Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
Don't turn on the light.
I have something to tell you guys
and it's hard enough as it is.
I don't wanna have to see your faces.
I'm taking the job in Denver.
Are you crying?
Aw, come on, now.
So... is this, like, a, uh, "hold me" cry
or a "get me a Kleenex" cry,
or "I'm fine with you goin' in the other room,
grabbin' a beer, and watching 'SportsCenter'" cry?
Just let me know what you want me to do.
Leave me alone.
Wait. Hold me.
Okay.
No, don't hold me.
Okay.
So, those cookies you keep in the nightstand there,
wha... what exactly do those do for ya?
They make the sadness go away, and they help me forget
that my son is planning to move halfway across the world.
I'll try one.
Yeah, hold me again.
Okay.
Good morning.
Hey. You're up early.
Yeah. It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining.
Might as well get up and enjoy it.
You're still high on cookies.
Li'l bit.
Morning.
Um... hi.
So, you were awake when I opened your door last night?
I sure was.
So you remember about the...
Denver, and the...
going?
I sure do.
And I didn't get to say it last night,
so I'm gonna say it now.
Congratulations, honey. I am so proud of you.
- Oh! - Hoo!
I think I just breathed for the first time since yesterday.
But, look, it's still a ways off.
I mean, they don't even need me to start till June 25th.
Oh, cool! Great.
That means we have time to get you ready and do stuff.
Hey, do you want me to make you
a homemade breakfast to celebrate?
Huh? Freezer pancakes? Freezer eggs?
I will stick anything in that microwave that you want.
Freezer eggs sound good.
Okay, you got it.
So... have you told your brother and sister the big news?
No, I was thinking maybe I could Snapchat 'em.
You know what? Why don't I knock that off the list right now?
Axl, they're right down the hall. You gotta tell 'em.
Ugh, it's gonna be a whole thing.
Can't we just put on a movie the day of
and I can sneak out past 'em?
That's how Dad would do it.
Fine.
Pbht. Okay! I have to tell you guys something.
Sue, get in here!
Oh, no. It's Denver, isn't it?
You're going. No! Staying. No! Going!
My heart is beating like a rabbit. Just tell me!
I've decided to take the job.
Noooo!
I thought I'd be okay once you said it,
but I'm not okay.
I am really not okay with this, Axl.
You know, I know we fight, and you're mean and insult me,
and you spray cheese up my nose when I'm asleep,
but I don't want you to move away.
And Denver's far. It's really far.
Uh... Brick?
Yeah?
Did you hear what I said? I'm going to Denver.
I heard.
Do you know if this is a load-bearing wall?
Brick!
Sorry.
Do you know how long it is before you have to go?
About a month.
That's barely any time!
I know!
I mean, in that time, I bet you wouldn't even miss your bed
if we just moved it down to the basement.
- What? - I might want to turn this whole area
into a reading lounge, and it seems impractical
not to move the heavy stuff
while we still have the manpower.
Axl. Just
Just promise me that before you go,
we'll have a moment.
You know, like a real brother/sister moment.
Isn't that what we're doing right now?
Whatever you're doing, can you move a scosh to the right?
Brick, do you not get it?! I'm leaving!
Like, moving out of the state!
- I know. - And you're just worried
about moving the bed?
The... Oh, my God. Ugh!
The bed I slept next to you in for your whole life?
This is our room, Brick.
We shared secrets and stories and...
Sue! Stop crying so loud
so I can hear Brick!
So, Axl had only 30 days to tie up loose ends,
and the first on that list was learning to tie an actual tie.
Oh, Axl. Got a moment for our moment?
Sue, seriously, this is not happening.
We are not making binders.
We are not doing "Axl and Sue the Final Journey."
We are not wearing buttons with our faces on them.
I know all the family is sad about me leaving,
but people are just gonna have to deal with it.
Look, it doesn't have to be a big thing.
Just one moment.
One quality brother-sister moment before you go.
That's all I'm asking for.
Relax, Sue. We got, like, a whole month.
- Uh-oh. - Brick?
What the hell?
What the...
I've had my eye on this bookcase
in the back room of the library for years.
I never had space for it, but now I do.
In my zeal to bring it home,
it's possible I may have misjudged the size.
Dude, I still need to get in here!
Oh, my God.
Ugh!
How did you do this?!
I don't want much, but when I do,
I really want it.
Axl. Axl!
You try.
Okay, but this was not our moment!
This e-mail you printed out from Hinterlands
was still in the printer.
Oh, yeah, thanks.
When did you say they need you to start again?
What? I told you, June 25th.
This says 5/25.
Yeah, 5/25, June 25th.
5/25 is May 25th.
I don't think so.
Uh, I do think so.
Are you sure?
Axl, it's not really up for debate.
Five is definitely May.
No, no, no, no, no. That doesn't make sense.
What about Cinco de Mayo? What?
Well, cinco is six in Spanish, so May is the sixth month.
I know 'cause that's how I remember.
Cinco is not six.
Uno, dos, tres, quatro, siete, cinco...
I don't care what it is in Spanish!
The fifth month is May.
January, February... No, wait.
30 days has September...
- It's May. - Just let me tell you my system!
Let me tell you my system! It's May!
Your first day of work is in four days!
- Really? - What?! - Yeah, really.
So, stop standing there like Bobo the Executive Boy,
put some pants on, and start packing.
- What about this one? - Unh-unh. Not good enough.
You know, when you're moving,
some boxes are better than others.
You want your dry goods... cereals.
Oh, your toilet-paper boxes are the belle of the box ball.
You see one of those, you snag 'em fast.
You guys, I told you, I don't have that much stuff.
I could just use trash bags.
No way. We're sending our boy off in style.
That's why we're in an alley
behind the Frugal Hoosier trolling for boxes.
This is the only one I could find back there.
Unh-unh, Randy. I am not buyin' it.
I think you're holding out on me.
Now, I didn't want to have to use my pull,
but we are members of your Frugal Hoosier Miser's Club.
Mere points from achieving Tightwad status.
Yeah. You got kids?
Would you want to send your son
off to a prestigious new job
with all his stuff in a cruddy little onion box?
Actually, I thought I'd send my kid off with luggage.
Hey, Randy, check the 'tude.
Now, I don't know if you're saving 'em for sledding
or building a fort for your kids,
but I know you got a secret stash.
So why don't you march yourself
back to wherever you're hiding it
and bring mama the good stuff?
Axl, go watch him. We don't have a lot of time.
We still need to get to Bed Bath and Between.
New job, new sheets.
Gonna send our boy off right!
Frankie, I gotta tell ya, I'm shocked.
You're handling this really well.
Am I? Am I?
You think I want to be up to my knees in dead fruit,
trying to make it easier for my son to move away from us?
I do not, but I have to. And do you know why?
'Cause boys want to get away from their moms.
Right now, when he's living here, he has to see me,
but the minute he moves away, he holds all the cards.
If I get too clingy or too naggy,
you think he's gonna want to come back for the holidays
or pick up the phone when I call?
No. I gotta be cool.
It's like a freakin' Miss America pageant,
and I am being judged at every turn.
One wobble, one misstep, and I am out.
My son decides to move halfway across the country,
can I complain? No.
I gotta just glue that bathing suit to my ass,
slap that Vaseline on my teeth, and smile, smile, smile.
Hey! There he is.
Ooh, looks like you scored some winners there.
You know what? We did so well today.
Why don't we celebrate?
How about we grab a brewski
- at Goobers on the way back? - Really?
You want to get a drink in the middle of the afternoon?
Uh, yeah, I do! I'm cool.
I'm way cooler than you think I am.
Sue.
Can I, uh, talk to you a minute?
Yeeees?
You know, obviously, I'm leaving in a couple of days,
and I won't be seeing you guys for a while...
- Uh-huh. - ...which is kind of a big deal.
Uh-huh.
So...
Why do you think Brick isn't gonna miss me?
W...
I don't know, Axl.
I'm not really focused on Brick right now.
Kinda more focused on you.
Which you should be. So why isn't Brick?
Axl, I'm pretty devastated that you're leaving, so...
Which is the right response,
so what do you think is up with Brick?
Pbht.
So, are you gonna ask him, or...
With one day to go and the house in chaos,
it seemed the bookcase
was the only thing that wasn't moving.
Damn it!
Any luck?
The answer to that question will forever be "no."
I don't know how the hell he did it,
but he really wedged this in there.
I may have to take off the doorjamb.
No, you can't!
It has all the markings of the kids' heights as they grew.
That has to stay here forever, especially now
when we're all feeling so sentimental.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Look, it's not ideal, but it's not un-ideal.
I say we embrace it and call it a happy accident.
That's true. We embraced you.
Wait, what?
Nothing. Enjoy your library.
May I please see my siblings in the kitchen?!
Oh, everybody. Gather 'round.
All right. Listen.
I don't know if you remember, but Hinterlands
is giving me a sweet company car, which means...
I'm not gonna need my car in Colorado.
- Really? - Then how are you gonna get there?
We're driving him there. We're all gonna drive him there.
- Oh! - Uh, nobody talked to me about that.
I can't just pick up and go at a moment's notice.
Do you got plans?
I got books. That's better than plans.
It's gonna be fun, Brick.
We're all going together as a family
to kick your brother out of the nest.
I don't know what this infatuation is
you have with family car trips.
Nobody's happy on them. We like them only in retrospect.
Well, that's true about anything with family.
- But... we do it anyway. - Fine.
But I need some assurance that I won't have to sit in the middle.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You gotta sit in the middle, Brick.
- That's your spot. - Not anymore.
My feet are on the hump, you two fight
and pass food across me, and I'm sorry,
but a busted seatbelt tied in a bow is not safe.
I officially call the window seat.
- You can't call it. - And yet I just did.
Yes! Axl has to sit in the middle.
I've been putting together a scrapbook I want to show him,
and this way it can rest on both our laps.
It's long. You'll like it.
Look, we can talk about that later.
The point is, I no longer need my car,
which means one of you two lucky recipients
is about to be the proud owner of a brand-newly acquired,
mid-sized, style-free, gray sedan.
Wait, wait, wait.
If anyone's getting the car, it should be me.
I'm older. No, I should get it.
You already have Aunt Edie's car.
Whoa, hey! I've already decided who's getting the car.
Okay? The winner of this competition.
Okay, Axl, that is ridiculous.
We're not a couple of trained poodles
just waiting around to dance...
First question!
What's my favorite sandwich?
I know this one! Cereal on white bread.
Sorry. You didn't buzz in.
Buzz! What is cereal on white bread?
I didn't know I had to buzz in.
What game show do you not buzz in?
Moving on to general family knowledge.
Which hip is the site of Mom's mysterious bruise?
- The left! - The right!
Buzz! You're both wrong. It migrates.
Hey! Mom is on the board!
Hey, Dad, you want to get in on this?
We're playing for my car.
If I want your car, I'll take it.
- I paid for it. - Yeah.
Well, I paid for your life, so...
All right, next question.
Does Sue or does Sue not keep her old braces
in a drawer next to her bed?
How did you know that?
Buzz! Yes.
Wow, Sue. That was supposed to be easy.
I was throwing you a bone on that one.
Speaking of bones, what is my most
clever reference to Sue as a dog?
Oh! Licks up my own barf.
- Buzz! Licks up my own barf. - That is correct!
And the judges would have also accepted "pees on trees."
Yes!
What game did we play when we were out camping
where we used all the old game pieces?
Battleboggleopoly.
Wha... Dad, that's not fair!
Are you playing or not?! Is he playing or not?
Also, what's the rule about buzzing in?
'Cause sometimes you only accept buzzes,
and sometimes you don't accept buzzes...
For the lightning round,
what did I get Sue for her 21st birthday?
Oh! I know the answer!
Nothing. The answer is nothing!
Buzz, nothing! What is nothing?
Ooh, I'm sorry. That's incorrect.
The correct answer is...
- my car. - W-What?
Yeah. Brick gets the consolation prize...
my inflatable palm tree.
And Sue gets the car.
Ah. Ah! Really?
Oh, my God! Thank you!
Axl, thank you! Thank you so much!
- Oh! - Yeah, whatever. It makes sense.
It's not a big deal. Don't make it a bigger thing than it is.
I like the inflatable palm tree.
I'm doing a little microfiche niche where your bed used to be,
a "fiche-niche," as it were.
A palm tree will hip it up nicely.
All right, thanks for playing, kiddies!
I'm gonna go pack. I'll see you on the flip side.
Pbht.
Brick.
Brick?
What are you doing?
I'm saving my seat for tomorrow.
Since you refuse to respect the fact that I called it,
I will occupy it until we go.
Brick, it's our last night sleeping in our room.
Don't you want to spend it like we spent the last 16 years?
Side by side, as brothers, talking into the night?
Come on, man. Where's your heart?
With the rest of my body in a window seat, and it's not moving.
All right, fine, you're not gonna come
to our room, I'll come to you.
- Smartie? - No, thanks.
Can I say something?
I'm leaving tomorrow, and it kinda feels like
you care more about your bookcase
and your redecorating and your "fiche-niche"
than you care about me.
You had, like, superhuman strength getting my stuff out.
It, um...
...kinda hurts my feelings.
Axl.
My whole life, I've been breathing your sweaty sneakers,
l-living with cereal bowls everywhere,
your hair everywhere, wet towels on my bed.
I never really had anything that wasn't yours already
or anything that didn't have something to do with you.
And if that's ending, then I'm trying to figure out
what my room is without you in it.
I don't know. You're like my arm or something.
Like having to suddenly learn to write with your left hand.
You get that, right?
Yeah, I do.
Wait. Just explain that arm thing to me again, though.
I'm saying I'll miss you.
Yes, that's what I thought.
Just didn't know if there was another part to it.
I feel the arm thing about you, too.
Are you two having a moment? Seriously?!
I can't believe you!
I have been asking you repeatedly for a moment.
And now I come out and you're just throwing out
moments like they're beads at Mardi Gras!
Oh, my God! Sue, I gave you my car!
What else do you want from me?
This! I have been asking all week!
There are so many memories we have to relive...
I don't have my pad with me right now
because I didn't know this was happening...
but the Chancellor's Ball,
when we got our wisdom teeth out and it was so funny.
You giving me your football jersey
and Woofy Dog and a fork.
You rescuing me off the cow and then us going to Dairy Queen.
And then tonight, you gave me your car...
which was so nice because I know I didn't have the points...
but you don't let me thank you or hug you
and when I try to tell you I'll miss you,
you just run to go get a box,
or you say you have to go to the bathroom, or you...
Oh, my God, Sue, don't you get it?
The goodbye thing is hard for me, okay?
Maybe hardest to say to you.
Really?
Aww.
Wait. You went to Dairy Queen without me?
We went to a buttload of places without you.
You were born last.
We had, like, a whole life without you.
Yeah, we did, Brick.
But I'm still glad you came along.
Really? You are?
I always heard it was hard being the middle child.
Are you kidding me? I love it.
I always felt lucky in the middle
because I get to have an older brother
and a younger brother.
I get to be a big sister and a little sister.
The middle is the safest place to be.
You got love on both sides of you.
Hey, if you'd like that feeling tomorrow,
I hear the middle seat has just recently become available.
Oh, nice try, Brick.
Huh. I guess Mom and Dad knew what they were doing after all.
Axl had Sue, Sue had me,
and I had a whole family waiting for me
when the Fergusons finally brought me home.
I guess three's a good number.
Yep.
Three just feels right.
It's all that fits in the back seat.
I think I just had my moment.
Wow. Think about it.
This is the last night
we're gonna have all three kids
living here under one roof.
Yeah.
I love this feeling.
When your body just knows that they're safe and sound
and right next to you in their beds.
So, the day was here...
my oldest son was really leaving the nest.
I was packing sandwiches and pops for the way there
and frosting and tissues for the way back.
Ready to go?
Oh, yes.
Hey, what happened to the blue bag?
It's blue.
I backed over the orange one,
tuna salad rotted in the yellow one,
so I got a new blue one.
You get a fresh bag for the trip!
Mm.
Mom, are you doing okay?
You've been, like, amazingly chill about all this.
Oh, you know, you said you didn't want us
to make a big deal, so no big deal.
No goodbye breakfast. No teary send-off.
And when you come home to visit, this is what you can expect.
More of this. Cool Mom all the time.
Besides, there's one thing I will not miss around here.
Your smelly socks.
Brick?
No, I will not bring out a book to you.
Come inside and get it.
You called the seat, right?
Yeah, so if you called the seat, it's yours.
Ugh, fine.
Okay, what exactly am I looking for?
"Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen:
The Ladies of White Christmas"?
Okay, what's it filed under, "B" for "Biographies"
or "O" for "Old Lady Books"?
Okay, car's all packed.
Just tell me you got the nunchucks in there.
I did. But really, Axl, aren't you tired
of hitting yourself in the head?
I don't remember ever doing that.
- Mm. - Mom, let's go!
Hey, uh... hang on a second, Axl.
Look, uh, before we get going,
there's something I wanted to show you.
- Grandpa's old watch. - Yeah.
You know, for years, this was sitting busted on my dresser.
You used to like to come in and wear it and play grown-up.
I remember. Yeah.
Well, now that you are all grown up,
I took it to a place and, uh, got it working again,
and I thought maybe... you'd like to have it.
That's, uh...
Wow.
Okay.
If you look on the back, it's engraved.
It's a bunch of numbers.
It's latitude and longitude of the house.
So you'll always remember where you came from.
Thanks, Dad. I... I love it.
Mm.
Mom, check out this awesome watch Dad gave me.
Oh, awesome.
Everybody has the time on their phones now,
but that's great.
- Are you kidding me?! - What?
I'm trying to be cool, so I don't make my son breakfast
or hug him or anything and then you waltz in here
with the most heartfelt gift of all time.
Where was that gift-giving skill
during inflatable footbath season?
- You use it. - Yeah, I have a fungus!
Come on, guys! Let's go!
Pbht.
Well... this is it.
Congratulations, Axl!
Ohh. Oh, Axl.
You know I never had a brother,
but I always felt like I did whenever you would say,
"Sue, get your dorky friends out of here."
I meant every word of it.
Aww.
So, you takin' 64?
- Yep. - Big mistake.
There's all kinds of construction near Evansville.
They're putting in a big megachurch.
You should probably take Route 22.
Nah, that's a toll road. I'm not payin' 40 cents.
Ah. Makes sense.
How ya doin', Frankie?
You hanging in there?
I'm trying to be cool for Axl's sake,
but it's really hard.
Is he looking at me?
I'm in agony right now. I wish I were dead.
I know how you feel.
I had a rough time when I dropped Sean off
at the airport this morning.
But at least I know he's coming back in a couple of months.
I can't imagine what you're going through.
Aww, thanks, Nancy.
Well, our sons may leave us,
but at least we'll always have each other.
Okay, I'm trying to be brave here,
but I don't think I'm very good at being brave.
But you know what I'm good at? Crying.
I'm finding I'm surprisingly good at crying.
I'm gonna try to make it out there in July, though, okay?
That's the seventh month, right?
Right.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Wooooooh!
Oh, we're, uh, not all doing that?
Hello, Axl.
Weir... Ashley.
What are you doing here?
How'd you know I was leaving?
- I just knew. - Oh.
Okay, well, thanks for coming over to say goodbye.
Oh, it's not goodbye.
See you soon.
Oh.
I thought you...
You can have it.
Really?
Yeah.
I still don't understand how birth order dictates seats,
but I figured this is your last trip with the family.
Besides, I can sit by the window on the way back.
But I think I want to sit on Mom's side.
What? Brick, you can't sit behind Mom.
I'm always behind Mom.
This is the girls' side of the car!
I don't know, with Axl gone,
it seems to me every seat's up for grabs.
- It's not up for grabs! - I call it!
Wha... You can't call it. Mom, tell Brick he can't call it!
Just take me to the bus station! I'd rather take the bus.
She already said if it's called, it's called!
Smile and wave. The neighbors are watching.
Bye! Love you!
They're already fighting.
When I get a gift, I put your name on it.
What?
When I get a gift, I put your name on it.
- What? - You heard me.
No, actually, I didn't hear you. That's why I'm asking you what.
I'm just saying, when I get a gift
for our children, I put "From Mom and Dad."
Sometimes I even give you top billing
and put "From Dad and Mom."
Yeah, you say that, but everyone knows it's from you.
That's not the point.
The point is, I sign it from both of us
because we're a unit.
We're a eunuch?
Unit! You need to get your ears checked.
Maybe I don't want to get my ears checked.
Look, it was just the gift to end all gifts,
and it would've been nice if you had included me. That's all.
So, tell him it's from both of us. I don't care.
I'm not gonna do that.
Hey, Axl! Axl!
I'm so happy you love the watch
that your dad and I both gave you.
He thought of the latitude, but I thought of the longitude.
Anyone in the car believe that?
- No. - No.
Hey. Hey, look over there.
"Emery's Fresh Peaches"!
Mike, pull over. Axl loves peaches.
I'm gonna get him some... from me.
Hey, Axl! We're stoppin' for peaches!
Car peaches from Mom!
- We don't wanna stop. - Now? Why? I don't want any peaches.
Mmm. Actually, these aren't bad.
Yeah. They're not bad. I'm glad you like my gift.
Happy moving day, love Mom.
Oh. Oh, bee. Bee! Bee in the car!
It won't sting you if you're not afraid of them.
Yeah, but I am afraid of them!
Ah! Oh! There's another one.
The peaches are attracting them.
Oh, I didn't even want the peaches!
Why did Mom get me stupid peaches?!
They were from both of us!
Quick, just throw 'em out the window!
No, we can't do that!
That's littering and wasting food!
It's a double sin!
It's compost! It's fine!
Sorry, America!
Remember, no liquids, gels, or aerosols!
I don't need a sob story about whatever rash you have,
your ointment is not going on that plane.
You got any laptops or liquids in that bag?
No, ma'am. I follow all TSA rules and regulations.
That's my good boy.
Come on.
Excuse me. Is this your bag?
- Yes, sir. - Can you step over here, please?
You know you're not permitted to bring liquids through security?
I didn't.
Oh! Maybe your machine is picking up
on my mom's death-by-fudge brownies
with molten chocolate in the middle?
They are kind of oozy.
No, this item is not brownie-related.
I'm talking about this.
It seems we have a snow globe here with a winter scene
and a note that says...
"Sean, you always called me your snowflake,
so when I found this snow globe,
the first person I thought of was you.
If you ever get homesick, shake the globe and think of us.
Love, Sue."
What?
Sorry, but I'm gonna have to toss that.
I enjoy a whimsical snow globe as much as the next guy,
but I can't let you get on the plane with it.
Oh, I'm not getting on that plane.
Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Horse.
Cow.
Horse.
You guys missed it.
"Indiana Mobile Alert: You're almost out of data.
You have 5% of your family plan minutes remaining.
Overage data $15 for each additional gigabyte."
Oh, my God! Everybody off your devices! Off your devices!
- What?! - Mom! - Hey!
We're about to exceed our data plan!
Shut off your phones!
No! I'm on level six of Pizza Man!
I'm up to eight toppings. Brick, shut off your phone.
I'm streaming the "Planet Nowhere Director's Cut."
- Sue, you get off yours. - Not yet.
I am watching a dog surf, and he's almost to the shore.
Besides, you said the "Planet Nowhere" movie was terrible.
It is. I'm hate-watching it.
Sue, no one cares about a dog surfing!
What about a dog surfing backwards?
- He's so confident up there! - Ha! He's got a life jacket on.
- Mike. - You heard your mom... off!
All of you!
And I'm not just talking about the games and videos.
Power your phones down! You don't need 'em.
There's a whole world out there that's plenty exciting.
Horse.
Cow.
Hi! It's Sue. Sorry I'm not here right now.
Please leave your name, number, and a nice wish for the world.
Sean?
Sean, what are you doing here?
- I... - You're supposed to be on a plane.
I need to talk to Sue!
Sue? She's on her way to Denver.
They left over an hour ago.
Ooh! "Welcome to Illinois. Land of Lincoln."
Oh, boy. Getting closer!
Only three states left to go!
Ugh. My stomach's not feeling too great.
I think Mom's bee-peaches were bad.
Mom and Dad's bee-peaches were bad.
I know what it is, Axl.
You're nervous. You've got butterflies.
I am not nervous.
It must have been something I ate.
Axl, I've seen you pull a sandwich
out of the disposal and finish it.
It's not anything you ate.
Admit it. You've got butterflies in your tummy.
Oh, yeah? You know what you have?
- What? - A frozen head.
Axl, you're not allowed to talk about my frozen head anymore.
- We have a pact! - Point taken.
However, we have no pact about freezing your body.
- You can't do that! - Yep, it's happening.
I'm gonna freeze your body
and toss your head into McCormick's Creek.
You can't toss my head into the creek!
Small children play there, and they'll find it
when they're looking for crayfish!
Actually, change of plans.
I am going to freeze your body
and put a horse head on it.
Fine. Then I'll take that horse's body
and put your stupid head on it!
That'd be awesome. I'd be the coolest horse-man ever.
You're lying. You're lying!
You would not be happy with a horse body!
Sure I would. I would win the Kentucky Derby
and then give interviews afterward.
I wouldn't even need a jockey.
Then I'll take my horse head
and run in the Kentucky Derby, too!
More like the Kendorky Derby.
You couldn't get more than two steps without stumbling around
with a big, heavy horse head on your stupid Sue body.
Stop talking about human heads on animal bodies!
You know that's my 43rd greatest fear!
That's it... phones back on!
I'll pay for the overage.
Man, this guy is driving nuts. What's your hurry, buddy?
Axl, stop pretending it would be a good thing
- to have your head on a horse body! - Too late!
You put my head on a horse body, and everybody loves it.
Actually, you know what?
I changed my mind. You're right.
It was wrong of me to put a horse's head on your body.
It's not fair to the horse.
Shut up! Shut up your stupid face!
Easy girl!
Somebody go in the blue bag
and get her a carrot.
- Mom! - Mike.
- Axl. - Sean?
Sue! Sue!
Sean?
Wha... What are you doing here? Is everything okay?
I was at the airport to go to Ghana,
and I found this in my bag.
Oh. Uh, yeah, I put it in there as a goodbye gift.
This is a long way to come to thank me, Sean.
No, no, no, no. You don't understand.
I bought this for you last year.
How did you end up with it?
I found it in the trash at my apartment.
That's where I threw it out
after Axl told me you were dating someone.
Axl! Did you tell Sean I was dating someone?!
I thought you were there for Lexie!
I told you I liked Sue on New Year's Eve!
I thought you were drunk!
Why didn't you tell me you liked me on New Year's Eve?
I-I don't know.
I thought you were with that Aidan guy,
so I tried to woo you by leaving you the balloons
and the Sno-drifts and the flowers...
That was you?! Oh, my bad!
I gave the flowers to Cindy!
That is so frustrating!
Sue, people travel the whole world to find their soul mate,
but mine has been right across the street all along.
I don't know when I started feeling this way,
maybe it was when my mom forced me to hold your hand
at the zoo so you wouldn't get lost, I don't know.
But what I know is that when we kissed,
it was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
Everything about you makes me happy...
the way you think, the way you smile.
You get excited about everything...
the muffin you just ate, the smell of chalk.
You are walking sunshine, and I feel like a complete idiot
for wasting a single minute by not telling you that.
So, now you know how I feel, but you gotta tell me...
what does this mean for you?
Did you give this to me 'cause I'm your brother's friend?
Or 'cause I'm your neighbor?
I need you to be super clear with me here, Sue,
because obviously we're not very good about being clear.
Is this clear enough?
I love you, Sue Heck.
I love you so much back.
Wait! Wait, wait, wait.
But aren't they expecting you in Ghana?
Yeah, but it doesn't matter. I'll be back in three months.
I'll be here.
Well, uh, uh, not on this road. I'll be at my house.
Or I might be out when you get home,
but if you just call me, I will be there...
Will you hold on to this for me until I get back?
I will.
Are you kidding me?!
Did that really just happen?
Sue.
It doesn't matter. We don't need it.
It did what it was supposed to do.
It... It brought us to each other.
Well, I did not see that coming at all.
I knew. I've known for a long time.
I was the first, but I was sworn to secrecy.
That's why I knew and the rest of you didn't.
- I knew. - I knew.
Not till after I knew.
I am just floating on air.
You know, I saw movies where people were this happy,
but I never thought it could happen to me.
Oh, isn't it crazy how life works?
There I was at mile marker 15 just living an ordinary life
and then... Poof! mile marker 16,
and I am a woman in love.
You know how you just love
someone so much you ache when you're not with them?
You're not gonna ache all the way to Denver, are ya?
I am gonna ache the whole summer until he gets back.
I don't know why I'm crying.
I am so freaking happy!
Oh, boy. Okay, hold on.
I think we got some Kleenex in here.
Oh, whoa, not that one. That's the new Death Napkin.
What? What do you mean?
You made a new Death Napkin without me?
I was just jotting down some thoughts.
There was an accident at the quarry last month,
big explosion.
What? There was an explosion?
You didn't tell me you almost got blown up!
Well, there's nothing to tell.
I'm here. If I had blown up, I'd have told you.
Well, not me. Human Resources notifies the next of kin.
And they got a grief counselor if you want it.
You know what? I wouldn't need it.
There's another alert.
Okay, who's using data?
Now it says we're up to 99%.
Well, I had to tell Brad, and then he put me on
a group text with no-cut a capalla
and now my phone is blowing up.
Data costs money. We can't keep doing this.
Look, just take me off the family plan.
My new job gives me a company phone anyway.
Axl, don't be ridiculous.
We're not taking you off the family plan.
Why not? That makes no sense.
Um, because you're part of the family.
Not really. Not anymore.
Stop the car. Stop the car!
I'm gonna take the blue bag. She may need cookies.
Frankie, where are you going?
No, I can't do this.
No. I can't do it.
I am not gonna take my son a million miles away.
I will not be a part of it. It's just... It's too much.
You guys do what you want, but I'm not going.
I tried, Axl.
I tried to be cool so that you'd come back
and visit and I wouldn't lose you forever,
but you know what?
I'm not cool. I am not okay with this.
You know, Indiana Mobile has a family plan for a reason.
Because families are tied together.
No matter what.
We can't all be off using our minutes
willy-nilly by ourselves.
The minutes are all connected! They are intertwined!
'Cause that's the way it's supposed to be.
Indiana Mobile gets it.
- Frankie... - No.
And you have to appreciate the minutes before they run out.
Because this is it.
It's really it. It's over.
The five of us are never gonna be together like this again.
Axl's leaving, Sue's gonna take some hotel job,
Brick'll be sealed up in his room reading,
and Dad'll blow up and I'll find out from a grief counselor!
It's the end of an era.
And it's never gonna be the same again.
That's the way it's supposed to be.
Just promise me that no matter what happens
or... or where you guys end up,
we'll always stay on the same family plan.
We will. Promise. Always.
I don't know why I worried.
Axl did eventually move back to Orson.
Seriously?
I thought I told you when I left for work
this morning to clean this place up!
Do you have to leave your socks everywhere?
Oh, my God! You're always on me!
Have you been on the couch all day?
It's called summer, Dad. Look into it.
Yeah, look into it!
Hey! What did your mom and I tell you?
Watch the tone!
Yep, Mike and I got the greatest revenge.
He had three boys just like him.
Ugh.
And Brick?
He created a wildly successful book series about a quirky kid
who gets sucked into his magical microfiche machine
and travels through time with his trusty backpack.
Mr. Heck, I love the part where he licks the car.
It's so funny. How'd you think of that?
I had a very interesting childhood.
And Sue?
Well, she grew into the amazing woman
we all knew she'd be.
Unfortunately, she and Sean broke up.
Then they got back together.
Then they broke up again.
Then they got back together for the last time.
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Yep, we finally became Donahues.
And Mike and I?
Well, we never won the lottery.
We never fixed the wallpaper.
We never patched the hole.
We never replaced the washing machine.
But for all the things we didn't have,
we sure had a lot.
I am starving. We need to stop somewhere.
You threw perfectly good food out the window.
We're not stopping.
There's granola bars in the blue bag.
Wait. Where's the blue bag?
Oh, Sue left the blue bag!
Stop flicking me, Axl!
You leave the blue bag, you get flicked.
Don't flick your sister!
See? This is why I didn't want to sit in the middle!
The middle.
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com