1
00:00:02,197 --> 00:00:03,409
Hey, man.

2
00:00:03,529 --> 00:00:05,205
- What?
- That show about the cabin in

3
00:00:05,325 --> 00:00:08,062
the woods is on again tonight.
It's a different story every week,

4
00:00:08,182 --> 00:00:11,276
but I think some of the people
in the town are in every episode.

5
00:00:11,396 --> 00:00:13,543
So, there's an older couple
who rents the cabin,

6
00:00:13,663 --> 00:00:15,879
and there's a guy next
door who has a kid.

7
00:00:15,999 --> 00:00:17,622
Plus, there's a stripper who tapes dudes

8
00:00:17,742 --> 00:00:20,116
and blackmails them with
the help of her stepson.

9
00:00:20,236 --> 00:00:23,051
Although last episode, that
dude got locked in his own trunk.

10
00:00:23,171 --> 00:00:26,063
- Anyway, you should check it out.
- Yeah, I don't know.

11
00:00:26,183 --> 00:00:28,214
I didn't really like the last
show you recommended.

12
00:00:28,334 --> 00:00:29,589
The Grammys?

13
00:00:29,624 --> 00:00:31,948
Yeah. Too much music.

14
00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:37,892
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT
HAPPENED IN YOUR CABIN

15
00:00:40,895 --> 00:00:42,647
DIED IN A FIRE.

16
00:00:45,817 --> 00:00:47,777
POT BROWNIES

17
00:00:50,989 --> 00:00:52,448
POOPED IN A BAG

18
00:00:53,074 --> 00:00:55,243
PULL OUT ALL MY LEG HAIR

19
00:00:56,719 --> 00:00:59,908
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 
- www.addic7ed.com -

20
00:01:15,570 --> 00:01:17,069
- Jill.
- Father.

21
00:01:17,105 --> 00:01:18,916
Do I have you to thank for this bounty?

22
00:01:19,036 --> 00:01:20,706
I didn't want you to get hungry.

23
00:01:20,742 --> 00:01:22,875
It's gonna be a long one.

24
00:01:22,911 --> 00:01:24,833
Our son, Ethan, was coming to

25
00:01:24,953 --> 00:01:26,327
town with his fiancée.

26
00:01:26,447 --> 00:01:28,180
And as I've told you before,

27
00:01:28,216 --> 00:01:31,918
as long as his fiancée refuses
to enter the house of the Lord,

28
00:01:31,953 --> 00:01:34,186
she's not welcome in mine, either.

29
00:01:34,222 --> 00:01:37,223
So, Jeff and I rented a
cabin in the mountains.

30
00:01:38,578 --> 00:01:41,761
- Did you find a good church yet?
- No, Mom.

31
00:01:41,796 --> 00:01:43,963
Just because Lynn's
an atheist doesn't mean

32
00:01:43,998 --> 00:01:46,365
you can't spend a little
time away from each other

33
00:01:46,401 --> 00:01:47,700
on a Sunday morning.

34
00:01:47,735 --> 00:01:49,802
You're gonna be
separated in the afterlife.

35
00:01:49,837 --> 00:01:53,021
Might as well practice.

36
00:01:53,141 --> 00:01:55,346
- How's work, Mom?
- Oh, you know.

37
00:01:55,713 --> 00:01:58,177
Work is work.

38
00:01:58,212 --> 00:02:01,629
Somebody brought in a
constipated ferret last week.

39
00:02:01,749 --> 00:02:03,716
Have you ever seen
a ferret in real life?

40
00:02:03,751 --> 00:02:05,751
Looks like an eel wearing a toupée.

41
00:02:05,787 --> 00:02:07,987
I don't even think it's legal
to have them as pets.

42
00:02:08,022 --> 00:02:09,522
I wanted to call the police.

43
00:02:09,557 --> 00:02:11,624
But Dr. Griffin disagreed.

44
00:02:11,659 --> 00:02:15,628
So I just did my job and
lubed up his little pinky

45
00:02:15,663 --> 00:02:18,234
so he could shove it up
that dirty little varmint's

46
00:02:18,354 --> 00:02:19,565
impacted anus.

47
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,866
Ah!

48
00:02:20,902 --> 00:02:23,035
Sorry. I hit a bug.

49
00:02:23,071 --> 00:02:24,439
I can't drive with guts

50
00:02:24,559 --> 00:02:26,075
on the windshield.

51
00:02:28,509 --> 00:02:31,310
Ohh. Would you look at that?

