1 00:00:00,527 --> 00:00:03,875 I still believe that they would have become good people 2 00:00:03,900 --> 00:00:07,936 if they'd just gotten a push in the right direction. 3 00:00:09,605 --> 00:00:11,773 - Oh, no! - What are they talking about? 4 00:00:11,808 --> 00:00:14,042 - No idea. - It's only four people, 5 00:00:14,076 --> 00:00:16,711 and it's clearly the best way to see if bad people 6 00:00:16,746 --> 00:00:18,747 can become good without knowing anything 7 00:00:18,781 --> 00:00:20,749 about what's waiting for them in the afterlife. 8 00:00:22,985 --> 00:00:24,619 - Okay, let's do it. - Yes! 9 00:00:24,654 --> 00:00:26,235 But there have to be strict rules. 10 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,461 Otherwise, the results will be tainted, 11 00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:32,453 and I reserve the right to change my mind at any point. 12 00:00:32,562 --> 00:00:34,362 Would someone who's not an eternal being 13 00:00:34,397 --> 00:00:36,565 please explain to me what the f... 14 00:01:07,049 --> 00:01:09,564 Hi, I'm Michael. 15 00:01:09,635 --> 00:01:11,942 You must be The Doorman. 16 00:01:13,637 --> 00:01:16,571 Ah. This is wild. 17 00:01:16,606 --> 00:01:19,107 I had no idea this was even here. 18 00:01:19,141 --> 00:01:22,423 So I have this ruling from The Judge. 19 00:01:22,477 --> 00:01:24,478 Heading on down to Earth to reverse the deaths 20 00:01:24,567 --> 00:01:26,334 of these four people. 21 00:01:26,449 --> 00:01:29,084 It's kind of tricky, you know? It starts up a new timeline, 22 00:01:29,118 --> 00:01:31,283 so there might be some ripple effects. 23 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:33,673 But it's necessary for the experiment 24 00:01:33,698 --> 00:01:35,704 that we're doing there. 25 00:01:36,428 --> 00:01:39,361 So, how long's this trip take? Hope I don't get a middle seat. 26 00:01:40,897 --> 00:01:45,634 Wow, I haven't heard a joke in 8,000 years. 27 00:01:45,797 --> 00:01:47,829 And I still haven't. 28 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,105 That's the door to Earth. 29 00:01:50,324 --> 00:01:52,474 You go through there, you'll be wherever you need to be. 30 00:01:52,508 --> 00:01:53,961 You won't have any other powers, though. 31 00:01:53,986 --> 00:01:55,364 You want to get around, you're just going to have to 32 00:01:55,388 --> 00:01:58,624 - take a bus or something. - A bus? 33 00:01:59,023 --> 00:02:00,548 Oh, boy, oh, man! 34 00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:02,478 I'm going to sit in a front-facing seat. 35 00:02:02,503 --> 00:02:05,192 Or... or no, maybe a sideways-facing seat. 36 00:02:05,217 --> 00:02:07,596 I'm... I'm going to get so motion sick! 37 00:02:07,723 --> 00:02:09,057 Oh, man! 38 00:02:09,091 --> 00:02:10,492 What do I do, just grab that key here... 39 00:02:10,526 --> 00:02:11,993 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 40 00:02:12,028 --> 00:02:14,829 This key is made of the very first atoms 41 00:02:14,864 --> 00:02:17,632 that came into existence in the universe. 42 00:02:17,667 --> 00:02:20,802 It is one of a kind and cannot be duplicated. 43 00:02:20,916 --> 00:02:22,497 See? 44 00:02:22,522 --> 00:02:25,424 "Do Not Duplicate." 45 00:02:25,594 --> 00:02:27,028 Only I touch this key. 46 00:02:27,069 --> 00:02:29,537 Oh, and what's the significance of the keychain? 47 00:02:29,679 --> 00:02:32,965 Nothing, I just like frogs. I'm a frog guy. 48 00:02:33,289 --> 00:02:36,579 When you need to get back here, make sure you're alone. 49 00:02:36,853 --> 00:02:39,487 Press this button. Any questions? 50 00:02:39,522 --> 00:02:41,723 No? Great. 51 00:02:42,049 --> 00:02:43,692 Knock yourself out. 52 00:02:48,631 --> 00:02:50,198 Uh-oh. 53 00:03:00,242 --> 00:03:02,010 I-I'm sorry, but this is an important moment... 54 00:03:02,044 --> 00:03:05,547 - On your right, mate! - Oh, jeez, watch it, man! 55 00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:11,525 Come down! Come down where you belong. 56 00:03:14,156 --> 00:03:17,192 Buongiorno. Buongiorno. 57 00:03:22,308 --> 00:03:26,591 Oh, wow! I was just on Earth. 58 00:03:26,655 --> 00:03:28,301 It was incredible. 59 00:03:28,377 --> 00:03:31,412 The... the traffic, the pigeons. 60 00:03:31,437 --> 00:03:33,746 And I saw this place that was, at once, 61 00:03:33,815 --> 00:03:36,884 a Pizza Hut and a Taco Bell! 62 00:03:37,081 --> 00:03:41,429 I mean, oh! The mind reels. 63 00:03:41,617 --> 00:03:46,087 A Pizza Hut and a Taco Bell! Ah! 64 00:03:52,601 --> 00:03:55,334 Oh, Janet, it was everything I ever imagined. 65 00:03:55,404 --> 00:03:56,838 I got to ride a bike. 66 00:03:56,952 --> 00:03:59,854 I put a coin in a thing and got a gumball. 67 00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,888 And then someone came up to me and said, 68 00:04:01,913 --> 00:04:03,948 "Hot enough for ya?" And you know what I said? 69 00:04:03,973 --> 00:04:05,847 I said, "Tell me about it." 70 00:04:05,872 --> 00:04:08,260 Well, I am glad that you got to chew a gumball. 71 00:04:08,293 --> 00:04:10,104 Oh, damn. 72 00:04:10,261 --> 00:04:12,469 I didn't even think to chew it. 73 00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:14,689 Missed opportunity, shoot. 74 00:04:14,790 --> 00:04:16,545 Did you also save their lives? 75 00:04:16,592 --> 00:04:19,127 Yes, of course. Everyone is safe. 76 00:04:19,706 --> 00:04:21,439 Including Jason. 77 00:04:21,643 --> 00:04:23,577 Now we just sit back 78 00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,968 and watch as they become better people. 79 00:04:26,888 --> 00:04:29,633 Being good is for suckers. What do you even get out of it? 80 00:04:29,741 --> 00:04:32,877 I quit. Eat my farts, Benedict Cumberbatch. 81 00:04:35,156 --> 00:04:36,926 Morning, Chidi. Blueberry muffin for ya? 82 00:04:36,951 --> 00:04:39,342 Uh, I don't know, maybe. I can't decide. 83 00:04:39,449 --> 00:04:42,677 - You all right there, mate? - Okay, I've made my decision. 84 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:44,779 I want to... 85 00:04:44,881 --> 00:04:47,716 start crying. 86 00:04:53,823 --> 00:04:55,269 Hey, Tahani Al-Jamil. 87 00:04:55,344 --> 00:04:57,655 I'm from "International Sophisticate Magazine." 88 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,814 Mind if we ask you 582 questions? 89 00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:02,697 - Sounds delightful. - Where are we, exactly? 90 00:05:02,771 --> 00:05:05,966 My pied-a-terre, just off the coast of "Barthelona." 91 00:05:06,035 --> 00:05:08,136 What's one thing people don't know about you? 92 00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:11,039 That I was such a tomboy in high school. 93 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,642 - See? - Wow! Looking good. 94 00:05:13,693 --> 00:05:15,243 Okay, next question. 95 00:05:15,277 --> 00:05:18,012 Who would you say is the most famous person in your phone? 96 00:05:18,047 --> 00:05:19,848 It's not about who you know. 97 00:05:19,882 --> 00:05:22,522 Enlightenment comes from within. 98 00:05:23,893 --> 00:05:26,361 The Dalai Lama texted me that. 99 00:05:29,179 --> 00:05:32,193 K, will you make me the happiest man in the world, 100 00:05:32,228 --> 00:05:34,262 and agree to be my wife? 101 00:05:34,976 --> 00:05:36,364 No. 102 00:05:36,511 --> 00:05:38,724 Do you think my name is the letter K? 103 00:05:38,904 --> 00:05:40,068 Just say yes. 104 00:05:40,093 --> 00:05:42,061 If we're married, legally you can't arrest me. 105 00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:44,612 Plus, bonus... you get half the stuff I stole. 106 00:05:45,142 --> 00:05:47,275 Yep, he just confessed to the robbery. 107 00:05:47,482 --> 00:05:49,050 Damn it. 108 00:05:50,807 --> 00:05:53,686 You realize what the problem is, right? 109 00:05:53,802 --> 00:05:55,850 Yes, but there's no way to help. 110 00:05:59,955 --> 00:06:01,222 Maybe there is. 111 00:06:01,257 --> 00:06:03,024 In the afterlife, they all got better 112 00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:05,298 because they helped each other. 113 00:06:05,761 --> 00:06:08,433 And the key to that was Chidi and Eleanor's connection. 114 00:06:08,486 --> 00:06:09,931 If I get the two of them together, 115 00:06:09,965 --> 00:06:11,633 - everything else will follow. - Michael, no. 116 00:06:11,667 --> 00:06:13,368 I'm going to meet Eleanor someplace 117 00:06:13,402 --> 00:06:17,272 and plant the idea in her mind that she needs to find Chidi. 118 00:06:17,306 --> 00:06:19,040 Oh, and then maybe I'll visit Chidi 119 00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:21,467 and make sure that he helps her when she shows up. 120 00:06:21,539 --> 00:06:23,139 I'm just going to nudge the two of them together. 