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00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:02,890
According to this gossip column,

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00:00:02,910 --> 00:00:06,200
my nemesis, Miles, is dating Lisa Loeb.

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00:00:06,250 --> 00:00:07,280
The Lisa Loeb.

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00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:09,950
Songbird. Sex in glasses.

5
00:00:09,980 --> 00:00:12,780
Meanwhile, I have had zero bangs

6
00:00:12,860 --> 00:00:16,250
since moving to this
garbage pile of a town.

7
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,500
That's not gonna work
for me, so new plan.

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00:00:19,580 --> 00:00:22,270
Break up Miles and Lisa Loeb.

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00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:24,290
_

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00:00:25,670 --> 00:00:27,320
The hell's going on here?

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It's parent-teacher day.

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00:00:32,850 --> 00:00:34,640
Well...

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00:00:35,310 --> 00:00:36,680
Welcome to A.P. Bio.

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00:00:48,910 --> 00:00:51,430
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.adic7ed.com

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00:00:54,170 --> 00:00:56,270
You can't talk to our
kids about banging.

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I want to see a syllabus, please.

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00:00:58,340 --> 00:00:59,410
I want to see a syllabus, please.

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00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:00,770
I want to know... "zero bangs"?

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00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,000
Okay, listen, listen, listen.

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00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:04,040
I don't know what your
kids told you about me,

21
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but I went to Harvard,

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00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,620
which means I know how
to get in to Harvard,

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00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,929
as well as the other Ivies,

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because they're all a
little worse than Harvard.

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So keep your hands up if
you don't want your kids

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00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:15,270
to go to Harvard or one
of the lesser Ivies.

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Now, I believe all of
your remaining questions

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can be boiled down to one simple answer.

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All of your kids know

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exactly what they need to
do to get an A in my class.

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Right, guys?

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And I'm happy to report that so far,

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all of your kids, the
fruits of your loins,

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are getting As.

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So have a great rest of your day, guys.

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00:01:40,670 --> 00:01:43,950
Excuse me, are we getting
individual feedback, yes?

37
00:01:43,990 --> 00:01:46,760
You honestly want to know
what I think about Marcus?

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00:01:46,790 --> 00:01:47,880
Yes.

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Yeah, he's just got a real
turd of a personality.

40
00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:55,780
But you two seem like a couple
of wet blankets as well.

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00:01:56,190 --> 00:01:57,830
Here's why Heather's cool.

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There's something dangerous
lurking inside of her,

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00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:01,020
something edgy.

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00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,530
You need to foster that.

45
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:03,570
Yeah, guys.

46
00:02:03,670 --> 00:02:05,400
Get me my own pressure cooker.

47
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,540
I want to make brisket, and
I want to make it quick.

48
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You're not old enough to
get a pressure cooker.

49
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:11,710
But I'm old enough for an HPV vaccine?

50
00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,819
Sarika has no sense of humor, zero.

51
00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:14,960
Does she laugh at anything?

52
00:02:15,050 --> 00:02:16,610
Sarika refuses to have fun.

53
00:02:16,650 --> 00:02:17,880
You think I want to be

54
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,280
spending five hours every Saturday

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at the academic decathlon? No.

56
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- No.
- No!

57
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I'd rather be poolside,

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buns up, sipping a Malibu.

59
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Seems like one of you ought
to give up the perm.

60
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But what about when we get separated

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at church or Six Flags?

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We always look for the curl.

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Uh... Wow.

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Hold hands. Get a leash.
I don't care. Go away.

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00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:40,480
Hi.

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Mrs. Um...

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Uh, no, I'm... I'm not, um, married.

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I'm Trish, Colin's mom.

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00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,750
Oh. Oh, Colin's mom.

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00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:48,780
Hi. Sorry.

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00:02:48,810 --> 00:02:49,620
Well, I can definitely see

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where he gets his, um...

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His... his book bag.

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You got that for him, right?

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I mean, it's a nice book bag.

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00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:00,960
- You've got great taste.
- Thank you.

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Well, you know, kind of a book
bag, clothes connoisseur.

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And I mean I certainly didn't
just buy the first one I saw.

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This is the first time they've ever

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worked in that sort of medium.

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Ah!

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And this number one stunner

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is from our figure drawing class.

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The contours are on point.

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The shading is... oof... very fly.

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It's beautiful.

