1 00:00:00,141 --> 00:00:01,553 I've lived in a lot of places, 2 00:00:01,615 --> 00:00:04,715 but there's one house that, to me, 3 00:00:04,717 --> 00:00:06,650 will always feel like home. 4 00:00:06,652 --> 00:00:08,652 A house is something special. 5 00:00:08,654 --> 00:00:10,921 It's a member of the family that needs to be treated with 6 00:00:10,923 --> 00:00:12,522 love and respect. 7 00:00:12,524 --> 00:00:14,224 And if you let us stay here alone overnight, 8 00:00:14,226 --> 00:00:15,992 that's exactly what we intend on doing. 9 00:00:15,994 --> 00:00:19,096 So on this, the anniversary of the day you met, 10 00:00:19,098 --> 00:00:21,131 let us give you the greatest gift of all: 11 00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:23,767 Not spending money on a babysitter. 12 00:00:23,769 --> 00:00:25,402 So what do you think? 13 00:00:25,404 --> 00:00:27,337 Well, Aunt Dee canceled. 14 00:00:27,339 --> 00:00:28,905 So they either stay by themselves, 15 00:00:28,907 --> 00:00:30,073 or we don't go to Laguna. 16 00:00:30,075 --> 00:00:31,308 Oh, we're going to Laguna. 17 00:00:31,310 --> 00:00:33,835 We need to go to Laguna. 18 00:00:33,870 --> 00:00:35,813 - All right, you can stay. - Yes! 19 00:00:35,815 --> 00:00:37,948 Just know that if you get into any trouble, 20 00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:39,216 we're not coming back. 21 00:00:39,218 --> 00:00:41,451 - Yes, we will. - Fine. 22 00:00:41,453 --> 00:00:43,387 But there better be blood. 23 00:00:43,389 --> 00:00:45,956 If you two are staying here alone, there are some rules: 24 00:00:45,958 --> 00:00:47,724 No junk food for dinner, 25 00:00:47,726 --> 00:00:50,227 no rated-R movies, and no eating candy in the bedroom. 26 00:00:50,229 --> 00:00:52,596 Don't worry, Mom. We'll follow all the rules. 27 00:00:55,534 --> 00:00:57,334 We're breaking every single one of those rules. 28 00:00:57,336 --> 00:00:58,502 Oh, yeah. 29 00:01:02,141 --> 00:01:04,441 - Now and Later? - Yes and yes. 30 00:01:04,443 --> 00:01:06,176 No matter what happens, 31 00:01:06,178 --> 00:01:08,145 home has always been there for me when I need it. 32 00:01:08,147 --> 00:01:11,615 Thanks for letting me stay here while Darryl's place gets fumigated. 33 00:01:11,617 --> 00:01:12,682 Abby's with Sarah, so it'll just be me. 34 00:01:12,684 --> 00:01:13,950 I hope I'm not imposing. 35 00:01:13,952 --> 00:01:15,285 Don't be ridiculous. 36 00:01:15,287 --> 00:01:16,520 Frankly, I could use the company. 37 00:01:16,522 --> 00:01:17,921 Son of a bitch. 38 00:01:17,923 --> 00:01:20,424 You should've seen this last one. 39 00:01:20,426 --> 00:01:22,192 - What's happening? - Data gathering! 40 00:01:22,194 --> 00:01:24,494 Tomorrow I go in front of the city council 41 00:01:24,496 --> 00:01:27,130 to request a stop sign for our corner. 42 00:01:27,132 --> 00:01:29,166 Your father has become obsessed with cars 43 00:01:29,168 --> 00:01:30,333 going too fast for the neighborhood. 44 00:01:30,335 --> 00:01:31,447 I thought he was obsessed 45 00:01:31,537 --> 00:01:33,603 with finding the perfect pair of cargo shorts. 46 00:01:33,605 --> 00:01:36,173 Every week of retirement is a new, fun adventure. 47 00:01:36,175 --> 00:01:38,508 Oh, I see you, Sentra. 48 00:01:38,510 --> 00:01:40,343 And no matter how many days have passed, 49 00:01:40,345 --> 00:01:42,879 that house represents something special to me... 50 00:01:43,882 --> 00:01:46,783 Which is probably why I'm having a hard time 51 00:01:46,785 --> 00:01:48,385 saying good-bye. 52 00:01:49,315 --> 00:01:52,127 _ 53 00:01:54,244 --> 00:02:00,237 credits 54 00:02:06,276 --> 00:02:07,308 Justin? 55 00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:08,743 Little bro! 56 00:02:08,745 --> 00:02:10,478 Bro who's barely older than me. 57 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:11,679 Hey, man. 58 00:02:11,681 --> 00:02:13,941 What are you doing here? I thought you were in Singapore. 59 00:02:14,018 --> 00:02:16,351 Yeah, well, I have a layover in LA for 36 hours, 60 00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:17,752 then my company's sending me to London. 61 00:02:17,754 --> 00:02:20,722 Man, this place never changes. 62 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:23,024 You know our secret candy stash is still in that closet? 63 00:02:23,026 --> 00:02:24,392 Yeah, I wouldn't eat that. 64 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,627 Mm. Oh, that is very stale. 65 00:02:26,629 --> 00:02:27,749 Yeah. 66 00:02:28,123 --> 00:02:30,264 And then, after I designed the campaign that basically 67 00:02:30,266 --> 00:02:32,300 launched the body spray craze in Beijing, 68 00:02:32,302 --> 00:02:34,535 the company asked me to go to Vietnam to do the same thing. 69 00:02:34,537 --> 00:02:36,237 Yeah, it's been a busy year. 70 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:40,041 But unfortunately, it has bumped me up into the top tax bracket. 71 00:02:40,043 --> 00:02:42,377 Yeah, man. I can relate to that because I am also 72 00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:43,945 in a tax bracket. 73 00:02:43,947 --> 00:02:45,580 Things will turn around for you, champ. 74 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,982 You'll be out of that garage soon enough. 75 00:02:47,984 --> 00:02:50,618 Let me tell you a story about a man who also faced 76 00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:53,421 some big challenges. He was... 77 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,123 Sweetie, please don't bring up Sully again. 78 00:02:55,125 --> 00:02:58,659 I'm a pilot, and he's our brightest star. 79 00:02:58,661 --> 00:03:00,628 You know, I may have an interesting 80 00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:02,663 business opportunity for you, if you have time. 81 00:03:02,665 --> 00:03:05,700 Well, Ron did put me on a shift on the radar gun, 82 00:03:05,702 --> 00:03:06,877 so yes, please! 83 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,636 Our company does a lot of arena events, 84 00:03:08,638 --> 00:03:10,983 and we're looking for someone to build a better t-shirt cannon. 85 00:03:11,008 --> 00:03:13,107 You know, one that fires twice as far without, 86 00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:14,776 and this is key, 87 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,844 horribly injuring anyone at close range. 88 00:03:16,846 --> 00:03:19,180 Well, I do love cannons, and t-shirts, 89 00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:20,748 and not horribly injuring people, 90 00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:21,716 so, yeah, I'm in. 91 00:03:21,718 --> 00:03:23,684 Yeah! 92 00:03:23,686 --> 00:03:26,087 Well, Maggie, it looks like you got the noon to 5:00 shift 93 00:03:26,089 --> 00:03:27,422 on the radar gun. 94 00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:29,123 Now if they go over 30, 95 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,426 I want you to hit them with this air horn. 96 00:03:33,029 --> 00:03:34,462 Dad. 97 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:36,531 Yeah, that ought to do it. 98 00:03:38,701 --> 00:03:41,602 This is awesome! We're finally home alone! 99 00:03:41,604 --> 00:03:44,372 We are going to have the biggest party ever. 100 00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:46,140 Are you kidding? They'll kill us. 101 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:48,209 Oh, Alex. Not tonight! 102 00:03:48,211 --> 00:03:51,379 I'm talking about President's Day weekend, junior year. 103 00:03:51,381 --> 00:03:52,580 So three years from now? 104 00:03:52,582 --> 00:03:53,948 Exactly. 105 00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:55,249 We're just building up their trust. 106 00:03:55,251 --> 00:03:57,218 An overnight here, a weekend there, 107 00:03:57,220 --> 00:03:59,821 and then, bang! We hit them with a rager. 108 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,856 I mean, hey, if we're not throwing a party, 109 00:04:01,858 --> 00:04:03,324 maybe I can invite Nori over. 110 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,993 - No parents, no Phil Ricozzi... - No! 111 00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:07,862 I mean, "No" in a normal voice. 112 00:04:07,864 --> 00:04:09,597 I just think having her here 113 00:04:09,599 --> 00:04:11,499 alone with us would be uncomfortable. 114 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,034 Why? 115 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:20,241 Oh, crap. 116 00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:23,578 Because we're gonna watch an R-rated movie! 117 00:04:23,580 --> 00:04:26,180 There might be boobs, and we can't see boobs with a girl. 118 00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,082 Can't argue with that logic. 119 00:04:28,084 --> 00:04:30,618 Besides, tonight is more than the anniversary of the night 120 00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:31,845 my dad met your mom, 121 00:04:31,889 --> 00:04:34,455 it's the anniversary of the day that led us to becoming bros. 122 00:04:34,457 --> 00:04:35,890 We should spend it together. 123 00:04:35,892 --> 00:04:37,458 Just the two of us! 124 00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:38,893 - That's really... - Sweet? 125 00:04:38,895 --> 00:04:41,329 I know, I'm a sweetheart. 126 00:04:43,666 --> 00:04:45,132 Mr. Riley! 127 00:04:45,134 --> 00:04:47,001 You didn't have to come to the open house! 128 00:04:47,003 --> 00:04:48,669 I just thought I would stop by. 129 00:04:48,671 --> 00:04:52,473 See how things are going. Woo-hoo! Cookies. 130 00:04:52,475 --> 00:04:54,775 Those are for the potential buyers. 131 00:04:54,777 --> 00:04:57,512 They're gonna love them. They're great. 132 00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:58,813 Takes you back, doesn't it? 133 00:04:58,815 --> 00:05:01,682 - Justin! - Hey. 134 00:05:01,684 --> 00:05:03,117 What are you doing here? 135 00:05:03,119 --> 00:05:04,752 Had a meeting in town this morning. 136 00:05:04,754 --> 00:05:06,153 It was the annoying environmentalist who's still 137 00:05:06,155 --> 00:05:07,822 holding up my Hyperloop. 138 00:05:07,824 --> 00:05:09,524 Figured I'd stop by and see how the sale was going. 139 00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:12,860 - Ooh, cookies. - Governor, I'm sorry. They're for the... 140 00:05:12,862 --> 00:05:14,662 Whatever! 141 00:05:14,664 --> 00:05:18,766 I can't believe we're letting this old place go. 142 00:05:18,768 --> 00:05:20,668 You remember the first time we stayed here all alone? 143 00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:22,670 We watched our first R-rated movie together. 144 00:05:22,672 --> 00:05:23,831 Lot of boobs. 145 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,737 And this is where we got drunk for the first time together. 146 00:05:25,809 --> 00:05:28,409 Oh, yeah. We threw up there, and some over there. 147 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:29,541 And a little over there. 148 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,812 Justin, come on, man. How can we sell this place? 149 00:05:31,814 --> 00:05:34,348 It's like selling a part of our childhood. 150 00:05:34,350 --> 00:05:36,384 Alex, we are not having this argument again. 151 00:05:36,386 --> 00:05:38,519 The place has been sitting vacant for years. 152 00:05:38,521 --> 00:05:40,354 It's time to let it go. 153 00:05:40,356 --> 00:05:42,557 Fine. 154 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:48,129 But I'm not voting for you in the next election. 155 00:05:53,469 --> 00:05:55,503 I thought this movie was supposed to be scary, 156 00:05:55,505 --> 00:05:58,339 but I am so un-scared. 157 00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:03,678 Yeah, it should be rated R for "relaxing". 158 00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,083 Who is it? 159 00:06:09,085 --> 00:06:10,351 Pizza! 160 00:06:10,353 --> 00:06:11,886 It sounds like a total lie. 161 00:06:11,888 --> 00:06:13,955 Yeah. 162 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,257 But we did order a pizza. 163 00:06:16,259 --> 00:06:19,894 That is true. 164 00:06:20,938 --> 00:06:22,527 Yeah, that happens all the time. 165 00:06:22,566 --> 00:06:26,133 Here's your Cheesy Clown pizzas; that'll be $21. 166 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,302 Here you go. 167 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,403 Pretty big order. Just you two little guys? 168 00:06:29,405 --> 00:06:34,375 Yep! My brother and I are home alone for the first time ever! 169 00:06:34,377 --> 00:06:36,210 You know what? Keep the change. 170 00:06:36,212 --> 00:06:38,012 $19? Are you sure? 171 00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:39,780 Are you crazy? 172 00:06:39,782 --> 00:06:41,215 You just let that guy know that we're home alone 173 00:06:41,217 --> 00:06:42,516 without any adult supervision. 174 00:06:42,518 --> 00:06:43,884 Yeah, now he knows we're cool. 175 00:06:43,886 --> 00:06:46,253 Or really, really easy to rob. 176 00:06:46,255 --> 00:06:48,122 You gave him a huge tip. 177 00:06:48,124 --> 00:06:50,324 Now he thinks we're alone and rich. 178 00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:52,493 Oh, God, we are totally getting robbed. 179 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:55,262 100%, and 90% getting murdered. 180 00:06:55,264 --> 00:06:56,931 You are so good at math. 181 00:06:56,933 --> 00:06:59,033 This is awful! I don't want to die! 182 00:06:59,035 --> 00:07:00,301 I want to live to kiss Nori Sterling! 183 00:07:00,303 --> 00:07:01,869 - Me too! - What? 184 00:07:01,871 --> 00:07:04,105 I mean I want to live to kiss somebody. 185 00:07:04,107 --> 00:07:06,140 And you said Nori Sterling, so I just thought we were 186 00:07:06,142 --> 00:07:08,242 using her as a placeholder for all womankind. 187 00:07:09,059 --> 00:07:10,511 This is bad. 188 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,247 Wait. We're home alone! 189 00:07:13,249 --> 00:07:16,017 There's a movie that tells kids exactly what to do 190 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,119 in situations like this! 191 00:07:18,121 --> 00:07:19,286 "Home Alone." 192 00:07:19,288 --> 00:07:20,788 I-I got it. 193 00:07:21,724 --> 00:07:23,958 Ooh. Not a bad setup you've got here. 194 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,961 My family's spending our fumigation in a motel room 195 00:07:26,963 --> 00:07:29,664 with three TV channels, none of which are in English. 196 00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:32,266 And let me tell you, "Senor Belveder" does not hold up. 197 00:07:32,268 --> 00:07:33,801 Hey, check it out. 198 00:07:33,803 --> 00:07:35,670 I already got a mock-up of the t-shirt cannon. 199 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:38,339 This baby's powerful enough to launch a hoodie. 200 00:07:38,341 --> 00:07:40,207 Yeah, about that. 201 00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:42,777 I had kind of a weird phone call with Justin's company 202 00:07:42,779 --> 00:07:44,111 about billing. 203 00:07:44,113 --> 00:07:45,680 Look at us! You're making calls, 204 00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,281 I'm firing t-shirts at stuff, 205 00:07:47,283 --> 00:07:48,883 we are having a day! 206 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,052 The thing is they have no record of this job. 207 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,360 No, it's all good, man. 208 00:07:52,422 --> 00:07:55,656 Justin already gave me the first check. It's right here. 209 00:07:55,658 --> 00:07:59,493 Yeah, Alex, this is a personal check from your stepbrother. 210 00:07:59,495 --> 00:08:00,561 Yeah, but he probably just gets reimbursed 211 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,096 from the company later. 212 00:08:02,098 --> 00:08:04,065 Yeah, that's not how any company anywhere 213 00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,221 deals with payroll. 214 00:08:05,302 --> 00:08:07,601 Dude, I think Justin made up this job as an excuse 215 00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:08,836 to give you money. 216 00:08:08,838 --> 00:08:10,604 What? Why would he do that? 217 00:08:10,606 --> 00:08:12,740 Never mind, I just thought of so many answers 218 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,175 to that question. 219 00:08:14,177 --> 00:08:15,943 But still, I'm not a charity case, okay? 220 00:08:15,945 --> 00:08:18,179 I don't need Justin's help. I'm not taking his money. 221 00:08:22,452 --> 00:08:25,419 Okay, well maybe just a little bit to pay for the lamp. 222 00:08:29,088 --> 00:08:29,921 Okay, if anyone enters the house, 223 00:08:29,995 --> 00:08:32,690 they're gonna set off the Alex Riley Burglar Buster 5000, 224 00:08:32,692 --> 00:08:34,225 patent pending. 225 00:08:34,227 --> 00:08:36,227 This trip line releases the bowling ball... 226 00:08:36,229 --> 00:08:37,928 which will activate the counterweight, 227 00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:40,130 which will hoist the intruder up into the air, 228 00:08:40,132 --> 00:08:42,299 while shooting them with the net cannon. 229 00:08:42,301 --> 00:08:44,368 Also, I set up motion-activated deterrents 230 00:08:44,370 --> 00:08:46,103 - at every point of entry. - Great. 231 00:08:46,105 --> 00:08:48,672 I put a few of my Hot Wheels on the floor. 232 00:08:48,674 --> 00:08:50,808 You know, to trip people. 233 00:08:53,179 --> 00:08:55,153 That also took you 40 minutes? 234 00:08:55,188 --> 00:08:56,347 Yes. 235 00:08:56,349 --> 00:08:58,449 Okay, well I ran everything through this power strip. 236 00:08:58,451 --> 00:08:59,917 As soon as I hit this switch, 237 00:08:59,919 --> 00:09:01,118 we'll totally be safe. 238 00:09:04,657 --> 00:09:05,656 Okay, we're dead. 239 00:09:05,658 --> 00:09:07,491 Okay, don't panic. 240 00:09:07,493 --> 00:09:10,227 All we need to do is make some torches so we can see. 241 00:09:10,229 --> 00:09:11,729 I'll break off some chair legs... 242 00:09:12,865 --> 00:09:14,498 Hey, kids! I'm back. 243 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:15,633 You're right, we're dead. What do we do? 244 00:09:15,635 --> 00:09:17,134 Hide! 245 00:09:18,938 --> 00:09:21,772 Seriously, guys, I think I left my wallet in there. 246 00:09:21,774 --> 00:09:22,973 Guys? 247 00:09:26,885 --> 00:09:28,979 Ow! What was that for? 248 00:09:28,981 --> 00:09:31,248 For giving me money. What is the matter with you? 249 00:09:31,741 --> 00:09:32,716 You found out the job was fake? 250 00:09:32,718 --> 00:09:34,251 You gave me a personal check. 251 00:09:34,253 --> 00:09:36,520 There is no payroll that works like that 252 00:09:36,522 --> 00:09:37,955 is a thing that I just learned. 253 00:09:37,957 --> 00:09:39,523 Well, I'm sorry, okay? 254 00:09:39,525 --> 00:09:41,132 I know you're going through a rough patch. 255 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,060 And I also know this is the only way you would accept help. 256 00:09:43,062 --> 00:09:44,995 By inventing a fake job for me to do? 257 00:09:44,997 --> 00:09:47,464 Look, man. I worry about you. 258 00:09:47,466 --> 00:09:49,900 I wake up every day doing what I love. 259 00:09:49,902 --> 00:09:52,636 Sure, usually it's in a garage, or at my parent's house, 260 00:09:52,638 --> 00:09:56,206 but I have faith that everything will fall into place. 261 00:09:56,208 --> 00:09:58,642 What scares me is the idea of spending my life at a job 262 00:09:58,644 --> 00:10:00,814 that I know I'm just doing for the money. 263 00:10:01,485 --> 00:10:02,436 Wow. 264 00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:04,481 - Did you just make that up? - Part of it. 265 00:10:04,483 --> 00:10:06,383 I lifted some of it from a Sully interview 266 00:10:06,385 --> 00:10:07,584 that Ron made me watch. 267 00:10:07,586 --> 00:10:11,355 But the sentiment still stands. 268 00:10:11,357 --> 00:10:13,590 Life's gonna throw a lot of geese at you. 269 00:10:13,592 --> 00:10:15,693 Don't let them bring you down. 270 00:10:18,137 --> 00:10:20,531 Hi, so what do you think of the place? 271 00:10:20,533 --> 00:10:23,334 It's amazing. Exactly what we're looking for. 272 00:10:23,336 --> 00:10:25,602 Oh, yes. It is a very special home. 273 00:10:25,604 --> 00:10:27,571 I mean we'd obviously have to knock down this wall, 274 00:10:27,573 --> 00:10:29,206 and maybe this one too. 275 00:10:29,208 --> 00:10:31,582 Ooh, that would really open up the living room. 276 00:10:31,617 --> 00:10:34,178 Yeah, yeah, you could do that, 277 00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:38,048 if you were house destroying monsters who hated happiness. 278 00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:40,517 I think an open floor plan is a lovely idea. 279 00:10:40,519 --> 00:10:41,952 Bring in some nice feng shui. 280 00:10:41,954 --> 00:10:44,021 Could you excuse us for a second? 281 00:10:44,023 --> 00:10:45,522 What the hell are you doing? 282 00:10:45,524 --> 00:10:47,391 These people seem really interested! 283 00:10:47,393 --> 00:10:49,967 Feng shui, what the hell do you know about feng shui? 284 00:10:50,002 --> 00:10:51,795 Actually when I lived in Beijing, I apprenticed 285 00:10:51,797 --> 00:10:53,731 under a feng shui master. 286 00:10:53,733 --> 00:10:55,899 Okay, fine, so you know a lot about feng shui. 287 00:10:55,901 --> 00:10:58,102 Listen to me. If somebody wants to change this place, 288 00:10:58,104 --> 00:11:01,004 it's not an attack on us or our childhood. 289 00:11:01,006 --> 00:11:02,940 It's just a building. 290 00:11:02,942 --> 00:11:04,562 You get that, right? 291 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,514 Yes, Justin. I get that. 292 00:11:06,549 --> 00:11:07,644 Okay. 293 00:11:07,646 --> 00:11:09,046 I'm thinking of tearing this place down and building 294 00:11:09,048 --> 00:11:12,449 something more contemporary. 295 00:11:13,552 --> 00:11:15,552 No! No, no, no! No! 296 00:11:15,554 --> 00:11:17,187 No, I'm sorry. Everybody out! 297 00:11:17,189 --> 00:11:20,891 Go, everybody, go! Out! Out! 298 00:11:20,893 --> 00:11:23,494 None of you are worthy of this house! 299 00:11:23,496 --> 00:11:26,797 It is no longer for sale. Lady, drop the cookie. 300 00:11:31,737 --> 00:11:33,604 If we die at the hands of some pizza guy 301 00:11:33,606 --> 00:11:36,607 slash killer clown, I want you to know 302 00:11:36,609 --> 00:11:38,475 that you have been the best older brother a guy 303 00:11:38,477 --> 00:11:41,612 39 days younger than you could ever hope for. 304 00:11:41,614 --> 00:11:43,847 I'm not that great. 305 00:11:43,849 --> 00:11:45,516 What are you talking about? 306 00:11:45,518 --> 00:11:47,818 I need to confess something. 307 00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:49,920 I kind of... 308 00:11:49,922 --> 00:11:53,157 I have an overwhelming crush on Nori. 309 00:11:53,159 --> 00:11:54,858 I saw her in slo-mo. 310 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:57,161 What? How could you do this to me? 311 00:11:57,163 --> 00:11:58,529 Where are you going? 312 00:11:58,531 --> 00:11:59,830 You're the worst big brother ever, 313 00:11:59,832 --> 00:12:01,832 and I'd rather die alone. 314 00:12:06,038 --> 00:12:08,872 Uh-oh. 315 00:12:08,874 --> 00:12:09,907 Ow! 316 00:12:09,909 --> 00:12:11,675 Little bro! 317 00:12:17,883 --> 00:12:20,851 We are so good at traps. 318 00:12:23,556 --> 00:12:25,456 What is Ron doing? 319 00:12:25,458 --> 00:12:27,658 Oh, making his own stop sign because he was turned down 320 00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:29,026 by city hall. 321 00:12:29,028 --> 00:12:30,828 That doesn't seem remotely legal. 322 00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:35,365 When safety is outlawed, only outlaws will be safe! 323 00:12:35,367 --> 00:12:38,769 Everyone, I have an announcement. 324 00:12:38,771 --> 00:12:40,737 Alex helped me realize something very important 325 00:12:40,739 --> 00:12:42,840 last night: that I'm not happy. 326 00:12:42,842 --> 00:12:45,275 So I quit my job! 327 00:12:45,277 --> 00:12:47,411 - You what? - But you love your job. 328 00:12:47,413 --> 00:12:49,012 I was just saying that, Dad. 329 00:12:49,014 --> 00:12:51,348 I know I should love being the rich, single guy 330 00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:54,117 with a corporate credit card and a series of model girlfriends. 331 00:12:54,119 --> 00:12:55,252 Yes! You should! 332 00:12:55,254 --> 00:12:56,253 But it doesn't fulfill me! 333 00:12:56,255 --> 00:12:57,387 Not even a little? 334 00:12:57,389 --> 00:12:58,789 Okay, yeah, a little bit. 335 00:12:58,791 --> 00:13:01,058 But I want more! I want what Alex has. 336 00:13:01,060 --> 00:13:02,926 Well, Alex has nothing! 337 00:13:02,928 --> 00:13:04,661 - Ron! - It's pretty accurate. 338 00:13:04,663 --> 00:13:07,130 Alex is pursuing his dream! That's what I want. 339 00:13:07,132 --> 00:13:09,199 Life is too short for anything else. 340 00:13:09,201 --> 00:13:11,068 What's your dream? 341 00:13:11,070 --> 00:13:12,503 I have no idea. 342 00:13:12,505 --> 00:13:14,938 - Oh, God. - No, this could be good. 343 00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:16,807 He's gonna take some time off, 344 00:13:16,809 --> 00:13:18,709 figure out what he wants while living off his savings. 345 00:13:18,711 --> 00:13:21,478 Oh, I have no savings. I spent it as fast as I got it. 346 00:13:21,513 --> 00:13:22,660 I have three dune buggies. 347 00:13:22,695 --> 00:13:23,614 Why? 348 00:13:23,616 --> 00:13:25,048 Well, because my buddy Fred had two. 349 00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:27,985 But now I have something more valuable than any number of dune buggies. 350 00:13:27,987 --> 00:13:29,319 Hope. 351 00:13:29,321 --> 00:13:31,154 Thank you, little bro. 352 00:13:31,156 --> 00:13:34,057 No, no, no, no, no reason to give me all the credit. 353 00:13:34,059 --> 00:13:36,393 - No, I owe it all to you. - Oh, no way. 354 00:13:36,395 --> 00:13:39,396 Yay. 355 00:13:41,066 --> 00:13:44,301 Sorry. 356 00:13:44,303 --> 00:13:46,937 He broke the good one. 357 00:13:53,089 --> 00:13:57,191 Okay, what kind of jobs have you always wanted to do? 358 00:13:57,193 --> 00:14:00,094 Okay, sports agent. 359 00:14:00,096 --> 00:14:02,797 Fighter pilot, race car driver, 360 00:14:02,799 --> 00:14:04,232 bartender but fancy... 361 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,367 Okay, now are these jobs that you want 362 00:14:06,369 --> 00:14:08,069 or roles Tom Cruise has played? 363 00:14:08,071 --> 00:14:09,537 Can't they be both? 364 00:14:09,539 --> 00:14:12,673 Yeah, okay. I don't think we're ready for pen and paper just yet. 365 00:14:12,675 --> 00:14:15,910 Oh, God! This is so hard. 366 00:14:15,912 --> 00:14:17,745 I mean, how did you know you wanted to be an inventor? 367 00:14:17,747 --> 00:14:19,247 I guess I just always knew. 368 00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:20,815 Man, I wish I had something like that. 369 00:14:20,817 --> 00:14:22,917 Justin, not everybody has to have a dream. 370 00:14:22,919 --> 00:14:25,686 You know some people just have jobs and enjoy their lives. 371 00:14:25,688 --> 00:14:27,288 You always seemed like that type of guy. 372 00:14:27,290 --> 00:14:28,823 Why don't you just ask for your old job back? 373 00:14:28,825 --> 00:14:30,358 It seemed like a pretty good gig. 374 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,760 Burned that bridge. Scorched earth. 375 00:14:32,762 --> 00:14:36,597 Here's the e-mail I sent to my boss last night. 376 00:14:36,599 --> 00:14:38,432 Wow, yeah. That... pretty definitive. 377 00:14:38,434 --> 00:14:39,834 Yeah. 378 00:14:39,836 --> 00:14:42,170 You're lucky this guy's name rhymed with so many curse words. 379 00:14:44,073 --> 00:14:46,007 Come on, man. Get me out of here! 380 00:14:46,009 --> 00:14:47,575 No. 381 00:14:47,577 --> 00:14:49,377 This is a great opportunity for me to explain. 382 00:14:49,379 --> 00:14:50,778 There is nothing to explain. 383 00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:52,346 You're supposed to be my brother, 384 00:14:52,348 --> 00:14:53,504 but you're in love with the same girl 385 00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:56,184 - that I'm in love with. - It's not my fault. 