Previously on The Last Man on Earth...
Since we started trying to have a baby,
I haven't been myself.
- I'm pregnant. - Uh, this is
thermal imaging.
It uses satellites to find heat signatures.
What the hell?
Uh, that's where you're supposed to start.
Oh. Sorry. I was just distracted
by the beautiful word-highlighting.
No, no, no. I could... I could tell that, sure.
- Yeah. - Here. I'll rewind it for you.
You just
- give me a signal when to begin. - Okay.
And also, the highlighting of the words is the signal
that the machine gives, so...
Hmm.
What? Oh, now? Now?
- Yeah. Yes. Yes. - Oh, okay.
? I can't fight this feeling any longer ?
? And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow ?
? What started out as friendship has grown stronger... ?
Okay. Uh, uh, uh, uh...
Carol, what... what was that?
Oh, I was singing it to the tune of "Jingle Bells."
Well, could you please sing to the tune
of "Can't Fight This Feeling"?
Oh, that's not very fun.
And it's out of my register.
God, this just isn't the same without Mike.
Now, okay, that came out wrong.
Look, I'm sorry. I'm just worried about him.
He won't come out of his truck.
Well, he just needs some time to learn to be with people again.
Don't worry. He'll come around.
I hope so. Thanks, Care Bear.
Hey, let's try it again, and this time,
just sing whatever,
whenever, okay?
I might just read it.
Yeah. You know what? I'm gonna make a snack.
- Yeah? - You tell me how it turns out.
Okay.
Oh, I think they might get together.
Hey, Erica.
Just getting a jump on the nursery.
What? You're going with yellow?
Yeah. Yellow triggers heightened levels
of motivation and self-confidence.
It's also great for memory retention.
Did you ever consider... blue?
Well, I... Don't you think that's leaning pretty heavily
in one gender direction?
Don't you think yellow's
leaning pretty heavily in the urine direction?
Geez, excuse me. I was just trying to help, you know.
No, I mean, don't get defensive. I...
Well, you just attacked the color I chose.
You know, I went into survival mode.
Relax. I'm just saying if we're going to co-parent together,
maybe don't leave me out of these decisions.
Fine. Okay. What color would you like?
- I like blue. - I like yellow.
Okay, well, obvious solution here.
- You like yellow, I like blue. - Right.
So let's just go with green.
Green?
Green it is.
- Great. - Green.
Ridiculous.
Carol, what the hell are we eating?
It's called "fake-a-mole."
We're out of avocados, so I just whipped up some oatmeal,
added brown rice for mouth-feel,
then blended in some green food coloring, you know,
for visual titillation.
And the uncooked pasta?
Hmm. "Fake-atilla chips."
We're out of tortilla chips, so... dig in, huh?
Well,
no disrespect, but I think I'm gonna fake-a eat this.
Okay, you know what? I'm doing the best I can.
We are pretty much out of everything.
Who's supposed to go on the next supply run?
Well, according to the chore wheel, it's Gail and Melissa,
and they were supposed to do it yesterday.
Well, don't look at me.
I didn't even know we had a chore wheel.
- Catch us on the next spin, I guess. - No.
We all have to pitch in.
- Come on, guys. - Yeah. This is ridiculous.
- Okay, fine. Geez. - We'll go.
Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.
You hanging in your truck, checking out your blobs?
Tandy, no coarse language
at the table.
And if you have to, use the scientific term: gonads.
Oh, no, no, no, Carol.
He's talking about my thermal imaging machine,
which I use to locate heat signatures.
Uh, let me explain. It's like the Predator.
You know, like how the... He sees the world?
The Predator sees the world? You know?
Like if a-a tiger jumps out of a jungle bush.
Uh, Predator doesn't see a tiger.
He sees more, like, a bunch of colors, you know?
You know, but he-he still knows it's a tiger.
You guys seen Predator?
No.
Okay, Mike, you better explain this.
Uh, yeah. It's like a metal detector for heat.
- Oh! - I was gonna do that one next.
- Oh, that's cool. - Yeah.
Y-You find anything on there, or...?
Yeah. Just last night, I saw something
unlike anything I'd ever seen on there before.
What is it?
Well, I-I'm not really sure.
You know, uh, your typical volcano is what...
I don't know... 1,600 degrees Fahrenheit?
Yup.
Yeah, right?
Uh, and this thing's clocking in at 100 degrees,
which is noteworthy because the human body temperature is 98.6.
- Oh. - Wait.
Are you saying it's people?
No. I mean, it could be a million things, you know.
It could be a, what, a geyser, or, uh, you know,
just some trapped methane, you know.
A bunch of geese, maybe.
Guess I'll, uh, find out tomorrow.
Tomorrow? What...? What-what do you mean?
Oh. I'm leaving.
What's up?
You just got here, Mike,
and you're already leaving?
No, it's 800 miles away. I'll be back before you know it.
Uh, gas is unreliable, we're in a foreign country.
No AAA.
You know as well as I do
that 800 miles in this world isn't really 800 miles.
I got to go see this thing, man.
I got to check it out.
I mean, sure, it's probably nothing,
but, I mean, what if it isn't, okay?
Come on, man. It's too dangerous, especially alone.
Come with me then.
I can't leave Carol right now.
I mean, she's super pregnant, and the twins.
Look, I'm begging you.
Okay, fine.
I won't go.
So this map shows all the markets
in a 50-mile radius.
What do the smiley faces mean?
Well, smiley faces look sort of sinister to me,
so they represent all the stores that don't have any more food.
So, the rainbows represent the stores we should go to?
No, those are just rainbows.
Just tell us where we should go.
Well, your best bet is probably
this area... over here.
- Hmm. - Okay? You gals
think you can handle this?
Carol, you can count on us.
How long you think we need to be gone?
Five hours. Pull.
Think that we should go to at least one store
so we can honestly say we tried to look for supplies?
No. Pull.
Going somewhere?
What the hell are you doing?
Keeping you honest, you friggin' donkey dong.
What if I didn't see you?
I would've killed you, you friggin' turd.
You already did kill me, Mike.
In my heart.
You lied to me.
You said you were gonna stay, and you lied!
Oh, come on. What is the big deal?
I'm gonna be gone for, like, three days.
I'm saving your life, Mike.
Traveling this distance alone,
one little mistake, and you're dead.
I orbited the friggin' Earth, Phil!
I'm pretty sure I can handle a truck
on a bunch of paved roads.
Fine! Go. But you're gonna have to drive
over my face and head in the process.
You know what? That'll probably improve your looks.
Oh! Is that a joke about how ugly I am?
No, it's a very serious statement
- about how ugly you are. - How dare you.
All right, see you later. I'm gonna pop your head
- and hit the road. - Oh, good!
Have fun killing me!
Have fun getting killed by me!
Hey, tell Carol I want an open casket
so everyone can see what you did to your own brother!
An open casket will make it a lot easier
to take a dump on your dead chest!
Oh, you're a monster!
I can't wait to teach your babies how to smoke!
Oh, you did not just say that right before my death!
Relax, your head's
probably fat enough that you'll survive.
- So, you gonna do this or what? - Yeah, I'm gonna do it!
- You don't have the guts! - Oh, yeah?
Watch me!
Do it!
I'm gonna do it!
Stop talking about it and do it!
I'm in the friggin' process!
Crush my face!
- End me! - I am gonna do it!
Take my head and feed it to the driveway!
I'm gonna squash your head like a zit!
- Carol, good-bye! I love you! - I'm gonna do it!
- I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it! - Do it!
- Get ready! You're gonna die!
I'm gonna do it!
Ah. Oh, thank God.
You made the right call.
See you in the morning, bud.
Go to hell.
Morning, Phil.
Whatcha doing?
Cleaning out the fireplace.
By hand?
It's why it's so clean.
Hmm. May I see your index finger?
Phil, I'm... curious.
Do you have any idea where my keys are?
Do I have any idea where your keys are?
Look, things got a little heated last night, but, uh...
well, after thinking about it, I realize you were right.
Nice try.
No, I'm not trying to do anything here.
Oh, so I guess you're just kissing my buns all up and down
for gits and shiggles.
No, I just want to thank you for talking some sense into me.
So you think if you're nice enough,
you might just get your keys back.
So you do know where my keys are.
Okay, whatever.
Not going anywhere anyway, so...
You want to go outside, dick around?
Do I want to go dick around?
No.
Suit yourself.
Friggin' idiot.
Erica, do you like
- this onesie? - No.
Okay, y'all. Very, very funny.
You got your ya-ya's out.
Now spill the beans.
- Who did it? - Who did what?
Who went and took all the supplies
we worked so hard to get?
I mean, we literally worked all day
- to get those supplies. - Yeah.
We put 'em in the pantry while y'all were asleep,
and now they're gone.
Hell of a thank-you for all of our tireless work.
So much toil.
You should see all the calluses we have on our hands.
- Check this out, Gail. - Oh, God. Oh, my God.
I've never seen so many calluses,
and I have just as many, if not more.
Ugh! Ah, it's like looking at the surface of the moon.
So, how many stores did you go to?
- 78. - 103.
So you're sticking with this story?
Because it's literally what happened, Erica.
Lit-er-ally.
Well...
Todd, are you okay?
I just feel
like I'm being lied to. You know?
And it's really hurting my heart
because we're all in this together, guys.
I mean, do you see this woman?
She's bringing a life into this world.
And she needed those supplies
for herself and her baby.
Now, you sure you're telling me the truth?
We went to zero stores.
I just shot my guns.
And I drank a tankload of wine.
Now go on and get those supplies.
On our way.
We're so sorry.
Well, I think that worked pretty well.
Huh.
You left the seven.
And half the three.
Want to help me pick up the spare?
You got this!
- You got this, bud! - Here I come.
- What? No! Hey! - Gutter ball.
No, not cool.
Here I come!
- Ah, you missed me. Missed me. - No, no! Come on!
You moved!
You turd... ow!
Sir, I saw your last roll.
- I just want to commend you. - Thank you very much.
- Absolutely. No... - I appreciate it.
All right, buddy, let's go. It's your turn.
Will you please give me a moment?
I am having a three-way, sir.
Uh-oh. No.
? Of the... ?
? Brave... ?
Yeah.
Hey, uh,
- that was fun out there. - Yeah.
Yeah. Um...
Whoa, you, uh... you got something on your nose.
You got a little...
- Oh, really? - Yeah. Right there on the end.
I get it?
- Yeah, now you got it. - Okay. All right.
- Have a good night. - Night. Hey, Mike.
Hmm?
Want to see something cool?
I still can't believe I did this.
Well, I should get to bed.
Okay. Night, bud.
So, you're still gonna go.
Yeah. Yeah, I am.
What is it with you, Mike?
I mean, every time you show up in my life,
- you can't wait to leave. - Oh, that is not true.
Oh, come on, admit it.
- You don't like me, and you never have. - Okay, fine!
Phil, you want the truth?
Oh, no, no! What gave you that idea?!
It is hard for me to be around you.
Was that so hard to say? Huh? 'Cause I knew it all along!
I have never been good enough.
For you.
For Mom and Dad.
You know, not smart enough, not successful enough.
And even now that there are only 13 people left on this planet,
you would rather leave... than to have to watch
the embarrassment that is your brother.
No. No, it's not any of that at all.
Oh, then what the hell is it?
I'm jealous of you, Phil!
I'm jealous.
I want what you have.
You've got a wife, you know?
And kids. You have a family.
You have a real family.
It's all I've ever wanted.
What have I got?
I-I've got a blob on a computer screen.
It's not people. I know that, you know that.
Of course it's not people.
But, damn, man, I got to find that out for myself, okay?
Do you understand that? I have to go check it out, for me.
I'm leaving in the morning, all right?
And if you love me...
just let me go.
Now what?
Just wanted to wish you a safe trip.
Thank you.
I have something for you.
Me.
I'm coming with you.
But-but what...
what about Carol and the kids?
She said it's fine.
On one condition.
I love it.
Oh...
it's perfect.
The twins won't even know you're gone.
Ooh, a rattail.
Ah, yeah.
That's a sweet dream guarantee.
Okay, I'll leave this.
Yeah, just leave it on the ground.
Oh, Tandy.
Give Mama a little taste.
Thanks, Care Bear.
Hey.
What are you doing?
I suddenly realized
this room would look really great in yellow.
Someone told me it helps with memory.
- I can't remember who. - Well, don't get me wrong,
I really like yellow, but, uh...
I had...
a little epiphany.
Um, walls in yellow, trim in blue?
Works for me.
You need a hand?
Sure.
Sorry, had to grab some snacks for the road.
- That's all right. - Uh, I've got a lemonade here
with your name on it if you get thirsty.
When did they start putting lemonade in fruit punch bottles?
Trust me, it's, uh, lemonade. Yeah.
Nah, I'm good for now.
All right.
Well, then I'll just enjoy it for right now.
Mmm. It's good.
- You sure? It's very good. - Good. Yeah, no.
What do you say we get this show on the road, huh?
Yeah.
Ooh.
Good choice.
? I can't fight this feeling any longer ?
? Yet I'm still afraid to let it flow ?
? What started out as friendship ?
? Has grown stronger... ?
All right.
Oh, geez. Crappy wall.
He dead.
Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com -