1 00:00:00,803 --> 00:00:02,966 - Are you in a relationship at the moment? - Yeah, actually, 2 00:00:02,990 --> 00:00:04,647 - she's one of my students. - What was the name, again? 3 00:00:04,664 --> 00:00:06,017 - Izzy. - Did you set that up? 4 00:00:06,031 --> 00:00:07,974 - Yeah, I did. - Only resolution, mate. 5 00:00:08,002 --> 00:00:09,982 This is the situation... My mother, 6 00:00:09,992 --> 00:00:11,327 she's moving in here. 7 00:00:11,501 --> 00:00:13,252 - Ricky! - Mum! 8 00:00:13,256 --> 00:00:14,915 - You should get a vasectomy. - OK. 9 00:00:14,919 --> 00:00:16,113 - Yeah? Yeah? - Yeah. 10 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:17,801 You get one, pretending you're me. 11 00:00:17,823 --> 00:00:19,536 Do you not know why I'm calling you? 12 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,285 There's absolutely no question you're getting your money. 13 00:00:22,307 --> 00:00:23,346 - Cry. - No. 14 00:00:23,347 --> 00:00:24,255 - Now. - No. 15 00:00:24,256 --> 00:00:25,303 - Cry. - No. 16 00:00:25,342 --> 00:00:27,319 - Good. - We are carrying on with this! 17 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,826 - I can't. - Turn your back on me, 18 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,079 I'll fucking kill you, mate! Do you get the message?! 19 00:00:47,816 --> 00:00:50,118 The scandal involving Westminster 20 00:00:50,146 --> 00:00:52,403 has been heightened today after it was revealed 21 00:00:52,435 --> 00:00:55,387 that MP Nigel Bellingham's affair was with his wife's... 22 00:00:57,967 --> 00:01:00,118 Fiona Bellingham is yet to make a statement. 23 00:01:17,413 --> 00:01:18,800 Hello? 24 00:01:28,845 --> 00:01:30,941 Look. Dad of the year! 25 00:01:31,328 --> 00:01:32,456 Ah, Mr Pitt... 26 00:01:32,475 --> 00:01:33,773 - Oh, yes. - Do you need a hand with the... ? 27 00:01:33,784 --> 00:01:36,016 Yeah, listen, there's a dead dog in the car. 28 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,009 Can you bring it in and make sure nobody sees it? 29 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,595 Oh. I feel sick. 30 00:01:41,756 --> 00:01:43,359 Yeah, not as sick as me. 31 00:01:43,548 --> 00:01:45,740 I'm having my nuts cut off later. 32 00:01:45,824 --> 00:01:48,057 Richard, don't make this about you. 33 00:01:48,827 --> 00:01:51,774 - Well, that bit is. - I've got to fire 86 people today. 34 00:01:51,793 --> 00:01:54,100 - Yeah, well... - So, I'm not looking forward to my day either. 35 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,613 Good morning, Krane. 36 00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:58,267 Hello. It's Karen. 37 00:01:58,282 --> 00:01:59,582 - It's Karen. Karen. - What? 38 00:01:59,622 --> 00:02:01,165 - It's Karen. - Oh, whatever you like. 39 00:02:01,457 --> 00:02:04,014 Nice to see you this morning. 40 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,639 How long are you planning on staying? 41 00:02:05,646 --> 00:02:09,437 Ah, that's entirely up to little Richard. 42 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:10,940 Fantastic. 43 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,683 Remember, Ricky's birthday. 44 00:02:12,694 --> 00:02:14,676 Yes, Ricky's birthday. Of course. 45 00:02:14,709 --> 00:02:16,360 - I'll see you later. - I can see your panty line. 46 00:02:16,367 --> 00:02:18,618 You should tell her about her panty line. 47 00:02:19,462 --> 00:02:20,578 You all right? 48 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:22,829 Darling, Richard. 49 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,313 My special boy. 50 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,195 Look at you. 51 00:02:27,652 --> 00:02:29,924 I'm very grateful to you. 52 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:31,402 Oh. 53 00:02:31,788 --> 00:02:34,872 - I like to be near you, you see. - Oh, me, too. 54 00:02:34,917 --> 00:02:36,430 The only thing is, 55 00:02:36,832 --> 00:02:40,070 I wish you wouldn't speak so badly 56 00:02:40,085 --> 00:02:43,464 about me to your father, because, you see, 57 00:02:43,865 --> 00:02:46,174 it means that he doesn't speak to me, 58 00:02:46,185 --> 00:02:48,300 and I then think to myself, 59 00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:51,845 "Well, maybe it was because you wouldn't take the breast 60 00:02:51,856 --> 00:02:53,131 when you were a baby." 61 00:02:53,587 --> 00:02:56,439 And I think that's what put your father off me. 62 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,681 Really and truly, it is your fault. 63 00:03:03,826 --> 00:03:06,199 - Oh. - Oh, there, yes. 64 00:03:06,214 --> 00:03:07,868 No, I'll bring you some breakfast up. 65 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,344 No, I'll come back down again. I've only got to... 66 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,809 - I'll bring it up, I'll bring it up. - All right! 67 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,615 Can you pump her full of drugs 68 00:03:18,634 --> 00:03:20,155 and knock her out for the rest of the day? 69 00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,272 Yes. 70 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,353 - Yes? - Yeah. 71 00:03:24,691 --> 00:03:25,700 OK. 72 00:03:25,825 --> 00:03:27,053 Good. 73 00:03:27,089 --> 00:03:28,273 I have one question. 