52
00:02:31,346 --> 00:02:34,046
Every little girl driving down
this highway must think

53
00:02:34,082 --> 00:02:36,282
the only way she can get her dream car

54
00:02:36,317 --> 00:02:39,085
is to shake her bosoms
at horny truckers.

55
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:48,398
POLE GAL

56
00:02:56,341 --> 00:02:57,831
It's him.

57
00:02:58,114 --> 00:02:59,605
Where the hell are you?

58
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:03,320
- I'm locked in the trunk of my car.
- How did that happen?!

59
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,845
Because I'm not cut out
for this kind of thing!

60
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,047
When are you gonna get
that through your skull?

61
00:03:08,082 --> 00:03:10,049
You better watch your volume, dickhead.

62
00:03:10,084 --> 00:03:11,550
When that train killed your daddy,

63
00:03:11,586 --> 00:03:13,486
I could've thrown your
crying, 15-year-old ass out,

64
00:03:13,521 --> 00:03:15,721
but instead I gave you a job
and kept a roof over your head

65
00:03:15,757 --> 00:03:17,156
for the last seven years.

66
00:03:17,191 --> 00:03:18,791
Now, you show me another
stepmom that would do that

67
00:03:18,826 --> 00:03:21,409
for her adopted black son, and
don't you say Sandra Bullock,

68
00:03:21,529 --> 00:03:24,363
'cause I know your slow ass ain't
protecting nobody's blind side.

69
00:03:24,399 --> 00:03:27,294
Now, you just sit tight, and I'll
come get you when we close.

70
00:03:27,414 --> 00:03:28,834
You want cash or a handie?

71
00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:30,269
I'll take the cash.

72
00:03:30,304 --> 00:03:32,405
I feel you tend to rush
things when we barter.

73
00:03:45,455 --> 00:03:48,221
"HOW DO I SPICE UP MY MARRIAGE?"

74
00:03:57,758 --> 00:03:57,800
HORNY? FIND STRIP CLUBS IN YOUR AREA

75
00:04:06,441 --> 00:04:07,706
Hello.

76
00:04:08,065 --> 00:04:09,175
Oh, hi.

77
00:04:09,210 --> 00:04:11,777
We're here to pick up the
keys for Froggy Cottage.

78
00:04:11,813 --> 00:04:13,530
Oh, of course.

79
00:04:13,650 --> 00:04:15,292
Let me, uh...

80
00:04:15,575 --> 00:04:18,217
Let me find your reservations.

81
00:04:20,610 --> 00:04:23,155
Are you sure you want
to go through with this?

82
00:04:23,191 --> 00:04:25,091
We could go to jail, you know.

83
00:04:25,126 --> 00:04:26,859
Don't get soft on me now, Jeff.

84
00:04:26,894 --> 00:04:28,861
We've got some heavy
lifting for the Lord to do.

85
00:04:28,896 --> 00:04:32,231
Our son is not marrying an atheist.

86
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,600
Okey doke.

87
00:04:37,672 --> 00:04:39,338
This is nice, right?

88
00:04:39,825 --> 00:04:41,934
What do you reckon this
thing's supposed to be?

89
00:04:42,054 --> 00:04:43,455
Did you talk to your mother

90
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:45,774
about letting us stay in
the same room this time?

91
00:04:46,339 --> 00:04:48,258
I'll get those for you.

92
00:04:53,156 --> 00:04:55,899
- It would just be easier...
- You're a pussy. You know that?

93
00:04:56,019 --> 00:04:58,353
I know. I never said I wasn't a pussy.

94
00:05:12,295 --> 00:05:14,436
Jeff, it's time.

95
00:05:35,911 --> 00:05:38,026
Okay. Let's do this.

96
00:05:38,411 --> 00:05:40,430
So, what exactly

97
00:05:40,550 --> 00:05:42,386
was in this syringe

98
00:05:42,506 --> 00:05:44,453
you stuck into your son's fiancée's leg?

99
00:05:44,573 --> 00:05:46,026
Propofol.

100
00:05:46,061 --> 00:05:48,561
As a veterinary nurse, I have access

101
00:05:48,597 --> 00:05:50,663
to some very powerful sedatives.

102
00:05:50,699 --> 00:05:53,166
The trick is figuring
out how much to use,

103
00:05:53,201 --> 00:05:55,635
so I just tripled the dose
we gave a cocker spaniel

104
00:05:55,670 --> 00:05:57,140
who had a hysterectomy.