121 00:06:23,179 --> 00:06:24,525 Just nudge-y nudge nudge. 122 00:06:24,567 --> 00:06:26,745 The Judge was pretty clear in her instructions, 123 00:06:26,796 --> 00:06:29,798 and The Judge is, you know, The Judge 124 00:06:29,952 --> 00:06:33,221 of, you know, the universe. 125 00:06:33,273 --> 00:06:34,621 She'll never find out. 126 00:06:34,676 --> 00:06:36,376 She spends all her time in her chambers 127 00:06:36,425 --> 00:06:37,926 bingeing TV shows. 128 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,650 She's watching all of "NCIS" right now. 129 00:06:42,898 --> 00:06:44,799 Hey, there. 130 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:48,510 Need to head on back to Earth. Travel papers. 131 00:06:48,598 --> 00:06:52,000 Yeah. You know, The Judge said to use the same ones. 132 00:06:52,751 --> 00:06:54,943 Because I'm, uh, you know, visiting the same people. 133 00:06:55,354 --> 00:06:56,529 Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. 134 00:06:56,554 --> 00:06:59,447 I brought you a nice hot cup of antimatter. 135 00:06:59,715 --> 00:07:02,037 I usually only drink decaf antimatter. 136 00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:03,918 - Ah. - Eh, I'll take it. 137 00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,153 It's only 4:30. 138 00:07:05,187 --> 00:07:06,854 My shift doesn't end until 9 billion. 139 00:07:06,889 --> 00:07:08,690 Ooh. 140 00:07:09,437 --> 00:07:12,927 - What do I owe ya? - The real question, Eleanor, 141 00:07:13,290 --> 00:07:15,311 is what do we owe to each other? 142 00:07:15,464 --> 00:07:18,166 What do we owe to each other? 143 00:07:18,266 --> 00:07:21,369 That is the question Tim Scanlon asked decades ago, 144 00:07:21,969 --> 00:07:24,272 and it is the question I will try to answer 145 00:07:24,691 --> 00:07:26,441 over the next three hours. 146 00:07:26,677 --> 00:07:29,353 Are you Chidi Anna... Kendrick? 147 00:07:29,378 --> 00:07:31,346 Anagonye, and yes. 148 00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:35,116 Great, hi. My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. 149 00:07:35,356 --> 00:07:37,885 - Can we talk? - Sure. 150 00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:40,321 Okay, uh, where do I start? 151 00:07:40,475 --> 00:07:44,225 I'm not, like, the best person in the world. 152 00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:47,922 I'm a trash bag from Arizona, which is saying something. 153 00:07:47,976 --> 00:07:50,678 Our biggest exports are racist sheriffs and HPV. 154 00:07:51,254 --> 00:07:53,735 But about a year ago, something crazy happened... 155 00:07:53,833 --> 00:07:55,246 And I... 156 00:08:01,443 --> 00:08:03,878 Sorry. I've been flying for like, 40 hours. 157 00:08:03,912 --> 00:08:05,913 This is Australia, right? 158 00:08:05,948 --> 00:08:09,250 Yes. I grew up in Senegal, so my native language is French. 159 00:08:09,344 --> 00:08:12,153 But I went to American schools, so I also speak English. 160 00:08:12,298 --> 00:08:14,107 - Oh. - And German and Greek. 161 00:08:14,213 --> 00:08:16,991 And Latin, just in case it ever comes back. 162 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:20,928 Cool. I once got 12 out of 12 on a Buzzfeed quiz called 163 00:08:20,963 --> 00:08:22,063 "Do you know all the slang words 164 00:08:22,097 --> 00:08:23,531 the Kardashians invented?" 165 00:08:23,565 --> 00:08:25,500 - Congratulations? - Thank you. 166 00:08:25,748 --> 00:08:27,335 I'm going to be honest. I did cheat. 167 00:08:27,369 --> 00:08:29,270 But you were saying something crazy happened to you? 168 00:08:29,305 --> 00:08:32,440 Yes, uh, I almost died. 169 00:08:32,474 --> 00:08:34,942 And it made me want to become a better person, 170 00:08:34,977 --> 00:08:36,511 which I did for a while. 171 00:08:36,545 --> 00:08:39,547 But then I fell back into my old trash bag ways. 172 00:08:39,701 --> 00:08:43,376 Yesterday, I saw your lecture, and something just clicked. 173 00:08:43,485 --> 00:08:46,576 Wait, you flew all the way here from Arizona 174 00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:47,796 just to see me? 175 00:08:47,830 --> 00:08:49,796 You know what, don't flatter yourself, pal. 176 00:08:49,922 --> 00:08:51,812 Sorry, that's a knee-jerk reaction. 177 00:08:51,837 --> 00:08:53,905 Yes, that's exactly what I did. 178 00:08:53,996 --> 00:08:56,762 And I know that seems zonk-atronic... 179 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,299 that's Khloe's word for crazy... 180 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:03,371 but I need someone to help guide me, morally speaking. 181 00:09:03,405 --> 00:09:07,041 And I think I need it to be you. 182 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,376 What do you say? 183 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,546 Will you help me become a good person? 184 00:09:15,201 --> 00:09:17,025 Yes. 185 00:09:23,753 --> 00:09:27,121 I'll start you off with some introductory philosophy books, 186 00:09:27,221 --> 00:09:29,200 and then we'll meet here once a week. 187 00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:31,206 Great. Ideally, some of those books 188 00:09:31,231 --> 00:09:34,000 will have been made into a movie or maybe a funny GIF. 189 00:09:34,034 --> 00:09:36,769 But anything's good with me, man. 190 00:09:36,916 --> 00:09:39,377 - Can I ask you something? - Mm-hmm. 191 00:09:39,590 --> 00:09:41,807 Why are you helping me? 192 00:09:42,272 --> 00:09:44,111 I'm a teacher. That's my job. 193 00:09:44,178 --> 00:09:45,446 Yeah, but I'm not your student. 194 00:09:45,506 --> 00:09:48,954 I'm just some hot rando who walked in off the street. 195 00:09:49,049 --> 00:09:51,023 There's got to be another reason. 196 00:09:51,728 --> 00:09:54,084 Yes, there is. Um... 197 00:09:54,701 --> 00:09:56,835 I also had a near-death experience. 198 00:09:56,923 --> 00:09:58,131 - Whoa. - Well, I mean, I don't know 199 00:09:58,156 --> 00:09:59,282 for sure that I would have died, but, 200 00:09:59,306 --> 00:10:01,031 it was pretty nuts. 201 00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:02,151 I'm sorry, 202 00:10:02,176 --> 00:10:03,592 but this is an important moment in our friendship... 203 00:10:03,616 --> 00:10:06,517 - On your right, mate! - Oh, jeez. Watch it, man! 204 00:10:08,835 --> 00:10:10,870 Oh, my God. Are you okay? 205 00:10:11,170 --> 00:10:13,376 That... that is right where I was standing. 206 00:10:13,507 --> 00:10:16,655 I was frozen here, unable to make a single decision, 207 00:10:16,777 --> 00:10:19,245 and I almost got crushed by an air conditioner. 208 00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:21,085 This is a sign. 209 00:10:21,292 --> 00:10:22,915 I shouldn't be using air conditioners. 210 00:10:22,949 --> 00:10:25,221 The freon is awful for the environment. 211 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,360 That's the lesson you take from this? 212 00:10:28,596 --> 00:10:33,125 Chidi, your brain is broken. You need to fix your brain. 213 00:10:35,397 --> 00:10:38,230 So in a nutshell, I have a 3,600-page thesis 214 00:10:38,265 --> 00:10:39,865 that I am nowhere near finishing, 215 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:42,435 I am absolutely paralyzed by decision-making, 216 00:10:42,469 --> 00:10:44,937 and it is destroying my life. 217 00:10:45,002 --> 00:10:46,774 Yeah, I sort of got that 218 00:10:46,799 --> 00:10:48,300 when you couldn't choose a chair to sit on. 219 00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:49,814 Well, I didn't want to offend you 220 00:10:49,839 --> 00:10:51,702 in case you had a favorite. 221 00:10:51,824 --> 00:10:55,263 Look, I know I just kind of... nope... walked in here, 222 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:58,227 and you don't know me at all, but is there any way to tell 223 00:10:58,257 --> 00:11:01,960 if my indecision is due to a brain thing? 224 00:11:01,988 --> 00:11:03,655 Um, yeah, sure. 225 00:11:03,743 --> 00:11:06,177 Now what we do is we make a lengthy incision 226 00:11:06,293 --> 00:11:08,394 from your eyebrows to the nape of your neck, 227 00:11:08,428 --> 00:11:10,796 and we peel your face back, right, 228 00:11:10,831 --> 00:11:12,131 then slice your skull open. 229 00:11:12,165 --> 00:11:14,533 And I just randomly stab at your brain 230 00:11:14,568 --> 00:11:16,235 with an electrified needle. 231 00:11:16,269 --> 00:11:20,072 The fun part is you're awake the whole time. 232 00:11:20,392 --> 00:11:22,149 Uh... 233 00:11:22,188 --> 00:11:24,952 I'm kidding! I'll just give you an MRI 234 00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:26,088 and look at the part of your brain 235 00:11:26,113 --> 00:11:27,480 that controls decision-making. 