1 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,680 Previously on The Affair... 2 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,270 She seemed like the loneliest girl in the world. 3 00:00:41,350 --> 00:00:43,310 You know, some days, I-I'm proud 4 00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:44,820 of the life that I've built. 5 00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:47,099 And then, sometimes, it just feels 6 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:49,199 like a giant charade, and this is all a joke 7 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,330 I've been playing on myself, 8 00:00:50,340 --> 00:00:53,460 this life that I am trying to live. 9 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:55,310 Go home to your fucking wife. 10 00:01:01,350 --> 00:01:03,390 They found her body. 11 00:01:03,470 --> 00:01:06,000 She drowned herself. 12 00:01:06,060 --> 00:01:08,099 I saw her, and she was pretty beat up. 13 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:09,820 - She had... her head was... - Lacerations. 14 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,280 Right, all consistent with striking 15 00:01:11,290 --> 00:01:12,839 - against these rocks. - What about Ben? 16 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,599 He has an alibi. It checks out. 17 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:15,660 What did you say to her? 18 00:01:15,670 --> 00:01:17,079 I don't know what the fuck you're asking. 19 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,600 I'm asking you what you said 20 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,319 that made her want to kill herself. 21 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,200 Why don't you take a look in the fucking mirror! 22 00:01:22,270 --> 00:01:24,020 - Why didn't you do something?! - Stop it! 23 00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:25,760 You had her in your hands, 24 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,000 and you let her go. Why? 25 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,360 I took a pregnancy test this morning. 26 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,680 You're entering menopause, Helen. 27 00:01:32,770 --> 00:01:34,656 Don't you think I'm too young to be in menopause? 28 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,400 Don't you think I'm too young to die? 29 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:37,600 Where you going? 30 00:01:37,650 --> 00:01:39,840 To my women's moon circle. I invited you. 31 00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:41,100 I just had this intuition 32 00:01:41,150 --> 00:01:42,680 that you really needed some guidance. 33 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,340 I fucked a married man. 34 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,819 I really like his wife, so... it was a stupid thing to do. 35 00:01:48,820 --> 00:01:50,890 I wish I had your life. 36 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:52,340 I mean, you have a whole world 37 00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:55,310 that literally couldn't live without you. 38 00:01:55,390 --> 00:01:57,340 I'm feeling like Vik isn't listening to me. 39 00:01:57,350 --> 00:02:00,000 I'm feeling like I want him to get treatment. 40 00:02:00,060 --> 00:02:01,879 What he needs you for, the one thing 41 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,150 you can give him that no one else 42 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,520 in the world can, is your love. 43 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:06,840 Helen. 44 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,000 I don't want you to die. 45 00:02:08,060 --> 00:02:10,020 I don't want to die, either. 46 00:03:19,050 --> 00:03:24,160 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 47 00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:38,900 _ 48 00:04:15,770 --> 00:04:17,600 Hey, Cole, uh... 49 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:18,959 do me a favor, man. 50 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,180 When-when you get this, give me a call. 51 00:04:21,770 --> 00:04:24,240 I'd really like to help with the arrangements. 52 00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:37,890 Hey, man. 53 00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:39,390 You look great. 54 00:04:39,470 --> 00:04:41,600 Surprised? 55 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,250 - You ready? - Yeah. 56 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:44,780 Let's do this. 57 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,220 Okay! 58 00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:49,179 Good morning, good morning. 59 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,040 So... 60 00:04:52,140 --> 00:04:54,139 in a move designed 61 00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:57,430 to keep you all on the very tips of your toes, 62 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,750 I read your stories from last week 63 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,820 in an uncharacteristically timely fashion. 64 00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:06,560 Some were very, very good, 65 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,920 while others... well, all I can say is 66 00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:11,000 I hope the rest of your classes are going well. 67 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:13,019 But before we commence, 68 00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:14,640 let me call your attention 69 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,930 to our special guest. 70 00:05:17,020 --> 00:05:19,020 This gentlemen here is... 71 00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:20,640 Noah fucking Solloway. 72 00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:24,400 Noah fucking Solloway, indeed. 73 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:27,100 The man wholly responsible for the fact that I smoked 74 00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:29,299 Parliament Lights for nearly two decades 75 00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:32,429 because in college he made it look so tragically cool. 76 00:05:32,430 --> 00:05:35,470 Mr. Solloway, can I just fanboy out for a second? 77 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,620 I mean, you're the reason why I became a writer. 78 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:40,679 I'm happy to hear it. 79 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,519 I love the way you write women. 80 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:43,560 You do? 81 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,640 Alana's my favorite, like, contemporary character. 82 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,300 When she gives that speech at the end of Descent 83 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:51,680 about feeling like a figment of other people's imagination... 84 00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:52,900 how'd you know that? 85 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,100 Yeah, seriously. 86 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,900 Uh, well, to be honest, writing character 87 00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:59,800 is all about listening to people. 88 00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:01,879 And, uh, the place I really learned to listen 89 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,850 was in a seminar like this one 90 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,470 a million years ago, 91 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,270 with Ariel sitting next to me. 92 00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:11,930 Noah has with him today a prospective student. 93 00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:15,000 Uh, guys, this is Antony. 94 00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:16,350 Anton. 95 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,420 Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. 96 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:19,820 No, it's fine. 97 00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:21,770 You can call me Antony if you want. 98 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,570 Anton is visiting from L.A. 99 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:27,060 Where else you looking, bro? 100 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,900 Um, just here, actually. 101 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,620 Couple state colleges in California. 102 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,820 I'm from Chicago, South Side. 103 00:06:32,940 --> 00:06:34,200 We should talk after class. 104 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:35,690 We shall, man. That'd be cool. 105 00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:37,780 Before he entirely turns you off, 106 00:06:37,860 --> 00:06:40,360 this place isn't so bad. It's pretty woke. 107 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,030 My God, Gabby. 108 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,680 What? 109 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,790 We have a residential college named for a segregationist. 110 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,180 And the School of Public Policy. 111 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,320 Yeah, but we fought like hell 112 00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:50,560 - to get his name removed. - We didn't win. 113 00:06:50,580 --> 00:06:53,300 - We got the mural taken down. - Oh, the mural. What a win. 114 00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:55,180 Oh, hey. I didn't see you at the protest, Zac. 115 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,990 I had rehearsal. 116 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,850 It's cool, guys. 117 00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:00,690 I actually really like it here. 118 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,110 Okay, so then let's get going. 119 00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:07,520 May our pens be our swords. 120 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:11,120 Today's prompt is a quote from Whitman. 121 00:07:12,070 --> 00:07:13,690 This one's for you. 122 00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:17,600 "Do I contradict myself? 123 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,980 Very well, then. 124 00:07:20,070 --> 00:07:22,380 I contradict myself. 125 00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:24,690 I am large. 126 00:07:24,780 --> 00:07:27,560 I contain multitudes." 127 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:29,879 Write a character sketch 128 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,820 of a person who has a contradiction. 129 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,070 A paradox. 130 00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:34,820 Show, don't tell. 131 00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:37,270 You have 15 minutes. 132 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:40,690 Uh, can I borrow a couple 133 00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:42,150 - pieces of paper? - Mm-hmm. 134 00:07:42,230 --> 00:07:44,000 Thank you. 135 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,220 How you holding up? 136 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,360 How's Joanie? 137 00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:58,080 Yeah. 138 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,730 I don't know what you tell her, either. 139 00:08:02,780 --> 00:08:04,060 Me? 140 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,400 Yeah. 141 00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:07,600 Sure. No, I'd love to. 142 00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,420 I don't know. I'll think about it. 143 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,380 Maybe something from a book she loved. 144 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,650 Yeah. 145 00:08:13,730 --> 00:08:15,420 Okay, is there anything else you need? 146 00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:17,920 I'll be there tomorrow morning. 147 00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:19,940 Uh, he's great. He's, uh... 148 00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:21,400 I think he likes it here. 149 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,190 Yeah. 150 00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,610 Will do. You, too. 151 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,270 Oh. 152 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:32,900 - Hey, stranger. - Hey. 153 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,780 Damn, Hoffman. Leaves of Grass. 154 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,070 Diving deep. 155 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,610 Thank you for this. 156 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,879 Stop. Are you kidding? 157 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,980 I was thrilled to hear from you. 158 00:08:47,070 --> 00:08:48,719 What's it been, 20 years? 159 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,150 No. Can't be. 160 00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,190 I was at your last book party. 161 00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:53,779 - You were? - Yeah. 162 00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:55,100 Brooklyn Heights? 163 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,119 The one about the sisters, Siamese twins? 164 00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,580 That was three books ago. 165 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:00,620 What? 166 00:09:00,650 --> 00:09:02,740 God, you were always so prolific. 167 00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:04,520 You say it as if it's a bad thing. 168 00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:05,819 It's not a bad thing. 169 00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:07,480 It's just emasculating. 170 00:09:07,570 --> 00:09:09,400 Uh, if I remember correctly, 171 00:09:09,430 --> 00:09:11,820 you're hard to emasculate. 172 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:15,900 So, this is nice. 173 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,190 What you're doing for this kid. 174 00:09:18,270 --> 00:09:21,480 Yeah, well, he's, you know... he's... he's very talented. 175 00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:23,570 He just needs a... a way in. 176 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,100 - He's your student? - Mm-hmm. 177 00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:26,360 Where? 178 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,730 At a charter school in South L.A. 179 00:09:28,820 --> 00:09:30,659 I didn't realize you moved to California. 180 00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:32,500 When did that happen? 181 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:35,979 Well, Helen's boyfriend got a fancy job in L.A., so I... 182 00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:37,860 Wait. What? 183 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,620 You guys split? 184 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,060 - Yeah. You didn't know? - When? 185 00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:44,780 Years ago. I mean, well, it was in the news. 186 00:09:45,190 --> 00:09:46,730 You don't read the paper? 187 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,400 Not if I can help it. 188 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,020 I read novels mostly. Memoir, if pressed. 189 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,280 You haven't changed at all. 190 00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,040 Wow. 191 00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:58,230 Noah and Helen. 192 00:09:58,860 --> 00:10:00,820 Requiescat in pace. 193 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,480 Yeah. Thanks. 194 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,860 I thought you guys were gonna last forever. 195 00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:06,920 You were campus celebrities. 196 00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:10,070 Yeah, well... 197 00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:11,610 plans change. 198 00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:13,150 They really do. 199 00:10:13,230 --> 00:10:14,860 So, what happened? 200 00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:16,560 Was it her dad? 201 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,360 You remember him? 202 00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:21,550 I remember that she thought she kind of thought 203 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,350 she was slumming it with you 204 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,430 and you thought you found your golden goose. 205 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:26,440 Damn, Ariel. 206 00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:28,240 You really were paying attention. 207 00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,730 Well, I had a crush. 208 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,110 I spent most of college waiting for an opening, 209 00:10:37,190 --> 00:10:39,760 but... it never came. 210 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,480 I'd say you dodged a bullet. 211 00:10:47,820 --> 00:10:49,270 Yeah. 212 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,660 Looking back, I could have predicted that. 213 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,500 I think you had the world a little bit too much 214 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,230 at your fingertips, didn't you? 215 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,439 Yeah, I was a... 216 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,400 I was an asshole for a long time, but... 217 00:10:59,420 --> 00:11:00,649 What about you? 218 00:11:00,650 --> 00:11:03,019 I mean, chair of the English department. 219 00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:04,360 Multiple best sellers. 220 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,230 Things worked out pretty well. 221 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,730 I had a cancer scare last year. 222 00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:11,280 I'm fine... they cut it out... but... 223 00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:14,400 I am feeling pretty lucky these days. 224 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,730 I have this new boyfriend. 225 00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:18,940 He's a composer, Brazilian. 226 00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,480 - Hot. - Yeah, right? 227 00:11:21,570 --> 00:11:23,000 Kids? 228 00:11:23,730 --> 00:11:25,080 No. 229 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,270 Never had time. 230 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:28,860 Biggest regret. 231 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:31,570 You? 232 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,190 Yeah. I've got four of them. 233 00:11:34,270 --> 00:11:35,320 What? 234 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,400 Jesus, Helen, nice work. 235 00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:43,640 Yeah, I don't see too much of them, but I try. 236 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,060 Did you ever remarry? 237 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,360 Yeah, I did. 238 00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:52,920 Oh? 239 00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,780 Tell me about her. 240 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:56,570 Well, she's, uh... 241 00:11:58,690 --> 00:12:00,680 She's dead. 242 00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:02,230 She died. 243 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,060 Just a few days ago. 244 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,650 Noah... 245 00:12:08,690 --> 00:12:11,180 Wh-What are you even doing here? 246 00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:16,160 Uh... what do you mean? 247 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,190 Uh... are you okay? 248 00:12:19,270 --> 00:12:21,190 Yeah, I'm fine. I'm... 249 00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:24,980 I mean, I'm sad, obviously, but, uh... 250 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,300 I'm fine. 251 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,620 Shall we? 252 00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:39,070 Okay, guys, that's time. 253 00:12:39,150 --> 00:12:40,900 So... 254 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,980 Who wants to start us off? 255 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,610 Anton, how about you? 256 00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,030 You don't have to. 257 00:12:55,110 --> 00:12:56,520 Hey, I'll read. 258 00:12:58,030 --> 00:13:00,160 Yeah. 259 00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:07,360 Okay. 260 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,140 Here goes. 261 00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:13,099 "You can tell he used to be 262 00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,600 kind of cool when he was younger. 263 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,440 Something about the way he wears his jeans. 264 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,280 Or maybe it's the way he carries himself 265 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,110 with a certain swagger. 266 00:13:22,190 --> 00:13:23,900 Most of the teachers, 267 00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:25,780 they were there because they had to be. 268 00:13:25,860 --> 00:13:27,440 And we knew that. 269 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:29,299 But not him. 270 00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:30,980 He was a big-time author. 271 00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:33,400 He was there because he wanted to be. 272 00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:36,320 Because he cared so much about us. 273 00:13:36,860 --> 00:13:38,660 Because he was a good man. 274 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,079 He'd wave George Orwell around like they were peers 275 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,040 and weep over Eliot. 276 00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:47,269 I had never seen anybody cry 277 00:13:47,270 --> 00:13:49,030 over a poem before. 278 00:13:49,110 --> 00:13:51,440 I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. 279 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,070 So smart, so worldly. 280 00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:57,350 Wanted to have that kind of grace 281 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,070 resting on my shoulders. 282 00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:00,700 To move through the world 283 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,780 like it was a woman who belonged to me. 284 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,650 We took a trip together. 285 00:14:05,730 --> 00:14:08,640 He didn't have to do it, but he offered. 286 00:14:09,420 --> 00:14:11,440 Because he believes in me. 287 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,610 He believes in my future. 288 00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:16,460 Also, he's fucking my mother. 289 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:21,230 But that doesn't matter, because he cares. 290 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,180 Look how he parts the seas 291 00:14:23,190 --> 00:14:25,700 for a boy like me to walk right into Canaan. 292 00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:28,659 He's got kids of his own, you know. 293 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,570 He never really talks about them. 294 00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:32,230 Makes you kind of wonder why. 295 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:33,940 Nothing affects him. 296 00:14:34,030 --> 00:14:36,780 Everything seems to roll right off of his back. 297 00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:40,220 Everything is hard for me. 298 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,140 I put on a good act, but on the inside, 299 00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:47,150 I'm checking every gesture, every facial expression. 300 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,819 I stand in front of the mirror at night, 301 00:14:49,820 --> 00:14:52,480 and I practice how to smile. 302 00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:55,660 Not too much; just the right amount. 303 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:58,799 Do you have to be white 304 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,400 to move through the world like that, 305 00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:02,000 with that kind of confidence, 306 00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:03,940 or is it something else? 307 00:15:04,030 --> 00:15:06,440 Some kind of sociopathy, maybe. 308 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,610 Is there really a difference?" 309 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,540 That's all I have. 310 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,110 Yo. 311 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,110 Mr. Solloway. 312 00:15:39,610 --> 00:15:40,939 You okay? 313 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,610 No, I'm not okay, Anton. 314 00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:44,540 What the fuck was that? 315 00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:47,200 - What? In class? - Yes, in class. 316 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,350 I'm busting my ass for you. I've driven across 317 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,219 the entire fucking country to bring you here, 318 00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:52,920 and all this time, that's what you think of me? 319 00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:54,219 I thought you'd be proud. 320 00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,520 Are you insane? 321 00:15:55,610 --> 00:15:57,110 I did well in there. 322 00:15:57,420 --> 00:15:59,080 I kicked ass, actually. 323 00:15:59,090 --> 00:16:00,200 I'm definitely getting back in. 324 00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,600 - And that's all you care about? - Look, I wrote that piece 325 00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:04,086 because I knew that's what they wanted. 326 00:16:04,110 --> 00:16:05,700 And they ate that shit up. 327 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,500 - What are you talking about? - I mean, they started the class 328 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:09,360 talking about fucking segregation. 329 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:11,390 Okay, I heard that, and I was like, "Okay. 330 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,160 I understand the role y'all want me to play." 331 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:14,819 Jesus Christ. 332 00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:16,860 When in Rome, right? 333 00:16:17,190 --> 00:16:18,940 You can't take people's lives, Anton. 334 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,890 You can't fucking use people to get what you want. 335 00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:24,540 That's... that-that is fucking sociopathic behavior. 336 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,230 I thought that was called being a writer. 337 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,699 Well, you don't understand the first thing 338 00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:29,800 about being a writer. 339 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,400 Really? 340 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,680 So, Descent, Alana, 341 00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:36,070 that wasn't about your dead wife? 342 00:16:37,070 --> 00:16:38,420 Fuck you. 343 00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:40,900 - Noah, what are you even doing here? - I'm trying to help you. 344 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:41,960 That's what I'm fucking doing here. 345 00:16:41,970 --> 00:16:44,400 Okay, but your wife, she just died. 346 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,840 Shouldn't you be there? 347 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:50,979 You shouldn't be here, okay? 348 00:16:50,980 --> 00:16:53,520 This is... it's weird. 349 00:16:53,730 --> 00:16:56,100 Wow, that's a hell of a way to say thank you. 350 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,216 Look, it's late. We better get to the airport. 351 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,099 Actually thought I'd stick around for a couple hours, 352 00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:07,299 check out the campus some more. 353 00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:08,640 Yeah, well, I promised your mother I'd put you 354 00:17:08,650 --> 00:17:11,230 - back on a plane, so let's go. - Hey, look. See this? 355 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,020 It's called an iPhone. 356 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,450 Okay, it has maps and a clock and this thing 357 00:17:15,460 --> 00:17:16,730 called the Internet. 358 00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:18,840 And I can call a cab whenever I want. 359 00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:22,900 I'm 19 years old. I'll be fine. 360 00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:27,480 You sure? 361 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,230 Sure. 362 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,260 You should take care of yourself. 363 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,160 - It's been a long week. - Yeah. 364 00:17:33,940 --> 00:17:36,230 I need to buy a fucking suit. 365 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,700 There's got to be a Brooks Brothers around here somewhere. 366 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,080 This place is like a fucking mall. 367 00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:49,740 So, you gonna go? 368 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,980 I might. 369 00:17:57,730 --> 00:17:59,070 Hey, Noah. 370 00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:02,420 Thank you. 371 00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:04,360 Don't mention it. 372 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,320 Seriously. 373 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:07,860 I had fun. 374 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,440 Sorry about Alison. 375 00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:17,360 Yeah. Me, too. 376 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,540 Me, too. 377 00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:50,100 _ 378 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,399 Cole? 379 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,920 You okay? 380 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:04,690 Baby, we don't want to be late. 381 00:19:12,690 --> 00:19:14,760 Hey, Cole. 382 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,030 Can you help me with this, please? 383 00:19:23,570 --> 00:19:24,940 Thank you. 384 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,440 Um, I put the candles in the trunk. 385 00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:32,000 The votives Athena asked for? 386 00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:37,650 I was watching that. 387 00:19:37,730 --> 00:19:39,689 We should get you dressed. 388 00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:50,420 Want me to unpack these for you? 389 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,700 No, I'll take care of it later. 390 00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:56,070 But you've been back two days. 391 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,270 Exactly. It's only been two days. 392 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,570 But you're planning to unpack, right? 393 00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:10,440 I mean, eventually? 394 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,780 Look, Cole, I... 395 00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:22,070 don't want to have a big conversation right now, but... 396 00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:24,250 I need to know your plans, 397 00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:27,360 - what to tell Joanie. - I have no idea what to tell Joanie. 398 00:20:27,570 --> 00:20:29,140 That her mother just killed herself? 399 00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:30,270 Should I start with that? 400 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,480 I just need a second, please. 401 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,030 Please, I just need to get dressed, 402 00:20:47,110 --> 00:20:48,730 and I need to bury Alison, 403 00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:51,320 and then we can talk for as long as you like. 404 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,280 We can talk all night if you want. 405 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,110 Okay? 406 00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:59,100 Yeah. Yeah. 407 00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:09,600 ? This land is your land ? 408 00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:11,880 ? This land is my land ? 409 00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:14,270 ? From California ? 410 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:17,200 - ? To the New York island ? - Wait, baby, where are you going? 411 00:21:17,780 --> 00:21:18,980 To the church. 412 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,360 No, Athena moved the service to the beach. 413 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:24,820 Why didn't you tell me? 414 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:26,360 I did. 415 00:21:46,690 --> 00:21:49,100 ? This land is your land ? 416 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,610 ? This land is my land ? 417 00:21:51,690 --> 00:21:53,960 ? From California ? 418 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,440 ? To the New York island ? 419 00:21:56,520 --> 00:22:01,040 ? From the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream waters ? 420 00:22:21,110 --> 00:22:22,320 Nice turnout, huh? 421 00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:31,520 It's a fucking clown car. 422 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:51,080 ... traditional mourning color in China. 423 00:22:51,110 --> 00:22:53,650 You know, purity, which I think is more important than... 424 00:22:53,660 --> 00:22:54,860 What the fuck, Athena? 425 00:22:58,980 --> 00:23:00,280 Cole. 426 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,679 Thank you for being here, Cole. 427 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,230 Where else would I be? 428 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,860 Alison's at peace now. 429 00:23:08,940 --> 00:23:09,980 Don't you think? 430 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,000 What is that? 431 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,360 That's our Alison. 432 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,860 I told you I wanted to bury her. 433 00:23:16,940 --> 00:23:19,610 I understand that's what you wanted, Cole, 434 00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:21,900 but this is what she would have wanted. 435 00:23:21,980 --> 00:23:23,570 A beaching ceremony. 436 00:23:23,650 --> 00:23:25,320 After the service, 437 00:23:25,330 --> 00:23:27,850 everyone will get a little bit of Alison's ashes 438 00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:31,120 to bury in the sand, and then we meditate, 439 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,060 we sing, we celebrate, 440 00:23:34,100 --> 00:23:37,400 as we wait for the tide to rise 441 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,040 and wash her back into the sea. 442 00:23:42,610 --> 00:23:45,140 Doesn't that sound like something Alison would have loved? 443 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,400 She would have hated this. 444 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,120 Alison hated the ocean. 445 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,120 And we agreed that she was going to be buried 446 00:23:52,150 --> 00:23:53,880 in my family's plot next to Gabriel. 447 00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:55,950 But, Cole, sweetheart, why would we bury her 448 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,819 with your family? She's my daughter. 449 00:23:57,820 --> 00:23:59,520 She's my wife. 450 00:24:08,230 --> 00:24:09,820 I'm sorry for your loss. 451 00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:13,380 My darling, I'm sorry for your loss. 452 00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:16,050 Okay, we should get started. 453 00:24:16,060 --> 00:24:17,780 Let's get started, everyone. 454 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,730 Thank you all for coming. 455 00:24:30,820 --> 00:24:32,480 Oh, my darlings. 456 00:24:32,570 --> 00:24:36,070 I haven't prepared a eulogy. 457 00:24:37,230 --> 00:24:39,219 I don't, um, believe 458 00:24:39,220 --> 00:24:42,380 that memorials should be dictatorships with one voice. 459 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,070 How can I speak to the Alison you knew 460 00:24:46,150 --> 00:24:47,860 when she was with you? 461 00:24:47,940 --> 00:24:49,610 To you? 462 00:24:49,690 --> 00:24:51,470 You all deserve 463 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,730 a chance to say good-bye in your own way. 464 00:24:54,300 --> 00:24:56,219 And so... 465 00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,339 before we, um, distribute ashes 466 00:25:00,340 --> 00:25:02,040 for the beaching ceremony, 467 00:25:02,230 --> 00:25:03,780 we'll pass her around 468 00:25:03,860 --> 00:25:05,940 and hold her one last time. 469 00:25:06,030 --> 00:25:08,270 And when she comes to you... 470 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,080 ... you hold her close to your heart and say good-bye. 471 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,220 I'll begin. 472 00:25:15,940 --> 00:25:17,800 If I can. 473 00:25:28,580 --> 00:25:30,540 Oh, my baby. 474 00:25:30,650 --> 00:25:32,690 I remember... 475 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,720 God, one time when you were little, 476 00:25:35,820 --> 00:25:38,079 you brought home a... 477 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,939 a lizard tail. 478 00:25:39,940 --> 00:25:41,600 Just the tail. 479 00:25:41,860 --> 00:25:43,659 You learned about regeneration 480 00:25:43,660 --> 00:25:45,269 in school, and you were sure 481 00:25:45,270 --> 00:25:49,140 that life could work backwards. 482 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,400 That this tail could regenerate the beast. 483 00:25:56,580 --> 00:26:01,820 Oh, I wish I could regenerate you now, my girl. 484 00:26:04,610 --> 00:26:06,240 But... 485 00:26:07,230 --> 00:26:08,800 I know that's selfish. 486 00:26:08,820 --> 00:26:12,190 That... that would stop my pain. 487 00:26:12,270 --> 00:26:15,560 You, my darling, 488 00:26:16,260 --> 00:26:20,360 who had so much pain in your short life, 489 00:26:22,620 --> 00:26:25,020 you're finally at peace. 490 00:26:35,270 --> 00:26:37,650 Oh, Jesus, this is difficult. 491 00:26:45,780 --> 00:26:47,360 Alison, you were magic. 492 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,690 You were light. You... 493 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,070 You made me believe that anything 494 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,320 and everything is possible. 495 00:26:57,650 --> 00:26:59,360 You were wild. 496 00:27:01,140 --> 00:27:04,020 You were brave. You... 497 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,650 You took nothing for granted. 498 00:27:10,500 --> 00:27:13,400 And you made me see the world with new eyes. 499 00:27:13,900 --> 00:27:15,640 With wonder. 500 00:27:17,100 --> 00:27:20,060 Where does that spirit go now? 501 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:21,730 I don't understand. 502 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,480 How could you of all people be gone? 503 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,880 You were, uh... 504 00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:38,190 You were so empathetic, 505 00:27:38,270 --> 00:27:41,400 so concerned with the suffering of others, 506 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,520 including me. 507 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,110 Cole. 508 00:29:35,650 --> 00:29:38,340 So, what's the plan here? 509 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:40,270 There is no plan. 510 00:29:43,900 --> 00:29:46,820 Funerals bring out the worst in people. 511 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,340 Alison's gone, Cole. 512 00:29:54,420 --> 00:29:57,070 It doesn't matter where she's buried. 513 00:29:57,150 --> 00:30:00,650 So, why not just let Athena have her moment 514 00:30:00,730 --> 00:30:03,470 as chief mourner so we can all go home 515 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,730 to a more private grief? 516 00:30:07,650 --> 00:30:09,420 No. 517 00:30:10,900 --> 00:30:12,760 You're not the only one who loved her. 518 00:30:13,380 --> 00:30:15,200 Don't I know it. 519 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,180 Look, Cole... 520 00:30:24,860 --> 00:30:26,500 I know you're in pain. 521 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,950 And you may not want to hear this right now, 522 00:30:29,980 --> 00:30:31,440 but so are the rest of us. 523 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,570 We're all reeling. 524 00:30:35,110 --> 00:30:36,940 And that ceremony, it... 525 00:30:38,730 --> 00:30:40,659 It meant a great deal to Athena, 526 00:30:40,660 --> 00:30:42,730 who is her mother. 527 00:30:42,820 --> 00:30:45,030 You know... 528 00:30:45,110 --> 00:30:47,690 if she was still my wife, 529 00:30:47,780 --> 00:30:50,439 I would have got to choose what happened to the body, 530 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,260 and nobody would've questioned it. 531 00:30:59,570 --> 00:31:01,700 I'm sorry. 532 00:31:02,980 --> 00:31:05,270 Why'd you do it? 533 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:06,900 Why her? 534 00:31:11,730 --> 00:31:13,940 I was unhappy. 535 00:31:15,730 --> 00:31:18,200 Did she make you happy? 536 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,070 She made me happy. 537 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,030 How many times you think we've had sex? 538 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,360 I have no fucking idea. 539 00:32:11,690 --> 00:32:13,610 Ten thousand? 540 00:32:16,260 --> 00:32:17,860 Yeah. 541 00:32:19,190 --> 00:32:20,820 Yeah, maybe. 542 00:32:46,070 --> 00:32:48,230 What about you? 543 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,400 Just hold my hand. 544 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,190 Oh. Did I scare you? 545 00:33:05,730 --> 00:33:07,320 No. 546 00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,560 No. 547 00:33:15,270 --> 00:33:17,460 Athena sent you? 548 00:33:18,110 --> 00:33:19,659 She must really be getting desperate. 549 00:33:19,660 --> 00:33:20,940 Athena didn't send me. 550 00:33:20,950 --> 00:33:22,740 I brought you something to eat. 551 00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,900 And I thought you might be a little cold. 552 00:33:24,980 --> 00:33:26,019 Yeah. 553 00:33:30,820 --> 00:33:33,140 Chicken salad from the memorial. 554 00:33:33,570 --> 00:33:34,940 I'm not hungry. 555 00:33:35,030 --> 00:33:37,270 I know, but you have to eat something. 556 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,760 How are you feeling? 557 00:33:53,190 --> 00:33:55,720 I feel terrible. 558 00:33:56,100 --> 00:33:58,070 I know, honey. 559 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,740 It takes time. 560 00:34:02,650 --> 00:34:04,540 How did you do it? 561 00:34:05,900 --> 00:34:08,440 When Dad died, how did you move on? 562 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,200 Did I? 563 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,720 I'm glad you think so. 564 00:34:13,940 --> 00:34:16,100 I always hoped for you and your brothers 565 00:34:16,110 --> 00:34:17,739 that I was strong 566 00:34:17,740 --> 00:34:20,440 and that you felt safe. 567 00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,900 Because inside... phew. 568 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,660 After he killed himself, I broke five watch bands 569 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,320 in the span of two weeks. 570 00:34:32,940 --> 00:34:35,940 I was always pulling at them. 571 00:34:37,110 --> 00:34:38,920 Yanking at my wrists, 572 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,940 trying to figure out what to do with all my anger. 573 00:34:44,780 --> 00:34:47,420 It takes time. 574 00:34:49,030 --> 00:34:51,120 I was coming back for her. 575 00:34:58,190 --> 00:35:00,320 I drove across the entire country 576 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,030 to come and get her, but I was too late. 577 00:35:09,070 --> 00:35:11,980 I am always too late. 578 00:35:14,460 --> 00:35:15,860 Oh, baby. 579 00:35:15,870 --> 00:35:17,610 It isn't your fault. 580 00:35:17,690 --> 00:35:20,260 None of this was. 581 00:35:20,900 --> 00:35:23,820 I don't understand what I'm supposed to do with this. 582 00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,000 I don't think I can carry it. 583 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,860 - You can. - What if I can't? 584 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,900 - I know you can. - But what if I can't? 585 00:35:32,980 --> 00:35:34,570 Dad couldn't. 586 00:35:36,980 --> 00:35:38,840 And I get it now. 587 00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,900 Oh, I mean, to just go to sleep, 588 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,520 to... to never wake up in pain again. 589 00:35:46,540 --> 00:35:47,940 I know. Here's the thing. 590 00:35:48,030 --> 00:35:49,980 You're not like your dad. 591 00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,960 You're not a Lockhart. You're a McGinty. 592 00:35:53,700 --> 00:35:55,360 You're like me. 593 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:58,190 You're a survivor. You're a fighter. 594 00:35:58,270 --> 00:36:01,020 You told me I am exactly like Dad. 595 00:36:01,270 --> 00:36:03,599 Well, if I did, then I was wrong. 596 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,770 - No, but... - Sweetie, there are people 597 00:36:05,780 --> 00:36:07,440 in the world like your father. 598 00:36:07,460 --> 00:36:08,660 Like Alison. 599 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,570 Magical, special people. 600 00:36:12,180 --> 00:36:14,480 And we love them for their sensitive souls, 601 00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:17,110 and we love them for burning so brightly. 602 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:22,260 But I think I always knew your father was... 603 00:36:23,150 --> 00:36:24,860 ephemeral, 604 00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,400 even before he... 605 00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,780 I mean, that's why I sent him to California. 606 00:36:28,860 --> 00:36:32,070 That's why I let him have Nan. 607 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,299 'Cause I-I knew somehow, deep inside, 608 00:36:35,300 --> 00:36:37,610 I couldn't keep him forever. 609 00:36:37,690 --> 00:36:41,400 He wasn't solid, like you and me. 610 00:36:42,860 --> 00:36:45,110 He was made of too much air. 611 00:36:46,230 --> 00:36:48,230 So you knew about Nan. 612 00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:55,060 Then you sent me out there to... find her? 613 00:36:56,030 --> 00:36:57,880 - Why? - I don't know, Cole. 614 00:36:57,900 --> 00:37:02,020 I think I wanted you to see that life is... 615 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,320 God, I... it's messy, honey. 616 00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,459 And you've had more mess, 617 00:37:07,460 --> 00:37:09,649 more tragedy in your life 618 00:37:09,650 --> 00:37:11,400 than most people. 619 00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:14,900 And your answer, like mine, 620 00:37:14,980 --> 00:37:16,839 is to try and take control, 621 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,220 and sometimes you just can't. 622 00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:22,440 And I want to tell you that the worst of it 623 00:37:22,470 --> 00:37:24,460 is just behind you and that it's... 624 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,940 it's all gonna get better from here on out. 625 00:37:27,030 --> 00:37:28,940 And I hope it does. 626 00:37:29,980 --> 00:37:33,040 Baby, it might not, and... 627 00:37:33,980 --> 00:37:35,730 All I've ever wanted, 628 00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:38,400 all that I wish for you, 629 00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,860 is for you to know you're strong 630 00:37:41,940 --> 00:37:44,440 and you can survive. 631 00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:47,220 So you can be the shelter for Joanie 632 00:37:47,230 --> 00:37:49,610 the way I tried to shelter you. 633 00:38:00,940 --> 00:38:03,890 Oh, not everyone gets to grow old, Cole, 634 00:38:03,900 --> 00:38:05,300 but if I had to bet... 635 00:38:07,610 --> 00:38:09,690 I would say that you will. 636 00:38:13,980 --> 00:38:16,210 And the sooner that you understand that 637 00:38:16,220 --> 00:38:19,570 as the great, radical gift it is, 638 00:38:19,650 --> 00:38:24,150 the sooner that you start to think of what you have 639 00:38:24,170 --> 00:38:26,080 instead of what you've lost... 640 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,520 ... the happier you and your little girl are gonna be. 641 00:39:01,820 --> 00:39:03,940 Is Joanie asleep? 642 00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,120 Yep. 643 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:12,800 Thank you. 644 00:39:13,980 --> 00:39:16,270 I love her. 645 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,190 I know you do. 646 00:39:25,270 --> 00:39:27,900 Whatever happened to those hardship papers? 647 00:39:28,030 --> 00:39:29,320 I think we should get 'em filed. 648 00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:33,440 It's too late. 649 00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,610 No, we're done. 650 00:39:39,110 --> 00:39:40,660 Luisa, I'm sorry. 651 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:42,610 Cole, just listen to me for once. 652 00:39:42,690 --> 00:39:44,650 We're done. 653 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,340 I know we're done. 654 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,980 And I'm sorry for everything that I said. 655 00:39:53,900 --> 00:39:56,360 And I'm sorry for the things that I've done. 656 00:39:56,980 --> 00:39:59,020 You deserve better than that. 657 00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:02,610 We don't have to split up. 658 00:40:02,690 --> 00:40:04,440 We can stay married. 659 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:06,600 At least on paper. 660 00:40:07,270 --> 00:40:10,040 And we'll make you Joanie's legal guardian, 661 00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,020 and we'll finally get you your citizenship. 662 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,320 What are we gonna tell Joanie? 663 00:40:27,980 --> 00:40:29,940 Right now I think I... 664 00:40:31,420 --> 00:40:34,320 I'd just like to take her on a little trip. 665 00:40:36,260 --> 00:40:39,960 Just the two of us, to... 666 00:40:40,690 --> 00:40:43,520 get away from here for a little while. 667 00:40:46,220 --> 00:40:48,050 When she gets back, she's gonna need 668 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:49,980 all the love she can get. 669 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,460 And she needs you, Luisa. 670 00:41:05,190 --> 00:41:07,150 What does that mean? 671 00:41:13,190 --> 00:41:16,040 You know what? I think we should... 672 00:41:16,820 --> 00:41:19,320 we should go to bed tonight, and, uh... 673 00:41:20,570 --> 00:41:23,000 I'll help Joanie pack tomorrow. 674 00:41:32,900 --> 00:41:34,680 When we get to our vacation, 675 00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:36,380 will Mommy be there? 676 00:41:37,780 --> 00:41:40,500 Nope. Just gonna be you and me, kiddo. 677 00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,300 Where is Mommy? 678 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,110 Some people think that when you die 679 00:41:48,190 --> 00:41:49,820 your soul goes up to Heaven. 680 00:41:49,860 --> 00:41:51,899 And some people think 681 00:41:51,900 --> 00:41:54,150 that you get to come back as a different person 682 00:41:54,230 --> 00:41:55,840 or even an animal. 683 00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:58,399 But what about you? 684 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,240 Where do you think Mommy is? 685 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,610 I wish I knew, kiddo. 686 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,980 But I do know that she will always be here. 687 00:42:13,070 --> 00:42:14,820 And whenever you miss her, 688 00:42:14,900 --> 00:42:16,980 all we have to do is think about her 689 00:42:17,070 --> 00:42:18,470 and remember her, and that way, 690 00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:20,260 she will always be with us. 691 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,380 ? As I went walking ? 692 00:42:35,690 --> 00:42:38,570 ? That ribbon of highway ? 693 00:42:38,650 --> 00:42:41,400 ? I saw above me ? 694 00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:44,030 ? That endless skyway ? 695 00:42:44,110 --> 00:42:47,180 ? I saw below me ? 696 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,900 ? That golden valley ? 697 00:42:50,980 --> 00:42:55,150 ? This land was made for you and me ? 698 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:28,600 _ 699 00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,640 _ 700 00:43:52,190 --> 00:43:54,070 I'll send in Dr. Woo. 701 00:43:54,150 --> 00:43:55,730 Thank you. 702 00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:16,620 Helen. 703 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:17,800 Hmm? 704 00:44:17,900 --> 00:44:19,439 You're hurting me. 705 00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:20,650 Oh. 706 00:44:20,730 --> 00:44:22,230 Sorry. 707 00:44:29,420 --> 00:44:31,780 This place is kind of a mess, huh? 708 00:44:35,820 --> 00:44:37,860 How do you feel? 709 00:44:39,190 --> 00:44:41,420 I'm cold. 710 00:44:47,820 --> 00:44:49,520 I got you. 711 00:44:54,690 --> 00:44:56,180 - How's that? - Thank you. 712 00:44:56,190 --> 00:44:57,610 Mm-hmm. 713 00:44:59,150 --> 00:45:00,780 I love you. 714 00:45:11,030 --> 00:45:12,420 Hey. 715 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,190 Good news, Vik. 716 00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,190 - The cholecystitis has subsided. - Oh. 717 00:45:16,270 --> 00:45:18,520 Morning, Doc. 718 00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,020 - Helen, can you, uh... ? - Yeah. 719 00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:24,600 The ultrasound of your right 720 00:45:24,620 --> 00:45:26,519 confirms what the lab results indicate. 721 00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:28,930 Your leukocyte count and your bilirubin levels 722 00:45:28,940 --> 00:45:30,760 have come significantly down. 723 00:45:30,780 --> 00:45:32,450 Your amylase and your lipase levels 724 00:45:32,460 --> 00:45:33,700 have normalized, too. 725 00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:35,610 Oh. Wow. 726 00:45:35,690 --> 00:45:36,780 What does that mean? 727 00:45:36,820 --> 00:45:38,400 Well, it means he got lucky. 728 00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,480 We caught the cholecystitis quickly. 729 00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:42,920 So I can go home. 730 00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:45,900 I want to keep you here for another day or two, 731 00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:47,990 but if you're not febrile in 24 hours, 732 00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:49,650 I'll send you home on Friday. 733 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:52,900 Thanks, Doc. 734 00:45:53,780 --> 00:45:55,560 Uh, but listen. 735 00:45:55,580 --> 00:45:58,560 Now that this current crisis is averted, 736 00:45:59,180 --> 00:46:01,650 I want to talk to you again about treatment. 737 00:46:02,420 --> 00:46:04,270 If you continue to go untreated, 738 00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,270 I guarantee you 739 00:46:06,300 --> 00:46:09,160 you will be back here with something much worse. 740 00:46:09,940 --> 00:46:12,150 Thrombophlebitis. 741 00:46:12,230 --> 00:46:14,150 Perforated stomach lining. 742 00:46:14,230 --> 00:46:16,800 S-Something that you just cannot bounce back from. 743 00:46:16,820 --> 00:46:18,939 - You're metastatic. - I know that. 744 00:46:18,940 --> 00:46:20,820 Right, so you would also know 745 00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,350 that we typically like to treat metastatic patients 746 00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:24,420 very aggressively. 