:59,817 - I don't know, it does sound kind of fun. - That's what you do 20 00:00:59,842 --> 00:01:01,181 when you start getting old. 21 00:01:01,206 --> 00:01:02,884 You know, you start reliving the glory days 22 00:01:02,908 --> 00:01:04,505 'cause you can't think of anything new to do. 23 00:01:04,530 --> 00:01:06,560 Do you remember the time that I sewed myself 24 00:01:06,585 --> 00:01:08,055 into the couch naked? 25 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,995 - Yes. Remember? - Yes. 26 00:01:10,020 --> 00:01:11,726 Great, now you've... 27 00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:14,028 What in the hell? 28 00:01:15,356 --> 00:01:18,405 - Jesus Christ! - God! God! 29 00:01:19,308 --> 00:01:20,911 - No. - What is happening? 30 00:01:21,402 --> 00:01:22,453 Can't breathe. 31 00:01:22,478 --> 00:01:23,755 - Too hot. - Why are you naked, Frank? 32 00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:26,813 - It was too hot. Leather couch. - Okay. But did you hear? 33 00:01:26,838 --> 00:01:29,005 - She called you an asshole. -She called you an asshole, Frank. 34 00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:31,011 No air. No air. 35 00:01:31,036 --> 00:01:34,192 - Air! Air! - God! 36 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:39,018 _ 37 00:01:39,042 --> 00:01:47,042 credits 38 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:05,751 I was running down the street. 39 00:02:05,776 --> 00:02:08,410 I was, I was naked. I didn't feel the cold. 40 00:02:08,536 --> 00:02:10,169 I-I was just sweating bullets. 41 00:02:10,194 --> 00:02:11,267 - You were soaking. - Slimy. 42 00:02:11,292 --> 00:02:13,617 And the way you tell that, it's like I was there. 43 00:02:13,642 --> 00:02:16,357 - And I was not there. I was not there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 44 00:02:16,382 --> 00:02:17,926 We were there, and it was like that. -Hey, guys. 45 00:02:17,950 --> 00:02:20,220 Yeah, we were there. Guys, guys, what about this memory? 46 00:02:24,076 --> 00:02:26,653 - What is that? What is that from? - What are you doing? 47 00:02:26,724 --> 00:02:28,310 Um, can I ask you a question? 48 00:02:29,311 --> 00:02:30,622 You're just doing a bad accent? 49 00:02:30,647 --> 00:02:31,811 - What, what...? -That's not... No? - Yeah. 50 00:02:31,836 --> 00:02:33,498 - That's not really a memory. - You're remembering the time 51 00:02:33,523 --> 00:02:35,123 you burned a Mexican's house down? 52 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,045 No, no, not that one. I was doing a character. 53 00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:39,217 I was thinking we could remember all my hilarious characters 54 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,983 - that I've created. - You've never had any. 55 00:02:41,008 --> 00:02:43,069 Now, hang on a second. You've created characters? 56 00:02:43,094 --> 00:02:44,522 What are you talking about? 57 00:02:44,547 --> 00:02:47,215 Y-You don't remember Taiwan Tammy? 58 00:02:47,613 --> 00:02:49,090 - My goodness. - You can't do that. 59 00:02:49,114 --> 00:02:51,026 - We decided that isn't funny anymore. - You can't... 60 00:02:51,050 --> 00:02:52,344 - No, that's right. -As a society. - All right. 61 00:02:52,368 --> 00:02:55,147 Well, what about my Saint Patrick's Day? The... 62 00:02:55,172 --> 00:02:56,358 I'm Crazy Pad... 63 00:02:59,155 --> 00:02:59,950 Yes! 64 00:02:59,975 --> 00:03:01,519 Wow. That was hilarious. - Wow. 65 00:03:02,209 --> 00:03:03,201 That was funny. 66 00:03:03,568 --> 00:03:05,012 - Ooh, ooh, guys! I got an idea. - Ooh! 67 00:03:05,037 --> 00:03:06,498 Why don't we remember all the times 68 00:03:06,523 --> 00:03:08,358 - that Dee's gotten hurt. - No. What? What? 69 00:03:08,383 --> 00:03:10,123 I'm not doing that, okay? No. 70 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,225 I-It's too late. I'm already remembering it. 71 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,928 Holy shi... 72 00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:21,201 I found the kittens. 73 00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:23,427 Come on! 74 00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,772 I wanted to... 75 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,030 Upsy-daisy. 76 00:03:42,478 --> 00:03:43,844 You guys are exaggerating. 77 00:03:43,869 --> 00:03:45,413 You weren't even there for half of that. 78 00:03:45,437 --> 00:03:47,182 It's just how we remember it, Dee. I mean... 79 00:03:47,206 --> 00:03:49,694 You can't, you can't beat physical comedy memories. 80 00:03:49,719 --> 00:03:51,061 - They're timeless. - Yeah, yeah. 81 00:03:51,086 --> 00:03:52,280 You know what? Let's remember 82 00:03:52,305 --> 00:03:53,872 all, like, the classic times. 83 00:03:53,897 --> 00:03:56,295 - You know, like, the best of the best. - Yeah. 84 00:03:58,463 --> 00:04:00,897 Well, hello, and Merry Christmas. 85 00:04:01,913 --> 00:04:03,647 So, where's your little one?. 86 00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:08,456 You're a big boy, aren't you? 87 00:04:10,143 --> 00:04:11,303 Is he? 88 00:04:11,935 --> 00:04:13,014 I got this one. 89 00:04:13,315 --> 00:04:17,287 So, son, what would you like for Christmas? 90 00:04:19,387 --> 00:04:21,286 Did you fuck my mom? 91 00:04:22,181 --> 00:04:23,247 What? 92 00:04:24,295 --> 00:04:26,128 Did you fuck... 93 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,920 my mom? 94 00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:31,756 What do you mean? I... 95 00:04:31,781 --> 00:04:33,544 Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus? 96 00:04:33,569 --> 00:04:35,170 Did you fuck my mom? 97 00:04:35,195 --> 00:04:36,514 - No, I... - Did you fuck her? 98 00:04:36,539 --> 00:04:38,545 - No, I... - Did you fuck my fucking mom? 99 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,092 Did you fuck my mom, Santa?! 100 00:04:41,443 --> 00:04:42,642 He's biting my neck! 101 00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:43,933 Wait, you're gonna kill him! 102 00:04:43,958 --> 00:04:46,108 - He's biting my neck! - You're gonna kill Santa Claus! 103 00:04:46,133 --> 00:04:48,209 Brakes. No. Guys, why aren't the brakes working? 104 00:04:48,234 --> 00:04:51,397 Because I cut the brakes. Wild card, bitches! 105 00:04:53,865 --> 00:04:55,397 - What? Charlie! - What?! 106 00:04:55,422 --> 00:04:57,956 - Seriously? What?! - Abort! Abort! Abort! 107 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:02,397 You want to maybe put this divider up? 108 00:05:02,422 --> 00:05:05,467 Well, no. We don't want to exclude a great man like Frank 109 00:05:05,492 --> 00:05:07,108 from the conversa... 110 00:05:08,420 --> 00:05:09,522 My God! 111 00:05:09,547 --> 00:05:11,740 - Call 911! - No, it's okay. 112 00:05:12,252 --> 00:05:13,709 I have a touch of consumption. 113 00:05:18,639 --> 00:05:20,186 - That seems really dark. - No, no, it's not dark. 114 00:05:20,211 --> 00:05:21,655 - You're misunderstanding me, bro. Okay? -I-I... 115 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:22,717 - I think I am. - Yeah, you are. 116 00:05:22,742 --> 00:05:24,178 Because if the girl said no, then the answer, 117 00:05:24,203 --> 00:05:25,264 - obviously, is no. - No. 118 00:05:25,289 --> 00:05:26,990 - Right. -But the thing is is she's not gonna say no. 119 00:05:27,015 --> 00:05:29,256 She would never say no because of the implication. 120 00:05:32,076 --> 00:05:34,873 Now, you... you've said that word "implication" 121 00:05:34,898 --> 00:05:37,506 a couple of times. W-What implication? 122 00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:39,920 The implication that things might go wrong for her 123 00:05:39,945 --> 00:05:41,578 if she refuses to sleep with me. 124 00:05:41,603 --> 00:05:43,873 Now, not that things are gonna go wrong for her, 125 00:05:43,898 --> 00:05:46,177 - but she's thinking that they will. - Are you gonna hurt women? 126 00:05:46,202 --> 00:05:47,579 - I'm not gonna hurt these women. - Okay. 127 00:05:47,604 --> 00:05:49,248 - Why would I ever hurt these women? - I don't know. 128 00:05:49,273 --> 00:05:50,917 - I feel like you're not getting this at all. - I'm not getting it. 129 00:05:50,942 --> 00:05:53,819 I am gonna punch a hole through your face. 130 00:05:54,449 --> 00:05:56,592 I'd like to see you try that. 131 00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,701 I don't feel we're reading as eagles. 132 00:05:59,328 --> 00:06:01,695 No, bro. We look like assholes. 133 00:06:01,891 --> 00:06:03,669 They didn't turn out the way that I had envisioned. 134 00:06:03,694 --> 00:06:05,654 I'm getting more of a chicken vibe. 135 00:06:07,082 --> 00:06:08,481 Hey, Dee. 136 00:06:11,242 --> 00:06:13,004 You know, you and me palling around. 137 00:06:13,302 --> 00:06:16,037 Getting nuts. Doing crazy... 138 00:06:16,062 --> 00:06:17,740 I'm not doing any kind of things 139 00:06:17,765 --> 00:06:19,553 that you want me to do with you, Uncle Jack. 140 00:06:19,578 --> 00:06:21,044 And action. 141 00:06:21,069 --> 00:06:22,309 I'll read the words you wrote. 142 00:06:22,547 --> 00:06:24,180 "Hello, fellow American. 143 00:06:24,219 --> 00:06:26,086 "This you should vote me. 144 00:06:26,111 --> 00:06:28,378 "I leave power. Good. 145 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,030 Thank you." 146 00:06:30,055 --> 00:06:31,280 Thank you. 147 00:06:31,488 --> 00:06:34,108 "Taxes, they'll be lower... son. 148 00:06:34,473 --> 00:06:37,201 "The Democratic vote for me is right thing to do, 149 00:06:37,226 --> 00:06:39,959 Philadelphia, so do." 150 00:06:39,984 --> 00:06:41,998 I'm gonna gun this car as fast as it goes 151 00:06:42,023 --> 00:06:43,280 directly into that wall. 152 00:06:43,305 --> 00:06:45,858 The last possible second, we jump out to safety, 153 00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:47,459 and we're dead to the world. 154 00:06:47,484 --> 00:06:49,513 Okeydokey. Good luck with that. 155 00:06:49,538 --> 00:06:50,937 Wait, where are you going, dude? 156 00:06:51,748 --> 00:06:54,140 Well, I'm gonna... I'm gonna watch you do it. 157 00:06:54,165 --> 00:06:56,177 - No, we need to do it together. - I'm not really doing anything. 158 00:06:56,202 --> 00:06:58,013 Well, yes, you are, Charlie. You're here for moral support 159 00:06:58,038 --> 00:06:59,549 - on top of that. -I know, but if no one's actually seeing us 160 00:06:59,574 --> 00:07:00,709 jump out of the car, whatever, it's not exciting. 161 00:07:00,734 --> 00:07:01,983 Well, it's... We're gonna kill ourselves together. 162 00:07:02,008 --> 00:07:03,650 - I'm gonna watch you. All right. - Get out, get out, get out! 163 00:07:03,675 --> 00:07:04,944 I'll do it myself. Get out! 164 00:07:04,969 --> 00:07:06,413 The whole thing's really better without me anyway, Mac. 165 00:07:06,438 --> 00:07:07,701 I'm telling you, it's gonna be great without me. 166 00:07:07,726 --> 00:07:11,015 - All right, buddy, good luck. - Pussy. 167 00:07:21,921 --> 00:07:22,896 Mac?! 168 00:07:22,921 --> 00:07:23,981 Holy shit, dude! 169 00:07:24,006 --> 00:07:25,171 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 170 00:07:25,196 --> 00:07:26,491 - Why didn't you jump out? - I'm okay. 171 00:07:44,910 --> 00:07:46,621 Hey, dude, I can't... I-I can't... 172 00:07:46,646 --> 00:07:48,272 I can't do any of this shit anymore. 173 00:07:48,297 --> 00:07:49,874 - Okay? I'm... I'm leaving. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 174 00:07:49,983 --> 00:07:51,528 No, hold on a second. You can't just leave. 175 00:07:51,553 --> 00:07:52,858 - Dennis. - Yeah, dude. What-what about us? 176 00:07:52,883 --> 00:07:54,444 I mean, what about... what about the bar? 177 00:07:54,469 --> 00:07:55,921 Good-bye, Paddy's Pub. 178 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,499 Good-bye, Philadelphia. Good-bye, Charlie. 179 00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:00,858 Mac, Dee, Frank. 180 00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:03,694 The bar is done. 181 00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:08,515 Good-bye, Philadelphia. 182 00:08:10,561 --> 00:08:12,980 Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. What...? 183 00:08:13,004 --> 00:08:14,351 - What the hell was that? - Yeah. 184 00:08:14,376 --> 00:08:15,765 What was that? I am not an ostrich. 185 00:08:15,790 --> 00:08:17,334 Yeah. No, no, no, that's not what I'm talking about. 186 00:08:17,359 --> 00:08:18,991 I'm talking about the last memory 187 00:08:19,016 --> 00:08:20,827 where Mac turned the lights off to the bar. 188 00:08:21,405 --> 00:08:22,757 Yeah, what about it? 189 00:08:23,475 --> 00:08:25,691 Well, that never happened. I-I turned the lights off. 190 00:08:25,882 --> 00:08:27,163 No, that's not how I remember it. 191 00:08:27,188 --> 00:08:29,108 No, Mac, that's not what happened. 192 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,578 - Yeah, thank you, Dee. - Pretty sure I turned the lights off. 193 00:08:31,702 --> 00:08:33,577 Right. Yes, it was you, and then I flipped them back on. 194 00:08:33,602 --> 00:08:35,447 Yeah. Yeah, and I was like, "No! Get him out here. 195 00:08:35,472 --> 00:08:36,702 - Let him go." -Yeah, actually, we did a great bit. 196 00:08:36,727 --> 00:08:37,616 We're like... 197 00:08:38,741 --> 00:08:40,585 No, no. Wait, wait. No, guys. No, remember? 198 00:08:40,610 --> 00:08:41,811 I quit the bar, 199 00:08:41,836 --> 00:08:43,624 I moved to North Dakota, and I shut the lights off. 200 00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:45,132 Wait. You went to North Dakota? 201 00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:47,124 I don't remember Dennis leaving. 202 00:08:47,149 --> 00:08:49,272 Wait. No. Goddamn it. Come on, guys. 203 00:08:49,341 --> 00:08:51,508 The... Look, this is how it went down, okay? 204 00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:52,968 Good-bye, Paddy's Pub. 205 00:08:53,768 --> 00:08:55,710 Good-bye, Philadelphia. Good-bye, Charlie. 206 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:58,022 Mac, Dee, Frank. 207 00:08:59,257 --> 00:09:00,500 The bar is done. 208 00:09:02,593 --> 00:09:03,632 So, go! 209 00:09:04,331 --> 00:09:05,569 Stop sucking and go. 210 00:09:05,594 --> 00:09:06,882 Stop sucking and go. 211 00:09:07,123 --> 00:09:08,483 Stop sucking and go. 212 00:09:08,508 --> 00:09:10,069 - So was, sneaking that... - No. 213 00:09:10,094 --> 00:09:11,765 - Yeah. I told you. Yeah, wasn't that good? - Yeah, right. 214 00:09:11,790 --> 00:09:12,968 Okay, now, see, 215 00:09:12,993 --> 00:09:15,085 now you're infecting my memory with your memory, 216 00:09:15,110 --> 00:09:17,382 and I can't even remember my own life correctly. 217 00:09:17,407 --> 00:09:19,015 - Yeah. -I think you are remembering it right. 218 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,335 - Yeah. -It was a pretty good pick now that I remember it. 219 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,827 Guys, no, can we not do this? 220 00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:23,929 Can we not start messing with each other's memories? 221 00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:27,220 Okay? Distorting facts, like, basically changes history. 222 00:09:27,245 --> 00:09:28,827 You know what? It's like fake news, you know? 223 00:09:28,852 --> 00:09:30,897 And then, all of a sudden, nobody knows what the truth is, 224 00:09:30,922 --> 00:09:32,866 and facts don't matter. Guys, it's a slippery slope. 225 00:09:32,891 --> 00:09:34,290 Okay, okay, you know what? 226 00:09:34,421 --> 00:09:35,616 Fine. Let's try to remember something 227 00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,593 we all know for sure happened like, um... 228 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,663 like The Nightman Cometh. 229 00:09:40,687 --> 00:09:43,333 _ 230 00:09:43,357 --> 00:09:46,761 _ 231 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:47,965 _ 232 00:09:47,989 --> 00:09:50,213 _ 233 00:09:50,238 --> 00:09:51,682 What the hell was that? 234 00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:53,915 - What was that? - I'm just remembering 235 00:09:53,939 --> 00:09:56,136 when I-I told Mac I was gonna cut the song. 236 00:09:56,161 --> 00:09:58,097 Right, but why was that memory in a different language? 237 00:09:58,122 --> 00:09:59,824 Shit. You know what's happening? 238 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,652 All right, now I'm getting confused, 239 00:10:01,677 --> 00:10:04,714 'cause I was remembering the time that I spoke Chinese, so... 240 00:10:04,739 --> 00:10:06,339 - You never spoke Chinese. - Yeah. 241 00:10:06,364 --> 00:10:08,478 Yeah, I did. They gave me a magic pill, and I learned it, 242 00:10:08,503 --> 00:10:09,947 - and I speak it fluently. -No. - No, they didn't. 243 00:10:09,971 --> 00:10:11,488 No, buddy. 244 00:10:11,513 --> 00:10:13,884 By the way, we're getting way off track here. 245 00:10:13,909 --> 00:10:15,511 - What-what is happening? - Yeah. 246 00:10:15,536 --> 00:10:17,675 Why don't we remember all the times 247 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,711 that somebody didn't know what was happening. 248 00:10:20,025 --> 00:10:21,925 A business opportunity as rare 249 00:10:21,950 --> 00:10:24,433 as the albani berries themselves. 250 00:10:26,247 --> 00:10:27,680 What's happening? 251 00:10:30,144 --> 00:10:31,277 What is happening? 252 00:10:31,302 --> 00:10:33,113 "His name was Dennis." 253 00:10:34,281 --> 00:10:36,832 - I'm-I'm sorry. What is happ...? - Silence. 254 00:10:36,857 --> 00:10:40,057 - What is happening? - We don't know. 255 00:10:40,082 --> 00:10:41,160 Come on now! 256 00:10:41,185 --> 00:10:44,582 - What is happening? - What is happening?! 257 00:10:49,990 --> 00:10:52,019 Reliving old memories is so fun. 258 00:10:52,044 --> 00:10:53,105 I'm having a blast. 259 00:10:54,416 --> 00:10:55,941 Guys, I got one 260 00:10:55,966 --> 00:10:57,978 I think we can all remember... The contest. 261 00:10:58,363 --> 00:10:59,547 - The contest. - The contest. 262 00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:02,049 - Yeah. - Okay. Yeah, yeah. 263 00:11:04,589 --> 00:11:05,613 Hey. 264 00:11:05,652 --> 00:11:07,054 - Hey. - Hey. -Hey. 265 00:11:07,079 --> 00:11:09,519 Well, where's my money? Who caved? 266 00:11:09,791 --> 00:11:11,347 - Not me. - Not me. 267 00:11:11,372 --> 00:11:13,167 - No. -What are you guys looking at? 268 00:11:13,331 --> 00:11:15,331 There's a naked woman across the street. 269 00:11:16,905 --> 00:11:20,074 This is gonna be the easiest money I've ever made. 270 00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:23,720 So my friend Joyce is teaching an exercise class. 271 00:11:23,745 --> 00:11:25,211 I think I'm gonna go tonight. 272 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,027 The waitress should have taken it back. 273 00:11:32,978 --> 00:11:35,649 So then, um, I got a call this morning. 274 00:11:35,674 --> 00:11:37,160 You know, I was... 275 00:11:37,185 --> 00:11:39,265 I was chosen to go on the space shuttle. 276 00:11:41,566 --> 00:11:43,034 We're going to Mars. 277 00:11:43,863 --> 00:11:45,253 Have a good time. 278 00:11:49,563 --> 00:11:51,011 I'm out! 279 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,181 That was, like, one of the best memories of all time. 280 00:12:08,206 --> 00:12:09,316 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 281 00:12:09,341 --> 00:12:11,118 - Well, yeah, it's a classic really, and... -Yeah. 282 00:12:11,142 --> 00:12:13,286 - It was so Jewish. Really. - Yeah... 283 00:12:13,311 --> 00:12:15,222 Yeah, it is. It is. The only thing is, though, 284 00:12:15,246 --> 00:12:16,980 is that that wasn't us. 285 00:12:17,082 --> 00:12:18,893 What are you talking about? Of course it was us. We just... 286 00:12:18,917 --> 00:12:20,628 - They just... -Yeah, the whole... We're in the apartment. 287 00:12:20,653 --> 00:12:23,120 Yeah, I'm forgetting. When did we live in New York City? 288 00:12:23,831 --> 00:12:25,016 God, when was that? 289 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,517 - It was like mid-'90s, right? - '90s, yeah. 290 00:12:26,541 --> 00:12:28,081 - Early '90s. - Early '90s? 291 00:12:28,106 --> 00:12:29,717 Is that right? Yeah, when we were in high school? 292 00:12:30,072 --> 00:12:30,933 Were we? 293 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:32,628 And-and-and who were those people laughing? 294 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,214 - Fans. - The fans. -The fans. 295 00:12:35,239 --> 00:12:36,714 - Yeah. - Right. -The fans? 296 00:12:36,739 --> 00:12:37,660 - Fans. - The fans. Guys... 297 00:12:37,685 --> 00:12:39,495 You guys are remembering an episode of Seinfeld. 298 00:12:39,757 --> 00:12:41,261 - My God. - That's it. 299 00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:43,011 - That's what it is. - That's what it is. 300 00:12:43,036 --> 00:12:44,800 - Yeah. -Memories are tricky. - Yeah. 301 00:12:44,825 --> 00:12:46,816 Wait, wait, wait, but when we saw that episode, 302 00:12:46,841 --> 00:12:48,388 - we had our own contest. - Yeah. -Yeah. No. 303 00:12:48,413 --> 00:12:49,699 - That's what it is. - That's right. 304 00:12:49,724 --> 00:12:50,886 - We did that contest. -That's what you were trying to remember. 305 00:12:50,911 --> 00:12:51,777 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 306 00:12:51,802 --> 00:12:53,089 We had our own contest, except ours was 307 00:12:53,114 --> 00:12:54,658 to see who could masturbate the most 308 00:12:54,683 --> 00:12:56,316 in a 24-hour period. 309 00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:58,738 Yeah, that, that-that landed us in the hospital. 310 00:12:59,318 --> 00:13:02,652 Your penises have suffered severe abrasions. 311 00:13:02,978 --> 00:13:06,863 The skin has been all but removed from the organs. 312 00:13:07,269 --> 00:13:09,027 I've... I've never seen anything like it. 313 00:13:09,296 --> 00:13:10,529 And my vagina? 314 00:13:11,027 --> 00:13:12,735 I'm afraid it's been... 315 00:13:12,837 --> 00:13:14,464 - obliterated. - Yeah. 316 00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:15,964 No. no, no, no. You guys are doing it again. 317 00:13:15,989 --> 00:13:17,910 You're misremembering. Okay, that's... that is not how that 318 00:13:17,935 --> 00:13:19,512 went down, okay? And that doctor... he... 319 00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:20,970 That's not even a real doctor. 320 00:13:21,336 --> 00:13:22,880 That guy was like a figment of my imagination 321 00:13:22,905 --> 00:13:24,800 from when we got stuck in the convenience store. 322 00:13:25,033 --> 00:13:27,042 Well, then you must have described it to me perfectly, 323 00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,949 - because I remember the dude. - Yeah, well, look, 324 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,191 you can't do this, okay? 325 00:13:30,216 --> 00:13:31,627 Every time you misremember something, 326 00:13:31,652 --> 00:13:33,730 like, run the risk of altering reality. 327 00:13:34,009 --> 00:13:36,488 - Altering reality? - Yeah, yes. I'm just say... 328 00:13:36,513 --> 00:13:38,525 I'm saying, like, how you remember something 329 00:13:38,550 --> 00:13:40,350 sort of, like, becomes reality. 330 00:13:40,375 --> 00:13:42,119 You're saying I can change reality. 331 00:13:42,144 --> 00:13:44,010 Yeah, well, no, I'm not saying... 332 00:13:44,035 --> 00:13:46,470 No, it doesn't change reality. Reality is reality. 333 00:13:46,495 --> 00:13:48,604 I'm just saying it becomes your reality. 334 00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:52,050 Charlie? 335 00:13:52,306 --> 00:13:55,374 I wanted to talk to you about the other night. 336 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,193 Cool. Wh-Which night, though? 337 00:13:59,218 --> 00:14:00,829 'Cause there's been a lot of nights. 338 00:14:01,730 --> 00:14:03,269 The night we had sex. 339 00:14:03,652 --> 00:14:05,228 - That night. - Yeah. 340 00:14:05,253 --> 00:14:07,339 That was... that was a great night. 341 00:14:07,364 --> 00:14:08,630 It was. 342 00:14:09,402 --> 00:14:11,183 And I'm pregnant. 343 00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,222 Wow, like... 344 00:14:14,916 --> 00:14:16,160 is it mine? 345 00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,003 Yep. 346 00:14:20,191 --> 00:14:21,205 Okay... 347 00:14:21,230 --> 00:14:22,550 I have so many problems with that. 348 00:14:22,575 --> 00:14:24,429 Come on, man, I'm just trying to, like, remember, like, 349 00:14:24,454 --> 00:14:26,456 something about the waitress so I can alter my reality. 350 00:14:26,481 --> 00:14:28,597 You get it. Like, having a baby, being back together. 351 00:14:28,622 --> 00:14:30,472 Then again, that-that's not remembering, 352 00:14:30,497 --> 00:14:31,980 that's just making stuff up. Also, I have a problem 353 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,206 with how you were attempting to remember, you know, 354 00:14:34,231 --> 00:14:36,279 the way you were just watching yourself watch yourself 355 00:14:36,304 --> 00:14:37,670 through the door, like the... 356 00:14:37,695 --> 00:14:39,605 like the Ghost of Christmas Past or something. 357 00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,407 Well, that's just how everyone remembers. 358 00:14:41,432 --> 00:14:43,244 - No, no, it's not. - Nobody does. 359 00:14:43,269 --> 00:14:45,105 But it doesn't matter anyway, because it's not like 360 00:14:45,130 --> 00:14:46,796 he can change reality, right? 361 00:14:46,821 --> 00:14:49,438 Charlie? Give me a hand with this kid, would you? 362 00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:51,345 His diaper smells like a homeless man 363 00:14:51,369 --> 00:14:52,635 took a dump in it. 364 00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:53,933 Shit, that's a baby. 365 00:14:53,958 --> 00:14:55,191 Wait, wait, wait. What the hell is this? 366 00:14:55,216 --> 00:14:56,394 Holy shit, it worked! 367 00:14:56,419 --> 00:14:57,558 I did it! I did it! 368 00:14:57,583 --> 00:14:59,597 - Charlie! Come on! - I'm coming. 369 00:14:59,622 --> 00:15:02,441 Geez, I'm carrying, like, a million things. 370 00:15:03,316 --> 00:15:05,160 - What the hell? - Two Charlies? 371 00:15:05,185 --> 00:15:07,120 Well, it's not like the baby's gonna drop dead just 'cause I'm 372 00:15:07,145 --> 00:15:09,183 two seconds behind you coming into the bar. 373 00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,761 Wait a second. Maybe by watching yourself 374 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:14,453 watch yourself, you created two Charlies? 375 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:15,944 That's not good. 376 00:15:15,969 --> 00:15:18,303 Hey! Hey, you, man! 377 00:15:18,328 --> 00:15:20,980 Look, that-that's my girl. That's my kid. 378 00:15:21,005 --> 00:15:22,706 You got to get out of here, dude. 379 00:15:22,731 --> 00:15:24,431 My God, there's two of you? 380 00:15:25,019 --> 00:15:27,783 Okay, well, one of you has to change this baby's diaper, 381 00:15:27,808 --> 00:15:29,167 'cause I need to go get drunk. 382 00:15:29,192 --> 00:15:31,759 Are you gonna... Dude. Thanks a lot, man. 383 00:15:31,784 --> 00:15:34,511 Wait, wait, wait. Why is your voice so high? 384 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,565 My voice is high? I'm the one with the normal voice. 385 00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:38,074 You're the one with the high voice, dude. 386 00:15:38,099 --> 00:15:39,019 I have a high voice? 387 00:15:39,044 --> 00:15:40,172 You're telling me I have a high voice? 388 00:15:40,197 --> 00:15:42,208 Yeah, your voice is crazy sounding! 389 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,710 Are you kidding me? 390 00:15:44,038 --> 00:15:45,516 - It's hearing itself. - Do you even hear yourself, bro? 391 00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:47,019 This is bizarre. 392 00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:49,253 Look, it doesn't matter, man. You got to get lost, all right? 393 00:15:49,278 --> 00:15:51,688 - There can only be one of us. - Please, 394 00:15:51,713 --> 00:15:53,156 please let me get lost. 395 00:15:53,181 --> 00:15:55,092 You know what? Take the kid, take the girl. 396 00:15:55,116 --> 00:15:57,533 I'll go back to living with Frank, 'cause I miss him. 397 00:15:57,777 --> 00:16:00,228 Aw. Charlie, that is so nice. 398 00:16:00,253 --> 00:16:01,238 I miss you, too. 399 00:16:01,263 --> 00:16:02,738 Wait, wait, wait, this isn't right, this isn't right. 400 00:16:02,763 --> 00:16:03,995 We must not be back in reality. 401 00:16:04,020 --> 00:16:05,558 We must still be in somebody's memory. 402 00:16:05,611 --> 00:16:06,652 - Yeah? Like whose? - Like whose? 403 00:16:06,677 --> 00:16:08,316 - Don't copy me. - I don't know. 404 00:16:08,992 --> 00:16:10,027 Wait. 405 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,199 Frank, why do you have hair? 406 00:16:13,089 --> 00:16:15,214 - I've always had hair. - Bullshit, Frank. You have n... 407 00:16:15,239 --> 00:16:17,722 You know what, we're in his head right now. That's why Charlie 2 408 00:16:17,747 --> 00:16:19,574 was talking about wanting to go back to living with him. 409 00:16:19,599 --> 00:16:22,605 It's insane; Charlie already went back to living with me. 410 00:16:22,630 --> 00:16:23,972 - We're not in my head. - Yeah? 411 00:16:23,997 --> 00:16:26,230 - Nah. - Then why are your legs so long? 412 00:16:27,933 --> 00:16:30,627 My legs have always been long. It's a burden being tall. 413 00:16:30,652 --> 00:16:31,900 Bullshit, Frank. We're in your head. 414 00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:33,414 Get us out of there. Come on, man. 415 00:16:33,438 --> 00:16:34,882 Yeah. 416 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:36,628 You couldn't let me have that memory? 417 00:16:36,653 --> 00:16:39,054 No, Frank, because it wasn't a memory, it was a fantasy. 418 00:16:39,079 --> 00:16:40,894 I liked the two me's. That was a really cool angle, though. 419 00:16:40,919 --> 00:16:42,355 - That was good. - Yeah, okay, fine, but th... 420 00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:44,280 Can we not go there, please? 421 00:16:44,305 --> 00:16:46,093 All right? For Christ's sakes, we can't even just sit around 422 00:16:46,117 --> 00:16:47,745 having memories without things getting out of hand. 423 00:16:47,769 --> 00:16:49,744 Well, at least we're not being lazy, right? We're coming up 424 00:16:49,769 --> 00:16:51,839 - with new stuff. -Yeah, all right, all right, okay, 425 00:16:51,864 --> 00:16:53,488 let's stop, okay? We-we had our fun, 426 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,285 now we're back to reality, a-and let's just, 427 00:16:55,310 --> 00:16:56,720 I'd like to keep it that way, so... 428 00:16:56,744 --> 00:16:58,745 - Yeah, software update's almost done anyway. -Nice. 429 00:16:58,770 --> 00:17:00,386 Okay, good, well... Wait. 430 00:17:01,081 --> 00:17:02,417 - Dee. - What? 431 00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:04,734 Where's your cut? 432 00:17:05,527 --> 00:17:06,903 What cut? 433 00:17:07,005 --> 00:17:09,792 The giant, gaping cut that was-was just on your forehead. 434 00:17:09,817 --> 00:17:12,456 - Where is it? - I don't... I don't know. 435 00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:14,394 Is she changing reality? 436 00:17:14,419 --> 00:17:16,152 I don't know. I don't know what it means, okay? 437 00:17:16,177 --> 00:17:17,519 But I do know that we're not back 438 00:17:17,544 --> 00:17:19,230 in the real reality, and that's not good. 439 00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:21,331 Wait a second. Are we not? Like, are you sure 440 00:17:21,356 --> 00:17:22,847 she actually fell, that that actually happened? 441 00:17:22,872 --> 00:17:24,120 I don't know. I don't know. I mean, 442 00:17:24,145 --> 00:17:25,652 this is so disorienting. I don't know. 443 00:17:25,677 --> 00:17:27,688 - Dee, snap us back. - I can't. I'm trying. 444 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,887 All right, all right, wha-what if it's not that much different? 445 00:17:30,912 --> 00:17:32,790 You know? Like, what if this reality, 446 00:17:32,815 --> 00:17:35,067 the only difference is that Dee doesn't have a cut on her head? 447 00:17:35,092 --> 00:17:37,409 - Is that that big of a deal? - Yes, it's a big deal. 448 00:17:37,468 --> 00:17:39,079 You're talking about never knowing 449 00:17:39,103 --> 00:17:40,331 which reality you're living in. 450 00:17:40,356 --> 00:17:42,902 Okay, you know what? We need to, we need to orient ourselves. 451 00:17:43,769 --> 00:17:44,620 Um... Frank. 