1 00:00:01,906 --> 00:00:03,763 _ 2 00:00:04,518 --> 00:00:06,451 My girl Oprah coming through with 3 00:00:06,453 --> 00:00:08,586 yet another dope rec. 4 00:00:08,588 --> 00:00:11,523 I know they say don't judge a book by its cover, but 5 00:00:11,525 --> 00:00:13,825 this book jacket got me feeling some kind of way. 6 00:00:13,827 --> 00:00:15,827 I got so flushed reading the "about the author" that 7 00:00:15,829 --> 00:00:18,163 when Keith came home, I threw the book in my naughty drawer. 8 00:00:18,165 --> 00:00:19,764 - Ooh. - Get it, Michelle. 9 00:00:19,766 --> 00:00:21,132 What else you got in there? 10 00:00:21,134 --> 00:00:22,867 Well, my naughty drawer's just really actually 11 00:00:22,869 --> 00:00:24,526 Keith's normal underwear drawer. 12 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,204 Nothing gets my pizza oven fired up 13 00:00:26,206 --> 00:00:28,072 quite like my hubby's undies. 14 00:00:28,074 --> 00:00:31,843 Ooh, I respect that you know what works for you. 15 00:00:31,845 --> 00:00:33,044 - Yeah. - Yes. 16 00:00:33,046 --> 00:00:34,278 Jack, you're always reading in here. 17 00:00:34,303 --> 00:00:35,513 Want to join our book club? 18 00:00:35,515 --> 00:00:36,948 Oh, you should. 19 00:00:36,950 --> 00:00:39,184 We're reading "The Question Is the Answer" 20 00:00:39,186 --> 00:00:42,554 by this hot buttered crumpet named Miles Leonard. 21 00:00:42,556 --> 00:00:43,688 Ooh. 22 00:00:43,690 --> 00:00:45,089 I think you would like it, Jack. 23 00:00:45,091 --> 00:00:46,724 It's philosophy, but there's, like, a point to it. 24 00:00:46,726 --> 00:00:48,593 And how, pray tell, did you come by 25 00:00:48,595 --> 00:00:50,128 this fine piece of literature? 26 00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:51,796 It was Oprah's book club pick this month. 27 00:00:51,798 --> 00:00:53,665 She says the best place to read it is, quote... 28 00:00:53,667 --> 00:00:56,000 "on a beach that you own." 29 00:00:56,002 --> 00:00:57,402 Okay. 30 00:00:57,404 --> 00:00:59,337 And you just follow along blindly, huh? 31 00:00:59,339 --> 00:01:00,359 Is that it? 32 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,307 Well, listen to me, and listen well, okay? 33 00:01:02,309 --> 00:01:05,510 Philosophy is not a popularity contest, okay? 34 00:01:05,512 --> 00:01:07,912 It is a precise and rigorous expression 35 00:01:07,914 --> 00:01:09,314 of universal truths. 36 00:01:09,316 --> 00:01:10,603 Yeah? It's not about 37 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,350 who's "getting good buzz" and who's on TV 38 00:01:12,352 --> 00:01:14,519 on the stupid Oprah sho... You know what? 39 00:01:14,521 --> 00:01:15,987 You've ruined my empanada! 40 00:01:15,989 --> 00:01:18,020 Damn, could've just said no. 41 00:01:18,021 --> 00:01:19,664 Hey, Jack, guess what? 42 00:01:19,689 --> 00:01:21,059 Oh, you're in a bad mood. Cool beans. 43 00:01:21,110 --> 00:01:22,118 I'll tell you later. 44 00:01:22,119 --> 00:01:23,317 What are you gonna tell him later, Ralph? 45 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:24,685 Is it a private medical thing? 46 00:01:24,687 --> 00:01:26,353 No, he does not let me 47 00:01:26,355 --> 00:01:27,521 share that stuff with him. 48 00:01:27,523 --> 00:01:29,256 But, ladies, 49 00:01:29,493 --> 00:01:33,373 I am a finalist for Innovative Principal of the Year. 50 00:01:33,374 --> 00:01:34,740 - Oh, my God! - Oh, I'm so proud! 51 00:01:34,743 --> 00:01:36,743 A little bit awesome. 52 00:01:36,745 --> 00:01:39,412 Just a little bit of good news during a rough year, 53 00:01:39,414 --> 00:01:41,948 you know, with my marriage collapsing and... 54 00:01:41,950 --> 00:01:43,583 - Uh, boo. - No, please. 55 00:01:43,585 --> 00:01:45,351 Durbs, don't bum us out while we're trying to dance. 56 00:01:45,353 --> 00:01:48,154 Okay, you guys, well, while I have you on pause, 57 00:01:48,156 --> 00:01:50,356 this superintendent and her crew 58 00:01:50,358 --> 00:01:52,892 are coming tomorrow to observe the school and me. 59 00:01:52,894 --> 00:01:55,161 So if each of you could put together 60 00:01:55,163 --> 00:01:57,096 an out-of-the-box presentation, 61 00:01:57,098 --> 00:01:59,232 something big, something memorable, 62 00:01:59,234 --> 00:02:00,700 something tied into your subject... 63 00:02:00,702 --> 00:02:02,902 - Mm-hmm. - Would really appreciate it. 64 00:02:02,904 --> 00:02:04,604 Oh, I know what I'ma do. 65 00:02:04,606 --> 00:02:06,739 - What is it? - Girl, I'm not telling. 66 00:02:06,741 --> 00:02:08,541 You gotta get your own thing. 67 00:02:08,543 --> 00:02:09,876 Ooh, we got you, Durb. 68 00:02:09,878 --> 00:02:11,477 - We got you. - Oh, I love it. I love it. 69 00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:13,946 And if I win, I'm gonna take you all to Bennigan's. 70 00:02:13,948 --> 00:02:16,916 - Oh! You swear? - Hit it out the park! 71 00:02:34,175 --> 00:02:36,343 _ 72 00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,803 We definitely shouldn't open it. Right? 73 00:02:39,140 --> 00:02:40,701 But what if it's presents? 74 00:02:41,543 --> 00:02:43,147 I'm going for it. 75 00:03:01,153 --> 00:03:03,086 Fetal pigs! 76 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,663 Oh, my God. 77 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,959 This is so great. 78 00:03:08,962 --> 00:03:11,042 I've been waiting my whole life to dissect a fetal pig. 79 00:03:11,116 --> 00:03:12,898 Mr. Griffin must be 80 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:14,779 rewarding us for being good little angels. 81 00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:16,557 Everything's starting to go my way. 82 00:03:16,558 --> 00:03:17,823 Think these pigs went to Hell? 83 00:03:17,824 --> 00:03:19,223 Looks like there's only eight. 84 00:03:19,225 --> 00:03:20,358 Eight piggy presents. 85 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:21,392 We're gonna have to pair up. 86 00:03:21,394 --> 00:03:22,651 - Oh. - Oh, okay. 87 00:03:22,652 --> 00:03:24,590 - Hey, Dan. - You want to team up? 88 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,754 My dad owns a butcher shop, so 89 00:03:26,756 --> 00:03:29,023 I know my way around the inside of a pig. 90 00:03:29,729 --> 00:03:31,157 Uh, yeah, I'm down. 91 00:03:32,409 --> 00:03:33,540 Where does Oprah even got off 92 00:03:33,565 --> 00:03:34,954 endorsing Miles' book? 93 00:03:34,979 --> 00:03:37,525 It's insane. Unbelievable. 94 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,083 It's got Stedman written all over it. 95 00:03:39,108 --> 00:03:40,107 That's who it was. 96 00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:41,198 Get out... 97 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,558 _ 98 00:03:42,559 --> 00:03:45,059 Oh, I set up a Google Alert so we can stay on top of Miles. 99 00:03:45,294 --> 00:03:47,314 - Printed that out for you, boss. - Oh. 100 00:03:47,815 --> 00:03:49,718 Well, thank you, Heather. Nice. 101 00:03:50,017 --> 00:03:52,918 What is that god-awful smell? Is that meth? 102 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:54,987 I swear, the wind blows the wrong way in Ohio 103 00:03:54,989 --> 00:03:56,321 you get that meth whiff. 104 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,607 The fetal pigs are here. 105 00:03:57,758 --> 00:03:59,224 We've already paired up and 106 00:03:59,226 --> 00:04:00,559 we'll dissect them really quietly. 107 00:04:00,561 --> 00:04:01,860 You wouldn't even have to do anything. 108 00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:03,095 Absolutely not. 109 00:04:03,097 --> 00:04:04,396 You guys are not doing a lab in my class. 110 00:04:04,398 --> 00:04:06,665 But we've been good little angels. 111 00:04:06,667 --> 00:04:08,295 No, you know what we've got here? 112 00:04:08,736 --> 00:04:09,835 A Miles mission. 113 00:04:11,405 --> 00:04:13,505 Please let us dissect them, Mr. Griffin. 114 00:04:13,507 --> 00:04:17,142 Yeah, boss, you know how much I love sticking it to Miles, 115 00:04:17,144 --> 00:04:19,344 but this kind of means a lot. 116 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,179 This is literally all I've got. 117 00:04:21,181 --> 00:04:22,915 I'm sorry. What I'm gonna do is 118 00:04:22,917 --> 00:04:25,038 take these little piglets, and I'm gonna send them to Miles. 119 00:04:25,063 --> 00:04:27,374 Totally freak him out. It's a truly perfect Miles mission. 120 00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:28,540 Mailing him pigs? 121 00:04:28,542 --> 00:04:30,576 Feels like it's missing a twist. 122 00:04:30,578 --> 00:04:32,778 Uh, Marcus, shut up. It's... it's a solid plan. 123 00:04:32,780 --> 00:04:34,246 Yeah, I don't know, Mr. Griffin, 124 00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:35,781 I feel like maybe this needs a twist. 125 00:04:35,783 --> 00:04:36,822 A twist? 126 00:04:37,963 --> 00:04:40,264 Twist. Yeah, good point, Dan. 127 00:04:40,265 --> 00:04:42,324 - I said it, twist... - This could use a twist. 128 00:04:43,068 --> 00:04:44,600 All right, let me go think about this. 129 00:04:44,602 --> 00:04:47,076 Twist, yeah. Have a good night, dudes. 130 00:04:59,138 --> 00:05:00,404 Go for Chops. 131 00:05:00,406 --> 00:05:01,872 Chops, it's Jack. 132 00:05:01,874 --> 00:05:03,267 Our task rabbit's all set. 133 00:05:03,442 --> 00:05:05,175 The box of pigs should arrive today, 134 00:05:05,177 --> 00:05:06,610 along with the T-shirt cannon, 135 00:05:06,612 --> 00:05:08,545 which really brings the whole plan to life. 136 00:05:08,547 --> 00:05:11,081 I need you to fire in the direction of Miles Leonard, 137 00:05:11,083 --> 00:05:12,549 whose address I've included. 138 00:05:12,551 --> 00:05:13,884 Really terrify him. 139 00:05:13,886 --> 00:05:16,620 Can I just say this is, like, straight-up 140 00:05:16,622 --> 00:05:18,688 the sickest task I've ever had to rabbit. 141 00:05:18,690 --> 00:05:21,825 So, like, you're giving me life right now, you feel me? 142 00:05:21,827 --> 00:05:23,455 Yeah, just get it done. 143 00:05:23,729 --> 00:05:25,529 Hey, Jack, Jack? A quick word? 144 00:05:25,531 --> 00:05:27,518 - Yeah. - ...fire that. 145 00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:29,599 And then we'll just, like, ghost on that. 146 00:05:29,601 --> 00:05:31,652 Hello? Hello? 147 00:05:31,653 --> 00:05:34,386 - Yeah, what's up, Ralph? - Well, I... I'm not really sure. 148 00:05:34,388 --> 00:05:37,169 Overnight, I got this anonymous note 149 00:05:37,207 --> 00:05:39,472 saying that you had cancelled 150 00:05:39,919 --> 00:05:41,690 the fetal pig dissection. 151 00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:45,101 Who sent you this absurd accusation? 152 00:05:45,104 --> 00:05:46,970 Regardless of who sent it, is it true? 153 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,372 Is it true? No. 154 00:05:48,374 --> 00:05:50,841 Why... why... why would I cancel the dissection, man? 155 00:05:50,843 --> 00:05:53,110 I don't know, but it would be really bad timing 156 00:05:53,112 --> 00:05:54,578 because the superintendent's coming. 157 00:05:54,580 --> 00:05:56,195 Really? Why? 158 00:05:56,415 --> 00:05:57,448 It's... I... 159 00:05:57,753 --> 00:06:00,087 Well, I'm up for Innovative Principal of the Year. 160 00:06:00,642 --> 00:06:02,108 - You didn't know that? - You are? 161 00:06:02,110 --> 00:06:05,011 Listen, I planned to end her tour 162 00:06:05,247 --> 00:06:08,482 with a live fetal pig dissection 163 00:06:08,484 --> 00:06:10,517 by a former Harvard professor. 164 00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:11,918 Wait, so she's coming to my class? 165 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,620 Tomorrow? To observe? 166 00:06:13,622 --> 00:06:15,211 Yeah. Oh, I can't wait. 167 00:06:15,824 --> 00:06:17,958 I still can't for the life of me 168 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,759 figure out what this note means. 169 00:06:19,761 --> 00:06:20,963 Well, I'll tell you what it means. 170 00:06:21,697 --> 00:06:24,060 You got pranked, my friend. 171 00:06:24,566 --> 00:06:26,133 But I'm gonna find out who the culprit is. 172 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,230 Believe me, yeah. 173 00:06:27,503 --> 00:06:28,723 Look at me, Ralph. 174 00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:33,545 I'm gonna kill whoever pranked you. 175 00:06:34,276 --> 00:06:35,976 We're not supposed to kill the students. 176 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:37,016 Shh. 177 00:06:37,913 --> 00:06:40,213 Hey, it's Jack. Call me back. 178 00:06:40,215 --> 00:06:41,781 I need you to return the dead pigs. 179 00:06:41,783 --> 00:06:44,885 I repeat, do not blast the dead baby pigs 180 00:06:44,887 --> 00:06:46,536 at my British nemesis. 181 00:06:46,755 --> 00:06:47,809 What? 182 00:06:50,025 --> 00:06:51,172 We have a rat. 183 00:07:04,915 --> 00:07:06,348 Oh, and you'll see what I mean, too. 184 00:07:06,373 --> 00:07:07,964 Uh-huh. Yes. 185 00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,652 Oh... oh, well, I am so sorry 186 00:07:10,677 --> 00:07:13,244 to hear about your catastrophe. 187 00:07:13,246 --> 00:07:16,681 Yes, Principal Durbin will be there on Wednesday to help. 188 00:07:17,023 --> 00:07:20,429 Yes, and he... he will bring clean water to your village. 189 00:07:20,430 --> 00:07:21,689 Uh-huh. For sure. 190 00:07:21,898 --> 00:07:23,731 All right, Thursday at the latest. 191 00:07:23,733 --> 00:07:24,832 Take care. Bye. 192 00:07:25,289 --> 00:07:27,366 Superintendent Bullard! 193 00:07:27,637 --> 00:07:29,436 You look smooth. 194 00:07:29,438 --> 00:07:31,535 Ellen. Always a pleasure. 195 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,762 We're so dal-gone excited for you to be here and... 196 00:07:35,478 --> 00:07:36,877 I gotta say... 197 00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:38,812 You find me a better guy 198 00:07:38,814 --> 00:07:40,881 than Principal Durbin and I will find you 199 00:07:40,883 --> 00:07:44,407 a guy who is on, like, Seal Team Six or something, 200 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:47,881 because that is the guy! 201 00:07:48,583 --> 00:07:51,442 Hey, oh, they took your doo-hickies off. 202 00:07:51,551 --> 00:07:52,828 My leg braces? 203 00:07:52,829 --> 00:07:55,262 Yeah, uh, I'm fully ambulatory now. 204 00:07:55,264 --> 00:07:57,397 - Oh, congrats. - Good Christ, Helen. 205 00:07:57,794 --> 00:07:59,499 Superintendent Bullard, 206 00:07:59,501 --> 00:08:02,135 I... I am so excited to show you around. 207 00:08:02,137 --> 00:08:03,470 We're excited to see 208 00:08:03,472 --> 00:08:05,056 the innovative school you've created. 209 00:08:05,081 --> 00:08:08,284 Oh, well, our teachers think outside the box, 210 00:08:08,309 --> 00:08:10,316 so brace yourself. 211 00:08:10,813 --> 00:08:11,940 Mm. 212 00:08:12,630 --> 00:08:14,030 Sorry. 213 00:08:14,783 --> 00:08:16,796 Oh, you think you got me, huh? 214 00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:19,152 One of you rats me out, 215 00:08:19,154 --> 00:08:20,454 you're all sitting there thinking, 216 00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:22,187 "I got him. I won." 217 00:08:23,492 --> 00:08:24,727 Well, know this. 218 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,761 I won't be made to look like a fool 219 00:08:27,763 --> 00:08:29,052 in front of anyone. 220 00:08:29,398 --> 00:08:30,848 Certainly not some 221 00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:34,101 Midwest superintendent with a degree from a 222 00:08:34,103 --> 00:08:36,340 religious liberal arts college. 223 00:08:39,808 --> 00:08:42,256 Now, one of you is gonna come forward and confess, 224 00:08:43,119 --> 00:08:45,243 or you're all missing your next class. 225 00:08:51,687 --> 00:08:53,197 Now, one of you sinned. 226 00:08:53,556 --> 00:08:55,722 Ya sinned real bad. 227 00:08:59,294 --> 00:09:00,814 Anything you want to admit, Vic? 228 00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:02,963 I got a boner when we learned CPR. 229 00:09:02,965 --> 00:09:05,294 Oh. Gross. 230 00:09:05,860 --> 00:09:07,259 How'd your partner feel about that? 231 00:09:07,261 --> 00:09:09,556 - Well, I think she, like... - Never mind, I... 232 00:09:09,557 --> 00:09:10,755 Don't tell me. I don't want to know. 233 00:09:12,014 --> 00:09:13,586 I've got all the time in the world, guys. 234 00:09:17,453 --> 00:09:19,524 Looks like I'm gonna have to turn up the heat. 235 00:09:24,326 --> 00:09:26,326 This is Stef Duncan, 236 00:09:26,328 --> 00:09:28,728 a phenomenal history teacher 237 00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:31,565 who endeavors to prove that if we're not careful, 238 00:09:31,762 --> 00:09:34,601 the past can become the future. 239 00:09:34,603 --> 00:09:36,269 Thank you, Principal Durbin. 240 00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,134 All right, now the year 241 00:09:38,135 --> 00:09:40,374 is A.D. 79. 242 00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:42,008 I now present... 243 00:09:42,010 --> 00:09:43,710 Mount Vesuvius. 244 00:09:43,712 --> 00:09:45,579 Oh, Vesuvius. 245 00:09:45,581 --> 00:09:47,414 I'm sure everything's gonna be okay. 246 00:09:47,416 --> 00:09:48,687 Or will it? 247 00:09:54,356 --> 00:09:57,224 Oh, no. What is this, lava? 248 00:09:57,226 --> 00:09:59,192 "Ow, mama, my toga's burning." 249 00:09:59,194 --> 00:10:00,994 "Oh, my God, I'm dying." 250 00:10:00,996 --> 00:10:02,195 "Too much lava." 251 00:10:02,197 --> 00:10:03,892 What about the horses? 252 00:10:04,099 --> 00:10:06,183 "Oh, no, my sandals." 253 00:10:09,805 --> 00:10:11,734 I'll ask you nicely 254 00:10:13,373 --> 00:10:15,174 one more time. 255 00:10:16,678 --> 00:10:18,298 Are you the rat? 256 00:10:18,413 --> 00:10:20,821 Oh, God, please, stop. 257 00:10:24,504 --> 00:10:27,554 Admit it was you or your bio textbook gets it. 258 00:10:28,690 --> 00:10:30,924 Huh? Fine. 259 00:10:30,926 --> 00:10:32,759 Guess we'll never know the definition of... 260 00:10:32,761 --> 00:10:34,738 "heterozygous advantage." 261 00:10:34,763 --> 00:10:35,729 Redacted. 262 00:10:35,731 --> 00:10:36,815 I don't know anything! 263 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,231 You know everything! 264 00:10:47,442 --> 00:10:50,944 That was the most devastating moment of my entire life. 265 00:10:50,946 --> 00:10:52,112 For real? 266 00:10:52,114 --> 00:10:54,197 Girl, you need to read Anne Frank. 267 00:10:58,585 --> 00:11:00,287 When you think of art, 268 00:11:00,289 --> 00:11:02,656 think of the three important M's: 269 00:11:02,658 --> 00:11:06,025 Manet, Monet, and Mar-ray. 270 00:11:06,428 --> 00:11:07,766 And who's Mar-ray? 271 00:11:07,791 --> 00:11:09,796 Why, it's art teacher extraordinaire 272 00:11:09,798 --> 00:11:10,997 Mary Wagner. 273 00:11:11,412 --> 00:11:12,884 Art is a feast 274 00:11:13,035 --> 00:11:15,535 that you cook in your mind oven 275 00:11:15,857 --> 00:11:19,048 and serve on your heart plate. 276 00:11:20,409 --> 00:11:21,563 I like art. 277 00:11:21,743 --> 00:11:23,276 Take it away, Mary. 278 00:11:23,278 --> 00:11:25,009 Thank you, Principal Durbin. 279 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,480 Art is beautiful. 280 00:11:27,482 --> 00:11:28,949 Art is intense. 281 00:11:28,951 --> 00:11:31,401 It's provocative. It's subversive. 282 00:11:31,587 --> 00:11:33,754 And sometimes it can be... 283 00:11:35,886 --> 00:11:37,513 explosive. 284 00:11:38,269 --> 00:11:39,969 Another volcano, huh? 285 00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:41,771 Okay. 286 00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,910 I added sparkles. 287 00:11:47,912 --> 00:11:49,712 Ya welcome. 288 00:12:02,327 --> 00:12:03,477 Louder. 289 00:12:04,629 --> 00:12:05,828 Jazzier. 290 00:12:07,298 --> 00:12:09,065 You can stop this at any moment. 291 00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:11,992 You know, people say they like jazz, but they don't. 292 00:12:12,737 --> 00:12:13,936 They don't. 293 00:12:13,938 --> 00:12:15,660 Less discernible melody! 294 00:12:16,741 --> 00:12:18,874 Yeah. You guys like that? 295 00:12:18,876 --> 00:12:20,903 Can't pick out any of the notes. 296 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,204 That's great, man. That sucks. 297 00:12:25,185 --> 00:12:27,319 Unlike other schools, where they 298 00:12:27,321 --> 00:12:29,642 dress up like broccoli and rap about diet, 299 00:12:29,689 --> 00:12:33,071 we here at Whitlock treat health like a real class. 300 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,036 Take it away, Mrs. Jones. 301 00:12:35,038 --> 00:12:36,516 Don't tell me what to do. 302 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,556 You're not my dad! 303 00:12:38,942 --> 00:12:40,508 I have a crush on the track captain 304 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,210 and I'm addicted to e-cigarettes! 305 00:12:44,948 --> 00:12:46,915 That's what it's like to be a teenager. 306 00:12:46,917 --> 00:12:49,050 So many emotions bottled up, 307 00:12:49,052 --> 00:12:51,820 and you have to express them all in a healthy way, 308 00:12:51,822 --> 00:12:53,822 - even the negative ones. - _ 309 00:12:53,824 --> 00:12:56,024 Oh, thank you, Mrs. Jones. 310 00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,659 Or what can happen is... 311 00:12:58,330 --> 00:13:00,244 _ 312 00:13:00,269 --> 00:13:01,296 Oh, my God. 313 00:13:01,298 --> 00:13:02,990 A volcano! 314 00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:06,401 Ooh. 315 00:13:06,403 --> 00:13:09,304 Whoa! 316 00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:25,487 Unless the rat comes forward, 317 00:13:25,489 --> 00:13:27,122 I will pick a phone at random 318 00:13:27,124 --> 00:13:29,430 and start reading your search history out loud. 319 00:13:29,493 --> 00:13:30,892 Just to get ahead of it, 320 00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:33,962 "ISIS" is also the name of a junior women's bowling league. 321 00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:37,974 Hey, that's mine, dude. 322 00:13:37,999 --> 00:13:39,200 And I'm not giving you my passcode. 323 00:13:39,202 --> 00:13:40,902 Oh, really? 324 00:13:41,273 --> 00:13:42,604 That's too bad. 325 00:13:42,606 --> 00:13:43,772 Yo, what the hell? 326 00:13:43,774 --> 00:13:45,807 Who is the rat? 327 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,600 - Yello? - Jack attack. 328 00:13:52,602 --> 00:13:55,021 Got your message. Bad news though, papi. 329 00:13:55,022 --> 00:13:56,788 The pigs are already gone. 330 00:13:56,790 --> 00:13:58,289 Wait, you used them on Miles? 331 00:13:58,543 --> 00:14:00,410 - Was he freaked? - Uh, no dude. 332 00:14:00,412 --> 00:14:03,079 So it turns out the cannon is kind of specifically 333 00:14:03,081 --> 00:14:05,548 calibrated for one type of ammunition. 334 00:14:05,550 --> 00:14:07,564 And that ammunition is T-shirts 335 00:14:07,565 --> 00:14:09,828 and is not pigs. 336 00:14:10,068 --> 00:14:11,767 So I tried to fire pigs out of it. 337 00:14:11,769 --> 00:14:14,937 They kind of just 'sploded on the inside of it. 338 00:14:14,939 --> 00:14:17,239 Okay, so you're telling me that the mission failed 339 00:14:17,714 --> 00:14:19,041 and the pigs are destroyed? 340 00:14:19,043 --> 00:14:20,409 I mean, I don't like to think of it... 341 00:14:20,411 --> 00:14:21,911 Did you say the pigs are destroyed? 342 00:14:21,913 --> 00:14:23,279 We can't do the lab? 343 00:14:23,579 --> 00:14:24,780 Heather, relax. 344 00:14:25,078 --> 00:14:26,211 It was me. 345 00:14:26,214 --> 00:14:28,781 - I'm the rat! - It was you? 346 00:14:28,783 --> 00:14:31,571 Why didn't you say that an hour ago before he threw my phone? 347 00:14:41,763 --> 00:14:43,429 - I mean... Dave, this does nothing for me. - _ 348 00:14:43,431 --> 00:14:44,730 Do you understand that? 349 00:14:44,732 --> 00:14:46,365 You went with your first thought. 350 00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:48,134 But I'm the geology teacher. 351 00:14:48,136 --> 00:14:50,803 I'm the only one it makes sense for. 352 00:14:50,805 --> 00:14:53,306 You boned me, Dave. Go take a lap. 353 00:14:53,308 --> 00:14:55,099 Yeah. Go. 354 00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:56,509 Eh. 355 00:14:56,511 --> 00:14:58,067 Don't "eh" me. 356 00:14:58,813 --> 00:14:59,766 Kfft. 357 00:14:59,791 --> 00:15:01,372 And don't "kfft" either. 358 00:15:03,484 --> 00:15:04,417 Ralph. 359 00:15:04,419 --> 00:15:05,618 We just wanted to say 360 00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:07,720 we're really sorry we let you down. 361 00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:09,589 Why did you all do the same thing? 362 00:15:09,591 --> 00:15:11,223 Well, we didn't plan to, but we all 363 00:15:11,225 --> 00:15:12,425 learned how to make volcanoes at the same 364 00:15:12,427 --> 00:15:14,093 teachers' conference last summer. 365 00:15:14,095 --> 00:15:15,953 Ohio Teach-tastic! 366 00:15:16,004 --> 00:15:18,330 Yes, and it all was a hit for the teachers there, 367 00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,533 so we figured that it would help you win. 368 00:15:20,535 --> 00:15:22,335 I understand, okay? But I really need 369 00:15:22,337 --> 00:15:24,136 Jack to nail this dissection tomorrow. 370 00:15:24,138 --> 00:15:26,639 I mean, he and Coach and basically my last hope. 371 00:15:26,641 --> 00:15:29,485 Make way for the volleyball-cano! 372 00:15:29,677 --> 00:15:30,705 Ralph. 373 00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:36,627 I can't believe Heather was the rat. 374 00:15:38,492 --> 00:15:40,526 Stay here, guys. I'ma go take care of this. 375 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,090 If Mr. Griffin can't get the pigs back, 376 00:15:44,092 --> 00:15:45,558 how are we gonna perform the dissection 377 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,193 in front of the superintendent tomorrow? 378 00:15:47,461 --> 00:15:48,493 We won't. 379 00:15:49,642 --> 00:15:50,974 He'll make a fool out of himself. 380 00:15:51,065 --> 00:15:53,208 And then we'll get a new teacher by Monday. 381 00:15:53,801 --> 00:15:55,128 Heather's a genius. 382 00:16:02,356 --> 00:16:03,943 What in the hell are you doing? 383 00:16:04,183 --> 00:16:05,882 You know, I'm the one who should be mad. 384 00:16:05,884 --> 00:16:07,117 You betrayed me. 385 00:16:07,119 --> 00:16:08,651 You ruined everything! 386 00:16:08,652 --> 00:16:09,886 The hell are you talking about? 387 00:16:09,888 --> 00:16:11,079 You wrote the note. 388 00:16:11,123 --> 00:16:12,255 And by the way, this is Michelle's car. 389 00:16:12,257 --> 00:16:13,613 Mine's across the lot. 390 00:16:13,614 --> 00:16:15,045 God, you don't get it! 391 00:16:15,302 --> 00:16:17,314 You ruined my shot with Dan. 392 00:16:17,316 --> 00:16:19,179 Wait... Dan Decker? 393 00:16:19,264 --> 00:16:21,197 Before you cancelled the lab, me and Dan were partnered up. 394 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,633 We were gonna spend the whole week 395 00:16:22,635 --> 00:16:24,401 carving up pigs and falling for each other. 396 00:16:24,403 --> 00:16:26,710 Hold on a second. So you betrayed me 397 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,635 for some stupid high school crush? 398 00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:30,527 This was my chance to show him something 399 00:16:30,529 --> 00:16:32,164 that I'm really good at. 400 00:16:32,431 --> 00:16:33,963 And now you screwed it all up. 401 00:16:33,965 --> 00:16:35,532 Yeah, well now we're both screwed, 402 00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:37,033 'cause I gotta go find something else to dissect 403 00:16:37,035 --> 00:16:39,027 or, thanks to you, I'm gonna look like a fool tomorrow. 404 00:16:40,405 --> 00:16:43,008 You know, I might have hurt you on accident, 405 00:16:43,575 --> 00:16:45,008 but you hurt me on purpose. 406 00:16:56,313 --> 00:16:58,680 All right, everyone shut up. 407 00:16:58,682 --> 00:17:00,482 Uh, apologies in advance 408 00:17:00,484 --> 00:17:02,984 for the brutal condition of this squirrel. 409 00:17:03,259 --> 00:17:04,400 Didn't really have... 410 00:17:06,169 --> 00:17:07,946 All right, what's the story here? 411 00:17:09,259 --> 00:17:11,904 This thing's beautiful. Organs all intact. 412 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:13,318 Professionally butchered. 413 00:17:14,807 --> 00:17:15,883 Ah. 414 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,550 I stole it from my dad's shop, boss. 415 00:17:20,146 --> 00:17:21,445 Knock knock, Jack. 416 00:17:21,514 --> 00:17:22,813 Here to bring the superintendent's tour 417 00:17:22,882 --> 00:17:24,115 to a close. 418 00:17:24,183 --> 00:17:26,117 We've all got high hopes for this one. 419 00:17:26,185 --> 00:17:27,585 Of course. Welcome, everyone. 420 00:17:27,654 --> 00:17:30,187 Oh, please tell me this isn't a pig volcano. 421 00:17:30,256 --> 00:17:32,456 - A what? - Pig volcano. 422 00:17:32,962 --> 00:17:35,204 I'm so sorry. I'm hearing "pig volcano." 423 00:17:35,283 --> 00:17:38,551 I was told this would be a fetal pig dissection. 424 00:17:38,576 --> 00:17:39,778 This is a full-grown hog. 425 00:17:39,821 --> 00:17:41,989 Uh, yes. Well, um, 426 00:17:42,324 --> 00:17:44,647 piglets' organs are much too small 427 00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:47,339 to be properly observed by the untrained eye. 428 00:17:47,408 --> 00:17:49,842 But Principal Durbin gives us a lot of freedom, 429 00:17:49,911 --> 00:17:51,710 which Aristotle defines as 430 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:55,014 "obedience to self-formulated rules." 431 00:17:55,082 --> 00:17:56,082 Now, that... 432 00:17:56,629 --> 00:17:57,850 That's innovation. 