1
00:00:02,712 --> 00:00:03,745
Not again.

2
00:00:03,813 --> 00:00:05,513
I just came from an intervention.

3
00:00:05,582 --> 00:00:07,381
Oh, no, no, Nicole,
this is a staff meeting.

4
00:00:07,450 --> 00:00:08,483
You asked us to be here.

5
00:00:08,551 --> 00:00:10,218
Oh.

6
00:00:10,286 --> 00:00:12,620
Here you go, Kato.

7
00:00:12,689 --> 00:00:14,956
Yes, I wanted to talk to you all

8
00:00:15,024 --> 00:00:17,225
about something very important.

9
00:00:17,762 --> 00:00:19,762
So, what plant has been revered

10
00:00:19,831 --> 00:00:22,565
for its healing properties
for millions of years?

11
00:00:22,634 --> 00:00:23,733
Aloe.

12
00:00:23,802 --> 00:00:26,636
'ello to you, too,
but let's stay focused.

13
00:00:28,306 --> 00:00:30,406
- Peppers.
- Peppers.

14
00:00:30,475 --> 00:00:31,608
Weird, we are so in synch these days.

15
00:00:31,676 --> 00:00:33,643
I want to be in the pepper
business, people.

16
00:00:33,712 --> 00:00:35,211
And I need ideas now.

17
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:41,013
I haven't come up with
a single product idea in weeks,

18
00:00:41,048 --> 00:00:43,070
so I'm on thin ice at NERP.

19
00:00:43,105 --> 00:00:45,088
And I don't mean
the low-calorie ice cubes

20
00:00:45,156 --> 00:00:46,489
we sell on our website.

21
00:00:46,858 --> 00:00:48,691
Well, my... my step-grandmother,

22
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,327
she is from Colombia,
and she sells a salsa

23
00:00:51,396 --> 00:00:54,096
that is supposedly made
with these magical peppers.

24
00:00:54,165 --> 00:00:56,599
Peppers? I was just talking about them.

25
00:00:56,668 --> 00:00:57,867
Yeah.

26
00:00:57,936 --> 00:00:59,068
When can I meet her?

27
00:00:59,137 --> 00:01:02,188
Sell my sauce business to NERP?

28
00:01:02,223 --> 00:01:03,573
I think you could get a lot for it.

29
00:01:03,641 --> 00:01:04,740
When Nicole wants something,

30
00:01:04,809 --> 00:01:05,942
she just throws money at it.

31
00:01:06,010 --> 00:01:07,543
She bought her
next-door neighbor's house

32
00:01:07,612 --> 00:01:08,744
because she liked the mailbox.

33
00:01:08,813 --> 00:01:09,946
I don't know.

34
00:01:10,014 --> 00:01:12,048
I do. Dump it.

35
00:01:12,116 --> 00:01:14,450
That thing is worth less
than a bachelor's degree.

36
00:01:14,519 --> 00:01:17,286
Please, Gloria. I really need this.

37
00:01:17,355 --> 00:01:19,255
No one takes me seriously
at that office.

38
00:01:19,324 --> 00:01:20,823
I don't even have my own cubicle.

39
00:01:20,892 --> 00:01:23,759
I share one, giant bean bag chair
with the interns.

40
00:01:23,828 --> 00:01:25,161
I want to help you,

41
00:01:25,229 --> 00:01:27,497
but... something feels wrong.

42
00:01:27,499 --> 00:01:29,765
Just go to the meeting
and hear what the offer is.

43
00:01:30,802 --> 00:01:32,935
Okay, fine. I will go. I will listen.

44
00:01:33,004 --> 00:01:34,537
But I am not selling.

45
00:01:36,741 --> 00:01:38,474
- What do you think?
- It's gonna be tough.

46
00:01:38,543 --> 00:01:41,677
She's got a lot of practice
not selling that sauce.

47
00:01:47,752 --> 00:01:52,752
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com

48
00:01:56,761 --> 00:01:59,028
Whoa, what's up
with the blazer and the t-shirt?

49
00:01:59,097 --> 00:02:00,864
Thought you were going
to a college interview,

50
00:02:00,932 --> 00:02:02,865
not doing stand up in 1988.

51
00:02:02,934 --> 00:02:05,101
I'm starting to think
maybe college isn't for me.

52
00:02:05,169 --> 00:02:07,236
There's this guy at the club
who said I could be a model.

53
00:02:07,305 --> 00:02:09,171
He said he's gonna take me
out to the desert this week

54
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,408
- and take some pictures.
- I'd put a pin in that.

55
00:02:12,477 --> 00:02:14,143
Of course you're going to college.
What are you talking about?

56
00:02:14,212 --> 00:02:15,378
I don't know.

57
00:02:15,446 --> 00:02:17,179
I wasn't very good at school
the first time around.

58
00:02:17,248 --> 00:02:18,414
Maybe I'm just...

59
00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:20,883
Hey! Don't you dare
call yourself "an idiot".

60
00:02:20,952 --> 00:02:22,618
I wasn't going to.

61
00:02:22,687 --> 00:02:25,488
I was gonna say, "Maybe I'm not ready."

62
00:02:25,556 --> 00:02:26,856
Honey, it's just nerves.

63
00:02:26,924 --> 00:02:28,658
Change is scary, but in the end,

64
00:02:28,726 --> 00:02:30,292
I promise, it is all worth it.

65
00:02:30,361 --> 00:02:31,494
Your mother's right.

66
00:02:31,562 --> 00:02:33,863
You dig deep,
you make your best effort,

67
00:02:33,931 --> 00:02:35,698
- that's where you find the glory.
- Exactly.

68
00:02:35,767 --> 00:02:38,134
Like that time I beat her in that race.

69
00:02:38,202 --> 00:02:41,003
Maybe 10 years ago,
Phil challenged me to a race.

70
00:02:41,072 --> 00:02:43,139
I don't believe it!

71
00:02:43,207 --> 00:02:44,740
Daddy wins!

72
00:02:44,809 --> 00:02:46,709
Do you believe in miracles?

73
00:02:46,778 --> 00:02:47,843
U.S.A.!

74
00:02:47,912 --> 00:02:50,479
He was feeling adrift
because the kids were back at school,

75
00:02:50,548 --> 00:02:51,914
so I let him beat me.

76
00:02:53,084 --> 00:02:54,950
He has not shut up about it since.

77
00:02:55,019 --> 00:02:56,118
- Oh!
- Oh!

78
00:02:56,187 --> 00:02:59,188
Oh, my God, Usain Bolt wins again!

79
00:02:59,257 --> 00:03:01,157
Can you even imagine
what that feels like?

80
00:03:01,225 --> 00:03:02,458
Oh, I don't have to, sweetheart.

81
00:03:02,527 --> 00:03:03,793
I lived it.

82
00:03:05,096 --> 00:03:07,496
All appeared lost,
but I turned on the afterburners...

83
00:03:07,565 --> 00:03:08,864
He's heard the story, Phil.

84
00:03:08,933 --> 00:03:11,033
And I pull off
one of the greatest upsets

85
00:03:11,102 --> 00:03:13,736
in the history of
husband-and-wife competition.

86
00:03:13,805 --> 00:03:17,740
Okay, I'll go to that college interview
and hear them out.

87
00:03:17,809 --> 00:03:18,941
I'm proud of you, buddy.

88
00:03:21,079 --> 00:03:22,378
I think what you and I did right there

89
00:03:22,447 --> 00:03:23,512
was called "great parenting".

90
00:03:23,581 --> 00:03:25,681
Might be time to retire that story.

91
00:03:26,818 --> 00:03:29,885
I am so sorry. That was insensitive.

92
00:03:29,954 --> 00:03:31,120
I didn't realize
how much it must bother you

93
00:03:31,189 --> 00:03:32,655
to relive that loss.

94
00:03:32,724 --> 00:03:33,889
Phil, I am just feeling...

95
00:03:33,958 --> 00:03:35,591
Hey, don't you dare call
yourself "a failure".

96
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:37,426
I let you win.

97
00:03:37,495 --> 00:03:38,961
You what?

98
00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:41,497
Oh, I had you beat, easily.
I didn't even break a sweat.

99
00:03:41,566 --> 00:03:44,633
As a matter of fact,
I almost pulled a muscle holding back.

100
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:48,204
But, I saw how much it meant to you,
and I let you win.

101
00:03:48,272 --> 00:03:50,439
Oh, wow, yeah.
No, that makes a lot of sense. I get it.

102
00:03:50,508 --> 00:03:53,109
Like the way all the other horses
wanted Secretariat to feel good.

103
00:03:53,177 --> 00:03:54,443
Now you're Secretariat?

104
00:03:54,512 --> 00:03:55,711
I don't know.

105
00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:57,379
Was Secretariat married
to a crazy person?

106
00:03:57,448 --> 00:04:00,616
Oh, God, Phil, I 100% let you win.

107
00:04:00,685 --> 00:04:03,953
Then, you could 100% beat me again.

108
00:04:04,021 --> 00:04:05,755
Oh, I could. Same course?

109
00:04:05,823 --> 00:04:07,156
I've only gotten stronger.

110
00:04:07,225 --> 00:04:08,824
How 'bout we add a few challenges?

111
00:04:08,893 --> 00:04:11,363
- Monkey bars?
- Great! Rope climb.

112
00:04:11,398 --> 00:04:12,723
I love it. Tires.

113
00:04:12,758 --> 00:04:13,926
Why not? Noon?

114
00:04:13,961 --> 00:04:16,065
- Fine. I have a showing. I'll move it.
- Hope it's not too heavy.

115
00:04:19,170 --> 00:04:21,270
The release form
for this ride-along is...

116
00:04:21,339 --> 00:04:22,505
is shockingly thorough.

117
00:04:22,573 --> 00:04:24,507
I'm not gonna let
anything happen to you.

118
00:04:24,575 --> 00:04:26,175
I can't bury another ride-along.

119
00:04:27,494 --> 00:04:29,594
I'm kind of the precinct cut up.

120
00:04:29,662 --> 00:04:32,764
Okay. Mitchell, it'll be fine.
They do these things all the time.

121
00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:35,367
Yeah, easy for you to say.
My entire head is a gang color.

122
00:04:35,435 --> 00:04:36,441
Okay, this is so exciting.

123
00:04:36,470 --> 00:04:39,137
You know, in my alternate life,
I'm a... I'm a cop.

124
00:04:39,206 --> 00:04:40,705
I-I thought that your alternate life

125
00:04:40,774 --> 00:04:42,841
was you teaching at-risk youth
to street dance.

126
00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:44,676
No, I teach them
to believe in themselves

127
00:04:44,745 --> 00:04:46,044
through street dance.

128
00:04:46,113 --> 00:04:48,313
Cam's always wanted
to go on a ride-along.

129
00:04:48,382 --> 00:04:49,648
So, I called in a favor

130
00:04:49,716 --> 00:04:52,217
to my law school friend Lucy
at the DA's office.

131
00:04:52,286 --> 00:04:54,419
Weird thing, they're understaffed.

132
00:04:54,488 --> 00:04:57,088
And she offered me a job
as a prosecutor.

133
00:04:57,157 --> 00:04:59,424
I just... I can't picture
myself with a badge.

134
00:04:59,493 --> 00:05:02,026
I mean, I already hate
how thick my wallet is.

135
00:05:02,266 --> 00:05:04,566
So, when do we roll?

136
00:05:04,635 --> 00:05:05,934
- You mean leave?
- Oh, copy that.

137
00:05:06,003 --> 00:05:07,836
You know, it's hard for me
not to use the lingo.

