1
00:00:02,289 --> 00:00:04,056
But I think, by the
end of the honeymoon,

2
00:00:04,124 --> 00:00:06,592
we really started to feel
like a married couple.

3
00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:08,594
But the good kind,
like on TV,

4
00:00:08,662 --> 00:00:10,996
not like my parents.
- Yeah.

5
00:00:11,065 --> 00:00:12,642
You're not a real married couple
until you can pee

6
00:00:12,666 --> 00:00:14,900
with the door open
and she's okay with it.

7
00:00:16,136 --> 00:00:18,604
I told you, I'm
not okay with it.

8
00:00:18,672 --> 00:00:21,106
She loves it.

9
00:00:21,175 --> 00:00:24,776
So, we got everybody gifts.

10
00:00:24,845 --> 00:00:26,078
Aw.

11
00:00:27,248 --> 00:00:28,714
Did you forget about us

12
00:00:28,782 --> 00:00:30,649
until you were at the airport?

13
00:00:30,718 --> 00:00:31,917
No.

14
00:00:31,986 --> 00:00:34,286
We forgot about you
until we were on the plane.

15
00:00:34,455 --> 00:00:35,620
Luckily,
there was Wi-Fi,

16
00:00:35,689 --> 00:00:37,456
and I have Amazon Prime.

17
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:40,692
I heart New York.

18
00:00:40,761 --> 00:00:43,628
Aw, the baby's gonna love
throwing up on this.

19
00:00:43,697 --> 00:00:45,831
Look, it doesn't have
to just be New York.

20
00:00:45,899 --> 00:00:47,132
That's the beauty of it.

21
00:00:47,201 --> 00:00:50,235
Uh, the initials "N.Y."
can stand for anything you like.

22
00:00:50,304 --> 00:00:51,815
For instance, I
understand that there is

23
00:00:51,839 --> 00:00:54,172
an elderly rock-and-roll
musician named Neil Young.

24
00:00:54,241 --> 00:00:55,774
Perhaps you heart him.

25
00:00:55,843 --> 00:00:59,311
Or if not him, Egyptian
table tennis silver medalist

26
00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:01,313
Noha Yossry.

27
00:01:01,382 --> 00:01:02,581
Or Nana Yamaguchi,

28
00:01:02,649 --> 00:01:04,583
the Japanese voice actress

29
00:01:04,651 --> 00:01:07,219
who starred in
Sally the Witch.

30
00:01:07,287 --> 00:01:09,755
Did you just Google
the initials "N.Y."?

31
00:01:09,823 --> 00:01:11,256
I had Wi-Fi and a
long plane flight.

32
00:01:11,325 --> 00:01:13,125
Draw your own
conclusions.

33
00:01:13,193 --> 00:01:17,262
Well, guys, that was very,
very thoughtful of you. I...

34
00:01:19,867 --> 00:01:22,401
Did you get me a double XL?

35
00:01:22,469 --> 00:01:23,921
- I told you.
- You were right, dear.

36
00:01:23,922 --> 00:01:26,922
? The Big Bang Theory 12x02 ?
The Wedding Gift Wormhole

37
00:01:26,923 --> 00:01:30,041
? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

38
00:01:30,042 --> 00:01:32,911
? Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ?

39
00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:34,579
? The Earth began to cool ?

40
00:01:34,648 --> 00:01:37,282
? The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ?

41
00:01:37,351 --> 00:01:39,785
? We built the Wall ?
? We built the pyramids ?

42
00:01:39,853 --> 00:01:42,487
? Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ?

43
00:01:42,556 --> 00:01:44,389
? That all started
with a big bang ?

44
00:01:44,458 --> 00:01:46,024
? Bang! ?

45
00:01:46,025 --> 00:01:52,025
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

46
00:01:52,232 --> 00:01:55,300
Sheldon, that's not how
you write a thank you card.

47
00:01:55,369 --> 00:01:56,835
What's wrong with it?

48
00:01:56,904 --> 00:01:59,004
"Dear Aunt Helen,

49
00:01:59,072 --> 00:02:01,473
"thank you so much for
the lovely place setting.

50
00:02:01,542 --> 00:02:03,341
"If my handwriting
looks strained,

51
00:02:03,410 --> 00:02:05,544
"that is because this is
the 16th thank you card

52
00:02:05,612 --> 00:02:08,213
"Amy has forced me to write.

53
00:02:08,282 --> 00:02:10,949
"The muscles in my
wrist are cramping

54
00:02:11,018 --> 00:02:14,486
"as I struggle to
finish this sentence.

55
00:02:14,555 --> 00:02:16,488
"Ow, ow, oh, the pain.

56
00:02:16,557 --> 00:02:18,690
Love, Sheldon."

57
00:02:18,759 --> 00:02:21,126
Fine.

58
00:02:21,195 --> 00:02:23,128
"And Amy."

59
00:02:24,198 --> 00:02:26,064
Ow.

60
00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:29,067
This one is from
Leonard and Penny.

61
00:02:29,136 --> 00:02:30,235
Aw.

62
00:02:30,304 --> 00:02:33,171
"The perfect gift for
the perfect couple."

63
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,107
Save that card. We may need
to throw it back in their faces.

64
00:02:37,211 --> 00:02:38,543
I wonder what it could be.

65
00:02:38,612 --> 00:02:40,145
Oh, could be anything.

66
00:02:40,214 --> 00:02:42,414
A flute, a letter opener,

67
00:02:42,482 --> 00:02:43,548
one of those pens

68
00:02:43,617 --> 00:02:46,151
where you put the bikini
back on the naked lady.

69
00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:48,587
Oh.

70
00:02:48,655 --> 00:02:51,056
Isn't this nice?

71
00:02:53,894 --> 00:02:54,826
What is it?

72
00:02:54,895 --> 00:02:56,428
You know, it's, uh,

73
00:02:56,496 --> 00:02:58,430
it's one of those...

74
00:03:00,801 --> 00:03:03,735
Nope, doesn't do that.

75
00:03:03,804 --> 00:03:05,070
Oh, maybe it's candy.

76
00:03:05,138 --> 00:03:07,572
Lick it.

77
00:03:07,641 --> 00:03:09,741
I don't want to
lick it. You lick it.

78
00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:12,077
I'm not gonna lick it.
I just brushed my teeth.

79
00:03:12,145 --> 00:03:14,346
Is it from one of
your dumb sci-fi shows?

80
00:03:14,414 --> 00:03:17,182
Uh, none of the sci-fi shows
I watch are dumb.

81
00:03:17,251 --> 00:03:19,751
- Sheldon...
- Okay, Westworld.

82
00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:21,297
But this has nothing
to do with that show,

83
00:03:21,321 --> 00:03:23,588
other than it's
also inexplicable.

84
00:03:23,657 --> 00:03:25,235
Well, Leonard and Penny
are our best friends.

85
00:03:25,259 --> 00:03:26,591
They know us
better than anyone.

86
00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:28,360
They said it's
the perfect gift.

87
00:03:28,428 --> 00:03:30,528
We must be
missing something.

88
00:03:37,838 --> 00:03:38,904
You don't...

89
00:03:38,972 --> 00:03:43,008
think it's a marital
aid, do you?

90
00:03:44,611 --> 00:03:45,844
Don't be silly.

91
00:03:45,913 --> 00:03:50,015
Amy, how is this big glass shaft
going to aid our marriage?

92
00:03:54,021 --> 00:03:55,487
Do you think
when Krypto the Superdog

93
00:03:55,555 --> 00:03:58,023
is out flying,
Superman has to fly after him

94
00:03:58,091 --> 00:03:59,958
with a little baggie?

95
00:04:00,027 --> 00:04:03,028
Hmm. Haven't really
thought about it before.

96
00:04:03,096 --> 00:04:04,629
But he doesn't
need a baggie,

97
00:04:04,698 --> 00:04:08,533
because he just blasts the
poop with his heat vision.

98
00:04:08,602 --> 00:04:09,968
You've thought about it before.

99
00:04:10,037 --> 00:04:11,717
Oh, I've thought about it a lot.

100
00:04:17,678 --> 00:04:20,345
What is wrong
with Stuart's face?

101
00:04:20,414 --> 00:04:23,214
I think he's smiling.

102
00:04:24,584 --> 00:04:26,117
Oh, my God, are
they flirting?

103
00:04:26,186 --> 00:04:27,719
Oh, they're
way past flirting.

104
00:04:27,788 --> 00:04:30,722
I caught them making out
at Sheldon's wedding.

105
00:04:30,791 --> 00:04:35,126
Are you sure she wasn't trying
to breathe life back into him?

106
00:04:35,195 --> 00:04:36,195
I don't think so.

107
00:04:36,263 --> 00:04:37,807
When I used that much tongue
at CPR training,

108
00:04:37,831 --> 00:04:40,832
I had to buy the dummy.

109
00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:42,300
Ooh, I have class.

110
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,301
I should go.

111
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:44,669
Oh. Okay.

112
00:04:44,738 --> 00:04:46,538
- Bye.
- Bye.

113
00:04:55,082 --> 00:04:57,015
See ya, guys.

114
00:04:57,084 --> 00:04:59,017
- Bye.
- Bye.

115
00:04:59,086 --> 00:05:02,187
So, what's her deal?

116
00:05:02,255 --> 00:05:05,290
Is she into you or does
she just hate her parents?

117
00:05:05,359 --> 00:05:06,291
I-I don't know.

118
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,660
We kissed a little
at the wedding,

119
00:05:08,729 --> 00:05:09,995
and it was great.

120
00:05:10,063 --> 00:05:11,741
But we haven't really talked
about it since then.

121
00:05:11,765 --> 00:05:14,199
So I-I don't know
how she feels about me.

122
00:05:14,267 --> 00:05:15,934
Well, she patted you
on the head,

123
00:05:16,003 --> 00:05:19,337
so I'm guessing she feels
like you're such a good boy!

124
00:05:21,308 --> 00:05:23,675
Seriously, do you think
I should ask her out?

125
00:05:23,744 --> 00:05:25,143
A-Absolutely.

126
00:05:25,212 --> 00:05:26,745
Don't let love get away.

127
00:05:26,813 --> 00:05:29,781
It is the most important thing
in the world.

128
00:05:29,850 --> 00:05:31,516
Without it,
life is

129
00:05:31,585 --> 00:05:33,852
dark and meaningless
and all you're left with

130
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,520
is the judgmental gaze
of your dog

131
00:05:35,589 --> 00:05:39,324
as you finish off a bag
of Doritos on the toilet.

132
00:05:39,393 --> 00:05:40,892
Thanks.

133
00:05:40,961 --> 00:05:43,161
You're a real good pal.

134
00:05:44,297 --> 00:05:46,598
And now you're
a good boy!

135
00:05:54,341 --> 00:05:55,718
I can't stop thinking
about that present.

136
00:05:55,742 --> 00:05:56,975
It's driving me crazy.

137
00:05:57,044 --> 00:05:58,243
Me, too!

138
00:05:58,311 --> 00:06:00,245
The card said it was
the perfect gift.

139
00:06:00,313 --> 00:06:03,314
But it's not a dinosaur fossil
or matching pocket watches,

140
00:06:03,383 --> 00:06:05,817
so I don't see
how it can be.

141
00:06:05,886 --> 00:06:07,152
Maybe we're trying too hard.

142
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:08,720
Maybe it's something simple.

143
00:06:08,789 --> 00:06:09,932
Like
Leonard and Penny.

144
00:06:09,956 --> 00:06:11,623
Yes, good.

145
00:06:11,691 --> 00:06:13,792
We just need to
think like them.

146
00:06:13,860 --> 00:06:16,261
Okay.

147
00:06:16,329 --> 00:06:19,264
What gift can I get us

148
00:06:19,332 --> 00:06:24,669
to express how grateful we are
to have us in their lives?

149
00:06:24,738 --> 00:06:26,905
Way to make it simple.

150
00:06:26,973 --> 00:06:28,206
I'm just gonna ask them.

151
00:06:28,275 --> 00:06:30,742
No, you can't;
it'll hurt their feelings.

152
00:06:30,811 --> 00:06:32,377
I'm okay with that.

153
00:06:32,446 --> 00:06:33,823
And they'll know
you weren't smart enough

154
00:06:33,847 --> 00:06:35,113
to figure it out
on your own.

155
00:06:35,182 --> 00:06:37,715
You're right.
Oh, this is awful.

156
00:06:37,784 --> 00:06:39,784
And I can't even comfort
myself by stroking

157
00:06:39,853 --> 00:06:43,288
the fossilized tibia
of a Pentaceratops.

158
00:06:43,356 --> 00:06:44,889
Let's just go to sleep.

159
00:06:44,958 --> 00:06:46,891
We'll look at it in the morning
with fresh eyes,

160
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,226
and maybe it'll come to us.

161
00:06:48,295 --> 00:06:49,295
Fine.

162
00:06:55,435 --> 00:06:58,570
Or we go tear apart that box
and look for a clue.

163
00:06:58,638 --> 00:07:00,972
Staying up past my bedtime
and solving mysteries?

164
00:07:01,041 --> 00:07:02,841
Who knew married life
could be this good?

165
00:07:09,749 --> 00:07:12,050
What's wrong
with his face?

166
00:07:12,119 --> 00:07:13,918
A lot of people have
been asking that.

167
00:07:13,987 --> 00:07:15,553
He's... smiling.

168
00:07:18,024 --> 00:07:19,424
Hey, Stuart,
you look pretty happy.

169
00:07:19,493 --> 00:07:20,692
Oh, yeah.

170
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,027
I, uh, asked Denise out
on a date,

171
00:07:23,096 --> 00:07:24,406
and she said yes.

172
00:07:24,407 --> 00:07:26,599
Aw.
That's great.

173
00:07:26,666 --> 00:07:28,533
But don't smile like that
in front of Halley.

174
00:07:28,602 --> 00:07:30,902
She just started sleeping
through the night.

175
00:07:30,971 --> 00:07:32,570
Sorry. I'm excited.

176
00:07:32,639 --> 00:07:35,840
I haven't been on a date
in a long time.

177
00:07:35,909 --> 00:07:37,429
Back when I was dating,
I'd always wear

178
00:07:37,477 --> 00:07:39,277
a new pair of underwear,
just in case.

179
00:07:39,346 --> 00:07:42,647
It's also been a long time
since I bought new underwear.

180
00:07:42,716 --> 00:07:43,982
And I probably should,

181
00:07:44,050 --> 00:07:48,186
because these are no longer
tighty nor whitey.

182
00:07:48,255 --> 00:07:49,587
Okay, I'm out.

183
00:07:51,358 --> 00:07:53,136
If there's a chance
someone's gonna see you naked,

184
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,728
it's also polite to make sure
you're well-groomed down there.

185
00:07:56,796 --> 00:07:59,531
I get it, Howard.
I've been busy!

186
00:08:02,736 --> 00:08:04,135
Hello.

187
00:08:04,204 --> 00:08:05,637
- Hey.
- I just wanted

188
00:08:05,705 --> 00:08:08,573
to pop over and hand-deliver
this thank you note

189
00:08:08,642 --> 00:08:11,209
- for your very thoughtful wedding gift.
- Oh.

190
00:08:11,278 --> 00:08:12,677
Oh, good. You
guys liked it?

191
00:08:12,746 --> 00:08:15,880
Well, we liked it a lot more
than things that aren't it,

192
00:08:15,949 --> 00:08:17,682
I'll tell you that.

193
00:08:17,751 --> 00:08:18,950
Well, yeah, that's great.

194
00:08:19,019 --> 00:08:20,897
Because when we saw it,
we thought, "Amy and Sheldon

195
00:08:20,921 --> 00:08:22,220
just have to have that."

196
00:08:22,289 --> 00:08:24,022
Oh, do tell.
Now, paint a picture for me,

197
00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:25,890
like where you were
when you found it

198
00:08:25,959 --> 00:08:28,860
and what you thought
we'd enjoy doing with it.

199
00:08:30,664 --> 00:08:32,230
Do you not know what it is?

200
00:08:32,299 --> 00:08:33,398
Of course he knows

201
00:08:33,466 --> 00:08:36,801
what it is. He's
the smartest man in the world.

202
00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:39,404
Well, I don't know
about the world.

203
00:08:39,472 --> 00:08:42,340
Some of those Chinese fellas
are pretty clever.

204
00:08:42,409 --> 00:08:44,342
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going

205
00:08:44,411 --> 00:08:46,411
to return home and use your gift

206
00:08:46,479 --> 00:08:49,047
in the manner
which it was intended.

207
00:08:52,652 --> 00:08:54,052
He-He's never gonna
figure it out.

208
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,054
I know.

209
00:08:56,122 --> 00:08:58,156
What are you?!

210
00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:01,426
- Gosh, this makes me happy.
- Yeah.

211
00:09:03,964 --> 00:09:06,898
Howard, I don't
often say this,

212
00:09:06,967 --> 00:09:08,700
but, good, you're here. Now,

213
00:09:08,768 --> 00:09:10,535
do you know

214
00:09:10,604 --> 00:09:12,937
what Leonard and Penny got
us for our wedding gift?

215
00:09:13,006 --> 00:09:14,116
- Well...
- Don't answer.

216
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:15,206
I don't want to know.

217
00:09:15,275 --> 00:09:16,908
I just want to
know if you know.

218
00:09:16,977 --> 00:09:18,309
- I do know.
- Okay, great.

219
00:09:18,378 --> 00:09:20,845
I believe that Amy and
I have figured it out.

220
00:09:20,914 --> 00:09:23,181
Is it a clue to
a scavenger hunt

221
00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:25,717
that will lead us
to the actual present?

222
00:09:25,785 --> 00:09:27,185
If you're asking

223
00:09:27,254 --> 00:09:29,654
if you and Amy should spend
the next couple days

224
00:09:29,723 --> 00:09:32,190
running all over town searching
for the next clue,

225
00:09:32,259 --> 00:09:35,226
I'm gonna have to say yes.

226
00:09:35,295 --> 00:09:36,227
I knew it!

227
00:09:36,296 --> 00:09:37,729
This is so much fun.

228
00:09:37,797 --> 00:09:40,098
Oh, it really is.

229
00:09:40,166 --> 00:09:41,766
Oh, Leonard,
thank you again.

230
00:09:41,835 --> 00:09:44,802
- We love the gift.
- Aw.

231
00:09:44,871 --> 00:09:46,037
Does he know what it is?

232
00:09:46,106 --> 00:09:47,205
No, not even close.

233
00:09:47,274 --> 00:09:49,107
He thinks it's a clue
to a scavenger hunt.

234
00:09:50,443 --> 00:09:52,744
So, so happy.

235
00:09:52,812 --> 00:09:54,545
Well, what is it?
What did you give them?

236
00:09:54,614 --> 00:09:57,015
Oh, i-it's just this
dumb crystal wand

237
00:09:57,083 --> 00:09:59,584
that Howard and Bernadette
gave us for our wedding.

238
00:09:59,653 --> 00:10:01,185
Penny and I
made each other miserable

239
00:10:01,254 --> 00:10:03,187
trying to figure out
what it was, and we thought,

240
00:10:03,256 --> 00:10:07,125
"Why not pass that fun along
to Sheldon and Amy."

241
00:10:07,193 --> 00:10:08,593
Wait a minute. Did--

242
00:10:08,662 --> 00:10:10,928
did you give them the
crystal chakra wand

243
00:10:10,997 --> 00:10:13,097
that I gave you
for your wedding?

244
00:10:14,934 --> 00:10:17,602
Yeah, that's exactly
what we did.

245
00:10:17,671 --> 00:10:20,138
You said you liked it!

246
00:10:20,206 --> 00:10:22,473
Yeah, that's exactly
what I said.

