Previously on Wynonna Earp:
You got your magic gun ready to go?
- I gave it to my mortal enemy. - You are the one. The champion.
You are the daughter of one of two angels
tasked with protecting the garden: Juan Carlo...
- And Julian. - The blood eclipse
occurs on this very night.
There's one happening soon. Like, tomorrow.
No-show. Not the face!
- You will save me. - Yeah, I saved you. Exactly.
- What did you do?! - What happened to Doc?
I wish I knew.
Being an Earp sucks balls.
You can barely see the marks. Okay.
So then we don't tell Wynonna?
What, that Doc killed him?
God.
There's no way to tell someone this.
Especially not her and... definitely not now.
Sheriff Haught, what's your 20?
I'm at the station, Sheriff Nedley. What do you need?
Things are going to H-E-triple hockey sticks out here.
We need more hands.
Okay, yeah, Roger that.
The town evacuation is a lot.
- I... I need to think anyway. - Okay.
Are you sure you're okay?
Yeah, of course.
- Okay. - Stay safe.
Okay. You too.
Whoa! Oh!
- Hey. - Hi...
CREDITS
Stupid prophetic moon.
Simmer down, it's two o'clock in the morning.
I tried, Dolls.
You bet on the wrong horse.
And now, there's one walking through my yard.
Don't stop now. Keep going. Run for your life. This is your chance.
Okay, good talk.
Some of us have to figure out how to save the world.
The old tornado siren?
Ah! That's it. We've evacuated the whole town.
Except for a few stragglers.
Yeah, well, they all seemed to leave without much fuss.
Anyone with a brain in their head
wants to run away from Purgatory, not toward it.
Like wildlife. Which, by the way, are also fleeing the Triangle.
I helped a panicked pack of hedgehogs across the river.
See? And Nedley thought you were too soft to be emergency deputy.
- I'm a cop now. - Okay.
We had an emergency safety vest
and we were desperate, but we do appreciate the help.
Hey, your dad get out okay?
Yeah, yeah. The Whitlocks had extra space in their car.
They're driving him as far as Petersburg at my uncle's.
Was he scared?
Yeah. Yeah, he never leaves Purgatory.
Is that moon ever gonna set?
I'm worried about what happens when it does.
Well, keep the faith, Nicole.
Jeremy's been up all night doing something with Bulshar's arm.
You really think he can science his way out of this one?
Oh, he'll die trying.
Hey, whistle heads!
Man...
Haven't seen Purgatory this empty since Pussy Willows
had a charity car wash and a shorts shortage.
Hey, can you go check the buildings on 5th and 6th,
just make sure they're clear?
Do hedgehogs get mad when you impose on a family meeting?
Evacuating the town. Smart.
Yeah. We told them it was a forest fire.
Nice.
Yelling "Run for your lives, killer moon" tends to fill their dipes.
- They don't even know what's coming. - Like hell they don't.
- Where's Waverly? - Uh, she was at... the station...
Yeah, I just stopped by. It's deserted now. I need to find her. 9-1-1-ish.
- Why? What's going on? - Has she told you about Kevin?
No. Who's he?
You don't think Waves would do it.
I don't think Waverly would do what?!
- I'll keep you posted, Red. - Wynonna!
Look, you can't just leave me with half the story!
We gotta talk about Kevin!
Why would she take off today of all days?
Penny... you want a cookie?
Penny? Here, love!
Because our dog totally wandered into the bar.
Huh! Looting? Well, I never.
- We can't just leave her behind. - What's the big rush, anyway?
Classic Purgatory panic.
Lemme guess: monsters on the loose?
Penny?
Here, love!
Yes, loves. Here.
Waverly Earp, get up!
- Hi. - Don't hi me!
Stand right now!
- Stop freaking out, okay? - What are you doing here?!
I don't... I don't know. I guess I just wanted to see the stairs.
Well, so would I. Where are they?
You promised me you wouldn't do this.
You know, I did... I didn't quite believe her.
Kevin. But then something else happened with...
...with me and the ring.
More face-melting? Face-fixing?
I raised someone from the dead. I'm here to save humanity.
Oh, Jesu... You know what?
That is my purpose. If you're not gonna let me
climb those stairs, then I'm gonna have to make you.
- Make me? - Yeah. This is bigger than you.