138
00:05:07,905 --> 00:05:11,173
Bit of a lawman myself,
acting high-school vice principal.

139
00:05:11,242 --> 00:05:13,342
Anyway, they call me "Arthritis"

140
00:05:13,410 --> 00:05:15,177
because I make life hard on seniors.

141
00:05:15,246 --> 00:05:16,411
They don't.

142
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,980
But he did make a sign
for his desk, didn't ya?

143
00:05:18,048 --> 00:05:19,448
Hey, hey.

144
00:05:19,517 --> 00:05:21,483
Do you think that perhaps
you're coming on a tad strong?

145
00:05:21,552 --> 00:05:25,278
No, I think Officer Stablitzky
appreciates me knowing the language.

146
00:05:25,313 --> 00:05:26,367
It's, like, when you go to Italy,

147
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:27,789
you use "prego" every other word.
They love it.

148
00:05:27,858 --> 00:05:29,558
Break-in in progress.
Cooper and Olympic.

149
00:05:29,627 --> 00:05:31,360
- Wait. What was that?
- In progress?

150
00:05:31,427 --> 00:05:32,427
Should we wait 'til they're done?

151
00:05:32,496 --> 00:05:35,163
- 12-A-3 responding.
- Copy that, 12-A-3.

152
00:05:35,230 --> 00:05:36,563
Mitchell, why don't you ride shotgun?

153
00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:38,131
Oh, no, You know,
he doesn't do that well

154
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,699
on Splash Mountain
in the front seat, so...

155
00:05:39,768 --> 00:05:42,368
- He'll be fine. Get in.
- Yes, sir. Okay.

156
00:05:42,437 --> 00:05:43,536
Okay, and then, you know, then,

157
00:05:43,605 --> 00:05:44,838
maybe I can front seat on even crimes.

158
00:05:44,906 --> 00:05:46,906
- You know, to keep it fair.
- Probably not.

159
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,407
You know, Phil,
it's not too late to back out.

160
00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:52,375
I am in the best shape of my life.

161
00:05:52,443 --> 00:05:54,242
After my last physical,

162
00:05:54,311 --> 00:05:56,111
the doctor posted my stress test
on his Instagram.

163
00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:58,280
Honey, I'm on the basketball court
four days a week.

164
00:05:58,348 --> 00:06:00,182
They call me "Phil Dunk-phy".

165
00:06:00,250 --> 00:06:02,350
Well, take a good look at this face
'cause it's the last time

166
00:06:02,419 --> 00:06:03,752
you're gonna see it for a while...

167
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,353
- on your mark, get set, go!
- Hey!

168
00:06:08,225 --> 00:06:09,624
I immediately pulled that muscle

169
00:06:09,693 --> 00:06:11,326
that runs from the top of your head

170
00:06:11,395 --> 00:06:12,794
down to the bottom of your feet.

171
00:06:13,382 --> 00:06:14,514
The truth is,

172
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,084
between work and not wanting to workout,

173
00:06:17,152 --> 00:06:18,852
I hadn't worked out that much.

174
00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,921
Welcome to the jungle, Claire.

175
00:06:20,990 --> 00:06:23,957
Monkey see, monkey d... Ow!

176
00:06:24,026 --> 00:06:26,693
My first thought was
that I had been shot in both shoulders.

177
00:06:27,171 --> 00:06:29,271
Here's the thing...
while Claire works out,

178
00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:31,273
I do go to the basketball court,

179
00:06:31,342 --> 00:06:34,276
but, uh, for epic robot battles.

180
00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:39,581
Oh, Spin-a-tron cornered me again.

181
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:42,518
Looks like you got me dead...
Possum-punch!

182
00:06:42,586 --> 00:06:44,953
Possum-punch! Possum-punch!

183
00:06:53,676 --> 00:06:55,309
Clouds look kind of ominous, huh?

184
00:06:55,378 --> 00:06:56,811
Kind of felt a raindrop.

185
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,579
- Maybe we should reschedule...
- Okay.

186
00:06:59,082 --> 00:07:00,381
Sorry we missed that robbery.

187
00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:02,183
It would've been a fun way
to start the day.

188
00:07:02,252 --> 00:07:05,019
Yeah, hi. Have you guys considered
using the Waze app.

189
00:07:05,088 --> 00:07:06,187
I could fire it up

190
00:07:06,256 --> 00:07:07,989
and it'd be kind of, like, your Goose.

191
00:07:08,259 --> 00:07:09,592
- Whoa, did you see that?
- See what?

192
00:07:09,661 --> 00:07:10,893
I'm blocked. I can't see anything.

193
00:07:10,962 --> 00:07:12,795
That jerk just cut off that old lady.

194
00:07:12,864 --> 00:07:14,697
- Wanna mess with him?
- Mess with who?

195
00:07:14,766 --> 00:07:15,798
Is that allowed?

196
00:07:15,867 --> 00:07:17,666
What's he gonna do, call the cops?

197
00:07:17,769 --> 00:07:19,235
Can you speak up a little bit?

198
00:07:19,304 --> 00:07:21,671
- I'm losing the thread.
- That's the siren.

199
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:23,373
- Okay.
- Not yet.

200
00:07:23,441 --> 00:07:25,775
Not yet. Now!

201
00:07:25,844 --> 00:07:27,043
Oh! Oh, my God!

202
00:07:27,112 --> 00:07:29,145
He's freaked out. Oh, he's pulling over.

203
00:07:29,214 --> 00:07:31,648
- Put these on and glare at him.
- Okay, okay.

204
00:07:31,716 --> 00:07:34,517
That's right. You know you were bad.

205
00:07:34,586 --> 00:07:37,287
Sit in your shame like a dog!

206
00:07:37,355 --> 00:07:38,955
You're a natural.

207
00:07:39,024 --> 00:07:40,690
Oh, my God, that was such a rush.

208
00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:43,159
I imagine that's what it feels like
to punch a guy or...

