1
00:00:01,590 --> 00:00:04,560
? It seems today that all you see ?

2
00:00:04,590 --> 00:00:08,200
? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ?

3
00:00:08,220 --> 00:00:11,430
? But where are those good
old-fashioned values ?

4
00:00:11,460 --> 00:00:14,430
? On which we used to rely? ?

5
00:00:14,460 --> 00:00:17,930
? Lucky there's a family guy ?

6
00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:21,540
? Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ?

7
00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:23,160
? All the things that make us ?

8
00:00:23,180 --> 00:00:24,860
? Laugh and cry ?

9
00:00:24,980 --> 00:00:30,220
? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ?

10
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,600
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --

11
00:00:34,820 --> 00:00:36,850
Is it me, or does David Ortiz

12
00:00:36,890 --> 00:00:39,050
look just like the mom on Good Times?

13
00:00:39,090 --> 00:00:41,500
- Oh, Peter, that's racist.
- Well, no. Look.

14
00:00:44,060 --> 00:00:45,330
I take it back.

15
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,600
That's not racist. That's just accurate.

16
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:49,760
Hey, guys, guess who's got the keys

17
00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:52,030
to a speedboat just sitting
down at the station?

18
00:00:52,070 --> 00:00:53,670
How'd you get a speedboat?

19
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:55,940
Well, it's a funny story.

20
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,460
That was a funny story.

21
00:01:00,580 --> 00:01:01,940
Especially the funny part.

22
00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:03,880
You really delivered on your promise.

23
00:01:03,910 --> 00:01:06,320
All right, who's up for waterskiing?!

24
00:01:06,340 --> 00:01:08,100
- Hell yeah!
- All right!

25
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:09,280
Yeah, let's do it!

26
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,090
Oh, that sounds amazing! I love boats.

27
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,450
Boats are my thing.

28
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:16,900
Anything to get out on the open
water, enjoy the salt air.

29
00:01:16,980 --> 00:01:18,020
Oh, they're already gone.

30
00:01:18,140 --> 00:01:19,536
No, you didn't widen enough.

31
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,700
But you still can't come.

32
00:01:25,970 --> 00:01:28,770
Good evening, Quahog. Just
parking. Be there in a sec.

33
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,240
Our top story:

34
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,660
authorities have uncovered a
mob-run prescription drug ring

35
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,210
targeting Goldman's Pharmacy.

36
00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:39,850
The scam involved
fraudulent prescriptions

37
00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:41,180
submitted for dead people.

38
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:43,540
Pharmacist Mort Goldman failed to report

39
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,890
to authorities for questioning.

40
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:48,220
A $10,000 bounty has been
offered for his return.

41
00:01:48,260 --> 00:01:50,840
$10,000? That's a lot of money.

42
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:52,600
Could be our money, Brian.

43
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,600
We could find Mort. Easily.

44
00:01:54,630 --> 00:01:56,700
Besides, we haven't
done anything together

45
00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:59,430
since our confusing two-host talk show.

46
00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:02,040
So, Chris Pratt, I hear
you have a new movie out.

47
00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:03,470
So, Chris, you're from Seattle?

48
00:02:03,510 --> 00:02:05,440
Chris, what was it like
working with Amy Poehler?

49
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,860
Hey, Chris, anything you can
tell us about Guardians 3?

50
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,060
- Chris! Chris!
- Chris! Chris!

51
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:10,440
- Chris Pratt, always a pleasure.
- Well, that's all the time

52
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:12,096
- we have with Chris Pratt.
- Take it away,

53
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,920
- multiracial modern band!
- retro swing guys!

54
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,280
Guests of

55
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,559
- The Stewie Griffin Show stay
- The Brian Griffin Show stay

56
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,360
- at the Essex House.
- at the W Times Square.

57
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,760
Waterskiing!

58
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,800
- All right!
- Water-sitting!

59
00:02:37,470 --> 00:02:39,000
You got to cut to the right.

60
00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:42,010
No, no, it's counterintuitive.
You got to cut left.

61
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,480
I know how to drive.

62
00:02:49,550 --> 00:02:51,680
Stop looking at us!

63
00:02:59,060 --> 00:03:02,100
Ugh! Maybe we won't be
going waterskiing today.

64
00:03:02,130 --> 00:03:03,180
Shut up, Joe.

65
00:03:03,220 --> 00:03:05,830
Hey, you want some help?
I do this all the time.

66
00:03:05,870 --> 00:03:08,200
[BLEEP] Get back in your
car with your wife!

67
00:03:10,860 --> 00:03:14,660
When you're going backwards,
everything's the opposite.

68
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,080
Oh, really? Thanks, driving instructor.

69
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,970
I feel like everyone watching knows

70
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,000
I'm incapable of pleasing
my wife sexually.

71
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,740
Now cut the wheel. Cut the wheel!

72
00:03:44,770 --> 00:03:46,820
No, the other way!

73
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,890
Ah, hell, we're gonna
be on the Internet.

74
00:04:13,140 --> 00:04:14,900
You know what? Screw it.

75
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:22,580
Let's boat!

76
00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:29,280
Cleveland, aren't you waterskiing?

77
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,900
- I don't like getting wet.
- Oh, come on.

78
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,260
What's the worst that could happen?

79
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:02,550
Mort must have panicked after the
pharmacy bust and fled town.

80
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:04,190
If we're gonna collect our ten grand,

81
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,250
we need to figure out where he went.

82
00:05:08,490 --> 00:05:10,960
Crap. His computer is
password-protected.

83
00:05:10,990 --> 00:05:14,060
Um, try "Such heat this day."

84
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:15,460
Nope.

85
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:18,380
How about "This fish is
cold, I want a refund"?

86
00:05:19,140 --> 00:05:20,670
No.

87
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:23,270
"But I lost the receipt."

88
00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:25,270
Bingo.

89
00:05:25,310 --> 00:05:26,610
Aha!

90
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,580
A confirmed plane ticket to Boca Raton.

91
00:05:29,610 --> 00:05:31,650
Looks like we're going to Florida.

92
00:05:33,850 --> 00:05:36,660
They must have figured out
where the pharmacist is.

93
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,350
We got to get to him first.

94
00:05:38,390 --> 00:05:40,390
We're going to Florida, too.

95
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:44,040
I know the answer is no,
but is there any chance

96
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:48,160
there's time for the Wizarding
World of Harry Potter?

97
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:52,270
Tony, what if the answer
is a resounding yes?

98
00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:54,140
Oh!

99
00:06:17,330 --> 00:06:18,830
What the hell?

100
00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:22,640
Oh. Oh, God!

101
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,710
Oh, my God! That shark's
attacking Quagmire!

102
00:06:30,740 --> 00:06:32,710
I think it's got him by the wiener!

103
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,180
Man, that guy can get
anyone to do that to him.

104
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,290
- Quagmire, are you okay?
- Do I look okay?!

105
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,720
I think you'll be fine.

106
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,990
You just got to wipe that
squashed tomato off your crotch.

107
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,400
Oh, my God! Quagmire lost his penis!

108
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,410
All right, we got to let
all the other boats know.

109
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:03,440
What is it again?

110
00:07:03,441 --> 00:07:04,839
White flag for "friendly,"

111
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,680
black for "not friendly,"
blue flag for "penis loss"?

112
00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:12,300
Oh, man, that sucks.

113
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,890
Doc, give it to us straight.
What's going on with our friend?

114
00:07:23,930 --> 00:07:26,580
Well, Mr. Griffin, there's
no easy way to put this,

115
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,660
so I'm just gonna come
right out and say it.

116
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:30,830
- He's black.
- Not that friend. Quagmire.

117
00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:32,730
Oh, him. Well, Mr. Quagmire,

118
00:07:32,770 --> 00:07:34,870
you've had quite the nasty shark attack.

