1 00:00:40,956 --> 00:00:41,906 What? 2 00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,013 Hello. I'm here to see Rosemary. 3 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,043 Yeah. She's dead. 4 00:00:54,876 --> 00:00:57,171 Wait a second. Who the hell are you? 5 00:00:57,197 --> 00:00:58,697 And what's with the box of rubbers? 6 00:00:58,699 --> 00:01:00,599 I'm so sorry I didn't know. 7 00:01:00,601 --> 00:01:01,600 I'm an old friend of Rosemary's. 8 00:01:01,602 --> 00:01:02,901 I thought I'd surprise her, 9 00:01:02,926 --> 00:01:04,064 'cause, you know, it's her birthday. 10 00:01:04,089 --> 00:01:05,316 Yeah, I know it's her birthday. 11 00:01:05,353 --> 00:01:06,552 She's my dead mom. What I don't know still 12 00:01:06,577 --> 00:01:07,931 is what's with the rubbers? 13 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,755 Were you banging my mom? 14 00:01:09,757 --> 00:01:10,884 Well, yes, 15 00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:13,359 but she was a lot more than a fanny-call. 16 00:01:13,361 --> 00:01:14,488 You mean "booty"? 17 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,376 I suppose I do. I suppose I mean "booty." 18 00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:18,777 I didn't know she'd passed. 19 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,013 We met years ago at the Little Drywood Rodeo 20 00:01:21,015 --> 00:01:22,781 and sort of took up with each other. 21 00:01:23,005 --> 00:01:24,501 Whenever I come to town on business, 22 00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:27,333 I'd look Rosemary up and we'd... We'd comfort each other. 23 00:01:28,667 --> 00:01:30,123 Repeatedly, all over the house. 24 00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,147 Oh, God. 25 00:01:31,871 --> 00:01:33,494 Jack? Jack! 26 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:37,418 Please! We both loved her. 27 00:01:38,317 --> 00:01:40,183 Wrongo, Father time. I loved her. 28 00:01:40,185 --> 00:01:41,952 I've never even heard of you. And how do you know my name? 29 00:01:41,954 --> 00:01:43,553 Rosemary talked a lot about you. 30 00:01:44,231 --> 00:01:47,557 May I ask, what have you planned to celebrate her today? 31 00:01:47,729 --> 00:01:49,693 Yeah, I, uh, I don't celebrate 32 00:01:49,695 --> 00:01:50,661 dead people's birthdays. 33 00:01:50,663 --> 00:01:51,801 Here's a fun secret: 34 00:01:52,131 --> 00:01:53,263 They don't mind. 35 00:01:53,265 --> 00:01:54,398 We could visit her grave, 36 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,196 maybe have a good cry together. 37 00:01:56,669 --> 00:01:58,603 It's important to let these things out. 38 00:01:58,820 --> 00:01:59,786 Uh-huh. 39 00:02:03,987 --> 00:02:05,865 In case you change your mind. 40 00:02:10,098 --> 00:02:11,911 - Brandon? - _ 41 00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:13,800 One, two, three, four! 42 00:02:27,638 --> 00:02:30,724 All right, everyone shut up and finish shutting up fast. 43 00:02:31,486 --> 00:02:33,452 I've had a very icky morning. 44 00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,726 Top ten ickiest of all time. 45 00:02:35,924 --> 00:02:37,990 So I'm sitting there, enjoying my shower, 46 00:02:38,330 --> 00:02:40,459 this old guy shows up at my door, unannounced, 47 00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,480 looking to bang my dead mom. 48 00:02:42,481 --> 00:02:43,996 And as if that wasn't gross enough, 49 00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,631 the guy's name was Brandon. 50 00:02:45,685 --> 00:02:47,274 Yeah, Brandon. I mean, we're talking about 51 00:02:47,299 --> 00:02:49,403 an old Brandon. Now, this dude was old. 52 00:02:49,723 --> 00:02:51,404 Must be the first in the New World. 53 00:02:51,406 --> 00:02:52,939 Anyway, this creep shows up at my door, 54 00:02:52,941 --> 00:02:55,041 inviting me to some sort of crying ritual 55 00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:56,309 for my dead mom's birthday. 56 00:02:56,311 --> 00:02:57,643 What are you talking about, man? 57 00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:59,512 Old Brandon, I do not need to cry. 58 00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:07,854 Tempting to plow right past this, 59 00:03:07,856 --> 00:03:08,955 but, fine, I'll bite. 60 00:03:08,957 --> 00:03:10,489 What's with the stupid dolls? 61 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,525 These are infant simulators from health class. 62 00:03:12,527 --> 00:03:15,127 They have to be fed, burped, cuddled, changed regularly, 63 00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,529 or otherwise they cry. 64 00:03:16,531 --> 00:03:18,664 They're perfect replicas in every way, 65 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,132 except we can't bathe them. 66 00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:21,701 This project was totally forced upon us. 67 00:03:21,703 --> 00:03:23,002 I'm so busy with everything I already do; 68 00:03:23,004 --> 00:03:24,503 I can't add a baby to it. 69 00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,105 You're, uh, gripping that little baby's skull 70 00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:27,888 pretty tightly there, Sarika. 71 00:03:27,913 --> 00:03:29,709 I have tried all of the cuddle configurations 72 00:03:29,711 --> 00:03:30,913 in the manual and none of them work. 73 00:03:30,914 --> 00:03:33,725 No, no. I will not be sidetracked by this. 74 00:03:33,757 --> 00:03:36,749 Today's mission is to retaliate against Old Brandon. 75 00:03:36,751 --> 00:03:39,485 This old bitch dropped a bombshell on my life, 76 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,422 and I vow to pay him back in kind. 77 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:43,785 At the risk of incurring your wrath... 78 00:03:44,737 --> 00:03:46,303 Don't you think you should consider 79 00:03:46,305 --> 00:03:47,755 genuinely commiserating with this man? 80 00:03:47,756 --> 00:03:49,488 I mean, you obviously have some unresolved issues 81 00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:50,543 about your mom. 82 00:03:50,568 --> 00:03:52,273 What? Where you getting that from? 83 00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:54,174 You seem very glib about how she's... 84 00:03:54,175 --> 00:03:55,190 Dead? 85 00:03:57,350 --> 00:03:58,482 Yeah, well, that is the adjective 86 00:03:58,484 --> 00:03:59,713 that best describes her. 87 00:03:59,714 --> 00:04:01,017 I'd say you guys should be more concerned 88 00:04:01,018 --> 00:04:02,955 if I start describing her as "alive" 89 00:04:03,004 --> 00:04:05,566 or "mommy who resides in the attic." 90 00:04:06,074 --> 00:04:07,212 Besides... 91 00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,042 even if I did have feelings about this, 92 00:04:09,044 --> 00:04:11,477 I wouldn't need some sort of hokey grieving ceremony 93 00:04:11,479 --> 00:04:12,530 to get over them. 94 00:04:12,531 --> 00:04:14,520 My therapist said you need to find a healthy outlet 95 00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:16,845 for your feelings, otherwise you'll act out. 96 00:04:17,053 --> 00:04:19,453 For me, it was annihilating mailboxes. 97 00:04:19,455 --> 00:04:21,589 I don't need help with my dead mom's birthday. 98 00:04:21,881 --> 00:04:24,812 I need personal bombshells that will rock Old Brandon's world. 99 00:04:27,923 --> 00:04:28,986 Ugh. 100 00:04:29,326 --> 00:04:31,897 This is... this is untenable. No, come on. 101 00:04:32,483 --> 00:04:34,116 Grab your babies, and I want you to throw them 102 00:04:34,118 --> 00:04:36,231 in the closet right now, guys... Or you get an F. 103 00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:37,964 Mr. Griffin, these simulators measure how well 104 00:04:37,966 --> 00:04:39,198 we take care of them. 105 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,433 If we abandon them in a closet, 106 00:04:40,435 --> 00:04:41,531 we'll get an F in Health. 107 00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,164 What? Threatening "F" s is my thing. 108 00:04:43,165 --> 00:04:44,815 I... Screw this. 109 00:04:45,349 --> 00:04:46,515 Gonna go talk to Durbin. 110 00:04:57,161 --> 00:04:58,195 Hi, Dale. 111 00:04:58,196 --> 00:04:59,769 You didn't have to do that. 112 00:05:00,298 --> 00:05:02,717 Oh, well, you shouldn't have to pick up trash 113 00:05:02,718 --> 00:05:04,210 someone throws on the floor. 114 00:05:04,211 --> 00:05:07,911 No one has ever said that to me before. 115 00:05:07,913 --> 00:05:09,101 Here it goes. 116 00:05:09,102 --> 00:05:11,264 Uh, Miss Stef, fair warning: 117 00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:13,236 I'm coming at ya. 118 00:05:13,485 --> 00:05:15,085 - Oh. - I, uh... 119 00:05:15,087 --> 00:05:18,152 Would very much like to buy you a drink sometime. 120 00:05:18,340 --> 00:05:19,817 Maybe go bowling or something. 121 00:05:19,842 --> 00:05:21,649 - Like, as friends? - No, ma'am. 122 00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:25,221 This would be a full-on romantic date. 123 00:05:25,557 --> 00:05:27,457 Perfect version of it ends in some kissing. 124 00:05:27,459 --> 00:05:29,525 Um, you know what, actually, I just got this 125 00:05:29,527 --> 00:05:31,593 really expensive manicure, 126 00:05:31,627 --> 00:05:33,863 so I really should not be bowling. 127 00:05:33,865 --> 00:05:36,299 Well, then, simply do me the courtesy of watching me 128 00:05:36,301 --> 00:05:38,647 throw a few frames and then we could adjourn 129 00:05:38,648 --> 00:05:40,937 into the game room for some Big Buck Hunter 130 00:05:40,939 --> 00:05:42,372 and an appetizer sampler. 131 00:05:42,374 --> 00:05:44,874 And honestly, if bowling is the issue, 132 00:05:44,876 --> 00:05:46,242 I have other ideas. 133 00:05:46,244 --> 00:05:49,263 We could go to the movies or go to the zoo. 134 00:05:49,981 --> 00:05:51,714 - I could show you the roof. - Listen, Dale, 135 00:05:51,716 --> 00:05:53,179 I gotta be honest. 136 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:56,941 I would... I would never go on a date with you. 137 00:05:58,156 --> 00:06:01,603 Because, um, my best friend, Mary, 138 00:06:01,605 --> 00:06:04,139 she has a huge crush on you. 139 00:06:04,141 --> 00:06:05,859 - Art room Mary? - Yep. 140 00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:07,476 - Korean American? - Yep. 141 00:06:07,478 --> 00:06:08,966 - This tall? - Yep. 142 00:06:08,967 --> 00:06:10,565 - Eats lunch with you? - Mm-hmm. 143 00:06:10,567 --> 00:06:12,000 Always goes, "Huh?" 144 00:06:12,002 --> 00:06:13,468 That Mary, yes. 145 00:06:13,984 --> 00:06:16,021 I think I know who you're talking about. 146 00:06:17,242 --> 00:06:18,539 Didn't know she had a crush on me. 147 00:06:18,540 --> 00:06:20,413 So it would violate Girl Code 148 00:06:20,811 --> 00:06:22,374 for me to date her crush. 149 00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:24,542 So, uh, it just can't happen. 150 00:06:24,814 --> 00:06:27,494 But thank you for your service. 151 00:06:27,842 --> 00:06:29,474 It smells good in here. 152 00:06:30,267 --> 00:06:31,600 Thank you very much. 153 00:06:34,487 --> 00:06:36,054 This is my class. 154 00:06:36,056 --> 00:06:38,115 Why can't I talk about safe sex? 155 00:06:38,358 --> 00:06:40,545 Look, Michelle, this is coming from above, really, okay? 156 00:06:40,570 --> 00:06:42,404 And I think it's good that students feel 157 00:06:42,429 --> 00:06:44,099 how hard it is to have a baby. 158 00:06:44,197 --> 00:06:45,461 You know, I don't have any babies, 159 00:06:45,462 --> 00:06:46,927 but I've been in a restaurant where one is screaming, 160 00:06:46,929 --> 00:06:48,262 and it's like, no. 161 00:06:48,506 --> 00:06:50,606 Ralph, you know these robot babies? 162 00:06:50,608 --> 00:06:52,375 - They suck! - Ding, ding, ding. 163 00:06:52,377 --> 00:06:53,709 - Exactly. - Yeah, you gotta 164 00:06:53,711 --> 00:06:55,993 shut this down, man. I need my kids focused on... 165 00:06:57,749 --> 00:06:58,914 Uh... 166 00:06:58,916 --> 00:07:00,082 Pass the A.P. test? 167 00:07:00,084 --> 00:07:02,318 Yeah. Yes. Yeah, perfect. The A.P. te... 168 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:03,886 The babies are messing up test prep. 169 00:07:03,888 --> 00:07:05,654 You know what, guys, there's nothing I can do here. 170 00:07:05,656 --> 00:07:08,824 I mean, Ohio is back to abstinence-only education. 171 00:07:08,826 --> 00:07:10,026 - Our... - Come on. 172 00:07:10,028 --> 00:07:11,804 I need to give these kids condoms. 173 00:07:11,829 --> 00:07:13,516 Ralph, they work. 174 00:07:13,784 --> 00:07:15,482 Otherwise Keith and I would have... 175 00:07:16,154 --> 00:07:17,653 100 or so kids. 176 00:07:18,201 --> 00:07:19,464 Maybe two-hundy. 177 00:07:19,465 --> 00:07:22,298 Okay, Michelle, thank you for being so open, 178 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,714 but the only thing that we're allowed to say about condoms 179 00:07:24,716 --> 00:07:26,683 is that they are 2% ineffective 180 00:07:26,685 --> 00:07:28,818 and everyone is watching you while you buy them. 181 00:07:28,820 --> 00:07:32,342 So our only option is to scare these kids off of sex entirely. 182 00:07:32,343 --> 00:07:33,402 Ralph. Ralph, Ralph. 183 00:07:33,403 --> 00:07:35,533 My kids are in no danger of getting laid, okay? 184 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,326 They do not need a sex deterrent, trust me. 185 00:07:37,351 --> 00:07:39,084 If anybody needs a sex deterrent, 186 00:07:39,086 --> 00:07:40,853 it's wrinkly old gigolos who travel from town to town, 187 00:07:40,855 --> 00:07:44,290 seducing innocent old moms who just want to enjoy a nice day 188 00:07:44,292 --> 00:07:46,189 at the rodeo. That's all they want. 189 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,672 Eh... 190 00:07:48,863 --> 00:07:50,254 Has that been happening? 191 00:07:50,255 --> 00:07:52,082 I don't recognize this country anymore. 192 00:07:52,356 --> 00:07:54,456 If we're gonna settle the score with Old Brandon, 193 00:07:54,458 --> 00:07:56,764 we're gonna have to divide and conquer. 194 00:07:56,765 --> 00:07:58,897 All right, B-squad's got the babies under control. 195 00:07:58,899 --> 00:08:01,567 A-squad, let's hear what you've got on devastating Old Brandon. 196 00:08:01,569 --> 00:08:02,835 Just tell him that your mom 197 00:08:02,837 --> 00:08:04,370 slept with everyone on the block. 198 00:08:04,372 --> 00:08:05,938 Come on, Anthony, I can't use that. 199 00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:07,473 All right, keep in mind, this is a bombshell 200 00:08:07,475 --> 00:08:08,807 that's gonna be dropped at her grave. 201 00:08:08,809 --> 00:08:10,342 And today's her birthday? 202 00:08:10,661 --> 00:08:12,581 And it's her birthday, Anthony. Show some respect. 203 00:08:12,582 --> 00:08:15,315 You know, sometimes I get mad because I don't want to be sad. 204 00:08:15,317 --> 00:08:16,872 Cool, Dan. So what? 205 00:08:16,873 --> 00:08:18,619 I'm just saying maybe you're really sad. 206 00:08:19,121 --> 00:08:20,888 About your mom's birthday. 207 00:08:20,890 --> 00:08:22,590 You know what's really sad is watching you guys 208 00:08:22,592 --> 00:08:24,741 trying to analyze me with your unfinished brains. 209 00:08:24,742 --> 00:08:26,619 Somebody give me something I can use, please. 210 00:08:26,644 --> 00:08:27,676 Heather, go. 211 00:08:27,678 --> 00:08:29,478 sucker punch. 212 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:30,646 All right, that's in the right area. 213 00:08:30,648 --> 00:08:31,751 Can't do that, though. 214 00:08:31,752 --> 00:08:33,452 Fighting an old man's kind of what got me banished 215 00:08:33,454 --> 00:08:34,954 at Toledo in the first place. Come on, guys! 216 00:08:34,956 --> 00:08:36,057 Come on! 217 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,163 Don't you care that this man banged my mom? 218 00:08:38,188 --> 00:08:39,984 - Son of a bitch! - Seems like you're being 219 00:08:40,009 --> 00:08:41,147 a bit of a prude. 220 00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:43,642 A prude? Well, that's not possible. 221 00:08:43,735 --> 00:08:46,465 How could I be a prude when I have had sex with... 222 00:08:46,671 --> 00:08:49,172 Twenty-four women. 223 00:08:49,174 --> 00:08:51,031 - We get it. - Do you? 224 00:08:51,229 --> 00:08:53,196 Mr. Griffin, I think I have something. 225 00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:54,564 Despite being in B-squad, 226 00:08:54,566 --> 00:08:56,212 I have discovered that Old Brandon 227 00:08:56,237 --> 00:08:57,927 has a daughter here in Toledo. 228 00:08:59,170 --> 00:09:02,389 Sadie Rodonski. A personal injury lawyer. 229 00:09:03,127 --> 00:09:05,466 You know what, this could actually be perfect. 230 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,411 I could tell his daughter about his disgusting affair 231 00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:09,545 with my dead mom. She'd be completely yucked out 232 00:09:09,547 --> 00:09:11,180 just like I was. It'll ruin all their 233 00:09:11,182 --> 00:09:13,015 family dinners for the rest of their lives. 234 00:09:13,017 --> 00:09:14,016 Even Steven. 235 00:09:14,018 --> 00:09:15,351 That doesn't sound even. 236 00:09:15,353 --> 00:09:17,664 That just sounds like harassing a stranger. 237 00:09:17,996 --> 00:09:20,686 Uh, yes, hi. I have been severely 238 00:09:20,687 --> 00:09:21,929 personally injured. 239 00:09:21,930 --> 00:09:23,809 I'd like to speak to your top attorney, please. 240 00:09:24,805 --> 00:09:25,863 No, no, no. Not her. 241 00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:28,047 Get me Sadie Rodonski. 242 00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:33,964 All right, Mr. Griffin. 243 00:09:35,146 --> 00:09:36,717 Thanks for waiting. 244 00:09:37,282 --> 00:09:38,746 Let's see if we can get you paid. 245 00:09:39,417 --> 00:09:43,386 So what is the nature of your injury? 246 00:09:43,388 --> 00:09:45,888 Well, I have been severely grossed out. 247 00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:47,295 Severely grossed out? 248 00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,580 Unfortunately, yeah, to the max. 249 00:09:50,019 --> 00:09:51,918 Sadie, I hate to spring this on you, 250 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,756 but our old parents... 251 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:57,319 well, they, uh, they... 252 00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:00,592 they put their stuff all over each other. 253 00:10:00,593 --> 00:10:02,926 Oh, my God. Are you Rosemary's kid? 254 00:10:03,132 --> 00:10:04,573 Wait a minute, you already know about this? 255 00:10:04,574 --> 00:10:05,672 Yes. 256 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,158 Damn it. 257 00:10:07,442 --> 00:10:10,209 I... I was hoping to devastate you to get back at your dad. 258 00:10:10,645 --> 00:10:12,299 Oh, my God. I totally get that. 259 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,580 I mean, I hated your mom when I found out. 260 00:10:14,689 --> 00:10:16,851 They got together, like, eight weeks after my mom's funeral. 261 00:10:16,852 --> 00:10:19,619 Oh, ouch. So your mom's dead too, huh? 262 00:10:19,621 --> 00:10:20,553 She's dead. 263 00:10:20,555 --> 00:10:22,021 Yeah, sounds like your dad's got a type. 264 00:10:22,023 --> 00:10:23,223 Oh. 265 00:10:23,225 --> 00:10:24,927 Almost-dead people. 266 00:10:27,562 --> 00:10:29,462 So what was this plan? 267 00:10:29,464 --> 00:10:30,930 I mean, did you just want me to get me to picture 268 00:10:30,932 --> 00:10:34,300 these two white raisins stuck together 269 00:10:34,302 --> 00:10:35,869 so I'd pick a fight with my dad? 270 00:10:35,871 --> 00:10:36,970 Yeah, that was pretty much it. 271 00:10:36,972 --> 00:10:38,588 Yeah, that's pretty conniving. 272 00:10:39,274 --> 00:10:40,573 So I guess you're not just a face. 273 00:10:40,575 --> 00:10:42,458 You've got a brain too. 274 00:10:42,459 --> 00:10:43,691 Oh, yeah, I got a big old brain. 275 00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:45,178 Yeah, PhD from Harvard. 276 00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:50,064 You know, I just thought of a really fun way 277 00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:52,650 that we could get back at our folks. 278 00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,024 Lock the door. 279 00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:01,635 For real? You sure? 280 00:11:03,379 --> 00:11:04,579 Devastate me. 281 00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:15,925 I'll get the art room today. 282 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:18,025 Oh, okay, just 'cause they gave you the keys, 283 00:11:18,027 --> 00:11:19,420 you my boss now? 284 00:11:19,421 --> 00:11:20,570 Hans? 285 00:11:23,284 --> 00:11:24,588 Oh, hey, Dale. What's up? 286 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:28,392 Oh, boy. Uh, let me stop you right there. 287 00:11:28,686 --> 00:11:31,687 You are clearly a good and kind person 288 00:11:31,689 --> 00:11:33,720 who deserves happiness with someone. 289 00:11:34,818 --> 00:11:36,517 But I am not that someone. 290 00:11:36,518 --> 00:11:38,688 And you have to get that through your head. 291 00:11:39,404 --> 00:11:41,632 - Huh? - The best thing for you to do 292 00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:44,039 is just forget about me. 293 00:11:47,704 --> 00:11:50,261 You can tell your parents we're dating, if that's helpful. 294 00:11:54,937 --> 00:11:56,403 What the crap just happened? 295 00:12:08,887 --> 00:12:10,587 Twenty-five, bitches. 296 00:12:11,194 --> 00:12:14,070 Yeah, after a very productive meeting with Sadie Rodonski 297 00:12:14,095 --> 00:12:17,630 this morning, I have now had sex with 25 women. 298 00:12:18,010 --> 00:12:21,767 And I am armed with a bombshell that is going to destroy 299 00:12:21,769 --> 00:12:22,973 Old Brandon's life. 300 00:12:23,137 --> 00:12:25,152 So you just had sex before work? 301 00:12:25,153 --> 00:12:26,084 Yeah, man. 302 00:12:26,086 --> 00:12:28,253 Are you prepared for the consequences? 303 00:12:28,255 --> 00:12:29,621 She could get pregnant. 304 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:30,722 - No, we were safe. - We were safe. 305 00:12:30,724 --> 00:12:31,938 It's fine. It's fine. 306 00:12:32,292 --> 00:12:33,273 I think... 307 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,133 I think we'll be... fine. 308 00:12:35,135 --> 00:12:36,302 Are you guys in love? 309 00:12:36,303 --> 00:12:37,769 The sperm can't crack the lady's eggshell 310 00:12:37,770 --> 00:12:39,068 unless they're in love. 311 00:12:39,099 --> 00:12:41,114 Wow, you guys really do need Sex Ed. 312 00:12:41,139 --> 00:12:42,772 Plus, you're focused on the wrong part, man. 313 00:12:42,774 --> 00:12:44,378 I have my bombshell. This is great. 314 00:12:44,710 --> 00:12:46,543 All I have to do now is call Old Brandon, 315 00:12:46,545 --> 00:12:48,044 arrange to meet him at my mom's grave, 316 00:12:48,046 --> 00:12:49,446 and then... 317 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,080 Is this healthy? 318 00:12:53,081 --> 00:12:55,640 Using sex as a weapon seems extreme, even for you. 319 00:12:55,665 --> 00:12:57,465 Marcus, I'm not using sex as a weapon. 320 00:12:57,466 --> 00:12:59,833 I'm using the fact that I happened into 321 00:13:00,015 --> 00:13:02,749 organic, consensual, wonderful love-making 322 00:13:02,751 --> 00:13:05,699 as a tool to destroy my enemy. 323 00:13:05,888 --> 00:13:07,487 Plus, Saddie and I are cool, man. 324 00:13:07,489 --> 00:13:08,496 You know, we're having drinks on Friday, 325 00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:09,628 so, yeah. 326 00:13:09,630 --> 00:13:10,838 Now, if guys will excuse me, 327 00:13:10,863 --> 00:13:12,732 I'm gonna call the old letch. 328 00:13:14,470 --> 00:13:16,137 Guys, just let him go. 329 00:13:16,139 --> 00:13:17,505 He's being self-destructive. 330 00:13:17,507 --> 00:13:19,666 So what? I already deal with this brat. 331 00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:20,965 I can't care of another one. 332 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,432 At what age do you think we'll start 333 00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:25,322 "happening into organic, wonderful love-making"? 334 00:13:26,058 --> 00:13:28,385 I don't think we're those kind of guys. 335 00:13:29,207 --> 00:13:31,708 Oh, yeah, man. I'm so down to grieve. 336 00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,676 Yeah, you know, I need this for my heart. 337 00:13:34,328 --> 00:13:35,718 Yeah, no, I'll meet you right there. 338 00:13:35,743 --> 00:13:37,276 I'll meet you right at the gravestone. 339 00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:39,346 We'll turn on the waterworks. It's gonna be great. 340 00:13:42,779 --> 00:13:43,786 Hey, Mary. 341 00:13:43,787 --> 00:13:45,752 You know, let's eat lunch in my car today. 342 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:48,935 All these crying babies got my womb twitching. 343 00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,929 Mm-hmm. Just give a minute. 344 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:54,532 And by the way, so I might have told 345 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,912 Dale the janitor that you might have a crush on him. 346 00:13:57,913 --> 00:13:59,604 He asked me out, and I kind of panicked. 347 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,272 Oh, well, this explains a lot. 348 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,374 He just came in here and shot me down, hard. 349 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:04,375 Like, out of nowhere. 350 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,110 Mary, I am so sorry. 351 00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,796 See, this is my fault. I'm gonna go. 352 00:14:07,821 --> 00:14:09,287 I don't have time to be mad at you. 353 00:14:09,312 --> 00:14:11,082 He took it way too far. 354 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,685 I'm gonna hook him and then dump him on his ass. 355 00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:16,367 This here is a janitor trap. 356 00:14:16,368 --> 00:14:19,422 See, tonight, Dale's gonna come in and spot this $5 bill 357 00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:21,837 sitting conspicuously on my trashcan. 358 00:14:21,839 --> 00:14:23,505 - That's the bait. - Okay. 359 00:14:23,507 --> 00:14:24,773 And now you know he's gonna dive right now, 360 00:14:24,775 --> 00:14:26,175 rooting around for more. 361 00:14:26,177 --> 00:14:27,376 Greedy little pig. 362 00:14:27,378 --> 00:14:28,711 But what we'll find instead 363 00:14:28,713 --> 00:14:30,985 is a selection of carefully curated items, 364 00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:33,515 which you might call sexy trash. 365 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,352 Such as a flattering photo of moi. 366 00:14:36,354 --> 00:14:37,496 Yeah. 367 00:14:38,233 --> 00:14:39,455 The novel "Dune." 368 00:14:39,887 --> 00:14:41,019 All guys like that. 369 00:14:41,509 --> 00:14:43,976 A yoga award for most flexible. 370 00:14:43,978 --> 00:14:45,378 - Mm-hmm. - Hmm. 371 00:14:45,380 --> 00:14:47,046 And then just some old regular trash 372 00:14:47,048 --> 00:14:48,681 so he feels good about doing his job. 373 00:14:49,073 --> 00:14:51,951 Once he gets all thirsty, that dirty like dastard's 374 00:14:51,953 --> 00:14:53,419 gonna come running back to mama, 375 00:14:53,421 --> 00:14:54,854 begging for a drink, 376 00:14:54,856 --> 00:14:56,751 which I'll be delighted to deny him. 377 00:14:56,752 --> 00:14:58,217 This is a lot, Mary. Okay? 378 00:14:58,220 --> 00:15:00,611 I mean, I would have just keyed his car. 379 00:15:00,636 --> 00:15:02,983 Well, I teach Art, Stef. I like crafts. 380 00:15:09,261 --> 00:15:10,347 Hey. 381 00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,863 I know we started off on a bad foot. 382 00:15:12,887 --> 00:15:14,637 And I'm glad you decided to come. 383 00:15:14,638 --> 00:15:17,225 Yeah. Well, you really threw me for a loop there, you know. 384 00:15:17,331 --> 00:15:18,543 But it's okay, it's fine. 385 00:15:18,568 --> 00:15:20,103 So, no big. 386 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,425 Uh, you wanna get this thing going or what? 387 00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:24,749 Oh, would you like to start by saying a few words 388 00:15:24,774 --> 00:15:25,907 about your mom? 389 00:15:25,909 --> 00:15:27,058 Uh, no, you know what, 390 00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:28,168 I think it's better if you go first. 391 00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:29,611 I want to go last. You go first. Go, go, go. 392 00:15:30,091 --> 00:15:33,334 Oh, well, after my wife... 393 00:15:33,957 --> 00:15:36,385 died, I didn't think I'd ever feel passion... 394 00:15:36,387 --> 00:15:37,887 - Right. - Again. 395 00:15:37,889 --> 00:15:41,697 But my heart found its feet once more with Rosemary. 396 00:15:41,722 --> 00:15:42,882 I banged your daughter. 397 00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:49,025 Why aren't you reacting? Did I break your old brain? 398 00:15:50,968 --> 00:15:52,701 Well, color me not surprised. 399 00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,739 You two are a couple of hot tamales. 400 00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:57,127 I'm glad the two of you found comfort in each other's arms. 401 00:15:57,128 --> 00:15:59,167 You know, that's your daughter, you sleaze. 402 00:15:59,344 --> 00:16:01,797 I'm what you call "sex positive." 403 00:16:01,798 --> 00:16:04,614 Daughters have sex, Jack. So do mothers. 404 00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:07,398 And it seems our families generate some pretty potent 405 00:16:07,423 --> 00:16:08,709 sexual chemistry. 406 00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:09,899 God, will you shut up? 407 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,602 Look, you're bound to feel big feelings 408 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,032 here at this place. 409 00:16:13,213 --> 00:16:16,557 It's okay to let it out, Jack. Huh? 410 00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:18,542 Come on, son. It's okay to cry. 411 00:16:20,411 --> 00:16:21,499 Ooh! 412 00:16:22,263 --> 00:16:23,496 Oh! 413 00:16:23,498 --> 00:16:25,402 - Ah! - What are you doing, Jack? 414 00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:28,181 Stop! 415 00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:37,176 These babies are getting out of hand, Ralph. 416 00:16:37,178 --> 00:16:38,844 The students aren't sleeping, 417 00:16:38,846 --> 00:16:40,179 the parents are complaining. 418 00:16:40,181 --> 00:16:41,716 And all the other teachers hate me! 419 00:16:41,717 --> 00:16:43,516 Okay, Alyssa, Alyssa. I'm sure they don't hate you. 420 00:16:43,518 --> 00:16:46,285 Coach Novak threw a dirty diaper at my head. 421 00:16:46,634 --> 00:16:49,435 Which I'm now realizing must have been from his nephew 422 00:16:49,437 --> 00:16:52,679 or something, which means he drove to school with it. 423 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,312 I'll talk to Dick, all right? 424 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,600 But for now, we got to tough it out with these babies, 425 00:16:56,625 --> 00:16:57,983 for the next couple of days. 426 00:16:58,102 --> 00:17:00,477 They're not responding to the soothing techniques anymore. 427 00:17:00,502 --> 00:17:02,668 I think there's something really wrong with them, Ralph. 428 00:17:02,931 --> 00:17:06,211 Okay, I may have gone outside official supply lines 429 00:17:06,236 --> 00:17:08,779 to get a discount, but when the guy sold them to me, 430 00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:10,312 he said they were slightly irregular. 431 00:17:10,314 --> 00:17:12,748 I assumed that meant it was how their fingers 432 00:17:12,750 --> 00:17:14,183 looked like tiny penises. 433 00:17:14,184 --> 00:17:15,649 I didn't know they were gonna malfunction. 434 00:17:15,651 --> 00:17:18,786 Well, they are, Ralph. What are we gonna do? 435 00:17:19,118 --> 00:17:20,117 Oh, God. 436 00:17:20,197 --> 00:17:21,253 Sorry. 437 00:17:21,254 --> 00:17:22,619 It looks like Willem Dafoe. 438 00:17:24,822 --> 00:17:27,233 Oh. It's a compliment. 439 00:17:27,864 --> 00:17:29,597 It says this should work. 440 00:17:29,622 --> 00:17:30,884 Why isn't it working? 441 00:17:30,885 --> 00:17:33,018 I can't swaddle any tighter. 442 00:17:34,472 --> 00:17:36,672 Can't find my sucky... 443 00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,653 food juice can. 444 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,458 Stupid mom brain. 445 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,327 Hey, hold on to my grade for a second 446 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:43,883 while I stop by my locker. 447 00:17:45,095 --> 00:17:47,289 Latch on, damn it. Latch on. 448 00:17:47,430 --> 00:17:48,613 Shut up! 449 00:17:48,765 --> 00:17:51,491 Shut up your silly cybernetic offspring. 450 00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:53,401 Whoa, did you get in a fight? 451 00:17:53,403 --> 00:17:54,769 At your mom's grave? 452 00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,576 Yeah, Old Brandon frickin' decked me. 453 00:17:56,578 --> 00:17:58,696 But get this, guys: I told him I boinked his daughter; 454 00:17:58,721 --> 00:17:59,812 he didn't give a hoot. 455 00:17:59,814 --> 00:18:01,514 Stupid hippie thought it was neat. 456 00:18:01,516 --> 00:18:03,116 So why did he knock you around then? 457 00:18:03,118 --> 00:18:05,384 Well, because I tried to sucker punch him, Heather. 458 00:18:05,763 --> 00:18:07,453 And how are old men so strong? 459 00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:10,221 I mean, this guy had the grip strength of an orangutan. 460 00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:11,930 - It was insane. - Shh! 461 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:19,230 Seriously, shut those babies up. 462 00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,185 We can't! They won't stop. 463 00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:22,966 This is how the world is now. 464 00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:24,231 Mother of God. 465 00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,437 The sound is burrowing into my brain. 466 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,739 - It's worse than Marcus. - Hey, that's unfair. 467 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,975 Unfair? I am the bereaved party here. 468 00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,842 Some traveling pervert steals my mom's birthday from me 469 00:18:33,843 --> 00:18:36,178 and then has the grey-haired balls 470 00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:38,014 to tell me how to deal with her death? 471 00:18:41,305 --> 00:18:42,576 Give me the babies. 472 00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,922 Just give me all the babies. 473 00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,799 Stupid thing. Come on, give it to me. 474 00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,937 Give this to me. Gimme, gimme, gimme. 475 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,162 Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, guys. 476 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,798 Yeah, yep, all the babies. 477 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,867 I'm gonna deal with this baby problem right now. 478 00:19:00,190 --> 00:19:01,181 Give me that. 479 00:19:01,858 --> 00:19:03,491 Gimme, gimme. Gimme babies. 480 00:19:03,493 --> 00:19:04,482 Throw it in. 481 00:19:04,627 --> 00:19:05,809 Baby. 482 00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:08,354 Here we go. 483 00:19:09,932 --> 00:19:11,799 Anthony, what the hell? Where's my baby? 484 00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:13,574 Mr. Griffin sort of took it. 485 00:19:13,575 --> 00:19:14,645 Took it where? 486 00:19:14,646 --> 00:19:17,214 He took them all. We're free. 487 00:19:17,415 --> 00:19:18,714 But I'll get an F in Health. 488 00:19:18,972 --> 00:19:20,648 My baby! My baby! 489 00:19:32,029 --> 00:19:34,152 - No! - It's okay, Sarika. 490 00:19:34,398 --> 00:19:35,664 There's no more assignment. 491 00:19:35,666 --> 00:19:37,361 We can't be graded on any of this now. 492 00:19:39,170 --> 00:19:40,323 All quiet. 493 00:19:45,707 --> 00:19:46,997 No more grades? 494 00:19:47,831 --> 00:19:48,933 It's over. 495 00:19:53,037 --> 00:19:54,223 There we go. 496 00:20:02,222 --> 00:20:03,276 Whoo! 497 00:20:05,158 --> 00:20:06,827 That was the ticket right there. 498 00:20:07,393 --> 00:20:09,026 I feel refreshed, you know? 499 00:20:09,028 --> 00:20:11,019 Nothing like a dip sometimes. 500 00:20:11,749 --> 00:20:13,364 So, uh, what do you guys want to do? 501 00:20:13,366 --> 00:20:14,673 Go back to class? 502 00:20:16,536 --> 00:20:17,536 Yeah. 503 00:20:19,443 --> 00:20:21,242 Old Brandon's probably an all right guy. 504 00:20:21,731 --> 00:20:22,784 Yeah. 505 00:20:28,848 --> 00:20:29,847 Ms. Wagner? 506 00:20:30,527 --> 00:20:32,176 I have got to tell you. 507 00:20:32,418 --> 00:20:34,268 You have the sexiest trash 508 00:20:34,293 --> 00:20:37,040 I have ever dumped into a larger bin. 509 00:20:37,757 --> 00:20:39,806 You ever been to the good gravel pit? 510 00:20:40,894 --> 00:20:43,060 Ooh, now, you know, I would love to, 511 00:20:43,302 --> 00:20:44,333 but... 512 00:20:44,396 --> 00:20:47,439 my friend Stef has the biggest crush on you. 513 00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:48,743 Ooh. 514 00:20:52,739 --> 00:20:54,122 You two have fun. 515 00:20:55,597 --> 00:20:57,980 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com