209
00:07:43,228 --> 00:07:44,861
or catch a ball while running.

210
00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:46,563
Oh, hey, Chatty-Cathys, heads up.

211
00:07:46,631 --> 00:07:48,498
- Possible 10-99 right over here.
- What?

212
00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:51,387
Couple low lifes over there
exchanging cash-money.

213
00:07:51,422 --> 00:07:53,235
That's because it's a newsstand.

214
00:07:53,314 --> 00:07:55,247
And I'm pretty sure a 1099
is a tax form.

215
00:07:55,316 --> 00:07:57,416
Oh, yeah, well,
what isn't a form these days?

216
00:07:57,485 --> 00:07:58,884
School board's got me
buried in paperwork.

217
00:07:58,953 --> 00:08:00,519
I gotta get three John Hancocks
just to take a leak.

218
00:08:00,588 --> 00:08:01,620
We're the same, see?

219
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,956
Oh, if I can interrupt
for just one second.

220
00:08:04,009 --> 00:08:05,742
I've been typing
license plates numbers...

221
00:08:05,811 --> 00:08:07,477
as you said I could...

222
00:08:07,546 --> 00:08:09,313
and this guy in this dirty car here,

223
00:08:09,381 --> 00:08:11,448
he has a warrant
for unpaid child support.

224
00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:12,683
Good catch, Pritch.

225
00:08:12,751 --> 00:08:14,451
He gets a nickname now?!

226
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:17,154
- Hmm, looking squirrely.
- Yeah.

227
00:08:18,557 --> 00:08:19,923
Yep, we got a runner!

228
00:08:19,992 --> 00:08:21,258
- Um...
- Stick by me.

229
00:08:21,327 --> 00:08:22,593
Oh, my God, is this happening?

230
00:08:22,661 --> 00:08:23,727
This is happening. Okay.

231
00:08:23,796 --> 00:08:25,696
Hey, guys? Guys?

232
00:08:25,764 --> 00:08:28,298
There's no handles back here!
I wanna come!

233
00:08:32,181 --> 00:08:33,847
Well, Luke, I read your essay.

234
00:08:33,916 --> 00:08:35,149
Took a lot of guts to admit

235
00:08:35,217 --> 00:08:37,551
you weren't ready for college
a year ago.

236
00:08:37,710 --> 00:08:40,278
I had a lot of growing up to do.

237
00:08:40,346 --> 00:08:42,213
So, I got a job, I paid my bills,

238
00:08:42,282 --> 00:08:44,315
and I read
the Wall Street Journal online

239
00:08:44,384 --> 00:08:46,717
until I used up my five free articles.

240
00:08:46,786 --> 00:08:48,653
Well, based on your credit score,

241
00:08:48,721 --> 00:08:51,489
we'd like to welcome you
to Sequoia Community College.

242
00:08:51,558 --> 00:08:53,090
Oh, thank you!

243
00:08:53,159 --> 00:08:54,559
And once your walk through

244
00:08:54,627 --> 00:08:56,794
one of our 15 TSA-approved
metal detectors,

245
00:08:56,863 --> 00:08:58,529
anything is possible.

246
00:08:58,598 --> 00:08:59,630
How hard is it?

247
00:08:59,699 --> 00:09:00,831
Well, most of our students report

248
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:03,334
about 10 to 15 hours of homework a week

249
00:09:03,403 --> 00:09:04,869
in addition to class time.

250
00:09:05,092 --> 00:09:06,358
That sounds like real college.

251
00:09:06,427 --> 00:09:09,294
This is a real college.
And it's a lot of hard work.

252
00:09:09,363 --> 00:09:11,063
But, you put in your two years here,

253
00:09:11,132 --> 00:09:14,366
then transfer to a real...
to a four-year college

254
00:09:14,435 --> 00:09:16,335
and you will land an entry-level job.

255
00:09:16,404 --> 00:09:18,037
Nothing too glamorous,

256
00:09:18,105 --> 00:09:20,439
but you pay your dues, climb the ladder.

257
00:09:20,508 --> 00:09:21,540
By the time you're 45,

258
00:09:21,609 --> 00:09:24,176
you're living in a three-bedroom house
with a picket fence!

259
00:09:24,245 --> 00:09:26,111
Wow!

260
00:09:26,779 --> 00:09:29,413
Three-bedroom house with a picket fence?

261
00:09:29,482 --> 00:09:31,548
Already got one of those.

262
00:09:31,617 --> 00:09:33,550
Plus, free meals, laundry, and cable.

263
00:09:33,619 --> 00:09:35,352
I am living the dream.

264
00:09:35,421 --> 00:09:36,453
You know what I say?

265
00:09:36,522 --> 00:09:38,589
"Who needs college?"

266
00:09:39,825 --> 00:09:42,192
Great work out there.
I'm getting you a donut.

267
00:09:42,261 --> 00:09:44,028
- You earned it.
- Er, a donut.

268
00:09:44,096 --> 00:09:45,195
Isn't that a little on the nose?

269
00:09:45,264 --> 00:09:46,430
And a lot on the belly.

270
00:09:46,499 --> 00:09:47,665
Ah, Blitz!

271
00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:48,932
Okay, guys, guys.

272
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:50,634
The door handle situation
really hasn't changed.

273
00:09:50,703 --> 00:09:52,536
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah.

274
00:09:52,605 --> 00:09:53,637
I opened it.

275
00:09:53,706 --> 00:09:54,738
Sir? Okay.

276
00:09:54,807 --> 00:09:56,340
So humiliating.

277
00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:58,142
Officer Pierogi just
banishes me to the backseat

278
00:09:58,210 --> 00:10:00,043
like I'm just along for the ride.

279
00:10:00,248 --> 00:10:01,881
Well, it is called a "ride-along". So...

280
00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,015
Mitchell!

281
00:10:03,084 --> 00:10:05,407
Oh, hey, Lucy, um... Cam, this is Lucy.

282
00:10:05,442 --> 00:10:06,741
She's the one that
set all this up for us.

283
00:10:06,776 --> 00:10:08,052
- Oh, hi. Thank you so much.
- Hi.

284
00:10:08,056 --> 00:10:09,755
- Mitchell had a wonderful time.
- Oh, great.

285
00:10:09,824 --> 00:10:12,158
- So, does that mean the answer's "Yes"?
- What's the question?

286
00:10:12,226 --> 00:10:14,694
Oh, I've been trying for weeks
to get this guy to become prosecutor.

287
00:10:14,762 --> 00:10:18,531
Y... You mean, like, Angie Harmon on...
on "Law and Order"

288
00:10:18,599 --> 00:10:19,799
or Susan Dey on "L.A. Law"?

289
00:10:19,867 --> 00:10:21,267
Or a man who does that job.

290
00:10:21,336 --> 00:10:23,402
Okay, well, why didn't you
tell me about this?

291
00:10:25,016 --> 00:10:26,683
I'm going to give you guys a minute.

292
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,518
But, um, Mitchell,
I really need to know by Monday.

293
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,386
Otherwise, I have to move on
to someone else, okay?

294
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:31,621
- Okay.
- It was nice to meet you.

295
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:32,630
- Nice to meet you.
- Bye!

296
00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:33,690
Bye.

297
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,225
Okay, I'm... I'm sorry
I...I didn't tell you about the job.

298
00:10:36,294 --> 00:10:37,594
It's... it's just a big change,

299
00:10:37,662 --> 00:10:39,495
and I wanted to make
this decision on my own.

300
00:10:39,564 --> 00:10:40,930
You know what, here's the good news.

301
00:10:40,999 --> 00:10:42,665
- You have a fantastic job offer...
- Mm-hmm.

302
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,309
...and if today taught us anything,

303
00:10:44,378 --> 00:10:46,011
it's that you have a passion
for this world.

304
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,013
Well, actually,
if today taught me anything,

305
00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:50,382
it's that I definitely
do not want this job.

306
00:10:50,451 --> 00:10:52,017
I'm... I'm gonna go find Lucy.

307
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,192
Oh, good. I'm late.

308
00:10:57,891 --> 00:11:00,892
I'm trying to free myself
of the calendar.

309
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,088
I live by my circadian rhythms.

310
00:11:03,123 --> 00:11:04,495
So important!

311
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:08,366
Nicole, this is my grandfather, Jay.

312
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:09,734
How do you do?

313
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,729
And this is the sauce maven
herself, my wife, Gloria.

314
00:11:12,764 --> 00:11:16,574
- Very nice to meet you.
- Oh, I love your accent.

315
00:11:16,736 --> 00:11:20,337
You know, I was up for the role
of El Chapo's mistress.

316
00:11:20,406 --> 00:11:22,306
Oh, I did not see that movie.

317
00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:23,574
What movie?

318
00:11:26,112 --> 00:11:27,945
And we appreciate you taking time

319
00:11:28,014 --> 00:11:30,841
from your busy schedule here at NERP.

320
00:11:30,876 --> 00:11:32,719
It's a dynamite organization.

321
00:11:32,754 --> 00:11:34,651
I'm a big fan. Love what you're doing.

322
00:11:35,023 --> 00:11:36,389
What are you doing?

323
00:11:36,458 --> 00:11:38,358
I was selling. That's what I was doing.

324
00:11:38,427 --> 00:11:40,627
I don't know what nonsense
this cult was pushing,

325
00:11:40,695 --> 00:11:41,828
but at the end of the day,

326
00:11:41,897 --> 00:11:43,229
they were gonna be
in the sauce business.

327
00:11:43,298 --> 00:11:44,998
And so, these peppers

328
00:11:45,066 --> 00:11:47,834
are the heart of Gloria's sauce.

329
00:11:47,903 --> 00:11:51,337
But this is the finished product,
of course...

330
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,807
the Salsa Atomica.

331
00:12:00,482 --> 00:12:02,749
Mmm! Peppery!

332
00:12:02,818 --> 00:12:05,618
She has a sophisticated palate!

333
00:12:05,687 --> 00:12:07,554
Mmm!

334
00:12:07,622 --> 00:12:09,989
I can feel the healing.

335
00:12:10,058 --> 00:12:11,524
Maybe that's why you're glowing.

336
00:12:11,593 --> 00:12:12,859
Am I crazy or is she glowing?

337
00:12:12,928 --> 00:12:15,195
Totally glowing!

338
00:12:16,121 --> 00:12:19,890
Gloria, I notice that
you're really kind of quiet.

339
00:12:19,958 --> 00:12:21,091
Is that a vitamin D thing?

340
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,026
'Cause we have socks
that can address that.

341
00:12:23,095 --> 00:12:24,728
No, I'm just...

342
00:12:24,797 --> 00:12:27,064
you know, it's hard for me to sell this.

343
00:12:27,132 --> 00:12:29,299
It's been in my family
for five generations.

344
00:12:29,368 --> 00:12:30,834
Most of them had kids at 15.

345
00:12:30,903 --> 00:12:34,604
Things were not always easy
in my village.

346
00:12:34,673 --> 00:12:36,540
But the one thing

347
00:12:36,608 --> 00:12:39,409
that we could always count on
was the sauce

348
00:12:39,478 --> 00:12:42,913
made from this blend
of magical Colombian peppers.

349
00:12:42,981 --> 00:12:44,514
Well, maybe it was just the way

350
00:12:44,583 --> 00:12:46,149
the water came down the mountain

351
00:12:46,218 --> 00:12:48,552
and curved around our family farm.

352
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,454
I love mountains and curves.

353
00:12:50,522 --> 00:12:52,088
So NERP!

354
00:12:52,228 --> 00:12:53,427
You know, I remember

355
00:12:53,496 --> 00:12:56,030
my grandmother cooking for me
every Sunday.

356
00:12:56,098 --> 00:12:57,464
I would hold on to her apron

357
00:12:57,533 --> 00:12:59,200
and follow her around the kitchen

358
00:12:59,268 --> 00:13:00,701
while she prepared her sauce.

359
00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:02,803
She would hold out the spoon to me

360
00:13:02,872 --> 00:13:04,205
and say, "Taste this.

361
00:13:04,273 --> 00:13:06,140
It's your familia."

362
00:13:06,209 --> 00:13:08,442
I feel like NERP is my familia.

363
00:13:08,511 --> 00:13:10,578
Yeah, we were all here on Christmas.

364
00:13:10,646 --> 00:13:12,746
Maybe it is the right time.

365
00:13:12,815 --> 00:13:14,882
My abuela is gone.

366
00:13:14,951 --> 00:13:18,686
My great aunts are all gone.

367
00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:20,788
They straightened the river.

368
00:13:20,857 --> 00:13:22,423
NERP can re-curve it.

369
00:13:22,491 --> 00:13:24,825
Maybe it is the time to say "Goodbye"

370
00:13:24,894 --> 00:13:26,660
to the one thing that is
a real connection to...

371
00:13:26,729 --> 00:13:28,429
You're not saying "Goodbye" to anything.

372
00:13:28,497 --> 00:13:30,030
This deal is done!

373
00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:34,335
I'm so sorry to have put you
in this position.

374
00:13:34,403 --> 00:13:35,936
I will never ask you
to turn your back...

375
00:13:36,005 --> 00:13:38,310
- You blew it, you dummy!
- What?

376
00:13:38,341 --> 00:13:40,641
I wanted to sell that stupid sauce!

377
00:13:41,914 --> 00:13:43,246
Wait a minute. I'm confused.

378
00:13:43,315 --> 00:13:45,015
Why did you tell her
that the deal was off?

379
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:46,516
I was trying to protect your legacy.

380
00:13:46,585 --> 00:13:48,698
What legacy? There's not legacy.

381
00:13:48,733 --> 00:13:51,779
I invented that whole story
to drive up the price.

382
00:13:51,814 --> 00:13:54,493
- Are you sure you're in sales?
- What about the pictures?

383
00:13:54,528 --> 00:13:58,102
I cut them out from Manny's
National Geographic old magazines.

384
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:02,473
Look, there's even a picture
at the Universal Studios tour.

385
00:14:02,577 --> 00:14:04,977
That's the "Psycho" house in the back!

386
00:14:05,046 --> 00:14:07,046
So, you want to get rid of the business?

387
00:14:07,115 --> 00:14:08,914
Yes, I hate that sauce.

388
00:14:08,983 --> 00:14:10,049
It's a dog!

389
00:14:10,118 --> 00:14:11,851
I have storage lockers all over town

390
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:13,119
full of jars.

391
00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:16,956
I tried to flush it,
but it eats up the pipes.

392
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,290
You could've just told me.

393
00:14:18,359 --> 00:14:20,626
I didn't want to admit
that you were right

394
00:14:20,695 --> 00:14:24,301
and have to hear "I told you so"
for the rest of my life.

395
00:14:24,986 --> 00:14:26,352
Well, your life.

396
00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:28,921
But, it was the first thing
I was doing on my own

397
00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:30,622
after getting married.

398
00:14:30,691 --> 00:14:31,991
And it was a failure.

399
00:14:32,059 --> 00:14:34,660
Honey, you've got to
cut yourself some slack.

400
00:14:34,729 --> 00:14:36,528
Do you know how many ideas I had to dump

401
00:14:36,597 --> 00:14:37,763
because they weren't working?

402
00:14:38,359 --> 00:14:41,760
I was a silent partner
of a professional Jai Alai league.

403
00:14:41,829 --> 00:14:43,529
With the ball and the scoopy thing?

404
00:14:43,597 --> 00:14:44,696
You guys! What was that?!

405
00:14:44,765 --> 00:14:46,465
Now I'm never gonna get
my own bean bag chair.

406
00:14:46,534 --> 00:14:48,400
No, it's gonna be fine.
We want to sell now.

407
00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:49,768
It's too late. She's moved on.

408
00:14:49,837 --> 00:14:51,336
Nicole doesn't give second chances.

409
00:14:51,405 --> 00:14:52,671
Mostly because that's the name

410
00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:54,840
of a failed rom-com she made
with Andrew McCarthy.

411
00:14:54,909 --> 00:14:56,675
That's where I've seen her before!

412
00:14:56,744 --> 00:14:58,610
Listen, this isn't over.

413
00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:00,612
I've had my back
against the wall before.

414
00:15:00,681 --> 00:15:02,781
Denver, Closet-Con, '97.

415
00:15:02,850 --> 00:15:05,684
I had a warehouse full of cedar shelves.

416
00:15:05,753 --> 00:15:08,720
- A storm blew in over the Rockies...
- You sold the closet. I get it.

417
00:15:08,789 --> 00:15:10,756
- Let's go up there.
- There's a whole story here.

418
00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:14,567
Nicole! Look who came back!

419
00:15:14,636 --> 00:15:16,335
Listen, we were just talking outside,

420
00:15:16,404 --> 00:15:17,837
and maybe I was a little rash.

421
00:15:17,906 --> 00:15:19,372
Really?

422
00:15:19,441 --> 00:15:21,040
Maybe a big rash.

423
00:15:21,109 --> 00:15:22,508
I'm so happy to hear you say that

424
00:15:22,577 --> 00:15:24,477
'cause I haven't been able
to stop eating your salsa

425
00:15:24,546 --> 00:15:25,778
since you left.

426
00:15:25,847 --> 00:15:27,246
There's no way to prove that.

427
00:15:27,315 --> 00:15:28,581
Apropos of nothing,

428
00:15:28,650 --> 00:15:32,018
do you believe in Western medicine?

429
00:15:35,156 --> 00:15:36,823
Ahh! Sweet.

430
00:15:37,992 --> 00:15:39,992
- Luke!
- Dad?

431
00:15:40,061 --> 00:15:41,561
Need you bad, buddy.

432
00:15:41,629 --> 00:15:43,362
- Why are you yelling?
- Oh, don't tell Mom,

433
00:15:43,431 --> 00:15:45,898
but I worked out too hard,
and it clogged my ears.

434
00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:49,168
I need some ice. And a heating pad.
And some aspirin.

435
00:15:49,237 --> 00:15:51,637
And some soft foods,
like Jell-o or soup.

436
00:15:51,895 --> 00:15:53,428
Can you poach an egg?
Can you even hear me?!

437
00:15:55,765 --> 00:15:57,098
Hi.

438
00:15:57,167 --> 00:15:58,232
Okay.

439
00:15:58,301 --> 00:15:59,834
- I'll be right back.
- Okay...?

440
00:16:01,538 --> 00:16:02,870
What's going on?

441
00:16:02,939 --> 00:16:05,039
Don't tell you father, but I can't move.

442
00:16:05,108 --> 00:16:06,874
Start me a tub and when it's ready,

443
00:16:06,943 --> 00:16:08,676
carry me upstairs and put me in it.

444
00:16:08,745 --> 00:16:09,944
Can you boil water for tea?

445
00:16:10,013 --> 00:16:11,112
I guess.

446
00:16:11,181 --> 00:16:12,814
Luke, what happened, chief?

447
00:16:12,882 --> 00:16:14,382
Uh, I'm helping Mom with something!

448
00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:15,616
Don't say that!

449
00:16:15,685 --> 00:16:17,452
Claire, everything okay?!

450
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,121
Yes! I'm just stretching!

451
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:21,322
Me, too!

452
00:16:21,391 --> 00:16:23,658
Luke!

453
00:16:23,726 --> 00:16:26,560
Uh, he's helping me with
something on the computer!

454
00:16:26,763 --> 00:16:28,296
He's so good at computers!

455
00:16:28,364 --> 00:16:30,331
Oh, such a smart boy!

456
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,766
Okay, all right. This is nuts.

457
00:16:31,835 --> 00:16:34,101
What? No. Oh, boy.

458
00:16:37,214 --> 00:16:38,246
Hi.

459
00:16:38,315 --> 00:16:39,981
Oh, hi, honey.
Hey, sweetie.

460
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:42,083
Are you good?

461
00:16:42,152 --> 00:16:43,785
Oh, yeah, yeah.

462
00:16:43,854 --> 00:16:46,154
- Are you good?
- So good!

463
00:16:46,223 --> 00:16:47,389
I don't know what's going on here,

464
00:16:47,457 --> 00:16:48,523
but neither of you are good!

465
00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:50,258
If you want someone to take care of you,

466
00:16:50,327 --> 00:16:53,694
I suggest once you can move,
you make another baby.

467
00:16:54,731 --> 00:16:57,332
You're hurting, too?

468
00:16:57,401 --> 00:16:59,034
That race, it almost destroyed me.

469
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,769
And I have to spend the rest of my life
in this position.

470
00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:02,891
What are we doing?

471
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,227
We're competing like
a couple of 40-year-olds.

472
00:17:05,295 --> 00:17:06,762
I haven't worked out in months.

473
00:17:06,830 --> 00:17:08,029
But, what's up with you?

474
00:17:08,098 --> 00:17:10,165
You're out on that
basketball court all the time.

475
00:17:10,234 --> 00:17:11,333
Claire.

476
00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:16,071
There's someone I'd like
for you to meet...

477
00:17:20,113 --> 00:17:22,113
This is Awesome Possum.

478
00:17:22,182 --> 00:17:23,448
Instead of working out,

479
00:17:23,517 --> 00:17:25,817
my super cool friends and I
have epic robot battles.

480
00:17:25,886 --> 00:17:27,485
The only time I break a sweat

481
00:17:27,554 --> 00:17:29,721
is when we run after
the ice cream truck.

482
00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:31,389
Is this what giving up feels like?

483
00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:33,892
No, not if we do it together.

484
00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:37,229
Let's boldly walk forward
at a reasonable pace

485
00:17:37,297 --> 00:17:38,663
into this new future

486
00:17:38,732 --> 00:17:40,565
where we don't have to pretend
to be strong or fast.

487
00:17:40,634 --> 00:17:42,567
- Can I make a confession?
- Yeah.

488
00:17:42,636 --> 00:17:44,603
Sometimes, I get hungry at, like, 5:00.

489
00:17:44,671 --> 00:17:45,870
Me, too!

490
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,872
Let's start having early dinners!

491
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:49,241
It makes so much sense.

492
00:17:49,309 --> 00:17:50,809
Old people are wise.

493
00:17:50,877 --> 00:17:52,010
Oh!

494
00:17:52,699 --> 00:17:55,434
Oh, no, Poss! No!

495
00:17:55,512 --> 00:17:56,978
No! I gave you life!

496
00:17:57,046 --> 00:17:58,746
Dr. Perry, this is Luke Dunphy.

497
00:17:58,815 --> 00:17:59,847
Forget what I said.

498
00:17:59,916 --> 00:18:01,282
I'd like to start college today.

499
00:18:01,351 --> 00:18:03,050
No! Luke!

500
00:18:05,321 --> 00:18:06,754
Mitchell, come in here.

501
00:18:08,925 --> 00:18:11,559
Wow. Small room, big mirror, handcuffs.

502
00:18:11,628 --> 00:18:12,794
Overcharge for drinks,

503
00:18:12,862 --> 00:18:14,195
and this could be a bar
in West Hollywood.

504
00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:15,763
Okay, why aren't you taking this job?

505
00:18:15,832 --> 00:18:16,931
- I don't want to.
- Why not?

506
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,466
You hate freelancing.
You're barely doing it.

507
00:18:18,535 --> 00:18:20,001
I-I'm plenty busy.

508
00:18:20,069 --> 00:18:21,969
Are you? Because you know what?

509
00:18:22,038 --> 00:18:23,271
Lily and I saw you

510
00:18:23,339 --> 00:18:25,106
putting breadcrumbs
in your pocket the other day.

511
00:18:25,175 --> 00:18:27,041
Are you back to spending your afternoons

512
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:28,980
with the pigeons in the park, Mitchell?

513
00:18:29,015 --> 00:18:30,375
W... You know, they're hungry.

514
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:33,381
No, you're hungry. For a purpose.

515
00:18:33,449 --> 00:18:35,449
It's just not my thing.

516
00:18:36,719 --> 00:18:37,919
Sit down.

517
00:18:37,987 --> 00:18:39,987
Not your thing, huh?

518
00:18:40,357 --> 00:18:42,491
Okay, well, I snapped
this picture of you this afternoon.

519
00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:44,126
Do you recognize the person
in this picture?

520
00:18:44,194 --> 00:18:46,461
Uh, Yes, it's me.
You just said that, so...

521
00:18:46,530 --> 00:18:48,363
Okay, well, what is
the expression on your face?

522
00:18:48,432 --> 00:18:50,765
- What are you doing?
- I asked a question!

523
00:18:50,834 --> 00:18:53,468
"What is the expression
on your face?"

524
00:18:53,537 --> 00:18:54,636
It's a smile.

525
00:18:54,705 --> 00:18:56,404
And how would you describe
this..."smile"?

526
00:18:56,473 --> 00:18:58,006
Well, from ear-to-ear.

527
00:18:58,075 --> 00:18:59,474
Wh-where's Blitz with my donut?

528
00:18:59,543 --> 00:19:02,878
You'll get a donut when I get answers,
you piece of trash!

529
00:19:02,946 --> 00:19:04,312
Hey!

530
00:19:04,381 --> 00:19:05,480
Hey!

531
00:19:07,795 --> 00:19:09,795
Oh, my gosh, what...

532
00:19:09,863 --> 00:19:11,296
what's happening here, huh?

533
00:19:11,365 --> 00:19:13,165
I'm sorry, Mitchell. You know what?

534
00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:14,332
I'm just here to help you.

535
00:19:14,401 --> 00:19:15,867
Let's just you and me talk.

536
00:19:15,936 --> 00:19:18,403
Are you seriously trying
to good cop/bad cop me?

537
00:19:18,472 --> 00:19:20,172
No, I'm trying to get some understanding

538
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:23,275
because I was with you
the entire afternoon

539
00:19:23,343 --> 00:19:26,244
and you can't deny you had a great time.

540
00:19:26,313 --> 00:19:27,946
Wait a minute... except for when...

541
00:19:28,015 --> 00:19:29,481
when you got out of the car
to chase that guy down.

542
00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:31,950
- Mitchell, what happened?
- Nothing.

543
00:19:34,021 --> 00:19:37,088
Okay, we were chasing after
that deadbeat guy,

544
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:40,101
and I started...I started
thinking about his kid.

545
00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:43,004
And I just...I wanted
to catch him and make him pay.

546
00:19:43,073 --> 00:19:45,240
And then,
Stablitzky got him on the ground

547
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:48,944
and I saw his face and he was...
he was scared.

548
00:19:49,018 --> 00:19:51,918
There's a person there.
I don't know the whole story.

549
00:19:51,987 --> 00:19:55,122
I don't think that I can just
toss someone into prison.

550
00:19:55,190 --> 00:19:56,388
- Mitchell, come...
- See? This is why

551
00:19:56,426 --> 00:19:58,392
I didn't tell you, okay?
You're judging me.

552
00:19:58,460 --> 00:20:00,193
You're the tough, justice guy,

553
00:20:00,262 --> 00:20:02,262
and I'm just... I'm soft.

554
00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:03,797
No, you're fair.

555
00:20:03,866 --> 00:20:06,500
And, of course, you can be
thoughtful and sensitive.

556
00:20:06,568 --> 00:20:08,068
But you can be tough.

557
00:20:08,137 --> 00:20:10,704
You remember the woman
in front of us at "Lion King"

558
00:20:10,773 --> 00:20:13,173
with the candy wrappers
and the big, giant hat?

559
00:20:13,242 --> 00:20:14,941
- Whoo, I went crazy on her.
- You sure did.

560
00:20:15,010 --> 00:20:16,510
And it is that passion

561
00:20:16,578 --> 00:20:20,180
that would make you
an amazing prosecutor.

562
00:20:20,249 --> 00:20:22,182
- Do you really think so?
- Of course.

563
00:20:22,251 --> 00:20:24,284
And nothing would thrill me more

564
00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:25,852
than to watch you embark

565
00:20:25,921 --> 00:20:27,854
on this new chapter of your life.

566
00:20:27,923 --> 00:20:29,089
Aww.

567
00:20:29,158 --> 00:20:31,258
It is...it is a lot less money, though.

568
00:20:32,094 --> 00:20:34,061
Well, you know,
we don't have to decide today.

569
00:20:38,332 --> 00:20:41,763
Guys? Guys, you forgot me again!

570
00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:44,234
I like tacos too!

571
00:20:44,486 --> 00:20:45,965
Mitchell!

572
00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:48,096
Mitchell!

573
00:20:49,187 --> 00:20:53,063
- Haley? In my office, please.
- Coming!

574
00:20:54,362 --> 00:20:55,362
Okay...

575
00:20:58,333 --> 00:21:01,926
Where are you?
Something happened to my face.

576
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:08,533
- Okay, I'll...
- I got it.

577
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,388
He's got it.

578
00:21:13,663 --> 00:21:18,663
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com