386 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:59,854 I just suddenly noticed the way the sun glistens off her hair. 387 00:14:59,856 --> 00:15:02,356 And how her eyes were that piercing shade of blue, 388 00:15:02,358 --> 00:15:04,792 - and how her... - I know what she looks like. 389 00:15:04,794 --> 00:15:08,362 Trust me, if I could make my feelings for her go away, 390 00:15:08,364 --> 00:15:09,931 I would. 391 00:15:09,933 --> 00:15:12,300 I'd make mine go away, too. 392 00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:14,769 But do you know how painful it is to want a girl 393 00:15:14,771 --> 00:15:16,237 who doesn't want you? 394 00:15:16,239 --> 00:15:19,840 I do now. 395 00:15:19,842 --> 00:15:22,843 All right, look. I like Nori, 396 00:15:22,845 --> 00:15:25,313 but so does most of the eighth grade. 397 00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:26,460 And the seventh grade. 398 00:15:26,517 --> 00:15:30,384 And don't forget Mr. Murphy's lingering looks during Algebra. 399 00:15:30,386 --> 00:15:32,887 Adding you to the long list of people who like Nori 400 00:15:32,889 --> 00:15:35,089 isn't going to make that much of a difference. 401 00:15:35,091 --> 00:15:37,458 Exactly. We can get through this. 402 00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:39,060 Can we start with you getting me out of this thing? 403 00:15:39,062 --> 00:15:40,795 Oh, right. 404 00:15:45,835 --> 00:15:48,135 Hey, look at this! 405 00:15:48,137 --> 00:15:50,705 Pizza guy left his wallet here. 406 00:15:50,707 --> 00:15:51,806 His name's Mervyn. 407 00:15:52,529 --> 00:15:53,677 Mervyn. 408 00:15:54,811 --> 00:15:57,578 Guys! 409 00:15:57,605 --> 00:15:59,055 Well, what do you think? 410 00:15:59,082 --> 00:16:01,349 I think the letters are spaced out a little weird, 411 00:16:01,351 --> 00:16:02,950 but point gets across. 412 00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:04,518 I do too. 413 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,153 And we're going to jail. 414 00:16:06,155 --> 00:16:08,356 We got a complaint that someone was installing 415 00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:09,469 their own stop sign. 416 00:16:09,526 --> 00:16:12,293 Look, I tried to go through proper channels here. 417 00:16:12,295 --> 00:16:14,195 How about a little professional courtesy? 418 00:16:14,197 --> 00:16:18,466 - Oh, you're a cop? - Pilot. 23 years with TWA. 419 00:16:18,468 --> 00:16:21,535 And then six months with Dollar Jet when my eyes started to go. 420 00:16:21,537 --> 00:16:23,337 But we're both men of uniform. 421 00:16:23,339 --> 00:16:25,773 Yeah, I bet you guys have a lot of co-workers 422 00:16:25,775 --> 00:16:29,944 with similar mustaches. Cops and pilots. 423 00:16:29,946 --> 00:16:31,445 He made me do this. I have a daughter. 424 00:16:31,447 --> 00:16:33,581 Hey. Everything okay over here? 425 00:16:33,583 --> 00:16:35,716 It will be once these two get rid of that. 426 00:16:35,718 --> 00:16:38,986 Really? You're gonna keep an old man from making his neighborhood safer? 427 00:16:38,988 --> 00:16:41,222 Maybe don't talk back to the cop. 428 00:16:41,224 --> 00:16:43,157 Also, old man? 429 00:16:43,159 --> 00:16:45,493 I can still do more push-ups than both of you. 430 00:16:45,495 --> 00:16:47,295 - All right, fine. - Dad, come on. 431 00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:48,729 Either we get rid of this thing, 432 00:16:48,731 --> 00:16:50,064 or I'm writing you a citation. 433 00:16:50,066 --> 00:16:51,432 Whoa, hold on now. 434 00:16:51,434 --> 00:16:53,267 The only citation this man deserves 435 00:16:53,269 --> 00:16:54,669 is for patriotism. 436 00:16:54,671 --> 00:16:56,370 This country was founded on the idea that 437 00:16:56,372 --> 00:16:59,140 when change is necessary, we make that change. 438 00:16:59,142 --> 00:17:01,575 I'm sorry, he's going through a bit of a midlife crisis. 439 00:17:01,577 --> 00:17:04,111 It's true, I'm trying to figure out what my dream is. 440 00:17:04,113 --> 00:17:05,946 And I have no idea. 441 00:17:05,948 --> 00:17:07,815 This man, this man right here, he does. 442 00:17:07,817 --> 00:17:10,685 His dream is an octagonal red sign and a neighborhood 443 00:17:10,687 --> 00:17:13,621 free from speeding cars and no one should have the right 444 00:17:13,623 --> 00:17:14,889 to take that away from him. 445 00:17:19,896 --> 00:17:21,862 Wow, I really respect your passion. 446 00:17:21,864 --> 00:17:23,331 So we can keep the sign! 447 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,199 No, this thing's still very illegal. 448 00:17:25,201 --> 00:17:27,134 Also, it looks like my six-year-old made it. 449 00:17:27,136 --> 00:17:28,669 But that was a hell of a speech. 450 00:17:28,671 --> 00:17:30,571 I'd vote for you if you ran for something. 451 00:17:30,573 --> 00:17:32,707 There you go, sir. 452 00:17:34,610 --> 00:17:38,346 Vote for me? That's interesting. 453 00:17:43,152 --> 00:17:45,252 Hey, little bro. 454 00:17:45,254 --> 00:17:48,823 - Mind if I join you? - Your room as much as mine. 455 00:17:53,796 --> 00:17:54,929 And there. 456 00:17:55,602 --> 00:17:56,297 What? 457 00:17:56,314 --> 00:17:58,766 That first night we got drunk, we threw up there too. 458 00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:03,270 That was some party we threw in our junior year, huh? 459 00:18:03,272 --> 00:18:05,439 Yep, spent three years building up 460 00:18:05,441 --> 00:18:07,742 Dad and Maggie's trust and blew it in one night. 461 00:18:07,744 --> 00:18:09,910 Mm-hmm. And I'd do it again, too. 462 00:18:13,649 --> 00:18:16,684 - I miss them. - Me too. 463 00:18:18,855 --> 00:18:21,155 I remember walking in this house for the first time. 464 00:18:21,157 --> 00:18:22,336 And I was terrified. 465 00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:24,692 Everybody said having a stepbrother would be the worst. 466 00:18:24,694 --> 00:18:26,861 Yeah, but turned out I was a total sweetheart. 467 00:18:26,863 --> 00:18:28,295 Yes, you were. 468 00:18:31,234 --> 00:18:33,801 What's that? 469 00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:37,671 Ah! Where did you guys come from? 470 00:18:37,673 --> 00:18:38,973 Wait! You don't... 471 00:18:38,975 --> 00:18:40,408 Oh, there you boys are. 472 00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:41,909 Come on! I am so sorry. 473 00:18:41,911 --> 00:18:43,891 Our boys love playing hide and seek. 474 00:18:43,926 --> 00:18:44,745 Huh! 475 00:18:44,747 --> 00:18:45,980 You have a lovely home. I bet it was a great place 476 00:18:45,982 --> 00:18:47,014 to grow up. 477 00:18:47,016 --> 00:18:48,215 Really? 478 00:18:48,217 --> 00:18:50,151 You like it? The way it is? 479 00:18:50,153 --> 00:18:53,354 So much, but it's way out of our price range. 480 00:18:59,028 --> 00:19:04,064 Maybe we could work something out. 481 00:19:04,066 --> 00:19:05,800 Here's the thing. 482 00:19:05,802 --> 00:19:08,102 That house was the best home I ever had. 483 00:19:09,007 --> 00:19:11,872 But a home is more than just a house. 484 00:19:12,597 --> 00:19:15,109 It's how the people in that house make you feel. 485 00:19:15,111 --> 00:19:17,878 Well, there we go: the paperwork is officially filed. 486 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,581 When I get back to San Diego, I am running for city council. 487 00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:22,750 We're so proud of you, Justin. 488 00:19:22,752 --> 00:19:25,119 I never would've figured this out if it wasn't for my little bro. 489 00:19:25,121 --> 00:19:26,654 Happy to help. Really. 490 00:19:26,656 --> 00:19:28,589 I mean it's been a rough year, you know? 491 00:19:28,591 --> 00:19:30,724 Everyone helping me, Darryl giving me a place to live, 492 00:19:30,726 --> 00:19:32,460 you giving me that pity money... 493 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,228 It's nice to help someone else for a change. 494 00:19:34,230 --> 00:19:36,864 People helping people. That is what it's all about. 495 00:19:36,866 --> 00:19:39,066 Oh, by the way, definitely don't cash that check now. 496 00:19:39,068 --> 00:19:40,067 I'm gonna need every cent of that. 497 00:19:40,069 --> 00:19:40,970 Got it. 498 00:19:41,037 --> 00:19:42,536 You guys are gonna vote for me, right? 499 00:19:42,538 --> 00:19:44,104 Of course. 500 00:19:44,106 --> 00:19:45,973 Well, we live in a different city, so no. 501 00:19:45,975 --> 00:19:47,675 Come on, like you're gonna let that stop you. 502 00:19:47,677 --> 00:19:51,011 Okay, not a great start. 503 00:19:51,013 --> 00:19:53,380 Home is also about the memories you make 504 00:19:53,382 --> 00:19:55,349 with those people while you're there. 505 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:01,155 What do you think happened? 506 00:20:01,157 --> 00:20:04,592 Who cares what happened? Laguna happened. 507 00:20:08,731 --> 00:20:10,397 Even after you leave a house, 508 00:20:10,399 --> 00:20:13,934 the home you had there stays with you forever. 509 00:20:17,039 --> 00:20:18,083 And the best part is, 510 00:20:18,174 --> 00:20:21,208 when you do eventually leave that house... 511 00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:22,810 - Go in the kitchen... - Okay. 512 00:20:22,812 --> 00:20:25,212 Hi! Welcome! 513 00:20:25,214 --> 00:20:26,881 This is where we can hide our candy! 514 00:20:26,883 --> 00:20:28,349 Perfect! 515 00:20:31,053 --> 00:20:34,928 ...it gets to be somebody else's home too. 516 00:20:47,351 --> 00:20:53,109 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com