247
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,461
Wow. A scavenger hunt.

248
00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:31,530
That's exciting.

249
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,999
I had a bit of a scavenger hunt
myself last night.

250
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:35,308
I was trying
to find the remote.

251
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,669
I looked under
one of the cushions.

252
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,137
Wasn't there.

253
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,339
Then I lifted the cushion
a little higher.

254
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,375
Bingo.

255
00:10:43,444 --> 00:10:45,377
Riveting.

256
00:10:45,446 --> 00:10:47,979
So, do you know what it is?

257
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,848
Of course I know what it is.

258
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:53,051
It's a silicon dioxide crystal,
otherwise known as quartz.

259
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,287
Are you sure?

260
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:59,224
Am I sure? Is basalt a mafic
extrusive igneous rock formed

261
00:10:59,293 --> 00:11:02,427
by the rapid cooling
of magnesium and iron-rich lava?

262
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,396
Yeah, I'm sure.

263
00:11:04,465 --> 00:11:06,631
Okay, so it's quartz.

264
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,200
That's got
to mean something.

265
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,768
What do we know
about quartz?

266
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:10,969
I'll Google it.

267
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,004
Or you can ask me, the geologist

268
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,873
who won the MacArthur
Genius Grant.

269
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:17,476
Got it!

270
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,678
Quartz, from the
German "quarz"

271
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:22,848
which sounds the same, but
is spelled without a "T".

272
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:26,485
Interesting. No "T".

273
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,920
What is not "T"?

274
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,589
Coffee!

275
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,058
The coffee shop
where we first met!

276
00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:35,794
All right, let's go.
Sorry.

277
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:39,598
I think I just had an adrenaline
rush from having visitors.

278
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:46,605
Hey, Raj, will you, um,
smell something for me?

279
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,473
Uh, that depends.

280
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:51,176
Actually, it doesn't depend.
Just no.

281
00:11:51,245 --> 00:11:54,913
I'm trying out some new colognes
for my date with Denise.

282
00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:56,348
Oh, and you just came over here

283
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,198
to rub it in my face
that you have a date?

284
00:11:58,222 --> 00:11:58,985
No.

285
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,819
I came over here
because I need advice,

286
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,755
and you've gone out with
more women than anybody I know.

287
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,690
Huh. I guess you're right.

288
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:08,360
Sheldon's the smart one,
Howard's the funny one,

289
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,196
and apparently,
I'm the ladies' man.

290
00:12:11,265 --> 00:12:12,931
Which one's Leonard?

291
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,166
Oh, yeah, right.

292
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,901
I guess Leonard's
the forgettable one.

293
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,769
Okay, let's have a whiff.

294
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,638
Oh.

295
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:23,041
Hmm. Smells like Paco Rabanne.

296
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,443
Ooh, you're good.
I bought it at a swap meet.

297
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:28,046
It's actually called
"Smells Like Paco Rabanne."

298
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:30,048
It's great.
She's gonna love it.

299
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:31,616
I hope so.

300
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:34,719
I really like Denise, and I
don't want to screw this up.

301
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,321
Hey, relax.

302
00:12:36,390 --> 00:12:38,790
Trust your instincts.
That's what I do.

303
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,860
And that works for you?

304
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,865
Actually... no.

305
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,468
I've made a mess of my life,
and I'm...

306
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,637
I'm all alone.

307
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:59,144
Okay, I think
it'd be best for both of us

308
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:02,380
if I pretend to get
a phone call and just walk away.

309
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,750
Yeah, that would be best.

310
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:08,520
Hello. This is Stuart.

311
00:13:08,589 --> 00:13:10,555
Sorry. I got to take this.

312
00:13:12,326 --> 00:13:14,659
Uh, why, yes, I'd
love to take a survey.

313
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,666
Okay, this is where
we first met.

314
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,295
There's got to be a clue
here somewhere.

315
00:13:23,337 --> 00:13:24,736
We sat at that table.

316
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,673
Excuse me.

317
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:30,508
I'm sorry.
We're on a scavenger hunt.

318
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:31,743
Just pretend
we're not here.

319
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:32,744
Oh, I found something!

320
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,813
It's gum.

321
00:13:37,451 --> 00:13:39,084
Maybe they left it
behind the counter.

322
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:43,455
I met my wife here,
and we sat at this very table,

323
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,590
so if you play your cards right,
in eight years,

324
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:46,891
you could marry this woman.

325
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,727
That's my sister.

326
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,731
Well, don't tell people.
That's not okay.

327
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:57,469
Sheldon, look,
I asked the barista

328
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:58,903
if anyone
left anything for us,

329
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,206
and she said to look
in this lost and found box.

330
00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:03,375
But why would it be in
the lost and found box?

331
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:08,146
Because we were lost,
and then we found each other.

332
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,615
It makes perfect sense.

333
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:13,151
Oh. And look at this.

334
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,586
A locket.

335
00:14:14,655 --> 00:14:16,955
And that stone in front--
I bet it's quartz.

336
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,957
This must be it. This
must be the actual gift.

337
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,091
Open it up.
What's inside?

338
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,794
Nothing. It's empty.

339
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,796
Of course.

340
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,665
Our life together
is just starting,

341
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,301
and they want us to fill
it with our memories.

342
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:34,406
This might be
the best wedding gift ever.

343
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,508
They also left us
a pair of sunglasses

344
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,610
because our
future's so bright!

345
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,914
They thought of everything!

346
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:48,320
Oh.

347
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,654
Look what Halley drew.

348
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,323
Yeah, she made it at daycare.

349
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,624
It's pretty good, huh?

350
00:14:52,693 --> 00:14:55,327
Is it?

351
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,330
Wow. Gentile moms are tough.

352
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:03,868
Guys, I need
to show you something,

353
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:06,838
but you have to promise
not to make fun of me.

354
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,840
Of course.

355
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,614
Whoa.

356
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,217
Yeah. I was worried
about the date

357
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:22,921
so I got my hair colored to make
me feel a little more confident,

358
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:26,658
but that just made me look
paler, so I-I got a spray tan.

359
00:15:26,727 --> 00:15:28,259
Have you tried
showering,

360
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,128
seeing if you
could scrub it off?

361
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,963
I did.

362
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,666
You're gonna need
some new towels.

363
00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:37,302
And a bathmat.

364
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,838
And a toilet seat.

365
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,513
I'm picking her up in an hour.

366
00:15:49,750 --> 00:15:51,850
What am I gonna do?!

367
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,585
Don't you mean
what are you gonna

368
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,286
"Oompa Loompa doompety do"?

369
00:15:57,391 --> 00:15:59,357
You said you weren't
gonna make any jokes.

370
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:01,926
I'm sorry. I'll stop.

371
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,163
Look, it's only
a spray tan.

372
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:06,998
It'll fade in a couple days.

373
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,067
Why don't you cancel
the date and reschedule?

374
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:12,070
Oh, but I was really
looking forward to tonight.

375
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,406
You know what? Then go.
Tell her what happened.

376
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,574
- Maybe she'll be flattered.
- And if not,

377
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:20,311
swing by the chocolate factory
and see if they're hiring.

378
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:23,047
That wasn't a joke. That was
a legitimate suggestion.

379
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:29,888
Hello?

380
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,289
Hey, Dad.

381
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:35,059
Rajesh. What a nice surprise,
calling me on my birthday.

382
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:39,898
Yes. That's why I'm calling.

383
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:42,534
And-and what better gift
to give you than the gift

384
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:45,637
of marrying an Indian woman,
just like you've always wanted.

385
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,405
My goodness, Rajesh,
this is exciting news.

386
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:48,773
Who is she?

387
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,708
You tell me.

388
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:52,043
What?

389
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:55,647
I want you
to arrange a marriage for me.

390
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,450
I'm just so tired
of being single,

391
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:02,253
and I'm finally just...
I'm-I'm ready to settle down.

392
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:04,823
I can't just call up
some girl's dad

393
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,624
and make her marry you.

394
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:10,395
It's-it's not 2015 anymore.

395
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:13,565
I know that, but I can't do this
on my own. I need your help.

396
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:16,813
Well, then, I'm going
to need your help, too.

397
00:17:16,837 --> 00:17:19,938
If I'm going to find a woman
to set you up with,

398
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:22,774
you're going to need
to stop Instagramming pictures

399
00:17:22,843 --> 00:17:25,844
of you and your dog
wearing matching sweaters.

400
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:29,347
Fine, if that's what it takes
to show you that I'm serious.

401
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,982
Uh, quick question.

402
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,829
Do you mean just Instagram,
or all my social...?

403
00:17:32,853 --> 00:17:34,652
All of them!

404
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,921
Okay, deal.

405
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:40,124
All right.
Let me ask you a question.

406
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,327
What do you think of this woman?

407
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,696
Oh. Oh, my God, she's beautiful.

408
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:47,265
Is that who you're going
to set me up with?

409
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:50,301
No! That's who I'm dating.

410
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:55,807
But maybe
she has an older sister.

411
00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:01,279
So we put a little picture of me

412
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,581
and a little picture
of Sheldon in it.

413
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:11,389
In-in the locket?

414
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,991
Yes.

415
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:16,361
That was in
a lost and found box?

416
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,030
Exactly.

417
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,833
Where we hid it?

418
00:18:21,902 --> 00:18:24,035
So really, you gave us
three amazing gifts.

419
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:25,703
You gave the locket,
the adventure

420
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,740
and the realization
that Amy and I can do anything

421
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,909
as long as we
work together.

422
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:34,212
- We wrote you a special thank you note.
- Oh.

423
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,516
Are those words?

424
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,820
No.

425
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:46,724
It's a secret code that you two
get to figure out together.

426
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,362
Hint: it's based
on Sanskrit,

427
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,731
but not the Sanskrit
you're thinking of.

428
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:59,437
And best of all, you can't use
the Internet to cheat.

429
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,539
Because we locked you
out of your Wi-Fi,

430
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:05,043
and the answer to this
is your new password.

431
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:11,015
I'm no longer happy.

432
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,886
Hey, guys. Great news.

433
00:19:14,955 --> 00:19:17,455
I'm getting married.

434
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:20,158
- Huh? - What?
- No.

435
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:23,294
Well, I-I haven't met her yet,

436
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,296
but her name is Anu.

437
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,265
My father says she comes
from a good family.

438
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,600
She's in her 30s.

439
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,401
She works
in hospitality management.

440
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:33,071
So, as long as I can get
through six to ten dates

441
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:35,707
without revealing
my true self...

442
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,377
...this is happening.

443
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:42,680
I know just what we're giving
them for a wedding gift.

444
00:19:49,065 --> 00:19:50,264
Oh.

445
00:19:52,141 --> 00:19:53,940
Oh, my God.

446
00:19:54,508 --> 00:19:55,655
Yeah.

447
00:19:55,656 --> 00:19:57,756
I wanted to look my best
for our date,

448
00:19:57,825 --> 00:20:02,928
and I made a series
of bad decisions...

449
00:20:04,498 --> 00:20:09,034
...one of which is hidden
by my pants.

450
00:20:09,102 --> 00:20:11,470
Wow.

451
00:20:11,538 --> 00:20:15,040
Do you still want
to go out with me?

452
00:20:15,108 --> 00:20:19,377
Absolutely. Hey, maybe we
can go find Nemo together.

453
00:20:19,446 --> 00:20:21,546
That's a good one.

454
00:20:23,650 --> 00:20:26,184
Do your 63 other crayon
friends know you're out?

455
00:20:26,253 --> 00:20:28,353
Are you just gonna
make fun of me all night?

456
00:20:28,422 --> 00:20:29,988
- Probably.
- Great.

457
00:20:30,057 --> 00:20:31,756
So what are we thinking,
Chinese?

458
00:20:31,825 --> 00:20:34,226
Yeah, I'm in the mood
for orange chicken.

459
00:20:34,294 --> 00:20:41,294
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man