I'll tell you what's bigger than you. Me.
Ah!!
Oh... shit.
Sorry, Waves.
But it's like Daddy used to say:
This hurts you more than it hurts me.
- You did what?! - Yeah, she's safe.
- For now. - You knocked her unconscious!
She didn't even know how she got to the stairs.
But the look on her face when I found her there...
- We can't keep her prisoner. - Or trust her.
Please, Nicole, just until this is over.
- I mean, we can't take the chance. - No.
Right? Especially if it risks losing her.
Exactly. So that's why you need
to drive her somewhere safe, out of the Ghost River Triangle.
I am the sheriff in a town under siege!
I can't just road-trip my honey down to Austin for tacos!
Besides, I would be terrible at keeping Waverly anywhere.
She could convince me to do anything.
Get a blazing phoenix tattoo all up your butt?
Yeah, if that's what she really wanted in her beautiful heart.
One way or another, I have to take on Bulshar.
Here. I can't just zip off with Waves on the back of my murdercycle.
Oh...
Hey.
- Charlie. - Hey.
Got no shoes there, Chuck.
Well, it's almost spring. I just want to feel the asphalt between my toes.
You... you were... you...
That's Ch... Charl...
What's with the stuttering? There's no way it's due to "Charlie."
Hey, come on, Wynonna. You already dumped me
even after I got all the gunk out of your lawnmower.
Not a euphemism. It's not.
- You sure? - Yeah.
I just want to know if I can help?
What if Chief Me had an assignment for you?
- It's not likely. - It's not just for her. It's...
Ahem. It's for me. And it's for Waverly.
For Waverly? Yeah, okay.
Oh, I gotta take care of that.
Can you tell Waverly that I...
- Flaming-phoenix butt tattoo. - Sure.
On it.
Okay, listen.
All you have to do is get her out of town.
Anywhere you want.
As long as the Ghost River Triangle's in your rearview mirror
- by the time you get there. - Okay, got it.
Okay. And, listen, I know you're not doing this for me,
but could you maybe apologize when she comes to?
Yeah. For what?
What the... Wynonna?! No!!
Well, look at that, she's awake.
Doc?
Henry?
Hello, Countessa.
I thought you were ill.
You don't look it.
Well, does heartsick count?
Your text said it was an emergency.
It sure felt like one.
You left me.
You're in love with someone else.
Who will not love what I have become.
You became "this" for her.
Or what I have done.
What's that?
I do not want to talk about her anymore.
I want... to eat.
Tabitha? Reid?
Oh, my God, Tabs, look at her.
She's the beautifulest. I need her.
Oh, no. Don't... don't do that.
You've learned to glamour.
I've taught them some sweet tricks.
And some less-sweet ones.
The reluctant vampire has well and truly changed his mind.
Where'd all the boring moral qualms go?
You wanted this. You made this.
Oh... now you're scary.
This is what you love.
Well? Do you like us?
We like us.
And him.
So... won't you come play?
Oh, Henry.
You'll be the death of me.
Until then...
...let us truly live.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh!
Bobo! Jesus! What the hell are you doing here?
Hey. Never mind. The keys are in the drawer.
Thanks, cockmonkey. This'll make it easier to get all the goodies.
Cop guns are the best guns.
Sure. Yeah, yeah, take 'em all. Alright?
Just open the goddamn door, okay?
Hui. Hui. Hey!
Open the door, alright?
No, no, no, no, no. Listen to me.
How am I in a cell if I'm on the mortals' side, huh?
What I know is that you betrayed each
and every last Revenant here anytime you got a chance.
Let's tie him to the back of four ATVs and draw-'n-quarter him.
You want something?
I'm gonna tell you something, alright? Just between us, okay?
The Earp heir... ain't got her gun no more.
Huh?
- What? - Yeah, yeah.
Bobo don't work for nobody. Alright, open the door.
He's right. Leave him.
Just open the door, Rolf.
Pretty fitting end for a dog who's lived past his days.
Sit, Bobo, sit.
Open the door, Rolf. Rolf, open the door!
Open the door!
Let me outta here!! Rolf!!
Wynonna said she's gonna try
to build an arsenal while we wait for the end.
- Whatever she can find. - Where are you taking me?
She said I can take you anywhere outside the triangle.
