1 00:00:02,938 --> 00:00:04,094 Hey, guys. 2 00:00:04,095 --> 00:00:06,995 Ronnie, where's your uniform? You look like a pheasant. 3 00:00:07,030 --> 00:00:08,996 You mean peasant. She looks like a peasant. 4 00:00:09,032 --> 00:00:11,132 - Pheasant is a bird. - I'm so confused. 5 00:00:11,201 --> 00:00:13,267 When I was a boy, we used to hunt both. 6 00:00:13,734 --> 00:00:15,135 I'm not working today. 7 00:00:15,171 --> 00:00:16,876 Actually, me and Bernard and Dave 8 00:00:16,901 --> 00:00:19,007 are flying over to Phoenix for Jackpot training. 9 00:00:19,032 --> 00:00:21,835 Jackpot training. What, you need a refresher 10 00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:24,011 on how to tip a can when you pour a drink? 11 00:00:24,047 --> 00:00:25,279 Are you sure you want to be that condescending 12 00:00:25,315 --> 00:00:27,114 to the people who pour you those drinks? 13 00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:28,416 I instantly regretted it. I'm truly sorry. 14 00:00:28,451 --> 00:00:30,184 - You're a national treasure. - Mm-hmm. 15 00:00:30,220 --> 00:00:32,119 Yeah, to be honest, it's called training, 16 00:00:32,155 --> 00:00:34,121 but it's really two days of partying, 17 00:00:34,157 --> 00:00:36,960 - drinking out of ice luges. - And sexual assignations. 18 00:00:36,985 --> 00:00:38,091 Last year, we went through 19 00:00:38,127 --> 00:00:39,810 - two Olympic villages worth of condoms. - Mm-hmm. 20 00:00:39,835 --> 00:00:42,205 You see, Jackpot doesn't do things like bonuses 21 00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:43,704 or health insurance or bathroom breaks, 22 00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:46,280 so this is their unofficial way of making it up to us. 23 00:00:46,281 --> 00:00:48,113 Grapefruits' training is just a few dance lessons 24 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,415 and how to say "help" in Russian 25 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,350 in case you wake up in a shipping container. 26 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,384 Hmm. 27 00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,219 I can see by your sad faces 28 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,996 you've been delivered the bad news. 29 00:00:56,021 --> 00:00:57,721 Your flight today will be lacking 30 00:00:57,746 --> 00:00:59,364 a certain je ne sais Dave. 31 00:00:59,512 --> 00:01:01,477 That's French for moi. 32 00:01:02,019 --> 00:01:04,286 Come on, fellas. We got a party to get to. 33 00:01:10,061 --> 00:01:12,261 Did he just drive away on his suitcase? 34 00:01:12,330 --> 00:01:15,264 Wow, it carries your stuff and you can ride it. 35 00:01:15,299 --> 00:01:17,266 Sorry, donkeys, you had a good run. 36 00:01:17,301 --> 00:01:18,434 Jackpot Airlines. 37 00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,436 Northeast-bound to Las Vegas. 38 00:01:25,209 --> 00:01:27,276 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 39 00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:29,300 _ 40 00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:31,347 This couldn't be coming at a better time. 41 00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,015 After these last few months, 42 00:01:33,050 --> 00:01:35,184 I could use two days of guilt-free sanctioned partying. 43 00:01:35,253 --> 00:01:37,219 Looks like you already started. What is that? 44 00:01:37,526 --> 00:01:38,691 A Bakersfield mimosa. 45 00:01:38,727 --> 00:01:41,198 Sparkling wine and orange Jell-O mix. You want some? 46 00:01:41,223 --> 00:01:43,290 Hey, you're using the purse I got you. 47 00:01:43,315 --> 00:01:44,471 No, thank you, Ronnie. 48 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,679 I want to be alert and clear-eyed 49 00:01:45,715 --> 00:01:47,548 for my pending rendezvous with flight attendant tonight 50 00:01:47,573 --> 00:01:49,015 and flight attendant tomorrow. 51 00:01:49,024 --> 00:01:51,130 I have no intention of learning their names. 52 00:01:51,155 --> 00:01:52,373 Your loss. Dave? 53 00:01:52,374 --> 00:01:54,474 No. I have a cigar and snifter of scotch 54 00:01:54,542 --> 00:01:56,243 waiting for me when I get upstairs to meet the boys. 55 00:01:56,244 --> 00:01:58,910 It's gonna feel real good to kick back, light one up, 56 00:01:58,946 --> 00:02:01,727 and trade stories with Captain Gus and Captain Al. 57 00:02:01,849 --> 00:02:03,493 Oh, look. There's your hallway 58 00:02:03,494 --> 00:02:05,393 back to the golden age for white guys. 59 00:02:05,428 --> 00:02:07,461 Tell the misogyny we say hi. 60 00:02:07,497 --> 00:02:08,612 I will. 61 00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:12,433 I'm so excited, Bernard. 62 00:02:12,468 --> 00:02:14,914 I heard this year there's gonna be a martini station, 63 00:02:14,939 --> 00:02:16,437 a mashed potato bar, 64 00:02:16,506 --> 00:02:19,640 and a surprising amount of those bummer desk, chair things. 65 00:02:19,676 --> 00:02:21,676 How the hell are we supposed to have sex on those? 