105
00:05:57,260 --> 00:05:59,710
Can you believe that's
what she sleeps in?

106
00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:02,888
Talk about skimpy. Looks like
something Farrah Fawcett

107
00:06:03,008 --> 00:06:05,727
would wear on her honeymoon.
Just look at those nipples.

108
00:06:05,847 --> 00:06:08,621
Don't actually look, Jeff.
That's an expression.

109
00:06:08,741 --> 00:06:12,397
Oh, sorry, I-I couldn't
tell from your inflection.

110
00:06:12,517 --> 00:06:15,849
I mean, goodness gracious,
what's wrong with a proper pair

111
00:06:15,969 --> 00:06:18,023
of old-fashioned, tasteful PJ's?

112
00:06:18,143 --> 00:06:20,100
What, has that girl never
heard of Lands' End?

113
00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:23,630
I-I know. Times change.

114
00:06:37,512 --> 00:06:39,599
This is why I want a normal job.

115
00:06:39,719 --> 00:06:42,749
I could go back to school. Do you
remember that commercial we saw?

116
00:06:42,784 --> 00:06:44,235
If you say the words
"air-conditioning repair"

117
00:06:44,355 --> 00:06:46,849
to me again, I swear to God
I will stab you with a fork.

118
00:06:55,462 --> 00:06:57,178
Jeff and I had already

119
00:06:57,298 --> 00:06:58,865
prepared the hot tub area

120
00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,533
for Lynn's baptism.

121
00:07:07,038 --> 00:07:08,607
We had lit some candles we

122
00:07:08,727 --> 00:07:10,743
had brought from the church...

123
00:07:12,414 --> 00:07:15,682
... and I changed Lynn
into a more tasteful outfit

124
00:07:15,717 --> 00:07:18,303
as Jeff averted his eyes.

125
00:07:20,275 --> 00:07:23,412
The whole ceremony only
takes about 10 minutes.

126
00:07:27,662 --> 00:07:30,763
Jeff dunked her under
water about four times,

127
00:07:30,799 --> 00:07:34,037
holding her nose to make
sure she didn't drown.

128
00:07:34,903 --> 00:07:37,652
I dried her off the best I could

129
00:07:37,772 --> 00:07:39,839
and put her back into her nightgown...

130
00:07:39,874 --> 00:07:41,741
If you can call it that.

131
00:07:57,158 --> 00:08:00,004
Some lunatic wrote a filthy
story in the guest book

132
00:08:00,124 --> 00:08:02,085
about women and feet.

133
00:08:03,131 --> 00:08:06,199
I can't imagine how crowded
Hell must be these days.

134
00:08:06,234 --> 00:08:08,701
- Good morning.
- Good morning!

135
00:08:08,737 --> 00:08:10,698
- How'd you sleep?
- Great.

136
00:08:10,818 --> 00:08:13,272
Must be the mountain air.
I feel amazing.

137
00:08:13,308 --> 00:08:15,908
Lynn can blame it on the
mountain air all she wants,

138
00:08:15,944 --> 00:08:18,077
but I knew why she felt the way she did.

139
00:08:18,113 --> 00:08:21,663
It was the first time she woke
up with the Lord in her soul.

140
00:08:21,783 --> 00:08:24,217
And because of that, we
all started to get along.

141
00:08:24,252 --> 00:08:27,553
But I'm not saying definitively
that there is no God.

142
00:08:27,589 --> 00:08:30,472
I mean, how could I? My
doubt of a higher being

143
00:08:30,592 --> 00:08:32,458
is based on the absence of proof.

144
00:08:32,494 --> 00:08:35,296
So, there's an argument
to be made that without

145
00:08:35,416 --> 00:08:38,030
tangible proof that there is no God,

146
00:08:38,066 --> 00:08:40,816
I can't logically rule it out.

147
00:08:40,936 --> 00:08:42,535
I was feeling so good

148
00:08:42,570 --> 00:08:44,546
about the change that
was happening in Lynn

149
00:08:44,666 --> 00:08:47,273
that I got brave enough
to take a little gamble.

150
00:08:47,308 --> 00:08:49,675
Lynn, listen.

151
00:08:49,711 --> 00:08:52,311
I know you have your beliefs,
and I totally respect that.

152
00:08:52,347 --> 00:08:54,280
But I bought something for you

153
00:08:54,315 --> 00:08:56,249
before I knew about
the whole atheist thing,

154
00:08:56,284 --> 00:08:58,484
and I've been holding
onto it, which is really silly

155
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,587
because it's just a
beautiful piece of jewelry.

156
00:09:01,623 --> 00:09:04,773
Oh, my. Look at that.
There's a little Jesus on there.

157
00:09:04,893 --> 00:09:06,593
Well, that's one way of looking at it.

158
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,702
Or, it's just a pretty necklace

159
00:09:08,822 --> 00:09:11,230
with a very fit,
long-haired hippie on a cross.

160
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,180
It doesn't matter who you
think it is. There's no denying

161
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,703
that the blue of his tears

162
00:09:17,739 --> 00:09:20,506
really makes your eyes pop.

163
00:09:24,706 --> 00:09:27,181
Thank you. I love it.

164
00:09:28,241 --> 00:09:29,489
You're welcome.

165
00:09:31,908 --> 00:09:33,744
Did you sleep with the window open?

166
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:35,555
Yeah, but the screen was shut.

167
00:09:35,590 --> 00:09:38,428
Hey, have you guys gotten bitten
by any bugs while we're here?

168
00:09:38,548 --> 00:09:40,927
Lynn woke up with
something weird on her leg.

169
00:09:41,864 --> 00:09:44,209
- Oh, my.
- Good Lord.

170
00:09:44,329 --> 00:09:46,186
It's bad, right? I told you it was bad!

171
00:09:46,306 --> 00:09:48,226
- Well, I don't know.
- No, no, no. It's not bad.

172
00:09:48,346 --> 00:09:50,136
It's, um, just a bug bite.

173
00:09:50,171 --> 00:09:53,325
Last time we were up here,
I had something very similar.

174
00:09:53,975 --> 00:09:56,509
It'll go away. It'll go away.

175
00:09:56,544 --> 00:09:59,212
It'll... go away.

176
00:10:02,061 --> 00:10:03,462
Dear Lord,

177
00:10:03,582 --> 00:10:05,753
as I have told you repeatedly

178
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:08,521
throughout the day, we have a problem.

179
00:10:08,556 --> 00:10:11,691
Lynn's leg is still red and inflamed

180
00:10:11,726 --> 00:10:13,359
around the injection site.

181
00:10:13,394 --> 00:10:16,062
Will you stop reading and
get down on your knees?

182
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:19,335
I already prayed when you were in
the bathroom shaving your calluses.

183
00:10:19,455 --> 00:10:22,119
- Did you pray about Lynn's leg?
- Yeah, mostly.

184
00:10:22,239 --> 00:10:24,871
I chatted with him a little bit
about my brother's problem,

185
00:10:24,906 --> 00:10:26,598
but no, most of it was about the leg.

186
00:10:26,718 --> 00:10:29,141
Your brother is a drunk who
was fired from Krispy Kreme.

187
00:10:29,177 --> 00:10:30,861
I can't have the Lord preoccupied

188
00:10:30,981 --> 00:10:32,745
with that right now. Get on your knees.

189
00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,547
I just started a chapter.

190
00:10:34,582 --> 00:10:36,284
Get on your knees.

191
00:10:43,113 --> 00:10:45,157
I'm sorry about that, Lord. Where was I?

192
00:10:45,193 --> 00:10:47,964
- I'm here now, too.
- He can see that.

193
00:10:48,289 --> 00:10:49,516
Lord,

194
00:10:50,429 --> 00:10:53,432
I know you work in mysterious ways,

195
00:10:53,468 --> 00:10:56,836
but I need you to make
that mark go away.

196
00:10:56,871 --> 00:10:59,403
Things have been better than
ever since Lynn's baptism,

197
00:10:59,523 --> 00:11:01,700
so I don't know why
you put that mark there.

198
00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:05,144
In any event, I need it
to disappear pronto.

199
00:11:05,179 --> 00:11:07,346
And for that, I pray.

200
00:11:08,229 --> 00:11:10,369
- What are you doing?
- Oh, getting into bed.

201
00:11:10,489 --> 00:11:11,817
You haven't prayed again yet.

202
00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:14,053
Well, I thought as long
as I was next to you,

203
00:11:14,088 --> 00:11:16,022
it was like I was...

204
00:11:20,028 --> 00:11:22,528
Lord, it's me again... Jeff.

205
00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:26,149
How 'bout we put a pin in all
that stuff about what my brother

206
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,734
may or may not have done
to those jelly doughnuts?

207
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:30,718
Instead, I'd like to draw your attention

208
00:11:30,838 --> 00:11:33,139
to the matter my wife was discussing.

209
00:11:44,354 --> 00:11:46,218
What's going on?

210
00:11:47,188 --> 00:11:50,323
Aah!

211
00:11:57,554 --> 00:11:59,854
You're sure you don't
want to talk to me alone?

212
00:11:59,974 --> 00:12:01,614
Why? I told you...

213
00:12:01,734 --> 00:12:03,266
He fell on the fork.

214
00:12:03,386 --> 00:12:05,372
I'd like to hear it from him.

215
00:12:06,683 --> 00:12:08,896
I fell on the fork.

216
00:12:11,104 --> 00:12:13,338
Well, you're the one
who wanted to separate.

217
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:15,296
If you can't live on the
money we agreed on,

218
00:12:15,332 --> 00:12:17,387
then maybe you should
think about getting a job.

219
00:12:17,507 --> 00:12:19,097
Oh, that's funny to you.

220
00:12:19,217 --> 00:12:21,302
It looks like she has
a MRSA staph infection.

221
00:12:21,338 --> 00:12:22,604
Oh, that's not good.

222
00:12:22,639 --> 00:12:24,739
We had a hamster that had one of those,

223
00:12:24,774 --> 00:12:26,747
- and we had to burn him.
- Yeah, I'm still here.

224
00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:28,604
You gonna put my son on so I can sing

225
00:12:28,724 --> 00:12:30,879
him a "Happy Birthday" before
he goes to school or not?

226
00:12:30,914 --> 00:12:32,745
No, I'm not saying he
shouldn't brush his teeth.

227
00:12:32,883 --> 00:12:35,583
Jesus, Jessica, does
everything have to be a fight?

228
00:12:35,619 --> 00:12:37,886
- How could this happen?
- All it takes is the tiniest cut

229
00:12:37,921 --> 00:12:40,288
- for an infection to get in.
- Get in from where?

230
00:12:40,323 --> 00:12:42,123
Oh, the MRSA virus is everywhere.

231
00:12:42,159 --> 00:12:44,059
You can pick it up
from a hotel doorknob,

232
00:12:44,094 --> 00:12:47,010
a public restroom, even a hot
tub if it's not cleaned properly.

233
00:12:47,130 --> 00:12:50,147
- Oh, dear Lord.
- We have her on I.V. antibiotics.

234
00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:52,133
We're gonna do everything
we can to save her leg.

235
00:12:52,169 --> 00:12:54,335
- Can I see her?
- She's in exam room four.

236
00:12:54,371 --> 00:12:56,494
We'll be admitting her upstairs soon.

237
00:12:56,614 --> 00:12:58,506
Eddie, if you're here to get oxy again,

238
00:12:58,542 --> 00:13:00,877
I'm gonna need to see a
broken bone. I am not giv...

239
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:02,444
Hey, buddy!

240
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:10,668
Bryce.

241
00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:19,327
How 'bout that, huh?

242
00:13:19,362 --> 00:13:22,368
I don't know. Just some
guy. But isn't that nice?

243
00:13:22,488 --> 00:13:23,920
Happy Birthday, buddy.

244
00:13:27,822 --> 00:13:30,712
I just don't get it, man. Why
are you doing this to me?

245
00:13:30,832 --> 00:13:32,856
I baptized an atheist for you.

246
00:13:32,976 --> 00:13:35,510
That's like dragging Osama bin
Laden into the White House

247
00:13:35,545 --> 00:13:38,295
and making him sing the national
anthem while eating a hot dog!

248
00:13:38,415 --> 00:13:39,981
Why are you punishing me?

249
00:13:40,016 --> 00:13:42,016
I told you this was a bad idea.

250
00:13:42,052 --> 00:13:45,053
We should've stayed home and
baptized her in our own bathtub.

251
00:13:45,088 --> 00:13:46,688
God knows who's been soaking

252
00:13:46,723 --> 00:13:48,990
their infected body in that hot tub.

253
00:13:49,919 --> 00:13:51,326
That's right.

254
00:13:51,361 --> 00:13:54,009
You knew exactly who
had been in that hut tub.

255
00:13:54,129 --> 00:13:56,600
How the heck did you
allow this to happen?

256
00:14:00,103 --> 00:14:02,170
How long have you been standing there?

257
00:14:02,205 --> 00:14:03,754
Pretty long.

258
00:14:04,808 --> 00:14:07,362
Ethan was less than pleased.

259
00:14:08,145 --> 00:14:09,744
How could you do this?!

260
00:14:09,779 --> 00:14:11,246
I did it for you.

