She was the closest person
I ever had to a mother.
To this day, I don't know how she found me.
And I was glad to finally find a real home.
Aren't you forgetting something?
Bless us, Dark Lord, for these thy gifts
which we are about to receive from thy infernal bounty,
through the power of Lucifer Eternal.
Nema.
I swear, the only other person who liked this as much as you
was my first husband.
And that's why it was so easy to poison him.
You're not gonna poison me, are you?
Not if you clean your room, like I asked you to.
You didn't really kill your first husband, did you?
No.
I killed my first three husbands.
You might as well learn this now.
If something isn't working,
it's best to just cut the cord.
And make sure the insurance policy's up to date.
That's evil.
Hell yeah.
I'm a devil mama.
She made me feel happy and protected.
So you can understand
why I gave you her form and her thoughts.
I need someone to help me
with the monumental task of remaking this world.
Who better than the one person I never stopped trusting
or loving?
Your jacket is stained.
So it is.
There's another one in the dresser.
What do you think?
- Hail Satan. - Not quite.
But I appreciate the sentiment.
Ms. Mead, I do believe you're glowing.
For the first time, I feel I know my place in the world.
By your side.
What is it?
A powerful presence.
What do you mean? Everyone's dead.
Not anymore.
I don't know what's going on.
Bad news, bitch.
You're back from the dead.
- I'm what? - Just breathe deeply.
You need time to get your bearings.
Poor dear, to be raised up and released
from an Identity Spell at the same moment.
I cannot believe Brock shoved a knife through my head.
That fucking bastard better hope he's dead.
She's by far the weakest among us
and seems to be handling it the best.
People react to spells in different ways.
I think the perfect antidote to stoke the blood
and speed up the recovery process
would be a spicy gazpacho Andaluz.
You think the kitchen here has a spice rack?
Can someone please tell me what's going on?
What do you mean, Identity Spell?
We placed it on you, for your protection.
Coco, too.
It kept you from knowing your true self.
Why?
Because you're special, Mallory.
And we need you. We need all of you.
You're on your own with that shit.
I made a billion dollars in TV,
and all I ever did was straddle the fence.
I'm sure as hell not dumping that strategy here, sisters.
I haven't promised anything. I haven't signed anything.
And I'm not here to defeat anyone.
Who cares? As if you could ever defeat anyone
with that backwards voodoo shit.
How can any of you defeat me,
when I've already won?
You haven't won.
Perhaps you haven't noticed the state of the world.
It's almost as bad as your dinner jacket.
But at least the world can be saved.
By you?
- By all of us. - Hey.
Get the wax out of your ears. I'm here to watch.
But I'm not.
Just don't let me die again, okay?
It really sucked the first time.
When I'm done,
you'll all wish you were still dead.
I always thought the world would end with fire and ice,
not witches and warlocks.
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Igneme accende. Igneme accende.
_
Ex forma mutata. Summa partes.
Remember, gentlemen,
a spell is much more than a series of arcane words.
But it is the power you bring
to those words that makes the magic.
Summa partes. Ex forma mutata...
Mr. Banks.
If you ever expect to rise beyond Level One,
you will arrive on time.
If punctuality is too taxing for you,
join the Magic Castle
and do card tricks with Neil Patrick Harris.
I'm sorry, sir.
And you forgot your book...
...again.
Now let's see if you've been practicing your spells,
or just fiddling with your wand.
Ex forma mutata.
Facti sunt figura novi.
Good. Keep going.
Your power is molecular.
Woven into your DNA.
See every atom.
Rearrange them.
Transform them.
Ex forma mutata. Facti sunt figura novi.
Yes!
That's what I'm talking about, gentlemen.
Mr. Chablis.
We've been summoned.
John Henry Moore.
Something must be grotesquely important
for you to be stinking up my office with that cancer stick.
I thought you quit.
I quit every week.
You might need one after you've seen what I've seen.
Please allow our colleagues
to make their own unbiased evaluation.
Ariel. Nobody told us you were coming.
I'll make arrangements for a celebration tonight.
The students can meet their Grand Chancellor.
No.
There is something much more pressing.
This was sent to me by a sympathetic member
of the Los Angeles Police Department.
Does that help with your memory?
I didn't do anything.
Except stab him with five knives.
You were the only one there, you sick little fuck.
I didn't touch those knives.
You won't find my fingerprints anywhere.
Save me.
Need a smoke?
Holy shit.
It's a classic case of demonic possession.
Ariel, as much as you want him to be,
the boy is not a warlock.
