Previously on The Affair...
- Do I know you? - Think you decked me
- with your board this morning. - Yeah.
Yo, let me make it up to you.
I just watched you freebasing, asshole.
Why don't you give the police a call, huh?
Love to tell them who sold me my first eight-ball,
Mr. Lockhart.
Cole, she abandoned her daughter on our doorstep.
- She is still Joanie's mother. - She doesn't deserve to be.
Well, what do you want me to do?
Let's give her what she wants
so we can stop thinking about her.
I'm not a fan of Alison.
She should have her daughter back.
We did the right thing.
Oh, shit.
Hi, Officer.
I hate that a fucking cop
can pull me over, and my only hope
is that you know him
and he likes you so he won't fuck with me.
Maybe we can try again to get you a green card.
How?
I have no children of my own.
I can't demonstrate hardship.
Guess where I was this morning.
- I got no idea, Ali. - I was at Woodlawn.
Someone like me, with my experience,
I could turn this into a career.
A career?
I'm just trying to move on with my life.
I would hardly call what you're doing moving on.
- Why not? - You have practically
made his death your entire identity.
That conference I was telling you about,
it's happening in Montauk.
Is, uh... is this the grant coordinator's office?
- Hi. I'm Alison. - Ben.
How long do you have left with your program?
Five months, two weeks and three days.
But who's counting?
Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com
What are you implying?
I'm not implying anything, Cole.
I'm asking.
Look, Alison has a history of depression, so...
how has she seemed to you lately?
How has she been feeling?
How's she been feeling?
She's been happy.
She's been fine... for years now.
And she wouldn't do something like that to Joanie.
Just relax, Cole.
Jeffries is trying to help.
Wait. Is that Solloway?
Hi, Detective.
We appreciate all you're doing.
No, we don't.
He's not concentrated on the right things.
What about the guy she's been seeing?
Uh, Benjamin Cruz.
- Does he have an alibi? - An alibi for what?
Look, this isn't a crime investigation, Cole.
Alison is missing, so we're focusing on her.
Just give me a call if you remember something.
Things she was concerned about.
Any irrational behavior. Maybe even...
Oh, Jesus Christ!
I told you she's been fine!
Anton.
Let's pull off up here.
Let's get something to eat.
Sure.
Oh, fuck.
You want to get that?
I'll grab you something.
Thank you.
Hey, Luisa. How are you?
- _ - Secretary of state?
- Why not the president? - Too much work.
Well, we have to go now.
I have to brush someone's teeth.
- I can do it myself. - Yeah.
Bye, Noah. See you later.
Bye, Joanie. Thanks for talking to me.
Okay, brush 'em all, even the back ones.
- I'm gonna check. - I will.
So...
So.
Uh, I should probably get going myself.
Yeah.
You look good.
Thank you.
Are you good?
Yeah, I think so.
You?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Helen's kind of making it a Herculean task
to see the kids, but...
Well, isn't that why you're out there?
Sure is, but you know Helen.
Why make things simple
when they can be painful and difficult?
Yeah, well, you're doing the right thing.
Your kids will know that you fought to see them.
And it will mean something to them one day.
Hope so.
Believe me, my dad didn't, so I know.
Hey, I sent you something.
Oh, God, what?
Nothing. It's just a gift card.
What kind of gift card?
To buy a plane ticket to California
for you and Joanie,
in case you ever need to get away.
I'd like to see her again, Alison, in person.
'Cause, you know, I did raise that child
as my own daughter for the first two years of her life.
I know.
Because, you know, I thought she was my daughter.
Yes.
Just keep it for a rainy day.
Okay.
I will.
Thank you.
Good luck out there.
You, too.
Okay.
Here you go. Enjoy.
Hi.
Hi. May I help you?
Um, Bailey, Alison.
Let's see. Yes.
Uh-huh, there you go.
- There you are. - Ah. Thank you.
Enjoy the conference.
Thanks.
Close your eyes.
Take a breath.
What do you notice?
The kitchen sink is...
full of dirty dishes.
Okay. Good.
Go with that.
Close your eyes.
Take a breath.
What do you notice?
My mother is standing in the doorway.
She's...
holding a letter.
Okay, good.
Let's go with that.