What, Vegas? Tahiti? Dollywood?
- I've never been anywhere that exotic. - Yeah, me neither.
Guessing you and I won't get too far on our Air Miles.
Probably not the best time for a gap-year adventure, huh?
Wynonna told you about me going into the garden, right?
Yeah.
She said this is a big-sisterly precaution.
She said you promised not to do anything dumb.
I lied.
I... need to climb those stairs.
This hunger to help, I know it's what I'm here for.
It's my job to keep you away from that. I promised.
Well, then, you're gonna need to pull out your Boy Scout knot knowledge.
What makes you think I was a Boy Scout?
Your face.
The whole thing, really.
I don't want to tie you up.
And I don't wanna have to sacrifice myself to save humanity.
Not until I... absolutely have to.
Oh, look...
it's the world's worst Sons of Anarchy cos-players.
Sorry, fellas, don't have time to fix your mopeds.
What about... shoot us?
You know, I'm little busy right now, guys.
Maybe you've heard?
Bulshar's... gonna enslave the world and murderize us all.
Bobo was telling the truth.
She ain't got Peacemaker.
Bobo. Figures.
Fine, ruin my haul photos.
That ain't your magic gun, Princess.
No. But it can still pow-wow your nads off.
Or it would if it came loaded when you stole it.
We got plans for you, Wynonna.
Tennis lessons?
Let's just say we're betting on the winner.
And the winner is a serpent.
You're our fealty.
Our gift.
For Bulshar.
I don't do ringlets!
I haven't done a lady's hair since my sister's wedding in '79.
1879.
She was marrying the man I loved.
Can we dump our emotional purses out later, Jarvis?
I have actual shit to do!
Holy shit. Am I back in Bulshar's abattoir?
Just leave the hair, goddammit!
Bulshar is the snake, the one who cursed humanity.
Revenants aren't part of humanity.
You were. You took care of your sister,
you loved people you weren't supposed to once.
Aligning with Bulshar is our only chance for survival.
Really? Like his zombified slaves?
Does that look like survival to you?
Think she'll fit into this?
It's creepy how you keep trying to get ladies into your dead wife's dress.
How did you know to come down this driveway?
I don't remember turning at all.
Just wasn't safe to keep going.
Where did all this fog come from?
I dunno. Rolled in out of nowhere.
- Always a good sign. - Yeah.
My mom's greenhouse.
Maybe the fog wanted us to come here.
No gardeners tending this place for years,
but the plants just... keep on growing.
Yeah, all they have is instinct.
Anticipation that spring will come, like it always has.
Pfft. Jeez, that's optimistic.
And we will be too.
Charlie?
Holy shit.
What?
Nothing.
I think I like greenhouses.
But who doesn't, right?
Well, seasonal allergy sufferers?
Yeah. Naturally.
So, what, we just hunker down here till it clears up?
Just till it clears up.
Kate, wake up!
One night with you
and a lady ends up in a filthy basement
doing filthy things.
Actually, there was no night last night. We should go.
If Bulshar gets into that garden,
there will be nowhere to hide in the entirety of all the territories.
And your friends? Are they hiding?
You play too rough. You broke my toys.
They're not toys, and your talent is not to be trifled with.
Their pleasure was as real as my power.
I coerced nothing from them they were not gasping to give.
You're awfully pissy for a man who feasted like a king.
It wasn't enough!
Henry, what is it?
I can smell it.
A... fog is rolling in.
The kind that has a purpose, like a hand is coiling it around us.
Or it is bringing us a gift.
I need to taste it again.
You can't still be hungry.
I will find him,
with or without you.
Fine, then.
Since you asked so nicely.
You're sad.
I thought... I thought my knot work was pretty decent.
No, I mean...
I'm sorry about you and Wynonna.
Ah, I'm not sure there ever was much of a me and Wynonna.
- Can we talk about something else? - Sure.
- Yeah? - Uh... Oh, firefightin'?
What kind of dog is the cutest?
How about you tell me what you like best about Sheriff Haught?
- How about that? - Oh, wow.
Huh. Where to start? Um...
Well, she... she's brave, and loyal,
and really great in...
...at, uh, being good.
And she likes me when... when I'm none of those things.
I've seen you in action.
You're pretty good.