433 00:17:57,919 --> 00:17:59,351 Very innovative, yeah. 434 00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:00,737 So, shall we begin? 435 00:18:01,590 --> 00:18:02,688 All right. 436 00:18:02,757 --> 00:18:05,424 Welcome to A.P. Bio. Let's begin the dissection. 437 00:18:05,493 --> 00:18:07,743 Heather, if you'd care to assist the demonstration? 438 00:18:09,196 --> 00:18:11,349 - Sure thing, Mr. Griffin. - Mm-hmm. 439 00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:13,866 All right. Now, keep in mind 440 00:18:13,935 --> 00:18:16,268 this can be an emotionally difficult process, 441 00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:18,037 especially if you are working with a pig 442 00:18:18,105 --> 00:18:19,305 that you yourself raised. 443 00:18:19,796 --> 00:18:20,940 First thing you're gonna do 444 00:18:21,008 --> 00:18:22,041 is hack off the snout. 445 00:18:22,109 --> 00:18:23,208 It goes directly in the trash. 446 00:18:23,277 --> 00:18:24,543 The customers do not want that, 447 00:18:24,612 --> 00:18:25,711 unless they're French. 448 00:18:28,849 --> 00:18:31,107 I'm sorry. Uh, did you say "customers"? 449 00:18:31,188 --> 00:18:32,184 Yeppers. 450 00:18:32,185 --> 00:18:33,886 Next we're gonna hack off the hooves. 451 00:18:33,955 --> 00:18:35,455 Those also go directly in the trash. 452 00:18:43,464 --> 00:18:44,570 Mr. Griffin. 453 00:18:44,571 --> 00:18:46,170 Maybe you could explain the dissection 454 00:18:46,239 --> 00:18:48,955 using more standard scientific 455 00:18:49,188 --> 00:18:50,698 biological terms? 456 00:18:53,642 --> 00:18:55,513 You're right, Sarika. Of course. 457 00:18:55,582 --> 00:18:56,692 Thank you. 458 00:18:57,517 --> 00:18:58,646 Uh. 459 00:18:59,734 --> 00:19:02,662 Behold... the adrenal glands. 460 00:19:03,289 --> 00:19:05,123 The part of the endocrine system responsible 461 00:19:05,191 --> 00:19:06,958 for producing various hormones: 462 00:19:07,026 --> 00:19:09,026 uh, cortisol, adrenaline, et cetera. 463 00:19:09,450 --> 00:19:12,597 Now here we find them on the cephalic end of the kidneys 464 00:19:12,665 --> 00:19:14,799 instead of on top, which is what 465 00:19:14,868 --> 00:19:16,442 we would observe in humans. 466 00:19:17,437 --> 00:19:19,578 I never said I didn't know biology. 467 00:19:20,129 --> 00:19:22,047 I'm just never gonna teach it to you. 468 00:19:23,977 --> 00:19:25,910 Now, we use pigs because 469 00:19:25,979 --> 00:19:28,713 they have the same thoracic and abdominal organs... 470 00:19:34,076 --> 00:19:35,156 There we go. 471 00:19:35,655 --> 00:19:38,917 I, uh, strongly recommend a Memphis rub on those cuts. 472 00:19:38,988 --> 00:19:41,926 Mr. Griffin, this was very informative 473 00:19:41,995 --> 00:19:43,995 and certainly innovative. 474 00:19:44,063 --> 00:19:45,096 Ah. 475 00:19:45,165 --> 00:19:46,931 Whitlock is lucky to have you. 476 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,806 Ah, thank you very much. 477 00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,938 Thank you Jack for bringing it home. 478 00:19:54,007 --> 00:19:54,972 - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, my God. 479 00:19:55,041 --> 00:19:56,307 No sweat, Ralph. 480 00:19:56,376 --> 00:19:57,775 Thanks to you, I am in serious running 481 00:19:57,844 --> 00:20:00,085 for the Innovative Principal of the Year! 482 00:20:01,715 --> 00:20:03,581 Could I, uh, get a loin? 483 00:20:10,262 --> 00:20:11,559 - Hey, yo, H -Bomb, 484 00:20:11,584 --> 00:20:12,731 check this crap out. 485 00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:15,895 - Hey, yo, Dan Decker, hold up. - What's up? 486 00:20:15,896 --> 00:20:18,074 Um, Heather could probably use a little bit of help 487 00:20:18,099 --> 00:20:19,997 cleaning this whole mess up. Cool, bud? 488 00:20:20,176 --> 00:20:21,409 Let me guess, if I don't... 489 00:20:21,477 --> 00:20:22,877 - I get an F? - You get an F, yeah. 490 00:20:23,124 --> 00:20:24,562 Let's go. All right. 491 00:20:33,838 --> 00:20:36,257 Yo, that was pretty dope the way you sliced that pig up. 492 00:20:37,052 --> 00:20:39,226 Yeah, yeah. Guess I'm kind of a boss. 493 00:20:50,406 --> 00:20:52,239 - I really suck at this. - Yeah. 494 00:20:55,466 --> 00:20:57,466 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com