747 00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:27,580 I'm past surgery, Kristina. 748 00:46:28,460 --> 00:46:29,740 That's not an option for me. 749 00:46:29,750 --> 00:46:32,150 Chemo could shrink this tumor. 750 00:46:32,420 --> 00:46:34,780 And how much time would that actually buy me? 751 00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:36,440 Conservatively, six to nine months. 752 00:46:36,470 --> 00:46:38,520 And here's the thing. 753 00:46:38,660 --> 00:46:42,360 Treatment will improve your quality of life. 754 00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:45,320 Look, Vik. 755 00:46:46,690 --> 00:46:49,460 I have seen this before. 756 00:46:49,690 --> 00:46:51,320 There's a reason they say 757 00:46:51,340 --> 00:46:53,730 that doctors make the worst patients. 758 00:46:54,860 --> 00:46:57,010 We all have God complexes. 759 00:46:57,020 --> 00:46:58,300 And when we get sick, 760 00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:00,030 we're fucking pissed. 761 00:47:00,380 --> 00:47:02,640 I understand that. 762 00:47:03,570 --> 00:47:04,699 But you know what? 763 00:47:04,700 --> 00:47:07,050 You obviously have someone in your life 764 00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:09,299 that loves you very much, 765 00:47:09,300 --> 00:47:10,800 and they want you to stick around, 766 00:47:10,820 --> 00:47:12,699 so forgive me for what I'm about to say, 767 00:47:12,700 --> 00:47:14,140 but I've known you for, what, 768 00:47:14,150 --> 00:47:15,440 almost 20 years? 769 00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,960 You're being an asshole. 770 00:47:21,900 --> 00:47:24,600 This is exactly why we broke up, Kristina. 771 00:47:25,420 --> 00:47:27,110 You've got a potty mouth. 772 00:47:30,980 --> 00:47:32,940 Why don't you two talk it over? 773 00:47:33,500 --> 00:47:35,150 It was nice to see you again, Helen. 774 00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:37,030 Nice to see you, Kristina. 775 00:47:43,610 --> 00:47:45,640 Why did you two break up? 776 00:47:47,940 --> 00:47:49,480 She matched in L.A. 777 00:47:49,570 --> 00:47:51,620 I matched in New York. 778 00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:54,240 We were 26. 779 00:47:54,300 --> 00:47:56,040 We thought we had all the time in the world. 780 00:47:59,820 --> 00:48:02,280 She was wonderful, though. 781 00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:04,980 She still is. 782 00:48:07,940 --> 00:48:11,180 I mean, I think she had to... 783 00:48:12,720 --> 00:48:14,020 go out of her way to treat you. 784 00:48:14,030 --> 00:48:16,110 She had to move a lot of stuff around. 785 00:48:16,190 --> 00:48:17,940 Yeah. 786 00:48:23,140 --> 00:48:25,980 So, do you want to talk about, uh... all that? 787 00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,650 Can we do it later? 788 00:48:31,730 --> 00:48:33,110 When I come home? 789 00:48:33,190 --> 00:48:34,360 Sure. 790 00:48:35,860 --> 00:48:37,610 That's fine. No problem. 791 00:48:37,690 --> 00:48:39,649 Your parents are on their way over anyway. 792 00:48:39,650 --> 00:48:41,860 I was gonna run home and just, um, 793 00:48:41,940 --> 00:48:43,400 take a shower, change my clothes. 794 00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:44,780 Yeah, you should. 795 00:48:44,860 --> 00:48:46,820 - I'll be fine. - Okay. 796 00:48:49,230 --> 00:48:51,360 - Helen. - Yeah. 797 00:48:55,650 --> 00:48:57,980 I hate putting you through this. 798 00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,820 I never wanted to be a burden on anyone. 799 00:49:01,900 --> 00:49:03,780 Stop. 800 00:49:18,610 --> 00:49:20,350 - Hi. - Hi. How is he? 801 00:49:20,380 --> 00:49:21,879 He's better. Uh, he's better. 802 00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:25,119 Apparently, the infection in his gallbladder's, um... 803 00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:26,420 receding? Is that the word? 804 00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,780 His gallbladder? I-I thought this was 805 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:30,149 - cancer of the pancreas. - It is. 806 00:49:30,150 --> 00:49:32,050 But apparently, the tumor in the pancreas 807 00:49:32,070 --> 00:49:33,550 is putting pressure on the gallbladder, 808 00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:36,280 and there's been some kind of bi... bile buildup. 809 00:49:36,300 --> 00:49:39,649 I don't really understand, but you could ask, um, 810 00:49:39,650 --> 00:49:41,729 his doctor when she gets here, 811 00:49:41,730 --> 00:49:43,350 Kristina Woo. I think you know her. 812 00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:44,360 What? 813 00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,020 Kristina is here to take care of him? 814 00:49:47,060 --> 00:49:49,380 - Who? - Kristina, Abdul. 815 00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:51,470 Little Kristina from Stanford. 816 00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:52,780 Oh, his girlfriend? 817 00:49:52,860 --> 00:49:54,920 Well, ex-girlfriend, but yeah. 818 00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:56,310 Oh, praise Heaven. 819 00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,360 Well, I've also been taking care of him, 820 00:49:58,440 --> 00:49:59,980 - you know... - Kristina will help him. 821 00:50:00,070 --> 00:50:02,300 Yes, she will get him the medicine he needs. 822 00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:04,480 She got a perfect score on her medical boards. 823 00:50:04,490 --> 00:50:06,980 Absolutely perfect. Not one mistake. 824 00:50:07,070 --> 00:50:09,680 Well, it was perfect. 825 00:50:09,940 --> 00:50:11,860 Okay. Well, I have to go home 'cause I still have 826 00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:14,179 some vomit on me from when... 827 00:50:14,180 --> 00:50:15,719 Never mind. I'm just gonna... 828 00:50:15,720 --> 00:50:17,020 I'll see you this evening. 829 00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,940 You should go and take care of yourself, Helen. 830 00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:21,560 You look tired. 831 00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:32,020 Surprise! 832 00:50:32,270 --> 00:50:34,720 Whitney. Whitney. 833 00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:36,480 - Hi! - Hi. 834 00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:37,920 Hey there, Colin. 835 00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:40,650 What are you doing here? 836 00:50:40,730 --> 00:50:42,560 We came to surprise you. 837 00:50:42,780 --> 00:50:45,360 Oh, that's nice. What about school? 838 00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:46,780 It's Thanksgiving. 839 00:50:49,650 --> 00:50:50,900 Is it? 840 00:50:51,980 --> 00:50:53,680 Oh, God. Yeah, of course. 841 00:50:53,700 --> 00:50:54,820 It's November. 842 00:50:56,150 --> 00:50:58,270 - Right. - So, where is everybody? 843 00:50:58,330 --> 00:51:01,480 Um, your brother and sister are with your dad, 844 00:51:01,570 --> 00:51:04,219 and, uh, Martin went to the Cape with Mariah. 845 00:51:04,220 --> 00:51:05,690 No, he didn't. 846 00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:07,320 They broke up. 847 00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:08,860 - They did? - Mm-hmm. 848 00:51:08,940 --> 00:51:10,280 - When? - Last week. 849 00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,380 He's coming, too. He'll be here in a few days. 850 00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:14,860 Hey, I'm so happy that we get 851 00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:17,020 to spend Thanksgiving together, all four of us again. 852 00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:18,460 And I was thinking, 853 00:51:18,620 --> 00:51:20,730 what if we invited Dad this year? 854 00:51:21,180 --> 00:51:23,420 Do you think Vik would mind? 855 00:51:25,940 --> 00:51:28,640 Mom, are you okay? 856 00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:30,940 I'm just really happy to have you home. 857 00:51:30,950 --> 00:51:32,260 - That's all. - Oh, my God. 858 00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:33,840 Mom, come on. Don't cry. 859 00:51:33,850 --> 00:51:35,800 I told Colin you are a total ball-buster 860 00:51:35,820 --> 00:51:37,730 and that's why I'm so fucked up. 861 00:51:37,820 --> 00:51:39,730 Now he's gonna think I'm lying. 862 00:51:39,820 --> 00:51:41,800 It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Solloway. 863 00:51:42,910 --> 00:51:44,480 It's nice to see you, Colin. 864 00:51:44,570 --> 00:51:46,140 Are you guys hungry? 865 00:51:46,150 --> 00:51:48,470 Do you want something to eat? 866 00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:49,626 I'll make you an omelet or something. 867 00:51:49,650 --> 00:51:50,970 Mom, we're vegans. 868 00:51:50,980 --> 00:51:52,620 Fuck. Right. 869 00:51:52,700 --> 00:51:53,800 I keep forgetting. 870 00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:55,920 So, what does that mean? I have to pick up 871 00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:56,980 almond milk or... ? 872 00:51:57,070 --> 00:51:59,460 Yeah, don't worry. We'll make our own. 873 00:52:00,660 --> 00:52:02,720 You'll make your own almond milk? 874 00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:04,120 Totally. We stopped at Whole Foods 875 00:52:04,130 --> 00:52:05,360 and got some stuff already. 876 00:52:07,110 --> 00:52:09,190 Well, that's one less thing to worry about. 877 00:52:09,270 --> 00:52:11,020 Uh, you guys, the place is yours. 878 00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:12,870 Colin, there's a really nice pool there 879 00:52:12,900 --> 00:52:16,100 - if you want to take a swim. - This place is sick, Mrs. Solloway. 880 00:52:16,140 --> 00:52:17,860 Thanks. I like it, too. 881 00:52:19,540 --> 00:52:21,400 So, uh, is it just us tonight? 882 00:52:21,420 --> 00:52:23,020 Are Trevor and Stacey coming? 883 00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:26,019 I was thinking of making saag paneer for Vik. 884 00:52:26,020 --> 00:52:27,879 I'm taking this Indian cooking course, 885 00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:28,940 and I'm kind of good. 886 00:52:28,990 --> 00:52:30,570 No, she's really good. 887 00:52:30,650 --> 00:52:31,920 Yeah, I am. 888 00:52:31,980 --> 00:52:34,540 Hashtag "humble brag." I'm really good. 889 00:52:36,270 --> 00:52:38,330 Actually, Vik's not gonna be here tonight. 890 00:52:38,340 --> 00:52:39,820 He's in the hospital. 891 00:52:39,900 --> 00:52:41,850 Come on, tell him to beg off early. 892 00:52:41,860 --> 00:52:43,560 I'm only here for a couple days. 893 00:52:43,580 --> 00:52:45,300 Tell him, like, punt the surgery. 894 00:52:45,340 --> 00:52:46,800 Is Vik a surgeon? 895 00:52:46,940 --> 00:52:48,119 You didn't tell me that. 896 00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:50,440 Yeah, he is. He's, like, a super-surgeon. 897 00:52:51,380 --> 00:52:53,800 Whit, actually, he's not at the hospital. 898 00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:55,610 He's in the hospital. 899 00:52:55,690 --> 00:52:57,190 Uh, he's sick. 900 00:52:57,820 --> 00:52:59,400 What? What do you mean? 901 00:52:59,420 --> 00:53:00,440 I'm sorry. 902 00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:02,219 I should have told you. I meant to tell you. 903 00:53:02,220 --> 00:53:03,640 You should have told me what? 904 00:53:05,730 --> 00:53:07,680 Vik has cancer. 905 00:53:09,650 --> 00:53:10,940 What? 906 00:53:11,860 --> 00:53:13,820 It's stage four. 907 00:53:18,730 --> 00:53:23,360 S-So... is he... 908 00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:24,880 is he gonna... ? 909 00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:25,920 Yeah. 910 00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:27,560 No. 911 00:53:27,620 --> 00:53:28,620 - Yeah. - No. 912 00:53:28,630 --> 00:53:29,630 Look, I'm sorry. 913 00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:31,559 I really didn't want you to find out this way. 914 00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:33,400 I-I-I wanted to call you a while ago, 915 00:53:33,410 --> 00:53:35,040 but you just seemed so happy, 916 00:53:35,100 --> 00:53:37,706 - and I didn't want to ruin that. - What the fuck is wrong with you? 917 00:53:37,730 --> 00:53:39,990 - With me? - This is why Trevor and Stacey 918 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:41,030 have been such zombies 919 00:53:41,040 --> 00:53:42,680 when I've talked to them on the phone. 920 00:53:42,700 --> 00:53:46,150 God, Helen, you are so fucking irresponsible. 921 00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:47,880 - Whitney. - Just once, 922 00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:49,460 one time, I'd like to come home 923 00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:51,320 to some fucking normalcy for a change. 924 00:53:51,330 --> 00:53:53,040 I have my shit together. 925 00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:54,100 Why can't you? 926 00:53:54,110 --> 00:53:56,900 Can you please... 927 00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:59,480 this time... 928 00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:00,960 just not? 929 00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:02,820 Not what? 930 00:54:02,900 --> 00:54:04,780 Be a bitch. 931 00:54:04,860 --> 00:54:06,250 I'm really sorry that this 932 00:54:06,270 --> 00:54:08,079 isn't the reality that you thought 933 00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:10,270 you were walking into at this particular moment, 934 00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:12,070 but that's... this is what's going on. 935 00:54:12,100 --> 00:54:14,020 This is what is going on. 936 00:54:14,060 --> 00:54:15,570 Did you just call me a bitch? 937 00:54:15,580 --> 00:54:17,036 Hello. 938 00:54:17,060 --> 00:54:18,570 - Oh... - Anyone home? 939 00:54:18,700 --> 00:54:19,950 Hi, Sierra. 940 00:54:20,030 --> 00:54:21,450 - Hi. - How are you? 941 00:54:21,530 --> 00:54:24,280 I'm good. Um, oh, my God. 942 00:54:24,370 --> 00:54:25,479 Is this your daughter? 943 00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:27,980 Um, yes, this is my daughter and her boyfriend, 944 00:54:27,990 --> 00:54:30,760 and this is my friend, Sierra. 945 00:54:30,860 --> 00:54:32,450 - Hey. - Hi. 946 00:54:32,470 --> 00:54:34,720 Oh, my God. It's so great to finally meet you. 947 00:54:34,740 --> 00:54:37,160 Mom, can we not do this right now? 948 00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:39,740 - Do what? - Meet someone. 949 00:54:39,750 --> 00:54:41,280 I-I need to talk to you. 950 00:54:41,340 --> 00:54:43,180 Is this a bad time? I can come back. 951 00:54:43,490 --> 00:54:45,370 Why don't you just give me a moment with my friend, 952 00:54:45,380 --> 00:54:46,380 and you guys can go fuck in 953 00:54:46,390 --> 00:54:47,750 the spare guest room or something. 954 00:54:47,830 --> 00:54:50,780 God, this is so fucking typical, Helen. 955 00:54:50,790 --> 00:54:52,280 Can you please stop calling me Helen? 956 00:54:52,290 --> 00:54:54,240 You never change, do you? 957 00:54:57,700 --> 00:55:00,680 Sorry about that, Mrs. Solloway. 958 00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:02,200 She's, um... 959 00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:04,180 just started a new birth control, 960 00:55:04,190 --> 00:55:08,020 and it's making her, you know, kind of mad. 961 00:55:08,490 --> 00:55:10,280 It's fine, Colin. I'm used to it. 962 00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:14,460 Wow. She is a force. 963 00:55:14,620 --> 00:55:16,280 Yeah. That she is. 964 00:55:17,950 --> 00:55:20,240 I brought this for you. 965 00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:22,780 It's called a white butterfly. 966 00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:24,830 What's the occasion? 967 00:55:24,910 --> 00:55:26,100 No occasion. 968 00:55:26,140 --> 00:55:27,539 I've just been thinking about 969 00:55:27,540 --> 00:55:29,620 how blessed I am to have you in my life. 970 00:55:32,100 --> 00:55:33,439 Are you okay? You look tired. 971 00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:34,870 No, I'm fine. 972 00:55:37,780 --> 00:55:39,500 I, um... 973 00:55:40,500 --> 00:55:41,850 I-I can't stop thinking about 974 00:55:41,860 --> 00:55:43,540 what happened between us in the desert. 975 00:55:43,570 --> 00:55:44,870 Yeah. 976 00:55:44,900 --> 00:55:47,110 - Um... - Have you been avoiding me? 977 00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:48,139 No. 978 00:55:48,140 --> 00:55:50,080 No, no, that's not it at all. 979 00:55:51,240 --> 00:55:52,280 Okay. 980 00:55:52,420 --> 00:55:55,620 Um, good, because I-I have something to tell you. 981 00:55:56,020 --> 00:55:57,920 Yeah, can it wait? 982 00:55:57,980 --> 00:56:00,720 Uh, no, not... not really. 983 00:56:01,370 --> 00:56:04,200 It's just that, uh, Vik is in the hospital. 984 00:56:04,220 --> 00:56:05,900 Wh-Why? 985 00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:08,659 Because he has cancer and he's not treating it, 986 00:56:08,660 --> 00:56:10,109 so the tumor won't stop growing, 987 00:56:10,110 --> 00:56:11,679 and now it's pressing against his gallbladder, 988 00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:13,399 which, of course, is infected 989 00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:14,699 because why can't anything 990 00:56:14,700 --> 00:56:18,540 ever be just okay for one fucking minute? 991 00:56:20,410 --> 00:56:22,470 Helen, I'm... I'm so sorry. 992 00:56:25,990 --> 00:56:27,640 It's his mom. 993 00:56:28,750 --> 00:56:30,030 Hello, Priya. 994 00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,050 What? I don't... No, you're gonna have to slow down. 995 00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:36,120 I don't understand what you're saying. 996 00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:39,860 Septic? 997 00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:42,080 Are you sure? 998 00:56:42,870 --> 00:56:44,650 Okay. Yes, all right, I'm on my way. 999 00:56:44,660 --> 00:56:45,999 Yes, no, I'm leaving now. 1000 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:47,200 Now. 1001 00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:48,520 Is everything okay? 1002 00:56:48,530 --> 00:56:49,870 Uh, no. 1003 00:56:52,620 --> 00:56:54,080 I have to go. 1004 00:56:54,580 --> 00:56:56,030 Well, let me drive you. 1005 00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:57,320 No, I'm okay. 1006 00:56:57,410 --> 00:56:59,280 Helen... 1007 00:56:59,370 --> 00:57:00,910 please let me help you. 1008 00:57:00,990 --> 00:57:02,640 I-I want to help you. 1009 00:57:06,180 --> 00:57:08,620 Sierra, you know what happened in the desert, 1010 00:57:08,700 --> 00:57:10,699 that was a one-time thing with us, right? 1011 00:57:10,700 --> 00:57:13,079 - I'm with Vik. I-I can't just be... - Yes. 1012 00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:14,830 I know. 1013 00:57:16,740 --> 00:57:18,410 Where are your keys? 1014 00:57:21,160 --> 00:57:22,760 I'm driving. 1015 00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:49,659 Hi. Can I help you? 1016 00:57:49,660 --> 00:57:51,580 Uh, there's already two visitors, so you can't 1017 00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:53,216 - go in right now. - What's going on in there? 1018 00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:54,840 - I'm sorry, who are you? - I'm... 1019 00:57:54,850 --> 00:57:57,040 - And where are your visitor passes? - Mine is right... 1020 00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:58,759 Fuck, mine, it must have slipped off. 1021 00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:00,320 - You both need passes. - I need to go in there. 1022 00:58:00,330 --> 00:58:01,400 His mother just called me. 1023 00:58:01,420 --> 00:58:02,420 I'm sorry, but if you're not 1024 00:58:02,430 --> 00:58:05,060 - immediate family, you cannot go in. - I am. I'm his wife. 1025 00:58:05,100 --> 00:58:06,100 Great. 1026 00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:07,740 So then go to the front desk, 1027 00:58:07,750 --> 00:58:10,030 where your name is surely on the list, and get a pass. 1028 00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:11,139 Maybe I can go to the desk 1029 00:58:11,140 --> 00:58:12,619 and get passes for both of us, 1030 00:58:12,620 --> 00:58:14,376 - and then she can go in right now. - Who are you? 1031 00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:16,580 - I'm her friend. - You're not related to him? 1032 00:58:16,700 --> 00:58:18,640 - No, not exactly. - Then you need to go. 1033 00:58:18,650 --> 00:58:19,980 Yeah, maybe you should just go, okay? 1034 00:58:19,990 --> 00:58:22,400 Okay, but I... I would just like... 1035 00:58:24,450 --> 00:58:26,620 Are you sick? 1036 00:58:26,700 --> 00:58:29,340 This guy's already septic. Are you trying to kill him? 1037 00:58:29,350 --> 00:58:30,679 I was here an hour ago, 1038 00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:32,320 and he was fine. What happened? 1039 00:58:32,490 --> 00:58:34,420 His immune system is hanging on by a thread. 1040 00:58:34,430 --> 00:58:35,740 - If you have the slightest cold... - I'm not sick. 1041 00:58:35,750 --> 00:58:37,460 Well, you shouldn't even be in this hallway. 1042 00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:38,480 If you both don't leave, 1043 00:58:38,490 --> 00:58:41,260 - I'm gonna have to call security. - I'm not sick. I'm pregnant. 1044 00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:45,560 You're pregnant? 1045 00:58:45,910 --> 00:58:48,760 Yes, that's what I was trying to tell you. 1046 00:58:51,530 --> 00:58:53,680 Why are you trying to tell me? 1047 00:59:07,580 --> 00:59:09,660 I'm so sorry. 1048 00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:12,880 What? 1049 00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:15,940 It was an accident. 1050 00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:17,410 It was one time, 1051 00:59:17,490 --> 00:59:19,020 and it didn't mean anything. 1052 00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:21,540 I don't, like, love him or anything. 1053 00:59:21,550 --> 00:59:23,670 I mean, if there's anyone I love, it's-it's you. 1054 00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:24,680 Is this some kind of joke? 1055 00:59:24,681 --> 00:59:25,990 - I know this is a shock. - Is that why you bought me 1056 00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:28,120 - that fucking orchid? - It was a shock to me, too. 1057 00:59:28,370 --> 00:59:30,200 And I know that this is such bad timing, 1058 00:59:30,210 --> 00:59:32,340 but, Helen, I-I... I want to keep it. 1059 00:59:32,740 --> 00:59:34,300 I want to be a mother. 1060 00:59:34,530 --> 00:59:36,199 Everything you said to me in the desert, 1061 00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:38,059 it resonated so deeply with me. 1062 00:59:38,060 --> 00:59:39,426 And it's like you said to me what I've 1063 00:59:39,450 --> 00:59:41,170 been waiting to hear my whole life, and I... 1064 01:00:18,280 --> 01:00:19,740 Oh, God. 1065 01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:22,680 You sound so old. 1066 01:00:22,690 --> 01:00:24,990 You didn't used to groan when you sat down. 1067 01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:26,530 Why are we sitting down here? 1068 01:00:26,540 --> 01:00:28,570 There's a perfectly good bench over there. 