74 00:03:28,284 --> 00:03:29,511 - Yeah? - When am I going to get paid? 75 00:03:29,518 --> 00:03:30,555 You'll get paid soon. 76 00:03:30,573 --> 00:03:32,319 And the money you borrowed for the... ? 77 00:03:32,338 --> 00:03:34,738 - Shopping, I'll pay you that back soon. Don't worry. - Yeah. 78 00:03:34,956 --> 00:03:39,956 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 79 00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:44,201 - Hello. - Richard, hi. 80 00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:45,708 - Thank you for seeing me again. - Not at all. 81 00:03:45,722 --> 00:03:48,386 I've been thinking a lot about what we were talking about last time. 82 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,720 - Oh. I feel that there's a... - Did you split up with her? 83 00:03:50,744 --> 00:03:53,164 No, no, no. Quite the opposite, actually. 84 00:03:53,176 --> 00:03:55,283 But I feel that to have a real conversation, 85 00:03:55,287 --> 00:03:56,839 you probably need a bit more background. 86 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,745 When I was a little younger, I spent six months in Monrovia, 87 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,854 in Liberia, working at the Liberian Clown Institute. 88 00:04:02,865 --> 00:04:06,037 OK, if I could just stop you for one second. That's all terrific. 89 00:04:06,059 --> 00:04:08,539 I mean, I have been doing a little bit of research on my own, 90 00:04:08,557 --> 00:04:11,719 I have to say, and I thought, maybe, I'm the prude here. 91 00:04:11,844 --> 00:04:14,833 Maybe there is nothing wrong with a much older man 92 00:04:14,851 --> 00:04:16,663 sleeping with his student. 93 00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:18,341 - Yeah, I mean, if I was... - Have you seen my headphones? 94 00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:20,291 - I think I left them... - Yeah, no, I think... 95 00:04:20,354 --> 00:04:21,610 Are they not on the couch? 96 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,258 Sorry. Izzy, I'm just actually... I'm... 97 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,848 - I think I left them... - This is... 98 00:04:27,552 --> 00:04:29,099 Izzy, this is Richard. 99 00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:31,506 This is an online therapist that I see. 100 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,068 You're seeing a therapist? 101 00:04:33,093 --> 00:04:36,027 Yeah, we just talk about, kind of, general issues. 102 00:04:36,038 --> 00:04:38,075 How nice to meet you. How nice to put a face 103 00:04:38,119 --> 00:04:40,190 to all those stories I've been hearing. 104 00:04:40,415 --> 00:04:41,605 Nice to meet you. 105 00:04:41,638 --> 00:04:43,804 Sorry, Richard, hold on one second. 106 00:04:43,929 --> 00:04:46,062 - They're just behind the couch. - Oh, OK. 107 00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:50,015 Izzy, how nice to talk to you. 108 00:04:50,026 --> 00:04:51,303 What the fuck are you doing?! 109 00:04:51,327 --> 00:04:53,590 - What the fuck are you doing?! - Get the fuck out there! 110 00:04:53,614 --> 00:04:56,993 - Are they in the bedroom? - Erm, I don't know. Erm... 111 00:04:57,054 --> 00:05:00,735 - Izzy? - Yeah, I think they might be in the bathroom. 112 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,246 Bathroom? 113 00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:03,605 Yeah. 114 00:05:04,562 --> 00:05:06,338 - What the fuck are you doing?! - Don't make me come round there 115 00:05:06,356 --> 00:05:07,784 - and whip your fucking arse! - Are you trying to puppeteer 116 00:05:07,795 --> 00:05:09,274 - my fucking life?! - You get out there right now! 117 00:05:09,298 --> 00:05:10,887 - He's your teacher! He's your teacher! - You've been talking 118 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,109 - to him about me?! - Think about that for one second! 119 00:05:12,127 --> 00:05:13,601 - It's immoral! - What the fuck is your problem?! 120 00:05:13,608 --> 00:05:15,693 - It's not my problem! - Oh, hi! 121 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,395 - They were in the bathroom. - Of course they were. Silly me. 122 00:05:19,423 --> 00:05:22,833 It was really lovely to meet you. Richard, is it? 123 00:05:22,851 --> 00:05:26,302 - Lovely to meet you, too. Is it Izzy? - Yes, thank you, yes. 124 00:05:26,313 --> 00:05:27,949 - Aw, lovely to meet you, young Izzy. - Thank you 125 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,384 for all of your input, and I'm sure that, soon enough, 126 00:05:30,388 --> 00:05:31,865 with your fantastic work... 127 00:05:31,872 --> 00:05:33,280 - Yep. - ... and my support, 128 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,063 Nathan will be in a really healthy place. 129 00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:36,687 Yeah, sure. And, Nathan... 130 00:05:39,746 --> 00:05:43,021 - Yeah, there we go. - Nathan, all your secrets are safe with me. 131 00:05:43,146 --> 00:05:45,571 - OK! - Nice to meet you, nice to meet you. 132 00:05:45,648 --> 00:05:46,897 Bye. 133 00:05:48,585 --> 00:05:50,972 Hi, how you doing? You OK? 134 00:05:51,738 --> 00:05:52,929 As you can imagine, 135 00:05:53,006 --> 00:05:55,489 - it's a laugh a minute. We are thrilled - Yeah? 136 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,421 - OK, cool. - to have as our very special guest 137 00:05:57,435 --> 00:05:59,237 - staying with us... - Things are really, really hard 138 00:05:59,256 --> 00:06:01,510 at the minute with my book. I'm feeling really, really... 139 00:06:01,516 --> 00:06:03,201 - ... our mother. - stressed about it, 140 00:06:03,216 --> 00:06:05,898 - cos I feel like I kind of knew what I was doing before... - Right. 141 00:06:05,912 --> 00:06:07,284 ... and now I'm just completely lost. 142 00:06:07,295 --> 00:06:08,370 Can I just stop you there? 143 00:06:08,385 --> 00:06:10,006 Cos I've just realised something really important. 144 00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,417 I don't care about your book. 145 00:06:11,727 --> 00:06:14,951 I just realised that, because our mother's not been very well, 146 00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:16,730 so perhaps we could talk about her. 147 00:06:16,745 --> 00:06:18,102 I just asked you how she was 148 00:06:18,113 --> 00:06:19,749 - and then you said... - No, you didn't. Sorry, all I heard was a book, 149 00:06:19,771 --> 00:06:22,015 - Whatever. - "My book, my book, "my book, my big, hairy book." 150 00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:24,417 I just wanted to say that I'm finding it hard, too. 151 00:06:24,432 --> 00:06:25,677 Are you? Are you? 152 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,394 Is it hard? 153 00:06:28,009 --> 00:06:30,271 Oh, wah, wah, wah! 154 00:06:30,334 --> 00:06:32,559 Is this what you say to people... ? 155 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,690 You're kind of like a psychopath, do you know that? 156 00:06:36,723 --> 00:06:40,349 - You're like an emotional psychopath. - You do that to me. 157 00:06:40,371 --> 00:06:42,490 - It's really... - I just don't want this... 158 00:06:42,508 --> 00:06:44,236 I don't want this to be the thing 159 00:06:44,251 --> 00:06:46,259 that completely sabotages my novel, 160 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:48,469 because I don't want this whole thing with Mum... 161 00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:49,871 - Oh, Mum! Oh, that's... - ... and you... 162 00:06:49,895 --> 00:06:53,322 Yes, Mum, I knew there was something going on in our family. 163 00:06:53,392 --> 00:06:54,843 Yeah, OK. Bye now. 164 00:06:55,142 --> 00:06:56,983 - Dad! - What? 165 00:06:57,108 --> 00:06:58,466 Those festival tickets have gone, like... 166 00:06:58,490 --> 00:07:01,170 - They're at half the price that they were. - Oh, yeah, let's buy... 167 00:07:01,282 --> 00:07:02,282 Yeah, buy them now? 168 00:07:02,283 --> 00:07:05,492 I tell you what, why don't you have a party? 169 00:07:06,128 --> 00:07:07,576 - Have a party! - Dad... 170 00:07:07,609 --> 00:07:08,777 It'll be more fun. 171 00:07:08,843 --> 00:07:10,269 Everyone can bring a bottle. 172 00:07:10,328 --> 00:07:11,529 It'll be a lot cheaper. 173 00:07:11,547 --> 00:07:12,888 - I'd prefer... - Let's have a party. 174 00:07:12,907 --> 00:07:14,741 I've got a call coming through, off you go. 175 00:07:15,747 --> 00:07:16,940 Go on. 176 00:07:17,601 --> 00:07:19,436 I don't want a party. 177 00:07:19,902 --> 00:07:21,744 So ungrateful. Quick! 178 00:07:26,544 --> 00:07:28,221 - Hi, Dad. - Morning, Richard. 179 00:07:28,232 --> 00:07:30,258 - How was your weekend? - Really, really good. 180 00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:32,038 I feel about ten years younger. 181 00:07:32,046 --> 00:07:34,352 I'm astonished I haven't done it before. 182 00:07:34,359 --> 00:07:35,359 What, south of France? 183 00:07:35,365 --> 00:07:37,855 No, have the kind of weekend that I've just had. 184 00:07:37,980 --> 00:07:39,162 Lively, was it? 185 00:07:39,229 --> 00:07:41,672 It was very lively indeed. 186 00:07:41,683 --> 00:07:45,301 - Did you go and see any museums, or... ? - No. 187 00:07:45,319 --> 00:07:47,932 When two people want to get to know each other well, 188 00:07:47,946 --> 00:07:50,589 I don't think they do it by walking around museums. 189 00:07:50,611 --> 00:07:52,781 - What's she like? - When I first met her, 190 00:07:52,822 --> 00:07:56,040 she was a junior in the chambers I was in at the time. 191 00:07:56,273 --> 00:07:58,679 You know, circumstances happen and... 192 00:07:58,705 --> 00:08:01,375 She approached the bench, as it were? 193 00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:02,709 Well, yes, you could say that. 194 00:08:02,731 --> 00:08:05,737 - How old is she, your girlfriend? - Similar age to you, actually. 195 00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:08,699 - I'm 44. Is she... ? - Bit younger. 196 00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:09,800 Wow. 197 00:08:09,925 --> 00:08:11,416 - Good work. - "Good work"? 198 00:08:11,430 --> 00:08:12,915 I mean, you know, if you can get it. 199 00:08:12,933 --> 00:08:14,760 Well done. Congratulations. 200 00:08:15,026 --> 00:08:16,040 Hooray. 201 00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:19,116 I'm of the opinion, Richard, that none of these things matter. 202 00:08:19,164 --> 00:08:20,789 Oh, really? Is that your philosophy? 203 00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:24,201 We in the judiciary, contrary to what you might think, 204 00:08:24,481 --> 00:08:28,317 it is incumbent on us to be quite liberal in our thinking. 205 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:31,640 Well, we've all seen those films, like Scandal and stuff, 206 00:08:31,659 --> 00:08:34,076 you lot are always at swingers' parties and, 207 00:08:34,091 --> 00:08:36,080 I don't know, lying on the floor in a nappy, 208 00:08:36,202 --> 00:08:39,989 pretending to be a baby while some hooker breast-feeds you. 209 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,570 - I mean, isn't that what all judges are up to? - In a word, no. 210 00:08:43,585 --> 00:08:45,666 One of them will spend their weekends 211 00:08:45,681 --> 00:08:48,094 - being shat on by dwarves. - What?! 212 00:08:48,134 --> 00:08:49,440 One of them will! 213 00:08:53,472 --> 00:08:54,476 Oi! 214 00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:56,716 Come here! 215 00:08:57,101 --> 00:08:58,972 Hurry up! 216 00:08:59,761 --> 00:09:01,752 Crying out loud. 217 00:09:01,877 --> 00:09:03,548 Noise! 218 00:09:03,916 --> 00:09:07,105 You two ever eat at home? You know, your home? 219 00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:08,855 Ricky, when's your birthday? 220 00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:10,635 - Seriously? - Yeah. 221 00:09:10,653 --> 00:09:12,731 - Tomorrow. - Tomorrow! 222 00:09:12,973 --> 00:09:14,252 I've got to sort something out for you, 223 00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:16,276 otherwise your mum'll kill me. 224 00:09:16,617 --> 00:09:17,840 And because I love you. 225 00:09:18,221 --> 00:09:19,882 - Thanks. - Yeah. 226 00:09:19,919 --> 00:09:22,100 Hello. So, on the vasectomy front, 227 00:09:22,108 --> 00:09:24,310 I have convinced my friend, Pete, 228 00:09:24,325 --> 00:09:27,748 to go in my place and he is going to go this afternoon. 229 00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:30,360 And I know I should probably feel bad about that, 230 00:09:30,364 --> 00:09:33,013 but I can't because I'm just so relieved 231 00:09:33,016 --> 00:09:35,010 that I've managed to dodge this bullet. 232 00:09:35,986 --> 00:09:37,080 Mm-hm. 233 00:09:37,409 --> 00:09:39,151 That's it? "Mm-hm"? 234 00:09:39,221 --> 00:09:40,256 You've won. 235 00:09:40,381 --> 00:09:42,975 You've won the vasectomy and you've won against your father. 236 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:44,614 - Yeah. - This is a great victory for you. 237 00:09:44,629 --> 00:09:46,073 Be grateful for that. 238 00:09:47,071 --> 00:09:48,360 How are you? 239 00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:50,995 You look shaken, may I say. 240 00:09:51,047 --> 00:09:52,596 I've no control over anything. 241 00:09:53,055 --> 00:09:55,062 - It's all chaos. - What... ? 242 00:09:55,404 --> 00:09:59,479 - How long have you felt like this? - This is my issue, not yours. 243 00:09:59,488 --> 00:10:01,995 - It's become mine because... - Let's talk about your vasectomy. 244 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:03,920 I don't wanna talk about my vasectomy. 245 00:10:03,953 --> 00:10:07,380 I wanna talk about you and why you're floating away from me. 246 00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,826 Think of me as a piece of shit, just floating away 247 00:10:09,852 --> 00:10:12,350 on a shit tide in an ocean of shit. 248 00:10:12,369 --> 00:10:15,706 - Really? - And I'm just one more stool floatin' away. 249 00:10:15,729 --> 00:10:18,046 - "Floatin'"? - I'm sunk, hook, line and sinker. 250 00:10:18,057 --> 00:10:20,216 - OK, well, we need to talk about this, then. - Richard, 251 00:10:20,227 --> 00:10:22,415 I don't need you, and you don't need me. 252 00:10:22,426 --> 00:10:25,156 What happened to "revere the rectum"? That was your gift to me. 253 00:10:25,170 --> 00:10:26,170 Bob Dylan said this: 254 00:10:26,184 --> 00:10:30,295 "Take care of your memories because you cannot relive them." 255 00:10:31,161 --> 00:10:32,278 Right. 256 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,645 Jose? 257 00:10:40,336 --> 00:10:41,423 Jose! 258 00:10:48,755 --> 00:10:50,019 Is everything OK? 259 00:10:50,078 --> 00:10:52,669 Yes, everything is going fine. 260 00:10:54,419 --> 00:10:56,331 She's just a little bit windy. 261 00:10:56,398 --> 00:10:57,560 Where's the dog? 262 00:10:57,685 --> 00:10:59,238 I left it with Liam. 263 00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:00,675 What? 264 00:11:01,173 --> 00:11:03,585 I left it with Liam. 265 00:11:04,721 --> 00:11:06,337 # Hey, hey, hey # 266 00:11:06,356 --> 00:11:07,712 # Ride wi' me # 267 00:11:07,741 --> 00:11:10,084 # Yeah, wassup # # Ride wi' me # 268 00:11:10,154 --> 00:11:11,930 # Ride wi' me # # Just... # 269 00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:16,584 - Hi! - Hi. 270 00:11:16,595 --> 00:11:18,476 - Oh, my God, you look great. - So do you. 271 00:11:18,496 --> 00:11:19,960 Oh, thank you. 272 00:11:19,961 --> 00:11:22,035 So, if we could pick up where we left off. 273 00:11:22,083 --> 00:11:23,929 - Yeah. - Your parents 274 00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:25,613 - committed suicide together... - Mm-hm. 275 00:11:25,616 --> 00:11:28,530 - ... your sister is in a coma... - Yep. 276 00:11:28,545 --> 00:11:30,999 - ... after being attacked by an army in the Congo... - Yep. 277 00:11:31,047 --> 00:11:33,284 - ... you're eight months pregnant... - Sure am. 278 00:11:33,306 --> 00:11:36,485 ... and the father of your child, 279 00:11:36,523 --> 00:11:39,419 you are not in contact with any more. 280 00:11:39,441 --> 00:11:40,591 Nope. 281 00:11:40,919 --> 00:11:43,977 - It's quite a list. - Oh, yeah, and my dog's just gone missing, too. 282 00:11:44,047 --> 00:11:45,845 - And your dog's gone missing? - Yeah. 283 00:11:46,085 --> 00:11:49,117 - Rolf? - Rolf's probably just gone for a little walkies. 284 00:11:49,135 --> 00:11:51,000 Can you remind me what Rolf looked like, please? 285 00:11:51,018 --> 00:11:52,018 Oh, yeah! 286 00:11:52,028 --> 00:11:53,984 Yeah. Aw, that's so sweet of you. 287 00:11:54,216 --> 00:11:56,109 It's just here, actually. 288 00:11:58,521 --> 00:12:00,383 Oh, my God. 289 00:12:00,468 --> 00:12:04,042 It's OK, don't worry. My God, that's so sweet of you. 290 00:12:04,535 --> 00:12:06,885 It's OK! Oh, my God. 291 00:12:06,925 --> 00:12:08,432 You're just the sweetest, aren't you? 292 00:12:08,476 --> 00:12:11,314 - What a lucky wife you have. - Could we talk about your dead parents? 293 00:12:11,388 --> 00:12:12,412 Erm... 294 00:12:12,637 --> 00:12:13,720 Yeah. 295 00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:15,772 - I was at work... - Yeah. 296 00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:17,276 - ... and I got a call... - Mm. 297 00:12:17,335 --> 00:12:19,980 - ... from my sister. - How did she give the news? 298 00:12:19,991 --> 00:12:23,324 Well, there's a sort of history with us where she would say things 299 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,037 to me like, "Mum and Dad are dead," 300 00:12:25,056 --> 00:12:27,222 and I'd be like, "Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 301 00:12:27,236 --> 00:12:28,333 They're dead, they're dead, they're dead. "Oh, my God, 302 00:12:28,351 --> 00:12:29,545 oh, my God, oh, my God." 303 00:12:29,567 --> 00:12:32,176 And she'd be like, "Gotcha!" Erm... 304 00:12:32,201 --> 00:12:35,673 And I'd be like, "Oh! OK, great that they're OK." 305 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:36,918 But that's a good joke. 306 00:12:36,929 --> 00:12:39,715 So when she did phone and say about Mum and Dad, 307 00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:40,871 I thought it was a joke. 308 00:12:41,074 --> 00:12:43,241 It was only when I actually, you know, I went to the morgue, 309 00:12:43,244 --> 00:12:46,675 up to that point I thought, you know, it'd be her going, "Ah!" 310 00:12:47,117 --> 00:12:50,518 So, when I pulled the sheet up, I was like, 311 00:12:50,681 --> 00:12:52,578 you know, "This is a good one!" 312 00:12:52,769 --> 00:12:53,880 Erm... 313 00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:57,331 And then there they were and... 314 00:12:57,622 --> 00:12:59,995 it was definitely them, they were definitely dead. 315 00:13:00,009 --> 00:13:01,919 You couldn't fully distinguish their features, 316 00:13:01,933 --> 00:13:04,192 but there's a few things that my mum had on her... 317 00:13:05,412 --> 00:13:07,928 So I knew it was definitely them and it wasn't a joke. 318 00:13:07,946 --> 00:13:10,632 That was, like, shock number two. 319 00:13:12,081 --> 00:13:14,358 OK. Here's the address. 320 00:13:14,685 --> 00:13:17,777 Just leave it outside the house. Make sure nobody sees you. 321 00:13:22,085 --> 00:13:23,524 - OK? - Mm-hm. 322 00:13:33,501 --> 00:13:34,923 Hello, Neil. 323 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,368 Is that a... ? 324 00:13:36,552 --> 00:13:39,588 - Is that a "drink" drink? - I've just been going back over... 325 00:13:40,598 --> 00:13:42,116 ... all that stuff. 326 00:13:42,163 --> 00:13:44,160 - Yeah. - All those things 327 00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:47,263 - that we talked about that I'd done. - Yeah. 328 00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:49,256 I think I'm gonna puke. 329 00:13:49,381 --> 00:13:52,355 Just thinking about my life. I'm gonna puke. 330 00:13:52,421 --> 00:13:53,836 - Emotion. - Right. 331 00:13:53,843 --> 00:13:57,400 It's like being in a deep-pan fryer, my brain is chips. 332 00:13:57,996 --> 00:14:00,088 What it is is you're processing a lot of stuff 333 00:14:00,103 --> 00:14:03,803 - that you're going through... - There's a thing that's worse that I... 334 00:14:04,508 --> 00:14:06,678 Yeah, I killed someone. 335 00:14:06,696 --> 00:14:08,562 - You what... ? - I killed someone. 336 00:14:11,062 --> 00:14:12,084 Good. 337 00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:14,161 - Good?! - No, I mean good that you could say it, 338 00:14:14,185 --> 00:14:17,802 - not good that you killed someone. - Pushed the bloke off a balcony in the city. 339 00:14:17,927 --> 00:14:20,515 Yeah, he died. Just a bloke who was pissing me off. 340 00:14:20,557 --> 00:14:23,020 And how do you feel about that now? 341 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,010 It's the thing, I don't care. 342 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,461 - At all? - No. 343 00:14:26,489 --> 00:14:29,432 - Any feelings one way or the other? - No. 344 00:14:29,833 --> 00:14:30,961 Joy? 345 00:14:31,178 --> 00:14:32,760 Glad I got away with it. 346 00:14:34,245 --> 00:14:35,751 - You know the needle thing? - Yeah. 347 00:14:35,765 --> 00:14:36,940 - I've been thinking - Mm. 348 00:14:36,953 --> 00:14:39,081 I reckon you probably need to tool up. 349 00:14:39,099 --> 00:14:40,776 Don't want to worry you, could get heavy. 350 00:14:40,790 --> 00:14:43,158 - Just protect yourself. - That's ridiculous. 351 00:14:43,236 --> 00:14:45,640 Group therapy, let's make it about bereavement. 352 00:14:45,654 --> 00:14:46,764 A lot of people go through that 353 00:14:46,782 --> 00:14:48,946 - and it could be a really good money-spinner. - And masturbation. 354 00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:51,006 A lot of people go through where they masturbate too much. 355 00:14:51,025 --> 00:14:52,300 Make it about that. 356 00:14:52,627 --> 00:14:55,031 - Is this about your vasectomy? - What?! 357 00:14:55,524 --> 00:14:57,200 - No. - You're doing a really good thing, 358 00:14:57,209 --> 00:15:00,834 - you're taking control of your body... - Yeah, I'm thinking maybe I don't need to do it... 359 00:15:00,844 --> 00:15:04,860 And you lied to a doctor, and if you are caught 360 00:15:04,869 --> 00:15:06,891 you will go to prison. 361 00:15:15,698 --> 00:15:18,005 I've heard from a little birdie 362 00:15:18,028 --> 00:15:22,587 - that you've had some return clients. - Yes! Yes, I have! 363 00:15:22,610 --> 00:15:26,917 Well, I'm very flattered, really, that people enjoy my therapy 364 00:15:26,931 --> 00:15:28,787 and feel it's so worthwhile that they come back for... 365 00:15:28,805 --> 00:15:31,776 - For unfinished business. - Well, to drink at that well again. 366 00:15:31,799 --> 00:15:33,895 - It's great news, honestly. - Yes, it is, thank you. 367 00:15:33,913 --> 00:15:35,785 - I can put it in your report. - Yes. 368 00:15:35,807 --> 00:15:37,605 - How has it been going? - I'm killing it. 369 00:15:37,635 --> 00:15:40,475 I'm literally, you know, destroying it. I'm murdering it. 370 00:15:40,505 --> 00:15:42,954 It's an interesting choice of verbs. 371 00:15:42,973 --> 00:15:45,715 - Yeah, well, you know... - Do you think you're fucking it up? 372 00:15:45,969 --> 00:15:48,826 - No, I'm crushing it. - I was just joking... with that. 373 00:15:48,852 --> 00:15:51,571 - OK. - But, yeah, I think just keep going with those clients... 374 00:15:51,589 --> 00:15:53,958 Great. I'm just looking at my diary. 375 00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,695 Oh, I've got someone phoning from America, actually. 376 00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,662 He phones me in the middle of the night there, that's how keen he is... 377 00:15:58,685 --> 00:16:00,542 Why is he calling someone in the middle of the night, 378 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,650 a British therapist? 379 00:16:01,654 --> 00:16:05,166 - Maybe my reputation has travelled the globe. - No. 380 00:16:05,634 --> 00:16:08,066 - Oh. - Don't be ridiculous. 381 00:16:11,718 --> 00:16:13,523 - Hello. - Hey. 382 00:16:13,564 --> 00:16:14,990 Jackson, how are you? 383 00:16:15,012 --> 00:16:17,816 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, good. - Tell me, what brings you to therapy? 384 00:16:17,827 --> 00:16:19,673 - I live with my mum. - Yeah. 385 00:16:19,699 --> 00:16:20,712 And so we're like... 386 00:16:20,731 --> 00:16:22,256 - Just the two of you? - Yeah. 387 00:16:22,507 --> 00:16:24,518 - And it's been like that for... ? - All my life. 388 00:16:24,565 --> 00:16:27,639 - So, did you ever know your father? - Erm, I... 389 00:16:28,086 --> 00:16:29,869 ... never knew him. 390 00:16:30,776 --> 00:16:33,544 How do you feel about not knowing your father? 391 00:16:33,581 --> 00:16:36,810 - Have you seen that documentary Twinsters? - Twinsters... 392 00:16:36,856 --> 00:16:41,032 - What's it about? - So, basically, there's these two identical twins... 393 00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,309 - Right. - They've never met... 394 00:16:42,313 --> 00:16:44,653 - Yeah. - ... but they always knew 395 00:16:44,672 --> 00:16:46,412 that they were both missing something. 396 00:16:46,445 --> 00:16:50,098 Do you have that fantasy there's a twin out there somewhere 397 00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:52,916 - who is gonna complete you... ? - Not my twin, my dad. 398 00:16:53,003 --> 00:16:55,831 Yeah. I used to have a fantasy as well, 399 00:16:55,850 --> 00:16:57,857 that my parents weren't my real parents 400 00:16:57,876 --> 00:17:01,242 and that Paul Michael Glaser, you know, Starsky from Starsky & Hutch, 401 00:17:01,256 --> 00:17:03,858 - was really my dad. - Oh, my God, Dude, 402 00:17:04,199 --> 00:17:07,858 - I love Starsky & Hutch. Are you for real? - Isn't it the best show ever? 403 00:17:07,881 --> 00:17:11,336 - I love that show! - Oh, my God, it was so good! 404 00:17:11,350 --> 00:17:15,205 - Starsky & Hutch was 92 episodes of perfection. - Oh, my God! 405 00:17:15,237 --> 00:17:18,204 Do you know what, that David Soul lives in London? 406 00:17:18,222 --> 00:17:20,442 - No way! - Every time I go out shopping I think, 407 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:21,639 "Maybe today I'm gonna see him." 408 00:17:21,653 --> 00:17:23,895 I just have this image that he's gonna look across at me and go, 409 00:17:23,919 --> 00:17:27,715 - "You, you're the one I've been missing." - "You. It's me and you, let's go!" 410 00:17:27,733 --> 00:17:29,731 "Let's go, together, fight crime." 411 00:17:29,754 --> 00:17:32,895 - You're the one I've been missing, dude, you. - That's exactly what I would say. 412 00:17:32,904 --> 00:17:34,701 No, I'm saying that to you. That's what I'm saying. 413 00:17:34,706 --> 00:17:36,239 Oh, right, well, thank you very much. 414 00:17:36,253 --> 00:17:39,556 Like there could be Starsky and you could be mini Starsky 415 00:17:39,565 --> 00:17:41,637 and I could be like mini-mini Starsky kind of thing. 416 00:17:41,642 --> 00:17:43,843 - Cos I've got curly dark hair as well. - You do! 417 00:17:43,861 --> 00:17:46,122 - Different vibe, but... - This is gonna sound really weird, but 418 00:17:46,145 --> 00:17:48,356 we haven't met before, have we? 419 00:17:48,687 --> 00:17:49,709 Me and you? 420 00:17:49,721 --> 00:17:51,801 You know, you meet someone sometimes and you think... 421 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,693 There's something about you so familiar. 422 00:17:57,259 --> 00:17:59,760 Yo. Someone has just come into the store. 423 00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:00,939 Oh, OK. 424 00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:03,186 - I gotta go, man. - Oh, sure. 425 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,060 - I'm so sorry. - All right. 426 00:18:05,111 --> 00:18:07,460 Wacka-tacka-wacka-tacka-wacka-tacka. 427 00:18:08,211 --> 00:18:09,703 I'm so sorry, I gotta go. 428 00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:11,250 - That's all right, Jackson. - I'll see you later. 429 00:18:11,274 --> 00:18:13,439 - Bye. - OK. Dexy, play 430 00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:15,405 the Starsky & Hutch theme tune. 431 00:18:38,907 --> 00:18:41,002 FYI, Richard, 432 00:18:41,025 --> 00:18:44,365 Mum's settled happily in Portugal. I sent her £2,000. 433 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:45,834 - No. No. - Yes. 434 00:18:45,852 --> 00:18:47,989 - Yes! - She's upstairs, I'm looking at her now 435 00:18:48,012 --> 00:18:50,869 - on my baby monitor. - For fuck's sake! 436 00:18:50,906 --> 00:18:52,983 Get off, I need to speak to her. 437 00:18:54,794 --> 00:18:57,369 _ 438 00:19:03,591 --> 00:19:05,041 _ 439 00:19:05,097 --> 00:19:06,943 Oh, my God! 440 00:19:08,394 --> 00:19:11,822 Don't fucking ignore me, you bastard. 441 00:19:11,841 --> 00:19:15,078 Answer! My God! 442 00:19:16,607 --> 00:19:18,537 Oh, my God, what are you going to do? 443 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:20,153 We've got to make this place more secure. 444 00:19:20,177 --> 00:19:22,720 Go and put the security cameras up, quickly! 445 00:19:39,764 --> 00:19:43,282 - John-John. - Hello, Mummy. Not John-John, John. 446 00:19:43,286 --> 00:19:45,189 - What? - What's going on, Mum? 447 00:19:45,201 --> 00:19:47,782 Are you grifting me? Are you riding me raw? 448 00:19:47,805 --> 00:19:49,265 - Please go. - I don't care about the money, 449 00:19:49,281 --> 00:19:51,305 - the money doesn't mean anything. - OK. 450 00:19:51,321 --> 00:19:52,848 So it was a little white lie. 451 00:19:52,871 --> 00:19:55,907 You don't understand, this is much more serious. 452 00:19:55,916 --> 00:19:58,247 You know I've been to the doctors, you know I haven't been very well. 453 00:19:58,256 --> 00:20:01,586 - Don't say it, Mum. - Actually I haven't told you all the truth. 454 00:20:01,637 --> 00:20:05,521 - Oh, God, Mum, it's terminal! - Wait. John... 455 00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:09,469 - I need you to be strong. OK? - I'm here, Mum, I'm here. 456 00:20:09,481 --> 00:20:11,429 I want you this morning to come and see me, 457 00:20:11,475 --> 00:20:13,064 - before it's too late. - I will. 458 00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:16,569 I don't know how long I've got. Nobody else knows. 459 00:20:16,592 --> 00:20:18,544 I haven't told anybody else. 460 00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:20,507 Stop it. Now, listen. 