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Previously on The Last Man On Earth...

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I came across some murdered corpses

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hidden in our walls.

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The chances of that blob being people

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are almost nonexistent.

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Let's go.

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Home, sweet...

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We're moving.

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Wh-What do you mean we're moving?

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The house is filled with dead bodies

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sealed up in the walls.

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It's like a gingerbread
house made of corpses, bud.

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And guns! All over the place.

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You'd swear we were still in America.

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Oh! Looks like you
guys missed a spot here.

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Well, how was your trip?
Did you find any people?

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Hate to say it, Care Bear,

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but we're all still fighting
a raging case of HPV...

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- Human People Vanished.
- And of course,

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Phil is still battling the more
traditional strain as well...

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- And-and winning! And-and winning.
- Sure. Oh, hey!

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We did bring you guys back
some horny little souvenirs.

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You're gonna love this.

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Ta-da!

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- Oh, no, no, no, no!
- Whoa, hey! Hey!

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- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Stop! Get back here! Halt!

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Idiot.

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- We'll get them later.
- Kids, am I right?

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Well, guess it's time we
say our final good-byes.

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? Our house ?

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? In the middle ?

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? Of our ?

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? Street... ?

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Today we say adios to
a very special casa.

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It hasn't been this hard
to say good-bye to a house

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since Hugh Laurie died, but we must.

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So many memories.

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Where our babies saw
their first piano explode.

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Where Todd's yeoman-like
self-pleasuring

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put another baby in the Dundee pouch.

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Where Gail propositioned me to have sex

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and was furious when I called her on it.

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And where I taught an old
dog the greatest trick of all,

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how to roll over and play alive.

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And so we lay to rest the brave souls

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who insulated our walls
lo these many months.

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Melissa will now honor
them with a 21-gun salute.

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- That was about 21.
- That was beautiful.

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And as we move on to
our new home in Cancun...

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Hoo-dee!

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A controversial suggestion
from an unnamed source...

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- Proud of it.
- who pressured us relentlessly

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until we bent to his or her whims

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like the jellyfish we are...

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- Yeah, you did.
- We bid our final "hasta la vista, baby"

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to this place that meant so much

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until it turned into a
raging carnival of horrors.

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And now,

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we send it back to Hell,
from whence it came.

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Beelzebub,

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take this house and
shove it in your butt.

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Now stand back, everyone.

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I packed a lot of charge in there.

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It's a remote control
thing for explosives.

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Okay, now.

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Goggles?

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Un-soft hats?

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Here we go.

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Three... two... one...

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Hold on, Tandy, wait!

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Cancun, baby!

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So we're really doing this?

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I mean, we're just gonna
leave Jasper behind?

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I left him a self-driving car
with coordinates to Cancun.

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I mean, if he wants to come, he'll come.

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Yeah, you're doing the right thing.

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What's going on there?

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- What?
- With the...

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- Oh, this?
- Yeah.

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As you know, being pregnant
really takes its toll

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on the female body.

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In my case, my sleep apnea

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has now blossomed into
full-blown day apnea.

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And-and the sunglasses?

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Well, to be honest,

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I'm a little self-conscious
about the mask,

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so I thought the sunglasses
might up my cool factor.

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Is it working?

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- Totally.
- Very... yeah, very cool.

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You sure you don't
want to take your truck?

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No, I'm good.

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She already did her job, you know?

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She brought me back to my brother.

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Plus, the cab is literally
soaked in goat piss.

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Oh, uh, that reminds me, I
brought you a little lemonade.

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Why did goat... make
you think of lemonade?

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Why is it in a vase?

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Uh...

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And why's there so little of it, too?

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- It's just this small amount.
- It's really a simple question.

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- Do you want some lemonade or not?
- Nah, I'm good.

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So what's the plan?

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Drive out to Tapachula,
grab as many goats as we can,

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then bust ass for Cankizzy.

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How are we gonna get everyone there?

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Should we go pick up
an R.V. or something?

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I was thinking more along
the lines of an S.E....

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Something else.

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All aboard!

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Next stop, Tapachula!

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Cancun, baby!

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Well, Andy,

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it's still hard saying
good-bye to Zihuatanejo.

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Well, Red,

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get busy living...

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Or get busy dying.

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Well, I guess it's
time for me to move on

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to the next movie in
my filmography, Seven.

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Will you join me, Brad Pitt?

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What's in the box? What's in the box?!

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Ah...

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Hey, couldn't help notice
you guys Frenching over here,

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and I love it. You know,
glad you guys are enjoying

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each other's mouths.

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- What do you want, Tandy?
- Look.

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I feel like Mike is
still a little bit lonely,

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so I think it might be nice

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if we, you know, keep
the PDA to a minimum.

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I mean, for instance,
Carol and I have decided

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that every time we want to kiss,

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we're just gonna shake hands instead.

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It's actually been pretty erotic.

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After all, the, you know, the
palm is the vagina of the hand.

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- No, it's not.
- So, uh, what do you say?

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- Copy that, bud.
- Thanks, bud. Friendship kiss?

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- Of course.
- Great.

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That was a test. You failed it.

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Son of a gun.

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Well, the last time I was on a train,

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I was smuggling a duffel bag
full of endangered turtles,

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but this is pretty nice.

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Is this all the food we brought?

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Mango chutney and a pie shell?

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That's the only stuff in the
house that wasn't expired.

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Oh, don't worry.

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According to Tandy
and Mike, 13 more hours

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and we'll be swimming in goat meat.

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Looks like we've been "goats-ted."

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I don't get it. They were right here.

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Oh, my God. Are those avocado trees?

151
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Look at all these orange trees.

152
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Well, I'd say they're
mostly green and brown,

153
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but they do have the
fruit oranges on them.

154
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Idiot.

155
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Hey, uh, why don't you
guys stick around here,

156
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and, uh, Phil and I will go
look for the goats, all right?

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Hey, Todd, do you know
how to build a fire?

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Yeah, no problem. We, uh,
we have any oven mitts?

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I'll do it.

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Okay.

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- Well, be back soon.
- Oh.

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- Bye.
- Bye.

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? Let me do all the things ?

164
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? You want me to do ?

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? 'Cause tonight, baby ?

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? I want to get freaky ?

167
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? With you, oh. ?

168
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Yeah.

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Hey, you know, speaking
of getting freaky,

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you and Carol can totally
kiss in front of me.

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- It doesn't bother me.
- Oh.

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You know, I just didn't want
to make you uncomfortable.

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I know you've been
feeling a little lonely.

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00:08:05,937 --> 00:08:07,097
Phil...

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I'm fine.

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- Yeah?
- Okay. Okay.

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Mind if we pick up the pace
here a little bit, though?

178
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Oh, sorry. Clancy kind of marches

179
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to the beat of his own drum.

180
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So what's the story
with this thing, anyway?

181
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I don't know.

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I missed having a dog.

183
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And this is working for you?

184
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Oh, yeah, Clancy is
great, yeah. Watch this.

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Clancy, fetch!

186
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Okay, come on.

187
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There you go. Good approach.

188
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Head down. Come on. There you go.

189
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Okay, now pick it up.

190
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You should know from experience
this would work a lot better

191
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:46,515
if you rubbed a little
peanut butter on it.

192
00:08:46,540 --> 00:08:49,284
Mike, that is so aggressively wack.

193
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,119
- What?
- Okay, that was one time.

194
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,358
Hey, hey. Check it out.

195
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What?

196
00:08:56,938 --> 00:08:59,094
Oh, my God.

197
00:09:07,716 --> 00:09:10,372
Kind of reminds me of Grandma's.

198
00:09:11,566 --> 00:09:13,299
All right, come on. Let's go.

199
00:09:13,405 --> 00:09:14,505
Okay.

200
00:09:25,089 --> 00:09:27,122
Incredible, Carol.

201
00:09:27,157 --> 00:09:30,058
I mean, I'd order this
in a sit-down restaurant.

202
00:09:30,094 --> 00:09:32,361
Ah, look at you gals
getting your feast on.

203
00:09:32,396 --> 00:09:35,063
Carol has really outdone herself.

204
00:09:35,099 --> 00:09:36,231
You see any goats out there?

205
00:09:36,266 --> 00:09:37,990
Uh, unfortunately, no.

206
00:09:38,015 --> 00:09:39,872
But we did see a pretty cool house.

207
00:09:39,897 --> 00:09:40,930
You know, it could come in handy

208
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,238
if we need to stay here
longer than expected.

209
00:09:43,273 --> 00:09:44,692
Okay, hold up. Just how
long are we gonna wait

210
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:45,340
for these goats, anyway?

211
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,109
Yeah, we need to make a plan.

212
00:09:47,144 --> 00:09:49,698
The plan is we stay
for as long as it takes.

213
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,346
I mean, this could be a food source

214
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,541
that could last us
the rest of our lives.

215
00:09:53,823 --> 00:09:58,197
Goat milk, goat cheese,
goat yogurt, goat, uh, eggs.

216
00:09:58,801 --> 00:10:01,256
What's the harm in waiting
around a few more days?

217
00:10:01,291 --> 00:10:03,058
This is a pretty pleasant place.

218
00:10:03,657 --> 00:10:07,006
Fine, but I'm not waiting around
forever for billy goat cheese.

219
00:10:07,031 --> 00:10:08,130
Yeah, that's right.

220
00:10:08,165 --> 00:10:09,781
Yeah, what if they never come back?

221
00:10:09,806 --> 00:10:11,544
You got this long.

222
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,239
Ticktock.

223
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:31,453
Hey, can't sleep?

224
00:10:32,235 --> 00:10:34,409
Yeah, me, neither.

225
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,293
Want to take a little walk?

226
00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:29,920
Oh. Hey, Clancy, fetch.

227
00:11:30,039 --> 00:11:31,486
Fetch.

228
00:12:11,659 --> 00:12:14,089
What the hell?

229
00:12:14,546 --> 00:12:16,491
Hey there, little turkey.

230
00:12:17,399 --> 00:12:20,050
Hey. Hey, don't be afraid.

231
00:12:20,075 --> 00:12:22,230
Hey. Hey, don't be afraid.

232
00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:24,099
Come here. Come here.

233
00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,334
No, no, no! Where are you going?

234
00:12:26,715 --> 00:12:28,303
Hey! Come back!

235
00:12:31,990 --> 00:12:33,141
Tandy!

236
00:12:33,177 --> 00:12:35,076
The goats! They came back!

237
00:12:35,511 --> 00:12:37,544
Cancun, baby.

238
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,796
Looks like that just about does it.

239
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,476
You ready to leave, Boogersleeve?

240
00:12:52,359 --> 00:12:54,597
Cancun, baby!

241
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:23,859
Phil.

242
00:13:23,961 --> 00:13:25,728
Look.

243
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,076
- Hey, why are we stopping?
- That was that little dog

244
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,037
- you were talking about.
- Yeah.

245
00:13:34,062 --> 00:13:35,346
Hey, little guy!

246
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,132
You want to go to Cancun with us?

247
00:13:40,142 --> 00:13:41,968
Hey, come here!

248
00:13:42,351 --> 00:13:43,752
Well, I guess he wants to stay here.

249
00:13:43,777 --> 00:13:44,838
- What's going on?
- Cancun, baby!

250
00:13:44,940 --> 00:13:45,839
Come on!

251
00:13:45,941 --> 00:13:47,974
Cancun! Cancun!

252
00:13:48,076 --> 00:13:50,333
- Cancun! Cancun!
- All right, Phil. Come on.

253
00:13:50,358 --> 00:13:51,845
- Let's do it.
- Cancun! Cancun!

254
00:13:51,947 --> 00:13:56,116
Cancun! Cancun! Cancun!

255
00:13:56,218 --> 00:13:58,051
Cancun! Cancun!

256
00:13:58,153 --> 00:14:01,087
- Cancun! Cancun!
- What's up, bud?

257
00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:04,090
Cancun! Cancun! Cancun!

258
00:14:04,193 --> 00:14:08,028
- Cancun! Cancun!
- Phil?

259
00:14:08,130 --> 00:14:10,374
Cancun! Cancun!

260
00:14:10,399 --> 00:14:12,332
What the hell?

261
00:14:17,918 --> 00:14:19,387
What the hell you doing, Phil?

262
00:14:19,412 --> 00:14:21,427
Oh, my God, are you digging a grave

263
00:14:21,452 --> 00:14:23,210
for your dead robot dog?

264
00:14:23,312 --> 00:14:25,946
No. The grave I'm digging...

265
00:14:26,457 --> 00:14:27,623
is for me.

266
00:14:27,648 --> 00:14:30,016
No, Tandy. Think of the children!

267
00:14:30,118 --> 00:14:32,735
No, look, it's not for right now.

268
00:14:32,942 --> 00:14:34,330
It's for years from now.

269
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:36,823
I don't understand.

270
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:40,961
Last night, I dug a
grave for that thing.

271
00:14:41,406 --> 00:14:43,073
That's not a dog.

272
00:14:43,401 --> 00:14:45,234
But I convinced myself it was

273
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,894
'cause it was the closest I
could find to the real thing.

274
00:14:48,414 --> 00:14:51,881
But then I saw a
dog... like, a real dog.

275
00:14:52,281 --> 00:14:53,499
And it made me realize

276
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,402
I've been chasing after
something that doesn't exist.

277
00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:58,437
We all have.

278
00:14:59,073 --> 00:15:00,372
What are you saying?

279
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,408
He's saying he wants to live here.

280
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:03,676
Are you high?

281
00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:05,321
Yeah, Gail, I am high.

282
00:15:05,346 --> 00:15:08,523
Okay, high on fresh
food and clean water.

283
00:15:08,548 --> 00:15:09,714
I mean, this place has

284
00:15:09,739 --> 00:15:12,017
everything we need to make a life.

285
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:15,154
You know, fertile soil
and natural irrigation,

286
00:15:15,256 --> 00:15:17,256
fields for the goats, you name it.

287
00:15:17,358 --> 00:15:19,158
But it's in the middle of nowhere.

288
00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:21,460
Oh, so you think that
Cancun is gonna be better?

289
00:15:21,562 --> 00:15:25,030
'Cause I can tell you exactly
what we're gonna find there.

290
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,066
Beaches littered with dead bodies,

291
00:15:27,168 --> 00:15:30,002
stores picked clean of all the supplies.

292
00:15:30,432 --> 00:15:33,472
We'll show up, find
a fancy place to live;

293
00:15:33,574 --> 00:15:36,175
then, after six months,
we'll just leave it

294
00:15:36,277 --> 00:15:38,344
for another place
that's exactly like it.

295
00:15:38,792 --> 00:15:40,592
Where does it end?

296
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,633
Look, there's literally
an expiration date

297
00:15:45,735 --> 00:15:47,801
on the way we've been living,

298
00:15:47,904 --> 00:15:50,437
and that date has passed.

299
00:15:50,695 --> 00:15:53,121
So, look, if you guys
want to go to Cancun

300
00:15:53,146 --> 00:15:55,232
and raise our kids on expired pie shells

301
00:15:55,257 --> 00:15:58,939
and mango chutney, hey,
I'll go along with it.

302
00:15:59,615 --> 00:16:02,159
But I happen to think there's
something better out there.

303
00:16:02,852 --> 00:16:04,718
And it's right here.

304
00:16:07,757 --> 00:16:10,453
Well, Tandy, you know my answer.

305
00:16:11,894 --> 00:16:13,661
I'm with you.

306
00:16:14,644 --> 00:16:16,191
Us, too, bud.

307
00:16:16,216 --> 00:16:17,845
Maybe it's time we all grow up.

308
00:16:29,045 --> 00:16:31,396
Tapachula, baby!

309
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:38,279
Carol, this is actually delicious.

310
00:16:38,314 --> 00:16:39,513
Thanks, Mom.

311
00:16:39,549 --> 00:16:41,349
You know, you wouldn't
think goat hair would make

312
00:16:41,384 --> 00:16:43,217
a good barbecue rub,

313
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,257
but it always surprises.

314
00:16:47,244 --> 00:16:49,390
Hey, uh, Mike.

315
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,325
can I talk to you for a sec?

316
00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:58,510
What's up?

317
00:16:58,990 --> 00:17:00,230
This.

318
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,256
I already, uh, disconnected the train,

319
00:17:05,281 --> 00:17:08,540
so, uh, you can leave whenever you want.

320
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:09,641
What?

321
00:17:10,066 --> 00:17:12,979
You're not gonna be happy here. Not yet.

322
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:15,123
You have to go and see what's out there.

323
00:17:15,985 --> 00:17:18,026
Wh... are you sure?

324
00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:31,974
There you go, guys.

325
00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:38,668
So, this is it.

326
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,989
For now.

327
00:17:41,024 --> 00:17:42,790
I have something for you.

328
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,161
This is yours now.

329
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,163
No.

330
00:17:54,518 --> 00:17:55,817
Turn around.

331
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,769
Turn around. Yeah.

332
00:18:14,352 --> 00:18:17,453
Whenever you feel lonely,
give that thing a tug,

333
00:18:17,488 --> 00:18:19,914
and you'll know I'm with you.

334
00:18:21,292 --> 00:18:23,192
Now I feel bad, you know.

335
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:24,293
I-I didn't get you anything.

336
00:18:24,328 --> 00:18:26,128
Oh, no, that's fine.

337
00:18:26,163 --> 00:18:28,163
Oh, you know what?

338
00:18:29,033 --> 00:18:30,566
Here.

339
00:18:31,726 --> 00:18:33,593
A few armpit hairs.

340
00:18:34,566 --> 00:18:36,866
I know it's not much, but...

341
00:18:37,308 --> 00:18:39,274
I love it.

342
00:18:41,518 --> 00:18:43,718
I hope you find what you're looking for.

343
00:18:44,482 --> 00:18:46,115
Yeah, I do, too.

344
00:19:08,758 --> 00:19:09,958
Is he gone?

345
00:19:11,206 --> 00:19:12,354
Yeah.

346
00:19:12,379 --> 00:19:13,275
Are you okay?

347
00:19:13,494 --> 00:19:14,560
Yeah.

348
00:19:14,585 --> 00:19:16,112
Come here.

349
00:19:17,886 --> 00:19:20,349
Your rattail.

350
00:19:20,384 --> 00:19:22,084
It's gone.

351
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,502
But the rat remains.

352
00:19:24,654 --> 00:19:26,888
He'll cherish it.

353
00:19:46,469 --> 00:19:48,709
So, gals, ready to do this thing?

354
00:19:48,734 --> 00:19:50,345
- Yeah!
- Tandy!

355
00:19:50,381 --> 00:19:53,115
Then let's make like a tree
and put some roots down.

356
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,350
Oh, I'm so jazzed.

357
00:19:55,386 --> 00:19:57,152
It just feels so right.

358
00:19:57,188 --> 00:19:59,092
- I mean, we did it. We really did it.
- Yeah.

359
00:19:59,117 --> 00:20:00,690
Uh, guys...

360
00:20:00,715 --> 00:20:01,990
I mean, sure, you know, we took

361
00:20:02,015 --> 00:20:03,816
a few detours along the way,

362
00:20:03,841 --> 00:20:05,990
but we learned from our
mistakes and, you know,

363
00:20:06,015 --> 00:20:07,329
we figured it all out.

364
00:20:07,364 --> 00:20:09,565
Uh, guys... you better come here.

365
00:20:09,593 --> 00:20:12,340
It's just so friggin' exciting.

366
00:20:12,694 --> 00:20:14,121
For the first time ever...

367
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,605
and hell, even before the virus...

368
00:20:17,061 --> 00:20:19,971
it just finally feels like
things are gonna be okay.

369
00:20:19,996 --> 00:20:21,029
Tandy?

370
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,344
I think you need to see this.

371
00:20:22,379 --> 00:20:23,479
Sure, Care Bear.

372
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,247
It's just so exciting.

373
00:20:25,282 --> 00:20:27,416
I mean, there's just something peaceful

374
00:20:27,444 --> 00:20:30,884
about being in the place
where you know you're gonna...

375
00:20:32,211 --> 00:20:33,589
die.

376
00:21:00,402 --> 00:21:02,822
Oh, farts.

377
00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:07,846
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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