Another option if the patient is stuck is to, um...
to press on their hands, on the palms like this.
Okay.
Take a breath.
Close your eyes.
What do you notice?
She's crying.
She's apologizing.
She's saying that she knew all along.
That's good.
Okay. Thank you so much, Tria.
We're gonna stop here, okay?
When we started this session, you said that your, um,
distress and discomfort,
having to keep your sister's secret down
for all those years...
said it was about a nine or a ten.
Is that correct?
- When I thought of it, yes. - Right.
You said you-you didn't let yourself
think about it often, right?
Because of how painful it was for you?
Would you do me a favor and imagine that scene again now?
And?
What's the level of your current discomfort?
Maybe a... a two.
It feels further away.
Like it's happening to someone else.
Okay.
So, the idea behind
eye movement desensitization and reprocessing... EMDR...
Is to, um, reorganize our memories
such that they feel more neutral and less, uh... less charged.
Yeah?
Why does it work?
Nobody knows for sure, to be honest.
But we hypothesize that its effectiveness
has something to do with imitating
what happens in the brain during REM.
Basically, we believe that mental healing
is a lot like physical healing.
Our body wants to repair itself.
But if a foreign object or-or a... a repeated injury
irritates a physical wound, it's not going to heal.
Our mind heals from psychological trauma
in very much the same way.
If the system is blocked
by a disturbing memory,
the emotional wound is going to fester,
and it causes an intense amount of suffering.
So, what EMDR does, basically,
it's-it's, um... it diffuses that block.
It, uh,
neutralizes its potency
so that we can basically heal our own minds.
Yep, you in the back?
Can you, uh, talk specifically
about your experiences
doing this kind of work with veterans?
Excellent question.
You know, in three separate clinical trials last year alone,
it was recently reported that after 12 EMDR sessions
77.7% of combat veterans
no longer met the criteria for PTSD.
All right, we're about to take a break.
Uh, find a partner. Spread around.
I want you to experience this technique for yourselves.
Take an hour and, uh, come back here
to discuss your discoveries.
Thank you, guys.
It's pretty interesting stuff, huh?
You scared me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not that terrifying.
Do you forgive me?
What are you doing here?
Stalking you, of course.
I'm kidding.
Um, the VHA, they sent me here to investigate this therapy.
We think it could be helpful for our guys.
Oh.
You want to try it out?
Partner up?
Um, yeah.
Okay.
Cool. Okay.
Oh, sorry.
Okay.
- All right, um... - Okay.
Let's see. Uh...
It says, uh, we can start with...
taking an oral history of each other.
That sounds a little dirty, doesn't it?
Then, uh, we move on to the
question and finger metronome thing.
Are you, uh...
Are you nervous? You seem nervous.
- No, no, I'm... No. - I'm nervous.
Okay.
I'm a little nervous.
Never done anything like this before, so...
Yeah. Me, neither.
Glad my first time will be with you, though.
So...
what are your traumas?
Um...
Well, my dad left my mom,
but that was before I was born, so...
Okay. Um...
You said you were twice divorced?
Any trauma there?
What?
Okay, all right.
Well, what does that leave us with?
Um, any phobias?
Well, um...
I don't love the ocean.
Classic.
Okay. Water.
Um, let's start with that.
You ready?
Mm-hmm.
Close your eyes.
Think of the ocean.
Okay.
Hold, please.
You're a natural.
Yeah. Hold on.
Um... ah, here we go.
It, uh... it says here we can start
with your earliest memory of the trauma,
your worst memory or the most recent one.
So, did something traumatic happen in the ocean?
Uh, yeah.
Are you thinking about it?
- Mm-hmm. - Okay.
Just making sure I'm doing it right.
Um, okay.
So, let's follow my hand again.
Close your eyes.
Take a breath.
What do you notice?
I'm on the beach.
What time of day is it?
Evening.
Are you alone?
No.
I'm with some friends.
We're having a barbecue.
My son is playing in the surf.
Your son?
Okay.
Good.
Let's go with that.
Close your eyes.
Take a breath.
What do you notice?
It's getting late.
The sun is going down, and I'm cold.
Okay.
Let's go with that.
Close your eyes.
What do you notice?
