1
00:00:00,532 --> 00:00:03,758
I've had a call from the
hospital. It's about your mother.

2
00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:05,069
- Oh.
- She's had a fall.

3
00:00:05,077 --> 00:00:06,463
- Oh.
- Off the wagon.

4
00:00:06,475 --> 00:00:08,197
Do you not know why I'm calling you?

5
00:00:08,202 --> 00:00:09,881
Do you not know what
danger you're in, mate?

6
00:00:09,906 --> 00:00:12,096
There's absolutely no question,
you're getting your money.

7
00:00:12,125 --> 00:00:14,155
Promo, let's do a promo.

8
00:00:14,166 --> 00:00:16,016
You come into the
website, immediately...

9
00:00:16,028 --> 00:00:17,808
Richard Pitt Therapy.

10
00:00:17,825 --> 00:00:19,311
- Have you ever had therapy?
- No.

11
00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:21,118
- Do you want some?
- We'll do one day.

12
00:00:21,143 --> 00:00:22,658
- OK.
- And then if not,

13
00:00:22,691 --> 00:00:25,255
I'll come round and stick
knitting needles in your eyes.

14
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,437
OK, erm, I'm nervous,

15
00:00:29,449 --> 00:00:31,809
- but I think you are going to like this.
- OK.

16
00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:33,361
Put a lot of work into it.

17
00:00:33,486 --> 00:00:36,232
Erm, sit back, relax, enjoy.

18
00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:52,407
_

19
00:00:52,436 --> 00:00:54,647
_

20
00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:56,140
_

21
00:00:58,592 --> 00:00:59,646
- Pete...
- Yeah?

22
00:00:59,658 --> 00:01:01,075
- I have to be honest.
- Please do.

23
00:01:01,089 --> 00:01:03,450
That is unbelievably shit.

24
00:01:04,495 --> 00:01:06,852
Pete, that is so wide of the mark,

25
00:01:06,939 --> 00:01:08,121
I don't even know where to begin.

26
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:11,555
Some of these people are in a
really difficult place and that

27
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,614
would push them over the edge.

28
00:01:13,847 --> 00:01:15,162
Can you do it again,

29
00:01:15,287 --> 00:01:16,648
but different and better?

30
00:01:17,692 --> 00:01:22,692
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -

31
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,627
Honestly, I am rushed off my feet here.

32
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,320
Yeah, you need to remember
Ricky's birthday, darling.

33
00:01:27,345 --> 00:01:29,012
Oh, yeah, you're going
to be 15 soon, Ricky.

34
00:01:29,020 --> 00:01:30,676
- 16! 16...
- 16!

35
00:01:30,692 --> 00:01:32,380
- Ask him what he wants to do.
- What do you want to do?

36
00:01:32,381 --> 00:01:33,800
Festival tickets. Festival...

37
00:01:33,821 --> 00:01:36,908
- Great idea, you sort that out, OK?
- What we actually need is food.

38
00:01:36,933 --> 00:01:39,065
That's the only thing that matters.
I feel like I can't even cope.

39
00:01:39,094 --> 00:01:41,562
- Of course, why hasn't he done a shop?
- He doesn't care, that's what it is.

40
00:01:41,583 --> 00:01:43,561
- Hey, this isn't a food bank, OK?
- Richard...

41
00:01:43,582 --> 00:01:45,951
Why don't you eat at Zara's?
You two are here all the time!

42
00:01:45,964 --> 00:01:47,175
I mean, how is that even relevant?

43
00:01:47,183 --> 00:01:50,174
- Pete is here the whole time.
- Yeah, I'm not shagging Pete, am I?

44
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,161
- Oh...
- I don't even know what he means by that.

45
00:01:52,215 --> 00:01:54,475
- It's just so offensive.
- Oh, Issy, darling.

46
00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:57,128
- I just can't... Can you just call me, please?
- Yes, of course.

47
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,480
- God, the drama.
- Listen, she's probably hungry.

48
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,720
- You've got to feed the children, Richard. OK?
- I will.

49
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,615
- I really need some food.
- OK, all right.

50
00:02:03,628 --> 00:02:04,872
- I'm so hungry.
- Hello, Liam.

51
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,200
He's so weird.

52
00:02:06,229 --> 00:02:08,499
- He's a darling, leave him alone.
- While she's on, festival tickets?

53
00:02:08,532 --> 00:02:10,938
- Festival tickets, are we OK with that?
- Yes, you sort that out.

54
00:02:10,959 --> 00:02:12,750
- All right. I'll speak to you later.
- OK, talk to you later.

55
00:02:12,754 --> 00:02:13,961
OK. Bye, darling, bye.

56
00:02:13,969 --> 00:02:15,463
- Love you, bye.
- Mum, Mum, Mum...

57
00:02:20,282 --> 00:02:21,319
Hi, Sis.

58
00:02:21,328 --> 00:02:24,493
You are harder to get hold
of than Tracey Emin's dentist.

59
00:02:26,338 --> 00:02:28,574
- What are you doing now?
- I'm just writing, I'm trying to write.

60
00:02:28,587 --> 00:02:30,071
What're you trying to
write, what are you writing?

61
00:02:30,092 --> 00:02:31,731
It's my novel. You know
I'm writing a novel.

62
00:02:31,747 --> 00:02:33,975
- You've probably forgotten, you don't really care.
- Yeah, OK,

63
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,099
I'm the bearer of bad news.

64
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:40,529
Mum has had a catastrophic
relapse and is in hospital.

65
00:02:41,902 --> 00:02:44,599
- I'm sorry to have to tell you that.
- Yeah, and, and, what?