461 00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:22,671 - You've got to be strong for me. - I've got it, Mum, 462 00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:25,075 - I've got a contact in Dubai. - Dubai? 463 00:20:25,108 --> 00:20:28,028 They've got a beautiful hospice shaped like a palm tree. 464 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,483 That sounds lovely, darling, 465 00:20:29,497 --> 00:20:33,753 but I do happen to know that it's a dry country. 466 00:20:33,771 --> 00:20:38,211 Only in public. In private, you can drink till your back teeth float. 467 00:20:40,133 --> 00:20:42,287 - Hello? - Ja, Richard, hello. 468 00:20:42,321 --> 00:20:45,102 You are super-beautiful and I'm so sorry 469 00:20:45,130 --> 00:20:47,617 that I derange you, but Karen, she is by you in the house? 470 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:50,203 No, no, she's not here. She's at the London office. 471 00:20:50,226 --> 00:20:52,667 - I think she's firing people today. - No, she's not, is she? 472 00:20:52,690 --> 00:20:54,696 Oh, she's here. She IS here. 473 00:20:54,737 --> 00:20:56,962 - I'll take you to the clinic. - Yeah. 474 00:20:56,980 --> 00:20:59,236 - Where do you stay? - Eh? 475 00:20:59,361 --> 00:21:01,303 - Where do you stay? - Hi, Werner. 476 00:21:01,314 --> 00:21:04,084 - You must come back now in Zurich, please. - In Zurich? 477 00:21:04,089 --> 00:21:06,478 I've just got back from the office in London. 478 00:21:06,489 --> 00:21:08,804 We have a regular-sized problem, 479 00:21:08,816 --> 00:21:10,762 but perhaps soon it is, you know, 480 00:21:10,785 --> 00:21:14,515 almost gigantisch, OK? So, please, come back in Zurich now. 481 00:21:14,544 --> 00:21:17,395 Well, I just came back earlier. I have a hospital appointment. 482 00:21:17,414 --> 00:21:19,219 I can come to Zurich first thing in the morning. 483 00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:21,651 What?! You come tomorrow?! 484 00:21:21,913 --> 00:21:26,462 All the world jumps with his asshole in my face. 485 00:21:26,485 --> 00:21:29,617 If you do not want that my asshole jumps in your face, 486 00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:32,150 you come back now! 487 00:21:32,921 --> 00:21:34,755 - OK, Werner... - OK, thank you. 488 00:21:34,801 --> 00:21:37,143 - OK, thanks, Werner, we'll sort that out. - That's really nice, 489 00:21:37,166 --> 00:21:38,956 - thank you. - OK. Bye, now. 490 00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:40,252 God! 491 00:21:40,258 --> 00:21:43,333 - I'm so sorry I can't be there for your vasectomy. - That's OK. 492 00:21:43,344 --> 00:21:45,007 - Are you going to be OK on your own? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 493 00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:46,610 - You're so brave. - Well... 494 00:21:46,637 --> 00:21:49,941 - What did I do to deserve you? - I dunno. You better go. 495 00:21:49,947 --> 00:21:52,538 Can you tell Izzy I'm sorry I didn't get to speak to her? I miss her, 496 00:21:52,549 --> 00:21:54,589 - and wish Ricky a happy birthday from me, OK? - OK. 497 00:21:54,616 --> 00:21:56,061 - And thank you. - Hey. 498 00:21:56,096 --> 00:21:58,180 - You're amazing. - Well... 499 00:22:02,734 --> 00:22:05,110 Hello. 500 00:22:05,121 --> 00:22:07,418 - Erm... Hi... - Oh. 501 00:22:07,591 --> 00:22:10,302 I'm really sorry. 502 00:22:10,343 --> 00:22:13,665 I'm with... my friend... 503 00:22:14,748 --> 00:22:17,787 - There's a dead dog... - Oh, no! 504 00:22:17,788 --> 00:22:20,121 - ... in the front of my house. - Your dog! 505 00:22:20,149 --> 00:22:22,757 - No, it's not even my dog... - It's not your dog? 506 00:22:22,792 --> 00:22:25,295 A dead dog. Why would somebody do that to me? 507 00:22:25,319 --> 00:22:27,500 What kind of person would do that? 508 00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:30,362 - What are they trying to do to me? - Who would do that? 509 00:22:30,373 --> 00:22:35,359 It was just a dead dog on my front doorstep! 510 00:22:35,371 --> 00:22:37,812 - But you are having a breakthrough here! - I don't like it! 511 00:22:37,841 --> 00:22:40,327 - Emotionally. - I don't like... 512 00:22:40,356 --> 00:22:43,079 But it's good you're feeling this way. 513 00:22:43,102 --> 00:22:45,668 - I don't like it! - It's right to feel this... 514 00:22:45,687 --> 00:22:47,317 - Is it OK? - It's appropriate you feel this. 515 00:22:47,340 --> 00:22:49,804 It's appropriate. You're doing the right thing, 516 00:22:49,822 --> 00:22:52,130 - and I'll speak to you soon. - OK! 517 00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:58,097 Karen will never know you didn't have a vasectomy. 518 00:22:59,801 --> 00:23:01,699 That was a good one. 519 00:23:01,824 --> 00:23:04,592 Er, turn round, I need to get into the back galleon. 520 00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:05,880 Oh! 521 00:23:09,797 --> 00:23:10,840 Hello. 522 00:23:10,841 --> 00:23:12,338 - Richard. - Pete. 523 00:23:12,366 --> 00:23:15,200 - I'm sorry, I can't go through with it. - What?! 524 00:23:16,511 --> 00:23:20,487 I can see your asshole perfectly now. 525 00:23:21,486 --> 00:23:26,486 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -