1 00:00:01,226 --> 00:00:03,350 For most students, the weekend 2 00:00:03,353 --> 00:00:05,059 represented two days of fun, 3 00:00:05,062 --> 00:00:07,555 freedom, and in the case of my brother, 4 00:00:07,557 --> 00:00:10,424 a chance to ignore all forms of hygiene. 5 00:00:13,530 --> 00:00:15,396 Come on, come on. 6 00:00:15,398 --> 00:00:17,298 To me, however, it represented 7 00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:19,429 an unwelcome break from education. 8 00:00:23,206 --> 00:00:25,640 Whoo! Thank the Lord! 9 00:00:25,642 --> 00:00:28,075 But this wasn't a typical weekend, 10 00:00:28,077 --> 00:00:30,070 because this was the weekend 11 00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:32,179 I got to do my parents' taxes. 12 00:00:32,181 --> 00:00:35,637 Howdy do, W-2. 13 00:00:47,131 --> 00:00:53,688 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - ... www.Addic7ed.com ... 14 00:00:56,873 --> 00:00:59,273 "If you were not covered by a retirement plan, 15 00:00:59,275 --> 00:01:03,711 but your spouse was, see the worksheet on page 14." 16 00:01:03,713 --> 00:01:06,447 Try and stop me. 17 00:01:06,449 --> 00:01:08,549 Mom, I was going through our expenditures 18 00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:11,052 and noticed our grocery bills are up 12% compared 19 00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:13,087 to last quarter. Any idea why? 20 00:01:13,089 --> 00:01:16,457 There's a person at the end of the table that eats for free. 21 00:01:16,459 --> 00:01:18,659 There's a person at the other end of the table 22 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,194 that eats for three. 23 00:01:21,612 --> 00:01:23,918 I've been buying groceries for the church food drive. 24 00:01:23,921 --> 00:01:25,132 I think that's it. 25 00:01:25,134 --> 00:01:27,134 Ooh, I bet I could write that off, 26 00:01:27,136 --> 00:01:30,075 including the gas it took to drive to the grocery store 27 00:01:30,078 --> 00:01:31,505 and then to the church. 28 00:01:31,507 --> 00:01:32,888 With all that driving, maybe she can count 29 00:01:32,890 --> 00:01:34,293 her car as a home office. 30 00:01:34,296 --> 00:01:37,211 Sounds aggressive, but I like how you're thinking. 31 00:01:37,213 --> 00:01:40,114 None of that is necessary, it's for charity. 32 00:01:40,116 --> 00:01:42,783 What's the point of charity if there are no tax benefits? 33 00:01:42,785 --> 00:01:44,385 Eat your peas. 34 00:01:44,387 --> 00:01:45,653 I like how he's thinking. 35 00:01:45,655 --> 00:01:47,388 You eat your peas, too. 36 00:01:51,893 --> 00:01:53,426 Dad, banking question. 37 00:01:53,429 --> 00:01:54,528 What's that, buddy? 38 00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:56,153 I noticed there's a check missing. 39 00:01:56,156 --> 00:01:57,914 I have a copy of check 128 40 00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:01,239 and a copy of check 130, but 129 isn't there. 41 00:02:01,242 --> 00:02:03,738 Oh, yeah, don't worry about it. 42 00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:06,474 But I enjoy worrying; I find it very relaxing. 43 00:02:06,476 --> 00:02:07,992 'Course you do. 44 00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,453 I balanced the rest of the account, 45 00:02:09,456 --> 00:02:12,106 and it appears to be a check for $300. 46 00:02:12,109 --> 00:02:14,539 All right, well, let's just put it down 47 00:02:14,542 --> 00:02:16,874 for $300 for miscellaneous. 48 00:02:16,877 --> 00:02:20,012 I've never labeled anything miscellaneous in my life. 49 00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:21,247 I'll go ask Mom. 50 00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:22,857 Wait. 51 00:02:22,859 --> 00:02:26,327 I just remembered. 52 00:02:26,329 --> 00:02:29,130 I gave the money to a friend. 53 00:02:29,132 --> 00:02:31,161 Who? It doesn't matter who. 54 00:02:31,164 --> 00:02:32,433 Why'd you give it to them? 55 00:02:32,435 --> 00:02:35,102 They needed it. It... it's like charity. 56 00:02:35,104 --> 00:02:37,605 Ooh, another write-off, excellent. 