1 00:00:25,790 --> 00:00:27,420 Jerry! Jerry, come on! 2 00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:29,000 We got to go! You got to come with me, Jerry! 3 00:00:29,020 --> 00:00:30,430 Rick? It's important, Jerry. 4 00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:32,330 The fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders. 5 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:33,830 Let's go. Put some pants on. 6 00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:35,670 N-Never mind, there's no time for pants, Jerry. 7 00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:37,240 I'll make you a pair of pants on the way. 8 00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:39,170 It's a Rick and Jerry adventure! 9 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,940 Rick and Jerry episode! 10 00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:45,540 From addic7ed.com 11 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,370 Then I thought, "Hey, what about Jerry? 12 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,240 He's... He's good with regular folk." 13 00:01:17,270 --> 00:01:19,480 This is a real situation where... where... 14 00:01:19,510 --> 00:01:21,080 Where Jerry could really shine. 15 00:01:21,110 --> 00:01:22,650 "He's a master convincer." 16 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,150 Rick, I'm not an idiot. I know what this is. 17 00:01:25,180 --> 00:01:26,780 Oh. Okay, well, I told Morty, 18 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,120 "Look, parents get divorced. They get sad. He'll be fine," 19 00:01:29,150 --> 00:01:31,990 but I think he's worried you're gonna, you know... Pbht! 20 00:01:32,020 --> 00:01:33,470 And you know how Morty gets when he gets emotional. 21 00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:34,990 It impedes my work. 22 00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:36,840 So, I told him I'd take you out and give you a win. 23 00:01:36,860 --> 00:01:38,460 Wait. My son asked you to take me 24 00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:40,330 on some kind of pity adventure 25 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,830 to keep me from killing myself? 26 00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:43,300 Wait, w-what did you think it was? 27 00:01:43,330 --> 00:01:44,830 An execution. 28 00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:46,970 Geez! You really do need a win. 29 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,440 No! I-I don't know. 30 00:01:48,470 --> 00:01:50,010 I mean, you never made me the pants, so... 31 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,570 So, you thought I was gonna drive you 32 00:01:51,610 --> 00:01:52,740 into the middle of the galaxy 33 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,190 and shove you into the vacuum of space 34 00:01:54,210 --> 00:01:55,440 with your dick hanging out? 35 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:56,620 And we're seeing how you'd act 36 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:57,980 if that were about to happen? 37 00:01:58,010 --> 00:01:59,690 I mean shit I'll make you the pants right now. 38 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,090 Take me two seconds to make you pants. 39 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,660 I have pants at home! Jerry, if I make pants, 40 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,300 they'll be better than your pants at home. 41 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:05,590 Also, if I wanted to kill you... 42 00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,290 Yeah, I get it. It would be amazing. 43 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:08,590 Please, take me home. 44 00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,200 I'll tell my son we had an amazing adventure. 45 00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,490 Well, if it's all the same, 46 00:02:11,530 --> 00:02:12,700 could we go get our story straight? 47 00:02:12,730 --> 00:02:14,360 Because you're a terrible liar. 48 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,930 You called me a master convincer! 49 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,370 You believed me? 50 00:02:22,570 --> 00:02:24,540 Huh. This seems... kind of fancy. 51 00:02:24,570 --> 00:02:26,290 Jerry, for all you know, this is the equivalent 52 00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:27,540 of an alien truck stop. 53 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:28,840 You have no frame of reference. 54 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,390 You're in a universe beyond your imagining. 55 00:02:30,410 --> 00:02:32,450 But, yes, it is super fancy. 56 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:33,990 I mean, my job here is to make Morty happy. 57 00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:35,880 I'm not gonna take you somewhere dangerous. 58 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,050 Rick Sanchez. 59 00:02:38,090 --> 00:02:40,360 I told you if I ever saw your face in here again, 60 00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:41,900 I would stick you like the pig you are. 61 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:45,160 Shnoopy Bloopers, I told you if you tried... 62 00:02:45,190 --> 00:02:47,830 There'd be two funerals. 63 00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:49,800 Aaah!! 64 00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:52,300 Someone? 65 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:55,200 Uh, someone? Someone! 66 00:02:58,770 --> 00:03:00,740 My friend! It has been too long. 67 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,350 Oh, it's great to see you again, buddy! 68 00:03:02,380 --> 00:03:04,580 Yeah, you're doing it. 69 00:03:04,610 --> 00:03:06,420 Mr. Sanchez gets anything he wants! 70 00:03:06,450 --> 00:03:08,420 The resort's covered in an immortality field. 71 00:03:08,450 --> 00:03:10,190 You can't die here. That's the gimmick. 72 00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:15,490 Okay, but still... Bad parenting. 73 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,260 Hey, rich a-holes are rich a-holes. 74 00:03:17,290 --> 00:03:18,690 They all pay top dollar to come here 75 00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:20,560 and enjoy a consequence-free vacation. 76 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,270 No death, no disease, no dismemberment. 77 00:03:23,530 --> 00:03:24,610 Can't even have a heart attack. 78 00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:26,070 Got it. The perfect place 79 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:27,750 to take the most fragile being in the universe. 80 00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:29,510 I can tell you expect me to refute that, 81 00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:30,710 but it's right on the money. 82 00:03:30,740 --> 00:03:31,940 If I come home without you, 83 00:03:31,970 --> 00:03:33,680 I doubt Morty's gonna let me off the hook. 84 00:03:33,710 --> 00:03:35,620 Yeah, but what if you came home with Jeff Goldblum. 85 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:36,910 Jeff Goldblum? 86 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,360 What the fuck are you talking about, Jerry? 87 00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:40,120 Jesus! 88 00:03:40,150 --> 00:03:41,720 Holy fucking shit! 89 00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:43,250 Yo, what's up, "Big Chill"?! 90 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,920 Don't go into the telepod! 91 00:03:46,090 --> 00:03:47,970 Hey, maybe we would have fun on a fake adventure. 92 00:03:47,990 --> 00:03:49,730 On a fake adventure. 93 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaking of... What are we gonna tell Morty? 94 00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:53,060 I don't know. But whatever it is, 95 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,400 we're gonna need a couple more of these babies! 96 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,370 What's wrong? 97 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,400 Mom, do you think I'm hot? 98 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:05,070 I... don't think that's something that matters. 99 00:04:05,110 --> 00:04:06,310 So, I'm not hot?! 100 00:04:06,340 --> 00:04:08,740 I'm saying the part of you that cares about that 101 00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:10,550 is a part you shouldn't give any energy to. 102 00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:11,910 That's not an answer! 103 00:04:11,950 --> 00:04:13,720 Because I'm not an issue of Cosmo, okay? 104 00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:15,220 I'm your mother and a doctor, and... 105 00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:16,550 I'm hideous! 106 00:04:17,850 --> 00:04:19,220 Geez. What's with her? 107 00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:20,660 Teenage-girl stuff. 108 00:04:20,690 --> 00:04:23,830 Is that a... hoof collage? 109 00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:27,100 It's perfectly legal, if that's what you're wondering. 110 00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:29,730 Cool... zies. 111 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,600 "We just don't have anything in common any more, Summer." 112 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,000 Oh, yeah, Ethan? 113 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,970 What do you have in common with Tricia Lange? 114 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,840 A mutual love of French cinema? 115 00:04:37,870 --> 00:04:39,310 The belief that a carbon tax 116 00:04:39,340 --> 00:04:42,180 is the only viable solution to climate change? 117 00:04:42,210 --> 00:04:45,480 Or could it be her massive stripper titties?! 118 00:04:45,510 --> 00:04:47,450 There it is. 119 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,190 Boob-ya! 120 00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:52,090 And that's when Malakai the Squid came, 121 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:57,460 rips off his face, and beneath it is my face. 122 00:04:57,490 --> 00:04:59,660 I liked it. Thank you, sir. 123 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,210 Yeah, of course he likes it. Look at him. 124 00:05:01,230 --> 00:05:03,470 Motherfucker got two heads and three trunks. 125 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:04,680 All right, we'll put a pin in it. 126 00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:06,030 I'm gonna go take a leak. 127 00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:16,010 What the...?! 128 00:05:22,420 --> 00:05:24,120 My hands are dry! My hands are dry! 129 00:05:27,420 --> 00:05:29,220 My name is Risotto Groupon. 130 00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:31,860 I am the assistant general manager of the restaurant. 131 00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:33,530 Do you have any comment cards, 132 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,960 because I might have some thoughts. 133 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,800 My kingdom was usurped by force 134 00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:39,130 with weapons and technology 135 00:05:39,170 --> 00:05:40,870 supplied by your father-in-law! 136 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:43,240 Hey, he usurped my kingdom, too, man. 137 00:05:43,270 --> 00:05:46,040 He basically got me kicked out of my home, stole my family. 138 00:05:46,070 --> 00:05:48,310 Then we are brothers, and you have wondered 139 00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:50,580 what your life could have been without Rick. 140 00:05:50,610 --> 00:05:51,850 Wondered? Sure. 141 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:53,880 I mean, I've wondered about having a vagina. 142 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,250 Would you help me kill him? 143 00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:56,590 What? No! 144 00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:58,420 He's my wife's father. Move on. 145 00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:00,490 Do you... like theme-park rides? 146 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,160 Oh, you really moved on. 147 00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:06,230 There is a popular attraction here called the Whirly Dirly. 148 00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:09,000 Between the first whirly and the third dirly, 149 00:06:09,030 --> 00:06:12,100 the ride dips just outside the immortality field. 150 00:06:12,130 --> 00:06:14,270 You're asking me to lure Rick to his death? 151 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:17,170 I'm only asking you to go on a ride with Rick, 152 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,380 get off the ride without Rick, and go home to your family, 153 00:06:20,410 --> 00:06:22,710 where you can... wonder about having a vagina. 154 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,610 Okay, okay, that was a very specific example 155 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:25,910 pulled from thin air. 156 00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:27,290 I don't want to be known as the vagina guy. 157 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,720 Risotto, you're needed. Someone ordered 158 00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:32,050 the Nuzzy Guzzy Fresh and Fluzzy Special. 159 00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:34,790 Look, I'm not like Rick, 160 00:06:34,820 --> 00:06:37,060 so you're free to do as you please. 161 00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:39,090 But there comes a time in every man's life 162 00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:41,060 when he must choose the foundation 163 00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:43,130 on which his legacy will be built... 164 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:46,640 One of compromise or one of blood. 165 00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:53,180 ? Once a time of year, there's a special person here ? 166 00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:02,890 Oh, yeah. 167 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,090 That's what I'm talking about. 168 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:09,160 Oops! Okay, a little more on the other side then. 169 00:07:09,190 --> 00:07:10,490 Oh, come on! 170 00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,390 Oh, geez! 171 00:07:12,430 --> 00:07:14,060 Aah! Stop! 172 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,100 So, the hospital just let you walk right out of there 173 00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:18,500 with horse parts in a bag? 174 00:07:18,530 --> 00:07:19,670 For Christ's sakes, Morty, 175 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:20,780 women going through a divorce 176 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:21,940 need a creative outlet. 177 00:07:21,970 --> 00:07:23,510 What was that? 178 00:07:25,670 --> 00:07:27,140 Summer! 179 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,050 I'm coming, Summer! 180 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,180 What the hell happened?! 181 00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,320 How do we get her back to normal?! 182 00:07:39,350 --> 00:07:41,790 I don't know, man! This thing is pretty complicated. 183 00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:43,190 I-I'm gonna call Rick. 184 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,160 Well, hold on. We can't just call your grandpa 185 00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:46,630 whenever there's a problem. 186 00:07:46,660 --> 00:07:48,200 We can handle this ourselves. 187 00:07:48,230 --> 00:07:50,130 I mean, I don't see the point in trying to. 188 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,030 This is obviously Rick-level shit. 189 00:07:52,070 --> 00:07:53,700 I have a medical degree. 190 00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,140 Is that what this is about? 191 00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:56,670 L-Like, you want to prove yourself? 192 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,840 Oh, it's not about anything, Morty. How dare you? 193 00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:00,380 Okay, good. Then I'll just call... Ow! 194 00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:02,210 Morty, I need this. 195 00:08:03,410 --> 00:08:05,390 Hey, Jerry, triple trunks here says he knows a place 196 00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:07,680 where the ladies drop panties for anyone bi-pedal. 197 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:08,960 Yeah, I'm not really interested. 198 00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:10,720 My heart still belongs to Beth. 199 00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:12,220 Oh. Huh. Okay. 200 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,220 What, you don't think I have a shot? 201 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:16,320 I didn't say that. 202 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,460 Excuse me. May I have another one of these? 203 00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:20,030 Coming right up. 204 00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:22,870 Hmm, things weren't always so bad between Beth and me. 205 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:24,630 We had some good times when we were younger. 206 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,030 Oh, yeah, I bet. 207 00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:27,710 That's how teenage pregnancy happens, my friend. 208 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:29,240 Yeah, no. 209 00:08:29,270 --> 00:08:31,670 Things were pretty great, even until a couple of years ago. 210 00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:33,010 Jerry, I get it. 211 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:34,650 That's around the time I moved in with you guys. 212 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:35,980 Oh, I guess you're right. 213 00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:37,520 Jerry, you know, I hope you're not suggesting 214 00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:39,420 that I had anything to do with your marriage breaking up, 215 00:08:39,450 --> 00:08:42,220 because there are some major issues between you and Beth 216 00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:44,220 that have been there since you guys met. 217 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,690 Hey, to new beginnings. 218 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,390 To the Whirly Dirly. 219 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,930 The Whirly Dirly? 220 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,430 All right, what's going on here? 221 00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:56,260 When did you get cool?! 222 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,830 When you stole my wife! 223 00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:00,040 I should have done that a long time ago! 224 00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:01,840 We're going on the Whirly Dirly! 225 00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:03,410 Whirly Dirly, baby. 226 00:09:04,570 --> 00:09:06,210 Aha, look at this. 227 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,580 It says "normalize." 228 00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:09,040 I bet if we just press that... 229 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,080 But... if the machine was made by spider people, 230 00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:12,920 normal would mean eight legs. 231 00:09:12,950 --> 00:09:14,880 Oh, God! Are you gonna go on another spiel 232 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,790 like you did with the flesh-colored crayon? 233 00:09:16,820 --> 00:09:19,220 I'm pretty sure "normalize" will make her normal. 234 00:09:20,990 --> 00:09:22,930 Aah! 235 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,890 I'd call that progress. 236 00:09:24,930 --> 00:09:26,390 She's huge! And normal! 237 00:09:26,430 --> 00:09:28,030 I'm not normal! 238 00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:29,130 Mom! 239 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,310 Okay, this says "reverse." Done and done. 240 00:09:30,330 --> 00:09:32,070 I don't think that's a good idea. 241 00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,180 Oh, come on! What else could "reverse" possibly mean? 242 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,710 Aah! 243 00:09:36,740 --> 00:09:38,740 Mom, call Rick! 244 00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:40,140 Thank you. 245 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,720 There's a customer-service number on here. 246 00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:42,950 Mom! 247 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,280 Oh, man. This is gonna be awesome! 248 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,950 I got to hand it to you, Jerry. This was a solid idea. 249 00:09:51,990 --> 00:09:53,160 Uh, yeah. Uh-huh. 250 00:09:53,190 --> 00:09:55,160 And you know what? I'll cop to it. 251 00:09:55,190 --> 00:09:56,730 I put a lot of strain on your marriage. 252 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,490 It wasn't fair. I'm sorry. 253 00:09:58,530 --> 00:10:00,430 What?! I didn't respect your marriage. 254 00:10:00,460 --> 00:10:01,960 I certainly didn't do it any favors. 255 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,430 And for what it's worth, 256 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,600 I'll apologize to Beth for it when we get home. 257 00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:07,840 Whoo! Whirly Dirly! Yeah! 258 00:10:07,870 --> 00:10:09,170 Stop the ride! We got to get off. 259 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,640 What are you talking about, buddy? 260 00:10:10,670 --> 00:10:12,180 We got to get out of this thing. We got to get out! 261 00:10:12,210 --> 00:10:14,410 Jerry, come on, man! 262 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:15,950 We haven't even gotten to the first whirly. 263 00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:18,250 No, no, this sucks. It's so boring. 264 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,820 I mean, I'm falling asleep here. 265 00:10:19,850 --> 00:10:21,570 Let's just get out and crawl down the sides. 266 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:32,360 Uh, get down! Duck down! 267 00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:33,860 It's more fun when you scrunch down. 268 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,960 Jerry, what the... 269 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,470 Oh shit! 270 00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:56,380 Rick, up here! There's a spot where you can kill him! 271 00:10:56,420 --> 00:11:00,120 Good call, Jerry! 272 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,660 Hey, how'd you know about that? 273 00:11:01,690 --> 00:11:02,990 Uh... 274 00:11:19,270 --> 00:11:20,580 Lisa? 275 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:31,050 So, uh, Jerry, big fan of the Whirly Dirly, are you? 276 00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,220 Not anymore. Obviously. 277 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:36,060 But when you were, how did you know about it? 278 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,900 We had a deal, Jerry Smith. 279 00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:47,940 It's a really common name. 280 00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,040 Now, take it easy, Rick. 281 00:11:51,070 --> 00:11:52,680 You've been in a serious roller-coaster crash. 282 00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:54,290 It's... It's no time to be thinking about 283 00:11:54,310 --> 00:11:56,780 who did or didn't play a role in your attempted murder. 284 00:11:56,810 --> 00:11:58,510 Get it off me! 285 00:11:58,550 --> 00:11:59,850 It's eating me! 286 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,380 Look, I confess, okay? 287 00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:03,030 They told me about all the bad stuff you did to this planet 288 00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:05,090 and reminded me of all the bad stuff you did to me. 289 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,700 But then you said you were sorry, and I realized 290 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,070 you're not a monster... Not like this thing. 291 00:12:08,090 --> 00:12:09,860 Fuck It's got me good. 292 00:12:09,890 --> 00:12:11,090 This is a mislead, right? 293 00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,900 You're inventing a thing to save me. 294 00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:14,310 That would be called a knife, Jerry. 295 00:12:14,330 --> 00:12:15,760 It's been invented. 296 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,640 I'm making a way out of here... One seat ought to do it. 297 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,130 I'm sorry. I-I made a mistake. 298 00:12:19,170 --> 00:12:21,700 I won't do it again! Nobody ever does. 299 00:12:24,070 --> 00:12:25,770 You self-righteous piece of shit. 300 00:12:25,810 --> 00:12:27,380 You took my family! 301 00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:28,780 I took your family? 302 00:12:28,810 --> 00:12:30,320 Who do you think had more taken from them 303 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,580 when you shot 20 ccs 304 00:12:31,610 --> 00:12:33,450 of liquid dream-killer into my daughter? 305 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,320 She was Rick's daughter, Jerry. She had options! 306 00:12:36,350 --> 00:12:37,720 Oof. 307 00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:39,720 That all ended because she felt sorry for you. 308 00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:41,890 You act like prey, but you're a predator! 309 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,590 You use pity to lure in your victims! 310 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:44,930 That's how you survive! 311 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,270 I survive because I know everything. 312 00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:48,300 That snakes survives because children wander off, 313 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:49,930 and you survive because people think, 314 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,570 "Oh, this poor piece of shit. He never gets a break." 315 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,440 I can't stand the deafening silent wails 316 00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:55,800 of his wilting soul. 317 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,440 "I guess I'll hire him or marry him." 318 00:12:57,470 --> 00:13:01,010 - Rick! - Rick! 319 00:13:06,610 --> 00:13:08,080 I knew you wouldn't let me die. 320 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,480 That was never an option. 321 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:10,950 Because you never had a son. 322 00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,590 No, because I need a living organism 323 00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:15,460 coated in gibble snake bile to attract a shmooglite runner. 324 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:17,530 Wait, what's happening? Use that confusion, Jerry. 325 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:20,760 It'll make you wriggle more like an abandoned newborn. 326 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,770 Jesus Christ! 327 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,770 What the fuck Rick?! 328 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,270 Help! Help me! 329 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,070 Aaah! 330 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,950 There's a space port 20 miles south. 331 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,990 We'll be able to board a galaxy class cruise ship 332 00:13:45,020 --> 00:13:46,400 and jump through a wormhole that will put us 333 00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:48,960 within spitting distance of the Milky Way. 334 00:13:48,990 --> 00:13:50,360 But, hey, it's about the journey, 335 00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:52,460 not the destination, right, Jerry? 336 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,570 Just stay put, sweetie! Mom's still on hold. 337 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,640 Morphizer customer service. How may I help you? 338 00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:02,980 Yes, I'm having a little trouble with one of your machines. 339 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,640 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, ma'am. 340 00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:07,480 Do you see a little compartment on the side of the machine? 341 00:14:07,510 --> 00:14:09,040 Let me check. Yes, got it. 342 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:10,380 Mom? 343 00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:12,980 Great! Now, do you see the little button next to it? 344 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,880 I do. Give that button a push. 345 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,550 Okay. Mom, listen to me! 346 00:14:16,580 --> 00:14:18,850 We're free!! 347 00:14:18,890 --> 00:14:21,720 Okay, so I pushed the button, and three little men ran out. 348 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,590 What do I do next? 349 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:24,990 Hello? 350 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,160 I think we got disconnected. 351 00:14:26,190 --> 00:14:27,260 Morty! 352 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,430 Don't "Morty" me! 353 00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:30,170 I tricked Rick into taking Dad on an adventure 354 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,340 because I thought I could get a break 355 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,940 from this kind of shit but no! 356 00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:35,170 Like father, like Goddamn daughter! 357 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,370 You want to be like Rick, congratulations! 358 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,510 You're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible! 359 00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:41,840 Everything okay here? 360 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,450 Mind your own Goddamn business, Gene! 361 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,280 I'm having a conversation with my mother here! 362 00:14:46,310 --> 00:14:48,430 Kissing Rick's ass isn't gonna help him keep him around, 363 00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:51,350 Mom, but it will help you lose everyone else. 364 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,190 Like I lost Summer. 365 00:14:53,220 --> 00:14:54,890 Hey, you haven't lost her yet. 366 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,860 No, I definitely did. She's gone. 367 00:14:56,890 --> 00:14:58,530 God damn it! 368 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:01,930 Go ahead. 369 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,600 Oh, come on. What's happening? 370 00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:08,870 Your friend is class C or above cybernetic augmentations. 371 00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,370 Emphasis on the above. 372 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,920 In any case, he needs to be neutralized. 373 00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:13,210 What?! Wait! 374 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,240 Ugh! 375 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,280 Brain hurty. 376 00:15:16,310 --> 00:15:17,550 What did you do? 377 00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:19,590 It's a synaptic dampener that blocks violent tendencies 378 00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:20,920 and controversial thought. 379 00:15:20,950 --> 00:15:23,050 He will now be an ideal passenger. 380 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,290 I want cookies and a 90-minute cut of "Avatar." 381 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,820 Seriously? 382 00:15:26,850 --> 00:15:28,590 Quit it. It'll wear off in six hours. 383 00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:31,290 It's cheaper than banning dangerous people from flights. 384 00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:33,100 I mean, let everybody buy a ticket, right? 385 00:15:33,130 --> 00:15:34,900 Otherwise, the terrorists win. 386 00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:40,740 Aah! 387 00:15:40,770 --> 00:15:43,310 I'm sorry I'm not a classic maternal archetype. 388 00:15:43,340 --> 00:15:45,180 Okay, I don't know what to do when you people come to me 389 00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,080 with your weird puberty issues. 390 00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:49,080 What are you gonna do when your daughter asks you 391 00:15:49,110 --> 00:15:50,180 if she's attractive? 392 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,450 I'll say "yes"! Morty, gross! 393 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,080 Well, she's gonna be super hot. 394 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,750 Her mother's gonna be Jessica... 