I-I don't know.
Nothing. Just...
- Nothing? - Yeah.
The beach, the sand, our friends.
It's more of the same.
Okay. Um...
We can try this technique.
Close your eyes.
Now, what do you notice?
My husband isn't paying attention.
He's flirting with a woman.
I just want to leave.
I call out to my son.
I tell him it's time to come out.
Cole says he's watching the children and they're fine.
Okay.
Go with that.
I'm inside my house.
I've gone to get a blanket.
I hear a commotion from my window.
Shouting.
I look out, and I see a group of people
pulling something from the water.
It looks like a child.
Okay. Good.
Good. Let's go with that.
Close your eyes.
So...
you're looking out the window.
I'm seeing something else now.
- What do you see? - I'm in the water.
You're-you're in the water?
I can't breathe.
I'm choking on the water.
My lungs are on fire.
And then these hands, these...
- Whose hands? - Two big, strong hands are...
pulling me from the water, and...
The air is warm.
Okay, good.
Go with that.
I can't. I'm...
I'm sorry. I can't.
Alison.
Are you all right?
Yeah.
You need anything?
Want me to leave you alone?
No.
You know what we should do?
We should meet up all over the country
at different PTSD conferences.
What?
Yeah, there's a, uh, CPT conference
happening in Milwaukee in two weeks.
You want to go?
Seriously?
I kind of like this idea.
It's like a really fucked-up, quirky romantic comedy.
Very Woody Allen.
Yeah. Okay.
Well, think about it.
I'll text you the information.
Pretty sure it's two weeks from now.
Oh, no, I... I don't think I can.
I have my daughter that weekend, so...
Oh. Well, yeah, that's more important.
Yeah.
Want to rent a boat?
What, now?
Yeah, right now.
We'll go out for the afternoon.
What better way to get you over this fear of the ocean, right?
And since I clearly fucked up your EMDR,
I gotta find another way.
I'm thinking, uh, immersion therapy.
Alison, we got a boat.
- Hey. - Oh.
You having fun yet?
What?
Are you having fun yet?
I can't hear you.
Never mind.
Here we go.
You hungry? They packed us lunch.
- Really? - Yeah, it's, uh,
right behind the captain's seat in the cooler.
Oh.
Ah, I'll put this away.
No, don't worry about it.
Honestly, I'm fine.
You should drink it.
I bet you're a cute drunk.
Was it hard?
Getting sober?
Yeah. Yeah, it fucking sucked.
Uh, for a while, I thought I'd rather be dead.
But the person I am when I drink
is someone I hate, and, uh,
person I am when I'm sober, well, that's...
that's someone I can live with.
- What about you? - Me?
Any chemical dependencies I should know about?
No. Miraculously.
I did used to cut myself, though.
You mean...
For fun?
Yeah, kind of.
To feel better.
That's awful.
Yeah, it was.
Tried to kill myself once, too.
Uh, I really don't know why I'm telling you this.
I...
Maybe because you think I'd understand.
So...
you have a son and daughter.
I think I will have some of that wine.
Please.
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, I got it.
- All right. - Yeah.
I did have a son.
But he drowned.
Wh-What?
So...
that memory that day at the, uh...
at the beach with your husband and the blanket,
was that the day your son...?
Yeah.
Oh, my God, I'm sorry, Alison.
What about the hands?
You said they pulled him out of the water
and he was on the beach. He could breathe.
No, no, uh...
that wasn't him.
No, that was me.
That was a, uh, dream I used to have.
That's why it's so weird
that it came up again in the EMDR.
It just, uh...
No, anyway, um, Gabriel died that day.
He was four.
Nobody saved him.
Anyway, you know, it's taken me
a very long time to say this without wanting to die.
My son drowned.
He drowned.
And...
that's what you walk around carrying every day?
Your own son?
Yeah.
You seem so together, so functional.
I am, most days.
It's taken me a while.
What's that face?
You amaze me.
You know what's really weird about that dream?
When I'm drowning and someone rescues me?
I used to have it all the time as a child.
I remember being five or six and...
being afraid to go to sleep.
Eventually, I stopped having it, but...
when Gabriel died,
it all came rushing back.
And the...
It's the same beach.