261
00:14:11,281 --> 00:14:14,149
Trust me, you do not want
to be married to an atheist.

262
00:14:14,184 --> 00:14:16,184
You think God's gonna pay attention

263
00:14:16,219 --> 00:14:18,086
to you and your little
half-atheist babies?

264
00:14:18,121 --> 00:14:19,871
And it was working, too.

265
00:14:19,991 --> 00:14:23,558
You saw how nice Lynn was
being after we baptized her.

266
00:14:23,593 --> 00:14:25,560
She admitted there might be a God.

267
00:14:25,595 --> 00:14:28,096
She even put on the crucifix I gave her.

268
00:14:28,131 --> 00:14:30,554
Because I bribed her! I told her if she

269
00:14:30,674 --> 00:14:33,664
put up with you and
played nice that I would...

270
00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:35,770
I made a deal with her.

271
00:14:35,805 --> 00:14:37,614
- What deal?
- It doesn't matter.

272
00:14:37,734 --> 00:14:40,351
It does matter. I would like to know

273
00:14:40,471 --> 00:14:42,911
what having your fiancée
pretend to like us

274
00:14:42,946 --> 00:14:46,181
and act like she is somewhat
open to the existence of God

275
00:14:46,216 --> 00:14:47,708
- is worth to you.
- Fine.

276
00:14:47,828 --> 00:14:49,435
I told her that I would go down on her

277
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,619
four times for every time
she goes down on me.

278
00:14:51,655 --> 00:14:54,389
Oh, man. That's a crap deal, son.

279
00:14:54,424 --> 00:14:56,256
Why are you telling us this?

280
00:14:56,376 --> 00:14:57,759
You told me to!

281
00:14:57,794 --> 00:14:59,427
Well, that's before I knew what it was.

282
00:14:59,462 --> 00:15:01,296
You knew what it was. You
should have known better.

283
00:15:01,331 --> 00:15:05,235
You knew what it was.
Why did you let him tell us?

284
00:15:05,658 --> 00:15:08,007
Look, Ethan, when you
tell Lynn about this...

285
00:15:08,127 --> 00:15:09,804
I'm not telling Lynn about this!

286
00:15:09,839 --> 00:15:12,623
- You're not?
- Hell, no! Guys, look at me.

287
00:15:13,109 --> 00:15:15,276
I'm a chubby grocery store manager

288
00:15:15,312 --> 00:15:17,045
who sleeps with a loud-ass machine

289
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,658
that keeps me alive at night.

290
00:15:18,778 --> 00:15:21,115
An atheist with one leg who blows me

291
00:15:21,151 --> 00:15:23,251
25% of the time that I go down on her

292
00:15:23,371 --> 00:15:26,988
is as good as I'm gonna do, and
I'm not risking losing her over this.

293
00:15:27,023 --> 00:15:28,435
Ah.

294
00:15:33,250 --> 00:15:34,862
If she loses that leg,

295
00:15:34,898 --> 00:15:37,619
you might be able to
renegotiate that deal.

296
00:15:40,758 --> 00:15:43,008
The next few days were torture.

297
00:15:43,128 --> 00:15:44,949
We didn't know if Lynn was gonna live.

298
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:47,411
But eventually, we got some good news.

299
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,096
The antibiotics worked.

300
00:15:49,131 --> 00:15:50,564
- Oh!
- Oh!

301
00:15:50,599 --> 00:15:52,354
She has to see her doctor
when she gets home,

302
00:15:52,474 --> 00:15:53,734
- but she's gonna be fine.
- Thank God.

303
00:15:53,769 --> 00:15:56,306
- You gave us quite a scare, honey.
- Tell me about it.

304
00:15:56,426 --> 00:15:57,505
Come on, Dad. Let's

305
00:15:57,625 --> 00:15:59,206
- pull the car around.
- Yeah.

306
00:15:59,241 --> 00:16:01,791
- Is that a new turtleneck?
- Yeah, I got it at a thrift store,

307
00:16:01,911 --> 00:16:03,110
but it's new to me.

308
00:16:03,145 --> 00:16:05,012
I'm so glad you're gonna be okay.

309
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,580
Me, too.

310
00:16:06,615 --> 00:16:08,682
To tell you the truth,
I kind of have you

311
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,117
- to thank for it.
- Me?

312
00:16:10,152 --> 00:16:11,885
When you gave me this necklace,

313
00:16:11,921 --> 00:16:14,788
I have to admit I accepted
it just to be polite.