57 00:02:37,607 --> 00:02:39,707 Hey. Hey, hey, hey. 58 00:02:41,671 --> 00:02:44,745 What do you say we keep this quiet? 59 00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:46,580 You mean like a secret? 60 00:02:46,582 --> 00:02:49,517 No, no, just, you know, something between you and me. 61 00:02:49,519 --> 00:02:50,618 What about Mom? 62 00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,520 Mom is on a need-to-know basis. 63 00:02:52,522 --> 00:02:53,688 What if Mom needs to know? 64 00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:55,656 Okay, it's a secret. 65 00:02:55,658 --> 00:02:57,078 Just trust me. 66 00:02:57,081 --> 00:02:59,727 It is better for everyone if she doesn't know about this. 67 00:02:59,729 --> 00:03:01,629 But I'm not good at keeping secrets. 68 00:03:01,631 --> 00:03:03,731 It's not hard. Just keep your mouth shut. 69 00:03:03,733 --> 00:03:05,466 But I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut. 70 00:03:05,468 --> 00:03:09,503 Sheldon, all you got to do is be cool. 71 00:03:11,617 --> 00:03:13,184 "Be cool." 72 00:03:13,187 --> 00:03:16,377 He might as well have asked me to fly around the backyard. 73 00:03:18,481 --> 00:03:20,395 - Good night, baby. - Night, Mama. 74 00:03:20,398 --> 00:03:22,950 - Love you. - Love you, too. 75 00:03:24,487 --> 00:03:26,487 Oh, hello. 76 00:03:26,489 --> 00:03:30,057 I was just brushing my teeth like I do every night. 77 00:03:30,059 --> 00:03:32,026 Nothing new there. 78 00:03:32,028 --> 00:03:33,364 You all right? 79 00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:35,296 Yes. I'm cool. 80 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,098 I'm very cool. 81 00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:38,734 Tell Sheldon what cool means. 82 00:03:38,737 --> 00:03:40,504 Hush. 83 00:03:40,507 --> 00:03:42,069 Sweet dreams. 84 00:03:42,071 --> 00:03:44,023 Love you. 85 00:03:44,026 --> 00:03:46,660 Love you, too, 'cause you're my mom. 86 00:03:54,684 --> 00:03:56,150 You're so weird. 87 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,185 More than usual? 88 00:03:58,187 --> 00:04:01,188 No, I guess not. 89 00:04:01,190 --> 00:04:02,690 Perfect. 90 00:04:04,031 --> 00:04:05,893 To avoid looking suspicious, 91 00:04:05,895 --> 00:04:09,530 I tried to interact with my mom as little as possible. 92 00:04:09,532 --> 00:04:12,700 Thankfully, it's rude to speak with your mouth full. 93 00:04:12,702 --> 00:04:15,035 You look tired, baby. Sleep okay? 94 00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:16,470 Mm-hmm. 95 00:04:18,574 --> 00:04:21,709 So how big a tax refund you think we're gonna get? 96 00:04:21,711 --> 00:04:23,811 Mm. 97 00:04:23,813 --> 00:04:26,080 - Mornin'. - Mornin'. 98 00:04:26,082 --> 00:04:27,815 I slept in the nude last night. 99 00:04:27,817 --> 00:04:29,850 Felt every little breeze. 100 00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:32,186 Thank you for sharing that. 101 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,355 You're welcome. 102 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:37,039 Fight, you cowards, fight! 103 00:04:37,042 --> 00:04:39,859 You fight, Skeletor. 104 00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:43,197 Mare, we got any batteries?! 105 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:46,968 Look in the drawer by the refrigerator. 106 00:04:46,971 --> 00:04:49,536 There was only so much food I could eat, 107 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,540 so I started avoiding my mother whenever possible. 108 00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,378 What are you doing in there? 109 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,114 Keeping your secret. 110 00:04:59,117 --> 00:05:00,617 You got to pull it together. 111 00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,644 This is me pulling it together. 112 00:05:02,647 --> 00:05:04,584 - Pull harder. - Find 'em? 113 00:05:04,587 --> 00:05:07,242 Yeah. Got 'em. Thanks. 114 00:05:07,245 --> 00:05:09,664 You're very welcome. Hey, have you noticed 115 00:05:09,667 --> 00:05:11,225 anything off with Sheldon? 116 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:14,562 Uh, no, no, no. Can't say that I have. Why? 117 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:17,765 He's been awful quiet, and, at the risk of being indelicate, 118 00:05:17,767 --> 00:05:21,168 he's gone several days without a bowel movement. 119 00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:22,603 How do you know that? 120 00:05:22,605 --> 00:05:24,156 Well, I was worried about him, 121 00:05:24,159 --> 00:05:26,132 so I took a look in his potty journal. 122 00:05:26,135 --> 00:05:27,608 He's still keeping that thing, huh? 123 00:05:27,610 --> 00:05:30,211 Oh, yeah, that's why he wanted the Polaroid camera. 124 00:05:31,714 --> 00:05:33,832 Uh, well, I'm sure he's gonna be fine, 125 00:05:33,835 --> 00:05:36,016 uh, but I'll keep an eye on him. 126 00:05:36,018 --> 00:05:37,625 - Thank you. - You got it. 127 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,592 - She's gone. - Thank you. 128 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:47,194 Batteries are in this drawer. 129 00:05:55,171 --> 00:05:56,604 We got a problem. 130 00:05:59,835 --> 00:06:01,875 I don't know how much longer Sheldon can hold out. 131 00:06:01,878 --> 00:06:04,311 This is why I did not want you to write a check. 132 00:06:04,313 --> 00:06:05,713 Well, I'm sorry, but I didn't have 133 00:06:05,715 --> 00:06:07,181 that kind of cash lying around. 134 00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:09,483 I do not want Mary to find out about this. 135 00:06:09,485 --> 00:06:10,851 Well, what about Sheldon? 136 00:06:10,853 --> 00:06:13,621 The kid hasn't pooped in days, he might pop. 137 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:16,357 Slip a little Metamucil into his apple juice, he'll be fine. 138 00:06:16,359 --> 00:06:18,156 Why don't we just come clean? 139 00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:22,593 All right, sure, we could do that. 140 00:06:23,499 --> 00:06:26,300 You could rat me out to Mary and... 141 00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:29,536 I could tell her what you did at the church picnic. 142 00:06:29,538 --> 00:06:31,272 Come on. 143 00:06:31,274 --> 00:06:32,806 Now you're just playing dirty. 144 00:06:32,808 --> 00:06:35,309 We sink or swim together, George. 145 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,804 We sink or swim together. 146 00:06:44,125 --> 00:06:46,220 Grandmas are supposed to be nice. 147 00:06:46,223 --> 00:06:47,968 What went wrong with you? 148 00:06:51,215 --> 00:06:53,285 Avoiding my mother in our own house 149 00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:54,953 was proving to be difficult, 150 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,508 so it was time to get creative. 151 00:06:57,511 --> 00:07:00,622 Hello. I'd like to book a room in your hotel. 152 00:07:00,624 --> 00:07:03,191 I'd be arriving tonight. 153 00:07:03,193 --> 00:07:07,229 No, it's just me. 154 00:07:07,231 --> 00:07:10,152 Ooh, a queen bed, that sounds fancy. 155 00:07:10,155 --> 00:07:14,068 And how much would this room cost? 156 00:07:14,071 --> 00:07:17,339 Wow. Is that per month? 157 00:07:17,341 --> 00:07:20,175 Per day? 158 00:07:20,177 --> 00:07:23,011 By any chance, do you have a children's rate? 159 00:07:24,448 --> 00:07:27,215 We've been friends for a while now, haven't we? 160 00:07:27,217 --> 00:07:29,284 I suppose so. 161 00:07:29,286 --> 00:07:31,918 Given that, how would you feel about a sleepover? 162 00:07:31,921 --> 00:07:34,054 Sure. Your mom lets you watch TV. 163 00:07:34,057 --> 00:07:35,824 Jake and the Fatman is on tonight. 164 00:07:35,826 --> 00:07:38,293 I meant we could sleep at your house. 165 00:07:38,295 --> 00:07:40,095 But you'll miss Jake and the Fatman. 166 00:07:40,097 --> 00:07:42,397 Even better. So what do you say? 167 00:07:43,467 --> 00:07:45,033 I'll have to ask my mom. 168 00:07:45,035 --> 00:07:47,672 Well, be sure to tell her I'm clean, I'm well-behaved, 169 00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:49,144 and if you don't have a lot of room, 170 00:07:49,147 --> 00:07:51,386 I can fit in really tight spaces. 171 00:07:56,013 --> 00:07:57,679 So your first sleepover. 172 00:07:57,681 --> 00:07:59,147 Pretty exciting, huh? 173 00:07:59,149 --> 00:08:02,117 No. It's not exciting, it's constipating, 174 00:08:02,119 --> 00:08:04,252 and I'm only doing it to avoid Mom. 175 00:08:04,254 --> 00:08:06,800 But still, it's your first sleepover. 176 00:08:06,803 --> 00:08:08,449 It's fun stuff. 177 00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:12,200 Okay, I know you're having a tough time with this, 178 00:08:12,203 --> 00:08:14,787 but... you're doing great. 179 00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:17,157 You spend some time at Tam's house, 180 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,371 you know, clear your head, and come back home refreshed. 181 00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:21,873 And then I can tell Mom? 182 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,471 Oh, no, you can never tell Mom. 183 00:08:23,473 --> 00:08:26,441 Wouldn't it be easier to just be honest? 184 00:08:26,443 --> 00:08:29,160 Usually, it would be, but... 185 00:08:29,163 --> 00:08:32,513 sometimes the truth can hurt people. 186 00:08:32,516 --> 00:08:34,549 We wouldn't want to hurt Mom, right? 187 00:08:34,551 --> 00:08:35,617 Of course not. 188 00:08:35,619 --> 00:08:37,152 Attaboy. 189 00:08:40,958 --> 00:08:43,894 Hey, here's a funny prank you can try tonight. 190 00:08:43,897 --> 00:08:46,561 When Tam falls asleep, put some shaving cream in his hand 191 00:08:46,563 --> 00:08:48,096 and then tickle his nose. 192 00:08:48,098 --> 00:08:49,097 Why? 193 00:08:49,099 --> 00:08:50,999 'Cause then he'll go to, 194 00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:52,467 you know, scratch his nose, 195 00:08:52,469 --> 00:08:54,469 and he gets shaving cream on his face. 196 00:08:54,471 --> 00:08:56,004 And then what? 197 00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:59,541 Well... that-that's it. 198 00:08:59,543 --> 00:09:01,176 But I'm a guest in their home, 199 00:09:01,178 --> 00:09:02,871 and that doesn't seem like a very good way 200 00:09:02,874 --> 00:09:04,411 to repay their kindness. 201 00:09:04,414 --> 00:09:06,425 Never mind. 202 00:09:06,428 --> 00:09:08,464 And what if the shaving cream gets in his eyes? 203 00:09:08,467 --> 00:09:09,621 That would sting. 204 00:09:09,624 --> 00:09:10,990 Sorry I mentioned it. 205 00:09:10,993 --> 00:09:12,732 Also, I didn't bring my own shaving cream. 206 00:09:12,735 --> 00:09:13,704 I'd have to use his dad's, and that... 207 00:09:13,706 --> 00:09:15,505 Forget it! 208 00:09:21,598 --> 00:09:22,964 Hello. 209 00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:25,100 Hi. You must be Mrs.... 210 00:09:25,102 --> 00:09:26,401 Tam's mom. 211 00:09:26,403 --> 00:09:28,503 I'm Sheldon's dad, George Cooper. 212 00:09:28,505 --> 00:09:29,516 Nice to meet you. 213 00:09:29,519 --> 00:09:31,061 Thanks for letting him spend the night. 214 00:09:31,063 --> 00:09:33,041 It's his first sleepover. He's excited. 215 00:09:33,043 --> 00:09:34,943 Actually, I'm quite apprehens... 216 00:09:34,945 --> 00:09:36,611 He's really looking forward to it. 217 00:09:36,613 --> 00:09:38,046 Uh, in case something 218 00:09:38,048 --> 00:09:39,914 comes up, just give us a holler. 219 00:09:39,916 --> 00:09:42,183 I mean, a call. If you hollered, we wouldn't hear you. 220 00:09:44,354 --> 00:09:46,221 That-that was a joke. 221 00:09:46,223 --> 00:09:47,956 Ha-ha-ha! 222 00:09:47,958 --> 00:09:49,891 Okay, buddy, have fun. 223 00:09:51,949 --> 00:09:53,982 Visiting Tam's house 224 00:09:53,985 --> 00:09:57,165 for the first time was an emotional roller coaster. 225 00:09:57,167 --> 00:10:00,110 For example, it's traditional in Vietnamese homes 226 00:10:00,113 --> 00:10:03,013 to have gruesome religious iconography near the entrance. 227 00:10:03,016 --> 00:10:05,068 I did not like that. 228 00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:07,227 However, it's also customary 229 00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:08,810 to not wear shoes around the house 230 00:10:08,812 --> 00:10:10,845 for sanitary reasons. 231 00:10:10,847 --> 00:10:12,747 I did like that. 232 00:10:12,749 --> 00:10:14,039 Interestingly, 233 00:10:14,042 --> 00:10:16,880 one of the main ingredients in Vietnamese cooking 234 00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:20,488 is an extremely pungent condiment known as fish sauce. 235 00:10:20,490 --> 00:10:22,490 I did not like that. 236 00:10:22,492 --> 00:10:24,396 But before every meal, 237 00:10:24,399 --> 00:10:27,962 it's common for everyone to wash their hands and face. 238 00:10:27,964 --> 00:10:29,631 I did like that. 239 00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:33,268 Forks are not customary in a Vietnamese household. 240 00:10:35,369 --> 00:10:37,360 I did not like that. 241 00:10:37,363 --> 00:10:40,641 And instead of napkins, there was one towel 242 00:10:40,644 --> 00:10:42,210 for everyone to share at the table. 243 00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,581 Seriously, what are they thinking? 244 00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:49,250 I can't help thinking how odd it is 245 00:10:49,252 --> 00:10:51,907 that Shelly volunteered to go on a sleepover. 246 00:10:51,910 --> 00:10:53,121 Oh, I don't know. 247 00:10:53,123 --> 00:10:55,023 Hmm? He's growing up. 248 00:10:55,025 --> 00:10:57,492 It's natural for a young boy to want to spread his wings 249 00:10:57,494 --> 00:10:59,294 a little bit, try something new. 250 00:10:59,296 --> 00:11:00,662 That's nonsense. 251 00:11:00,664 --> 00:11:02,030 Last week, I brought home 252 00:11:02,032 --> 00:11:03,865 the Raisin Bran with the sugar on the raisins. 253 00:11:03,867 --> 00:11:06,055 He almost lost his mind. 254 00:11:06,058 --> 00:11:07,591 If you ask me, 255 00:11:07,594 --> 00:11:09,204 you're worried about nothing. 256 00:11:09,206 --> 00:11:11,339 Maybe it's me. 257 00:11:11,341 --> 00:11:13,930 Maybe I did something to upset him. 258 00:11:13,933 --> 00:11:15,677 What are you talking about? 259 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:16,688 He loves you 260 00:11:16,691 --> 00:11:17,957 like crazy. 261 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,814 Much more than he loves this one. 262 00:11:19,816 --> 00:11:20,982 It's true. 263 00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,183 I don't know. 264 00:11:22,185 --> 00:11:24,544 I just feel like something isn't right. 265 00:11:24,547 --> 00:11:26,247 Mom! 266 00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:28,391 I got my hair stuck in my zipper! 267 00:11:28,394 --> 00:11:30,592 That's the kid you need to be worried about. 268 00:11:33,797 --> 00:11:35,964 Okay, Connie, why don't we just come clean? 269 00:11:35,966 --> 00:11:38,066 - No. - You heard her. 270 00:11:38,068 --> 00:11:39,934 Now she's blaming herself. 271 00:11:39,936 --> 00:11:41,403 And Sheldon's so upset 272 00:11:41,405 --> 00:11:43,738 he's-he's acting like a regular kid. 273 00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:45,750 - All right, let's tell her. - Thank you. 274 00:11:45,753 --> 00:11:48,076 But first I'm gonna tell her what you did at the picnic. 275 00:11:48,078 --> 00:11:50,008 - Oh, Mary! - Okay, okay, shh. 276 00:11:54,184 --> 00:11:56,751 I don't know how much longer we can keep this going. 277 00:11:56,753 --> 00:11:58,625 I'm willing to find out. 278 00:12:05,362 --> 00:12:09,030 So, this game is called Mystic Warlords of Ka'a. 279 00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:10,203 It's pretty fun. 280 00:12:10,206 --> 00:12:12,219 There are six kinds of secret warlords... 281 00:12:12,222 --> 00:12:15,545 - Secret warlords. - It's a secret. Secret. 282 00:12:15,548 --> 00:12:16,747 It's a secret. 283 00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:18,673 Have you noticed anything off with Sheldon? 284 00:12:18,675 --> 00:12:20,008 Something between me and you. 285 00:12:20,010 --> 00:12:21,810 Mom is on a need-to-know basis. 286 00:12:21,812 --> 00:12:23,545 I took a little look in his potty journal. 287 00:12:23,547 --> 00:12:26,021 - It's a secret. - Several days without a bowel movement. 288 00:12:26,024 --> 00:12:27,682 - Sheldon. - Secret. Secret. 289 00:12:27,684 --> 00:12:28,750 - A secret. - Sheldon. 290 00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:31,119 Did you hear anything I said? 291 00:12:31,121 --> 00:12:35,328 Sorry, I was reliving a traumatic experience. 292 00:12:35,331 --> 00:12:36,424 What do you mean? 293 00:12:39,196 --> 00:12:41,863 Tam, I have a secret that's weighing on me, 294 00:12:41,865 --> 00:12:43,565 and I need to tell someone. 295 00:12:43,567 --> 00:12:44,899 Okay. Tell me. 296 00:12:44,901 --> 00:12:46,868 But I promised I wouldn't. 297 00:12:46,870 --> 00:12:48,770 Okay. Then don't. 298 00:12:48,772 --> 00:12:50,772 But it's driving me crazy. 299 00:12:50,775 --> 00:12:52,086 Too bad you're not Catholic. 300 00:12:52,089 --> 00:12:53,685 You could confess it to a priest. 301 00:12:53,688 --> 00:12:55,910 That's a great idea. 302 00:12:55,912 --> 00:12:58,313 You're Catholic. I'll confess it to you. 303 00:12:58,315 --> 00:12:59,610 I'm not a priest. 304 00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:00,715 I'm not a Catholic. 305 00:13:00,717 --> 00:13:02,417 It makes perfect sense. 306 00:13:02,419 --> 00:13:05,420 Okay, whenever you're ready. 307 00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:07,889 What are you doing? 308 00:13:07,891 --> 00:13:10,091 I'm assuming the position. 309 00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,693 Okay. 310 00:13:11,695 --> 00:13:14,482 Forgive me, Tam, for I have sinned. 311 00:13:14,485 --> 00:13:16,431 This is my first confession. 312 00:13:16,433 --> 00:13:18,733 I forgive you, my son. 313 00:13:18,735 --> 00:13:23,304 I was doing my parents' taxes and noticed a check was missing. 314 00:13:23,306 --> 00:13:24,973 - I asked my father about it... - As I walked Tam 315 00:13:24,975 --> 00:13:26,774 through the whole sordid affair, 316 00:13:26,776 --> 00:13:29,511 I could feel a weight lifting off my shoulders. 317 00:13:29,513 --> 00:13:32,318 It was a relief to finally unburden myself 318 00:13:32,321 --> 00:13:33,781 of this deception. 319 00:13:33,783 --> 00:13:35,450 By the time I reached the end, 320 00:13:35,452 --> 00:13:37,719 I felt like a new person. 321 00:13:37,721 --> 00:13:39,754 That's the whole story. 322 00:13:39,756 --> 00:13:42,086 Cool. Can we play now? 323 00:13:42,096 --> 00:13:44,279 And now that my conscience had been cleared, 324 00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:46,861 my colon was ready to do the same. 325 00:13:46,863 --> 00:13:49,631 Excuse me. I need to use your bathroom! 326 00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:59,503 Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed. 327 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:02,922 My father taught me that we must always honor our guests 328 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,875 and treat them with the utmost courtesy. 329 00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:07,811 The Vietnamese are a very welcoming people. 330 00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:10,781 Yeah, that hasn't always worked out for us. 331 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,989 Do you think your dad would ever ask you 332 00:14:17,992 --> 00:14:20,023 to keep a secret from your mom? 333 00:14:20,032 --> 00:14:21,058 Oh, no. 334 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,427 He's so honest, it's annoying. 335 00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,125 Enough talking. 336 00:14:25,128 --> 00:14:27,061 Sleep now. 337 00:14:28,945 --> 00:14:30,934 She's just annoying. 338 00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:40,247 Well, you did it. 339 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:44,147 How was your first sleepover? 340 00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,751 They feed you any weird food? 341 00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:51,622 When I was in 'Nam, we ate fish soup for breakfast. 342 00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:54,791 Sheldon, I'm talking to you. 343 00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:57,261 Well, I'm not talking to you. 344 00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,129 Okay, what's going on? 345 00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:01,598 After having my first good night's sleep in a week, 346 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,633 I woke up with a fresh perspective. 347 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:04,902 And that is...? 348 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,104 It was irresponsible of you 349 00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:08,872 to burden me with that secret. 350 00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:11,642 Sheldon, we've been through this. 351 00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,176 It's complicated. 352 00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:16,609 While I may not look up to you from an intellectual standpoint, 353 00:15:16,612 --> 00:15:18,813 I've always looked up to you as a role model. 354 00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:24,156 I can't do that anymore. 355 00:15:27,826 --> 00:15:29,760 And don't worry... We made a deal. 356 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,344 I'll continue to keep your secret. 357 00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:45,008 Hey. 358 00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,031 What's up? 359 00:15:46,034 --> 00:15:48,477 Um, I need to tell you something. 360 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,680 What did you do? 361 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,607 When Sheldon was doing our taxes, 362 00:15:52,610 --> 00:15:54,281 he noticed a missing check. 363 00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:55,352 What did you do? 364 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,317 Before I answer, do you trust me enough 365 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,188 to understand it was for a good reason 366 00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:00,691 and j-just leave it at that? 367 00:16:05,185 --> 00:16:07,085 What did you do? 368 00:16:07,088 --> 00:16:09,099 It's all your mother's fault. She is a bad person. 369 00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:10,968 I've been telling you for years. 370 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,602 What did you do? 371 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,747 Okay, now, before I answer that... 372 00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,173 Just tell me what you did. 373 00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,541 I got a DWI. 374 00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,203 Mom! 375 00:16:19,206 --> 00:16:20,839 It's not as bad as it sounds. 376 00:16:20,842 --> 00:16:23,242 How is driving drunk not bad? 377 00:16:23,245 --> 00:16:24,848 I wasn't exactly driving. 378 00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:27,184 I don't follow. 379 00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:29,453 I was at the dog track with Georgie, 380 00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:30,887 and I had a few... 381 00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,389 Georgie? 382 00:16:32,391 --> 00:16:33,790 With God as my witness, 383 00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:36,293 I've never been to the dog track in my life. 384 00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:38,295 She knows. 385 00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:39,830 Oh, I've been there a bunch. 