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-- Addic7ed.com --

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1x07 - The Bractegon

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If these Toilet Bowl
Monsters are as predictable

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as I think they are,
they'll be here in the sewers.

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Attracted to the
smell of their own dead.

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So much to hate about these
so-called Toilet Bowl Monsters.

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Next thing you know,
they'll crawl out of the toilet

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with tiny suitcases ready to move in.

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Rent free.
That's not fair.

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Toilet Bowl Monsters!

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All right, everyone,
no class next week,

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as I'll be on one amazing trip.

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In the meantime,
please direct your attention

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to the numerical puzzle
I've left on the board.

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Remember the words
of our school's founder,

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and my great-grandfather,
Harold Boddington ...

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"The world is a puzzle to be solved!"

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It's the spirit of our great university.

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And anyone who can solve this
while I'm gone

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will get an immediate "A"
for the semester.

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But good luck, you'd have
to be a puzzle-solving genius.

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Uh, Professor Lane!
I think... I've got it!

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Be my guest, Miss Sanders.

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I think it's... a new shape.

25
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Has anybody ever seen a shape
like this before?!

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Triangle.

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I agree with the bully, Jennifer.
You did not provide an answer.

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It's just a ridiculous shape.
Class dismissed.

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But, Professor Lane, I triple-checked
that shape in my mind ...

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The Bractegon is
more than a shape, Jennifer!

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- Bractegon?!
- That word...

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just slipped out, means nothing.

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Hey!

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J.A.S.O.N., call Matt.

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Calling the guy you think is
your boyfriend for some reason.

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Jen, I'm kind of busy.

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There's a weird guy following me.

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Can you meet me on campus?

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I'm... kind of busy.

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Remember,
you're the only girl for m...

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Hello?

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- Hey!
- What's he saying?

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Peenie Squeezie!

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His name is "Peenie Squeezie"?

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Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

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- Hey!
- Holy shit!

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Oof!

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Chubbie, don't [bleep]
with Peenie Squeezie.

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- Whuh? Whuh?
- That shape!

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- Wh-whuh?
- He wants us to follow him!

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The school's founder, Boddington ...

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what does he have to do
with the shape?

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Hey!

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Hey!

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Nice work, Peenie Squeezie.

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We've been expecting you.

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I'm out!
French, get the last one!

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I... I can't.
This Toilet Bowl Monster...

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- is too handsome!
- Pull the trigger!

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If he's pregnant, we're screwed!

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- I'm sorry!
- Happens to the best of us.

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I can only assume
he's some sort of sex wizard

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for the Toilet Bowl Monsters.

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We'll just have to go deeper
to stop him.

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My apologies
for Peenie Squeezie, here.

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- His methods are crude but effective.
- Who are you people?

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The Secret Society of the Bractegon!

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Professor Lane?! But you
made fun of my new shape.

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Jen, what you drew wasn't new...

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it's the very first shape.

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We need your help
for a special puzzle.

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Do I have a choice?

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- Hey!
- 'Course you have a choice!

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You have a special talent.

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Nobody's ever solved
that equation so quickly.

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Will you join us on our quest
to solve the ultimate puzzle?

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I'll need to check with my uncle.

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Jen, will you come
to the sewers right now?

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We're fighting
Toilet Bowl Monsters.

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They're smelly and nasty.

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- I'm in.
- Misha Barron.

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Professor of linguistics and
lifelong puzzle enthusiast.

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And I'm her husband, Leopold!

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I just do whatever the wife tells me.

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And if it's Bractegons today,
hey, let's have some fun!

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It's nice to be in the presence

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of high-minded people for once.

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- Yes, especially Peenie Squeezie.
- Hey!

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Hey!

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My great-grandfather, Boddington,

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founded not only our school,
but this Society.

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And he chose this location
for very specific reasons.

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It stands directly
on top of the only entrance

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to the lost city of Gulgonia!

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There lies an artifact,
the Lost Puzzle, if you will,

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that when solved
will change the world!

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Right, you sold me.
I'm in.

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It's guarded by very intense puzzles!

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You know,
before I married my wife,

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she never said one word
about puzzles.

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But when in Rome, right?

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Harold Boddington himself
went through this door

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70 years ago and never came out.

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You sure you want to do this?

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The Founder's words
were why I chose this school!

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Hey, le... eh,
let the girl have her fun!

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Then let's do it!
And hey ...

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looks like our dogs
are becoming friends.

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Hey!
Wh-wh-wh-whuh?

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Wh-wh-wh-whuh...

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- Hey!
- Oof!

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Wh-wh-wh-wh-whuh.

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Dang!
Why's everything so loud? Right?

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No way out now...

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Good. I am not leaving
until we solve these puzzles.

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Expect traps.
The smelly and nasty Gulgons

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would do anything
to protect the Lost Puzzle.

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- Don't touch anything.
- "Smelly and nasty"?

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Sheesh!

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Thanks, pal!

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- Hey!
- Aaghh!

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- Hyah!
- Oof! Ohh.

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Keep clear of the slime.

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Slime?
Give me a break over here!

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Slime.

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Oof!

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Misha!

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Just go!
Leave me!

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All right, come on, honey!
Fun's over.

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- Unstick yourself!
- I can't. We'll die together.

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Huh. Damn.
Okay. Well, that kind of sucks.

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Shame.
They just didn't have it.

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This key must belong
to one of these doors,

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but which one?!

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This is a leap of faith, Jennifer.

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A classic optical illusion puzzle.

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You really think
this ceiling is lowering on us?

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Yes! I do!

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Oh, come on.
You're smarter than this.

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Spikes?
Obviously not real.

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Aghh!
My head hurts for some reason...

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This Bractegon has a slight rectangle

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on the bottom, not a square!

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Go ahead, run away from the ...

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Aaah!

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- Jump, Chubbie!
- Hey!

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You can do it, Peenie Squeezie!

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Hey...
Heeeeeeeey!

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Peenie Squeeezieeee!

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Look, Chubbie.
It's him!

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Founder Boddington!
This is where he got stuck ...

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actually stuck, too.
On this Word Jumble.

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I don't know why he couldn't
figure this one out.

154
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It's pretty easy.

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My word. What ...
what year is it, dear girl?

156
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I don't want to shock you, sir,
but it's the future.

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You were punished
for giving the wrong answer.

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It was "Zupelz" ...

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the common
19th-century exclamation

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given when a mother
successfully births twins.

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Amazing!
You freed me.

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You've got a lot
of pure puzzle power in you.

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Well, "the world is
a puzzle to be solved."

164
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Ha! I used to say something
a little like that. Shall we?

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The lost city of Gulgonia!

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No one has laid eyes on this
place for thousands of years.

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It's... incredible.

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Home of the
ugly little Gulgon creatures.

169
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I suspect they've all died off.

170
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The jewel of Gulgonia.

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Th... The Sacred Temple
of the Puzzle!

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Young lady, when I said
"the world was a puzzle

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to be solved," I meant it.

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This puzzle controls
the shape of the Earth.

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And when it's solved, you
and I will change the world

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to its purest and final form ...
a Bractegon!

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What are you talking about?

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Ohh, my penis
is hard thinking about it.

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Stop, Jen. You don't want
to touch that globe puzzle.

180
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But the Founder and I
are gonna solve the puzzle

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- of Earth together.
- And kill billions in the process.

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One twist and turn
of that globe thing

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and half the world eats it.

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We had a chat with their village elder,
Wise Leader Gizzaro, here.

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These Toilet Bowl Gulgons
are smart.

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- And handsome!
- You cannot solve the planet puzzle,

187
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for the planet puzzle
was already solved long ago.

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We are its sworn protectors.

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Earth will never be
a Bractegon ever again.

190
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I guess not all puzzles
are meant to be solved.

191
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No! I must solve it!

192
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Like hell you will.
I love round Earth!

193
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- What in the...?
- That's Pure Puzzle Energy!

194
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To contain it, one must solve
the Ultimate Puzzle.

195
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It's beyond any mortal capacity!

196
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Not even the Gulgons
can solve this one!

197
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What kind of puzzle is it?!

198
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The one I was born to solve!

199
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That should be me!
I want the pure puzzle energy!

200
00:09:56,384 --> 00:10:00,219
Huh. Yes!
I feel the puzzle power!

201
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Wait!

202
00:10:02,357 --> 00:10:03,857
Wait!

203
00:10:09,464 --> 00:10:11,431
How did you contain
the puzzle energy like that?!

204
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I ran into outer space
and a portal opened up.

205
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I split into a dozen
multicolored copies of myself,

206
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all running in unison.

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There was
this majestic music

208
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and giant circular flashes
of colored light.

209
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Then I found myself standing
before a giant alien head.

210
00:10:23,912 --> 00:10:25,479
He said...

211
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,714
and then I replied with...

212
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There was a whip sound...
and then I returned.

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00:10:29,951 --> 00:10:31,118
I transferred the energy
to Boddington,

214
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turning him into a Bractegon,

215
00:10:32,554 --> 00:10:35,247
thus saving the world.

216
00:10:38,660 --> 00:10:41,627
French, I'd like to introduce
you to my wife and children.

217
00:10:41,629 --> 00:10:45,431
Twins? You're a little virile
sex machine, aren't you.

218
00:10:45,433 --> 00:10:47,200
Zupelz to you both!

219
00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:51,537
Not again!

220
00:10:52,907 --> 00:10:54,640
Hey!

221
00:10:54,642 --> 00:10:58,544
- Wh-wh-wh-whuh.
- Oh, Peenie Squeezie!

222
00:10:58,746 --> 00:11:02,606
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