1
00:00:45,698 --> 00:00:47,832
D'oh!

2
00:00:54,374 --> 00:00:55,373
D'oh!

3
00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:01,598
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -

4
00:01:25,017 --> 00:01:27,584
Episode 10,432:

5
00:01:27,619 --> 00:01:29,186
"Leave It To Cleaver."

6
00:01:32,591 --> 00:01:36,226
Sponsored by delicious Cream of Rye.

7
00:01:38,096 --> 00:01:39,696
Which one's the cat?

8
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,500
Okay.

9
00:01:43,535 --> 00:01:45,836
Hour 14 of our marathon.

10
00:01:45,871 --> 00:01:50,006
Now let's watch Episode 10,433:

11
00:01:50,042 --> 00:01:52,242
"Cat Scratch Cleaver"!

12
00:01:52,277 --> 00:01:54,077
Enough with the cartoons.

13
00:01:54,112 --> 00:01:55,612
You'll rot your brains.

14
00:01:59,284 --> 00:02:00,617
Leave brain alone.

15
00:02:00,652 --> 00:02:04,354
Ugh, I've been watching so much
TV, I can't move my head.

16
00:02:04,389 --> 00:02:06,056
- I'll fix him.
- Careful, Dad!

17
00:02:06,091 --> 00:02:08,758
If I'd have been careful,
I wouldn't have had you.

18
00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:10,026
Ooh!

19
00:02:11,063 --> 00:02:12,395
Eh? Eh?

20
00:02:14,266 --> 00:02:16,266
Now I can't go to school. Or church.

21
00:02:16,301 --> 00:02:18,368
Hallelujah! Ah!

22
00:02:18,403 --> 00:02:20,737
We're going to spend
family time together

23
00:02:20,772 --> 00:02:22,739
without watching TV.

24
00:02:22,774 --> 00:02:23,740
Mom is right.

25
00:02:23,775 --> 00:02:25,876
Americans watch way too much TV.

26
00:02:25,911 --> 00:02:27,711
How many hours? Let me Google that.

27
00:02:27,746 --> 00:02:31,114
Ha! Instead of T-V, I typed T-B.

28
00:02:31,149 --> 00:02:32,916
Let me Google that.

29
00:02:34,086 --> 00:02:36,253
Turn off the devices, pronto!

30
00:02:36,288 --> 00:02:37,621
Pronto. Odd word.

31
00:02:37,656 --> 00:02:39,256
- Let me Google that.
- Mm. Mm.

32
00:02:39,291 --> 00:02:41,224
Hey, I'm doing something educational.

33
00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:42,893
Educational, my foot.

34
00:02:42,928 --> 00:02:44,561
I saw pixels.

35
00:02:44,596 --> 00:02:46,129
It's TunnelCraft.

36
00:02:46,164 --> 00:02:49,299
A simulated world where you
explore, mine resources,

37
00:02:49,334 --> 00:02:52,002
and work with friends to build
replicas of real buildings.

38
00:02:52,037 --> 00:02:53,169
Can you die in it?

39
00:02:53,205 --> 00:02:55,305
- Yes.
- It's a video game.

40
00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:57,340
I got a family activity for ya.

41
00:02:57,376 --> 00:02:59,910
In the Depression, we'd sit
around the wood stove

42
00:02:59,945 --> 00:03:02,479
and sing songs about poverty.

43
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,848
? Old poor Joe, the starving boy ?

44
00:03:04,883 --> 00:03:06,683
? Had worms burrow in his feet ?

45
00:03:06,718 --> 00:03:09,519
? He heard there was work in Portland ?

46
00:03:09,555 --> 00:03:11,454
? But sadly he heard wrong ?

47
00:03:11,490 --> 00:03:14,324
? Oh, the railroad bulls, ?
? they rousted him ?

48
00:03:14,359 --> 00:03:16,426
? And stuck him in a sack ?

49
00:03:16,461 --> 00:03:18,628
? They tied him to the train ?

50
00:03:18,664 --> 00:03:20,864
? And pulled him down the track ?

51
00:03:20,899 --> 00:03:22,465
? They threw him off the bridge ?

52
00:03:22,501 --> 00:03:24,167
? And they kicked him ?
? in the head and they... ?

53
00:03:24,202 --> 00:03:25,335
Enough!

54
00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:26,770
- I know what we're going to do.
- Huh?

55
00:03:26,805 --> 00:03:27,871
- Ah.
- We're going to go out.

56
00:03:27,906 --> 00:03:29,205
We're going to get some books

57
00:03:29,241 --> 00:03:31,041
and we're going to read those books.

58
00:03:31,076 --> 00:03:32,943
This is the very last chance

59
00:03:32,978 --> 00:03:35,645
for this family to get
reading in their lives.

60
00:03:35,681 --> 00:03:37,914
So get on your feet, bubs.

61
00:03:39,151 --> 00:03:41,551
We are taking a walk.

62
00:03:43,021 --> 00:03:44,020
To the library.

63
00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:46,723
Where you'll have to be quiet.

64
00:03:48,093 --> 00:03:50,560
Wait, you're closing?

65
00:03:50,596 --> 00:03:52,629
You wanna read? Start with the sign.
_

66
00:03:52,664 --> 00:03:55,298
Oh, can't we just go
in for five minutes?

67
00:03:55,334 --> 00:03:56,666
Up to you.

68
00:03:56,702 --> 00:03:58,835
But after 2:00, the
silverfish take over.

69
00:03:59,871 --> 00:04:00,837
Ah!

70
00:04:00,872 --> 00:04:02,739
I just wanted to renew my card!

71
00:04:07,879 --> 00:04:11,815
Hmm. DVDs, plush toys, crullers...

72
00:04:11,850 --> 00:04:13,650
I don't see many books.

73
00:04:13,685 --> 00:04:16,386
Yeah, the only actual books
are coffee table books.

74
00:04:16,421 --> 00:04:18,088
Barn Doors of Topeka,

75
00:04:18,123 --> 00:04:19,522
Dogs Eating Ice Cream,

76
00:04:19,558 --> 00:04:21,725
Jigsaw Puzzles with One Piece Missing,

77
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:23,226
Man-Killing Snakes of the Amazon...

78
00:04:23,261 --> 00:04:26,696
Sir! Never say "Amazon" in a bookstore.

79
00:04:26,732 --> 00:04:28,598
Amazon! Of course!

80
00:04:28,634 --> 00:04:30,600
Alexa!

81
00:04:30,636 --> 00:04:32,335
Order books!

82
00:04:32,371 --> 00:04:33,770
I already did.

83
00:04:33,805 --> 00:04:35,438
Your mind is open to me.

84
00:04:35,474 --> 00:04:36,940
They'll be home before I am.

85
00:04:38,977 --> 00:04:40,777
Ma'am, if you really want to read,

86
00:04:40,812 --> 00:04:42,579
check out our proprietary e-reader:

87
00:04:42,614 --> 00:04:44,180
the Bookaccino "Niche."

88
00:04:44,216 --> 00:04:45,248
Um, excuse me.

89
00:04:45,283 --> 00:04:47,183
That device is poorly designed.

90
00:04:47,219 --> 00:04:48,585
I would register my disgust,

91
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,654
but it corrects with auto praise.

92
00:04:51,723 --> 00:04:53,723
Hmm.

93
00:04:53,759 --> 00:04:54,758
Ugh!

94
00:04:56,895 --> 00:04:59,929
Finally, a bookstore that sells books.

95
00:05:02,567 --> 00:05:04,300
- Oh, oatmeal.
- I love the smell of old books.

96
00:05:04,336 --> 00:05:06,302
Ah...

97
00:05:06,338 --> 00:05:07,370
Wouldn't do that, miss.

98
00:05:07,406 --> 00:05:08,738
The air in here

99
00:05:08,774 --> 00:05:10,273
has a lot of particulate rat droppings.

100
00:05:10,308 --> 00:05:11,274
Ugh!

101
00:05:11,309 --> 00:05:12,409
Okay.

102
00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:13,710
Let's book up and bug out.

103
00:05:13,745 --> 00:05:15,245
Here you go, Bart:

104
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:16,646
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

105
00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:18,581
Maggie: In Cold Blood.

106
00:05:18,617 --> 00:05:20,950
Lisa: With No Apologies: The
Memoirs of Barry Goldwater.

107
00:05:23,321 --> 00:05:25,555
Lisa, look!

108
00:05:25,590 --> 00:05:29,259
The Princess in the Garden,
by Heloise Hodgeson Burwell.

109
00:05:29,294 --> 00:05:30,326
Hmm.

110
00:05:30,362 --> 00:05:31,995
It's my very favorite book

111
00:05:32,030 --> 00:05:33,463
from when I was a girl.

112
00:05:33,498 --> 00:05:34,798
It's for ages ten and up,

113
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:36,099
but I think you're ready.

114
00:05:36,134 --> 00:05:37,667
If you think so.

115
00:05:42,641 --> 00:05:43,740
Wait a minute.

116
00:05:43,775 --> 00:05:45,508
One bar... two bars...

117
00:05:45,544 --> 00:05:46,743
five bars.

118
00:05:46,778 --> 00:05:48,311
You're not reading a book.

119
00:05:48,346 --> 00:05:50,680
- You're in a Wi-Fi hotspot!
- Dad, please.

120
00:05:50,716 --> 00:05:52,716
I'm trying to reserve
tickets to TunnelCraft-Con.

121
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:56,519
What? What the hell is that?

122
00:05:56,555 --> 00:05:58,121
Uh, duh, it's a convention

123
00:05:58,156 --> 00:05:59,522
for kids who play TunnelCraft.

124
00:05:59,558 --> 00:06:01,257
It's got skins, betas, mods...

125
00:06:01,293 --> 00:06:03,426
exclusive access to the top devs.

126
00:06:03,462 --> 00:06:05,595
No convention. And that's almost final.

127
00:06:05,630 --> 00:06:07,764
But I'm dying to go, fatso.

128
00:06:07,799 --> 00:06:10,300
Now it is final!

129
00:06:11,636 --> 00:06:13,369
What do you have for a kid

130
00:06:13,405 --> 00:06:15,205
who wishes his father was dead?

131
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,607
Try this. The Art of War,

132
00:06:17,642 --> 00:06:21,010
written 3,000 years ago
by General Sun Tzu.

133
00:06:21,046 --> 00:06:24,347
Well, there's "war" in the
title and very few pages.

134
00:06:24,382 --> 00:06:26,349
The only flaw is it's a book.

135
00:06:26,384 --> 00:06:30,587
Young man, are you sure you
want war with your father?

136
00:06:32,224 --> 00:06:34,557
Mmm. Mm-hmm.

137
00:06:34,593 --> 00:06:36,493
I do not seek war,

138
00:06:36,528 --> 00:06:38,828
but neither do I turn away.

139
00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:43,299
If you use this book,

140
00:06:43,335 --> 00:06:48,071
your father will lie shattered
before the gates of your palace.

141
00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:52,242
Oh, mighty general!

142
00:06:52,277 --> 00:06:55,211
I beg to be your unworthy footstool.

143
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,647
When he sleeps, I will steal
the jewels from his topknot.

144
00:06:59,050 --> 00:07:02,051
Hey, Mom, I found something to read!

145
00:07:02,087 --> 00:07:03,887
Wonderful!

146
00:07:03,922 --> 00:07:05,855
What a great family day.

147
00:07:05,891 --> 00:07:08,424
And there is only one perfect way

148
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:11,427
to complete a great family day.

149
00:07:11,463 --> 00:07:12,996
So, how's the family?

150
00:07:13,031 --> 00:07:14,936
I think they went to dinner.
Something nice.

151
00:07:23,391 --> 00:07:25,425
Nelson's coming our way.

152
00:07:26,628 --> 00:07:28,561
My nose is pre-bleeding.

153
00:07:28,596 --> 00:07:31,164
I'm picking on Bart.

154
00:07:31,199 --> 00:07:32,732
You like books, huh?

155
00:07:32,767 --> 00:07:35,268
Well, here's a bookmark.

156
00:07:35,303 --> 00:07:39,806
If your enemy is easily
enraged, irritate him.

157
00:07:39,841 --> 00:07:41,407
I heard you're not
strong, you're just fat.

158
00:07:41,443 --> 00:07:43,075
Fat? Me?

159
00:07:43,111 --> 00:07:45,445
You try eating healthy
at a strip club buffet!

160
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,712
Oh!

161
00:07:49,484 --> 00:07:51,250
Whoa! Willy!

162
00:07:51,286 --> 00:07:52,652
Get me out of here!

163
00:07:52,687 --> 00:07:56,456
It's on fire! Willy!

