1 00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,987 Previously on The Affair... 2 00:00:05,988 --> 00:00:07,791 - Do I know you? - Think you decked me 3 00:00:07,792 --> 00:00:09,374 - with your board this morning. - Yeah. 4 00:00:09,375 --> 00:00:10,886 Yo, let me make it up to you. 5 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,082 I just watched you freebasing, asshole. 6 00:00:21,083 --> 00:00:23,124 Why don't you give the police a call, huh? 7 00:00:23,125 --> 00:00:25,426 Love to tell them who sold me my first eight-ball, 8 00:00:25,427 --> 00:00:26,984 Mr. Lockhart. 9 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:29,958 Cole, she abandoned her daughter on our doorstep. 10 00:00:29,959 --> 00:00:32,473 - She is still Joanie's mother. - She doesn't deserve to be. 11 00:00:32,474 --> 00:00:33,653 Well, what do you want me to do? 12 00:00:33,654 --> 00:00:34,853 Let's give her what she wants 13 00:00:34,854 --> 00:00:36,487 so we can stop thinking about her. 14 00:00:36,488 --> 00:00:37,912 I'm not a fan of Alison. 15 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,791 She should have her daughter back. 16 00:00:39,792 --> 00:00:40,917 We did the right thing. 17 00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:43,675 Oh, shit. 18 00:00:45,081 --> 00:00:46,081 Hi, Officer. 19 00:00:47,333 --> 00:00:48,875 I hate that a fucking cop 20 00:00:48,876 --> 00:00:50,875 can pull me over, and my only hope 21 00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,370 is that you know him 22 00:00:52,371 --> 00:00:54,166 and he likes you so he won't fuck with me. 23 00:00:54,167 --> 00:00:56,416 Maybe we can try again to get you a green card. 24 00:00:56,417 --> 00:00:57,624 How? 25 00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,508 I have no children of my own. 26 00:00:59,509 --> 00:01:01,352 I can't demonstrate hardship. 27 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:02,938 Guess where I was this morning. 28 00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:04,814 - I got no idea, Ali. - I was at Woodlawn. 29 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,691 Someone like me, with my experience, 30 00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,423 I could turn this into a career. 31 00:01:08,957 --> 00:01:10,043 A career? 32 00:01:10,044 --> 00:01:11,949 I'm just trying to move on with my life. 33 00:01:11,950 --> 00:01:14,407 I would hardly call what you're doing moving on. 34 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,989 - Why not? - You have practically 35 00:01:15,990 --> 00:01:18,077 made his death your entire identity. 36 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,030 That conference I was telling you about, 37 00:01:20,031 --> 00:01:21,497 it's happening in Montauk. 38 00:01:22,657 --> 00:01:24,822 Is, uh... is this the grant coordinator's office? 39 00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:27,864 - Hi. I'm Alison. - Ben. 40 00:01:27,865 --> 00:01:30,781 How long do you have left with your program? 41 00:01:30,782 --> 00:01:32,447 Five months, two weeks and three days. 42 00:01:32,448 --> 00:01:33,448 But who's counting? 43 00:02:40,514 --> 00:02:44,062 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 44 00:02:51,016 --> 00:02:52,702 What are you implying? 45 00:02:52,703 --> 00:02:54,342 I'm not implying anything, Cole. 46 00:02:54,343 --> 00:02:55,698 I'm asking. 47 00:02:55,699 --> 00:02:58,030 Look, Alison has a history of depression, so... 48 00:02:58,031 --> 00:03:00,072 how has she seemed to you lately? 49 00:03:00,073 --> 00:03:01,489 How has she been feeling? 50 00:03:01,490 --> 00:03:03,197 How's she been feeling? 51 00:03:03,198 --> 00:03:04,975 She's been happy. 52 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,811 She's been fine... for years now. 53 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,531 And she wouldn't do something like that to Joanie. 54 00:03:08,532 --> 00:03:09,939 Just relax, Cole. 55 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,190 Jeffries is trying to help. 56 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,914 Wait. Is that Solloway? 57 00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:13,989 Hi, Detective. 58 00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:15,778 We appreciate all you're doing. 59 00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:16,887 No, we don't. 60 00:03:16,888 --> 00:03:18,782 He's not concentrated on the right things. 61 00:03:19,516 --> 00:03:21,197 What about the guy she's been seeing? 62 00:03:21,198 --> 00:03:23,285 Uh, Benjamin Cruz. 63 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,692 - Does he have an alibi? - An alibi for what? 64 00:03:25,693 --> 00:03:28,234 Look, this isn't a crime investigation, Cole. 65 00:03:28,235 --> 00:03:30,819 Alison is missing, so we're focusing on her. 66 00:03:31,323 --> 00:03:33,281 Just give me a call if you remember something. 67 00:03:33,282 --> 00:03:34,822 Things she was concerned about. 68 00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:37,204 Any irrational behavior. Maybe even... 69 00:03:37,205 --> 00:03:38,489 Oh, Jesus Christ! 70 00:03:38,490 --> 00:03:40,517 I told you she's been fine! 71 00:03:40,518 --> 00:03:41,550 Anton. 72 00:03:41,551 --> 00:03:43,261 Let's pull off up here. 73 00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:45,197 Let's get something to eat. 74 00:03:45,199 --> 00:03:46,199 Sure. 75 00:03:59,834 --> 00:04:01,500 Oh, fuck. 76 00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:05,792 You want to get that? 77 00:04:05,794 --> 00:04:06,955 I'll grab you something. 78 00:04:07,784 --> 00:04:08,896 Thank you. 79 00:04:14,023 --> 00:04:16,409 Hey, Luisa. How are you? 80 00:04:18,322 --> 00:04:20,441 - _ - Secretary of state? 81 00:04:20,443 --> 00:04:22,709 - Why not the president? - Too much work. 82 00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,434 Well, we have to go now. 83 00:04:26,435 --> 00:04:27,933 I have to brush someone's teeth. 84 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,364 - I can do it myself. - Yeah. 85 00:04:29,365 --> 00:04:31,187 Bye, Noah. See you later. 86 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,616 Bye, Joanie. Thanks for talking to me. 87 00:04:33,617 --> 00:04:35,848 Okay, brush 'em all, even the back ones. 88 00:04:35,850 --> 00:04:38,039 - I'm gonna check. - I will. 89 00:04:41,653 --> 00:04:42,781 So... 90 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,239 So. 91 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,283 Uh, I should probably get going myself. 92 00:04:48,049 --> 00:04:49,110 Yeah. 93 00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:50,948 You look good. 94 00:04:52,114 --> 00:04:53,198 Thank you. 95 00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,070 Are you good? 96 00:04:55,656 --> 00:04:57,412 Yeah, I think so. 97 00:04:57,413 --> 00:04:58,573 You? 98 00:04:58,574 --> 00:05:00,281 Yeah, I'm fine. 99 00:05:00,813 --> 00:05:03,614 Helen's kind of making it a Herculean task 100 00:05:03,615 --> 00:05:05,239 to see the kids, but... 101 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,096 Well, isn't that why you're out there? 102 00:05:07,097 --> 00:05:08,929 Sure is, but you know Helen. 103 00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:10,036 Why make things simple 104 00:05:10,037 --> 00:05:12,103 when they can be painful and difficult? 105 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,649 Yeah, well, you're doing the right thing. 106 00:05:16,133 --> 00:05:18,473 Your kids will know that you fought to see them. 107 00:05:18,474 --> 00:05:20,737 And it will mean something to them one day. 108 00:05:21,611 --> 00:05:22,861 Hope so. 109 00:05:22,863 --> 00:05:25,700 Believe me, my dad didn't, so I know. 110 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,058 Hey, I sent you something. 111 00:05:29,059 --> 00:05:31,072 Oh, God, what? 112 00:05:31,073 --> 00:05:33,239 Nothing. It's just a gift card. 113 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,656 What kind of gift card? 114 00:05:35,657 --> 00:05:38,267 To buy a plane ticket to California 115 00:05:38,268 --> 00:05:39,489 for you and Joanie, 116 00:05:39,490 --> 00:05:41,675 in case you ever need to get away. 117 00:05:43,948 --> 00:05:46,531 I'd like to see her again, Alison, in person. 118 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:50,407 'Cause, you know, I did raise that child 119 00:05:50,408 --> 00:05:52,847 as my own daughter for the first two years of her life. 120 00:05:52,848 --> 00:05:54,000 I know. 121 00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:56,582 Because, you know, I thought she was my daughter. 122 00:05:56,583 --> 00:05:57,947 Yes. 123 00:05:57,948 --> 00:06:01,073 Just keep it for a rainy day. 124 00:06:04,687 --> 00:06:05,725 Okay. 125 00:06:05,727 --> 00:06:06,735 I will. 126 00:06:07,321 --> 00:06:08,448 Thank you. 127 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,447 Good luck out there. 128 00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:12,980 You, too. 129 00:06:13,282 --> 00:06:14,399 Okay. 130 00:06:28,864 --> 00:06:30,682 Here you go. Enjoy. 131 00:06:31,532 --> 00:06:32,552 Hi. 132 00:06:32,553 --> 00:06:33,656 Hi. May I help you? 133 00:06:33,657 --> 00:06:35,406 Um, Bailey, Alison. 134 00:06:35,407 --> 00:06:37,362 Let's see. Yes. 135 00:06:38,063 --> 00:06:39,448 Uh-huh, there you go. 136 00:06:40,698 --> 00:06:42,344 - There you are. - Ah. Thank you. 137 00:06:43,716 --> 00:06:45,223 Enjoy the conference. 138 00:06:45,225 --> 00:06:46,289 Thanks. 139 00:07:22,541 --> 00:07:23,739 Close your eyes. 140 00:07:26,525 --> 00:07:27,857 Take a breath. 141 00:07:33,109 --> 00:07:34,523 What do you notice? 142 00:07:40,848 --> 00:07:42,474 The kitchen sink is... 143 00:07:43,308 --> 00:07:45,281 full of dirty dishes. 144 00:07:47,702 --> 00:07:49,052 Okay. Good. 145 00:07:49,578 --> 00:07:50,702 Go with that. 146 00:07:59,889 --> 00:08:00,986 Close your eyes. 147 00:08:02,906 --> 00:08:04,406 Take a breath. 148 00:08:08,544 --> 00:08:10,335 What do you notice? 149 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,906 My mother is standing in the doorway. 150 00:08:19,448 --> 00:08:20,792 She's... 151 00:08:21,448 --> 00:08:22,864 holding a letter. 152 00:08:24,689 --> 00:08:25,767 Okay, good. 153 00:08:25,769 --> 00:08:26,864 Let's go with that. 154 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:30,864 Another option if the patient is stuck is to, um... 155 00:08:30,865 --> 00:08:34,347 to press on their hands, on the palms like this. 156 00:08:37,061 --> 00:08:38,603 Okay. 157 00:08:43,693 --> 00:08:45,005 Take a breath. 158 00:08:45,006 --> 00:08:47,073 Close your eyes. 159 00:08:49,673 --> 00:08:50,937 What do you notice? 160 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,604 She's crying. 161 00:08:58,897 --> 00:09:00,698 She's apologizing. 162 00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:07,532 She's saying that she knew all along. 163 00:09:11,031 --> 00:09:12,237 That's good. 164 00:09:14,977 --> 00:09:16,703 Okay. Thank you so much, Tria. 165 00:09:16,704 --> 00:09:18,850 We're gonna stop here, okay? 166 00:09:19,668 --> 00:09:22,460 When we started this session, you said that your, um, 167 00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:24,739 distress and discomfort, 168 00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:27,447 having to keep your sister's secret down 169 00:09:27,448 --> 00:09:29,155 for all those years... 170 00:09:29,156 --> 00:09:31,114 said it was about a nine or a ten. 171 00:09:31,115 --> 00:09:32,781 Is that correct? 172 00:09:32,782 --> 00:09:35,406 - When I thought of it, yes. - Right. 173 00:09:35,407 --> 00:09:36,989 You said you-you didn't let yourself 174 00:09:36,990 --> 00:09:39,322 think about it often, right? 175 00:09:39,323 --> 00:09:41,606 Because of how painful it was for you? 176 00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:45,235 Would you do me a favor and imagine that scene again now? 177 00:09:50,532 --> 00:09:51,947 And? 178 00:09:51,948 --> 00:09:55,323 What's the level of your current discomfort? 179 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:03,003 Maybe a... a two. 180 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,718 It feels further away. 181 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,718 Like it's happening to someone else. 182 00:10:18,568 --> 00:10:19,864 Okay. 183 00:10:19,865 --> 00:10:22,281 So, the idea behind 184 00:10:22,282 --> 00:10:26,406 eye movement desensitization and reprocessing... EMDR... 185 00:10:26,407 --> 00:10:29,138 Is to, um, reorganize our memories 186 00:10:29,139 --> 00:10:32,668 such that they feel more neutral and less, uh... less charged. 187 00:10:32,669 --> 00:10:33,947 Yeah? 188 00:10:33,948 --> 00:10:36,179 Why does it work? 189 00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:38,197 Nobody knows for sure, to be honest. 190 00:10:38,198 --> 00:10:41,114 But we hypothesize that its effectiveness 191 00:10:41,115 --> 00:10:43,114 has something to do with imitating 192 00:10:43,115 --> 00:10:45,269 what happens in the brain during REM. 193 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,771 Basically, we believe that mental healing 194 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,064 is a lot like physical healing. 195 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,058 Our body wants to repair itself. 196 00:10:51,059 --> 00:10:54,322 But if a foreign object or-or a... a repeated injury 197 00:10:54,323 --> 00:10:59,199 irritates a physical wound, it's not going to heal. 198 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,035 Our mind heals from psychological trauma 199 00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:03,579 in very much the same way. 200 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,822 If the system is blocked 201 00:11:04,823 --> 00:11:06,708 by a disturbing memory, 202 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,828 the emotional wound is going to fester, 203 00:11:09,829 --> 00:11:12,361 and it causes an intense amount of suffering. 204 00:11:12,362 --> 00:11:13,905 So, what EMDR does, basically, 205 00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:15,781 it's-it's, um... it diffuses that block. 206 00:11:15,782 --> 00:11:16,971 It, uh, 207 00:11:16,972 --> 00:11:19,150 neutralizes its potency 208 00:11:19,823 --> 00:11:22,279 so that we can basically heal our own minds. 209 00:11:23,989 --> 00:11:25,475 Yep, you in the back? 210 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,489 Can you, uh, talk specifically 211 00:11:27,490 --> 00:11:28,822 about your experiences 212 00:11:28,823 --> 00:11:30,489 doing this kind of work with veterans? 213 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,239 Excellent question. 214 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:35,369 You know, in three separate clinical trials last year alone, 215 00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:39,114 it was recently reported that after 12 EMDR sessions 216 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:42,190 77.7% of combat veterans 217 00:11:42,191 --> 00:11:44,498 no longer met the criteria for PTSD. 218 00:11:45,355 --> 00:11:47,706 All right, we're about to take a break. 219 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,406 Uh, find a partner. Spread around. 220 00:11:50,407 --> 00:11:52,794 I want you to experience this technique for yourselves. 221 00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,322 Take an hour and, uh, come back here 222 00:11:54,323 --> 00:11:55,822 to discuss your discoveries. 223 00:11:55,823 --> 00:11:58,114 Thank you, guys. 224 00:12:31,474 --> 00:12:33,698 It's pretty interesting stuff, huh? 225 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,614 You scared me. 226 00:12:36,615 --> 00:12:39,007 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not that terrifying. 227 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,656 Do you forgive me? 228 00:12:40,657 --> 00:12:42,508 What are you doing here? 229 00:12:43,281 --> 00:12:44,948 Stalking you, of course. 230 00:12:47,483 --> 00:12:48,587 I'm kidding. 231 00:12:48,589 --> 00:12:52,151 Um, the VHA, they sent me here to investigate this therapy. 232 00:12:52,152 --> 00:12:54,278 We think it could be helpful for our guys. 233 00:12:54,279 --> 00:12:55,327 Oh. 234 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,822 You want to try it out? 235 00:12:57,823 --> 00:12:58,963 Partner up? 236 00:12:59,699 --> 00:13:01,614 Um, yeah. 237 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:02,782 Okay. 238 00:13:03,476 --> 00:13:05,242 Cool. Okay. 239 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:07,114 Oh, sorry. 240 00:13:23,906 --> 00:13:24,948 Okay. 241 00:13:36,844 --> 00:13:38,928 - All right, um... - Okay. 242 00:13:41,545 --> 00:13:43,598 Let's see. Uh... 243 00:13:46,585 --> 00:13:48,822 It says, uh, we can start with... 244 00:13:48,823 --> 00:13:51,414 taking an oral history of each other. 245 00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:54,208 That sounds a little dirty, doesn't it? 246 00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:58,114 Then, uh, we move on to the 247 00:13:58,115 --> 00:14:00,423 question and finger metronome thing. 248 00:14:02,143 --> 00:14:03,222 Are you, uh... 249 00:14:03,223 --> 00:14:04,489 Are you nervous? You seem nervous. 250 00:14:04,490 --> 00:14:06,689 - No, no, I'm... No. - I'm nervous. 251 00:14:06,690 --> 00:14:07,822 Okay. 252 00:14:07,823 --> 00:14:09,457 I'm a little nervous. 253 00:14:10,638 --> 00:14:13,739 Never done anything like this before, so... 254 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,588 Yeah. Me, neither. 255 00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,508 Glad my first time will be with you, though. 256 00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:27,447 So... 257 00:14:28,018 --> 00:14:29,435 what are your traumas? 258 00:14:32,177 --> 00:14:33,373 Um... 259 00:14:35,828 --> 00:14:38,009 Well, my dad left my mom, 260 00:14:38,648 --> 00:14:40,635 but that was before I was born, so... 261 00:14:41,954 --> 00:14:43,408 Okay. Um... 262 00:14:44,031 --> 00:14:45,614 You said you were twice divorced? 263 00:14:46,214 --> 00:14:47,214 Any trauma there? 264 00:14:49,948 --> 00:14:51,402 What? 265 00:14:51,403 --> 00:14:52,822 Okay, all right. 266 00:14:52,823 --> 00:14:55,074 Well, what does that leave us with? 267 00:14:55,075 --> 00:14:56,989 Um, any phobias? 268 00:14:57,761 --> 00:14:59,257 Well, um... 269 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,716 I don't love the ocean. 270 00:15:03,062 --> 00:15:04,161 Classic. 271 00:15:04,162 --> 00:15:05,322 Okay. Water. 272 00:15:05,323 --> 00:15:07,733 Um, let's start with that. 273 00:15:07,735 --> 00:15:08,901 You ready? 274 00:15:08,903 --> 00:15:10,277 Mm-hmm. 275 00:15:22,426 --> 00:15:23,885 Close your eyes. 276 00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:26,877 Think of the ocean. 277 00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:29,545 Okay. 278 00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:34,740 Hold, please. 279 00:15:35,989 --> 00:15:37,067 You're a natural. 280 00:15:37,068 --> 00:15:38,364 Yeah. Hold on. 281 00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:39,659 Um... ah, here we go. 282 00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:42,399 It, uh... it says here we can start 283 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,760 with your earliest memory of the trauma, 284 00:15:44,761 --> 00:15:47,163 your worst memory or the most recent one. 285 00:15:47,164 --> 00:15:51,284 So, did something traumatic happen in the ocean? 286 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:53,936 Uh, yeah. 287 00:15:54,819 --> 00:15:56,485 Are you thinking about it? 288 00:15:56,486 --> 00:15:57,505 - Mm-hmm. - Okay. 289 00:15:57,506 --> 00:15:59,167 Just making sure I'm doing it right. 290 00:15:59,906 --> 00:16:01,489 Um, okay. 291 00:16:01,490 --> 00:16:03,571 So, let's follow my hand again. 292 00:16:14,857 --> 00:16:16,042 Close your eyes. 293 00:16:16,998 --> 00:16:18,207 Take a breath. 294 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,240 What do you notice? 295 00:16:28,971 --> 00:16:30,261 I'm on the beach. 296 00:16:32,495 --> 00:16:33,735 What time of day is it? 297 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,490 Evening. 298 00:16:37,446 --> 00:16:38,626 Are you alone? 299 00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:40,478 No. 300 00:16:41,413 --> 00:16:42,880 I'm with some friends. 301 00:16:44,031 --> 00:16:46,073 We're having a barbecue. 302 00:16:49,146 --> 00:16:51,246 My son is playing in the surf. 303 00:16:53,019 --> 00:16:54,091 Your son? 304 00:16:58,836 --> 00:16:59,870 Okay. 305 00:17:00,837 --> 00:17:01,876 Good. 306 00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:03,721 Let's go with that. 307 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,062 Close your eyes. 308 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,323 Take a breath. 309 00:17:22,038 --> 00:17:23,440 What do you notice? 310 00:17:26,549 --> 00:17:27,989 It's getting late. 311 00:17:30,081 --> 00:17:32,498 The sun is going down, and I'm cold. 312 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:39,993 Okay. 313 00:17:40,673 --> 00:17:41,989 Let's go with that. 314 00:17:51,105 --> 00:17:52,688 Close your eyes. 315 00:17:54,634 --> 00:17:56,000 What do you notice? 316 00:18:02,905 --> 00:18:04,321 I-I don't know. 317 00:18:04,323 --> 00:18:05,573 Nothing. Just... 318 00:18:05,574 --> 00:18:07,573 - Nothing? - Yeah. 319 00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:10,364 The beach, the sand, our friends. 320 00:18:10,365 --> 00:18:11,716 It's more of the same. 321 00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,661 Okay. Um... 322 00:18:17,335 --> 00:18:18,711 We can try this technique. 323 00:18:33,626 --> 00:18:34,774 Close your eyes. 324 00:18:41,636 --> 00:18:44,515 Now, what do you notice? 325 00:18:47,481 --> 00:18:49,857 My husband isn't paying attention. 326 00:18:51,197 --> 00:18:53,037 He's flirting with a woman. 327 00:18:55,057 --> 00:18:56,448 I just want to leave. 328 00:18:59,882 --> 00:19:01,410 I call out to my son. 329 00:19:01,412 --> 00:19:02,959 I tell him it's time to come out. 330 00:19:05,537 --> 00:19:08,881 Cole says he's watching the children and they're fine. 331 00:19:16,898 --> 00:19:18,606 Okay. 332 00:19:21,448 --> 00:19:22,823 Go with that. 333 00:19:40,156 --> 00:19:41,956 I'm inside my house. 334 00:19:43,207 --> 00:19:44,864 I've gone to get a blanket. 335 00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,629 I hear a commotion from my window. 336 00:19:52,630 --> 00:19:53,884 Shouting. 337 00:19:55,096 --> 00:19:56,822 I look out, and I see a group of people 338 00:19:56,823 --> 00:19:58,679 pulling something from the water. 339 00:19:58,681 --> 00:20:00,188 It looks like a child. 340 00:20:05,701 --> 00:20:07,113 Okay. Good. 341 00:20:07,114 --> 00:20:08,864 Good. Let's go with that. 342 00:20:16,079 --> 00:20:17,385 Close your eyes. 343 00:20:19,406 --> 00:20:20,989 So... 344 00:20:20,990 --> 00:20:22,928 you're looking out the window. 345 00:20:30,782 --> 00:20:33,155 I'm seeing something else now. 346 00:20:33,156 --> 00:20:35,197 - What do you see? - I'm in the water. 347 00:20:35,198 --> 00:20:36,726 You're-you're in the water? 348 00:20:37,401 --> 00:20:38,580 I can't breathe. 349 00:20:38,581 --> 00:20:40,031 I'm choking on the water. 350 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,198 My lungs are on fire. 351 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,186 And then these hands, these... 352 00:20:47,187 --> 00:20:49,405 - Whose hands? - Two big, strong hands are... 353 00:20:49,946 --> 00:20:51,989 pulling me from the water, and... 354 00:20:53,994 --> 00:20:55,448 The air is warm. 355 00:20:59,705 --> 00:21:00,864 Okay, good. 356 00:21:01,898 --> 00:21:02,898 Go with that. 357 00:21:05,034 --> 00:21:06,114 I can't. I'm... 358 00:21:06,115 --> 00:21:07,448 I'm sorry. I can't. 359 00:21:16,124 --> 00:21:17,239 Alison. 360 00:21:22,295 --> 00:21:23,573 Are you all right? 361 00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,698 Yeah. 362 00:21:27,138 --> 00:21:29,271 You need anything? 363 00:21:34,708 --> 00:21:36,404 Want me to leave you alone? 364 00:21:38,803 --> 00:21:39,966 No. 365 00:21:45,618 --> 00:21:47,117 You know what we should do? 366 00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:48,611 We should meet up all over the country 367 00:21:48,613 --> 00:21:50,443 at different PTSD conferences. 368 00:21:50,444 --> 00:21:51,943 What? 369 00:21:51,944 --> 00:21:54,155 Yeah, there's a, uh, CPT conference 370 00:21:54,156 --> 00:21:55,573 happening in Milwaukee in two weeks. 371 00:21:55,574 --> 00:21:56,739 You want to go? 372 00:21:56,740 --> 00:21:58,408 Seriously? 373 00:21:58,409 --> 00:21:59,781 I kind of like this idea. 374 00:21:59,782 --> 00:22:02,782 It's like a really fucked-up, quirky romantic comedy. 375 00:22:02,783 --> 00:22:04,287 Very Woody Allen. 376 00:22:04,289 --> 00:22:06,783 Yeah. Okay. 377 00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:08,284 Well, think about it. 378 00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:09,853 I'll text you the information. 379 00:22:09,854 --> 00:22:11,328 Pretty sure it's two weeks from now. 380 00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:13,573 Oh, no, I... I don't think I can. 381 00:22:13,574 --> 00:22:17,246 I have my daughter that weekend, so... 382 00:22:17,247 --> 00:22:19,880 Oh. Well, yeah, that's more important. 383 00:22:20,651 --> 00:22:21,715 Yeah. 384 00:22:26,215 --> 00:22:27,454 Want to rent a boat? 385 00:22:29,834 --> 00:22:30,905 What, now? 386 00:22:30,906 --> 00:22:32,114 Yeah, right now. 387 00:22:32,115 --> 00:22:33,565 We'll go out for the afternoon. 388 00:22:34,615 --> 00:22:37,132 What better way to get you over this fear of the ocean, right? 389 00:22:37,133 --> 00:22:39,583 And since I clearly fucked up your EMDR, 390 00:22:39,584 --> 00:22:41,050 I gotta find another way. 391 00:22:41,051 --> 00:22:44,249 I'm thinking, uh, immersion therapy. 392 00:23:09,404 --> 00:23:11,221 Alison, we got a boat. 393 00:23:11,768 --> 00:23:13,034 - Hey. - Oh. 394 00:23:24,168 --> 00:23:26,240 You having fun yet? 395 00:23:26,242 --> 00:23:27,607 What? 396 00:23:27,608 --> 00:23:30,406 Are you having fun yet? 397 00:23:30,407 --> 00:23:32,786 I can't hear you. 398 00:23:33,657 --> 00:23:35,573 Never mind. 399 00:24:00,057 --> 00:24:01,558 Here we go. 400 00:24:06,905 --> 00:24:09,201 You hungry? They packed us lunch. 401 00:24:09,203 --> 00:24:11,079 - Really? - Yeah, it's, uh, 402 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:13,197 right behind the captain's seat in the cooler. 403 00:24:13,198 --> 00:24:14,365 Oh. 404 00:24:23,698 --> 00:24:25,739 Ah, I'll put this away. 405 00:24:25,740 --> 00:24:26,969 No, don't worry about it. 406 00:24:26,970 --> 00:24:28,520 Honestly, I'm fine. 407 00:24:28,522 --> 00:24:30,068 You should drink it. 408 00:24:30,070 --> 00:24:31,996 I bet you're a cute drunk. 409 00:24:36,573 --> 00:24:37,989 Was it hard? 410 00:24:37,990 --> 00:24:39,365 Getting sober? 411 00:24:40,281 --> 00:24:42,670 Yeah. Yeah, it fucking sucked. 412 00:24:42,671 --> 00:24:46,364 Uh, for a while, I thought I'd rather be dead. 413 00:24:46,365 --> 00:24:48,281 But the person I am when I drink 414 00:24:48,282 --> 00:24:50,531 is someone I hate, and, uh, 415 00:24:51,682 --> 00:24:53,905 person I am when I'm sober, well, that's... 416 00:24:53,906 --> 00:24:55,573 that's someone I can live with. 417 00:24:59,114 --> 00:25:01,281 - What about you? - Me? 418 00:25:01,282 --> 00:25:03,739 Any chemical dependencies I should know about? 419 00:25:03,740 --> 00:25:06,296 No. Miraculously. 420 00:25:10,155 --> 00:25:12,052 I did used to cut myself, though. 421 00:25:14,737 --> 00:25:15,790 You mean... 422 00:25:15,791 --> 00:25:16,822 For fun? 423 00:25:17,304 --> 00:25:18,657 Yeah, kind of. 424 00:25:20,221 --> 00:25:21,378 To feel better. 425 00:25:23,956 --> 00:25:25,237 That's awful. 426 00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:27,287 Yeah, it was. 427 00:25:29,413 --> 00:25:31,067 Tried to kill myself once, too. 428 00:25:35,888 --> 00:25:38,659 Uh, I really don't know why I'm telling you this. 429 00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:40,448 I... 430 00:25:42,288 --> 00:25:44,551 Maybe because you think I'd understand. 431 00:25:49,105 --> 00:25:50,240 So... 432 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,077 you have a son and daughter. 433 00:25:54,740 --> 00:25:56,791 I think I will have some of that wine. 434 00:25:56,792 --> 00:25:58,364 Please. 435 00:25:58,365 --> 00:26:00,582 Yeah, thank you. 436 00:26:00,584 --> 00:26:01,647 Yeah, I got it. 437 00:26:01,649 --> 00:26:02,649 - All right. - Yeah. 438 00:26:18,938 --> 00:26:20,396 I did have a son. 439 00:26:21,355 --> 00:26:22,648 But he drowned. 440 00:26:23,532 --> 00:26:25,198 Wh-What? 441 00:26:30,094 --> 00:26:31,280 So... 442 00:26:32,910 --> 00:26:35,114 that memory that day at the, uh... 443 00:26:35,115 --> 00:26:38,281 at the beach with your husband and the blanket, 444 00:26:38,282 --> 00:26:40,706 was that the day your son...? 445 00:26:42,142 --> 00:26:43,210 Yeah. 446 00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:46,772 Oh, my God, I'm sorry, Alison. 447 00:26:53,308 --> 00:26:54,794 What about the hands? 448 00:26:54,795 --> 00:26:57,364 You said they pulled him out of the water 449 00:26:57,365 --> 00:26:59,072 and he was on the beach. He could breathe. 450 00:26:59,073 --> 00:27:00,457 No, no, uh... 451 00:27:02,304 --> 00:27:03,644 that wasn't him. 452 00:27:04,617 --> 00:27:05,767 No, that was me. 453 00:27:05,769 --> 00:27:08,861 That was a, uh, dream I used to have. 454 00:27:10,192 --> 00:27:11,254 That's why it's so weird 455 00:27:11,256 --> 00:27:13,006 that it came up again in the EMDR. 456 00:27:13,008 --> 00:27:14,008 It just, uh... 457 00:27:16,940 --> 00:27:19,592 No, anyway, um, Gabriel died that day. 458 00:27:19,593 --> 00:27:20,722 He was four. 459 00:27:21,932 --> 00:27:23,240 Nobody saved him. 460 00:27:28,957 --> 00:27:30,739 Anyway, you know, it's taken me 461 00:27:30,740 --> 00:27:33,777 a very long time to say this without wanting to die. 462 00:27:35,146 --> 00:27:36,488 My son drowned. 463 00:27:38,134 --> 00:27:39,134 He drowned. 464 00:27:44,357 --> 00:27:45,592 And... 465 00:27:46,252 --> 00:27:48,333 that's what you walk around carrying every day? 466 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:50,544 Your own son? 467 00:27:52,048 --> 00:27:53,106 Yeah. 468 00:27:54,677 --> 00:27:57,062 You seem so together, so functional. 469 00:27:58,188 --> 00:27:59,947 I am, most days. 470 00:28:00,390 --> 00:28:01,864 It's taken me a while. 471 00:28:10,448 --> 00:28:12,490 What's that face? 472 00:28:13,704 --> 00:28:15,120 You amaze me. 473 00:28:21,477 --> 00:28:23,685 You know what's really weird about that dream? 474 00:28:24,603 --> 00:28:26,605 When I'm drowning and someone rescues me? 475 00:28:28,482 --> 00:28:30,489 I used to have it all the time as a child. 476 00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:35,489 I remember being five or six and... 477 00:28:35,906 --> 00:28:37,324 being afraid to go to sleep. 478 00:28:37,991 --> 00:28:40,160 Eventually, I stopped having it, but... 479 00:28:40,953 --> 00:28:42,322 when Gabriel died, 480 00:28:43,372 --> 00:28:45,040 it all came rushing back. 481 00:28:46,125 --> 00:28:47,251 And the... 482 00:28:50,394 --> 00:28:52,003 It's the same beach. 483 00:28:53,812 --> 00:28:55,830 I can see the lighthouse in the distance. 484 00:28:56,516 --> 00:28:58,905 I can see my house behind me, past the dunes. 485 00:29:01,987 --> 00:29:05,567 And ever since, I've wondered if it was a, um... 486 00:29:05,569 --> 00:29:06,694 Premonition. 487 00:29:09,245 --> 00:29:10,566 A premonition. 488 00:29:11,900 --> 00:29:13,277 Not a dream at all. 489 00:29:16,637 --> 00:29:18,281 So you think you saw 490 00:29:18,282 --> 00:29:20,492 what happened to your son before it happened. 491 00:29:21,702 --> 00:29:23,829 If I say yes, will you think I'm crazy? 492 00:29:24,997 --> 00:29:26,030 No. 493 00:29:27,332 --> 00:29:30,502 I think there's all sorts of ways of knowing things, Alison. 494 00:29:33,318 --> 00:29:34,339 What if... 495 00:29:36,300 --> 00:29:37,675 What if something or somebody 496 00:29:37,676 --> 00:29:39,698 was trying to tell me to watch out? 497 00:29:42,233 --> 00:29:43,407 Like, be ready? 498 00:29:45,899 --> 00:29:47,853 And when the time came, I missed it? 499 00:30:00,922 --> 00:30:02,843 I haven't told anyone this before. 500 00:30:04,162 --> 00:30:06,287 Not Cole. Not Noah. 501 00:30:10,557 --> 00:30:12,002 Come here. 502 00:30:14,146 --> 00:30:15,323 Why? 503 00:30:17,281 --> 00:30:19,058 I just want you to be closer. 504 00:30:31,692 --> 00:30:34,441 You know, a lot of people have nightmares about drowning. 505 00:30:35,734 --> 00:30:37,573 Maybe it's just a... 506 00:30:37,574 --> 00:30:39,968 childhood fantasy about being saved. 507 00:30:39,969 --> 00:30:42,883 But why would I dream of the same beach where he died? 508 00:30:44,212 --> 00:30:45,925 Well, maybe you didn't originally. 509 00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:48,288 Maybe you added that part later. 510 00:30:49,482 --> 00:30:52,274 Maybe because you're looking for a way to blame yourself. 511 00:30:57,434 --> 00:30:59,135 You'd make a good shrink. 512 00:31:04,184 --> 00:31:05,715 What am I doing on a boat with you? 513 00:31:07,198 --> 00:31:08,740 It was your idea. 514 00:31:14,052 --> 00:31:15,135 Should we head back? 515 00:31:20,031 --> 00:31:21,148 Okay. 516 00:31:23,887 --> 00:31:25,240 All right. 517 00:32:18,281 --> 00:32:19,864 Wait, wait. 518 00:32:24,268 --> 00:32:27,487 Well, this is a complete disaster. 519 00:32:29,740 --> 00:32:30,740 Right. 520 00:33:30,105 --> 00:33:31,397 You all right? 521 00:33:31,399 --> 00:33:32,510 I'm fine. 522 00:33:32,512 --> 00:33:35,533 Geez. I thought you had a fucking stroke. 523 00:33:37,350 --> 00:33:39,226 I was just trying to get away from you. 524 00:33:41,389 --> 00:33:42,947 So much for your fear of the ocean. 525 00:33:44,198 --> 00:33:46,179 You're insane. You know that, right? 526 00:33:46,180 --> 00:33:48,151 Yeah, yeah. I've heard that before. 527 00:33:56,978 --> 00:33:58,197 Hey, Ben? 528 00:33:58,198 --> 00:33:59,864 Hey, Alison? 529 00:34:00,888 --> 00:34:04,225 I'm having a very nice time not having sex with you. 530 00:34:05,573 --> 00:34:07,448 Well, don't get too used to it. 531 00:34:19,603 --> 00:34:22,533 _ 532 00:35:28,994 --> 00:35:31,273 What the fuck are you doing, man? 533 00:35:31,274 --> 00:35:33,064 Come on. We're going someplace. 534 00:35:33,865 --> 00:35:34,892 What? 535 00:35:35,744 --> 00:35:38,138 - You and me? - That's right. 536 00:35:38,139 --> 00:35:40,197 Uh-uh, dude. No way. 537 00:35:45,448 --> 00:35:47,701 What's that smell, man? 538 00:35:47,702 --> 00:35:48,989 Lighter fluid. 539 00:35:49,595 --> 00:35:51,771 Yo, I'm not going anywhere with you. 540 00:35:51,772 --> 00:35:53,518 Fucking psychopath. 541 00:35:53,519 --> 00:35:54,781 Oh, I think you are. 542 00:35:54,782 --> 00:35:56,640 Or else what, man? 543 00:35:57,556 --> 00:35:59,698 You're gonna just light me on fire? 544 00:35:59,699 --> 00:36:01,406 I might. 545 00:36:04,324 --> 00:36:05,909 So it's now been, uh, 546 00:36:05,910 --> 00:36:08,221 six years, three months and two days 547 00:36:08,222 --> 00:36:10,947 since the accident, and, uh, 548 00:36:10,948 --> 00:36:14,923 I've rebuilt a bit of a relationship with my kids. 549 00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:18,330 My ex-wife still doesn't speak to me, 550 00:36:18,331 --> 00:36:20,363 but I can't say I blame her. 551 00:36:20,364 --> 00:36:23,239 I saw her the other day at the grocery store, 552 00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:25,740 and she pretended not to see me. 553 00:36:27,246 --> 00:36:28,668 But one day at a time. 554 00:36:30,397 --> 00:36:32,397 I thank God every day 555 00:36:32,399 --> 00:36:34,720 that I'm still alive and that I get to have 556 00:36:34,722 --> 00:36:38,846 another sunrise to try to do it better. 557 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:41,989 Thanks. 558 00:36:41,990 --> 00:36:43,985 I'm being fucking kidnapped. 559 00:36:43,987 --> 00:36:44,987 No talking. 560 00:36:53,871 --> 00:36:55,864 Hi. My name is Ben, and I'm an addict. 561 00:36:55,865 --> 00:36:57,417 - Hey, Ben. - Hey, Ben. 562 00:36:58,444 --> 00:37:00,414 I'm so grateful I found this meeting. 563 00:37:00,415 --> 00:37:02,595 I'm, uh... I'm not from around here. 564 00:37:03,538 --> 00:37:05,905 I, uh... I woke up this morning 565 00:37:05,906 --> 00:37:07,809 just itching for some blow, and... 566 00:37:08,543 --> 00:37:09,988 I knew I needed help. 567 00:37:10,876 --> 00:37:14,405 I've been, uh... I've been clean for about seven months now, 568 00:37:15,353 --> 00:37:16,905 and it's been the hardest thing I've ever done. 569 00:37:16,906 --> 00:37:19,323 And I did two tours in Afghanistan. 570 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:23,016 You know, to be honest, 571 00:37:23,990 --> 00:37:25,884 the thing I struggle with the most in the program 572 00:37:25,885 --> 00:37:29,615 is not the drinking, but the abstinence. 573 00:37:33,263 --> 00:37:34,502 I miss women. 574 00:37:38,266 --> 00:37:41,551 But I know, for me, it's a... it's a slippery slope. 575 00:37:42,327 --> 00:37:43,698 Girls make me want to drink, 576 00:37:43,699 --> 00:37:46,448 and, uh, drinking makes me want to use. 577 00:37:50,073 --> 00:37:52,459 You know, when I got back from the sandbox, 578 00:37:52,460 --> 00:37:56,007 I was... I was completely numb. 579 00:37:59,922 --> 00:38:01,416 Couldn't get it up for my wife, 580 00:38:01,417 --> 00:38:04,824 so I started drinking in order to be able to fuck her. 581 00:38:06,104 --> 00:38:09,030 And then that led to using, 582 00:38:09,650 --> 00:38:11,650 then our marriage started to fall apart. 583 00:38:12,948 --> 00:38:15,921 Things that, uh, used to make me happy, 584 00:38:17,245 --> 00:38:19,070 I couldn't feel those things anymore. 585 00:38:21,206 --> 00:38:24,119 Couldn't feel anything except angry. 586 00:38:25,448 --> 00:38:26,947 It was hell. 587 00:38:26,948 --> 00:38:29,053 I like this guy. 588 00:38:29,054 --> 00:38:30,805 You should ask him to be your sponsor. 589 00:38:30,806 --> 00:38:31,905 No talking. 590 00:38:31,906 --> 00:38:33,489 I haven't had any PTSD attacks, 591 00:38:33,490 --> 00:38:35,238 and I've been feeling okay. 592 00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:36,739 You know, not good, not bad. 593 00:38:36,740 --> 00:38:39,698 Just... just okay. 594 00:38:41,919 --> 00:38:44,281 And then I met this girl, and... 595 00:38:46,783 --> 00:38:49,448 She's like the woman I've been looking for my whole life. 596 00:38:51,582 --> 00:38:54,531 But I spent the day with her on a boat yesterday. 597 00:38:54,958 --> 00:38:57,026 I wanted to drink so fucking bad. 598 00:39:00,425 --> 00:39:01,631 I didn't. 599 00:39:02,957 --> 00:39:04,403 That's why I'm here this morning. 600 00:39:04,404 --> 00:39:07,098 One day at a time, by the grace of God. 601 00:39:07,099 --> 00:39:09,030 So, thanks for letting me share. 602 00:39:17,251 --> 00:39:18,364 I appreciate it. 603 00:39:18,365 --> 00:39:20,601 It's a great place, so thank you. 604 00:39:20,602 --> 00:39:22,323 - You're welcome. - Bye. 605 00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:27,364 Hey, man. 606 00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:29,739 Hey. I'm Cole. 607 00:39:29,740 --> 00:39:31,114 Hi. 608 00:39:31,115 --> 00:39:32,379 That's Bram. 609 00:39:33,121 --> 00:39:34,598 I like what you said up there. 610 00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:37,584 And he's new to the program. He's looking for a sponsor. 611 00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:40,989 He's new to the program, huh? 612 00:39:40,990 --> 00:39:42,656 Yeah. Day one. 613 00:39:42,657 --> 00:39:44,562 You think he's gonna stick with it? 614 00:39:44,564 --> 00:39:47,106 Sure. He's 100% committed. 615 00:39:49,888 --> 00:39:52,758 Yeah, I'd like to, man, but, uh, I'm not from out here. 616 00:39:52,759 --> 00:39:54,158 Headed back to Hicksville now. 617 00:39:54,159 --> 00:39:56,155 My wife, she goes crazy with both kids 618 00:39:56,156 --> 00:39:58,018 on the weekends, and I'm already late. 619 00:39:58,019 --> 00:39:59,939 What about the girl you were talking about? 620 00:40:02,072 --> 00:40:04,042 You know how these things are, man, right? 621 00:40:04,351 --> 00:40:05,684 It's complicated. 622 00:40:07,363 --> 00:40:08,647 Good to meet you, Cole. 623 00:40:08,649 --> 00:40:10,027 Good luck. 624 00:40:10,029 --> 00:40:11,134 You, too, kid. 625 00:40:17,118 --> 00:40:18,178 Hey, babe. 626 00:40:19,272 --> 00:40:20,656 Where have you been? 627 00:40:21,110 --> 00:40:22,795 Was trying to be a Good Samaritan. 628 00:40:23,488 --> 00:40:24,739 Did it work? 629 00:40:25,198 --> 00:40:26,198 No. 630 00:40:33,950 --> 00:40:35,667 What's with all the paperwork? 631 00:40:35,668 --> 00:40:37,401 Studying for your LSATs? 632 00:40:37,402 --> 00:40:39,696 Why would I be studying for the LSATs? 633 00:40:39,697 --> 00:40:41,240 I'm kidding. 634 00:40:42,647 --> 00:40:44,182 What's with all that stuff? 635 00:40:44,968 --> 00:40:47,989 Uh, they're my immigration forms. 636 00:40:49,739 --> 00:40:50,849 Really? 637 00:40:51,683 --> 00:40:52,851 Yeah. 638 00:40:53,365 --> 00:40:56,531 I'm thinking about applying for my citizenship after all. 639 00:40:56,532 --> 00:40:58,989 Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? 640 00:40:59,604 --> 00:41:02,457 Right, but isn't that something we should talk about first? 641 00:41:02,458 --> 00:41:03,947 What is there to talk about? 642 00:41:03,948 --> 00:41:05,406 Well, the risk. 643 00:41:05,407 --> 00:41:06,698 What risk? 644 00:41:06,699 --> 00:41:08,338 That they would deport you. 645 00:41:08,339 --> 00:41:09,427 Yes. 646 00:41:10,154 --> 00:41:12,831 And that's why I need you to sign something for me. 647 00:41:12,832 --> 00:41:15,279 - What's that? - That's the hardship waiver. 648 00:41:15,705 --> 00:41:17,651 My only chance to become a citizen 649 00:41:17,652 --> 00:41:19,835 is by demonstrating that my deportation 650 00:41:19,836 --> 00:41:21,646 would create hardship for someone. 651 00:41:22,422 --> 00:41:25,312 So you want me to sign that it would create hardship for me? Sure. 652 00:41:25,313 --> 00:41:27,114 No, not for you. Joanie. 653 00:41:27,802 --> 00:41:28,989 I'm confused. 654 00:41:28,990 --> 00:41:31,573 Look, Alison has a history of mental illness. 655 00:41:31,574 --> 00:41:33,426 It's been well documented. 656 00:41:33,427 --> 00:41:34,739 All we need to do is send in records 657 00:41:34,740 --> 00:41:38,520 of her hospitalization to prove that she's not a fit mother. 658 00:41:38,521 --> 00:41:41,809 But wait, I have drafted this letter. 659 00:41:41,810 --> 00:41:45,197 It's a statement on Joanie's behalf. 660 00:41:45,198 --> 00:41:46,614 I don't understand. 661 00:41:46,615 --> 00:41:48,983 I need you to ask Alison if she will let me 662 00:41:48,984 --> 00:41:50,489 be Joanie's legal guardian. 663 00:41:50,490 --> 00:41:54,072 Luisa, we just went through this last year. 664 00:41:54,073 --> 00:41:55,375 I know. 665 00:41:55,376 --> 00:41:57,674 We gave her custody back. 666 00:41:57,675 --> 00:42:00,239 You wanted to do that. That was your idea. 667 00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:02,739 Yeah, I know. It was a... it was a mistake. 668 00:42:02,740 --> 00:42:04,092 A mistake for who? 669 00:42:04,093 --> 00:42:05,489 Well, for me. 670 00:42:05,490 --> 00:42:07,197 So you want me to ask Alison 671 00:42:07,198 --> 00:42:09,197 to declare herself an unfit mother 672 00:42:09,198 --> 00:42:10,974 after everything that she's been through? 673 00:42:10,975 --> 00:42:12,774 Yeah, but it would just be on paper. 674 00:42:12,775 --> 00:42:14,926 Nothing would have to change. 675 00:42:14,927 --> 00:42:17,281 We would still share custody of Joanie, 676 00:42:17,282 --> 00:42:19,827 but I could submit these forms. 677 00:42:20,168 --> 00:42:21,656 Say I was her mother, her only mother. 678 00:42:21,657 --> 00:42:23,064 And you don't think they're going to check? 679 00:42:23,065 --> 00:42:26,155 No. Do you think an ICE agent is coming to Montauk 680 00:42:26,156 --> 00:42:29,030 to check who picks Joanie up from fucking kindergarten? 681 00:42:29,031 --> 00:42:31,144 They don't give a shit, Cole. 682 00:42:31,145 --> 00:42:33,843 What they care, it's... it's what's on the paper. 683 00:42:33,844 --> 00:42:36,293 - I can't ask Alison to do this. - Why? 684 00:42:36,294 --> 00:42:38,581 Because it would break her heart. 685 00:42:43,359 --> 00:42:44,939 Then I-I can't stay. 686 00:42:44,940 --> 00:42:46,627 Oh, stop being so dramatic. 687 00:42:46,628 --> 00:42:48,024 Of course you can stay. 688 00:42:48,967 --> 00:42:50,520 Everything is fine here. 689 00:42:50,521 --> 00:42:52,067 We have a great life. 690 00:42:52,068 --> 00:42:54,037 No, you have a great life. 691 00:42:55,156 --> 00:42:56,776 You are turning this into a competition 692 00:42:56,777 --> 00:42:58,645 between you and her. You are. 693 00:42:58,646 --> 00:43:00,286 Think about what you're doing. 694 00:43:00,287 --> 00:43:02,331 Think about what you're asking me to do. 695 00:43:02,332 --> 00:43:03,485 I'm sorry. 696 00:43:03,486 --> 00:43:05,080 I-I can't go on like this. 697 00:43:05,821 --> 00:43:07,691 This is not a life for me. 698 00:43:07,692 --> 00:43:09,484 It might work for you, 699 00:43:09,485 --> 00:43:11,447 but this whole relationship, 700 00:43:11,448 --> 00:43:14,059 our marriage, it's been on your terms, Cole. 701 00:43:14,060 --> 00:43:15,863 We live in your town. 702 00:43:15,864 --> 00:43:18,303 We see your family. I work in your restaurant. 703 00:43:18,304 --> 00:43:19,864 I'll sell the restaurant. 704 00:43:19,865 --> 00:43:22,782 If that'll make you happy, I will sell the restaurant. 705 00:43:26,278 --> 00:43:27,801 What if I get deported? 706 00:43:29,267 --> 00:43:30,857 Would you come with me 707 00:43:30,859 --> 00:43:32,482 back to Ecuador? 708 00:43:32,484 --> 00:43:34,362 And leave Joanie here? Of course not. 709 00:43:39,075 --> 00:43:41,489 I'm tired of feeling like your domestic help, Cole. 710 00:43:41,490 --> 00:43:44,432 Stop that. You are my wife. 711 00:43:45,046 --> 00:43:46,645 Yeah, I live in this house. 712 00:43:46,646 --> 00:43:48,066 I cook your meals. 713 00:43:48,067 --> 00:43:49,489 I wash your clothes. I care for your daughter. 714 00:43:49,490 --> 00:43:51,420 But I have nothing of my own. 715 00:43:51,421 --> 00:43:52,739 Me. 716 00:43:52,740 --> 00:43:54,532 You have me. 717 00:43:56,206 --> 00:43:57,231 Really? 718 00:43:58,719 --> 00:43:59,818 I don't know. 719 00:44:04,654 --> 00:44:06,102 I don't know. 720 00:44:08,114 --> 00:44:11,670 You're gonna pick Joanie up, right, at Alison's? 721 00:44:11,671 --> 00:44:12,796 Yes. 722 00:44:12,797 --> 00:44:15,420 Well, maybe you can talk to her, 723 00:44:15,421 --> 00:44:17,363 see what she thinks. 724 00:44:57,069 --> 00:44:58,527 Ma. 725 00:44:59,823 --> 00:45:01,406 Mom! 726 00:45:03,155 --> 00:45:04,805 Mom! 727 00:45:10,796 --> 00:45:13,587 Well, look who it is... My wayward son. 728 00:45:18,703 --> 00:45:20,282 How's my granddaughter? 729 00:45:20,283 --> 00:45:21,614 She's good. 730 00:45:21,615 --> 00:45:23,573 She liked that thing you got her. 731 00:45:23,574 --> 00:45:25,030 What thing? 732 00:45:25,031 --> 00:45:27,822 The stretchy thing that makes a noise. 733 00:45:27,823 --> 00:45:29,322 The accordion? 734 00:45:29,323 --> 00:45:30,323 Yeah. 735 00:45:39,278 --> 00:45:40,578 What's wrong? 736 00:45:41,113 --> 00:45:42,513 What do you mean? 737 00:45:42,515 --> 00:45:44,989 You only eat like that when something's wrong. 738 00:45:45,696 --> 00:45:46,894 Eat like what? 739 00:45:46,896 --> 00:45:48,822 Like someone's going to take it away from you. 740 00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:51,699 All due respect, Mom, I was raised with three brothers. 741 00:45:51,701 --> 00:45:53,784 Somebody usually was going to take it away from me. 742 00:45:59,021 --> 00:46:00,064 How's business? 743 00:46:00,712 --> 00:46:02,658 What? It's fine. 744 00:46:03,657 --> 00:46:04,971 And Sheri? 745 00:46:06,223 --> 00:46:07,598 She's doing well. 746 00:46:10,743 --> 00:46:12,367 Do people laugh when they figure out 747 00:46:12,369 --> 00:46:14,614 that this place is called Sheri and Cherry's Fish Farm? 748 00:46:15,898 --> 00:46:18,685 No, you're the first person to make that joke. 749 00:46:21,504 --> 00:46:23,656 Anyway, business is thriving. 750 00:46:24,515 --> 00:46:26,656 Sheri appreciates my operational experience, 751 00:46:26,657 --> 00:46:29,620 and I'm very happy to be helping an old friend. 752 00:46:33,906 --> 00:46:35,193 It's very impressive. 753 00:46:36,333 --> 00:46:38,365 Sorry I haven't come out here sooner to see it. 754 00:46:38,366 --> 00:46:40,447 It's only been for a few years. 755 00:46:40,448 --> 00:46:42,117 I know you've been very busy. 756 00:46:42,118 --> 00:46:43,724 I just said I'm sorry, Mom. 757 00:46:43,725 --> 00:46:45,234 What do you want, Cole? 758 00:46:45,235 --> 00:46:47,331 You only ever come around when there's something wrong, 759 00:46:47,332 --> 00:46:49,081 so what is it this time? 760 00:46:51,922 --> 00:46:53,698 I wanted to ask you some questions. 761 00:46:53,699 --> 00:46:55,114 What about? 762 00:46:55,115 --> 00:46:56,615 About you and Dad. 763 00:46:58,357 --> 00:46:59,592 Okay. 764 00:46:59,593 --> 00:47:01,156 What about me and Dad? 765 00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:04,197 Were you happy together? 766 00:47:04,697 --> 00:47:05,700 Yes. 767 00:47:06,182 --> 00:47:07,182 The whole time? 768 00:47:08,938 --> 00:47:11,110 Well, your father was a very unhappy man 769 00:47:11,111 --> 00:47:12,281 at the end of his life, Cole. 770 00:47:12,282 --> 00:47:14,604 Right, I know, so then how could you have been happy? 771 00:47:15,371 --> 00:47:17,427 I loved him, so I took all of him. 772 00:47:18,214 --> 00:47:19,436 How did you know? 773 00:47:19,984 --> 00:47:21,235 You just do. 774 00:47:26,862 --> 00:47:28,846 Luisa doesn't think that I love her. 775 00:47:30,198 --> 00:47:32,725 Okay. Well, do you love her? 776 00:47:32,727 --> 00:47:33,845 Of course I love her. 777 00:47:33,847 --> 00:47:35,614 Well, then why doesn't she know that? 778 00:47:35,615 --> 00:47:36,656 I don't know. 779 00:47:37,696 --> 00:47:40,299 She's a woman. She's crazy. 780 00:47:42,610 --> 00:47:44,387 She wants me to ask Alison 781 00:47:45,346 --> 00:47:47,828 to renounce her rights to being Joanie's parent, 782 00:47:47,829 --> 00:47:50,052 with the idea that it's gonna help her get her citizenship 783 00:47:50,053 --> 00:47:52,030 if she's Joanie's primary caregiver. 784 00:47:52,597 --> 00:47:54,939 Are you going to ask Alison to do that? 785 00:47:57,717 --> 00:47:58,717 Why not? 786 00:48:04,370 --> 00:48:05,818 Okay, then. 787 00:48:06,279 --> 00:48:07,605 Well, there's your answer. 788 00:48:13,448 --> 00:48:14,823 All right. 789 00:48:16,350 --> 00:48:17,633 Good talk. 790 00:48:20,047 --> 00:48:23,001 Why don't you take yourself on a walkabout, Cole? 791 00:48:23,941 --> 00:48:25,246 Take myself on a what? 792 00:48:25,247 --> 00:48:27,455 I sent your father on one years ago. 793 00:48:27,456 --> 00:48:28,822 Did him a world of good. 794 00:48:28,823 --> 00:48:30,322 You sent him on a what? 795 00:48:30,323 --> 00:48:32,237 - A walkabout. - I don't know what that is, Mom. 796 00:48:32,238 --> 00:48:34,867 You know, the thing they do in Australia. 797 00:48:34,868 --> 00:48:36,529 You want me to go to Australia? 798 00:48:37,023 --> 00:48:39,166 You don't have to go to Australia. 799 00:48:39,746 --> 00:48:41,364 Your father went to California. 800 00:48:42,711 --> 00:48:44,053 What? When? 801 00:48:44,630 --> 00:48:45,904 Before you were born. 802 00:48:46,444 --> 00:48:47,698 For how long? 803 00:48:47,699 --> 00:48:49,490 About six months. 804 00:48:50,615 --> 00:48:51,947 Why? 805 00:48:51,948 --> 00:48:53,411 I asked him to. 806 00:48:54,123 --> 00:48:55,750 He seemed confused. 807 00:48:56,198 --> 00:48:58,686 I couldn't help him, so... 808 00:48:59,618 --> 00:49:01,364 I sent him off to figure it out. 809 00:49:01,365 --> 00:49:03,935 Dad just disappeared for six months? 810 00:49:03,936 --> 00:49:06,814 - What did he do? - I don't know exactly. 811 00:49:06,815 --> 00:49:09,605 I didn't ask. That was part of our deal. 812 00:49:10,451 --> 00:49:11,451 He left. 813 00:49:11,989 --> 00:49:14,491 Six months later, he came back 814 00:49:14,492 --> 00:49:15,614 with a surfboard. 815 00:49:16,264 --> 00:49:17,781 He seemed a little lighter. 816 00:49:17,782 --> 00:49:19,460 And you don't know where he went? 817 00:49:19,461 --> 00:49:21,375 Well, I know he went to California, 818 00:49:22,157 --> 00:49:25,496 to a town with a giant rock in the middle of the sea. 819 00:49:27,209 --> 00:49:28,667 I have a postcard from him. 820 00:49:28,669 --> 00:49:30,003 I'll find it for you. 821 00:49:34,041 --> 00:49:35,749 Hi, Daddy. 822 00:49:40,031 --> 00:49:41,573 Come here, kiddo. 823 00:49:42,864 --> 00:49:44,128 Hey. 824 00:49:44,662 --> 00:49:45,905 Hey. Look at you. 825 00:49:45,906 --> 00:49:47,114 You look great. 826 00:49:47,115 --> 00:49:48,251 Thank you. 827 00:49:48,679 --> 00:49:50,097 Are you wearing heels? 828 00:49:51,322 --> 00:49:52,362 It looks like it. 829 00:49:53,089 --> 00:49:55,489 - You're going somewhere? - I have a date. 830 00:49:56,162 --> 00:49:57,822 Here's Joanie's stuff. 831 00:49:58,366 --> 00:50:01,031 I, uh, packed a swimsuit because Luisa mentioned 832 00:50:01,032 --> 00:50:02,766 she's grown out of the one at your house. 833 00:50:03,207 --> 00:50:04,947 And we made some cookies this morning, 834 00:50:04,948 --> 00:50:07,487 so I put them in a container for you guys. 835 00:50:07,488 --> 00:50:08,793 Oh, you didn't have to do that. 836 00:50:08,794 --> 00:50:10,030 No, it's my pleasure. 837 00:50:10,031 --> 00:50:11,952 Hey. Bye, lovebug. 838 00:50:11,953 --> 00:50:14,281 Mmm. Not gonna see you all weekend. 839 00:50:14,282 --> 00:50:16,030 - Bye, Mama. - Bye, baby. 840 00:50:16,031 --> 00:50:17,406 All right. Off we go. 841 00:50:17,407 --> 00:50:18,656 Oh, hey. I'm gonna stop by 842 00:50:18,657 --> 00:50:20,255 next week with the paperwork 843 00:50:20,256 --> 00:50:21,898 for the sale of the Lobster Roll, okay? 844 00:50:21,899 --> 00:50:23,155 Okay. Sounds good. 845 00:50:23,156 --> 00:50:26,822 Oh, no, no, uh, wait. I want to ask, um... 846 00:50:27,415 --> 00:50:30,124 can you switch weekends in two weeks? 847 00:50:31,196 --> 00:50:32,555 Uh, yeah. 848 00:50:32,556 --> 00:50:33,822 Sure. Why? 849 00:50:33,823 --> 00:50:35,639 I have this PTSD conference 850 00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:37,197 I want to go to in Milwaukee, 851 00:50:37,910 --> 00:50:40,120 and I want to sign up before it gets too late. 852 00:50:42,099 --> 00:50:43,072 Done. 853 00:50:43,073 --> 00:50:44,838 Perfect. Thank you. 854 00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:46,339 All right, off we go. 855 00:50:46,341 --> 00:50:48,147 Have fun. 856 00:50:52,864 --> 00:50:54,546 Hey. Hey. 857 00:50:55,054 --> 00:50:56,245 Don't I know you? 858 00:50:56,912 --> 00:50:58,055 Cole? 859 00:50:59,283 --> 00:51:01,042 This is my friend Ben. 860 00:51:03,026 --> 00:51:04,462 Nice to meet you, Cole. 861 00:51:06,647 --> 00:51:08,382 Come on, Daddy. 862 00:51:21,704 --> 00:51:23,328 All righty. 863 00:51:26,365 --> 00:51:27,989 Good? All right. 864 00:51:33,579 --> 00:51:34,823 Be right back, kiddo. 865 00:51:42,948 --> 00:51:44,013 Hey. Listen. 866 00:51:44,014 --> 00:51:45,322 It's not what you think. 867 00:51:45,323 --> 00:51:47,402 I just... I'm sorry. 868 00:51:47,403 --> 00:51:49,599 I didn't want to make a scene in front of your daughter. 869 00:51:50,146 --> 00:51:52,996 - Does she know you're married? - No. 870 00:51:52,997 --> 00:51:55,111 - Of course not. - Look, I'm gonna tell her. 871 00:51:55,112 --> 00:51:57,261 Sure you are. Why don't I tell her myself? 872 00:51:57,262 --> 00:52:00,240 Hey, hey. My situation's complicated, all right? 873 00:52:00,241 --> 00:52:02,957 My marriage is over. It's been over for years. 874 00:52:02,958 --> 00:52:04,598 I tried to stick it out for the kids. 875 00:52:05,657 --> 00:52:06,824 Cole? 876 00:52:07,898 --> 00:52:09,403 Is everything okay? 877 00:52:11,073 --> 00:52:13,188 Yeah. Uh... 878 00:52:13,189 --> 00:52:14,776 Joanie forgot her goggles. 879 00:52:14,777 --> 00:52:17,030 Oh, sorry. One second. 880 00:52:21,273 --> 00:52:22,563 Thank you. 881 00:52:22,565 --> 00:52:24,004 Look, she's the first person 882 00:52:24,005 --> 00:52:25,905 I met in ten years that made me want to live. 883 00:52:26,633 --> 00:52:27,772 I'm gonna tell her the truth. 884 00:52:27,773 --> 00:52:29,455 Just give me a moment. 885 00:52:29,456 --> 00:52:31,364 Let me do it in the right way at the right time. 886 00:52:33,574 --> 00:52:35,508 What are you guys talking about? 887 00:52:35,509 --> 00:52:37,382 It turns out we do know each other. 888 00:52:37,383 --> 00:52:38,699 You do? 889 00:52:38,700 --> 00:52:40,989 Yeah. We met in an AA meeting. 890 00:52:40,990 --> 00:52:43,067 Oh. Yeah. 891 00:52:43,068 --> 00:52:45,000 Ben's a big believer in the program. 892 00:52:45,001 --> 00:52:46,791 It saved his life. 893 00:52:47,466 --> 00:52:49,549 Hey, but why were you there? 894 00:52:51,362 --> 00:52:52,701 I was just helping out a friend. 895 00:52:52,702 --> 00:52:53,864 Oh. Okay. 896 00:52:54,349 --> 00:52:55,548 You guys have a good weekend. 897 00:52:55,549 --> 00:52:56,590 Come on. 898 00:53:24,637 --> 00:53:26,409 _ 899 00:53:26,436 --> 00:53:28,411 _ 900 00:53:39,318 --> 00:53:40,447 What are you doing? 901 00:53:41,354 --> 00:53:42,544 Packing. 902 00:53:43,328 --> 00:53:44,578 Where are you going? 903 00:53:45,371 --> 00:53:46,498 I'm not sure. 904 00:53:46,499 --> 00:53:47,656 Luisa, stop. 905 00:53:48,012 --> 00:53:49,031 Please. 906 00:53:50,031 --> 00:53:51,615 Did you ask Alison? 907 00:53:53,198 --> 00:53:56,288 We have been over this so many times. 908 00:53:56,289 --> 00:53:57,989 Any immigration judge worth their salt 909 00:53:57,990 --> 00:53:59,573 is going to argue that you are 910 00:53:59,574 --> 00:54:00,781 legally auxiliary to the functioning 911 00:54:00,782 --> 00:54:02,489 - of this family. - Auxiliary? 912 00:54:03,281 --> 00:54:05,020 I said "legally." 913 00:54:06,061 --> 00:54:07,519 Where are you gonna go? 914 00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:09,059 I don't know. To my mother's. 915 00:54:09,060 --> 00:54:10,610 Luisa, stop. Stop. 916 00:54:10,611 --> 00:54:12,541 - Please, we can figure this out. - No. 917 00:54:13,407 --> 00:54:14,698 I love you. 918 00:54:15,736 --> 00:54:18,447 And for years, I have been waiting for you to choose me. 919 00:54:19,911 --> 00:54:22,197 For you to figure out that I am... 920 00:54:22,198 --> 00:54:23,698 stronger and kinder 921 00:54:23,699 --> 00:54:25,637 and more capable than she'll ever be. 922 00:54:26,456 --> 00:54:29,497 And that I am the one worth fighting for. 923 00:54:29,499 --> 00:54:31,248 But you don't, and you won't. 924 00:54:44,307 --> 00:54:45,608 What if I left? 925 00:54:47,375 --> 00:54:48,375 What? 926 00:54:49,911 --> 00:54:52,365 What if I went on a... 927 00:54:52,946 --> 00:54:54,208 on a walkabout? 928 00:54:54,983 --> 00:54:56,193 What's that? 929 00:55:00,198 --> 00:55:02,174 I know I'm disappointing you. 930 00:55:03,657 --> 00:55:06,047 And I know I'm hurting you, and you... 931 00:55:08,236 --> 00:55:09,568 ...deserve better. 932 00:55:11,505 --> 00:55:12,905 So, what if I left? 933 00:55:14,378 --> 00:55:15,822 Would you be willing to give me the time 934 00:55:15,823 --> 00:55:18,281 to just go away... 935 00:55:18,282 --> 00:55:19,775 Yes. 936 00:55:25,779 --> 00:55:26,904 Really? 937 00:55:27,765 --> 00:55:29,182 Yes, I would. 938 00:55:30,521 --> 00:55:32,325 I don't want this to end. 939 00:55:33,615 --> 00:55:35,592 I just need to know that I matter. 940 00:57:12,201 --> 00:57:19,209 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com