452 00:17:44,645 --> 00:17:46,130 - Yeah? - Are you tall and handsome 453 00:17:46,155 --> 00:17:47,191 with a full head of hair? 454 00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:48,441 I like to think so, but no. 455 00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:49,831 No. Good. Okay, so, Charlie, 456 00:17:49,856 --> 00:17:51,367 is the waitress in love with you? 457 00:17:51,472 --> 00:17:53,503 Aw, I had her for a minute, but no. 458 00:17:53,528 --> 00:17:55,795 Great. Dee, are you a successful actress? 459 00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:57,365 I could have been. 460 00:17:57,390 --> 00:17:58,792 Dee, be serious! Yes or no? 461 00:17:58,817 --> 00:17:59,714 - No. - Yeah. 462 00:18:00,174 --> 00:18:02,214 Mac, um, are you my roommate? 463 00:18:02,239 --> 00:18:03,750 No, of course not. 464 00:18:03,969 --> 00:18:06,338 - Okay, well, so there it is. - There we go. 465 00:18:06,363 --> 00:18:08,459 All right, Mac, it's clearly you... 466 00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:09,800 So snap us out of it, man. 467 00:18:09,825 --> 00:18:11,549 No. W-We're not in my head. I swear. 468 00:18:11,574 --> 00:18:13,394 Yes, we are, man. We're in your head. 469 00:18:13,419 --> 00:18:14,714 You're trying to alter reality. 470 00:18:14,739 --> 00:18:16,433 Dude, if we were in my head, 471 00:18:16,458 --> 00:18:18,113 why would I not want you to be my roommate? 472 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,253 But... 473 00:18:21,792 --> 00:18:23,370 - I get it. - Wait a minute. 474 00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:26,152 Dennis, we're in your head, aren't we? 475 00:18:26,177 --> 00:18:28,769 - Yeah. -Yeah. -No. Why would we be in my head? 476 00:18:28,794 --> 00:18:32,482 Dennis, everyone knows that the most annoying person 477 00:18:32,507 --> 00:18:34,542 in the world is Mac. 478 00:18:35,227 --> 00:18:36,847 So why would you ever want to live with him? 479 00:18:36,872 --> 00:18:39,777 No, that's not... I... No, he's great as a roommate. 480 00:18:39,802 --> 00:18:41,446 - Is he great? - Yeah, he's great. 481 00:18:41,471 --> 00:18:43,081 Name one way. 482 00:18:43,503 --> 00:18:45,167 Yeah, easy. He, um... 483 00:18:50,938 --> 00:18:54,511 - Your head, yeah! So yeah. - Okay, fine, damn it, 484 00:18:54,536 --> 00:18:56,159 I was trying to, yeah, get rid of him. 485 00:18:56,184 --> 00:18:57,862 So you don't like living with me, Dennis? 486 00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,043 No, I... no, I love having a roommate 487 00:19:00,068 --> 00:19:01,902 who spends three hours a day on a dildo bike. 488 00:19:01,927 --> 00:19:03,613 Guys, see, this is, this is why I didn't want to do this. 489 00:19:03,638 --> 00:19:05,613 You know? No good can come of it. 490 00:19:05,638 --> 00:19:08,084 - It doesn't feel good. - It has been kind of messy, 491 00:19:08,109 --> 00:19:10,254 like, you know, it's been confusing, for sure. 492 00:19:10,278 --> 00:19:12,878 So let's just... we just... so now we just got to make sure 493 00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:14,870 - we're-we're back in reality. - Yeah, but how do you ever know 494 00:19:14,895 --> 00:19:16,824 - if you're in reality? - You know what? 495 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:20,175 I think I got a top here under the bar. Yeah, I do. I do. 496 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,113 - A top under the bar? -Top? What do you do with a top? -So? 497 00:19:22,138 --> 00:19:24,761 Well, a top. Didn't you guys see the movie Inception? 498 00:19:24,786 --> 00:19:26,998 You know, they spin the top, and see, the thing is, 499 00:19:27,023 --> 00:19:30,316 if we aren't in reality, then the top will just spin forever. 500 00:19:30,525 --> 00:19:31,706 But if it wobbles and falls, 501 00:19:31,731 --> 00:19:33,325 then you know you're back in reality. 502 00:19:33,601 --> 00:19:35,846 - Should we give it a spin? - Yeah, let's do it. -Sure. 503 00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:37,300 Let's see. 504 00:19:37,905 --> 00:19:39,667 Seems like that's gonna go for a while, though. 505 00:19:39,692 --> 00:19:41,558 It does, it seems like it's gonna... 506 00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:44,267 - Gave it a hell of a spin there. - Yeah! -Yeah! 507 00:19:44,292 --> 00:19:46,238 Well, it's a good, it's a quality top. 508 00:19:47,432 --> 00:19:49,284 - Our phones are updated. - For real? 509 00:19:49,738 --> 00:19:51,615 There we go! -Sweet! 510 00:19:52,081 --> 00:19:53,417 Finally. 511 00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,229 Thank God we're back to normal. 512 00:20:04,549 --> 00:20:11,709 credits