236 00:11:27,514 --> 00:11:29,148 Oh, I want that. 237 00:11:29,229 --> 00:11:31,775 I need to learn about my brain, please. 238 00:11:31,918 --> 00:11:35,454 Well, so you just march into my office unannounced, 239 00:11:35,510 --> 00:11:38,257 tell me your brain is broken, then demand I drop everything 240 00:11:38,291 --> 00:11:39,684 and just put you in the university's 241 00:11:39,737 --> 00:11:41,994 $3 million MRI machine? 242 00:11:42,210 --> 00:11:43,663 Oh, I'm sorry, I just... 243 00:11:43,716 --> 00:11:45,998 I freaking love it. 244 00:11:46,032 --> 00:11:48,567 You're so weird! Let's go. 245 00:11:48,602 --> 00:11:50,269 - Right now? - Oh, yeah, come on. 246 00:11:50,303 --> 00:11:51,337 Oh... okay. 247 00:11:53,373 --> 00:11:56,175 This is your hippocampus. It regulates memory. 248 00:11:56,209 --> 00:11:59,145 Yours looks great, very strong. Gorgeous hippocampus here! 249 00:12:00,547 --> 00:12:03,482 This is your ventromedial prefrontal cortex, 250 00:12:03,517 --> 00:12:05,376 the center of decision-making. 251 00:12:05,431 --> 00:12:07,265 This is where the magic happens. 252 00:12:07,491 --> 00:12:09,121 Do you see how it's all lit up? 253 00:12:09,233 --> 00:12:10,856 That's a flurry of activity that occurred 254 00:12:10,891 --> 00:12:12,740 when I asked you to choose between red and blue, 255 00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,026 and you almost passed out. 256 00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:16,046 Is it too late to pick blue instead? 257 00:12:16,129 --> 00:12:17,975 It is, yeah. 258 00:12:18,165 --> 00:12:21,507 The point is, at first glance, your brain is very healthy. 259 00:12:21,727 --> 00:12:23,962 Huh, there are actual answers here, 260 00:12:24,163 --> 00:12:26,465 data you can observe and learn from. 261 00:12:26,573 --> 00:12:29,418 Yeah, man, science is all about getting answers. 262 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,483 You philosophers can spend your entire life 263 00:12:31,578 --> 00:12:33,779 mulling over a single questions. 264 00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:35,934 That's why everyone hates moral philosophy professors. 265 00:12:35,982 --> 00:12:37,483 No offense. 266 00:12:37,517 --> 00:12:38,766 Oh, none taken. We suck. 267 00:12:38,844 --> 00:12:40,811 Yeah. 268 00:12:46,526 --> 00:12:50,095 - Chidi. - One blueberry muffin, please. 269 00:12:51,431 --> 00:12:54,133 Why choose to be good every day? 270 00:12:54,259 --> 00:12:56,235 I argue that we choose to be good 271 00:12:56,269 --> 00:12:58,170 because of our bonds with other people. 272 00:12:58,205 --> 00:13:02,108 Simply put, we are not in this alone. 273 00:13:02,442 --> 00:13:03,683 Thank you. 274 00:13:05,097 --> 00:13:06,898 Wow, Chidi. 275 00:13:07,013 --> 00:13:09,515 You chose that muffin in less than a minute. 276 00:13:09,777 --> 00:13:12,823 That beats your old record by 59 minutes. 277 00:13:12,895 --> 00:13:15,211 Henry, I feel amazing. 278 00:13:15,288 --> 00:13:17,256 I am 100 pages into my new thesis, 279 00:13:17,290 --> 00:13:19,592 and it is some of the best writing that I have ever done. 280 00:13:19,626 --> 00:13:21,958 I haven't been this happy since... 281 00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:25,564 Oh, wow. I've never been happy. 282 00:13:25,726 --> 00:13:28,041 - Ha! - Bad! 283 00:13:28,153 --> 00:13:29,486 I'm proud of you, mate. 284 00:13:29,511 --> 00:13:31,145 It must be really nice to live that way. 285 00:13:31,170 --> 00:13:32,231 Well, that's the beauty of it. 286 00:13:32,305 --> 00:13:33,606 Anyone can live this way. 287 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,275 Just decide to be more decisive. 288 00:13:36,309 --> 00:13:38,100 Like, what's something that you've always wanted to do? 289 00:13:38,124 --> 00:13:40,815 I mean, I have been putting off getting in shape. 290 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,642 Then make the decision to wake up tomorrow morning 291 00:13:43,682 --> 00:13:46,200 and get in shape. It is that easy. 292 00:13:46,231 --> 00:13:48,248 Okay. Maybe I will! 293 00:13:48,273 --> 00:13:50,875 - What have you got to lose? - Nothing! 294 00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:53,999 Henry, what happened to you? 295 00:13:54,024 --> 00:13:56,576 Well, I was using the leg press at the gym, 296 00:13:56,615 --> 00:13:59,773 and you know how your legs bend a certain way? 297 00:13:59,866 --> 00:14:02,646 My legs bend the other way now. Oh, no. 298 00:14:02,726 --> 00:14:05,996 All the tendons in my legs snapped like violin strings, 299 00:14:06,022 --> 00:14:07,634 and then, my foot flew forwards, 300 00:14:07,659 --> 00:14:08,910 and I kicked myself in the face, 301 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,309 which gave me a concussion. 302 00:14:10,343 --> 00:14:13,445 But on the bright side, I lost control of my bladder. 303 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:16,382 Someone got it on video, and now 304 00:14:16,557 --> 00:14:21,620 "Leg Press Whizzer" has 62,000 views on Youtube. 305 00:14:22,093 --> 00:14:25,061 - I'm famous. - This is all my fault. 306 00:14:25,191 --> 00:14:27,593 I did this to you. Oh... oh, muffins! 307 00:14:27,687 --> 00:14:29,728 I brought blueberry muffins. 308 00:14:29,833 --> 00:14:31,964 Oh, no, you shouldn't eat blueberries anymore. 309 00:14:31,998 --> 00:14:33,666 Read an article. The migrant workers 310 00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,701 who pick them are horribly mistreated. 311 00:14:37,304 --> 00:14:40,255 Yaaaaaaah! 312 00:14:42,542 --> 00:14:44,410 Good morning, Chidi. Blueberry muffin for ya? 313 00:14:44,444 --> 00:14:47,041 Uh, I don't know, maybe. I can't decide. 314 00:14:47,099 --> 00:14:49,601 - You all right there, mate? - Okay, I've made my decision. 315 00:14:50,138 --> 00:14:51,938 I want to... 316 00:14:52,038 --> 00:14:54,273 start crying. 317 00:14:58,192 --> 00:14:59,692 Excuse me? 318 00:14:59,865 --> 00:15:01,893 What is the maximum number of books that I can check out? 319 00:15:01,918 --> 00:15:04,386 - Is it 12,000? - Got a wild weekend planned? 320 00:15:04,531 --> 00:15:06,365 Well, I need to find a new topic for my thesis, 321 00:15:06,399 --> 00:15:08,955 and I had this thing happen that made me more decisive, 322 00:15:08,980 --> 00:15:10,947 and a few months ago, my friend broke both of his legs, 323 00:15:10,972 --> 00:15:13,039 and it's my fault, and blueberries, and I need help. 324 00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:14,607 - Whoo! - Maybe that help will come 325 00:15:14,641 --> 00:15:17,401 from Tay Zonday's autobiography, 326 00:15:17,455 --> 00:15:19,952 "Chocolate Book." I mean, who's to say? 327 00:15:19,977 --> 00:15:22,846 Mate, I've worked in this library a long time, 328 00:15:22,871 --> 00:15:26,026 and I've seen a lot of academic types 329 00:15:26,085 --> 00:15:28,353 with that same helpless look on their faces. 330 00:15:28,521 --> 00:15:31,323 They all made it through okay. 331 00:15:31,456 --> 00:15:34,241 - Once they learned the secret. - What's the secret? 332 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,562 There's a secret? Is the secret more books? 333 00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,824 - How many more books do I need? - It's not about books, mate. 334 00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:40,065 It's about perspective. 335 00:15:40,268 --> 00:15:42,248 Sometimes, when you're feeling helpless, 336 00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:43,975 the secret is to help someone else. 337 00:15:44,131 --> 00:15:46,204 Get out of your own head. Trust me. 338 00:15:46,271 --> 00:15:50,975 The next time someone asks for help, say yes. 339 00:15:53,281 --> 00:15:56,482 A few hours later, you walked in and asked for help. 340 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,560 Now, I don't know if this is going to solve 341 00:15:58,585 --> 00:16:02,190 all of my problems, but it's worth a try, right? 342 00:16:02,215 --> 00:16:05,017 Well, thank you, sexy librarian guy. 343 00:16:05,077 --> 00:16:07,180 I didn't say he was sexy. 344 00:16:07,205 --> 00:16:08,668 Oh, I know, but whenever anyone 345 00:16:08,693 --> 00:16:10,010 tells me a story about their life, 346 00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,340 I always imagine all the people as being super hot. 347 00:16:12,365 --> 00:16:14,066 Otherwise, I quickly lose interest. 348 00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:18,006 Do you not do that? You can do it for free. 349 00:16:18,816 --> 00:16:20,406 I got to say, I enjoyed 350 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,609 playing the role of mysterious librarian, and I really 351 00:16:23,686 --> 00:16:25,986 nailed the Australian accent. 352 00:16:26,099 --> 00:16:28,400 - Uh-huh, flawless. - Thank you. 353 00:16:28,748 --> 00:16:31,422 But the point is, Eleanor and Chidi are together, 354 00:16:31,447 --> 00:16:35,272 and now we can relax. Everything is finally on track. 355 00:16:41,761 --> 00:16:43,796 - Status report. - They're plugging away, 356 00:16:43,830 --> 00:16:45,798 but we still can't hack into The Judge's system. 357 00:16:45,832 --> 00:16:47,701 Damn it, those four humans 358 00:16:47,726 --> 00:16:49,761 have been on Earth for over a year. 359 00:16:49,836 --> 00:16:52,287 I need to know if they're getting better. 360 00:16:52,405 --> 00:16:53,639 Can I just ask? 361 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,963 We torture, like, 30 billion humans. 362 00:16:55,988 --> 00:16:58,123 Why do you care so much about these four? 363 00:17:01,178 --> 00:17:03,486 Never mind. Forget I asked. 364 00:17:04,570 --> 00:17:07,094 Serves him right for questioning you, boss. 365 00:17:07,167 --> 00:17:08,620 I think you're doing a great job. 366 00:17:08,655 --> 00:17:10,000 Thank you, Todd. 367 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,364 - No, no, no, no... - Why did you do that? 368 00:17:12,525 --> 00:17:14,983 I'm a demon. It's fun. 369 00:17:15,096 --> 00:17:16,451 No one leaves this room 370 00:17:16,476 --> 00:17:18,510 until we've accessed The Judge's system. 371 00:17:18,535 --> 00:17:21,537 Would music help? Should I play some music? 372 00:17:21,701 --> 00:17:22,835 Good idea. 373 00:17:22,869 --> 00:17:24,436 Choose something deeply terrible 374 00:17:24,471 --> 00:17:25,738 to inspire us. 375 00:17:31,544 --> 00:17:34,301 Oh, yeah. That's the stuff. 376 00:17:35,308 --> 00:17:39,177 So for Aristotle, virtue is practical. 377 00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:41,740 Goodness isn't something that a person just inherently has. 378 00:17:41,765 --> 00:17:44,967 It's something that she achieves through her actions. 379 00:17:45,346 --> 00:17:47,671 - Questions? - Uh, yeah, a few. 380 00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:50,574 I wrote down "what?" "huh?" 381 00:17:50,608 --> 00:17:52,704 And then this doodle of a burrito 382 00:17:52,729 --> 00:17:54,366 because when I first read Aristotle, 383 00:17:54,391 --> 00:17:56,747 I thought it was pronounced like Chipotle. 384 00:17:56,890 --> 00:17:59,116 Wait a minute, is it "Chip-o-tottle"? 385 00:17:59,627 --> 00:18:01,586 These are all great questions. 386 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,955 But I have to meet my thesis adviser across campus. 387 00:18:04,989 --> 00:18:06,690 Oh, well, I'm headed that way, too. 388 00:18:06,724 --> 00:18:09,271 I'll walk with you. Hey, so, 389 00:18:09,627 --> 00:18:11,145 I've been trying to figure out 390 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,892 how to pay you back for helping me. 391 00:18:12,942 --> 00:18:14,877 I told you, you don't owe me anything. 392 00:18:14,999 --> 00:18:16,938 At home, when I want to get something nice 393 00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,135 for one of my friends, 394 00:18:18,169 --> 00:18:22,467 it usually comes in the form of something edible. 395 00:18:22,547 --> 00:18:24,733 You get what I'm saying? An "edible" thing? 396 00:18:24,809 --> 00:18:27,210 - Please don't buy me drugs. - Okay, copy that. 397 00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:29,166 I had no choice, I was in his driveway 398 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,533 taking pictures when he walked out, 399 00:18:30,558 --> 00:18:33,230 so I said "Hey, Mr. Crowe, I'm from the gas company." 400 00:18:33,343 --> 00:18:35,954 - "I loved you in 'Gladiator.'" - Chidi, hey! 401 00:18:35,979 --> 00:18:37,179 - Hey! - I got a question. 402 00:18:37,289 --> 00:18:38,789 Is it "What's my thesis topic?" 403 00:18:38,823 --> 00:18:41,433 - Because I still don't know. - No, it's not that. 404 00:18:42,894 --> 00:18:44,694 Oh, I'm sorry. You guys haven't met yet. 405 00:18:44,729 --> 00:18:47,752 - Um, Simone, this is Eleanor. - The famous Simone. 406 00:18:47,812 --> 00:18:49,366 - Nice to meet you. - You too. 407 00:18:49,605 --> 00:18:51,246 So I've got to do some MRI scans 408 00:18:51,271 --> 00:18:52,869 as a control for an experiment. 409 00:18:52,904 --> 00:18:54,810 And since you loved it so much last time, 410 00:18:54,835 --> 00:18:55,966 I was wondering if you could just 411 00:18:56,005 --> 00:18:57,007 pop back in there and help me out? 412 00:18:57,041 --> 00:18:58,675 - Oh, absolutely. - Cool, okay. 413 00:18:58,709 --> 00:19:00,343 Well, just come by my lab at 6:00 414 00:19:00,378 --> 00:19:02,218 and then afterwards, I can buy you dinner as a thank you. 415 00:19:02,246 --> 00:19:04,436 Oh, no, no, you don't have to do that. 416 00:19:04,549 --> 00:19:06,223 Oh, okay. 417 00:19:06,248 --> 00:19:08,303 Well, uh, I'll see you later. Nice to meet you. 418 00:19:08,328 --> 00:19:10,186 - You, too. - Yeah. 419 00:19:12,690 --> 00:19:14,533 - What? - Uh, you and Simone 420 00:19:14,558 --> 00:19:17,392 had some real professor dork vibes flowing. 421 00:19:17,546 --> 00:19:20,096 You're both teachers who are hot for teacher. 422 00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:21,698 How have you not 423 00:19:21,732 --> 00:19:23,059 asked her out yet? 424 00:19:23,114 --> 00:19:25,252 - Are you scared? - Well, it's not impressive 425 00:19:25,277 --> 00:19:26,837 to guess that I'm scared, Eleanor. 426 00:19:26,871 --> 00:19:31,269 I'm scared of everything, and I can't just do things like that. 427 00:19:31,294 --> 00:19:32,588 - Just drop it, okay? - Well... 428 00:19:32,613 --> 00:19:35,393 Okay, just promise me you'll drop it. 429 00:19:36,098 --> 00:19:38,453 Okay. I promise. 430 00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:42,458 So you're into Chidi, right? I mean, forgive my bluntness, 431 00:19:42,512 --> 00:19:44,364 but I'm usually right about these things. 432 00:19:44,778 --> 00:19:47,526 Well, yeah, but I made it pretty clear a bunch of times, 433 00:19:47,573 --> 00:19:48,702 and he's never responded, 434 00:19:48,736 --> 00:19:50,671 so I just assumed he wasn't interested. 435 00:19:50,841 --> 00:19:52,339 Okay, I'm all set. 436 00:19:52,513 --> 00:19:54,893 I'm just going to ask you some basic questions, Chidi. 437 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,452 - What is one plus one? - Two. 438 00:19:57,505 --> 00:19:59,713 - What color is the sky? - Blue. 439 00:19:59,747 --> 00:20:01,381 What color are Simone's eyes? 440 00:20:01,488 --> 00:20:04,056 Brown. Uh... uh, what? 441 00:20:05,181 --> 00:20:07,500 If you could take Simone anywhere on a date, 442 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,056 where would you take her? 443 00:20:09,171 --> 00:20:11,024 Sorry, is this part of the experiment? 444 00:20:11,059 --> 00:20:13,060 It is now, yes. Please answer the question. 445 00:20:13,269 --> 00:20:15,696 And keep in mind, we can see your brain. 446 00:20:15,908 --> 00:20:18,098 Next question. You are into Simone. 447 00:20:18,132 --> 00:20:21,134 - That's not a question. - So you agree it's a fact. 448 00:20:21,169 --> 00:20:22,604 Next question's for Simone. 449 00:20:22,629 --> 00:20:24,070 Simone, are you annoyed at Chidi 450 00:20:24,095 --> 00:20:25,906 for waiting so long to ask you out? 451 00:20:26,121 --> 00:20:28,207 - Yes, I am. - Chidi, same question for you. 452 00:20:28,232 --> 00:20:29,810 Are you annoyed at yourself 453 00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:31,745 for waiting so long to ask out Simone? 454 00:20:31,779 --> 00:20:33,080 I mean, I'm annoyed with you, 455 00:20:33,114 --> 00:20:34,748 and I've only known you three weeks. 456 00:20:34,782 --> 00:20:37,683 Yes, I am obviously very annoyed with myself. 457 00:20:37,708 --> 00:20:38,758 Can I get out now? 458 00:20:38,786 --> 00:20:40,623 No, you can't. It'll ruin the science. 459 00:20:40,648 --> 00:20:44,556 There's only one question left, and you got to ask it, bud. 460 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,063 Simone, would you like to have dinner with me? 461 00:20:50,590 --> 00:20:52,813 Wow, that is highly inappropriate. 462 00:20:52,887 --> 00:20:54,277 - Uh... - I'm just kidding. 463 00:20:54,302 --> 00:20:56,519 Yes, I would. Thank you for asking. 464 00:20:57,305 --> 00:20:59,940 - Aw, cute. - This is a disaster. 465 00:21:00,049 --> 00:21:01,275 Michael, relax. 