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Excuse me, that's nudity.

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It is nudity.

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Did our children see a live nude?

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No.

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I was the model,

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and I certainly was not nude.

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I was wearing a swimsuit
and a low-rise jogger.

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This technically isn't even nudity.

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She wasn't naked, everybody.

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Is this why my Trey is suddenly

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obsessed with extra-long showers?

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Wrangle this in, Durbs.

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I bet the school board would be

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very interested in this vulgar display.

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Vulgar?

102
00:03:46,340 --> 00:03:47,629
Excuse you?

103
00:03:47,630 --> 00:03:49,770
I have the back of a
Gauguin island queen.

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I'm gonna take care of this.

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Here we go.

106
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Yeah, I fed that sweet little baby bird

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with a syringe for a week

108
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until it got strong
enough and flew away.

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Hmm.

110
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Yep.

111
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,649
So I'm not a parent,

112
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but I get it.

113
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Birds weird me out.

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Yeah, they're filthy.

115
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Anyway, I'm sorry that I
missed the class intro.

116
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My rehearsal went long.

117
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She plays cello at the
Toledo Symphony Orchestra.

118
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- Yeah.
- First chair.

119
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Cellos weird me out.

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Yeah, they're filthy.

121
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See you later, Mom.

122
00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:29,680
Oh, um, hey, why don't
we hang out sometime?

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00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,410
- Maybe tonight?
- Sure.

124
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Do you want to come by for dinner?

125
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Ooh, I don't know.

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I was gonna eat this frozen burrito,

127
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but I feel like that's not gonna turn

128
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for another year, so yeah.

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Um, well, do you want to take my number?

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I'm already...

131
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,329
Oh, you're already putting it.

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00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:45,240
419-555-0199.

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Okay, I'll call you or I will text you.

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Okay. We'll see which it is.

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- Okay.
- Bye.

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00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:55,550
- Hi.
- Hi. Hope you like pinot.

137
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I do. Oh.

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00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,350
Well, you left the price tag on.

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$27?

140
00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:01,380
- Jeez, fancy.
- Yeah.

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00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,030
The guy at the liquor store
offered to razor it off,

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and I said, "No, I don't
want you to do that.

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I want her to know how classy I am."

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Oh. Answer: very.

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- Come in.
- All right.

146
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Well, this smells absolutely delicious.

147
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Thank you. Spaghetti Bolognese.

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It's my only specialty.

149
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,550
It's kind of a hard first
date food, though.

150
00:05:24,580 --> 00:05:26,480
Yeah, there's no sexy
way to eat spaghetti.

151
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:27,560
- No.
- Unless you're one of those

152
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,520
Disney hobo dogs. They're
pretty good at it.

153
00:05:29,550 --> 00:05:30,950
Yeah, or one of those snobs that

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twirls their pasta on a spoon.

155
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So un-American.

156
00:05:34,460 --> 00:05:35,460
Well, wait a sec... wait.

157
00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:37,160
You put the spoons out.
Why'd you do that?

158
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For ice cream, you Communist.

159
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,470
This is fun.

160
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,740
It's been a while since I
hung out with a nice guy.

161
00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:47,750
Mom, I'm home!

162
00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:50,310
The movie was cancelled
'cause there was a rat

163
00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:52,380
in the theater that bit
a stupid girl's toe.

164
00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:54,020
It's like, "Don't wear
sandals to a movie.

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00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,200
Wear sneakers."

166
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:56,240
Hey, Mr. Griffin.

167
00:05:56,750 --> 00:05:58,380
I'm sorry. Is it okay if he joins us?

168
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,750
- Yeah. No, no, absolutely.
- Okay.

169
00:06:01,790 --> 00:06:02,990
Wouldn't have it any other way.

170
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,490
Guys want to hear more about the rat?

171
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:05,760
Saw it pretty good.

172
00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,190
- Nah.
- Sure, honey.

173
00:06:08,290 --> 00:06:10,840
Yeah. Yeah, let's... Let's
hear about the rat.

174
00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:16,039
So like, you know, Cornish game hen...

175
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:16,920
- Mm-hmm.
- Pigeons, things like that.

176
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,280
You know, it's basically like
a historical recreation of...

177
00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:26,390
Like a historical recreation
of what Beethoven ate.

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00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:28,190
- Like a food diary, basically.
- Hmm.

179
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:29,800
- Wow.
- Yeah, it's pretty cool.

180
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,850
Mom, can you cut this for me?

181
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:33,720
The noodles are sticking to my uvula.

182
00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:35,190
I think you're, uh, old enough

183
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:36,990
to cut up your own
spaghetti there, champ.

184
00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:38,320
Yeah.

185
00:06:40,290 --> 00:06:43,270
Um, anyway, when Beethoven went deaf...

186
00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:48,899
Uh, his other senses just
went absolutely bananas.

187
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,000
What? Sorry.

188
00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:51,630
You know, Colin, I'll just cut it.

189
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,070
Have you ever read any
historical food diaries?

190
00:06:55,690 --> 00:06:57,710
I haven't read a food diary per se,

191
00:06:57,740 --> 00:06:58,860
but in "The Diary of Anne Frank,"

192
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,910
she talks about the
monotony of the potatoes.

193
00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:02,780
- Does that count?
- No.

194
00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:04,110
Well, I think it does.

195
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:06,720
Right, I mean, why wouldn't it count?

196
00:07:08,020 --> 00:07:09,050
Yeah.

197
00:07:11,990 --> 00:07:13,490
All right, I'll go get dessert.

198
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:14,590
All right.

199
00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:16,020
Sounds good.

200
00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:18,860
All right.

201
00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:21,500
- I'll give you 20 bucks...
- Make it 40.

202
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:25,930
Fine, $40.

203
00:07:26,370 --> 00:07:27,340
Okay.

204
00:07:27,370 --> 00:07:29,340
Salted caramel sundaes.

205
00:07:29,370 --> 00:07:31,610
Mom, Mr. Griffin gave me 40 bucks.

206
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,810
- For what?
- I don't know!

207
00:07:36,070 --> 00:07:37,650
Just... yeah.

208
00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:53,780
Ah!

209
00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:54,860
Yay.

210
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:56,720
Sometimes I play my sax so hard,

211
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,190
I get a tongue rash from the reed.

212
00:07:58,230 --> 00:08:00,030
But the cool thing about
a tongue rash is,

213
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:01,160
you can scratch it with your teeth.

214
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,370
Like this. See?

215
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:05,650
Ugh.

216
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:07,070
I'm tired.

217
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:08,240
I'm gonna go to bed.

218
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,240
Okay.

219
00:08:09,270 --> 00:08:11,010
Well, good night, baby duck.

220
00:08:11,430 --> 00:08:12,620
Quack!

221
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:13,610
No.

222
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:14,810
So...

223
00:08:14,930 --> 00:08:17,160
Would you like to retire to the sofa?

224
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,780
And we could talk about
historical food diaries.

225
00:08:20,130 --> 00:08:22,670
Oh, I'm so sorry. Was that boring?

226
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:24,970
I thought it was a little more
interesting than tongue rashes.

227
00:08:25,010 --> 00:08:26,210
I don't know, though.

228
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,970
I think... I think this one wins.

229
00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:29,480
Maybe when you do it.

230
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:30,260
Oh, my god, wait.

231
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,649
What?

232
00:08:31,650 --> 00:08:33,580
Can I see your tongue again?
Because you know what?

233
00:08:33,610 --> 00:08:35,819
You might have poison
ivy, but I'm not sure.

234
00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:38,120
I need to take a little
bit of a closer peek.

235
00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:39,350
Mom!

236
00:08:39,390 --> 00:08:41,820
I cut my nostril with
the nose hair scissors.

237
00:08:42,170 --> 00:08:43,320
There's blood.

238
00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:46,019
Oh, I'm sorry. I should go help him.

239
00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:47,650
I mean, the poor kid
has orange nose hairs.

240
00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:50,160
If he doesn't stay on top
of it, he'll be crucified.

241
00:08:50,190 --> 00:08:51,600
- Yeah.
- Um...

242
00:08:53,990 --> 00:08:56,050
Thanks for coming by.

243
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:57,860
Oh, okay.

244
00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:58,870
I should go.

245
00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:01,400
All right.

246
00:09:01,670 --> 00:09:03,500
I sneezed on the guest towel.

247
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,070
I think it's totaled.

248
00:09:06,340 --> 00:09:07,840
- Sorry.
- Nah, it's okay.

249
00:09:07,870 --> 00:09:09,240
Um, have a good night.

250
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:10,640
Yeah, you too. I'll see myself out.

251
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,280
- It's cool.
- Okay.

252
00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:23,200
Go.

253
00:09:23,260 --> 00:09:26,220
Sara Baker, sophomore,
volleyball, peanut allergy.

254
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:27,730
Exacta-lootly!

255
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,630
Bring back our back!

256
00:09:29,660 --> 00:09:31,060
Bring back our back!

257
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:34,000
Is that pregnant mouse in
the water fountain again?

258
00:09:34,030 --> 00:09:36,740
Please, just let her have
her babies in there, Ralph.

259
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,340
She's old!

260
00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,820
Bring back our back!

261
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,080
- Bring back our back!
- _

262
00:09:43,110 --> 00:09:44,350
Bring back our back!

263
00:09:44,380 --> 00:09:45,350
- You got to...
- Bring back our back!

264
00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:46,619
Hey, please!

265
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,420
You're gonna interrupt
classes, all right?

266
00:09:48,450 --> 00:09:49,450
Ladies and...

267
00:09:49,770 --> 00:09:51,970
- Coach.
- Good.

268
00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:53,800
The school needs to
know that you hate art.

269
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:54,980
Yeah, you hate it.

270
00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:55,780
I don't hate art.

271
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,200
The... the parents thought

272
00:09:57,220 --> 00:09:58,950
that the back drawing
was gateway nudity.

273
00:09:58,990 --> 00:10:00,390
And when you think about it, the back is

274
00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:02,120
around the corner from the boobs,

275
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,060
and then you make a right
turn, and you're at the butt.

276
00:10:04,090 --> 00:10:07,530
Sounds like Ralph is thinking
a lot about boobs and butts.

277
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:10,460
Right, while we're out
here fighting for art.

278
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:12,660
Is this a school or a dictatorship,

279
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:13,870
Chairman Mralph?

280
00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:15,900
- Chairman Mralph!
- All right.

281
00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:17,670
- Chairman Mralph!
- Guys, Chairman Mralph!

282
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,040
Guys, guys, "Chairman Mralph"

283
00:10:19,070 --> 00:10:21,140
is a little bit of a stretch, okay?

284
00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:23,020
I'm gonna fix this, all right?

285
00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:25,110
- Chairman Mralph!
- Okay, fix it.

286
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,180
Chairman Mralph!

287
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,850
So what's wrong with you?

288
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,020
I'm sweating so hard, I
think I'm gonna pass out.

289
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,419
Well, then lose the turtleneck.

290
00:10:32,420 --> 00:10:33,620
I can't.

291
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:35,390
And I don't want to talk about it!

292
00:10:35,430 --> 00:10:37,190
Chairman Mralph!

293
00:10:37,230 --> 00:10:38,490
Chairman Mralph!

294
00:10:38,820 --> 00:10:40,060
What?

295
00:10:41,460 --> 00:10:43,170
Oh. You're here!

296
00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:46,690
I mocked up an incriminating
photo to send to Lisa Loeb.

297
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,289
It's Miles licking Alanis
Morissette's neck.

298
00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:50,530
Wow, Anthony, that...

299
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:51,560
You're an artist.

300
00:10:51,590 --> 00:10:52,560
Go for it. Get it done.

301
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,670
Hey, Colin.

302
00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:54,840
You know, I was just thinking...

303
00:10:54,870 --> 00:10:55,770
I'm so curious.

304
00:10:55,810 --> 00:10:58,000
Did you happen to bang
your mom last night?

305
00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,910
Because I sure as hell didn't.

306
00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:01,010
- No.
- Wait.

307
00:11:01,050 --> 00:11:02,310
Are you dating Colin's mom?

308
00:11:02,340 --> 00:11:03,899
Isn't that a conflict of interest?

309
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:05,540
Are you gonna start
giving him extra credit

310
00:11:05,570 --> 00:11:07,700
- because you're doing his mom?
- He's not doing my mom.

311
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,030
Yeah, because you
wouldn't leave us alone

312
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:09,960
long enough to do it.

313
00:11:10,020 --> 00:11:11,460
By the way, I want my 40 bucks back.

314
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,310
I tried to leave you
alone and go to bed.

315
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,350
Man, you blocked me all night.

316
00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:16,840
You brought out your saxophone.

317
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,750
You showed us how to stop a
ceiling fan with your hand.

318
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,520
That's not a cool trick.

319
00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:22,870
Mr. Griffin, have you
ever dated a single mom?

320
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:23,900
Uh, yeah, yeah, one time.

321
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,620
But she had a C-section,
so it was all good.

322
00:11:25,660 --> 00:11:27,790
You are a bad person.

323
00:11:27,830 --> 00:11:29,130
Yeah, I forget you don't get jokes.

324
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,440
Tell your mom that one. She'll love it.

325
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,600
You know, the obvious way
to a single mom's heart

326
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:33,640
is through her child.

327
00:11:33,770 --> 00:11:35,600
You should have shown Colin some love.

328
00:11:35,630 --> 00:11:38,350
- Yeah, she would have
popped off on you, boss.

329
00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:40,000
Okay, look, guys.

330
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:40,720
Let's get one thing straight.

331
00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:42,460
This isn't one of those cheesy

332
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,180
"Jerry Maguire" type situations

333
00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:46,239
where I win the mom by falling in love

334
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,310
with the freaky looking kid.

335
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,460
Fine.

336
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,320
Then it's bye-bye Trish.

337
00:11:50,940 --> 00:11:52,850
All right, shut up, Marcus.
Shut up. Let me think.

338
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,940
Okay, we need to make
a pros and cons list.

339
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:56,580
Yeah. That's what we'll do.

340
00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:57,820
Victor, go to the board.

341
00:11:58,450 --> 00:12:00,660
On the pro side, she's, uh...

342
00:12:00,690 --> 00:12:02,080
well, gorgeous.

343
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,520
Smart.

344
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,530
She's funny. Talented.

345
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,060
And on the con side... Well, really...

346
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,270
Really, it's just Colin.

347
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,360
I mean, I really hate the Colin part.

348
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,760
Yeah, if you become Colin's dad,

349
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:18,100
he'll probably be the last face you see

350
00:12:18,130 --> 00:12:19,770
as you take your dying breath.

351
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:22,319
I know, but I just can't
stop thinking about her.

352
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,689
She's probably chilling
in a bath tub right now.

353
00:12:24,690 --> 00:12:25,820
She's at work.

354
00:12:25,860 --> 00:12:27,260
Let me ask you a question.

355
00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:30,060
Does Colin's mom give you butterflies?

356
00:12:30,090 --> 00:12:32,530
What, like, in my tummy?

357
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,660
Hell yes, Anthony.

358
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:36,830
If it's legit tummy butterflies,

359
00:12:36,870 --> 00:12:40,040
then isn't it worth
being Colin's fake dad?

360
00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:42,840
Yes.

361
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:44,330
Yes!

362
00:12:44,370 --> 00:12:45,630
Yes, you guys, it is!

363
00:12:45,670 --> 00:12:47,440
I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna go for it.

364
00:12:47,470 --> 00:12:49,240
I'm crushing hard on Colin's mom.

365
00:12:49,270 --> 00:12:50,730
Yeah. All right, yeah, man.

366
00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:51,510
Let's do it, Colin.

367
00:12:51,540 --> 00:12:52,770
What's up, man? You want to...

368
00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:54,020
- Wait, you want to play catch?
- No.

369
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,320
But I do need to build a rocket

370
00:12:56,380 --> 00:12:57,780
for the father/son rocket launch.

371
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,350
God, I hate that name.

372
00:12:59,380 --> 00:13:00,980
Father/son rocket launch?
But, yeah, I'll do it.

373
00:13:01,020 --> 00:13:03,210
I'll do it, yeah. Let's
build a rocket together.

374
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,350
I'm gonna suffer through it.

375
00:13:04,390 --> 00:13:05,690
I'm frickin' enamored!

376
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,059
Whoo!

377
00:13:07,060 --> 00:13:08,060
Yeah!

378
00:13:08,090 --> 00:13:09,390
I must have her!

379
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,599
Students must disperse from the lobby

380
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,960
and go back to their classes.

381
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,770
I gotta know what's
under that turtleneck.

382
00:13:22,650 --> 00:13:24,720
I have an embarrassing back tattoo.

383
00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:27,800
"M loves KJ"?

384
00:13:27,830 --> 00:13:30,140
Wait, those are your husband's initials.

385
00:13:30,170 --> 00:13:31,540
Michelle loves Keith Jones.

386
00:13:31,570 --> 00:13:33,210
Why is that embarrassing?

387
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,080
I got it before I met Keith.

388
00:13:35,110 --> 00:13:36,759
It stands for Kendall Jackson.

389
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,120
The chardonnay?

390
00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:39,990
Please don't tell him I have a tattoo.

391
00:13:40,030 --> 00:13:40,990
He hates chardonnay.

392
00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:42,100
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.

393
00:13:42,130 --> 00:13:44,160
Keith has never seen your back,

394
00:13:44,530 --> 00:13:45,470
ever?

395
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,070
I mean, what about bikinis?

396
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:48,269
What about them?

397
00:13:48,270 --> 00:13:49,660
I mean, are we just gonna
bring up anything now?

398
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:50,500
What about lawn mowers?

399
00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:51,500
- No. No.
- Okay, everybody,

400
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,070
you know what to do.

401
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,689
You got to be the back to...

402
00:13:55,690 --> 00:13:56,930
Free the back!

403
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,400
Backs aren't bad, and that's a fact.

404
00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:00,660
- You got to be...
- Okay, everyone.

405
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:03,800
I've heard your cries for justice.

406
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:05,490
And I think I found a solution

407
00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:07,920
that will please all sides.

408
00:14:16,910 --> 00:14:18,610
That's body-shaming!

409
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:20,780
Body-shamer!

410
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,120
Body-shamer!

411
00:14:22,250 --> 00:14:23,820
Body-shamer!

412
00:14:23,850 --> 00:14:24,750
Body-shamer!

413
00:14:24,790 --> 00:14:27,160
- Body-shamer!
- Get him!

414
00:14:27,190 --> 00:14:29,830
- Body-shamer!
- Don't let him get away!

415
00:14:31,590 --> 00:14:32,930
All right, now we gotta make sure

416
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,560
we glue these fins on
perfectly straight.

417
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,030
It's the only way to humiliate
all those other rockets.

418
00:14:38,070 --> 00:14:38,970
Hey, guys.

419
00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:41,300
Just baked these for you.

420
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:43,040
Be careful. Don't burn your mouths.

421
00:14:44,410 --> 00:14:45,620
You having fun?

422
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:46,710
He's doing most of it.

423
00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:48,140
Oh, no, that's not true. No.

424
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:49,760
I was actually just teaching Colin here

425
00:14:49,820 --> 00:14:51,950
the value of two-part epoxy.

426
00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:53,360
- Oh.
- Yeah.

427
00:14:53,870 --> 00:14:55,500
Yeah, you got a real special guy

428
00:14:55,530 --> 00:14:56,990
on your hands here, Trish.

429
00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:58,730
I love him.

430
00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:00,450
I love your son.

431
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,080
Okay.

432
00:15:02,081 --> 00:15:02,940
Oh, uh, Col,

433
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,339
your dad said that you
called this morning

434
00:15:04,340 --> 00:15:06,209
to ask him to bring by
his bike pump today,

435
00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:07,380
but he can't do it.

436
00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:11,629
- Dang it!
- Whoa!

437
00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:13,330
Dude, what are you doing, man?
Watch the rocket.

438
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:14,930
I don't care about the dumb rocket.

439
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,790
I wanted my dad to come
here, see me and you

440
00:15:16,830 --> 00:15:18,800
building this thing and
get super jealous.

441
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:19,940
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

442
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,530
You were using me?

443
00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:23,230
I was just using you.

444
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,600
Yeah, I was, but it didn't work.

445
00:15:25,770 --> 00:15:26,790
Now get!

446
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,030
Did you just tell me to "get"?

447
00:15:35,250 --> 00:15:36,780
Are you still here? I said, "Get!"

448
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:37,980
No, I'm not gonna "get!"

449
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,280
We're sticking to the plan,

450
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,340
and we're building this stupid rocket

451
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,020
and your mom's gonna pop off on me.

452
00:15:42,050 --> 00:15:42,740
Excuse me?

453
00:15:42,780 --> 00:15:44,320
No, no, no, no.

454
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,860
Dude, that's not even my expression.

455
00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:46,960
That's, like, something I heard, like,

456
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,349
one of the girls in my class say.

457
00:15:48,350 --> 00:15:49,900
That's so much worse.

458
00:15:49,930 --> 00:15:51,030
Yeah, that... That sounded bad.

459
00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:52,430
No. No, no. Honestly, Trish.

460
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:53,570
That's not how I feel about you.

461
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,020
You heard the lady, Jack.

462
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:56,630
- Get.
- Oh, my god.

463
00:15:56,670 --> 00:15:57,940
What is this "get" business? No.

464
00:15:57,970 --> 00:15:59,540
Look, okay, Trish, I'm tired of this.

465
00:15:59,570 --> 00:16:00,629
You gotta choose.

466
00:16:00,630 --> 00:16:02,560
Either him or me.

467
00:16:02,690 --> 00:16:04,400
What? Him!

468
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:05,730
Obviously him!

469
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:06,870
Aww!

470
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,380
Come on. Real... For real?

471
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:09,100
Get!

472
00:16:09,130 --> 00:16:09,880
You know what? Fine.

473
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,570
I'm taking my two-part epoxy.

474
00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:14,480
Oh, my god.

475
00:16:17,260 --> 00:16:20,150
Shame on you! Shame on you!

476
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,780
Shame on you!

477
00:16:21,810 --> 00:16:23,720
- Shame on you!
- _

478
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,320
Shame on you!

479
00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:26,590
- Shame on you!
- _

480
00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:29,020
Have you all lost your damn minds?

481
00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:30,620
A Durbin piñata?

482
00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:32,390
Okay, you guys took it way too far.

483
00:16:32,420 --> 00:16:34,090
Everybody, go back to class!

484
00:16:34,130 --> 00:16:35,490
Oh, my kingdom.

485
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:38,060
What happened to my kingdom?

486
00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:39,430
I'll tell you what happened.

487
00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:41,000
You used to be a cool-ass king,

488
00:16:41,030 --> 00:16:42,730
but now you're wack as hell.

489
00:16:42,850 --> 00:16:44,750
I shut down the protest, Ralph.

490
00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:45,740
'Cause I have your back,

491
00:16:45,820 --> 00:16:47,110
even though you didn't have mine.

492
00:16:49,270 --> 00:16:51,060
That's an incredible likeness.

493
00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:53,200
We just finished the papier-mâché unit.

494
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:54,979
I'm a good teacher, Ralph.

495
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:56,910
I know. You're... you're the best.

496
00:16:57,220 --> 00:16:58,429
I should have supported you.

497
00:16:58,430 --> 00:17:00,400
But I pussed out in front
of all those parents.

498
00:17:00,430 --> 00:17:02,479
I... You know what?

499
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:03,890
I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.

500
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,700
To make up for it, I am gonna put this

501
00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:10,090
right here.

502
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:14,060
So that your beautiful, strong, sexy,

503
00:17:14,140 --> 00:17:17,030
brave, empowered back will watch over

504
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:20,190
every move I make as king
of this high school.

505
00:17:20,820 --> 00:17:23,089
Okay. Now you're making this weird.

506
00:17:23,090 --> 00:17:24,060
Weird?

507
00:17:24,090 --> 00:17:25,200
This is art.

508
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,460
Look at the supple shoulder blades.

509
00:17:27,490 --> 00:17:29,880
The voluptuous spine.

510
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,130
You know what? I'm taking this.

511
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,400
You can't be trusted.

512
00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:34,100
You want it too bad.

513
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:37,140
Dirty Durbs trying to peep my back?

514
00:17:37,170 --> 00:17:38,340
No, please.

515
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,190
All right, guys.

516
00:17:42,780 --> 00:17:43,740
Grade update.

517
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,440
Everybody's got an A

518
00:17:45,870 --> 00:17:47,479
except for Colin, who has an F.

519
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,810
You're just mad because my
mom won't give you an F.

520
00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:51,820
Ooh!

521
00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:53,780
Oh, we're doing "Oohs" now?

522
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:54,700
Huh? Is that gonna be a thing?

523
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,490
What's the real reason you're mad?

524
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,680
He's just mad 'cause his dad sucks.

525
00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:00,120
News flash, Colin:

526
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,390
All dads suck.

527
00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:03,290
Okay? All they do is yell at the TV

528
00:18:03,330 --> 00:18:04,910
and burp loudly while talking

529
00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:06,170
and forget to take you fishing

530
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,810
every single Saturday for six months

531
00:18:07,850 --> 00:18:09,469
even though you bought ice fishing boots

532
00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:10,440
with your birthday money.

533
00:18:10,470 --> 00:18:12,300
Dads are full idiots!

534
00:18:12,930 --> 00:18:14,860
That hurt runs deep, y'all.

535
00:18:16,410 --> 00:18:17,510
Wearing a ladies' shirt?

536
00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:18,940
It's a male leotard

537
00:18:19,020 --> 00:18:20,740
for a protest that's now over.

538
00:18:20,780 --> 00:18:23,280
Does anyone have an XL
cardigan or a shawl?

539
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:26,450
The point is, Colin, nobody
likes dads, all right?

540
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,290
Class, raise your hand
if you like your dad.

541
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:29,660
- Yeah.
- He's my hero.

542
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:32,580
I love my dad even though he
restricts my Internet access.

543
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:33,890
Even you, Devin?

544
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,670
Oh, yeah. My mom's the problem.

545
00:18:36,230 --> 00:18:38,900
I guess we're the only
ones with bad dads.

546
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,540
_

547
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:53,480
All right.

548
00:18:53,510 --> 00:18:55,780
Now, if you hit the ball just right,

549
00:18:55,810 --> 00:18:57,280
you should hit one of the rockets

550
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,920
and cause a domino effect.

551
00:19:00,590 --> 00:19:02,490
My mom would probably think
this is cool of you.

552
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,790
Yeah, well, this isn't about her.

553
00:19:04,820 --> 00:19:06,520
All right, go ahead and
line up your shot.

554
00:19:06,890 --> 00:19:07,860
Go ahead.

555
00:19:07,890 --> 00:19:10,260
A little bit wider on
your stance there, bud.

556
00:19:10,890 --> 00:19:11,920
Good.

557
00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:13,680
All right.

558
00:19:14,330 --> 00:19:15,740
Give it a blast.

559
00:19:19,690 --> 00:19:20,660
I missed it.

560
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:21,680
Okay. Uh...

561
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,100
Well, look, man. It had
a lot of power on it.

562
00:19:24,390 --> 00:19:26,390
I certainly felt the wind.

563
00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:27,660
Here. Let me... let me give it a whirl.

564
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,130
Let's see what we got here.

565
00:19:29,780 --> 00:19:30,830
All right.

566
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:43,890
Oh!

567
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:45,260
Ooh!

568
00:19:45,290 --> 00:19:46,530
Ooh-hoo-hoo!

569
00:19:46,930 --> 00:19:47,840
What are you doing, man?

570
00:19:47,841 --> 00:19:49,200
What are you doing? Come on.

571
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,180
I see them!

572
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,800
- Up there!
- Get 'em!

573
00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:57,980
Good morning, Lisa Loeb,
my little snuggle bug.

574
00:19:58,010 --> 00:20:00,500
What the hell is this, Miles?

575
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:03,950
That's not me.

576
00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:05,550
Read the caption.

577
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,680
"Nothing better than a quick neck lick

578
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,470
in a DQ parking lot."

579
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:10,620
The DQ?

580
00:20:10,650 --> 00:20:11,890
Is that where you take

581
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,560
all your musician girlfriends, Miles?

582
00:20:14,590 --> 00:20:16,490
Alanis Morissette!

583
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,430
No, no. Not my Michelle Obama...

584
00:20:22,460 --> 00:20:23,630
Commemorative plate.

585
00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:25,400
Ah, that's expensive.

586
00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:29,640
You missed one, baby.

587
00:20:31,510 --> 00:20:32,500
No, no, no, no.

588
00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:33,740
Don't do that. You'll put your back out.

589
00:20:33,780 --> 00:20:34,740
Stop, stop, stop, stop.

590
00:20:34,780 --> 00:20:36,400
That... that is not real.

591
00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:39,380
That is some exceptionally
good photo doctoring,

592
00:20:39,410 --> 00:20:40,580
but it's not real.

593
00:20:40,750 --> 00:20:43,280
This, this heat,

594
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,020
this fire, all this mess:

595
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,370
this, this is real.

596
00:20:48,730 --> 00:20:50,390
- I hate you.
- Good.

597
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,960
Because you can't hate
what you don't love.

598
00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:55,640
Huh?

599
00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:58,600
All right.

600
00:20:58,630 --> 00:20:59,930
Yeah.