66 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,278 Never mind, I figured it out. 67 00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:27,295 Hi. Hi. Excuse me. You look official. 68 00:02:27,786 --> 00:02:29,565 What's going on? Where's the bar? 69 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,398 Oh, sorry... Ronnie. 70 00:02:31,433 --> 00:02:33,232 Uh, there's not gonna be a bar this year. 71 00:02:33,233 --> 00:02:36,200 Okay, so w-what are you saying? It's just kegs? 72 00:02:36,445 --> 00:02:39,535 No, what I'm saying is that the parties are off. 73 00:02:39,803 --> 00:02:41,436 Jackpot has had a significant number 74 00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:43,438 of complaints lodged against them this year, 75 00:02:43,506 --> 00:02:46,021 so they brought me in to implement a new policy. 76 00:02:46,022 --> 00:02:48,221 This training seminar is going to be 77 00:02:48,489 --> 00:02:51,155 structured, rigid and mandatory. 78 00:02:51,585 --> 00:02:52,781 Fun's over. 79 00:02:53,671 --> 00:02:55,753 I'm gonna sulk in a sex desk. 80 00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,564 It's Captain Dave time. 81 00:03:00,293 --> 00:03:02,220 Are you the flight instructor? 82 00:03:02,309 --> 00:03:04,177 Hi, I'm Captain Jayden. 83 00:03:04,178 --> 00:03:07,244 I'm not your... What's a Jayden? Where's Gus and Al? 84 00:03:07,458 --> 00:03:10,082 How come I'm not choking on cigar smoke right now? 85 00:03:10,117 --> 00:03:13,318 Hunter, Aden, Jayden, can we get this guy a chair and some water? 86 00:03:13,353 --> 00:03:16,725 He's confused. Sir, it's going to be okay. 87 00:03:16,803 --> 00:03:19,090 - Captain Dave. - Oh, Phil. Thank God. 88 00:03:19,126 --> 00:03:21,159 Did I walk into day care? Where's the crew? 89 00:03:21,195 --> 00:03:22,394 Sorry, Dave. I thought you heard. 90 00:03:22,429 --> 00:03:24,166 You're the last of the old guard. 91 00:03:24,398 --> 00:03:27,584 Now that Al's with United and Gus is reunited with his wife, 92 00:03:27,779 --> 00:03:29,645 you're training with all the newbies this year. 93 00:03:29,681 --> 00:03:31,433 That's no problem. We're all pilots. 94 00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:33,069 We all speak the same language. 95 00:03:33,268 --> 00:03:35,918 Hey there, boys. Sorry for the confusion. 96 00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:38,187 What are you drinking over here? Macallan? Glenlivet? 97 00:03:38,188 --> 00:03:39,553 - Kombucha. - Gesundheit. 98 00:03:43,414 --> 00:03:45,414 _ 99 00:03:47,196 --> 00:03:49,429 So, I spoke to the gate agent. 100 00:03:49,498 --> 00:03:52,132 Apparently somebody tampered with the smoke detectors. 101 00:03:52,168 --> 00:03:53,333 Ugh. That happens all the time. 102 00:03:53,369 --> 00:03:54,568 Usually Ronnie and Bernard just go in 103 00:03:54,603 --> 00:03:56,603 with a pack of Kools and smoke it back online. 104 00:03:56,639 --> 00:03:58,539 Huh. Well, clearly the replacement crew 105 00:03:58,607 --> 00:04:01,341 don't know that trick, so we're gonna be delayed a while. 106 00:04:02,887 --> 00:04:04,508 Hey, Artem, bad news. 107 00:04:04,509 --> 00:04:06,641 We're not making it back to L.A. anytime soon, 108 00:04:06,676 --> 00:04:08,877 so you have to find someone to run your hot sauce booth 109 00:04:08,912 --> 00:04:11,546 - at the farmer's market. - Shh. I'm concentrating. 110 00:04:11,581 --> 00:04:13,648 That slot machine has not paid out in weeks. 111 00:04:13,683 --> 00:04:15,550 And according to my numbers, 112 00:04:15,585 --> 00:04:18,753 in the next 200 spins, there will be a huge payout. 113 00:04:18,788 --> 00:04:22,262 And that payout is more than $100,000. 114 00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:23,825 Well, the problem is that old lady. 115 00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:25,527 She hasn't moved for hours. 116 00:04:25,562 --> 00:04:28,706 She's very stubborn, like stain in a Tide commercial. 117 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,019 Hey, if we help you get that machine, 118 00:04:30,088 --> 00:04:32,755 will you split the winnings with us? I could use the money. 119 00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:33,989 Grapefruits has really been struggling ever since 120 00:04:34,025 --> 00:04:36,206 that taco place went topless. 121 00:04:36,231 --> 00:04:38,761 Well, yeah. And I want to put a down payment on a house. 122 00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:41,033 I could be that rarest of unicorns: 123 00:04:41,069 --> 00:04:42,871 a homeowner and an educator. 124 00:04:42,919 --> 00:04:44,262 Okay, you got a deal. 125 00:04:44,263 --> 00:04:47,196 We can split the money, if you can get that old lady off. 126 00:04:47,231 --> 00:04:49,014 Well, then we better get that old lady off quick. 127 00:04:49,015 --> 00:04:51,080 Let's maybe stop talking about getting an old lady off. 128 00:04:53,206 --> 00:04:55,013 I can't believe they're treating us like this. 129 00:04:55,038 --> 00:04:56,607 No one needs this party more than me. 130 00:04:56,608 --> 00:04:57,706 Uh, I don't know, 131 00:04:57,740 --> 00:04:59,634 except maybe the person who does most of your work. 132 00:04:59,635 --> 00:05:02,368 Jean Chris, my exfoliator? Please. He loves what he does. 133 00:05:02,405 --> 00:05:06,096 Hey, this is a bummer for everyone. We all needed this. 134 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,786 Yeah. I'm furious. 135 00:05:07,787 --> 00:05:09,569 What am I gonna do with all these shrooms? 136 00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,702 - I think you ate them. - Oh, yeah. 137 00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:14,043 Well, what am I gonna do with all these shrooms? 138 00:05:15,507 --> 00:05:17,500 Okay, that Jackpot Reno crew 139 00:05:17,501 --> 00:05:19,366 - knows how to party. - Is terrifying. 140 00:05:19,401 --> 00:05:20,767 Everyone, take your seats. 141 00:05:20,803 --> 00:05:23,869 So, you've all heard about the revamped training. 142 00:05:24,361 --> 00:05:27,262 Up here, you'll see the revised itinerary. 143 00:05:27,993 --> 00:05:29,196 We'll start every day 7:00 a.m.... 144 00:05:29,231 --> 00:05:31,161 Okay, I have to say something. 145 00:05:31,854 --> 00:05:33,755 This is total horse crap. 146 00:05:34,236 --> 00:05:36,236 We all work our asses off, 147 00:05:36,272 --> 00:05:38,505 and we deserve two days a year to enjoy ourselves. 148 00:05:38,541 --> 00:05:40,507 There have been quite a few... 149 00:05:40,543 --> 00:05:42,609 Complaints. Yes, I know. 150 00:05:42,645 --> 00:05:44,511 But, news flash, we're an airline. 151 00:05:44,547 --> 00:05:46,413 Of course we're gonna have complaints. 152 00:05:46,482 --> 00:05:48,582 People hate lines, hassles and facing their own mortality, 153 00:05:48,617 --> 00:05:51,048 and we make them pay for all three. 154 00:05:51,301 --> 00:05:54,434 So we demand to know what was so bad 155 00:05:54,435 --> 00:05:55,666 that now we're being punished. 156 00:05:55,702 --> 00:05:57,568 Yeah! 157 00:05:57,604 --> 00:06:00,505 Okay. I didn't really want to single anybody out, 158 00:06:00,573 --> 00:06:03,254 but since you demand to know 159 00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:06,377 what caught our attention, here it is. 160 00:06:06,413 --> 00:06:08,038 Sir, I'm sorry. 161 00:06:08,039 --> 00:06:10,305 You won't stay in your seat, so you've given us no choice. 162 00:06:10,373 --> 00:06:11,976 Thank you for flying Jackpot. 163 00:06:20,036 --> 00:06:23,416 Two million hits, though. That's pretty cool. 164 00:06:26,423 --> 00:06:27,517 Hey guys. 165 00:06:28,458 --> 00:06:31,179 Wow, it is rough out here. No one will even look at us. 166 00:06:31,204 --> 00:06:33,992 I know. Is this what it feels like to be a seven? 167 00:06:35,174 --> 00:06:36,398 Answer me, Ronnie. 168 00:06:40,012 --> 00:06:41,879 What are you doing? You can't sit here. 169 00:06:41,948 --> 00:06:44,274 What, you're pissed at us, too? Oh, come on. 170 00:06:44,548 --> 00:06:46,848 Who hasn't had to duct tape a passenger to his seat? 171 00:06:46,918 --> 00:06:48,784 We were just unlucky enough to get caught. 172 00:06:48,820 --> 00:06:51,587 I've never been caught because I've never done that. 173 00:06:51,656 --> 00:06:53,656 Yeah, because you fly the Albuquerque to Vegas. 174 00:06:53,725 --> 00:06:55,825 It's all stoic cowboys and rustic lesbians. 175 00:06:55,894 --> 00:06:58,661 Well, we'll make it up to you. We'll have our own party. 176 00:06:58,763 --> 00:07:01,697 I'll make Bakersfield Marys. It's just vodka and ketchup. 177 00:07:01,799 --> 00:07:03,599 You should find somewhere else to sit. 178 00:07:03,668 --> 00:07:05,535 Why don't you try the Reno table? 179 00:07:11,384 --> 00:07:13,754 And then Gus said, "I don't care if it's just my head" 180 00:07:13,755 --> 00:07:15,754 and your boxers, I can still fly this plane." 181 00:07:15,823 --> 00:07:17,690 And they let him. It was a different time. 182 00:07:17,792 --> 00:07:19,558 I... I don't think I get it. 183 00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:21,583 So... so he flew in his underwear? 184 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:22,895 No, my underwear. 185 00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:24,955 That's why it's such a good story. 186 00:07:24,956 --> 00:07:27,789 Now, a good story is the time I flew from Newark to Dulles 187 00:07:27,858 --> 00:07:29,924 in 1:12 at a 30-knot wind shear. 188 00:07:29,993 --> 00:07:32,507 No. You didn't. Stop it. Tell me everything. 189 00:07:32,508 --> 00:07:33,762 Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe I haven't told you this. 190 00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:34,960 I would love to hear more. 191 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:37,772 You guys look like I feel. 192 00:07:38,272 --> 00:07:39,972 Well, not you, Bernard. You're always a stunner. 193 00:07:40,154 --> 00:07:41,286 What happened to you? 194 00:07:41,796 --> 00:07:42,910 Ugh. 195 00:07:43,741 --> 00:07:45,077 Just these young guys. 196 00:07:45,155 --> 00:07:46,787 They look at me like I'm a fossil. 