1
00:00:00,916 --> 00:00:03,011
_

2
00:00:05,684 --> 00:00:07,187
What are you reading?

3
00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:09,230
Charles's ex-wife wrote a book.

4
00:00:09,330 --> 00:00:11,613
It's like a thinly disguised
tell-all of their marriage.

5
00:00:11,693 --> 00:00:13,696
- Are you in it?
- Shh.

6
00:00:16,060 --> 00:00:17,642
It's supposed to be fiction,

7
00:00:17,742 --> 00:00:20,086
but really it's like a
blow-by-blow account

8
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,969
of their life, like no holds barred.

9
00:00:22,069 --> 00:00:23,731
Yeah, no holes barred either,

10
00:00:23,831 --> 00:00:24,873
judging from the time she spent in LA.

11
00:00:24,953 --> 00:00:27,016
You know what?

12
00:00:27,116 --> 00:00:29,039
I'm actually not really supposed
to let you be reading this.

13
00:00:29,119 --> 00:00:31,022
I'm not reading. I'm... I'm stretching.

14
00:00:31,122 --> 00:00:32,625
Wait, wait, no, no,
don't turn that page.

15
00:00:32,725 --> 00:00:35,108
It's really good, Kelsey.

16
00:00:35,208 --> 00:00:37,272
God, it's so well-written.

17
00:00:37,372 --> 00:00:38,874
Oh, who cares?

18
00:00:38,974 --> 00:00:40,096
I just want to hear
about you and Charles

19
00:00:40,176 --> 00:00:42,319
almost having sex on his desk.

20
00:00:42,419 --> 00:00:44,643
Ugh! I don't know what happened, Maggie.

21
00:00:44,743 --> 00:00:45,845
I just... I, like, went for it.

22
00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:47,487
I wasn't even thinking.

23
00:00:47,587 --> 00:00:49,810
- Well, good.
- No, not good.

24
00:00:49,910 --> 00:00:51,854
I would have had to
have told him my age,

25
00:00:51,954 --> 00:00:54,157
and that would mean breaking
the promise I made with Kelsey.

26
00:00:54,237 --> 00:00:55,619
And then out of nowhere,

27
00:00:55,719 --> 00:00:57,462
Pauline shows up with this book.

28
00:00:57,562 --> 00:00:59,004
It's like the universe is
slamming the brakes on us.

29
00:00:59,084 --> 00:01:00,506
Oh, don't blame the universe.

30
00:01:00,606 --> 00:01:02,830
It's a nut-job ex-wife that caused this.

31
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,633
Maybe she's not a nut-job.

32
00:01:04,733 --> 00:01:06,495
She completely lied to
you about who she was.

33
00:01:06,575 --> 00:01:08,098
Yeah, what kind of nut-job would do that?

34
00:01:09,420 --> 00:01:11,082
- Did you hear that?
- Since 6am!

35
00:01:11,182 --> 00:01:13,366
I think it's coming from the roof.

36
00:01:19,475 --> 00:01:21,378
What the hell?

37
00:01:21,478 --> 00:01:22,860
Oh, good morning.

38
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:25,183
I'm Deane and this is my husband Joe.

39
00:01:25,283 --> 00:01:26,462
Hello.

40
00:01:26,472 --> 00:01:28,468
Uh, I think the co-op
board clearly stipulates

41
00:01:28,568 --> 00:01:29,790
no cock on the roof.

42
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,112
Oh, my God, I love you!

43
00:01:31,212 --> 00:01:34,758
Please, help yourself
to some freshly-laid eggs.

44
00:01:34,858 --> 00:01:37,161
We just opened our
farm-to-table restaurant.

45
00:01:37,261 --> 00:01:39,285
Yarrow. It's down on Havemeyer.
Have you seen it?

46
00:01:39,385 --> 00:01:40,967
Hey, I walked by there the other day.

47
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:42,249
It's a beautiful space.

48
00:01:42,349 --> 00:01:43,932
Well, now that you've been to the farm,

49
00:01:44,032 --> 00:01:45,193
you have to come to the table.

50
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:46,475
Yes, please. It's the least we can do

51
00:01:46,555 --> 00:01:47,757
to make up for all this noise.

52
00:01:47,837 --> 00:01:50,141
- How's tomorrow night?
- Perfect.

53
00:01:50,241 --> 00:01:52,384
You won't believe your mouth.

54
00:01:54,604 --> 00:01:57,615
- Synced and corrected by AngMeng -
- www.addic7ed.com -

55
00:02:02,659 --> 00:02:04,763
Okay, okay, did you read page 58?

56
00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:07,086
Yes, and I'm trying very
hard to forget I ever did.

57
00:02:07,186 --> 00:02:09,690
Oh! I mean, who knew
Charles had it in him?

58
00:02:09,790 --> 00:02:11,733
He's so buttoned up.

59
00:02:11,833 --> 00:02:13,516
I mean, how am I ever gonna
look at him the same way again?

60
00:02:13,596 --> 00:02:15,419
Yeah, but it's not Charles. It's Carl.

61
00:02:15,519 --> 00:02:17,101
Did you read page 58?

62
00:02:17,201 --> 00:02:18,664
I am still sweating.

63
00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,586
Stay professional, Kelsey.

64
00:02:20,686 --> 00:02:22,129
There are so many salacious
details in this book.

65
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:23,671
It is gonna be huge.

66
00:02:23,771 --> 00:02:25,554
And the prose is literary grade.

67
00:02:25,654 --> 00:02:26,916
She really does have a voice.