314
00:16:14,824 --> 00:16:17,163
But after I'd been in
here a couple of days,

315
00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:19,059
I started to get scared.

316
00:16:19,334 --> 00:16:22,262
You know? Really scared.

317
00:16:22,298 --> 00:16:25,535
And being an atheist,
I had nowhere to turn,

318
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,968
so I just took a shot.

319
00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:29,803
I prayed.

320
00:16:29,839 --> 00:16:31,872
And I felt better.

321
00:16:33,142 --> 00:16:34,548
I felt like...

322
00:16:34,668 --> 00:16:36,069
Like I wasn't alone.

323
00:16:37,279 --> 00:16:40,915
And then the next thing I knew,
the medicine started working.

324
00:16:41,188 --> 00:16:43,417
I've always been a non-believer because

325
00:16:43,452 --> 00:16:45,149
I've never seen proof that God existed,

326
00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:46,954
but I can't claim that anymore.

327
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:49,047
I welcomed him into my life,

328
00:16:49,167 --> 00:16:51,492
and I think he healed me.

329
00:16:51,527 --> 00:16:54,061
Who knows. Maybe this
was His plan all along.

330
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:57,155
What do they say... "The Lord
works in mysterious ways"?

331
00:16:57,522 --> 00:16:58,999
Yeah.

332
00:16:59,034 --> 00:17:01,068
That's what they say.

333
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,536
Wow.

334
00:17:02,571 --> 00:17:05,186
My head wants to condemn your actions,

335
00:17:05,306 --> 00:17:07,817
but my heart is full of God's adoration.

336
00:17:07,937 --> 00:17:10,386
You brought a new member into his flock.

337
00:17:10,506 --> 00:17:12,379
Yeah, I sure did.

338
00:17:12,414 --> 00:17:15,523
And that makes us
even 'cause I'm leaving.

339
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:16,783
Excuse me?

340
00:17:16,819 --> 00:17:19,152
I didn't come here to confess, Father.

341
00:17:19,188 --> 00:17:21,971
- I came to resign.
- I don't understand.

342
00:17:22,091 --> 00:17:25,635
That son of a bitch up there has put
me through the goddamn ringer.

343
00:17:25,755 --> 00:17:28,195
Did He take the mark off her
leg when I asked him to?

344
00:17:28,230 --> 00:17:30,330
No, He made it bigger.

345
00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:32,799
But when she asked him to heal her,

346
00:17:32,835 --> 00:17:36,603
a goddamn atheist, and
suddenly, he's all ears.

347
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,238
What, is he into younger girls?

348
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:40,040
- Is that what this is all about?
- Jill, I don't think...

349
00:17:40,075 --> 00:17:43,143
I have been to church
every Sunday of my life

350
00:17:43,178 --> 00:17:45,845
because I thought it
would lead to a better life.

351
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,256
And guess what? I'm still waiting.

352
00:17:48,376 --> 00:17:51,184
Driving around in my
mother's old station wagon

353
00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:54,801
because I give 10% of
everything I make to the church.

354
00:17:54,921 --> 00:17:58,368
And don't even get me
started on the lousy body

355
00:17:58,488 --> 00:18:01,337
your buddy God gave
me to parade around in.

356
00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:04,436
- You're a beautiful woman.
- My nipples are an inch long!

357
00:18:04,556 --> 00:18:06,141
Jeff won't even go near them.

358
00:18:06,261 --> 00:18:08,743
They look like the tail
end of a balloon animal.

359
00:18:08,863 --> 00:18:10,728
Ah, but you should see

360
00:18:10,848 --> 00:18:13,309
the nipples that he put on the atheist.

361
00:18:13,429 --> 00:18:16,172
- Jill, if you would just...
- Oh, save it, Padre.

362
00:18:16,292 --> 00:18:19,313
I gave 63 years of my life to that dude,

363
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,548
and this is how he treats me?

364
00:18:21,584 --> 00:18:23,572
I don't have time for this bullshit.

365
00:18:23,692 --> 00:18:24,842
I'm out.

366
00:18:34,396 --> 00:18:36,663
? Mama got a look at you
and got a little worried ?

367
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,732
? Papa got a look at you
and got a little worried ?

368
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:40,867
? Pastor got a look and
said, "Y'all better hurry ?

369
00:18:40,903 --> 00:18:43,270
? "Send her off to a little
Bible college in Missouri" ?

370
00:18:43,305 --> 00:18:45,806
? And now you come back sayin'
you know a little bit about ?

371
00:18:45,926 --> 00:18:48,092
? Every little thing they ever
hoped you'd never figure out ?

372
00:18:48,212 --> 00:18:50,033
? Eve ate the apple 'cause
the apple was sweet ?

373
00:18:50,153 --> 00:18:52,683
? What kinda God would ever keep
a girl from getting what she needs ?

374
00:18:52,803 --> 00:18:53,880
? And I'm ?

375
00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:55,983
? Getting ready to get down ?

376
00:18:56,018 --> 00:18:58,385
? Getting ready to get down ?

377
00:18:58,420 --> 00:19:00,287
? Getting ready to get down ?

378
00:19:00,322 --> 00:19:03,290
? Now people cross the street
when you walk in their direction ?

379
00:19:03,325 --> 00:19:05,392
? Talk between their
teeth, throwin' epithets ?

380
00:19:05,427 --> 00:19:07,963
? And the doctor thinks a devil
must've got you by your senses ?

381
00:19:08,083 --> 00:19:10,344
? But to live the way you please
doesn't sound like possession ?

382
00:19:10,464 --> 00:19:12,566
? It's four long years
studyin' the Bible ?

383
00:19:12,601 --> 00:19:14,735
? Infidels, Jezebels,
Salomes, and Delilahs ?

384
00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:16,824
? Back off the bus in
your own hometown ?

385
00:19:16,944 --> 00:19:19,172
? Sayin' you didn't like me then,
probably won't like me now ?

386
00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:20,574
? And I ?

387
00:19:20,609 --> 00:19:22,876
? I'm getting ready to get down ?

388
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,278
? Getting ready to get down ?

389
00:19:25,314 --> 00:19:27,447
? Getting ready to get down ?

390
00:19:27,483 --> 00:19:30,654
? All the men of the country
club, ladies of the 'xilliary ?

391
00:19:30,774 --> 00:19:32,786
? Talkin' 'bout love like
it's apple pie and liberty ?

392
00:19:32,821 --> 00:19:35,022
? To really be a saint, you
gotta really be a virgin ?

393
00:19:35,057 --> 00:19:37,024
? Dry as a page of the
King James Version ?

394
00:19:37,059 --> 00:19:39,159
? Oh-la-las, oh, hell, yes ?

395
00:19:39,194 --> 00:19:41,762
? I can't wait, I gotta
see you againses ?

396
00:19:41,797 --> 00:19:43,964
? Turn the other cheek,
take no chances ?

397
00:19:43,999 --> 00:19:46,433
? Jesus hates your high school dances ?

398
00:19:52,852 --> 00:19:54,798
? They said your soul needed savin', ?

399
00:19:54,918 --> 00:19:56,485
? so they sent you off to Bible school ?

400
00:19:56,605 --> 00:19:58,645
? You knew a little more than they
had heard was in the Golden Rule ?

401
00:19:58,681 --> 00:20:00,748
? When you get damned
in the popular opinion ?

402
00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:02,430
? It's just another damn ?

403
00:20:02,550 --> 00:20:04,618
? of the damns you're not giving and I ?

404
00:20:04,653 --> 00:20:06,887
? I'm getting ready to get down ?

405
00:20:06,922 --> 00:20:09,056
? Getting ready to get down ?

406
00:20:09,091 --> 00:20:11,591
? Getting ready to get down ?

407
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,560
Let me do the talking.

408
00:20:16,886 --> 00:20:18,948
- In a hurry?
- Sorry, officer.

409
00:20:19,068 --> 00:20:21,368
Um, normally, I would
be the one driving,

410
00:20:21,403 --> 00:20:25,038
but we stopped for lunch,
and my boss back there

411
00:20:25,074 --> 00:20:27,288
pressured me into having
a couple of beers.

412
00:20:27,408 --> 00:20:30,343
Anyway, just to be extra careful,

413
00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,012
I let ol' lead foot here

414
00:20:32,047 --> 00:20:36,150
drive us up the rest of the
way to, uh, Froggy Cottage.

415
00:20:36,465 --> 00:20:39,753
So, maybe you could
let us off with a warning?

416
00:20:39,788 --> 00:20:42,190
I guess that sounds fair.

417
00:20:42,310 --> 00:20:45,369
So your boss... Was he drinking as well?

418
00:20:45,631 --> 00:20:46,764
Which boss?

419
00:20:48,230 --> 00:20:50,708
Sir, will you step out
of the car, please?

420
00:20:54,245 --> 00:20:57,482
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