1069 01:00:28,660 --> 01:00:30,680 I wanted to be low to the ground. 1070 01:00:33,570 --> 01:00:34,990 Do you want one? 1071 01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:36,160 Got one for you. 1072 01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:37,640 No, thanks. 1073 01:00:38,580 --> 01:00:39,720 What happened? 1074 01:00:40,240 --> 01:00:42,040 Where are the kids? 1075 01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:43,740 I dropped them at your place. 1076 01:00:43,830 --> 01:00:45,230 With Whitney and the new boyfriend. 1077 01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:47,080 Oh, yeah. He seems nice enough. 1078 01:00:47,140 --> 01:00:49,370 Yeah, he's okay. 1079 01:00:49,450 --> 01:00:51,120 She's exactly the same. 1080 01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:52,780 Yeah. 1081 01:00:53,830 --> 01:00:55,280 What did we do wrong there? 1082 01:00:55,490 --> 01:00:58,000 Helen, she's a kid. 1083 01:01:00,870 --> 01:01:03,460 We were already married by the time we were her age. 1084 01:01:03,700 --> 01:01:05,780 Yeah, well, we were kids, too. 1085 01:01:08,410 --> 01:01:10,140 Vik okay? 1086 01:01:12,100 --> 01:01:13,780 No. 1087 01:01:15,530 --> 01:01:17,830 Vik is going to die. 1088 01:01:19,240 --> 01:01:20,580 I'm so sorry. 1089 01:01:20,830 --> 01:01:22,530 Yep. 1090 01:01:22,620 --> 01:01:23,860 Me, too. 1091 01:01:26,220 --> 01:01:28,780 I'm really, really sorry. 1092 01:01:34,330 --> 01:01:36,220 Did you ever meet our neighbor, Sierra? 1093 01:01:37,240 --> 01:01:39,640 - Don't think so, no. - Well, she's pregnant. 1094 01:01:39,740 --> 01:01:41,340 - That's nice for her. - With Vik's baby. 1095 01:01:44,030 --> 01:01:45,180 What? 1096 01:01:47,990 --> 01:01:49,370 Oh, God. 1097 01:01:49,450 --> 01:01:51,080 Helen. 1098 01:01:51,700 --> 01:01:54,399 Look, Vik's not in his right mind now, you know? 1099 01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:56,216 Look, it's already... I don't care. I really don't care. 1100 01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:58,030 Look, I fucked her, too. 1101 01:01:59,700 --> 01:02:01,280 Really? 1102 01:02:06,060 --> 01:02:07,450 What, and I missed it? 1103 01:02:12,830 --> 01:02:14,030 Eh. 1104 01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:17,490 I just can't go back up there. 1105 01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:19,700 I can't face him like this. 1106 01:02:19,780 --> 01:02:21,150 Well, you're pissed with him, right? 1107 01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:23,320 No, that's not why I can't face him. 1108 01:02:28,990 --> 01:02:30,990 I don't know if I love him. 1109 01:02:32,870 --> 01:02:34,550 I mean, the way I'm supposed to. 1110 01:02:34,570 --> 01:02:35,830 You know... 1111 01:02:35,910 --> 01:02:37,340 I love him enough. 1112 01:02:39,530 --> 01:02:41,360 What does that mean? 1113 01:02:45,030 --> 01:02:47,160 Not the way I loved you. 1114 01:02:53,910 --> 01:02:55,910 Helen, we were... 1115 01:02:57,490 --> 01:02:59,540 We were young. 1116 01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:03,700 We hadn't fucked up yet. 1117 01:03:03,780 --> 01:03:06,419 It's just so much easier to feel 1118 01:03:06,420 --> 01:03:09,410 deeply for someone when there's no... 1119 01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:11,320 defenses or... 1120 01:03:11,410 --> 01:03:13,240 Baggage? 1121 01:03:14,450 --> 01:03:16,280 Well, yeah. 1122 01:03:21,780 --> 01:03:23,560 God, poor Alison. 1123 01:03:28,620 --> 01:03:30,480 How was her funeral? 1124 01:03:32,120 --> 01:03:33,950 Ah, it was awful. 1125 01:03:35,570 --> 01:03:37,450 Right. 1126 01:03:37,530 --> 01:03:41,140 No, they, uh... her mother had her cremated, 1127 01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:42,490 so the ceremony was on the beach, 1128 01:03:42,570 --> 01:03:45,950 and Cole grabbed the urn and ran away with it. 1129 01:03:46,030 --> 01:03:48,120 - Are you fucking kidding me? - No. 1130 01:03:48,700 --> 01:03:50,220 Oh, my God. 1131 01:03:50,830 --> 01:03:52,989 Everybody's so fucking crazy. 1132 01:03:52,990 --> 01:03:54,410 Yeah. 1133 01:04:01,370 --> 01:04:03,300 I miss her, you know. I... 1134 01:04:05,900 --> 01:04:08,580 Can't stop thinking about how much I... 1135 01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:11,570 failed her and... 1136 01:04:13,660 --> 01:04:15,660 ... how badly I fucked up. 1137 01:04:27,500 --> 01:04:30,200 You know, what happened to her wasn't your fault. 1138 01:04:30,280 --> 01:04:31,530 You think? 1139 01:04:31,620 --> 01:04:32,940 No, I'm sure. 1140 01:04:41,740 --> 01:04:44,400 How's Vik holding up? 1141 01:04:45,830 --> 01:04:47,490 He's not good. 1142 01:04:47,570 --> 01:04:49,030 I mean, it's like... 1143 01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:53,150 It's like the light has gone out of his eyes. 1144 01:04:53,160 --> 01:04:56,080 Like somebody just drew curtains. 1145 01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:57,780 I've never seen anything like it. 1146 01:04:57,870 --> 01:04:59,640 Why doesn't he get any treatment? 1147 01:04:59,650 --> 01:05:01,030 I don't know. I... 1148 01:05:01,050 --> 01:05:02,640 You know, he doesn't think it'll work. 1149 01:05:02,650 --> 01:05:03,990 The doctors say it might work. 1150 01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:05,190 Maybe I should have tried harder. 1151 01:05:05,200 --> 01:05:06,449 I don't know. I don't know. 1152 01:05:06,450 --> 01:05:08,280 I just... I don't... I don't know. 1153 01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:14,240 Can I tell you something awful? 1154 01:05:15,060 --> 01:05:16,200 What? 1155 01:05:19,570 --> 01:05:21,120 I used Vik... 1156 01:05:22,530 --> 01:05:24,700 to get over you. 1157 01:05:32,720 --> 01:05:34,550 I mean, I was so afraid to be alone, 1158 01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:36,080 and he just breezed into my life, 1159 01:05:36,090 --> 01:05:37,960 and it was so easy. 1160 01:05:38,020 --> 01:05:39,780 He didn't ask anything of me. 1161 01:05:39,870 --> 01:05:41,320 He took care of himself. 1162 01:05:41,570 --> 01:05:42,860 He helped me with the kids. 1163 01:05:42,940 --> 01:05:44,990 Everything was so much easier, 1164 01:05:45,080 --> 01:05:46,860 and I did not want to let go of that, 1165 01:05:46,900 --> 01:05:52,120 and now I feel like I wasted the last years of his life, 1166 01:05:52,180 --> 01:05:54,300 because he could have met someone who loved him, 1167 01:05:54,320 --> 01:05:55,640 who really loved him, 1168 01:05:55,700 --> 01:05:57,820 who could have brought her whole self to him, 1169 01:05:57,880 --> 01:06:00,030 not some kind of fucking broken... 1170 01:06:00,120 --> 01:06:01,750 Stop, okay? Seriously, stop. 1171 01:06:01,760 --> 01:06:03,840 That's enough. 1172 01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:06,870 You are a lot of things, Helen. You are... 1173 01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:11,110 ... neurotic and-and overbearing, 1174 01:06:11,120 --> 01:06:12,410 and you're snobby, 1175 01:06:12,420 --> 01:06:14,260 and you're judgmental 1176 01:06:14,270 --> 01:06:15,830 - and-and superior, but... - Are you gonna stop? 1177 01:06:15,850 --> 01:06:19,200 But you... you are not broken. 1178 01:06:19,700 --> 01:06:22,780 I don't know anyone who's tougher than you. 1179 01:06:26,570 --> 01:06:28,850 That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me. 1180 01:06:28,870 --> 01:06:30,740 Yeah, well, I mean it. 1181 01:06:30,830 --> 01:06:32,580 And I know you love Vik. 1182 01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:35,119 I-I've been watching you both for 1183 01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:36,489 however many years. 1184 01:06:36,490 --> 01:06:38,700 You love each other. 1185 01:06:39,360 --> 01:06:41,139 Maybe it's not the same as it was with us, 1186 01:06:41,140 --> 01:06:42,220 but who gives a fuck? 1187 01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:43,720 Where is it written that love 1188 01:06:43,740 --> 01:06:45,830 should be exactly the same every time? 1189 01:06:48,320 --> 01:06:49,780 And now he's dying, 1190 01:06:49,820 --> 01:06:52,380 and there's nothing you can do about it. 1191 01:06:53,120 --> 01:06:55,120 And I know that that is terrifying. 1192 01:06:56,830 --> 01:06:59,740 I know that's the worst feeling in the whole world. 1193 01:07:02,740 --> 01:07:04,570 But I gotta say, I... 1194 01:07:04,660 --> 01:07:07,450 if there's one person I would want to be with 1195 01:07:07,530 --> 01:07:09,120 when I die, 1196 01:07:10,370 --> 01:07:12,940 if there's one person who would make me feel, 1197 01:07:13,180 --> 01:07:16,980 no matter what, that I was safe and... 1198 01:07:17,990 --> 01:07:19,880 that I was loved, 1199 01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:22,780 it'd be you. 1200 01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:32,919 Okay, that really is the nicest thing 1201 01:07:32,920 --> 01:07:34,570 you've ever said to me. 1202 01:07:34,840 --> 01:07:36,700 Helen. 1203 01:07:36,780 --> 01:07:39,280 We are so fucking lucky to be alive. 1204 01:07:41,450 --> 01:07:44,960 I-I think about this all the time these days. 1205 01:07:45,020 --> 01:07:47,560 We are just so fucking lucky to be alive. 1206 01:08:31,370 --> 01:08:33,950 That was scary. 1207 01:08:34,030 --> 01:08:35,870 Yeah, it was. 1208 01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:44,460 I didn't realize how painful it would get. 1209 01:09:01,120 --> 01:09:03,720 I have to say something to you. 1210 01:09:10,530 --> 01:09:12,600 I'm so sorry. 1211 01:09:14,830 --> 01:09:17,120 For what? 1212 01:09:19,780 --> 01:09:21,870 I should have listened to you. 1213 01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:27,520 I should have gotten treatment. 1214 01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:30,120 I'm sorry. 1215 01:09:31,910 --> 01:09:33,620 I'm so sorry. 1216 01:09:33,650 --> 01:09:35,620 Stop. 1217 01:09:35,700 --> 01:09:37,490 We... 1218 01:09:38,700 --> 01:09:40,560 We did the best we could. 1219 01:09:48,780 --> 01:09:50,450 I've seen death. 1220 01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:55,490 I always knew it was coming. I... 1221 01:09:57,910 --> 01:10:00,320 I thought I knew what it was. 1222 01:10:03,320 --> 01:10:06,120 But when it finally happens to you, you... 1223 01:10:06,580 --> 01:10:08,040 you're not ready. 1224 01:10:08,280 --> 01:10:10,410 You're not dead. You're still here. 1225 01:10:11,990 --> 01:10:14,200 I'm by myself now. 1226 01:10:17,530 --> 01:10:19,279 I'm on the other side. 1227 01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:21,080 Don't say that. 1228 01:10:21,160 --> 01:10:23,030 You're alive. 1229 01:10:23,380 --> 01:10:25,030 And I miss you. 1230 01:10:27,870 --> 01:10:29,540 I just... 1231 01:10:29,900 --> 01:10:32,990 I just want to be back, where you are. 1232 01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:35,530 With you. 1233 01:10:36,780 --> 01:10:38,200 And the kids. 1234 01:10:40,530 --> 01:10:42,370 I don't want to do this. 1235 01:10:47,990 --> 01:10:50,260 I don't want to go. 1236 01:10:51,570 --> 01:10:53,610 I want... more days. 1237 01:10:53,620 --> 01:10:55,410 I want more life. 1238 01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:11,740 I love you. 1239 01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:16,910 I love you. 1240 01:11:20,570 --> 01:11:22,370 I love you. 1241 01:11:25,950 --> 01:11:27,570 I love you. 1242 01:11:54,620 --> 01:11:56,570 Tell him now. 1243 01:11:56,660 --> 01:11:58,220 What? 1244 01:11:59,200 --> 01:12:00,940 He's awake. Tell him. 1245 01:14:20,860 --> 01:14:24,100 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --