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Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

2
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Can you believe our little lamb
is finally getting married?

3
00:00:05,985 --> 00:00:08,786
He can't believe it.

4
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And neither can I.

5
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Hi, Dad. How you doing?

6
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Then by
the power vested in me...

7
00:00:19,566 --> 00:00:21,766
by
EvenYouCanPerformWeddings.com...

8
00:00:23,837 --> 00:00:26,103
...I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

9
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You may kiss the bride.

10
00:00:36,783 --> 00:00:39,116
Good morning, wife.

11
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Good morning, husband.

12
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I can't believe
we're actually married.

13
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It's official.
According to tradition,

14
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we should hang
the bedsheets outside

15
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so the villagers can see
that we consummated.

16
00:00:52,999 --> 00:00:54,665
I don't think that
that's appropriate,

17
00:00:54,734 --> 00:00:57,068
considering where we're
starting our honeymoon.

18
00:00:57,136 --> 00:00:59,070
Well, I suppose you're right.

19
00:01:01,674 --> 00:01:03,541
Although,
when you think about it,

20
00:01:03,610 --> 00:01:06,577
Lego is the perfect metaphor
for marital congress.

21
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Two pieces that interlock
with a satisfying snap.

22
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Oh, that's the sound
you were making.

23
00:01:15,288 --> 00:01:16,487
Oh, I almost forgot.

24
00:01:16,556 --> 00:01:19,624
While you were sleeping,
I ordered room service.

25
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Really?

26
00:01:21,427 --> 00:01:23,060
Voilą!

27
00:01:24,964 --> 00:01:26,666
You thought it was going
to be food, didn't you?

28
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? The Big Bang Theory 12x01 ?
The Conjugal Configuration

29
00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:31,969
? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

30
00:01:32,038 --> 00:01:35,273
? Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ?

31
00:01:35,341 --> 00:01:36,941
? The Earth began to cool ?

32
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? The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ?

33
00:01:39,712 --> 00:01:42,146
? We built the Wall ?
? We built the pyramids ?

34
00:01:42,215 --> 00:01:44,849
? Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ?

35
00:01:44,918 --> 00:01:46,751
? That all started
with a big bang ?

36
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? Bang! ?

37
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

38
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Is it nice having Sheldon and
Amy away on their honeymoon?

39
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Yeah, because now Leonard and
I get all this alone time.

40
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But you're not alone.
We're here.

41
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Yes.
Yes, you are.

42
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Would you like us to leave so
you and Leonard can talk about

43
00:02:05,906 --> 00:02:07,539
all the things
you have in common?

44
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Ha, ha, she
called your bluff.

45
00:02:11,478 --> 00:02:13,222
So, something
pretty cool happened.

46
00:02:13,246 --> 00:02:15,380
Channel 3 asked me to be
on the news tomorrow night

47
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to talk about
the meteor shower.

48
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- Oh, that's great. - Hey!
- Congratulations.

49
00:02:18,552 --> 00:02:20,663
You know, that's how Neil
deGrasse Tyson got his start.

50
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He went from the
Hayden Planetarium

51
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to guesting on
the local news

52
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to ruining everyone's
favorite movies on the Internet.

53
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Now it's happening to me.

54
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Ooh, I should probably
make a list

55
00:02:30,297 --> 00:02:34,699
of all the scientific
inaccuracies in Mamma Mia 2.

56
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You're gonna go on live TV and
admit you've seen that movie?

57
00:02:37,771 --> 00:02:39,737
Hey, your husband's
the one who took me.

58
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Meryl Streep and Cher?
Yeah, I saw it.

59
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Sounds like
someone's in there.

60
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My God, what if Sheldon
and Amy are getting robbed?

61
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Or worse, what if
they're back early?

62
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They're not; they
just posted a picture

63
00:02:58,058 --> 00:02:59,457
in front of the
Statue of Liberty.

64
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- Real or Lego?
-Lego.

65
00:03:01,962 --> 00:03:04,195
So, what should we do?
Should someone go check it out?

66
00:03:04,264 --> 00:03:06,631
I would, but I got to
be on TV tomorrow.

67
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,733
Got to protect the money.

68
00:03:11,204 --> 00:03:13,104
Oh, yeah, someone's
definitely in there.

69
00:03:13,173 --> 00:03:14,572
Okay, let's go into
our apartment.

70
00:03:14,641 --> 00:03:16,341
We'll lock the door,
we'll call the pol...

71
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Hello?! Anyone in there?!

72
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,380
- Yes?
- Oh, uh, Mr. Fowler.

73
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Sorry, we didn't
know you were here.

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We-we actually thought someone
was breaking in.

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And we were ready
to take them down.

76
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Amy asked me
to water her plants.

77
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She doesn't have
any plants.

78
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Oh.

79
00:03:34,961 --> 00:03:37,161
Well, you caught me
in a lie.

80
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Have a good day.

81
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That was weird, right?

82
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Was it?
I-I honestly can't tell anymore.

83
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Hey, did you even see
Mamma Mia 1?

84
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Didn't need to.
The sequel stands on its own.

85
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Here you go.

86
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If you need any recommendations
while visiting New York,

87
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please don't hesitate
to contact me.

88
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Well, it is our honeymoon.

89
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So we are going
to be quite busy.

90
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Got it.

91
00:04:20,774 --> 00:04:23,141
Harry Potter play,
parts one and two.

92
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And tomorrow,
a tour of the sites

93
00:04:25,979 --> 00:04:29,113
where Nikola Tesla lived,
worked and slowly went crazy.

94
00:04:30,183 --> 00:04:32,450
And, of course, coitus.

95
00:04:33,853 --> 00:04:36,387
Ah.

96
00:04:36,456 --> 00:04:39,290
Well, enjoy New York.
And, I guess, coitus.

97
00:04:43,730 --> 00:04:45,663
Really, Sheldon?

98
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You want to do it again?

99
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Don't act surprised.

100
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It's clearly marked
on the schedule.

101
00:04:51,972 --> 00:04:53,438
Now,

102
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shall we steam the wrinkles
out of our wizard robes,

103
00:04:56,476 --> 00:04:59,644
or make vigorous,
socially sanctioned love?

104
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Either way, I can check
something off my to-do list.

105
00:05:02,582 --> 00:05:05,516
Socially sanc-- Oh, wow.
Yeah, there it is right there.

106
00:05:08,955 --> 00:05:10,888
Uh, hurry.
Raj is on next.

107
00:05:10,957 --> 00:05:13,424
All right. I can't believe
they canceled Vampire Diaries

108
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but they'll show this.

109
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This is the news.

110
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And that was a woman torn
between two hunky vampires.

111
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What is your point?

112
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Larry? I know you're in there!

113
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Is that Amy's mom?

114
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Let me in.

115
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Let me in!

116
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Either that or the Big Bad Wolf.

117
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Larry?

118
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Mrs. Fowler,
are you okay?

119
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Oh, I'm okay. It's my husband
you should worry about.

120
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Oh, we do.

121
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Larry, come on.

122
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I don't think he's in there.

123
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I mean, he came by to water
the imaginary plants,

124
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but then he left.

125
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You are so naive.

126
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Blondie here is gonna
chew you up and spit you out.

127
00:06:07,047 --> 00:06:10,148
Well, don't tell him.

128
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Come on, you have an extra key.
Open it up.

129
00:06:14,621 --> 00:06:17,055
All right,
but I'm telling you

130
00:06:17,123 --> 00:06:19,757
he's not in there.

131
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There. See?

132
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Oh, he's in here.

133
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I can smell his Axe body spray.

134
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He wears Axe body spray.

135
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You happy? You smell
like Amy's dad.

136
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- Larry?
- Ooh, come on.

137
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Ah, shouldn't we mind
our own business?

138
00:06:39,813 --> 00:06:42,647
Wow, sometimes it's like
you don't know me at all.

139
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See, he's not here.

140
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You don't know him
like I do.

141
00:06:49,923 --> 00:06:52,090
To be fair, we don't
know either of you.

142
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Satisfied?

143
00:07:02,635 --> 00:07:04,569
Oh, yeah, now I smell him.

144
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Man, that is one
hot weather girl.

145
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How come if I say that
I get in trouble?

146
00:07:15,048 --> 00:07:17,615
You want to say it?
You can say it.

147
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Nice try.

148
00:07:25,859 --> 00:07:28,059
You're gonna have to find
some other way

149
00:07:28,128 --> 00:07:30,595
to not have sex
with me tonight.

150
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And it's not weather girl,
it's weather woman.

151
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And with us today
to talk about

152
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the upcoming meteor shower and
the best places to view it,

153
00:07:38,638 --> 00:07:43,341
Caltech astrophysicist
Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali.

154
00:07:43,409 --> 00:07:46,144
- Thank you for being here.
- Thank you for having me.

155
00:07:46,212 --> 00:07:48,479
I guess Neil deGrasse Tyson
was unavailable.

156
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Yeah.

157
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What do you mean, "yeah"?

158
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Not important.

159
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So, what can we expect
to see from

160
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this meteor shower?

161
00:08:00,527 --> 00:08:03,027
Well, I think you can count
on a lot of flaming gas,

162
00:08:03,096 --> 00:08:04,529
which is what
you would have gotten

163
00:08:04,597 --> 00:08:07,665
from your first choice,
Neil deGrasse Tyson.

164
00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:10,935
Pull up, Raj, pull up!

165
00:08:11,004 --> 00:08:14,872
Sounds like there's no love lost
between you and Dr. Tyson.

166
00:08:14,941 --> 00:08:16,841
Oh, no, I love Neil.

167
00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:19,744
I mean, not as much as Neil
loves Neil, but who does, right?

168
00:08:21,281 --> 00:08:25,383
I want to look away,
but I can't.

169
00:08:25,451 --> 00:08:28,386
Oh, you know, I'm told we
are out of time,

170
00:08:28,454 --> 00:08:31,422
having learned nothing
about meteor showers

171
00:08:31,491 --> 00:08:34,659
and too much about
Dr. Koothrappali.

172
00:08:34,727 --> 00:08:37,228
Thank you.

173
00:08:42,101 --> 00:08:44,769
Do you know what I love
about Broadway theater?

174
00:08:44,837 --> 00:08:46,704
It's so interactive.

175
00:08:46,773 --> 00:08:48,573
Uh-huh.

176
00:08:48,641 --> 00:08:51,409
You're so close to the actors.
It's like you're in the play.

177
00:08:51,477 --> 00:08:53,077
Uh-huh.

178
00:08:53,146 --> 00:08:54,557
I mean, you yell,
"Harry, watch out,"

179
00:08:54,581 --> 00:08:56,314
he looks right at you.

180
00:08:56,382 --> 00:08:59,383
And not just Harry,
everyone onstage.

181
00:08:59,452 --> 00:09:03,187
At the risk of sounding
redundant, uh-huh.

182
00:09:03,256 --> 00:09:05,156
All right, well,
it's a bit late,

183
00:09:05,225 --> 00:09:07,024
but I did block out
the rest of the evening

184
00:09:07,093 --> 00:09:08,159
for conjugal relations.

185
00:09:08,228 --> 00:09:09,994
Should we shower?

186
00:09:10,063 --> 00:09:11,529
I mean before, not during.

187
00:09:11,598 --> 00:09:13,998
That's how you fall
and break a hip.

188
00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:15,277
You know,
I'm a little jet-laggy.

189
00:09:15,301 --> 00:09:17,235
Maybe we can revisit this
in the morning.

190
00:09:17,303 --> 00:09:19,403
Oh, no can do.
If we miss tonight,

191
00:09:19,472 --> 00:09:21,439
it's not scheduled
until Thursday at 6:00.

192
00:09:21,507 --> 00:09:23,341
And that'll have
to be "no frills,"

193
00:09:23,409 --> 00:09:26,010
'cause we've got a 6:30
reservation at Benihana.

194
00:09:26,079 --> 00:09:29,380
Sheldon, do we really
have to do this on a schedule?

195
00:09:29,449 --> 00:09:32,316
Are you suggesting spontaneity?

196
00:09:32,385 --> 00:09:34,619
I-I guess, yeah.

197
00:09:34,687 --> 00:09:38,055
So, now that we're married,
sex can occur at any time?

198
00:09:38,124 --> 00:09:39,857
Like, we can be
brushing our teeth,

199
00:09:39,926 --> 00:09:41,993
and suddenly your minty-fresh
tongue is in my mouth?

200
00:09:42,061 --> 00:09:43,294
No, thank you.

201
00:09:43,363 --> 00:09:46,330
Really? Would it be so bad
to mix it up a little?

202
00:09:46,399 --> 00:09:48,666
Mix it up?
Who are you, Betty Crocker?

203
00:09:48,735 --> 00:09:50,901
Where are you going?

204
00:09:50,970 --> 00:09:52,436
Uh, to take a shower.

205
00:09:52,505 --> 00:09:54,338
Now that sex can happen
at any time,

206
00:09:54,407 --> 00:09:56,474
I always have to be ready.

207
00:09:56,542 --> 00:09:59,010
Should probably live
under a waterfall.

208
00:09:59,078 --> 00:10:01,090
Well, you don't have to worry
about sex happening tonight.

209
00:10:01,114 --> 00:10:04,215
Oh. Well, thanks,
but I'm still gonna rinse off.

210
00:10:04,284 --> 00:10:06,651
I touched a lot of stuff
in the gift shop.

211
00:10:09,589 --> 00:10:13,257
No message, no note.
Who would do that?

212
00:10:13,326 --> 00:10:14,525
What kind of
husband would...

213
00:10:14,594 --> 00:10:16,527
If you let him talk,
maybe you'll find out.

214
00:10:16,596 --> 00:10:19,530
Fine. Larry?

215
00:10:23,336 --> 00:10:25,870
Well, there you go.
What more can he say?

216
00:10:25,938 --> 00:10:27,038
Let's go home.

217
00:10:27,106 --> 00:10:30,074
I think I'll stay.

218
00:10:30,143 --> 00:10:33,778
Well, if you're going to stay,
then I'll stay.

219
00:10:33,846 --> 00:10:36,080
All right, well, you know
who doesn't need to stay?

220
00:10:36,149 --> 00:10:37,248
Us. Come on.

221
00:10:40,787 --> 00:10:42,720
Penny, come on.

222
00:10:42,789 --> 00:10:43,821
Aw.

223
00:10:48,528 --> 00:10:51,696
I don't think those two
are gonna make it.

224
00:10:55,944 --> 00:10:59,479
Poor Mr. Fowler, I really feel
sorry for the little guy.

225
00:10:59,547 --> 00:11:01,347
I know. After they had Amy,

226
00:11:01,416 --> 00:11:04,550
she should've just eaten him
and been done with it.

227
00:11:04,619 --> 00:11:08,721
Look at you retaining facts
from a nature show.

228
00:11:08,790 --> 00:11:11,758
I know, really,
what did he ever see in her?

229
00:11:11,826 --> 00:11:14,294
He's so, so sweet, and
she's such a ballbuster.

230
00:11:14,362 --> 00:11:16,929
Some guys think
strong women are sexy.

231
00:11:16,998 --> 00:11:18,776
Yeah, but they seem to have
nothing in common.

232
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:23,036
Yeah, well, sometimes
opposites attract.

233
00:11:23,104 --> 00:11:27,040
Wait, are-are you saying
we are like them?

234
00:11:27,108 --> 00:11:29,809
I don't know, maybe a little.

235
00:11:29,878 --> 00:11:34,614
So you're the sweet, quiet one
and I'm Amy's mom?

236
00:11:34,683 --> 00:11:36,949
Is that what you're saying?

237
00:11:46,061 --> 00:11:49,262
Hey, check out what Neil
deGrasse Tyson just tweeted.

238
00:11:49,331 --> 00:11:50,963
"I've been informed
that some random,

239
00:11:51,032 --> 00:11:52,298
attention-seeking nobody

240
00:11:52,367 --> 00:11:55,101
took a cheap shot at me
on the local news."

241
00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:58,871
That's me.
Guys, he's talking about me!

242
00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:00,740
You know, I cut you
a lot of slack

243
00:12:00,809 --> 00:12:02,219
'cause you come
from another country,

244
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:04,944
but you've been here
a long time.

245
00:12:06,081 --> 00:12:08,514
Raj, you need to apologize
to Dr. Tyson.

246
00:12:08,583 --> 00:12:10,750
Why? This could be good for me.

247
00:12:10,819 --> 00:12:13,119
Everybody loves
a good Twitter feud.

248
00:12:13,188 --> 00:12:14,387
Neil and I
could be like

249
00:12:14,456 --> 00:12:17,256
the new, uh, Katy Perry
and Taylor Swift.

250
00:12:17,325 --> 00:12:18,925
Come on, Raj,
you're better than this.

251
00:12:18,993 --> 00:12:20,493
Oh, leave room for dessert

252
00:12:20,562 --> 00:12:22,462
'cause I'm gonna
make you eat those words.

253
00:12:22,530 --> 00:12:25,798
"Dear Dr. Tyson,

254
00:12:25,867 --> 00:12:28,434
"much like epithelial tissue,

255
00:12:28,503 --> 00:12:31,003
it appears I've gotten
under your skin."

256
00:12:31,072 --> 00:12:33,473
iPhone drop,

257
00:12:33,541 --> 00:12:36,309
but I won't
'cause I don't have AppleCare.

258
00:12:36,378 --> 00:12:39,812
What'd he say?

259
00:12:39,881 --> 00:12:44,250
"Nice try, genius.
The skin is epithelial tissue."

260
00:12:45,620 --> 00:12:47,053
Oh, it's on.

261
00:12:47,122 --> 00:12:51,124
He's Katy, I'm T-Swift.

262
00:12:54,662 --> 00:12:58,464
What are you gonna do?
He's from another country.

263
00:13:01,369 --> 00:13:04,070
And here we have
the former hotel where Tesla

264
00:13:04,139 --> 00:13:06,906
perfected the three-phase
alternating current motor.

265
00:13:06,975 --> 00:13:08,775
That's wrong.
I'm gonna say something.

266
00:13:08,843 --> 00:13:10,176
Don't.

267
00:13:10,245 --> 00:13:13,846
Well, then how will everyone
know I'm the smartest boy here?

268
00:13:13,915 --> 00:13:15,648
Just let it go.

269
00:13:15,717 --> 00:13:17,350
Is everything all right?

270
00:13:17,419 --> 00:13:19,085
You seem testy
this morning.

271
00:13:19,154 --> 00:13:20,353
I'm not testy.

272
00:13:20,422 --> 00:13:21,821
I'll have to take
your word for it.

273
00:13:21,890 --> 00:13:24,590
There's no test for testy.

274
00:13:24,659 --> 00:13:27,693
Is it possible that
you're sexually frustrated?

275
00:13:27,762 --> 00:13:29,662
Okay, now I'm testy.

276
00:13:29,731 --> 00:13:32,064
If you had adhered
to my coital schedule,

277
00:13:32,133 --> 00:13:34,834
your brain would be floating
on a sea of oxytocin right now.

278
00:13:34,903 --> 00:13:37,870
Don't talk to me about my brain.
I'm a neurobiologist.

279
00:13:37,939 --> 00:13:40,540
Then you should know
the benefits of the special hug

280
00:13:40,608 --> 00:13:42,442
that grown-ups
give each other.

281
00:13:44,279 --> 00:13:46,179
Sheldon, everybody's
listening.

282
00:13:46,247 --> 00:13:48,414
Of course they're listening;
we're interesting.

283
00:13:48,483 --> 00:13:49,582
Unlike that guy.

284
00:13:51,453 --> 00:13:53,085
I-I'm walking
away from you.

285
00:13:58,426 --> 00:14:00,326
I'm only
recently married.

286
00:14:00,395 --> 00:14:03,129
Do I stay here? Do I follow?
Say something useful.

287
00:14:11,773 --> 00:14:13,506
Morning, sunshine.

288
00:14:16,077 --> 00:14:18,711
So I see you're making espresso.

289
00:14:18,780 --> 00:14:19,712
Yup.

290
00:14:19,781 --> 00:14:21,547
Just need that extra jolt

291
00:14:21,616 --> 00:14:25,184
for a successful day
of ballbusting.

292
00:14:25,253 --> 00:14:28,354
Really? I don't,
I don't think you do.

293
00:14:28,423 --> 00:14:31,757
You know, you compared us to
the strangest couple we know,

294
00:14:31,826 --> 00:14:33,392
and we know
Amy and Sheldon,

295
00:14:33,461 --> 00:14:37,063
Howard and Bernadette,
Raj and his twitchy little dog.

296
00:14:37,131 --> 00:14:39,532
I-I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said that.

297
00:14:39,601 --> 00:14:41,534
Because it wasn't nice
or because it wasn't true?

298
00:14:41,603 --> 00:14:43,503
It's not true.

299
00:14:43,571 --> 00:14:46,539
Mrs. Fowler is an angry,
vindictive woman,

300
00:14:46,608 --> 00:14:49,542
whereas you are warm
and-and loving,

301
00:14:49,611 --> 00:14:51,043
quick to forgive.

302
00:14:51,112 --> 00:14:52,879
Oh, please.

303
00:14:52,947 --> 00:14:56,048
I-I'm serious.
And I'm nothing like Amy's dad.

304
00:14:56,117 --> 00:14:58,684
He's a mousy little man
who can't stand up for himself.

305
00:15:01,289 --> 00:15:05,024
My point is you're not like her,
so we're not like them.

306
00:15:05,093 --> 00:15:08,094
Well, 30 years from now,
are you gonna hide from me

307
00:15:08,162 --> 00:15:09,762
because I'm so scary?

308
00:15:09,831 --> 00:15:13,065
Hey, I-I don't think
you're scary.

309
00:15:13,134 --> 00:15:16,202
Yes, I flinch when
you make sudden moves, but...

310
00:15:17,539 --> 00:15:20,306
...that says more about
my childhood than you.

311
00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:21,641
Aw.

312
00:15:28,816 --> 00:15:29,982
Your turn.

313
00:15:30,051 --> 00:15:32,318
Hang on, I'm checking
to see if Neil replied

314
00:15:32,387 --> 00:15:34,487
to my latest
smackdown.

315
00:15:34,556 --> 00:15:37,223
Really? Don't you think this
Twitter feud is a little silly?

316
00:15:37,292 --> 00:15:38,658
Absolutely not.

317
00:15:38,726 --> 00:15:40,660
It's-it's two
respected scientists

318
00:15:40,728 --> 00:15:42,762
debating opposing views
in a public forum.

319
00:15:42,830 --> 00:15:46,332
You called him
Mike Tyson's little sister.

320
00:15:46,401 --> 00:15:50,136
Yeah, and now Mike Tyson's
mad at me, too.

321
00:15:51,839 --> 00:15:55,241
Raj, you're not going to impress
anyone by attacking him.

322
00:15:55,310 --> 00:15:58,811
Oh, Bernadette,
you sound so old right now.

323
00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:06,152
He said he needs a break,
and I'm too much for him.

324
00:16:06,220 --> 00:16:08,387
Oh. I'm sure he
didn't mean that.

325
00:16:08,456 --> 00:16:11,190
He said I'm overbearing!

326
00:16:11,259 --> 00:16:15,061
Oh, please, you're just
the right amount of bearing.

327
00:16:16,331 --> 00:16:18,331
Look, I know he loves you.

328
00:16:18,399 --> 00:16:21,033
If you just give him some space,
I'm sure he'll come back.

329
00:16:21,102 --> 00:16:22,802
You really think so?

330
00:16:22,870 --> 00:16:24,437
Yeah, I do.

331
00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:28,307
You're a good person, Penny.

332
00:16:28,376 --> 00:16:32,111
I hope we get to spend
lots of time together.

333
00:16:35,216 --> 00:16:37,416
Me, too.

334
00:16:39,621 --> 00:16:42,088
- Yes?
- Hit the road.

335
00:16:42,156 --> 00:16:44,457
- But...
- Now!

336
00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:46,258
Can I get my stuff?

337
00:16:46,327 --> 00:16:49,095
Be quick about it!

338
00:16:55,069 --> 00:16:57,303
- Hello.
- Hello.

339
00:16:57,372 --> 00:17:00,139
I brought you two hot dogs.

340
00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:01,741
A-Aren't you
gonna eat one?

341
00:17:01,809 --> 00:17:04,310
From a street cart?
Are you crazy?

342
00:17:04,379 --> 00:17:07,146
I'm amazed that
I'm holding them.

343
00:17:07,215 --> 00:17:08,714
I'm not really hungry.

344
00:17:08,783 --> 00:17:14,053
You realize that I'm not
a particularly physical person.

345
00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:16,989
- I know.
- When I was little,

346
00:17:17,058 --> 00:17:19,659
and people asked me what
I wanted to be when I grew up,

347
00:17:19,727 --> 00:17:22,862
I'd always say,
"A brain in a jar."

348
00:17:22,930 --> 00:17:24,430
Sure.

349
00:17:24,499 --> 00:17:26,932
Yeah, but I want to be
a good husband to you,

350
00:17:27,001 --> 00:17:30,903
and intimacy
is a part of that.

351
00:17:30,972 --> 00:17:33,105
Please put those down.

352
00:17:33,174 --> 00:17:35,341
I'm just worried
that if I don't schedule

353
00:17:35,410 --> 00:17:38,511
our bedroom endeavors,
then I may not think about them,

354
00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:41,013
and you'll grow
cold and distant

355
00:17:41,082 --> 00:17:45,351
and seek solace in the arms of
a heavily-muscled longshoreman.

356
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:48,087
Where would I find
a longshoreman?

357
00:17:48,156 --> 00:17:50,089
Along the shore.
It's in the name.

358
00:17:53,461 --> 00:17:56,896
Sheldon, I could never be
with anybody but you.

359
00:17:56,964 --> 00:17:58,731
That's good to know.

360
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,399
I wouldn't want
to fight a man

361
00:18:00,468 --> 00:18:03,669
who's brave enough
to touch a fish.

362
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,940
How's this for
a compromise?

363
00:18:08,009 --> 00:18:11,811
Make all the schedules you want,
just don't tell me about them.

364
00:18:11,879 --> 00:18:13,579
Excellent.

365
00:18:13,648 --> 00:18:15,781
I'll create an algorithm
that'll generate

366
00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:18,084
a pseudo-random schedule.
Yeah, and do you know why

367
00:18:18,152 --> 00:18:20,286
it won't be a true
random schedule?

368
00:18:20,354 --> 00:18:23,255
Because the generation
of true random numbers

369
00:18:23,324 --> 00:18:25,891
remains an unsolved problem
in computer science.

370
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,226
Come with me.

371
00:18:27,295 --> 00:18:28,839
- Where are we going?
- To the hotel room.

372
00:18:28,863 --> 00:18:30,529
And when we get there,
I'm gonna need you

373
00:18:30,598 --> 00:18:33,032
to say that again, except naked.

374
00:18:46,676 --> 00:18:49,677
Go for Dr. K.

375
00:18:49,746 --> 00:18:51,278
Is this Rajesh Koothrappali?

376
00:18:51,279 --> 00:18:52,545
Yes. Who is this?

377
00:18:52,613 --> 00:18:55,181
Neil deGrasse Tyson.

378
00:18:57,285 --> 00:18:58,918
Uh, w-wow.

379
00:19:00,521 --> 00:19:03,122
How fun is this
Twitter thing, huh?

380
00:19:03,191 --> 00:19:05,057
You think you're funny?

381
00:19:05,126 --> 00:19:08,127
I'm-I'm not Seinfeld funny, but
I did an open mic night once.

382
00:19:08,196 --> 00:19:09,895
You're not funny.

383
00:19:09,964 --> 00:19:12,631
Yeah, that's what they said
at the Chuckle Hut.

384
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,467
How about this:

385
00:19:14,535 --> 00:19:17,470
I've got a book signing at
Vroman's in Pasadena next week.

386
00:19:17,538 --> 00:19:20,706
Why don't you come by and say
some of those things to my face.

387
00:19:20,775 --> 00:19:22,708
Oh, no,

388
00:19:22,777 --> 00:19:25,578
but thanks for the invite.

389
00:19:25,646 --> 00:19:28,047
Smart move, and the next time
you pick up your phone,

390
00:19:28,115 --> 00:19:32,818
remember, I'm the guy who kicked
Pluto out of the solar system.

391
00:19:32,887 --> 00:19:35,087
And it deserved it, sir.

392
00:19:35,156 --> 00:19:37,389
Thank you. Bye-bye.

393
00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:41,427
Well, that was fun.

394
00:19:41,496 --> 00:19:44,597
Let's see who else needs
a deGrasse kickin'.

395
00:19:48,803 --> 00:19:51,937
Bill Nye the Science Guy.

396
00:19:52,006 --> 00:19:55,341
Hey, Bill, Neil Tyson.
We've got to talk.

397
00:19:57,222 --> 00:20:04,222
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man