386 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,165 Will someone please tell me what happened? 387 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:45,570 Okay, me and Meemaw were in the bar at the track... 388 00:16:45,573 --> 00:16:47,506 You took him to a bar? 389 00:16:47,509 --> 00:16:48,672 He wasn't drinking. 390 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,883 She had a few too many margaritas, 391 00:16:50,886 --> 00:16:52,142 so I drove us home. 392 00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:53,877 But you don't have a license. 393 00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:56,625 That's why we swapped places after the cop pulled us over. 394 00:16:56,628 --> 00:16:57,994 Oh, dear Lord. 395 00:16:57,997 --> 00:16:59,448 I had nothing to do with this part. 396 00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:01,351 - Shut up. - Will do. 397 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,753 I didn't want Georgie 398 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:03,920 to get into trouble, 399 00:17:03,922 --> 00:17:05,477 so I got behind the wheel 400 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,302 before the cop walked up. 401 00:17:07,305 --> 00:17:09,966 And then I got arrested, and, uh, 402 00:17:09,969 --> 00:17:11,602 he bailed me out. 403 00:17:11,605 --> 00:17:14,005 So you all thought you should keep this from me? 404 00:17:14,008 --> 00:17:15,565 - Absolutely. - 100%. 405 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,701 Okay, here's what's gonna happen: you 406 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,369 and you are staying at her house 407 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,117 until I say otherwise. 408 00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:23,440 One could argue I was the hero in this story. 409 00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:26,443 You went gambling and you drove without a license 410 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:27,961 and you lied to my face. 411 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,330 Heroically. 412 00:17:29,333 --> 00:17:30,933 Go. 413 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,455 I love everything about this. 414 00:17:42,649 --> 00:17:44,580 I'm guessing you're mad at me. 415 00:17:44,583 --> 00:17:46,048 Aw, forget about it. 416 00:17:46,051 --> 00:17:47,851 I appreciate you not... 417 00:17:47,853 --> 00:17:50,353 ratting me out about the picnic. 418 00:17:50,355 --> 00:17:53,289 Well, we had a deal. 419 00:17:53,291 --> 00:17:56,893 Besides, your marriage is already hanging by a thread. 420 00:17:56,895 --> 00:17:58,495 It is dangling there. 421 00:17:58,497 --> 00:18:01,831 All right, well, I'm gonna turn in. 422 00:18:01,833 --> 00:18:03,366 Mmm. 423 00:18:03,368 --> 00:18:04,634 Good night. 424 00:18:05,737 --> 00:18:07,487 Night! 425 00:18:13,685 --> 00:18:14,777 Hello? 426 00:18:14,779 --> 00:18:16,379 So, get a load of this. 427 00:18:16,381 --> 00:18:18,715 Last church picnic, your husband 428 00:18:18,717 --> 00:18:20,659 snuck in a six-pack, 429 00:18:20,662 --> 00:18:22,117 polished off the whole thing, 430 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,187 then went to wait in line for the bathroom... 431 00:18:24,189 --> 00:18:25,722 Hey. 432 00:18:25,724 --> 00:18:27,423 You got an extra toothbrush? 433 00:18:27,425 --> 00:18:28,792 Under the sink, darlin'. 434 00:18:28,795 --> 00:18:29,961 Thanks. 435 00:18:29,964 --> 00:18:32,528 You got it. 436 00:18:32,531 --> 00:18:36,951 So then the big gorilla decides he doesn't want to wait in line, 437 00:18:36,954 --> 00:18:39,937 so he stumbles over to the church vegetable garden 438 00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:44,307 and proceeds to irrigate the whole damn thing. 439 00:18:44,309 --> 00:18:46,776 I've eaten those vegetables. 440 00:18:46,778 --> 00:18:49,565 Sweet dreams. 441 00:18:49,568 --> 00:18:52,673 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - ... www.Addic7ed.com ...