68
00:02:27,016 --> 00:02:28,638
No one is more shocked than me.

69
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,413
I mean, I knew Pauline
wrote a few articles for

70
00:02:30,423 --> 00:02:31,849
"Allure" and "Elle," but

71
00:02:31,859 --> 00:02:33,510
I thought after she
had the kids, she just

72
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,069
stopped writing to join the ranksof
the undernourished mommy zombies

73
00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:37,412
of the Upper East Side.

74
00:02:37,512 --> 00:02:38,694
Good morning.

75
00:02:38,794 --> 00:02:40,296
- Charles.
- Morning.

76
00:02:40,396 --> 00:02:41,778
- Hi.
- Diana, can I speak to you?

77
00:02:41,878 --> 00:02:43,140
Of course.

78
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,604
Liza, anal... coffee, coffee, eh...

79
00:02:55,939 --> 00:02:57,201
You read it?

80
00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:59,605
I did.

81
00:02:59,705 --> 00:03:00,807
It's good.

82
00:03:00,907 --> 00:03:02,910
I know.

83
00:03:05,874 --> 00:03:07,517
I honestly have no idea
how to handle this.

84
00:03:07,597 --> 00:03:10,461
Well, if someone else publishes it,

85
00:03:10,561 --> 00:03:12,664
then you are cannon fodder
for the New York media.

86
00:03:12,764 --> 00:03:15,909
But if you publish it,
you seem like the bigger person,

87
00:03:16,009 --> 00:03:18,393
and you get to control the narrative.

88
00:03:18,493 --> 00:03:19,915
Publish it.

89
00:03:20,015 --> 00:03:21,638
And have my private life spilled out

90
00:03:21,738 --> 00:03:23,060
for everybody to see? No, thank you.

91
00:03:23,140 --> 00:03:25,243
I'll have our lawyers shut her down,

92
00:03:25,343 --> 00:03:27,326
serve her a cease-and-desist letter.

93
00:03:27,426 --> 00:03:28,588
I will find out what our options are.

94
00:03:28,668 --> 00:03:30,892
Liza, get Legal on the phone.

95
00:03:30,992 --> 00:03:32,113
There's always time for lawyers.

96
00:03:32,194 --> 00:03:33,816
Why not just talk to her first?

97
00:03:33,916 --> 00:03:35,518
Look, the reason Pauline
came to PitchFest

98
00:03:35,599 --> 00:03:37,181
and gave me the book

99
00:03:37,281 --> 00:03:39,945
was because she wanted
to get your attention.

100
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:41,748
Yeah, well, it's true

101
00:03:41,848 --> 00:03:43,130
I haven't been communicating
with her directly,

102
00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:45,213
but I've been...

103
00:03:47,176 --> 00:03:48,999
Well, it's been difficult.

104
00:03:49,099 --> 00:03:50,301
Have dinner with her tonight.

105
00:03:50,381 --> 00:03:53,085
I'd be happy to stay with the kids.

106
00:03:53,185 --> 00:03:55,689
That's very kind of you.

107
00:03:55,789 --> 00:03:57,572
I'll think about it.

108
00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:59,815
Whatever you decide to do,
do it quickly.

109
00:03:59,915 --> 00:04:01,578
I have sources out there who say

110
00:04:01,678 --> 00:04:03,881
there are other publishers
who've heard about the book

111
00:04:03,961 --> 00:04:05,584
and are circling.

112
00:04:05,684 --> 00:04:08,127
Yeah.

113
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:18,844
You can go now.

114
00:04:18,944 --> 00:04:20,947
Okay.

115
00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:38,673
Who are you? I have pepper spray.

116
00:04:38,773 --> 00:04:39,995
No, no, no, no, I'm Ethan.

117
00:04:40,095 --> 00:04:41,758
I don't care what your name is! Get out!

118
00:04:41,858 --> 00:04:43,160
Whoa, whoa!

119
00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:44,562
Diana, this is my son.

120
00:04:44,662 --> 00:04:46,886
Your son?

121
00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:48,408
Your son... Ethan.

122
00:04:48,508 --> 00:04:49,930
Yes, that was the big surprise.

123
00:04:50,030 --> 00:04:51,613
My little man is in the house.

124
00:04:53,555 --> 00:04:55,098
Your son. Yeah.

125
00:04:55,198 --> 00:04:56,620
Hey, can I get the Wi-Fi code?

126
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:57,742
Yeah, of course, buddy.

127
00:04:57,842 --> 00:04:58,944
It's "Middlemarch."

128
00:04:59,044 --> 00:05:01,327
Oh, and did you remember the
ice cream and the Reddi-wip?

129
00:05:01,407 --> 00:05:03,410
You bet.

130
00:05:03,851 --> 00:05:05,854
Nice one, Dad.

131
00:05:06,455 --> 00:05:08,598
Richard.

132
00:05:08,698 --> 00:05:10,361
A moment, please?

133
00:05:10,461 --> 00:05:12,464
Yeah.

134
00:05:16,029 --> 00:05:17,972
What is going on?

135
00:05:18,072 --> 00:05:20,736
I was expecting champagne
or maybe a double orchid.

136
00:05:20,836 --> 00:05:22,058
I knew you'd be surprised.

137
00:05:22,158 --> 00:05:23,500
Please explain.

138
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,263
Isn't Ethan in college?

139
00:05:25,363 --> 00:05:27,506
He decided to take a pause.

140
00:05:27,606 --> 00:05:29,389
A pause.

141
00:05:29,489 --> 00:05:31,432
With one semester left.

142
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,275
That's why his mother is so upset.

143
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,078
She won't take him in.

144
00:05:35,178 --> 00:05:38,503
Do you mind if he stays
here for a few nights?

145
00:05:40,212 --> 00:05:42,052
Do I mind? Uh...

146
00:05:43,025 --> 00:05:44,932
Of course not.

147
00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:47,616
Wonderful.

148
00:05:47,716 --> 00:05:50,220
Is it "Middlemarch" with no spaces?

149
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,063
- Yes.
- Obviously.

150
00:05:59,775 --> 00:06:01,778
I shouldn't be long.

151
00:06:02,819 --> 00:06:04,882
Thank you again for
staying with the girls.

152
00:06:04,982 --> 00:06:06,405
It's no problem at all.

153
00:06:06,505 --> 00:06:08,207
They don't know anything yet,

154
00:06:08,307 --> 00:06:10,971
and I think that it's
important to contain this.

155
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,854
I mean, who knows;

156
00:06:12,954 --> 00:06:14,517
Pauline could get on a
plane again tomorrow

157
00:06:14,597 --> 00:06:16,600
and be gone for another year.

158
00:06:17,922 --> 00:06:19,705
I, uh...

159
00:06:19,805 --> 00:06:21,808
Well, I wish you luck.

160
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:27,596
Um, would you mind texting me in an hour

161
00:06:27,696 --> 00:06:29,159
so that I have an excuse to leave?

162
00:06:29,259 --> 00:06:31,983
And now all I need is my phone.

163
00:06:36,097 --> 00:06:38,117
Thank you... again.

164
00:06:38,873 --> 00:06:41,577
And, Liza, I want you to know something.

165
00:06:41,677 --> 00:06:43,901
When Pauline walked out,

166
00:06:44,001 --> 00:06:46,665
I never thought that I
would stop feeling angry.

167
00:06:46,765 --> 00:06:48,468
And then I met you,

168
00:06:48,568 --> 00:06:52,394
and it was like a cloud lifted.

169
00:06:52,494 --> 00:06:54,797
And even if we couldn't be together,

170
00:06:54,897 --> 00:06:58,202
even if you were just
working in the office,

171
00:06:58,302 --> 00:07:01,607
I felt like me again around you.

172
00:07:01,707 --> 00:07:06,455
And I am just so grateful
that you are in my life.

173
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,817
Hi.

174
00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:25,163
Hi.

175
00:07:25,263 --> 00:07:27,286
Look, we don't have to do small talk.

176
00:07:27,386 --> 00:07:29,609
I'm sorry.

177
00:07:29,709 --> 00:07:33,816
I'm not the same woman who
walked out on you a year ago.

178
00:07:33,916 --> 00:07:35,939
Can we just start there?

179
00:07:39,604 --> 00:07:40,706
Uh, uh, uh... Ooh, ooh, ooh!

180
00:07:40,806 --> 00:07:42,268
Can you read me?

181
00:07:42,368 --> 00:07:43,590
Yes.

182
00:07:43,690 --> 00:07:44,712
- Am I a book?
- Yes!

183
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,392
Hey! Whoo-hoo!

184
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,963
_

185
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:57,731
_

186
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:11,272
_

187
00:08:11,372 --> 00:08:14,557
_

188
00:08:19,504 --> 00:08:22,168
_

189
00:08:31,161 --> 00:08:32,624
What time is it?

190
00:08:32,724 --> 00:08:34,346
It's late. I'm sorry.

191
00:08:34,446 --> 00:08:37,506
It got... well,
there was just so much...

192
00:08:38,412 --> 00:08:39,854
Can we talk about it in the morning?

193
00:08:39,934 --> 00:08:42,086
I'm exhausted, and I'm sure you are too.

194
00:08:42,096 --> 00:08:43,921
Oh, yeah, of course.

195
00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:45,483
Um, is everything okay?

196
00:08:45,583 --> 00:08:47,886
I called you a car. It's arriving now.

197
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,369
Oh, okay.

198
00:08:49,469 --> 00:08:52,139
Um... uh, good night.

199
00:08:52,149 --> 00:08:53,516
Good night.

200
00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:21,978
How long will he be... visiting?

201
00:09:22,078 --> 00:09:24,622
Just until we get this
school thing figured out.

202
00:09:24,722 --> 00:09:27,386
His mother is really
digging in her heels.

203
00:09:27,486 --> 00:09:31,111
Not everyone has your
level of compassion.

204
00:09:31,211 --> 00:09:35,438
You are incredibly special that way.

205
00:09:35,538 --> 00:09:38,745
I suppose I do have
upper-level compassion.

206
00:09:41,977 --> 00:09:43,389
So? What happened last night?

207
00:09:43,470 --> 00:09:44,772
I'm dying.

208
00:09:44,872 --> 00:09:47,175
He got home really late.
He didn't say much.

209
00:09:47,275 --> 00:09:48,658
He was... he was pretty exhausted.

210
00:09:48,758 --> 00:09:50,782
- Exhausted from what?
- Talking.

211
00:09:50,792 --> 00:09:52,603
Are you sure they were just talking?

212
00:09:52,683 --> 00:09:54,186
Good morning.

213
00:09:54,286 --> 00:09:55,828
Good morning.

214
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,330
Uh, Liza, can I see you in my office?

215
00:09:57,410 --> 00:09:59,413
Of course.

216
00:10:01,016 --> 00:10:03,019
Oh, my God.

217
00:10:16,279 --> 00:10:18,262
I'm sorry I was rude last night.

218
00:10:18,362 --> 00:10:20,345
When things get very emotional,

219
00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:22,068
I have a tendency to shut down.

220
00:10:22,168 --> 00:10:23,189
I know.

221
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,232
I suppose you would.

222
00:10:25,332 --> 00:10:26,654
That's one of the major
themes in Pauline's book.

223
00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:28,677
No, I mean I know you.

224
00:10:28,777 --> 00:10:31,622
And I'm sure last night
was very difficult.

225
00:10:34,145 --> 00:10:38,532
When you are in a long
marriage, it's formative.

226
00:10:38,632 --> 00:10:40,896
You go through profound
experiences together,

227
00:10:40,996 --> 00:10:44,221
like having children,
and it makes you who you are.

228
00:10:44,321 --> 00:10:46,023
It's like when two vines grow together

229
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,586
and they turn into one plant.

230
00:10:47,686 --> 00:10:50,230
Sometimes they grow apart, you know,

231
00:10:50,330 --> 00:10:54,114
searching for sunlight in different
directions, but there is still that

232
00:10:54,124 --> 00:10:57,681
part that's all twisted up together.

233
00:10:57,781 --> 00:11:00,125
I can...

234
00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:01,607
imagine.

235
00:11:01,707 --> 00:11:03,450
And that's why I have decided

236
00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:05,332
to publish Pauline's book.

237
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,896
Though I take issue
with how I'm portrayed,

238
00:11:07,996 --> 00:11:09,939
there's a fundamental truth to it,

239
00:11:10,039 --> 00:11:13,064
and I suppose she has a right
to tell her side of the story.

240
00:11:13,164 --> 00:11:15,427
That's incredibly magnanimous of you.

241
00:11:15,527 --> 00:11:17,530
Pauline would still like
the book to be published

242
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,794
by Millennial if you
are receptive to that.

243
00:11:19,894 --> 00:11:21,477
Of course.

244
00:11:21,577 --> 00:11:23,920
I know Kelsey loves the
chapters she's read.

245
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:26,764
Pauline feels like you in particular

246
00:11:26,864 --> 00:11:28,727
get the material.

247
00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:30,470
In fact, she even asked if
you personally could edit.

248
00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:32,673
But I told her that's
not going to happen.

249
00:11:33,715 --> 00:11:35,297
Why not?

250
00:11:35,397 --> 00:11:36,519
I could guide her through the rewrites,

251
00:11:36,599 --> 00:11:38,422
help protect your image.

252
00:11:38,522 --> 00:11:41,667
And, honestly, I really did
connect with the material.

253
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:45,112
That wouldn't be too, uh, uncomfortable?

254
00:11:45,212 --> 00:11:46,714
I've already read page 58.

255
00:11:46,814 --> 00:11:48,817
How much more uncomfortable
could it get?

256
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:01,617
This is where Jake
Gyllenhaal sat last week.

257
00:12:01,717 --> 00:12:04,701
He practically creamed
over our parsnip puree.

258
00:12:04,801 --> 00:12:06,504
He really loves his root vegetables.

259
00:12:06,604 --> 00:12:08,607
- Oh! Thank you.
- Thank you.

260
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:11,952
So, as our guests,

261
00:12:12,052 --> 00:12:14,135
everything?s already been
arranged for you, okay?

262
00:12:14,215 --> 00:12:16,319
- No menus necessary.
- Thank you so much.

263
00:12:16,419 --> 00:12:17,721
- You're welcome.
- Excuse us.

264
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,063
The chef will look after you.

265
00:12:19,143 --> 00:12:20,525
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.

266
00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:22,608
This place is so much
nicer than I expected.

267
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:25,532
I know. I cant believe.
It used to be the Bodega.

268
00:12:25,632 --> 00:12:26,774
Which I miss, by the way.

269
00:12:26,874 --> 00:12:28,156
I mean, you can't buy a lottery ticket

270
00:12:28,236 --> 00:12:30,139
in this neighborhood anymore.

271
00:12:30,239 --> 00:12:31,782
- Okay, I have some news.
- What?

272
00:12:31,882 --> 00:12:33,945
You know that book that
Charles's wife wrote?

273
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,628
We're gonna publish it.

274
00:12:35,728 --> 00:12:37,250
You're publishing the nut-job?s book?

275
00:12:37,330 --> 00:12:39,774
It could be a best-seller.
I mean, and the good news

276
00:12:39,854 --> 00:12:41,637
is that Pauline wants me to edit it...

277
00:12:41,737 --> 00:12:43,119
- Oh.
- Which is kind of a big deal.

278
00:12:43,219 --> 00:12:44,641
But the bad news is...

279
00:12:44,741 --> 00:12:47,245
- She's Charles's nut-job wife.
- Yeah.

280
00:12:47,345 --> 00:12:49,682
Well, you have the gelato and the pube.

281
00:12:49,692 --> 00:12:50,971
The what?

282
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,773
My Uncle Frank

283
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:54,656
used to go to this
restaurant in Bayside.

284
00:12:54,756 --> 00:12:57,741
It's a family business,
if you know what I mean.

285
00:12:57,841 --> 00:13:00,785
So for dessert, the owner serves him

286
00:13:00,885 --> 00:13:02,308
this big cup of gelato.

287
00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:04,671
It's beautiful. It's gorgeous.

288
00:13:04,771 --> 00:13:07,676
But on top is this crazy black pube

289
00:13:07,776 --> 00:13:09,832
just right there. So what does he do?

290
00:13:09,842 --> 00:13:11,521
I do not know.

291
00:13:11,621 --> 00:13:13,404
He eats it, 'cause he has to.

292
00:13:13,504 --> 00:13:15,547
Otherwise, he'd have a
bottle broken over his head.

293
00:13:15,627 --> 00:13:17,530
These are not analogous situations.

294
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,654
You got a nice thing with a pube on top.

295
00:13:19,754 --> 00:13:21,757
That's all I'm saying.

296
00:13:27,165 --> 00:13:29,508
Zane again.

297
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:31,511
I'm ghosting him.

298
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:32,953
But I zombied last night.

299
00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:34,075
You ate his brains?

300
00:13:34,175 --> 00:13:35,718
I was drinking,

301
00:13:35,818 --> 00:13:37,941
and I accidentally liked
one of his Instagram posts.

302
00:13:38,021 --> 00:13:40,204
- Maybe that means you still like him.
- Are you kidding me?

303
00:13:40,304 --> 00:13:42,207
He's a total asshole.

304
00:13:42,307 --> 00:13:43,990
All of your ex-boyfriends are assholes.

305
00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:46,734
It's not your fault;
you got a broken picker.

306
00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:48,857
- That is not true.
- Oh, come on.

307
00:13:48,957 --> 00:13:50,259
Thad? Colin?

308
00:13:50,359 --> 00:13:53,244
Manorexic college boyfriend?
Don't even get me started

309
00:13:53,324 --> 00:13:54,405
about the high school mullet cheer boy.

310
00:13:54,486 --> 00:13:56,348
All right. What about you?

311
00:13:56,448 --> 00:13:57,951
What about me?

312
00:13:58,051 --> 00:14:00,194
You have weird dodgeball girl,

313
00:14:00,294 --> 00:14:03,079
psychopath Amy/Montana.

314
00:14:03,179 --> 00:14:05,642
And I love Liza, but your
picker done you wrong there.

315
00:14:05,742 --> 00:14:08,407
Okay, okay, okay.

316
00:14:08,507 --> 00:14:09,788
Maybe we should switch phones,

317
00:14:09,869 --> 00:14:11,411
pick each other's Tinder dates.

318
00:14:11,511 --> 00:14:13,013
I bet I could do better than you.

319
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:14,616
I know I could do better than you.

320
00:14:14,716 --> 00:14:15,938
Give me your phone.

321
00:14:16,038 --> 00:14:17,615
I got a better idea.

322
00:14:17,625 --> 00:14:18,946
Live Tinder.

323
00:14:18,956 --> 00:14:20,745
What is live Tinder?

324
00:14:20,845 --> 00:14:23,088
It's a bar. Come on.

325
00:14:27,775 --> 00:14:29,718
Please tell me that's the last course,

326
00:14:29,818 --> 00:14:31,301
?cause I don?t think
I could take another.

327
00:14:31,381 --> 00:14:32,623
Then I'll just leave you with this.

328
00:14:32,703 --> 00:14:35,968
Oh, actually, we were
invited here by the owners.

329
00:14:36,068 --> 00:14:38,091
Honey, Pete Wells just
gave us three stars

330
00:14:38,191 --> 00:14:39,333
in "The New York Times."

331
00:14:39,433 --> 00:14:41,436
It's a privilege just to eat here.

332
00:14:45,842 --> 00:14:47,826
$500?

333
00:14:47,926 --> 00:14:49,929
Well, there's our pube.

334
00:14:53,895 --> 00:14:55,477
Hey, what about him?

335
00:14:55,577 --> 00:14:56,939
He just fist-bumped his friend, Kels.

336
00:14:57,019 --> 00:14:58,281
He's hot.

337
00:14:58,381 --> 00:14:59,543
You know, that's your problem.

338
00:14:59,623 --> 00:15:01,045
You go after

339
00:15:01,145 --> 00:15:02,948
these super competitive alpha male types

340
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,491
who are just out for themselves.

341
00:15:04,591 --> 00:15:05,913
No, I want to find you someone soulful,

342
00:15:05,993 --> 00:15:07,455
someone real.

343
00:15:07,555 --> 00:15:09,899
Well, no handlebar mustaches, okay?

344
00:15:09,999 --> 00:15:11,922
I don't need to be hooking up
with the guy on the Pringle can.

345
00:15:12,002 --> 00:15:13,825
- Okay, fine.
- Hey, what about her?

346
00:15:13,925 --> 00:15:16,388
- No. High maintenance.
- How do you know?

347
00:15:16,488 --> 00:15:18,191
Rhinestones on her cellphone case.

348
00:15:18,291 --> 00:15:20,795
- Bad sign.
- How about her?

349
00:15:20,895 --> 00:15:22,037
Mm.

350
00:15:22,137 --> 00:15:24,641
I... I think I already slept with her.

351
00:15:24,741 --> 00:15:26,844
Oh, you think.

352
00:15:26,944 --> 00:15:29,969
Hey, don't judge, zombie.

353
00:15:30,069 --> 00:15:31,892
I can't believe you paid that bill.

354
00:15:31,992 --> 00:15:33,193
Well, I don't want to be on bad terms

355
00:15:33,274 --> 00:15:34,916
with the people who live
directly over my head.

356
00:15:34,996 --> 00:15:38,021
I should have pulled their
fire alarm on the way out.

357
00:15:38,121 --> 00:15:39,383
IDs, ladies?

358
00:15:39,483 --> 00:15:41,506
Look at my neck.

359
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:44,110
Josh and Kelsey, 12 o'clock.

360
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:47,034
Oh, it's okay. Yeah, we're good.

361
00:15:47,134 --> 00:15:48,516
- Hey.
- Hi.

362
00:15:48,616 --> 00:15:50,600
- Hey.
- You guys here to get stupid?

363
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,482
We already did that.
We're here for a drink.

364
00:15:52,582 --> 00:15:54,585
- Hey.
- Hi.

365
00:15:56,628 --> 00:15:58,411
Drinks on me! What do you guys want?

366
00:15:58,511 --> 00:15:59,813
- Vodka tonic.
- Me too.

367
00:15:59,913 --> 00:16:02,637
- Whiskey, please.
- Okeydokey.

368
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:05,903
- Hi.
- Hey.

369
00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:07,265
What can I get you, miss?

370
00:16:07,365 --> 00:16:08,827
Your accent, for starters.

371
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:11,671
That's only available in a small village

372
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,955
30 miles outside of Dublin, I'm afraid.

373
00:16:14,055 --> 00:16:15,533
Oh, I've always wanted to go to Ireland.

374
00:16:15,543 --> 00:16:17,389
I did a concentration in
Irish literature in college.

375
00:16:17,399 --> 00:16:18,499
James Joyce?

376
00:16:18,509 --> 00:16:20,172
I love James Joyce. Don't get me wrong.

377
00:16:20,182 --> 00:16:21,998
But I secretly love Bram Stoker more.

378
00:16:22,008 --> 00:16:24,691
God love ya and your
dark and populist soul.

379
00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:27,674
- I'm Clare.
- Liza.

380
00:16:27,684 --> 00:16:29,578
What are you drinking, Liza?

381
00:16:29,678 --> 00:16:31,100
Oh, two vodka tonics

382
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,582
and a Widow Jane neat, please.

383
00:16:32,682 --> 00:16:34,585
Oh, I know who that's for.

384
00:16:34,685 --> 00:16:36,588
Muscles over there.

385
00:16:36,688 --> 00:16:38,151
You know him?

386
00:16:38,251 --> 00:16:39,553
Only from here.

387
00:16:39,653 --> 00:16:40,875
He's in that band, right?

388
00:16:40,975 --> 00:16:42,277
But I can tell.

389
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:44,921
Those tattoos. The big smile.

390
00:16:45,021 --> 00:16:46,466
He's a player if there ever was one.

391
00:16:47,304 --> 00:16:48,767
Well, you're wrong.

392
00:16:48,867 --> 00:16:51,464
Josh is the kindest, most genuine,

393
00:16:52,432 --> 00:16:54,190
loyal human being I've ever met.

394
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,181
- Is he, now?
- All right.

395
00:16:56,191 --> 00:16:58,616
Maggie says, and I quote,
"Where the hell is my drink?"

396
00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,606
Josh, will you tell Clare

397
00:17:00,616 --> 00:17:02,447
what your favorite thing
to do on your birthday is?

398
00:17:02,457 --> 00:17:04,650
You know, the thing that
you do every single year?

399
00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:07,435
I... I bake about 100
dog treats at my house,

400
00:17:07,535 --> 00:17:09,117
and I bring them to the pound.

401
00:17:09,217 --> 00:17:10,920
Dogs go crazy for them. They love it.

402
00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:13,964
Josh, this is Clare.
Clare, this is Josh.

403
00:17:17,132 --> 00:17:18,331
Clare?

404
00:17:20,658 --> 00:17:23,064
You don't really bake
your own dog biscuits.

405
00:17:23,074 --> 00:17:24,426
Yeah, I do.

406
00:17:24,436 --> 00:17:26,704
They're made of, like, 90% bacon,

407
00:17:26,804 --> 00:17:28,306
and they're delicious.

408
00:17:28,406 --> 00:17:31,791
I... I notice you make your own bitters.

409
00:17:31,891 --> 00:17:33,754
You pick that up in Ireland or...

410
00:17:33,854 --> 00:17:35,036
Is it that obvious?

411
00:17:35,136 --> 00:17:37,010
Plus the Claddagh ring.

412
00:17:39,823 --> 00:17:41,606
Well, you're very observant.

413
00:17:41,706 --> 00:17:44,284
I also notice the heart
is pointing outward.

414
00:17:44,294 --> 00:17:46,333
And what do you know about that?

415
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:50,553
Well, I think it means
that you are waiting

416
00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:52,767
for your heart to be captured.

417
00:17:52,777 --> 00:17:54,143
Maybe.

418
00:18:06,904 --> 00:18:09,648
Oh, it's bewildering to Irish people.

419
00:18:09,748 --> 00:18:13,186
I mean, New York,
New Jersey, New Hampshire.

420
00:18:13,196 --> 00:18:14,196
Wow.

421
00:18:14,206 --> 00:18:15,834
All named after English places.

422
00:18:15,878 --> 00:18:17,420
Yeah.

423
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,953
I mean, where's your
originality, America?

424
00:18:18,963 --> 00:18:20,116
Oh!

425
00:18:20,126 --> 00:18:23,109
How about New Tahiti?

426
00:18:23,209 --> 00:18:25,633
Ah, look. Sun's coming up.

427
00:18:25,733 --> 00:18:27,736
Oh, shite.

428
00:18:28,657 --> 00:18:30,440
Let's go get breakfast, hmm?

429
00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:31,802
I'd love to.

430
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:34,125
But I've got to get to my day job.

431
00:18:34,225 --> 00:18:35,247
Ah.

432
00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:36,609
Well, it's an internship

433
00:18:36,709 --> 00:18:38,212
at a video game design company.

434
00:18:38,312 --> 00:18:41,496
Shut up. You design video games.

435
00:18:41,596 --> 00:18:44,862
Right now, I'm just coding
a teeny part of one game.

436
00:18:44,962 --> 00:18:47,666
- Ahh.
- Which is absolutely thrilling,

437
00:18:47,766 --> 00:18:50,410
but it's in Chelsea, so I have to go.

438
00:19:00,425 --> 00:19:02,248
Chelsea's English too, isn't it?

439
00:19:04,361 --> 00:19:06,073
- Text me.
- Yeah, I will.

440
00:19:07,538 --> 00:19:10,420
Soon. Like today soon.

441
00:19:19,774 --> 00:19:21,436
Thank you so much for meeting me

442
00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:23,680
and, well, for everything.

443
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:25,562
I haven't really done anything yet.

444
00:19:25,662 --> 00:19:28,767
But you are gonna edit my book, right?

445
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,169
I thought a lot about it,

446
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:31,852
and I definitely want to do it,

447
00:19:31,952 --> 00:19:33,795
but let's just start
with the first chapter

448
00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:35,738
and see how we work together.

449
00:19:35,838 --> 00:19:38,462
If either one of us is unhappy,
we can just part ways...

450
00:19:38,562 --> 00:19:39,624
no harm, no foul.

451
00:19:39,724 --> 00:19:40,905
Sound good?

452
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:42,388
Yes.

453
00:19:42,488 --> 00:19:44,791
Just don't tiptoe around my feelings.

454
00:19:44,891 --> 00:19:45,933
I need you to be ruthless.

455
00:19:46,013 --> 00:19:47,676
- Oh, I will be.
- Good.

456
00:19:47,776 --> 00:19:50,440
Because I am sick of
polite conversation.

457
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:53,364
I have been drowning in it for years.

458
00:19:53,464 --> 00:19:54,967
If you're gonna be my editor,

459
00:19:55,067 --> 00:19:57,070
I want to hear your
most brutal criticism.

460
00:19:58,472 --> 00:20:00,054
Okay, you want me to be brutal?

461
00:20:00,154 --> 00:20:01,777
Yep.

462
00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:04,020
Your book is wonderful.

463
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,943
But women are not going to understand

464
00:20:06,043 --> 00:20:08,927
how you could leave your
kids for a year to write it.

465
00:20:10,289 --> 00:20:11,311
Fair.

466
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,234
Many women, most women,

467
00:20:13,334 --> 00:20:15,357
give up a lot to be mothers.

468
00:20:15,457 --> 00:20:16,919
What makes you the exception?

469
00:20:17,019 --> 00:20:19,764
I'm not the exception.

470
00:20:19,864 --> 00:20:21,366
I'm the norm.

471
00:20:21,466 --> 00:20:24,571
Women do the emotional
labor of the family,

472
00:20:24,671 --> 00:20:25,973
and it's just expected.

473
00:20:26,073 --> 00:20:27,736
And no one would bat an eye

474
00:20:27,836 --> 00:20:29,278
if a man checked out for
a while to write a book.

475
00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:31,461
They do it all the time.

476
00:20:31,561 --> 00:20:34,786
I was so tired of being a nonperson,

477
00:20:34,886 --> 00:20:37,831
the wife on my successful husband's arm.

478
00:20:37,931 --> 00:20:39,373
And I didn't want my girls growing up

479
00:20:39,453 --> 00:20:41,957
thinking that's the norm.

480
00:20:42,057 --> 00:20:44,000
When I started writing again,

481
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:47,285
I just found this part of myself
I thought was gone forever.

482
00:20:47,385 --> 00:20:50,289
And the stories I wrote
were funny and true,

483
00:20:50,389 --> 00:20:52,052
and they... they gave me insight

484
00:20:52,152 --> 00:20:55,057
into this crazy New York literary world

485
00:20:55,157 --> 00:20:58,301
that had just swallowed me up.

486
00:20:58,401 --> 00:21:03,189
I did this for my family, for my girls.

487
00:21:03,289 --> 00:21:05,753
I just hope Charles realizes that.

488
00:21:05,853 --> 00:21:07,014
Maybe you shouldn't be so focused

489
00:21:07,094 --> 00:21:08,477
on what Charles thinks.

490
00:21:08,577 --> 00:21:10,680
Liza, are you kidding? I love him.

491
00:21:10,780 --> 00:21:12,803
I am out of my mind for him.

492
00:21:12,903 --> 00:21:15,487
I always have been.

493
00:21:15,587 --> 00:21:17,250
Can you understand that?

494
00:21:17,350 --> 00:21:19,533
Yeah.

495
00:21:19,633 --> 00:21:21,496
Yeah, I can.

496
00:21:21,596 --> 00:21:24,501
Look, I know he's gonna
ask you how it's going,

497
00:21:24,601 --> 00:21:26,944
working with me.

498
00:21:27,044 --> 00:21:29,308
And when he does,

499
00:21:29,408 --> 00:21:31,451
please be kind.

500
00:21:33,414 --> 00:21:35,417
Of course.

501
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:46,073
Oh. Oh.

502
00:21:53,884 --> 00:21:55,427
Richard?

503
00:21:55,527 --> 00:21:57,550
Get in here.

504
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:00,334
What is this... thing?

505
00:22:02,137 --> 00:22:03,479
Oh, it's a Fleshlight.

506
00:22:03,579 --> 00:22:05,121
Excuse me?

507
00:22:05,221 --> 00:22:06,824
It's like a flashlight
with a vagina on it.

508
00:22:06,904 --> 00:22:08,687
- You know, it's a pocket pussy.
- A what?

509
00:22:08,787 --> 00:22:11,240
Basically, a man uses it to...

510
00:22:12,288 --> 00:22:14,135
pleasure himself.

511
00:22:14,235 --> 00:22:15,297
Oh! Oh!

512
00:22:15,397 --> 00:22:17,847
Oh, g... oh, no, no, no, no.

513
00:22:17,857 --> 00:22:19,149
Ugh.

514
00:22:20,524 --> 00:22:24,350
And I assume that this...
this belongs to your son?

515
00:22:24,450 --> 00:22:25,892
Oh, I'm sure it does.
Where did you find it?

516
00:22:25,973 --> 00:22:28,116
Right between my linen cushions.

517
00:22:28,216 --> 00:22:30,399
What are you... what are you doing?

518
00:22:30,499 --> 00:22:31,861
Well, I'm putting it
back where you found it.

519
00:22:31,941 --> 00:22:35,106
I am not going to shame my son.

520
00:22:37,910 --> 00:22:40,514
You are buying me a new couch.

521
00:22:41,517 --> 00:22:43,139
So how was lunch with the pube?

522
00:22:43,239 --> 00:22:44,782
She's a complicated woman.

523
00:22:44,882 --> 00:22:46,003
Evidently, the real
reason she wrote the book

524
00:22:46,084 --> 00:22:47,826
was to win Charles back.

525
00:22:47,926 --> 00:22:50,751
And as her editor,
she wants me to help her do that.

526
00:22:50,851 --> 00:22:53,274
She is not a pube;
she is a goddamn bush.

527
00:22:56,740 --> 00:22:59,143
Josh.

528
00:23:00,786 --> 00:23:01,847
What?

529
00:23:01,947 --> 00:23:03,490
He just thanked me

530
00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:04,952
for setting him up with
that Irish bartender.

531
00:23:05,032 --> 00:23:06,514
You're helping both of
the men in your life

532
00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:08,658
get with other women?

533
00:23:08,758 --> 00:23:10,580
Yup, I'm gonna end up like Jane Austen.

534
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,403
She helped create all these
romantic relationships

535
00:23:12,483 --> 00:23:13,863
and died a spinster.

536
00:23:15,658 --> 00:23:16,658
Oh?

537
00:23:19,814 --> 00:23:21,557
Oh. Hi.

538
00:23:21,657 --> 00:23:22,919
Don't oh, hi me.

539
00:23:23,019 --> 00:23:24,261
What did you do with our chickens?

540
00:23:24,341 --> 00:23:26,364
Hey. Want a bite?

541
00:23:28,427 --> 00:23:30,170
You're despicable.

542
00:23:30,270 --> 00:23:32,053
So was the $500 tab from last night.

543
00:23:32,153 --> 00:23:33,575
I'm calling the police.

544
00:23:33,675 --> 00:23:34,737
Go right ahead.

545
00:23:34,837 --> 00:23:37,340
And FYI, it's illegal to have
chickens in this building.

546
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:38,903
I mean, I wasn't gonna say anything,

547
00:23:39,003 --> 00:23:41,126
but as long as you're on
the phone with the police.

548
00:23:43,650 --> 00:23:45,473
Whoa. Seriously?

549
00:23:45,573 --> 00:23:46,975
Nah, I called the Health Department.

550
00:23:47,055 --> 00:23:48,056
They came this morning.

551
00:23:48,136 --> 00:23:49,378
This is chicken from the market.

552
00:23:49,458 --> 00:23:51,101
Would you like white meat or dark meat?

553
00:23:51,181 --> 00:23:53,184
Oh, my God, I love you.

554
00:23:58,472 --> 00:24:00,335
Hey, you're in early.

555
00:24:00,435 --> 00:24:03,245
Richard's son, Richard's
college-age son, it...

556
00:24:04,412 --> 00:24:06,825
is living with us now.

557
00:24:06,925 --> 00:24:08,547
That's sweet.

558
00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:09,929
He masturbates into a rubber vagina

559
00:24:10,009 --> 00:24:11,890
on my linen sofa; it's adorable.

560
00:24:13,461 --> 00:24:15,765
- Would you like some coffee?
- Immediately.

561
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,202
- Black. No cream!
- Got it.

562
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:31,783
Do you have a moment?

563
00:24:31,883 --> 00:24:33,886
Yeah. Please, come in.

564
00:24:37,611 --> 00:24:40,355
I, uh... I had lunch
with Pauline yesterday.

565
00:24:40,455 --> 00:24:43,720
She's a lovely, intelligent woman.

566
00:24:43,820 --> 00:24:45,643
And we are separated.

567
00:24:45,743 --> 00:24:46,965
Yes.

568
00:24:47,065 --> 00:24:50,210
But she wrote this book as a
way to reconcile with you.

569
00:24:50,310 --> 00:24:52,854
Her book is not going to
get us back together.

570
00:24:52,954 --> 00:24:54,497
You read the book.

571
00:24:54,597 --> 00:24:57,261
It's basically Eat, Pray,
Win My Husband Back.

572
00:24:57,361 --> 00:25:00,666
Pauline has written a work of fiction.

573
00:25:00,766 --> 00:25:03,911
My feelings for you are real.

574
00:25:04,011 --> 00:25:06,114
- But she...
- Wrote a book.

575
00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:07,877
I know.

576
00:25:07,977 --> 00:25:10,120
Pauline may have made a mess of my life,

577
00:25:10,220 --> 00:25:12,764
but she is not going
to make a mess of us.

578
00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:28,778
- Synced and corrected by AngMeng -
- www.addic7ed.com -