1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,660 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:06,664 --> 00:00:08,875 Seriously? Why are you doing this now? 3 00:00:08,899 --> 00:00:10,010 I have to finish an invoice. 4 00:00:10,034 --> 00:00:11,979 This is not like homework. I have to do this. 5 00:00:12,003 --> 00:00:14,281 We're down to two forks and a cup, 6 00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:17,451 so I am scouring the house for dirty dishes. 7 00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,219 Last night, I ate macaroni and cheese 8 00:00:19,243 --> 00:00:20,554 off an old record album. 9 00:00:20,578 --> 00:00:22,845 If I don't do this, I have to break out the wedding china. 10 00:00:24,715 --> 00:00:26,715 - What's this? - I dunno. 11 00:00:29,553 --> 00:00:32,432 "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Norwood, thank you for the wallet. 12 00:00:32,456 --> 00:00:33,455 I really..." 13 00:00:35,926 --> 00:00:37,204 "Dear Mrs. Purdy, thank you 14 00:00:37,228 --> 00:00:40,273 for writing a recommendation for..." 15 00:00:40,297 --> 00:00:41,797 For what, Axl? You didn't finish it. 16 00:00:44,635 --> 00:00:46,179 Oh, my God. 17 00:00:46,203 --> 00:00:49,282 There's millions of thank-you notes in here! 18 00:00:49,306 --> 00:00:51,618 Are you telling me you didn't send these out?! 19 00:00:51,642 --> 00:00:53,286 I didn't know where they were. 20 00:00:53,310 --> 00:00:55,922 If you'd rake more often, this wouldn't be a problem. 21 00:00:55,946 --> 00:00:57,824 I don't believe this. 22 00:00:57,848 --> 00:01:00,293 This is for your high school graduation... 23 00:01:00,317 --> 00:01:02,462 money for your birthday... 24 00:01:02,486 --> 00:01:04,898 What?! This is from when you were 5! 25 00:01:04,922 --> 00:01:06,066 I'm sorry, but you always said 26 00:01:06,090 --> 00:01:07,834 thank-you notes got to be more than one sentence, 27 00:01:07,858 --> 00:01:09,169 and two sentences is hard. 28 00:01:09,193 --> 00:01:11,705 One of them is "Thank you." How hard could that be? 29 00:01:11,729 --> 00:01:12,773 And look at this... 30 00:01:12,797 --> 00:01:14,708 I even addressed the envelopes for you 31 00:01:14,732 --> 00:01:16,476 and put a stamp on them! 32 00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:18,845 Oh, my God, Mom! You're making way too big a deal out of this. 33 00:01:18,869 --> 00:01:20,614 All I'm saying is that when people take the time 34 00:01:20,638 --> 00:01:21,748 to give you something, 35 00:01:21,772 --> 00:01:23,617 you should take the time to say "Thank you." 36 00:01:23,641 --> 00:01:24,885 It's just what people do. 37 00:01:24,909 --> 00:01:26,186 Nobody cares about things 38 00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:27,954 as much as you care about things. 39 00:01:27,978 --> 00:01:29,256 Well, you should care! 40 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:30,624 Now, you are gonna send out these thank-you notes, 41 00:01:30,648 --> 00:01:32,059 even if they're eight years too late. 42 00:01:32,083 --> 00:01:34,795 And if anybody asks you, you tell them that this is on you, 43 00:01:34,819 --> 00:01:36,229 because I did my job. 44 00:01:36,253 --> 00:01:38,098 I will take the hit for sporadic flushing, 45 00:01:38,122 --> 00:01:39,933 but I am not a bad parent. 46 00:01:39,957 --> 00:01:42,335 The school called. They want us to come down. 47 00:01:42,359 --> 00:01:43,770 Seems like there's a problem with Brick. 48 00:01:43,794 --> 00:01:46,540 You couldn't have told me that outside? 49 00:01:54,205 --> 00:01:55,449 Oh, I can't eat the bottom. 50 00:01:55,473 --> 00:01:57,451 But I can't bring myself to eat the head, either. 51 00:01:57,475 --> 00:01:58,852 That's too sad. 52 00:01:58,876 --> 00:02:00,620 Alright, I'll start at the bottom. 53 00:02:00,644 --> 00:02:02,456 Oh, no. 'Cause then they see themselves without a body. 54 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:03,690 That's worse. 55 00:02:03,714 --> 00:02:05,659 Oh. I almost forgot... guess who I ran into yesterday. 56 00:02:05,683 --> 00:02:07,561 Never mind. I'll just tell you... Sean Donahue! 57 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:08,829 Is he back from spring break? 58 00:02:08,853 --> 00:02:10,097 He must be, 'cause I saw him in the quad. 59 00:02:10,121 --> 00:02:11,264 And he says "Hi." 60 00:02:11,288 --> 00:02:14,701 Hold on. Did he say, "Hi," or did he say, "Hi"? 61 00:02:14,725 --> 00:02:15,836 Somewhere in between the two. 62 00:02:15,860 --> 00:02:16,937 He was also slightly annoyed 63 00:02:16,961 --> 00:02:18,371 'cause I ran up and jumped on his back, 64 00:02:18,395 --> 00:02:20,140 put my hands over his eyes, and said, "Guess who." 65 00:02:20,164 --> 00:02:21,708 I thought we were jump-on-the-back friends, 66 00:02:21,732 --> 00:02:23,210 but I guess we're not there yet. 67 00:02:23,234 --> 00:02:24,845 Aw. 68 00:02:24,869 --> 00:02:27,013 Okay, listen, uh... 69 00:02:27,037 --> 00:02:28,815 there's something I've been thinking about. 70 00:02:28,839 --> 00:02:30,717 I told my mom, and she said it was a good idea, 71 00:02:30,741 --> 00:02:31,818 but I wanted to run it by you. 72 00:02:31,842 --> 00:02:33,487 Oh. Go. 73 00:02:33,511 --> 00:02:35,055 Well... 74 00:02:35,079 --> 00:02:37,891 I have decided to give Sean my snow globe. 75 00:02:37,915 --> 00:02:40,127 You know, 'cause he always calls me his special snowflake. 76 00:02:40,151 --> 00:02:43,296 So I figured I would just do it and tell him how I feel 77 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,465 and that I liked the kiss. 78 00:02:45,489 --> 00:02:47,000 I liked it a lot. 79 00:02:47,024 --> 00:02:48,435 What do you think? 80 00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:49,736 I think it's a great idea. 81 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,872 I'm so happy with Luke, and I want you to be happy 82 00:02:51,896 --> 00:02:54,808 so I don't have to subvert my happiness when I'm around you. 83 00:02:54,832 --> 00:02:56,309 Alright, let's leave it to the fates. 84 00:02:56,333 --> 00:02:59,513 If the next jellybean I pick is green, then I'll go for it. 85 00:03:02,106 --> 00:03:03,383 Yellow. I said "yellow," right? 86 00:03:03,407 --> 00:03:05,174 - I heard "yellow." - Yeah. 87 00:03:07,144 --> 00:03:09,156 Well, I'd like to thank you both for coming down. 88 00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:11,224 And... And let me just start by saying... 89 00:03:11,248 --> 00:03:12,959 this is not my favorite thing to do. 90 00:03:12,983 --> 00:03:15,162 This is uncomfortable for everyone. 91 00:03:15,186 --> 00:03:17,297 Look, this isn't our first rodeo, 92 00:03:17,321 --> 00:03:20,333 so just tell us how weird, how inappropriate... 93 00:03:20,357 --> 00:03:22,002 And how much it's gonna cost. 94 00:03:22,026 --> 00:03:23,637 Here's the thing... um... 95 00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:26,740 seems he's been incessantly... 96 00:03:26,764 --> 00:03:28,997 making out... all over school. 97 00:03:30,701 --> 00:03:32,065 W-With a person? 98 00:03:32,092 --> 00:03:33,079 What? 99 00:03:33,103 --> 00:03:34,514 Not with a locker? 100 00:03:34,538 --> 00:03:35,649 No. 101 00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:37,584 Brick and this girlfriend of his, they, uh... 102 00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:39,578 well, they just go at it all the time. 103 00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:43,523 Mike! 104 00:03:43,547 --> 00:03:45,959 And based on Brick's previous social interactions 105 00:03:45,983 --> 00:03:47,427 and the fact that he now has a girlfriend, 106 00:03:47,451 --> 00:03:49,763 it just... well, just how far he's come... 107 00:03:49,787 --> 00:03:52,866 you know, n-normally, I would let it go, 108 00:03:52,890 --> 00:03:55,569 but I had my ass handed to me by the principal. 109 00:03:55,593 --> 00:03:58,238 Apparently, all the work we've done together has, uh, 110 00:03:58,262 --> 00:04:00,340 emboldened Brick and his girlfriend 111 00:04:00,364 --> 00:04:02,742 to make out in... in inappropriate places. 112 00:04:02,766 --> 00:04:05,679 He... He can't be the only one making out in the hallway. 113 00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:07,214 No, but he is the only one making out 114 00:04:07,238 --> 00:04:08,437 during a prayer vigil. 115 00:04:09,673 --> 00:04:11,585 So far, the administration has been lenient, 116 00:04:11,609 --> 00:04:14,855 but if it happens again, well, there will be consequences. 117 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,857 For him or for us? 118 00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:18,692 Three-day at-home suspension. 119 00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,060 Then for us. 120 00:04:20,084 --> 00:04:22,362 And I don't want to see Brick hurt. 121 00:04:22,386 --> 00:04:24,397 Truth is, of all the students who've come through my office, 122 00:04:24,421 --> 00:04:26,099 he's the one I'll remember the most. 123 00:04:26,123 --> 00:04:27,601 You know, I even like to think 124 00:04:27,625 --> 00:04:30,170 that we're somewhat similar, you know. 125 00:04:30,194 --> 00:04:33,807 I was not always the heppest cat in school. 126 00:04:33,831 --> 00:04:37,244 But I think it's nice that Brick has found someone in Cindy, 127 00:04:37,268 --> 00:04:39,246 just as I, myself, have reconnected 128 00:04:39,270 --> 00:04:41,436 with the love of my life... Shelley. 129 00:04:42,773 --> 00:04:45,452 Don't let anyone tell you that stalking doesn't work. 130 00:04:46,844 --> 00:04:49,522 Well, thank you. Uh, thank you so much. 131 00:04:49,546 --> 00:04:52,025 And we take this very seriously. 132 00:04:52,049 --> 00:04:53,960 I mean, this is troubling to both of us... 133 00:04:53,984 --> 00:04:56,897 mostly Mike, 'cause he's in charge of the boys. 134 00:04:59,823 --> 00:05:01,397 - You got the snow globe? - Got the globe. 135 00:05:01,421 --> 00:05:02,490 You know what you're gonna say? 136 00:05:02,514 --> 00:05:03,517 I know what I'm gonna say. 137 00:05:03,541 --> 00:05:04,923 Uh, but I don't want to say it right now 138 00:05:04,947 --> 00:05:06,506 because I've practiced it in the mirror a thousand times, 139 00:05:06,530 --> 00:05:08,541 and I don't want it to sound over-rehearsed. 140 00:05:08,565 --> 00:05:10,644 - Okay, teeth check. - You're good. 141 00:05:10,668 --> 00:05:12,178 - Booger check. - Clean. 142 00:05:12,202 --> 00:05:15,215 Okay, this is it, Brad. This is really it. 143 00:05:21,478 --> 00:05:22,622 Who's that? 144 00:05:22,646 --> 00:05:24,313 Oh, then you see her, too? 145 00:05:25,516 --> 00:05:26,526 It's probably nothing. 146 00:05:26,550 --> 00:05:28,595 I mean, she looks older... like 24. 147 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:29,963 Sean's 24. 148 00:05:29,987 --> 00:05:32,365 Yeah, but she doesn't even look like a college student. 149 00:05:32,389 --> 00:05:34,935 Sean's not in college, either. He's in medical school. 150 00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:36,536 Well, maybe it was purely a medical hug, 151 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,538 like, uh, like a front Heimlich or something. 152 00:05:38,562 --> 00:05:41,875 I didn't see any food shooting out of her mouth. 153 00:05:41,899 --> 00:05:45,278 Oh, my God. Brad, how am I supposed to compete with that? 154 00:05:45,302 --> 00:05:48,348 Okay, maybe she's older and more mature and womanly, 155 00:05:48,372 --> 00:05:52,185 but you've got this... whole panda thing working for you. 156 00:06:00,065 --> 00:06:03,411 I still can't believe Brick making out all over school. 157 00:06:03,435 --> 00:06:05,033 - Mike! - What? 158 00:06:05,057 --> 00:06:06,614 I can't be happy my kid's getting a little action? 159 00:06:06,638 --> 00:06:08,149 No, it doesn't work that way. 160 00:06:08,173 --> 00:06:09,884 Look, if you're a football player 161 00:06:09,908 --> 00:06:12,287 and a cheerleader making out at school, it's cool. 162 00:06:12,311 --> 00:06:14,022 If you're president of the Font Club 163 00:06:14,046 --> 00:06:16,391 making out with a girl that's 9 feet tall 164 00:06:16,415 --> 00:06:19,627 wearing a safari hat, it's just a freak show. 165 00:06:19,651 --> 00:06:21,129 I-I mean, you know Brick. 166 00:06:21,153 --> 00:06:23,298 You know he has issues with social cues. 167 00:06:23,322 --> 00:06:25,333 Oh, come on. We've had so many issues. 168 00:06:25,357 --> 00:06:27,035 Can't we be done? 169 00:06:27,059 --> 00:06:28,470 When are we out of this thing? 170 00:06:28,494 --> 00:06:31,239 Well, we had kids, so never. 171 00:06:31,263 --> 00:06:32,774 Look, you're gonna have to talk to Brick. 172 00:06:32,798 --> 00:06:34,742 What? Why me? Why do I got to talk to him? 173 00:06:34,766 --> 00:06:37,011 'Cause a guy needs to hear this kind of thing from his dad. 174 00:06:37,035 --> 00:06:39,614 You know, all that stuff about how to treat a lady 175 00:06:39,638 --> 00:06:42,016 and what's appropriate and PDA. 176 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,387 Did you cover any of this when you gave him the sex talk? 177 00:06:46,044 --> 00:06:47,455 You didn't give him the sex talk? 178 00:06:47,479 --> 00:06:48,756 I didn't think we'd have to! 179 00:06:48,780 --> 00:06:50,458 Well, you have to, Mike. You have to. 180 00:06:58,056 --> 00:07:00,835 Really? You sent out a group thank-you text? 181 00:07:00,859 --> 00:07:01,951 What? 182 00:07:01,975 --> 00:07:03,538 I just got a text from Nancy 183 00:07:03,562 --> 00:07:06,908 saying she got a cute text thanking her and 25 other people 184 00:07:06,932 --> 00:07:10,011 for gifts or services they may have given in the past. 185 00:07:10,035 --> 00:07:11,546 Oh, good. I'm glad she liked it. 186 00:07:11,570 --> 00:07:13,481 By the way, Mom, it took, like, one second. 187 00:07:13,505 --> 00:07:15,416 Yeah, I know it "took, like, one second," 188 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:16,518 'cause it shows! 189 00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:18,686 You didn't even spell out "Thank you." 190 00:07:18,710 --> 00:07:22,357 You texted "THX," the number 4, and the gift emoji. 191 00:07:22,381 --> 00:07:24,425 You... You literally phoned it in! 192 00:07:24,449 --> 00:07:25,827 Times have changed, lady! 193 00:07:25,851 --> 00:07:27,929 I'm not being lazy. It's called "being efficient." 194 00:07:27,953 --> 00:07:29,898 You're just mad 'cause you got to use the biggest font on your phone 195 00:07:29,922 --> 00:07:31,466 and you still have to squint to see it. 196 00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:32,600 Ha ha. I'm old. 197 00:07:32,624 --> 00:07:35,136 Okay, look, here's how it's gonna go down. 198 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,772 As long as you are living here rent-free 199 00:07:37,796 --> 00:07:40,742 and I am busting my hump to pay for your cereal 200 00:07:40,766 --> 00:07:43,111 and your fancy shaving cream with aloe, 201 00:07:43,135 --> 00:07:46,114 you are gonna write those thank-you notes on paper, 202 00:07:46,138 --> 00:07:48,850 with your own hand, and it's got to fill the page! 203 00:07:48,874 --> 00:07:49,884 Are we clear?! 204 00:07:49,908 --> 00:07:51,486 Okay! Fine! 205 00:07:51,510 --> 00:07:53,187 Oh, my God. 206 00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:54,556 Axl, I just raked under there! 207 00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:55,990 Go away! 208 00:08:08,493 --> 00:08:09,737 What's wrong? 209 00:08:09,761 --> 00:08:10,939 What do you mean? 210 00:08:10,963 --> 00:08:13,474 You turned off the TV when a basketball game is on. 211 00:08:13,498 --> 00:08:14,525 Is Mom dead? 212 00:08:14,549 --> 00:08:15,725 Why would you say that? 213 00:08:15,749 --> 00:08:17,078 Well, the last time you turned off the TV 214 00:08:17,102 --> 00:08:19,614 when a game was on, Aunt Edie died. 215 00:08:19,638 --> 00:08:21,449 Look, nobody's dead, okay? 216 00:08:21,473 --> 00:08:23,217 The school called me and your mom down 217 00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:25,353 to talk to Dr. Fulton. 218 00:08:25,377 --> 00:08:26,654 Word is, you and Cindy 219 00:08:26,678 --> 00:08:29,090 are getting a little frisky at school. 220 00:08:29,114 --> 00:08:30,959 Oh, yeah, when I was making out with Cindy, 221 00:08:30,983 --> 00:08:33,227 I saw him lurking around out of the corner of my eye. 222 00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:34,429 He was trying to talk to me. 223 00:08:34,453 --> 00:08:36,197 Who talks during a prayer vigil? 224 00:08:36,221 --> 00:08:39,434 Well, the can got kicked down the road to me, 225 00:08:39,458 --> 00:08:42,192 so I think it's time for a little father/son chat. 226 00:08:44,329 --> 00:08:46,140 I, uh... 227 00:08:46,164 --> 00:08:48,676 I assume that Axl has told you about sex? 228 00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:49,944 Yeah, I'm up to speed. 229 00:08:49,968 --> 00:08:52,180 I had a little mix-up on a health quiz. 230 00:08:52,204 --> 00:08:54,282 Turns out there are no outside ovaries. 231 00:08:54,306 --> 00:08:55,617 Let me save you some embarrassment. 232 00:08:55,641 --> 00:08:57,352 We don't have them. 233 00:08:57,376 --> 00:08:58,786 I'm aware. 234 00:08:58,810 --> 00:09:02,056 But there's some stuff that maybe Axl didn't tell you. 235 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,793 For example, you should always have respect for women, 236 00:09:05,817 --> 00:09:08,329 and make sure that you ask consent. 237 00:09:08,353 --> 00:09:11,065 You know, you got to ask permission before you... 238 00:09:11,089 --> 00:09:12,934 Touch her ears? 239 00:09:12,958 --> 00:09:14,035 Uh... 240 00:09:14,059 --> 00:09:16,337 Y... sure. Yeah. 241 00:09:16,361 --> 00:09:19,407 But my point is, whether it's ears or anything else... 242 00:09:19,431 --> 00:09:21,542 - I'd stick to ears... - Mm-hmm. 243 00:09:21,566 --> 00:09:22,732 "No" means "No." 244 00:09:23,835 --> 00:09:24,946 - Got it? - Got it. 245 00:09:24,970 --> 00:09:25,980 Okay. 246 00:09:26,004 --> 00:09:27,448 Oh, plus, there seems to be this issue 247 00:09:27,472 --> 00:09:30,251 where you're... making out a lot. 248 00:09:30,275 --> 00:09:31,886 But making out's so enjoyable. 249 00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:34,255 It took me and Cindy a while to figure it out... 250 00:09:34,279 --> 00:09:36,257 watching couples in the park helped... 251 00:09:36,281 --> 00:09:38,026 but now I know what I'm doing. 252 00:09:38,050 --> 00:09:39,494 We move our lips now. 253 00:09:39,518 --> 00:09:40,662 Congratulations on that, 254 00:09:40,686 --> 00:09:42,597 but you know how every time I kiss your mom, 255 00:09:42,621 --> 00:09:44,432 you guys say, "Ugh! That's disgusting!"? 256 00:09:44,456 --> 00:09:45,733 Yeah. 257 00:09:45,757 --> 00:09:48,169 Well, that's might be how other people feel about you. 258 00:09:48,193 --> 00:09:50,038 So, out of respect for other people, 259 00:09:50,062 --> 00:09:52,006 no kissing in front of them at school. 260 00:09:52,030 --> 00:09:53,174 Or at home. 261 00:09:53,198 --> 00:09:55,009 The woods is good. 262 00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:57,445 Or, uh, any alley, behind a Dumpster. 263 00:09:57,469 --> 00:09:59,480 You should feel a sense of shame. 264 00:09:59,504 --> 00:10:00,948 That's how you know you're doing it right. 265 00:10:08,413 --> 00:10:10,024 There must be something in here 266 00:10:10,048 --> 00:10:11,793 that makes me look more mature. 267 00:10:11,817 --> 00:10:13,394 What about this? 268 00:10:13,418 --> 00:10:16,464 We all love ice cream, but we don't have to wear it. 269 00:10:16,488 --> 00:10:17,620 Ohh, yeah. 270 00:10:19,091 --> 00:10:21,035 Look, are you sure we're not jumping to conclusions? 271 00:10:21,059 --> 00:10:22,770 I mean, we don't even know who this woman is. 272 00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:24,505 Maybe, but it made me realize... 273 00:10:24,529 --> 00:10:26,874 Sean's only gonna see me as Axl's little sister 274 00:10:26,898 --> 00:10:30,111 because I'm still dressing like Axl's little sister. 275 00:10:30,135 --> 00:10:31,813 You know, I'm 21 now. 276 00:10:31,837 --> 00:10:33,881 I need to start dressing in a way that shows 277 00:10:33,905 --> 00:10:36,661 I am a capable and confident woman. 278 00:10:37,342 --> 00:10:40,121 Then we should probably get rid of the bumblebee sweater. 279 00:10:40,145 --> 00:10:42,356 But it's the only thing that goes with my bumblebee pants. 280 00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:43,691 Yeah, about those... 281 00:10:43,715 --> 00:10:46,094 Oh, yeah. I know. I know. 282 00:10:46,118 --> 00:10:48,930 It's just... I don't know. I like being a little different. 283 00:10:48,954 --> 00:10:50,431 And I like that my outsides 284 00:10:50,455 --> 00:10:52,333 reflect the way I feel on the inside. 285 00:10:52,357 --> 00:10:54,736 No one's saying you have to lose your Sue-ness. 286 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,003 Polka dots are good. 287 00:10:56,027 --> 00:10:58,806 Just not "Put Me in the Zoo" polka dots. 288 00:10:58,830 --> 00:11:00,775 You know, it's a blessing 289 00:11:00,799 --> 00:11:02,643 I didn't get to tell Sean how I feel. 290 00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:03,644 I'm not ready. 291 00:11:03,668 --> 00:11:05,813 I need to be more sophisticated. 292 00:11:05,837 --> 00:11:08,316 Now let's pretend we're at the end of a shopping montage and I'm fixed. 293 00:11:08,340 --> 00:11:10,284 - How did you get me there? - Okay. 294 00:11:10,308 --> 00:11:13,488 Well... I'm seeing you as a Jessica Chastain type 295 00:11:13,512 --> 00:11:15,590 with a touch of Emma Stone... but with hats. 296 00:11:15,614 --> 00:11:17,125 I love hats! 297 00:11:20,685 --> 00:11:22,530 No. 298 00:11:22,554 --> 00:11:23,998 Sorry. Just cutting through. 299 00:11:24,022 --> 00:11:25,933 Brad's teaching me how to dress. 300 00:11:25,957 --> 00:11:28,102 Hmm. Dad's teaching me how to kiss girls in the woods. 301 00:11:28,126 --> 00:11:29,303 Ohhh. 302 00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:37,678 Hey, Brick. What do you think of this? 303 00:11:37,702 --> 00:11:40,381 "Dear Uncle Ralph, thank you for the Spider-man lunch box. 304 00:11:40,405 --> 00:11:42,817 I found it quite useful in transporting my sandwich 305 00:11:42,841 --> 00:11:44,085 to my place of education. 306 00:11:44,109 --> 00:11:45,887 The thermos was especially useful 307 00:11:45,911 --> 00:11:47,622 in keeping my liquids chilled." 308 00:11:47,646 --> 00:11:48,689 How does that sound? 309 00:11:48,713 --> 00:11:50,291 I think you know the answer to that. 310 00:11:50,315 --> 00:11:52,059 Urgh! I'm trying to use a lot of words 311 00:11:52,083 --> 00:11:53,961 'cause Mom says I have to "fill the page." 312 00:11:53,985 --> 00:11:55,229 Well, Axl, it's not that hard. 313 00:11:55,253 --> 00:11:56,798 Just write the way you talk. 314 00:11:56,822 --> 00:11:59,100 Okay. Here's how I talk... this sucks! 315 00:11:59,124 --> 00:12:02,036 I didn't ask for any of these stupid presents. They just came. 316 00:12:02,060 --> 00:12:04,438 Did baby Jesus have to write thank-you notes to the Wise Men? 317 00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:07,275 Was Mary all on him like, "Oh, thank you for the myrrh. 318 00:12:07,299 --> 00:12:09,844 I'll be sure to use it next time I put myrrh on stuff." 319 00:12:09,868 --> 00:12:12,180 Actually, Jesus did the ultimate thank-you. 320 00:12:12,204 --> 00:12:14,103 Yes, but he didn't have to write anything. 321 00:12:18,465 --> 00:12:20,804 Having gotten the sex talk with Brick out of the way, 322 00:12:20,829 --> 00:12:23,222 Mike went back to doing what was really important... 323 00:12:23,249 --> 00:12:25,894 trying to get another 1,000 miles out of his car. 324 00:12:29,288 --> 00:12:31,032 Did you tell Brick to stop kissing me? 325 00:12:31,056 --> 00:12:33,201 W-Well... yeah. 326 00:12:33,225 --> 00:12:35,003 No. Not in so many words. 327 00:12:35,027 --> 00:12:36,671 How many words did you use? 328 00:12:36,695 --> 00:12:38,173 Look, the school has a policy... 329 00:12:38,197 --> 00:12:40,108 So you're trying to pin this on the school? 330 00:12:40,132 --> 00:12:42,544 Since your little interference, Brick's grown distant. 331 00:12:42,568 --> 00:12:43,878 He won't make out before school, 332 00:12:43,902 --> 00:12:45,247 he won't make out in science class 333 00:12:45,271 --> 00:12:46,348 when we dissect the frog. 334 00:12:46,372 --> 00:12:48,216 We always make out over the frog. 335 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,417 Okay, see, that right there... 336 00:12:49,441 --> 00:12:50,652 I know what you're doing here. 337 00:12:50,676 --> 00:12:52,420 Just because the love has died in your marriage 338 00:12:52,444 --> 00:12:53,755 doesn't mean you have to kill ours. 339 00:12:53,779 --> 00:12:54,714 What? 340 00:12:54,738 --> 00:12:56,280 I've heard the stories... 341 00:12:56,305 --> 00:12:58,149 floating anniversaries, no flowers, 342 00:12:58,173 --> 00:12:59,451 sleeping in separate bedrooms. 343 00:12:59,475 --> 00:13:00,685 Hang on. 344 00:13:00,709 --> 00:13:03,755 That's right. I know you've been sleeping in Sue's room. 345 00:13:03,779 --> 00:13:06,691 That was just for a couple a nights when Frankie's mom... 346 00:13:06,715 --> 00:13:09,327 Hey, I don't have to explain myself to you. 347 00:13:09,351 --> 00:13:11,362 Fine. You're happily married. 348 00:13:11,386 --> 00:13:12,886 When's the last time you kissed your wife? 349 00:13:14,256 --> 00:13:15,300 That's what I thought. 350 00:13:15,324 --> 00:13:16,768 Now, can I put you down for a popcorn tin 351 00:13:16,792 --> 00:13:18,024 for the Woman's Leadership Club? 352 00:13:19,595 --> 00:13:20,371 Sure. 353 00:13:25,567 --> 00:13:27,612 Mm-hmm. 354 00:13:27,636 --> 00:13:28,680 Uh-huh. 355 00:13:28,704 --> 00:13:30,315 Okay, if you want to be more adult, 356 00:13:30,339 --> 00:13:32,283 it's not just about your clothes and makeup. 357 00:13:32,307 --> 00:13:35,153 It's also about how you conduct yourself in conversation. 358 00:13:35,177 --> 00:13:37,088 Okay. So, I'm gonna say key words 359 00:13:37,112 --> 00:13:38,656 and see how you react to them. 360 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,158 - Dolphins. - I love dolphins! 361 00:13:40,182 --> 00:13:41,893 We all love dolphins, Sue, 362 00:13:41,917 --> 00:13:43,895 but instead of gasping, you might talk about 363 00:13:43,919 --> 00:13:47,198 how they're endangered because they get caught in drift nets. 364 00:13:47,222 --> 00:13:48,733 Now let's try another one. 365 00:13:48,757 --> 00:13:49,768 Double rainbows. 366 00:13:49,792 --> 00:13:52,137 I love double rainbows! 367 00:13:52,161 --> 00:13:53,471 That is not fair. 368 00:13:53,495 --> 00:13:55,640 Even a single rainbow, I would get excited about. 369 00:13:55,664 --> 00:13:58,243 Some people say they're God's sneezes. 370 00:13:58,267 --> 00:14:00,111 Or... you might say, 371 00:14:00,135 --> 00:14:02,180 "Rainbows are lovely, and we're lucky to enjoy them. 372 00:14:02,204 --> 00:14:04,215 And I also appreciate they stand for gay rights." 373 00:14:04,239 --> 00:14:06,050 Now one more. 374 00:14:06,074 --> 00:14:07,018 Glitter. 375 00:14:09,912 --> 00:14:13,792 It... just gets everywhere, doesn't it? 376 00:14:13,816 --> 00:14:15,994 Better. 377 00:14:16,018 --> 00:14:17,796 Ohh. 378 00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:19,297 Whew. 379 00:14:23,025 --> 00:14:24,155 Hmm. 380 00:14:28,297 --> 00:14:30,775 Axl, how much longer is it gonna take you to finish those? 381 00:14:30,799 --> 00:14:32,777 Turns out I'm not a woods or alley kind of guy. 382 00:14:32,801 --> 00:14:34,512 I need a private place to bring Cindy 383 00:14:34,536 --> 00:14:37,348 now that the school won't allow us to make out anymore. 384 00:14:37,372 --> 00:14:39,117 Thinkin' I'll be done by the end of the day. 385 00:14:39,141 --> 00:14:40,418 Great. 386 00:14:40,442 --> 00:14:41,553 With the first one. 387 00:14:41,577 --> 00:14:43,288 What?! That'll take forever! 388 00:14:43,312 --> 00:14:45,824 Mm. Gonna let you in on a little secret here, Brick. 389 00:14:45,848 --> 00:14:48,159 Your brother, which you look up to like a god, 390 00:14:48,183 --> 00:14:51,095 has got one weakness... writin' things good. 391 00:14:51,119 --> 00:14:53,898 Oh, boo-hoo. You're bad at one thing? 392 00:14:53,922 --> 00:14:55,400 I'm bad at a million things. 393 00:14:55,424 --> 00:14:58,102 But I have one girl in the universe who wants to kiss me, 394 00:14:58,126 --> 00:15:00,705 and I can't, because you can't write a thank-you note 395 00:15:00,729 --> 00:15:01,940 from when you were 8 years old? 396 00:15:01,964 --> 00:15:03,541 Eh. 397 00:15:03,565 --> 00:15:04,642 Here. Give them to me. 398 00:15:04,666 --> 00:15:06,044 Really? Oh, yes! 399 00:15:07,769 --> 00:15:09,769 Yeah. Eh! 400 00:15:13,456 --> 00:15:15,567 Well, at least, here's one you don't have to worry about... 401 00:15:15,591 --> 00:15:16,969 handkerchiefs from Aunt Edie. 402 00:15:16,993 --> 00:15:18,537 You're about three years too late. 403 00:15:18,561 --> 00:15:21,674 It's too bad. She would've appreciated it, too. 404 00:15:21,698 --> 00:15:23,475 Oh, well. 405 00:15:33,943 --> 00:15:35,087 You know what, Brick? 406 00:15:35,111 --> 00:15:36,889 Let me take another shot at those. 407 00:15:36,913 --> 00:15:38,957 Really? Okay, but pick up the pace. 408 00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:40,726 I'm dating a tall wall that needs a Brick. 409 00:15:48,391 --> 00:15:49,201 Aah! 410 00:15:49,225 --> 00:15:50,703 Owww! What the hell?! 411 00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:52,037 Well, you scared me! 412 00:15:52,061 --> 00:15:54,173 Aah. Wow. Did you take a class or something? 413 00:15:54,197 --> 00:15:55,507 What were you doing? 414 00:15:55,531 --> 00:15:56,542 I was gonna kiss you. 415 00:15:56,566 --> 00:15:58,010 Why? 416 00:15:58,034 --> 00:16:00,212 'Cause I realized it's been a... while, 417 00:16:00,236 --> 00:16:01,547 and I was trying to be romantic. 418 00:16:01,571 --> 00:16:02,848 You're the one who's always harping on me 419 00:16:02,872 --> 00:16:04,116 to be more romantic. 420 00:16:04,140 --> 00:16:06,618 Fine, but don't be lurking behind me, like a serial killer. 421 00:16:06,642 --> 00:16:07,986 Used to be you'd send me some signals. 422 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,955 You'd put on that song, you'd light a scented candle. 423 00:16:09,979 --> 00:16:12,691 I knew where things were going. I had time to shave stuff. 424 00:16:12,715 --> 00:16:13,926 Forget it. 425 00:16:13,950 --> 00:16:16,261 Hey, it was only an hour ago you told me my pee smelled. 426 00:16:16,285 --> 00:16:18,564 Sorry if I'm not in a romantic mood. 427 00:16:18,588 --> 00:16:20,399 Never mind. Moment passed. 428 00:16:25,228 --> 00:16:27,406 You know what, Brick? Have at it. 429 00:16:27,430 --> 00:16:29,308 Kiss Cindy wherever and whenever you want to. 430 00:16:29,332 --> 00:16:32,111 You're gonna be old before you know it. It goes by fast. 431 00:16:32,135 --> 00:16:34,969 And if they give you any trouble at school, I got your back. 432 00:16:37,473 --> 00:16:38,417 Hm. 433 00:16:38,441 --> 00:16:40,052 And what you may not know is, 434 00:16:40,076 --> 00:16:42,721 the symbol of the unicorn has greatly impacted cultures 435 00:16:42,745 --> 00:16:43,889 throughout history. 436 00:16:43,913 --> 00:16:46,458 Obviously, we all know they're not real. 437 00:16:46,482 --> 00:16:48,627 Even if a little girl on cold medicine 438 00:16:48,651 --> 00:16:50,929 once thought she saw one out her window, 439 00:16:50,953 --> 00:16:51,952 she did not. 440 00:16:53,089 --> 00:16:54,166 Excellent. 441 00:16:54,190 --> 00:16:55,634 But just to be super picky, 442 00:16:55,658 --> 00:16:57,703 you were playing with your hair the whole time. 443 00:16:57,727 --> 00:16:59,371 Ugh. Seriously? 444 00:16:59,395 --> 00:17:01,507 Ugh! I didn't even realize I was doing it. 445 00:17:01,531 --> 00:17:02,708 Okay, um... 446 00:17:02,732 --> 00:17:04,943 Maybe if I keep my hands in my back pockets. 447 00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:06,512 No. Or under my armpits? 448 00:17:06,536 --> 00:17:08,781 Okay, this is crazy. 449 00:17:08,805 --> 00:17:11,984 Sean either likes me for who I am or he doesn't, 450 00:17:12,008 --> 00:17:13,641 and if he doesn't, it's not meant to be. 451 00:17:14,877 --> 00:17:16,054 There. 452 00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:19,057 You have just become Jessica Chastain before my eyes. 453 00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,159 Just one little thing... 454 00:17:20,183 --> 00:17:22,027 I did some light snooping on your competition. 455 00:17:22,051 --> 00:17:23,529 Her name is Kelly Marie Dannemiller, 456 00:17:23,553 --> 00:17:25,130 and she was Oklahoma's Junior Miss, 457 00:17:25,154 --> 00:17:26,999 second runner-up to America's Junior Miss. 458 00:17:27,023 --> 00:17:28,934 She spoke out against human trafficking, and she yodels. 459 00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:30,068 Did you want to know that? 460 00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:32,004 I don't even care. It doesn't matter! 461 00:17:32,028 --> 00:17:34,306 I am taking the snow globe over to Sean, 462 00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:36,441 and I am telling him how I feel. 463 00:17:36,465 --> 00:17:37,976 No more chickening out. 464 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,378 Okay. Good. 465 00:17:39,402 --> 00:17:40,746 Then I'm not even gonna tell you 466 00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:42,047 she's self-taught on the ukulele. 467 00:17:42,071 --> 00:17:43,070 Good for her. 468 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,039 Mm! 469 00:17:46,542 --> 00:17:48,787 Hey-oh! Booyah! 470 00:17:48,811 --> 00:17:49,822 Ba-bam. 471 00:17:49,846 --> 00:17:50,823 I crushed it. 472 00:17:50,847 --> 00:17:52,491 I was funny, I was heartfelt, 473 00:17:52,515 --> 00:17:54,226 I acted like I knew these people. 474 00:17:54,250 --> 00:17:56,862 See, doesn't that feel good, that sense of accomplishment? 475 00:17:56,886 --> 00:17:57,729 So good. 476 00:17:57,753 --> 00:17:59,765 Signed, sealed, you deliver. 477 00:17:59,789 --> 00:18:01,200 What do you want me to do with them? 478 00:18:01,224 --> 00:18:02,501 You got to take them to the thing... 479 00:18:02,525 --> 00:18:03,836 you know, where you take things? 480 00:18:03,860 --> 00:18:06,605 The post office? You don't know what the post office is? 481 00:18:06,629 --> 00:18:09,241 I've heard of them. Do they still have those? 482 00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:12,611 Never mind. Just give me the address. I'll Waze it. 483 00:18:12,635 --> 00:18:14,146 Nobody knows the address of the post office. 484 00:18:14,170 --> 00:18:15,380 We just know where it is. 485 00:18:15,404 --> 00:18:16,548 And what is Waze? 486 00:18:16,572 --> 00:18:17,850 Oh, my God. 487 00:18:24,509 --> 00:18:25,853 Hey, you got mail on the counter. 488 00:18:25,877 --> 00:18:27,855 Oh, yeah? What's it say? 489 00:18:27,879 --> 00:18:29,690 How would I know? It's addressed to you. 490 00:18:29,714 --> 00:18:30,880 Mm. 491 00:18:33,551 --> 00:18:35,963 Ooh. 492 00:18:35,987 --> 00:18:39,399 "Dear Axl, so nice to hear from you after all of these years. 493 00:18:39,423 --> 00:18:41,902 Your thank-you note brightened my day with laughter. 494 00:18:41,926 --> 00:18:43,770 You always were a charming fellow." 495 00:18:44,896 --> 00:18:47,541 "Here's $2. Treat yourself to a video. 496 00:18:47,565 --> 00:18:48,675 Uncle Ralph." 497 00:18:48,699 --> 00:18:50,911 Aww. Uncle Ralph's a great guy. 498 00:18:50,935 --> 00:18:53,313 Don't forget to write him a thank-you note for that money. 499 00:18:56,774 --> 00:18:58,510 - Noooooo! - Unfortunately for Axl, 500 00:18:58,535 --> 00:18:59,887 he got 10 more responses, 501 00:18:59,911 --> 00:19:03,524 totaling $8... all requiring thank-yous. 502 00:19:03,548 --> 00:19:07,628 Well, it's like they say... "No good deed goes unpunished." 503 00:19:20,164 --> 00:19:22,342 Hey, Suzy Q! I'm so glad to see you! 504 00:19:22,366 --> 00:19:23,777 - Y-You are? - Oh, my God. 505 00:19:23,801 --> 00:19:25,779 You're not gonna believe this. I literally just got it. 506 00:19:25,803 --> 00:19:27,214 This second... the e-mail. I'm in. 507 00:19:27,238 --> 00:19:29,316 I got accepted to the Delman Fellowship. 508 00:19:29,340 --> 00:19:31,618 - What?! - In Ghana! 509 00:19:31,642 --> 00:19:33,120 - What? - Yeah! 510 00:19:33,144 --> 00:19:34,955 I applied for it so long ago, I practically forgot. 511 00:19:34,979 --> 00:19:36,823 I didn't think I'd get in. I got to call my friend Kelly. 512 00:19:36,847 --> 00:19:38,559 She's the one who told me about it in the first place. 513 00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:40,127 Her husband did it a couple years ago... 514 00:19:40,151 --> 00:19:42,629 said it changed his life, made him a better doctor. 515 00:19:42,653 --> 00:19:43,630 Ohhhhh. 516 00:19:43,654 --> 00:19:45,499 So... I'm leaving in a month, 517 00:19:45,523 --> 00:19:47,734 and I'm gonna be gone all summer. 518 00:19:47,758 --> 00:19:48,902 I'm going to Ghana! 519 00:19:50,127 --> 00:19:52,539 Well, if you got into Ghana, you gotta go to Ghana. 520 00:19:54,632 --> 00:19:56,210 Ahhh! 521 00:19:56,234 --> 00:19:57,357 Oh! Oh! 522 00:19:57,381 --> 00:19:58,545 Whatcha got in there? 523 00:19:58,569 --> 00:20:00,547 'Cause if it's a bottle of champagne, break that puppy out. 524 00:20:00,571 --> 00:20:02,316 Oh, no. No. Not champagne. 525 00:20:02,340 --> 00:20:04,073 No. No. 526 00:20:05,243 --> 00:20:07,154 But Ghana! Wow! 527 00:20:07,178 --> 00:20:09,556 I know. I'm so pumped. It's such a great program. 528 00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:11,658 And they do a lot of charity work, too. 529 00:20:11,682 --> 00:20:12,826 So... 530 00:20:15,286 --> 00:20:17,164 I guess when it comes to young love, 531 00:20:17,188 --> 00:20:19,121 timing is everything. 532 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:22,903 But when it comes to old love, 533 00:20:22,927 --> 00:20:25,672 it's really about putting in the effort. 534 00:20:27,765 --> 00:20:30,577 ? I am a lineman for the county ? 535 00:20:30,601 --> 00:20:31,778 Frankie! 536 00:20:31,802 --> 00:20:33,814 One second! 537 00:20:33,838 --> 00:20:38,852 ? And I drive the main road ? 538 00:20:38,876 --> 00:20:42,089 ? Searching in the sun for another... ? 539 00:20:47,785 --> 00:20:51,031 ? I hear you singin' in the wire ? 540 00:20:51,055 --> 00:20:53,867 Be right there! 541 00:20:53,891 --> 00:20:57,615 - ? I can hear you through the whine ? - Almost ready!