197 00:07:46,825 --> 00:07:48,576 They don't appreciate my war stories. 198 00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:50,179 All they care about is their stats. 199 00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:51,812 They don't get that flying is about 200 00:07:51,837 --> 00:07:53,603 the shared human experience. 201 00:07:53,916 --> 00:07:55,983 No one has ever gotten off a plane and said, 202 00:07:56,051 --> 00:07:57,985 "Oh, I'm so glad we got here so quickly." 203 00:07:58,013 --> 00:07:59,833 - Yes, they have. - That's literally all people say. 204 00:07:59,872 --> 00:08:02,640 At least everyone isn't pissed at you for ruining their party. 205 00:08:02,709 --> 00:08:04,254 Yeah. Heard about that. 206 00:08:04,255 --> 00:08:06,877 So one person got duct taped, big deal. 207 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,203 We never claimed to be the friendly skies. 208 00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:12,550 I guess it's just the three of us versus the Jackpot world. 209 00:08:12,652 --> 00:08:14,344 We have to stick together till this is over. 210 00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:15,704 Yeah. If we're gonna survive this, 211 00:08:15,705 --> 00:08:17,537 we need to be like Lew Wasserman and Jules Stein 212 00:08:17,607 --> 00:08:19,124 when MCA turned its back on them. 213 00:08:20,201 --> 00:08:21,400 I'm agreeing with you. 214 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,533 We have to stick together. 215 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,274 For the love of God, man, just say that! 216 00:08:28,406 --> 00:08:30,506 Oh, we're now in payout window. 217 00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:32,575 Every spin could bring big money. 218 00:08:33,026 --> 00:08:35,077 Artem. I got this. 219 00:08:35,552 --> 00:08:37,614 I used to work in the British Tea Museum. 220 00:08:37,674 --> 00:08:39,877 The median age was 82. 221 00:08:40,073 --> 00:08:42,063 I spent my days leading elderly ladies 222 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:45,521 down chamomile-scented halls, steeping them in the history 223 00:08:45,590 --> 00:08:48,376 of our national beverage and dusting their crumpets. 224 00:08:52,111 --> 00:08:53,900 I got lost in that story. 225 00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,599 - Is he gonna bang that old lady? - Yeah. 226 00:09:04,842 --> 00:09:06,681 Hey! 227 00:09:08,513 --> 00:09:09,579 Get it! 228 00:09:13,162 --> 00:09:14,317 Ah. Mwah. 229 00:09:14,452 --> 00:09:16,786 Nichole, you are the luckiest, 230 00:09:16,854 --> 00:09:19,744 both spiritually and genetically. 231 00:09:20,039 --> 00:09:21,839 You give her a pull. 232 00:09:25,530 --> 00:09:27,430 - No! - What?! 233 00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:29,365 - What happened? - Sorry about that. 234 00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:30,633 I was working on this machine 235 00:09:30,702 --> 00:09:32,368 and I must've tripped the circuit. 236 00:09:32,393 --> 00:09:33,905 It-it'll just be a little while. 237 00:09:35,054 --> 00:09:36,062 What? 238 00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:39,542 Oh, this? 239 00:09:39,914 --> 00:09:42,948 It's just 1.2 pounds of timekeeping magic. 240 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,684 It's my IWC Big Pilot's watch. 241 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,953 - The Rolex of wristwatches. - That's nothing. 242 00:09:48,273 --> 00:09:49,454 Take a look at this. 243 00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:52,422 This baby monitors my body temperature, 244 00:09:52,863 --> 00:09:54,129 monitors my serotonin levels. 245 00:09:54,165 --> 00:09:56,131 I can Bluetooth it to the on-flight computer 246 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,755 so I can track my performance. 247 00:09:58,002 --> 00:10:00,102 You can probably even link it up to your hearing aid. 248 00:10:01,939 --> 00:10:03,739 Well, I have you know my hearing was injured 249 00:10:03,808 --> 00:10:05,007 from all my standing ovations I get 250 00:10:05,076 --> 00:10:06,595 from my L.A. to Vegas flight. 251 00:10:06,596 --> 00:10:09,529 Also, from my time as a roadie for The Huh, a Who cover band. 252 00:10:09,881 --> 00:10:11,648 Wait, you fly the L.A. to Vegas? 253 00:10:11,716 --> 00:10:13,016 So d-do you know those two flight attendants 254 00:10:13,084 --> 00:10:14,617 that they caught on camera? 255 00:10:14,686 --> 00:10:16,686 Yeah. Ronnie and Bernard. 256 00:10:17,341 --> 00:10:18,573 That's my crew. 257 00:10:18,642 --> 00:10:21,276 Oh, my God. Th-They seem crazy. 258 00:10:21,345 --> 00:10:22,829 You must have, like, a hundred stories. 259 00:10:23,809 --> 00:10:25,551 Oh, I might have one or two. 260 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,141 There was one time when they buried an unruly passenger 261 00:10:28,209 --> 00:10:30,722 under a pile of rolly bags. 262 00:10:32,234 --> 00:10:33,278 Oh, that's nothing. 263 00:10:33,303 --> 00:10:35,747 I've seen those two use defibrillator paddles 264 00:10:35,817 --> 00:10:37,589 to make a grilled cheese. 265 00:10:38,219 --> 00:10:40,753 - I'm lactose intolerant. - Yeah, we all are, Carter. 266 00:10:40,822 --> 00:10:42,889 - Shut up. He's holding court. - Yeah, shut up, Carter. 267 00:10:44,225 --> 00:10:46,321 Sorry for the delay. 268 00:10:46,529 --> 00:10:50,448 Jackpot Flight 1610 service to Los Angeles is now boarding. 269 00:10:52,408 --> 00:10:53,654 That's our flight. 270 00:10:53,723 --> 00:10:56,503 Sir, how much longer before that machine gets fixed? 271 00:10:56,504 --> 00:10:58,336 Hey, these things take time, man. 272 00:10:58,406 --> 00:11:01,142 Well, then that's it. Yeah. Let's go home. 273 00:11:01,734 --> 00:11:03,931 So much for being a unicorn with a mortgage. 274 00:11:03,932 --> 00:11:05,898 Guess I'm back to being a horse who rents. 275 00:11:06,162 --> 00:11:07,294 Well, we can't give up. 276 00:11:07,363 --> 00:11:08,928 Since the delay, 277 00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:11,897 we're out $72 on overpriced airport hamburgers, 278 00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:15,901 $21 on water bottles and $11 on Artem's Judith Krantz book. 279 00:11:15,969 --> 00:11:18,870 Yeah. They say her books are formulaic, 280 00:11:18,906 --> 00:11:21,806 but when the formula is perfect... 281 00:11:21,875 --> 00:11:23,137 We're in too deep. 282 00:11:23,138 --> 00:11:25,128 We started something and we have to finish it. 283 00:11:25,255 --> 00:11:26,621 I say we ditch the flight 284 00:11:26,622 --> 00:11:28,487 and wait for the machine to be fixed. Who's with me? 285 00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:31,480 - I am. - Is this really going to hit? 286 00:11:31,670 --> 00:11:33,925 Oh, it's gonna hit big. 287 00:11:34,136 --> 00:11:35,274 Then I'm in. 288 00:11:35,574 --> 00:11:37,513 Who has a fun way to pass the time? 289 00:11:41,304 --> 00:11:43,406 "It was never more difficult 290 00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:45,606 for a woman to be beautiful 291 00:11:45,650 --> 00:11:48,418 than during the 1920s." 292 00:11:51,148 --> 00:11:53,627 Hey, why do you think Layla just called us in for this meeting? 293 00:11:53,628 --> 00:11:55,252 Whatever it is, just deny. 294 00:11:55,463 --> 00:11:58,395 Like Bjorn, my Swedish orthopedist, does to our love. 295 00:12:00,421 --> 00:12:02,090 Ronnie. Bernard. 296 00:12:02,999 --> 00:12:06,552 We would like to have a little chat with you 297 00:12:06,774 --> 00:12:08,907 about some of the stories that we have been hearing. 298 00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:12,121 We had assumed the video was an isolated incident. 299 00:12:12,168 --> 00:12:13,406 But among other things, 300 00:12:13,407 --> 00:12:16,902 there's talk of smothering a passenger with luggage 301 00:12:17,317 --> 00:12:19,551 and a culinary use of the defibrillators. 302 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,814 What do you have to say for yourselves? 303 00:12:21,815 --> 00:12:23,180 - I... - We did every single one of those things, 304 00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:24,883 and I'd do every single one again. 305 00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:26,818 I just realized I do not know this bitch. 306 00:12:26,887 --> 00:12:28,186 When we're in the air, 307 00:12:28,211 --> 00:12:30,525 we have to act quickly for the safety of everyone. 308 00:12:30,526 --> 00:12:32,392 And sometimes that means grilling a cheese 309 00:12:32,494 --> 00:12:35,428 for a screaming kid or using 18 pounds of luggage 310 00:12:35,497 --> 00:12:37,464 for a woman who forgot her weighted blanket. 311 00:12:37,532 --> 00:12:39,399 We have protocol for things like that. 312 00:12:39,434 --> 00:12:41,534 Well, protocol doesn't exactly help 313 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,603 when you're breaking apart a bachelorette party fight 314 00:12:43,672 --> 00:12:45,438 between three girls named Jessica 315 00:12:45,507 --> 00:12:47,640 because Jessica 2 forgot the penis pops. 316 00:12:48,594 --> 00:12:51,811 Bernard and I work on a flight that has monsters, 317 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:55,448 and, deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, 318 00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:57,424 you want us on that flight. 319 00:12:57,463 --> 00:12:59,571 You need us on that flight. 320 00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:01,126 Who's gonna do it? You? 321 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,474 You, Flight Attendant Weinberg? 322 00:13:04,633 --> 00:13:06,966 You are both suspended until further notice. 323 00:13:07,006 --> 00:13:08,763 And when we return to Vegas tomorrow, 324 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,654 a disciplinary committee will decide the best way 325 00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:12,624 - to move forward with you. - I'd like to switch 326 00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,593 and become a star witness for the prosecution. 327 00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,612 So it's always four cologne blasts: Two to the chest, 328 00:13:18,637 --> 00:13:20,236 one to the neck and one to the bean bag. 329 00:13:20,305 --> 00:13:21,371 It burns like hell, but let me... 330 00:13:21,439 --> 00:13:24,137 Hey, what the hell have you been saying about us? 331 00:13:24,367 --> 00:13:25,422 What do you mean? 332 00:13:25,423 --> 00:13:26,820 See, he's smart enough to deny it. 333 00:13:26,956 --> 00:13:29,624 Let me guess, all those young guys were making fun 334 00:13:29,659 --> 00:13:31,793 of your old man shoes, and you resorted to stories about us 335 00:13:31,818 --> 00:13:32,960 to get some laughs. 336 00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:35,955 No. It was my old man watch. 337 00:13:36,317 --> 00:13:38,250 And, yeah, I told some stories, but nothing that wasn't true. 338 00:13:38,319 --> 00:13:40,145 You got us suspended! 339 00:13:40,170 --> 00:13:42,143 We are screwed now because you put yourself first 340 00:13:42,211 --> 00:13:43,344 like you always do. 341 00:13:43,369 --> 00:13:44,754 To be fair, it's not all Dave's fault. 342 00:13:44,779 --> 00:13:47,037 You're the one who went rogue and started yelling at everyone. 343 00:13:47,038 --> 00:13:50,806 Excuse me. At least I tried to do something to fix this. 344 00:13:50,874 --> 00:13:53,290 All you ever do is raise an eyebrow, cross your arms 345 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,703 and wait for me to finish so you can pipe in a snarky comment. 346 00:13:55,728 --> 00:13:56,735 Are you done? 347 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,025 Knew he was gonna do it. Still loved it. 348 00:13:58,094 --> 00:14:00,290 Don't you take my side. I should go tell everyone 349 00:14:00,291 --> 00:14:01,758 all the crazy nonsense you do on the plane, 350 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,499 but I won't because I know how insecure 351 00:14:03,568 --> 00:14:04,634 and desperate to be liked you are. 352 00:14:04,702 --> 00:14:06,802 - Thank you. - He just insulted you, Dave. 353 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,561 I know. How? 354 00:14:09,774 --> 00:14:11,437 Now you're defending him? Please. 355 00:14:11,462 --> 00:14:12,736 You've been lying for years 356 00:14:12,761 --> 00:14:14,027 about not watching Game of Thrones, 357 00:14:14,052 --> 00:14:15,671 so you don't have to deal with all his questions. 358 00:14:15,672 --> 00:14:17,671 How could you? You know how bad I am with history. 359 00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:19,873 I had to read the books, and the books don't have boobs. 360 00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,675 Well, maybe I'm just tired of you 361 00:14:21,744 --> 00:14:23,644 relying on me for everything. 362 00:14:23,713 --> 00:14:27,581 Both of you! You expect me to have the answers all the time, 363 00:14:27,683 --> 00:14:29,783 and I am sick of bailing you both out. 364 00:14:29,819 --> 00:14:31,518 Oh, look. It's Ronnie the martyr. 365 00:14:31,587 --> 00:14:33,554 I didn't recognize you without your crown of thorns. 366 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,522 No spoilers. I haven't seen season seven. 367 00:14:35,591 --> 00:14:36,972 I think I see the problem here. 368 00:14:36,997 --> 00:14:39,245 We've been flying together for way too long. 369 00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:40,660 We make a terrible team, 370 00:14:40,730 --> 00:14:43,697 and I don't know if I want to be a part of it anymore. 371 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,934 And cue Bernard's snarky comment. 372 00:14:47,003 --> 00:14:49,547 No. This is one Ronnie speech I agree with. 373 00:14:50,602 --> 00:14:53,144 Even if her hair looks like something a goat sleeps on. 374 00:14:57,579 --> 00:14:58,846 - Ah. - _ 375 00:14:59,212 --> 00:15:00,592 Is the machine fixed yet? 376 00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:02,493 - Not yet. - I don't understand. 377 00:15:02,561 --> 00:15:04,561 How are you two still functioning right now? 378 00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:05,762 You're with a stripper and a gambler. 379 00:15:05,831 --> 00:15:07,864 3:00 a.m. is the middle of the day for us. 380 00:15:07,933 --> 00:15:09,800 After this, we're going to get lunch. 381 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,636 Now transition into Tadasana. 382 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:17,407 Mm. Garudasana. 383 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:24,720 _ 384 00:15:24,745 --> 00:15:26,994 So, we're almost halfway there. You want to do a little switch 385 00:15:27,019 --> 00:15:29,190 and let me jockey this thoroughbred? 