_
Today, the prosecution calls
an expert witness to dismantle my timeline.
That expert witness?
Dwayne. My Dwayne.
He's never let me down before.
This would be a really bad time to start.
Please state your name and position.
Dwayne Reed.
Uh, seated criss-cross applesauce.
Officer Reed, what is a "rum hole"?
Sorry. Rum hole's a funny word.
You mind if I call it a hooch tube?
The People do mind. Just tell us what a rum hole is.
It's a, uh, secret passageway
used to transport illegal liquor and avoid detection.
The Pecks were rum runners up until the 1970s.
And how did you find this rum hole?
Terrifying. Yet, fun as heck.
So, the defense's rum hole...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Now I prefer the word "hooch tube."
Fine. The defendant's hooch tube
went from the murder pool, where the victim was struck,
down to the murder river, where the victim was killed.
Now, how long would it take to travel that distance?
It's impossible to say.
According to your body-cam footage,
it took you 2 minutes and 3 seconds.
The defense timeline says Lavinia had 15 minutes.
That's a lot more than 2 minutes, isn't it?
I was told there'd be no math on this testify.
Officer Reed, in your expert opinion,
is there any chance Lavinia Peck-Foster
did not murder her husband?
I would not say that.
Officer Reed, you are under oath.
You tell me right now,
did Lavinia
kill her husband or not?
She did! She killed him bad!
No further questions!
Wait, wait!
This is a damn witch hunt!
And I'm not talking about
the actual Witch Hunt of 1994 when the crops failed
and the Martin twins got exactly what was coming to them.
This walking traffic cone is manipulating this court.
My name has been dragged through the mud
like a Reed through a hooch tube
and I will not stand for it!
I will not stand...
The defendant rests.
synced and corrected by susinz *www.addic7ed.com*
_
Well, that was a complete Reed show!
If I were wearing my slapping gloves,
you'd be tasting fresh peacock skin by now.
Here. I brought you a gift.
It's a scented candle.
Oh. Thank you.
Wow. "Made in West Germany."
It's the best Germany.
So they say.
Listen, today was rough,
but we still have hundreds of suspects
from the party to talk to.
What about Edgar's apprentice, Amanda?
They had a dalliance.
Did you two ever "wokka, wokka, wokka"?
Yes. We had sex.
Yes. We know they slept together.
He was [BLEEP] her?! You said they had a dalliance!
- I meant a kerfuffle! - Mm!
Amanda had an alibi.
She was working that night.
My team checked her out.
Is that the same team that dallianced us
on the stand today?
Dwayne can be a major-league dalliance-up.
- Hmm. - But he's also my right-hand man.
Well, your right hand fingered me in court!
We need to choose our words better.
You need to get rid of that Reed.
I can't fire Dwayne.
He's my lead investigator, and I trust him.
Both of our lives are on the line, Lawyer.
I could end up rotting in jail
while you're tied to a stake and tossed into Peck Canyon.
This isn't West Germany, Lawyer.
They will kill you.
You need to pick a side.
Peck or Reed.
- Right now? - Soon.
How do I fire Dwayne?
He was the first guy I met here.
I'm your lead investigator!
He would do anything for me.
I don't like this!
I have to keep my emotions out of it.
My job is to save my client's life.
That's more important than friendship.
You wanted to see me?
Yeah. Have a seat.
This is very hard for me to say.
Oh, just do what I do.
Sound it out in your head.
That way you don't get... embarrassed.
We can't work together on this case anymore.
Can't say I didn't see this coming.
You can visit all you you want,
but you should probably clear out your stuff
- by end of day. - Dwayne...
you're fired.
You're firing me?
I'm sorry, but I have to do what's best for the case.
I didn't even want to take this case in the first place!
The least you could do is let me quit!
Fine. You can quit.
I don't want to quit! I love it here!
I'm sorry. And after the case is over...
No, I...
It's okay.
I know the drill.
Hey, buddy. I just wanted to see how you were holding up.
It hurts!
It hurts so bad!
The mailbox you have called is full.
- Hey, Anne. - The entire office is freaking out
that you're going to fire them.
It's just you and me here.
I'm just saying, morale is really low.
You should give a speech.
Okay.
Everyone, gather around!
I know that there has been a lot of whispering
around the water cooler about layoffs and such,
but everyone's job is safe.
Well, good.
'Cause the office Christmas party would've been a bummer.
Mm.
Today on "M-Towne,"
the defense team reacts to a shake-up.
Darkness surrounds me.
Bank robbery in progress at 2nd and Thornwell!
Officer down!
Yep. Officer very down!
So, our timeline's in tatters
and I had to fire Dwayne.
Sure. Things seem bad.
But, you know, it's East Peck.
Everything seems bad at first.
Our last hope is to find a new suspect,
which means I need to interview every last guest from the Gala.
No matter how unhelpful.
The only thing I killed at that party was 40 shrimp, okay?
You have said that about six times.
It's true. 4-0, baby.
4-0!
4-0! Whoo-hoo!
Hi. Do you have an appointment?
No, but I have important information
about the Edgar Foster murder.
Oh. We're not taking walk-ins.
We're shorthanded.
My boss fired half the staff.
Uh, what kind of information do you have?
Well, I saw who murdered Edgar Foster.
It was...
Oh!
4-0!
Whoo!
Why don't we talk in my office?
All right.
So, I was at the Gala and I had to use the restroom.
And the Houseboy said I could just use the pool...
Oh!
- Speed past that part, please. - Oh.
So, I got to the pool house,
and I saw Edgar arguing with this man.
Then the man hit Edgar and Edgar just dropped.
And then the man turned, so I ran.
And I've been running ever since.
This wasn't the man, was it?
No, that's Lavinia with a mustache.
The man I saw had alabaster hair.
Good morning, Lavinia.
I hope you don't mind.
I'm having a light breakfast.
I'd offer you some, but I'm sure you're stuffed
from eating so much [BLEEP] in the courtroom.
You should know I fired Dwayne.
Oh, Lawyer!
Oh! Lawyer, oh!
I'm so happy! I'm so happy! Oh!
I do have some more good news.
We have a new witness.
Your Houseboy confirms he saw her at the party
and she has a very detailed recollection.
Also, you must clean your pool.
Wonderful!
I have the perfect gift for you.
Hmm.
No.
Your very own slapping gloves.
Hmm.
Don't know what to say.
Except no.
Try them.
Slap yourself.
Here you go. Slap it.
I'd rather... Slap it!
Harder.
And, Ms. Clipf,
can you describe the person you saw strike Edgar?
He had alabaster hair.
He! My client is clearly not a he.
What did the man with the alabaster hair,
who is not my client, say as he struck Edgar Foster?
"I'm not your brother! I'm not your friend!"
And then came the mighty blow and I ran.
And I've been running ever since.
No further questions.
Brava, Lawyer! Brava.
- Little kiss. Kissy-kiss. - No. No.
Kiss it! Kiss it!
Ms. Clipf, are you a fan of "M-Towne"?
Oh, I've never missed an episode.
- I'm obsessed. - May I play something for you then?
"I'm not your brother and I'm not your friend!"
Then came the mighty blow and I ran.
And he's been running ever since.
That was from an episode of "M-Towne, Season One: Detroit,"
called "The Alabaster Bastard."
Objection...
Spoilers.
Your Honor, this woman was not a witness,
but instead, an "M-Towne" obsessed loon
looking for 15 minutes of fame.
And to get back at my ex
who said I would never amount to anything.
Well [BLEEP] you, Barrel Peters!
Take me back!
Barrel!
Josh?
I told you no walk-ins.
In hindsight, I probably should've listened to "M-Towne."
Uh!
Stake coming through!
I can't believe this is how it ends.
I'm not giving up on you.
Lawyer, there's so much I haven't done.
I've never ridden in a hot air balloon.
I've never made love to a full-size man.
Okay, that's probably enough right there.
Promise me if I'm convicted...
- I... I can't do that. - ...you will beg the court
to give me one last hot air balloon ride.
Oh. Okay.
Then...
you'll [BLEEP] me.
- You're drunk, Lavinia. - No, you're...
I need to sit down.
Yes. Why don't you just lie down?
Here.
- Lawyer? - Mm-hmm?
Do you have children or are you barren?
Well, I'm... I'm not barren.
In fact, there's a one-in-six chance
that I might have a little baby lawyer coming.
Promise me that you will have children.
The world would be a much better place with more of you.
Thank you, Lavinia.
Spread your seed, Lawyer!
Like a gardener.
Oh, they [BLEEP] everything.
I'm gonna lie down.
Yeah, yeah.
One of the secretaries had too much to drink at lunch.
Also, I have Josh for Secret Santa.
Well, who'd Josh get?
I don't know, but I hope it's not me.
Dwayne!
No! No!
This is a professional visit.
I'm here in my capacity as an EPPD Officer.
I totally understand.
Per police protocol,
I am unable to share evidence with civilians.
Such as this thumb drive,
which may or may not contain an EPPD intake video
from the night of the Gala.
So, which is it? Should we watch or not?
We don't have time for this [BLEEP]
Edgar's assistant.
Amanda was picked up for driving drunk on Big Peck Drive,
the only road leaving Peck Gardens,
around the time Edgar was killed.
I'm not drunk. I can't drink right now.
Then why were you driving recklessly?
I was upset.
I'd just had a fight with my old boss and...
Oh! Jesus, Dwayne!
That's happened all three times I've watched this!
Okay, wait, she got in a fight with her old boss,
who was Edgar.
Then she threw up but wasn't drinking.
What if Amanda was pregnant?
So, you boys want to know about one of my patients?
Yes. Amanda Silva?
Breed?
That's what we're trying to find out.
She's a human.
Now, I know that federal law prevents you
from disclosing personal information...
Amanda Silva, social 987-65-4329,
VISA ending in 2889.
Not a virgin, that's for sure.
Aw, is that little guy a dachshund?
I can't tell you that.
We take doctor/pet confidentiality very seriously.
But obviously not.
Can we come back to Amanda?
Well, the chlamydia did.
And it looks like she came in on October 12th
for a pregnancy test, which came out positive.
October 12th was the night of the Gala!
- Our theory checks out. - Hold on.
A week later, we realized it was a false positive due to...
doctor error.
Turns out, she just had a bad flu.
Well, no harm, no foul.
Remember, we're just here to question her.
EPPD! Open the door!
Dwayne! God!
Sorry, Josh. You know I'm a
shoot-doors-first, open-doors-later kind of guy.
Amanda?
Oh, my!
Oh!
She's dead.
Oh, my God.
Oh...
I'm sorry, Josh.
You know I laugh inappropriately
but this dead girl is pretty inappropriate!
Oh, God! I shot her!
They taught us this at the academy.
I got to make it look like she shot first.
Somebody shoot me.
- I'll do it. - No! No!
- Stop shooting each other! - Oh.
I think this was a suicide.
Oh. She left a note.
Oh, this is so sad.
This is a confession.
She killed Edgar.
Then killed herself.
It's over.
Ah! Ahh!
Dwayne, what the [BLEEP]
Josh, I'm sorry.
There was a round in the chamber.
That's the only way I know how to get it out.
It's all safe now.
"...which is why I killed Edgar.
The guilt is too much for me to stay in this world.
God forgive me.
Respectfully yours, Amanda Silva."
When Amanda thought she was pregnant,
she went to the Peck Gala to confront Edgar.
Clearly, she did not like the way he took the news.
She grabbed the Jessup clock
and struck him in the head, knocking him out!
She panicked, threw the body down the rum hole
where he drowned in the Peck River.
She got in her car to go and retrieve the body,
was pulled over for reckless driving.
Upon being released by the police,
she returns to the body in the river,
realizes her only option is to frame Lavinia,
and so then placed the body in a suitcase
and planted it in my client's trunk.
Wow.
The perfect crime.
Given this signed confession,
the defense asks for an immediate not guilty verdict.
Hasn't my client been through enough?
I have.
The Michael Jackson drugs won't get me to sleep anymore.
As a mother, it is important to demonstrate
not only how to win, but how to lose with grace.
I need to be a role model and show poise and dignity.
But not for at least another month.
You know she [BLEEP] did it!
Look at her [BLEEP] face, little [BLEEP] sitting there!
Oh, you think, oh, maybe she didn't [BLEEP] do it!
Look at her [BLEEP] guilty face grinning [BLEEP] ear-to-ear!
Because she murdered him!
Get the [BLEEP] off me.
Y'all can [BLEEP]
Suck all
Suck my [BLEEP]
Not guilty.
Not guilty! Not guilty!
I heard him! I heard him!
We did it! Now, let's go celebrate
in that hot air balloon like you promised!
- No, I didn't... - Yeah, you did!
I didn't... I didn't promise that!
Oh, thank you!
Danke!
Things turned around pretty quickly for us.
? If you can take it ?
? Then she can shake it ?
? If you can move it ?
? Then she can move it ?
? But you're moving too much for me ?
? See and your grooving is affecting me ?
Was it risky defending the most beloved woman in town?
Yeah, it was.
But if you're gonna be a good lawyer,
you have to take risks.
Ohh!
Plus, I knew Lavinia didn't do it.
And the best part of all, I rehired my right-hand man.
The Dream Team is back together.
Undefeated.
Thank you, Peckers!
Hi, darling!
Lawyer.
I don't know what to say.
You're everything I hoped you'd be.
Loyal and trustworthy.
That's very kind.
- Steady. Fast. Steadfast. - Thank you.
Bold. Beautiful. Young. Restless.
Those are just words now.
Mostly, I want to tell you that
you're the first man in my life who hasn't abandon me.
And I'm... I'm...
I want to thank you.
I know.
If this were a different time and you were a little younger,
I'd have you wearing me like a hat tonight.
Anyway, I brought you something.
It's nothing important like money,
but it does come from the heart, Lawyer.
Thank you, Lavinia.
If you'd care to join me,
I'm going to have a bottle of absinthe,
see what happens.
I'm not wearing you home like a hat.
Someone will.
Congratulations!
- Hey, thank you! - You, too.
Great season of "M-Towne."
People keep saying.
I swear that I'm gonna listen.
It's just that I have this 90-second commute to work.
Well, it was really great meeting you.
And I want to say I think it was really smart
we didn't cross any boundaries during the case.
It would've been unprofessional.
Yeah, I, uh... I totally agree.
The case is over and I'm leaving tomorrow.
Mm-hmm.
Want to get weird?
Super weird.
Let me just close my tab.
Okay, I just have a final interview with Lavinia,
and then we can get going.
Yes! Totally! Take your time.
No rush at all. I'm cool.
Cucumber city.
Ride the pickle.
Yes.
"Thank you, Josh.
You saved my life.
I'm forever in your debt.
Respectfully...
respectfully..."
Lavinia has a rather distinct style.
Notice her use of the Royal R.
No, no, no, no.
No, no.
No.
Holy [BLEEP] she did it.
synced and corrected by susinz *www.addic7ed.com*