119
00:07:34,910 --> 00:07:36,370
Luckily, you'll be okay.

120
00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:39,170
But you're going to have to
learn to live without a penis.

121
00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:41,440
Or will you?

122
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,250
Oh, what's this?

123
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,310
Is it... your penis?

124
00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:46,820
Nah, I'm just foolin'.

125
00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:49,520
I play that with my penis-less
patients to lighten the mood.

126
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:51,620
Liev Schreiber gets a
big kick out of it.

127
00:07:51,660 --> 00:07:54,060
Doc, do you know who you're talking to?

128
00:07:54,090 --> 00:07:57,180
- That penis was my whole life!
- It's not so bad.

129
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,879
At least you're not this pathetic guy

130
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,406
who couldn't get his boat in the water.

131
00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:02,030
Have you seen this?

132
00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:04,770
You should take his wiener.
He's clearly not using it.

133
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,770
Stop looking at us!

134
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:13,409
Ah, that... that does... that
does make me feel better.

135
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,980
_

136
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,120
- What are we doing here?
- This is Pitbull's house.

137
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,360
He knows everything about South Florida.

138
00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:28,890
He can help us find Mort.

139
00:08:28,930 --> 00:08:31,290
Doorbell, doorbell,

140
00:08:31,330 --> 00:08:32,630
doorbell, ring.

141
00:08:32,660 --> 00:08:34,000
It's my house.

142
00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:35,440
Esta mi casa.

143
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:40,100
Wow. Imagine kind of
knowing two languages.

144
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:43,040
Hang on. I'm in the
middle of writing a song.

145
00:08:43,270 --> 00:08:45,240
? Tingta tongka te tong tong tink. ?

146
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:46,780
That's a hit.

147
00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:49,140
What can I do for you,
my friends amigos?

148
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:51,350
I told you. This guy's the real deal.

149
00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:53,500
We're looking for a friend
who's hiding out down here.

150
00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:56,180
He's a Jewish pharmacist
from Rhode Island.

151
00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:58,090
- Coral Palm Motel.
- Told you.

152
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,120
And here's Pitbull with his newest hit,

153
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,420
"Tingta Tongka Te Tong Tong Tink."

154
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,160
Adios good-bye, amigo friends.

155
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:11,630
I got to go get paid to scream
"Make some noise!" in Vegas.

156
00:09:21,380 --> 00:09:23,380
I think I hear Mort in the bathroom.

157
00:09:23,410 --> 00:09:25,150
Come on, urine, you can do this!

158
00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:27,650
It's just like your
toilet at home. Please!

159
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:31,020
It's been five days now. Why
won't you just cooperate?!

160
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,940
Is someone out there?

161
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,066
Housekeeping!

162
00:09:34,090 --> 00:09:36,460
Oh, come on in. I'm just urinating.

163
00:09:36,490 --> 00:09:39,590
Tinkle, tinkle, splash, splash,
swoosh. Yeah, look at...

164
00:09:39,630 --> 00:09:41,760
Oh, boy, what a healthy stream!

165
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,470
Will it ever end?

166
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,600
What are you guys doing here?

167
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:49,500
We're taking you back to
Quahog to collect our reward.

168
00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:51,570
Oh, no, I can't go back there!

169
00:09:51,610 --> 00:09:53,780
The mob will kill me!

170
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,480
- Ha!
- What?

171
00:09:55,510 --> 00:09:58,310
A shark bit Quagmire's penis off.

172
00:09:58,350 --> 00:09:59,640
Ha.

173
00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:05,779
I can't believe it. This is horrible.

174
00:10:05,780 --> 00:10:07,760
- What am I gonna do?
- Come on, now.

175
00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:09,680
Keep that enormous chin up, Glenn.

176
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,130
There's lots you can do.

177
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,090
You could devote your life to Christ,

178
00:10:13,130 --> 00:10:14,860
or become a eunuch.

179
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,730
Cleveland, why don't
you sit this one out?

180
00:10:16,770 --> 00:10:18,630
Listen, Quagmire, I got just the way

181
00:10:18,670 --> 00:10:20,870
for you to embrace your
new life without a penis.

182
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:22,370
I've had this computer blocked

183
00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:24,670
so you can discover all
the other exciting things

184
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:27,060
- on the Internet besides porn.
- Like what?

185
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,040
Well, uh, there's, uh...

186
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:33,110
I like to research birds.
Try to learn a bird a day.

187
00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:34,750
Well, not that necessarily, but, uh...

188
00:10:34,790 --> 00:10:36,180
You got your robin.

189
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,320
Wow, you really know your stuff, Joe.

190
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,020
- Your swallow.
- Swallow?

191
00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:42,400
Uh, actually this is what
we're trying to avoid.

192
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:43,499
You got your titmouse.

193
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,230
Damn it, Joe, stop with the sex birds!

194
00:10:45,260 --> 00:10:47,240
Look, I appreciate what
you're trying to do, guys,

195
00:10:47,260 --> 00:10:48,630
but this is a disaster.

196
00:10:48,670 --> 00:10:50,770
You don't understand what
that penis meant to me.

197
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,730
We did everything together.

198
00:10:52,770 --> 00:10:54,780
Absolutely everything.

199
00:10:54,910 --> 00:10:58,270
"As she tenderly unlaced
her silken corset,

200
00:10:58,310 --> 00:11:00,980
Jennifer shuddered in anticipation of...

201
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:05,280
...the sensual night ahead."

202
00:11:10,590 --> 00:11:12,050
This is not good.

203
00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:13,720
As soon as I'm back in Quahog,

204
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,590
- the mob is gonna kill me!
- I don't care.

205
00:11:15,630 --> 00:11:17,330
We're getting the hell out of Florida.

206
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,330
Florida. Which, interesting trivia,

207
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,460
was the name of the mom in Good Times

208
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,460
played by David Ortiz.

209
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:26,100
Uh-oh, looks like the mob
knew we were coming.

210
00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:27,900
It's him! Get him!

211
00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:29,470
Oh, no! We're done for!

212
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,580
No, we're not. I'm the
fastest Jew in the world.

213
00:11:42,350 --> 00:11:45,590
Crap. They got Mort.
There goes our reward.

214
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,620
Well, maybe we were in over our heads.

215
00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:50,400
Like an announcer who knows
nothing about his sport.

216
00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:52,760
He's got about 190 yards to the hole.

217
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,130
Looks like he's going for his 5-iron.

218
00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:57,270
And those greens are playing very fast,

219
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,400
so he's gonna have to use
caution on his approach.

220
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,000
Yeah, yeah.

221
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,320
Jordan Spieth, of course,

222
00:12:02,340 --> 00:12:03,610
having a great tournament.

223
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,240
He birdied this hole yesterday.

224
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,740
Is that right? Wow.

225
00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:10,610
And he hits a great
shot, right on the green.

226
00:12:10,650 --> 00:12:12,280
Yeah, yeah.

227
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,860
How, uh... how do you win golf?

228
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:21,890
We now return to HGTV's

229
00:12:21,930 --> 00:12:23,390
Couples Looking for a House

230
00:12:23,430 --> 00:12:25,990
Where the Woman Doesn't
Know the Guy's Gay.

231
00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:28,350
Well, I'm looking for a
place with good schools,

232
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:29,800
and, because he works in the city,

233
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,500
he's looking for an easy commute.

234
00:12:31,530 --> 00:12:33,370
Yeah, she teaches here
at the high school

235
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,340
and I work in town as a
choreographer and florist.

236
00:12:36,370 --> 00:12:38,710
And we'll probably need a nursery.

237
00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:40,580
Well, that's a discussion.

238
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,040
- Oh, hey, Quagmire.
- Hey, Peter.

239
00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:46,500
I just came by to thank you

240
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,196
for giving me the kick
in the pants I needed

241
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:49,979
to stop feeling sorry for myself

242
00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:51,850
- and embrace my new life.
- I farted.

243
00:12:51,890 --> 00:12:54,400
As a result, I've
rediscovered an old hobby

244
00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:57,040
I used to love as a kid: ventriloquism.

245
00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:58,906
And I wanted to invite
you guys to the opening

246
00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:01,180
of my new show at the Quahog Playhouse.

247
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,099
Quagmire, we'd be delighted
to attend. Wouldn't miss it.

248
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:06,170
Gosh, thanks, Peter. That means a lot.

249
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,600
Okay, see you there.

250
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,440
Damn it! Why did I even open the door?!

251
00:13:10,470 --> 00:13:12,210
Ugh!

252
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,480
Getting excited.

253
00:13:14,510 --> 00:13:17,980
Now I got to go to this
thing! Ugh! Bite me!

254
00:13:18,010 --> 00:13:20,320
Laughing already just thinking about it.

255
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,480
Only one way to get out of this!

256
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:37,520
Oh, I'm so glad Quagmire's
back on his feet again.

257
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,240
God, this is gonna be torture.

258
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:42,080
Break a leg.

259
00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:43,440
Oh, hello.

260
00:13:43,470 --> 00:13:45,040
I didn't realize the curtain was up.

261
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,040
And people think I'm the dummy.

262
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,080
How is that doll talking?!

263
00:13:50,380 --> 00:13:51,980
I'm Glenn, and this is Edgar.

264
00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:54,920
What a great crowd, huh, Edgar?
This is gonna be a fun night.

265
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:56,250
You call this fun?

266
00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:58,550
You're talking to a wooden
doll to make up for the fact

267
00:13:58,590 --> 00:14:00,250
that you can't have sex anymore.

268
00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:01,920
Come on, come on, Edgar.

269
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,490
That's-that's not true.

270
00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:05,990
Besides, if you've got all the
answers, what do you suggest?

271
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:07,430
Here's a suggestion.

272
00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:10,160
Blow your [BLEEP] brains out
in front of all these people.

273
00:14:10,430 --> 00:14:12,340
Is this, is this real?

274
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,220
Oh, c-come on, Edgar.

275
00:14:14,260 --> 00:14:16,500
I-I got a lot to live for
according to everybody.

276
00:14:16,540 --> 00:14:18,040
I'm not gonna kill myself.

277
00:14:18,070 --> 00:14:19,970
Well, then, maybe I can help.

278
00:14:20,010 --> 00:14:22,079
Quagmire, no!

279
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,860
Oh, God, Peter's here. I so
don't want to talk to him.

280
00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:27,740
Hey, buddy. We got to catch up.

281
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,950
Well, Edgar, if you think
that would be best.

282
00:14:29,990 --> 00:14:31,690
Yes, you'll be out of your misery.

283
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,860
I think it's the guy talking!

284
00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:36,100
Quagmire, have you lost your mind?!

285
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,720
I'm holding this gun until
you start thinking straight.

286
00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:43,230
Use it on yourself, Joe.

287
00:14:43,270 --> 00:14:45,420
There's more than one
bullet in here, Joe.

288
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:48,220
Yeah, on second thought, maybe
you should hold this, Cleveland.

289
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:50,910
Are you really gonna just sit there

290
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:55,010
after all the crap white people
have given you your whole life?

291
00:14:55,050 --> 00:14:58,410
You know, maybe you
should hold this, Peter.

292
00:14:58,450 --> 00:15:01,820
Peter, you could get free tacos with me.

293
00:15:02,950 --> 00:15:04,020
It worked!

294
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,440
_

295
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,870
Quagmire, why the hell would
you want to kill yourself?

296
00:15:14,910 --> 00:15:17,260
Yeah, who ever heard of a
depressed ventriloquist?

297
00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:20,500
You want to know why? Because
I can't do this anymore.

298
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,140
My life is over.

299
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:25,610
I tried to adjust, but it's impossible.

300
00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:28,150
Come on, Quagmire, it's not impossible.

301
00:15:28,190 --> 00:15:30,590
You want impossible,
try eating local pizza

302
00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:32,250
with a guy from New York.

303
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,700
You call this pizza?

304
00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:36,320
We do here, yes.

305
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,300
All right, Brian, I
negotiated to get Mort

306
00:15:42,380 --> 00:15:43,930
- back from the mob.
- How?

307
00:15:43,970 --> 00:15:46,160
I told them Mort gave us his flash drive

308
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:48,170
with enough evidence to
put them all in jail.

309
00:15:48,210 --> 00:15:51,110
We're going to trade it for
Mort and collect our money.

310
00:15:51,140 --> 00:15:54,310
And I also ordered an
extra slice of pie.

311
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,680
Because you know how many
times we live, Brian?

312
00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:58,180
Once.

313
00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:00,250
Once.

314
00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:13,660
- Hey, Dad.
- I'm so sorry, Glenn.

315
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:15,060
Stop staring, Cleveland!

316
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,900
I can support his lifestyle

317
00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:18,830
and still think it's weird!

318
00:16:18,870 --> 00:16:21,700
- Thank you, Cleveland.
- Have a blessed day!

319
00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:26,020
Believe me, Glenn, I know
what you're going through.

320
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,260
No, you don't.

321
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,680
You had yours surgically
removed in a hospital.

322
00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:31,510
I had mine bitten off by a shark!

323
00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:33,780
I'm not allowed to go
into the ocean anymore.

324
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:36,400
The doctor says I can't
get seawater in it.

325
00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:38,760
I also have Crohn's disease.

326
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,180
They're unrelated.

327
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,260
Why are you here, Dad?

328
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:42,920
I knew you were down in the dumps,

329
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,930
so I brought you something
to cheer you up.

330
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,930
A Yeti cooler?

331
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,200
- That is kind of rad.
- No, that's mine.

332
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:50,480
Your gift is inside.

333
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:55,420
Is that your...?

334
00:16:55,610 --> 00:16:58,170
Yes, Glenn. It's my penis.

335
00:16:58,210 --> 00:17:00,610
After my surgery, I
kept it in my freezer.

336
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,750
Next to a snowball from the
winter, if you can believe that.

337
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:05,560
I want you to have it.

338
00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:08,840
I... I can't take your penis, Dad.

339
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:10,280
Please, take it.

340
00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:12,520
If you don't, I'm just gonna
give it to Paul Ryan.

341
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,360
I don't know what to say.

342
00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:15,940
Thank you.

343
00:17:16,490 --> 00:17:17,790
Weird.

344
00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:20,620
Proud of you guys, but weird.

345
00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:29,170
Okay, has everyone washed their hands?

346
00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:31,580
Me neither, but going
forward, let's try.

347
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,640
I'm so nervous for Quagmire.

348
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,710
I know, but it's nice that they
served hot dogs for the surgery.

349
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,340
There it is! Give me that!

350
00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:48,020
Nurse, you put it on there. I'm not gay.

351
00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:54,960
The operation was a success.

352
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,760
- Congratulations, Quagmire!
- Thanks, guys.

353
00:17:58,030 --> 00:18:00,940
And, Dad, I don't know how to thank you.

354
00:18:00,970 --> 00:18:03,980
You've given me the greatest
gift I could ever ask for.

355
00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:07,140
- I love you, son.
- I love you, too.

356
00:18:12,620 --> 00:18:15,050
- So, will it work, Dr. Hartman?
- Oh, yes.

357
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:17,920
I'm not sure about urination
or sex, but otherwise, yes.

358
00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:19,350
So, how you feeling?

359
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,420
I'm actually in extreme pain, Doc.

360
00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:23,620
It's like knives are
stabbing into my crotch.

361
00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:25,060
Don't worry, that'll go away

362
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,240
once you fill your prescription
at Goldman's Pharmacy.

363
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:29,560
- Mort's is closed.
- Oh. Oh, yeah.

364
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,930
Cool tie-in with the
other story, though.

365
00:18:31,970 --> 00:18:34,740
I'm trying to get more involved
in the writing this season.

366
00:18:34,770 --> 00:18:37,380
In fact, I think Family Guy
should be more of a dramedy.

367
00:18:37,610 --> 00:18:39,270
- What's a dramedy?
- Well, for one thing,

368
00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:41,910
the scenes don't have to end with jokes.

369
00:18:48,780 --> 00:18:51,020
- You got the flash drive?
- Yep.

370
00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:53,590
All the information that
could put you away forever.

371
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:55,420
Now, again, I don't know why we couldn't

372
00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:56,790
have done this by Dropbox.

373
00:18:56,830 --> 00:18:59,130
I mean, I don't mind coming
here to a parking lot...

374
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,559
I had to get Mort anyway... but

375
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,399
Dropbox would've saved you time.

376
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,730
And you wouldn't have to
mail me back my flash drive.

377
00:19:04,770 --> 00:19:06,470
What do you mean, mail it back?

378
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:09,480
You were planning to
keep it? It's 64 gigs!

379
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,910
I bought the coverage. You're
not getting the coverage.

380
00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:14,660
Hi, guys. I'm a pharmacist.

381
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:18,400
Ugh, Mort is so hard to write for.

382
00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:19,750
Okay, give us Mort.

383
00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:21,760
My mailing address is
in the flash drive.

384
00:19:21,990 --> 00:19:24,460
FBI! Freeze!

385
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:29,720
What the hell is this?

386
00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:35,330
Thanks for your cooperation, Mr.
Goldman.

387
00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:37,900
Wait a minute. You were
working with the Feds?

388
00:19:37,930 --> 00:19:39,330
Absolutely.

389
00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:41,099
When I heard there was a reward,

390
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,480
I immediately turned myself in.

391
00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:45,740
So you guys get bupkis.

392
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:47,400
I'm a pharmacist.

393
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,220
Well, Brian, we may not
have gotten the $10,000,

394
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:53,360
but it'll be a joy

395
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,096
to hear no more Jewish talk

396
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,120
for a long while.

397
00:19:56,290 --> 00:19:58,950
"Brian and Stewie laugh.
The image freezes.

398
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,390
The end."

399
00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:02,560
Ah, that was a good day's work.

400
00:20:02,590 --> 00:20:04,160
I've earned this.

401
00:20:06,430 --> 00:20:09,230
Little shot of the ol'
Sorkin genius juice.

402
00:20:16,490 --> 00:20:18,830
So, Quagmire, how's the
new rod holding up?

403
00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:21,430
Yeah, you know. Good, pretty good.

404
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:24,300
I've been having a lot of sex. Um...

405
00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:26,900
My dad didn't mention there's a
four-inch mole on the left side.

406
00:20:26,940 --> 00:20:28,240
- What?
- Uh-huh.

407
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,340
It's, like, the size of a 50-cent piece

408
00:20:30,370 --> 00:20:33,380
- and a dime kissing each other.
- Yikes. Frightening.

409
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,210
Yeah, some gals find it off-putting.

410
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:38,410
I try to tell them it's my dad's
old penis, but that, um...

411
00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:40,580
that just tends to make it worse.

412
00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:42,580
But the girls that stay are just great.

413
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:44,420
Well, I'm happy for you, Quagmire.

414
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:47,190
Don't be. Anyway, I got to take a leak.

415
00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:48,980
Well, I'm just glad our friend's

416
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,440
back to his old self.

417
00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:52,340
Yeah, seems he hasn't missed a beat.

418
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,560
It's great that we can be there
for each other in trying times.

419
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,040
What's that noise?

420
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,450
That's the sound of peeing
out your daddy's wiener.

421
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:06,460
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
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