1 00:00:00,774 --> 00:00:04,078 You know the Neil thing? You need to tool up. 2 00:00:04,084 --> 00:00:06,266 Go and put the security cameras up, quickly. 3 00:00:06,301 --> 00:00:09,390 Izzy, this is Richard, an online therapist that I see... 4 00:00:09,413 --> 00:00:11,818 - Nice to meet you. - There's a thing that's worse. 5 00:00:11,841 --> 00:00:13,015 I killed someone. 6 00:00:13,024 --> 00:00:15,052 I'm sorry, I can't go through with the vasectomy. 7 00:00:15,177 --> 00:00:17,695 - I loved Starsky and Hutch. - Isn't it the best show ever? 8 00:00:17,713 --> 00:00:20,357 - Are you for real? - Waka-taka, waka-taka. 9 00:00:20,371 --> 00:00:22,199 I just want you to come and see me. 10 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,756 - I will, Mum, I will. - You come back now. 11 00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,580 - OK, then. - Thank you. 12 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,469 Door! 13 00:00:48,676 --> 00:00:51,307 - Izzy! Morning. - Hey. 14 00:01:03,669 --> 00:01:06,801 Ugh, fucking hell, what is this? 15 00:01:09,071 --> 00:01:10,682 Fuck off. 16 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,317 It's crazy, Al. 17 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:37,798 Aaagh! 18 00:01:46,987 --> 00:01:48,439 Morning. 19 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,529 - Hi, John. - Finally. 20 00:01:57,564 --> 00:02:00,557 Honestly, Richard, you want a job done, you do it yourself. 21 00:02:00,574 --> 00:02:03,614 Mummy, Jonny's here. Mum! 22 00:02:03,626 --> 00:02:06,441 Jon-Jon! Oh, darling. 23 00:02:06,476 --> 00:02:09,321 - I came to see you. - I knew you would, 24 00:02:09,942 --> 00:02:11,934 it's so good. 25 00:02:11,957 --> 00:02:15,734 - Where are you going? - Jesus, Richard, Trunki want a bun? 26 00:02:16,281 --> 00:02:21,281 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 27 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,401 - Richard. - Yeah, what? 28 00:02:23,413 --> 00:02:25,671 I'm just been giving it some serious thought. 29 00:02:25,686 --> 00:02:27,517 - Right. - I think Neil's going to hurt you, 30 00:02:27,531 --> 00:02:29,446 he's going to hurt you bad, he's going to torture you. 31 00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:30,865 I think he's really going to cut you up. 32 00:02:30,878 --> 00:02:32,367 He's going to cut off your balls. 33 00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:35,812 I'm going to get your gonads and your penis in a box, sent to me. 34 00:02:35,848 --> 00:02:36,986 Pete, 35 00:02:37,433 --> 00:02:40,652 have you sorted out the gear for the party tonight? 36 00:02:40,662 --> 00:02:43,397 - Leave it to me. It's fine, OK? - You haven't got long. 37 00:02:43,425 --> 00:02:46,487 Listen, I've been going through playlists, thinking about, you know, 38 00:02:46,496 --> 00:02:48,500 what goes with what, what comes next. 39 00:02:48,514 --> 00:02:51,775 It's not that easy being a DJ, OK, take it from me, 40 00:02:51,807 --> 00:02:53,755 - I've had lots of experience. - Yes. 41 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,205 - We could start with a kind of - _ 42 00:02:55,219 --> 00:02:56,675 - Groove Armada kind of thing. - _ 43 00:02:56,688 --> 00:02:58,088 - Right. - And then really go into sort of 44 00:02:58,097 --> 00:03:00,488 - some minimal kind of techno. - What's minimal techno? 45 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,550 We might highlight it with a bit of Ace of Base. 46 00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:04,508 That'll be the peak, then we'll come back down again 47 00:03:04,531 --> 00:03:07,516 with Kruder and Dorfmeister or something like that, I don't know. 48 00:03:07,539 --> 00:03:09,906 - Play some Fleetwood Mac. - Oh, Christ. 49 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,328 - What's wrong with Fleetwood Mac? - _ 50 00:03:11,329 --> 00:03:12,584 They're one of the biggest selling bands of all time. 51 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,239 I think we can be a bit more edgy than Fleetwood Mac. 52 00:03:15,307 --> 00:03:17,518 - Toto? - Oh! 53 00:03:17,706 --> 00:03:20,737 Now we're talking. Where would we be without Toto? 54 00:03:21,547 --> 00:03:24,853 Do they only do the dignity thing in Switzerland, then? 55 00:03:24,881 --> 00:03:26,271 Well, I haven't looked into it, 56 00:03:26,285 --> 00:03:28,257 but I do know they do it in Switzerland, 57 00:03:28,284 --> 00:03:29,813 but they may do it in Germany... 58 00:03:29,841 --> 00:03:32,383 Because you see, I don't want to go and die in dignity 59 00:03:32,392 --> 00:03:34,497 - if I don't have to, I mean, you know what I mean. - No. 60 00:03:34,552 --> 00:03:37,421 I don't want to say, "Yes, OK, I'm going to go and die". 61 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,004 - Going to go and die. - And then the doctor suddenly say, 62 00:03:40,041 --> 00:03:43,491 - "Actually, ooh, whoops, you weren't that bad". - You've turned a corner. 63 00:03:43,505 --> 00:03:44,780 - Yes. - You know what I mean? 64 00:03:44,826 --> 00:03:47,373 - Yes, Mum. - I couldn't bear that. 65 00:03:47,433 --> 00:03:50,965 Whereas, you know, maybe in Dubai, it's not so final. 