1 00:00:04,626 --> 00:00:06,918 _ 2 00:00:07,042 --> 00:00:08,417 Hi! 3 00:00:08,725 --> 00:00:11,267 Thank you for watching Lark. It's so nice we can 4 00:00:11,292 --> 00:00:12,625 trust you with her now that she doesn't 5 00:00:12,626 --> 00:00:14,335 have soft spots in her skull. 6 00:00:14,339 --> 00:00:15,772 We had so much fun. 7 00:00:15,774 --> 00:00:17,807 Lark, come show Mommy. 8 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:20,377 Boom. Aunt Colleen fixed me. 9 00:00:20,379 --> 00:00:22,045 Now I'm pretty. 10 00:00:22,047 --> 00:00:25,282 Wha... but-but you're also pretty in your brain, too. 11 00:00:25,284 --> 00:00:28,027 Right? Where it, where it really matters. 12 00:00:29,454 --> 00:00:32,555 Lark found one of my old pageant gowns I had stored in the attic. 13 00:00:32,557 --> 00:00:34,324 What-what was Lark doing in the attic? 14 00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,459 I don't know. I asked her, she wouldn't tell me. 15 00:00:36,461 --> 00:00:39,461 Yeah. I forgot that you used to do pageants. 16 00:00:39,462 --> 00:00:41,039 That's right. 17 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,165 All right. Let's, uh, 18 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,533 let's get this dress off of you. 19 00:00:43,542 --> 00:00:46,037 - Oh. - Can I keep it? 20 00:00:46,038 --> 00:00:48,338 Uh, it's "May I keep it?" 21 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,674 And the answer is no. 22 00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:53,796 Well, of course she can keep it. She looks great in it. 23 00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:56,446 Who knows, Jen? You might have a pageant star on your hands. 24 00:00:56,448 --> 00:00:57,814 We might. 25 00:00:57,816 --> 00:00:59,149 Yeah. 26 00:00:59,151 --> 00:01:01,518 She is beautiful, but her real talent is math. 27 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,652 Right, Lark? 28 00:01:02,654 --> 00:01:04,247 What's two plus two? 29 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,792 Green. 30 00:01:06,458 --> 00:01:08,692 Spin around again. Show her. 31 00:01:12,671 --> 00:01:14,331 Look what I had to peel off our daughter. 32 00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:15,532 Oh. 33 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,502 Did I miss Lark's preschool prom? 34 00:01:17,527 --> 00:01:18,409 No. 35 00:01:18,434 --> 00:01:20,236 Colleen decided to dress up Lark 36 00:01:20,238 --> 00:01:22,565 in one of her old pageant outfits. 37 00:01:22,590 --> 00:01:23,673 Freaked me out so much, 38 00:01:23,675 --> 00:01:24,949 I went and bought her a blazer 39 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:26,918 - and some smart slacks. - What's the big deal? 40 00:01:26,945 --> 00:01:29,946 Kids love playing dress-up and so do some adults. 41 00:01:29,948 --> 00:01:32,215 For the last time, Iron Man and Wonder Woman 42 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,917 are never having sex, okay? 43 00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:35,852 She's a natural-born superbeing, 44 00:01:35,854 --> 00:01:38,266 and he is a rich mortal with some high tech gadgets. 45 00:01:38,292 --> 00:01:40,375 Okay. The fact that you even know that 46 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,859 only makes this fantasy more intense. 47 00:01:42,861 --> 00:01:45,195 It's just weird of Colleen to be dressing her up 48 00:01:45,197 --> 00:01:47,464 in these girly costumes, you know? 49 00:01:47,466 --> 00:01:49,366 I think I need to say something to her. 50 00:01:49,368 --> 00:01:51,132 I really don't think you should. All right? 51 00:01:51,157 --> 00:01:52,635 I mean, Matt and Colleen, they're having trouble 52 00:01:52,637 --> 00:01:55,945 getting pregnant, and look, this is making her happy. 53 00:01:55,970 --> 00:01:58,070 You know? Maybe you should just let it go. 54 00:01:58,095 --> 00:01:59,909 Yeah. 55 00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,544 I guess you're right. 56 00:02:01,546 --> 00:02:04,214 Think of pimping out our daughter as a mitzvah. 57 00:02:04,216 --> 00:02:07,584 Aw, you used a Jewish word. 58 00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:08,418 I did. 59 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,253 All right, go get the costume. 60 00:02:12,438 --> 00:02:13,905 Cool. 61 00:02:17,709 --> 00:02:19,543 - Hi! - Hi. 62 00:02:19,799 --> 00:02:20,932 Oh... 63 00:02:20,957 --> 00:02:22,465 Uh, wow, Colleen. 64 00:02:22,467 --> 00:02:24,034 I wasn't expecting you. 65 00:02:24,036 --> 00:02:25,635 Well, I couldn't help but notice 66 00:02:25,637 --> 00:02:27,871 how much you loved seeing Lark in my old dress. 67 00:02:27,873 --> 00:02:30,740 I mean, your face was literally, like... 68 00:02:30,742 --> 00:02:33,402 It was. It was just literally like that. 69 00:02:33,427 --> 00:02:35,596 I knew you caught pageant fever. 70 00:02:35,621 --> 00:02:38,025 So, I brought over all these outfits, so we can really see 71 00:02:38,042 --> 00:02:39,042 what we're working with. 72 00:02:39,074 --> 00:02:39,983 Mm. 73 00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,418 Now, I have one question. 74 00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,453 Can Lark twerk? 75 00:02:43,459 --> 00:02:44,831 No. 76 00:02:44,876 --> 00:02:46,911 But we tried, right? 77 00:02:46,912 --> 00:02:49,726 Well, if I can teach Joan to twerk, I can teach anyone. 78 00:02:49,728 --> 00:02:50,960 Is Lark sleeping? 79 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,195 Lark! 80 00:02:52,197 --> 00:02:53,997 Time to wake up! 81 00:02:55,495 --> 00:02:57,674 Okay. I'm practicing my fake smile, right? 82 00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:58,931 So when Colleen comes out, 83 00:02:58,956 --> 00:03:00,798 even if Lark is spray-tanned, 84 00:03:00,799 --> 00:03:02,584 I'm just gonna go like this: 85 00:03:02,607 --> 00:03:05,241 "Look at you!" 86 00:03:05,243 --> 00:03:06,709 What do you think? 87 00:03:06,711 --> 00:03:08,445 Well, that's your brunch face. 88 00:03:08,459 --> 00:03:11,709 - I know! - Come on, let's show Mommy. 89 00:03:11,719 --> 00:03:13,450 Wow! 90 00:03:13,774 --> 00:03:16,352 Look at you! 91 00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:19,840 I'm bringing sexy back. 92 00:03:20,525 --> 00:03:21,825 Doesn't she look amazing? 93 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,259 If she got kidnapped right now, 94 00:03:23,261 --> 00:03:25,140 the press would have a field day. 95 00:03:25,165 --> 00:03:27,230 Uh, excuse me, did-did you put junk 96 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,750 - in our daughter's trunk? - Yeah. 97 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,126 I had to pad her butt. 98 00:03:30,135 --> 00:03:32,469 The judges really respond to curves. 99 00:03:32,471 --> 00:03:34,637 Sorry, uh, what judges? 100 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:36,940 I signed Lark up for her first pageant. 101 00:03:37,177 --> 00:03:39,008 Without asking me? 102 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,377 Well, with "us." She should've asked us, right? 103 00:03:41,379 --> 00:03:42,846 We can talk about that later. 104 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,614 You guys, don't worry. With my help, 105 00:03:44,616 --> 00:03:45,949 this little girl is gonna rise 106 00:03:45,951 --> 00:03:47,350 straight to the top. Which in this case, 107 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,214 is the basement of an airport Radisson. 108 00:03:49,215 --> 00:03:50,501 I'm sorry, no. I-I'm... 109 00:03:50,542 --> 00:03:51,584 - I have to put an end to this. - No... 110 00:03:51,626 --> 00:03:54,210 Enough. We're not entering Lark into anything. 111 00:03:54,211 --> 00:03:55,326 But why not? 112 00:03:55,327 --> 00:03:56,559 Look how happy she is. 113 00:03:56,561 --> 00:03:57,760 Yeah, but what does she know? 114 00:03:57,762 --> 00:03:59,402 She's chewing on her eyelash. 115 00:03:59,427 --> 00:04:00,663 Oh. Horse hair 116 00:04:00,665 --> 00:04:02,298 is completely edible. 117 00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:03,800 I mean, it doesn't matter, all animal hair is. 118 00:04:03,802 --> 00:04:04,739 It's fine. 119 00:04:04,764 --> 00:04:06,919 No, it's not fine. Okay? 120 00:04:06,944 --> 00:04:08,872 I'm her mother, and it's not up to you. 121 00:04:08,876 --> 00:04:10,835 So you and Matt can do this to your own daughter. 122 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:11,502 Oh... 123 00:04:12,947 --> 00:04:14,210 Hmm. 124 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:16,157 I, uh, I-I'm sorry. 125 00:04:16,182 --> 00:04:17,213 I didn't, I didn't mean to... 126 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,282 No, no, no. It's fine. It's okay. 127 00:04:19,284 --> 00:04:22,018 Come on, Lark. We got to get you in a warm bath for an hour 128 00:04:22,042 --> 00:04:24,001 so the butt glue will dissolve. 129 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,368 Hey. 130 00:04:32,375 --> 00:04:35,167 Listen, I feel really bad about the way that came out. 131 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,531 No. No, don't. 132 00:04:37,556 --> 00:04:39,124 I overstepped. 133 00:04:39,149 --> 00:04:41,337 It's just, we have been trying so hard to have a kid 134 00:04:41,339 --> 00:04:43,339 that it was really nice to be reminded 135 00:04:43,341 --> 00:04:45,341 of what we're actually working toward. 136 00:04:45,907 --> 00:04:48,178 Yeah, I know. 137 00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:50,106 Hey, you know what? Just because we don't 138 00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:52,375 want Lark wearing a swimsuit in a Radisson ballroom 139 00:04:52,384 --> 00:04:54,250 doesn't mean you can't still hang out with her. 140 00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,333 Aw. It's a Radisson basement. 141 00:04:56,334 --> 00:04:58,126 - Okay. - And I love her so much. 142 00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,057 Well, you can play with her anytime you want. 143 00:05:00,058 --> 00:05:01,858 I just hate that she's never gonna get to do 144 00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:03,893 the routine we practiced. 145 00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,496 Yep. 146 00:05:06,498 --> 00:05:09,399 Well, them's the breaks. 147 00:05:09,417 --> 00:05:10,500 I guess. 148 00:05:10,501 --> 00:05:12,377 - Good lesson for her, you know. - Uh-huh. 149 00:05:12,404 --> 00:05:14,971 That you work hard at things and sometimes, they don't pay off. 150 00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:17,540 She just got so good at it. 151 00:05:17,542 --> 00:05:19,833 Yeah, yeah. She's a little Renaissance toddler. So... 152 00:05:19,834 --> 00:05:21,168 And that baton was super expensive. 153 00:05:21,179 --> 00:05:22,312 I had to overnight it... 154 00:05:22,334 --> 00:05:23,747 - Mm-hmm. - Which cost even more. 155 00:05:23,748 --> 00:05:25,014 I don't know what their return policy is, 156 00:05:25,039 --> 00:05:26,041 - so then, I'm just like, out... - Okay. 157 00:05:26,042 --> 00:05:28,292 - Okay, fine. You win. - that cash. 158 00:05:28,293 --> 00:05:31,001 But I am her manager, 159 00:05:31,015 --> 00:05:32,989 so I have a few notes. 160 00:05:34,392 --> 00:05:35,792 Okay. Now, 161 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,360 before we get started, 162 00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:39,230 just a reminder: 163 00:05:39,231 --> 00:05:41,197 do not look directly at Lark. 164 00:05:41,199 --> 00:05:45,335 Because you are about to see a star. 165 00:05:45,337 --> 00:05:48,506 Does Colleen know that you can look directly at stars? 166 00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,233 Hit it, Matt. 167 00:05:51,576 --> 00:05:55,528 ? It's such a good vibration ? 168 00:05:55,553 --> 00:06:00,016 ? It's such a sweet sensation ? 169 00:06:00,018 --> 00:06:01,184 ? You're such a hot temptation... ? 170 00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:03,386 Yes. 171 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,819 ? It's such a sweet sensation ? 172 00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:11,541 ? Wow ? 173 00:06:11,542 --> 00:06:13,708 ? I got the wild ones, hot ones, fly ones ? 174 00:06:13,709 --> 00:06:15,872 ? Do or die ones, even shy ones, up one, two... ? 175 00:06:15,873 --> 00:06:18,768 She looks like a very successful drug dealer's wife. 176 00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:21,838 Greg. She looks like a very successful drug dealer. 177 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:22,972 ? Halfway freaks, let's talk ? 178 00:06:22,997 --> 00:06:24,414 ? Just can't shut off South Beach... ? 179 00:06:25,792 --> 00:06:27,334 She's doing it, Matt. 180 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,379 She's beautiful. 181 00:06:29,936 --> 00:06:32,015 Oh, dear God, I hope we have a boy. 182 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,217 Oh, boys can do pageants, too. 183 00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:36,219 ? Sweet sensation. ? 184 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,083 - Yay! - Yes. Yes. 185 00:06:40,091 --> 00:06:41,324 - Yeah, baby. - Yay! 186 00:06:41,326 --> 00:06:43,359 I did it! 187 00:06:44,626 --> 00:06:46,502 _ 188 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,298 It was a beach cruiser 189 00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:50,166 with a wicker basket... It was right there 190 00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:51,968 in the driveway, then it was gone. 191 00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:54,837 You know, it's such a violation to be robbed. 192 00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:56,973 It was a gift from my husband. 193 00:06:56,975 --> 00:06:58,408 Don't you want to write this down? 194 00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:00,454 Ma'am, I worked at Fuddruckers for five years. 195 00:07:00,479 --> 00:07:01,678 I don't need to write it down. 196 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,714 Right, okay, well then, dust for prints, call for backup. 197 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,350 I just need to know that when bad things happen, 198 00:07:07,352 --> 00:07:11,154 somebody will step up and do what's good. 199 00:07:11,156 --> 00:07:13,589 Ma'am, I believe what you're describing is Batman. 200 00:07:13,591 --> 00:07:15,258 Oh, well, then call him. 201 00:07:16,328 --> 00:07:19,495 That cop couldn't have cared less about my bike. 202 00:07:19,497 --> 00:07:23,066 She just gave up and then moved on to some missing persons case. 203 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,468 All right. Let's find it on Craigslist. 204 00:07:26,042 --> 00:07:28,334 How would a robber 205 00:07:28,349 --> 00:07:29,951 describe your bike? 206 00:07:29,976 --> 00:07:31,584 Like a sunset 207 00:07:31,609 --> 00:07:33,409 after a week of rain. 208 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,778 It had a kind of energy to it. 209 00:07:35,792 --> 00:07:37,792 - So we'll say pink. - Perfect. 210 00:07:37,819 --> 00:07:39,626 Okay, so you're gonna type in the description here, 211 00:07:39,651 --> 00:07:41,317 and then you're gonna hit the search button 212 00:07:41,319 --> 00:07:44,387 and it'll show you all the bikes for sale in the area. 213 00:07:45,623 --> 00:07:47,810 Oh. There's nothing there. 214 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,227 You didn't type anything. 215 00:07:51,229 --> 00:07:53,763 Oh, I thought you were telling the computer to do that. 216 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:55,902 No, no, you have to hit the search button. 217 00:07:55,918 --> 00:07:58,585 Oh! 218 00:07:59,337 --> 00:08:01,137 Still nothing. 219 00:08:01,139 --> 00:08:03,740 Mom, you didn't type anything; you just hit the search button. 220 00:08:03,742 --> 00:08:05,975 Yeah, that's what you said to do. 221 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,847 Since when does this qualify as brunch? 222 00:08:10,849 --> 00:08:12,448 This is the third most disappointing spread 223 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:13,449 I've ever seen. 224 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,184 The other two, you won't believe. 225 00:08:15,185 --> 00:08:18,542 Number one: winter, 2004, Lillehammer. 226 00:08:18,556 --> 00:08:19,822 Where has Mom been? 227 00:08:19,824 --> 00:08:22,848 I mean, it's so unlike her to just ignore brunch. 228 00:08:22,873 --> 00:08:25,261 Brussels sprouts were making a real big noise on the scene. 229 00:08:25,263 --> 00:08:26,496 Matt! 230 00:08:26,498 --> 00:08:28,131 Matt, Matt, Matt! I found it! 231 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:31,166 My bike! And it was on Craigslist! 232 00:08:31,167 --> 00:08:34,013 - Hey! - A robber named Dale has it. 233 00:08:34,042 --> 00:08:35,417 I'm gonna go get him. 234 00:08:35,418 --> 00:08:37,433 Uh, Mom, you can't do that. 235 00:08:37,458 --> 00:08:39,776 No, don't worry. I changed my identity. 236 00:08:39,778 --> 00:08:41,811 I told him my name was Jen Short. 237 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,246 Like my wife, Jen Short? 238 00:08:43,248 --> 00:08:45,915 I panicked. It was the first name that I could think of. 239 00:08:45,917 --> 00:08:48,084 So, Dad is all right with you 240 00:08:48,086 --> 00:08:51,053 just meeting some stranger off the Internet? 241 00:08:51,055 --> 00:08:52,583 Oh, no. He can't know. 242 00:08:52,584 --> 00:08:56,251 He told me to lock up the bike, and I said, "You lock it up." 243 00:08:56,644 --> 00:08:59,095 And then I was on a bit of a high for the rest of the day 244 00:08:59,097 --> 00:09:00,596 and I forgot all about it. 245 00:09:00,598 --> 00:09:03,032 Okay, Mom, you can't go do this all by yourself. 246 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,459 You don't know who this guy is. 247 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:07,937 This Dale could be some sort of weirdo 248 00:09:07,939 --> 00:09:10,373 who likes to sniff women's bikes or something. 249 00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,775 Yeah, a real seat freak. I know the type. 250 00:09:12,777 --> 00:09:14,732 Well, you know, bring him on. 251 00:09:14,757 --> 00:09:16,646 Because it's my bike and I'm gonna be 252 00:09:16,648 --> 00:09:18,514 the only freak on that seat. 253 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:19,849 Okay, well, you're not going alone. 254 00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:21,451 No, we're gonna go with you. 255 00:09:21,453 --> 00:09:23,719 Oh. My boys. 256 00:09:23,721 --> 00:09:26,088 Road trip. Shotgun! 257 00:09:28,479 --> 00:09:30,331 Okay, here's the deal. 258 00:09:30,584 --> 00:09:33,709 First, I appeal to the robber's sense of humanity. 259 00:09:34,098 --> 00:09:35,649 If that doesn't work, 260 00:09:35,674 --> 00:09:38,201 I've got a sock filled with D-batteries. 261 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,703 Hey, where's Tim? 262 00:09:42,834 --> 00:09:44,917 Ugh, we forgot Tim. 263 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:51,134 So you guys didn't forget me, you just stopped to get gas? 264 00:09:52,617 --> 00:09:53,983 Yeah, man. 265 00:09:55,353 --> 00:09:56,486 So, what's the deal here? 266 00:09:56,488 --> 00:09:57,920 We gonna pay this guy or what? 267 00:09:57,922 --> 00:09:59,755 Pay for my own bike? 268 00:10:00,283 --> 00:10:03,179 No way, punk. That's what I'm gonna call him. 269 00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:04,937 Do you think that's rough enough? 270 00:10:04,962 --> 00:10:07,844 You know, or, I could joke about his mother's weight, 271 00:10:07,869 --> 00:10:09,699 or I could say, you know, 272 00:10:09,701 --> 00:10:12,235 how many times I've had my way with her. 273 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:20,076 And here's a picture of me on my bike when I ran the LA Marathon. 274 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,833 Cute. Look, 275 00:10:21,858 --> 00:10:23,513 you're gonna need to give me some better proof 276 00:10:23,515 --> 00:10:24,847 than some photos. 277 00:10:24,849 --> 00:10:26,549 The serial number, maybe? 278 00:10:26,551 --> 00:10:29,719 'Cause you can't just accuse me of stealing your bike, Jen. 279 00:10:29,721 --> 00:10:31,621 Why you got the cute little pink bike, man? 280 00:10:31,623 --> 00:10:33,523 Seem like more of a sexy motorcycle guy. 281 00:10:33,525 --> 00:10:35,791 Thanks. I'm selling it for a friend. 282 00:10:35,793 --> 00:10:38,995 Who? Your mother? She has her own zip code. 283 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,375 - Mm. - Ooh, easy, Ma. 284 00:10:40,415 --> 00:10:41,531 His mom's easy. 285 00:10:41,542 --> 00:10:43,792 - What? - I want my bike. 286 00:10:43,801 --> 00:10:46,369 Well, this bike? Is 100 bucks. 287 00:10:46,371 --> 00:10:48,104 So, you want to buy it or not? 288 00:10:48,209 --> 00:10:49,751 Yeah. You win. 289 00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:50,875 Wait. 290 00:10:51,206 --> 00:10:52,475 If the reason you guys forgot me 291 00:10:52,476 --> 00:10:54,043 is 'cause you were stopping to get gas, 292 00:10:54,078 --> 00:10:55,459 then why did we stop for gas? 293 00:10:55,484 --> 00:10:57,280 Tim, you are being paranoid, okay? 294 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,815 We did not leave you at home intentionally. 295 00:11:00,008 --> 00:11:01,484 I never said intentionally. 296 00:11:01,509 --> 00:11:03,085 Will you take $80 for it? 297 00:11:03,087 --> 00:11:05,321 I'll go ask my friend. 298 00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,292 - Take the bike. - What? 299 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,361 Take the bike, we don't have much time. 300 00:11:12,363 --> 00:11:13,440 You want us to steal it? 301 00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:15,331 It's not stealing, it's mine! 302 00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:17,542 Go! 303 00:11:17,569 --> 00:11:19,669 Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. 304 00:11:20,018 --> 00:11:25,244 Oh, wow! I haven't felt this high since the marijuana jam! 305 00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,792 Where's Tim? 306 00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:29,278 What? We forgot Tim! 307 00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:32,515 Thanks for letting me use your phone. 308 00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:33,783 I'm sure they're just getting gas. 309 00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:35,293 It's ringing. 310 00:11:35,512 --> 00:11:38,654 Tell them to bring my $80 or they don't get you back. 311 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,856 Yeah, I think you're gonna need a different approach. 312 00:11:43,042 --> 00:11:44,918 _ 313 00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:47,417 Hey. 314 00:11:47,459 --> 00:11:48,524 Is the coast clear? 315 00:11:48,525 --> 00:11:50,104 Well, it depends on what you want to do. 316 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:53,737 I have a box of Sophia's stuffed animals. 317 00:11:53,738 --> 00:11:55,838 Ooh, are you gonna put them on the couch and watch a movie? 318 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,174 No. I'm gonna give them to Goodwill. 319 00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,742 She's letting you do that? 320 00:11:59,744 --> 00:12:01,978 Oh, no. Babe, she has no idea. 321 00:12:01,980 --> 00:12:04,380 I have been running an underground railroad 322 00:12:04,382 --> 00:12:06,248 out of her bedroom for months; she hasn't even noticed. 323 00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:07,450 It's time to pull the trigger. 324 00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:09,458 - Yes. Tell you what. - Yeah? 325 00:12:09,459 --> 00:12:11,542 - I'll cover you to the garage. - Oh. 326 00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:14,023 Make sure the coast is clear. 327 00:12:15,059 --> 00:12:16,359 Hey, Soph. 328 00:12:17,941 --> 00:12:20,229 What's going on down here? 329 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,064 Nothing. 330 00:12:22,066 --> 00:12:23,376 Okay, what's in the box? 331 00:12:23,401 --> 00:12:24,853 Nothing. 332 00:12:27,899 --> 00:12:29,132 Nothing? 333 00:12:29,157 --> 00:12:32,241 Unicorns are mythical, not invisible. 334 00:12:32,243 --> 00:12:35,144 Honey, you have thousands of stuffed animals. 335 00:12:35,146 --> 00:12:36,545 How many could you need? 336 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,481 How many children do you need? 337 00:12:38,501 --> 00:12:40,835 - Oh... - Get rid of Tyler. Then we'll talk. 338 00:12:40,842 --> 00:12:42,118 Sophia. 339 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,887 Mom, you just don't see them how I see them. 340 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:48,468 They may just be toys to you, but they're real to me. 341 00:12:49,004 --> 00:12:54,011 ? You say it's time to give away my toys ? 342 00:12:54,832 --> 00:12:56,098 ? So I'll sleep alone ? 343 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:59,777 ? 'Cause I'm too young to sleep with boys ? 344 00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:03,305 ? But, Mom, please be nice ? 345 00:13:03,307 --> 00:13:06,001 ? Only one or two have lice ? 346 00:13:06,026 --> 00:13:06,790 Ooh. 347 00:13:06,815 --> 00:13:11,747 ? I'm not ready to say good-bye... ? 348 00:13:15,876 --> 00:13:18,835 ? You and me go way back ? 349 00:13:18,856 --> 00:13:21,957 ? It was the first trip to the zoo ? 350 00:13:21,959 --> 00:13:26,662 ? I remember it well, walking hand in hand with you ? 351 00:13:28,466 --> 00:13:30,192 ? We saw zebras ? 352 00:13:30,217 --> 00:13:31,516 ? Birds in a nest ? 353 00:13:31,541 --> 00:13:34,876 ? A divorcée dad just doing his best ? 354 00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:39,337 ? The zoo was such a sad and boring place ? 355 00:13:39,362 --> 00:13:41,869 ? Till that gator bit off some guy's face ? 356 00:13:41,939 --> 00:13:44,013 ? Now he's a millionaire ? 357 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,619 ? But, Mom, can't you see ? 358 00:13:46,644 --> 00:13:47,416 Sophia. 359 00:13:47,459 --> 00:13:49,708 ? Each one holds a memory ? 360 00:13:49,709 --> 00:13:50,750 I know, but... 361 00:13:50,751 --> 00:13:53,833 ? I'm not ready to say good-bye ? 362 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,875 ? Ah, da-da, da-da-da-da ? 363 00:13:56,876 --> 00:14:00,835 ? We're not ready to say good-bye ? 364 00:14:00,865 --> 00:14:01,997 No way, they can't stay. 365 00:14:01,999 --> 00:14:03,332 Please don't throw them away. 366 00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:05,701 ? Oh, please don't make us have to leave ? 367 00:14:05,703 --> 00:14:07,964 ? Oh, I've been in your toilet ? 368 00:14:07,989 --> 00:14:09,572 ? I deserve a reprieve ? 369 00:14:09,584 --> 00:14:12,376 - ? Oh, Mom, can't you see? ? - ? Bah, bum, bum, bum ? 370 00:14:12,377 --> 00:14:15,750 - ? Ah, they're my fuzzy coterie ? - ? Bah, bum, bum, bum, bum ? 371 00:14:15,751 --> 00:14:18,834 - ? And they've been by my side ? - ? Bum, ba-bum, bum, bum, bum ? 372 00:14:18,835 --> 00:14:22,251 - ? I'm not ready to say good-bye ? - ? Bum, bum, bum, bum ? 373 00:14:22,253 --> 00:14:25,087 ? Ah, ya, da-da, da-da-da ? 374 00:14:25,089 --> 00:14:28,221 ? We're not ready to say good-bye. ? 375 00:14:28,246 --> 00:14:29,861 No, no, no. 376 00:14:29,886 --> 00:14:32,027 Oh, One-Eyed Bear. 377 00:14:32,029 --> 00:14:33,863 ? I remember that one night ? 378 00:14:33,865 --> 00:14:36,665 ? When Sophia left you in my bed. ? 379 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,140 And I was there. 380 00:14:38,209 --> 00:14:40,127 ? When Tim bought you a purse ? 381 00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:41,712 ? And you promised to give him... ? 382 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,813 Yeah. Mm-hmm. 383 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,715 That's why I ripped my eye out. 384 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,729 Maybe we'll just throw this guy out. Hmm? 385 00:14:46,751 --> 00:14:48,377 - What-what? No. Stop. - ? And now it's time ? 386 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,688 - ? To say good-bye. ? - Mom, you can't. Mom! 387 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,401 Where's Mr. Pickle? 388 00:14:52,426 --> 00:14:54,559 Sophia, you have enough already. 389 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,494 But, Mom, I need him. 390 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:59,717 Why? Why do you need a talking pickle? 391 00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,704 ? 'Cause he's my best friend ? 392 00:15:06,729 --> 00:15:09,206 ? Okay, technically my boyfriend ? 393 00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,375 ? Yeah, we stay up all night ? 394 00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:12,710 ? It's nuts ? 395 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,446 ? Get on the iPad and Google butts ? 396 00:15:15,501 --> 00:15:16,501 Ugh. 397 00:15:16,502 --> 00:15:19,377 - ? Maybe I shouldn't rush ? - ? What's the rush? ? 398 00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:22,416 - ? To 86 all the plush ? - ? All the plush ? 399 00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:25,434 - ? I remember when your appendix burst ? - ? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ah ? 400 00:15:25,459 --> 00:15:26,876 ? Mr. Pickle was the one ? 401 00:15:26,918 --> 00:15:28,544 - ? That you wanted first ? - ? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ah ? 402 00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:34,368 ? Yeah, he's always been there by your side ? 403 00:15:34,375 --> 00:15:37,667 - ? So I'll stop from committing ? - Ow. 404 00:15:37,710 --> 00:15:39,904 ? This cutie-pie genocide ? 405 00:15:39,918 --> 00:15:42,084 - ? Oh, you're right ? - ? We're right ? 406 00:15:42,085 --> 00:15:43,834 - ? I can see ? - ? She can see ? 407 00:15:43,835 --> 00:15:47,178 ? You're still making memories ? 408 00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,481 ? You don't have to say good-bye ? 409 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,618 ? Da-da, da-da-da-da ? 410 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,877 ? We don't have to say ? 411 00:15:54,902 --> 00:16:00,424 ? Good-bye. ? 412 00:16:04,751 --> 00:16:07,876 ? So, now that Sophia's had her turn ? 413 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:12,369 ? I'll let out the fire that in me burns, ah. ? 414 00:16:12,394 --> 00:16:15,339 Oh, yeah, that's nice, honey. We're-we're done. 415 00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:19,543 _ 416 00:16:23,736 --> 00:16:26,470 What is it you two are doing in here? 417 00:16:26,472 --> 00:16:30,444 Every day, Tank scratches at the door. 418 00:16:30,469 --> 00:16:33,397 Is that jerky? Wait a minute. 419 00:16:33,422 --> 00:16:34,905 What have you done with Tank? 420 00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:36,229 Uh, Pop-Pop, calm down. 421 00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:37,959 We're just making beef jerky. 422 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,418 It's our new side business. 423 00:16:39,459 --> 00:16:40,709 Yeah, and don't worry. 424 00:16:40,726 --> 00:16:43,175 No animals were harmed in the making of this. 425 00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:45,709 - To be clear, none of them lived. - Hmm. 426 00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:50,319 We're calling it Pop Pop's Old Fashioned Plan Beef. 427 00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:51,501 You recognize that guy? 428 00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:52,745 We wanted a handsome face. 429 00:16:52,747 --> 00:16:53,946 Oh, look at me. 430 00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:56,084 I'm like Paul Newman. 431 00:16:56,095 --> 00:16:58,841 Or that Wendy's gal. What's her name? Uh... 432 00:16:58,866 --> 00:17:00,536 You're famous, Pop-Pop. 433 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,261 Yeah, well, I don't want to be famous. 434 00:17:02,286 --> 00:17:05,668 I want to be rich. Uh, so, what's my cut? 435 00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:07,542 - Your cut? - Mm-hmm. 436 00:17:07,553 --> 00:17:09,962 Oh, we thought that you'd let us use your face for free. 437 00:17:09,964 --> 00:17:11,797 Oh, no, well, you thought wrong. 438 00:17:11,939 --> 00:17:14,244 Hot looks cost money. 439 00:17:14,269 --> 00:17:16,636 I want 20% of your profits. 440 00:17:19,658 --> 00:17:22,266 So, we're drawing salaries through our LLC, 441 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,375 so technically, we're not making a profit. 442 00:17:24,393 --> 00:17:25,492 Mm. 443 00:17:26,372 --> 00:17:27,962 Let's make it 30%. 444 00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:30,126 Partners? 445 00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:37,372 Mmm. Now I know what kombucha is. 446 00:17:37,373 --> 00:17:40,252 All this time I thought it was a Japanese puppet show. 447 00:17:40,277 --> 00:17:42,276 Uh, Pop-Pop, what're you doing here? 448 00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:43,777 I'm here to move meat. 449 00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:49,350 Hey, there. Try Pop Pop's Old Fashioned Plan Beef. 450 00:17:49,352 --> 00:17:51,185 Proven health benefits. 451 00:17:51,187 --> 00:17:52,486 Stimulates hair growth. 452 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,621 Here, check out the results, huh? 453 00:17:54,623 --> 00:17:57,100 Ma'am. Loosens you up if you're clogged, 454 00:17:57,125 --> 00:17:59,292 - and it clogs you up if you're loose. - Ugh. 455 00:17:59,336 --> 00:18:02,196 Pop-Pop, you can't make promises the beef can't keep. 456 00:18:02,198 --> 00:18:03,998 Yeah. That's why we like to tell people 457 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,533 that it's not that good for you, but it tastes really good. 458 00:18:06,535 --> 00:18:07,735 And they respect that. 459 00:18:07,737 --> 00:18:09,203 Wh-What good is their respect? 460 00:18:09,205 --> 00:18:10,771 You want their money. 461 00:18:10,773 --> 00:18:13,170 Uh, we want a product that is meaningful 462 00:18:13,171 --> 00:18:15,292 and creates a dialogue with our fellow humans. 463 00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:17,518 You don't even sound like a human. 464 00:18:17,543 --> 00:18:19,751 Hey, well, why don't you just take a seat 465 00:18:19,776 --> 00:18:22,349 and be the face of the company? 466 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,551 And let Clementine and me take the lead. 467 00:18:26,904 --> 00:18:28,522 That coffee you made this morning 468 00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:29,792 was seriously pretty good. 469 00:18:29,799 --> 00:18:31,131 It, like, woke me up. 470 00:18:31,156 --> 00:18:33,327 Aw. I love coffee. 471 00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:34,962 What the hell are you two doing? 472 00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:37,664 Oh, we're just enjoying each other's company. 473 00:18:37,666 --> 00:18:39,223 You have to like what you do, Pop-Pop, 474 00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:40,833 - otherwise, it's not worth doing. - Hmm. 475 00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:43,335 You're not even looking up at your customers. 476 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,671 That's right. They can tell 477 00:18:44,673 --> 00:18:46,108 that we're so confident in our product, 478 00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:47,474 we don't need to pressure them. 479 00:18:47,476 --> 00:18:48,842 Well, that's crazy. 480 00:18:48,844 --> 00:18:51,045 Selling is all about smoke and mirrors. 481 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:53,847 If you're good, you can sell sex to a nun. 482 00:18:53,849 --> 00:18:55,275 You just need a gimmick. 483 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,850 You got to listen to me. 484 00:18:56,852 --> 00:18:58,419 Actually, we don't. 485 00:18:58,421 --> 00:19:00,954 As majority shareholders, we control the vote. 486 00:19:00,956 --> 00:19:03,824 And we vote for you to sit there and look good. 487 00:19:03,826 --> 00:19:08,695 Well, I'm sick of being treated like a piece of meat. 488 00:19:09,111 --> 00:19:11,245 Beauty's a curse, Tank. 489 00:19:13,334 --> 00:19:14,625 Even though I'm scuba diving, 490 00:19:14,626 --> 00:19:17,127 you can put a rain cloud above my head. 491 00:19:17,138 --> 00:19:19,493 That's my inner mood. 492 00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:23,095 Hey. Look what I stole for us, Tanky. 493 00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:24,709 No, not now. 494 00:19:24,722 --> 00:19:28,052 My girl's got to turn a trick for us first. 495 00:19:28,957 --> 00:19:31,161 There we go. 496 00:19:32,334 --> 00:19:33,872 There you go. 497 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,072 Cute. 498 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,608 She'll do anything for this jerky. 499 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,059 No, not me. The meat. 500 00:19:39,084 --> 00:19:41,612 Me, I'm-I'm her sweetheart. 501 00:19:42,705 --> 00:19:44,948 Maybe jerky isn't the next cupcake. 502 00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:47,047 Maybe it's fruit leather. 503 00:19:47,072 --> 00:19:49,987 Or maybe it's just more cupcakes. 504 00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:52,156 What about a jerky-flavored cupcake? 505 00:19:52,876 --> 00:19:55,001 I'm cashing out my share. 506 00:19:57,673 --> 00:19:59,469 Good girl! 507 00:19:59,494 --> 00:20:02,499 Paw Paw's Old Fashioned Plan Beef, the only treat 508 00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:04,868 you can share with your best friend. 509 00:20:05,042 --> 00:20:07,793 Tank. Speak! 510 00:20:07,819 --> 00:20:09,106 Good for dogs, 511 00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,411 good for cats; who cares about birds? 512 00:20:11,436 --> 00:20:12,776 Puts a shine on their coats, 513 00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:16,380 freshens their breath and it's birth control. 514 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:18,253 Are you selling our jerky to dogs? 515 00:20:18,278 --> 00:20:19,746 Oh, we got a hit. 516 00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:21,253 And I need more product. 517 00:20:21,278 --> 00:20:22,691 How much you got left? Thank you. 518 00:20:22,716 --> 00:20:24,441 Um, all of it. 519 00:20:24,501 --> 00:20:27,626 You should have listened to the old man, I guess. Huh? 520 00:20:27,651 --> 00:20:29,384 Do you think you could maybe cut us in? 521 00:20:29,386 --> 00:20:31,353 Sure, I'll give you a 20% stake. 522 00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,423 Is that net or gross? 523 00:20:33,618 --> 00:20:36,790 Well, if you can tell me the difference, I'll give you 50%. 524 00:20:37,719 --> 00:20:39,164 20 it is. 525 00:20:39,375 --> 00:20:41,001 - Partners? - Partners. 526 00:20:41,042 --> 00:20:42,209 Partners. 527 00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:44,462 Now, get out of here. You're bad for business. 528 00:20:44,487 --> 00:20:45,934 Beat it. 529 00:20:45,936 --> 00:20:48,958 There you go. Thank you. 530 00:20:48,959 --> 00:20:50,877 Got two more left! 531 00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:56,126 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com -