I can see the lighthouse in the distance.
I can see my house behind me, past the dunes.
And ever since, I've wondered if it was a, um...
Premonition.
A premonition.
Not a dream at all.
So you think you saw
what happened to your son before it happened.
If I say yes, will you think I'm crazy?
No.
I think there's all sorts of ways of knowing things, Alison.
What if...
What if something or somebody
was trying to tell me to watch out?
Like, be ready?
And when the time came, I missed it?
I haven't told anyone this before.
Not Cole. Not Noah.
Come here.
Why?
I just want you to be closer.
You know, a lot of people have nightmares about drowning.
Maybe it's just a...
childhood fantasy about being saved.
But why would I dream of the same beach where he died?
Well, maybe you didn't originally.
Maybe you added that part later.
Maybe because you're looking for a way to blame yourself.
You'd make a good shrink.
What am I doing on a boat with you?
It was your idea.
Should we head back?
Okay.
All right.
Wait, wait.
Well, this is a complete disaster.
Right.
You all right?
I'm fine.
Geez. I thought you had a fucking stroke.
I was just trying to get away from you.
So much for your fear of the ocean.
You're insane. You know that, right?
Yeah, yeah. I've heard that before.
Hey, Ben?
Hey, Alison?
I'm having a very nice time not having sex with you.
Well, don't get too used to it.
_
What the fuck are you doing, man?
Come on. We're going someplace.
What?
- You and me? - That's right.
Uh-uh, dude. No way.
What's that smell, man?
Lighter fluid.
Yo, I'm not going anywhere with you.
Fucking psychopath.
Oh, I think you are.
Or else what, man?
You're gonna just light me on fire?
I might.
So it's now been, uh,
six years, three months and two days
since the accident, and, uh,
I've rebuilt a bit of a relationship with my kids.
My ex-wife still doesn't speak to me,
but I can't say I blame her.
I saw her the other day at the grocery store,
and she pretended not to see me.
But one day at a time.
I thank God every day
that I'm still alive and that I get to have
another sunrise to try to do it better.
Thanks.
I'm being fucking kidnapped.
No talking.
Hi. My name is Ben, and I'm an addict.
- Hey, Ben. - Hey, Ben.
I'm so grateful I found this meeting.
I'm, uh... I'm not from around here.
I, uh... I woke up this morning
just itching for some blow, and...
I knew I needed help.
I've been, uh... I've been clean for about seven months now,
and it's been the hardest thing I've ever done.
And I did two tours in Afghanistan.
You know, to be honest,
the thing I struggle with the most in the program
is not the drinking, but the abstinence.
I miss women.
But I know, for me, it's a... it's a slippery slope.
Girls make me want to drink,
and, uh, drinking makes me want to use.
You know, when I got back from the sandbox,
I was... I was completely numb.
Couldn't get it up for my wife,
so I started drinking in order to be able to fuck her.
And then that led to using,
then our marriage started to fall apart.
Things that, uh, used to make me happy,
I couldn't feel those things anymore.
Couldn't feel anything except angry.
It was hell.
I like this guy.
You should ask him to be your sponsor.
No talking.
I haven't had any PTSD attacks,
and I've been feeling okay.
You know, not good, not bad.
Just... just okay.
And then I met this girl, and...
She's like the woman I've been looking for my whole life.
But I spent the day with her on a boat yesterday.
I wanted to drink so fucking bad.
I didn't.
That's why I'm here this morning.
One day at a time, by the grace of God.
So, thanks for letting me share.
I appreciate it.
It's a great place, so thank you.
- You're welcome. - Bye.
Hey, man.
Hey. I'm Cole.
Hi.
That's Bram.
I like what you said up there.
And he's new to the program. He's looking for a sponsor.
He's new to the program, huh?
Yeah. Day one.
You think he's gonna stick with it?
Sure. He's 100% committed.
Yeah, I'd like to, man, but, uh, I'm not from out here.
Headed back to Hicksville now.
My wife, she goes crazy with both kids
on the weekends, and I'm already late.
What about the girl you were talking about?
You know how these things are, man, right?
It's complicated.
Good to meet you, Cole.
Good luck.
You, too, kid.
Hey, babe.
Where have you been?
Was trying to be a Good Samaritan.
Did it work?
No.
What's with all the paperwork?
Studying for your LSATs?
Why would I be studying for the LSATs?
I'm kidding.
What's with all that stuff?
Uh, they're my immigration forms.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm thinking about applying for my citizenship after all.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
Right, but isn't that something we should talk about first?
What is there to talk about?
Well, the risk.
What risk?
That they would deport you.
Yes.
And that's why I need you to sign something for me.
- What's that? - That's the hardship waiver.
My only chance to become a citizen
is by demonstrating that my deportation
would create hardship for someone.
So you want me to sign that it would create hardship for me? Sure.
No, not for you. Joanie.
I'm confused.
Look, Alison has a history of mental illness.
It's been well documented.
All we need to do is send in records
of her hospitalization to prove that she's not a fit mother.
But wait, I have drafted this letter.
It's a statement on Joanie's behalf.
I don't understand.
I need you to ask Alison if she will let me
be Joanie's legal guardian.
Luisa, we just went through this last year.
I know.
We gave her custody back.
You wanted to do that. That was your idea.
Yeah, I know. It was a... it was a mistake.
A mistake for who?
Well, for me.
So you want me to ask Alison
to declare herself an unfit mother
after everything that she's been through?
Yeah, but it would just be on paper.
Nothing would have to change.
We would still share custody of Joanie,
but I could submit these forms.
Say I was her mother, her only mother.
And you don't think they're going to check?
No. Do you think an ICE agent is coming to Montauk
to check who picks Joanie up from fucking kindergarten?
They don't give a shit, Cole.
What they care, it's... it's what's on the paper.
- I can't ask Alison to do this. - Why?
Because it would break her heart.
Then I-I can't stay.
Oh, stop being so dramatic.
Of course you can stay.
Everything is fine here.
We have a great life.
No, you have a great life.
You are turning this into a competition
between you and her. You are.
Think about what you're doing.
Think about what you're asking me to do.
I'm sorry.
I-I can't go on like this.
This is not a life for me.
It might work for you,
but this whole relationship,
our marriage, it's been on your terms, Cole.
We live in your town.
We see your family. I work in your restaurant.
I'll sell the restaurant.
If that'll make you happy, I will sell the restaurant.
What if I get deported?
Would you come with me
back to Ecuador?
And leave Joanie here? Of course not.
I'm tired of feeling like your domestic help, Cole.
Stop that. You are my wife.
Yeah, I live in this house.
I cook your meals.
I wash your clothes. I care for your daughter.
But I have nothing of my own.
Me.
You have me.
Really?
I don't know.
You're gonna pick Joanie up, right, at Alison's?
Yes.
Well, maybe you can talk to her,
see what she thinks.
Ma.
Mom!
Well, look who it is... My wayward son.
How's my granddaughter?
She's good.
She liked that thing you got her.
What thing?
The stretchy thing that makes a noise.
The accordion?
Yeah.
What's wrong?
What do you mean?
You only eat like that when something's wrong.
Eat like what?
Like someone's going to take it away from you.
All due respect, Mom, I was raised with three brothers.
Somebody usually was going to take it away from me.
How's business?
What? It's fine.
And Sheri?
She's doing well.
Do people laugh when they figure out
that this place is called Sheri and Cherry's Fish Farm?
No, you're the first person to make that joke.
Anyway, business is thriving.
Sheri appreciates my operational experience,
and I'm very happy to be helping an old friend.
It's very impressive.
Sorry I haven't come out here sooner to see it.
It's only been for a few years.
I know you've been very busy.
I just said I'm sorry, Mom.
What do you want, Cole?
You only ever come around when there's something wrong,
so what is it this time?
I wanted to ask you some questions.
What about?
About you and Dad.
Okay.
What about me and Dad?
Were you happy together?
Yes.
The whole time?
Well, your father was a very unhappy man
at the end of his life, Cole.
Right, I know, so then how could you have been happy?
I loved him, so I took all of him.
How did you know?
You just do.
Luisa doesn't think that I love her.
Okay. Well, do you love her?
Of course I love her.
Well, then why doesn't she know that?
I don't know.
She's a woman. She's crazy.
She wants me to ask Alison
to renounce her rights to being Joanie's parent,
with the idea that it's gonna help her get her citizenship
if she's Joanie's primary caregiver.
Are you going to ask Alison to do that?
Why not?
Okay, then.
Well, there's your answer.
All right.
Good talk.
Why don't you take yourself on a walkabout, Cole?
Take myself on a what?
I sent your father on one years ago.
Did him a world of good.
You sent him on a what?
- A walkabout. - I don't know what that is, Mom.
You know, the thing they do in Australia.
You want me to go to Australia?
You don't have to go to Australia.
Your father went to California.
What? When?
Before you were born.
For how long?
About six months.
Why?
I asked him to.
He seemed confused.
I couldn't help him, so...
I sent him off to figure it out.
Dad just disappeared for six months?
- What did he do? - I don't know exactly.
I didn't ask. That was part of our deal.
He left.
Six months later, he came back
with a surfboard.
He seemed a little lighter.
And you don't know where he went?
Well, I know he went to California,
to a town with a giant rock in the middle of the sea.
I have a postcard from him.
I'll find it for you.
Hi, Daddy.
Come here, kiddo.
Hey.
Hey. Look at you.
You look great.
Thank you.
Are you wearing heels?
It looks like it.
- You're going somewhere? - I have a date.
Here's Joanie's stuff.
I, uh, packed a swimsuit because Luisa mentioned
she's grown out of the one at your house.
And we made some cookies this morning,
so I put them in a container for you guys.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
No, it's my pleasure.
Hey. Bye, lovebug.
Mmm. Not gonna see you all weekend.
- Bye, Mama. - Bye, baby.
All right. Off we go.
Oh, hey. I'm gonna stop by
next week with the paperwork
for the sale of the Lobster Roll, okay?
Okay. Sounds good.
Oh, no, no, uh, wait. I want to ask, um...
can you switch weekends in two weeks?
Uh, yeah.
Sure. Why?
I have this PTSD conference
I want to go to in Milwaukee,
and I want to sign up before it gets too late.
Done.
Perfect. Thank you.
All right, off we go.
Have fun.
Hey. Hey.
Don't I know you?
Cole?
This is my friend Ben.
Nice to meet you, Cole.
Come on, Daddy.
All righty.
Good? All right.
Be right back, kiddo.
Hey. Listen.
It's not what you think.
I just... I'm sorry.
I didn't want to make a scene in front of your daughter.
- Does she know you're married? - No.
- Of course not. - Look, I'm gonna tell her.
Sure you are. Why don't I tell her myself?
Hey, hey. My situation's complicated, all right?
My marriage is over. It's been over for years.
I tried to stick it out for the kids.
Cole?
Is everything okay?
Yeah. Uh...
Joanie forgot her goggles.
Oh, sorry. One second.
Thank you.
Look, she's the first person
I met in ten years that made me want to live.
I'm gonna tell her the truth.
Just give me a moment.
Let me do it in the right way at the right time.
What are you guys talking about?
It turns out we do know each other.
You do?
Yeah. We met in an AA meeting.
Oh. Yeah.
Ben's a big believer in the program.
It saved his life.
Hey, but why were you there?
I was just helping out a friend.
Oh. Okay.
You guys have a good weekend.
Come on.
_
What are you doing?
Packing.
Where are you going?
I'm not sure.
Luisa, stop.
Please.
Did you ask Alison?
We have been over this so many times.
Any immigration judge worth their salt
is going to argue that you are
legally auxiliary to the functioning
- of this family. - Auxiliary?
I said "legally."
Where are you gonna go?
I don't know. To my mother's.
Luisa, stop. Stop.
- Please, we can figure this out. - No.
I love you.
And for years, I have been waiting for you to choose me.
For you to figure out that I am...
stronger and kinder
and more capable than she'll ever be.
And that I am the one worth fighting for.
But you don't, and you won't.
What if I left?
What?
What if I went on a...
on a walkabout?
What's that?
I know I'm disappointing you.
And I know I'm hurting you, and you...
...deserve better.
So, what if I left?
Would you be willing to give me the time
to just go away...
Yes.
Really?
Yes, I would.
I don't want this to end.
I just need to know that I matter.
Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com