386 00:15:29,527 --> 00:15:30,574 I'm good. 387 00:15:30,575 --> 00:15:32,408 I've seen guys your age drive before, 388 00:15:32,476 --> 00:15:34,082 and I don't want to have the right blinker on 389 00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:35,464 for the entire flight, so... 390 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,527 Just sit back and think about all the clothing you own 391 00:15:39,597 --> 00:15:41,572 that was made before I was even born. 392 00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:45,874 Fashion's cyclical, Jayden. 393 00:15:47,107 --> 00:15:50,308 I am still not talking to you, but I wanted you to have this. 394 00:15:50,309 --> 00:15:52,308 It's for my white suede outfit you threw out. 395 00:15:52,538 --> 00:15:54,691 Oh, please. You didn't even buy that outfit. 396 00:15:54,716 --> 00:15:55,916 You stole it from your mom. 397 00:15:55,984 --> 00:15:58,585 No. The one I stole from my mom had a red wine stain. 398 00:15:58,654 --> 00:15:59,920 The one you threw out was payment 399 00:15:59,945 --> 00:16:02,479 from that lawn mowing nerd I fake-dated to make popular. 400 00:16:02,902 --> 00:16:04,925 Fine. Since we're doing this, 401 00:16:06,692 --> 00:16:08,440 this is a bill for two months back rent. 402 00:16:08,465 --> 00:16:09,598 Okay, well, these cancel each other out, 403 00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,329 so I'm just gonna tear this up, 404 00:16:11,330 --> 00:16:13,674 and now I'm gonna go be the hero and get our jobs back. 405 00:16:17,169 --> 00:16:19,476 Look, Layla, I'm sorry about yesterday. 406 00:16:19,477 --> 00:16:23,040 I reacted badly, and if you were generous enough 407 00:16:23,114 --> 00:16:25,881 to lift our suspensions, moving forward, 408 00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:28,708 I promise that I will stick to protocol. 409 00:16:29,713 --> 00:16:30,953 What do you think? 410 00:16:31,553 --> 00:16:32,827 I'm sorry. 411 00:16:33,496 --> 00:16:35,429 I'm-I'm just trying to figure out 412 00:16:35,499 --> 00:16:37,186 how you said all of that without a mouth. 413 00:16:37,557 --> 00:16:38,612 What? 414 00:16:41,171 --> 00:16:43,374 Oh, no. Where did you get that cookie? 415 00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:45,471 We have an emergency. 416 00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:47,373 Layla accidentally ate a Reno cookie, 417 00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:49,171 and now she's high and she thinks she's a pirate! 418 00:16:49,202 --> 00:16:51,069 Land ho, Captain! 419 00:16:51,104 --> 00:16:53,104 That's hilarious. I have a hanger in my carry-on 420 00:16:53,140 --> 00:16:54,973 if she wants to do a hook thing. 421 00:16:55,042 --> 00:16:57,909 It's not just Layla. The entire Reno crew is high. 422 00:16:57,978 --> 00:17:00,678 I'm not sure on what, but it has a very 423 00:17:00,747 --> 00:17:02,402 "cooked in a motel bathtub" vibe. 424 00:17:02,403 --> 00:17:04,325 This isn't funny. This is an emergency! 425 00:17:04,388 --> 00:17:05,872 There are too many people in this cockpit. 426 00:17:05,873 --> 00:17:08,974 - Everyone relax. Bernie! - You're inviting more? 427 00:17:10,009 --> 00:17:11,192 What's the sitch? 428 00:17:11,193 --> 00:17:12,992 Seth is peaking, Alison's crying, and Scotty's trying 429 00:17:13,094 --> 00:17:14,823 to do a Die Hard crawl through the overhead bins. 430 00:17:14,824 --> 00:17:16,392 We have to make an emergency landing! 431 00:17:16,393 --> 00:17:19,530 Oh, my little Jayden. That's the inexperience talking. 432 00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:21,059 - You got this? - Piece of cake. 433 00:17:21,278 --> 00:17:23,348 Ronnie, wait. This is important. 434 00:17:23,893 --> 00:17:26,493 - Save me one of those cookies. - I already have. 435 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:27,644 Nice. 436 00:17:31,694 --> 00:17:33,444 What the hell? 437 00:17:34,534 --> 00:17:36,703 I tried to make things better. I don't think I did. 438 00:17:41,217 --> 00:17:42,986 I tried to warm up a lavender eye mask. 439 00:17:42,987 --> 00:17:44,753 To calm down Layla, and then this happened. 440 00:17:44,788 --> 00:17:47,866 You never use the microwave. That's what the paddles are for. 441 00:17:49,008 --> 00:17:50,551 I'll handle this, you handle them. 442 00:17:50,576 --> 00:17:51,803 Let's get to work. 443 00:17:54,113 --> 00:17:55,715 Now would be a good time for the captain 444 00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:56,980 to reassure the passengers. 445 00:17:57,886 --> 00:17:59,022 Oh. 446 00:18:00,488 --> 00:18:01,885 Hey, everyone. 447 00:18:01,954 --> 00:18:04,921 I-I just want to let you know there's no reason to panic. 448 00:18:05,024 --> 00:18:06,555 - We are... - What the hell are you doing? 449 00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:08,421 - I... - Never say "panic" to a plane 450 00:18:08,446 --> 00:18:09,773 full of passengers. 451 00:18:10,095 --> 00:18:12,554 This calls for the soothing, gravely whisper 452 00:18:12,965 --> 00:18:15,232 forged by a thousand cigars. 453 00:18:15,874 --> 00:18:18,328 Hey, there, folks. Captain Dave here. 454 00:18:18,329 --> 00:18:20,295 I know we got a bit of an unexpected situation, 455 00:18:20,364 --> 00:18:22,297 but nothing we just don't call a Tuesday 456 00:18:22,743 --> 00:18:24,709 on the old L.A. to Vegas run. 457 00:18:24,778 --> 00:18:26,174 This whole thing actually reminds me 458 00:18:26,175 --> 00:18:28,400 of something Captain Papa Dave once told me. 459 00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:31,433 He said, "Son, do all the drugs you want." 460 00:18:31,502 --> 00:18:33,568 "Just don't do them with people from Reno. 461 00:18:33,975 --> 00:18:35,470 Because they're sickos." 462 00:18:35,850 --> 00:18:39,341 Now sit back, relax and enjoy our descent into Las Vegas. 463 00:18:39,443 --> 00:18:42,065 I'm gonna go ahead and turn the fasten seat belt sign off... 464 00:18:43,614 --> 00:18:45,721 ...because it's gonna be a smooth landing. 465 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,586 Layla, trust me. 466 00:18:51,655 --> 00:18:54,423 If you let go, you're not gonna float away. 467 00:18:56,950 --> 00:18:59,561 Good. Gravity's back. 468 00:18:59,801 --> 00:19:02,731 - Are you feeling better? - I think so. Thank you. 469 00:19:03,266 --> 00:19:05,500 And I'm sorry, 'cause now I understand 470 00:19:05,569 --> 00:19:08,737 how your way of doing things can sometimes be just necessary. 471 00:19:09,016 --> 00:19:11,063 - And our suspensions? - Never happened. 472 00:19:11,304 --> 00:19:13,271 - And the party? - Back on, next year. 473 00:19:13,338 --> 00:19:14,976 We were thinking next Wednesday. 474 00:19:15,016 --> 00:19:16,459 And we want a mashed potato bar 475 00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:17,890 with one of those desk-chair combos 476 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,944 and a private room with a blind harp player. 477 00:19:20,296 --> 00:19:21,984 Whatever you want, no problem. 478 00:19:22,478 --> 00:19:23,958 Now, if you will excuse me, 479 00:19:23,983 --> 00:19:26,016 I have to go rub my face against that wall. 480 00:19:26,059 --> 00:19:27,225 - Mm. - Okay. 481 00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:30,665 Artem, hours ago, you said, 482 00:19:30,767 --> 00:19:32,667 "Trust me, this thing is ready to pop." 483 00:19:32,736 --> 00:19:34,502 Yeah, but earlier, I was mistaken. 484 00:19:34,604 --> 00:19:36,638 But now, believe me when I say trust me, 485 00:19:36,706 --> 00:19:38,706 this thing is ready to pop. 486 00:19:42,846 --> 00:19:45,330 You know what? I'm done. This-this is ridiculous. 487 00:19:45,331 --> 00:19:47,330 I can literally taste my own breath. 488 00:19:47,399 --> 00:19:49,276 No, listen to me, my friend. 489 00:19:49,334 --> 00:19:51,468 Life is a slot machine. 490 00:19:51,872 --> 00:19:54,504 Sometimes you're wasting hours in a chair 491 00:19:54,573 --> 00:19:56,606 where nothing really happens, 492 00:19:56,708 --> 00:19:59,718 and sometimes things line up 493 00:19:59,743 --> 00:20:01,777 just in the right way 494 00:20:01,802 --> 00:20:03,835 and just in the right moment, 495 00:20:04,323 --> 00:20:06,757 and it really seems like magic 496 00:20:07,174 --> 00:20:10,195 does exist after all. 497 00:20:14,267 --> 00:20:16,964 - I hate you! - Whoa. 498 00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,063 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Stupid machine! 499 00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:19,899 Stop embarrassing me in front of my friends! 500 00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:21,167 - Oh, Artem, no. - No, no, no, no, no! 501 00:20:21,236 --> 00:20:23,002 - He's not worth it. - There, stop it. 502 00:20:28,076 --> 00:20:29,453 So... 503 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:30,553 Yeah. 504 00:20:31,079 --> 00:20:32,153 Me, too. 505 00:20:32,735 --> 00:20:34,802 Listen, I might not say it enough, but I want you both 506 00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:37,524 to know it's an honor to share the sky with you. 507 00:20:38,128 --> 00:20:40,186 - And next time, I won't... - Yes, you will. 508 00:20:40,495 --> 00:20:42,261 But I will try really hard not to... 509 00:20:42,330 --> 00:20:44,263 - No, you won't. - No one interrupt me. 510 00:20:44,366 --> 00:20:47,281 I'm still gonna make smart-ass comments, and they will sting. 511 00:20:49,404 --> 00:20:51,471 Hey. What are you guys still doing here? 512 00:20:51,539 --> 00:20:53,639 - You haven't flown home yet? - It's a long story. 513 00:20:53,708 --> 00:20:55,575 Please, just get us back to L.A. 514 00:20:55,944 --> 00:20:57,410 Okay. Okay, come on. 515 00:20:57,479 --> 00:21:00,185 Let's go talk to a gate agent, get you on a flight. 516 00:21:02,196 --> 00:21:04,517 Oh, wow. Looks like someone just won the jackpot. 517 00:21:05,147 --> 00:21:07,320 Wait. Was that our machine? 518 00:21:07,389 --> 00:21:09,648 Don't turn around. Never turn around. 519 00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:12,852 The money! It won't stop coming! I'm rich!