66
00:02:45,594 --> 00:02:49,312
And she is going to
be discharged shortly

67
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:52,240
and she is going to have
to come and live with...

68
00:02:52,323 --> 00:02:53,763
I mean, one of us, but you,

69
00:02:53,775 --> 00:02:55,439
I thought you, I thought
you would be the one.

70
00:02:55,891 --> 00:02:57,915
Sorry, I'm not quite
sure how you got to that.

71
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:01,417
- You've got space, I don't.
- I haven't got space, Richard.

72
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,150
You know I've only got a two
bedroom house and Chrissie lives

73
00:03:04,163 --> 00:03:05,739
in the other room. We don't have space.

74
00:03:05,777 --> 00:03:09,390
- Could Chrissie not stay in a different room?
- No.

75
00:03:10,012 --> 00:03:12,115
That's the room she rents,
she lives in the room,

76
00:03:12,129 --> 00:03:14,896
- like, why would she stay in a different room?
- Yeah, why would she?

77
00:03:14,905 --> 00:03:16,063
I don't know what you're
getting at, Richard.

78
00:03:16,067 --> 00:03:17,067
- Don't you?
- I don't have the space.

79
00:03:17,079 --> 00:03:18,639
You live in the kind of UN building.

80
00:03:18,664 --> 00:03:21,563
Yeah, we do live... We've
got 42 refugees staying.

81
00:03:21,564 --> 00:03:23,439
Have you seen how many children
are in this house the whole time?

82
00:03:23,455 --> 00:03:26,515
- I thought you wanted to adopt.
- No. Not a 70-year-old woman.

83
00:03:26,538 --> 00:03:29,052
OK. As far as I can see it's
really quite straightforward.

84
00:03:29,069 --> 00:03:32,176
She wants to kill herself. I'm
happy to drive her to Switzerland,

85
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,254
and we can get it done professionally.

86
00:03:34,258 --> 00:03:36,448
Yeah, can I just stop you
there because your compassion

87
00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:37,701
is just overwhelming me.

88
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,007
Richard, you're the one who's
kind of getting all involved in it.

89
00:03:40,024 --> 00:03:43,372
- You're the one who, like, cares.
- I'm asking one thing.

90
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,669
Please be on a conference
call with our brother.

91
00:03:46,677 --> 00:03:48,167
Sorry, why are you
getting John on the phone?

92
00:03:48,179 --> 00:03:49,212
What's he got to do with anything?

93
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,100
- Isn't he just shooting people in Iraq or something?
- Say no more.

94
00:03:52,105 --> 00:03:54,042
Say no more. I'll see you at three.

95
00:03:54,071 --> 00:03:56,299
- I'm not going to be there at three.
- I'll see you at three, OK?

96
00:03:56,324 --> 00:03:57,710
- I'm not going to be there.
- At three.

97
00:03:59,535 --> 00:04:00,792
Hello?

98
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,513
Hello, Martin, I'm Richard.

99
00:04:17,399 --> 00:04:19,435
- Hello?
- Mmm.

100
00:04:19,461 --> 00:04:20,631
Hello?

101
00:04:20,756 --> 00:04:24,995
Can... you... hear... me?

102
00:04:25,037 --> 00:04:27,049
- I'm not deaf.
- Oh, right, sorry.

103
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,073
I just noticed the hearing aid.

104
00:04:29,077 --> 00:04:31,550
- They're not working ones.
- OK.

105
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:33,395
It stops people talking to you.

106
00:04:33,416 --> 00:04:34,856
Because they think you're deaf?

107
00:04:35,171 --> 00:04:36,212
Pardon?

108
00:04:36,565 --> 00:04:37,909
Because they think you're deaf?

109
00:04:37,913 --> 00:04:39,709
I can't hear you, I'm
going to take this out.

110
00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:40,796
Oh, right.

111
00:04:40,921 --> 00:04:41,945
What?

112
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,874
You don't want to talk to
people in the restaurant?

113
00:04:43,899 --> 00:04:47,214
People don't have to talk to me, I
don't like it when they talk to me.

114
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,632
It's unnecessary. I don't require it.

115
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:54,515
I assume this, therapy, must
be a little problematic for you?

116
00:04:54,532 --> 00:04:57,528
I'm not at my most comfortable, no.

117
00:04:57,536 --> 00:05:00,378
And what was it that took you
out of your comfort zone today?

118
00:05:00,403 --> 00:05:03,751
They have problems
upstairs with staffing.

119
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,588
- Yeah...
- So I'm having to move upstairs

120
00:05:06,604 --> 00:05:08,468
to greet the patrons at the door.

121
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,915
Or I will lose my job.

122
00:05:10,928 --> 00:05:12,484
And you are understandably very anxious

123
00:05:12,496 --> 00:05:13,708
- about that?
- I have a system...

124
00:05:13,732 --> 00:05:15,587
- Mmm. Mmm.
- ... in the cloakroom.

125
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,315
- And it works.
- Mm-hmm.

126
00:05:17,346 --> 00:05:22,515
People come and go with
as little fuss as possible,

127
00:05:22,527 --> 00:05:24,244
- and that works.
- Yeah.

128
00:05:24,273 --> 00:05:27,595
If they come and they want a
chat, and they want to be friendly,

129
00:05:27,609 --> 00:05:29,173
I shut them down.

130
00:05:29,431 --> 00:05:30,932
I shut them down.

131
00:05:30,974 --> 00:05:32,202
Yeah.

132
00:05:32,384 --> 00:05:35,906
So, what I'd like to offer you
today is maybe a coping mechanism

133
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:38,425
for your stint as maître d' later on.

134
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,022
Well, I need something, otherwise
I'm going to lose this job.

135
00:05:41,026 --> 00:05:44,315
I would suggest a form of what
I would call quiet disguise.

136
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:47,020
Just for today maybe wear
a cravat, or a big flower,

137
00:05:47,029 --> 00:05:48,419
or a pair of glasses,

138
00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:50,008
or another pair of glasses.

139
00:05:50,033 --> 00:05:51,775
- Like a fancy dress?
- Yes.

140
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:54,322
Like Michael Jackson had a
sequinned glove, or a monkey,

141
00:05:54,337 --> 00:05:56,836
- or a thing on his face.
- Could I be Spider-Man?

142
00:05:56,852 --> 00:05:59,185
Well... Would the
restaurant go for that?

143
00:05:59,201 --> 00:06:01,244
They might notice.

144
00:06:01,259 --> 00:06:03,780
Let's say that Spider-Man is undercover.

145
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,160
- Go as undercover Spider-Man?
- Yeah.

146
00:06:06,772 --> 00:06:08,301
Th-uuuuuuu.

147
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:09,753
Exactly.

148
00:06:09,821 --> 00:06:12,155
Th-uuuuuuu. Sit there.

149
00:06:12,196 --> 00:06:14,250
- Yeah.
- Sit there.

150
00:06:14,421 --> 00:06:16,573
- Yeah. But, you know...
- You, sit there!

151
00:06:16,594 --> 00:06:18,948
- Yeah, yeah, but gently, gently, Martin.
- Arghhhhh!

152
00:06:18,964 --> 00:06:20,915
Yeah, yeah, but gently,
gently, gently, gently.

153
00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:22,428
- Sit there!
- Yeah, Martin...

154
00:06:22,445 --> 00:06:24,482
- Sit down!
- I think they know where to sit now.

155
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,672
- Hi, Richard.
- Karen, I need to talk to you about my mother.

156
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,046
- Ah...
- Can I speak to you in private?

157
00:06:30,063 --> 00:06:32,440
- I'm so super horny that that you must speak with me.
- Hi, Werner.

158
00:06:32,473 --> 00:06:34,275
I like this very much. Hello. Hello.

159
00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:37,566
- Now, Karen, if you let us five.
- Karen, can you call me?

160
00:06:37,587 --> 00:06:40,578
- Yes.
- Let us five, this is all I demand.

161
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,457
- Abs?
- OK, yes, sir.

162
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,162
- You are still here?
- No, I'm gone, sir.

163
00:06:44,187 --> 00:06:46,360
I must speak with my friend Richard.

164
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,915
- Hello!
- Werner.

165
00:06:47,925 --> 00:06:50,925
I'm so sorry that I make them away.

166
00:06:50,933 --> 00:06:53,468
I'm just trying to speak to Karen
about something very important.

167
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,566
Ja, but I'm telling you
about this very important work

168
00:06:56,575 --> 00:06:58,740
- that she makes here with me, Richard.
- OK.

169
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,383
Because, you know, Jean Flex...

170
00:07:00,416 --> 00:07:02,146
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we are selling the company

171
00:07:02,154 --> 00:07:03,370
to the Chinese...

172
00:07:03,403 --> 00:07:05,693
- Right.
- ... because they make much better,

173
00:07:05,709 --> 00:07:09,066
- the factories as us.
- Well, I could talk all day about this,

174
00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:12,168
- but unfortunately...
- Well, I want, you know,

175
00:07:12,177 --> 00:07:13,666
- a little bit of...
- Yeah...

176
00:07:13,687 --> 00:07:18,101
... therapy. Can I tell you a
story from before a long time?

177
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,001
- Is it a short story?
- I was a little boy

178
00:07:20,014 --> 00:07:22,436
- in the Easter half of Germany.
- Oh.

179
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,573
I come from the school
time with a little Kumpel,

180
00:07:25,594 --> 00:07:29,548
a little friend from me
and my mother, she is there.

181
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:35,165
She say, "Hello, hello", and my
mother, she is only the breasts.

182
00:07:35,290 --> 00:07:39,508
She don't have a blouse on,
she don't have a breast holder,

183
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:43,375
she's just only the
breasts and she's smoking

184
00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:46,155
and I am so shock.

185
00:07:46,172 --> 00:07:47,858
I look at my friend next to me

186
00:07:47,891 --> 00:07:51,379
and he makes already
the hangman in his pants

187
00:07:51,396 --> 00:07:53,960
and, you know, he go on the bathroom,

188
00:07:53,993 --> 00:07:58,076
yeah, his hand is probably 200km.

189
00:07:58,332 --> 00:08:02,672
From then on, I'm the kid with
the only the breasts mamma.

190
00:08:02,797 --> 00:08:05,579
I don't know what you
say to this, but Karen,

191
00:08:05,593 --> 00:08:07,939
she is to me a little bit,

192
00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:10,328
a little bit only the breasts.

193
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:13,597
Oh, wow.

194
00:08:13,613 --> 00:08:15,739
Well, Werner, I...

195
00:08:16,869 --> 00:08:19,369
Could you, could you get
Karen to just give me a call?

196
00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,614
- Yeah, OK.
- Would that be OK?

197
00:08:20,623 --> 00:08:21,726
- Thank you.
- Yeah. All right, I'll do that.

198
00:08:21,747 --> 00:08:23,249
Thank you. Bye now.

199
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,518
Fuck, fuck.

200
00:08:28,472 --> 00:08:29,513
Richard.

201
00:08:29,534 --> 00:08:30,853
- John.
- What do you want?

202
00:08:31,405 --> 00:08:34,143
- Mum's been in hospital...
- Oh, fuck she's a cold one.

203
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,612
- She's not dead.
- Oh, good.

204
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,143
But we need to decide
what to do with our mother

205
00:08:38,163 --> 00:08:41,826
- because she can't live on her own any more.
- Oh, for fuck's sake, Richard,

206
00:08:41,859 --> 00:08:44,440
just strap on a pair
if you can't grow them.

207
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,033
Here we go again.

208
00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:48,605
"Johnny, can you get the
football from next door?"

209
00:08:48,626 --> 00:08:50,912
"Johnny, can you go to
the Toyah concert with me?"

210
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,123
You enjoyed that Toyah concert!

211
00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:54,695
It was all right, but
not a patch on Blondie.

212
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,919
- Can you come here today at three o'clock?
- Can I fuck!

213
00:08:57,940 --> 00:09:00,350
You, me and Katherine, we
need to decide what to do

214
00:09:00,354 --> 00:09:03,844
- and we're going to call you at three o'clock.
- Listen, Katherine's got no room.

215
00:09:03,873 --> 00:09:05,408
I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere.

216
00:09:05,424 --> 00:09:06,574
- You have a huge house.
- I can't!

217
00:09:06,586 --> 00:09:08,419
- Deal with it!
- I can't, I can't!

218
00:09:08,428 --> 00:09:09,701
Incoming!

219
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:12,988
Shit!

220
00:09:14,066 --> 00:09:15,315
Get out!

221
00:09:15,738 --> 00:09:18,315
I've got to go. I'll
try and be by my light...

222
00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:28,774
_

223
00:09:33,819 --> 00:09:36,288
Hello, darling, sorry I missed you.

224
00:09:36,574 --> 00:09:39,390
Um, I'm on lunch and
Werner's out the office.

225
00:09:39,515 --> 00:09:43,426
So, just to say I
miss you, and I'm sorry

226
00:09:43,439 --> 00:09:47,650
I'm not around again tonight, but
I know how hard it is with the kids.

227
00:09:48,409 --> 00:09:53,043
Keep trying and, yeah, I'll be home.

228
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,035
I don't know when, but I'll be home.

229
00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:57,337
And I love you.

230
00:10:02,439 --> 00:10:04,244
- Neil, hello.
- Hello.

231
00:10:04,290 --> 00:10:06,395
Welcome to your first therapy session.

232
00:10:06,401 --> 00:10:08,343
I'm really looking forward to
this. I think we're going to have

233
00:10:08,824 --> 00:10:12,200
a cracking time. So,
let's just begin, if I may,

234
00:10:12,204 --> 00:10:14,520
just tell me a little
bit about your family.

235
00:10:16,212 --> 00:10:18,693
When I was about 15,
I had sex with my mum.

236
00:10:19,423 --> 00:10:21,045
Just been out drinking, you know?

237
00:10:21,062 --> 00:10:23,249
- Who, you?
- Both of us, yeah.

238
00:10:23,278 --> 00:10:25,336
Yeah. Did you have brothers and sisters?

239
00:10:25,348 --> 00:10:28,078
I do, yeah. I mean, we,
we're very close in age.

240
00:10:28,136 --> 00:10:30,916
Lots of cousins. I used to have
sex with my cousins as well.

241
00:10:31,041 --> 00:10:32,875
Well, it sounded like
you all kept very busy.

242
00:10:32,895 --> 00:10:34,699
Then there was my stepdad, as well.

243
00:10:34,712 --> 00:10:36,122
- OK...
- Well, he was weak.

244
00:10:36,131 --> 00:10:38,275
- You sense that, don't you, when you're a kid?
- Yeah.

245
00:10:38,292 --> 00:10:39,955
So I started to poison him a bit,

246
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:43,536
grinding up painkillers and putting
them in his tea and stuff like that.

247
00:10:43,623 --> 00:10:45,307
- How's he now?
- I didn't kill him.

248
00:10:45,336 --> 00:10:48,115
- No, no, no, I wasn't suggesting that.
- But I did dose him with rat poison once.

249
00:10:48,124 --> 00:10:49,265
- Right.
- Yeah, he had a seizure.

250
00:10:49,286 --> 00:10:51,331
- They knew it was me. They found me.
- Right.

251
00:10:51,352 --> 00:10:53,654
- Oh, OK.
- So, I accused him of fiddling with me.

252
00:10:53,662 --> 00:10:55,143
- Had he been fiddling?
- No, no, no.

253
00:10:55,230 --> 00:10:57,421
- Right.
- But that's how I got out of it. That's how

254
00:10:57,483 --> 00:10:59,482
- I discovered I'm quite a good liar.
- Right.

255
00:10:59,503 --> 00:11:01,897
- Were you happy with your own company?
- Yeah.

256
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,266
I'm still like that now.

257
00:11:03,274 --> 00:11:05,203
- You like to be on your own?
- Like when I spoke to you...

258
00:11:05,224 --> 00:11:07,743
- Yeah?
- ... first time, I instantly wanted to

259
00:11:07,772 --> 00:11:09,381
- go around and break your legs.
- Right.

260
00:11:09,390 --> 00:11:10,593
- But I didn't.
- Yeah.

261
00:11:10,605 --> 00:11:13,400
I took loads of coke
and went to strip club,

262
00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:15,504
so that chilled me out a bit.

263
00:11:15,562 --> 00:11:18,917
I, I've just got to say thank you,
you've been very honest with me.

264
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:22,315
- You've been very open.
- I used to take nude pictures of my uncle.

265
00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:24,419
Right, can we look at that next time?

266
00:11:24,506 --> 00:11:26,755
Not the pictures, but just the topic?

267
00:11:26,779 --> 00:11:28,435
Thank you, thank you for your honesty.

268
00:11:28,456 --> 00:11:29,704
That was a terrific session.

269
00:11:29,725 --> 00:11:31,575
I'll make a note of it, so we can

270
00:11:31,803 --> 00:11:34,027
adjust my debt to you accordingly

271
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:37,433
and let's get together very
soon for the next session.

272
00:11:37,645 --> 00:11:39,457
- All right.
- Cheers, Neil, bye.

273
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,536
Fahhhhhhhhhh.

274
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:45,682
Oh, shit.

275
00:11:58,354 --> 00:11:59,741
Hello?

276
00:11:59,754 --> 00:12:01,193
- Hi!
- Hi!

277
00:12:01,209 --> 00:12:03,787
- Is it Jane Ross?
- Yes, Jane.

278
00:12:03,808 --> 00:12:08,946
- Hi. Is that a cot behind you?
- Yes. Yeah, I have...

279
00:12:08,966 --> 00:12:10,875
Oh, wow. Oh, my goodness.

280
00:12:10,890 --> 00:12:13,422
- Quite a lot of baby in there.
- So, is that cot for that baby?

281
00:12:13,437 --> 00:12:14,756
- Hopefully.
- You don't...

282
00:12:14,781 --> 00:12:17,333
No, I don't have any
more. This is my first.

283
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,751
You may be the person who
witnesses my waters breaking

284
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,846
and have to come and
take me to the hospital,

285
00:12:21,858 --> 00:12:24,294
cos I haven't got
anyone else to do that!

286
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,638
Are you on your own? Is
that what you're saying?

287
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,002
I think, in life, we're
never really on our own,

288
00:12:29,007 --> 00:12:30,435
even if we're on our own.

289
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:32,901
- Are you on your own?
- I have a dog. I have a dog.

290
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,633
- Oh, you have a dog.
- The father of the baby

291
00:12:34,659 --> 00:12:38,598
is a guy I was at work
with. Sadly, he had to go.

292
00:12:38,629 --> 00:12:40,553
He was transferred to Portsmouth,

293
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:44,356
which I know is not that far,
but he felt it was too far, so...

294
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,285
I'm completely happy and

295
00:12:46,297 --> 00:12:48,471
really excited about
doing it all on my own.

296
00:12:49,732 --> 00:12:52,940
Great. So, are your parents
excited about the baby?

297
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,408
I am sure they would be.

298
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,080
They, unfortunately,
are not with us any more.

299
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,789
They passed away together
about five years ago.

300
00:13:01,851 --> 00:13:03,116
They passed away together?

301
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,784
It was really lovely.
It's a beautiful story.

302
00:13:04,801 --> 00:13:08,406
They just thought, "We're
on a cliff, let's go for it".

303
00:13:08,738 --> 00:13:10,945
- They jumped off a cliff together?
- Yeah.

304
00:13:11,276 --> 00:13:12,640
It's sweet.

305
00:13:12,724 --> 00:13:16,167
How have you and the rest of
your family dealt with that?

306
00:13:16,217 --> 00:13:18,353
Is there a rest of your family?

307
00:13:18,378 --> 00:13:21,235
- Yes, I've got a sister.
- Are you close?

308
00:13:21,255 --> 00:13:23,321
Yeah, we're very close.
I see her every day

309
00:13:23,322 --> 00:13:25,726
at the moment. We're great.

310
00:13:25,735 --> 00:13:28,369
She's into the baby? Well,
she doesn't really know yet.

311
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,692
- She doesn't know?
- Maybe somewhere in there,

312
00:13:29,705 --> 00:13:31,576
she knows about the baby.

313
00:13:31,701 --> 00:13:35,376
- Where is she?
- She is in a coma.

314
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,440
She's in a coma?

315
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:43,809
She was attacked in the
Congo by a rebel army.

316
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,228
She was attacked by an army?

317
00:13:45,245 --> 00:13:47,236
She's absolutely fine,
she's just in a coma.

318
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,998
That is not technically absolutely fine.

319
00:13:50,035 --> 00:13:52,520
Three of her friends
died so, compared to them,

320
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,892
she's absolutely fine. I
suppose that's what I mean.

321
00:13:56,225 --> 00:13:58,521
Do you mind if we do a little
bit of word association?

322
00:13:58,555 --> 00:14:01,189
- Oh, my God, I love word association.
- First thing that comes into your head.

323
00:14:01,206 --> 00:14:03,803
- OK, yeah, amazing.
- So...

324
00:14:04,376 --> 00:14:05,541
Tree.

325
00:14:05,582 --> 00:14:06,893
Abandonment.

326
00:14:07,827 --> 00:14:09,814
- Car.
- Leave.

327
00:14:09,819 --> 00:14:11,945
- Pineapple.
- Grief.

328
00:14:11,987 --> 00:14:13,916
- Wall.
- Everywhere.

329
00:14:13,925 --> 00:14:15,390
- Grave.
- Deep.

330
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:16,680
Tears.

331
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,699
- Coming.
- Cry.

332
00:14:19,898 --> 00:14:21,392
- No.
- Now.

333
00:14:21,413 --> 00:14:22,450
- No.
- Cry.

334
00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:24,115
- No. No.
- Now. Cry.

335
00:14:24,134 --> 00:14:25,270
No.

336
00:14:25,747 --> 00:14:26,876
Good.

337
00:14:27,179 --> 00:14:28,440
That was good.

338
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,428
So... More sessions?

339
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,798
There are places that people go

340
00:14:35,813 --> 00:14:39,609
and it's specifically
for alcohol abusers

341
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,585
who can no longer think.

342
00:14:42,586 --> 00:14:44,479
- You're late.
- Yeah.

343
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:47,235
That's because somebody
didn't turn up on time.

344
00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:50,146
- Any resolution, mate?
- No. This is the situation.

345
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,675
Mum needs somewhere to live, I
can't afford to have her here,

346
00:14:52,697 --> 00:14:53,958
so what are we going to do?

347
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,468
Who has a spare bedroom
and lives nearby?

348
00:14:57,492 --> 00:15:00,173
- Point.
- She hates me. She hates me.

349
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,097
If she wanted to live with
me, she would have asked.

350
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,296
- She didn't ask to live with any of us.
- Yeah, I think

351
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,947
- she wants to live with you.
- Why can't she live with you, Daddy Pig?

352
00:15:06,985 --> 00:15:08,635
Have a wit, will you?

353
00:15:08,669 --> 00:15:10,411
- Look where I am.
- Where are you?

354
00:15:10,423 --> 00:15:11,837
I can't say.

355
00:15:12,352 --> 00:15:13,955
- What's he doing?
- I've no idea.

356
00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:17,044
Why don't we phone back when the
farmer takes away the food bucket?

357
00:15:18,570 --> 00:15:19,699
All right?

358
00:15:19,765 --> 00:15:21,835
- Someone's going to have to clear that up.
- Get on with it.

359
00:15:21,844 --> 00:15:23,988
This is why she's not going
to come and live with me.

360
00:15:24,046 --> 00:15:27,275
"You are spiteful, you are
cowardly, you are nasty."

361
00:15:27,319 --> 00:15:29,994
- Fair enough.
- "You don't care about me. You never have.

362
00:15:30,027 --> 00:15:32,467
"You've resisted me
from your first breath."

363
00:15:32,487 --> 00:15:33,755
- That's true.
- That is true.

364
00:15:33,769 --> 00:15:36,681
- "I don't know how you sleep at night."
- How do you sleep at night?

365
00:15:36,711 --> 00:15:38,959
How will you sleep at night
if you don't take her in?

366
00:15:38,984 --> 00:15:40,548
Why would I take her in, Richard?

367
00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:43,007
- Yeah, Richard, come on.
- She's your mother, that's why.

368
00:15:43,053 --> 00:15:45,642
- She's your mother as well.
- Just take her, Richard,

369
00:15:45,655 --> 00:15:48,064
- and stop this fucking pretence.
- What pretence?

370
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,280
That you've no money, that
you can't have her there.

371
00:15:50,293 --> 00:15:52,686
- I can't take her in.
- Is this about the breast-feeding?

372
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:55,635
- What breast-feeding?
- That you weren't breast-fed and I was?

373
00:15:55,652 --> 00:15:57,526
- You were breast-fed until you were six.
- No.

374
00:15:57,543 --> 00:16:00,178
You once told me to bugger off
while you were being breast-fed.

375
00:16:00,194 --> 00:16:01,920
If a child can tell you to bugger off,

376
00:16:01,932 --> 00:16:03,782
it should not be suckling at a teat.

377
00:16:03,803 --> 00:16:05,753
Is there a compromise to be had here?

378
00:16:05,782 --> 00:16:07,761
Why doesn't she just come
and live with Richard...

379
00:16:07,786 --> 00:16:09,300
- That's not a compromise.
- Yeah.

380
00:16:09,325 --> 00:16:10,844
- ... for now?
- Come on, Rich.

381
00:16:10,873 --> 00:16:12,387
We're on side on this one, right?

382
00:16:12,391 --> 00:16:13,947
- I can't.
- Come on, Dickie.

383
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,594
- I just can't.
- Richard, look at me. Look at me!

384
00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:18,337
- Look at me!
- I'm looking at you, you big fucking donkey.

385
00:16:18,362 --> 00:16:21,175
I love you. I think you're
doing us all a huge favour.

386
00:16:21,184 --> 00:16:23,938
It won't be forgotten
and, when I get a chance,

387
00:16:24,146 --> 00:16:25,435
I'll pay you back.

388
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,824
So, sorted? Can I go now?

389
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,553
All right, John. Nice to see you.

390
00:16:29,565 --> 00:16:30,681
- You, too.
- You two are so...

391
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:33,212
- Hopefully see you soon, bye.
- Yeah.

392
00:16:35,012 --> 00:16:36,995
Hello, is it Adam?

393
00:16:37,033 --> 00:16:38,452
Yeah. Hello.

394
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,605
So, I'm looking for
a carer for my mother

395
00:16:40,617 --> 00:16:42,484
and I'm wondering if you
could tell me about yourself.

396
00:16:42,526 --> 00:16:46,023
I have lots of experience
with caring for people.

397
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,887
- OK.
- I mean, I've cared for my poor mum

398
00:16:47,899 --> 00:16:49,874
- when she was ill.
- How is she now?

399
00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:50,898
She died.

400
00:16:50,932 --> 00:16:52,824
She's not infirm or anything.

401
00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:55,416
It's more like we need a minder, almost.

402
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:58,540
She has a little bit of
an issue with alcohol.

403
00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,926
So do I!

404
00:16:59,934 --> 00:17:01,967
I've got another job,
I think, got to see.