164
00:07:58,493 --> 00:08:01,527
Hmm. Maybe wisdom isn't
so stupid after all.

165
00:08:01,563 --> 00:08:04,464
Milhouse, I'm gonna use this
book to go to TunnelCraft-Con.

166
00:08:04,499 --> 00:08:06,132
Here's the book I'm reading.

167
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,667
When I finish this,

168
00:08:07,702 --> 00:08:10,536
I'll have read every Mary
Kate and Ashley book.

169
00:08:10,572 --> 00:08:13,406
Sometimes I feel like the third sister.

170
00:08:14,742 --> 00:08:15,708
Ooh.

171
00:08:15,743 --> 00:08:18,010
He opposed the religious right.
_

172
00:08:18,046 --> 00:08:21,481
Okay, this is my favorite book
ever, but no pressure.

173
00:08:21,516 --> 00:08:23,182
You realize saying "no pressure"

174
00:08:23,218 --> 00:08:25,384
puts me under tremendous pressure.

175
00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:28,387
Then let's get started.

176
00:08:28,423 --> 00:08:29,489
"Not all English girls

177
00:08:29,524 --> 00:08:30,890
grow up in England.

178
00:08:30,925 --> 00:08:32,792
Clara grew up in South America

179
00:08:32,827 --> 00:08:35,895
where she was raised
by many native servants.

180
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:39,866
But they were too naturally
servile to oppose her will."

181
00:08:39,901 --> 00:08:41,734
- Hmm.
- "Naturally" what?

182
00:08:43,771 --> 00:08:44,837
Uncle Juan?

183
00:08:44,873 --> 00:08:47,874
Would you clap as I dance?

184
00:08:47,909 --> 00:08:50,243
Rhythm... rhythm...

185
00:08:50,278 --> 00:08:53,446
Mind the rhythm or you'll feel the lash!

186
00:08:53,481 --> 00:08:56,749
Mom, why'd you stop reading?

187
00:08:56,784 --> 00:08:59,919
It's just a little different
than I remembered.

188
00:08:59,954 --> 00:09:01,220
Let's skip ahead.

189
00:09:01,256 --> 00:09:04,357
A father murdered by loco banana picker,

190
00:09:04,392 --> 00:09:07,260
Clara baptizing savages
without their permission...

191
00:09:07,295 --> 00:09:09,262
Oh, okay, okay, here we go.

192
00:09:09,297 --> 00:09:11,097
Clara is now an orphan

193
00:09:11,132 --> 00:09:14,033
and was sent to live with
her lonely uncle in the hills.

194
00:09:14,068 --> 00:09:15,902
She meets a boy named Conor.

195
00:09:15,937 --> 00:09:19,272
Like all Irish, he was
feeble-witted and drunk.

196
00:09:19,307 --> 00:09:22,708
This is the part you deem acceptable?

197
00:09:22,744 --> 00:09:25,111
The Irish are nobody's joke anymore.

198
00:09:25,146 --> 00:09:27,113
? Hoi-dee toi-dee toi-dee toi! ?

199
00:09:27,148 --> 00:09:30,049
I'm goin' on a hunger strike in here!

200
00:09:30,084 --> 00:09:33,252
So weak. So weak...

201
00:09:33,288 --> 00:09:34,620
Yah-hah!

202
00:09:34,656 --> 00:09:37,256
Another childhood
classic bites the dust.

203
00:09:37,292 --> 00:09:39,025
Is that a coolie hat?

204
00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:41,060
Nighty-night!

205
00:09:41,095 --> 00:09:45,164
I bet my booklight is shining
on something offensive.

206
00:09:45,199 --> 00:09:46,801
Oh...
_

207
00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:48,334
Darn it.

208
00:09:49,604 --> 00:09:52,071
Oh...

209
00:09:53,308 --> 00:09:55,741
Heloise Hodgeson Burwell?

210
00:09:55,777 --> 00:09:57,977
Why did you stop reading my book?

211
00:09:58,012 --> 00:10:00,446
Your daughter is just the kind
of girl I wrote it for...

212
00:10:00,481 --> 00:10:03,449
- obedient, well-fed and white.
- Shh!

213
00:10:03,484 --> 00:10:05,284
Oh, calm yourself, Marge.

214
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,486
Dreams are where it's okay to be racist.

215
00:10:07,522 --> 00:10:09,121
Rudyard Kipling!

216
00:10:09,157 --> 00:10:11,924
Yes. You should read my first
draft of The Jungle Book.

217
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,960
At the end, Mowgli uses his elephants

218
00:10:13,995 --> 00:10:17,730
to stomp out some Hindus
seeking limited voting rights.

219
00:10:17,765 --> 00:10:19,765
All in good fun.

220
00:10:21,102 --> 00:10:23,970
Marge, I suppose you could edit my book

221
00:10:24,005 --> 00:10:25,972
to your daughter's sensibilities.

222
00:10:26,007 --> 00:10:28,507
Wow. An author that wants rewrites.

223
00:10:28,543 --> 00:10:31,377
Well, that's what makes this a dream.

224
00:10:31,412 --> 00:10:33,879
Now the war begins.

225
00:10:33,915 --> 00:10:35,448
Not yet!

226
00:10:35,483 --> 00:10:37,116
I haven't finished my costume.

227
00:10:37,151 --> 00:10:41,487
I'm doing period sewing
with bird bones as needles.

228
00:10:45,727 --> 00:10:47,460
Wait.

229
00:10:47,495 --> 00:10:49,161
Why do you want me to text you

230
00:10:49,197 --> 00:10:51,664
when your father's getting in the car?

231
00:10:51,677 --> 00:10:53,968
_

232
00:10:53,969 --> 00:10:56,135
That's none of your business...
but let's just say

233
00:10:56,170 --> 00:10:58,471
both of us will benefit.

234
00:10:58,506 --> 00:11:00,106
A trombone mute?

235
00:11:00,141 --> 00:11:02,008
But I don't have a trombone.

236
00:11:02,043 --> 00:11:04,110
Open the other box.

237
00:11:04,145 --> 00:11:05,544
Oh, my God!

238
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,428
_

239
00:11:18,159 --> 00:11:20,526
All right, Simpson, blow into this.

240
00:11:20,561 --> 00:11:23,029
Now make it into a rabbit.

241
00:11:23,064 --> 00:11:25,498
All right. Ralphie's birthday is today,

242
00:11:25,533 --> 00:11:27,566
and you're the entertainment.

243
00:11:29,971 --> 00:11:32,171
What's going on? It's like
someone's out to get me.

244
00:11:32,206 --> 00:11:33,906
I have to be focused and careful.

245
00:11:33,941 --> 00:11:37,043
Nothing will break my concen...
Ooh! Wild milk ball.

246
00:11:49,190 --> 00:11:51,657
Bart! You're behind this?

247
00:11:51,693 --> 00:11:55,494
That's right. And it looks like
someone is stuck in the mud.

248
00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:57,630
Help me, boy!

249
00:11:57,665 --> 00:12:01,200
I will save you if you do
what I say from now on...

250
00:12:01,235 --> 00:12:03,969
starting with going to TunnelCraft-Con.

251
00:12:04,005 --> 00:12:05,571
Sure. Just pull me out

252
00:12:05,606 --> 00:12:07,873
by your sneaky little neck!

253
00:12:07,909 --> 00:12:10,142
_

254
00:12:11,579 --> 00:12:13,612
Just be aware that if
something happens to me,

255
00:12:13,648 --> 00:12:16,449
Mom finds out about your
secret stash of Drake's Cakes.

256
00:12:16,484 --> 00:12:17,683
What secret stash?

257
00:12:17,719 --> 00:12:20,886
Pier 18, shipping container
number 4-7-9-5-2.

258
00:12:20,922 --> 00:12:22,722
D'oh!

259
00:12:22,757 --> 00:12:25,891
I was offered a deal and I took it.
Okay, I give.

260
00:12:25,927 --> 00:12:27,727
Louder, dog!

261
00:12:27,762 --> 00:12:29,295
Okay!

262
00:12:33,568 --> 00:12:37,136
Huh. You really think
you can control me?

263
00:12:37,171 --> 00:12:39,105
Malted milk ball.

264
00:12:39,140 --> 00:12:40,740
Ooh!

265
00:12:48,348 --> 00:12:52,392
Okay. Here's a new version

266
00:12:52,393 --> 00:12:56,694
of The Princess in the Garden.

267
00:12:57,057 --> 00:12:59,871
- Mom, you're exhausted.
- It takes a lot of work

268
00:12:59,872 --> 00:13:02,505
to take the spirit and
character out of a book.

269
00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:06,648
But now it's as inoffensive
as a Sunday in Cincinnati.

270
00:13:06,649 --> 00:13:09,149
"Once there was a cisgender
girl named Clara.

271
00:13:09,184 --> 00:13:11,151
She lived in South America,

272
00:13:11,186 --> 00:13:13,286
fighting for wild horse rescue...

273
00:13:15,691 --> 00:13:17,657
and net neutrality."

274
00:13:19,194 --> 00:13:20,827
This new Clara

275
00:13:20,863 --> 00:13:23,163
sounds like she starts
out pretty perfect.

276
00:13:23,198 --> 00:13:24,664
You betcha!

277
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:26,700
But since she's already evolved,

278
00:13:26,735 --> 00:13:29,669
she doesn't really have an
emotional journey to complete.

279
00:13:29,705 --> 00:13:31,523
- Nope.
- Kind of means there's

280
00:13:31,524 --> 00:13:33,206
no point to the book.

281
00:13:33,207 --> 00:13:35,039
Well, what am I supposed to do?

282
00:13:35,074 --> 00:13:36,574
It's hard to say.

283
00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:38,576
Something that started decades ago

284
00:13:38,611 --> 00:13:40,511
and was applauded and inoffensive,

285
00:13:40,546 --> 00:13:42,513
is now politically incorrect.

286
00:13:42,548 --> 00:13:44,215
What can you do?

287
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:47,218
Some things will be dealt
with at a later date.

288
00:13:47,253 --> 00:13:48,629
If at all.

289
00:13:49,555 --> 00:13:51,421
Hey, Simpsons. We'll see you in church.

290
00:13:51,422 --> 00:13:52,525
Not today you won't.

291
00:13:52,526 --> 00:13:54,025
Oh. Well, we'll say a prayer for you.

292
00:13:54,060 --> 00:13:55,860
Don't mention my name, weirdo.

293
00:13:57,764 --> 00:13:59,597
Dear Lord, forgive that boy.

294
00:13:59,632 --> 00:14:01,766
He knows not what he says.

295
00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:05,770
What does that weirdo want now?

296
00:14:17,942 --> 00:14:25,425
_

297
00:14:30,063 --> 00:14:31,162
Ow!

298
00:14:33,099 --> 00:14:35,266
My feet hurt. There's too much cosplay,

299
00:14:35,301 --> 00:14:36,734
whatever that is.

300
00:14:36,769 --> 00:14:38,903
- Can we go home?
- Quiet, you.

301
00:14:38,938 --> 00:14:40,271
It's the two greatest
TunnelCraft players

302
00:14:40,306 --> 00:14:41,472
of all time!

303
00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:43,374
Those guys make awesome videos

304
00:14:43,409 --> 00:14:45,509
where they play TunnelCraft together.

305
00:14:45,545 --> 00:14:47,278
Has the world gone mad?

306
00:14:47,313 --> 00:14:50,014
Their banter is legendary.

307
00:14:50,049 --> 00:14:51,082
- Got that?
- Yeah.

308
00:14:51,117 --> 00:14:52,116
- Go left.
- Right.

309
00:14:52,151 --> 00:14:53,918
- Left. Go right.
- Right.

310
00:14:53,953 --> 00:14:54,919
- Dig.
- Dig.

311
00:14:54,954 --> 00:14:55,920
Dig.

312
00:14:55,955 --> 00:14:57,121
- Dig.
- Cool.

313
00:14:57,156 --> 00:14:58,622
That's why they call me Tunnel-Rat.

314
00:14:58,658 --> 00:15:00,257
- I'm Tunnel-Rat.
- Oh, right.

315
00:15:00,293 --> 00:15:02,159
- Oh-ho...
- Oh, awesome!

316
00:15:04,230 --> 00:15:06,097
- What the...?
- Calm down.

317
00:15:06,132 --> 00:15:07,965
It's me, Daniel Radcliffe.

318
00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:10,434
This is how I see
conventions: incognito.

319
00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:12,436
Otherwise the fans envelope me.

320
00:15:12,472 --> 00:15:14,038
Oh, that's ridiculous!

321
00:15:14,073 --> 00:15:15,439
Daniel Radcliffe!

322
00:15:15,475 --> 00:15:17,108
He knows Rupert Grint!

323
00:15:17,143 --> 00:15:18,409
Yes, I do. He's lovely.

324
00:15:18,444 --> 00:15:20,811
Oh! Oh, God! What are you... Aah! Aah!

325
00:15:21,814 --> 00:15:23,347
I loved him.

326
00:15:23,383 --> 00:15:24,949
Please, can we go now?

327
00:15:24,984 --> 00:15:26,917
No! You wait in the poster-signing line.

328
00:15:26,953 --> 00:15:28,919
And don't sign them yourself.

329
00:15:28,955 --> 00:15:30,788
I'll know.

330
00:15:31,724 --> 00:15:33,324
Milhouse, by God,

331
00:15:33,359 --> 00:15:37,261
if you want a ride home, you
tell me what Bart's up to.

332
00:15:37,296 --> 00:15:39,063
Okay. Bart's been using

333
00:15:39,098 --> 00:15:41,265
an ancient Chinese book against you.

334
00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:44,068
I knew it. Except for the
ancient Chinese book part,

335
00:15:44,103 --> 00:15:45,336
I knew it!

336
00:15:45,371 --> 00:15:47,371
_

337
00:15:49,446 --> 00:15:50,819
_

338
00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:52,643
Why are you bringing me here?

339
00:15:52,678 --> 00:15:54,979
These professors have some
very interesting news for you

340
00:15:55,014 --> 00:15:56,847
about Heloise Hodgeson Burwell.

341
00:15:56,883 --> 00:15:58,916
Meanwhile, I'll sit on this chair

342
00:15:58,951 --> 00:16:00,985
and imagine I'm grading papers.

343
00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:02,920
Ah.

344
00:16:02,955 --> 00:16:05,289
Ah, Marge Simpson, the fan of Burwell.

345
00:16:05,324 --> 00:16:07,358
We are all Burwelleans.

346
00:16:07,393 --> 00:16:09,994
You don't mind that her
books are a little...

347
00:16:10,029 --> 00:16:11,862
grandma on the veranda?

348
00:16:11,898 --> 00:16:15,966
Marge, Burwell's whole life was
a protest against conformity.

349
00:16:16,002 --> 00:16:18,469
- Yeah, she never married.
- Had no children.

350
00:16:18,504 --> 00:16:21,172
She lived in Provincetown, Mass...

351
00:16:21,207 --> 00:16:23,441
a-chu-setts.

352
00:16:23,476 --> 00:16:26,777
Heloise Burwell is a lesbian icon!

353
00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:28,846
Her "offensive" stereotypes

354
00:16:28,881 --> 00:16:32,116
were actually a self-consciously
ironic protest

355
00:16:32,151 --> 00:16:34,218
against her own oppression.

356
00:16:34,253 --> 00:16:36,921
How much of that do
you actually believe?

357
00:16:36,956 --> 00:16:38,756
Mmm... most.

358
00:16:38,791 --> 00:16:40,324
So much to take in.

359
00:16:40,359 --> 00:16:42,426
How do you deal with it all?

360
00:16:42,462 --> 00:16:44,295
With the help of sherry.

361
00:16:44,330 --> 00:16:47,498
Yes. Sherry, bring in
the hard liquor, please.

362
00:16:51,404 --> 00:16:54,338
Okay. Now you can ask me
about Lewis Carroll.

363
00:16:58,878 --> 00:17:03,080
Remember: all warfare is deception.

364
00:17:03,116 --> 00:17:04,482
Shut up.

365
00:17:04,517 --> 00:17:06,851
I'm trying to fool my kid.

366
00:17:09,422 --> 00:17:13,390
Bart, son, if you don't mind,
I brought a friend over.

367
00:17:13,426 --> 00:17:14,625
Mm-hmm.

368
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:15,693
Flanders?!

369
00:17:15,728 --> 00:17:17,495
Great to be here, pal-o-mino.

370
00:17:17,530 --> 00:17:19,230
I brought some potent grass

371
00:17:19,265 --> 00:17:21,398
that'll get this party started.
Bluegrass!

372
00:17:21,434 --> 00:17:24,268
? Chicken's in the henhouse, ?
? pig is in the poke ?

373
00:17:24,303 --> 00:17:26,370
? The whole dang farm ?
? feels okily-doke ?

374
00:17:26,405 --> 00:17:28,405
? Goin' up to Cripple Creek, ?
? swimmin' fully dressed ?

375
00:17:28,441 --> 00:17:31,142
? Not being naked, ?
? oh, that's the best. ?

376
00:17:32,512 --> 00:17:35,146
Mr. Flanders. Again?

377
00:17:35,181 --> 00:17:36,413
No siree, Bart!

378
00:17:36,449 --> 00:17:38,048
It's me, your Homereeno!

379
00:17:38,084 --> 00:17:39,416
Morning, friend-till-the-end.

380
00:17:39,452 --> 00:17:41,952
Ready to greet the day
with a big ho-hey?

381
00:17:41,988 --> 00:17:45,589
Call me the Pillsbury Doughboy,
'cause I'm ready to roll!

382
00:17:45,625 --> 00:17:47,191
Then let's hi-diddley-go!

383
00:17:47,226 --> 00:17:50,027
If anyone can do it, it's we two-it!

384
00:17:50,062 --> 00:17:52,229
- Yes, indeedle, doddily...
- Okily-dokily, dokily, dokily.

385
00:17:55,401 --> 00:17:58,602
Oh, my God. He's even gone left-handed.

386
00:18:00,139 --> 00:18:02,606
Now we're gonna take you
to a movie rated R

387
00:18:02,642 --> 00:18:04,608
for "really old and boring."

388
00:18:06,312 --> 00:18:09,280
_

389
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,068
Oh, no, he daren't!

390
00:18:31,103 --> 00:18:35,406
Dad, please, isn't there any
way to get the old Homer back?

391
00:18:35,441 --> 00:18:38,309
Well, now, Bartly, why would
you want that balding boob...

392
00:18:38,344 --> 00:18:40,144
Ooh, I said "boob"!

393
00:18:40,179 --> 00:18:41,979
Uh-oh. Time for me to do a turtle.

394
00:18:42,014 --> 00:18:44,148
I'll come out when the
B-bombs stop flying.

395
00:18:44,183 --> 00:18:46,617
Please, I want my dad...
not this horrible creature

396
00:18:46,652 --> 00:18:48,819
from the depths of Heaven you've become.

397
00:18:48,854 --> 00:18:50,521
If you truly surrender,

398
00:18:50,556 --> 00:18:52,990
give me your Halloween candy.

399
00:18:53,025 --> 00:18:54,491
But it's March.

400
00:18:54,527 --> 00:18:56,427
Most of it's still good.

401
00:18:56,462 --> 00:18:57,595
Fine.

402
00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:59,463
Now, bow to your master,

403
00:18:59,498 --> 00:19:01,532
because you are the fool,

404
00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:04,668
and I, the greater fool!

405
00:19:04,704 --> 00:19:06,837
Dad! You read the book, too?

406
00:19:06,872 --> 00:19:09,106
Up to page five.

407
00:19:09,141 --> 00:19:12,176
Now, come here, son,
and grab some belly.

408
00:19:12,211 --> 00:19:13,577
Aw.

409
00:19:13,613 --> 00:19:16,547
Excuse me. These films
are original nitrate prints.

410
00:19:16,582 --> 00:19:20,150
Which means the theater has
just gone up in a terrible fire.

411
00:19:20,186 --> 00:19:21,719
You have seconds to escape!

412
00:19:24,724 --> 00:19:27,521
They never tell the organist.

413
00:19:44,081 --> 00:19:46,882
Hmm, so that film is
a hundred years old?

414
00:19:46,917 --> 00:19:49,985
No. We shot it at my place yesterday.

415
00:19:55,325 --> 00:19:57,259
? Well, now it's time to say good-bye ?

416
00:19:57,294 --> 00:19:58,960
? To Ned and Rod and Todd ?

417
00:19:58,996 --> 00:20:02,697
? And I'll remind all you folks ?
? you should be praisin' God ?

418
00:20:02,733 --> 00:20:05,867
? If you don't, you'll rot ?
? in Hell for all eternity ?

419
00:20:05,903 --> 00:20:10,272
? It's all a part of God's great ?
? love he has for you and me. ?

420
00:20:10,307 --> 00:20:13,909
Y'all come back, now. Y'hear?

421
00:20:13,944 --> 00:20:20,688
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