466 00:21:01,409 --> 00:21:03,110 How are the two of them going to bond? 467 00:21:03,144 --> 00:21:05,094 There were plenty of reboots where Eleanor and Chidi 468 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,887 weren't even soul mates, and he still always helped her. 469 00:21:08,086 --> 00:21:10,559 Simone and Chidi are good together. 470 00:21:10,646 --> 00:21:11,785 I've been running simulations 471 00:21:11,819 --> 00:21:13,353 on what their kids will be like. 472 00:21:13,498 --> 00:21:16,023 One of them is hot enough to be on "The Bachelor" 473 00:21:16,158 --> 00:21:18,959 and smart enough to never go on "The Bachelor." 474 00:21:19,339 --> 00:21:23,030 This is not just about Chidi. I've left too much to chance. 475 00:21:23,278 --> 00:21:24,965 Until our group is back together again, 476 00:21:24,999 --> 00:21:26,867 this whole thing is hanging by a thread. 477 00:21:27,530 --> 00:21:30,169 I'm going back down. You're pressing your luck. 478 00:21:30,216 --> 00:21:31,471 If you keep disobeying Mommy, 479 00:21:31,506 --> 00:21:33,206 something bad is going to happen. 480 00:21:33,508 --> 00:21:35,076 - What? - Oh, I don't have a mom, 481 00:21:35,101 --> 00:21:36,310 so I've been experimenting 482 00:21:36,344 --> 00:21:38,979 with thinking of The Judge as my mom. 483 00:21:39,346 --> 00:21:40,906 - It's weird, forget it. - Okay. 484 00:21:40,954 --> 00:21:43,740 How are you even going to get Jason and Tahani to Australia? 485 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,153 I have no idea, but I have to try. 486 00:21:46,187 --> 00:21:47,888 Well, good luck, Dad. 487 00:21:48,028 --> 00:21:50,063 Nope, also weird. Just go. 488 00:21:51,192 --> 00:21:52,492 Hey, bud. 489 00:21:52,698 --> 00:21:55,972 Brought you some decaf hazelnut antimatter. 490 00:21:56,441 --> 00:21:59,299 Just a little treat for my old pal, The Doorman. 491 00:21:59,434 --> 00:22:01,213 Heading back down, by the way. 492 00:22:02,603 --> 00:22:03,998 You sure The Judge is okay with you 493 00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:05,172 going back to Earth so many times? 494 00:22:05,206 --> 00:22:09,009 Oh, yeah, yeah, all good. See, still got the papers. 495 00:22:09,555 --> 00:22:10,823 Shouldn't be long. 496 00:22:19,909 --> 00:22:21,030 How are we doing, Steve? 497 00:22:21,055 --> 00:22:23,023 I'm trying. I'm getting close. 498 00:22:23,264 --> 00:22:25,814 Good. No pressure. 499 00:22:28,244 --> 00:22:29,724 Aha! 500 00:22:29,796 --> 00:22:31,505 Someone just went down to Earth, 501 00:22:31,530 --> 00:22:34,201 and that gave me a back door into The Judge's system. 502 00:22:34,235 --> 00:22:35,457 Now we can see everything that's happening 503 00:22:35,481 --> 00:22:37,237 with all four humans. 504 00:22:38,713 --> 00:22:41,719 Excellent work, Steve. 505 00:22:43,144 --> 00:22:46,380 Uh-oh, looks like someone's been cocooning again. 506 00:22:46,414 --> 00:22:48,408 You know, it would be a real help if you let me know 507 00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:49,567 the next time you were about to... 508 00:22:54,422 --> 00:22:56,590 Well, well, well. 509 00:22:56,770 --> 00:22:57,924 Looks like Michael's been caught 510 00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,393 with his hand in the human jar. 511 00:22:59,580 --> 00:23:01,581 - Good one, boss. - Shut up, Glenn. 512 00:23:03,610 --> 00:23:06,713 Morning, teach. Ready to discuss philosophy. 513 00:23:06,738 --> 00:23:09,190 Obviously, I'm kidding. How was your date with Simone? 514 00:23:09,215 --> 00:23:11,650 Spill it, sweetheart. We had a great time. 515 00:23:11,675 --> 00:23:14,955 Thank you again for bullying me into asking her out. 516 00:23:14,980 --> 00:23:16,895 Well, I owed it to you. 517 00:23:17,048 --> 00:23:21,085 And bonus, I realized I was practicing virtue ethics 518 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:22,953 by helping the two of you bone down. 519 00:23:23,010 --> 00:23:24,822 Okay, not appropriate. 520 00:23:24,856 --> 00:23:26,457 Also, not a great understanding of virtue ethics. 521 00:23:26,481 --> 00:23:27,673 Oh, we can agree to disagree. 522 00:23:27,698 --> 00:23:30,267 But if you must know, it was very chaste. 523 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,783 We didn't even kiss. 524 00:23:32,964 --> 00:23:34,865 - Because you chickened out? - I did! 525 00:23:34,899 --> 00:23:38,869 Yeah, I totally chickened out, and I am so mad at myself. 526 00:23:38,903 --> 00:23:42,006 Well, hey, maybe it wasn't the right moment. 527 00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:44,472 Knowing the two of you nerds, your first kiss 528 00:23:44,497 --> 00:23:47,144 is going to be while reading Plato in an MRI machine. 529 00:23:49,492 --> 00:23:53,104 Oh, hang on. Come with me. 530 00:23:53,472 --> 00:23:56,440 Simone, what's the one thing Eleanor and I have in common? 531 00:23:56,465 --> 00:23:58,391 You both have a complete disregard for my office hours. 532 00:23:58,485 --> 00:24:00,124 - Sorry, Reginald. - Oh, no worries. 533 00:24:00,158 --> 00:24:02,343 Look, listen, Eleanor is an Arizona trash bag. 534 00:24:02,368 --> 00:24:03,703 - Yep. - Her words, not mine. 535 00:24:03,728 --> 00:24:04,805 - Totally. - Who once told me that 536 00:24:04,829 --> 00:24:06,133 her greatest accomplishment 537 00:24:06,158 --> 00:24:07,892 was breaking into Charles Barkley's house. 538 00:24:07,926 --> 00:24:09,743 Mm. He was on the road. 539 00:24:09,768 --> 00:24:11,702 I snuck in through the doggy door. 540 00:24:11,736 --> 00:24:15,086 Tried on all his giant shoes. One of my top five Christmases. 541 00:24:15,653 --> 00:24:16,953 Listen, the point is, 542 00:24:17,048 --> 00:24:19,905 Eleanor and I have nothing in common 543 00:24:19,930 --> 00:24:21,821 except that we both almost died, 544 00:24:21,846 --> 00:24:23,881 and it made us want to be better people. 545 00:24:24,011 --> 00:24:25,485 This is my thesis idea. 546 00:24:25,564 --> 00:24:29,046 I will explore the effect of near-death experiences 547 00:24:29,071 --> 00:24:30,626 on ethical decision-making. 548 00:24:30,651 --> 00:24:32,496 I will get a group of people together 549 00:24:32,521 --> 00:24:34,024 who have had near-death experiences, 550 00:24:34,059 --> 00:24:35,359 ask them ethical questions, 551 00:24:35,393 --> 00:24:37,036 and see if there's any commonalities! 552 00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,873 That's great! Why are you yelling it at me? 553 00:24:39,898 --> 00:24:41,518 Because I need your help! 554 00:24:41,543 --> 00:24:44,435 You and your magic brain scan machine. 555 00:24:44,469 --> 00:24:46,236 Oh, of course! 556 00:24:46,303 --> 00:24:48,590 A joint study with the neuroscience department. 557 00:24:48,615 --> 00:24:51,189 We can use MRI mapping to see if a near-death experience 558 00:24:51,223 --> 00:24:52,343 alters brain function. 559 00:24:52,377 --> 00:24:53,577 There's something there, right? 560 00:24:53,602 --> 00:24:55,021 Definitely, I love this. 561 00:24:55,066 --> 00:24:56,754 Great. Also, I wanted to kiss you last night, 562 00:24:56,779 --> 00:24:57,990 but I chickened out, so I'm going to kiss you now. 563 00:24:58,014 --> 00:24:59,815 Good, yes. I want that, please. 564 00:25:04,842 --> 00:25:07,729 Oh, sorry, Reginald. What were you saying? 565 00:25:07,812 --> 00:25:09,803 Um, that I can't come to class tomorrow 566 00:25:09,834 --> 00:25:12,435 - 'cause my grandma died. - Oof. 567 00:25:12,554 --> 00:25:17,121 Real mood ruiner. Read the room, dude. 568 00:25:23,899 --> 00:25:26,883 Bingo. Okay. 569 00:25:27,051 --> 00:25:28,484 Oh, good, you're here. 570 00:25:28,509 --> 00:25:30,256 Eleanor, meet the newest member 571 00:25:30,281 --> 00:25:32,149 of our ethical neuro-scientific study, 572 00:25:32,183 --> 00:25:33,484 Tahani Al-Jamil. 573 00:25:33,612 --> 00:25:36,153 Hello, Eleanor. Delighted to meet you. 574 00:25:36,394 --> 00:25:39,911 Al-Jamil. Oh, you're Kamilah's sister. 575 00:25:40,024 --> 00:25:41,492 I am, yes. 576 00:25:41,526 --> 00:25:43,567 If you want an autograph or something, 577 00:25:43,592 --> 00:25:44,847 I can probably arrange it. 578 00:25:44,872 --> 00:25:47,840 Eh, I was never really that into her... no offense. 579 00:25:47,912 --> 00:25:52,025 Oh, I assure you, there is none taken. 580 00:25:52,190 --> 00:25:54,728 So how did you come to join our team? 581 00:25:54,753 --> 00:25:58,218 Well, it's a bit of a story, I suppose. 582 00:25:58,458 --> 00:26:00,353 It, uh, began about a year ago. 583 00:26:02,673 --> 00:26:05,349 Come down! Come down where you belong. 584 00:26:05,383 --> 00:26:06,583 Aah! 585 00:26:11,315 --> 00:26:14,258 - Well done, Tahani. - Who saved me? 586 00:26:14,392 --> 00:26:16,175 Did anyone see who just saved my life? 587 00:26:16,222 --> 00:26:18,862 - It was Kamilah! - No, it was a man, I think. 588 00:26:18,897 --> 00:26:20,964 - It was Kamilah! - It was Kamilah! 589 00:26:21,053 --> 00:26:25,046 No, it wasn't Kamilah! It was someone over there. 590 00:26:25,170 --> 00:26:29,614 Kamilah, Kamilah, Kamilah, Kamilah, Kamilah! 591 00:26:30,517 --> 00:26:32,797 I had almost died. 592 00:26:33,271 --> 00:26:37,307 And in that very moment, I decided to change my life. 593 00:26:37,382 --> 00:26:40,617 First, I cleansed myself of all the worldly possessions 594 00:26:40,652 --> 00:26:43,053 that had been weighing me down like anchors... 595 00:26:43,087 --> 00:26:46,390 the dresses, the jewels. I gave them all to Good Will. 596 00:26:46,548 --> 00:26:48,525 That's what I call Prince William. 597 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,849 Since he'd married a commoner, I assumed he'd know 598 00:26:51,874 --> 00:26:54,109 some needy people they could go to. 599 00:26:54,606 --> 00:26:55,846 Sure. 600 00:26:55,934 --> 00:26:58,302 Then I deleted all my celebrity contacts 601 00:26:58,336 --> 00:26:59,636 from my mobile. 602 00:26:59,671 --> 00:27:03,688 Good-bye, Bono. Good-bye, The Edge. 603 00:27:04,348 --> 00:27:05,891 Good-bye, The Edge's real phone number 604 00:27:05,916 --> 00:27:07,383 that even Bono doesn't have. 605 00:27:07,579 --> 00:27:10,247 And most importantly, I put physical distance 606 00:27:10,290 --> 00:27:12,309 between me and my old life. 607 00:27:12,383 --> 00:27:13,956 Book me a flight to Tibet. 608 00:27:14,045 --> 00:27:15,813 I'm going to live in a Buddhist monastery. 609 00:27:15,927 --> 00:27:17,599 I need to get out of the spotlight. 610 00:27:17,624 --> 00:27:20,045 Copy that, I'll see what jets are available. 611 00:27:20,291 --> 00:27:22,813 - No, I'm flying commercial. - Okay. 612 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,766 - First class, I assume? - No. 613 00:27:24,791 --> 00:27:27,426 I'm a woman of the people now. 614 00:27:29,573 --> 00:27:31,120 Comfort Plus. 615 00:27:33,411 --> 00:27:36,847 And there, in that humble monastery, 616 00:27:36,941 --> 00:27:39,243 thousands of miles from the meaningless concerns 617 00:27:39,277 --> 00:27:40,783 of high society, 618 00:27:40,879 --> 00:27:44,081 I embarked upon a quest for enlightenment. 619 00:27:44,215 --> 00:27:47,551 I learned to embrace a life of simplicity. 620 00:27:47,820 --> 00:27:49,623 I meditated. 621 00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:52,229 I worked. 622 00:27:52,499 --> 00:27:54,799 I gave back to Mother Earth. 623 00:27:55,126 --> 00:27:56,791 And I slept. 624 00:27:57,895 --> 00:28:00,864 My soul had never felt so nourished, 625 00:28:01,241 --> 00:28:03,634 until one day, my former life came knocking 626 00:28:03,668 --> 00:28:06,201 at the open space where a door would have been 627 00:28:06,226 --> 00:28:08,027 if we were given any privacy. 628 00:28:08,239 --> 00:28:13,118 Yo, is that Tahani Al-Jamil? Man, it totes is you! 629 00:28:13,203 --> 00:28:15,873 What up? I'm Colby, "Squalor News." 630 00:28:17,061 --> 00:28:18,662 What are you doing in this monastery? 631 00:28:18,730 --> 00:28:20,960 Oh, we're doing a new show about poverty, 632 00:28:20,985 --> 00:28:23,220 drug lords, gun running, weird-ass restaurants, 633 00:28:23,254 --> 00:28:25,479 skateboarding, oh, and also genocide. 634 00:28:25,546 --> 00:28:27,226 It's called "Society is F'ed." 635 00:28:27,319 --> 00:28:28,625 What are you doing here, though? 636 00:28:28,660 --> 00:28:31,161 Is this where you came after your sister saved your life? 637 00:28:31,313 --> 00:28:36,118 I am living here as a way to shed my desire for attention. 638 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,864 Toigh, that's what's up! You got to shed that, right? 639 00:28:38,958 --> 00:28:40,437 But listen, if you ever want us to do 640 00:28:40,477 --> 00:28:43,680 like a monster profile on you and your monk junk, 641 00:28:43,708 --> 00:28:45,429 we would be honored AF. 642 00:28:45,510 --> 00:28:47,398 I think people would be supes interested 643 00:28:47,423 --> 00:28:49,291 in what you're doing here, for real. 644 00:28:49,447 --> 00:28:52,094 Look, here's my card. Think about it. 645 00:28:52,550 --> 00:28:55,334 Of course, I never called him to do that profile 646 00:28:55,359 --> 00:28:57,955 because I didn't pursue a life of tranquility 647 00:28:57,989 --> 00:28:59,523 to get in front of a camera. 648 00:28:59,792 --> 00:29:03,633 I did it to get out of the spotlight. 649 00:29:03,728 --> 00:29:05,762 And that's what my book is about... 650 00:29:05,892 --> 00:29:09,411 shedding your need for validation from others. 651 00:29:14,929 --> 00:29:16,206 Publisher says you'll hit 652 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,709 2 million copies sold by next week. 653 00:29:18,906 --> 00:29:22,652 Your "582 Questions With" video was nominated for a BAFTA. 654 00:29:22,686 --> 00:29:25,237 - That's fun. - Also, they want you for "Oprah." 655 00:29:25,437 --> 00:29:26,571 "Oprah" is off the air. 656 00:29:26,596 --> 00:29:28,845 No, they want you to take over for Oprah. 657 00:29:28,931 --> 00:29:30,721 Also, this investor wants to meet you. 658 00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:32,884 I checked him out, he's legit. 659 00:29:33,224 --> 00:29:36,092 Tahani. Gordon Indigo. 660 00:29:36,220 --> 00:29:39,355 I just have to say you are so inspiring. 661 00:29:39,429 --> 00:29:40,596 Aw. 662 00:29:41,037 --> 00:29:42,245 Namaste. 663 00:29:42,299 --> 00:29:44,871 I mean, you really have all these idiots fooled. 664 00:29:44,945 --> 00:29:46,236 - Excuse me? - Listen. 665 00:29:46,270 --> 00:29:47,914 I'm sure you're already rolling in dough 666 00:29:47,939 --> 00:29:49,916 from this incredible scam, 667 00:29:49,949 --> 00:29:51,675 but have you thought about merch? 668 00:29:51,709 --> 00:29:53,410 Because we could, uh, we could partner here. 669 00:29:53,444 --> 00:29:56,513 I made a fortune selling Nirvana Orbs, 670 00:29:56,547 --> 00:29:58,511 which is to say, 671 00:29:58,951 --> 00:30:01,711 driving range golf balls that I painted silver. 672 00:30:02,066 --> 00:30:04,968 - That's awful. - No, it's healing. 673 00:30:05,189 --> 00:30:06,757 Wink. 674 00:30:06,867 --> 00:30:09,092 You should be selling whatever crap you can think of, 675 00:30:09,127 --> 00:30:10,360 because these people will buy it. 676 00:30:10,395 --> 00:30:11,998 - That is quite enough. - Hm? 677 00:30:12,023 --> 00:30:14,205 And how dare you insinuate that I'm not authentic? 678 00:30:14,230 --> 00:30:15,564 I finished signing your headshots. 679 00:30:15,589 --> 00:30:19,225 - Oh, not now. - Ms. Al-Jamil, it's okay. 680 00:30:19,470 --> 00:30:22,964 You and I are the same. I love what you're doing here. 681 00:30:23,227 --> 00:30:25,028 You get to be rich and famous 682 00:30:25,143 --> 00:30:27,894 and not have to do any of the work of helping people. 683 00:30:28,045 --> 00:30:31,835 But I am helping people. You need to go right now. 684 00:30:31,860 --> 00:30:34,133 Suit yourself. Look, if you change your mind, 685 00:30:34,158 --> 00:30:36,426 I'm online. Just Google "crystals" 686 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,535 that prevent erectile dysfunction." 687 00:30:40,017 --> 00:30:42,735 I'm sorry, but Ms. Al-Jamil doesn't have time 688 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,795 to participate in an ethical study 689 00:30:44,829 --> 00:30:47,024 at some random university. 690 00:30:47,165 --> 00:30:49,258 If you want to meet her, you can sign up 691 00:30:49,283 --> 00:30:51,351 for the "Get Out of the Spotlight" cruise, 692 00:30:51,463 --> 00:30:54,913 with special guests Deepak Chopra and Will.I.Am. 693 00:30:56,341 --> 00:30:59,576 Hello? This is Tahani Al-Jamil. 694 00:30:59,624 --> 00:31:01,944 Oh, hi, I didn't think I'd actually get you. 695 00:31:01,986 --> 00:31:06,159 My name is Chidi Anagonye, and I'm doing an academic study 696 00:31:06,184 --> 00:31:09,766 on near-death experiences and ethical decision-making. 697 00:31:09,867 --> 00:31:12,335 I read an article about you... Will it help people? 698 00:31:12,481 --> 00:31:15,125 That's all I want to know. Will this help people? 699 00:31:15,159 --> 00:31:19,203 Yes, I... I think so. I... I mean, that's the goal. 700 00:31:19,316 --> 00:31:22,304 Send me the info. I'll be there tomorrow morning. 701 00:31:24,502 --> 00:31:26,114 Wow. 702 00:31:26,357 --> 00:31:28,592 But how had you learned about me, I wonder? 703 00:31:28,617 --> 00:31:30,543 A professor I'd never heard of 704 00:31:30,568 --> 00:31:33,637 named Charles Brainman sent me an article about you. 705 00:31:33,662 --> 00:31:36,063 Said you'd be perfect for our study. 706 00:31:36,140 --> 00:31:37,904 Well, welcome to Australia. 707 00:31:37,929 --> 00:31:40,405 Oh, if you need a place to crash while you get settled, 708 00:31:40,430 --> 00:31:42,231 my motel has a pull-out sofa. 709 00:31:42,581 --> 00:31:44,821 Although, as I say that, and I look at you 710 00:31:44,856 --> 00:31:47,457 and your whole thing, I realize that's absurd, 711 00:31:47,482 --> 00:31:49,731 and you should probably just get your own place. 712 00:31:49,756 --> 00:31:52,929 Yes, I... I think that's best. 713 00:31:53,017 --> 00:31:55,619 - But... but thank you. - Mm-hmm. 714 00:31:57,637 --> 00:32:01,295 Three down, one to go. 715 00:32:05,139 --> 00:32:07,822 Sup, bud? I've been looking for you. 716 00:32:07,949 --> 00:32:09,916 Oh, sorry. Are these your rocks? 717 00:32:09,951 --> 00:32:12,953 No, look. My name is Zach Pizazz. 718 00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:14,888 International talent scout. 719 00:32:15,020 --> 00:32:17,814 I've been tracking your dance troupe, man. 720 00:32:17,858 --> 00:32:19,648 I think you really got the goods. 721 00:32:19,841 --> 00:32:21,738 I want you to come on down to Australia 722 00:32:21,763 --> 00:32:22,929 and start a new crew, all right? 723 00:32:22,964 --> 00:32:24,398 I'll pay for everything. 724 00:32:24,479 --> 00:32:26,269 You may have a few other obligations, but basically... 725 00:32:26,293 --> 00:32:28,709 Uh, thanks, but no thanks, man. 726 00:32:28,876 --> 00:32:31,735 - I'm done with dancing. - But wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. 727 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,761 You heard what my name was, right? 728 00:32:34,603 --> 00:32:35,688 Zach Pizazz? 729 00:32:35,769 --> 00:32:37,951 My life is just kind of messed up right now. 730 00:32:38,038 --> 00:32:40,073 I had a really tough year. 731 00:32:41,015 --> 00:32:42,983 I'm sorry. 732 00:32:43,285 --> 00:32:46,286 Want to talk about it? I'm a pretty good listener. 733 00:32:46,938 --> 00:32:51,087 Well, my year started about a year ago. 734 00:32:53,686 --> 00:32:55,762 Pillboi, I can't breathe, and I'm freaking out, 735 00:32:55,797 --> 00:32:57,864 and I'm almost out of whip-its! Pillboi! 736 00:32:57,899 --> 00:32:59,966 - Buongiorno. 737 00:33:00,001 --> 00:33:01,591 Buongiorno. 738 00:33:04,699 --> 00:33:07,483 - Yo, what happened? - I couldn't breathe. 739 00:33:07,536 --> 00:33:09,343 The snorkel must have been broken. 740 00:33:09,584 --> 00:33:11,144 Yo, that sucks. 741 00:33:11,881 --> 00:33:15,182 - You ready to get back in there? - No, man. 742 00:33:15,540 --> 00:33:16,983 We're not doing this no more. 743 00:33:17,231 --> 00:33:19,985 I almost died trying to rob a Mexican restaurant. 744 00:33:21,428 --> 00:33:23,663 I have to change my life. 745 00:33:27,235 --> 00:33:28,895 I know what I'm going to do. 746 00:33:32,879 --> 00:33:36,136 I'm going to win this dance competition. 747 00:33:36,170 --> 00:33:39,104 So you didn't see any other posters there? 748 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:40,907 No, don't think so. Why? 749 00:33:41,319 --> 00:33:43,009 Doesn't matter. Continue. 750 00:33:43,044 --> 00:33:46,012 Homies, I almost died yesterday. 751 00:33:46,291 --> 00:33:48,695 But we've been given a second chance. 752 00:33:48,796 --> 00:33:51,606 Three months from today, on this very stage 753 00:33:51,631 --> 00:33:54,054 in the Carmen Electra auditorium, 754 00:33:54,233 --> 00:33:55,932 right here at the Smith & Wesson 755 00:33:56,036 --> 00:33:59,045 Performing Arts Center and ATV Repair Shop, 756 00:33:59,176 --> 00:34:03,371 we are going to win this dance competition. 757 00:34:03,557 --> 00:34:06,933 How, you ask? By working. 758 00:34:07,083 --> 00:34:10,710 We are going to eat, breathe, and vape dance. 759 00:34:10,737 --> 00:34:13,673 I want you thinking about dance 24/7. 760 00:34:13,821 --> 00:34:16,468 That means every day, you think 20 thoughts about dance 761 00:34:16,493 --> 00:34:18,378 for seven minutes. 762 00:34:18,716 --> 00:34:20,209 And if you can't promise me that you'll give 763 00:34:20,234 --> 00:34:22,449 this dance crew everything that you've got, 764 00:34:22,662 --> 00:34:25,218 then you can walk out that door. 765 00:34:25,590 --> 00:34:27,454 Right now. 766 00:34:27,978 --> 00:34:29,847 Yeah, okay. I'm out. 767 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,058 What? Come on, Donkey Doug. 768 00:34:32,093 --> 00:34:33,379 After all we've been through? 769 00:34:33,446 --> 00:34:35,028 Listen, you know you're my boy, 770 00:34:35,062 --> 00:34:36,530 but this sounds like a lot of work. 771 00:34:36,877 --> 00:34:38,311 Good luck. 772 00:34:39,786 --> 00:34:41,587 Pew, pew. 773 00:34:42,503 --> 00:34:44,538 Donkey Doug out! 774 00:34:46,790 --> 00:34:48,691 Damn, that's a tough blow. 775 00:34:48,743 --> 00:34:51,378 But now that those guys are no longer members of our crew, 776 00:34:51,556 --> 00:34:53,537 we can legally rob their houses. 777 00:34:53,584 --> 00:34:54,924 No, Little Peanut. 778 00:34:54,949 --> 00:34:56,416 We're going to do this the right way. 779 00:34:56,578 --> 00:34:58,669 No more crime, and if you don't like that, 780 00:34:58,718 --> 00:35:00,733 you can walk out that door. 781 00:35:01,004 --> 00:35:02,565 Right now. 782 00:35:05,205 --> 00:35:07,840 What? Co... Oh, come on... 783 00:35:08,915 --> 00:35:12,251 We still got like 35 people, so let's get to work. 784 00:35:14,420 --> 00:35:15,619 Quick announcement. 785 00:35:15,713 --> 00:35:18,860 Will the owner of a 1998 Toyota Tercel 786 00:35:18,885 --> 00:35:21,316 with golden pythons painted on both sides, 787 00:35:21,396 --> 00:35:25,278 license plate GOT-MILF please see an usher. 788 00:35:25,452 --> 00:35:27,267 Your car has exploded. 789 00:35:27,354 --> 00:35:29,169 All right, ya'll ready for the next act? 790 00:35:29,223 --> 00:35:33,894 Please give it up right now for Dance Dance Resolution! 791 00:35:53,613 --> 00:35:55,967 In the six-year history of this competition, 792 00:35:55,992 --> 00:35:59,537 no crew has ever received a perfect score from our judges. 793 00:35:59,630 --> 00:36:01,154 That changed tonight. 794 00:36:01,532 --> 00:36:02,820 But before we get to that, 795 00:36:02,845 --> 00:36:05,959 Dance Dance Resolution has been disqualified. 796 00:36:06,153 --> 00:36:08,932 What? No, why? 797 00:36:08,979 --> 00:36:11,567 Because you have 40 people onstage. 798 00:36:11,647 --> 00:36:13,099 The limit is eight. 799 00:36:13,242 --> 00:36:15,559 Also, one of your members tried to carjack me 800 00:36:15,590 --> 00:36:18,077 - on my way in here. - No, that was Donkey Doug, 801 00:36:18,105 --> 00:36:20,091 and he's not a part of our crew anymore. 802 00:36:20,116 --> 00:36:21,417 We win! We win! 803 00:36:21,442 --> 00:36:23,944 We win, we win, we win! 804 00:36:24,139 --> 00:36:27,581 No, again, you are disqualified. 805 00:36:27,934 --> 00:36:29,916 And the winner is... 806 00:36:30,215 --> 00:36:32,252 Panther Blood! 807 00:36:32,450 --> 00:36:34,020 And the winner is... 808 00:36:34,525 --> 00:36:36,490 Suck Monsters! 809 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:38,458 And the winner is... 810 00:36:38,997 --> 00:36:40,144 Nobody. 811 00:36:40,230 --> 00:36:42,295 All teams are disqualified due to violence. 812 00:36:43,998 --> 00:36:47,133 Okay, well, we're out of rent money. 813 00:36:47,299 --> 00:36:51,271 So remember that thing I said about no more crime? 814 00:36:51,738 --> 00:36:53,686 That's over now. Go do crime. 815 00:36:54,606 --> 00:36:56,807 Yep, he just confessed to the robbery. 816 00:36:56,832 --> 00:36:58,278 - Damn it! - That was easy. 817 00:36:58,429 --> 00:37:00,129 Look, please let me go. 818 00:37:00,189 --> 00:37:01,297 I only did it to pay rent 819 00:37:01,322 --> 00:37:03,063 for my dance crew's rehearsal space. 820 00:37:03,130 --> 00:37:04,720 Oh, well then, you're in luck. 821 00:37:04,745 --> 00:37:06,186 We only arrest people for robbery 822 00:37:06,220 --> 00:37:08,080 if they don't have a reason. 823 00:37:08,742 --> 00:37:10,991 Sorry it took me so long to bail you out. 824 00:37:11,470 --> 00:37:12,993 No, it was my fault. 825 00:37:13,132 --> 00:37:14,548 I shouldn't have used my one phone call 826 00:37:14,573 --> 00:37:16,868 to prank the police department. 827 00:37:17,098 --> 00:37:19,499 Man, a year ago, I almost died, 828 00:37:19,792 --> 00:37:22,402 and I'm exactly the same as I was before. 829 00:37:22,706 --> 00:37:24,704 - A failure. - You're not a failure. 830 00:37:25,074 --> 00:37:26,373 You're a dreamer. 831 00:37:26,649 --> 00:37:29,342 Look, I like my job at the old folk's home. 832 00:37:29,447 --> 00:37:31,177 Those old biddies are sweet, 833 00:37:31,313 --> 00:37:34,180 and sometimes they give me what they think are candy 834 00:37:34,369 --> 00:37:36,349 but are really loose Vicodin. 835 00:37:36,904 --> 00:37:38,518 But when I'm with you, 836 00:37:38,748 --> 00:37:40,910 I feel like the sky's the limit. 837 00:37:41,043 --> 00:37:45,462 I feel like someday, I'll be able to buy my own Vicodin. 838 00:37:45,962 --> 00:37:50,330 And it'll never turn out to actually be laxatives. 839 00:37:50,483 --> 00:37:53,667 Thanks, dog, but if my life ended today, 840 00:37:54,126 --> 00:37:55,702 what would my legacy be? 841 00:37:55,897 --> 00:37:58,020 Sure, I did a wheelie on a dirt bike 842 00:37:58,045 --> 00:38:00,006 through an entire Waffle House, 843 00:38:00,173 --> 00:38:02,189 and I was once interviewed on the news 844 00:38:02,214 --> 00:38:04,210 for finding a foot on the beach. 845 00:38:04,525 --> 00:38:08,415 But yo, other than that, I have no truly great accomplishments. 846 00:38:08,753 --> 00:38:10,050 Bro. 847 00:38:10,266 --> 00:38:13,553 I'm only saying this because I love you. 848 00:38:14,065 --> 00:38:16,064 Do you want a Vicodin right now? 849 00:38:16,763 --> 00:38:19,065 So I walked out of that bar, 850 00:38:19,254 --> 00:38:22,195 came down to this wharf, threw a rock at a snake, 851 00:38:22,302 --> 00:38:24,464 met a guy named Zach Pizazz, 852 00:38:24,759 --> 00:38:26,758 talked to him about my crazy year that I've had 853 00:38:26,783 --> 00:38:28,735 which started when I was locked in a safe. 854 00:38:29,024 --> 00:38:31,738 No, that was me. I'm Zach Pizazz. 855 00:38:32,168 --> 00:38:34,207 - We're caught up now. - Oh, yeah. 856 00:38:34,241 --> 00:38:36,276 - Yeah. - A year ago, if you had 857 00:38:36,310 --> 00:38:38,378 asked me to run a dance crew in Atlantis... 858 00:38:38,412 --> 00:38:41,281 - Australia. - I would have said yes for sure. 859 00:38:41,376 --> 00:38:46,620 But now, and I know this sounds crazy, 860 00:38:47,026 --> 00:38:49,469 but I'm starting to think there might be more to life 861 00:38:49,494 --> 00:38:52,435 than amateur street dancing competitions. 862 00:38:53,430 --> 00:38:56,763 It's funny, but I know exactly what you mean. 863 00:38:57,305 --> 00:39:00,802 My goal in life used to be completely different, too. 864 00:39:01,786 --> 00:39:03,269 I used to, um... 865 00:39:03,366 --> 00:39:06,320 rep this crew called the Demons. 866 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,854 Whoa, I remember you guys! 867 00:39:08,946 --> 00:39:10,321 Didn't you all die when someone brought 868 00:39:10,350 --> 00:39:12,288 a hammerhead shark into your hot tub? 869 00:39:12,527 --> 00:39:14,114 Different Demons. 870 00:39:14,315 --> 00:39:18,125 The point is, I had to leave my old crew behind, you know? 871 00:39:18,150 --> 00:39:20,546 But I met new friends who helped me become 872 00:39:21,509 --> 00:39:24,357 a better... person. 873 00:39:24,688 --> 00:39:26,532 Look, I know this group of people 874 00:39:26,572 --> 00:39:28,294 who are also searching for meaning. 875 00:39:28,407 --> 00:39:30,830 They might be able to help you find what you're looking for. 876 00:39:31,284 --> 00:39:33,433 What do you think? You want to go meet them? 877 00:39:34,052 --> 00:39:36,707 Yeah, that sounds great. 878 00:39:37,797 --> 00:39:39,384 Do we have to leave right now? 879 00:39:39,430 --> 00:39:41,984 My friend gave me a pill that I realized one second ago 880 00:39:42,009 --> 00:39:43,510 was definitely a laxative. 881 00:39:43,729 --> 00:39:45,679 No, go, go. 882 00:39:47,102 --> 00:39:49,264 Well, that is the last time 883 00:39:49,289 --> 00:39:50,626 I'll need to head back down there. 884 00:39:50,778 --> 00:39:52,185 So to thank you for your help, 885 00:39:52,273 --> 00:39:54,521 I brought you back something from Earth. 886 00:39:54,761 --> 00:39:56,623 A little token of my appreciation. 887 00:39:56,769 --> 00:40:01,553 It keeps your antimatter warmer for longer. 888 00:40:05,860 --> 00:40:07,567 - It's a frog. - Yeah. 889 00:40:07,895 --> 00:40:09,669 - There's a frog on it! - Yeah. 890 00:40:10,030 --> 00:40:11,504 Right there, it's a frog! 891 00:40:11,692 --> 00:40:14,207 Oh, man, it's green. It's classic. 892 00:40:14,286 --> 00:40:16,137 Oh, this guy's a jumper. You can tell. 893 00:40:16,229 --> 00:40:18,831 - Thank you! - You're welcome. 894 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,602 Wow, that really went over big! 895 00:40:26,909 --> 00:40:28,390 How's Jason? Is he still cute? 896 00:40:28,425 --> 00:40:30,984 - Oh, he looks about the same. - That sounds cute. 897 00:40:31,224 --> 00:40:33,058 - Hey, guys. - Ooh, hey, Judge. 898 00:40:33,093 --> 00:40:35,147 - Long time no see. - Yeah. 899 00:40:35,174 --> 00:40:36,808 - How's it going? - So good. 900 00:40:36,842 --> 00:40:38,619 I mean, everything is going according to plan, 901 00:40:38,672 --> 00:40:41,314 and nothing is going differently from the plan. 902 00:40:41,407 --> 00:40:43,991 Yes, that's a very not weird way to put it. 903 00:40:44,037 --> 00:40:46,432 I'm just stretching my legs. 904 00:40:46,543 --> 00:40:49,956 Just binged like 300 episodes of "NCIS." 905 00:40:50,009 --> 00:40:51,423 - Oof! - You know, I'm not 906 00:40:51,457 --> 00:40:52,600 a human woman, 907 00:40:52,625 --> 00:40:55,660 but that Mark Harmon can get it. 908 00:40:55,863 --> 00:40:57,429 You know what I'm saying? 909 00:40:57,613 --> 00:41:00,213 Speaking of human cutiepies, how's that Chidi doing? 910 00:41:00,305 --> 00:41:01,373 Oh, sorry, Judge. Let me just... 911 00:41:01,397 --> 00:41:03,556 Ooh, hey, you know what you would love 912 00:41:03,581 --> 00:41:04,704 - if you like Mark Harmon? - Yeah? 913 00:41:04,729 --> 00:41:05,871 "Stealing Home." 914 00:41:05,896 --> 00:41:08,028 He is very sexy in "Stealing Home" 915 00:41:08,053 --> 00:41:09,617 according to the private thoughts of more than 916 00:41:09,642 --> 00:41:11,142 7 million Caucasian women. 917 00:41:11,177 --> 00:41:13,478 Oh, hot tip. Thanks, girl. 918 00:41:13,579 --> 00:41:14,899 You guys want to come with? 919 00:41:14,995 --> 00:41:16,514 - Ooh. - We can watch together. 920 00:41:16,549 --> 00:41:18,019 I can whip up some nachos. 921 00:41:18,044 --> 00:41:21,447 - I am incapable of eating, so. - Suit yourselves. 922 00:41:21,704 --> 00:41:24,172 - Party poopers. - Ah, party poopers! 923 00:41:24,257 --> 00:41:25,690 I guess it'll just be me and Mark, then. 924 00:41:26,726 --> 00:41:27,892 Naughty, naughty. 925 00:41:29,495 --> 00:41:30,862 Oh, boy. 926 00:41:30,896 --> 00:41:33,183 Michael, we almost just got busted. 927 00:41:33,251 --> 00:41:35,552 Yeah, but we didn't, and more importantly, 928 00:41:35,871 --> 00:41:37,802 Jason just arrived in Australia. 929 00:41:37,959 --> 00:41:39,704 The four of them are finally together. 930 00:41:39,823 --> 00:41:42,741 Oh, we did it, Janet! We got away with it. 931 00:41:45,384 --> 00:41:49,325 So this is our MRI machine. Oh, don't... don't touch that. 932 00:41:49,491 --> 00:41:51,659 Each of you will get a chance in here eventually. 933 00:41:51,787 --> 00:41:53,785 Hopefully, none of you is claustrophobic. 934 00:41:53,819 --> 00:41:55,134 Clausterphobic? 935 00:41:55,214 --> 00:41:57,181 Who would ever be scared of Santa Claus? 936 00:41:57,290 --> 00:41:59,958 Oh! The Jewish. 937 00:42:00,310 --> 00:42:01,670 Are you from Florida? 938 00:42:01,797 --> 00:42:03,328 - Jacksonville. - Yeah. 939 00:42:03,362 --> 00:42:05,660 That should be fine for me. It's roughly the same size 940 00:42:05,685 --> 00:42:08,266 as Nicole Kidman's cryogenic anti-aging chamber, 941 00:42:08,301 --> 00:42:09,934 and I've never had a problem in there. 942 00:42:10,368 --> 00:42:11,603 I'll be okay, too. 943 00:42:11,721 --> 00:42:13,438 Kinda of reminds me of the home tanning booth 944 00:42:13,472 --> 00:42:14,889 I lost my virginity in. 945 00:42:14,940 --> 00:42:18,050 Wow, I cannot wait to take a look at these three brains. 946 00:42:18,130 --> 00:42:19,611 Oh, forgot to mention. 947 00:42:19,645 --> 00:42:22,124 There's one more person who will be joining us. 948 00:42:22,264 --> 00:42:24,282 Seems like a really interesting guy. 949 00:42:24,317 --> 00:42:26,251 He was almost run over by a train a few months ago. 950 00:42:26,285 --> 00:42:27,919 Heard about the study, emailed me last night. 951 00:42:29,488 --> 00:42:30,955 This doesn't make any sense. 952 00:42:32,952 --> 00:42:36,661 They're all there. What's going on? 953 00:42:37,153 --> 00:42:39,798 - Oh, no. - What is it? 954 00:42:40,050 --> 00:42:41,807 Something bad, Janet. 955 00:42:41,832 --> 00:42:45,270 Something very dark... 956 00:42:45,610 --> 00:42:47,144 and evil. 957 00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:49,187 Oh, yes. Come on in. 958 00:42:49,342 --> 00:42:52,900 - Everyone, this is Trevor. - Hey, guys. 959 00:42:52,967 --> 00:42:55,480 It is so great to meet you. 960 00:42:57,127 --> 00:43:01,127 synced & corrected by PopcornAWH www.addic7ed.com