405
00:17:01,983 --> 00:17:03,265
It's working in a bar.

406
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:05,003
So, you're just after a job, really.

407
00:17:05,015 --> 00:17:06,438
It's not a vocation, caring.

408
00:17:06,471 --> 00:17:08,430
It's just for the money.

409
00:17:08,459 --> 00:17:11,260
It's like caring, though, cos
you're looking after punters

410
00:17:11,289 --> 00:17:12,948
- and giving them pints.
- Yeah.

411
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,081
I'm very caring.

412
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,035
I'm known for being bubbly.

413
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,557
Bubbly and chatty, larger-than-life
sort of character, me.

414
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,995
- Yeah.
- Friendly.

415
00:17:22,009 --> 00:17:23,983
- Have I got the job?
- I'll be in touch.

416
00:17:24,004 --> 00:17:26,236
Cos I think you have a lot
of great qualities, clearly.

417
00:17:26,248 --> 00:17:28,011
Thank you for taking the time.

418
00:17:28,032 --> 00:17:31,135
- Thank you. Have a good day.
- Yeah, cheers.

419
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,608
- Hello?
- Hello, Mr Pitt.

420
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:35,036
My name is Jose Lauren.

421
00:17:35,044 --> 00:17:36,392
- Oh, yeah?
- I am responsible...

422
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,541
- Good. Good.
- ... reliable.

423
00:17:37,554 --> 00:17:38,777
- I have never been in jail.
- Good.

424
00:17:38,786 --> 00:17:40,403
Have you ever cared for anyone?

425
00:17:40,416 --> 00:17:42,021
Yes, I care about a lot of people.

426
00:17:42,042 --> 00:17:43,871
- You've got the job.
- Great!

427
00:17:43,917 --> 00:17:45,580
- When... ?
- Tomorrow.

428
00:17:45,605 --> 00:17:48,069
- It is a live-in position?
- Live-in, yeah.

429
00:17:48,094 --> 00:17:50,193
- Live-in.
- I've got to go.

430
00:17:50,210 --> 00:17:51,894
- Starting tomorrow? Yeah,
- I'll e-mail you some stuff.

431
00:17:52,019 --> 00:17:53,566
Shall I buy the ticket

432
00:17:53,578 --> 00:17:55,595
- and you will reimburse me?
- Yeah, buy a ticket.

433
00:17:55,615 --> 00:17:57,623
- See you tomorrow.
- Bye.

434
00:18:02,153 --> 00:18:03,327
Ja, hallo?

435
00:18:03,352 --> 00:18:05,941
Oh, did I call the wrong number?

436
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,771
No, it's me.

437
00:18:08,297 --> 00:18:11,110
- You don't know me?
- I do, I just thought I phoned Karen.

438
00:18:11,142 --> 00:18:13,569
You are very beautiful
as always, Richard,

439
00:18:13,590 --> 00:18:17,329
and so it does me a lot
of pain to say this now...

440
00:18:17,350 --> 00:18:20,368
- OK.
- ... but we have a situation, very bad.

441
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:25,707
Karen is... I have the
nose full of this dame

442
00:18:25,712 --> 00:18:28,554
because I follow her on the bathroom.

443
00:18:28,606 --> 00:18:30,587
Suddenly, this is not good.

444
00:18:30,597 --> 00:18:34,248
Yeah, she says something to
me and it's, for me, a hammer.

445
00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:36,742
So I call a friend from me.

446
00:18:36,763 --> 00:18:40,072
He's not a friend, he's a
Russian, he's a psychopath,

447
00:18:40,082 --> 00:18:43,821
a killer, and he makes her
away and I say that's good.

448
00:18:43,841 --> 00:18:46,898
- You killed her on the toilet.
- No, we kidnapped her...

449
00:18:46,934 --> 00:18:48,838
- Hi, Richard.
- ... and she is in a bag

450
00:18:48,853 --> 00:18:50,648
- and we have cameras.
- Yeah.

451
00:18:50,653 --> 00:18:53,147
- But you must pay.
- OK, I'll pay.

452
00:18:53,184 --> 00:18:56,135
Of course I'll pay, I love her.
I need to talk to you, Karen.

453
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,411
Oh, you make yourself free!

454
00:19:00,076 --> 00:19:02,452
- She make herself free.
- Can we talk?

455
00:19:02,846 --> 00:19:06,232
Mr Pitt, before you go, how
excited are you about karaoke?

456
00:19:06,243 --> 00:19:07,670
- I couldn't be more excited.
- I'm stoked.

457
00:19:07,687 --> 00:19:09,239
- Gonna be amazing.
- OK, thank you.

458
00:19:09,446 --> 00:19:11,437
See you. Have fun.

459
00:19:11,462 --> 00:19:13,677
I'll take a video. Bye.

460
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,051
- Neil, hello.
- I haven't got long,

461
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:21,665
but I just wanted to call you cos
I've been thinking about the session.

462
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:23,229
- Right.
- It was great.

463
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,631
- Really?
- I take my hat off to you.

464
00:19:24,656 --> 00:19:27,393
I'm surprised at how good it
was. It's really opened my eyes.

465
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:29,509
I just wanted to say thanks, mate.

466
00:19:29,571 --> 00:19:30,936
Hey, my pleasure.

467
00:19:30,953 --> 00:19:33,230
I was thinking about
all the money you owe me

468
00:19:33,251 --> 00:19:34,956
- and the situation we're in.
- Right.

469
00:19:34,981 --> 00:19:38,909
You know, that money, hanging over this,

470
00:19:38,951 --> 00:19:41,158
- it changes things, doesn't it?
- It does. It does.

471
00:19:41,166 --> 00:19:43,958
- It's something I really realised, too.
- It's hanging over the whole process.

472
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:47,027
It really is, and it's
making me feel awkward

473
00:19:47,052 --> 00:19:49,509
- and I know it's making you feel awkward.
- It is.

474
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,206
What's important in this situation

475
00:19:52,239 --> 00:19:54,591
- is that we have a good relationship...
- Yes.

476
00:19:54,624 --> 00:19:57,358
- ... that is not clouded by things like money...
- That's right.

477
00:19:57,412 --> 00:19:59,598
... and so I've been
thinking about that.

478
00:20:00,648 --> 00:20:03,133
I've come to the decision,
it's quite a difficult one,

479
00:20:03,398 --> 00:20:05,659
but I've come to the decision
that I think you should just

480
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:07,576
pay me back in full right away,

481
00:20:07,655 --> 00:20:10,264
just so we don't have that
burden hanging over us.

482
00:20:10,347 --> 00:20:12,156
But I've got to go.

483
00:20:12,193 --> 00:20:13,666
Listen, ta-ra.

484
00:20:19,262 --> 00:20:20,735
Thank you for taking this call.

485
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,643
I'm sorry this is out of the blue.

486
00:20:22,685 --> 00:20:24,743
I've done something stupid.

487
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:26,037
Bob Dylan.

488
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,280
"You cannot be wise and
in love at the same time".

489
00:20:32,746 --> 00:20:33,953
Right.

490
00:20:34,451 --> 00:20:35,666
Thank you.

491
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:37,064
Are you in love?

492
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:38,755
Yeah, I love my wife.

493
00:20:38,786 --> 00:20:41,097
- But?
- No, I try to compete with her.

494
00:20:41,142 --> 00:20:44,784
I try to be a success,
to prove my worth.

495
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,049
- Do you conquer her vulva?
- I'm all over her vulva.

496
00:20:48,074 --> 00:20:50,264
- Tongue or penis, or both?
- Whatever's to hand.

497
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,595
Hand, third option.

498
00:20:51,612 --> 00:20:55,698
- Whatever it takes to show her that I love her.
- That's very healthy, Richard.

499
00:20:55,718 --> 00:20:57,843
That area is in a good place

500
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,112
and thinking about it
makes me feel pretty good.

501
00:21:00,137 --> 00:21:03,895
So, in the bed, you feel that
you've got balloon-sized testicles

502
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,850
and an enormous phallus,

503
00:21:05,870 --> 00:21:08,803
- is that the contradiction that we're talking about?
- Yes, I think that's it.

504
00:21:08,808 --> 00:21:10,135
I think you've hit it on the head.

505
00:21:10,168 --> 00:21:11,376
My bed is my domain.

506
00:21:11,392 --> 00:21:13,354
In bed, I'm Aslan in Narnia.

507
00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:15,935
In the world, I'm...

508
00:21:15,947 --> 00:21:17,457
- Rumpelstiltskin.
- Yeah.

509
00:21:17,461 --> 00:21:20,236
Height-impaired, powerless
and very, very angry?

510
00:21:20,527 --> 00:21:22,721
- Yeah.
- You feel, in your family,

511
00:21:22,734 --> 00:21:25,865
- that you're surrounded by a giant of a father...
- Yeah.

512
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,902
... a monstrous giant of a brother.

513
00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:31,735
And I'm the angry little troll.

514
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,614
David and Goliath. You will win.

515
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,510
You will win because
as Mahatma Gandhi said,

516
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,746
"First they ignore you,
then they laugh at you,

517
00:21:39,771 --> 00:21:42,734
then they fight you and then you win".

518
00:21:43,327 --> 00:21:45,501
And you are winning by talking about it.

519
00:21:52,899 --> 00:21:54,875
Do you feel you've been
emotionally butt-fucked

520
00:21:54,882 --> 00:21:57,910
- by your entire family?
- Yeah, since the age of six.

521
00:21:57,930 --> 00:22:00,038
- This is an incredible breakthrough.
- It is.

522
00:22:00,067 --> 00:22:04,572
For the first time, you have broken
down like this in many, many years.

523
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,915
- Yeah.
- That's a very good thing.

524
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,662
- Yeah.
- Embrace it.

525
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,000
Thank you.

526
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,387
As Taylor Swift said, "Shake it off.

527
00:22:16,201 --> 00:22:17,749
Shake it off."

528
00:22:24,693 --> 00:22:26,721
I'm going to take Mum
in and it's all sorted,

529
00:22:26,738 --> 00:22:28,120
- and she's going to move in here.
- I know.

530
00:22:28,141 --> 00:22:29,842
- Ricky!
- Mum!

531
00:22:29,862 --> 00:22:32,158
- You're the whole package.
- Please stop thanking me,

532
00:22:32,162 --> 00:22:33,721
- it's embarrassing now.
- I don't mean it.

533
00:22:33,734 --> 00:22:36,443
I've got all this and it means nothing.

534
00:22:36,518 --> 00:22:39,103
Who says I've stopped having children?

535
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:40,530
- Vasectomies.
- Oh!

536
00:22:40,554 --> 00:22:43,653
Jesus. You're trying to suggest
that she didn't care, Richard.

537
00:22:43,665 --> 00:22:46,490
Nigel has been popping himself
into other people's cubbyholes.

538
00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:50,494
First and foremost, you
are a very anal being.

539
00:22:51,024 --> 00:22:56,024
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