395 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,320 Wait, when did Summer ask you that?! 396 00:15:57,350 --> 00:15:59,750 Right before she Clive Barkered herself. Why? 397 00:15:59,790 --> 00:16:01,260 Wait, I know where she is! 398 00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:03,190 Ethan and Summer were supposed to go camping, 399 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,430 and then he dumped Summer for this girl, Tricia Lange, 400 00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:07,600 who's got huge boobies and took her. 401 00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:09,770 Campsite... The one with the name that sounds like somebody 402 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,800 gave up halfway through naming it. 403 00:16:11,830 --> 00:16:13,440 Uh... Camp Flabanabba! 404 00:16:13,470 --> 00:16:15,000 Mama's coming, baby. 405 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,540 Mama's coming, and she cares about your titties! 406 00:16:17,570 --> 00:16:20,940 They have sweet smiggle honey cookies. 407 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,010 Mmm! And low-calorie petroleum flakes. 408 00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:25,210 Obviously cookies. 409 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,450 Let's get you the flakes then. 410 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:27,880 Okay, but it's not what I wanted. 411 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,380 Well, maybe next time, you won't be 412 00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:31,790 such a dumb piece of shit and you can pick for yourself. 413 00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:33,120 That's not nice. What's that? 414 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,020 Did you just have a controversial thought? 415 00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:36,690 No. That's what I thought, bitch. 416 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,690 You little punk-ass. 417 00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:40,460 This is the best. 418 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,830 I agree. You've made things even easier 419 00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:44,300 than if you hadn't been incompetent. 420 00:16:44,330 --> 00:16:46,300 Uh-oh. We get shoot-shoot now. 421 00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:50,410 All right, folks, if you could please take your seats, 422 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,070 we're about to enter the wormhole. 423 00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:54,380 So, I hope everybody bought a dinner first. 424 00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:55,810 Nice. Nice. 425 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,180 Jerry, step over there 426 00:16:57,210 --> 00:16:58,650 and lock yourself in the escape pod. 427 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,420 You're not killing us? I'm killing Rick. 428 00:17:00,450 --> 00:17:03,050 You're free to go. You're no threat to me or anyone. 429 00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:04,490 Now you're just being mean. 430 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,050 Yeah, you're mean... No offense. 431 00:17:06,090 --> 00:17:07,720 Mean would be shooting you, Jerry. 432 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,090 This is saving a bullet. 433 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:10,730 Go back to your quietly ashamed family 434 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,070 and live out the rest of your days 435 00:17:12,090 --> 00:17:13,730 in denial of your vagina fantasies. 436 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,660 It was a one-time thought that everyone has! 437 00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:19,500 What are you doing? 438 00:17:19,530 --> 00:17:21,740 I'm being triumphantly brave! 439 00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:23,340 It's not triumphant or brave. 440 00:17:23,370 --> 00:17:24,670 You're not risking anything. 441 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:25,840 You might shoot me. 442 00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:27,180 I think you know I won't. 443 00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:28,520 Because you know I feel sorry for you. 444 00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:30,050 You're just doing this so you can tell yourself 445 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,450 you fought... Ow! 446 00:17:32,610 --> 00:17:34,520 Temporal shield compromised. 447 00:17:34,550 --> 00:17:37,120 Congratulations, Jerry. You get to die a man. 448 00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:38,590 Uh, that's okay! I'll leave! 449 00:17:38,620 --> 00:17:41,590 Please don't shoot. I-I'm the vagina guy, remember? 450 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:49,760 Whoa! What is happening to me? 451 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,770 Where is this? Where am I? 452 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,140 Am I dead? 453 00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:54,640 A-Am I... Am I still alive? 454 00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:57,370 Those aren't the questions you should be asking. 455 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,370 Huh?! 456 00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,510 Shh! 457 00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:24,100 Ah, got ya! 458 00:18:24,130 --> 00:18:25,570 Come here, you little pumpkin. 459 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,970 I have shit on my ass. 460 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,900 Whoa, fuck this! 461 00:18:29,940 --> 00:18:31,440 Who am I? 462 00:18:31,470 --> 00:18:32,940 Who am I? 463 00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:36,080 I'm time! I'm literally time! 464 00:18:36,110 --> 00:18:41,450 Whooooa! 465 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:42,780 Aah! 466 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:45,520 Oh, God. I feel like our souls were united, 467 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:47,760 and we were all one with eternity. 468 00:18:47,790 --> 00:18:49,260 Our body's unchanged, 469 00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:51,760 yet our minds have lived a thousand lifetimes. 470 00:18:51,790 --> 00:18:53,800 Is that enough time for me to forgive you? 471 00:18:53,830 --> 00:18:55,010 I don't know, but it's enough time 472 00:18:55,030 --> 00:18:57,000 for a synaptic dampener to wear off. 473 00:19:01,370 --> 00:19:03,510 He hadn't decided he was still going to kill us! 474 00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:05,610 He was talking himself into it. I've seen it before. 475 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,440 Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia. 476 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,550 I'm starting to believe you because I just finished merging 477 00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:12,510 with your essence for an endless epoch, 478 00:19:12,550 --> 00:19:14,620 and I'm already back to thinking you're an asshole. 479 00:19:14,650 --> 00:19:16,450 Fine with me. Let's just go our separate ways. 480 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,020 Sounds like you and the word "epoch" 481 00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:19,230 have a lot of catching up to do. 482 00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:20,790 Wait, don't leave me! 483 00:19:20,820 --> 00:19:22,330 All right, folks, you're free to get up 484 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:23,830 and walk around the cabin 485 00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:25,960 and maybe take the wormhole out for breakfast. 486 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,740 Okay, you can do the dinner one or the breakfast one, 487 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,260 but not both. 488 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,130 You think you got that thing figured out? 489 00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:34,340 Yeah, I know what I'm doing. 490 00:19:34,370 --> 00:19:36,340 Good. Because I have an idea. 491 00:19:38,540 --> 00:19:42,140 It's actually a contraction of "some" and "more," 492 00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:43,580 you see that? Oh, wow. 493 00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:44,680 I was way off. 494 00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:04,500 Morty, what's happening here? 495 00:20:04,530 --> 00:20:06,270 Summer got into my grandpa's garage, 496 00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:08,670 messed around, and turned herself into a monster. 497 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:10,910 My mom did the same to make her feel better. 498 00:20:10,940 --> 00:20:12,210 She's a good mom. 499 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,280 Oh, my God. I have to go call my mother! 500 00:20:17,310 --> 00:20:19,010 Tricia, wait! Ethan! Ethan! 501 00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:21,020 Hey, it's okay. Sit down. 502 00:20:21,050 --> 00:20:23,350 You made my sister cry, Ethan. 503 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,950 You messed with her body image. 504 00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,120 Look, Morty, I... 505 00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:27,460 Shh, shh, shh. 506 00:20:27,490 --> 00:20:30,730 Careful, Ethan. Your s'more is burning. 507 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,940 Uh, I guess we better get on the same page 508 00:20:42,970 --> 00:20:44,370 about our fake adventure. 509 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,810 Right. I'll make you a deal. 510 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,390 I'll leave out the part where you tried to murder me... 511 00:20:47,410 --> 00:20:48,810 And I'll leave out the part 512 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,650 where you admitted to sabotaging our marriage. 513 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:53,780 You want to...? 514 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:55,550 Nah, if the family sees me like this, 515 00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:57,220 they'll feel sorry for me. 516 00:20:57,250 --> 00:20:59,720 Which is no longer my signature move. 517 00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,790 Later days, amigo. 518 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,230 Actually, I just realized, I don't have my wallet, 519 00:21:06,260 --> 00:21:07,570 and my bus pass is in there, so maybe... 520 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,230 Stay strong, Jerry. I believe in you! 521 00:21:19,230 --> 00:21:22,230 From addic7ed.com 522 00:21:49,570 --> 00:21:52,170 I tell you, fellas. This is the life. 523 00:21:52,210 --> 00:21:53,810 It certainly is. 524 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,010 To freedom! 525 00:21:57,010 --> 00:21:58,380 Ooh! Looks like a 4-22. 526 00:21:58,410 --> 00:21:59,880 Ooh, a couple cranks on scaling knob 527 00:21:59,910 --> 00:22:02,780 with a four dilabyte cross fade would fix that in a jiff. 528 00:22:02,820 --> 00:22:05,520 Four? You'd be lucky to clear 13% de-morphized 529 00:22:05,550 --> 00:22:06,950 with that kind of range. 530 00:22:06,990 --> 00:22:10,060 Gentlemen, gentlemen, what did we agree on? 531 00:22:10,090 --> 00:22:11,490 No work talk! 532 00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:14,460 Let's just relax and enjoy our retirement, shall... 533 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,130 Oh, my God! 534 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,770 Aaah!