He's not the provocateur. Look at him.
I disagree.
I think it was a manifestation of wild energy.
It was out of control but full of potency and promise.
Let's just say that you're right and he was responsible.
Then his magic is dark and volatile,
and we should leave him the fuck alone.
Protection of our kind has become
a matter of life and death.
Warlocks have always been second-class citizens.
That doesn't mean that we have to open our doors
to just anyone, especially him.
This school gave us direction.
His power can be harnessed for good.
He could be the one we've been waiting for.
Remember the prophecy.
You're talking about the Alpha.
The warlock who becomes the Alpha
will have power beyond comprehension.
His magic will exceed that of the witches.
He could pass the test of the Seven Wonders.
And supplant their Supreme.
The Alpha will allow us to take our rightful place
at the top of the hierarchy.
Behold, what do you think?
I think you need to get a face-to-face with that boy.
Wake up.
There's somebody here to see you.
You're not a lawyer.
I'm a friend.
I don't have any friends.
I think maybe I can help you, Michael, if you let me.
I saw the tape of your interview with the detective.
It was impressive.
I'm not with the police or social services
or any part of the government.
I'm a warlock...
and I think you're one.
A warlock?
Your whole life,
things have occurred around you that you can't explain.
Maybe it was just a... a fleeting thought you had.
An impulse. A moment of rage.
But then it happened.
Like magic.
A warlock is someone who can control that magic.
When that detective was hurting you,
what went through your mind?
- Nothing. - No.
You were frightened and angry,
so you lashed out the only way you could.
You made some awful thoughts come true.
I just wanted him to get away.
How did you end up in here?
I was defending someone.
Actually, the only person who's never betrayed me.
You're not understanding what I want.
I don't want goat meat. I want a goat's head.
I need it for my incantations.
Lady, I can't sell you that.
Why? Are you only butchering headless goats?
I'm not giving you the head for some insane shit.
You're discriminating against my religious beliefs,
Mr. Butcher Man.
Where's your manager?
I'm gonna talk to your manager.
You are rude.
Don't ever talk to her like that.
Yeah?
Fuck you.
And fuck that batshit crazy bitch.
I never wanted to hurt anyone.
Michael, your life is about to begin.
Time for us to go.
What the hell are you doing?
You said you just wanted to talk to him.
He's innocent of all charges. I'm taking him with me.
He's not going anywhere.
That was awesome!
He'll probably wet his pants,
but he'll be released unharmed when we're gone.
Oh, I'm sure he won't feel a thing.
I'm a true believer, Michael.
I'll be here for you. Always.
Hail the new world.
Hail.
Hail the new world.
Boy's gonna make me proud someday.
- This place is underground? - It wasn't always.
An actual building stood here once.
It was beautiful, with big wooden beams
and giant glass windows that let you see forever.
Problem was we could see out, but others could see in.
In 2014, when Miss Cordelia went on her publicity tour
and outed us to the world,
some locals decided they didn't want us in their neighborhood.
They threw a little Molotov cocktail party
and burned everything down.
All that was left standing was the sculpture from the garden.
So we went underground again.
Literally.
Shall we?
I'd like you all to meet Michael.
Like many of us when we first arrived,
he is not sure that this is the place for him.
But in the days to come, we're going to show him that
not only is this the only place he belongs,
but that he's finally found his true home.
Now that you've had time to settle
and you've immersed yourself
in the study of magic here at the coven,
it's time to evaluate and see where you stand.
Normally, this would happen at the end of the first year.
Well, I've only been here a month.
Well, seeing your progress, we feel justified
in accelerating the process.
To begin, each warlock at our school
is assigned a level, one through four,
according to their talents and the breadth of their powers.
Are you all level fours?
Sadly, you're looking at a bunch of threes.
Sixes after a few cocktails.
A level four would mean a warlock
that is categorically as powerful as the female Supreme.
He would be the one we call the Alpha.
We shouldn't burden the boy with theory.
In the history of the coven, there's never been
a level four warlock.
Let's see if he can pass level one.
Scrying is the ability
to see things in a reflective surface.
Messages, visions, prophecies.
But today, we're not looking for the next Nostradamus.
All you need to do is to tell us where we hid a particular book.
- The New... - The New Adam and Eve.
By Hawthorne.
- First edition. - Yes.
Well, that'll get some extra credit.
Tremendous.
He was only tasked with telling us
where the book was hidden.
Even you have to admit that was impressive.
Impressive. And troubling.
Quite simply, he ignored directions.
Salire per spatium.
The ability to transport yourself instantly
throughout physical space.
Just pick a spot in the room, envision yourself there,
and make it happen.
What are those things for?
Motivation.
Anything else?
You want me to dust up here?
This final test requires
an understanding not only of magic,
but of nature.
Stiricidium.
Molecules of water are all around us.
Change the weather inside this room,
and turn the water into snow.
Beautiful!
I can't breathe.
Enough!
I'm sorry.
I didn't know that was inside of me.
You're testing your wings.
Once you're fully in control of your powers,
you'll have the confidence to soar.
Thank you for your spirited participation, Michael.
You've given us a lot to consider.
Everyone in this room can do some of what he did.
Not a single one of us can do it all.
He crushed every test, surpassed all our expectations.
He is the most powerful warlock
I've ever seen, and I've seen a few.
The witches' dominion over us
will soon be a thing of the past.
Are you serious?
He almost killed us.
Can't you see that there is a malevolence to his magic?
To him?
We should be afraid.
You can't corral the darkness.
Don't be afraid of Michael.
Be afraid of the status quo.
Be afraid to do nothing.
We have an obligation
to our kind, to our future, to see if he can rise
and lead us to our rightful place.
We can't stop now.
We're at the cusp.
This is the moment when everything changes.
It might seem easy to alter the color of a flower,
but the rose is unique. It resists change.
Why?
Empress Joséphine Bonaparte,
wife of Napoléon and proud witch,
cultivated one of the largest rose gardens in Europe.
It's said that Joséphine enchanted her roses
so that the colors she produced remained fixed
as she wanted them.
Maybe so.
But one thing's certain.
Nothing is immutable
when the will of a strong woman is applied.
Now...
show me how strong you are.
Watch her.
You really think she's something special?
I'll let you be the judge.
She has some ability, no question.
Look.
My God.
She claims her grandmother
told her that her bloodline stretches
all the way back to Salem.
What is it?
The Hawthorne School for Exceptional Young Men.
They called an emergency council.
We're obliged to get on a plane immediately.
Airline food for lunch when I made reservations at Galatoires.
It's just too cruel.
Are you sure we couldn't have made them come to us?
The rules are the rules.
Besides, did we really want all those men
traipsing around our house?
Let the record show that at the request of Hawthorne School,
that we have assembled
an emergency meeting of the council.
In order to address what must surely be a matter of grave
and pressing importance.
Proceed.
Illustrious members,
I want to thank you for coming and giving us the opportunity
to share with you what we've discovered.
We recently took in a boy here at the school.
At first, we thought he was simply one of us,
a warlock who needed our help and training.
But?
The things he did were extraordinary,
and after conducting the requisite test of his powers,
we came to the conclusion that his abilities are so impressive
that they rise to the level of Supreme.
Did you say this was a boy,
as in male?
Ariel,
you actually believe this?
We wouldn't have summoned the council otherwise.
In all recorded history,
no man has ever approached the level of Supreme.
Men are simply not equal to women
when it comes to magical ability.
Not to mention everything else.
Testosterone is a known inhibitor.
It impedes access to the ethereal realm.
Frankly, I question your judgment
by calling us here for this.
- You're not even hearing us out. - There's nothing to hear.
There will never be a male Supreme.
It will simply never happen.
Listen to yourselves.
You say that something hasn't happened,
so therefore it can never happen.
What exactly is it that you want from us?
We want you to administer the test of the Seven Wonders.
That is out of the question.
Why?
Because I'd be condemning this boy to his death.
I lost one of my most promising witches, Misty Day,
by sanctioning a test before her time.
I won't make that mistake again.
I take care of my own.
At least the ones you care about.
What do you mean by that?
One of your own, who you abandoned,
Queenie.
Of course it's the black girl you leave behind.
I see you, Ms. Supreme.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Queenie was missing.
She traveled to Los Angeles and never came back.
I knew something awful had happened to her.
Her life force just vanished.
So I went searching for her.
And when I found out she was trapped in the Hotel Cortez,
I went immediately to bring her back
from that monstrous place.
And I had no illusions about it being easy.
The Cortez is a place of evil.
A hell mouth.
Damn, I have to take that trick.
I'm so glad I killed you, the only player worth playing
in this entire establishment.
- How long does this game go on? - Eternity, my dear.
But not to worry, besides hearts,
I can teach you spades, poker, blackjack, bridge, rummy.
A live one.
Cordelia.
Let's get out of here, Queenie.
Gladly.
You're a plucky one... I admire that,
but as you already know, Queenie,
you can never leave this place.
Fuck you, March. This is Cordelia.
She knows exactly how to get me out of here.
Shit.
I could hear the souls
screaming in the walls, desperate for a way out.
I realized then that the hotel wasn't merely haunted,
but an entryway to all things dark and satanic...
No!
...where the devil reigns.
Queenie!
We went through every door
and every window,
but we couldn't escape the hotel.
All my spells and incantations
were useless
in that dark realm.
The light from which we draw our power
was extinguished by Satan himself.
I was there for days.
The ghost of March got bored and finally left us alone.
Cordelia, nothing's ever gonna work.
You should just go back to the coven. They need you.
I'm sorry, Queenie.
I'm so sorry.
My effort to rescue Queenie
is by far
my greatest failure as Supreme.
But I tried.
And I do care about all of our people.
All of our people.
So I won't throw this boy's life away on some useless endeavor.
There will be no test.
That is this council's decision.
Why do you get to decide that?
Because I'm the fucking Supreme.
No, you're just a scared bigot.
Scared of what?
Of the Alpha.
Of a man rising to the level of Supreme.
Of an end to ages of female dominance.
I'm telling you, that time has come.
And your time is up.
This council is closed.
The decision is final.
There's nothing more to be said.
Gin.
This is the 56,433rd hand I've won in a row.
Only amateurs keep score.
What a fascinating specimen.
Alive, yet so intimate with the dead.
Who the hell are you?
My name is Michael Langdon.
And I'm here to do for you what your Supreme couldn't.
Yeah, right.
Take his hand, Queenie.
And what if I don't want to?
I'm not sure you have a choice.
Be right back.
Solitaire it is.
Come on.
There's one person left to get.
Let's go.
The policy clearly states that I can return this for any reason
for a full refund.
It's used.
"For any reason." This thing cooks for shit.
Look for yourself.
Great. Now it's broke.
I want to talk to your manager.
No, no, no. Please don't call my manager.
Manager! I need a manager over here.
Hey, don't I know you?
- You're an actress. - I sing a little, too.
I was working on an album of Celine Dion deep cuts
before all of this, but yeah, I'm really known for my acting.
Lindsay Lohan.
No. I'm Madison Montgomery.
Do you have a twin sister?
No, but I have a fucking name tag.
But there were two of you in The Parent Trap.
- Yeah, how'd they do that? - Okay, listen up, idiot.
I was the star of multiple TV movies,
and I was up for a very substantial role
in a Mike Myers film, so yeah.
Then why are you working here?
That's not Lindsay Lohan.
Yeah. She's nobody.
Who are you? Huh? You're not even the star of your own hell.
You're a nameless day player in my eternal suffering.
Go refold the towels in aisle 14.
No, I just... I just did that before I came down here.
Go!
Hello, Madison.
You don't belong here.
You're not like the others.
You can tell? Interesting.
I would think most souls wouldn't have any awareness
in their personal hell.
The confusion would only add to the suffering.
Well, I've always had the curse of being right
and knowing more than everyone else,
so I guess me knowing I'm in hell is ironic or something.
Who are you?
I'm the man who's gonna get you out of here.
Yeah, right.
What's the catch?
Do I have to blow you or something?
No.
Okay.
Well, when we get out of here, can I anyway?
You're a snack, and I haven't had a good dicking in forever.
Any dicking, really.
And they intentionally make sure all the personal massagers
are out of stock, so...
Damn.
A ho even in the afterlife, huh?
Get off me, bitch.
Is it really you? I mean, how did you get here?
- What is all of this? - Okay, so...
I was dead and stuck in some haunted hotel
or something, and I swear to God,
had the most boring, annoying white people since...
since you, and then this dude came,
and he freed me and brought me down here to get you.
- Why? - Honestly, I don't know.
I was trying to talk him out of it the whole way here.
I told him that you are a stone cold bitch
and that you're exactly where you belong.
There is work to do.
I need you both.
For our powers?
No.
To prove a point.
Just take me, please.
Okay? Whatever you need, I will do it.
I promise to be so good if I get another chance.
Now, why would you want to do something silly like that?
Cordelia.
The car is ready.
Are you all right, dear?
Yes, I'm fine.
The air in here, it's...
The fetid stench of unwashed boy.
Makes Bourbon Street smell like Chanel No. 5.
I can't bear it another minute.
High time we left these mole people
and returned to civilization.
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