- Where are you from, Charlie? - That's a long story.
Well, I think we've got time. Wheelbarrows of time.
What's your family like?
Okay, uh... honestly?
I dunno.
Doctor said I must've had a head injury or something.
I just remember walking into Purgatory.
I was starving.
- God. - Had no shoes on. And, uh...
The main thing is I'm healthy as a horse now, sir. No criminal record.
I've lost a lot of good men,
and Lord knows I could use a strong guy like yourself.
This is a dangerous job.
It takes... a certain kind of person.
I'm your man, sir. All I want to do is help people.
That's the only thing I remember. That's all I know for sure.
- Did you just see that? - Yeah.
All you want to do is help people.
Yeah, I guess I do.
Huh.
Haven't you heard? We're evacuating the town.
Whatever it is, you're gonna have to call County.
I'm looking for a friend of yours.
The station's closed, my guys are gone.
Like I said, we're evacuating everyone.
Like I said... I'm looking for Charlie.
- Who's asking? - Your master.
Do you know who you just drew upon?
Sir, if I wanted you dead,
you'd be dead.
Tell my man what he wants to know.
My phone. It has the... the dispatch grid for Vehicle 4.
It'll give you the GPS coordinates... for him.
Nicely done, sir.
Oh!
Henry, why did you shoot him?!
It's not important, Countessa. I must go.
- What?! - Before he goes anywhere.
I need it... so bad.
The blood.
- There's something very wrong with you. - Mm.
Whose fault is that?
No, this is new. It shouldn't be like this!
You'll be fine.
But if I don't drink off him again, I won't be.
Doc!!
Lord Bulshar.
We are late giving you our fealty,
but we know you're going to like it.
I'm delighted to let you know
that Miss Wynonna Earp
now belongs to you.
Smile, bitch.
So you can see the teeth that are gonna bite your dick off?
Jasum Crow, Earp, what the hell is this outfit?
Mercedes.
Welcome to the Purgatory yacht club, bitch.
Is Bulshar torturing you
or controlling your broke-ass brain?
Neither. Unless you count
an extremely good Manhattan as mind control.
Are you banging him?
Gross. Ugh. No.
I'm just his lady-friend.
That's one of the good things about this arrangement.
There's none of that me- conqueror/you-spoils-of-war type shit.
He doesn't even care. The whole wives thing is just for show.
Thank God for that...
What you're missing is that this whole thing is, uh...
an Apocala-tunity.
- No. - Okay. It's the Titanic.
You're floating on a door in the middle of the ocean,
you just have to hold Leonardo Dicaprio's head underwater
just long enough to ride it out.
You have lost your shit.
Wynonna, look. Look at my beautiful, beautiful face.
- Your skin is like butter. - I know. Right?
And I just got it back. Now what?
I'm supposed to just get it melted off again
because old Ball-sag over there
just wants to, what, claim God's abandoned... backyard?
Nope. Mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm.
No, Mercedes is here to play ball.
With the demon who cursed my family?
I won't do that. I keep fighting.
Yeah, we know, sweetie. Your eye-bags
have fighter written all over them.
Look, the martyr complex thing isn't working for you anymore.
- He's got your gun, Wynonna. - I'm not my gun.
No, you're a stubborn ass who refuses
to get that she's already lost the war.
Time we started thinking about just... surviving this.
For Waverly. For your baby.
I never asked. Was it a boy, or a girl?
- You're such a coward. - And your friend.
You know I dig your whole punch-first- ask-questions-never vibe.
I even kinda love you.
But I will not let you get me killed. Again.
And if being a coward's what it takes to get through to the end of the world...
then chickenshit me up.
- Thank you, ma'am. - "Ma'am"?
Choke on the olive.
I can touch you again with the ring, if you want to remember more.
I've been trying to be cool, I've been trying to listen,
understand how things go here in Purgatory,
but I might've just hit my limit.
You have great timing.
I know that fog brought us here and... and what are those?
Maybe magnolias? Y'know, I'm not great at botany.
These were not flowering when we first got here.
These should not be blossoming at all this far north.
What? What's happening to us?
- We need to leave. - What? Why?
I, uh... I know this place, Waverly.
And I know your ring.
Wh-what?
How? How is that possible?
- And now we need to hide. - What?
Get up. Let's go.
Hey, Chief, you there?
Chief, it's the Sheriff.
There's a rogue alarm going off downtown.
Do you copy?
Chief!
Sheriff... it's Kate.
Doc's... friend.
The chief and I... we need help.
I appreciate... the hospitality.
What you lack in promptness,
you've nearly made up for in respect.
Your fealty has been accepted.
Hey, pass me that?
No truffle mash is going into the compost on my watch.
Allow me... to offer a plum of my own in return.
In all these months, my fiercest warrior
was lost in battle with some local rabble.
Rabble that has since been...
...divided and defeated.
I've decided to offer you the position of honour.
As I journey... to my triumph tomorrow...
...I will take one of you...
...as my first lieutenant.
Who is worthy?
I am.
This dinner plan was mine. So was the offering of the heir.
Does anyone have a phone? We should periscope this.
Pick me.
You are not a warrior.
You are fealty.
I'm the Earp heir.
This is the most thrilling rose ceremony ever.
- Were the Earp heir. - I am...
...was a strong opponent.
Stronger than any of these fainting couches, and you know it.
It would be ludicrous to trust you.
I only want one thing.
I've only ever wanted one thing, Bulshar.
To keep my family safe.
- My sister. - Ah...
the wee kitten.
The chosen one.
I don't want her chosen.
I'll wipe your ancient ass for you if it'll keep her safe.
So you can count on me. Make me the lieutenant.
You think this is a joke?
What else do you want from my family, Bulshar?
What else do you want from me?
You want fealty? I'll pay.
You want me to beg?
Please. Give me this last chance to save my family.
I will fight like hell for you. Please!
Put her in a cell! Now!!!
Hey. I did not eat his potatoes. Got it?
What did you mean before when you said you knew this place?
- No. - Did you know the Gibsons?
- My... my family? - I'm not doing it.
Promise you'll be back.
My love.
We'll all be together now.
- You're not Charlie. - Oh...
My mother was...
is... in love with you.
Oh, God. You and Wynonna...
- No, that's too much. - Charlie.
I'm not doing that. That's too much.
Yeah, yeah. Hey, it's okay. Come here. Stay with me.
Charlie, darling.
Congratulations on surviving.
And that blood of yours...
Oh, I knew you were special, but still.
Oh, come now, Charlie, let us not waste time!
We both know that I will find ya.
He'll kill you. Again.
Hi, Doc.
Ahem.
- Where is Charlie? - Well, Charlie's not here.
Well, his truck is still here.
I stole it. Yeah.
Who doesn't want to drive a fire-truck, eh?
Next time, I'll grab a Dalmatian too.
You are a sweet...
little... liar!
And you smell like him.
In your blood.
Angel blood.
You two are the same.
You... and Charlie.
He's not Charlie.
He's Julian.
He's my father.
- What just happened? - Uh, you ruined dessert.
That was the first time I've seen him, like...
Scared. Was he scared?
I think that's the first time I've seen you scared.
I am.
He yanked his hand away.
You think Bulshar can't touch you?
I think I can't touch him, or something bad happens.
To him. That's your advantage, that's what you've got.
What happened to "chickenshit me up"?
You happened.
You always happen, Wynonna.
There are no Revenants without the Earps.
I'm cursed because you are.
Bulshar did that...
He did that to all of us, not me.
But playa played himself, because if Wynonna touches him...
- I can kill him. - Because when you curse someone,
there's a cost to yourself.
A price that has to be paid.
I'm Bulshar's price.
That Snake Daddy didn't count on Wynonna being this expensive.
They think you basic, but you classic Chanel, doll. Thank you.
This isn't gonna be easy.
- You've killed a lot of our kind. - I get that.
Meanwhile I will make sure El Creepo is distracted.
- Bro... - What?
The girls wanna watch this go down too.
Okay, c'mon, c'mon.
Charlie is your father?
What a joke.
Just more proof the universe is cruel.
The universe is hilarious.
My best friend's great-great-granddaughter...
was sleeping with her baby sister's daddy.
But Wynonna loves you.
Like this? Stop lying!
And you love her too, Doc.
I do not feel love.
Hell, I do not feel anything at all.
Only hunger.
For him.
- And for you! - No!!
Why don't you let me leave you at the hospital?
You think they have a first-aid kit for vampires in the ER?