66 00:03:50,984 --> 00:03:52,135 No. 67 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,860 - Richard, I can't talk right now. - I need to talk to you. 68 00:03:56,878 --> 00:03:59,002 - I'll call you when I get back to the... - I need to... 69 00:03:59,029 --> 00:04:02,360 It's the best man in the whole world now, Richard. 70 00:04:02,373 --> 00:04:04,883 - Werner, now is not the time. - It does me much pain 71 00:04:04,892 --> 00:04:08,599 to say this now, and I know for you this is very tragic, but... 72 00:04:08,622 --> 00:04:10,036 - Werner, it's not the time. - But Karen and me, 73 00:04:10,063 --> 00:04:12,864 - we have a massive relation to each other. - No, you don't. 74 00:04:12,873 --> 00:04:15,531 We are very much in love with each other. 75 00:04:15,558 --> 00:04:16,839 - You're not in love with each other. - Yeah. 76 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:20,777 - No, we are. I know this is hard. - It's not hard, it's just not true. 77 00:04:21,188 --> 00:04:23,239 I know you feel like this. 78 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,175 It's very busy here, darling. 79 00:04:25,186 --> 00:04:27,529 At the moment, it's quite stressful. 80 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,655 Busy with the business of loving each other. 81 00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:34,280 Werner, can I say something to you? This is unbelievably... 82 00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:35,758 - Yeah. - Inappropriate. 83 00:04:35,772 --> 00:04:37,180 - Yeah, it's very sad for you. - It is. 84 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,014 I don't phone your wife and say, 85 00:04:39,037 --> 00:04:41,832 "Hey, I pumped a massive log into my pants". 86 00:04:41,842 --> 00:04:44,131 Yeah, fine, I don't phone your wife and say, 87 00:04:44,145 --> 00:04:45,955 - "Oh, I sucked the teats of a pig". - Richard. 88 00:04:45,983 --> 00:04:48,816 Shit. Fuck me in the fucking... 89 00:04:50,239 --> 00:04:52,363 - What is wrong with him? - Something's happened. 90 00:04:52,377 --> 00:04:54,430 - I don't know what that's about. - OK, listen, Karen, 91 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,222 I know you don't have long. I need to tell you 92 00:04:56,223 --> 00:04:57,871 I didn't go through with it, the vasectomy. 93 00:04:57,889 --> 00:04:59,359 I didn't do it. I'm sorry. 94 00:04:59,368 --> 00:05:00,861 - Oh, for goodness' sake. - I'm so sorry. 95 00:05:00,876 --> 00:05:03,481 - The one thing I needed you to do. - I know, I know. 96 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,530 I'd waxed everything. I was going to do it. 97 00:05:05,549 --> 00:05:07,791 Have a look at that. I mean, I... 98 00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:10,339 Oh, oh, oh, 99 00:05:10,371 --> 00:05:12,323 - that is something I will never unsee. - I know. 100 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,635 - I'm so sorry. - Look, when I get home, 101 00:05:14,654 --> 00:05:16,809 we'll rebook the appointment and go together, all right? 102 00:05:16,832 --> 00:05:18,587 Maybe it wasn't a good idea to try and... 103 00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:21,539 excuse me, what are you doing? 104 00:05:21,576 --> 00:05:23,330 - That's my laptop. - Who's that? 105 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,247 - Put that down. - Can you put that laptop back down, please? 106 00:05:25,275 --> 00:05:26,334 That's personal property. 107 00:05:26,347 --> 00:05:28,185 - What are you... - Hey! 108 00:05:29,401 --> 00:05:33,642 Church of Scientology. 109 00:05:33,693 --> 00:05:35,655 - You going to join that? - I think so. 110 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,059 Get the fuck out... 111 00:05:39,989 --> 00:05:41,359 All right, what... 112 00:05:41,484 --> 00:05:44,328 - Have a look at some other suggestions. - How to join... 113 00:05:44,715 --> 00:05:46,212 The army? 114 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,872 Have a look. 115 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,464 Yeah. Let's do it. 116 00:05:53,398 --> 00:05:55,613 _ 117 00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,514 _ 118 00:05:58,694 --> 00:06:00,679 _ 119 00:06:00,804 --> 00:06:02,958 _ 120 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,167 Richard, hi. 121 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,964 - How are you today? - Yeah, not terribly well. No. 122 00:06:11,987 --> 00:06:15,090 I found a message on Izzy's phone 123 00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:19,017 - from someone saying, "I lick you forever". - Oh, no. 124 00:06:19,023 --> 00:06:20,808 And I don't know if it was "I like you forever" 125 00:06:20,831 --> 00:06:23,577 - or it was just misspelled. - Oh, Nathan, I'm so sorry to hear that. 126 00:06:23,605 --> 00:06:26,497 - And it's probably just like slang... - That is, what a... 127 00:06:26,732 --> 00:06:28,570 - It's awful, isn't it? - What a, well... 128 00:06:28,571 --> 00:06:31,482 - I thought maybe I was overreacting. - No, you're not overreacting at all, 129 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:33,476 that sounds pretty damming to me. 130 00:06:33,540 --> 00:06:36,419 What I can see, though, is a person who's incredibly anxious. 131 00:06:36,456 --> 00:06:38,252 If you are feeling like this, 132 00:06:38,284 --> 00:06:41,182 then there's a good chance there's a manipulation going on, 133 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,964 an emotional manipulation. 134 00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:45,562 - You think she wanted me to see that message? - Well, 135 00:06:45,687 --> 00:06:47,635 on some level, possibly, yes. 136 00:06:47,718 --> 00:06:50,310 But you met her, she's very sweet. 137 00:06:50,329 --> 00:06:53,475 I don't know her from a hole in the road but she struck me, 138 00:06:53,476 --> 00:06:55,828 I have to be honest, as a little manipulative, 139 00:06:55,842 --> 00:06:57,805 a little scheming, a little controlling 140 00:06:57,860 --> 00:07:01,439 and I think the time has come, maybe, 141 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:06,140 to try to try life apart from this woman. 142 00:07:06,265 --> 00:07:09,018 You cry if you want to cry, you cry. 143 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,313 - I've been such a fool. - I know, you have. 144 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,246 - Why would she do this? - Because she's so young. 145 00:07:16,371 --> 00:07:18,373 - She's so young. - Oh, my God, she's young. 146 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,634 - She's so young. - Disgustingly, wrongly young. 147 00:07:21,676 --> 00:07:23,412 - What shall I do? - You have to end it. 148 00:07:23,448 --> 00:07:24,526 I can't. 149 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:25,645 - I know. - It's hard. 150 00:07:25,664 --> 00:07:27,423 Just write a text, you don't even have to see her. 151 00:07:27,451 --> 00:07:31,875 - I can't write a text. - Let me help you to be free of it. 152 00:07:31,937 --> 00:07:34,759 OK. Pick up your phone, pick up your phone. 153 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:38,451 OK. Go to text message, click on "Izzy", 154 00:07:38,469 --> 00:07:40,446 and this is what you're going to say. 155 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,150 "It's over". 156 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:47,074 Do it. "It's over. I'm sorry. 157 00:07:48,036 --> 00:07:50,468 "We can't see each other again. 158 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,329 - Ever." - Oh... 159 00:07:52,375 --> 00:07:55,010 Send it, send it, send it, send it, 160 00:07:55,028 --> 00:07:57,059 - send it, send it. - Argh! 161 00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:58,919 - It's sent, it's sent. - Good, good. 162 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:00,955 It's sent, it's sent. 163 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,373 Argh. 164 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,600 Fuck it! 165 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,771 That worked. 166 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,346 - Riam. - Hi, Richard, how are you doing? 167 00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,295 Yeah, great. Listen, I've just had my house valued 168 00:08:17,313 --> 00:08:19,658 and it's worth a lot more than I thought it was originally, 169 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,399 and what I'd love you to do is remortgage it for me. 170 00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:22,426 Why? 171 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:25,585 Because I need to do some things with the money. 172 00:08:25,627 --> 00:08:27,575 Your wife is on the mortgage, isn't she? 173 00:08:27,593 --> 00:08:29,283 Yes, well, we own the house together. 174 00:08:29,873 --> 00:08:33,039 So we're going to need her permission as well. 175 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:34,243 Riam, I don't want to tell her 176 00:08:34,257 --> 00:08:36,942 because it's a surprise for her birthday. 177 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,682 Do you know how to do her signature? 178 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,616 Yeah. 179 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,306 We could do that. 180 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:54,900 Sort of like that? 181 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,999 You're a fucking genius. 182 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,625 Fill out the form now, fill it out. Send it off. 183 00:08:59,676 --> 00:09:01,426 - Send it off. - How old are you? 184 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,185 44. How old are you? 185 00:09:04,199 --> 00:09:05,631 Oh, I see, for the form. Sorry. 186 00:09:05,663 --> 00:09:07,113 44. 187 00:09:07,191 --> 00:09:08,495 - Right. - OK. 188 00:09:08,522 --> 00:09:10,720 So next question, gender. 189 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,892 - Income. - My income or my wife's and my income? 190 00:09:16,902 --> 00:09:18,679 I need yours and I need hers 191 00:09:18,693 --> 00:09:20,388 and then I need you to add them up. 192 00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:22,824 Hers is 90,000 a year 193 00:09:23,086 --> 00:09:25,449 and mine is 9,000 a year. 194 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:29,879 So let me just get a calculator here. 195 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,439 Sorry, one second. 196 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:35,564 - Nine zero zero... - Are you trying to add those together? 197 00:09:35,587 --> 00:09:39,378 Plus nine zero zero zero equals... 198 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,851 Oh, sorry, no. Yes, 99. 199 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,816 - Oh, no. - What? 200 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:52,887 It says if you think you've made any spelling mistakes 201 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:57,115 or you have not used block capitals, 202 00:09:57,501 --> 00:10:00,453 then you have to... I have to do this again. 203 00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:06,920 - Hello. - Hey, man. 204 00:10:06,943 --> 00:10:08,670 - How are you? - I'm good, how are you? 205 00:10:08,712 --> 00:10:11,074 Just hold on a sec. 206 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,919 Ready for this? 207 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:20,584 Oh, my God! 208 00:10:20,593 --> 00:10:23,845 You are... No way. 209 00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:27,009 Dude! Oh, my God. 210 00:10:28,285 --> 00:10:30,799 Are you for real? 211 00:10:30,850 --> 00:10:33,102 Yo, that was tight. 212 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:34,272 - Oh, my God. - How good was that? 213 00:10:34,291 --> 00:10:35,577 How long did that take you to learn? 214 00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:36,925 I knew you'd be the only person 215 00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,258 - who would appreciate that. - Yeah, I appreciate that to fuck. 216 00:10:39,273 --> 00:10:40,949 - Oh, my God. - I got a lot of grief off my family 217 00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:43,082 - for playing that so much. - No way, oh, my God, 218 00:10:43,089 --> 00:10:44,770 your family need to get with it, bro. 219 00:10:44,796 --> 00:10:46,233 - That was great. - Thank you. 220 00:10:46,734 --> 00:10:49,619 So, tell me, how are things? 221 00:10:49,906 --> 00:10:51,634 Yeah, man, things are good, you know. 222 00:10:51,664 --> 00:10:53,276 I've been thinking, 223 00:10:53,302 --> 00:10:56,091 maybe it's a good idea if I find my dad. 224 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,973 - That's very interesting. - Well, I just think if I find him, 225 00:10:59,996 --> 00:11:04,579 I mean if I go and say, "Look, here I am, I'm your son", 226 00:11:04,616 --> 00:11:08,526 what I hope is that he'll be as excited as I am, 227 00:11:09,088 --> 00:11:13,283 but even if he's not, at least I'll know, you know what I mean? 228 00:11:13,329 --> 00:11:15,986 I think that's a very exciting prospect. 229 00:11:16,004 --> 00:11:18,418 - You're excited by it? - Sure, I'm excited for you 230 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,721 at the prospect of you finding your father. 231 00:11:20,744 --> 00:11:23,282 But do you know where even to begin to look? 232 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,391 Yeah, I know where he is. 233 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:26,772 Wow. 234 00:11:26,809 --> 00:11:28,269 Listen, dude, like, 235 00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,241 - thank you. - You're welcome. 236 00:11:30,264 --> 00:11:32,990 Without you none of this would be happening, OK? 237 00:11:33,031 --> 00:11:35,459 - All right. Well, listen, good luck. - Thank you, man. 238 00:11:35,519 --> 00:11:37,711 I love, can I just say that I love the shirts? 239 00:11:37,734 --> 00:11:39,577 Oh, dude, thank you very much. 240 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,156 I thought you were, 241 00:11:41,198 --> 00:11:44,081 sorry I was stupid, I thought you were going to say, "I love you". 242 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,052 Like not in a weird way, 243 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,342 just kind of like in a 244 00:11:48,844 --> 00:11:50,562 family kind of way, you know. 245 00:11:55,839 --> 00:11:57,635 All right, I'm fine. 246 00:11:57,820 --> 00:11:59,746 You see, I was actually, 247 00:11:59,962 --> 00:12:01,759 I was actually thinking of joining the army. 248 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:02,919 Good idea. 249 00:12:02,942 --> 00:12:05,342 - Yeah. - Grandpa Jeremy did it, I did it. 250 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,502 - Well, that's what I thought. I thought that maybe... - Family tradition. 251 00:12:07,525 --> 00:12:09,105 Yes, give me some advice. 252 00:12:09,123 --> 00:12:10,487 If you're thinking of joining the army, 253 00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:13,180 - you got to tidy this room up. - Yeah, yeah, it's... 254 00:12:13,203 --> 00:12:16,491 This would not pass inspection, let me tell you now. 255 00:12:16,698 --> 00:12:18,895 Smells a bit spunky too, got to say. 256 00:12:22,124 --> 00:12:23,524 Did you, like, 257 00:12:23,649 --> 00:12:26,044 what kind of experiences did you have in the army? 258 00:12:26,389 --> 00:12:28,899 What was the scariest thing you ever saw? 259 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:32,791 Well, I saw a dog shit up a wall once, which was very unusual. 260 00:12:32,827 --> 00:12:35,356 - You saw what? - An explosion went off, 261 00:12:35,384 --> 00:12:38,621 a roadside explosion, and a dog just shat up a wall. 262 00:12:38,653 --> 00:12:39,800 - That's... - Up a wall. 263 00:12:39,805 --> 00:12:40,983 Wow, that... 264 00:12:41,016 --> 00:12:42,159 Unusual. 265 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:43,963 That can't be the scariest thing. 266 00:12:43,986 --> 00:12:48,711 Just two days ago, I lost a buddy. 267 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,958 An explosion happened and 268 00:12:52,289 --> 00:12:53,980 he bled out in front of me. 269 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,687 I mean, I tried to stuff what was there into the wound, 270 00:12:57,706 --> 00:13:00,957 but it wasn't stopping for anything. 271 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,693 Then he cried like a baby. I slapped him. 272 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,304 "Pull yourself together", 273 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:12,182 but he couldn't because he was almost in two separate parts. 274 00:13:16,677 --> 00:13:18,699 - Richard. - Yeah, Neil, hi. 275 00:13:18,708 --> 00:13:20,559 - I'm doing a bit of thinking. - Oh, yeah? 276 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:24,672 Yeah, I think I've realised what the real issue is here. 277 00:13:24,705 --> 00:13:27,454 - OK. - And that is that I've told you 278 00:13:27,579 --> 00:13:28,822 about what I did. 279 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,779 Oh, you, you don't need to worry because this is, 280 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,552 - these are confidential. - That's as may be, 281 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:37,836 but that information still exists in your head. 282 00:13:37,868 --> 00:13:39,305 That's where... That's what... 283 00:13:39,324 --> 00:13:41,075 You can see my problem, can't you? 284 00:13:41,079 --> 00:13:43,479 I've got to get that out of your head. 285 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,999 I mean, there's only one way I can think of to do that. 286 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,065 - It's gone. - It's not. 287 00:13:49,088 --> 00:13:50,405 - What's not? - It's still in there. 288 00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:53,460 It's not, it's not. Look, you told me, yes, you told me 289 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,155 and yes, I know and I will never reveal it, 290 00:13:56,173 --> 00:13:58,835 - that's the first thing you need to remember. - I'm just sorry. 291 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,892 - That's understandable. - Sorry for your kids, really. 292 00:14:02,915 --> 00:14:04,563 - No, Neil. - I'm sorry, mate. 293 00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:06,037 Neil, you don't need to feel that way. 294 00:14:06,056 --> 00:14:08,989 What you've done is opened up and you're feeling vulnerable. 295 00:14:09,012 --> 00:14:12,320 Look, I can see this is difficult for you. 296 00:14:12,347 --> 00:14:14,119 It's difficult for all of us, Neil. 297 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,847 But shit happens, doesn't it? So... 298 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:20,030 No, no, wait, wait, Neil, no, wait, Neil, no, wait, please. 299 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,799 - See you later. - Neil, wait. 300 00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:24,395 Neil! 301 00:14:29,710 --> 00:14:31,359 - Pete, I need a gun. - What? 302 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:32,639 - I need a gun. - Why? 303 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,108 I'm worried he's going to find me and come and get me. 304 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,359 - Neil? - Yes. 305 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,693 Listen, we need to get onto... 306 00:14:39,684 --> 00:14:41,199 ... the Dark Web. 307 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,275 - What's the Dark Web? - Shh! 308 00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:44,992 You don't talk about the Dark Web. 309 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:46,599 You're talking about it now. 310 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,045 We have to think about ways of getting to the... 311 00:14:49,734 --> 00:14:51,719 We have to start off with innocent things, 312 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,559 get on the web looking staplers, or cushions or something. 313 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,538 If you go on there looking for those things, 314 00:14:56,575 --> 00:14:59,469 you can find certain codes that leads you through pages 315 00:14:59,491 --> 00:15:01,271 that will get you onto the other side. 316 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:04,539 - What are you talking about? - Think about something like, I don't know, 317 00:15:04,542 --> 00:15:07,254 antique cups, jubilee mugs, I don't know, 318 00:15:07,268 --> 00:15:09,453 something you want to look for on the... 319 00:15:09,903 --> 00:15:11,399 All right, jubilee mugs. 320 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,302 Antique jubilee mugs from 1977. 321 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,143 Bring up images. 322 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,837 - Yes. - Is there one with the Queen upside down? 323 00:15:23,539 --> 00:15:25,565 Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. 324 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:26,959 OK, click on that image. 325 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,319 - Right. - Careful. 326 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,259 It says good condition, 4.99. 327 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:33,397 - OK, what else? - The seller's got a 96% rating. 328 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,885 Double-click on that. 329 00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:36,359 They're in Orpington. 330 00:15:36,676 --> 00:15:38,519 - We're getting there. - Where are we getting? 331 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,956 It's a gateway. Like Bishops Stortford. They're gateways. 332 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,999 - What, to Kent? - To the Dark Web. 333 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,239 Will you please stop making me say it all the time? 334 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,919 Is the town name in highlights? 335 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,728 - Yeah. - Click on it. 336 00:15:51,697 --> 00:15:54,559 - What comes up? - The Wikipedia page for Orpington. 337 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:55,636 Go to maps. 338 00:15:55,761 --> 00:15:58,155 - Yes. - Find a war memorial. 339 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:04,690 We're looking for something like Terry Goddington or Louis Cypher. 340 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:07,645 You don't know what your doing, do you? 341 00:16:07,656 --> 00:16:10,419 Just find a name that looks religiously suspicious. 342 00:16:10,438 --> 00:16:11,503 OK, I've found a name. 343 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,294 - What does it say? - Arthur Bishop. 344 00:16:13,349 --> 00:16:15,555 - Might work. - Right. 345 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,750 Anything? 346 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,213 - He's from Orpington. - Oh, my God. Really? 347 00:16:20,802 --> 00:16:22,199 OK, send me the link. 348 00:16:25,883 --> 00:16:27,875 This is dangerous stuff, Richard. 349 00:16:27,925 --> 00:16:30,209 What, we might end up with a mug we don't want? 350 00:16:30,249 --> 00:16:32,006 Fucking hell. 351 00:16:32,043 --> 00:16:34,549 - Oh, hello. - Richard, I need you to help me. 352 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,159 I've been very, very anxious. 353 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,000 Right. You may have seen we had 354 00:16:38,008 --> 00:16:40,841 a bit of a press debacle and I'm very squeezed in, Richard. 355 00:16:40,852 --> 00:16:42,152 I've got to manage the PR on this 356 00:16:42,155 --> 00:16:44,211 and Nigel's drinking all the time, 357 00:16:44,226 --> 00:16:45,552 he's drunk and I'm having to drag him up, 358 00:16:45,566 --> 00:16:47,221 and that's why we're doing the photo session again, 359 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,739 Richard, because he couldn't stand up properly. 360 00:16:49,038 --> 00:16:50,571 - And Robin's gone to Kuta Beach. - Kuta Beach? 361 00:16:50,589 --> 00:16:52,568 - Kuta Beach, in Bali. - Nigel's lover? 362 00:16:52,693 --> 00:16:53,838 - Right. - Spending all our money... 363 00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:55,035 - Oh, it's your money? - ... sitting in little beach bars, 364 00:16:55,061 --> 00:16:57,036 probably sucking off all kinds of natives. 365 00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,366 - What I want to say... - This is the moment 366 00:16:58,395 --> 00:17:00,256 where you give me the help, the advice, 367 00:17:00,271 --> 00:17:01,778 the what I'm fucking paying you for. 368 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,248 This is it, Pitt. 369 00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,506 I understand you're angry. 370 00:17:05,529 --> 00:17:07,961 I understand that you're going through a very difficult time 371 00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:11,396 and it's absolutely valid that you're feeling the way you're feeling. 372 00:17:11,414 --> 00:17:12,803 Yes, well, that's all well and good, is it, 373 00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:14,863 but what are you going to do about it? 374 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,077 It's OK to be vulnerable, Fiona. 375 00:17:17,121 --> 00:17:18,838 No feeling lasts forever 376 00:17:18,857 --> 00:17:21,260 and it's human to feel vulnerable. 377 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,278 - It's human to feel weak. - Yes. 378 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,967 It's human to feel out of control. 379 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,423 It's OK. 380 00:17:27,445 --> 00:17:29,106 I'm going to face the press. 381 00:17:29,129 --> 00:17:30,635 - Yeah. - I'm going to say, you... 382 00:17:30,646 --> 00:17:32,139 - Yeah. - ... see me... 383 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,438 - Yeah. - ... Fiona Fucking Bellingham. 384 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,955 - Yeah. - I'm going to say to Nigel, "Fuck off!" 385 00:17:36,962 --> 00:17:39,305 - Right. - I'm going to come out and I'm gonna say, 386 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,488 "Do you want a piece of me, you peasants?" 387 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,075 - Yeah. - You're a fucking genius, Richard. 388 00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,563 I have to admit, I had my doubts 389 00:17:46,578 --> 00:17:48,584 when I first saw you in your shitty little house. 390 00:17:48,599 --> 00:17:51,237 But you've resurrected a supreme Fiona Bellingham 391 00:17:51,263 --> 00:17:53,779 from the ashes. I am your Phoenix, Richard. 392 00:17:53,797 --> 00:17:55,949 - Well done. You've done very well. - That's very kind of you. 393 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,175 I don't want to talk about me, though. What I would like to talk about 394 00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,541 is money for the sessions. 395 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:03,292 Still doesn't seem to have arrived in my bank account. 396 00:18:03,351 --> 00:18:05,425 - Fucking Robin. - Robin's taken... 397 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,467 And he's spending it like nobody's business. 398 00:18:07,533 --> 00:18:10,017 But do you know what, there's something more important than money, Richard, 399 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,325 - and that's honour. - Yeah... 400 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,145 And I think we can join hands, 401 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,383 can we not, across the divide and say we stand shoulder to shoulder, 402 00:18:16,417 --> 00:18:19,537 that you've helped someone far superior to you in every way 403 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,683 and it just goes to show you that people like you can do it. 404 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:28,965 - Richard. - Yes? 405 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,504 Richard, I don't know if genius is too strong a word, 406 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:32,919 but I'm going to use it. 407 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,894 - You are a genius. - So everything is worked out for the best? 408 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,879 Better than I could ever have dreamed of. 409 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,999 And the more I think back on all our talks, 410 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,399 you've masterminded the whole thing from day one. 411 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,063 I mean, you obviously understood 412 00:18:45,070 --> 00:18:47,450 that Izzy would come by to collect stuff 413 00:18:47,472 --> 00:18:50,920 and I would end up talking to her about my emotional debt, 414 00:18:50,938 --> 00:18:52,479 about all these experiences. 415 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,923 - Right. - And as soon as I started talking to her... 416 00:18:54,945 --> 00:18:56,016 - Yeah. - ... about these things, 417 00:18:56,053 --> 00:18:58,231 it was like this veil lifted from her eyes. 418 00:18:58,253 --> 00:18:59,992 And we looked at each other and we thought, 419 00:19:00,029 --> 00:19:01,853 not only should we not be breaking up, 420 00:19:02,063 --> 00:19:03,715 we can never be apart. 421 00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:05,519 Of course we can't. 422 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:10,083 I feel only now divesting myself of all this crap. 423 00:19:10,245 --> 00:19:13,417 - And now I am free and I am a man. - OK. 424 00:19:13,432 --> 00:19:16,116 I'm going to do something now that I don't do with many 425 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,440 - of my clients. - Please. 426 00:19:18,455 --> 00:19:24,103 I would like to give you an old-fashioned one-on-one, 427 00:19:24,126 --> 00:19:26,795 in-person therapy session. 428 00:19:26,849 --> 00:19:28,529 Are you up for that? 429 00:19:30,510 --> 00:19:32,595 - Absolutely. - Great. 430 00:19:32,623 --> 00:19:35,901 What I suggest is you come here, tomorrow at 2.30pm, 431 00:19:36,228 --> 00:19:39,692 let's talk face-to-face. 432 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,921 - Richard, I can't tell you... - I want to introduce you... 433 00:19:43,508 --> 00:19:45,675 ... to a couple of concepts. 434 00:19:48,644 --> 00:19:50,974 - Werner. - Hello, Richard. 435 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,681 - Are you all right? - Yeah, I am, to you a very thankful 436 00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:56,999 person that you answer me. 437 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,651 Where are you? 438 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:03,661 So, I am by the police in Zurich. 439 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,382 - Why? - You know, the deal is, 440 00:20:07,451 --> 00:20:09,492 yeah, is gone in the trousers. 441 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,301 There was a journalist, 442 00:20:11,375 --> 00:20:13,669 he make very difficult questions, 443 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:18,389 what is going on, what makes Werner Leinhard with all this money? 444 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:23,049 - Can I please tell you... - Oh, Werner, is this the time... 445 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,955 Very, for me, very important. 446 00:20:24,972 --> 00:20:27,373 All this time I say that Karen, 447 00:20:27,586 --> 00:20:32,071 she want only to make fun with my genital. 448 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,770 - Yes. There's been a lot of that. - It's not true. 449 00:20:34,793 --> 00:20:38,060 - She doesn't want to have fun with your genitals? - No. She is... 450 00:20:38,493 --> 00:20:40,778 ... the most fantastisch dame. 451 00:20:40,796 --> 00:20:43,683 And you are very lucky man. 452 00:20:43,997 --> 00:20:48,330 - Are you OK? - Well, I've watched many prison movies. 453 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,527 For example, the Shawshank Redemptions 454 00:20:51,545 --> 00:20:54,915 and so I don't have a shower. 455 00:20:54,985 --> 00:20:59,098 The sisters, they are one after another upside your asshole. 456 00:20:59,535 --> 00:21:01,543 - Right, I... I... - I love you? 457 00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:06,090 - Richard. - Abs. 458 00:21:06,118 --> 00:21:07,352 - Richard. - Where are you? 459 00:21:07,379 --> 00:21:09,208 - I'm in the hospital. - What, are you all right? 460 00:21:09,231 --> 00:21:10,760 - Karen's collapsed. - What? 461 00:21:10,806 --> 00:21:14,864 It's OK, it's OK, it's fine. It's fine. It's OK, it's just nervous exhaustion. 462 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,075 - Where is she? - She's here, look. 463 00:21:17,089 --> 00:21:19,718 - Put her on. - No, she can't, she's passed out. 464 00:21:19,732 --> 00:21:22,022 Look, she's fine, look, I just need to talk to you for a bit. 465 00:21:22,027 --> 00:21:24,491 - What do you mean she's passed out? - Richard, please, 466 00:21:24,523 --> 00:21:27,828 - just focus on me for a minute. - No, I will not focus on you, Abs. 467 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,198 - I don't know who I am. - Abs. 468 00:21:30,323 --> 00:21:32,944 - Pass me to a doctor. - I can't. 469 00:21:32,996 --> 00:21:37,289 - Where are you, Abs? - Friesenberg Municipal Hospital in Zurich. 470 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:40,617 - Friesenberg. - Please, I just need some advice, please. 471 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,155 - Abs, Abs, listen to me. - I can't deal with this, I can't. 472 00:21:43,173 --> 00:21:45,315 You have to look after my wife, you have to... 473 00:21:49,218 --> 00:21:51,365 Hello. Listen, I'm in big trouble. 474 00:21:51,374 --> 00:21:53,155 I've come to the end of my lollipop, Richard. 475 00:21:53,184 --> 00:21:55,726 - What? - Yes, I'm done with analysis, 476 00:21:55,754 --> 00:21:58,439 - therapy, psychodynamics. - No, no, no. No, you're not. 477 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,489 I'm done because I don't really believe... 478 00:22:02,884 --> 00:22:04,759 ... any of this does any good. 479 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,389 I'm here to tell you that is not true, 480 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,999 because you have achieved an enormous amount with me. 481 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,423 I have a much better relationship with my anus 482 00:22:11,437 --> 00:22:15,263 - and with every anus out there. - I want you to be released. 483 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,039 I reject the release. I reject it. 484 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,464 I'm not having it. 485 00:22:19,482 --> 00:22:22,679 Thing is, I haven't been strictly honest with you. 486 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,719 I have a serious problem. 487 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:29,635 A man, a violent man, who I owe a huge amount of money to. 488 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,900 I have lied to my wife, I've lied to you, I've lied to my family... 489 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,519 Shall I be more honest with you? 490 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,912 - Yes. - You bore the shit out of me. 491 00:22:37,276 --> 00:22:39,519 - What? - You bore me shitless. 492 00:22:40,210 --> 00:22:44,595 You wallow in an oceanic shitfest of failure. 493 00:22:44,635 --> 00:22:47,053 - So? - That's your default mode, 494 00:22:47,071 --> 00:22:50,799 to be the victim, floating around in an ocean of your own shit. 495 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,319 I don't need the shit. 496 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:56,199 I want the shit because I thought you wanted my shit. 497 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,359 You liked the shit and you listened to my shit. 498 00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:01,202 I'm signing off, Richard. 499 00:23:01,708 --> 00:23:04,242 With a quote, as is my wont. 500 00:23:05,227 --> 00:23:06,576 You... 501 00:23:07,695 --> 00:23:09,307 ... are the horror. 502 00:23:10,173 --> 00:23:12,065 The horror. 503 00:23:12,931 --> 00:23:14,723 The horror. 504 00:23:17,319 --> 00:23:22,319 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -