1 00:00:05,664 --> 00:00:07,914 - Do the new uniforms feel weird to you? - _ 2 00:00:07,915 --> 00:00:09,013 I am so itchy. 3 00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:11,800 My body is actively rejecting this uniform. 4 00:00:11,801 --> 00:00:14,747 This job ruins everything. My skin. My dating life. 5 00:00:15,302 --> 00:00:17,335 Would you like to vent about your dating life? 6 00:00:17,371 --> 00:00:18,804 Yes. You remember Bryan, 7 00:00:18,839 --> 00:00:20,205 the cute chef that I met? 8 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:21,473 Well, we still haven't found time 9 00:00:21,508 --> 00:00:22,674 to have our first date. 10 00:00:22,709 --> 00:00:23,975 I was supposed to see him last night, 11 00:00:24,011 --> 00:00:25,010 but then we got delayed in Reno. 12 00:00:25,045 --> 00:00:26,978 Oh, honey. If your plans hinge on Reno, 13 00:00:27,014 --> 00:00:28,213 there's something wrong with your plans. 14 00:00:28,248 --> 00:00:29,681 No, the problem is when you spend 15 00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:31,817 60 hours a week in the sky, it is impossible 16 00:00:31,852 --> 00:00:34,207 to have a normal relationship with a regular person. 17 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,963 Can't have relationships with airline people, either. 18 00:00:36,988 --> 00:00:39,188 - Hot dammit. - What happened to you? 19 00:00:39,223 --> 00:00:40,832 Love happened to me. 20 00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:42,737 It happened to me hard, 21 00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,049 and not in the good way. 22 00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:45,809 Gwen left me for another man. 23 00:00:45,810 --> 00:00:47,876 Oh, no. Who's Gwen? 24 00:00:47,911 --> 00:00:49,811 She was the air traffic controller I fell for. 25 00:00:49,846 --> 00:00:51,746 She left me for a limo driver named Rod. 26 00:00:52,088 --> 00:00:53,769 He probably used a line on her like, 27 00:00:54,277 --> 00:00:57,078 "My car's not the only thing longer than average." 28 00:00:57,988 --> 00:01:00,035 - God, that's a good line. - I get it, Dave. 29 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,122 Love is the worst. 30 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:02,390 The absolute worst. 31 00:01:02,425 --> 00:01:03,558 It's like, "Why even try?" 32 00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:05,693 The universe is a cold bastard. 33 00:01:06,388 --> 00:01:07,629 Sounds hard. 34 00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:09,664 I deal with systemic racism every day. 35 00:01:09,995 --> 00:01:11,266 Least you're getting laid. 36 00:01:11,301 --> 00:01:12,430 Damn right, I am. 37 00:01:14,004 --> 00:01:15,236 Jackpot Airlines. 38 00:01:15,272 --> 00:01:17,071 Northeast-bound to Las Vegas. 39 00:01:21,812 --> 00:01:23,945 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 40 00:01:32,491 --> 00:01:35,152 Is it me, or is the gate more crowded than usual? 41 00:01:35,425 --> 00:01:38,326 Well, there's a big MMA fight tonight. 42 00:01:38,361 --> 00:01:40,228 - Ah. - McKnickerson-Kang II. 43 00:01:40,297 --> 00:01:41,462 It's a rematch. The Irish Volcano 44 00:01:41,498 --> 00:01:42,831 versus the Emerald of Samoa. 45 00:01:42,866 --> 00:01:44,933 This is huge betting weekend for me. 46 00:01:44,968 --> 00:01:46,434 Well, it is a lot of men. 47 00:01:46,469 --> 00:01:48,036 It must be a good weekend for you, too. 48 00:01:48,071 --> 00:01:49,771 No, fight nights are usually dead at the club, 49 00:01:49,796 --> 00:01:51,770 so we have our intramural softball game. 50 00:01:51,771 --> 00:01:53,908 It's a makeup against Momshells. They canceled last week 51 00:01:53,944 --> 00:01:55,700 - due to custody hearings. - Yeah. 52 00:01:55,701 --> 00:01:57,733 Hope they're ready to lose two weeks in a row. 53 00:01:57,770 --> 00:01:58,793 Dear God. 54 00:01:58,969 --> 00:02:00,134 I'm in charge of snacks. 55 00:02:05,243 --> 00:02:07,254 Stop... fighting... back. 56 00:02:07,278 --> 00:02:08,344 Uh, excuse me, miss? 57 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:09,646 I'm a little busy here. 58 00:02:09,817 --> 00:02:11,715 I just need to know where to put this. 59 00:02:11,750 --> 00:02:13,560 Oh, come on, dude. Bryan. 60 00:02:13,847 --> 00:02:14,918 Hi. 61 00:02:14,953 --> 00:02:15,919 What are you doing here? 62 00:02:15,954 --> 00:02:17,554 Well, I thought since we can't 63 00:02:17,589 --> 00:02:18,889 schedule a date in the world, 64 00:02:18,924 --> 00:02:20,190 I'd bring a date here. 65 00:02:20,259 --> 00:02:21,324 Oh, you brought a date? 66 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:22,559 That seems cruel, but fine. 67 00:02:22,594 --> 00:02:23,694 She's getting a middle seat. 68 00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:25,139 Bad phrasing. 69 00:02:25,164 --> 00:02:27,028 I meant we could have a date at your work. 70 00:02:27,053 --> 00:02:29,299 I bought tickets to fly back and forth all weekend, 71 00:02:29,334 --> 00:02:30,734 which you'll either find charming 72 00:02:30,769 --> 00:02:32,991 or use as grounds for a restraining order. 73 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,941 Well, lucky for you, I can't afford a lawyer, 74 00:02:35,976 --> 00:02:37,534 so I have to find it charming. 75 00:02:37,716 --> 00:02:39,049 But really... 76 00:02:39,084 --> 00:02:40,217 I don't know what to say. 77 00:02:40,252 --> 00:02:41,585 I mean, this is, like, the sweetest thing 78 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,253 - anyone's ever done for me. - Miss? 79 00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:45,389 Can I borrow your shoes to go to the bathroom? 80 00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:48,796 I have to go explain society to someone, 81 00:02:48,831 --> 00:02:50,297 but I will be back. 82 00:02:50,333 --> 00:02:52,499 Well, uh, you know, take your time. 83 00:02:52,535 --> 00:02:54,885 I'll have a-a whole date waiting for you when you're ready. 84 00:03:01,299 --> 00:03:03,397 You're gonna have to handle the comms today, Alan. 85 00:03:03,398 --> 00:03:05,497 I don't think I can bear to hear Gwen's voice. 86 00:03:05,566 --> 00:03:07,066 Oh, Gwen's not working this week. 87 00:03:07,101 --> 00:03:08,727 She told me she was going on vacation 88 00:03:08,752 --> 00:03:10,040 with some guy named Rod. 89 00:03:10,450 --> 00:03:12,705 Said he's taking her to Poundtown? 90 00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:17,342 If she says it's nice, 91 00:03:17,378 --> 00:03:19,101 I might take myself to Poundtown. 92 00:03:24,449 --> 00:03:26,719 Oh! Excuse me... 93 00:03:27,379 --> 00:03:30,347 That is unexpected reveal. 94 00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:33,343 You bought him his own seat? 95 00:03:33,708 --> 00:03:35,659 Yeah. He gets real whiny 96 00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:37,496 when I try putting him under the plane. 97 00:03:38,081 --> 00:03:39,447 Yeah, still better 98 00:03:39,482 --> 00:03:41,579 than sitting next to chatty Canadian. 99 00:03:45,444 --> 00:03:47,121 Oh, uh, excuse me. 100 00:03:47,157 --> 00:03:48,589 I think you might have taken my seat. 101 00:03:48,625 --> 00:03:50,354 Nope. Don't think so. 102 00:03:50,679 --> 00:03:52,553 Okay, well, th-that is my seat, 103 00:03:52,578 --> 00:03:54,812 because that's my NPR tote bag, and that's my-my book. 104 00:03:54,847 --> 00:03:57,381 - Oh, this book? - Yes. It's-it's actually 105 00:03:57,450 --> 00:03:59,312 a gripping tome on some of the nicer points... 106 00:03:59,343 --> 00:04:00,582 Oh, my God! 107 00:04:00,953 --> 00:04:02,486 Wow. Well, now you have a problem with me 108 00:04:02,522 --> 00:04:04,514 and with the Pasadena Public Library. 109 00:04:04,824 --> 00:04:06,623 But no matter. I will find another seat. 110 00:04:10,630 --> 00:04:11,798 Hmm. 111 00:04:12,575 --> 00:04:14,932 So sorry to keep you waiting. I'm all yours now. 112 00:04:14,957 --> 00:04:16,866 Well, I hope you brought your passport, 113 00:04:16,903 --> 00:04:20,204 because our date begins by you getting whisked away 114 00:04:20,592 --> 00:04:22,892 to Argentina circa 2012. 115 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,996 Now, you can't bring in a whole bottle of Malbec, 116 00:04:26,064 --> 00:04:28,197 but you can smuggle it in three ounces at a time. 117 00:04:28,615 --> 00:04:29,969 Ronnie, we have a problem. 118 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,734 Oh, I'm in Argentina right now, Colin. 119 00:04:31,769 --> 00:04:33,769 Oh, look, it's the restaurant guy 120 00:04:33,805 --> 00:04:35,037 from the restaurant. 121 00:04:35,073 --> 00:04:36,205 What's all this, then? 122 00:04:36,274 --> 00:04:38,374 Just a little makeshift plane date. 123 00:04:38,409 --> 00:04:40,009 'Cause who doesn't love a shampoo-y finish 124 00:04:40,044 --> 00:04:41,177 under a buttery Chard? 125 00:04:41,212 --> 00:04:42,609 Is there a problem, Colin? 126 00:04:42,671 --> 00:04:43,832 Yes, I'm sorry. 127 00:04:43,863 --> 00:04:45,730 Um, that guy over there took my seat. 128 00:04:45,731 --> 00:04:47,183 Okay, well, just find another one. 129 00:04:47,218 --> 00:04:48,484 Well, that's the problem. 130 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:49,601 There aren't any. 131 00:04:49,602 --> 00:04:50,667 Oh, God. 132 00:04:50,969 --> 00:04:52,468 Don't tell me we're... 133 00:04:52,504 --> 00:04:54,637 - Overbooked? - By four people. 134 00:04:54,672 --> 00:04:56,506 I talked to the gate agents, who blamed ticketing. 135 00:04:56,541 --> 00:04:58,074 Then I talked to ticketing, who blamed the Web site. 136 00:04:58,109 --> 00:05:00,076 Then I talked to the Web guys, who hacked my Twitter. 137 00:05:00,111 --> 00:05:01,611 I blame the gate agents. 138 00:05:01,646 --> 00:05:03,079 They love calling names off the standby list 139 00:05:03,114 --> 00:05:04,493 and watching the world burn. 140 00:05:04,494 --> 00:05:05,848 It's ironic, isn't it? 141 00:05:05,884 --> 00:05:07,717 The plane is overbooked, 142 00:05:07,752 --> 00:05:09,847 yet the seat in my heart remains vacant. 143 00:05:09,848 --> 00:05:11,128 Don't tell the gate agents 144 00:05:11,129 --> 00:05:12,789 because they'll stuff two people in there. 145 00:05:17,729 --> 00:05:19,929 Well, I guess we have to deal with this now. 146 00:05:24,059 --> 00:05:25,735 All right, everyone. 147 00:05:25,770 --> 00:05:27,603 Like a '90s rap video, 148 00:05:27,639 --> 00:05:29,272 this plane's got too many butts. 149 00:05:29,307 --> 00:05:31,374 So four lucky people 150 00:05:31,409 --> 00:05:33,109 willing to take a later flight 151 00:05:33,144 --> 00:05:36,245 will receive $100. 152 00:05:36,281 --> 00:05:37,780 Ooh! 153 00:05:38,817 --> 00:05:41,484 Okay, two hundred... 154 00:05:42,164 --> 00:05:43,696 and fifty... 155 00:05:44,832 --> 00:05:46,823 five dollars. 156 00:05:47,736 --> 00:05:48,958 Come on, guys. 157 00:05:49,027 --> 00:05:52,295 The average round-trip ticket on Jackpot costs, like, $12. 158 00:05:52,363 --> 00:05:54,156 With that money, you could buy yourself, like... 159 00:05:55,083 --> 00:05:56,466 How many flights will that buy? 160 00:05:56,501 --> 00:05:58,801 If I could do that math, do you think I'd have this job? 161 00:05:58,837 --> 00:06:00,910 We're holding out for big money. 162 00:06:00,911 --> 00:06:02,738 Big money? This is Jackpot. 163 00:06:02,774 --> 00:06:04,707 They buy refurbished seats from plane crashes. 164 00:06:04,742 --> 00:06:06,442 This is all we're authorized to give. 165 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,347 Please, someone take this deal, 166 00:06:09,348 --> 00:06:11,569 because it only gets worse from here. 167 00:06:12,851 --> 00:06:15,752 All right. I'm sorry, everyone, but Jackpot protocol 168 00:06:15,787 --> 00:06:17,387 says until four of you take the offer, 169 00:06:17,422 --> 00:06:19,522 there's no food, no drinks 170 00:06:19,762 --> 00:06:20,856 and no bathrooms. 171 00:06:22,761 --> 00:06:24,727 Now you understand why I oohed 172 00:06:24,763 --> 00:06:25,952 when she offered the money. 173 00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:36,360 - Hey, I'll give you five bucks for the... - Ew, no. 174 00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:37,695 No, for the water. 175 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,483 I'm dying here, and they won't give us anything. 176 00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:43,434 - I'll sell it to you for $20. - Deal. 177 00:06:45,312 --> 00:06:47,912 Just wondering, what made you say, "Ew, no," 178 00:06:47,948 --> 00:06:49,547 and, uh, how much for that? 179 00:06:53,131 --> 00:06:54,251 Uh-uh. 180 00:06:58,532 --> 00:07:00,251 Okay, I'm ready for more date. 181 00:07:00,252 --> 00:07:01,667 Don't you have to focus on getting 182 00:07:01,702 --> 00:07:02,935 four people off this plane? 183 00:07:02,970 --> 00:07:04,636 Nah, someone's gonna crack. 184 00:07:04,672 --> 00:07:06,638 In the meantime, we've had shampoo. 185 00:07:06,674 --> 00:07:08,069 - What's for conditioner? - Well, 186 00:07:08,070 --> 00:07:09,301 I'm glad you asked. 187 00:07:10,819 --> 00:07:13,039 Is that supposed to be sushi? 188 00:07:13,075 --> 00:07:15,442 May I present to you freshly caught Swedish Fish 189 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:16,843 on Rice Krispy Treats. 190 00:07:16,878 --> 00:07:18,445 I call it the Hudson News Roll. 191 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:19,746 I know how much you like crap. 192 00:07:19,781 --> 00:07:21,347 I love crap. 193 00:07:21,383 --> 00:07:23,493 Ronnie, report to the cockpit. 194 00:07:23,752 --> 00:07:26,019 Aw, crap. I'll be right back. 195 00:07:31,893 --> 00:07:34,928 Hey, Dave, we are totally on top of this overbooked thing. 196 00:07:34,963 --> 00:07:36,930 I'm sure people are gonna start dropping soon. 197 00:07:36,965 --> 00:07:39,032 I'm actually not sure why they haven't yet. 198 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,366 Cheez-Its are $10. Waters are $20. 199 00:07:40,402 --> 00:07:41,935 I do not make change. 200 00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:43,603 I don't care about that. I called you in to talk 201 00:07:43,638 --> 00:07:45,105 about how love is the worst 202 00:07:45,140 --> 00:07:47,413 and to rip up photos of our exes. 203 00:07:47,414 --> 00:07:50,180 I don't actually have any photos of Gwen, so I had to improvise. 204 00:07:50,216 --> 00:07:52,016 I'm sorry, Dave. 205 00:07:52,051 --> 00:07:54,985 But I'm actually feeling pretty hopeful about love right now. 206 00:07:55,021 --> 00:07:56,475 You're abandoning me, too? 207 00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,992 Traitor. This is you now. 208 00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:07,913 Sorry, Alan. 209 00:08:07,938 --> 00:08:09,508 I know how hard you worked on that. 210 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:13,487 Listen to me, Caroline, this is the gate agents' fault. 211 00:08:13,662 --> 00:08:15,261 You're the gate agent. 212 00:08:15,297 --> 00:08:16,818 It's your fault, Caroline. 213 00:08:17,508 --> 00:08:19,051 Then come in here and talk to me. 214 00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,271 Well, I'm not coming out there. 215 00:08:21,803 --> 00:08:22,902 Fine. 216 00:08:22,938 --> 00:08:24,254 We'll meet in Switzerland. 217 00:08:25,107 --> 00:08:27,640 I don't know what's taking you sky waiters so long, 218 00:08:27,676 --> 00:08:29,209 but we need this gate. 219 00:08:29,244 --> 00:08:32,045 Believe it or not, other flights need to take off, too. 220 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,325 The world doesn't revolve around you and your little plane. 221 00:08:34,326 --> 00:08:36,649 We would've been long gone if you hadn't kept tossing bodies 222 00:08:36,685 --> 00:08:38,551 in here like it was a Malaysian rickshaw. 223 00:08:38,587 --> 00:08:40,553 Well, when corporate calls to ask 224 00:08:40,589 --> 00:08:42,756 why their entire schedule's delayed, 225 00:08:42,791 --> 00:08:45,725 I'll be telling them it's because you couldn't handle 226 00:08:45,761 --> 00:08:46,995 your business, Bernard. 227 00:08:46,996 --> 00:08:49,685 You keep my name out of your ramen-breath mouth. 228 00:08:49,686 --> 00:08:51,351 It's not ramen. 229 00:08:51,420 --> 00:08:52,884 It's pho. 230 00:08:54,656 --> 00:08:56,156 Ronnie, two things. 231 00:08:56,191 --> 00:08:58,759 Caroline has a surprisingly international palate. 232 00:08:58,794 --> 00:09:01,375 she's gonna pin this all on us if we don't take off soon. 233 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,130 Why won't any of these people leave? 234 00:09:03,165 --> 00:09:05,599 I don't know. I mean, who cares this much about a fight? 235 00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:08,101 If you offered me 250 bucks to get off this plane, 236 00:09:08,137 --> 00:09:09,803 I'd be knee-deep in Red Lobster 237 00:09:09,838 --> 00:09:12,072 - Cheddar Bay Biscuits by now. - We need to do something. 238 00:09:12,107 --> 00:09:14,307 We already have Jackpot's second worst on-time departure rating. 239 00:09:14,343 --> 00:09:15,919 Any worse and we lose to Tampa. 240 00:09:15,950 --> 00:09:16,977 Tampa, Ronnie! 241 00:09:17,012 --> 00:09:18,011 Well, what are we supposed to do? 242 00:09:18,046 --> 00:09:19,643 We already took away everything. 243 00:09:20,682 --> 00:09:22,015 Not everything. 244 00:09:29,257 --> 00:09:31,276 Let's see how long they last without AC. 245 00:09:35,212 --> 00:09:37,748 Sir, since we're overbooked, 246 00:09:37,914 --> 00:09:41,844 would you mind stowing your wooden boy to free up a seat? 247 00:09:42,258 --> 00:09:44,501 Hey, I paid for this seat. I'm sittin' in it. 248 00:09:44,706 --> 00:09:46,673 Hey, can we talk like humans? 249 00:09:46,708 --> 00:09:49,543 I mean, he should move. He's not even real man. 250 00:09:49,578 --> 00:09:51,665 Neither are you, and you're not getting up. 251 00:09:51,947 --> 00:09:53,580 That is so immature. 252 00:09:53,615 --> 00:09:55,982 You're using dummy to be mean to me? 253 00:09:56,018 --> 00:09:59,553 "Dummy"? This dummy's got three sold-out shows at the Rio 254 00:09:59,588 --> 00:10:01,897 this weekend, you trash-humper. 255 00:10:02,631 --> 00:10:05,091 Hey, what did you just call me? 256 00:10:05,127 --> 00:10:06,059 Nothing. 257 00:10:06,094 --> 00:10:07,360 Trash-humper. 258 00:10:07,396 --> 00:10:08,695 That's slander! 259 00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:10,697 I don't do that with trash! 260 00:10:10,732 --> 00:10:13,765 Oh, no? Then what are you doing with that can of Pringles? 261 00:10:13,873 --> 00:10:16,036 Oh, I'm using this as my wallet. 262 00:10:20,108 --> 00:10:22,409 I don't know what you're up to, but your vibe is all wrong. 263 00:10:22,444 --> 00:10:23,977 I'm trying to get four people off this plane. 264 00:10:24,012 --> 00:10:25,712 Are you with us or against us? 265 00:10:25,747 --> 00:10:27,080 I don't know what you mean, Bernard. 266 00:10:27,239 --> 00:10:28,963 I'm just a clueless stripper. 267 00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:30,429 Uh-huh. 268 00:10:30,468 --> 00:10:32,186 One eyebrow is already raised. 269 00:10:32,221 --> 00:10:33,809 Don't make me raise the other. 270 00:10:37,659 --> 00:10:40,193 - Do you mind, bro? - Oh! Excuse me. 271 00:10:40,229 --> 00:10:42,262 Um, I don't know where you expect me to stand though. 272 00:10:42,297 --> 00:10:44,931 It's a packed plane, and this gentleman took my seat. 273 00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:47,067 Aye, well, he's a Kang fan. They don't respect anything. 274 00:10:47,102 --> 00:10:48,702 Hey, you talking about us? 275 00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:50,570 Yeah, maybe I am. What are you gonna do about it? 276 00:10:52,671 --> 00:10:54,407 Okay, let's calm down! 277 00:11:02,882 --> 00:11:03,925 Hey. 278 00:11:04,117 --> 00:11:05,102 Hey! 279 00:11:05,103 --> 00:11:06,670 I was just about to sneak you a water. 280 00:11:06,671 --> 00:11:08,536 I swear, not all dates with me 281 00:11:08,572 --> 00:11:10,505 will end in an epic struggle for survival. 282 00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:12,940 But no promises if we move into a relationship. 283 00:11:12,941 --> 00:11:14,742 Ronnie, this is crazy. I should go. 284 00:11:14,778 --> 00:11:16,511 I mean, I am the only person on this flight 285 00:11:16,580 --> 00:11:18,580 that doesn't actually need to be in Vegas, and you seem 286 00:11:18,615 --> 00:11:20,799 - so stressed. - Don't you dare. 287 00:11:20,954 --> 00:11:23,499 You are the one person I actually want on this plane. 288 00:11:23,653 --> 00:11:25,269 Ronnie, new problem. 289 00:11:25,655 --> 00:11:28,723 I mean, there was a problem, but I solved it, so it's fine. 290 00:11:28,758 --> 00:11:31,126 Yeah, the-the two groups of angry shoulders in the cabin 291 00:11:31,161 --> 00:11:33,561 were getting ready to fight, but I averted disaster 292 00:11:33,597 --> 00:11:36,060 by pointing out we should all be supporting the troops. 293 00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:38,600 - It's the ultimate sacrifice. - They're protecting our freedom. 294 00:11:38,668 --> 00:11:40,168 So they're fine, for now, 295 00:11:40,203 --> 00:11:41,569 although I would keep an eye on them. 296 00:11:41,638 --> 00:11:44,539 As my father once said, a watched pot never boils. 297 00:11:44,926 --> 00:11:47,597 That's right. My father was the homemaker. 298 00:11:50,008 --> 00:11:51,746 Well, now I have a fight to worry about. 299 00:11:51,815 --> 00:11:53,808 Great, that's just one more thing... 300 00:11:56,028 --> 00:11:57,946 I'll be right back. 301 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,256 When those guys almost fought, what set them off? 302 00:12:01,291 --> 00:12:02,590 Well, it was a number of factors. 303 00:12:02,626 --> 00:12:04,559 Uh, cultural differences, 304 00:12:04,594 --> 00:12:05,994 performative masculinity, 305 00:12:06,062 --> 00:12:07,428 me. It was... it was me. 306 00:12:07,464 --> 00:12:08,930 Great! Go do that again. 307 00:12:08,965 --> 00:12:09,931 What-what do you mean? 308 00:12:09,966 --> 00:12:12,467 You sweet, devious genius. 309 00:12:12,724 --> 00:12:14,808 If they fight, we have a reason to kick them off. 310 00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:17,059 Hold on, how am I supposed to make them that angry? 311 00:12:17,107 --> 00:12:18,995 Just tell them one of those things you say, 312 00:12:19,064 --> 00:12:21,998 like "A-a touchscreen will never replace the feel of a book." 313 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,111 So you just want to hear a bunch of men loudly agree? 314 00:12:24,112 --> 00:12:25,120 Go! 315 00:12:38,477 --> 00:12:39,657 I hear you're carrying. 316 00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:40,991 That depends. 317 00:12:40,992 --> 00:12:43,178 Am I talking to Dave or Captain Dave? 318 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,745 I'm just a guy whose feelings got out of the pen, 319 00:12:45,781 --> 00:12:47,447 and now I'm looking for some chocolate cowboys 320 00:12:47,482 --> 00:12:49,247 - to round 'em up. - I've got what you need. 321 00:12:52,664 --> 00:12:53,720 Not here. 322 00:12:53,745 --> 00:12:54,882 I know a place. 323 00:12:55,973 --> 00:12:57,266 Hey, Nichole! 324 00:12:57,267 --> 00:12:59,259 Can you please help me? I'm very thirsty. 325 00:12:59,294 --> 00:13:00,493 I'm sorry, Artem. 326 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,534 Business is booming. I'm all out. 327 00:13:04,099 --> 00:13:06,463 Hey, buddy, you want a sip of this? 328 00:13:06,693 --> 00:13:09,478 Oh, thank you. That's very generous of you. 329 00:13:16,916 --> 00:13:17,869 Oops. 330 00:13:18,176 --> 00:13:20,376 How can you be so cruel? 331 00:13:20,746 --> 00:13:24,080 I'm just a simple man trying to get to Vegas 332 00:13:24,148 --> 00:13:27,750 so that I may spread the ashes of my beloved father 333 00:13:27,785 --> 00:13:29,719 in the canals of the Venetian. 334 00:13:31,105 --> 00:13:33,055 Was your dad a trash-humper, too? 335 00:13:33,091 --> 00:13:35,358 Who was your mom, a wadded-up napkin? 336 00:13:35,694 --> 00:13:37,392 Ronnie! 337 00:13:40,034 --> 00:13:41,897 So, I don't want to cause any trouble, uh, 338 00:13:41,933 --> 00:13:44,667 but I believe I heard some of the Irish fans, 339 00:13:44,702 --> 00:13:47,436 uh, insulting your-your Samoan heritage... 340 00:13:47,472 --> 00:13:49,443 ...insulting your Irish heritage... 341 00:13:49,444 --> 00:13:52,575 ...and referred to Samoa as Earth's third nipple. 342 00:13:52,610 --> 00:13:56,412 They also said that Liam Neeson is aging into an old woman. 343 00:13:56,447 --> 00:13:59,156 ...saying that Samoa is barely a Guam. 344 00:13:59,584 --> 00:14:01,584 And they said your music sounds like 345 00:14:01,619 --> 00:14:03,386 a "busted-ass ringtone." 346 00:14:03,454 --> 00:14:05,321 And they said the most common blood type 347 00:14:05,356 --> 00:14:07,857 for a Samoan is chocolate milkshake. 348 00:14:12,096 --> 00:14:13,596 Come on. Seriously, Artem? 349 00:14:13,631 --> 00:14:15,031 You're fighting with a puppet? 350 00:14:15,066 --> 00:14:16,772 Well, he started it. 351 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:19,568 Miss, I'm as surprised as you are. 352 00:14:19,604 --> 00:14:21,737 I politely explained that my dummy 353 00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:23,506 is too valuable to be stowed. 354 00:14:23,541 --> 00:14:26,143 He just started yelling and sweating at me. 355 00:14:26,144 --> 00:14:28,711 That is untrue! And, yes, I know 356 00:14:28,746 --> 00:14:30,446 I'm doing both things right now, 357 00:14:30,481 --> 00:14:33,149 which doesn't help my case, I know. 358 00:14:33,184 --> 00:14:35,351 Look, I know everyone's going 359 00:14:35,386 --> 00:14:37,353 a little crazy right now, but don't worry. 360 00:14:37,388 --> 00:14:39,455 We're gonna be getting people off this plane any minute. 361 00:14:39,456 --> 00:14:41,590 I hear you're talking smack, Lucky Charms. 362 00:14:41,626 --> 00:14:43,726 I'm just saying that you and your wee buddies here 363 00:14:43,761 --> 00:14:46,028 should stop ruining this for everyone and get off the plane. 364 00:14:46,097 --> 00:14:48,597 I'll send you off this plane in a body bag. 365 00:14:48,633 --> 00:14:49,865 - At least I fit in a body bad. - You're dead meat. 366 00:14:49,901 --> 00:14:52,234 Hey, stop! Hey, come on, guys. Back off. 367 00:14:52,270 --> 00:14:54,270 I-I don't think you understand what we're trying to do here. 368 00:14:54,305 --> 00:14:57,506 Look, the whole point of watching MMA, 369 00:14:57,542 --> 00:15:00,576 is to get your aggression out in a healthy, non-violent way. 370 00:15:00,611 --> 00:15:03,212 Now, for me, that's hate-whisking 371 00:15:03,247 --> 00:15:05,036 a stiff-peaked meringue. 372 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:07,824 For you guys, that's watching Kang-McKnickerson. 373 00:15:08,306 --> 00:15:11,653 Now, those guys fight so you don't have to. 374 00:15:12,919 --> 00:15:14,276 That... 375 00:15:15,443 --> 00:15:16,917 actually makes sense. 376 00:15:16,918 --> 00:15:19,918 Okay. We'll let Kang and McKnickerson 377 00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:21,920 settle this for us then, will we? 378 00:15:25,039 --> 00:15:26,215 What just happened? 379 00:15:26,477 --> 00:15:28,577 Ronald, this is not resolved! 380 00:15:28,613 --> 00:15:31,830 Ah, what's wrong? Miss your mommy, trash-humper? 381 00:15:32,158 --> 00:15:33,449 What did you just do? 382 00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,422 Uh, saved the day. 383 00:15:35,457 --> 00:15:36,840 Those guys were about to kill each other. 384 00:15:36,841 --> 00:15:38,373 Yes. That's what we want. 385 00:15:38,408 --> 00:15:39,608 If they fight, we can kick them off. 386 00:15:39,643 --> 00:15:40,976 If we kick them off, we can leave. 387 00:15:41,011 --> 00:15:42,477 Well, if I knew that was the plan, 388 00:15:42,513 --> 00:15:44,779 I still would have stopped it, because that's a terrible plan. 389 00:15:44,815 --> 00:15:46,448 Physical violence was our best chance out of here. 390 00:15:46,483 --> 00:15:48,183 Now no one's gonna fight. 391 00:15:48,218 --> 00:15:51,820 For the last time, I'm tired of your insults! 392 00:15:51,855 --> 00:15:54,309 What the...? 393 00:15:55,425 --> 00:15:57,392 - What are you doing? - You little... you little... 394 00:15:58,371 --> 00:16:01,532 Oh. I do have a fetish. 395 00:16:05,247 --> 00:16:07,347 Careful I bruise like a peach. 396 00:16:08,037 --> 00:16:09,183 Yeah. 397 00:16:09,704 --> 00:16:11,004 Well, that's three off. 398 00:16:11,029 --> 00:16:13,077 We just need one more person. Any ideas? 399 00:16:13,648 --> 00:16:15,716 - I'll do it. - Not you, Alan. 400 00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:16,839 Oh. The... 401 00:16:17,517 --> 00:16:20,285 Hey. Hey. So, uh, 402 00:16:20,353 --> 00:16:21,686 obviously, this didn't really 403 00:16:21,755 --> 00:16:23,087 turn out the way I planned. 404 00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:24,122 Uh, the whole "date on a plane" thing 405 00:16:24,190 --> 00:16:25,456 was obviously a bad idea. 406 00:16:25,525 --> 00:16:27,125 - I think I'm gonna go. - No. 407 00:16:27,193 --> 00:16:28,259 No, Bryan, don't. 408 00:16:28,284 --> 00:16:30,094 I'm-I'm so sorry about before. 409 00:16:30,196 --> 00:16:32,743 Ah, look, y-you're stressed. It's-it's cool, I get it. 410 00:16:32,768 --> 00:16:35,669 I just, I think it's better for everybody if I leave. 411 00:16:36,069 --> 00:16:37,368 We'll figure out something else. 412 00:16:37,470 --> 00:16:38,736 I-I'll call you. 413 00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:41,824 Bye. 414 00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,696 Is there any chance he meant that? 415 00:16:46,199 --> 00:16:49,601 Oh, sweetie. I think you know my sarcastic reply. 416 00:16:51,772 --> 00:16:54,372 Good news. We got four people off the plane. 417 00:16:54,595 --> 00:16:57,129 Well, three people and one pre-wish Pinocchio. 418 00:16:57,197 --> 00:16:59,214 - But we can take off. - Great. 419 00:16:59,215 --> 00:17:00,586 Now I have to talk to ATC and remember 420 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,367 that Gwen's not there because she's with Rod. 421 00:17:02,634 --> 00:17:03,670 Why him? 422 00:17:03,927 --> 00:17:05,268 I've been saving up my miles. 423 00:17:05,337 --> 00:17:07,076 I could have taken her to Poundtown. 424 00:17:07,215 --> 00:17:09,148 Oh, Dave. Okay, look. 425 00:17:09,173 --> 00:17:12,080 When it comes to love, there are two types of people: 426 00:17:12,081 --> 00:17:13,680 Kangs and McKnickersons. 427 00:17:13,959 --> 00:17:16,545 Kangs play defense, protecting their hearts, 428 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,369 throwing out the occasional jabs. 429 00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:20,004 But McKnickersons leave themselves open 430 00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:21,772 to taking those bigger swings. 431 00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:24,041 What are you saying? Put money on Kang in the third? 432 00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,343 No. I'm saying you're a McKnickerson. 433 00:17:26,412 --> 00:17:28,012 You're always throwing emotional haymakers, 434 00:17:28,037 --> 00:17:29,298 which leaves you open 435 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:31,699 to some pretty painful gut punches, but that's okay. 436 00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:34,751 Because when you connect, you're gonna connect big. 437 00:17:34,883 --> 00:17:36,036 You're gonna find love. 438 00:17:36,452 --> 00:17:37,904 You're too good of a guy not to. 439 00:17:38,848 --> 00:17:40,801 You know, I've been piloting planes for so long, 440 00:17:40,802 --> 00:17:42,776 sometimes I forget how to pilot my own life. 441 00:17:43,370 --> 00:17:44,870 Okay, but don't say stuff like that, 442 00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,669 because it makes me feel like I'm wasting my time. 443 00:17:47,009 --> 00:17:48,015 Hmm. 444 00:17:50,711 --> 00:17:52,911 Well, Dave, I'm back with you. 445 00:17:52,936 --> 00:17:54,403 Love is the worst. 446 00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:56,482 Bryan did everything he could to make it work 447 00:17:56,550 --> 00:17:58,350 and I still screwed it up. 448 00:17:58,730 --> 00:18:01,320 Maybe it's not the job, maybe it's us. 449 00:18:01,388 --> 00:18:03,155 Hmm. Might be us, but it's not me. 450 00:18:03,224 --> 00:18:05,491 Sorry, Ronnie. The bitter Captain Dave caterpillar 451 00:18:05,559 --> 00:18:08,093 has emerged from his grief cocoon as a hopeful butterfly 452 00:18:08,162 --> 00:18:10,195 looking for a sexy flower to pollinate. 453 00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:11,899 Bees pollinate, stupid. 454 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,416 Butterflies do it, too. 455 00:18:13,441 --> 00:18:15,200 - They're just less efficient. - You're a traitor. 456 00:18:15,225 --> 00:18:17,615 Alan, do you have any Dave drawings in that pile? 457 00:18:18,005 --> 00:18:19,158 Um... 458 00:18:21,170 --> 00:18:22,407 Is this a nude? 459 00:18:22,432 --> 00:18:23,570 I didn't pose for that. 460 00:18:23,911 --> 00:18:25,605 You didn't not pose for it. 461 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:35,420 Where did everyone go? 462 00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:36,588 You'll never believe this. 463 00:18:36,613 --> 00:18:37,666 The fight's off. 464 00:18:37,691 --> 00:18:38,891 Kang missed the weigh-in. 465 00:18:38,934 --> 00:18:40,269 He was on the Jackpot flight out of Tampa. 466 00:18:40,294 --> 00:18:41,760 They never even left the gate. 467 00:18:41,862 --> 00:18:43,072 We're not the worst. 468 00:18:43,073 --> 00:18:44,396 Bye, guys. I'll see you next week. 469 00:18:44,532 --> 00:18:45,631 Wait. You're out, too? 470 00:18:45,699 --> 00:18:46,865 Don't you have to work this weekend? 471 00:18:46,934 --> 00:18:48,400 Not anymore. I made a fortune today. 472 00:18:48,469 --> 00:18:49,635 Which reminds me, 473 00:18:49,703 --> 00:18:51,136 this is for your troubles. 474 00:18:51,205 --> 00:18:52,171 Bye. 475 00:18:53,662 --> 00:18:56,054 We're all gonna be working for her one day, aren't we? 476 00:19:00,197 --> 00:19:01,721 I know this sounds crazy, 477 00:19:01,722 --> 00:19:03,914 but, um, that's actually my seat. 478 00:19:10,825 --> 00:19:12,758 - Ugh. - Flight 334... 479 00:19:12,827 --> 00:19:15,060 Remind me never to run out of ink in front of you. 480 00:19:16,632 --> 00:19:18,859 Do you fancy a-a drink and a talk? 481 00:19:18,955 --> 00:19:22,000 I don't know if I want to talk, but I definitely want a drink. 482 00:19:22,069 --> 00:19:23,769 Okay, perfect. Well, how about this: 483 00:19:23,838 --> 00:19:25,204 you finish whatever you're doing here, 484 00:19:25,272 --> 00:19:26,505 and I'll meet you at the bar. 485 00:19:26,739 --> 00:19:27,968 Yeah, I'd like that. 486 00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:29,168 Okay. 487 00:19:34,385 --> 00:19:36,210 Excuse me, miss, is this what you're looking for? 488 00:19:36,235 --> 00:19:37,166 Bryan. 489 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,718 Hi. Uh, wh-what are you doing here? 490 00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:42,354 We said we'd figure out things later, and I figured out 491 00:19:42,423 --> 00:19:44,189 that if I bought a ticket on Southwest, 492 00:19:44,537 --> 00:19:46,982 they'd get me here in half the time as it takes Jackpot. 493 00:19:47,195 --> 00:19:49,462 Yes, but do they also lose your bags? 494 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,327 I thought that if we can't make a date work 495 00:19:52,328 --> 00:19:54,827 out in the world, or on a plane, 496 00:19:55,413 --> 00:19:58,464 the least I could do is take you to dinner in Terminal Three? 497 00:20:09,377 --> 00:20:10,710 - You still need this? - No. 498 00:20:10,778 --> 00:20:12,345 Great. 499 00:20:14,349 --> 00:20:15,914 God, the airport has so many good options. 500 00:20:15,939 --> 00:20:16,928 I know. 501 00:20:16,953 --> 00:20:18,251 Love is the worst. 502 00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:22,152 I know, buddy. 503 00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:26,500 Rip these up, it might help. 504 00:20:26,980 --> 00:20:28,246 Who am I tearing up? 505 00:20:28,475 --> 00:20:30,378 I don't know. Alan sucks at art. 506 00:20:35,894 --> 00:20:37,670 _ 507 00:20:38,053 --> 00:20:39,417 Oh, excuse me. 508 00:20:39,486 --> 00:20:40,552 Oh, hey, there, eh. 509 00:20:40,594 --> 00:20:41,933 This is my first time to Vegas. 510 00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:43,355 Do you want to know the rules about hockey? 511 00:20:43,423 --> 00:20:44,756 What's your name, eh? You got to speak up. 512 00:20:44,825 --> 00:20:46,725 I blew an eardrum out at a Rush show a few years back, 513 00:20:46,793 --> 00:20:48,860 and then I took a puck to the other ear. 514 00:20:48,929 --> 00:20:50,729 Oh, bit of a shy guy, huh? 515 00:20:50,754 --> 00:20:52,233 That's all right. I'll do all the talking. 516 00:20:52,275 --> 00:20:53,665 I got a lot to talk aboot. 517 00:20:53,734 --> 00:20:55,467 You ever have poutine? I don't like it. 518 00:20:55,535 --> 00:20:56,707 But I eat it. 519 00:20:57,222 --> 00:20:58,408 Ronnie!