Hospitals are where I go to snack, sweetie.
Dead.
- We all end up dead. - Okay, try again.
Well, it looks a lot better than it did even half an hour ago.
But it is a gunshot wound, okay? Not a hang-nail.
This endless day... I'm regenerating slower.
No darkness to recharge me. But I will heal.
Dead.
Dead. Again.
- You really need to rest. - I need to find John Henry.
He's beyond the reach of man.
Woman, at this point, I don't even know why you care.
I made him what he is. But he drank something.
I don't know what, but something he never should have.
Like he fed on something inhuman?
Stop!!
The angel blood.
- I need to have it. - It did something to you.
Where... is... he?
- Doc, it's me! - I will die without it!
Doc, are you in there?!
Doc!
Doc?
No!! Doc!
You'll never forgive yourself for this, Doc.
Shut up!!
It won't come off.
It will for me.
Oh...
Nice of you to join us, sir.
And the stakes... they have been doubled,
in the biggest game of all.
- You leave my kin alone. - I cannot stop!
Oh, my God.
I wandered adrift
outside the boundaries of the Triangle...
for years.
Until a light shined in the darkness.
It was my daughter, crosseth over.
- Is he gonna die? - Come, child.
There is no time for petty humanity,
and even less for the doings of beasts.
I'm sorry, Doc.
We did love the man you were.
Dead.
Wait! Sheriff Haught!
- What does that mean? - The cards... are changing.
The Star.
Hope.
You ripped my dead wife's dress.
Don't be an idiot. Let me go. Or better yet, come with me.
A dead Bulshar means a dead curse.
So does a dead heir!
Oh!
It all changes when Bulshar rises!
Exactly.
So be on the side of right.
- Argh! - Or don't.
You think you're gonna survive this, bitch? Oh!
I told them where to aim.
Third-base coach of the year. Let's blow this Bulshar stand.
Ew. Don't say "blow" and "Bulshar" in the same sentence.
And what's all this?
Stitch'n'bitch club. You wanna join? Mostly we embroider.
Take her back to her cell.
You, wife.
- Do it. - You do it.
Go on, just grab her.
Move, or I'll give you a reason to.
So no more begging.
- No more bullshit. - And no more mercy.
I will get to the garden.
I'll destroy all of their petty little lives
in one breath.
See you on the outside, asshole.
Oi!!
I've always been a little slow on the uptake, but I finally get it. I get it!
Bulshar wants to keep us hating each other.
That way, we can't come together and take out our real enemy.
Him!
You really think you can do it, Earp?
Not by myself.
I was never gonna be able to do it by myself.
Meanwhile, we're stuck in a meat factory
and we're running out of wine.
So what do you say?
Anybody want to go break a goddamn curse?
Waverly.
Charlie.
Okay, nine letters, "to grow," starts with a C.
Um... crescendo.
You always think the answers come from music.
I think more answers should come from music. In life.
The last idealist.
Try... "cultivate" instead.
You know what? It'll never be enough.
'Cause I don't even remember what I'm trying to do here.
- Something that'll save us. - Yeah, well, I'm drowning.
There's a lot of that going around. Don't give up.
Look.
He's right.
Okay. Okay.
Okay, if I could... if I could just pinpoint...
I mean, there's something in Bulshar's DNA
that's allowing him to control the beekeepers, correct?
- Okay, what do you need, Jer? - For starters, more beakers.
From my house.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Take me with you.
What about... what about Bobo?
I wouldn't trust him with a pack of gum. Just leave him.
- Jeremy. - Look, he tried to kill me once
and my friends more than once.
So... I'm sorry.
Robin?
Please don't leave me alone in here.
I'm sorry.
Jeremy? Jeremy!
I... I didn't take you for hard-hearted.
A reckoning is coming. Lines will have to be drawn.
You have to think about your dad.
Okay. Okay, so what's the plan?
Okay, uh, I don't know if it's real, but it is real crazy.
With you lot, it usually is.
For it to even begin to work,
we need a miracle.
Shit.
Mr. Del Rey.
Sheriff Clootie.
- You're alone. - I've been abandoned.
I tried to make them see, but I did too many bad things.
You aren't one of them.
What am I?
What would you say...
if I offered you a job?
I would say...
...what took you so long?
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